#different from what I thought.
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running-in-the-dark · 6 months ago
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had a few really good days, now everything sucks. awesome. 🙃
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butchfalin · 1 year ago
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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keets-writing-corner · 11 months ago
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Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??
As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue
the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD
He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.
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like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...
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The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"
and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it
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does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING
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like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow
For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat
Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation
Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with
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Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)
But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time
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Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell
Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch
idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room
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blackkatdraws2 · 4 months ago
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[Toon x Mobster] Only he can make him laugh like that...
Jack Desmond is the silly guy. Gavriel Huffman is the scary guy. They come from different worlds that has contrasting genres, one more cartoonishly comedic and the other much dramatically darker.
It's kind of a running gag that Sir Huffman is unable to laugh without looking absolutely wicked. Both in the cartoon world and his own world.
That doesn't stop Jack from being completely smitten with him though, his voice is the most mind-melting thing he's ever had the pleasure to hear
[AUDIO USED:] Men I Trust - show me how
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hinamie · 4 months ago
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alongside someone like you
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 266#jjk leaks#i feel like i say this after every piece at this point but iam once again. SO TIRED#collapses dead#cries i did it again i ws up all last night finishing the first 1.....tht one took *counts* 8 hours...#got 3 hrs sleep n picked up where i left off on th second one at 8 in the morning#2nd one absolutely ruined me n made the third one feel like a herculean task . even tho its literally just them on a bed#rooms....KITCHENS......beloathed!!!! public enemy no1 kill on sight!!!!!!#hell is real and they make u render different rooms of houses from scratch no perspective tool no clue what ur doing#n they see how long it takes u to completely lose it#clipped yuujis bangs back tho n i thought tht was cute . silver linings#1ST ONE WAS SO FUN ALSO idk if its bc outdoor environments r forgiving or bc i had more energy n was fresh faced n hopeful or what#but it is by far my favourite. once again pulled out nearly every nature brush in my arsenal#third one meh simple safe soft w/e i was just so exhausted after th kitchen tht working on it was such a slog#oh ya i added a bunch of scars 2 yuuji's arms n lobbed off his ring finger sighs the yuuji injury list (tm) grows every minute#also HINA USE YELLOW CHALLENGE CLEAR golden hour in2 sunset my beloved <333 easy warm light + safe homey Peaceful vibes...bless#cries eternally thinking abt them let us have this let THEM have this pls thank u#ok i need to not look at these anymore take them enjoy my contribution 2 the domestic itfs pile
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lucabyte · 8 months ago
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i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.
i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.
anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.
#[isabeau voice] am i insane or does sometimes loop talk like they might have killed their whole family. is that just me? just checking.#nille design highly inspired by @kiwibrain's since its the one that imprinted in my mind. liberties taken since i didnt look @ reference#anyway i have a lot more thoughts on this? i guess ill hide them in the tags...? scroll down i suppose.#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat bonnie#isat nille#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#doodlebyte#----------------------------------------------------------------------#anyway the extra thoughts. are literally just my general thoughts on postcanon. (and thus are the context for all of my postcanon doodles!)#which is i think nille joins the party before loop reappears for a start (either from a period of nonexistence or just wandering around)#and that like. i think the party should be able to integrate loop as a completely new person. because they are! the secrecy isn't great but#They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches in the party (eg. i think sif is more squeamish after it all but loop isnt)#and while it's not *exactly* what Loop wanted they get that beggars can't be choosers. and its pretty good#(i am glossing over how i think loop's reappearence drags both them and siffrin into a massive behavioural backslide and is likely a bit#distressing to watch go down. cycle of argument -> lovebombing -> normalcy -> repeat. etc etc. but since they are no longer literally#stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time they do resolve it via productive conversation on their own time. its fine)#the party well-meaningly tries to deduce things from loop's vagueries and are able to pin down the DEAD FAMILY vibe pretty quickly.#but eventually the question of their prior identity falls by the wayside because well! they're just their friend loop! (also change belief)#as for how The Truth Come Out... this is what i mean by The Isabeau Torment Nexus(tm). which is that i think... isiloop should almost occur#BEFORE isabeau knows who loop is. he's just genuinely charmed by them eventually and tries to close the open end of the polycule#which FREAKS LOOP THE FUCK OUT because thats just too genuinely sick and wrong. and obviously w emotions high its not a great confrontation#ANYWAY told u i had more thoughts. if i were normal itd be a text post but.
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benevolenterrancy · 2 months ago
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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bunnieswithknives · 2 months ago
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OH MY GOD??? HAS IT SERIOUSLY BEEN A MONTH????? I am so sorry guys
Prev | Next
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andstuffsketches · 21 days ago
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bring the girlies back
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amazinglyashy · 2 months ago
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You know, I thiiinnnk per Immobilized? It's canon that you've slept with Sylus at least once while you've been stuck to him with the energy cuff, and it's implied to be more times than that. I don't mean sexytimes sleep with him, I mean you literally fall asleep on him.
That really begs the question of whether or not you guys have thought about You/MC being laid on his bicep, fast asleep as you lean into the warmth of his chest, while he lays there having a mental debate on whether or not he's able to hold you closer, or if he should just leave you be. Because trust me. This man is desperate to hold you closer, especially when he sees the way your eyelids flutter in your sleep, and the way the soft of your cheek molds perfectly against the curve of his arm-
Damn, he's smitten. But all he can say when you wake up is some halfway-seductive quip about how much you must love to "sleep" with him, or how being cuffed to him must not be as bad as you make it seem.
And maybe you don't notice his gaze, too wrapped up being annoyed at his words to see the softness in his eyes- the way his mouth tilts upward just ever so slightly. His expression one of endearment, one of love, directed at you,
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cubbihue · 3 months ago
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What would Peri’s power level be if he didn’t have his inhibitor/stabilizer wand and just went apeshit?
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While Cosmo deals with too much magic in his body, Peri suffers from a slightly different issue. Cosmo has the greatest amount of magic in Fairy World. Peri is incapable of regulating his magic.
Peri cannot, not then as a child and not now in the present, control his magic. Without his inhibitor, he can easily destroy an entire realm- just as he nearly destroyed Earth as a baby. This fact has not changed, although it is less plausible today than back then.
Peri's taken extra measures in the present-day to ensure it cannot happen.
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
Instability: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
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umblrspectrum · 3 months ago
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do you ever like wanna make something cool but you dont know how so you just sit around like a moron for 5 hours straight pretending you know how
me neither
on a more serious note i know ad astra as a whole isnt over but i still want to thank daybreaker for their fics. what friends are for was the very first md fic i ever stumbled upon when trying out ao3 for the first time, and prior to joining the server i was checking it near daily for uploads. god knows if i'd be as deep in ao3 as i am now if it werent for this story and convenient timing. Thanks for the story.
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dollya-robinprotector · 1 year ago
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Once upon a time... Reference: Hylas and The Nymphs by John William Waterhouse
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the-meme-monarch · 3 months ago
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i love the interpretations of Any of the pines being trans but to me mabel and dipper Are fraternal twins they are just also both trans. they just swapped names and ‘pretended’ to be the other. i know dipper being transmasc is like the most popular trans hc in the fandom, so to me this is why dipper’s name is mason but he always wanted the name tyrone
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blackkatdraws2 · 9 months ago
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The narrator and the ugly ahh protagonist [Blank Scripts AU/non-canonical]
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hinamie · 2 months ago
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siren!megumi concept sheet i whipped up in a single-minded fever state fr @uriekukistan
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