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everyonesadoptivedad · 4 months

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sketch dump from one of my favorite moments :> ✨

((done listening to this ))

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orcelito · 2 months

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Also sorry I'm inevitably gonna b talking a lot about the breakup bc I got a lot of feelings to process. I sure didn't see it coming, so I didn't get any time to prepare for it.

#speculation nation #sometimes ur in a perfectly happy relationship and then outta nowhere she just drops u...#maybe this is karma for my last relationship. i did a kind of similar thing #though we Had had some problems. so there was some leadup to it. she just didnt realize it.#i at least had the grace to break up with her in person. it sucked but it was the respectful thing to do.#6 months in a relationship only to break up over text... im forever gonna be pissed at this.#i'll have my satisfaction when i next see her. which is supposed to be tomorrow but who fucking knows now.#after she stood me up yesterday and then chickened out of seeing me today. bc shes such a coward lol.#ive had my nice face on around her all the times we were together bc i like her #but she's gonna see my bitch side tomorrow. or whenever she comes by to drop off the shit.#ill try not to be Too nasty... but i will definitely be plenty cold lol.#might have a few words for her too. bc she really does deserve to see who exactly she's hurting.#she cant hide behind a screen and her infinite apologies forever. fucking coward.

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lemongogo · 10 months

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ahyways hi . liteally hey .whats up

#ive liteally been doing nothing . except for a jigsaw puzzle n then my brain like exploded thtree times over until i finished it #watche a few mahito clips perchance ..#i acrually watched fhe first four eps of kny swordsmith season can u believe it #i ACTUALLY . sory .my very first kny hater moment . SHOCKKQ. JAWDROPP #i dont think it needs to be as long as it is . 4 eps in n i was like yawn.. THEY R DRAGGING ITT ONWNNNNN #probably my least favorite season or like .. installment .movie included #not the actual storyline i LLAUUVRRREE the kotetsu muichirou tanjirou genya mitsuri development #ESPP HANTENGU AND GYOKKOOOOO #but idk . so mny points in the episodes where u can tell they r kinda stalling for time to meet the requirement #like i wouldve been fine w a smaller season two had uzui cour taken the majority and then swordsmith take like . 6 or smth and then go into #the sun conquering finale from swordsmith #anwyays . ANWYAYAYSSSTTT #ive also been kind telling myself tht i want to #maybe potentially possibly apply for a con in a couple of months from now #but ONLY IFFF I CAN MAKE ENOUGG STUFF BY THEN . as a test . bc if i dont have like .. artworks 2 be converted in2 posters then nvm all of t #that #AWUUGG AUUGGG .but i rly want this so T__T mayve i can plan things out and it will feel easier #i guess ill just have to see if i have the time 2 even do it T__T #sry i just saw so many cool any/c posts i ws like I WANT TO DO THT SOOO BADD

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songofsaraneth · 1 year

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i am FUCKING pissed about the feral cat situation yet again

#killed the fledgling bird ive been happily watching be nurtured by its parents over the last few weeks #and which had just started out trying small flights on its own #i guess technically i managed to chase the cat off before it finished the job but the baby is almost certainly going to die #almost all the feathers on the back half of its body were ripped out and it had a large bleeding gash down its back #if the wound isnt fatal the bacteria from the cat teeth and claws will be and it got out of sight so i cant even find/help it #i hate it!!!!! i hate it that a group of 'animal lovers' can just decide the rest of the cities wildlife doesnt matter and deserve to die #just because they get sad 100 cats a year or whatever were humanely put down in shelters #first nubfoot my beloved one footed dove and now the baby :(((((#ive tried trapping ive tried deterrant sprays ive tried plants they dont like the smell of ive tried chasing it off every time i see it #nothing works!!!!! it does not care. and no it cannot be taken to a shelter. they just dump them back where they were collected #thats how TNR works. makes it everyones problem and lets the cats die miserably of heat exhaustion at 115º in june instead #bc apparently thats the nicer thing to do i guess #anyway keep your FUCKING cats inside #not sure if it also got one of the parents :(((((( have only seen one dove kind of looking around trying to find its family #:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

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toastsnaffler · 4 months

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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.

#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out #not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her #like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool #it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun #i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again #but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too #to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together #thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all #like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad #and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do #and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends #im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for #but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen #to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it #i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and #decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen #and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree #but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most #and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen #and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway #so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me #which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its #crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it #idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her #i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of #resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different #and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has

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broke-on-books · 6 months

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😍😍😍

#accidentally slept through my only class today #which whoops sorry. (my 9am english)#which kind of killed step 1 of a plan of mine but thats okay #anyways THEN i had to go downtown to pick up this award bc i forgot to show up to the ceremony like a dumb dumb #but the building was like a 25 minute walk and it was COLD (punishment for my dumb dumbness tbh) but anyways i got there early so i walked #around the block and then went inside and picked up my medal #and i was already far downtown so then i popped my head in a couple of stores as i slowly walked back #got a few things from target. new hair clip nail polish m&ms pens and then a mango. very excited to eat that either later today or tomorrow #then i popped in the calligraphy store and then the comic shop and looked around. saw some white ribbon in the calligraphy store which ive #been looking for but didnt get it because it was a bit wide and kind of expensive and i want a lot for my project idea #(want to write out some of my favorite poems on them in sharpie and then use it to accessorize)#and then i went to the comic shop and peeked around. saw a nubia issue and a few gl 2021s in the discount bin but i didnt get them bc #they were all middle issues and i havent read those books yet although i do want to someday bc my guys were in them. one of the gl 21s even #had simon on the cover so i was very !!!!!!!! thats my guy!!!!!#didnt buy anything there but i did ask the guy to make sure to order a copy of the spirit world tpb so ill stop by to get that in a few wks #and then i went to the bookstore cafe and got a cold brew and did a but of English there. they have tables in the stacks its nice. the one i #grabbed was just surrounded by old paperbacks of sci fi and thrillers lol. didnt see anything id read but recognized a few author names like #card (no enders game though) and the pern lady (idk her name i havent read it). anyways did half a blog post thats technically late (ill #backdate though dw) and then packed up and i grabbed a gyro from the halal cart on that block which i just finished back at my dorm <3333 #anyways good times. now im gonna try and spam some work and go to freaking trivia team for the first time in a month later. oops #blah #oh and i think the halal cart guy may have given me a free soda. unsure abt that though bc its possible it came with and i was just being #silly again. so anyways i had a ginger ale too

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caramelmochacrow · 8 months

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IM CRYING IM BAWLING IM SOBBING (episode 12 of love live school idol punched me in the gut)

#crow talks #love live #HONOKA. KOTORI. WAHHHHHHHHHHH #they said “let's make this young boy realize that in this one part of his life he was just like honoka/kotori except he had only himself!”#AND IT WORKED.#i didn't think i would cry over love live but here i am crying. (i ramble abt how these girls hit me right in the feels)#it wasnt madoka levels (snot dripping and nonstop tears) just. tears bc of how much i understand both kotori and honoka's struggles.#i was literally kotori last year without an umi. i had to do it myself but it was too late and i never got a proper goodbye.#i was also honoka a few times. kind of. that feeling of a friend leaving you and how you feel it couldve been stopped if you simply paid--#more attention to your choices and the people around you. i understand that part too well. ive now learned to do better and pay attention--#to others and think over how my choices effect things in those around me but im still struggling. im still learning.#i dont knoww..... bushiroad just knows how to make me go 'wow i understand your struggles to a degree so concerning it makes me worried'#anyway time for me to watch ep 13 im probably not gonna cry

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caninecowboy · 2 years

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24 days!

#em #milo.txt #im thinking about em again. i mean when am i not they're always on my mind #god they make me so fucking happy #ive been having such a shitty past few weeks but talking to them has helped #it feels. incredibly magical to have a love as strong as ours #they called me a good boyfriend today and they just. get me yknow?#in ways no one has ever. in ways i didnt even expect! in ways that feel full of love #i love how we've become entangled in one another. it really feels like there's no true me without them and vice versa yknow?#like yeah yeah yeah im my own person. kickass grad student whos queer as fuck and hot and theyre their own person.#fucking amazing scientist beautifully radiant individual whos so kind and gentle and fuckn CUTE ((they sent me a selfie this morning #and i was like HEY GIVE A GUY A WARNING OKAY!!! I NEED MY BRAIN FOR SCHOOL! CANT BE TAKING MY BREATH AWAY LIKE THAT #AND RENDERING ME SPEECHLESS!! theyre sooooo cute. i see them and im like ohmygod youre so fucking... youre so pretty youre so cute youre so #hot youre literally every word that is escaping my mind right now and i have never seen something as breathtaking as them))#ANYWAY!!! it still feels like half of me is missing when they're not with me yknow? and its true #half of me IS missing... they are !! they're my other half they're my beloved they're my lavender they're my fucking bestie #it really sucks being this far from them and not having them in my life in person but soon! soon.#theyll be in the same city as me again and we'll go for drives and we'll go grocery shopping together #and get weird looks because we just. get so GOOFY together #godddd i love when we would try to forage for fucking food in [redacted] at like 10 pm but eVERYTHING CLOSES SO EARLY #like that time we went to taco bell and they only took cash so we had to pivot #god i just miss that shit!!!! i miss that with them !!! i miss laughing and being happy and having no worries and feeling. GOOD #i love that i can just look at them and they KNOW what i'm thinking like i dont even have to SAY anything and they KNOW #and how genuine they know me? god. they send me reeses and hi-chews in care packages and its the ONLY time i have them bc i dont usually #buy shit for myself like that PLUS it feels like an extra special treat when i get them from them.#also the way they have helped me love myself? like fuck.#if they're capable of loving me so deeply and truly. maybe i can too yknow?#ill do things that i wouldnt have done before knowing them (like admitting i DO know things and celebrating my 48% on an exam and eating #ice cream because its going to make me happy even though theres still remnants telling me to not)#like.... they really have changed my life for the better

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alphalesbian · 1 year

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#its like every now and again i am brought down by a terrible loneliness and am forced to remind myself i have in fact more or less #been alone in some sense of the word for more than a few years now theres been such incredible lengths of my lived adulthood where ive #been to deal with everything on my plate entirely by myself for the most part. not to say that i have been like Alone ive kept busy and all #but sometimes i have to remind myself its been years and years since ive had what i would call even some kind of community. and its a #necessary pain to reflect that That is probably why routinely i am completely leveled by some loneliness. this goes of course without sayin #a lot of this is circumstance why i would maybe end up so alone but the reality is im often the only one who gets me im often the only ear #can open up to im often the only one there to catch myself slipping the only one there to take care of myself when im hurting or sick or #tired. and its not that i dont ask for help. something something circumstance where i dont get it from other people #hardly a thing worth stopping myself over but the moments where i have to pick myself up by my own bootstraps for the nth time completely i #the dark by myself its hard not to feel small. looked past. even though im really doing quite okay all things considered. still quite #unfortunately alone and equally isolated and drained of any energy to change this or get out and find community (if i had the space and #the time and the money of course dont forget about the money)#and at the deepest reaches of this feeling i can only see cosmically that this is what im supposed to be doing. to some strange effect that #I Am at least on the right path as tucked away small and hidden and invisible as this may make me feel. bc its never a hard contrast to mak #that if i did have the ability to truly embrace and make a change in that regard would i? would i do it right? could i keep it? where would #that take me? and of course the answer is in this state id just fumble it. and be right back here #when do i get to have that fire in my hands unequivocally where i may finally furiously rid myself of this isolation this loneliness either #forever or long enough to make the change from this lack of connection and community i truly have?

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orcelito · 2 years

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Got the local 16 year old employee to listen to Muse today. She's one of the most normal ppl who work at the store. Super sweet, but Super sheltered.

I mentioned how my "modern rock" tag on Spotify is like 80% Muse, Des Rocs, and Nothing But Thieves, & she was like "I have heard of None of those". And I told her "you Probably have heard Muse, even if you didn't know it" & mentioned they have a song in Twilight. & she was like "Wait, really????"

So I played Supermassive Black Hole & she looooved it. & she asked for me to play more of Muse, so I did :')

She's still almost painfully normal overall, but I can at least help spread some new music tastes to her

#speculation nation #she asked if my rock playlist i was playing is a public playlist (aka could she listen to it herself)#and i was just like. sorry im literally just shuffling my spotify likes by music genre :(#& she was like 'oh okay. well ill try listening to more muse and des rocs' bc she liked some of the des rocs that played too #she asked what made smth Rock music & i mentioned it being rowdy and generally fun music (at least to me)#though also generally politically progressive. especially punk rock music #ive gotten in a few conversations with her about these kinds of things. like the treatment of muslim people by the french government #& she brought up how black people are treated there too (she's black so Definitely smth understandable for her to care about)#and today we were talking about classes & got on the topic of history and how we both haaaate history classes #but i mentioned it's important for us to know history anyways so we can try to avoid repeating mistakes in history #& mentioned bullshit like holocaust deniers. so we had a convo about antisemitism & how bullshit it is #idk she may be a normie but i do enjoy talking to her. not everything has to be about nerd interests all the time.#honestly i like being a positive adult figure in a handful of teens' lives.#i may not be perfect but i hope i can impart little nuggets of wisdom to them from time to time.

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transgaysex · 2 years

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you guys must understand that im not too vocal abt my main interest rn but i am going absolutely hogwild crazy abt outer wilds rn.

#wind howls #i have watched like 5 or 6 different playthroughs. they dont teach me anything new but watching the experience for someone else is...#its special every time. i think its one of my most favourite games of all time. its like my main motivation to become a 3d animation artist #i dont say much bc i do hope everyone who sees this gives it a try. its a game best experienced knowing little to nothing abt #so i dont tend to share all the thoughts ive had for like a few months now #but theyre there. they truly are there. and they make me feel a specific kind of calm and happiness and serenity #its a good game.... its also getting me out of my art block rn im trying different things #hopefully i can share that. im not nearly done yet but when you know the context i suppose its a world of spoilers #so i will not give context.#goodnight :)

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toastsnaffler · 4 months

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ahh.. I have tickets for a small music festival tmr which I went to last year + had a whale of a time but this year theres only like 2 artists I wanted to see but they released the schedule a couple days ago and neither are playing before 9:30pm. since I don't live local anymore I'd have to leave to travel back home around that time or I'd miss the last train... and there's not rly anywhere I can crash overnight there (and I was planning on going alone anyway like I did last year). so I think im gonna have to let this one pass me by :-(

#its not the end of the world like theyre not artists i LOVE love just ones i know and like a few tracks of #last year i had so much fun bc one of the artists there was an all time fave of mine. but yeah im not missing out on that this year #but its still a shame. i miss living there and being able to walk to gigs to easily like the music scene was so up my street!!#and i was kind of looking forward to it. but i shouldve planned it further in advance if i was serious abt going #i just didnt think theyd BOTH play so late???? i swear they had an earlier schedule last year #i guess i could just go and mill around some of the shows earlier in the day even tho ive skimmed most of them on spotify and theyre-#not rly my thing. sigh #im v tired + starting to feel quite sad this evening for some specific reasons i dont really want to think much about bc it is what it is #so its hard to imagine going out and having fun tomorrow. maybe ill just aim to get my chores done instead and see how i feel after that #i might fix my bike up and check the other local climbing gym out bc i havent visited that one before and itd be nice to mix it up #and i need to go out on the bike at some point this weekend so i dont build up anxiety abt it after yesterdays crash. hmm #man. its hard trying to do things solely for my own enjoyment sometimes. im usually pretty ok at making myself do it #and im grateful that i am! but i think im just feeling quite lonely. and not in a way where being around other people rly helps #like its more of a core thing. i feel kind of unseen by people in my life at the moment and that makes me feel like im not quite real #and i dont really know what to do about that. i think its why im still on my discord hiatus i just dont really have anything to say rn #ive felt this intermittently throughout a lot my life i think. but most of the time i can distract myself from it enough not to notice it #and i put the effort in socially regardless + usually when im in the moment it doesnt matter. but the stretches inbetween those moments..#its not unbearable and i dont feel that depressed at the moment either. just a bit lost i guess. i know itll pass eventually #but yeah it just keeps nudging up against me bc im feeling every little misunderstanding and slight quite keenly atm #ahh.. well its okay. ive never really needed much anyway im good at taking care of myself and thats enough to get by #ill do something nice for myself this weekend one way or another. im gonna go take a long shower rn i think and then read a bit #ah and i said i didn't rly want to think about it! but i guess i did... well i feel like i exist a little more for typing it out anyway #okay yes shower time now :-)#.diaries #maybe someday ill have ppl in my everyday life who i do feel seen + safe around. a girl can dream.. i have a lot of work to do before then

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dawntheduckrb · 6 months

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Low resolution borb chilling on the curb

#tag wall #i sat and watched this little fella #it found a bug! so awesome #broski was nibbling away #my dad made biscuits and gravy this morning and omg they were heavenly #im convinced the closer the gravy looks to actual prison slop the better it is #bc omg #i was nibbling away too #food ramble sorry; its just been a while since i had them and i cant seem to make a rue w/o messing it up so im super grateful #anyway ive been drawing tiny things here and there #i've decided i wont post them still #half of the problem was i just too busy trying to draw 'for fun' so i could post something on my main #so when i sat down to draw for myself i just couldn't do it #the hiatus seems to have helped with that because im actually making small stuff again #*but*#the other half of the issue i was having was checking my activity page too much #it was a bit obsessive if im being honest and it still kind of is #so while that issue needs to be corrected still #for now it's going under the rug; if i post doodles on my alt like i said i might #I'll still be checking for notes and i simply dont have the time or headspace for that #<<<none of that is in a negative tone btw! im doing much better than i was a few weeks ago! not 100% still but baby steps :3 #I'm putting the drawings i make in my drafts and marking the date on each post #whenever finals are over I'll load them up in a queue and start posting them!#that way i can still get my thoughts out of my system without defeating the purpise of the hiatus #**purpose i am not fixing that #ok that's all bye bye 🦆🦆#not rb

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29121996 · 9 months

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#have been trying tocdoc.y hair since . 9pm . im not do e #i gotta put another coat of dye over it #bc it is so patchy n i forgot how colour works so i need a darker tone for the top of my head #bc i decide to fuck around and find out w lightening cream .#anyway loved the green hated everything else #so will b colour stripping Again in a few weeks so i can . go green :3 #it was a pretty shade but . idk what the fuck to do abt the mess that is . my hair bc i rlly #cant do shit for s wgile #or ay all #its stuck being patchy n shitty for a while but i can make it less Awful n more . put tgth #bc like i may fuck shit up to begin with but im quite good at fixing things #worse case #i send my sister into woolies or smth to get me . like black box dye n i hust do That tmr after work #whuch will 100% turn iut splendid #or i do have dark blue here whicb . i can also do and will cover uo Everything ive fucked up #anyway thatll b a problem for me tmr #i have to wake up at like 10am to fo this n id rather die actyally #i nean i start work at 10 but . this shit takes an gour everytume so if the purple doesnt take the blue will #anyway bleach is a bitch . i shouldve taken my time n had a plan of some kind other than #slapping lightener and calling it a day !#good thing is im not sensitive to this kinda sgit bc it is fixable 😭 like i can jus . go to a salon #n it is Just Hair . ive had worse dye jobs n hair cuts . its just .#idk hos to epxlain ti bc my sister said it looked fine . n while i dont trhst her #sje also does tell nd to my face if i look lile sgit so

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thecherrygod · 1 year

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man if youve never made a pdf on your phone and have no idea how it works you cant get mad if you ask others if they know how to and they say "it depends".

#my posts #... this is just a ramble thats also a circle and if you give me room to do it i will say the same 5 things for an hour #so these are the last tags on this post that im moving as the firsts as a warning. actual rant:#im a computer person i can make you a pdf on a computer in a few moments most likely out of anything #but already the idea of copy pastin an image on a word document from my phone and making it the size i want and everything #its just. bad #its. making a pdf out of a text youve written? also in a few moments. i assume making it out of what. excel and powerpoint and whatever #is easy too but #do you want to put an image from your phone on any of these? youve already lost me there #so really. it depends #and then he has the nerve to complain people dont give him a straight answer!!!!!!!!!!!!#sir you know how to cook rice and risotto but not a paella its as easy as that knowing how to work a computer doesnt mean shit #'look just. show me what you need to make as a pdf' 'i dont have it it yet >:/' why are you doing this to me.#sir you are IN BED. AT 10 PM. ITS NOT TIME FOR THIS.#its also the kind of thing that there is a chance he can already download as a pdf to begin with i hate it here #'but i dont have a pdf app ive never made a pdf idk how this works!' i. am gonna go lay face down on a river #sir its also friday night i want to relax i only went there bc the dog wanted to leave my room and go to your bed. why are you like this #.... its not that im mad he doesnt know how to do it himself. thats not the issue #but... its both a 'thats no way to say anything to someone you are asking for help' and 'the world isnt black or white' thing.#man. at first he wasnt even saying what he needed as a pdf and i just assumed he had the thing.#mainly bc he was talking about a screenshot so truly making an image a pdf from your phone...... is bad #i mean its gonna be easier than what im saying but ive also never really tried dealing with imaged on word on google docs on my phone #i just know that sometimes it doesnt even go from your phone to the file like its already bad to put it there lmao #he just makes me very tired. why is it so hard to just be like. accept people around you can maybe not know things #man. i can work a computer mostly no issues #a phone? give me a few tries #is it bc my mom had to do something with scanning and making something a pdf a few days ago that we managed to do relatively quick #bc. sir. we did that with computers. not phones.#i will continue to say it. its not the same. its probably easy too but. havent tried and id rather never have to do it #i prefer computers over phones for most things

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dhampir-dyke · 1 year

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#i cannot fucking believe that my half-baked psilocybin therapy is working. this is so crazy.......#less than 4 months ago i was incredibly suicidal and my depression + trauma kept me from doing basic shit. i couldnt fucking enjoy anything.#and now i take literally no medicine except a gram of psilocybin every month or so. and i hesistate to say its 'fixed' me bc i still have #a lot of issues and i still have bad days #BUT. my life is so much better now..... i can actually feel good when i do things i like. im able to get important stuff done much easier #and im having bad days instead of bad WEEKS. when my cptsd gets triggered its still horrific and debilitating but the come down from it is #much faster and im able to function properly sooner #today i managed to talk to my leasing office about moving in a few days earlier and they said yes!!! ive manage to pack a BUNCH #of my stuff into my car for when i start moving in tomorrow. ive made an important phone call!!!#i still had to jump through the hoop of executive dysfunction BUT. normally i have to go through an obstacle course of it #every time i do it i feel like i get a little bit better. i try to make a 'plan of attack' every time i take them.#make my place feel as comfortable and safe as possible. i keep a journal nearby and relaxing music playing. and i try to sortof like #i guess a mix of introspection + reparenting in a way. i go with the flow but i try to focus on a way of thinking thats unhealthy #and try to tease + pick apart the reasons its unhealthy; while also trying to replace it with a healthier way of thinking #if that makes sense??? all while just. idk. feeling safe and at ease.#and ill feel kinda weird for at most a day afterwards bc lets be real. its psychedelic mushrooms. but afterwards i just feel much #lighter and generally just more at peace?#maybe its bc of how vulnerable i am while in an altered mental state; it may replicate the vulnerability i experienced as a child.#but rather than be abused for being vulnerable im being gentle and kind to myself??? idek man its weird.#anyways thats the end of my rambling im just thinking outloud

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