#back at it again with the schoolwork
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tell him you imbecile (17/24)
#so so SO sorry for the absence#back at uni and trying to juggle this w schoolwork#ill make it up tho ;P#How I Met Your Father (Again)#total drama#noco family au#total drama noah#total drama cody#total drama noco#noco lore
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Took a schoolwork break so I could get back into sketchbook doodling! Trying to keep the momentum going so I can finish the whole thing before the year ends. So here ya go feast upon some Puzzle propaganda /j
Is this page cursed? I like to think it is :))
Also here’s a digital collage of various notebook doodles from classes wow super neat (you can tell most were from October)
#We only have these two months in 2024 before it’s over I’m filled with dread!!#time is scary!! :’)#also this has been in my ‘drafts’ for a day longer then expected whoops!#was supposed to upload it yesterday but sudden anxiety stuff happened regarding schoolwork and I wasn’t feeling up to it#I go back in forth between ‘prioritize your own happiness! taking breaks is good to not feel overwhelmed’ but also berating myself for lazy#ah yes the long term mental health side effects of procrastinating because it’s too much to process#I probably should seek help again!! :’D#hplonesome art#doodles#mr. puzzle doodles#mr puzzle doodles#mr puzzles smg4 doodles
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I feel a shift in the air… its time to rewatch Voltron
#I’m so serious#Even if I’m super busy#It is fall and this is the only cure#and if i can’t watch it thwn listen to it I must#or have half my screen schoolwork and the other half voltron#the is i would put schoolwork on hold for#im actually seriously debating this now#lance mcclain#keith kogane#hunk#does he have a last name?#im also just out of the loop#pidge gunderson#takashi shirogane#voltron#voltron legendary defender#im back in the building again my friends#im back to my roots#my seventh grade roots#im dramatically wiping away tears this very moment#im so unserious#but yeah#the airs a changin so voltron is going to be rewatched
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Wonderful, my parents fucking hate me I guess
#before they left the house for a few hours I was asked to clean the cat litter#a simple and easy task#but then Riggs#my dog came into my room and decided to shit on the floor#so ofc that was GREAT#I had to clean it up#and then I continued my schoolwork#and naturally#I got very busy and forgot#my apologies#fast forward to my parents getting home#I was in the bathroom and when I walked out I saw my dad cleaning it#I said sorry and he didn’t respond or turn to look at me#I went back to my room awkwardly to later be greeted by my stepmom#she asked why I didn’t clean it#I said that I had forgot#she then told me that that is not an excuse and I should know better#I apologized again#she said me forgetting things is a serious problem and something is wrong with me and I need to fix it#I am diagnosed with many conditions and she knows this.#now both of them refuse to look at me#to speak to me#I hate being here#vent
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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#the infamous doodling on schoolwork is back again#two#second doctor#classic who#art#artwork#fanart#traditional art#doctor who#doctor who fandom#doctor who fanart#the doctor#sketch#doodle
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it's also like. fuck man. i feel like i don't really have anyone to talk to about problems like this. at least not irl. i have one proper (but still very new) friend here and a handful of acquaintances, none of whom i'm close enough with to talk about my issues...and then there's my family, which, no. there's my therapist, but we've been meeting virtually for a while now and i never quite feel comfortable talking candidly on video calls, and i don't have an easy means of getting to her office if i wanted to meet in person anyway. plus i'm just shit at talking to people about myself in general, regardless. and like with y'all i know you have your own troubles, and i'm busy enough as it is without taking time out of both my day and someone else's to try and figure my shit out, so i just. don't. and things get worse. and i really hate it, but what else am i supposed to do?
#i just. why can't my brain be good at what brains do#why can't it all be simple. if it can't be easy then why can't there be a simple solution to my brain's issues#i'm really tired. but i'll be behind on my schoolwork again if i go to bed now#so i'm just gonna. get back to work. finally. after however long i've spent dilly-dallying.#friday chats#tw vent
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As the first math anon (the one with the failed exam), I really do appreciate you writing out a response for me. I will sincerely take your advice and tips to heart.
I hope it helps, anon!! If there's any specific parts giving you trouble (except geometry bestie sorry) I'm happy to try and help break it down!
#ask#anon#i will never forget being in middle school while my dad went back to college for some certificate thingy#and by chance we happened to be at the same level algebra for our math class#and on the same lesson#so i asked him for help with my homework one night and he was like 'yeah i got you we just learned that watch THIS' and showed me how#next day i got it back and i was like **so that was fucking wrong**#my dad says that was the day he knew he'd never be able to help me with my current schoolwork again it was too above his paygrade#did we all have that childhood experience of our dads angrily yelling/repeating a math question at us because we didn't know the answer#but also like 2 years ago my nephew asked me for help with his online math class and ofc it was geometry#i spent like 30 min working out one problem and i was like 'okay i am confident THIS is the answer (:'#and my answer wasn't even one of the 4 multiple choices lmao#listen boy you live in the golden age of the internet where you can just google the solution okay i had WORK for it at your age so#stop asking me about the angle of a cylinder or whatever
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I'm tired of dreaming about my dad. I know it's part of processing, but I am just so tired.
#speculation nation#negative/#sometimes theyre nice dreams where i have him back. except i still wake up sad.#sometimes theyre dreams where im trying to prevent what i know is going to come. but without fail i wake up. and he's already dead.#and then there are dreams like the one i just woke up from. where i know he's dead and im feeling the full force of grief once again#bawling and bawling in-dream. with enough force that it wakes me up.#and of course. i wake up sad from these too.#it makes me think about that passage i wrote for ITNL. well over a year ago. before the Year Of Death even began.#where i wrote about vash dreaming of wolfwood. with a similar sort of vibe to this.#i wrote that inspired by the death of my grandma. who i was close with and greatly troubled by her death.#even that had nothing on my dad though. no loss has ever felt this severe before.#it's been 5 months and sometimes i feel okay. but then i feel the ache deep in my chest again#and i know im never going to be fully free from this pain.#i want to go back to the person i was before i lost my dad. to before i lost my uncle.#i want to go back to early may of last year. where life seemed hopeful and i was minimally touched by death.#only 2 deaths from people close to me. 3 deaths if you count my childhood cat.#now im up to 5 deaths of people who were close to me. and 7 if you count my sweet baby boys.#can you believe that? 4 deaths ive grieved in the past year (and a bit). 2 more deaths of ppl i knew but wasnt close to.#and 2 of them were so genuinely life-altering that they changed me as a person. my uncle and then my dad.#i still dont know who i am now. i feel so lost. i look out at the piles of boxes of my dad's stuff and i feel so overwhelmed.#im supposed to go through them. i havent touched them in months. i dont know how to even begin.#and so i try my best to keep up with my cleaning and my schoolwork. it's about all that i can manage
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I sometimes miss school for the experience and also just wondering how it'd go now with this version of me but then I start thinking bout the schoolwork and teachers and just frown like: Yeaaahh... nah.
#aria rants#i was REALLY socially anxious back then so i was the ''quiet kid'' of the classroom cuz everything was so scaries...#but now im a lil less socially anxious. still scared with new settings and new ppl but i ease up easily now so im managing better#one thing that i know i can never manage well no matter how hard i try to is schoolwork pain and Teachers (frowning. dont like em)#if theres anything that made my school life harder than it is with the undiagnosed problems and adjusting i had to make#itd be the teachers cuz goooooddd theyre the most unbearable ppl ever. i had few decent teachers and everyone else was SHIT#the one and only best teacher i had was during FIRST GRADE! and never again. i never got anyone like her again. she was the best
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meow
#rambles#i started school today ! it was kind of bad but ive been using a planner in order to keep up w everything.#its.lind of.nice not having to stress about schoolwork or chores or anything for a bit. even if it is for *checks watch*#three hours till i go to bed and have to go to school again#i miss my Free Time ����#alsp im in lots of pain because spanish teacher gave me a textbook that I Can Read Online and forced me 2 take it home/toschool every day.#and it adds weight to my alreadg heavy bookbag. i think i have back problems. is it normal to be hurting after i do a bunch of stuff#probably#sorry for rambling like this in the tags fhfghg i meant to just post a simple meow but i had 2 talk about my day#ps. i cant draw as much cuz im away from home. so apologies for that#also i have a headache but we stay silly i think
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i haven't properly looked at henry's ref in literal months
#hat assault.#rough#digital art#krita#original characters#oc group: skelesquad#skelesquad: henry#skelesquad: binary#it is time to be sillay abt my own skeletons again#v quick v rough okay I go back to schoolwork again I've done my context switch#getting handed Henry's hat is unironically a Honor btw he cherishes that thing#even if he's kinda stupid about it#signs of affection: you getting Hatted#skeletons
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love me some fights with my dad where he acts like the most stubborn and childish man alive /s
#also found out that he very much still thinks i'm a failure for not being able to do schoolwork back in the day#fun#/s again#fucking hell#i really try to understand him#but man#buggy thoughts#buggy life#buggy vents
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#sorry i havent been online much lately T__T#attempting to balance schoolwork with finishing tpg 40 by next weekend#ive been slightly more active in the tpg discord!! i'll rb the post w the link again#MISS YALL thinks will be back to normal soon!!!
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(hey tags have vent stuff in em)
gee things seem to be getting better i think im doing okay!!!
one week later:
#might be a venty post#i need to go back to the doc to talk about my meds#this week has been. kinda shit and im frustrated at how easily ive been getting pissed at stuff and going back into old habits#well not NEW but i only recently finally getting better at not doing them and then i had a. moment last night so yippee#genuinely feel drained and shit and i want to get myself to do the things i need to do but i cant and its frustrating#every time i try to do schoolwork or stuff like that i just cant and find myself plunged back into my interests because my brain just cant#handle stress apparently#one small stressful thing and its burying yourself again!! enjoy the dull feelings after having a meltdown because your dad asked you to#make a list of schoolwork#me omw to fight god#anyways if any of yall read this this is just me saying that if my posts are a bit spread out or i just dont post my usual stuff its that#and if im not posting splatoon its probably because my brain wants constant distractions and changing so its really switching between sonic#and splatoon rn#anyways love yall i hope i can some shit sorted out soon#vent post#tw vent#gonna delete later#miles posts
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had the most insane dream I just woke up from and forgot where and who I was
#eiki and komachi#and shizuha and mystia#were there#thendream was actually fucked up like#it was a school but also a thrift store and i found an lps i wanted but then killings statted happening#yukari was on a rampage#we managed to escape as she was chasingnus down#we fused like in steven universe to take her temporarily down#then we drank and relaxed#but then she came back and we all ran again#but she was dkstracted by the nartender#and we ran down to the school building to escape#but then got distracted talking about schoolwork#there was also other oarts like there was a hawk a movie theater a#murasa was mirdered and i was so fucking mad#anyways most vivid dream ive had in a while#*#dreams
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