#bc i have nowhere else to go with this shit
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
In 2020, 27% of US Tumblr users had an annual household income of over $100,000.
Text
Genuinely don't know what to do abt this shit anymore man. I've been on tumblr for so long, have had so many blogs, have lived through all sorts of wild shit that staff does. I have nowhere else to go either. Nowhere else can provide what this platform does for me. But this treatment of trans folk has me legitimately scared for the future of this place if something thats clearly visibly a joke can get you banned for life. When hateful terfs can just say whatever they want and not have problems if they get reported. I mean this isn't fucking twitter. I just. Fuck dude. Idk. I'm worried and angry and as a trans person I'm scared to even make jokes abt this situation lest i also get banned for "death threats" or something. This is insane. And it's gone on for a while now. And fuck. Tumblr needs to do better. Seriously.
#serious post#bred.txt#idk just kinda venting tbh#this situation worries me bc without my tumblr community i have nowhere else to go#and i really *really* dont wanna leave this place#but fuck dude. this shit is not okay. yknow.#anyways#trans rights#transgender#🚗🔨���️💥#🏳️⚧️#🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️#fuck tumblr staff
311 notes
·
View notes
Text
i understand the rats in those rat park experiments so so much. me when i do drugs bc theres nothing else to fucking do.
#text#i end up having edibles way less when theres actually stuff to fucking do . bc i can go Actually i have better shit to do#but now all my friends have 'full time jobs' and 'situationships' so i have no one to hang out with#and the beach is always busy and its always too hot out#and im usually not in the mood to do art outside of the 8 hours a day i do art during my classes#even youtube is boring#cant go anywhere bc i cant drive and the bus barely goes anywhere and theres nowhere else to go and i cant walk far#DO YOU SEE MY PROBLEM .#drugs tw
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm stuck in limbo and i can't get out and i'm tired of being told i should just try harder
#text#yes i'm definitely suffering bc i want to!!!!#i just love suffering and i'm just too lazy to change that's what it is!!!#it's not like my life has been hell and all the odds have been stacked against me or anything#no it's my fault i should just try harder!!!#y'all would weep if you had to live like me#i'm up every day at 4 so i can leave at 5 and i get home at 8:30 every night for shit pay#what kind of life is this#what kind of time do i have to make a change?#what kind of energy do i have to try smth else?#and at my age?#i'm not young anymore and life only gets harder#i'm poor in a third world country that's going nowhere and i don't even have it half as bad as most of the population#that's how bleak this is#stop fucking telling people they're suffering because they want to#i've been suicidal on and off for a decade but it's all my fault i guess i just don't try hard enough#sick of this sick of everyone#life is fucking misery#and yet!!!!!!!! i still have hope what a fucking idiot i am#i never want to give up hope so i'm here still living a shit life i'm embarrassed of hoping it'll somehow get better#what a loser
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
i don’t even believe in Emet Lives Fixit like that’s not really my bag i just really like when people draw him with the big scar
#specifically it’s kind of like. i feel like his death served such an important narrative purpose#it really meant something#however i do think about emet having lived as like. not fixit but my silly daydream fantasy treat for me#im not going to WRITE IT DOWN as fic but i like imagining the relationship drama of like.#him doing all that awful shit and then washing up inexplicably not dead and trying to get back together with Pfeil#purely bc he has nowhere else to go#and pfeil is like YOU SUCK. I DESERVE BETTER. and it’s a whole thing#i love daydreaming about that.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
WHY do no virginia colleges have nonfiction mfa programs except for the one i don't really like the nonfiction faculty at. it's not fucking fair.
(warning so much whining occurs in the tags)
#i am 90% confident that i could get into that one first try and get funding and not have to move but that's the problem#i want one where admission feels like a challenge this one admitted a person i knew in freshman year whose writing i thought sucked shit#and i realize that 'writing sucked shit in 2018' doesn't mean they might not be very good now but...... idk. one of the two nonfiction#faculty members just writes politics journalism which is NOT CNF!!!!!! the students seem really cool but that's true anywhere!!#but everything else i have to move states and risk jennys career for. and i dont want to do low res bc i wanna learn to teach#i realize that it's just a case of 'you want too fucking much katia' but it's not faaaair va has so many good colleges & no good cnf progra#the real answer is i will apply when i planned (a year from this fall) and let fate decide and jenny is smart and cool and will find a job#with the awareness that i'm limiting my mfa applications to large metropolitan areas for reasons besides Job Availability For Wife#it's just all so complicated and stressful#and to add insult to injury pittsburgh would be way easier than the midwest but THAT TOO has professors i like less#and faculty is key yknow#anyway the school i'm dunking on here will probably be my safety regardless i'd rather have An MFA than none at all i think#but bluhhhh it makes me sad#i would happily go to tech or uva if they HAD A CNF PROGRAM#well okay maybe moreso uva but only because tech is in the middle of nowhere#RIGHT AND ALSO UMD#WHICH FUNDS 100% OF THE PEOPLE IT ACCEPTS BUT AGAIN: NO NONFICTION#i shoulda been a fucking poet
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sometimes I forget about the time I was almost killed by a sniper because of a fight between two other people
#domestic abuse tw#(in the tags)#it was my ex and his grandfather#his grandpa had shoved his grandma into the ground and broke her arm and shoulder while drunk as shit#my ex tackled him and got him off#but then he grabbed his rifle and we both had to run#i was about 10-12 weeks pregnant at that point and 18#i did the thing my mom told me repeatedly since i was a kid in case of a shooting#as soon as you hear a gunshot get on the ground and roll#and running in zigzags#though that's not gonna help every situation honestly#but it did save my life#we ran to a neighbor and begged them to call 911#it was going to be our only way to leave since we were out in the middle of nowhere and had nowhere else to run#and it was back before i lost all faith in the cops#but the woman who answered the door when we knocked told us no and slammed the door in our faces#we eventually had no choice but to go back because it was winter and below freezing outside#and we were both in short sleeves bc we didnt have time to grab coats#then we just had to pretend like everything was ok while his grandma had a cast on her arm#she's trapped with him under threat#she always has new injuries and broken bones#he literally will try to kill you if you don't do what he wants#and i 100% believe he has killed before#she's been trapped with him since she was 16#so nearly 50 years#what i also don't understand though#is why my ex was able to immediately see that it was wrong for his grandpa to do that#but then he put hands on me many times including while i was holding our kid#last time i saw him he sliced my pinky open with a knife because we got in an argument about him being racist#.bdo
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
saw a reel of some kids at an orchestra camp that looked suspiciously like the one i was forced to go to one year... worst experience of my life!!!
#when i tell you i think there are things stemming from that experience! my parents were actually so wrong for making me go...#my mom CRIED bc i kept insisting that i didn't want to do it bc i a) was never That into music especially not CHAMBER music#b) knew that i would not know anyone and would be stuck in the middle of nowhere with people who were already friends from previous years#c) was only even given an audition bc my teacher knew the staff and their other oboist wasn't able to go that year and they needed one#d) WAS THIRTEEN AND WANTED TO SPEND THE SUMMER WITH MY FRIENDS#i do actually think it caused me real psychic damage attending that like the fact that Everyone was already friends with everyone else...#i came with no friends and i left with no friends! and when i tried to talk to the other girls in my cabin i could tell they were like...#why are you trying to be in our friend group. there was a girl who was nice to me but i was not her friend very clearly#also i was soooo out of my depth there it was Rough for me fr and like i Knew i was out of my depth i had no illusions about that#i knew i would be which is why i was like yeah this is Not for me#i still cannot get over my mom crying about this like this wasn't some great life changing opportunity...#my parents really have and always have had these Ideals they place on me bc They think xyz would be nice#or they wish they could have done it like ??? okay why does that have anything to do with me#my dad keeps being like well *I* want you to go to grad school in mtl bc i like mtl and i want to visit 😁#like haha you're not funny actually 😁 first of all not a single damn thing is stopping you from going you can drive there whenever you want#secondly one of us does NOT want to be in mtl again 😁 and that one of us actually lived there before#also the way my parents constantly visiting me pissed me off to no fucking end... I'M NOT THE PROBLEM CHILD#worried that i just stay in my room like ???? okay??? but if i went out you'd flip bc what if it's unsafe. i LIKE staying home#and i HATED mtl so no way in hell was i going to go do shit especially not at night in the WINTER are you insane#like yeah i was super depressed. that was unrelated to me staying in my room like my room was my Space#anyway all this to say i'm setting the fuck boundary this time around like i actually dgaf i'm an adult and again#not your problem child so if you could stop projecting that onto me just bc HE fucked up when he was in school....#parents will be like why can't you be independent and then literally not let you be i 🫶🏻 it#i do also hold it against the boy child and my dad for this 'you can only go to schools within a 6 hour drive'#which is only a rule my sisters and i had and maybe if the boy child wasn't a fuck up i couldve not had it but you know#he ruined any chance of that but my dad when i was applying for college was like oh it can be anywhere :) and then was like lol no#and then was like well for grad school you can go anywhere and then when it was brought up last time went lol no :)#so i'm going to have to bring lol yes :) energy cuz...
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Brick and Mortar ohhhhhh
#yotsuyu goe brutus#ff14#stormblood#stb#nemiarts#blood cw#girls when they kill jifuya and other pdfiles as a warning to the doman state < 3333333#and frame it as Yotsuyu's ghost with a rag face covered tall yokai accompanying her#those thta survived bc they were more like- u know the person who cleaned and had nowhere else to work or a family who regreted giving up#their child. nemi was really the party helping with nuance to Yotsuyu's anger#but if it was an offender or someone who truly did not give a shit/a client who mistreated the workers and took advantage to abuse well#nemi took the bandages off and you're dead lol#im pro sex work btw the place where Yotsuyu was trapped is unethical as they took her pimped by her family and def so many other women#look up about how fucking poor children were bought by brothels and groomed into this life in irl japan that's clearly what the devs were#going off from. the houses in kugane seem to have protections and agency placed in contrast?#i do think that sex worker in ala mhigo working on her own saying she only takes locals and people of the resistance as clients def focuses#difference in systems#this whole thing is a rage against an abusive exploitative system lol#yes i know the shitty line by hien was inserted by localization. doesnt change they just moved jifuya than to consider making a ruling or#something to make sure such shit wouldnt be repeated. the way enw rolequests for doma are dont help this
1 note
·
View note
Text
god why the fuck is she so hung up about this
#i told her that i was going to wash my sheets and vacuum my room.#she took that to mean that i’d clean my entire room wall to wall#bitch i don’t have space to put my shit#she doesn’t want me putting it in the guest bedroom because we have a lot of shit in there from the basement#and she doesn’t want it to get more cluttered#///but there’s nowhere else for me to put my shit///#i’m just gonna shove all of it into my empty drawer#and when she tells me what my chores are for the day#she’s sounds so pissed off about it?#like i punched her in the face?? and stole her money????#even tho this is the first time we’ve seen each other today#can’t fucking wait until i get out of this house#she also doesn’t want me to take my car to college bc she doesn’t trust me and she wants me to rely solely on her for transportation#which fuck that i’m taking my goddamn car#i don’t care what she wants she can’t tell me what to do when i’m 18#fuck. i fucking hate her.#k.txt#vent tw
1 note
·
View note
Text
Me when
When
When the others are not allowed in front 😭
If they are they aren't alone and thus get heavily influenced or dont have full control or smth 🥺💔
#sepiasys.txt#Pls I just want to stop feeling these things 😭#sepiasys.priv#Idk if there's been a DAY we weren't pet or age regressed atleast once /g#It doesn't help that our roommates are kinda triggers? S especially is. ☕️ is comfortable beside him as a pet; 🪴 just hates everyone (/hj/t)#B actually triggers our 🪴 the most which is. something...#It's impossible to unmask around these people :(#🪶 has been out a lot more recently as well? Holding all the shame and guilt 😓#🌼 only ever feels excited or happy or even content at the calmest. 👑 is rarely fuckin here but we try because he's rlly important.#Omg I feel suddenly sleepy now akabksbs NOT cool >:/#Idk if we have more alters; It's so confusing. I wonder if it's because we just never feel like an adult#Honestly 🪶 has been here feeling worthless af and like. the thing that would HELP is if we get a job!#Like we thought about it and yeah having a job would make us feel less like a burden on our roommates#But then we literally cannot think of anything that would sound good to an employer??? Like are we actually so worthless lmao (😞🥺)#AGH I WANNA LIE AGAIN!! I WANT TO LIE AND PRETEND WE'RE MORE CAPABLE THAN WE CAN REMEMBER BC WE CANT REMEMBER SHIT!!#Stop valuing honesty it'll get us nowhere or make things worse/harder in a lot of cases >:(#Fucking GODDAMNIT‼️ I'm like going to punch some shit but also I literally am not allowed in front-front (I dont think anyways) >:/#ARE WE JUST SUBCONSCIOUSLY MASKING ALL THE DAMN TIME OR IS IT SOMEONE ELSE IN FRONT; THAT IS THE QUESTION >:0#I fucking hate appearing normal how the fuck do I act like societal norms don't apply to me
1 note
·
View note
Text
venting sorry... don't want to just delete it bc it helps to get it out just ignore this post pls 👍
haven't slept much at all and feeling so sick andstressed and in pain bc my period is due and so tired its making me dizzy but i cant sleep more or ill just feel more sick and I want a hug and to cry so hard into someones shoulder but no one cares or will even come near me it makes me feel diseased they think things about me that aren't true bc I struggle so much to communicate and thry all make assumptions insteqd and no one wants to give me space to talk to them about it so I cant undo that now and its all my fault and I'm so. exhausted :-(
#going to try and stay awake until lunch at least and yhen maybe ill take a nap. but i need to be able to sleep rpoperly tonight#at least i know im only feeling depressed bc my period is due which means my meds dont work how they should#like its kind of weird n psychologically interesting to feel so depressed again suddenly bc i havent been at all lately#well theres not much i can do abt feeling sick and in pain but ill take it easy. wasnt planning on leaving the house today anyway#and i do need to find a way to talk to ppl abt shit im struggling to communicate bc it really does bother me. and i dont want to do this#im tired of keeping everything in and wound so tightly i just want to feel seen and safe around someone please. please 🥹#its all well n good getting along with people better than i rver havebut if they still wont support me when im going through it#then it fades into shallowness like our friendship still has value. but im unable to feel close to them or safe around them#and right now im glad im doing so well im glad of so manynthings but its so scary to know that if i start doing bad again there is#noone and nothing there to catch me i dont have anything in the way of a safety net just myself. so better not fall 👍#and irs been makinf me feel so horrible lately bc my mum has been trying to emotionally drpend on me again and its making me feel like#when i was a teenager again and i was fighting for my fucking life against what i didnt know was mental illness and i had no outlet and#nowhere to go and i wanted to die so badly and meanwhile everyone around me was completely unaware and making me handle all of their#emotional issues and i was trapped there absorbing everyone elses damage and not being able to express mine and thankfully i didnt kill#myself and i got out and ive gotten so much bettee and worse and better sinxe and how i feel now is nothing like that really but im just#being reminded of it a lot and how hard expressing myself is and sometimes it feels like ive made so little progress#in thetorture labyrinth out here. but i dont want to do this forever i need to get better at expressing i just need people to support me#but i feel unsupported its like thin ice. but its alsonmy fault for not trusting. i dontnknowwwww.#maybe when i dont have to pay for private meds anymore and when i get this raise at the end of the year ill try therapy again#i dont think itll solve the issue bc its the ppl i care abt in my life that i need to be able to talk to. but maybe i can get some#better tools to help me be able to do that. i dontnknow i dont want to think about it anymore actually im going to go do smth else#sorry for venting its been a really nice weekend genuinely feeljng so good in general atm. and yeah i still struggle with the same things#but generally ive been handling their effect on my mental health so much better!!!! like im still feeling okay regardless of them#but they are still there and i will need to go from tolerating them to dissolvjng them at some point if i want to feel okay long term#it doesnt have to be like this. and i do actually truly believe that for once which rly is a sign of how much prpgress ive made!!!!#working on my shit is a fucking lifelong project....as im sure it is for everyone else too. all of our first time on planet earth#we will get through yhis. and anyway how i feel now is super temporary jsut triggered by a few thingsand ill keep reacting to them this#way until i managr to properly resolve them properly instead of folding them nicely and tucking them out of view#bleugh. okay yeah thats enough for now. meds softening the edges too ive stopped crying which is smth#chilling for a bit n then im going to watch some tv or a movie and iron and polish my boots and after lunch i might draw. or not we'll see
1 note
·
View note
Text
Like two and a half month’s ago my roommate’s ex-friend told him to go kill himself so I went off on her and then we both blocked her and removed her from our lives, forgot about her within like two weeks because we have??? Other things to worry about??? but apparently we’ve been living rent free in her and her girlfriend’s heads since then since they both just spam called and texted us a few hours ago and were just. ????
You mean. The therapist that I’ve MET??? The one whom I’ve walked in during virtual sessions with to drop off meds I picked up while at the pharmacy??? Who prescribes all of said meds bc what fucking dealers do you have that hand out prozac???
Girlie what are you SAYING what world have you built in your heads these past two months like ???? 😭
#i swear we keep attracting crazy bc we keep trying to be nice to people#let someone crash on our couch and then she left a bag of cocaine#whatever’s happening with this#like. girl we’re just trying to get bestie on disability and going to work#WHAT are y’all doing????#‘oh have you considered that maybe it’s you’ HOW IS SOMEONE ELSE DOING COCAINE ON ME WHO DOESNT EVEN DRINK???? 😭#and again like we haven’t even spoken ABOUT these people in like two months and they just crawl out of nowhere#with multiple numbers and what i can only describe as delusions#i mean this non offensively#but like i genuinely have no fucking clue where they’re getting half the things they’re saying from#like girlie lying about seeing the therapist ive MET MULTIPLE TIMES????#what 😭#yknow what im actually gonna start tagging this shit bc HI?????#WHAT is happening lately i just ???? 😭#life of lynx
1 note
·
View note
Text
⛈️ ❌ ❌ ❌ // 2:09 am, tbd ;
#this is a fucking vent so just gnore the venty ass tags but i have nowhere else to place this that feels safe other than just.#shouting into a void where no one hears. aka here ig.#bc its better i shout into a void alone than drag others down with me somehow—i dont. know#regardless… i’m just… i dont know what to think.#things are really bad lately & i’m struggling again to stop myself from sh utting down every time i try being vulnerable & opening up.#i keep clamming up & letting my mind take the reins when it tells me to just erase anything i say. to not open up.#to swallow every single emotion & experience that’s hurting me & let that poison kill me slowly instead. deal with it alone#because it feels like its wrong to open up. like its wrong to say anything. like me being open is just.#me being a fucking burden or something. i don’t know. i shouldn’t be like this. i’m supposed to be fucking better than t his.#what the fuck happened to the version of myself that could just keep suppressing & suppressing & not being a goddamn thorn in ppl’s sides.#esp bc all the things i’m having a difficult / painful time with is all fucking trigger heavy shit or things that i just don’t.#fucking know what to do with anymore because its not shit within my control.#a lot of it’s shit im still just processing that has hurt a lot & havingg to cope w that grief alone.#but then there’s also other circumtances too that are hard to navigate & my BPD having a field day w me in recent history too#i don’t know what the fuck is wrong w me at this point. & im scared & i can’t stand being fucking alone in this shit yet.#i feel like i have to. i have to. i have to. beccause this is my own issue & to dare express anything is me just. using ppl isn’t it.#that’s all it is right. & besides how many times has it been proven that ppl get sick of me for not being okay.#how many times have ppl walked away because they realize im just some fucking deadweight emotionally or something. id on’t fucking know.#am i spiraling? who fucking knows! maybe! because im fucking tired of what my life has been in general & im. overwhelmed.#overwhelmed by existence itself i fucking guess & what its meant for me overwhelmed by expectations overwhelmed by vulnerability thats just.#bleeding out through the fucking cracks of this fucking mess of a person i am.#& constantly fucking afraid that im just. too much. too much. too much for anyone.#too emotional in fucking general too intense too overwhelming for others regardless if its overwhelming them via pos or neg emotions.#afraid im going to get discarded afraid of what’s to come afraid in fucking general. fear & grief & pain & rage & hatred &.#desperation to feel anything other than this & desperation to feel loved thats got me having rly foul compulsions too#all my emotions feel like some kind of fuckihng hairtrigger & its hard to stop it in fucking general. i dont fucking know. & like i said it.#feels like shit to deal with completely alone. not bc i wanna deal with alone but bc i /have/ to bc if i dont then im just. a problem. or.#i dont know. im tired of everything tired of my emotions tired of this life tired of all that ive had to face up til this point & tired of.#fear & idk how to handle things alone anymore. my friends deserve better than this emotional burden i am to be around ig.#it feels so much like i have to apologize to those i befriend for being. well. this. for all of me & for being ‘too much’ in general.
0 notes
Text
Dickjoey and vicjoey like they’re literally soulmates they def happened maybe they’re not together now but when it was there it was THERE!!
#to me Dickjoey was like#they’ve definitely explored eachothers bodies#and I don’t mean just straight up fucking like they did that repressed shit where yeah they’re jacking eachother off and tracing scars#but god forbid they fuck fr#it’s like#to me it’s always undescribed#they never put words to it but they’re just a bit more gentle with eachother and a bit more comfortable etc.#like it’s like 70s locker room gayness without the homophobia tbh#now not in post above but dick and Vic? way too repressed to even say anything#while dick and Joey are like. everyone knows what you are#for dick and Vic it’s really the private moments that made it#like for dick and Joey dick can say ‘guys I think I’m in love with Joey’ and everyone will be like ‘we know’#for dick and Vic it really would come outta nowhere to anyone else and they like it like that#it makes it more difficult bc with dick and Joey there’d be gentle teasing from their friends or whatever#but for Vic and dick it’s like. they really gotta drag that shit outta eachother#like for them it’s literally building blocks’you can like guys :0’#NOOOOW#FOR VICJOEY#They def had a fully fledged loving relationship#Joey is not dead to me#but like it’s a falling away naturally kinda thing?#like they never break up fr but like they talk less than they talk#however they would feel weird having any relationship with anyone else!#bc ur boyfriend is right there!#but for me it’s like#rn they’re just in two different worlds that are about to collide again#idk how or why but something is gonna make them go ‘oh shit!’#oh since Joey is NOT dead maybe it was the NEAR death that was like ‘oh no :0m
0 notes
Text
went to bed early and woke up before 8am today! pretty cool. except I woke up with a bad headache and eventually had a very long nap.
I'm just so damn tired! like, no matter how much or how well or when I sleep, I'm still tired all day. so it's just pointless trying to fix my sleep schedule (when I'll just be asleep most of the day anyway).
#and also.#my mother in law just very sternly told us to fold our clothes after washing them#for some reason she just. started washing our clothes when we got here. no one asked her to. she didn't ask us. just did it#and then acts like it's such a burden. yes and no one asked you to do it 🤔#anyway no I will not be folding my damn clothes because they are going right back in an ikea bag because there is nowhere else to put them#we have one tiny wardrobe in 'our' room and there's lots of things that have to go in there so that the cats don't eat/destroy them#and. I am so fucking tired all the time no folding my clothes (to put them right back in a bag) is not a priority right now#guess what? our clothes usually stay in a laundry basket until we wear them (bc I don't have the energy and my husband just doesn't care 🤷)#it's not an issue. we are adults. we don't wear fancy shit that would look awful and wrinkly. our t-shirts will be fine.#I don't know man. it's only been a week and I already feel like peeling off my skin because of how she is#genuinely I cannot handle being treated like this. I couldn't handle it when I was an actual child and I sure as fuck can't handle it now#I don't know why I thought this would be fine. why did I let him convince me that she'd be different this time.#I know it's no big deal! she's just so judgmental and mean about everything. like the most inconsequential shit#like - last week on the day my husband worked from home he took a few breaks. as he normally does. obviously.#and she kept telling him to go back to work??? what the hell man he's a fully grown adult who has been working for years and at this#particular job for over a year. HE knows when he can take a fucking break.#like. she's never joking. she never says something casually. it's always serious and judgmental and negative.#I feel like I'm suffocating#anyway. only 49 days left. I can do it. I can get through this (knowing that I won't have to see her/them more than a few times a year afte#we move)#(I feel like an ungrateful piece of shit bc it IS very kind and generous that they are letting us live here for free for two months. and I#am grateful! but it's just not good for me mentally. that's all I'm saying. the problem is me.)#personal
1 note
·
View note
Text
I did NOT realise how out of it I am December is messed up
#I just realised that I’ve got exactly two weeks before (mock) exam and I gotta be ready#meanwhile I’m sitting on 14 unwatched lectures#I just opened one up and I can’t bring myself to do it#it’s probably partly bc I need to shower! which I can actually do now so sorry lecture that has to take priority#but like. being at home fucks me up so insanely badly#mostly bc my brother will sit in our room all day with the lights off playing his games w his friends on call#(with the door closed. it smells very bad.)#and I can’t kick him out and there’s nowhere else I can rlly watch lectures#I could do other shit in theory but I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it bc working downstairs is also a nightmare#and even when I do get the room to myself like now (literally the first time since I’ve been back home) I’m working on my bed#and that kills my back and is just. very uncomfortable#but goddamn I like. just zoned out for like two weeks? I’m not even back yet but I’ve not done anything for like two weeks#and I go back weekend after next after which I have 5 days at uni before exam#and two weeks before I have to submit my supervisor choices for my fucking masters#like. oh my god#oh my gooooooooood#idk if I’m gonna make it out of this one alive#bc I Am behind now just objectively I am very behind and I’ll get it done before term starts but I’ve not rewritten many lectures notes#which isn’t Necessary but I don’t know the stuff in the lectures which is the problem#aaaaaand my brother is back and about to close the blind I’m just. I’m just gonna shower#thankfully this is the last time I’ll come back and have to be revising#but god. I thought it’d be better and then I just got sucked into the same shit as always#this has been a bad month but hey. new year on monday#yeah he’s on the phone I physically cannot be in here again he does this all day every day and I’m going to scream#okay! shower time!#hope everyone’s having a good day <3#luke.txt
0 notes