#basically I have a lot of ideas and want to start getting them out
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Rewatching 3rd life again from both Grian's and Scar's perspectives because man is it a trip. Not only on how different it is from what it is now but also what it was originally meant to be. Remember, 3rd Life wasn't meant to be a death game. Sure, it was always meant to be a mini-series with no script, but the wars, the betrayals, the curses, those weren't meant to be what it would be. There were meant to be two sides, the Greens versus the Reds with the Greens trying to last as long as they could before everyone became red. The series was meant to be cooperative instead of a death game.
I want to note that everything that Third Life is, what the Life series has become is because of Scar. Obviously, the other lifers had a hand in turning the Life series into the series it is today, but Scar was the one who got the ball rolling. Scar was the one who initiated his crew of mischiefs to raid the village. Scar planted the idea of raiding the village and taking everything for yourself, that you have to win the game. Scar made Grian agreed to a monopoly on Sand which got Grian's brian think of other possible monopolies they could have. Scar planted the idea in Etho's head that you can't trust people by burning the tree of Dark Oak which caused the Village people to be more hostile to Ren. Scar invites idea that they have to compete with each other for resources. Scar's scams caused people to be distrusting towards others since they lost their stuff to Scar. Scar's obsession with Pizza caused Cleo to steal it and leading her to lie in order to keep a secret. And of course, Scar threatened Ren for the Enchanter leading him to need to toughen up to become the Red King. Scar planted the idea in everyone's head that this is a death game and in Scar's mind from the start, he kind of knew it was a death game. He confessed to Etho that he knows it is, it's why he has such trouble trusting people.
In Scar's first life, he was paranoid. He was basically acting like a Yellow life while on his Green life because he is the king of Death. He wasn't sure who to trust and scared of death. He began to relax a bit once he and his group raid the village and he begins to think normally. He devises a plan with Grian since he doesn't really trust his team, after all, they left him all alone even though they know he dies a lot and try to be 'reasonable' with Etho and Tago. Then he dies to Grian's prank and everything changes. He finally has Grian on his side but he finds out everyone just left him to die and he feels betrayed. His anger grows and closes his heart to everyone but the guy who offered his first life to Scar. Scar threatened people while on yellow by having Grian put lava on them. Scar threatened everyone with death which intrigued Grian. Grian made this series to be cooperative and fun, but he also wants to be red and to be a killer, he wants that dangerous side of his brian to be released, but he also knows he shouldn't be like this, after all, he's only on Green. But the more and more he interacts with Scar, the more his malicious and villainous side is released and the two begin thinking of ways to get revenge on everyone who hurt them. Then Scar dies again due to the revine and everything changes again.
Scar is on red but Grian is still stuck with the man due to his debt. This was not how the dynamic of the Reds and Greens was meant to play out, but Grian can't stop it now, Scar changes his skin which invites other people change their skin once they become red. Scar wants cookies and death and it's up the Grian, the Green name, to come up with ways to kill people for Scar and to protect Scar. Scar, meanwhile, doesn't want to lose Grian and so does everything in his power to keep Grian around and for Grian to love him. They make alliances and packs. It convinces the Crastle to make Impulse a mole on both sides, thus making him the first traitor, and at the end of the series, Scar convinces Bdubs to kill Impulse over a watch for the first biggest betrayals. Then there was Scar's betrayal with Grian over the paper then Scar's betrayal to Bdubs and of course, Scar giving his life to Grian because all he ever wanted was Grian. Then it was the final fight. Scar is the first Victor of Third Life with Grian, but only history thinks Grian won, after all, that's what the murals and watchers say. But in the Cactus ring, there were two victors, Scar and Grian who both died by the Ring. Also, it means that yes, we already have a double victor. It's Scar. Scar won Third Life and Secret Life. But so much has happened that Grian and everyone else forgot that fact. Grian in Wild Life thinks that he could be the first ever double victor of the games, not remembering that Scar won Third life with him. So yeah, let be heard, that Scar is the first ever double victor since Scott didn't win Double life. Scott came in Second in Double life, but Scar came in first with Grian in Third Life. Spread the Word! Scar is a double victor and also stuck in Secret Life.
#life series#grian#desert duo#gtws#secret life#wild life#goodtimeswithscar#gtwscar#third life#3rd life#double victor
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Commodus x reader NSFW Headcanons
Since some of you request it, here's some nsfw hc for our favorite emperor. I tried to write it so you could imagine both female or male reader <3
A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)
Commodus would get extra cuddly, snuggled against your chest, all soft and quiet. He would remain in the blissful state for a while, simply enjoying feeling your skin against his, your heartbeat slowing down just like your breathing. Often, he would fall asleep almost immediately, he was so sleep deprived that with you he was relaxed enough to finally recover some. If he didn’t fall asleep, he would call for a maid to bring a few snacks and ask for the baths to be ready. Sometimes even carrying you there, so you two could relax your sore muscles/spots; but that would be rare, he was too sleep deprived.
B = Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partners)
Commodus is a man who, for a long time didn’t really have a favorite body part, it was rather the opposite. He wasn’t that tall for a roman, he had a slight deformity of a shoulder blade, hale lip…that would be until you showed him that these traits made him who he is and was part of his charm. He would grow fond of his hair, thick and curly, soft under your touch, the way you grabbed them when he was between your thighs or the way you caressed them while cuddling. As the body part he prefers with you, it would be your lips, the way you smiled, called his name oh so needily, your tender kisses on his skin.
C = Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically)
Commodus would love to make you taste him, watch you lick his fingers covered in his seed, your delighted expression. He would be able to moan from the sight itself, then kiss your lips, tasting how bad you were imprinted by him.
He would also enjoy to cum on your belly, he kinda has a breeding kink, anyway he loves the idea of having an heir, children, a family of his own. He would also feel rather blessed that you want this from him, his babies, his blood, whatever woman or man, that wouldn’t stop him from dreaming.
D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
I’ll give you two! He loves to bottom with men, to be handled, pleasured mercilessly. He likes to keep your undergarments, in a pocket, when he is missing your presence romantically or sexually, he would take it out and close his eyes as he inhaled your scent, burying his nose in your panties.
E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)
I don’t think Commodus would be thatexperienced actually. He is the kind of boy to brag about past sexual experiences to feel like he belongs, to blend in with people. But in truth, he is speaking about things he heard or read of. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t know what he is doing, the matter interests him a lot; from the starts he wants to be able to please you the best he can.
F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)
Commodus would love it when you ride his face, he would ask it of you almost every time. He would look at you from below, the way you bit your lower lip as you face fucked him, almost choking him between your thighs, his hands kneading your butt cheeks, humming at your taste, the way your legs trembled as you reached climax.
G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)
The first times of your relationship Commodus would be rather serious, you are the first to give him true attention, he takes that as seriously as the Empire. But he has that boyish spirit; with time he would get more relaxed, loving to tease you throughout the day, edging you during sex, giggling at your whimpers, your helplessness, loving that sweet torture, he only could give you. Afterwards he would often joke, loving to tickle you as you cuddled.
H = Hair (How well-groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Commodus would be very well groomed, first, because he is a roman, they had a thing about body hair. So, he would wax his entire body hair when he is not on the field. His hair can be a bit messy though, but it’s usually because he struggles to fall asleep, so he keeps that sleepy look often, disheveled hair and sleepy eyes.
I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment? Romantic or rough/dirty.)
Depends on the mood. I believe he would be very sweet, desperate; he would be the kind of man able to cry after sex. Of course, when things in his life don’t go so smoothly, he would totally go for angry sex, a way to vent, to let go of boundaries, of the mask he wears all day along. He wouldn’t be patient like he is with the Senate, he would take what he wants, without restraints and make a mess out of you.
J = Jack off (Do they masturbate and how often)
Commodus would not masturbate that often, but it does help him to fall asleep after a tense day. Except when he’s been accumulating lack of sleep, he would lose his libido and stay away from anything sexual and would rather require comfort.
K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
Commodus has a huge praise kink, he is craving approval and being told how good he is doing, what a good boy he is. It would greatly participate in his arousal during love making. Sometimes you would praise his sexual skills, but he would also love when you rewarded him for the good things he did during the day, the way he talked to a politician, or a good decision he took.
Also, he rather loves to be dominated because he lives it like guidance, a way to let go of all his responsibilities, all the pressure and just let someone handle it at his place. He would obey your every request and gladly receive a pat on the head after, or the right to bury between your legs.
L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)
Commodus loves taking baths, so naturally he would love to enjoy intimacy with you there. Whenever during the day, he could invite you to join him for a warm or refreshing bath. Servants knew he should remain unbothered when you joined him, they didn’t need to see, your moans would be enough of a proof.
M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)
When you voice your desires for him, what you like about him, what arouses you about him, the way you look at him. He gets very excited by the pleasure you feel during sex, when you call his name, your soft whimpers, when you tell him that when he does this or that it feels so good.
N = No (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
He wouldn’t be into humiliation, any reductive play wouldn’t turn him on; it would trigger his insecurities, remind him of the way his family treated him. Commodus needs to be pampered, feel protected and have his safe bubble where he can be vulnerable.
He wouldn’t enjoy hurting you during BDSM play, even if it makes you feel pleasure he would struggle to find pleasure in it, he is the kind to treat you like fragile porcelain, even if dominant and rough sometimes, he wouldn’t like to flog/spank you and such.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
For oral sex, Commodus would love to give, he is the generous type but most of all he is a taster, he couldn’t get enough of your taste, he never wanted to forget it. The Emperor would be very hungry at that, every time you had sex, he would want to give you oral. Naturally, he wouldn’t be shy about it, his tongue licking your slit, burying in your hole while his nose teased your clit. He would be a quick learner, sensing when one thing pleased you more than another.
P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)
Both; depends on his mood, though he wouldn’t stay long on slow pace, passion would take over and so the pace would increase, getting passionate, bestial almost. With time of course he would learn to control himself a little so he could please you better. He would find a liking into being slower, taking his time, memorizing your every breaths, moans, your eyes growing watery and your body more desperate.
Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Commodus would quite enjoy quickies. First, because he was a very busy man and often got caught up in his projects without seeing time pass. Having quickies would be a good compromise to have a break and dedicate time to you. It wouldn’t be just about that of course, since marrying you, Commodus would find himself needing you more and more, to part from the harshness of his position and dive back into your tender arms, even if for just a few minutes, it would save his sanity.
R = Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? Like to try new things etc.)
Commodus is a man of great curiosity, he would naturally be up to experimenting in bed, and he was very open minded at that so you could suggest pretty much anything, and he would be up to give it a try. He wouldn’t often take the risk though; he finds comfort he things he knows but from times to times he would get excited about an idea enough to want to try it.
S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)
His stamina isn’t big, he is so touch starved that he doesn’t need much to reach climax but with small breaks he would be up for a few rounds, in fact he would never grow tired of you, he would be so afraid to lose you someday, afraid to forget you in old age…
T = Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
Commodus wouldn’t mind integrating toys into your sexual life, once again he would be curious to try them on you or himself, see how it feels, how different it is from a human body. That is also how he would end up asking you to peg him and that would really be a fun extra, to see him beg for you to thrust deeper as he arched his back. On the opposite, if you were a male lover he would ask to try what a female felt like, with some self-made toy or with a third female sexual partner.
U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)
A LOT. When he would discover how a hand brushing on your lower back or your shoulders could give you goosebumps, he would keep testing. Pushing your boundaries more and more by making you sit on his lap to feel his hardened crotch, his hand slithering under your toga to tease your thighs, whispering lustful words in you ear until you begged him to go in his quarters and give you satisfaction. Of course, he would be into edging as well so getting in the bedroom wouldn’t especially mean instant relief, not until you begged him to be merciful.
V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Commodus would actually be pretty loud; he would whimper a lot as if he was suffering but in fact he would be under pure bliss. When he was more desperate it would turn into groans that would be slightly high pitched at the end. His noises would be truly addictive.
W = Wild Card (A random headcanon for the character)
He is bisexual and enjoys experimenting, sometimes he would ask you to peg him, loving when you stimulated his prostate, giving him immense pleasure. He would love also that by doing so, he was completely at your mercy, his pleasure was yours, the pace, the intensity of your thrusts, your hand around his cock, his deliverance. He would be a controversial emperor but he wouldn’t give a damn, his sexual experimentations wouldn’t define the politician he was.
X = X-ray (Let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Rome doesn’t have great lingerie fashion; it is pretty much simple undergarments or nothing. Now, under those undergarments Commodus is rather normal, waxed, not too big or small according to roman standards. However, he has a great butt like marble ass of David Statue.
Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
Rather high, he is very needy of you, for reassurance, to make sure you still desire him, that it is not his imagination tricking him. But it would be also to vent; Commodus has a stressful life, and making love would be the healthiest way for him to get rid of the pressure. You would pretty much make love everyday with, unless he was excessively tired from the day and training.
Z = Zzz (How quickly they fall asleep afterward)
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Commodus would instantly fall asleep; he is just exhausted all day along. It would actually prevent him from overthinking at night, he would just collapse from pure pleasure, nuzzled in your arms.
Thank you for reading and please don't hesitate to leave a comment ❤️
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I have a very cute shadow the hedgehog x fem&mobian!reader fanfic idea
So basically the reader is a HUGE AND I MEAN HUGE otaku and mostly 🌟magical girl fan🌟, she wears all magical girl outfits loves anime like smile precure, cardcapture sakura, sailor moon etc etc and Shadow takes notice pretty quickly so when he goes to a mall to get gifts for reader for Christmas mas he finds a whole store dedicated to just anime magical girl stuff so he practically buys the whole store just for the reader🥹💗🌟
(also this may or may not be projecting myself to reader..hehe..oopsies..(о´∀`о) )
“Minor Obsession”
Pairing: Shadow the Hedgehog x Reader
Requested: Yes (by @shadowchan009 ).
Description: When you had gotten into your current obsession, you did not expect Shadow to pick up on it, let alone get anything for you. Boy, were you happy you were wrong.
Notes: I’m happy to do this one for you!! And don’t worry about projecting onto Reader; you ARE Reader, after all! I hope I do your request justice!
(Reader will use They/She pronouns.)
(Not proof-read/beta-read.)
– – – – – – – – – – – –
You were pretty sure your boyfriend was just- completely done with you.
All of your streaming services were filled with different anime (Sailor Moon and Cardcapture Sakura being the one he notices the most), you made references that he didn’t understand, and every time you two had a movie night, it was something anime related.
You definitely thought he was done with you.
But you were (luckily) wrong.
Shadow started keeping mental tracks of the different anime you liked, and whichever anime you disliked.
It gave him the perfect amount of time to get you something for Christmas.
Frankly, he didn’t understand any of it, but Gaia forbid he gets you something mediocre for Christmas.
Right now, he was at the mall, searching every store he could find for any of your interests. He grumbled to himself, leaving the twelfth store that day, not having found anything.
Not wanting to give up, he checks the nearby map, and then…he spots it out of the corner of his eye.
A brightly-colored store (far too bright for his liking), showing multiple magical girl anime character cutouts outside it.
Bingo.
Shadow quickly heads over to the store, looking around for a moment before realizing something.
How much of this did you already have?
He thinks to himself, remembering that your collection was rather small due to your parents’ hate of anything related to anime.
Shadow starts grabbing a lot of different items from your favorite anime before going to the counter.
Flash-forward a few days, and it’s now Christmas.
The tree seems to have…far too many gifts under it. Not that you’re complaining.
“…Shadow,” You start.
“Yes?” He questions.
“I love you very much, and thank you for all of this, but where did you find this much stuff?”
“Why don’t you open them and find out?”
You shrug and give Shadow a kiss on the cheek, rummaging through the presents and picking one out at random, also picking out one of your presents for Shadow and handing it to him.
“Open yours first.” You suggest.
He nods, carefully tearing into the paper to reveal a hand-knitted sweater, colored a cherry red, that reads in blue letters, “MY FAVORITE BOO”.
“Did you…knit this yourself?” He asks, caressing the soft material of the sweater with his thumbs.
“I did.” You tell him, a smile on your face.
“It’s lovely,” Shadow says, returning your smile.
“I’m glad you like it,” you tell him.
You go ahead and tear into your gift to reveal a decently-sized, mint-condition Sailor Moon figurine.
You let out an excited squeal, peppering Shadow’s face with kisses.
“ThankyouthankyouTHANKYOU!” You yell excitedly.
Shadow lets out a chuckle, his face slightly turning green with your affection.
“There’s more where that came from, [Name],” he tells you.
The rest of the day is filled with you opening what was probably way too much anime merchandise, but neither you nor Shadow cared.
You were happy, and so was he. You couldn’t ask for anything else.
#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonic fanfiction#shadow x reader#shadow the hedgehog x reader#sonic characters x reader#sonic character x reader#x reader#etc#insert tag here#shadow the hedgehog#reader#xmas after xmas wooooo /j
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Mouthwashing, Capitalism and the illusion of individual choice.
I have made two posts about Mouthwashing and Capitalism, but I want to make a longer post about it. Also, I would like to read what others have to say about the subject :D
Let’s define some words first:
Capital: difficult to be defined, but let’s summarize it as the way the capitalist society works, it’s not a thing, but all the social relations that make capitalism exist.
Ideology: as defined by Marx, it is the ideas of the elite that are forced onto the worker class to maintain the current system
Marxism: also known as historical materialism, it analyses social conflict between classes, classes relations and social transformation.
To be clear, this analysis will be Marxist in nature, if you don’t agree with the Marxist way of seeing social interactions, then I am afraid this post isn’t for you.
To start, let’s think about Pony Express. A lot of people have already expressed how all things considered Pony Express acts like the average corporation: cold and incompetent. But is it really incompetent?
A feeling I think is very common for the majority with people who have class conscience, but not a deep understanding of the machinations of capitalism, is the feeling of confusion. Why are things so cruel? Why are people agreeing with those things? Why does injustice exist? The thing is that for those injustices and cruelty needs to exist for the capital to maintain itself.
Pony Express isn’t incompetent, it’s cheap by design. The system is always there, looming over those characters and their social interactions even when they are away from Earth. So much so that when in a dire situation, they are still scared of losing credits.
A bunch of other posts, including mine, have talked about how hopeless the situation was in the Tulpar, because of the company’s rules, so I won’t repeat myself. But like I said before, keeping systems that enable abuse of all kinds are a feature, not a bug. That’s why a lot of Marxists think that individualizing causes weakens them, since the root cause of why those problems still exist is capitalism. If people are busy hating others or getting tortured, they won’t notice they are all getting explored.
I think this post here has basically all the important points of things that are wrong with Pony Express, I would recommend reading it before continuing reading this post.
I will also elaborate on why I think Jimmy is a good representation of ideology. Like I said in the post I linked, I think Jimmy has a little bit of class conscience, because of one of his hallucinations (the one of him watching the TV), and by what Curly has said about him, Jimmy was probably struggling financially before Curly found him a job. Despite knowing that he is being exploited and oppressed, Jimmy is blinded by the hopelessness of ideology and his own paranoia.
His friendship with Curly is especially soured by ideology, despite knowing he is from the worker class, Jimmy can’t see Curly as an equal. Curly may have a bigger salary and a higher position in the company, but he is also being exploited, he is burnt out and getting ill by his work environment. Jimmy is so blinded by ideology that not even the knowledge that he is oppressed is enough to stop him from lashing out and hurting others in the same situation as he is. Jimmy used the system that Pony Express made to enact his anger.
I have expressed before that I think Jimmy shouldn’t have been in the Tulpar in the first place. But Pony Express is like every company, pretending they care about their employees mental health, while they wouldn’t pay for any medical bill and would put a man like Jimmy to work in an isolated place that can make any sane person go insane. Health isn’t important, what’s important is for them to work like horses until they can’t work anymore, becoming useless to the system.
Then we arrive at the illusion of individual choice. All the rules that Pony Express made were designed to keep employees quiet and scared of punishment, the perfect environment for abuse. I think it is specially cruel that they gave the captain a gun and also made a rule that all accidents in the work place aren’t their responsibility. If Anya or Curly actually used that gun, I am sure they would be punished, and Pony Express wouldn’t be held responsible for what happened.
There was little they could do to avoid more conflict or to avoid the situation all together, so much all the characters seem to have accepted that’s how things are. No safety, no comfort, just work and work in precarious situations, stepping in eggshells trying to avoid getting punished all the time. They rarely complain about their work environment and when they do, they seem to have normalized how dangerous everything is, Jimmy isn’t the only one getting fooled by ideology.
Individual choice isn’t real. Anya wanted to be in medical school, Curly wanted to be satisfied with his life, Swansea was just doing what was expected of a “good man”, Daisuke felt like he was good for nothing. And well Jimmy… Jimmy was very mentally ill, in an ideal world he shouldn’t even be worrying about work, but he needed money.
In the end of the day, we talk about Jimmy’s responsibility, but he isn’t the only one that will never be held responsible for what happened in the Tulpar. The only thing that Pony Express will actually regret is the fact they lost more money by losing the mouthwash cargo. They will blame the crew for what happened, whether they find Curly in the cryopod is irrelevant, because they won’t take responsibility for causing suffering their workers couldn't escape.
I guess that’s what I have to say for now, if you guys want to add something or disagree, I will be more than happy to discuss things.
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing analysis#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing
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Season 1 Arrow Rewrite Progress list
✅ Means already completed
❌ Not done or even started yet
📝 Currently writing
- Episode 1: Pilot (Part 1) ✅
- Episode 1: Pilot (Part 2) ✅
- Episode 2: Honor Thy Father (Part 1) ✅
- Episode 2: Honor Thy Father (Part 2) ✅
- Episode 3: Lone Gunman (Part 1) ✅
- Episode 3: Lone Gunman (Part 2) ✅
- Episode 4: An Innocent Man (Part 1) ✅
- Episode 4: An Innocent Man (Part 2) ✅
- Episode 5: Damaged (Part 1) ✅
- Episode 5: Damaged (Part 2) ✅
- Episode 6: Legacies (Part 1) ✅
- Episode 6: Legacies (Part 2) ✅
- Episode 7: Muse of Fire (Part 1) ✅
- Episode 7: Muse of Fire (Part 2) ✅
- Episode 8: Vendetta (Part 1) ✅
- Episode 8: Vendetta (Part 2) ✅
- Episode 9: Year's End (Part 1) ✅
- Episode 9: Year's End (Part 2) ✅
- Episode 10: Burned (Part 1) 📝
- Episode 10: Burned (Part 2) ❌
- Episode 11: Gotham Night Lights (Part 1) ❌
- Episode 11: Gotham Night Lights (Part 2) ❌
- Episode 12: Trust but Verify (Part 1) ❌
- Episode 12: Trust But Verify (Part 2) ❌
- Episode 13: Vertigo (Part 1) ❌
- Episode 13: Vertigo (Part 2) ❌
- Episode 14: Betrayal (Part 1) ❌
- Episode 14: Betrayal (Part 2) ❌
- Episode 15: The Odyssey (Part 1) ❌
- Episode 15: The Odyssey (Part 2) ❌
- Episode 16: Dodger (Part 1) ❌
- Episode 16: Dodger (Part 2) ❌
- Episode 17: Dead to Rights (Part 1) ❌
- Episode 17: Dead to Rights (Part 2) ❌
- Episode 18: The Huntress Returns (Part 1) ❌
- Episode 18: The Huntress Returns (Part 2) ❌
- Episode 19: Salvation (Part 1) ❌
- Episode 19: Salvation (Part 2) ❌
- Episode 20: Unfinished Business (Part 1) ❌
- Episode 20: Unfinished Business (Part 2) ❌
- Episode 21: Home Invasion (Part 1) ❌
- Episode 21: Home Invasion (Part 2) ❌
- Episode 22: The Undertaking (Part 1) ❌
- Episode 22: The Undertaking (Part 2) ❌
- Episode 23: Darkness On The Edge of Town (Part 1) ❌
- Episode 23: Darkness On The Edge of Town (Part 2) ❌
- Episode 24: Sacrifice (Part 1) ❌
- Episode 24: Sacrifice (Part 2) ❌
#And for this season 1 will remain largely the same minus some changed dialogue#a few new flash backs and scenes basically#season 2 will be when continuity really starts to change#mostly in regards to Laurel#basically I have a lot of ideas and want to start getting them out#but I took like an 9 month break to work on star wars stuff#so I might start alternating between my projects#arrow#dinah laurel lance#laurel lance#dinah lance#oliver queen#arrowverse#arrowverse rewrite#arrow rewrite
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sorry if idk this but what do you think about Wordgirl now in 2024 do you still like it do you still want to make art or talk about it or are you just done with all of it forever and plus i seen that you haven't made art of it since 2022 so you just done with all of it oh yeah and what about The Magnus Archives + Wordgirl ao3 fic too like is that just going to be and i know that your working on 2 au's now just wanting to know that's all
My interests tend to come in intense bursts and then fade. Unless something like, big happens like it gets a reboot its unlikely I'll be coming back to it anytime soon. As for the fic I don't have any current plans to finish it unfortunately.
#Its so shocking whenever anybody mentions that fic to me#like its just such a specific combo of interests how are there this many people interested in it...#I have some fragments of unfinished chapters for it laying around but I was struggling to get them to work#and I definitely dont have the motivation to finish them now#If youre curious the chapters were going to be Slaughter avatar miss Power and Web avatar Mr Big#and possibly Flesh avatar Butcher but I never got around to starting that one#The Miss Power chapter was basically going to be about her having kind of lost her thread#I wanted to leave a lot of ambiguity as to what happened with her home planet#but she hadnt been in contact with them for agessssss and her radio is damaged and her ship is in bad shape#the chapter was just going to be her being like 'pfff I dont interpersonal connection Im doing great out here. Murdering. All on my own'#Well she has her little squirl thing but she treats him like an animal#mr giggle cheeks or whatever#anyway I wanted it to imply that whatever happened her bloodthirst was destroying her#The Mr Big chapter was from Lesley's perspective#She would have been one in a long long line of assistants that Mr Big went through like candy#Lesley is his favorite though because. while she is terrified of him. shes still willing to push him. to be honest with him#but she also knows exactly when to step off. when to lie to appease him#( its always a tossup as to whether he wants a sweet lie or the harsh truth that day. He can always tell either way#its a gamble he does to be cruel. She always picks right though. or maybe he's more lenient with her than he should be)#He likes that she knows exactly how to push him without ever stepping over the line#He likes that her guilt and revulsion are slowly eating her up inside but shes too selfish to leave#She likes being special. She likes the idea of ruling the world alongside him#She'll always be second in command but shell be so much higher than everyone else#and shes willing to do anything to get that#Mr big doesnt think shell ever make it that far#but he likes her anyway#shes the one assistant he'll be sad about dying#OK damn apparently I did still have things to say about this old fic DAMN#still not gonna finish it tho. they call me the struggler becaus.e writing is a struggle...
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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My partner finally finished BG3 but has no idea that his ending was actually bad cause he was a pro-Vlaakith githyanki who rode off with Lae'zel but got NO EPILOGUE where Withers points out y'all died im 😭😭😭
they have no idea what happened with Gale or anyone else (who was still alive) after flying away 🙃🙃🙃
#i cant even tell him cause hes gonna play again more “normally”#its so tragic he would like skip dialogue and just fight to get the jump on boss battles instead of waiting for the cutscenes to start#and he didn't exhaust dialogue trees!! like... how... why...#and also he staked Astarion 😭 and p much never reloaded#and didn't clear the shadow curse so no Halsin#also everyone at Last Light Inn died so Dammon was gone and Karlach only got 2 upgrades#and he didnt know moonrise towers was basically a second town#and his game was buggy a lot maybe? cause he kept trying to be hella creative with things and do things out of order#like killing gortash before doing steel watch 🙃#it's fine it's fine everyone plays differently#he tends to care more about gameplay than anything else but still!!#i just want him to know all the character backstories and see everything that made me emotional#i mean he did say he was sad when Lae'zel broke up with him in act 3 and when Karlach died and when he had Gale use the orb in act 2#which he considered his canon ending :/ sigh#i dont think he got Jaheira's lines about death#and he didnt understand why Karlach wouldn't go back to the hells#and he thought Wyll was happy being the duke (and has NO idea you could save his dad cause the mission didn't happen!! 😭)#the iron throne was like my fave mission outside of killing Cazador and I can't discuss either one cause he didn't do them properly yet 😭😭#he also avoided talking to children so he missed those quests and yenna glitched so no cat appeared in camp 🙃#sighhhhh cannot believe he plays so differently than i do lollll#he didn't even do unlimited kisses with Lae'zel!! meanwhile im over here kissing Astarion every night hahahah#hoping my partner doesn't see IRL if I have the office door open as if it matters lmfaooooo#i need him to play again and see why im in love with a video game character lol#maybe we could both um... benefit from knowing more about all of Astarion's scenes lmao#but like he has NOT SEEN Astarion's silly or sweet side yet just him being a bit of a chaotic vampire#and thinks i like him cause of vampires WRONG!! play the game again and see that i love his silly & sweet real self!#bg3 spoilers#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#bg3#baldur's gate 3
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I may be failing my plan to not make any isat aus. So there's this guy her name is Euphrasie right. What if I took her and combined what could be 3 separate au concepts into one. And in the process forced myself to go back and reread a bunch of shit to make sure I know how to maximally fuck over this sad wet puppy of a woman
#rat rambles#did I ever actually make a proper isat talking tag? I don't remember but erm#stars posting#anyways dont count on me committing to this au too hard since Im mostly eternal gales brained rn but I am rotating ideas in my head#shes always interested me deeply as what am I if not a sucker for women who are mostly silhouettes of a character#I was mostly just thinking abt other ppls aus where she is also looping and was thinking abt how fucked it be for her in general but also#how much more fucked it would be for her if it was Only her looping#because as far as she would know theres straight up nothing that can be done to fix this and shed be stuck in a hell of what shed be sure#is her own creation#and then I thought to myself. what if she then accidentally did a loop while trying to fix it#and then my brain also said but what if loop was also there#so I did some mental gymnastics to ignore the possible problems and decided to take an extra spin on it and just sorta add her to the main#party by having her have basically wished to be able to help them defeat the king to make things right and her getting dropped earlier#on in the adventure so I can fuck around with potential character dymamics more (cough cough siffrin)#and for the actual loops I think it'd be funny if she could remember just like loop but was fully convinced that she was looping alone#so itd be siffrin and her acting at eachother trying to hide their seperate breakdowns while meamwhile loop is just staring at her with a#whole heap of mixed emotions but mostly the confusion of who the fuck is this guy???????#and sif is just like yeah thats secret. shes a powerful craft user who's craft experiments backfired and fucked up her body. duh.#and loop just Knows that thats not true but they have no real way to bring it up properly without drawing too much suspicious#oh yeah and Im calling her secret for now. in my minds eye shes like constantly putting on different fronts in hopes that one of them will#stick but shes been able to get away with it by playing up her belief in change to a cartoonish degree#shes really trying to be strong and not raise suspicion since she does want mirabelle to be able to learn and grow from this just the same#as her own mirabelle before and just wants to be able to fix the broken wish by being there to defeat the king herself#which she had already convinced herself was the reason the wish broke since she was the one stuck remembering#I should reword it to that probably because saying shes the one looping isnt Wrong but asside from sif not remembering it still entirely#revolved around him she was just the one forced to deal with it without any real way of learning how to fix it#and while she never figured out the entirety of the sif stuff it was always him taking to her that reset the loop#so she has. complicated feelings on him. she doesn't want to be avoidant or distant or to dislike him! and as time goes on she does grow to#like him a lot! but its just. hard to look him in the eye sometimes.#and then theres the horrors of the actual main game starting and the slow but horrifying realization of how badly she fucked up
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ㅤat this point, they're beyond wasted and vibing out to music that's too loud with several substances on standby for when the buzz starts wearing off. happy new year!!
#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ic status ⋮ fighting a fight i'll win anyway.#excuse to make use of this gif bc it's one of my faves? maybe.#but mostly i don't want to make an ooc post bc i don't much care for new years#THAT SAID....... i do actually have a goal for this year#and that's to finally ACTUALLY take fucking steps toward getting a diagnosis so that i can maybe start to be a functioning human being#for the first time in far far too long#at this point i'm p sure i'm on the autism spectrum and/or adhd and only having treatment for depression & anxiety#and having psychs guess at MAYBE things like bpd are the underlying main issue#then not actually doing anything about it#has royally fucked over my quality of life since middle school (:#i don't like talking much about my life bc it's genuinely so embarrassing#but i figure maybe baring a little of my soul will help encourage me to finally take steps forward.#this is basically my happy place. my retreat. my escape.#and byan has effectively become my comfort character and a bit of an outlet#so while i'm out here crying about shit i just want to say a huge thank you to all of you lovely mutuals who have kept me company#and put up with my sharp and glittery little freak and given me all these amazing relationships for them#i'd be doin a whole lot worse if not for y'all you have no idea#thank you i love you and here's to hoping that 2024 is good and a better mental health year for all of us ♡♡♡#...there's a good chance i'll be embarrassed enough to delete all these tags later tbh#but i'm in basically the last time zone to hit midnight so it's probably late enough that most people won't see it anyway lmao
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Dick Grayson's unmatched success as a child vigilante makes a lot more sense when you remember the Court of Owls was a thing and that Dick was meant to be the next Grey Son.
There is no way that someone at Haly's Circus wasn't there keeping an eye on him while he grew up. A future weapon needs to be trained and monitored after all, and a circus, a place where weird skills are completely normal, is actually a great place to secretly train a child.
You know, just some knife tricks that translated really well into actual fighting. How to get out of restraints and pick locks while under a time limit. Death defying acrobatic stunts that coincidentally do wonders for parkouring. That sort of thing. Nothing that seems out of place for a boy growing up around circus performers to learn, but would literally any where else.
I mean, while I fully believe that most kids would want to kill the man responsible for their parents deaths, Dick was weirdly prepared to go through it. He tracked down Zucco with way more ease than any normal child should have too. He became the first child vigilante, for goodness sake. The first Robin! He only started getting formal training after he basically forced Bruce into it!
Bruce himself has no idea that this kind of competency in a child is unusual, considering he was much too blinded by the similarities between his and Dick's tragic orphanhoods.
Alfred is in a similar boat because he’s desensitized to weird children after he somehow managed to successfully raise Bruce 'The Batman' Wayne, so he doesn't clock the hyper-competency as abnormal either.
By the time the other batkids start popping up (Jason 'The Audacity' Todd, borderline-street rat with no fear) (Tim 'the greatest stalker in Gotham history' Drake, child genius, also bullied his way into becoming Robin) (Barbara 'raised by the only uncorrupt cop in gotham' Gordon) (Stephanie 'daddy issues and spite' Brown) (Duke 'Pretends he's the normal one and people believe him' Thomas) it's too late.
It would also explain how Dick got along so well with Damian out of all of them. Similar childhood with different approaches and all that. On some subconscious level, Dick recognises and resonates with the murderous ten year old assassin with strong familial ties to a secret elite assassin organization.
It isn't until after the whole Court of Owls and Grey Son reveal that suddenly Dick realises a whole lot of things about his childhood that suddenly make a lot more sense.
#it takes Tim exactly two years to connect the dots#he bolts upwards in his bed with wide eyes and proceeds to swear so profusely he wakes up half the house#Dick also gets along really well with Cass when I think about it#i feel like the Grey Son implications need to be explored more#dick grayson#batman#dc comics#batfam#batfamily#dc#bruce wayne#dc robin#nightwing#alfred pennyworth#batbros#batkids
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#im gonna cry i went thru my back injury log diary journal note thing#i wrote out the important parts so i have a paper version with me for my appointment w the back specialist tomorrow#and im just so fucking scared man i dont want to have my back pressed on its gonna hurt so fucking badly getting prodded tmr#especially after the long car ride there#and i really dont want to be awake rn im so fucking scared but i still have to do my pt exercises tonight but like#fuck im scared i have no idea what the treatment is gonna be or if the doctor is gonna be mean#ive started seeing just a tiny bit of improvement over the last week but its so fucking marginal but its like#its a fact of life that im gonna hurt after my appointment#like hshahdjshks im panicking now lol fuck i dont want to do this#ive been waiting basically since MAY.#i dont want to be sober rn man i cant take anxiety pills this late bc i need sleeping meds more but im so fucking scared#i just wanna be able to sleep and not think about appointments#its fucking cold in my room too so all my whole body hurts rn i wanna get in bed but i HAVE to do the pt exercises#especially bc of the slight improvement like okay maybe the small exercises were what i needed#sucks that it takes an hour to do them all like im fucking freezing rn#just fuckk man#its been months of trauma so tomorrow is important and i dont want the months of waiting to be for nothing#im still in a lot of fucking pain rn too ofc but like im scared more rn#when am i gonna be able to relax#like genuinely relax#its like a whole struggle just to do the functions that keep me alive#im so fucking tired of everything#i know im prob gonna start panicking in the doctors office and not be able to voice my words#its so fucking hard to talk about how traumatic this whole year has been for me#it started w endo in january 2nd and then everything else after sucked lmao like ugh fuck theres too much weighing on the appointment tmr#delete later / /#personal / /#ShitPost.exe#medical / /
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#wip#my doodles#never before have i drawn so much in such a short period of time FJDKLFJDSF. thank u ffxiv twt challenge. for pushing me to pick up the pen#i'm actually having loads of fun too and learning lots of stuff!!!#f.e. experimenting with my drawing process: how i do sketches and how i colour etc.#i've learned that i get motivated by having a clear vision to work towards: i started doing thumbnails(?) with basic colours to get an idea#of where i want to go#when i'm happy with the thumbnail i start cleaning everything up by drawing the lineart and then adding the basic colours#currently experimenting with greyscale. idk how this is going to turn out but it's fun to try new stuff#also YES those are foxgloves just ripped from a csp brush. hush. too lazy to draw them. maybe i'll try but for now they're staying!!!
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drawing my Craig fan design for REAL!!!!! + stupid little doodles
earlier i made a post talking about how i was planning on making my own canon where Crarry could still feasibly exist (as well as having other story beats and whatnot) and i mentioned how i refined my Craig design a little bit from the last time i drew him. i finally got around to actually drawing a proper full-body sketch of him and what he's supposed to look like!!! i think i drew his eyes a little more far apart than i intended but. whatever.
he's my skrunkly. he's my baby. he's got perpetually bored resting face and a phd in Pocketbeasts lore. he's got messy hair and a few stray whiskers as he tends to forget his own personal hygiene, what with being a hardworking scientist who usually doesn't show his face and all. i redesigned his eye to have more of a prominent scratch on it that warps and distorts his pupil, as i felt like that'd be the most fitting for his facial scar and the type of injury he has!
and for fun i'm gonna do a general timeline of the evolution of how i've drawn this design over time, because it's actually changed quite a bit since i first drew him back in 2022!! (click for better quality)
god it is. so weird looking back at that first design. it's so..... why is he so square shaped............. lol
now, in terms of differentiating this Craig from Canon Craig, i've thought of giving him some slight personality enhancements that i've always thought would fit him. i haven't seriously thought about it yet (i am tired) but here's some basic little traits i want to make more apparent in his character:
Logical Knowledgeable Creative Naive Perfectionist Fearful and Cowardly Not a very high self-esteem; Afraid to take charge Easily exhausted Not physically strong; Makes up for it with his quick-thinking skills Easily irritated when presented with inaccurate/false information Easily embarrassed; Tends to erase memories when this happens Reliable Honest Earnest Nerdy; LOVES to infodump about any given special interest he has Focused, sometimes to a fault Detail-oriented Introverted
this will likely be expanded on and developed more, but these general personality traits are quite fitting for how i headcanon Craig to be as a person!
i love how whenever i get attached to a character or even just really like them, i always bestow my best headcanon onto them in high regard: the autism headcanon. gonna try to keep this short so i don't infodump for 12 hours but the major autism traits i like to imagine Craig displaying are issues with social skills (unaware of many cues, accidentally says things in an inappropriate way/unintended tone, takes things literally, misconstrues sarcasm as genuine statements), a speech affect (monotone affect), low empathy (doesn't feel what other people feel and has trouble reacting to and feels uncomfortable with certain emotions), has special interests (robotics and engineering, Pocketbeasts, cats, and he loves infodumping about them!!), stimming (rubbing the back of his head when uncomfortable, fidgeting with and studying a particularly intriguing object or tool very closely, doing little puzzles that make little clicky noises that are very pleasant to listen to), experiences sensory issues (joint pain, eye strain, sensitivity to loud and sudden noises, despises certain tastes and textures, often experiences shutdowns), has a strong need for a solidified routine (sudden routine changes can cause distress for him, as he needs more time to process his surroundings and has a strong need for structure in his daily life), a few motor control issues (he's quite clumsy and has issues with spatial awareness, causing him to bump into stuff. this has unfortunately resulted in him bumping his thigh on the edge of a table way too many times.) and a few other things i've probably forgotten about. a lot of these are inspired by a few of my own traits as an autistic guy myself. the dude's like a combo of Data, Barclay and Geordi mixed into one dorky nerd (apologies for any non-trekkie followers who don't know who those characters are :skull:)
Craig seems like the type of person who, once you get him started, will infodump to you about his special interests for HOURS and he still wouldn't even be done yet. just like me fr. also tiny little Craig getting his face smooshed
get squoshed idiot
this is an older sketch i did when i was still finalising Craig's design along with doodling other stuff on the page. this was a little expression test of Craig blowing his face up with chemicals because 1. i thought it'd be funny. and it was. and 2. i've never really drawn him with big wacky expressions before, and i LOVE drawing big wacky expressions lol. it will be a rare sight to see Craig making a face like that but it'll still be funny nonetheless lol
no comment. only moob. i feel the same way about barry tbh HAHAHAAH what who said that
i fucking LOVE the Yababaina music video so much, it's absolutely insane and fun to watch, although it does put my eyes out of focus when i look at it for too long. heavy eyestrain and seizure warning for anyone who wants to check the video out, it's extremely fast-paced and has a lot of bright saturated colours. here are my three boys drawn doing that little handholding thing Miku, Teto and Zundamon do in the video. also first drawing of Prince Runingunin!!! he's so silly <3
that's everything i have today. i'm excited to draw this version of Craig more and make more art of him and Barry together!! just sucks i have to sorta swerve around canon with a convoluted solution but whatever. i like diverging from canon and making stuff up into my own thing anyway lol. blond nerd craig my beloved
#jetpack joyride#jetpack joyride 2#craig the scientist#barry steakfries#prince runingunin#alternate canon#i'm sure gonna have an excuse to draw this craig a lot more aren't i#heheheheehehee#also if you are wondering. i'm just gonna start shipping prince runingunin with barry in canon#it's the next best thing really and i've liked the idea of shipping them for a while so#unless HE also gets confirmed to be barry's second dad out of nowhere 😭 /jjjjjjjjjjjj#do not jinx it#anyway yeah. in my canon barry and craig are autistic and gay#not only because I Said So but also there's actually a surprising amount of justification to them being neurodivergent if you read into it-#-a lot and have a think about it#like i wasn't even looking for evidence of them being autistic on purpose and yet. i have crafted a whole entire headcanon that fits#and it fits shockingly well#anyway uueeuerem. really tired right now so not much else to say#craig is my little guy and i'm probably gonna make some super gay art with him and barry#it's what i do best :D#just a shame it has to be restricted to my AUs and self-contained canon but like. what are you gonna do about it.#craig's gonna end up being a whole fucking oc at this point loooolll#kinda don't want him to end up being an oc though.... like i still want him to be recognisable as craig before the jj2 shorts#i want him to be craig but different from canon basically. take everything i knew and loved about craig until the reveal and keep that goin#-in a separate canon where the silly dad reveal never happened#hueueugghhuh im gonna go sleep now#ignore the barry moob sketch. forget i said anything. what that wasn't me who said that what are you talking about. sshshhhhshh
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well i haven't spilled my guts on tumblr since i was in college but it's the platform that's felt The Most Mine thru the years, so
let's talk!
i've had a huge chip on my shoulder that i wanted off before the year ends. very bad professional experience to follow
so firstly to get ahead of the speculating, i'm not naming names or anything. some of you will puzzle out who i'm talking about, but please don't bother anyone especially not on my behalf. i've worked hard to distance myself from them the past few months. shit happens, especially when you're a dumb bitch (that's me!)
but also this person was someone i considered a close friend and it makes me uneasy to possibly direct backlash at them. "then why post about it" bc i did intermittent work for them for over a year. this is just about that. so hear me out
basically it started off fine. i initially did some commission work for good pay, then was invited to become more involved with their team. unfortunately as i became more involved with their operation it became more disorganized over time. projects started then forgotten, constantly shifting schedules, lapsing communication between roles, confusing financials, and often inconsistent if not late payments. during mid 2023 i was doing colorist work, sometimes on a one day turnaround (all while also preparing drawfee's summer merch launch). the payroll wasn't set up correctly so i wasn't paid for that work for over a year (more on that later), tho to be fair that was largely my own fault at first as i just didnt realize the payments didn't go thru lol
i always consider myself decently capable of separating friendship and coworker-ship; i run a company with 4 wonderful friends, going strong for almost 5 years. that didn't really work out in this case. by early this year our friendship was on the rocks; work issues fed into personal issues and vice versa. so as the rest of this shit plays out, we had just had our first "big fight" which i felt very bad about and added to all the upcoming tension
a huge point of friction was the fact that i really wanted to work with them to make a music video for one of their songs. i've always wanted a chance to make a music video, was confident in a concept i came up with, and even did some concept art for the idea. everyone insisted they loved the concept and that we should do it, but we kept pushing it back for various reasons. it ended up becoming a huge sticking point for my frustrations, which i tried to express productively. TLDR, we eventually got around to discussing it seriously around april.
i planned to ask for $4000 with negotiable add-on for the whole project, which was my Friend Discount price. i was offered a contract for $1000 flat rate, as they insisted that was the only budget they had for it.
don't ask me why i signed it lol. i didn't even counter offer
there was some girlmath to it: i wanted an extra 1k for a student scholarship i provide every spring and well, there it was. but if i had to guess, i saw it as something i just couldn't back down from any more. i caused these folks- my friends- a lot of problems bc i dug my heels in so deep to chase this project, so fuck it we ball
i had about 4 months to solo a 3 minute music video. they wanted it done in august so they could release it before summer ended, bc "it was a summer song". to be fair i was asked if i needed them to pay for anything extra like assistants (which i would have to find and manage) but i was so immediately overwhelmed that i didn't wanna slow down to wait on that process lol. there was very minimal communication other than brief progress check-ins every few weeks. i did everything for that project myself: the original concept, character designs, storyboards, layouts, backgrounds. i even did the editing/compositing for the final cut of the MV. the only favor i did myself was limiting the amount of it that was actually animated to simple loops and motions. hardly my best work but it was work still done
i did it all in between my full time job. i ended up having to take nearly a month away from most of my drawfee duties (with the support of the others) to make the august deadline. i only ever asked for a 3 day extension (notice given about a week in advance, around the same time i was given the final song file lol). i finished the music video at 6am on the final deadline and recorded drawfee the next day on 2 hours of sleep
but it was done, coolies. the team was very happy with the final product. honestly, without getting into it, those were a very emotionally taxing 4 months. on the professional side, i regretted agreeing to the project and especially for the dogshit rate they offered. i felt like a hypocrite- as someone who always wanted to advocate for younger artists demanding their worth in a world that's getting increasingly hostile toward creatives, i failed myself
so when i met with the manager to discuss the release plan, i told them to do whatever worked best for them as i only had one request: i wanted my credit removed from the project
tbh... like... lmao this dramatic bitch right!! but really, i decided that bad practices only breed worse business. friends or not, it was unprofessional of me to accept such a low paying job so i just didn't want my name used in association. everything felt so muddled to me and i was just really tired at this point
the manager was very understanding and then offered that i could be paid more. they said that their team "was surprised" i accepted their low rate and they would be happy to up the amount. this confused me as the initial budget seemed pretty set and at no point between april and august was i offered a better rate. i knew these guys weren't made of money. so, i declined. i didn't want to put anyone out of their means over work that was already done and agreed upon. but more importantly, i was over the whole thing and didn't want to prolong the project with a contract renegotiation. i just insisted my name be removed
they decided to use a pseudonym (which i was fine with) so they could create a story about a character who made the MV (this sounds really convoluted but i don't know how better to put it without getting specific, sorry). that way if people asked about the credit, they could speak comfortably about it without signaling that something went wrong behind the scenes. ok, kind of a silly narrative imo but whatevs. and maybe this is where i finally went truly wrong but. yolo i guess
i gave the name "D. Smithee", D as in dilfosaur and Smithee as in Alan Smithee. look it up for fun film trivia ig! was it passive aggressive of me to reference that in this context? yeah, honestly. but i thought it was kinda funny and really not that deep. if it was a problem, i have other real, non-cheeky pseudonyms i regularly use. the manager accepted it and all i had to do was wait for them to post the video and i could leave the whole experience behind me
a week later i received a message from the manager that my pseudonym had been denied by the rest of the team bc one of them got the reference. fair enough lol. however, they decided that rather than ask for a different name, the were going to make one up for me that they liked and would "fit the [story]", without asking me
and that! is when i finally snapped!
i was so tired of giving them concessions at this point and having a credit made up for me without any input from me felt genuinely violating and unethical. i started to Panic bc of how stressed i was, and asked for my overdue payments (aka the $500 still owed on the MV, and the colorist rate from a year prior that was never paid even tho i reported it in january) to be scheduled ASAP as i was leaving the work discord immediately
i finally told them off for exploiting me throughout the months while i kept trying to just be nice and finish my contact cleanly. in return i was told that it was unfair to say that as i agreed to everything- i accepted their cheap rate and denied further payment so that was all settled, and it was ok to change my credit without my consent bc i "said they could do whatever with the release". i called bullshit, ended the convo as kindly as i could, and cried lol. they agreed to ditch the pseudonym and just give no credit. that night was the last i heard from anyone on that team
and the real kicker?
august came and went. then september, october... and they never released the music video
and i don't know why, because i was never contacted about it. i've been removed from the picture entirely i guess. 4 months and boatloads of stress. just. up in smoke. i don't know what i expected honestly
it's hard to not take everything that happened personally and as done in bad faith. i really do, honestly. i've had plenty of shitty deals in my almost 10 year art career, but it hits different from people you saw as friends. but to the point of "why not keep it private", i have never felt so disrespected as a professional as i did this past year. i can toy with money and credits and other formalities all i want, but my work- my ideas, my labor, my effort- is still so important to me. i felt like the biggest idiot for doing so much work, pouring so much of myself into a piece for someone's use, for what has amounted to nothing
but more importantly i hated myself for undervaluing my work, even if initially i thought this person was a trusted friend. money is not really an issue for me- drawfee is my main job and i am fine and comfortable. it's so important to pay artists appropriately but i often undersell my own work bc i value the collaboration and passion between creatives more than the reward. i think a lot of artists tend to feel the same, and it often makes us easy to take advantage of. it's so difficult to find the balance between passion and making a fair living, and i think there's some shame within ourselves when artists choose to prioritize that passion
i wanted to finally get all this off my chest bc i was ashamed of every choice i made. things like this happen all the time i'm sure and hiding these mistakes only make it easier for it to happen to other people
tldr always value your work and protect your passion from people who just see it as a product. and don't give cheeky pseudonyms i guess lol
(and again pls don't bother anyone involved about this. a lot of chaos has left my life as i moved past all this, and this is me closing a door without opening new ones hopefully lol)
this shit was truly
so ass.
but i'm moving past it now
but on a nicer note. outside of all of this nonsense, i made lots of good memories this year. i'm truly so grateful to the many wonderful people in my life who keep me going even when i fuck up big time!
and thank you to all of you strangers who, despite everything, give me the time of day. especially if you read this whole thing. you're a real one :')
happy new year!
#getting personelle#reflecting about some shit#thank u for reading or not reading just thanks for sticking around ig
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Have you considered making a hypothetical forgotten vows version of smiler???
Oh, trust me, it was one of the first things I did. XD I've mentioned this more obliquely in other posts talking about my OT3 (notably the Thanksgiving "I fuckin' love Valicer" post), but here's a specific write up for my "Smiler in A Forgotten Vows AU" idea:
-->This would be one of those "Victor and Smiler knew each other first" AUs, with Victor and Smiler meeting at one of Nell's parties after she invited Dr. Kelman and his "son," maybe a year before the events of Corpse Bride -- the two end up hitting it off and becoming friends, then eventually lovers as their feelings take a turn to the romantic
-->They actually also experiment a bit with hypnosis during this time, because Smiler's actually a talented hypnotist in their own right, and they have some fun with it, with Victor enjoying the way Smiler occasionally fucks with his brain
-->Eventually, though, Victor's arranged marriage to Victoria Everglot is announced by Victor's parents. Victor, not wanting to marry a stranger when he's already in love, attempts to run away with Smiler, but it doesn't go off, instead revealing their relationship to their respective parents; Victor is dragged back to Burtonsville, and Smiler is sent off to rural Lithuania by Kelman to keep them apart. Victor, after an initial attempt to get back to Smiler, learns that they're no longer even in the country and, despairing of ever seeing them again, resigns himself to marrying Victoria
-->Cue the events of Corpse Bride (with Victor being briefly heartened by the fact that Victoria seems very nice and just like the kind of woman he could come to love, and then the whole "accidentally married a dead woman" thing happened, and then he's like "wtf I like the dead woman too the hell"), which lead into the events of the Forgotten Vows verse
-->Nell and William actually do ask Dr. Kelman to come in and make Victor socially compliant during the events of "Losing You"; Kelman, still steamed about Victor "corrupting" his "son," says no
-->When Victor ends up at Houndsditch and befriends Alice, he eventually tells her about his relationship with Smiler -- not all the details, of course, but enough that Alice knows that it was romantic (and that Smiler is a they/them); she asks why he doesn't try to run off to Lithuania himself to find them, and Victor admits that he's pretty sure he'd be caught before he could get any considerable distance away, and he has no idea where he'd start looking for Smiler
-->The rest of the events of "Finding You" and "Forgetting You" happen, along with the beginning of "Remembering You" (June, Dr. Wilson, and Victoria and Christopher White all showing up to help at Houdsditch/restore Victor's memories) -- and then, not long after, there's another knock at the door. Alice answers it to find an anxiously-smiling dark-haired green-eyed stranger on the doorstep, asking about Victor -- when questioned, they say they don't know if Victor mentioned them, but they used to be close: "I'm, uh -- well, I'm calling myself Smiler Alton these days--"
-->Oh Shit It's The Ex.jpg
-->Alice quickly realizes that maybe Smiler might have the best chance of helping get back some of Victor's memories and reintroduces them -- Victor DOES recall Smiler in bits and pieces, but of course Bumby's wall is making things difficult
-->Smiler also quickly picks up on the fact that Alice and Victor are in love now and stresses they don't want to come between them; they just want to have SOME presence in Victor's life (after spending quite a lot of time getting back from rural Lithuania to be with him again)
-->Smiler also smartly decides to tell Victor straight out "we had a relationship, it was sexual, hypnosis was involved" to get it out of the way -- Victor is initially furious ("YOU'RE the reason Bumby found me such a -- a--"), but soon realizes that Smiler of course isn't responsible for what Bumby did and never intended for him to get hurt :( They quickly patch things up, and Smiler does their best to help Victor remember more
-->However -- naturally, as they spend more time together, some old feelings start coming to the forefront. Smiler is awkward because they can see how much Victor and Alice love each other and really DON'T want to come between them (especially since they've become friends with Alice in the meantime); Victor is awkward because he's started having dreams where he's with Alice AND Smiler and of course he's feeling guilty about that
-->And Alice feels a bit jealous of their renewed connection, until Wonderland prompts her to examine her feelings in a little more depth; Alice does so, saying that what scares her is that Smiler will somehow take Victor away from her -- "I don't mind if Victor loves them, I just don't want to lose him! ...wait."
-->Oh Shit I'm Polyamorous?? I At Least Don't Mind Sharing?.jpg
-->Alice initially isn't sure how to bring this up, but then the whole "Victor's in love with both of us" thing comes up (maybe he has another nightmare, they both come to comfort him, and Victor ends up crying about how he's so sorry but he doesn't want to lose EITHER of them), and Alice explains her own feelings; Smiler is like "I don't mind sharing at ALL" and things get better as they decide to secretly have a V relationship
-->How Victor Regains His Memories -- while I love how I did it in the original universe, I feel like the fact that Smiler and Victor's relationship involved Smiler hypnotizing Victor needs to be involved. Specifically in the form of Smiler's old trigger phrase for Victor still working at least partially. Hmmm -- maybe instead of doing it alone in a dream, maybe Victor faces off against the wall while in a trance induced by Smiler, and Smiler and Alice are sitting with him in reality, offering encouragement as he busts his way through and kills the heart; cue delighted hugging and kissing when Victor awakes with his memories back
-->"Fixing You" is still a thing as Victor still has trauma after the fact to deal with, but Smiler comes along for the Wonderland ride (I'm thinking that, when talking to Fixxler about how "Travel Into Fantasy" works, Alice asks if they can somehow daisy-chain it to get it to work with three people (like she casts it for herself and Victor, and Victor casts it for himself and Smiler) -- Fixxler says "I have no idea but give it a try, love to hear the results"), and develops their own Otherland as Victor develops his. There would probably also be some stuff with Smiler dealing with the previous abrupt end of their relationship with Victor (with their anger at Kelman and maybe a little resentment that Victor didn't try harder to find them, even if they KNOW it would have been really hard for Victor to do) and their own worries about ending up an asshole like Bumby or Kelman
-->...Actually, them realizing "wait, Smiler's father is an evil psychiatrist too, even if he's not doing the extra-evil shit Bumby was doing" and somehow taking down him and his Sanctuary probably would be a whole extra story in this version of the verse
-->Endgame would have them all moving in together in Sandford, claiming Smiler needs the help getting back on their feet after returning to England -- if they never move out, and if they seem extremely close to Victor in particular, the people of Sandford mind their own business about it :p
...yeah, uh, definitely thought about this a lot more than I originally realized. XD But then again, producing dozens of AUs for my characters is kind of my THING on here...
#ask#anonymous#forgotten vows verse#smiler alton#valicer#sorry it took me a couple of days to get to this!#PMS and period brain is real I'm afraid#and as you can see once I got writing this actually kind of took on a life of its own O.o#I had all these basic ideas in my head previously but I refined them a lot once I started typing#like I knew I wanted Smiler hypnotizing Victor to be part of Victor regaining his memories in this verse#but I really liked the wall stuff from the original story#and while I was writing I was like 'actually I could combine them'#'like have Smiler hypnotize Victor and guide him to the place where he could smash down the wall'#Victor's still doing the work on his own but Alice and Smiler are more actively cheering him on from the sidelines#(and getting kind of spooked when he goes weirdly quiet near the end)#(but then after he wakes he suddenly remembers them both in full and cue the happy kissing)#and yeah have to include Smiler in the Wonderland stuff this time around!#and deal with some of their issues too#and Kelman because Kelman is doing the horrific brain surgeries and whatnot#and needs to be taken down as well#but yeah it all works out and they're a happy V trio in the end :)
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