#bad childhood memories

[vip-luc]

rip to my fellow peers who watched elsagate as a kid

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

ughhhhhh

me yesterday

[worfs-glorious-hair]

CN: Childhood (emotional) neglect, eldest daughter syndrome, bullying (in school), teenage and childhood trauma, low self worth, trying to heal, facing triggering memories

My parents are about to move houses and asked my sister and I to come around and sort through some of our stuff from our childhood and since my traumatised, would like to forget the majority of childhood and school and growing, up eldest daughter syndromed ass has more bad memories than necessarily good ones associated with all of this stuff it is an awfully daunting and challenging task.

More venting (and trauma dumping) below. Thank you for reading!

I threw away a group photo from school with the class and people that heavily bullied and traumatised me further and it made me realise that I barely have photos of me from my teenage years. And I look at my younger self and see their bright and beautiful smile and I know what pain hides behind it. And I see a person who is just that, a person, a human being deserving of love and adoration but believed themselves to be so, so ugly and completely and utterly unloveable and worthless. A person who is beautiful and lovely and talented and not deserving of all of this hurt and pain inflicted onto them by others.

And I hate that I have to heal from this bullshit that I don’t hold any blame in. I hate that it destroyed my life and I am left to put together the pieces all on my own. Because I am the unwavering, standing firm as rock eldest daughter™️ (genderneutral) that smiles and holds on and doesn’t know what being cared for feels like. I hate that I don’t know who I am besides the brokenness.

And I hate that a part of me still believes that I am unworthy of a good, loving and loved life.

Send a bulldozer to get rid of the stuff and Gale to take me away and love me…

(Just in case why anyone would ever wonder why I am a Gale service top truther, that’s why. I desperately need someone to love me unconditionally and to take care of me, who takes the decision making and responsibilities out of my hand.)

[camarilla-arts]

While still fixated on TMNT at large, I am especially not able to stop thinking about Bad End Ninja Turtles, an au comic by @butterfilledpockets. 2003's "Same as it Never Was" Raph may not have ever experienced the Ninja Tribunal arc, AND I don't think Rise movie Leo still has his powers, so maybe this was just as much of a surprise for the both of them as it was for Ronin. at least we know for sursies Don-bot has seen magic shit before.

[sysig]

How much of me is me? (Patreon)

[codenameregnar]

Genuinely I really do love all the post canon stuff concerning Garak and the castellanship and how that particular path of growth impacts his character and is colored by his past. However, to me in my heart, he went on to live a soft and quiet life with his devoted husband Julian Bashir in their cozy shed tending to his orchids and only tangentially involved with politics. And nothing bad ever happened to either one of them ever again.

[aardvaark]

i was thinking about how i wished leverage had a birthday episode for some of the characters cause that would be sweet, but then i realised something and basically…. okay here’s my thoughts in quotes form, just for fun

hardison: so when’s your birthday? i could plan something for us and the team to do and-

parker: i dont know

hardison: you don’t know… your own birthday?

parker: no, how would i know? pshh, cmon, you’re telling me you remember EXACTLY when you were born? watch this - hey, eliot, do you know your exact birth date?

eliot, innocently passing by, who was canonically anonymously dropped off at a hospital as an infant: no, how would i know?

parker: that’s what i said!

hardison: excuse me?? what is going on right now

sophie, walking into the apartment: whats wrong?

hardison: parker and eliot- well, okay, when’s your birthday? i just have to prove something.

sophie: …….july 12th

hardison: why did you pause? wait, is that your birthday or sophie devereaux’s birthday?

sophie: ………… (guilty silence)

parker: see, no one knows their real birthday! haha you’re so weird sometimes, hardison

hardison:

hardison: what the fuck guys

[adam-trademark]

Pre-School Binder

(5/5)

(2008)

[kinz2007]

To be loved is to be changed... comparison between Martin, a Webkinz barred owl who was one of my childhood favorite toys, and a like-new duplicate my mom gave me for Christmas one year.

I'm on the spectrum and owls were my special interest in grade school. I can still remember seeing this guy when he first came out, and begging my mom to let me buy it with my own money, which she suspiciously denied... turns out she knew my aunt had already gotten it and stashed it away for me for Christmas, and opening it up on Christmas Eve is still one of my happiest memories. He was a comfort object for me well into middle school and went with me everywhere I could possibly take him. It was at a time when a lot of other classmates were growing out of those kinds of things... but I've never not been a plushie lover. That'll be forever for me.

[fentanyl-rabbits]

Forgetting or remembering

[lunarharp]

revamped looong mermaid orufrey au :')

[inkwell-illustrations]

Bro I was so gay for her when I was a kid

[foxglove-and-foxfire-lover]

They’re brothers your honour

[autismdogg]

[whatiswhump]

Whumpee has memory problems.

It started with the trauma but then never went away after.

Old memories fade and jumble if not held onto tightly enough while new ones are hardly etched in most days.

Writers always say they’ll never forget certain moments but Whumpee is ashamed to realize they don’t always remember the name of their childhood bestfriend, nor the stories their dad used to tell, or what color the house was...

For Whumpee, it is an exhausting confusion.

Even the trauma, most of it flies away in wisps- only hints at what happened to them. The feelings of horror remain but not even the absolute of what occurred can be a certainty.

Because they don't even have the proof that their misery is their own.

If they can't fully grasp it do they deserve to suffer it? What if they made it up? Or it wasn't as bad as their breathless night terrors told them it was?

They just don't know...

[moeblob]

Ladd: but why would you kill me when I'm willing to kill for you?? Lass: omg you can't just say you'd kill someone, Ladd. that's murder and it's frowned upon.

(and then Ladd does kill for her but it's fine and part of the job)