#bc tomorrow’s is most likely going to Hurt
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so assuming Avery is actually pregnant / doesn't early-trimester miscarry (which is not a given), there's two reasonable ways this can go, right. number one is she gets an abortion, the plotline is used to pull them all back together again, and they all have some collective hurt/comfort about it. number two, the one i would write - don't get me wrong, i'm all for women getting career-driven abortions, but hear me out - is the one where she does have the baby. under the cut bc it got long.
she goes to med school at first while pregnant - Max is right, it can be done, people in my cohort did it - and either gets lucky with the timing of the actual birth being during holidays, or just works her way to getting time off for a few weeks around it. And then... there's a baby. And you know what else there is? There's two dads (because we're 100% Mamma Mia-ing this bitch. they never find out who the bio dad is and they never seriously try. Baby comes out with Avery's exact skin tone so that's no clue.), and an entire cruise ship worth of backup babysitters. So Avery goes back to med school, and leaves the baby with Tristan and Max.
And, yes, raising a baby while also running an infirmary with a rotating cast of temporary substitute nurses filling Avery's role isn't the easiest thing they've ever done, but Robert loves fulfilling grandparent duties any time he's not on duty; Rosie gets one of those strap-on baby carriers and walks her (i don't know why i've decided the baby is a her but i have now) around the engine room pointing out parts and explaining concepts and hey, the baby never complains about her Michigan stories; Corey gets a cart and a bundle of clean sheets and pushes her down the corridors until the smell of laundry powder automatically makes her start laughing.
Max and Tristan make a pact to send Avery at least two photos a day - which ends up getting supplemented by everyone else who's with Baby - and FaceTime her most days, and whenever she gets a few days off she meets them in port. (The most expensive part of baby-raising ends up being her flights to wherever the Odyssey happens to be at the time, at least until Robert finds out and figures out a way to start paying her 'maternity leave', despite her insistence that the whole point of this is that she isn't maternity-leaving and he should probably be paying himself that and anyway, isn't she technically not an employee right now?)
And the thing is, during this time, Max and Tristan start... realising some things. Like how neither of them feel like they've lost their only partner, because they.. haven't. Like how the co-parenting's been working out better than either of them expected, because they fell instantly (minus a few minor bumps) into a shared rhythm. Like how sometimes they look at the other one holding Baby and feel like their heart's about to explode.
Also, they've both started sleeping in Max's bed. Because Baby's spent so much time sleeping in the corner of the infirmary that now if she wakes up at night and can't see both of them, she starts crying inconsolably. And obviously Max's suite is more suited to multiple inhabitants, and they're usually too damn exhausted to even remember the first time they were in this bed together.
(usually. most of the time. and when they're not, they don't make it the other's problem)
So at the end of the first year of this, the last two days of the year's last cruise have been packed with crisis after crisis after demanding patient after crisis, and as soon as they finally wave the last passenger off they hand Baby gratefully over to Robert and go crash out in Max's bed.
Avery was supposed to be meeting them on board tomorrow, but her last exam gets unexpectedly moved up by a day (believe me, med school loves to pull that kind of shit on you), so a couple hours after the passengers have gone, she shows up to surprise them. And finds Robert (a known ody3 shipper) first, who lets her take Baby with minimal captainly sulking about it, and while she rocks and kisses Baby, tells her (as a known ody3 shipper) that the two dads will be on the Pelican deck, but they're probably asleep.
Avery kinda frowns at him, but doesn't question it, and takes Baby up with her to Max's suite to find them. And they are both fast asleep, on either side of Max's bed with a space carefully preserved between them (because it's usually where Baby would be and they're both terrified of accidentally rolling onto her in the middle of the night). She's also exhausted after exams, so she crawls into it, lies on her back with Baby on top of her chest, and goes straight to sleep.
Tristan and Max wake up before her, and when they look across at each other, at Avery and Baby between them, they both simultaneously realise, oh. oh. oh, this - this three, two-and-half, four people, all together - this is it. this is the love, this is the children, this might even be the home - the second, third, fourth bucket list items to happen in this bed.
#there is a non-zero chance i will actually end up writing this fic. there are multiple scenes half-coalesced in my head#but in the meantime have this#Doctor Odyssey#Ody3#Quackers#Doctor Odyssey spoilers#mine#Avery Morgan#Tristan Silva#Max Bankman#i wanted to cry and hug tristan into oblivion watching the last scene#he fucked up with the 'sharing' stuff but my god he pulled it out for this#my writing#the other version of this i would love that's probably not going to happen is the one where there is no baby#but the abortion/miscarriage makes them both go 'fuck it life's too short for [insert reasons here]. yes avery let's do it'#and then they're all having sex with each other but outside of it tristan and max are only doing romantic stuff with avery#not each other. and both wind up feeling like something's missing and have a crisis that they made the wrong decision#until someone external (i'm thinking Robert for Max and a random polyam passenger he makes friends with for Tristan) actually interrogate#them on exactly what they're feeling and it makes them realise. hang on. whoops. turns out i might be more jealous of avery getting to kiss#tristan/max than i am of tristan/max kissing her. bc i'm actually fine and chill with avery doing whatever#because i know and trust that she's with us anyway. so jealousy might not be the right word at all and also. hm.
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LUtober day 25: Blood Moon
Four gets the chance to apologise to an old friend.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ .
Wild had explained the blood moon phenomenon to the group hours in advance, and yet Four still found himself unnerved when the pure white moon became shrouded in blood-red. The world was painted in ruby red, and Four’s shoulders rose with discomfort in response.
Smoke swarmed over the land in patches, monsters bursting free with shrill shrieks and laughs that rang out from miles away. Four readied his sword, should any revive themselves near the group.
“Link?” Four flinched, swinging his sword in a wide arc—only to freeze before he tore the owner of the voice in two. It couldn’t be…
“Shadow?”
“Hey, Link,” Shadow said, his usual fanged smirk on his lips, even as he shifted nervously.
Four dropped his sword and lunged forward, latching onto his counterpart with a fierce embrace. Shadow made a noise of surprise, then returned the embrace with as much fervour. “I missed you,” Four murmured.
“Missed you too, you sap.”
“I thought you’d never come back�� I tried—” Four shook his head. “I’m sorry—for what we did to you.” Words he had wanted to give the other for years, when they had treated Shadow so terribly.
But instead of scoffing, Shadow only laughed. “I know. I was always with you, and I forgave you years ago.”
“Really?”
“Of course, doofus. We were kids, and we didn’t know any better. You’re my person, Link, of course I forgive you.”
Four smiled, squeezing Shadow tighter, unwilling to let him go. “Will you stay?”
“I can’t,” Shadow confessed. “I’ll go with the blood moon.”
A sob nearly tore from Four’s throat. “I’ll get you back. I promise.”
As the blood moon began to clear, Shadow’s form fading in his arms, Shadow said, “I know you will. I’ll see you soon, Link.”
“See you soon.”
#LUtober#LUtober2024#lu#linked universe#loz#linked universe fanfic#lu fic#lu four#lu shadow#it’s me so of course it’s going to be Shadow#spooky week#faye writes#fs#I hope you all enjoyed the silly stories#bc tomorrow’s is most likely going to Hurt#:)
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very busy babysitting a duo of kittens (only two months old) the last few days but i shall be drawing when i return home (this includes requests)
and also if anyone wants to see the babies send an ask and i can post them in response hehe i have taken SO many photos
#yew branch#also i just missed a step on the stairs going down and ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow#i am now trapped on the couch until my back stops exploding at least a bit#upside tho is that the kittens are playing together on the couch#sometimes right on my lap!! theyre so so so so cute#i adore them#BUT YEAH i shall be drawing when i return home provided my back allows me to sit upright by that time#bc it sure isnt rn GDJSGJS#im sad ill have to go home tho.. these kittens are some of the cutest beasts alive#life is worth living because every day kittens are playing and having fun#i miiiiiiight be able to indirectly take one#one of my best friends might possibly be able/willing to take one and keep her with her own cat for me#until i move out of my parents house mid next year#so i might get to have... kitten that ive watched grow up from newborns...#the story behind these kittens is that one of my other best friends took in a stray and she turned out to be pregnant#and had these two!!#im also watching the three adult cats in this house but theyre not nearly as much of a handful#as can be imagined this friend is very tired of having 5 cats in the house regardless of how small two of them are GDJSVSN#which is very very understandable#i dont think i would want five cats unless i had a fairly large house. if i had a large house and plenty of free time most of each day#to give them play time and tons of affection#as well as the physical ability to keep up with them all#then id gladly have five cats#who knows maybe someday ill have a nice big house and plenty of spare time and my ddd will be under control#but that doesnt seem likely#aside from ddd being managed! because i have a pain relieving steroid injection tomorrow and then ill be starting physical therapy!!#im excited and i have a lot of hope for at least the physical therapy to help#PLUS THEY HAVE A POOL FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!!!!! AND I LOVE SWIMMING ESPECIALLY AS A GENTLE WORKOUT#and low impact things are very important for my body specifically i cant do high impact exercise or itll hurt me#plus i just love being in water i swear i was meant to be an aquatic elf from dnd
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had a few really good days, now everything sucks. awesome. 🙃
#did stuff today. but I overdid it so now my hand hurts a lot & it'll most likely be worse tomorrow and I regret it.#really really tired.#and then I found out that I hurt my friend's feelings because I misunderstood the tone of their message so my reply came across totally#different from what I thought.#and intended#when I read their response it felt like. when you're going downstairs and you miss the last step#I feel like I'm a piece of shit. tried to explain that that wasn't how I meant it at all but idk if it'll be enough#they were really mad at me I think#I was just trying to be supportive and positive but apparently it came across like the opposite of that#and I hate myself now#I guess I'll just. go to bed. I feel too bed to do anything and I've got a horrible headache#I'm too fucking sensitive and also bad at reading people's tone and also everything else really#I shouldn't talk to anyone ever bc somehow everyone always ends up thinking I'm an asshole when I'm just trying to make everyone feel better#😭😭😭#personal
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first blueberry of june! :0
#was looking at the bushes covered in green and slightly purple berries and saw a big blue one#its still a tiny bit purple so i will save it for tomorrow or even the next day tonhave on my birthday lol#but maybe not bc there's tons of birds that nest around the blueberry bushes#most years the birds get 90% of the berries as soon as they're ripe lol#anyway#june!!! i love you june!!!!#best month by far#and now the disgusting heat wave has broken its real june weather (mid 70 degrees) 😌#and its weekend finally#and my eye surgery is done and they didn't accidentally blind me w the brught lazer that hurt and seemed so bright#i was like surely these eye shields arent in properly im gonna go blind from retina damage during this procedure for my corneas 😭#which was a genuine risk#and since i had the shields i was essentially blinded during the procedure so i couldn't tell if i'd be able to see when they came off lol#i made it!!#and its a lovely weekend in june <3#and there's cows outside#this has been a shitpost#personal#surgery 1 of 4 done!!!!
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#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is#all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much#because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions#mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect#and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it#it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter#but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but#mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read#cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about#how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron#separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward#the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not#allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i#talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand#so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday#and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having#a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself#sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like#reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it#doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of#ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put#myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing#unrelated
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I wiped out so hard tonight my KNEES
#I fell over. so many times. including two of the worst falls I’ve had in a WHILE#god the first one literally like minute and a half on the ice i lose a foot under me and do the splits. crash into the barriers#I am notably Not flexible I cannot do the splits. I don’t know how I kept skating afterwards#the worst fall I have ever had however was right at the end and the thing that made me get off#we were playing a thing and both me and this other guy we’re trying to catch this girl who turned out to be Also going very fast#three way collision all falling forwards on top of each other#we SLID there were BLADES BY MY HEAD im lucky im short im amazed nobody got actually hurt#except like. my knees which are now staging a coup I rlly should ice them but I don’t have ice and I just wanna sleep#but GOD tonight was a mixed bag#i have acquired the instagram and will probably get him on committee if he sends me the thing#also slowly thinking hrm yeah he’s probably straight#anyway good news: i think we’re pretty solidly friends now. bad news: prooobably regrettably heterosexual#idk straight guys shouldn’t be allowed to be cute and funny and good at skating it’s not fair#aaaanyway. it’s my own fault bc I meet most new people through hockey now and this sport is pretty notoriously not queer#it’s a little different here but the people who end up Good are largely not yknow. and I am unfortunately into guys who can skate#also they end up being the people I actually get to talk to with what I do. dumb as hell. they should invent gay hockey players#anyway my assessment is still vibes based there’s time for me to be proven wrong but we will see. it’d be funny if he was queer after this#will think abt texting him on a day that isn’t tomorrow bc tomorrow’s gonna be too much and I would like to have some time to chill sometime#anyway this is my periodic reminder to myself that I’m literally just Allowed to have feelings. fucked up that it’s true#but like it’s just. allowed. and it’s not even that I’m dumb or have bad taste or smth like that and over like what.#almost two years? there have been 5 guys total. mr prick who WAS queer unfortunately. and while the other four did turn out to be straight#that was due to 1. guy literally had rainbow fucking stick tape and Everyone thought he was gay. also I was just kinda fucking around there#2. talked to him like three times before asking him out. agrees to dinner bc he thinks it’s funny. 3. many signals bc bunch of queer friends#still unconfirmed but be does have a girlfriend ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 4. okay maybe I should know better by now but he’s cute okay I’m allowed to hope#it’s not even like I’ve DONE anything other than talk to him dude you’re fine you’re allowed to feel things#aaaanyway. bed now. eepy. will talk to him later. he complimented my hair okay I’m done now going to sleep#very sorry to anyone who reads these tags for just going on abt this guy but also no I’m not scroll down#luke.txt
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👍👍
#im bout to be whiny before getting nauseated at being kimda vulnerable and end up deleting this but just#shoutout to my friend (who was the only person i ever shared my writing with for over a year)#just telling me they've always just skimmed my fics AND infodumps because they dont care. like has read at most a handful of me talking &#usually skips any rare audio message that i sent when SUPER excited and made up drama to have an excuse to change topics#again. for over a year.#then getting guilt trippy when i was hurt by it until i apologize instead which !! lmao fuck ok !#its just... very hmpth :/ bc it eas already a shitty night and week of nonstop migraine. and then this#and taking into account im someone who NEVER blocks any of my friends tags or doesnt read and invest myself in their interests#even if i dont like it; i love seeing people (even strangers) excited and talking about what they like so of course im going to#at least watch them talk on it and/or actually research into it because i want to be able to understand their happiness!#and because its whats important to them !! i dont expect the same and im not shaming anyone for not doing the same its fine I guess#but to tell me? and to say they dont read my writing or give a single shit about me talking about something#when i always put 100% into their interests? am i that shitty of a writer and that obnoxious to listen to lmao#like i feel shitty for even being hurt over it and even venting because you guys arent here for that and its mean to force it on ur dash#and i dont want to be too whiny but also. jfc man#ill stay silly starting tomorrow and post about batmans balls or whatever. sorry for the vent just. bleh.#that ‘december please bro please im begging just a break please man’ post but its me throughout this February too apparently
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god my throat is raw from yelling / panicking. And part of me is wary wondering if it’ll happen again. omgggg
#purrs#i think i knew it was a false alarm it just didn’t feel real. but what fucked me up is that i couldn’t t honk of what to bring. i knew we#we’re close to an exit so we would be fine and i know you’re not supposed to delay getting out and that the stuff is just stuff. but my#journals and diaries.. like i brought them all here for some new years reflections and i couldn’t bring myself to bring any of them. or my#sketchbook. or my switch or ds with my animal crossing town. idk. i guess smth flashed through my head like so much of what matters to me#is digital now but that’s not fucking true at all. why did i have a hard time deciding and brought nothing when my sketchbook is the most#important thing i have i think bc it’s my scrapbook / diary. it just fucked me ip so bad. now im staring at the ceiling and my throat hurts#and im going to be so tired tomorrow. that was so scary#we didn’t even make it outside bc the alarm stopped before we left the room bc we were scrambling to find coats and masks (lol) and them my#mom called the front desk and they said it was a false alarm. so idk. for those 45 seconds it could’ve been life or death and that’s so much#to think about. everything important went out the window it was just like wtf is even happening rn and my dad said it was a fire and i was l#like how do you know. ugh. that was so scary#like what fucked me up was. all the pieces of me are spread so thin in so many journals and shit that idk which one to bring. i would have t#to take the complete collection. and i can’t do that so i have to leave all of them. that’s the choice i made in that primal moment. it#QUITE LITERALLY does not matter and is not the most important part of this to be worried abt / fucked up over but that really shook me
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#ok sorry for all these posts but i’m trying to take my own advice and not just keep everything in rn#tw that i’ll tag separately at the end but: mental health bipolar addiction vague mentions of sui attempts and just general negativity sorry#hearing that he struggled with manic/low episodes too on top of addiction (etc) is just so fucking. !!!!!!!!!#as someone with bipolar 2 and a recovering addict this just keeps hitting harder and harder and i think about all the times i was manic#and was lucky enough to get help that kept me here on this earth#and it’s so fucking upsetting that even all the money in the world can only get you so far w these things. our world is not set up to help#its set up to make these struggles even harder than they already are and just. fuck#i won’t lie it makes me scared knowing that grief often triggers some sort of episode for me too and now i’m at my parents place w all these#photos of my dad on the walls and i’m in the same rooms that i fell in love w 1d in#i’m so fucking sick of people dying for basically the same fucking shit#most of my friends who OD’d or took their lives also had bipolar and addiction and i’m just like#what is it even gonna take for things to change#dealing w the inevitability of death is one thing but all these young ppl going thru their own versions of the same shit and nothing changes#it gets harder and harder each year and i can only hope that nobody else ik including myself won’t suffer the same fate here#but how am i supposed to hold onto that hope when it just. keeps. happening#i feel so weird making this post publicly bc ik it’s pessimistic and negative but my heart fucking hurts for so many reasons#and i wish i was home rn. i’m honestly tempted to just go back tomorrow like how tf am i supposed to deal w this and keep it to myself#rraahhhhhhhhhHHHHHHH#i can’t stop crying haha#rowyn rambles#tw mental health#tw sui ideation#tw addiction#tw death#tw overdose
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There's also the impulse to be like "women ain't shit" but that's a lie I love our women. Not women as a whole's fault that one of them turned out a selfish bastard of a coward.
I just need to find a woman who doesn't treat me like That. Get me a good butch. I need me a good butch.
#speculation nation#id love a good butch who can pick me up and help move my furniture#and who is so sweet and treats me like im someone valuable (& not immediately replaceable ...)#the bar is actually so low. god why do i keep ending up dating assholes?#ex before this ex wasnt an asshole. i was the asshole in that situation.#but that's where the whole. wanting to find someone right for me comes in.#god 'ex' really is such a vague term for me. i got bad ex goth ex uhh other good ex but still sucked#nothingburger exes 1 2 3 4#and the gay awakening ex who i really shouldve given more attention to but unfortunately i was a stupid 16 year old#and broke up with her for my bad ex. alas.#and then theres milquetoast ex and uhmmm. well i actually dont know what im going to label my most recent one.#i dont think it's fully sunk in yet what happened. bc it really was so sudden.#i last saw her on thursday and everything was normal and nice. just like pretty much the whole of the 6 months with her.#and then she started hanging out with the coworker i guess. and the rest is history.#i think she lied about being busy spending time with friends to excuse why she was so distracted on the weekend.#she was probably busy spending time with that girl. who she apparently feels like shes suffocating if shes not in the same room as her#it does suck in a lot of ways. but also with her friends. i was trying rly hard to spend time with them and be liked by them.#one of them's moving into my building this next year. across from my unit. so i wonder how thats gonna go.#my ex mentioned how she'd be spending twice as much time here then just last saturday.#and now. well. like fuck she's coming in here anymore. but i wonder if i'll see her going to visit her friend.#id been kind of excited for it. looking forward to spending time with a neighbor too. but probably not anymore.#i do wonder what her friends will think. i hope she tells them the truth and they chew her out for being such an asshole.#literally breaking up with me over text. who fucking does that??? she didnt have the guts to hear me cry???#i'll make sure she sees the full force of my displeasure when she drops my gifts off tomorrow.#she used to like how rough around the edges i am. well she's gonna see just how rough around the edges i Really am.#i kind of. dont really want to see her. but i also do. i want her to look me in the face and talk to me#to see who it is she's dropping. to see how it has affected me. even if she didnt see my heartbreak as it happened.#i laid into her Hard so she knew just how badly she hurt me. so that she would feel even a fraction of my hurt.#so she would feel Guilty. she apologized over and over. said she knew she'd regret it. but she just Had to do it.#'this will be my life's regret' then why'd you do it? fucking impulsive dumbass. what bullshit.
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This image speaks to me
#I feel damn near agoraphobic recently it’s so awful like everything is scary all the time but at home it’s safe#like my room is my whole world most of the time bc everything else just feels like too much like there’s something bad out there waiting for#me to get too comfortable to feel too safe too happy and it’ll all come crashing down again it’s just miserable#need to go outside more but there keeps being people on the trails I like to walk and then I like awkwardly speed walk huffing and puffing#my way back to the car really quickly bc being seen by anyone outside of family or therapy for any amount of time feels like being stripped#naked and thrown to the wolves even tho I’m literally just walking outside in a place I’m allowed to walk surrounded by other ppl just#minding their own business#it’s fucking exhausting to be this scared all the time and it makes my muscle shit flare up cause I’m so tense and I can’t get my shoulder#or neck to relax and my back and hips hurt cause I haven’t been moving enough cause I’ve been rotting in bed#tomorrow I’ll go for a walk if it’s not raining#I need to move again and force myself to at least have one place out of the house (other than the car) that feels safe to be#📸
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literally all i have been doing the past two weeks is Wanting. they call me the wanter the way i'm wanting things i can never have
#yearning longing whatever you wanna call it#needing as well but to a lesser extent because you can only need to a certain degree before it becomes wanting. lusting for sure#i have not stopped since the year started and i don't see an end in sight yet. i literally can't even think straight anymore#i literally cannot do anything or get anything done i mean i'm bad at that usually but like i genuinely think i've lost it#and as someone who never had it to begin with... idk!!!!#it's like i'm afraid to lose focus on it as if it isn't a constant choice i keep making when i wake up#i must remember that i can give up anything if i decide to. everything could change tomorrow#not looking at him for 2 hours will not make the feeling go away... pls be convinced brain#because i have not been sleeping well </3#and i'm becoming hard to be around again. people can just instinctively tell when i'm being weird#it is important that i be as realistic as possible while being the most deranged person on earth#wouldn't want to hurt myself again lmao... but i always do anyways so i just gotta let it happen#anyways i'm gonna try to watch harold and maude sometime today and also watch another movie bc we are only 4 weeks into 2024#and i already fucked up the 'watch a movie a week' thing i've been doing LMAO all because i wanted to look at a man#i'm ridiculously fucking braindead#not upset about it tho that's just who i am. brain is fully developed in 2 weeks and 1 day so it's never gonna change sadly#atp growing and changing are not impossible but if i do not see a reward of being loved at the end of the tunnel i will end up dead#and it's fine it's all so fine
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#struggling a lot actually recently bc im out of antidepressants and my body hurts even more than usual#i dont want to go to work tomorrow/today i dont want to go to work ever fucking again#theyre so fucking ableist#they require a note for UNPAID leave#its so fucking frustrating like hello my body cannot actually handle a 40hr work week#when i AM medicated#and when im not i definitely should not be expected to be anywhere work related#bc i can hardly sit around my house without being exhausted and upset#especially when my body is all kinds of pained bc as it turns out chronic pain makes you more susceptible to pain#bc youre at a manageable but still exhausting level most of the time so adding more is just. too much#anyway i needed to vent#fuck the SSA of the us#its bullshit
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#three weeks is my limit!#aka have been Doing Stuff for three weeks straight no weekends working 7 hours a day 3 days in a row (friday sat sun) and then having to#go to school monday and deal with some bullshit in my physics class#and i snapped.#by snapped i fixed things for myself but it was verys tressful and im burnt out and im going up north tomorrow and wow i need to relax#[physics was. thru correspondance bc pe and physics clashed so i was like theres no way in hell im not doing pe so i said id do physics by#correspondance and then i was placed with this other kid. and because of how i am it ended up trainwrecking into me not worryign about my#own learning and instead becoming responsible for his and so i eventually had to pull the plug and switch and now its okay! because i got#a different classroom and a huge weight off of my shoulders and i'm so proud of myself. i havent told the guy yet tho but i am 1005 going t#lie and not tell him that i hate him and hes made my life a living hell for the past term and 3 weeks because that. is unnecessary and id#feel bad. so im going to say that due to mental strain that im going thru right now myself and the school have decided to place me in a#seperate classroom in order to have a period to myself to Process Shit and that i'm cutting back on my physics (big lie) but also its the#road of least hurt for anyone#yk?#and physics has been ruining school for me for the last term and three weeks but walking into that new classroom actually shifted my mood#so drastically. and now im enjoying mechanics and im nearly done with getting my waves stuff done. tangent over]#also i missed the anniversary of my cousins death and i didnt get to go the the cemetary with my family + extendeds and so that fucked me u#also i think people overestimate my ability to keep up on work i'm not there for and also stay mentally stable.#ALSO my dean had the AUDACITY to tell me that she chose this guy to go with me on a trip because hes easy to get along with.#like miss. im literally the most cross-friend-group person in the year#i vibe with everyone. im everyone. you have put me with the most boring fucking guy. do not pretend you know me#god i love the internet its like therapy but im not dumping on anyone who didn't click readmore#plus im just an internet person. none of my problems should really matter to you please find them entertaining#like i do with reddit posts
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AfterCare With Them- The Love And DeepSpace Men
parings in order: Xavier x Reader, Zayne x Reader, Rafayel x Reader, Sylus x Reader
genre: overall fluff but contains nsfw and unprotected sex, MDNI
a/n: writing this only bc misty invasion is tomorrow and i cant wait dfkahdfkshfaskh did you guys noticed i changed the banners bc this one a diff genre hehe
any likes and reblogs are always appreciated! enjoy!
⋆。‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧。⋆
Xavier:
He doesn't stop giving you kisses when he cums inside you and would help you though the overstimulation by holding you tight until the feeling stops. He would ask if you we're okay and would listen if anything we're wrong.
He would fall on top of you and you both would be recollecting your breaths. He would be hiding against your chest and place little kisses all over them as you'll gently play with his hair. Once he pulls himself away from you, he'll grab you a cup of water so you're refreshed.
He would carry you to the bathroom and takes a bath with you because you probably can't stand after your activities. He would sit behind you and wash you softly and slowly while peppering your back and neck with soft kisses.
He'll put you first and make sure you're one hundred percent satisfied and content. He'll help dry you off and carry you back to bed and would dry himself off after before joining you.
Once your back together in bed, he would fall asleep so quickly with you nestled in his arms. You would hear his breathing go soft and quiet and you would soon fall asleep peacefully after.
Zayne:
He would immediately clean you up if he didn't cum inside of you. He wouldn't even ask and would get a refreshing cold drink of water and will ask after if you would like anything else.
While you drink your water, he'll prepare a bath for you both with the perfect temperature. Towels and nearby hygiene products would already be set on the counter. He would come back and ask how you would feel and he would listen intently to everything you had to say. He would carry you to the bathroom and let you soak up first before changing the sheets quickly.
Once he joins you, he'll wash your body and scrub the roots of your hair. Sometimes he'll apologize about the marks left on your skin, worried they might've hurt you. Once you're ready to get out of the bath, he'll pick you up and dry you himself and wrap you in a towel
He'll carry you back to the now clean and comfy bed and makes sure you're comfortable. He'll help you dress you up with whatever clothes you want that are comfortable.
Once your dressed all comfy, the two of you settled into the soft sheets and within minutes, you were already asleep in his arms. He watches you drift off to sleep as he ran his fingers through your hair softly. The comforting pressure of your body would soon make him fall asleep.
Rafayel:
You both were sprawled across the bed, limbs crossing over each other. You both turned to look at each other, looking over to see his contagious smile and you would feel one spreading over your own lips. Your hands would find each other and you both would wrap into a more comfortable embrace as you both tried to regain your breaths.
He'll crack a joke while he cradles you into his arms about how YOU should be the one to clean HIM up because he's the one that did most of the work. Obviously reassures you that he's joking.
He'll praise you, worship your body, comforting your sore legs and any body parts that felt sore or aching. He'd take special care of you to let you know how much you mean to him and thankful that he finally has you again.
He'll grab you a cup of water before preparing a nice relaxing bath for you both. He'll carry you to the bath and gently put you in before joining you. He'll help you wash you and you both might play a little bit in the water, splashing each other or playing with the bubbles before you both get out of the tub. He'll help dry you off and carry you back to bed.
As you the two of you settle into bed, he would make sure his arms are wrapped around you before you drift off to sleep. Will admire you for a bit before his eyes shut close.
After bath time was over and he carries you to bed, you would have to prepare for a second round. Obviously he's not done with you. He wants to paint your face white after he finished painting your pussy white a couple minutes ago.
Sylus:
He would intertwine his fingers with your own and slowly guides you over his chest so you're resting on top of him. He'll clean you off with a washcloth if he didn't already lick you clean and after he's done he'll grab you a cup of cold water.
If there were times where he was rough with you, he'll gently apply some oil and cooling gel onto any marks or any parts of your body that ached.
Draws you a bath with nice smelling soap or whatever you prefer. If you wanted some bubbles added to the bath, he'll add some even if he thought it was silly. He'll carry you to the bathroom and he'll sit behind you and hold you close to his chest. He'll rub the outside of your thigh because he knows they're most likely sore.
After you finish bathing, he'll help you get out of the tub and dry you off himself before he dries himself off. Would help brush your hair and give you of his shirts that are way too oversized on you before carrying you back to bed.
Would ask if you would like anything and if you did, he'll let you rest on the bed while he gets anything you need or wanted. And when you're falling asleep, you'll rest on his chest while he hums so softly.
#xavier x reader#xavier x you#xavier x y/n#zayne x reader#zayne x you#zayne x y/n#rafayel x reader#rafayel x you#rafayel x y/n#sylus x reader#sylus x you#sylus x y/n#xavier lads#zayne lads#rafayel lads#sylus lads#xavier love and deepspace#zayne love and deepspace#rafayel love and deepspace#sylus love and deepspace#love and deepspace#love and deepspace fic#love and deepspace x reader#lads x reader#lads x you#lads smut#love and deepspace x you#love and deepspace scenarios
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