#bc right now it just says HIGH
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Woke up in the middle of the night for the first time in a long time bc my blood sugar is high and I thought it was because. Yknow thanksgiving and all the food that comes with it but in reality it was my pump shutting off bc it was worried about a blockage. And there WASNT ONE
#I’ve been doing so good!!! good blood sugars and good carb counting so I can dose properly#but then pump decided it’s time to fuck it up and suspend my insulin#so now I’m tired but have to stay awake until my sugar is under at least 400 and my dexcom starts reading the numbers again#bc right now it just says HIGH#which isn’t helpful#em rambles
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for @cherryys who (rightfully!) hcs lategame megumi as having a bunch of scars befitting his status as resident punching bag
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#fanart#jjk fanart#megumi#guess who hasnt slept its meeeeee#finding refs fr this took forEVER#mostly bc all the pinterest boys are too gd beefy to use as megu ref#but even once i found good refs i am so used 2 drawing beef!!! so used 2 shirtless torsos tht look like yuuji's!!!!#had to keep Undefining my lines n slimming him down#n then he didnt look toned enough!!!!!!!!#constant too hot/too cold . endless suffering .#bangs head on desk all i know to draw is BEEF and this boy is 100% sinew........#but we got there . th render helped a LOT#but then right back 2 suffering bc i asked sam fr Scar Recs n they had th idea 2 give him a lightning scar from when he was taming nue#and i was like omg ya!!!! (voice of some1 who did Not know what lightning scars look like)#so to say i looked them up and uh . new least favourite thing 2 draw just dropped :)#th more accurate i tried to be the more it looked like a weird artsy tattoo#n that scar wasnt even part of what cherryys mentioned they envisioned !!! optional hurdle !!!!!!! i torture myself but fr naught!!!!#th scars tht they mentioned are the glass eye/eye scar from th sukuna/gojo fight + burns up the jaw + abdomen stab wound a la toji#everything else is just visual flavour#sighs at least i got some good shameless torso practice out of this#once i got 2 painting i took my sweet time with him and i am happy now . sleep deprived but happy <3#one of my megumi mutuals(tm) says jump i say how high
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My children are so stupid and I love them. The fact Right uses nicknames that are indeed Just Like That makes it even harder to differentiate which one needs to be eliminated. (Brent is pretty sure it's his head on the chopping block.)
#my characters#oops i fell in love#i love my raccoon son and hes grown a lot over the years but his inspiration recently popped into my mind#cause i forgot the characters name so i had to google it and yeahhhh#my original art of right and brent looks much more cringey now that i saw the inspo again#in terms of designs go at least bc its always been a battle of my anxiety vs my depression for the plot#but lemme just say its tempting to shove that inspiration under a rug and pretend its totally based on something i only played this year#even though ive had these characters for many years lmao#like i realize they look somewhat similar to how i draw some from dbh but its really far from the inspo ...#he has always been vulgar but he used to be much more aggressive (even verbally)#but i dont actually have much art of him in contact with others even originally which is cool to notice#the one noticeable two panel comic with him ALLOWING potentially touching someone#was actually just brent teasing him with oh you should give me a high five and then he raises his hand really high to mock his height#and im p sure that was drawn right after coworkers did that to me#which actually side tangent in the tags#shout out to my manager at my old job who did that as a joke and im like no wait keep it up there for a second#and then fuckin stepped back and then got momentum and used the counter to help and SMACK#resounding clap that made every single head in the restuarant turn to us#it was like a gun shot everyone got dead quiet and my manager looked STUNNED#then he said that was the best high five hes ever gotten and i was so proud it all started as a joke and jokes on him#i take the stupidest shit seriously
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#I know antidepressants will still leave u with high and low days but idk even then my energy and productivity levels#havent been the same as they were last year or the year before that. before i got on them#so is it not an issue with mental health? wtf is it then 😭#im getting less comms now which is good bc i used to do 30 chibis per month#but now it takes me twice as long to do em bc my energy is so low.#so in making less money bc i dont have enough time to take More....#i dont knowwwwww. whats happened to me....#talkys#its also not even just work burn out...ive also felt the ''loss of interest in things u enjoy'' not just with drawing but with#journaling which ive done consistently for a few years now#i still make myself do it for memory keeping but it feels like a chore. i dont like that. it doesnt feel right#*also clarifying less comms is a good thing i raised prices so id get less!#im saying its bad bc youd think getting less wld leave me with more time for. more comms or literally anything else. but no.#my doctor always says med dosage is up to me like dude idk. im stupid. and scared
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arrogant uncooperativw young man
#lem liveblogs#vlrtalk#[spoilerz in tags <3]#i was saving all of the lore files for the end. locking onto any mention of him#SO I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID ABOUT 999 BEING THE MOST RIDICULOUS GAME THAT'S THIS ONE. 999 WAS SO NORMAL AND LOGICAL HAKFNJKFDZDJK#they started revealing details and it was like ohh that's cool ohh that's coolWhat. What. What#umm my favorite character was luna :) <33 i have a very cool drawing idea for her but it would be a lot of effort hmhmmhm#<-the steam wallpaper with santa on it also happens to be the one with her <3<3 i was using it b4 i knew her.. lucky coincidence <) <3#ANYWAY A WHILE AGO I STUMBLED UPON SOMEONE SAYING SANTA WAS DEFINITELY DEAD BY THE EVENTS OF THIS GAME AND WAS LIKE WHAT WHY??!?!?!#AND NOW I UNDERSTAND....... MY DREAD PIECING THE LORE TOGETHER ZNKFNJKkjNFD#he's probably most likely to not have been one of the survivors bc he WOULD have helped without a doubt if he was alive. :( :( :( RIGHT#i don't care for high angst usually but i am obsessed with what he in particular has going on-#so i'm a little into thinking about it i'll admit. ooo did you live long enough to see the apocalypse... how long could you hold out.......#ignore how i'm just speculating about santa when he's not even in this game-#i promis e i have many thoughts about the actual characters i just like him ZKFDN <3333
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//me playing the fest tonight: haha i wonder if anyone playing with me can tell i'm slightly high
me: reefslides into a wall 2 feet in front of me, keeps standing still shooting at nothing, can't aim for shit, yet still somehow winning most of my matches tonight and getting overall/enemy splatter and #1 turf inker badges a lot
me: ...naaaaaaaahh
#ooc#if anything i might be playing better despite it fjdakfjdka#but i made it to champion rank that's probably as much as i'm gonna do bc it's almost beddybye time#and i'm not even really That high i had like. a quarter of a gummy. to try and help with my constant headache#and you know what it DID help with the headache#still hurts but not as bad#...man if this keeps going idk what to do i can't afford the dr right now#anyway#drugs //#anyway if captain sounds high if i post any more tonight that's why#and i'll just go ahead and say they're high too fjlklafjdk
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"isnt the new magu song a lolibait song" god u people dont have brains do u.
#the answer is no#unless IF AND ONLY IF u EXCLUSIVELY think yuki HAS to be her ''canon'' age#which its shown IN THE VIDEO shes not being considered as such#but u people also get fucking weird about high schoolers too despite the rate at which teens irl do r18 things together#anyway thats an instrument not a person hope that helps#u people would HATE himitsu no houkago. songs that i frequented when i was like 14 knowing very well what it means#please stop having knee jerk reactions to things bc u dont want to be associated with 'the wrong things'#and take some time to actually think about it & whether people are over reacting or not#because AGAIN its more important to understand why something is bad (for real)#than to act out of fear and try to never do anything bad ever#if u want to be mad at magu be mad over them liking the stupid wizard franchise bc this really isnt what ur saying it is#'but yukis vp was a child when her vb was recorded' yes. thats still Just An Instrument right now however#maybe its a good thing. weed out all the weak people who cant use their brains.#make it safer for me to try & make eng magu fan friends#anyway yes ik what the songs saying. no its not fucking lolibait.
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its so important to me that you know how much ive already cried over this wip and its literally only been two days
#if this ever gets finished it will be a blasted miracle#god i just. it is just so much to me#its right in that sweet spot where it fits exactly with the image of the character in my head#AND its pressing on the bruise of an enormous hangup for me in my real life as well#i say this very genuinely: i think if u are not used to the creative process of things like making art/writing/music/dance/drama etc#its difficult to really get into how emotionally significant and worldview-changing those processes can be#obviously they dont HAVE to be. u can sing a song just for the sake of singing it and it doesn't need to mean anything at all if u want#but when u are actually CREATING it. like from nothing. boy that can really get u (in a good way and a not-good way)#and i dont say this to make the creative process sound all superior and grandiose just to make myself feel better - i really do think#that there is smth profoundly transformative and tender inside it that it is so important to feel#i mean. essentially its the feeling that the high school theatre kids are addicted to lmao#but they r totally right to be because it IS addictive and it DOES feel really good#when it comes to writing fic for me it can be such a powerful emotional experience#i only used to get that from dance (and that didn't start to happen until at LEAST 11 or 12 years after i started)#its not always SO intense. but when it is then it Really Is#and i think you can kind of tell when you read it#sometimes its emotional bc its the satisfying execution of a singular vision - its motion capture/out of my head/resist and elongate#and sometimes its bc the feeling is so intensely and overwhelmingly personal - return to me/blood sugar baby!/reeling/sea change/#in my mind i think you can really see it in my human nature series - the one with warden and vega#i dont know if thats purely bc that series means so much to me - its been my baby for almost 2 years now#or if its also bc much of it has happened during a very emotionally intense part of my life#in any case when i say that these things are very personal i don't mean in a literal sense necessarily#im not ACTUALLY out here building stalker museums or cannibalising prison guards or splitting the fabric of time#bc whats important is how it FEELS - at the heart of those fantastical things are emotions that aren't magical or supernatural at all#feelings and fears and desires that i have in my life - translated into something much bigger and grander and easier to talk about#do not worry because this is not going to be read by anyone. but if i were your english teacher i would tell you#to go and have a skim of one of the fics i mentioned just now#and i wonder what you think i was thinking about when i wrote it#what i was afraid of or what i was wanting or what i didn't know how to deal with#i dont have to ask because i already know. but i think you could guess if you really really wanted to
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👋
#join me in the tags will you.#so around Christmas time i found out my grandpa was in the hospital for like a week#no one had told me right away bc it was rly hectic which understandable#i had a meltdown whether to go or not but inevitably i knew that i had to go see him#i had been vaguely wanting to visit family anyway thus just lit the fire under me#so i go. im glad i did bc i did get to see him and being there with my family after he did indeed pass#which. ive been dreading even saying it out loud to anyone bc i wasnt ready to hear the consoling words and sorry for your losses and all#but i gotta. i miss him and hes gone#it seemed rly sudden bc it seemed like he was on the upward swing but. idk i guess he was in the hospital for 2+ weeks maybe he wasnt#just was rly hoping i could have got to see him out of the hospital!! aughhh#all while this was happening of course california was on fire. thankfully our area was safe but the high winds did mean our power was off#for like 3 days? which grand scheme of things i know thats not that bad. ppl lost everything in those fires#but man. not only was our power out but also our water bc it runs on electricity hdjdj#idk man. im definitely feeling better now and things are looking up#Definitely just a few days before i was feeling overwhelmed and not knowing when i could go back home#but. time heals all wounds i guess. i go home in a wwwk#the other day me my brother and my cousin went to the zoo and that was rly nice#and i know ill get to hang out with my family at least once more before i go so theres that guilt off my shoulders hdhdj#but yeah. that's what's been up with me. couple of days ago i wouldnt have been able to type this hdjdbu#and now it feels all very silly doesnt it. hdjdj#anyway. thanks for joining me in the tags
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"oh dont be so hard on them theyre only 17" SO AM I DO YOU SEE ME PULLING THAT SHIT? NO
#for the record this is about those fuckin. 'bigot phase' assholes#fucker told me that the fags arent gonna have rights anymore and#what#you want me to be cool w/ him bc hes#'just a kid and doesnt know what hes saying'#fuuuuck that shit i never did that#im just a kid too i dont do that#you wanna forgive him once hes grown out of it fine but im gonna remember this racist sexist homophobic trump dickrider for what he is rn#hes not grown out of it now#hes an asshole now#to me#'sounds like hs bullshit' wild guess where i am rn#im 17#guess where i am#oh right im in fucking high school#jesus fucking christ#sick of this shit#eve speaks
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I started fanart today but my thumb kinda hurts so I can't finish it so take OC art I never posted as my 'art of the day'.
Melo (mute) and Lody (can talk) are the twin advisors to the demon lord Sascha. They're probably his two most trusted demons and they adore him and respect him. While everyone in the demon army calls him "boss", Lody addresses him as "my lord" or "our lord" if with Melo.
Their pink/yellow eyes are actually a link of sorts. Whatever Melo sees, Lody can see. Whatever Lody sees, Melo can see. So they often travel apart from each other to have a wider range of what's going on in order to help Sascha determine the wisest course of action.
#my characters#i wish i could post the fanart but it feels WRONG to post only two of the four characters lmao#they are friends do not separate if possible#anyway eventually reynold finds out the twins admire sascha and view him as a fatherly role#so he volunteers to be the mom since the twins want to keep sascha in high rank#and so when lody next greets him (while she is next to melo and sascha) she says hello mother#and reynold beams and is SO HAPPY and sascha is too shocked to say anything bc#reynold has joked or so he thought it was joking about adopting the demon army as their kids#and now one of his advisors just called him mother#there is something unusual about this and it takes reynold all day to click#so while in the middle of the night he just sits upright and goes YOURE JEALOUS ARENT YOU#and hes right actually...... sascha is jealous#so reynold convinces him to just tell the girls they can call him dad or father or something omg this is so cute#and sascha ... does#anyway sascha named the twins after finding them years before#and their names are two halves of a Melody#and they honestly adore their names and when reynold hears their names hes like that is#the cutest thing i have ever heard omg i love that you two have such cute names#and lody doesnt tell reynold that sascha named them but she DOES tell sascha that reynold approved
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i’m being so normal and chill and a good friend right now and my self restraint is un-fucking-matched. that is all
#my best friend is in my ex’s house right now. and i want to make a joke about it to him SO BAD but i will not#bc i am not technically supposed to know this i am just supposed to know that he is with his high school friends#but i think it would be so so funny if i was just like ‘say hi to [ex’s dog’s name] for me’#but i am not going to do it because i am kind and not petty and get to see him in two days anyway#so i’m not jealous that my ex gets to hang out with him at all 🙃🙃#god i cannot believe that i am technically sharing custody with this bitch. get your own friends#anyways. all this to say i’m the funniest but also nicest person alive#mari is irrelevant
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how crazy am i for listening to a song on loop because of two specific chords which are exactly the same in any other piano cover of this song (death by glamour - toby fox) but this persons piano just makes them sound ever so slightly different and now its invoking emotions and nostalgia and memories that dont exist but its like the feeling of memories and i just i get so emotional in a new kinda way when i listen to it so i just have it on loop. this is the first time this has happened but i have had similar situations with other songs.... ps heres the cover im talking abt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckEwxiMiNpE
#and like.... idk but im the kinda guy that doesnt enjoy listening to new genres of music#i listen strictly to jazz/classical/video game or movie music btw#so like when i do listen to something new theres a high chance i wont like it#or ill like it so much im going to listen to it on loop for the next few days or weeks#... yeah i still listen to Magneto on loop sometimes but less than before#xmen first class soundtrack is a BOP#ok anyway wanted to say that i tend to listen to albums/playlists on loop more#but its always ones i make i never listen to other peoples playlists#bc if theres one song i dont like im immediately just gone. im super picky and im sorry but at least im enjoying myself#instead of skipping one (or more) songs i dont like#is there a tag limit#anyway my headphones are charging so now i live in silence and keyboard tapping#life sucks without my isolation from the outside world#except i also CRAVE being in constant awareness of everything around me#but at home im like. headphones 24/7#only exception is if im sleeping (and sometimes i sleep with the headphones if im moody)#ok goodnight ill probably rant again soon (maybe right now)
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I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs
(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)
That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)
#text post#not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning#suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl#even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is#if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly#then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now#it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit#and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election#otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it#I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked#my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet#and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff#so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep#which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life#i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice#even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely#im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it#and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet#i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep#but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart#and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it#im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes#...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this#(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)
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My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It
#blue chatter#they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity#I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit#and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned#I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will#I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me#uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight#and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need#to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told#that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily#even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though#I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right#which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing#I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was#definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.
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domino twins
#part of that same au i did for dogma and tup#yea. so. fives has trauma bc he watched his twin 'die' then he watched tup lose control and then everything was different#his whole life purpose was gone in a flash and he was the cause of it--nobody to blame but himself#and tup is struggling due to the aftermath of the faulty chip and dogma isn't himself and. and echo was gone but now he's back.#and nothing is okay but everything is okay and he doesn't know what to do so he just. he throws everything at helping echo get better.#because what else is is he going to do? tup is focused on dogma. and echo... echo really needs the help.#sure maybe deep down its about getting fives out of his head but it really really is important he help echo#bc you don't just... come away from freezing in techno union's hands--with less than half of your human body--and jump back to normal#those legs and scomp had parts fused to him. parts of him never healed from the explosion. and parts of him got eaten by the frost.#and he's massively underweight because feeding a repurposed mechanised POW wasn't high on priorities#and then the cold fucked up his metabolism so he's trying to gain back weight that he can't...#and overall...#it's not going so great. but echo is home and--while he's healed completely (as far as he can be healed anyway)--he gets a night or two#per week in a bacta tank to deal with the chronic pain. and he's getting used to the prosthetics and the tubes and bags#going into where his stomach used to be. and everything can be so goddamn triggering sometimes but.#he's alive. with fives.#and if he just is alive for fives... then fives will be okay. right? fives will be okay if he's okay... so he needs to be okay...#ANYWAY YEA i got a lot of things to say xoxo#saleucami au#arc trooper fives#arc trooper echo#fives and echo#star wars: the clone wars#star wars#the clone wars#my art
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