#girlssupportinggirls

[girltalkcollectives]

The “Nice Girl” Trap: How We’re Taught to Prioritize Politeness Over Boundaries

Growing up, I don’t know how many times I was told to “be nice.” Whether it was sharing toys I didn’t want to share, letting others go first, or holding my tongue when I wanted to speak up. The message was clear: my job was to be polite, pleasant, and accommodating. At the time, it seemed normal. After all, being nice isn’t a bad thing, right? But somewhere along the way, “being nice” started to look a lot like putting myself last.

It sounds harmless enough, but think about how many of us, especially as girls, are taught to put others’ comfort over our own needs. That childhood lesson of being “nice” is more than just good manners — it’s a subtle push to downplay our own feelings and prioritize other people’s. And the real problem? When you grow up believing that being “nice” is your job, you start to feel uncomfortable saying no, setting boundaries, or doing anything that could make someone else unhappy.

Fast-forward a few years, and I’m the teenager who apologizes when a guy won’t stop texting me, even though I’m clearly not interested. I’m the friend who’s always available, even when I’m exhausted, because I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I’m the person who will bend over backward for others and feel guilty if I don’t. And I know I’m not alone. The “nice girl” mindset has taught so many of us that it’s better to be uncomfortable than to make anyone else feel that way.

For the longest time, I didn’t realize what was happening. I thought I was just being “a good person.” But here’s what no one tells you about the “nice girl” mentality: it teaches you that your comfort, your boundaries, and your needs don’t matter as much as making other people feel comfortable. It’s a message that says, “If someone wants something from you, it’s mean to say no.” And if you grow up with that idea long enough, you start to feel guilty anytime you do stand up for yourself.

It’s not that being nice is a bad thing. The world could always use more kindness, and there’s a lot of good that comes from being considerate. But when “nice” means sacrificing your own comfort and needs, it becomes a problem. Because here’s the reality: boundaries aren’t rude. They’re necessary. And as much as we’re taught to care about others, no one really teaches us that it’s okay to care about ourselves, too.

I didn’t fully understand this until I found myself feeling completely drained by the people around me. I was constantly saying yes to things I didn’t want to do, going out of my way for people who wouldn’t do the same for me, and feeling guilty every time I even thought about setting a boundary. I’d been trained to be the “nice girl” my whole life, but at some point, I realized that being nice to everyone else meant being unkind to myself.

And here’s the thing: when you’re a “nice girl,” people notice. They know you’re the one who won’t say no, who won’t rock the boat. The people who truly care about you will probably try not to take advantage of that, but others won’t hesitate to do so. I realized that being nice isn’t always the same as being good, and it doesn’t have to mean sacrificing my own boundaries to keep everyone else happy.

So I started setting small boundaries. I’d say no to plans if I was feeling exhausted, not just when I had a “valid” reason. I stopped apologizing for not being available all the time. And yeah, some people didn’t like it. I’d get the occasional “You’ve changed” or “You’re not as nice as you used to be.” And I had to be okay with that. I had to learn that being kind to myself sometimes meant disappointing others, and that was okay.

Learning to say no is hard when you’ve spent your whole life feeling responsible for everyone else’s feelings. But slowly, I started to realize that it’s not my job to make everyone happy. My job is to take care of myself, to set the boundaries I need, and to be true to my own comfort and well-being.

Maybe, instead of teaching girls to “be nice,” we should teach them to be authentic. To trust their own instincts, to say no when they need to, and to stand up for themselves without feeling guilty. Because real kindness should always include kindness to ourselves, too.

The “nice girl” trap is something I’m still unlearning, one boundary at a time. But I think it’s a lesson worth sharing: that it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes, that “nice” doesn’t mean saying yes to everything, and that no one has the right to make you feel bad for setting boundaries.

[disorganizedkitten]

#girlsprotectinggirls one shot fic question! Sorta. Are you a fan of Marvel at all? Or any other superhero media? Because I love that forum system, and thought it would be amazing if it connected all sorts of heroes. What other fandoms do you think could use a support system for their heroes?

OKAY SO I absolutely am! Not enough of a fan to always know what's going on, but I have my series and universes (marvel rising is the most recent) and can recognize most of the art.

Have you read You have (1) New message by chipanddealer? Because it's very *mwah* and definitely affects my answer; but yeah! I think if I went around and just added in all my favorites, I'd find a way for there to be a SuperHero one and a Hero one, because I love the trope of 'hero of the story is overwhelmed and meets retired hero from another story and gets mentored'. I love it so much.

Specifically, I think my ideal chat fic at this very moment would include Jackie Chan Adventures, Miraculous Ladybug, (Harry Potter? maybe?) and Danny Phantom, but just a large one for fun would definitely be a huge mishmash. Harry Potter, Trollhunters, Marvel (rising), Miraculous, JCA, DP, some nice Kim Possible but she has to either be the youngest and just starting her website or the oldest and the mom hero, and maybe some Gargoyles? There's not really a Young Hero(TM) in Gargoyles but there are a lot of traumatized old as dirt men and women who have some nice commentary on loyalty, betrayal, and living through grief.

Oh and Scooby-Doo. A chatfic with any of the superheroes-gotta-have-a-plot and scooby-doo-we-invented-and-immortalized-the-episodic-formula would be wild in the best way.

As an actual 'heroes' forum I definitely want it- not quite open but very near to it? Like, there should be a spot for 'I just did a thing and now I think I might be starting a vigilante career what do I do' and a bunch of other new and old heroes can pop in with Things I Wish I'd Known When I Started (like a stretching routine!), and that's a lot more accessible than the rest, which in #girlsupportinggirls is for "vetted" heroes and vigilantes, and idk if I ever decided how they were vetted but it was a thing.

Oh and winx club should be in this.

So glad this isn't an essay there's probably no clear form of thought, but back to the original question of "what other media do I think could do with a support system" and the answer is All Of Them. Except Stranger Things, because while they absolutely do and I haven't watched the series through, I do have to forever give them props for having a parent who not only cares but actively involves herself in the things that are threatening her children, without being an oblivious/clueless/useless/gag character who just causes more problems.

Which is why a non "hero" forum would have a lot of people - Percy Jackson and Magnus Chase characters, for one, because they could do with support and - ooh DP/MC crossover - grow up to be some pretty sick mentor candidates. "I didn't wanna be a halfblood; I didn't ask to be a hero seeking praise," lives rent free in my brain and likely forever will.

I read a pretty awesome Trollhunters/Miraculous pen pal fic once back when trollhunters was the only Tales of Arcadia out, which was lovely, but since we're at it 3Below/DC would be a very nice crossover, there are plenty of aliens to play support and grief counselling.

Um. I lost where I was going with this, I'm very sure, but we should add a Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys/Scooby-Doo either chatfic or casefic to the list of things that exist in a perfect world and also maybe my to-do list.

Okay FINAL list for the current 'perfect' "someone support these kids who are doing their best/thrown in the deep end/need a hug desperately" is Kim Possible, Nancy Drew, Scooby-Doo, Hardy Boys, and maybe Winx Club for the well-adjusted and likely give the best advice, probably play a mentor role; Dectective Comics, Marvel, Danny Phantom, Miraculous Ladybug, Trollhunters/Tales of Arcadia, and Harry Potter for the 'have advice but as peers and also are definitely using solving your problems as a distraction from their own'; Winx Club (the anime), Gargoyles, and Jackie Chan Adventures could be in either of these, and technically I guess so could Marvel and Detective Comics, but Winx and JCA have much more 'they grow up and get their crap together' vibes than DC and Marvel. Harry Potter could also also go in the mentor category which would be lovely, a prophecy child who survived their prophecy travelling the world/the interwebs and supporting other child heroes and chosen ones however he can.

Gargoyles and Batman should definitely meet sometime, it's been a while since I watched Gargoyles but I feel like they could learn from each other.

...I forgot the riordanverse but you know what it's fine they can be there and just log in once every three apocalypses.

[jellyfishfem]

rant about friendship as a brown girl in Europe

I have female friends irl, I do. Just not the friend kind. I live in Europe and I have brown skin. I have hyperpigmentation spots. They make me look like I’m dirty. A teacher once asked me “What’s wrong with your forehead?”. My curls make me look masculine. My best friend even once said “[About our classmate] I think he has a crush on you because he’s gay and you look like a guy.” I have weird interests. Some talked to me like I was a pet. I was the one with the ugly mental illness (which is a schizospec disorder) and of course no one actually is tolerant towards those people. I always knew they looked down on me. I was fine with it. I still am. I know they think I’m less because of my feminist views and because I’m not as girly or fancy or “a baddie” like them. I don’t care, I don’t have the energy to care. i know, everyone does their best to survive under the patriarchy and I don’t really blame my friends… I am a bit tired of standing up for women, online and irl, who would and will turn on me for male validation in a second. I have to admit, now I overcompensate by dressing in hyperfeminine clothes. I am desperate to make myself less like an ugly monster. I am supposed to know that my worth is not based on my look. But my G-d, it’s hard when I get punished for not participating in beauty culture. I don’t know… I can’t do this much longer. I want to sleep forever.

[wisterianwoman]

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Still trying to be "that girl" instead of just A GIRL? I'm tired of toxic trends and ideals that are making young girls and women feel inadequate, vengeful, or powerless. Let's talk about how to regain our individuality and celebrate our strengths instead of comparing ourselves to each other.

AUTHENTIC EMPOWERMENT

[simply-stephanie93]

On International Women's Day we recognise the power of women, from those who have broken glass ceilings to the unseen labours of millions around the world. Feminists all across the globe continue to fight for gender equality and champion female excellence. Even if you find your self standing alone speak up. It’s not our job to stay silent so that others can stay comfortable. Use your voice to shape the world or other will shape it for us. In a world that is constantly pushing us to tear each other down, why not rebel against this gross initiative and love and support each other? Let me start by saying, girls are goddamn awesome. We are warriors who have to put up with a lot in the world. Some of us more than others. A lot of us, but not all of us, can create life. How cool is that? We have many different stories, ideas, experiences, identities and struggles. Girls supporting girls is so extremely important and, overall, quite magical. #internationalwomensday #womensday2023 #girlssupportgirls #girlssupportinggirls #empoweringwomen #mua #influencer #womenshistorymonth #womenempoweringwomen #weareallinthistogether #unitedwecan #spreadingpositivity #mua #makeuplooks #makeuplover #makeupblogger #nogirlleftbehind Top: @roast_the_dead_coffee Skirt & jewelry: @hottopic Foundation: @almay Contour/blush: @maccosmetics Brows: @archesandhalos Eyeshadow: @almay Liner: @kvdbeauty Lashes: @cblashco Mascara: @neutrogena Lipstick: @neutrogena & @rimmellondonus https://www.instagram.com/p/Cpi-9ZuPUal/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[kabutoraiger]

it's so sweet how much they care about gritta after a single perplexing bodyswap experience #girlssupportinggirls

[msburgundy]

we are having extremely comical and nigh catastrophic IT issues at work rn but my coworker and i have mastered tag team check printing. #girlssupportinggirls

[tharsei-thanate]

asked my coworker to euthanize me and she said no, so much for #girlssupportinggirls

[imjusthereforashorttime]

But cat ladies should quit hating on her 😔✊#femalesolidarity #girlssupportinggirls

[elbiotipo]

OJALA *MAMI* INVIERNO (hot snow queen gf) ME LLENE LA COLA DE NIEVE #FEMINISMO #GIRLSSUPPORTINGGIRLS

SUPONGO que no puedo argumentar contra esto

[lilaccatholic]

Would it be cringe to wear a shirt that says "in my christian romance era"?

no because i will 1000% buy a matching shirt and then we can wear them and get boba together #girlssupportinggirls

[disorganizedkitten]

It started with Chloe. It spiraled from there. Afterwards, Paris is still it's own bubble. With akuma, most dangerous people are barred from the city. But the big thing is, they're not alone anymore.

[bitchinbarzal]

justice for sierra i hope she follows every single guy that pops up just so he can get a taste of his own medicine

#girlssupportinggirls

[agnesandhilda]

I (19F) let my cat (8F) sleep in my bed and leave grains of kitty litter in the sheets because I'm a feminist #girlssupportinggirls

[thetamingoftheshrew]

A porn bot named alyssa just liked the picture of my quilt from february. Thanks babe #girlssupportinggirls

[nickmpreg]

beauty accounts always be posting stuff like ‘GIRLS … !!! it’s national Pretty Women month . just reminding all you gorgeous , gorgeous girls that no matter what you look like , we are all in this together . #GirlsSupportingGirls 😜 that’s why im giving you ALL a 5% off coupon for Botox injections from now and the end of the month , don’t miss out !’