#awkwardblackgirl

[run2dasun]

Diary Entry 12.2.2022

Long time no sees! I'm sorry for not writing everyday like I said I would. Life has been pretty hectic. I'll give you guys the run down.

Since my last post, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me with two girls. Crazy right? I confronted him about it, and he didn't really say anything. Not to be the one to use the word 'gaslight', but I am pretty sure that he gaslighted me. He tried to make it seem like I was overreacting. This happened before Thanksgiving. It was kind of sad, but it is what it is, and people come and go. I'll find someone better that can appreciate me.

After break, all that I have been doing is studying for my final exams. This is my first college exam, and I'm a little nervous. I have three papers that I need to write, and study very hard for my philosophy exam. I'm failing that class, with a 59%. i tried my hardest in this class, but sometimes things don't work out. But I'm hoping the extra credit will help bring my grade up. At this point, all that I can do is study and pray.

I applied for a job back in my hometown for winter break. I need a little bit of money before I come back down to college. So far nobody had contacted me back yet, but I'm going to apply for more today.

The final thing that I have done is go to therapy. I should have gone a long time ago, but my parents didn't support it, so now I'm going for free at my university. I'm going to be going consistently now to help me heal. I have tried healing on my own for years, but it feels like every step I take forward I always end up getting pushed ten steps back. I have an idea on things I need to work on and what order I should do that in. Yesterday, we talked about my first love, and how no matter how hard I try, I can never seem to get over him. I told her I tried everything to try and get over him but it doesn't work. My therapist (we will call her Bee), Bee suggested that a join a club or do something to occupy my mind. So now that is what I'm doing. I'm going to write a novel. I have a great idea for a novel. Eventually when I'm done with it, I'll send it to a publisher to see if I can get it published. I'm going to be very optimistic about this, because I think this could be a good thing.

Farewell,

-M

[sagelives]

•·.·'the awkward black girl'·.·•

I thought about using ChatGPT to generate prompts for my first blog because I don’t know how to form topics that can express my own emotions.

That’s a hell of a first sentence. I’ll start with something easier.

My name is Sage (not really, but it’s easier than being me). At age 19, I’ve done most things - college and my first boyfriend, which is a lot considering who I am.

I had no intention of starting a ‘blog’, but my best friend (let’s call her Amethyst) called me at the ass crack of dawn, asking if I wanted to read her essay about deconstructing her faith. That’s a crazy sentence, I know. Stay with me. When she got off the phone, I glanced up at the Creative Gods and winced. They gave me another idea, and I hate that I enjoyed it. What else am I supposed to do - just let it dwindle in me until I rot completely?

So, here I am with my blog named the awkward black girl.

I think I resonate with this name more than my own (my actual name, not Sage). Before you ask, I’ve never seen Issa Rae’s show. I didn’t even know it existed until I searched it while writing this sentence. (Excuse me while I contemplate whether or not I even like that name).

I'm not expecting anything to happen with this blog at all. I'll be lucky if someone just glances at these words in passing. I just want something or somewhere to put all my thoughts into play and see them as for what they are and not what they will turn into if I let them fester.

(Fester means to rot basically, so it's the word I'm looking for, but in this sense, it doesn't seem right. Maybe, I meant to settle, but that doesn't fit either. I need a dictionary with me at all times.)

I'm hoping that someone discovers this blog and finds their place. I think that's what all little black girls are looking for; a place of their own. They can have this one. I'm willing to share if that means anything to anyone who's reading.

Everyone is welcome, to be honest, but these experiences will not resonate (this is the second time using this word. I need a thesaurus too) with everyone. Like a menu that caters to a rich person's appetite, this blog caters to a black girl, struggling, thriving, and just living.

Welcome home, black girl, you've been missed.

[ilycupid]

Tumblr is fucking weird.

During the past few days upon this new arrival on tumblr, my explorations have left me in quite a troubling spot.

But that's....besides the point. As I lay in my bed at 4am, Im thinking to myself about all the possibilities life has to offer. How amazing is it to turn nothing into something.

I absolutely hate that i'll have a million prepared thoughts, but as soon as my finger touches this keyboard I forget everything.

Let's talk about love.

I think on my journey to love, the first thing I realised was how important it is to put effort into yourself. I think the damsel in distress thing only works in movies. For so long, ive been wanting help. Needing it. Ive been crying and screaming for someone to save me, to give me a break!

But that didnt happen. I realised when it comes to life, my life, I have to take control. I have to put my feet down and get and keep pushing, and keep working. I dont want to, it's the last thing I want. But for things to work in favor I do.

I dont want to be that little girl waiting after school for her parents to pick her up anymore. I can't be. Theyre going to be late, maybe they wont show up and I have to walk home this time. I still have to get home, right? That little girl is going to be waiting forever if I dont help her, so that's what I'm going to do. Im helping her right now. Im showing her what happens when you pour into yourself, and you stop waitng on other people, you make things happen for youself now. You dont have to depend on others because youre able to make things work now.

Not only do I need to pour and put effort into myself, I need to trust myself. If I cant trust myself , respect myself, treat myself, make myself feel good, how can I expect someone else to? What I wont do for myself why would others?

Tell me if this is fucked to say but, I feel once I start putting love into myself, others will see that and they will love me. Im not looking for aceptance and love from everyone now lets make this VERY clear. But what I do want is better for myself and I think this is just the route that I need to take.

I'll keep you updated on the shit show.

- Cupid

[a-bleachers-concerto]

Something amazing coming your way! "A BLEACHERS CONCERTO" is a web series that follows Corrine, an awkward black teen at a predominately white high school. A comedy. A love tale. A love tragedy. But most of all, a story about accepting yourself and stepping into the spotlight.

Written and directed by Henrietta Biayemi, a Sierra Leonean British-American, first-gen, filmmaker. Representation matters and I promise you, this show is for us.

[howtolivefatandhappy]

A whole slew of selfies.

[carefreeblackgirll]

Carefree and black 🖤

[marissafonte]

Don’t mind me just binging #insecure on #hbomax . . . Issa Rae for #caricatureresolution2021 . . . . @caricatureresolution . . #issarae #yellow #vibes #insecurehbo #hbo #tv #tvshow #awkwardblackgirl #lovebirds #caricature #caricatureartist #caricatureresolution #characterdesign #illustration #art #digitalart #digitalillustration #drawing #digitaldrawing #artistsoninstagram #laart #laartist #january #2021 https://www.instagram.com/p/CJ9qLQFjAF_/?igshid=h8f3mbkm8x21

[thekristiannaway]

This sun kissed glow is brought to you today by the really awesome golden hour I caught today and @dvinitiskincare 🥳☀️ I was gifted a couple of items from this Philadelphia based skin care line, and I love,love them 🥰 — specifically The calming an ultra moisturizing body butter (pictured) and the all natural flower girl lip balm. There’s an actual flower in it! So pretty. 🌺 Best of all, this is a #BlackWomanOwnedBusiness 👸🏾 Check them out✨ . . . . . #beautyaesthetic #beautyinspo #skincaregoals #summerglow #skincareobsessed #youthfulskin #glowyskin #glowingskin #girlssupportinggirls #fashionillustration #makeuplover #beautyillustrator #phillybloggers #browngirlbloggers #awkwardblackgirl #makeupobsessed #phillyinfluencer #makeupjunkie #skincarecommunity #skincarelover #skincaregoals #skincareproducts #skincareroutines #skincarethreads (at Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/p/CH1FLVeASza/?igshid=4mov803y2hla

[chefsatia]

The Curry Sisters with some "Black Is King" inspo. #AspireToInspireOneGirlAtATime #BlackIsKing . . . . #iAmSousSHE #blackgirlsrock #love #dope #blackgirlscreate #awkwardblackgirl #ChefSatia #littleblackgirl #sheis #artist #paintmeempowered #Beyonce #unique #blackgirlscook #blackisbeautiful #blackqueen #bornlikethis #blackgirlswhopaint #SoarBlackGirl #SisLetsDoBrunchAndSpillTheTea #blackpower #artistsofinstagram #blackgirlfly #Knowledge #Blackish #blackgirlmagic #blackgirlspaint #blackgirlbloom https://www.instagram.com/p/CDq646MJ7xS/?igshid=3ckwlohb11ba

[run2dasun]

Diary Entry 1.6.2023

Well, I haven't been posting like I wanted to. A lot has been going on since I last posted. I had someone very close to me die suddenly. Not only that, but he also died during finals week. I had drama with his death all the way up till his funeral. Nothing major, just family things. The only upside is that I did pass all my finals. My GPA isn't what i wanted it to be, but it's the best I ever got in a first quarter, and my grades will only go up from there. I also managed to quit vaping. Right now, I'm 5 days sober, which is awesome. I always knew I could do it, but it's just having the strength to do so.

Going back to the death I had recently. Ever since that person close to me has died, I feel like I have the strength to do anything I want to do. Thats why I quit vaping. A part of me had just became disgusted towards it, and I couldn't smoke it anymore without wanting to gag. I never had that happen to me before. Has anyone else experienced what I'm describing? It doesn't have to be with vaping, it could be with anything. For some reason too, I'm getting the urge to write more. Sometimes I feel like it's him pushing me to do what I'm meant to do.

I know this was a lot to digest in one post, but I had to give a little update. He died on December 6. I don't want to say who it was, because I feel like it would give too much away about who I am. I just want anyone to know that dealing with death isn't easy and if anyone needs to talk my messages are always open. Especially during the holiday season, it can be rough.

[neonprincesswarrior]

Some awkward black girl vibess for your timeline 🦋💫😚

[ilycupid]

I need new friends. I need some form of connection. Oh my gosh, adulting is hard; why do it alone? #AwkwardBlackGirl.

#NewFriends? #21 #RantComingSoon

[jechesweet]

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Yaaaassss!!!!!! Reposted from @queenvibesonly (@get_regrann) - We are Not the One or the ✌🏽... ✨ • • #queenvibesonly #queenssupportqueens #dopeblackpods #podsincolor #blackpodplaylist #blackpodcastnetwork #blackgirlmagic #blackwomen #blackisbeautiful #melanin #introvert #awkwardblackgirl #quirky #podcast #blackpodcasts #blackpodcasters #supportblackpodcasts #blackpodcastsmatter #naturalhair #naturalhaircommunity #TeamNatural #jokes #hilarious #laughs #funny #lizzo #project #issues https://www.instagram.com/p/B2aYhPvgPHt/?igshid=1kz68yvjcc0is

[beautymarkedsoul]

Manifesting and sh*t ❤️

[mfcommand]

The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl by Issa Rae @issarae Finally getting around to finishing the last season of Insecure, lined up to read her book too. It's been awesome to watch her grow from the earliest episodes of Awkward Black Girl to HBO to the big screen! What are you reading during #WOMENSHISTORYMONTH ? #READ #READS #READING #BOOK #BOOKS #MEMOIR #AWKWARDBLACKGIRL #INSECURE #BOOKSTAGRAM #READBLACK #BLACKWRITERS #READBLACKWOMENWRITERS #READWOMEN #READBLACKWOMEN #LETSREAD #NOWREADING #CURRENTLYREADING https://www.instagram.com/p/CbqE64lOZiI/?utm_medium=tumblr

[brandonimhotep]

Happy 37th Birthday To Jo-Issa Rae Diop!! 🥳🎉 Please show some L♥️ve for actress, writer, and producer, @IssaRae ✨ #LosAngeles #California #Potomac #Maryland #AwkwardBlackGirl #Insecure #TheMisadventuresOfAwkwardBlackGirl #TheHateUGive #RatchetPieceTheater #TheFWord #Roomieloverfriends #TheChoir #Happy #iamOTHER #Little #ThePhotograph #TheLovebirds #SpiderManAcrossTheSpiderVerse #Hoorae #Vengeance #RapSh*t #HappyBirthday #IssaRae (DM For Promo Rates) 📬📥 (DM For Promo Rates) 📬📥 Kindly FOLLOW Our New Page @wonderwombman2 @wonderwombman2 @wonderwombman2 https://www.instagram.com/p/CYotRU0uGjXHJLoaWSJ2zPXjiGnTFVgdAiSlbw0/?utm_medium=tumblr