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let-it-raines · 5 years ago

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Catch Me If You Can (20/?)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series.

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now.

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

a/n: shout out to @resident-of-storybrooke for beta-ing this bad boy even if I did find a hell of a lot of typos doing my final read for this chapter. It’s okay. We all make mistakes 😉

(It’s me. I made the mistakes because I’m the one making those typos.)

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @eala-captian @galaxyzxstark @xellewoods @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury @superchocovian @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog@cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings @youraverageshipper

-/-

The game plays on the television in the weight room as Killian works with free weights to work out his arm and his shoulder. He’s already been massaged by Archie today even though he’s not playing, but when he woke up there was a slight ache there that wasn’t pleasant to live with. It’s still there, but it’s manageable, just a small little niggling feeling that he feels if he lifts something that’s too heavy or twists in just the right, or wrong, way. But it’s fine, as it always is, because the pain doesn’t last for too long and is always manageable.

How many athletes walk around every day living with manageable pain when the world thinks that their bodies are in the most pristine conditions?

That’s always been kind of funny to him, and it hasn’t been until the past two years that he’s understood why. Fans of baseball, of any sport really, sit in the stands, on their couches, and on barstools at the restaurant yelling at athletes to do the impossible with their body, and then when they can’t or get hurt doing it, yell at them for not having some kind of superhuman strength. He’s had so many people bemoan to him about the public part of his accident, one that was traumatizing on a personal and professional level with effects still lingering to today, and they don’t seem to understand that the men and women on fields and courts or in swimming pools are human beings who have pushed their bodies to the limits for most of their lives.

And he doesn’t even play one of the most physically demanding sports, though it can be much more demanding than most people think, especially for his arm.

Hell, definitely for his arm.

But he loves it. That’s the thing. Killian loves this game, loves his team, loves getting to stand out on that field even on the days where only a quarter of the seats are filled up. It’s been his passion for so long, the thing that he is truly good at, and he can’t imagine doing anything else even if he’s had back-up plan after back-up plan and will have to do something with his life when this is all over.

Today isn’t that day.

“Hey,” Robin says as he enters the weight room, his hair slicked back from a shower so that Killian knows that he’s not actually in here to talk, “you wanted to talk to me?”

Oh, and the fact that Killian told him that he wanted to talk. That will definitely do it.

“Yeah, one minute,” he sighs, running through one more rep before putting the weights down on their rack and adjusting the hat on his head so that he can wipe away the sweat on his brow before turning to look at Robin who is sitting on a weight bench. “Roseman sucks today.”

“That’s what you wanted to talk to me about?”

“No, no,” Killian corrects, taking the seat across from Robin on another bench and leaning forward so that his clasped hands rest between the open space between his knees. Taking a quick glance toward the door, he sees that no one is around, and with the music blaring so loudly throughout the hallways, he knows no one will be able to hear anyways. “So, I feel like I’m making the rounds delivering news when I really should have gotten you all together at one time to get it over with, but Ariel has been impossible to get to sit still for more than a second and Will talks too loudly for me to tell him in person and – ”

“Are you dying or something?” Robin laughs, his brows raised in confusion.

“I’m not dying,” he reassures Robin even as his hand reaches up to scratch behind his ear. “I’m, well, I’m dating Emma Swan, and while we’re keeping it quiet from the media and most everyone else, we decided to tell the people who are close with us, hence you and A and Eric and Will. Plus, obviously, my family, who are the only ones I’ve managed to tell so far.”

Robin doesn’t say anything at first, his eyes widened as he takes the information in, and while Killian knew the reaction he was expecting when he told Liam and Elsa – Liam was surprised and far too overbearing and Elsa literally told him that she figured it out at Addy’s birthday party – he hasn’t quite been able to come up with a clear idea of how his friends would react.

Silence and confusion have been his best guesses.

“For how long?” Robin finally stutters out.

“A couple of months.”

“And you’re serious about her?”

“That I am.”

“And this is a secret?”

Why does he feel like this is an exact repeat of the conversation he had with Liam and pretty much the same as the conversation Emma relayed that she had with David?

“Yeah, for Emma. After everything with me and then all of the backlash that she gets with her job, we wanted to keep it quiet. At first, it was so that we could figure things out, but now that we’re more comfortable, we’re telling the people closest to us so that such big parts of our lives aren’t hidden away.”

Robin nods, the smallest smile forming on his lips, and Killian didn’t quite realize how much he wanted Robin’s approval until he got it. Not getting it wouldn’t change things, but Robin has been one of his best mates for a decade, has been through so many of his highs and lows, and he wants Robin to be happy for him. He wants to be able to talk through everything with Robin the way that Robin has with him.

“That makes sense. I mean, yeah,” Robin chuckles, leaving back and messing with his shirt. “I knew you always fancied her, especially lately, but it makes sense with how often I’ve seen the two of you chatting on the plane or at breakfast. I didn’t think anything of it, just figured that she was looking for a friend since the woman who used to be go on road trips with her isn’t around that often. Huh, you’re dating again.”

“Does that surprise you?”

“Only a little. You were so messed up after Milah and all of the women that came after her that I didn’t really think you’d ever seriously date someone again. I kind of thought that you and I would end up as eternal bachelors and live life vicariously through Roland.”

Killian barks out a laugh, one that he really shouldn’t at how depressing that thought honestly is, but leave it to Robin to make him laugh like that. It’s something that comes with knowing someone for so damn long, and Killian is thankful for it.

“Do you think Roland will take care of us in our old age? I’m not sure that he will.”

“He’ll take care of you,” Robin laughs, “because you never have to tell him no. He’s going to harbor the fact that I didn’t let him have dessert last night forever.”

“Yeah, you’re definitely not getting chocolate pudding when you’re old and it’s all you can eat.”

Robin rolls his eyes, but the smile is still there. The smile is still on Killian’s face too. “I’m happy for you, mate. I kind of think you’re both batshit crazy for getting involved with each other when there’s so much that could go wrong, but happiness looks good on you.”

“Thanks. I don’t – she’s great, Rob. Bloody fantastic. I mean, I know that you know her and get to see her kick ass at her job every day, but outside of work too…she’s amazing.”

“I know.”

-/-

After the game, Killian manages to pull Will, Eric, and Ariel aside into one of the offices outside the locker room to tell them, finally hitting three birds with one stone, which is a pretty morbid saying now that he thinks about. Their hitting coach looks through the glass of the window when Ariel lets out a scream at his words, and Killian can do nothing but shake his head. It’s like he’s announcing the most exciting thing to ever happen to him every time he tells someone, and as much as he knew that his friends were invested in his dating life – or lack thereof – he didn’t know it was like this.

They all very obviously need to get a life.

-/-

“Oh my gosh,” Emma groans, slamming the passenger side door to his car closed as she slides onto the leather seat and adjusts her bag in her lap before dropping it to the ground, “I’d never make it as a spy. There were approximately a million people who were walking this way that knew me or you or were a member of the press. I swear, babe, it was impossible to get over here. I could have gotten to your brother’s house faster had I taken the trains, even with how packed they are right now.” She takes a breath and leans over to press her lips to his cheeks. “Hi. Thank you for waiting on me.”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly going to leave without you, Swan. How was work?”

“You know,” she teases, rolling her eyes a bit at his question, “it was good. Did you know that the Yankees won today and that they’re leading their league? And things like that tend to make players very happy to talk to me. Do you know who else was very happy to talk to me?”

“Who, love?” he asks as he presses his foot down on the gas and hits the ignition button to start the car.

“Ariel Fisher. That’s another reason why I’m late. I was attacked by a tiny, very loud, red-headed woman giving me a hug that I swear squeezed the life out of me. I’m not entirely sure what she said to me since there was a certain lack of air circulation going on in my brain, but I’m pretty sure she said she was super happy for me and then tried to adopt me or something like that.”

Killian chuckles, unable to help himself, before he leans back into his seat and rests his cheek against the headrest so that he can look at Emma. She looks so happy today, her hair pulled back in a high ponytail to keep it off her neck since he knows that when she sweatssweatsshe hates the way it tangles at the back of her neck. He also knows that she spent an hour picking out a dress to wear today because she’s coming with him to his brother’s townhome for Sunday night dinner and is a little nervous. She claims that she is simply indecisive about what to wear all the time, but he knows that isn’t true. Ruby, who he still hasn’t officially met but who he’s going to meet when he’s subjected to his own family dinner (interrogation), finally helped her out by tossing an orange dress that falls beneath her knees and curves around Emma’s breasts at her and telling her they were leaving the apartment in an hour.

Ruby is a force of nature.

And he is very much distracted by the swell of Emma’s breasts right now and the way he can see the freckle that resides on the inside of her right one. Always so distracting.

“Yeah,” Killian sighs, reaching up to scratch behind his ear, “I have now officially told everyone I deemed worth of knowing that you are my girlfriend, and despite Ariel’s several squeals over the whole thing, everyone is going to keep it quiet. At least to the outside world. I fully expect them to be a little too invasive with us from time to time.”

“Really?” Emma drones sarcastically, shifting her legs underneath the dash to cross one over the other so that the material shows the skin just above her knee. “I didn’t expect that at all with Will asking me if I was going to be your plus one for his wedding. Belle apparently needs to know for the seating arrangements. Or Ariel asking if we’d be willing to go on a couple’s vacation for the New Year.”

“I can believe both of those things happened.”

“As you should because they are true statements, twenty-nine.” Emma sighs back into the seat, turning away from facing him and looking out at the gray block that is the parking garage. “How’d Robin take it?”

“I’ll tell you on the way to Liam’s, yeah? If there’s one thing you need to know about the Jones family, it’s that we like to be on time, and we, my darling, are running late.”

“Liam will just have to get used to it like you have.”

Killian laughs as he puts his car in drive and makes his way out of the parking garage, filling in all of the details about his conversation with Robin as well as his with Will, Eric, and Ariel. Honestly, it feels like this is all they’ve talked about in the past week since Emma finally took the leap and told her family. She was pretty quiet about it all, not surprisingly, and slowly but surely he managed to drag some information out of her besides the fact that Ruby had figured it out because Emma was wearing his sweatshirt – which he still hasn’t gotten back – and that David had kind of caused her to freak out about things. He doesn’t love the thought of Emma getting into a panic about their relationship, but there are definitely things for them to always think about and consider. That’s not going to change.

Liam had said the same thing to him when he told him. He’d been full of questions, that obnoxious protective older brother gene coming to life. It doesn’t matter that Killian is twenty-eight years old and very much has control of his own life. Liam is always going to be that way, no matter how much Killian asks him not to be. It stems from Liam being both his brother and his father for a lot of his life. Liam was the one who was there to help him apply to colleges, to help him get recruiters to watch his games. His father had been the one who was obsessed with baseball, but his brother was the one who helped him achieve his dreams. And Liam had been the one who was by his side when he got drafted, when he worked his way up from the minors, when he pitched his first ball in Yankee stadium.

On top of all of that, Liam had been the one who was there when Killian and Milah broke up. That had been a disaster among disasters, and it’s probably exactly the reason why Liam pretty much had some kind of heart attack when Killian told him that he’d been dating someone in secret again. It had never occurred to Killian, not until he was sitting down across the kitchen table from Liam, that there were similarities even if the situations and circumstances and reasonings are different. Milah had asked him to be private about their relationship because of her marriage, not that he knew that at first, and he, the cocky guy that he was, thought that it was because she didn’t want the attention that would have come from being with him. In reality, no one but die-hard baseball fans cared about him, and he was fooling himself into thinking the things that he thought.

He was an idiot.

Still is sometimes.

How did he not realize that Liam might be truly upset about it all, that keeping such a big part of his life away from his best friend in the entire world would cause some sting? How did he not think through the fact that Liam, even though he’s often teased Killian about Emma and genuinely likes her, would worry about something similar happening here even though it is entirely different?

And now, after the accident, after all of the guilt and fear and worry that came with that, Liam focuses so much on Killian and how his life is going so that this would impact things.

It had been a long, stilted conversation, one that made Killian’s head pound, and thank goodness for Elsa to break things up and to understand and to help Liam calm down and see things the way that he should have seen things. And while it was Elsa who insisted that Killian bring Emma to Sunday dinner, he knows that Liam is more or so accepting of it all and will not be an ass to Emma.

That was agreed upon beforehand. Killian felt that was necessary, and while Emma told him that it was fine, that this is how David is going to be despite her best efforts, it’s very much not fine for anyone to be an ass to Emma simply because she is dating him.

Or at all.

So, maybe he’s a little nervous for this dinner, but that’s nothing compares to the way that Emma’s leg is shaking underneath the touch of his palm resting there.

“This is a nice neighborhood,” Emma says as he turns onto Liam’s street. “I don’t think I’ve ever been over here.”

“I can’t imagine you’ve ever had reason to unless you were randomly walking down the streets in front of these families’ homes.”

“I am pretty weird. I might have been.”

He glances over at her and smiles, but Emma’s gaze is very much focused on the street in front of her. Squeezing her thigh to silently reassure her, Killian moves his hand off of Emma back to the wheel so that he can turn into Liam’s garage, rolling down the window to type in the code so that the door will open for the two of them.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go get dinner somewhere else?” Emma worries, her voice visibly shaky. “I’m sure we can go find, like, one of those really good Mexican places that looks like it should be shut down for health codes but actually has the best queso dip you’ve ever eaten. No one will recognize us. I’m sure of it.”

“Swan,” Killian chuckles, driving into the garage and putting his car in park before turning to look at Emma, reaching up to cup her cheeks with his palms and run his thumbs underneath her eyes, “it is fine. They, unlike me, do not bite.”

“You are ridiculous. Why would you even say that?”

“To make you laugh.” He leans forward and playfully nips at her lips before tucking a loose strand from her ponytail behind her ear. “You are going to be fine. They’re just people, most of who you have met before, and if all else fails, you’ll have Addy and Lucy to be a buffer.”

“If you freak out when you have to meet all of my people, I’m going to say the exact same things about you, so just think about that with every word you use to calm me down.”

“That’s a lot of pressure.”

“So is this.”

Killian hums before gently kissing Emma and taking his time to move his lips of her, breathing in the smell of her perfume and her hairspray and maybe the tiniest bit of sweat. He needs to calm down too, to take a breath, and tell himself the same things that he’s been telling Emma.

“I love you,” he says when he pulls back, still reveling in the fact that he can say those words to her after feeling them for so long.

“I love you too. Last chance on the Mexican thing.”

His eyes roll, but he laughs all the same, briefly kissing her once more before leaning over her to open her car door. “Funnily enough, that’s what we’re having for dinner tonight. It’s a family favorite.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re lying to me, and if you are, I am stealing your car and driving it to my apartment, where it will inevitably get towed.”

“Whatever you say, darling.”

Killian opens his own door and gets out of the car before walking to Emma’s side and waiting for her as she adjusts her dress and messes with her hair in the reflection window. She’s still hesitant, which he imagines will stop when she gets inside and actually gets into conversation, so he places his hand on the small of her back and guides her up the stairs until they’re entering the kitchen and coming face-to-face with Anna.

Probably not the easiest way to ease Emma into things.

“Oh my gosh,” Anna squeals before putting her glass down, “you’re Emma.”

Emma stills beside him, and he rubs his hand up and down her back before squeezing her ass simply because he knows that it’ll make her focus on something other than her nerves. Sure enough, she jumps, looking up at him with a wry smile on her face and a playful roll of her eyes before looking back to Anna.

“That’s me,” Emma laughs, stepping away from him to move forward to shake Anna’s hand only for Anna to wrap Emma in a hug that is so tight that Killian swears he can feel it in his own legs. “It’s nice to meet you, Anna.”

“Oh, it’s so nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you. Well, not really, but a good amount. Mostly from Elsa. I followed you on Instagram. You might not have noticed that. You are just so pretty and I’m sure sweet, and I have no idea what you’re doing with Killian.”

“Hey,” he scoffs, pressing his lips together. He was going to laugh at how Anna rambles until she got to that end part, “why is everyone always saying things like that? I happen to think I’m a catch.”

“Well, you are, but only if people don’t know you that well,” Anna teases, releasing Emma and walking toward him so that she can hug him and whisper in his ear, “I’m kidding. She’s so pretty, Killian.”

“I know,” he sighs into Anna’s cheek. “She can probably hear us.”

“Oh, I’m totally not listening or anything,” Emma teases.

Anna laughs and pulls back before stepping over to Emma and grabbing onto her arm. “Come on, everyone is in the living room, and they need to know that you’re here. And I want to hear all about you. Your job is awesome, obviously, but a girl has seriously got to know why Killian loves you so much. I don’t even know if you guys have said those words to each other yet, but I can tell. He’s got that sparkle in his eyes.”

“You know,” Emma chuckles, looking back at him with a smile on her face, “you and my sister-in-law would get along really well.”

“Then I have to meet her too.”

Killian follows Anna and Emma around the corner and into the living room where Liam, Elsa, and Kris are all sitting on the couches while Addy and Lucy are watching television. The moment they walk in the room, though, Addy turns her head and runs toward Emma, grabbing onto her waist and talking about just how excited she is to see Emma. Lucy is right behind her, and even though she’s more reserved, she hugs Emma too, letting Emma pick her up and rest her on her hip while everyone else greets Emma. She’s very quickly learning that his family are all huggers, and man does he hope that they’re not overwhelming her. He’d very much like for her to want to continue to date him after this.

Damn. Why is he thinking thoughts like that? That is not the kind of headspace that he needs to be in while Emma is talking to Liam, Lucy still sitting on her hip.

He kind of just threw her into the lion’s den, didn’t he?

But it’s good, he thinks. The conversation flows, there aren’t any awkward silences, and most importantly, there aren’t any interrogations.

“Do you need help with dinner?” Emma asks Elsa later when they’ve moved from the living room to the kitchen so that Elsa and Liam can start dinner, which, much to Emma’s delight, truly is good Mexican food.

“No,” Elsa sighs, waving Emma away as she chops up a bell pepper, “you’re a guest. You don’t cook. Killian, can you grate some cheese?”

He finishes taking a sip of his beer before putting it down. “What happened to guests not cooking?”

“You are family. That’s different.”

“That’s bullocks.”

“You love to cook,” Emma says as she knocks her knee into his. “I’m pretty sure you can handle grating some cheese.”

“He’s pretty incompetent. You’d be surprised at how little my little brother can actually do.”

“Younger. My gosh it’s younger,” Killian groans to Liam. He did that just to annoy Killian, the bastard. “Is that ever going to stop?”

“Maybe when you’re thirty.” Liam hands him a bowl, the cheese grater, and two blocks of cheese, before going back to getting ground beef out of the fridge. “So, Emma, how’d you get into baseball?”

Liam is definitely subtle in his ways of interrogation, but Killian picks up on it. Emma too.

“Watching it or working in it?”

“Working.”

“My brother is a lot older than me and has been working at ESPN pretty much since I’ve known him, and he helped get me an internship in college. It just kind of built from there, you know? I mostly was a stat checker and then got to write some articles, but then when they started covering the games on TV more and developed their streaming service, the job as an on-air reporter opened up. And yeah, here I am.”

“What do you mean your brother has been working there since you’ve known him?”

“Liam,” Killian warns, narrowing his eyes at his brother.

“It’s fine,” Emma promises him before placing her hand on his back and rubbing up and down. “I didn’t have parents, so I was in the foster system for my entire life. My last house, well, I grew close to them, and they’re pretty much my family. David is my foster mom’s biological son, and he’s pretty much fallen into that older brother role. You two are very alike.”

“Stubborn and far too invasive?” Elsa teases, looking behind her at Liam and winking.

“I am neither of those things.”

“You definitely are,” Killian and Elsa say at the same time, and Liam simply grumbles in response before placing the beef in the pan.

“Are Anna and Kris okay with the kids?” Emma wonders aloud, twisting her head around to look into the living room where Anna and Kris volunteered to watch a movie with them while dinner is being cooked. “I can watch them. I don’t want to interrupt your tradition of family dinners or whatever since I am kind of an intruder.”

“You are a breath of fresh air is what you are,” Elsa says, smiling at Emma before she takes the cheese out of his hands like he wasn’t just doing a bang-up job himself. “I thought you were the sweetest thing at Addy’s party, and when I realized that you two were dating, or at least had feelings for each other, I felt like all of those six-year-olds hyped up on sugar. I’m glad Killian has someone kind like you.” “You think she’s bloody kind, but she’s actually pretty mean to me.” Emma slaps the back of his head, and he starts laughing at the affronted look on her face. “See. She just slapped me.”

“Shut up.”

“Really mature, love.”

“You know that I’m not.”

“No, but you do some pretty mature things, if you know what I mean.”

“Killian,” she gasps, slapping him again, “that was a horrible innuendo.”

He arches a brow. “That’s what you’re insulted by? Not the fact that I alluded to our sex life but that I did it in a non-creative way?”

Emma shrugs. “Pretty much.”

“Els,” Liam groans, “I don’t think I can handle Killian dating again. It’s too nauseating.”

“Asshole,” Killian mumbles at Liam, flicking a piece of cheese at him.

“You’re really not very creative with your innuendos or insults today, Professor Jones. You should work on that.”

“And you,” Killian points out as his eyes roll at the nickname, “have got to stop talking to Scarlet if you’re going to call me things like that.”

Once dinner is ready, they all settle down in the dining room, the kitchen table not big enough to fit everyone, but just like the rest of the afternoon, everything goes smoothly. Liam is definitely peppering in questions and little comments, but it’s all in the good nature of getting to know Emma. Honestly, though, no one gets a word in for how much Emma, Anna, and Elsa are getting along. Emma is very obviously a big hit with the two of them as well as Addy and Lucy (and Kris and Liam even if they’re a little less vocal about it), and it makes his heart swell. Admittedly, he was kind of nervous about all of this, if only because his family and their approval is so important to him, but there’s no way they could ever not like Emma.

Maybe be a little dubious at first, but dislike? No.

He can only hope that it’s the same with her family since he knows that mixing lives doesn’t usually run so smoothly, even if this is only her second meeting with everyone.

Emma’s nerves seem to have faded away the longer they stay, and when he pulls her to the side after dinner and offers to take her back to his place, she shakes her head and says that she’s good to stay and watch a movie with his family. So they all settle down into the living room, and while everyone takes their normal spots, their routines obviously very engrained in their minds, Killian moves to the large lounge chair that’s in the corner, pulling Emma down on top of him and wrapping his arms around her waist so that Emma doesn’t have to sit across the room from him.

Maybe that’s a little bit for himself too.

Okay, it definitely is, and he dips his head down to kiss the back of Emma’s neck as she pulls a blanket up to cover their laps while Liam turns the lights off.

“I really like your family,” Emma whispers as she presses her cheek against his and squeezes his hands. “I’m glad you have them.”

“Yeah, love, me too. You seem to be a very big hit today.”

“It’s because I’m so charming.”

Killian chuckles into her cheek, pressing a kiss there. “Exactly.”

“Uncle Killian,” Addison groans, “Daddy says to stop kissing your girlfriend and pay attention to the movie.”

#catch me if you can #cs fic #cs ff #captain swan fic #captain swan

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valiancyvulnerability · 4 years ago

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Body Image and Young People

This is a big topic that has so many layers to it. I have been trying to collect my thoughts the past few days in order to try to cover as much as I could, so I am going to do my best.

I want to begin by going into detail about my battle with my own body over the years, in detail, in order to create a clear image about what goes through someone’s brain that is struggling with severe confidence issues.

I never was a skinny kid, necessarily, but sports were never truly my scene. Throughout my last few years of elementary school and middle school, I was pudgier than most of the kids in my grade, but I was not an unhealthy weight by any means. That being said, as I mentioned, I didn’t play sports, so I was already a target for people that felt superior to me as someone who wasn’t athletic and was “heavier”. This was the stem of my self-confidence issues, but it didn’t get to its worst until I was in high school.

I became accustomed to swimming fully clothed at pool parties, wearing clothes that were oversized in order to cover any lines or bumps that I felt like were flaws on my frame. If that meant wearing sweaters and sweatpants in the summer, then that’s what I needed to do.

When I turned sixteen, I wanted to change my whole image into someone I wasn’t (see past blog posts) and started working out excessively and cut my eating almost entirely in order to lose weight, and in my head, get people to like me. I got results both physically and socially and ended up losing about twenty-five pounds, so I persisted. I was so focused on how I was viewed by people, that I failed to acknowledge the issue at hand until February of 2020.

My anxiety was at its peak and when Covid-19 hit, I found myself alone and focusing on nothing else but what I was eating, what I looked like, and what number the scale flashed back at me. I substituted all my meals with a powder drink that satisfied me for a few hours, and then I would repeat. I lost about twenty pounds in a month.

The way this situation is different, though, is that I wasn’t attempting weight loss in order to please others, it was a competition with myself, and it wasn’t a friendly one. I didn’t view it as what it truly was until I started passing out. One afternoon, I got ready to take prom pictures with my friends with a local photographer in my town. I went to go pick up my friends and got out of the car and they started speaking to me, but I could hear nothing--I blacked. I started sweating and couldn’t form my sentences properly. I would get up and walk to my bedroom when I felt it coming, and I would just wipe out completely. I knew it was an issue, but it was not enough to get me to stop what I had already started, because I wanted results. Anytime we would get carry-out or I would eat an actual meal, I would return to my room and tremble, thinking about every bite of food I had just consumed.

Although I am on a more nourishing and healthy track now, it is still a daily occurrence where I want to slap myself across the face for eating breakfast, for going out to dinner with my family, or for having a snack now and then. I have spent many a night, alone, driving around screaming and crying at nothing simply for feeling the way I do. It’s almost an addictive behavior that I didn’t want to acquire, but the truth is that I did, and I am doing my best to overcome the obsession that gets in the way of my everyday routine, and we are getting somewhere.

Enough about me, though. The reason I am writing this in the first place is because I have so much to say as it’s something I know I am still personally dealing with, and I know the majority of people my age are. If we are being honest, we all would change something about our body if we could. Whether it be that we want to lose weight, or gain it, we all have our personal battles. In today’s day and age, though, it’s a more toxic world regarding body image and perception. Here is why.

SOCIAL MEDIA

As of 2019, teenagers often spent up to nine hours on social media on a daily basis. The most toxic platforms for young people struggling with their body, in my opinion, would be Instagram and TikTok. Because most social media apps are programmed to spit out information and content that interests the user, the posts that are viewed are specific to each individual.

With Instagram, especially, everyone aspires to be an “influencer”. They are skinny, tan, have clear skin, travel, eat power foods, and young people love that. The reality is, is that most of us don’t live perfect lives like that, but we truly wish we did, so we want to get as close as we can.

With this, diet culture is a very popular concept among those wanting to bring a change to their bodies. Although this has been something that has been advertised for years now, mainly for adults, the new wave of diets for adolescents is scary. Most of them are malnourishing and can do more damage than one would think. Often times, though, they are bizarre or unheard of, but seem simple enough for someone who wants fast results. Because of this, once again, it’s easy for both myself and people my age to get reeled in quickly into that idea.

(I don’t want parents reading this to think that this necessarily entails that social media needs to be taken from their teenagers, but it is something to be aware of. Social media is a great way to stay connected (especially now) and gives us a voice to do good and bring change, as well.)

THE SOCIAL FACTOR

Because this is an issue that most of the youth deals with, whether it be minor or major, it can become a competition without intending it to be. If my friends are losing weight, why aren’t I? If they’re doing this diet, then I need to. They feel better about themselves than I do. What am I doing wrong?

If you find yourself feeling like this too often, and it gets to a point where it gets in the way of your relationships, then it’s a conversation to be had. You shouldn’t have to feel like you are competing with those you hold close to you, but you also shouldn’t feel like you have to walk on eggshells every time you are with them to not say the wrong thing. Find some common ground, and support each other at times of insecurity.

High school can be a terrible atmosphere for someone who feels like their weight isn’t ideal. Teenagers are quick to make mindless comments and insults about people’s appearance. Whether it comes from a place of low self-esteem themselves or not, it doesn’t justify it, and this can be a direct and harsh cause of body image problems.

THE MENTAL FACTOR

If someone struggles with general anxiety, depression, or another mental condition, having your body as an enemy can sometimes heighten the severity of the issue as a whole. It truly goes hand in hand. For me, my anxiety was at its worst when my eating habits were at its worst. I was focused on what I was eating, focused on what the scale read back to me, and in the rare moments I wasn’t fixed on that, it was worrying about other things happening in my life. Everything was just raised to a higher degree.

The two words I have been trying to avoid so far, “eating disorder”, is something that I would love to say is just a false or dramatic phrase, but the reality is is that it’s a demon, and a real one. With the world of social media, again, they’re often glorified to be an artsy aesthetic to be achieved. Eating disorders does not mean “just not eating”. It can be anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, body dysmorphia, and because there are so many forms, it’s not always going to be apparent just looking at a person. Often times it isn’t. That is something to keep in mind, because one of the most damaging things for someone struggling with an ED is making them feel like their issues aren’t valid because it’s not physically obvious to you, or that someone else is worse off in your eyes.

HEALING

The first step that has helped me, personally, is just becoming comfortable. I need to become comfortable with myself in the way I am now for me to appreciate any way my body looks in the future. If I’m unhappy with myself now, when am I ever going to be happy, regardless of the supposed improvements I’m making? It’s been a tricky thing for me to figure out, but I force myself to go to pool parties, I hang out around the house sometimes just wearing underwear, so I can become familiar and comfortable with seeing myself and my body so I can reach a point to where that’s normal.

The next thing is to follow the steps that you know are going to be beneficial and healthy for you. If that means working out to gain muscle, to lose weight, or dieting, then do it, BUT do it in such a way that is going to be, again, beneficial. Don’t go to the extremes for quicker results, because you will end up falling down a hole that will be hard to climb out of.

Lastly, if you see fit, go to therapy! There’s a large stigma around therapy as it makes people think that those who go are insane or can’t function on their own, which is far from the truth. Think of it as more of a helping hand from someone who has a different view and has solutions that may be overall helpful. Reading this blog is simply just how I see things, and that goes for any post I make. I am not a professional. I am not an expert. I am an eighteen year-old that just wants to share his experiences in order to bring awareness. There are many great therapists out there, and there are several websites you can visit to find one that meets your needs specifically.

I am overjoyed to see that the modeling industry, for example, is heading in a more positive direction as far as inclusivity goes. Plus-size models, LGBTQ+, and people of color are booking shows, spreads, and can be seen on billboards. This is just the start, and the rest lies within everyone as people to stop shaming others for their appearance, because if we didn’t from the beginning, there would be no reason for anyone to feel uncomfortable in their own skin to begin with. Imagine a world free of judgment for a moment. Imagine how differently every single person on the planet would be living. It’s something to think about.

I want to reiterate--don’t be afraid to ask for help! It is a direct demonstration of strength, rather than weakness, to admit that you need an outside source to help you get through whatever battle you may be experiencing.

And as always, be kind to one another and stay safe out there!

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coolmysticbouquetmagazine-blog · 7 years ago

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CSIRO Diet Obtains A Barbecuing 'Evaluation (ABC Scientific research).

, if you are actually following the Paleo diet you already understand that grocery purchasing and meal planning are actually going to be actually crucial to your body weight reduction success. Her active schedule as a full-time nurse practitioner creates locating the amount of time to cook and also work out darn near impossible, but, like numerous ladies in their 40s, she discovered that deflecting the weight has actually come to be much more difficult. If you are consistent after a number of months approximately, you body system are going to get into a fat loss setting, as well as that will get rid of that excess fat up. I don't care what does it cost? you should shed. Brilliant advertising and marketing ... I was actually amazed to locate a very healthy diet regimen resisted to the fad diet I thought this would certainly be actually. Diet regimens higher in calcium coming from dairy products have been presented to aid along with weight-loss through helping you soak up less and also get rid of even more fat deposits. While I concur that this might be a good idea for some people, to me, the small amount of fat burning entailed isn't enough to take however one more supplement. When I shed my weight you ideal feel I will really love every bit of my body system, recommend that, reveal this off as well as talk on all my hard work. The perks of the meal replacement is actually that it is actually low calorie, free of synthetic substances, has hunger restraining fiber, and also is sugared along with only one gram of plant located stevia. This is accordinged to the average weight-loss from individuals which joined an HMR funded research study from their strategy's effectiveness. Showered with day spa therapy featuring a tasty as well as portion-controlled dish with their personal trainer Jessie, plunges in the hotels and resort swimming pool, and also wholehearted chats in a balmy jacuzzi, the girls had an opportunity to rest, pay attention to themselves and also possess some enjoyable.

Envision a web site that enables you to prep a food on the display screen, in an animated means, therefore you can observe your own self adding a pinch of garlic to the computer animated pot, perhaps beginning with an on the web menu and tweaking it. Your specific preparing food paths are actually transmitted to a local kitchen-business that observes your actions when you are actually done preparing food your animated food. check over here is actually to go over the essentials from the system within this message and possess an additional blog post following full week answering some FAQs concerning that. If you possess a question, feel free to leave that in the comments and I'll aim to answer this as best as I may in my following message! Organic excess fat, high-fat sauces: Using butter as well as hanker cooking food may produce your meals preference far better and also produce you believe even more completely satisfied. The vast majority from over weight individuals on a high-carbohydrate diet regimen show a comprehensive range of indicators, the spin-offs of unstable blood-sugar amounts.

I'm unhappy your little girl possesses diabetes and also that's difficult on you yet not every little thing that creates you follow a regiment as well as produces you reduce weight is inherently a heinous point. Having actually found the real-life impacts a low-carb diet like Atkins has actually had on managing or even doing away with Type-2 diabetes and also pre-diabetes in 1000s of folks for many years, I couldn't agree a lot more. They're full of important probiotics for structure and preserving digestive gut plants, aiding digestive function, motivating fat loss, as well as improving skin high quality They also aid to enhance longevity, detoxing the physical body and also reinforcing our total immune system. Plus all various other foods are dressed up with several of the four freshes without any surfaces but cereals or even rice or bread crafted from rye, as well as excess fats, oils, sodium, creamy compounds (lotion or milk-fat), and sugar are used sparingly and also sweetening agents are omitted in the diet regimen. I have actually certainly never heard of Hemp Seed Hearts and also have been actually unsure about making use of healthy protein grain due to the fact that it believes that I would not be actually consuming 'genuine' food items. The genuine goal was actually to really feel better and also possess much more electricity as well as a lot less anxiousness; a limited volume of weight-loss (about 18 pounds) was a negative effects of that.

All virtues, except I disagree with # 3. When I to begin with determined to reduce weight, I mosted likely to the health club 5-6 times a full week, for 2 hours at a time. A correct low-carb diet regimen constantly implies you obtain a lot extra energy from organic fat (like butter or olive oil, etc.). Individual results will vary, yet this diet regimen works utilizing the food substitute approach. Over the Holiday season I rested plan for quite a while, however I carried out certainly not obtain a solitary pound I had actually shed back! This balanced diet includes all the major food items groups however is specifically high in veggies (any kind yet especially eco-friendly, leafy vegetables and also tomatoes). Also of issue is the absence of veggies on the initial period from the Dukan Diet plan. The rooting notification regularly seemed to be, Don't consume the delectable food." This was everything about filling out on well-balanced" (also known as reduced cal) meals (snacks, pretzels, apples, carrot sticks) before a party or even dinner therefore you really did not consume the sizzling meals (as though this could possibly contain the trend of diet-hunger and also meals desire that will strike me at parties). Salis does IF yearly for a month, and points out weight loss aside, fasting possesses some unexpected benefits. Eat the right day-to-day amount from kilojoules (regarding 1500) and also the body weight will definitely go over. Why in the world carries out the ABC create such TV programs as this when completely nothing may be proven, through denying the checking out audience the very spirit of the plan, i.e. details of the diet regimen. When our team are actually not reliant on dining establishments and also the ready food cafeteria at our local healthy food shop, clean eating ends up being very cost effective. One research study contrasted guys that ate similar diet regimens as either 3 full meals a time or as 17 everyday tidbits." The nibblers possessed better cholesterol levels in the end of the study - but would you would like to consume 17 times within the day?! Or even, said differently, there's an inescapable gut inspection related to these gut-directed medications, whatever their assurance, and also this is actually a fairly evident one: food items is about much more than body weight. And everything that has a wrapper or even a label, like Diet plan Coke or even a Snickers sweet pub, will be actually relatively easy for the application to pinpoint. But I think workout, in this particular culture, is actually alongside useless to reduce weight by itself. While some people trying to burn fat might utilize those possibilities prior to spending for a weight loss company, field professional John LaRosa thinks they have little influence on the total excellence from much larger fat loss companies. I presumed that a tiny collection of articles about that will be extremely valuable for you all given that you people wonder regarding this and considering that I assume it is actually the absolute most underutilized portion from the Weight Watchers program. They carry out fast every 3 hours most opportunity they only have healthy protein trembles for morning meal Lunch time be some form of salad dinner snacking on almonds or even mixed almonds and a peach or even apple or even a orange for dinner. Novices this year which surely birth an unique callout include Retrofit, a revolutionary weight loss strategy that just obtained some pretty huge interest from ABC Information last week on its own 2013 diet regimen styles report. After just preserving life, the next essential part from food items is to bind our company together as social beings.

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josefinakeats-blog · 7 years ago

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Client Care Coordinator

Jennifer is an important portion of the staff at The Appearance Facility from Newport Beach front. While tea fans bother with certainly not immersing at too high a temperature level or even for much longer in comparison to a minute, you'll draw out the most micronutrition off the leaves in to your cup if you steep it in steaming water for 4 moments or so. Since athletes definitely introduce every item as well as operate that our team make along with their personal rate of interests as well as needs in mind, this is actually the sportsmen's brand name. If you have any kind of queries regarding in which and the best way to utilize ranchorcardio.info, you'll be able to e mail us at our web site. Gary Cicinskas is the Appetite Program Supervisor his task consists of marketing, surveillance, occasion control and social networking sites. Sportsmens Company also may end this Deal whenever and also may accomplish this right away without notice, as well as as necessary, refuse you accessibility to the Site, if in Athletes Brand name's exclusive discretion you cannot follow any type of condition or even provision of this Contract. Awareness is actually the absolute most powerful factor on earth in addition to a remedy for the charities.

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