#i did declutter a fuck ton of old schoolwork a while back so i may not have anything to check

[milfbrainrot]

i really need to dig through old schoolwork to see if i have any old work capturing my real time reaction to reading Jacob Have I Loved given the whole... teenage girl has a crush on a seventy year old man representation lol.

i read it as part of a group in sixth grade and i cannot tell if i made up the memory of this one particular girl (who i hated <3) calling the protag's crush on an older man gross, with me just... not understanding? like, it was absolutely talked about but this feels like something i could have made up happening.

i do remember feeling like i was doing something wrong reading parts of this book, like i do remember rereading certain passages quite a few times because of the "o: omg are they rly portraying that?" disbelief. and i have naturally always leaned toward not understanding the purpose of certain societal taboos unless actual harm is being done.

however i was also 11 and i had not yet put the pieces together that all of my Favorite Teacher feelings that year were extreme crushes lmfao so i wasn't consciously personally invested in going "but it's okay to feel that way!"

so that;s why i'm SO curious to know how i did actually react and what my fascination with those passages was actually about. clearly the book stuck with me lol.