#bc i dont want to go around accusing ppl

[sh1-n0bu]

my issue with the natlan characters being white (color, not ethnicity) is that

1: it doesn't make sense from a environmental standpoint. If they're based on all these places with more sun, wouldn't the natlan genetic pool have adapted so that those in hotter places have darker skin? for example: Mexico, Africa, India, any other country on the equator? (Not including European integration)

2: why blend all these cultures of color beautifully (i was so looking forward to an aztec based region) just to put a pale person in their place? We *know* they can put poc characters in their games. We have plenty of colored npcs, Arlan in Hsr, and even the eremites.

And 3: I saw an edit of the main three people have been upset about with darker skin (the green and black guy, little Geo girl, and white haired hydro girl) AND I COULDN'T EVEN TELL THEY WERE EDITED UNTIL I READ THE CAPTION. They were gorgeous, truly. The truth is, genshin's sales in other countries would spike if they made these new characters darker. There would be that much more representation, opening the community to others who would grow the community

Tldr: There's no reason to make these characters pale other than origin country specific beauty standards. Everyone, and I mean everyone, no matter poc or not, should refrain from spending money on genshin for the foreseeable future. It will be difficult to those used to buying their primogems, especially with the new Nilou skin dropping, (looking at you, whales) but we gotta.

And come on, the new Kirara skin can totally hold us over

exactly! hoyoverse CAN make darker skin tone but they just DON’T want to. a few example images i’ve gotten from the enemies

every enemy we have came across have a darker shade of skin than the playable ones. even the fatui enemy has a darker/ombre type of shade of skin color. and from what i’ve seen the new enemies in natlan had darker skin tone than these ones. i have another point i have forgotten to mention in my latest post answering abt the natlan situation and this may seem like a huge stretch but hear me out.

we all know and have heard of the ‘big black beast’ writing racism right? how media will portray POC as the aggressor, enemy, the wrong side, the abuser, the pet etc etc. basically using a character’s skin tone to hide their racism. and please take this with a bag of salt as i may be reading too deep into it here, but isn’t it odd how the enemies always end up having a darker shade of skin? not just entirely POC but south asian ones too.

paimon and traveler have always been shown to be wary of or even downright afraid of every darker skinned character they meet in sumeru. eremites are darker skinned and have POC features (dreadlocks), the new enemies shown in natlan trailer does as well (dark skin and POC feature like dreadlock). its almost as if they’re trying to do the ‘big black beast’ racism in writing thing

[btvs]

.

[snekdood]

i hate when a bitch like my sister thinks she knows everything about me in spite of never personally interacting with me on a deep level in any capacity and only getting glimpses of my life from. sneakily reading and looking at my art in notebooks.

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

[my-traumacore-sideblog]

i feel like there's not enough talk abt safe spaces 4 men getting mocked or invaded by women, like ppl go off constantly abt "men invading safe spaces 4 women" and how "women need safe spaces from men" but like i never c any1 wanna talk abt women who r not a part of the queer community invading queer only spaces and queer men only spaces and basically acting like queer men only safe spaces should double as safe spaces 4 them bc they c queer men (especially gay men) as a safe space 4 them bc of the assumption that none of us r gonna flirt w them

apart from the obvious bisexual erasure tho there's something they also usually fail 2 consider, a lot of queer men don't feel safe around women who r not also queer bc of the power in society that non queer women hold over queer men

just 2 b clear, im not talking abt pre transition transmascs or transmascs who simply don't want 2 medically transition, im also not talking abt queer women that ppl often 4get r part of the queer community like ace or aro women, im not talking abt heterosexual transfems im talking specifically abt women who do not identify as queer in any way who go into places that r specificly meant 4 queer men who don't feel safe around women 2 hang out in a safe environment w/ other queer men bc "this way they dont hav 2 worry abt guys flirting w them" and they just expect all of the queer guys 2 let this happen and b like "omg yas queen we r honoured that u would trust us lowly fags w ur safety like this" like gurl no, u r coming into a space that is meant 2 b a safe space 4 us away from u and acting like we should b proud or smth 4 making room 4 u, u realise we only do that bc we feel forced into doing so right? bc if we don't then u'll accuse us of being misogynists or u'll try 2 act like us not letting u into our safe space means u'll 100% get assulted and that that's more important than u possibly harassing us or our friends or assulting us or our friends or trying 2 make us or our friends completely reliant on u so u can turn us into ur new accessory

tbh this is 1 of the reasons i hate the phrase "the girls and the gays" ppl rly need 2 stop lumping us 2gether bc all it does is make it easier 4 women who r not queer 2 abuse us, queer men r not women, women who r not queer r not inherently our allies just by being women, he's not ur "bestie" he's afraid of u, he's afraid that if he doesn't play the part of being ur new accessory then u'll start saying some shit abt how "all gay men r predators anyway" u hav more power than u want 2 admit but u take no responsibility, if ur rly gonna stand there and say that "all men r trash until no men r trash" and justify it by "oh but men just hav more power in society than women do" then mayb u should start acknowledging the power u hav over others in society and start realising that manipulating queer men isn't the "girl boss" move u think it is, being a non queer woman doesn't make u welcome in queer men spaces it just means we feel pressured into pretending 2 b nice 2 u

[jiminjeonging]

i feel like jimin is a very insecure person. she knows she’s pretty when she’s on stage and dolled up and she knows the whole nation is obsessed with her looks. but I think that’s taken a toll on her because she’s always afraid to show her bare face. going as for as covering it when she arrived to the airport and asking for a mask just feels really sad tbh. also that live where she was waiting for ningning to wake up, she had some really light makeup and kept going “do I look okay? i didn’t want to go live with this face” and i think she’s starting to rely on makeup a lot to feel pretty. like she doesn’t feel comfortable without it if that makes sense, even though she looks amazing either way.

i think she’s really confident in her body and loves to show it but sometimes may resent it because of how people treat her. she might have a love hate relationship with herself and I think minjeong would’ve been there to support her. jimin saying she’s not pretty without makeup and minjeong going EXCUSE ME???? like minjeong hasn’t always been that good at showing affection but i think she’s made it a habit to always compliment jimin and remind her of how beautiful she is

i agree with you!! i've been thinking about something like this ever since she said 'i want to make an asmr channel without showing my face i think i will have about 4 subs mom dad sister grandma' or her always asking on fancalls why do fans like her. she wants to be appreciated more for her talents, humor and such rather than ppl always looking at her like a piece of meat. she started to be more insecure about her bare face too these days since now so many ppl are watching her and she thinks if shes less than perfect she would be criticized(this is true tho unfortunately just remember how everyone was on her ass for watching mha). like i dont think mj was being gatekeepy when she posted about their brunch but rather was respecting jm's whishes since she was bare faced and didn't want to be seen like that. thats why she started to care much more about what fans think too. especially after 0227 even though i think it was fake, jm saw how some fans are ready drop her, she saw 3 trucks infront of her workplace and shes now terrified that they will leave. she wants to please every single one of her fans so bad.

i also think shes confident in her own skin but theres a difference between an outfit she choose for going out and wearing something someone else picked out for you infront of thousands. she was so ucomfy in both musinsa event and yesterday. jm isn't naive too, she knows what ppl think when they see her like that and she doesn't want to be perceived like that. i think jm is in such a sticky situation because she wants to be free so bad but doesn't want to lose everything she worked for, she loves her job but she hates that she just cant sing and dance and be done with it, she is under a lot of pressure while ppl around her and mj wants to help, always compliment her, this is an idea exist in her head and thats very hard to fix when she was born into this society on top of all that. i just hope this doesn't affect her mentally in long term and she learns to let go. i dont think she cares much about people that hates her but she cares a lot about her fans which can suck sometimes since they can be her biggest haters too and wants to be perceived as a good person in general publics eyes. being good with the gp is a concern she has since debut too bcs of bullying accusations and thats why she will always hide a part of herself infront of cameras. even though shes such a genuine person we will never know for sure how shes really like irl. i think thats why some ppl get surprised about the stuff members say about her like her being a slytherin or the idea of her getting angry easily. we are only seeing a part of her shes letting us to see which obviously comes from a lot of insecurities and ofc she has every right to not want every part of her life to be exploited. also she doesn't want to seem like she cares so much about trivial things, wants to seem strong and carefree.

in short i think she resents the fact shes being exploited but she thinks thats an obligation she has to endure to keep the job she loves and being perceived like that makes her insecure and drives her to be want to be perfect all the time. this is true for most idols ofc but since jm is at top right now she feels that more than anyone.

[blueiight]

1. Which kink do you think Louis would have that would surprise Lestat?

2. Do you think this fandoms racism has become more obvious due to Louis being a black creole person? Like I feel like people are more aggressive when they say Louis is top because he’s “rough” and Lestat is this dainty pillow broad.

1) i think it would take a lot to surprise lestat sexually [my dude a #BigOleFreak] but the one thing thatd somewhat unnerve him at first is lou breeding kink.. lestat has a very hobbled relationship w being the architect of creation meanwhile louis is like begging to be bred and plugged up so the baby can take. lestat would come around to it & meanly tease lou about it tho :3 if anything i feel like lestat is the one w/ hyperspecific kinks that unnerve louis and take him more time to get used to [we talmbout virginal catholic pimp who despite selling sex and being the voyeur to numerous sexual encounters, his only actual sexual experiences were handjobs & secretly getting head from younger guys prior to les… les got freudian relations & semi normal (nicki) relations, hes been w / men and women before, hes a real freak. i think lestat is a bratty vers whos dom top ways r activated in the presence of louis omega pillow princess pheromones lol]

2) when ppl hear an accusation of a ‘racism’, their only thoughts is some caricature of a confederate/nazi/klan member screaming that they dont want ‘woke’ [if not using the racial slur w/o the euphemism] vampires. when in reality, racism manifested in fan spaces which are predominately composed of white women / white lgbt w/ #blm stickers or bio posts, who have black friends, maybe have even dated or fucked somebody black, manifests as the beliefs they have internalized bc of cultural messaging around black people. their inability to recognize & analyze evident traits in black charas, the inability to relate to the ‘other’, shoving characters who r not such at all into these narrow stereotypes of the mandingo archetype, the stoic black brute, etc. etc. so when they hear us say ‘fandom racism’, they seem to think we’re calling them klan members & personally insulting them. diverting an observation on trends & cultural messaging to personal feelings, so a bystander can go omg how could u do that :( like i said, idrk or care for low bar discourse or throwing shit on ppl but i do think its funny to see ppl make les a dainty delicate waif off 1 hate sex scene that we dont even rly see all the way c. the other scenes we see lol. so they project onto les cuz hes more relatable to them simply cuz theyre both white? my friend who never even watched just knows of it cuz im aggy af mind u made a profound comment i find applicable w les in both book& show verse

‘[its] the contrast between a public show of subversive bi male femininity versus a domestic/private bi male masculinity—that truly applies to a lot of white gays…putting on the performance of gender non conformity but not actually being equitable in your domestic behaviors and simply reifying gendered violence’

nb ppl r more readily able to apply/recognize gnc ~traits~ in pale skin that may or may not be there. i compare les to david bowie & prince bc those men were gnc in performance but very typical to the role of ‘Man’ in their interpersonal& real lives.

& idt louis is that too gnc in his appearance neither, he still favors suits in his heyday yet in dubai has this androgynous unsettling plain black wardrobe. very cold cutting feminine eartha kitt grace jones type appearance/role he plays in this second interview v. the boyish swagger of a typical 1970s black man he puts on in divisadero in sanfran. but he subverts gendered racial stereotypes moreso in his dynamic w nb partners as black men r expected to be overpowering & domineering. where louis holds up gendered racial stereotypes/dynamics as a black man imo is w/ claudia & miss lily, 2 black women, emotionally and physically extracting from the bw in his life and making claudia make the decisions he cant bring himself to do. sorry if this got a lil off topic lol

[iamthat-iam]

hey Bry, i hope you’re doing good, i wanted to ask for help because im tired of this, like i dont know who else to ask ( 😔 ) could you please tell me what i'm doing wrong?  (long text ahead)

i’ve been into Non Dualism for a while, not that much tho, i was into the Law of Assumption community and i was having that point of view and the i discovered ND. I felt like i was being blessed because the main idea of Non Dualism is so freeing. I consumed all types of ND contents you can imagine, i was in every corney of the internet looking for info and different perspectives, and i was doing…. meh. I was learning but i had my up and downs but i was slowly “detaching from ego”. Then something happened i had a few problems with a class of mine and i felt like a fell from the progress that i had. I was trying to read more and more content to try to make me understand that “hey its ok”, ofc that never worked because my teacher accused me of plagiarism and the owrse part is that is true but is not bcs of bad reasons i just used AI  and wanted to make my assignments easier and my mental health was awful for me to complete them. Then i found out that my grades were low and i dont know if im going to fail, or repeat my semester, and the worse, i dont want mynparents to find out and pay for those classes. I feel awful because they’re really expensive and i just want to solve this. Believe me, im so tired of reading content and not knowing what to do. I’ve tried every “tecnique” to slowly detach from ego, but i just can’t stop thinking about these problems, they’re haunting me like crazy. I know this is just ego but, ive had so many anxiety attacks because of this like i don’t get it. I'm sorry if im sounding too demanding, im literally asking in the best way possible, what else could i do?

A lot of bloggers say “you don´t need to understand this, is your ego worrying” and others say “slowly question yourself what ego says or sees and go back to your origin” that gets me so confused and i'm exhausted. im so lost and i just want to delete everything and feel better. i know ND, is not about this, it shouldn’t make me feel like this, is just very simple. i just have too many problems like Bry i am really concerned, my mothers finances haven’t been the best and i don’t want her to pay a lor of money. I'm terrified to let go of this desire to change my grade circumstances, because I'm scared that if I do, nothing will change and everything around me will only worsen, and it feels like I've got such little time to change things. I know it might b the best to “let go” and do nothing but like, what if it stays the same. I dont even understand when people say “let it be” or i saw a girl saying “if you have a problem, dont do thing to it. ignore it and it will solve” like how??? i feel defeated and i just want to be free. im so scared to be in this position when the week ends, or by the month ends. im so lost. i feel like i only know this intellectual, but when the day passes and i say to myself “I AM” i just can’t feel it, i feel like a limited body. i give up on trying to achieve something,Ego seems so exhausting and scary and terrifying. i want to leave everything behind and be gentle with myself. what can i do? what should i do?

thank you bry if you read this fully, i really try to follow your blog and i like your kindness towards ppl. i hope u have a nice day

Im doing good ty for asking!

You have to take a leap of faith. I know it's scary to let go of control and trying to change things but if you don't, you will continue to feel like this and the problems will continue to exist. Trying to change a problem is you acknowledging that there's even a problem in the first place. Worrying about these problems are just keeping them there, because you keep acknowledging that they exist.

Your true self doesn't have problems! So when you know yourself as you really are, and are not identified with the person dealing with such and such issues, they have to go away. There's no possibility of things staying the same because everything appears and disappears based on what you are aware of.

Surrender. Just know that everything will work out in the end (because everything is already perfect).

[axellis]

otayyy so b4 i start making a whole bunch of peppermint fudge posts you guys probably have to see him so here he is guy for both d.ark c.acao and s.hadowmilk ........somehow . i make it work.

under the cut i got some more specifics ++ doodles im gonna post this and then go to bed i dont really care if ppl see you just gotta endure when you start seeing the lore posts

ok so peppermint fudge is a knight in the d.ark cacao kingdom and has been for like ever . he && cacao have like some kind of homoerotic thing going on but neither of them wanted to ever broach that line because they thought the other wasnt interested . and then peppermint fudge meets blueberry lemon popsicle (aka deidei <3) and they get married which basically in their eyes squanders any kind of relationship .

blueberry lemon popsicle is a court diplomat of sorts and as such was around a.ffogato a lot to the point that she accidentally uncovered his whole plot to usurp the throne -- he has to haphazardly kill her (via poison) so she doesnt tell cacao .

but bc it was so haphazard peppermint fudge is able to connect the dots && figure out the plot as well, and interrupts a whole meeting accusing a.ffogato for killing his wife . a.ffogato is able to spin it as the ravings of a man whos gone mad + going to harm the king and is able to convince cacao to banish him . devastated, peppermint fudge declares that hes going to beast-yeast to prove his loyalty. this is all b4 the events of crk .

the whole time during their time apart theyre thinking of eachother awww

secondly during his time in b.east yeast over the years eventually it picks up the attention of s.hadowmilk who at first starts talking to him to mess with him but gets endeared . peppermint fudge definitely think hes actually going mad now but at least he can talk to someone .

theyve been talkign to eachother for ever with s.hadowmilk trying to urge peppermint fudge to go to the tree (so the beasts can awaken but maybe also to see this guy he keeps talking to!?)

hes found in b.east-yeast by g.ingerbrave & co and joins along (to get to the tree) . but at the end of the day hes still a knight and he holds his virtues incredibly high so when s.hadowmilk is pulling his evil shenanigans peppermint fudge is resistant to assist

by the end of the story he still has feelings for s.hadowmilk and ends up somehow (by request or by force idk) getting stuck in the tree w/ him . in his heart he thinks that there has to be a way to get s.hadowmilk to be good . but also part of him is happy that hes actually with someone he loves instead of parting w/ them for another time . and s.hadowmilk is kind of the same (he thinks he could get peppermint fudge to turn to the dark side ++ hes happy to be with him physically)

so current status theyre in a tree and if they break out (which i think will happen) who knows whats gonna happen next . will peppermint fudge go evil !?!?!?!?

[hexitca]

Rant about Puritan fandom culture!

Well I typed it on twitter but then I had more to say so tumblr it is!

Under read more

WARNING: Long as fuck

Here's some pics

I know I basically said the author of Heartstopper "brought it on themselves" but yea they kinda did.

You can disagree with BL/Yaoi you can hate the shipping discourse or shipping in fandom in general but you cant frame it in a "i hate [that] bc it's sinful/fetishistic and I'M ABOVE THAT BC I'M WHOLESOME AND BETTER THAN THOSE DISGUSTING SHIPPERS"

bc that's gonna bite you in the ass...as it is doing now. The fucking image of their character's google history is so tame and normal, esp in LGBTQ+ spaces! Yet they are being called a pedo? Crazy. In the end, you only hurt yourself!

I never bothered with HS bc i just wasnt interested in it but thats just my preference. It's sad to see ppl, esp young ppl, turn on a series of LGBTQ+ representation just bc of the author's past (or current? idk) stance on the BL/Yaoi or MLM or whatever genre just bc their stance wavered a bit in a simple comic image. Something that is so fucking normal also! but they will grow up and realized how limiting it is to restrict themselves just to appear pure within a group.

Yet the artists/writers/creators are traumatized by the witchhunt. I know I said the author brought it on themselves for supporting anti but damn I don't want them being accused of being a pedo! Or ANYTHING! NO ONE DESERVES THAT. I dont know anything about the author other than surface knowledge but at the end of the day, all this online shit, doesnt matter. It doesnt! Me saying that is ironic bc im typing this post up right now!

but it's something we care about! I care about fandom spaces, I care that creators are getting attack for something as mild as this even if they invited these ppl into their circle. We're human and we change our views a million times a fucking day. I could agree with one thing and disagree with it another. That's why anti discourse pisses me the hell off! It's just a bunch of bullies looking to make themselves feel better by shaming others! I don't respect that type of behavior. And I hate that they just run around saying shit like "kys" over a two characters fucking?!? It amazes me beyond words.

Fandom has never been without its discourse. But the puritan bullshit is not even fandom discourse, it's just straight up bullying and harassment. It doesnt take much to tailor your fandom spaces to your preferences, i should know ive been in fandom spaces since I was fucking 13 years old. I didn't explore nsfw/porn/anything until I wanted to when I was 18. That is MY personal experience. I never put that on anyone else BUT MYSELF. If I saw nsfw and didnt want to see it I blocked the person. Not make a fucking witch hunt out of it. You are in charge of keeping YOURSELF in check not some person who shared nsfw art/fanfic. How fucking hard is it to turn the "don't show me nsfw" toggle on??? Bc it's not about that. Y'all just wanna be mad and be above someone so why not ppl minding their own business.

And guess what? There ARE ppl who are bad and support nsfw art/writing. They fucking suck. They are outliers and deserve to be called out when they get exposed. But many times, ppl always go "see i told you all the ppl in THAT fandom were pedos/freaks/etc" hmmm sounds like when conservatives go "see...that queer person turned out to be bad, SO all queer ppl are bad" DO YOU GET IT?? It never works out with that line of thinking. You are harming innocent ppl minding their own business. You are harming yourselves when you grow the fuck up and realize that "OH actually...I am curious about sex" and have ppl who you thought were your friends eat your face. PLS wake the fuck up.

If you're an anti:

I hope you recover from that

go fuck yourself

if you're offended by me saying "go fuck yourself", pls take that as a sign to log off the internet and go touch grass. As someone who has done that many of times, it's very refreshing.

[adhderall]

damn the t"""girls""" really dont want anyone to acknowledge that transmen get treated like shit in the so called "trans siblings" community (hmm i wonder why):

https://www.tumblr.com/tgirl-subway-the-dark-ages/754548102043779072?source=share

and the notes on this post are awful. all the transmen are behaving so spinelessly. its giving me second hand embarrassment

give me 1 example where a t"""girl""" actually tried to listen to a transman without crying about trans"""misogyny""" and accusing said transman of commiting that crime

in fact, these oh so supportive t"""girls""" will tell transmen to add "trans misogyny exempt" in their bios to virtual signal themselves as "privileged". its akin to wearing a dog collar. they treat transmen like pet dogs who must behave appropriately at all times

but its totally nothing like a millennia of males treating women like controlled animals hahaha no that's completely different bro trust me (this time they switched man and woman labels so its ok)

im sorry for an unprompted rant but posts like these really piss me off. this is the transman version of "were never making it out the patriarchy"

and this so called "trans siblings" community get so hostile if youre a transman lesbian 💀 the lesbophobia in this community is so rampant thanks to these brave and stunning t"""girls"""

No yeah I fucking hate it. every tr○○n (I don't want ppl finding my shit in searches) space is insanely fucking biased against transmen. I can definitely see why a lot of transmen would rather just go stealth and blend in with regular ass men (though homosexuals of either sex tend to do that with the respective opposite sexes usually).

and the constant spineless self-hating doormat behavior from other transmen gets on my nerves sooo fucking much. they wanna say female socialization isn't real but act like this........... :/

idk, I have too much pride for that shit. for someone to push me around they at least have to be in the right smh

I've been through too much homophobia in my life to ever not think of myself as a lesbian, and anyone who thinks I'm "invading" can shove it bc they're probably not female homosexuals themselves lmfaoooo

[psn-stalling]

//hey im the same anon from before, please lmk if i'm going too far!// hey i'm the same anon who's asked about bullying gonna sign off with raichu anon if i keep sendin asks. so like. i dont wanna sound accusational cause my point was never for yall to be mad or upset abt this. but like. you have already said things worse than "Dude PLEASE stop eating stale chips and actually go pick up and take care of yourself because getting held back a fourth time isn't a good look on you." you literally made a whole drayton hate club? like i get joking around and stuff but at best it's kind of a fucked up joke, and at worst its like. literal on god harassment. idk if you realize that just food for thought ig? also like part of the thing is like. even if you used to be a bully. and you're not anymore. like that's good! that's really good! and im very glad about that! but also, progress isnt linear. like its possible to backtrack. and additionally like. just bc you stopped running the gossip blog doesnt mean you can't be an asshole to ppl yk? like that doesnt rlly mean that you like. you're perfect now. both you and kieran are getting rlly defensive abt this which doesnt rlly help either of you either. and like i wanna note. i dont hate either of you! its just. idk. league club is supposed to like. help us all improve right? like its supposed to be a welcoming environment. doesnt rlly feel like that rn. idk. i used to think you were cool. its hard to do that rn.

-raichu anon

First of all, the club isn't even official?? It's quite literally a JOKE CLUB??

There aren't any official things. It's a joke and it's MEANT to be taken that way. Sorry if it came off as otherwise. We don't even do anything?? No meetings. No nothing relating to that. It's quite literally just a bit.

Of COURSE we're going to get defensive about that. Why wouldn't someone get definsive about being accused of that when that isn't the case?! I don't-

The league club is very welcoming I'll have you know- Just because there's a bit about a "hate club" (ONCE AGAIN, THAT'S A WHOLE JOKE) doesn't mean that it isn't welcoming or anything-

It's not like I'm going to care if one person doesn't think I'm cool- A LOT of people have issues with me and I'm not going to waste my time trying to backtrack and please every single person who doesn't think I'm cool now-

... I'm just going to go to bed. I've dealt with enough bullshit today, I'll worry about your remarks tomorrow-

... I don't get whether I'm supposed to be honest about things or if people want me to blatantly lie about it. I'm supposed to be improving here. There is no "backtracking" involved, I'm not going to go back to that-

[limeade-l3sbian]

i am extremely anxious bc on one hand, i never held any hatred for trans ppl/trans women but i do have a brain and so i do know what a male and a female is, and i also know what a lesbian and a gay man is, so i understand that most cis lesbians only want pussy bc the act of sex and sexual attraction is centered around the body and same-sex attraction is a real thing. however, i feel like im being gaslit every time i interact with the average (usually white) queer person bc i have to pretend like i dont know what i know, like i dont have eyes, like homosexuality doesnt exist, like biology isnt real actually, bc if i dont, i’m labeled a bigot. im tired.

i believe that trans ppl deserve to live in peace. however i don’t believe that homosexual cis men and women have to fuck them to validate their identities. and i feel like the average off-line person believes this. i feel like the average person both believes in trans rights and also maintains that homosexual people are same SEX attracted. hell, i have a nonbinary friend that only likes pussy.

idk why i’m ranting in ur inbox. mainly i’m frustrated. im frustrated bc i don’t see gay men being policed the way lesbians are being policed when it comes to how they speak about their attraction. i’ve never heard someone refer to males as ppl with dicks. and i’m frustrated bc i can’t call it misogyny without being accused of victimizing myself as a cis woman. and im even more tired that black women are always used as talking points during these trans debates.

it’s making me upset bc i feel like most trans folks don’t hold these beliefs. i’ve seen a trans man go on reddit and admit that he doesn’t enjoy being in the community bc of these backward beliefs and policing and sometimes predatory behavior, and i’ve seen other trans folks admit that they agree. yet i have to pretend like i don’t see it? like what we call ‘queer theory’ doesn’t have real ideological, misogynistic, and often racist issues? and i can’t call this without being called a terf when i don’t even hate trans women? i just want women to be able to talk about the oppression they face without giving several disclaimers (and yes, this includes cis women bc they still face oppression like hello), and i want black women to stop being used as talking points when we’re real people, and i want everybody to leave lesbians alone…

anyway sorry for going off. i’m drunk and thinking a lot and i feel like this is where i can get my thoughts out without being shot on sight.

No apology needed. I'm just sorry I got to this so late. Talk your shit, girl.

[cosmicjoke]

what was that anon talking abt about how eruri shippers are white supremacists or the ship is tied into white supremacy? I dont like the ship either but I've never seen that (im not saying it doesnt exist or that I dont believe them at all, I'm just curious). Can you please elaborate if you know what they were referring to? /genq

On a different subject- just some constructive criticism, your response to that anon left a really bad taste in my mouth because you made your dislike of a random ship about how the Evil Gays are trying to "advance their agenda" through gay shipping...I get what youre trying to say but that is a REALLY loaded phrase in relation to gay issues, as were several other phrases you used, for example, saying gay shippers are delusional, biased, and self centered for projecting their sexualities onto characters. I also hate when ppl misunderstand characters canon relationships and try to pretend their fanon ships are supported by canon. I also hate eruri bc personally I just do not like the ship. But blaming gay people for it is more than a little fucked up lol like you could just say you hate eruri without dragging all gay people into it and making this statement about how the gays are evil for experiencing fandom in a way that you dont like. ESPECIALLY since straight people never have to worry about representation, while a lot of queer ppl "project" their sexualities onto canon characters due to a LACK of that representation. I'm sorry but someone saying "I think Levi is gay" LITERALLY does not hurt you at all, while it might be extremely validating and beneficial to somebody else. If you want to make posts critically analyzing AoT and discussing aspects of the fandom you don't like, you also have to analyze your own biases and how they might affect your posting.

I don't know what they're referring to, as I said. I've never seen any "white supremacy" in the eruri fandom. People love to throw that term around. They love to see racism everywhere.

Look, I'm going to get blunt here, because this is basically the second time in as many weeks that I've been criticized for using general language when referring to a general group, and accused of targeting a specific group. That's an assumption on your part because you're looking to be offended.

When I say "they" and "them", I'm talking about shippers IN GENERAL. ANY SHIP. Not just "gay" shippers or "gay" ships. And I'm not talking about shippers as a whole, but the ones who attack others for not accepting their ship as canon. And when I say people are projecting themselves onto these characters, again, I'm referring to people in general who do this. Whether that's their sexual orientation, or gender identity, or whatever. People project all the time, and then want to force their view of these characters, super-imposed with their own, personal traits, down everyone else' throats. I'm talking specifically about the group of fans who attack everyone and anyone who doesn't accept their headcanon version of these characters as canon. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. You do.

I never blamed gay people for anything, ffs. I never said gay people are "evil". What's "fucked up" is you putting words in my mouth that I never said and then accusing me of being homophobic based on these made up words. I never said people calling Levi gay is hurting me, either. I said focusing on his sexuality and making his sexuality the most essential aspect of his person when discussing his character is distracting and potentially leads to bad interpretation because it literally has no bearing ON his character. His sexual orientation is irrelevant to who he is. People who make their entire identity about who they want to have sex with or who they're attracted to will often project that onto fictional characters, and then get mad at anyone who doesn't do the same. You're doing it right now. And when said characters sexuality has nothing to do with who they are as a character, doing this is harmful to ones ability TO UNDERSTAND said character.

I'm not biased toward gay people. Again, that's all you making assumptions because you want to be offended.

And I don't hate eruri. How hard is it for you to read? I've stated multiple times, in multiple different ways, that I've both written and read countless eruri fics. Some of my favorite AoT fics are eruri and it's the ship I primarily engage with when reading AoT fic. But I guess you just missed that little detail. Convenient for you, since it doesn't support your desire to see me as some homophobic bigot who's insensitive to the gays.

But whatever, I guess.

[whoreishghost]

like how do i even articulate that no matter what i do and how hard i try its not getting better? i dont sleep rlly at all, maybe a 3 ish hours total on a good night given how often i wake up and how late i get to sleep. im not rlly eating either bc im never fucking hungry and everything feels idk Repulsive to even consider putting in my mouth even when i am. im in pain and it doesnt end no matter how gentle i am w myself. i am in a constant state of almost complete panic bc of how much i am having to manage in terms of admin and life issues bc those dont ever seem to end either. i havent been able to take my medication in almost a month bc of nhs incompetence and i Know its making me worse bc im so fucking irritable all the time. i feel so fucking existentially empty and devoid of purpose or meaning or justification for my existence. i am alive so that the like 7 ppl who only talk to me so i can get the hrt wont lose access. im only alive bc if im not itll be my fault if my wife dies and it doesnt matter if i wouldnt know it bc i was dead the thought, the guilt of it as a concept forces me to continue against every fucking screaming molecule of my body begging me to just fucking give up. im almost constantly overwhelmed by this feeling that is so completely indescribable that i dont even know where to begin to explain it to myself let alone to someone else. im in pain and its not just bc im overworked or burned out or whatever, the mental fucking suffering im forcing myself to endure every day so everyone else around me can be ok, can be happy, can thrive and do what they need feels like its fucking shredding my nerves and ripping through my flesh. and im fucking trying and no one fucking gets that. no amount of being told "the change comes from within" is going to do anything about the fact that this is as much as i can do this is as hard as i can try i have no more effort or energy than i am already forcing myself to keep using even when i feel like i am empty and there is nothing left for me to use to keep going. i do all the things i shld as much as i can. but the longer it goes on the harder it is for me to help myself and then i just get accused of "not trying hard enough to get better" as if i am not giving it my fucking all. u try spending every night alone, in pain, caught in spiraling obsession after spiraling obsession of ur own fucking inadequacy and failure and immorality. u try to manage the fucking effort of trying and trying and reaching out and begging for help and being so fucking explicit about how bad it is only to be told it cant be as bad u say or that its not bad enough for support but that even if it were ud be too damaged and unstable to access it. i feel like im dying, or more like, i feel like im fading, like soon there will be so little left of me of who i want to be who i put so much effort into being that even the fragments of damage that make up the core of who i am are coming apart and disintegrating. there is going to be nothing left and i feel like im watching myself slowly fucking evaporate and lose everything over and over again and vanish more and more from reality from existence from myself that it wont be much longer till theres nothing left to salvage. i try and tell myself its temporary. it wont last forever. i look at photos to remind myself when it wasnt this bad but i cant believe it i cant fucking trust that its true and even more than that i cant make myself understand that it can change, it can be that again. bc i know it cant. i know it at such a deep and intrinsic level of myself. and its not even like im gna kms. theres no point. what is left to kill?

[bcofl0ve]

I'd like to preface this by saying that I don't dislike Kaia Gerber, nor do I have a problem with her having a career or fans. I also don't mean this to sound like I'm coming at you, because I'm definitely not trying to! That said, I think it's okay for people to have nuanced discussions about privilege as it relates to her, and to talk about her in the wider context of Hollywood nepotism. I don't think people who have those conversations about her are necessarily 'whining and stomping their feet', just pointing out that she benefits from a system that's unfairly stacked against those who don't have the resources that she does. I also think it's valid to be frustrated that she has been given more opportunities and more chances to improve than any other aspiring actress realistically would be. I think too that it's OK to look critically at whether she acknowledges the opportunities she's been given, or whether she uses her resources to help others. Of course, she doesn't HAVE to do any of that, and it's true that a lot of people would do the same things she's done if they had her wealth and connections. But I think it's fair to ask those questions. I don't mean this is a critique of you specifically, because I know you're a fan of hers. But being critical of her role in the Hollywood system and how she uses her privilege doesn't necessarily translate to hate, and I do think there's a place for that discussion as long as it stays respectful. I'll end this by saying that I'm pretty neutral about her and I do find her likable, but as someone in a creative industry, I also think it's really important to talk about nepotism and access to opportunities, especially in non-traditional spaces like entertainment.

i mean- i dont fully disagree. when i say things about ppl whining and stomping their feet i mean the people who are not interested in an actual discussion about the topic. ppl are just interested in whining about *her* because they don't like *her* as a human being/are anti her bc theyre a part of the austin fans that dislike her bc she's dating him and they think it's PR. i blocked sooo many anons since she was on fallon/the other new casting news came out bc i was getting brigaded with people calling her ugly, calling her a whore, saying she sleeps with people to get roles, saying austin should be embarrassed of her, and a whole variety of other mean hearted shit. i get the brunt of people who don't want a conversation/just want to have a tantrum bc being able to be anon makes ppl a little more impulsive and mean lol.

and i stand by thinking its goofy to suggest austin has given her a leg up, bc she has the gerber parentage and plenty of connections no matter who her boyfriend is. she's a nepo baby, not a nepo gf! she doesn't need him to get around the business anymore than she needed jacob or pete.

there was a time, before i decided to go to law school- and before i fell out of love w/ theatre that i was gen considering chasing the playwright thing full time. and theatre is sooo connections/who you know based too which was terrifying when i thought that's what i was going to pursue bc i had my own connections here and there not but not nearly as many as a lot of people. and tbh- law is similar. in a different way than entertainment bc it's such a diff sector, but there's absolutely nepotism abound which is frustrating.

i think my larger opinion on all of this is something i say on here a lot which is we don't know what we don't know. i'm not gonna sit here and say i know she's used her resources for good for xyz bc hey, i don't. but we also can't say she *doesn't* because we don't know that either. and i think thats tricky in itself too bc when a celeb makes something good they do public they get accused of only doing it for attention, but if they don't then people think they don't do anything. idk if you were on here when her and austin did the childrens hospital visit last march (of which the whole point of publicizing it was celebs raising publicity for the fundraising campaign for the hospital!) but people got so irate about how it was selfish showboating and austin was only there to counterbalance her evil selfishness that i had to disable my anons.

like- i don't disagree that the larger conversation about the topic as a whole is important! it very much is! just like- maybe not on this blog specifically lololol. perhaps a blog where both the anons aren't such hot heads and the admin isn't so burned out from said hot heads lololol. thank you for the anon though- you articulated this well and i appreciate people like you (: