#at this point do i care?
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Okay, for real, real question.
How the fuck are you actually supposed to write a dissertation? Like... there is no guidance? Is that my advisor or is that me?
I feel like someone said "Hey, write me a 150 page document about something you did over the course of the last 5 years."
And I said, "Okay, but like, how do you want that to look?" and no one answered.
And so I said, "but like, you think x y z should go in it, right?" and no one answered.
and so I said, "but like... how should I go about that?" and no one fucking answered.
So now, like as of a day ago, I was asked to have a completed dissertation to turn into my advisor NEXT WEEK.
So I've been doing the spongebob, right? Like staring down at paper, writing furiously, reading furiously, I have had a headache every day for at least 2 straight weeks; I have bags under the bags on my eyes - my fiancé literally told me I have 3 consecutive bags under each eye where they just keep getting worse; I am not sleeping well unless I take my large dose medicine; I am not tired, I am only tired, I am not hungry, my body does not feel normal, I am not bathing regularly, I am behind on chores and
I
STILL
DON'T
KNOW
WHAT THE FUCK I'M SUPPOSED TO DO TO WRITE THIS.
What the fuck am I supposed to be doing? Like I'm going to give this a try but I cannot express how much I DO NOT KNOW what I'm doing.
And you say, but surely, Abby, in the last 5 years at this institution you've published right? Surely your advisor has kept up and made sure you're making good progress, right? Obviously, they have prepared you in some capacity, right?
I would say to you, unfortunately, no. No, I have not published a single first author pub in the last 5 years. My advisor has not kept up to the point over the summer we had not a single meeting -I need weekly meetings otherwise I fall into the void and am taken by the aether- and after waiting 3 months for him to give me feedback on my first paper - the first one I've written in any professional capacity - I am told to deliver a full thesis.
Somebody just fucking take me out brother. I am beyond lost at this point and feel like a failure.
Thanks for listening.
If you do have advice, it would be greatly appreciated because I'm losing my fucking mind.
#me#mental illness#what's wrong with me#phd candidate#phdjourney#phd life#phd student#phd i fucking hate it here#i hate grad school#i hate dissertation writing#i hate my existence#why did i do this#why did i choose this#its just like a fucking smidge of guidance#that's all I'm asking for#and I can't even make anyone kiss in it#its not creative at all#fucking chemistry technical writing#i love science but holy fuckballs boys#technical writing is the bane of my existance#how the fucking hell am i supposed to write something that's ALL MATH based and it not be plagiarism#where is that line#at this point do i care?#I do#but come on#jesus fucking christ#holy hell#i just want to write about the blorbos#chemistry does not equal blorbos#i'm a dumbass
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I was at a bookstore looking through the art section and I saw a spine that said The Camden Town Nudes which was interesting because this didn’t seem like the bookstore where I would ever find something like that and I wanted to have a casual look but like. This also wasn’t exactly the bookstore where you felt like you could look at naked pictures let alone just suggestive paintings of them, it’s a really small shop as well, so I was like right I’ll just take a quick peek, I’m an art student, I love history, maybe I’ll buy it. I looked both ways and saw the shopkeep had left momentarily and no one was about, so I opened it and found it was an entire book featuring nude Edwardian women all painted by Walter Sickert between 1905-1912 and it was actually quite a revolutionary set of paintings for its time given that it featured very raw depictions of working class nude women in dark London instead of the elegant, white bedsheet clad, Demure middle and upper class women usually depicted.
And of course RIGHT as I flip to this lady’s boobs practically taking up an entire double page spread, every customer in a 5 mile radius appeared from around the corners of the shelf including the shopkeep and immediately regressing to a wet, pathetic Edwardian man from 1908, startled, I dropped the large book which caused a giant SLAP on the floor in this already silent store thus causing all patrons to look down at me scrambling on my knees to close a giant book of Edwardian boobs and let me tell you it would not have been nearly as funny had I not immediately felt like some Edwardian local pervert who just tried to sneak a cheeky peek at the erotic book in the bookstore only to drop it dramatically causing a scene, red up to his ears trying to shove it back on the shelf. Like such a casual and normal thing in modern day but looking at Edwardian women suddenly turned it into this egregious act as I apparently became possessed by the spirit of a moustached man in a bowler hat and morning coat going Good Heavens I mustn’t gaze upon these images in public lest the constable haul me away!
#Like it was the fact that if it had been any other book on the same subject I would not have batted an eye#Suddenly it was 1912 and I was doing something scandalous#And I’m sad because I wanted it but obviously I didn’t buy it because how could you at that point#The still deeply traumatised soul of an Edwardian man prohibited it I guess#So instead I walked away with books on caring for antiques and WWI unironically#I need to draw this#me#laugh tag#edwardian era
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now that iwtv has hit a new audience from netflix i figured now was a good a time as any for another round of favorite tweets of the week 5/xx
#iwtv#amc iwtv#interview with the vampire#daniel molloy#lestat de lioncourt#louis de pointe du lac#claudia de pointe du lac#claudia de lioncourt#twitter#vampire#tweetroundup#i will block lestat haters i straight up do not care about your opinions on him#like just enjoy the selection of tweets
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sometimes, it's not so much about the romance as it is about the devotion. the adoration.
#pacific rim#black sails#the x-files#the bear#game of thrones#raleigh x mako#jack x anne#msr#sydcarmy#theonsa#i could go on forever i think#for me personally it is also about the romance and i do think they should all kiss and be in love but thats not THE POINT-#*adam scott meme* its about the vulnerability and unconditional care one has with someone else#how many different ways can i make this same post lets count
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -
I am fine with "the audience" -
downloading my fics
printing my fics
copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics
sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3
making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss
doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc
I am not fine with "the audience"
doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity
feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever
Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.
Enjoy the fandom things.
#fanfic#ao3#archive of our own#fandom things#tumblr things#i may have said this at some point#i'm sure i have#but whatever - just in case#i don't say this with the presumption that i'm so amazing and people are clamoring to save my fics#but just if anyone is so inclined that's all#ftr i don't intend on ever removing my fics from ao3 or deleting fandom things from this blog#i've always shared my fandom things with the intent of keeping them shared bc that's the whole point of posting#but the fandom atmosphere and ao3 constantly being under attack who knows what can happen#not that this applies to anyone but should all else fail you can also reach out to me and i will personally give you a copy#at least of fics bc i save everything#not so much the tumblr things but this is a good reminder to myself that i should do that for the things i care about#that i've made or done and only posted here#anyway sorry i have now used up my quota of the putting words into sentences doing for today#i have plans to stare into the void now
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GLORY TO THE RISEN GODS
#everyone is obsessing over the new companions meanwhile me:#and yeah i drew these based off 3 dimly lit screenshots so they're probably inaccurate. do i care? no!<3#my art#dragon age#dragon age 4#dragon age the veilguard#da:tv#what is the correct tag. idk#evanuris#ghilan'nain#elgar'nan#<- i hope :)#alongside the egg on this game's roster of antagonists we have: eldritch horror lesbian and evil divorced father#absolutely obsessed with them#man they scene where they come out of the fade from behind solas has been replaying in my head nonstop since i saw it#also just wanted to point out that they said on the q&a that all ancient elves eventually go bald. but elgar'nan actually has hair in the#closeup. therefore i honestly think it's a skill issue on solas' part#also no one pay attention to the fact that i haven't posted art in like 5 months lol <3
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the revelation that claudia’s rebirth was such a twisted and horrible moment, with louis dragging her like she was a thing, a stranger who neither of them knew but he kept saying over and over “our daughter, our beautiful little daughter” to lestat, really solidified the way she was never the main character of her own story. she was always an accessory to some or the other of louis’ whims: his guilt, his loneliness, his conflict of being a killer, his rocky relationship with lestat. there was love there, love from both her fathers, but it was never enough. lestat saw her too much as a wretched mirror held up to his own self, and louis was always too steeped in his own feelings to care enough about hers. claudia’s story truly was the greatest tragedy in this tale, treated horribly by every man around her, even her fathers, relentlessly exploited and brutally ignored, always second and never first. the only one who loved her the way she deserved to be loved was madeleine, and the moment she truly had her, her happiness was torn from her. and just before she died, she got to see someone actually choose her in her entirety, not for what she can be but for who she is, and it still wasn’t enough. she still burned alive in the sunlight. the love was there, but it wasn’t enough to save her.
#i want to scream i am still mourning my girl claudia#SHE DIDN'T DESERVE THIS#and fuckass armand in his silly little playpen “unable” to prevent it like NO. YOU COULD HAVE. YOU JUST DIDN'T CARE.#absolutely stumped as to how on earth louis stayed with him after this#like yea the gaslighting and the lies but king... he froze the whole coven at dinner once and stopped time and shit. he can save claudia.#but he didn't and louis might have forgiven him for it but i never will !!!#that being said i still love armand 😋#this is what makes these characters so gothic and fascinating imo#these terrible things they do contrasted with the intense way they love each other#mmmmm scrumm dilly yum yum a purr purr !!!!#interview with the vampire#claudia#claudia iwtv#louis de pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#armand#armand iwtv#iwtv amc#iwtv spoilers
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Everyone moved on but I'm still here and I WILL STAY HERE!!!🗣🗣🗣🗣
#iwtv unholy family#iwtv#louis de pointe du lac#amc iwtv#lestat de lioncourt#interview with the vampire#loustat#claudia de pointe du lac#claudia de lioncourt#claudia#claudia iwtv#unholy family#idc#i do NOT CARE#let me be happy and delusional#PLEASE
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double victory, was it? (it doesn't feel like one)
i saw a post about 3L!Grian meeting SL!Scar, but since SL!scar never died i figured he can't see any of the winners nor join them before the next session, and they appear before him as shadows. also, i thought 3L!Grian would be really happy to see a scenario where scar didnt die by his hand and actually won.
❀ bonus sketch ☘
#someone has probably done this before but i. dont. care. i wanted to draw scarian angst anyway#i dont do well with lore but my braincells are trying their best#trafficshipping#scarian#desertduo#trafficblr#life series#grian#goodtimeswithscar#gtws#3rd life smp#third life#secret life#watcher grian#grian fanart#goodtimeswithscar fanart#mcyt#my art#also sorry. i rewatched grians finale ep and howd he go from TRAITOR! to oh no i cant kill you :(#how could you FOLD that QUICKLY . im baffled lol#also i just had to say secret life red life scar skin. so beautiful#and lilacs and poppies? i know theyre scarian flowers at this point but to me its very grian#like wearing that on your outfit... sir sl!scar do you even remember what those flowers mean. are you yearning for something u dont remembe#im going insane#and here I THOUGHT im not going to get into any ships. im a clown
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sometimes while i think about that while a lot of adults did not treat me very well as a kid i also get a lot of 'in hindsight this person was so good to me and i didnt even realize it until now' as an adult. today i was thinking about how the first anime convention i ever went to was when i was 10 and i asked the man working the manga cafe what manga was/what a good place to start was (because the con was very overstimulating for me and i had gotten lost) and he asked how old i was before recommending yotsuba and asking if i wanted any water or something to eat. its really simple but theres a lot of bad things that couldve happened or he could've been careless in his recommendation, but instead yotsuba has remained one of my favorite manga for years, and probably a large portion of why i continue to read manga as an adult... i think adults who try to involve kids in the world safely/kindly even in little ways make so much more of a difference than they ever really know.
#and i know that sounds silly like YES. it was just a bookr ecommendation#but i feel like a lot of people either dont really care about whats a good starting point for younger kids in their shared fan spaces#or dont really take the care to recognize different peoples ages would effect what they would both enjoy or#be capable of engaging with#not to mention theres a lot of manga that would NOT have been appropriate for a 10 year old to read#so the fact that he askedd and even asked what sort of thing i liked at the time#was very sweet. i think about him a lot and i hope hes doing well#txt#scratchpost
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Being someone who read Under The Red Hood and came out with the firm belief that, for Jason, it's not about killing Joker, it's about Jason wanting proof Batman would choose him over the Joker (bc shelia chose the joker). Makes seeing any other media where it's all about just wanting the Joker dead is a teeny bit frustrating. to be honest
Jason could've killed the Joker himself, really, really easily. Jason kidnaps the Joker before the confrontation. I can't open my comic for a reference right now, but it felt like he had the Joker for quite a bit before the confrontation. He had him. He beat him up with a crowbar. He had every single opportunity to kill the Joker himself, but he didn't because that wasn't his goal. Make no mistake, he did plan for the Joker to be dead by the end of it, but do you see what im trying to say here
Edit: If I knew this post was gonna get 1000+ notes I would've tried to word it better or something, this was a rant I made on the way to the grocery store 😭
It's not about making Batman kill either. When Batman says he won't kill, Jason adjusts and goes, 'Let ME kill the Joker or kill me to stop me' instead. The test is all about Batman choosing him. The whole final confrontation is Jason's first death again. The parent, The Joker, and the explosives. It even ends with Jason unable to move as a bomb goes off right next to him again because the parent didn't choose Jason. And instead tried finding an option that'd benefit them and (consequencely) letting the Joker walk, again, lol, lmao <-in agony
#the final confrontation was basically his first death again#and YES he Does want the Joker dead#and it would've been really really nice if Batman was the one who did it#but when batman made it clear he wouldn't kill the joker. Jason easily switched to saying “LET me kill the joker” to accommodate#because he Wanted batman to pass his test#he gave a test to dick too. and technically tim but it wasnt the family test it was a different one so it doesnt rly count#AFTER utrh and the reveal and the batarang you can go hog wild about it. i care less about it then#granted i do believe they make jason more scared of the joker after it at some point#i guess because hes a bit too willing to kill the joker and ive heard jason wasnt meant to live after utrh#my watsonian explain for that is he was so fixated on his plan he cpuld override his fear. or maybe the pit. either work#i prefer the fixation bc i dont like the explanation that the pit was the /only/ reason he could get all plan together and done#BUT THATS UNRELATED!!!#dc stop putting the joker in jason stories im begging you please please please. lock him in a vault for the next 20 years or something#it Cpuld be good and i understand. but also. after so long of people that dont know or go for jasons need for family and parents#that love him and he can trust#the joker starts to feel like?? hm. words. a cop out? oh haha its that guy that killed him woagh hes here#i bet you dont even know that jaybin got beat until unconsciousness by an angry mob#while asking batman to save him only for batman to have to walk away#anwya. where was i going with this#i think i got off topic#jason todd#dc comics#batman#ADDED AN EDIT. SORRY. this post has been haunting me it keeps me awake. what if people misunderstand#they cant read my tags where i ramble more depth. thisbis the only option#EDIT EDIT: hiii#removed the sentence abt jason having the joker for several days bc i misremembered some things#go read its-your-mind 's addition instead also#ok no more i wont edit this post anymore i promise
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Me: I appreciate that you keep bringing me tupperware leftovers but you really really shouldn't, you're going to lose a lot of containers
My brother, handing me the 10 thousandth container of leftovers: Oh yeah I forgot to ask when are you bringing those back
Me: You don't want them back.
My brother: What did you do
Me: Better question: what did I NOT do
Him: ...
Me:
Him: Oh my god
Me: Yeah
Him: You haven't been WASHING THEM?
Me: Bruh I'll be honest I haven't even been eating most of them
Him: Oh my god
Him: I have been bringing you lunch since-
Me: Halloween
Him: OH MY GOD
Me: Yeah
Him: It's been- we JUST bought those containers
Me: I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU TO STOP
Him: WHAT THE HELL
Me: I HAVE TOLD YOU SO MANY TIMES TO STOP
Him: IF I DONT FEED YOU, YOU DONT EAT
Me: I AM AN ADULT I PACK FOOD
Him: WHAT FOOD
Me: I DONT KNOW, FUCKING. SPAGHETTI
Him: IN WHAT? IN WHAT? YOU DONT WASH YOUR FUCKING TUPPERWARE
Me: I DON'T *BUY* TUPPERWARE CAUSE I KNOW I WONT WASH IT
Him: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU CARRY THE SPAGHETTI IN
Me: Bags
Him: What
Me: Ziplock fucking bags
Him: YOU'RE EATING SPAGETTI OUT OF BAGS
Me: IT'S LESS WASTEFUL
Him: HOW is it less wasteful? HOW?? You're throwing out a plastic bag every single day!
Me: It's better than throwing out tupperware!
Him: TUPPERWARE IS REUSABLE
Me: NOT IF YOU DONT WASH IT
Him: WHY THE FUCK NOT
Me: I DONT DO DISHES
Him: THE FUCK YOU MEAN YOU DONT DO DISHES.
Me: I hate doing dishes. You KNOW I hate doing dishes. I have ALWAYS HATED DOING DISHES you KNOW this
Him: WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN EATING OFF OF
Me: PLASTIC BAGS
Him:
Him: You're a fucking trash monster
Me: You wore the same pair of Shrek pants every day for two years
Him: When will you let that go
Me: I will never let it go
Me:
Me: ...thank you for the lasagna
#This little bastard is kind and thoughtful to the point that it is almost dumb#STOP TAKING CARE OF ME I HAVE A SYSTEM#It's not that I NEVER do dishes#I just hate it so much its maybe an every 17 days thing#I just refuse to dirty them when possible#Like literally I will straight up skip a meal before I touch the sink#I am aware it's stupid#Just as I am aware of the reasons#But because I KNOW MYSELF I will not buy tupperware#At least glass will wait for me#....this is always why I eat so many sandwiches tbh#The bagged spaghetti post#Teaboot
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how i imagine poseidon (who i believe can feel when people invoke not only his name but the ocean as well) reacted to hearing antinous plotting to kill telemachus and dump his body (parts) in the ocean
*up on olympus in apollo's infirmary*
poseidon: *recovering and enjoying peace after athena had left a day ago*
poseidon: *to himself* ahh finally some peac-
poseidon: *feels someone invoking the ocean*
poseidon: *focusing on who's saying it* who on gaia is...is that coming from ithaca...
poseidon: wait- ITHACA?!?
poseidon: *fully focuses now*
antinous: *in the ithacan palace*
antinous: cut him down into tiny pieces...
poseidon: *listening in full now* cut wh-
antinous: ...when the crown wonders where the prince is-
poseidon: the prince? yoU MEAN ODYSSEUS' SON?
antinous: only the ocean and i will know!
poseidon: *in full panic mode* OCEAN?!
poseidon: *now attempting to get out of bed in panic* HADES NO, I AM NOT INVOLVED WITH THIS I-
apollo: *coming to check on his uncle after hearing him shout*
apollo: uncle wh- *sees poseidon attempting to get out of bed*
apollo: *hurrying over to get him back in bed*
apollo: uncle calm down! you're gonna rip your stitches!
#*apollo manages to get poseidon back into bed after telling him odysseus will take care of the suitors*#poseidon: *now back in bed* how do you know?#apollo: *restitching some of poseidons chest wounds*#apollo (the god of prophecy): *looks at poseidon with a blank face*#apollo: *points to himself*#poseidon: *realises* oh#poseidon: *after a minute of letting apollo stitch him up again*#poseidon: wait so did you know odysseus was going to beat me?#apollo: *stays quiet but has a small smirk on his face*#poseidon: i hate this family#epic the musical#epic: the musical#poseidon epic#apollo epic the musical#epic ithaca saga#epic ithaca saga spoilers#the ithaca saga#ithaca saga
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Contrary to popular belief etho and bdubs are not divorced and in this essay I will
#dbhc flavored because. well. look at me#do I seem normal to you#dbhc#dbhc art#art escapades#dbhc etho#dbhc bdubs#bdoubleo100#ethoslab#wild life smp#wild life smp spoilers#wlsmp#wlsmp spoilers#dbhc wlsmp#ethubs#bdubs#etho#bro they’re freaking LAUGHING under those arguments. they obviously care so much for each other and in my Ted talk we’ll be#[and then she talks for 3 hours]#they make me so happy btw. bringing joy to my household on these nights#trafficblr#traffic smp#now. 'divorce' duo folks i hear you#'well of course they're laughing--the cc's don't actually hate each other' you would be correct#but consider this: they're allowed to be whimsical and have play-fights *in character* too#im speaking to a small minority of ethubs fans btw & this is not meant to be pointed LOL im being so unserious and very silly about them ^.#etho and bdubs duo i love you. never stop being weirdos#IM NEVER DRAWING THAT DANG HORSE AGAIN BTW#this is a lie probably <3#dbhc tango
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Wait, the tsun event has a whole bit dedicated to Malleus bragging about what kitchen appliances he knows how to use? Twst EN just got the milk culinary crucible, which means at the same time Malleus is showing off, the entirety of the EN players are learning Leona doesn't know how to use a microwave. The timing really just makes it feel like Malleus is flexing on Leona XD
it's in Mal's card story rather than in the event proper, but yep! after teaching his tsum proper microwave usage, he takes it on a tour and very proudly shows off his extensive knowledge of household appliances. (except when he thinks his tsum fell into the washing machine and doesn't know how to unlock the lid, so he just. explodes it instead. hashtag just diasomnia things. 🤷)
I do think he and Leona should get into a fight about who has done a better job of learning how to use kitchen tools! Leona has the advantage of having grown up in the modern world, but Malleus has the motivation to actually do literally anything. who will win
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#tsumsted wonderland#guest starring leona tsum for no reason other than i felt like it#i really should do more with leona and malleus tbh#because i do love how leona tries so hard to not care about anything#but mal just annoys him SO MUCH he can't help it#and on the flipside malleus is (all things considered) remarkably chill#except when someone is a dick to him at which point he instantly becomes the world's pettiest asshole#it's all so excellent#also there's one bit where leona calls him a coathanger and i will never ever get over it
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Genuinely, and I mean this kindly, but learning to recognize bait and not engaging with it will change your fandom experience.
#once you realize : oh theyre just trying to rile me up and i dont care to give them a response#everything is less stressful#i keep seeing the same arguments rehashed every six or so months#i know a lot of people are new and dont know but the trolls youre arguing with do#theyre trying to burn yall out and send you packing#also i do think there is something very funny about someone spending all that time color coding a bait post#and no one engages with it like wow you tried#i understand the passion people feel AND at some point you gotta let it go#anyway i do feel like the best way to sustain longevity is to just block the tags/people who enrage you
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