#barely even slept 3< /div>
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new beginning for the whole 'bobby takes in cas after his parents die so dean and cas grow up together but then fracture and separate for 10 years for mysterious reasons' canon divergent au
#destiel#it's going to be mostly in the present but also occasionally jump back to their teenage years to show how it all went to shit <3#and show how that influences their relationship in the present#this is probably gonna be what kills me because i've written 12k of this in 2 days and i've barely slept lol yolo#sam rambles#i don't even know what tag to use for this#bobby raises cas au#idfk
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Chicago inspired Victuuri AU where Yuuri gets thrown into the slammer after he kills a shitty manager, gets very talked down to (JJ maybe?), then promptly seduces (mostly accidentally) The Best Defence Attorney This Side Of The Country Victor Nikiforov, who initially is only in it for the money until Yuuri pins him with his big'ol eyes and despite his attempts to resist, is immediately doomed. Plus side, Yuuri's on the highway to hell with him in the passenger seat so aaaaye
Now they just need to make sure Yuuri doesn't get the death penalty but in the meantime, well.... Yuuri's already in jail for murder, making out with his lawyer can't be any more against the law...
#yuri on ice#i need roxie and velma to stay wlw but ive been obsessed with the movie again lately and my brainrot is slamming together desperately#trying to fit the puzzle pieces so i had to do SOMETHING....#i cant picture yuuri cheating so thats off the table. i can barely picture victor cheating and im writing a whole fic about it#velma would make sense for victor too but billy is quite the showman himself after all#and he IS The Best so :D#The Manager: i'd say Anything to get a piece of That >:(#Yuuri: wh-h-bu-WE HAVEN'T EVEN SLEPT TOGETHER?!#The Manager: YOU THINK I DONT KNOW THIS? We're done kid its over#Yuuri: BUT EVERYTHING I'VE WORKED FOR-?! The Manager: OVER.#-3 mins later- Yuuri: .........well. huh. .....shit. ....OH SHIT#........i wonder what the pregnancy plot would end up being hmmmmmm
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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update: peach is doing very well!! she's eating and sleeping normally (sleeping more than normal, really, but that's to be expected)!! after 3 days of not sleeping and a few changes in painkillers, she finally just napped for an hr then, after another day, slept through the whole night (and most of the next day). she's started following all her usual routines again and is very keen to eat! still on some painkillers, but they're not having any horrific side effects anymore
now that im not staying up to keep an eye on her all night (while also dealing with upgrading my computer and my phone and also my sister preparing to go overseas and the dogs barking and howling constantly due to all of the above), i finally got some decent sleep too and slept for about 14 hrs. so today ive got that weird shakiness that i get from sleeping too much, but hey it's better than the whole of the last week
#personal#and i have a working computer that's finally on windows 10 so that's one less thing to have background stress about#and i have a working phone for the first time in.. a year? 1.5 years? idfk. my previous phone was 16gb so i could fit like 2 apps#could barely take pictures (and couldnt store them) and couldnt update most of my apps because i couldnt update my os because no space#so every app ran slow and then eventually my phone would crash if i opened the storage section of the settings#so i couldnt even offload apps so i could delete them while keeping the data for when i downloaded them again#couldnt order medicine remotely because my chemist only lets you do that from the app (not the website)#couldnt control the aircon because that could only be done through an app#missed loads of stuff because i didnt have email notifications because i could only use my browser for emails#couldnt see tumblr polls on mobile because i couldnt update tumblr because i couldnt update my os#left the house less because i had to delete pokemon go and that genuinely helped me go for walks#ive been dealing with all that for a year so this is very exciting and such a ridiculous qol boost#it sucks how much something like that affects your life. what do you mean i need an app for everythingggg#but god im just glad peach is ok. like there was a moment when i was so stressed trying to update my computer because it wasnt working#and then she ate a small bit of food for the first time in 3 days and just. everything was suddenly fine again#and the other night i spent like 6 hrs just sitting here downloading and installing things on my computer#but it was fine because peach was on the chair next to me sleeping through the whole night and it was such a relief#my sister finally got her flight yesterday (after it was moved four days in a row) so that's just one less thing happening#ive started playing bg3 so that's cool and maybe ill get a chance to actually properly watch that new dav trailer lmao#that premiered at 2am on the first night peach was home from surgery and hadnt eaten or slept yet and i was too stressed to care about dav#and it really just went downhill for the next few days#god. ok. today is the first day i can actually breeaaaathe
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Wine stains on porcelain
(Alternatively: @katkastrofa and I have created 5 OCs in 3 days and I suffer from chronic “I wanna draw the little guysssssss” disease)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original characters#I have not figured out a tag system yet so for now this is all they’re getting#their names are liba and abyan and I’m very much obsessed :)#they’re the children of two of our other newest OCs. Himman and Summiya#the latter of whom just happens to be Zaheer’s older sister#but he ran away from home years before these two were born so he most likely isn’t even aware of their existence#I mean. I’m sure he suspects his sisters had children. but that’s the extent of what he knows#anyway#quite a few headcanons came to mind as I was drawing so I’m gonna type them out while I can still function#(haven’t slept for two nights in a row. I’m starting to doubt whether I’m actually alive or not)#Liba is older by about a year but once they grow up a little it’s barely noticeable and people assume they’re twins#over time they stop bothering to correct them because really. they’re so close they might as well be#they were both burn with port wine stain birthmarks on their faces. much to their mother’s dismay#she has a whole perfectionism complex and needed her children to reflect that to maintain the family image#thus they were taught how to hide the marks early on. but the powder makes them constantly sneeze#liba is very self conscious about it bc of what her mother put in her head. Abyan less so bc while he’s expected to be perfect#his future doesn’t depend on his looks. he always tries to comfort his sister whenever she spirals too deep. no matter that she’s older#when no one is around to hear he calls her Lili <3 it annoyed her at first so she dubbed him Yanyan in retaliation#but over time they both grew to love the nicknames and now use them unironically#they’re the ultimate partners in crime. their goal? gaining as much freedom from their mother as possible#and sooner or later they will manage to do so permanently. which will make Summiya fall apart. but that is currently Kat’s domain#speaking of. hi Kat. I know you’ve already seen this in pencil but look! I coloured them!!#the birthmarks were both kinda annoying and rather fun to do. maybe I’ll change them later. I was too tired to look at refs so I improvised#and there’s no detail in clothing since again. 0 energy whatsoever. but once I refine their full body designs I shall go all out#that reminds me I need to go collect my new sketchbook. might do it on the way home from the store#okay I’m getting distracted. is this my very unsubtle way of trying to influence Kat to write that Summiya fic?#maybe. maybe not. you can’t prove anything 😁
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this is officially worse than when i had e.coli i can definitely say that now
#emeto n illness etc its pretty gnarly and i dont have a filter so read at your own risk#its been 3 fucking days of barely sleeping and having that sleep interrupted by severe abdominal pain and vomiting#and then during the day i feel almost normal again! and then right before i go to bed the pain comes back and then im just up all night#this is the fourth day of work ive fucking missed this week and i literally want to jump off a cliff#this is worse than my ulcers its worse than e.coli and i havent slept since i woke up at 11:30pm. and its 8am.#ive been shaking and vomiting all night and im soo so tired. i need this to stop. the pain definitely got to like an 8 last night#and all i could do was lay on the couch and just writhe and whine because i literally cannot keep anything down!!#not even my.sleep meds that i unsuccessfully tried to take twice and threw them up both times#my whole body is pins and needles from fevers or chills or sleep deprivation i dont rly know or care#this is the first time in 8+ hrs ive been able to look at my phone without the nausea worsening tenfold so im dropping all of this#and if you think all of this feels bad physically! wait till you hear how it feels emotionally and mentally!
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not dead, not alive, some secret third thing: sleep deprived
#dawgs I have barely slept in these past few days#I dipped from thmblr without realizing because I didn’t even know I haven’t been active in a day#my sense of time is scrambled I’m so sorry#I’m okay I promise life is just chaos#<3#lucas rants#lucas vents#?#sleep deprived#slept uhhh like 7 hours max in the past week#we live we laugh we love#(we changed medications)#clearly will need a new change#do not be like me pls /Gen
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I stopped smoking on July 23. The 0’ Leo Sun ☀️ was conj my IC and the 0’ Aqua full Moon 🌙 was conj my MC with Pluto - that’s the only thing going on there. It’s been 4 days, with the help of a vape.
Yay me 😁
P.S. - the brand is GeekVape, I asked 1000 people that quit and always got “idk I just bought one” and I went through several cheap/crappy/harsh ones over the years and gave up before I got to this adjustable one I wanted the whole time, GeekVape ftw 💯
#29’ IC/MC#big year for me#he has red and I have blue and it’s that way for everything#not easy…#day 1 didn’t even feel like me fr#I didn’t decide#I just woke up#and didn’t want to#day 2 was a fog#I didn’t think I could#quit smoking#I barely remember life before it#if I can literally anyone can#day 3 I CBD gummied and slept a lot#day 4 no desire#just in time for finals 😬#but that’s Mondays problem#readings posted later#not easy either one
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im so fucking mad at myself at my mother at her dead husband at god fucking knows what. "concentrate on yourself" well i cant can i. now more than anything i should and i cant. losing my fucking mind istg
#i wasted the whole fucking weekend because i *had to* come visit her and once i visited i *had to* hang out with my fucking grandfather#watching him cry about grandma and bitch about modern times and the waiter not doing his job because the café was full to bursting#and it took longer than usual to get our coffees so ofc he had to loudly insult him in third person. oh and then he had to bitch about#gay people and women who dont want children too because of he did. and i sat there and listened to it because i HAD TO#wasted four fucking hours. and then i HAD TO go to the theatre with my mom because she got us tickets because she wanted this#to be a nice day for me but i dont have fucking time to have nice days rn but in order for HER to have a nice day i need to at least pretend#i am having one. so i wasted another almost two hours on that play#which was some modern uselessly loud to the point of being physically painful bullshit bad enough that we left mid-show#and then i had to go meet with her friends so lost another two hours and by the time i got home to write that bullshit thesis it was 11pm#and i barely got anything done till 1 am because i went through another stupid little mental breakdown and then it was almost 6 am#and i had to stop because i had a train at 8 and i already only slept like 3 hours that day#and then i got home yesterday totally fucking exhausted and i started reading stuff for the thesis but i was falling asleep so i laid down#'for 10 minutes' and i woke up today at 6. not having written a word lol#and now i could just say fuck it and defend it in september and it would make my life so much easier. but my voice teacher wants me#to get accepted for the masters degree even if im already planning to get the deans leave for the first semester so like. god.#i cant do this lol#i know i should have started earlier but i was kinda busy losing my fucking mind and lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours#and contemplating dropping out completely lol god i hate my life so much it's unreal
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Flashing vent gifs below the cut. I don't know why this helps, but it does.
#I woke up and did something stupid#just venting dont ask#also I can't take my fucking mini press because for 3 nights I've woken multiple times to my heart pounding too fast and too hard#I skipped it and my heart was steady all night#which I know because I barely slept#but still managed to have nightmares#I'm sick and depressed and I can't even fucking sleep#I wish weed didn't cause such intense panic attacks#a bitch could use a good high#even with all the switching and black outs happening again I still feel like I need a break from life#maybe the hematologist will pump me full of sane people blood#that's how blood works right?#vent#flashing images#flashing gif#eye strain#depression#and shit#it genuinely does help though#went from extremely intense emotions and bad thoughts™️#to able to deal with it and calm down really quickly
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What I always fail to consider when I create my absolutely realistic to-do lists and plans is the fact that I'm just. So so tired
#either i am a giant cry baby or there is something wrong with me#(in this house we ignore chronic lack of sleep and other unhealthy lifestyle decisions and questionable dietary choices and habits#that has absolutely nothing to do with my feeling of utter exhaustion#this feeling of malaise is completely beyond my control#no but fr i think i would feel 90% better had i slept 1 more hour last night#idk how i survived the first 3 months of this year where i was getting 3 hours on average#i had at least 4.5 hours last night and i feel like dying lmao#had to lie back down this morning after finishing my preparation for the seminar and doing some yoga because i felt like passing out#but i went to class and it was actually okay today and i didn't faint and i even contributed something#amazing#(i mean we were forced to say something but i did say more than the bare minimum so i think that's an absolute win)#uh anyway i need to work for 2 hours and then study korean and do my homework and realistically that's gonna take 4 hours at least#and i need to prepare for my seminar on Thursday which realistically also takes at least 4-5 hours because I'm so fucking slow#and technically i need to work and catch up with my other 2 courses which would require 2 hours a day#and i need to write my stupid term paper from last semester but i haven't even found a topic yet and i need to prepare my stupid#presentation for one seminar and then start working on the term paper for that as well and then start working on the term paper for my#other seminar and then#I'm just way too overwhelmed lol- idk how people manage life. i feel like a rotten corpse all the time and don't even do anything#i need to clean and do laundry and take out the trash and do the dishes and do laundry and write emails and#i just wanna sleep ahahah#ok I'll stop complaining now. I know how much other people do all the time and my workload is nothing in comparison.#i just like to be dramatic#void screams
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think today im taking a break from drawing to “enrich my enclosure” aka clean fjsjs
#i have an appointment first but when i get home yeah i should probably clean#it’s surprisingly soothing to clean?? dksjd idk i like everything being neat afterwards#and i def need to rest my wrist#i’ve been drawing for like hours everyday even when i’ve barely slept djsjs#i mean i’m having a blast and im glad everyone likes octavia tho#it’s nice to shove my blorbos in peoples faces again after the hell that was the first 3 months of the year#lyriumsings txt#AND i just learned i have the summer off of school#so i’ll have more free time on the weekends to draw MORE
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erm hehe whah huh
#z#i cant even say i want to lie down and never get up because i honestly could lol!!!! lol!!!!!!!!!#i literally havent been able to sleep i keep thinking im so exhausted but it just turns into like brain haze instead of sleep#i pulled an all nighter sunday night and slept for >3 hours monday morning probably >10 since waking up sunday at 4 pm#i can barely eat anything it takes so much effort#im so exhausted i just want it to stop but 1. if i let my finals fall by the wayside itll fuck up my mental health worse 2. if i just stop#putting in effort i wont eat either and ill quite literally starve to death
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its so fucked up i cant just cancel all my appointments today and go to sleep
#im sooo fucking tired im exhausted#im like 80% convinced im gonna fall asleep during my dentist appointment somehow#and then im gonna get home at 3:30pm and immediately pass out and wake up at 11pm CUZ THATS WHAT MY LIFE IS NOW I GUESS#im always exhausted my entire week has just been sleeping like randomly for 3-4 hours 15 hours a day total#like im super fucked#i slept in until SEVEN PM yesterday btw so i have barely even been awake 12 hours#my body just cant stand to let me win anything ig#txt
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E
#q'd#ooc - out of costume;#im back from my trip#it sucked... a lot#and i got back at 3 am because my flight got majorly delayed so I'm probably not going to do too much today#but I'm going to try to be active when I can because man do I need a pick-me-up after that garbage#might've been the worst trip I've ever had. not a single thing went right for me and I kinda regret agreeing to go#i barely slept- barely ate- and barely got to even see the wedding because guess who was the one sibling who didn't have a seat reserved#I'm putting all this in the tags because I wrote this at 3:30 and having the post just be E was really funny to me
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am i actually in love or just feverish and brain-foggy. find out after this commercial break
#on one hand i lowkey think i'm falling in love with him#on the other i barely know him#but what i do know i like and everything i learn makes me swoon even more#but also that's INSANE i can't love him#i've known him for like a few months#but i do feel a fondness for him#an attraction more than physical#and its an attraction i haven't felt for anyone else since i met my gf#so like...i might be falling for this man#which is dangerous bc like what if that is wholly one sided????#also when i stand up my vision gets a nice little vignette#and the back of my neck is killing me bc i think i slept weird on it#and my throat hurts and i'm feeling so so out of it#so these feelings could also be cold medicine induced#im gonna be so honest w y'all i will probably not analyze these feelings further for 1-3 more business years#i'm gonna put them on a shelf in the back of my brain until they are physically too big to ignore#thanks for coming to my sickness rambles#personal
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