#bc no one in my life rn
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// tw suicide : vent
#tw suicide#i'm tired of just being sad .#and i'm tired of wanting so badly to die#it's exhausting forcing myself not to think abt how much i want to die#i'm sad and i just want to be happy#as long as i keep myself busy i don't think abt it#but the second i come back to reality#it's all i can think abt#i don't want to burden my friends with this so i am sorry u must read me and my woes#but i needed to get this off my chest#bc no one in my life rn#knows how badly i'm struggling with these urges#i'm just plastering on a smile and (-: in everyone#SIIIIIGH#maybe telling ppl will make me feel better !!!!!#i doubt it tho#rowarnings
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making and weaving and loving! like we have done for millennia!!
#mine#original#ough. hello.#happy new year!!!!! first drawing of th year!!!!!!!!#also LAKSBF 15k followers. hello. welcome#i taught bf how to crochet n hes making a blanket....the irl insp for this piece...#im so proud of these colours....i used an actual real life colour palette..n i think that is th way forward#also . gradient maps my beloved#why have i always refused ur warm embrace.......#dont pay attention 2 the wool bowls okay ive seen a picture of one like once#i do want one however. tho why r they so expensive#its a bowl w a hole in it. relax#ive been listening 2 the silmarillion audiobook as ive been working...i love it sm its like incomprehensible#like. idk what ur talking abt but i love it all th same!!#i tried reading it last year n was like.......okay anyway#rereading gay nuclear disaster book rn....natasha pulley would it kill u 2 write a smut scene#i want 2 see th horrible little scientist man get railed#next book after this is . 1030 pages oaodghsdugd#my goal is to read 50 books this year but i do not think that will happen bc i refuse 2 read books less than 400 pages skjdgbskjd#someone ask me about books. i have so many opinions abt books#okay good evening. i leave u w love
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I love people who’re just safe. People who will always be there for you even if ur an imperfect human being. People who acknowledge the fact that ur trying. When you’re a person w anxious attachment/who’s had their fair share of people who poorly communicate or do not care enough to or would rather just walk out, that is literally so healing. I love my safe people
#Thinking of my one friend whom im never anxious w even if she takes a minute to respond bc ik that when all is said and done she#Will always be there#and will communicate#and that’s such an antithesis to a lot of people I’ve encountered in my life#I’m preparing a bday package for her rn bc she does not just deserve a present#but a PACKAGE
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jaime turning women down constantly more bc he is very monogamous and in love with someone else right now for the first time and is also kinda scared of actually having sex with someone other than cersei is sm better to me than “i respect the kg vows of chastity so intensely rn actually because i changed into a good and serious person” or whatever lol
#i truly dgaf about that bffr jaime dude#like its a stupid vow that says nothing about u as a person lmfao#him in the bath with pia thinking of brienne like u r not fooling anybody honestly#like i truly do think its more copium and not being honest with himself tbfh#like he had a rationalization when pia came into his bed in asos too but then it was purely ‘i only love cers i would never’#and with cat it was so funny when he bluffing and was like uh i cant marry bc of my vows but i could still service u😉😉#he would have pissed himself if he was called on that bluff but only bc he would be cheating on cers and have sex with another woman#man that fucked his twins in a sept next to his sons dead body the moment he returned caring about chastity vows#his development isnt really about keeping every vow ever when most of it is fraudery anyway#like pls he is not keeping his vow to his king rn really 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#i think the vows and respecting them has a deeper meaning thats the whole point which ones do u keep and prioritize and why#like weve been thru this 80x being a real vowhead is not what makes u a good person 😭#deleting ur individuality and personal life to be an honorpillhead lol#the vow to cat has meaning the elite bodyguard vow to never fuck has zero meaning 😭#he was ready to break the no marriage vow w cers pls#im not saying this bc of a shipper endgame in mind i find volcel jaime hilarious its just i dont like it as proof of his development#like ill be real guys sex positive warrior gurm is not pushing the idea that keeping ur chastity vows is what honor is about#like i get that he wants to be better and he is figuring out what that really means but
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it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.
yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.
it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.
how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.
chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?
how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.
"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.
i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.
#writeblr#warm up#i can't write rn but i have SO much words in here bc im reading the chorus of dragons books#(just started book 4)#and this woman's writing is just LIVING in my brain. let me out!!!#(i read roughly like 2-4 books a week usually bc i go on long walks with my dog but when a book is REALLY good like. it eats my life. )#anyway ...... so like here's a story that idk i've tried to explain to other people as being wild#but maybe im the only one who thinks it is wild???#so i play pokemon go (i just started in jan) bc i love pokemon and as i have mentioned i walk goblin for like an hour in the morning#and i don't like a lot of fitness trackers due to the fact it makes me .sad. but i also wanted the little digital rewards. enter pokemon go#anyway so they make you make friends to complete quests. so i used a reddit thread. i do not usually use reddit. i don't have an acct#i lurked. i just googled like ''pokemon go reddit '' and randomly added a bunch of numbers#i was on that page for all of 15 minutes. there are THOUSANDS of responses on that page.#here's what's wild: in that group of people. even though i am not on reddit and it was one random event once#it turns out one of those people lives in the town i live in. or at least very close. i only know this because#when we send each other gifts. it's from the same freaking area.#i can't ask them to meet up bc pokemon go doesn't have a messaging app lol but like . what are the fucking chances that#a random person posts in a random reddit thread and HAPPENS to get added by someone ELSE from their SAME TOWN#who by pure fucking CHANCE is ALSO playing pokemon go and looking for friends#i googled it there's only 42000 people in my broad region. the .......... smallness ! of the world!!!
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AFTER AN ENTIRE YEAR OF WORK. THE FIRST PART OF THE PINK ANIMATION IS DONE. LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Yora goes out to buy a birthday gift for her friend, gets distracted and buys soda instead. that's it. that's the animation. nothing else happens. don't worry about it.
i'm going to tag everyone under the sun because i refuse to let this flop. look at my animation boy (also i have to divide it into groups of 5 bc if it's more than that tumblr won't tag them for some reason. webbed site)
@rotkad @sansxfuckyou @7hefear @beetroot-merchant @ashingtonkisihita
@h3xt0r @bree-sae @helloidkwhatimdoing-0 @zecrisketch @wist-eri
@sra-mothman @the-amaranthine-terminal @moreworldliness @ask-nonny-anything @ixesese
@iilmunchkiin @kami-kun1003 @duckbang @choccymilllk @wackpedion
@oswaldtheluckywolf @brightstarblogs @maryalezoo @ariapmdeol @rosakuma
@jareicanon @idiotic-b-gilson @biggie-chcese @astronic-fr @astro-inthestars
@therealcallmekd @ghoulcalculator64 @personalshredder @radioroxx @specklx
@highoncatfood @hollowgears @akuma-tenshi @draconicsparkle @silvesary
@hiveswap @scivious @zephyrnine @xhda1449x @sajdd
#nathan's notes#art#animation#amv#tatsuya kitani#PINK animation#krita#artists on tumblr#yora hoshi#lare sakitsi#yes. i want to animate the whole song#but actually i think i'm gonna do the next part on a different file bc this one is like two frames away from crashing my computer#pc fighting for its life rn
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girls when their issues get dismissed as anxiety for the millionth time
#futaba sakura#persona 5#p5r#p5#fanart#futabadoodles#chat i am SO losing it#went to get diagnosed w adhd wasnt diagnosed because and i quote “it could be anxiety” omfg#neurotypical psychiatrists especially white ones die in a hole 🥰#also because i “wasnt struggling enough”#like hi so i have this thing called emotional intelligence a good support system and access to coping skills hope that helps!#god forbid a neurodivergent person has tools to manage their condition and isnt in hell everyday i guess!#hate her ass!!!!!!!#i wasnt looking to get diagnosed for medication or support bc i already use a lot of like adhd specific supports and shit#and w accommodations my anxiety diagnosis can cover what i need for the most part so it was rlly just a validation/confirmation thing#like idk yeah. i am managing. im not particularly struggling. because ive been selfdx for a while and have implemented changes in my life#and i happen to be in a very very good place rn and im very lucky. so like. ???#rlly felt like “you have all the symptoms but youre not struggling enough with anything to be able to diagnose ypu” ok thanks fuck you#cuz ppl w adhd can manage being unmedicated by choice i js wasnt officially diagnosed before i guess its deemed “okay” to not live in hell!#dunno im frustrated. i have difficulties but i manage them well and i am very lucky to live an easy life for now so like 😭??
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I wake up and think to myself: “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
I hope you do too.
#weirdcore#dreamcore#dereality#unreality#my edit#unorcadox#hall of fame#liminal#liminal spaces#nostalgiacore#y2kcore#old web#lovecore#:) to a special someone in my life rn <3#ok you know what no i'm spilling deets in these tags bc i feel like it#this post is abt t4t <3 my literal soulmate was sitting next to me while i was editing it and when i made it i didn't like acknowledge it#at all so he wouldn't see it hopefully but he did and just looked at me with That Look You Know The One and i just. cried my eyes out
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[ But i wish, the '"interesting" him' I am talking to right now, Hold some part of truth of the 'true him'. ]
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( a bit of thought after seeing their 2 interactions on x & x )
#i only just started to play the game; trey senpai loves me so much his different cards kept coming to me; even my first SSR is him#i don't know this ends up very long which probably doesn't make sense in the end#twst#twisted wonderland#treyjade#trey clover#jade leech#fanart#i remember seeing one strip about trey finding his strawberries bitten#and he thought it was some pest & went to get pesticide#but then he found jade later nibbling on them fshd#i love them so much ............#they are my top comfort ship rn#OH GOD I REMEMBER the strip where trey found jade sketching on plants on botanical garden & complimented his drawing#and then jade be like DRAW ME! DRAW ME!#AND IT WAS LITERALLY THE UGLIEST THING TREY COULD EVER SCRIBBLED (not really bcs he is just bad at DRAWING in general *crying)#BUT JADE TREASURES IT WITH HIS LIFE LIKE IT'S EVERYTHING HE COULD EVER ASK FOR#FSHDSH#I LOVE THEEEEEM!!!!!!!!!!!!#I couldn't create something for them to that adorable level but hngghhh....... i love them o(-<
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i don’t even fucking care
#house md#house spoilers#hilson#the fact that house is consistently selfish. that he’s an addict. he’s always in pain#but he gave up his vicodin for wilson. mind you the pain in his thigh must have been excruciating#bc consistently whenever he’s extremely stressed or worried the pain gets worse#but wilson is still his priority. he put wilson above the burning pain god man😭#him giving up his freedom HIS LIFE for someone who has less than half a year to live like oh my god#the love house has for wilson actually makes me sick bc even outside of the cancer arc house has done things for wilsons sake#like almost killing himself just to help him and amber. drugging him at that one conference from s6#he’s an asshole often times but he truly is the only constant in his life. they both are for each other#i actually feel sick. im not on everybody dies yet (im on the c word rn) but god idk how im gonna get thru this😭#5x13 big baby#8x19 the c word#1x01 everybody lies#8x22 everybody dies#7x15 bombshells#8x21 holding on#where the quotes are from btw#sorry for the essay in tags
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seafood trio portraits !
+ some alts. with spoilers !
#this is how they look after the 3yr jump 👍#pretty proud that i managed to capture how i usually imagine them :0 ! been in an art slump so this was a pleasant surprise#idk if ill b able to draw them consistently tho . so these designs r for my brain only#might try to color these but i havent eaten lunch yet so thats a problem for another day#solar-drawss#my art#han sooyoung#kim dokja#yoo joonghyuk#yhk#yoohankim#orv#orv spoilers#omniscient reader's viewpoint#omnicient reader's view point#cackling at how miserable sp and 63hsy look compared to kdj in the middle#her whimsy … shes living her best life rn#……i lied i think i just gave him My face straight up jfc . get that off of u asshole#anyways if u didnt already notice ! yoohan have matching eyebrow scars 🫶#kdj has one on his nose in that first one#the second kdj has cracks all over her which i forgot to add is inspired by hehearse’s works !!#the reason why they dont show up in the first one is bc aileen covered it up before he went to 1863#like . hoseki no kuni style ✌️#fun fact i sketched that hsy the night before her birthday skfjsjf had to give up bc it was too late tho#so now im repurposing it for this#NO WAIT I SHOULD JUST GO BACK AND GIVE HSY A CLEFT LIP …. dam lost opportunity. well whoevers reading this just kno she has one now
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Also I am. Constantly forgetting how fucking funny Hunter is. We never give him enough credit for how funny he is because his life is so fucked up but I swear 90% of his lines are just bit after bit after bit. He's not even trying either. Anytime he actively tries to make a joke it falls flat but if you just put him in a Scenario he'll find a way to be so over invested and yet out of touch/at odds with whatever's going on. He's so autistic
#the owl house#ramblings of a lunatic#i forget hunters character voice A Lot#plus the most recent ep is always whats most clear in my mind (so rn that's ftf) and he's obvs much more angsty in that one#idk ppl credit thanks to them as the first time Hunter was like happy and silly#but i highkey think asias was the prelude to that. like i think the events of that day are so vivid and special to hunter#precisely bc it's the first time he's interacted with witches his age in a non hostile or strained way#it's the first time on screen we see him have fun doing something that isn't deranged#yeah whatever souls are made of his and willows are the same. but more importantly her gus and the rest make him laugh#that's important for the guy canonically having the worst day of his life Every Day#part of why huntlow appealed to me initially was that it was hunters first taste of like. normal teenagedom#not the romance with willow (cause that's barely an undercurrent in asias) but flyer derby and hexside in general#and that's part of why willow and later gus r like. his safe space#and thus why it's so significant that he goes out of his way to protect (keep them safe) too#anyway enough hunter thoughts for tonight. i love him but this isn't my Brand
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There's nothing more fun than filling an entire doodle page of your favorite car salesman :]
#my art#doodles#fan art#art#deltarune#xiakeik arts#spamton g spamton#addison spamton#spamton#jevil deltarune#spamton deltarune#doodle page#im posting this as a “filler” ngl bc i have other projects i will post soon its just that i got a busy life rn so it'll take a bit#it'll be a shitpost but hopefully a funny one at that#you can thank the YT spamton playlists for that onr#also i hope whoever sees this understands some of the references im making with certain doodles bc holy hell they live in my mind rent free
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trying to make fanart of leona from @kiame-sama's humans are extinct twst au (warning it is a yandere au and 18+ so minors DNI)
#art#mine#my art#leona#leona kingscholar#twst#twisted wonderland#humans are extinct au#aint it funny that we both used the same card as the base for the pictures?#i promise i didnt copy your idea i legit just eanted a pose that easily showed his legs#also lion paws are surprisingly hard to freehand?#i swapped out the skull in his hand for a chess piece for a few reasons#one bc he's never eaten a human so i didnt want to feed into the stereotype of sunset savannah folk eating humans#and two bc of the metanarrative of it seeming racist for the place where beastpeople are also being the ones who ate humans most often#not that i think kiame had any intention of that sorta thing i think it's just a really unfortunate coincidence#but it starts out with the weirdness of the canon africa stand-in also being mostly known for beast people living there#as in actual animal people#and there's way more horrors about real life colonial history that make the twst au feel...weird to have those real events flipped#again im not upset or calling out the author of the au or anything im just sharing my perspective and comparing and contrasting this au#it's mostly an interesting exercise for me rn#but anyway! i got tired and never finished coloring the sketch but i really liked the sketch so here!
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just finished my 1:1 chat with my manager at work and i just found out she used to write DRAMIONE FANFICTION omg…. i wonder if i can get her to read drarry fanfiction in the year of our lord 2024…
#need to get her thoughts on drarry next time#i actually deeply respect dramione bc it was one of the het hp ships i browsed when i was like… 12#in the clurb we all fam etc#and i love when drarry authors write in a solid draco-hermione friendship dynamic bc honestly i do think they COULD'VE been friends#also sorry for being gone. i’ve been dealing with Dramatic Changes at Work and Real Life 😭#I MISS DRARRY!!! and seeing my beautiful mutuals’ beautiful posts!!! and making fic recs!!! life is just CONSUMING me rn
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uhh another modern au agott follow-up. They've gotten progressively sillier
#witch hat tag#orufrey#hopefully you remember where she's at. the original one about her turmoils with art was so sincere....#but this is sincere too. being a 12 year old autistic lesbian is one of the most stupid things to experience. Like what is happening.#Yeah OK maybe i'm a wee lesbo. but i'm focusing on my CAREER rn so idc about that. SO i'm very upset that other ppl are not FOCUSING!!!!#A-AND FYI MY TEACHER HE CARRIES AROUND A GIRLY LIL PURSE!!! SO THERE!!!! Why are they walking away#agott helps me have to decide how to draw expressions i have never drawn before.#i actually realised looking at the concept art book stuff more carefully that coco is canonically 14? Ok....#it's a little too cruel if theyre dealing with periods on top of saving witch society from its foibles..but ok.. i do feel that riche is 12#also coco's hair is going to turn dark green when she's an adult or something. it's 'blonder' now due to being a kid🤔#abba is bc after a big long modern au orufrey comic where they got together i just strongly felt that they slowdanced to abba that day#feeling the mirth and hope of life and 'young and sweet only 17' why didnt we get together sooner but its ok like this & i love you dearly.#teen qif secretly listening to abba heartache songs after olly's caretaker drives him away..in that faded neopets hoodie.#it became 'their music' their silly little music.. right up there with the faerie bubbles theme.. (<- frustrating neopets minigame.)
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