#bc i dont want to go around accusing ppl

[sh1-n0bu]

my issue with the natlan characters being white (color, not ethnicity) is that

1: it doesn't make sense from a environmental standpoint. If they're based on all these places with more sun, wouldn't the natlan genetic pool have adapted so that those in hotter places have darker skin? for example: Mexico, Africa, India, any other country on the equator? (Not including European integration)

2: why blend all these cultures of color beautifully (i was so looking forward to an aztec based region) just to put a pale person in their place? We *know* they can put poc characters in their games. We have plenty of colored npcs, Arlan in Hsr, and even the eremites.

And 3: I saw an edit of the main three people have been upset about with darker skin (the green and black guy, little Geo girl, and white haired hydro girl) AND I COULDN'T EVEN TELL THEY WERE EDITED UNTIL I READ THE CAPTION. They were gorgeous, truly. The truth is, genshin's sales in other countries would spike if they made these new characters darker. There would be that much more representation, opening the community to others who would grow the community

Tldr: There's no reason to make these characters pale other than origin country specific beauty standards. Everyone, and I mean everyone, no matter poc or not, should refrain from spending money on genshin for the foreseeable future. It will be difficult to those used to buying their primogems, especially with the new Nilou skin dropping, (looking at you, whales) but we gotta.

And come on, the new Kirara skin can totally hold us over

exactly! hoyoverse CAN make darker skin tone but they just DON’T want to. a few example images i’ve gotten from the enemies

every enemy we have came across have a darker shade of skin than the playable ones. even the fatui enemy has a darker/ombre type of shade of skin color. and from what i’ve seen the new enemies in natlan had darker skin tone than these ones. i have another point i have forgotten to mention in my latest post answering abt the natlan situation and this may seem like a huge stretch but hear me out.

we all know and have heard of the ‘big black beast’ writing racism right? how media will portray POC as the aggressor, enemy, the wrong side, the abuser, the pet etc etc. basically using a character’s skin tone to hide their racism. and please take this with a bag of salt as i may be reading too deep into it here, but isn’t it odd how the enemies always end up having a darker shade of skin? not just entirely POC but south asian ones too.

paimon and traveler have always been shown to be wary of or even downright afraid of every darker skinned character they meet in sumeru. eremites are darker skinned and have POC features (dreadlocks), the new enemies shown in natlan trailer does as well (dark skin and POC feature like dreadlock). its almost as if they’re trying to do the ‘big black beast’ racism in writing thing

[btvs]

.

[snekdood]

i hate when a bitch like my sister thinks she knows everything about me in spite of never personally interacting with me on a deep level in any capacity and only getting glimpses of my life from. sneakily reading and looking at my art in notebooks.

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

[jiminjeonging]

i feel like jimin is a very insecure person. she knows she’s pretty when she’s on stage and dolled up and she knows the whole nation is obsessed with her looks. but I think that’s taken a toll on her because she’s always afraid to show her bare face. going as for as covering it when she arrived to the airport and asking for a mask just feels really sad tbh. also that live where she was waiting for ningning to wake up, she had some really light makeup and kept going “do I look okay? i didn’t want to go live with this face” and i think she’s starting to rely on makeup a lot to feel pretty. like she doesn’t feel comfortable without it if that makes sense, even though she looks amazing either way.

i think she’s really confident in her body and loves to show it but sometimes may resent it because of how people treat her. she might have a love hate relationship with herself and I think minjeong would’ve been there to support her. jimin saying she’s not pretty without makeup and minjeong going EXCUSE ME???? like minjeong hasn’t always been that good at showing affection but i think she’s made it a habit to always compliment jimin and remind her of how beautiful she is

i agree with you!! i've been thinking about something like this ever since she said 'i want to make an asmr channel without showing my face i think i will have about 4 subs mom dad sister grandma' or her always asking on fancalls why do fans like her. she wants to be appreciated more for her talents, humor and such rather than ppl always looking at her like a piece of meat. she started to be more insecure about her bare face too these days since now so many ppl are watching her and she thinks if shes less than perfect she would be criticized(this is true tho unfortunately just remember how everyone was on her ass for watching mha). like i dont think mj was being gatekeepy when she posted about their brunch but rather was respecting jm's whishes since she was bare faced and didn't want to be seen like that. thats why she started to care much more about what fans think too. especially after 0227 even though i think it was fake, jm saw how some fans are ready drop her, she saw 3 trucks infront of her workplace and shes now terrified that they will leave. she wants to please every single one of her fans so bad.

i also think shes confident in her own skin but theres a difference between an outfit she choose for going out and wearing something someone else picked out for you infront of thousands. she was so ucomfy in both musinsa event and yesterday. jm isn't naive too, she knows what ppl think when they see her like that and she doesn't want to be perceived like that. i think jm is in such a sticky situation because she wants to be free so bad but doesn't want to lose everything she worked for, she loves her job but she hates that she just cant sing and dance and be done with it, she is under a lot of pressure while ppl around her and mj wants to help, always compliment her, this is an idea exist in her head and thats very hard to fix when she was born into this society on top of all that. i just hope this doesn't affect her mentally in long term and she learns to let go. i dont think she cares much about people that hates her but she cares a lot about her fans which can suck sometimes since they can be her biggest haters too and wants to be perceived as a good person in general publics eyes. being good with the gp is a concern she has since debut too bcs of bullying accusations and thats why she will always hide a part of herself infront of cameras. even though shes such a genuine person we will never know for sure how shes really like irl. i think thats why some ppl get surprised about the stuff members say about her like her being a slytherin or the idea of her getting angry easily. we are only seeing a part of her shes letting us to see which obviously comes from a lot of insecurities and ofc she has every right to not want every part of her life to be exploited. also she doesn't want to seem like she cares so much about trivial things, wants to seem strong and carefree.

in short i think she resents the fact shes being exploited but she thinks thats an obligation she has to endure to keep the job she loves and being perceived like that makes her insecure and drives her to be want to be perfect all the time. this is true for most idols ofc but since jm is at top right now she feels that more than anyone.

[blueiight]

1. Which kink do you think Louis would have that would surprise Lestat?

2. Do you think this fandoms racism has become more obvious due to Louis being a black creole person? Like I feel like people are more aggressive when they say Louis is top because he’s “rough” and Lestat is this dainty pillow broad.

1) i think it would take a lot to surprise lestat sexually [my dude a #BigOleFreak] but the one thing thatd somewhat unnerve him at first is lou breeding kink.. lestat has a very hobbled relationship w being the architect of creation meanwhile louis is like begging to be bred and plugged up so the baby can take. lestat would come around to it & meanly tease lou about it tho :3 if anything i feel like lestat is the one w/ hyperspecific kinks that unnerve louis and take him more time to get used to [we talmbout virginal catholic pimp who despite selling sex and being the voyeur to numerous sexual encounters, his only actual sexual experiences were handjobs & secretly getting head from younger guys prior to les… les got freudian relations & semi normal (nicki) relations, hes been w / men and women before, hes a real freak. i think lestat is a bratty vers whos dom top ways r activated in the presence of louis omega pillow princess pheromones lol]

2) when ppl hear an accusation of a ‘racism’, their only thoughts is some caricature of a confederate/nazi/klan member screaming that they dont want ‘woke’ [if not using the racial slur w/o the euphemism] vampires. when in reality, racism manifested in fan spaces which are predominately composed of white women / white lgbt w/ #blm stickers or bio posts, who have black friends, maybe have even dated or fucked somebody black, manifests as the beliefs they have internalized bc of cultural messaging around black people. their inability to recognize & analyze evident traits in black charas, the inability to relate to the ‘other’, shoving characters who r not such at all into these narrow stereotypes of the mandingo archetype, the stoic black brute, etc. etc. so when they hear us say ‘fandom racism’, they seem to think we’re calling them klan members & personally insulting them. diverting an observation on trends & cultural messaging to personal feelings, so a bystander can go omg how could u do that :( like i said, idrk or care for low bar discourse or throwing shit on ppl but i do think its funny to see ppl make les a dainty delicate waif off 1 hate sex scene that we dont even rly see all the way c. the other scenes we see lol. so they project onto les cuz hes more relatable to them simply cuz theyre both white? my friend who never even watched just knows of it cuz im aggy af mind u made a profound comment i find applicable w les in both book& show verse

‘[its] the contrast between a public show of subversive bi male femininity versus a domestic/private bi male masculinity—that truly applies to a lot of white gays…putting on the performance of gender non conformity but not actually being equitable in your domestic behaviors and simply reifying gendered violence’

nb ppl r more readily able to apply/recognize gnc ~traits~ in pale skin that may or may not be there. i compare les to david bowie & prince bc those men were gnc in performance but very typical to the role of ‘Man’ in their interpersonal& real lives.

& idt louis is that too gnc in his appearance neither, he still favors suits in his heyday yet in dubai has this androgynous unsettling plain black wardrobe. very cold cutting feminine eartha kitt grace jones type appearance/role he plays in this second interview v. the boyish swagger of a typical 1970s black man he puts on in divisadero in sanfran. but he subverts gendered racial stereotypes moreso in his dynamic w nb partners as black men r expected to be overpowering & domineering. where louis holds up gendered racial stereotypes/dynamics as a black man imo is w/ claudia & miss lily, 2 black women, emotionally and physically extracting from the bw in his life and making claudia make the decisions he cant bring himself to do. sorry if this got a lil off topic lol

[axellis]

otayyy so b4 i start making a whole bunch of peppermint fudge posts you guys probably have to see him so here he is guy for both d.ark c.acao and s.hadowmilk ........somehow . i make it work.

under the cut i got some more specifics ++ doodles im gonna post this and then go to bed i dont really care if ppl see you just gotta endure when you start seeing the lore posts

ok so peppermint fudge is a knight in the d.ark cacao kingdom and has been for like ever . he && cacao have like some kind of homoerotic thing going on but neither of them wanted to ever broach that line because they thought the other wasnt interested . and then peppermint fudge meets blueberry lemon popsicle (aka deidei <3) and they get married which basically in their eyes squanders any kind of relationship .

blueberry lemon popsicle is a court diplomat of sorts and as such was around a.ffogato a lot to the point that she accidentally uncovered his whole plot to usurp the throne -- he has to haphazardly kill her (via poison) so she doesnt tell cacao .

but bc it was so haphazard peppermint fudge is able to connect the dots && figure out the plot as well, and interrupts a whole meeting accusing a.ffogato for killing his wife . a.ffogato is able to spin it as the ravings of a man whos gone mad + going to harm the king and is able to convince cacao to banish him . devastated, peppermint fudge declares that hes going to beast-yeast to prove his loyalty. this is all b4 the events of crk .

the whole time during their time apart theyre thinking of eachother awww

secondly during his time in b.east yeast over the years eventually it picks up the attention of s.hadowmilk who at first starts talking to him to mess with him but gets endeared . peppermint fudge definitely think hes actually going mad now but at least he can talk to someone .

theyve been talkign to eachother for ever with s.hadowmilk trying to urge peppermint fudge to go to the tree (so the beasts can awaken but maybe also to see this guy he keeps talking to!?)

hes found in b.east-yeast by g.ingerbrave & co and joins along (to get to the tree) . but at the end of the day hes still a knight and he holds his virtues incredibly high so when s.hadowmilk is pulling his evil shenanigans peppermint fudge is resistant to assist

by the end of the story he still has feelings for s.hadowmilk and ends up somehow (by request or by force idk) getting stuck in the tree w/ him . in his heart he thinks that there has to be a way to get s.hadowmilk to be good . but also part of him is happy that hes actually with someone he loves instead of parting w/ them for another time . and s.hadowmilk is kind of the same (he thinks he could get peppermint fudge to turn to the dark side ++ hes happy to be with him physically)

so current status theyre in a tree and if they break out (which i think will happen) who knows whats gonna happen next . will peppermint fudge go evil !?!?!?!?

[psn-stalling]

//hey im the same anon from before, please lmk if i'm going too far!// hey i'm the same anon who's asked about bullying gonna sign off with raichu anon if i keep sendin asks. so like. i dont wanna sound accusational cause my point was never for yall to be mad or upset abt this. but like. you have already said things worse than "Dude PLEASE stop eating stale chips and actually go pick up and take care of yourself because getting held back a fourth time isn't a good look on you." you literally made a whole drayton hate club? like i get joking around and stuff but at best it's kind of a fucked up joke, and at worst its like. literal on god harassment. idk if you realize that just food for thought ig? also like part of the thing is like. even if you used to be a bully. and you're not anymore. like that's good! that's really good! and im very glad about that! but also, progress isnt linear. like its possible to backtrack. and additionally like. just bc you stopped running the gossip blog doesnt mean you can't be an asshole to ppl yk? like that doesnt rlly mean that you like. you're perfect now. both you and kieran are getting rlly defensive abt this which doesnt rlly help either of you either. and like i wanna note. i dont hate either of you! its just. idk. league club is supposed to like. help us all improve right? like its supposed to be a welcoming environment. doesnt rlly feel like that rn. idk. i used to think you were cool. its hard to do that rn.

-raichu anon

First of all, the club isn't even official?? It's quite literally a JOKE CLUB??

There aren't any official things. It's a joke and it's MEANT to be taken that way. Sorry if it came off as otherwise. We don't even do anything?? No meetings. No nothing relating to that. It's quite literally just a bit.

Of COURSE we're going to get defensive about that. Why wouldn't someone get definsive about being accused of that when that isn't the case?! I don't-

The league club is very welcoming I'll have you know- Just because there's a bit about a "hate club" (ONCE AGAIN, THAT'S A WHOLE JOKE) doesn't mean that it isn't welcoming or anything-

It's not like I'm going to care if one person doesn't think I'm cool- A LOT of people have issues with me and I'm not going to waste my time trying to backtrack and please every single person who doesn't think I'm cool now-

... I'm just going to go to bed. I've dealt with enough bullshit today, I'll worry about your remarks tomorrow-

... I don't get whether I'm supposed to be honest about things or if people want me to blatantly lie about it. I'm supposed to be improving here. There is no "backtracking" involved, I'm not going to go back to that-

[limeade-l3sbian]

i am extremely anxious bc on one hand, i never held any hatred for trans ppl/trans women but i do have a brain and so i do know what a male and a female is, and i also know what a lesbian and a gay man is, so i understand that most cis lesbians only want pussy bc the act of sex and sexual attraction is centered around the body and same-sex attraction is a real thing. however, i feel like im being gaslit every time i interact with the average (usually white) queer person bc i have to pretend like i dont know what i know, like i dont have eyes, like homosexuality doesnt exist, like biology isnt real actually, bc if i dont, i’m labeled a bigot. im tired.

i believe that trans ppl deserve to live in peace. however i don’t believe that homosexual cis men and women have to fuck them to validate their identities. and i feel like the average off-line person believes this. i feel like the average person both believes in trans rights and also maintains that homosexual people are same SEX attracted. hell, i have a nonbinary friend that only likes pussy.

idk why i’m ranting in ur inbox. mainly i’m frustrated. im frustrated bc i don’t see gay men being policed the way lesbians are being policed when it comes to how they speak about their attraction. i’ve never heard someone refer to males as ppl with dicks. and i’m frustrated bc i can’t call it misogyny without being accused of victimizing myself as a cis woman. and im even more tired that black women are always used as talking points during these trans debates.

it’s making me upset bc i feel like most trans folks don’t hold these beliefs. i’ve seen a trans man go on reddit and admit that he doesn’t enjoy being in the community bc of these backward beliefs and policing and sometimes predatory behavior, and i’ve seen other trans folks admit that they agree. yet i have to pretend like i don’t see it? like what we call ‘queer theory’ doesn’t have real ideological, misogynistic, and often racist issues? and i can’t call this without being called a terf when i don’t even hate trans women? i just want women to be able to talk about the oppression they face without giving several disclaimers (and yes, this includes cis women bc they still face oppression like hello), and i want black women to stop being used as talking points when we’re real people, and i want everybody to leave lesbians alone…

anyway sorry for going off. i’m drunk and thinking a lot and i feel like this is where i can get my thoughts out without being shot on sight.

No apology needed. I'm just sorry I got to this so late. Talk your shit, girl.

[cosmicjoke]

what was that anon talking abt about how eruri shippers are white supremacists or the ship is tied into white supremacy? I dont like the ship either but I've never seen that (im not saying it doesnt exist or that I dont believe them at all, I'm just curious). Can you please elaborate if you know what they were referring to? /genq

On a different subject- just some constructive criticism, your response to that anon left a really bad taste in my mouth because you made your dislike of a random ship about how the Evil Gays are trying to "advance their agenda" through gay shipping...I get what youre trying to say but that is a REALLY loaded phrase in relation to gay issues, as were several other phrases you used, for example, saying gay shippers are delusional, biased, and self centered for projecting their sexualities onto characters. I also hate when ppl misunderstand characters canon relationships and try to pretend their fanon ships are supported by canon. I also hate eruri bc personally I just do not like the ship. But blaming gay people for it is more than a little fucked up lol like you could just say you hate eruri without dragging all gay people into it and making this statement about how the gays are evil for experiencing fandom in a way that you dont like. ESPECIALLY since straight people never have to worry about representation, while a lot of queer ppl "project" their sexualities onto canon characters due to a LACK of that representation. I'm sorry but someone saying "I think Levi is gay" LITERALLY does not hurt you at all, while it might be extremely validating and beneficial to somebody else. If you want to make posts critically analyzing AoT and discussing aspects of the fandom you don't like, you also have to analyze your own biases and how they might affect your posting.

I don't know what they're referring to, as I said. I've never seen any "white supremacy" in the eruri fandom. People love to throw that term around. They love to see racism everywhere.

Look, I'm going to get blunt here, because this is basically the second time in as many weeks that I've been criticized for using general language when referring to a general group, and accused of targeting a specific group. That's an assumption on your part because you're looking to be offended.

When I say "they" and "them", I'm talking about shippers IN GENERAL. ANY SHIP. Not just "gay" shippers or "gay" ships. And I'm not talking about shippers as a whole, but the ones who attack others for not accepting their ship as canon. And when I say people are projecting themselves onto these characters, again, I'm referring to people in general who do this. Whether that's their sexual orientation, or gender identity, or whatever. People project all the time, and then want to force their view of these characters, super-imposed with their own, personal traits, down everyone else' throats. I'm talking specifically about the group of fans who attack everyone and anyone who doesn't accept their headcanon version of these characters as canon. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. You do.

I never blamed gay people for anything, ffs. I never said gay people are "evil". What's "fucked up" is you putting words in my mouth that I never said and then accusing me of being homophobic based on these made up words. I never said people calling Levi gay is hurting me, either. I said focusing on his sexuality and making his sexuality the most essential aspect of his person when discussing his character is distracting and potentially leads to bad interpretation because it literally has no bearing ON his character. His sexual orientation is irrelevant to who he is. People who make their entire identity about who they want to have sex with or who they're attracted to will often project that onto fictional characters, and then get mad at anyone who doesn't do the same. You're doing it right now. And when said characters sexuality has nothing to do with who they are as a character, doing this is harmful to ones ability TO UNDERSTAND said character.

I'm not biased toward gay people. Again, that's all you making assumptions because you want to be offended.

And I don't hate eruri. How hard is it for you to read? I've stated multiple times, in multiple different ways, that I've both written and read countless eruri fics. Some of my favorite AoT fics are eruri and it's the ship I primarily engage with when reading AoT fic. But I guess you just missed that little detail. Convenient for you, since it doesn't support your desire to see me as some homophobic bigot who's insensitive to the gays.

But whatever, I guess.

[j3tlagg3d]

i feel like ppl get stupid asf abt endos. like personally yea i do believe u need trauma to have a system. however like. u kno trauma makes u forget u have trauma yea . forgetting yr childhood n shit. like theres going to b ppl w systems that dont remember having a bad or "bad enough" childhood 2 warrant having a system. but then like along w that , its not my place to go around telling ppl they have repressed trauma ? i cant accuse ppl of being traumatized thats fucking stupid. its not my place to act like i know someones childhood or what theyre dealing with. ppl think that if u say ur endo then ur faking the whole experience or something. but i feel like it just wouldnt make sense for there 2 be this massive amount of ppl maliciously faking DID or whatever for funsies. idk basically why does everyone feel like its their place to tell ppl how to label themselves and fakeclaim their experiences? to be entirely full on honest ive only seen hostility towards these ppl and that just Doesnt seem like the play for "making things safer for REAL systems". idk . theres just so much shit that can feel similar to DID too and idk. i full understand why ppl want to use the term endogenic and why it came to be bc there r just so many reasons to why someone could think that way and its no ones place but a professional to say whether a system is present or not bc u dont know. u dont know. anyways tagging this but will probz ignore replies i do kind of fucking hate engaging in Syscourse

[whoreishghost]

like how do i even articulate that no matter what i do and how hard i try its not getting better? i dont sleep rlly at all, maybe a 3 ish hours total on a good night given how often i wake up and how late i get to sleep. im not rlly eating either bc im never fucking hungry and everything feels idk Repulsive to even consider putting in my mouth even when i am. im in pain and it doesnt end no matter how gentle i am w myself. i am in a constant state of almost complete panic bc of how much i am having to manage in terms of admin and life issues bc those dont ever seem to end either. i havent been able to take my medication in almost a month bc of nhs incompetence and i Know its making me worse bc im so fucking irritable all the time. i feel so fucking existentially empty and devoid of purpose or meaning or justification for my existence. i am alive so that the like 7 ppl who only talk to me so i can get the hrt wont lose access. im only alive bc if im not itll be my fault if my wife dies and it doesnt matter if i wouldnt know it bc i was dead the thought, the guilt of it as a concept forces me to continue against every fucking screaming molecule of my body begging me to just fucking give up. im almost constantly overwhelmed by this feeling that is so completely indescribable that i dont even know where to begin to explain it to myself let alone to someone else. im in pain and its not just bc im overworked or burned out or whatever, the mental fucking suffering im forcing myself to endure every day so everyone else around me can be ok, can be happy, can thrive and do what they need feels like its fucking shredding my nerves and ripping through my flesh. and im fucking trying and no one fucking gets that. no amount of being told "the change comes from within" is going to do anything about the fact that this is as much as i can do this is as hard as i can try i have no more effort or energy than i am already forcing myself to keep using even when i feel like i am empty and there is nothing left for me to use to keep going. i do all the things i shld as much as i can. but the longer it goes on the harder it is for me to help myself and then i just get accused of "not trying hard enough to get better" as if i am not giving it my fucking all. u try spending every night alone, in pain, caught in spiraling obsession after spiraling obsession of ur own fucking inadequacy and failure and immorality. u try to manage the fucking effort of trying and trying and reaching out and begging for help and being so fucking explicit about how bad it is only to be told it cant be as bad u say or that its not bad enough for support but that even if it were ud be too damaged and unstable to access it. i feel like im dying, or more like, i feel like im fading, like soon there will be so little left of me of who i want to be who i put so much effort into being that even the fragments of damage that make up the core of who i am are coming apart and disintegrating. there is going to be nothing left and i feel like im watching myself slowly fucking evaporate and lose everything over and over again and vanish more and more from reality from existence from myself that it wont be much longer till theres nothing left to salvage. i try and tell myself its temporary. it wont last forever. i look at photos to remind myself when it wasnt this bad but i cant believe it i cant fucking trust that its true and even more than that i cant make myself understand that it can change, it can be that again. bc i know it cant. i know it at such a deep and intrinsic level of myself. and its not even like im gna kms. theres no point. what is left to kill?

[lemontongues]

just saw the ed piskor stuff and i dont have a ton of thoughts on the particular situation (honestly had never heard of him before) but the whole thing does just make me think about like. how much we as a culture desperately need to get better at developing procedures for handling situations where someone did or may have done something terrible, especially when we know they're not likely to face legal repercussions for it.

bc like, if you think about it imprisonment is rly the easy way out on a cultural level, bc the outcome for everyone not directly involved is "the person just Goes Away to a place where someone else is responsible for feeding and clothing and housing them and none of the rest of us have to grapple with the fact that theyre still actually a person who is going to keep on existing no matter how much we dont like it." but in a lot of these cases where its issues of sexual harrassment or emotional abuse or whatnot that are traumatizing to the victims but arent likely to even go to court, much less result in any jail time, like.... asserting that the morally right thing to do is to completely exile this person from society and that anyone who continues to support them is equally monstrous is just. not a functional strategy.

its the same reason why the aclu advocates for the rights of sex offenders yknow, like. actually creating groups of highly ostracized ppl with ruined lives doesnt help anyone? it makes it harder on victims who want to come forward (both because of the guilt some will feel over bringing those consequences down on their abuser and because everyone knows the kind of vicious backlash the victims will get from defenders of the accused), it breeds the awful public litigating of ppl's lives that we see every time allegations come out and everyone and their mother has to jump in and make sure the internet knows they have the Right Opinions on this situation that in no way shape or form involves them, and it can result in situations like piskor's, which is just a lose-lose all around.

like there absolutely should be consequences but a) imo we really gotta focus more resources on actually caring for and supporting victims than on punishing the accused anyway and b) a scorched-earth approach doesnt help anything and there needs to be more thought and nuance to the consequences than "we're kicking you out of society and anyone who doesnt immediately sever all ties with you should be ostracized too". sometimes ppl should lose their jobs if their jobs gave them structural power over the ppl they abused, sometimes maybe its not necessary. they're inevitably going to lose a lot of people in their lives when allegations come up because a lot of ppl will just find it repulsive to be around someone they think may have abused others, but maybe their friends shouldn't all have to immediately cut ties or risk being seen as guilty by association. etc etc. it just sets everyone up for a lot of additional suffering and trauma and i dont know what the right solutions are, but man i would rly love to start seeing more conversation around actual best practices and mitigating the gut-reaction lashing out from uninvolved parties on both sides

[wewfimapuppie]

idk if i am protecting myself in any way here. but this is my final log.

i am going to have to take the message at face value. i saw the wkrd frighgebed and scared and idk how he perceived what i was doing. i felt like fuck it yknow i might be wrong but this is how its going for me. i felt it was the best thing to do? idk i def said weird shit.

theres no way around it this time. i went manic. i lost my shit. i imagined all that. i scared him.

to me it felt so real dude. so real. it felt like crazg things were happening to me. and i dont have a good support system so idk haha. i hated taking pills. i felt so awful. so i just wanna rely on God for now. and therapy. i'll find a way.

i'll also lay low. wear a black face mask. sunglasses. black beanie. on my way to work and way out. no one will know its me. i'll change and wear a dif sweater and bring a dif jacket yknow i even wanna dye my tips orange like. i feel so embarrassed and i dont wanna see him or have amyone that knows see me. im hiding. im scared. im disappearing. i will just work, head to Tijuana, get uber eats on fridays and some white claws or adjacent when we get comfy. and we dont talk to anyone except maricruz and our coworkwers yknow. stay vigiliant. i rather you dont talk to anyone anymore. we can make friends some other way.

i rather we focus on paying off our debt. and we drop this. we are at a point where we are questioning a text he sent us. we cant do that......

i rather like i said, we lay low, no attention towards ourselves and we wear a mask and domt do shows we are an online act idk. i wanted to be like yahoo lets do shkws z and this happened instead? i went manic? so idk i need to just dont interact w ppl like natasha i look stupid and crazy i have no supplrt to tell me um this is mania.

i can still paint, i can still sell, i can still make music even. but i cant expand or be public in san diego nah nope. i dont ever wanna see him or anyone. this is embarrassssing dude.

lets jjst keep it simple. food. paint. youtube. spotify. cookies and weed. some alcohol. lets just chill yknow? like back to the status quo? but this time we start fresh i guess. but for rn i rather be alone lmao. i feel cringe.

hopefully i can just focus on the job and getting my life together. thats all i can do. ni modo yknow? what else can i do? stay stuck on this? lets just move on. and focus on keeping ourselves afloat. safe. we will be okay. i still want to pray.

the last thing i'll say though is idk why he said that he blocked me bc i sent him noods when

1. he hearted them

2. he djdnt blkck me

3. i blocked him that time

4. i didnt sent him noods this time?

also i specifically have not mentioned his name jjst ryan and my complaints are like... justified?

so my theories on that is...

1. that... wasnt him...

2. he is like.... a psychopath and it isnt even me!! to twist it. make me feel like i went crazy??

3. hes saying a lie to cover why he really blocked me and its i seem crazy.

its just weird he said 2 wrong things. that i ever falked shit abt him and that i sent nudes now kr that he bloxked me when i did it 3 years ago? like he has reason to say jt was fhe Gkd stuff....

he also just ignored anything i said. about the holy ghost stuff. he didnt talk about God at all. the message was like in broken english it was weird. maybe he was scared? but why say a lie ljke that? when i felt its either im crazy or im...on to something. .

and why did he unblock me at all? to warn me or settle it? its still weird to ignore my one accusation. bro. whats with the staring.

but idk its weird like its enough where theyd know what happened. the email. the calling. ryan. the other subtle ways of contact.

so idk i think he couldnt say its bc you seem crazy and he gave you that reason as to why he blocked you even if it doesnt make sense. eventually we're gonna have to accept this is his response. idk abt what he knows abt me and ryan but i know he knows that unsolicited nudes thing is whack bc be liked them and he never blocked me i blocked him... so wtf.

i hate that this wasnt to me, a proper response. like ok i was frightening shit. but wait ur saying u blocked me? nah u blocked me now. no njdes. so idk what to make of this response. to believe it? theres an incorrect factoid.... that isnt it. so shit what now? now that is what will drive me crazy is saying that shit when that didnt happen.

thags what makes me think maybe he was a... cooky guy. bc hes lying. hes manipulating the situation. he didnt explaim himself. just said i was scary and a lie.

idk what it is at this point. him. me? what are the next steps? well... i rather we pretend it didnt happen. im never contacting him or seeing him. im leaving him alone. i dont want to make it worse. i can find "normal" love like tanner. no celestial shit. just hey we fit.... i wish it was normal. i'll pray for it.

but we forget him Riv.... he's gone. whatever it is you thought... his response, whether you believe it or not, could be his real response. and theres signs that your perspective is skewed. and this is it.

i know the nudes thjng sticks out to you Riv. but what are you supposed to do with that suspicion? i cant go see him and be like "was that really you?" like shiiiit no. so now what?

that is why i wanna tell you this; i need to feed you and pay your debt so im getting u a job. but i will also tell you this; if its meant to be it will be. if that isnt him, the real him will appear. but if not, you have more to live for

so. we forget any of this ever happened. we are in incognito mode. we keep it chill. focus on your mental health.

start working. start forgetting. get good at hiding. keep it simple. we can walk away from this bruv. who says we need to acknlowledge this happened? im dropping thjs. even the lie. it could be a cover up to a harsher feeling. we was nice enough to wish me good health....

i will be w say sd and just surviving. this is my last zane log tbh. for my safety and wellbeing.

[vakariansmonocle]

wish my brain wouldn't seethe for days on end about shit but also I have no way to vent things bc I don't have a therapist and I don't have a partner who is emotionally available for this shit rn (which is not me upset w/ them it's just a Fact)

like I wish I wasn't sitting here pissed off that I have to continue to defend myself constantly about being sick and being in immense pain or having to explain every fucking detail of my goddamn menstrual cycle to someone who is beyond the base line connection of being my in law, a fucking stranger just so I can have some semblance of understanding and fucking empathy for what's happening

I shouldn't have to constantly defend my fucking existence of being in pain and mental unwellness just because I "don't do enough" or "always have a reason to not do things" all bc someone has a partner that doesn't allow them to rest and expects her to do everything around the house like bro that's not my fucking problem. maybe refuckinevaluate the relationship your husband has with any fucking responsibility around the house beyond a JOB HE LITERALLY BARELY NEEDS TO DO ANYTHING FOR

sorry I spent most of my life pushing through every illness and pain I've ever fucking had to take care of myself and my partner is like hey I can help now and let's me rest, sometimes forces me to rest bc I have ALWAYS pushed through it even if I was puking my guts out even if I could barely breathe like jfc

Ive had to defend myself like this MY WHOLE LIFE bc ppl thought I was exaggerating it

my mom didn't think I was actually as sick as I was until I was barely breathing and begging to go to the doctor and then got mad at me for being so sick despite the doctor being like hey you're very close to pneumonia so if it doesn't ease up with these meds go to the hospital or you'll die

I'm so fucking tired of having to defend and over explain myself for EVERYTHING I do I'm TWENTY EIGHT I WILL BE TWENTY FUCKING NINE IN JUST A FEW MONTHS AND I AM STILL HAVING TO FUCKING DEFEND MY FUCKING EXISTENCE AND WHY I CANT DO SOMETHING AND STILL BEING ACCUSED OF DOING NOTHING EVEN THO I DO SO MUCH THAT I DONT WANT TO DO OR STUFF THAT MAKES ME SICK OR THINGS THROUGH MY PAIN OR ILLNESS

I've been sick for two fucking weeks bc I haven't had a fucking chance to properly rest; I've been so sick I've nearly puked from coughing multiple days. I've been so dizzy I have to sit down and not move. I couldnt walk to the kitchen without having to rest my lungs.

I'm so tired lmao I'm so fucking tired like sorry I exist and I'm chronically ill and have perma damaged lungs and if I'm not in constant pain I wanna fucking die on a good day lmao

every fucking parental figure in my life can choke on a fucking peanut and suck a fuck actually

not doing enough. take it up the ass of your misogynistic fucking husband and your fucking victim guilt tripping fucking complex I'm not your child and fuck your feelings actually

[cinefairy]

Hey maya I just wanted to talk a bit abt some anons in this loa community so u can just ignore this rant cuz I'm abt to go off 😭.

Some of u folks need to stop depending on anon success stories and blogger's "proof" of the life they're living. I've seen ppl come for loa bloggers and others to "prove" the manifestation of their desire and try to "expose" them??

This literally shows u don't see the 4D as ur actual reality bc then u would be asking ppl abt their 3D and ask how "real" it is. This is why success stories do more damage and good bc it teaches ppl that yes, u can feel your desire but it only "becomes real" when it shows in the 3D, which is bs.

So u cry and whine the bloggers and accuse others of "being fake" bc their manifestation isn't in the physical, it's actually pathetic.

So what if sb "lied" abt their success story, so what if a blogger is living a different life? If they have that in the 4D for me that's all the proof I need.

I literally see no difference between a person who owns a mansion in the 3D and a person who owns a mansion in 4D.

I really do not give a single fuck abt what my 3D shows bc for me, I have everything I want and so do u, literally if you don't step up and grow up then don't waste ppl's time who are trying to help u.

If a anon claims they're rich and the 3D doesn't show, they're rich and there's that. if maya says she has 6 dolphins and 20 houses and lives in Mars, she does. Literally that's it.

Looking in the 3D for proof if like asking it if it's real and the 3D is like WELL BITCH DON'T ASK ME I'm not ur god?? I literally follow u??

There is no "real" reality, there is no "trying". U don't visualize to "manifest" u visualise to experience.

If u imagine u have ur df and believe that's u, guess what, u have it, there's ur success story. Just focus on yourself and be conscious of being who u always wanted to be.

Focus on being the person who has all those things and change ur attitude, the 3d shows the degree of how much YOU'VE changed, not by how much u visualised and how many time u affirmed.

3D follows after what's true already, not the other way around, start holding yourself accountable.

That's all I wanted to say I'm sorry if this was long but I hope this helps sb out cuz it's needed 🧍.

you took the words right out of my mouth. blogs and anons dont need to prove anything to you, if you don't believe in the law then thats on you. simple as.