#at least w regards to MYSELF
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just replied to a question about my studies and when i plan on finishing them and now i am going to throw up /hj
#no but seriously i had a mild dizzy spell afterwards uhm i have a problem#imagine if i wasn't disordered several times over and could function like a normal fucking person. lol#i would literally have BEEN DONE with my studies years ago#saw my therapist yesterday and we talked abt how i came to view academic success as the mark of âbeing good enoughâ#and how we need to shift that mindset#but if everyone around me really does act like it is the one and only ideal marker for a good life + income what else am i supposed to think#at least w regards to MYSELF#it's not like i'm particularly skilled in other ways anyhow#caught off guard by a question this morning from someone i met recently and it's genuinely making me feel ill#and that's the mental illness because why the fuck am i suddenly terrified that they're going to be unhappy about that or disappointed in me#like i dont even KNOW them enough to care#what the fuck im so tired of myself and this insecurity#if i end up having a panic attack over this i'm going to be so upset lol i'm mad as hell already#ra yaps
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ruminating on 'the vees died despondent nobodies' thoughts
velvette interrogates vox after she hears him give various conflicting and bombastic accounts on air. a selection of these include: blew his brains out on live television, administered the death penalty for killing his "bitch wife," a tragic accident involving two shetland ponies, dubiously legal iranian yogurts, and a whole lot of cocaine. the actual cause was shockingly ordinary- a heart attack in front of the television, alone, his corpse only recovered after two weeks passed. he was watching a game show and his last mortal regret was never even learning who won, because he died during the commercials.
#vox#velvette#haven't settled on what i think is a satisfying cause of death for velvette#running on 'a fight that escalated with her shitty then-boyfriend while trying to film something'#mostly bc i'm thinking of her recounting this to vox and telling him the thing she most regrets is that he was ugly as sin#and now his mugshot is permanently stapled to news of her death#but i'm not mega attached to this or anything#(the thing she ACTUALLY most regrets#is that the people she knew probably took more interest in how she died than who she was alive#that the most notable thing about her was something she didn't even do#and even the tragedy of her death to those who heard about it is in how bitterly commonplace it is)#wait this is actually thematically perfect. because in hell she's STILL in some ways defined by her proximity to two men#/yes/ her followers and fans are captivated by her separate from voxval. but she's inescapably regarded through the lens of the vees#both in the 'what's the niche velvette fills in the vees' sense but also through her relationships to val and vox#she's velvette. but she's never Just Velvette. she is always One Of The Vees#who she is to vox and valentino is what Velvette(tm) is#she can play every role to the public. their beleaguered 3rd wheel. their Sane Friend. partner (business). partner (romantic/sexual)#how do i fit that alongside:#'the people of hell like velvette because she's unfiltered. raw. authentic. mean girl who says what she wants w/o caring'#with a hammer and a lot of grit#i do think that's usually what she thinks of herself. at least consciously and these actually aren't mutually exclusive#you know how i said i'm not super attached to this backstory. whoops i have convinced myself of it!#if not the above specifics the 'the most remembered thing about velvette's life is how she died' angle#as it turns out this post is actually about velvette. i need to think about my evil babygirls Themes#i had something to say about vox and gameshows but thats enough footnotes for now i think
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i am being so brave about my storm anxiety, i deserve a cookie
#really tho i'm actually proud of myself oiefjaoi#i am a little bit nervous but i've been managing it SO well? and talking myself out of irrational thoughts regarding it#even despite having a nightmare about my worst fears related to storms happening this morning lol#like usually if there's going to be a storm i'm a fucking disaster for at least two days beforehand#but i'm shockingly doing well. like i said. still nervous but managing my anxiety#i have no idea how or why this switch flipped and i have been able to do this but it's such a relief#i'm sure it won't work as well w like severe storm warnings and such#but not being petrified every time there's a chance of thunderstorms will be quite useful. given that it's fucking storm season lol#*dykeposting
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guys i need to be dancing at a house party tipsy with someone im attracted to so bad btw. ive never been to a house party in real life (though id quite like to at least once) but i really have been desperately needing that specific (probably awful for me) sensory and social environment so bad lately
#just me rambling again#i keep looking through ao3 to try to find smth with the exact vibe im looking for but cant :(( might have to grab hold of some old or some#half made ocs and write it myself idk. or just like. find a way to experience it irl#oh btw ! tmrw night slumber party w one of my friends who ive been wanting to hang out with more + also happens to be the one i recently go#to smooch on the mouth :3333#the stated purpose is ive been trying to get her to yap at me abt her biggest fandom / interest for ages and just explain all of the lore#and story and characters to me bc ive been wantign to hear abt it from her but we just havent had a good time#and also i cannot lie i hope that i can smooch them on the mouth again! theyre such a lovely person and so very pretty#ive been meaning to tumblr tag ramble abt that for a bit and forgot anyways i have straight up told them and also one of our other friends#that if they get invited to a party ever they should please please lpeaseeeeeee see if they can invite me along#my brain has a half assed hope at maybe getting the teen party experience (most likely not oging to happen for me but it is a real life#possibly grounding for little daydream of wants) bc a somewhat popular guy the year below me (guy i fancied when i was in the play fun fact#for any loyal frog lore enjoyers) put smth on his instagram story like if i throw a bday party is anyone interested ?? with like a story#poll and obviously i picked the affirmative bc i dont know him super well but he knows a lot of ppl i know and i did a cool photoshoot with#him once idk im hoping if its a big event i have a shot at going (as aforementioned--not going to happen in real life but a man can dream)#sigh i recently made a new playlist of the weird yearning ive got going on rn and the flavor of my minds niche longings#its a good playlist#idk ive been so nothing recently im just excited that i get to see my friends this weekend i get to hang out w some of my besties tmrw#through the day too im very excited#OH ALSO omg im just throwing every single diary update i have into one post now ig but erm#ive realized recently (last week or two) that i think im finally 'over' my most recent relationship?#like im still sad abt the fact that my high school best friend.. doesnt talk to me anymore#and im still coping with all of the nightmare insecurities i have deep in my mind being proven correct within the past however many months#but like i only just registered oh hell yeah at the very least i dont have like. romantic feelings of any sort still towards her? i do#love my wonderful ex gf shes such a lovely person and for a long time was an amazing friend to me#but it feels like a weight is off of my chest i straight up was sitting in the feeling of well i'll be missing her forever and i just have#to live like this forever oh well but like. no im chilling in that regard actually we're clear.#idk ive had like nothing going on lately i work and school and i think about my feelings SOMETIMES#i try not to generally but they always get in somehow you know how it is.
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for christmas my grandparents got me a mini waffle maker and im genuinely so excited to use it to make waffles. this is like an S tier present and thats how u know im a boring ass adult now. I feel exactly how bob belcher felt when he got that juicer for christmas
#AND ITS PURPLE. btw if you even care#they also gave me enough money to buy myself a new pair of shoes which I definitely do need after a misjudgement was made#regarding my current pair when cleaning them w/ harsh chemicals.#I'm always getting shoes for christmas honestly. like i dont think ive gotten anything else in at least 4 years#not complaining though I do need to wear shoes a lot. it's useful#and shoes r EXPENSIVE thats what they dont tell u. a good quality pair is like 100 dollars easily#txt
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Golden flame danced between her fingers.
Elide recoiled, and the fire vanished as quickly as it had appeared.
"My name is Essar," the female said softly. "I am a friend--of your friends, I believe."
Elide said nothing.
"Cairn is a monster," Essar said, taking a step closer. "Stay far from him."
"I need to find him."
"You played the part of his mistreated lover well enough. You have to know something about him. What he does."
"If you know where he is, please tell me." She wasn't above begging.
Essar ran an eye over Elide. Then she said, "He was in this city until yesterday. Then he went out to the eastern camp." She pointed with a thumb over a shoulder. "He's there now."
"How do you know?"
"Because he's not terrorizing the patrons of every fine establishment in this town, glutting himself on the coin Maeve gave him when he took the blood oath."
Elide blinked. She had hoped some of the Fae might be opposed to Maeve, especially after the battle in Eyllwe, but to find such outright distaste...
Essar then added, "And because my sister--the soldier you spoke with--told me. She saw him in the camp this morning, smirking like a cat."
"Why should I believe you?"
"Because you are wearing Lorcan's shirt, and Rowan Whitethorn's cloak. If you do not believe me, inform them who told you and they will." Elide cocked her head to the side.
Essar said softly, "Lorcan and I were involved for a time."
They were in the midst of war, and had traveled for thousands of miles to find their queen, and yet the tightness that coiled in Elide's gut at those words somehow found space. Lorcan's lover. This delicate beauty with a bedroom voice had been Lorcan's lover.
"I'll be missed if I'm gone for too long, but tell them who I am. Tell them that I told you. If it's Cairn they seek, that is where he shall be. His precise location, I don't know." Essar backed away a step. "Don't go asking after Cairn at other taverns. He isn't well regarded, even amongst the soldiers. And those who do follow him... You do not wish to attract their interest."
Essar made to turn away, but Elide blurted,
"Where did Maeve go?"
Essar looked over her shoulder. Studied her.
The female's eyes widened. "She has Aelin of the Wildfire," Essar breathed.
Elide said nothing, but Essar murmured, "That was... that was the power we felt the other night." Essar swept back toward Elide. Gripped her hands. "Where Maeve went a few days ago, I don't know. She did not announce it, did not take anyone with her. I often serve her, am asked to... It doesn't matter. What matters is Maeve is not here. But I do not know when she will return."
Relief again threatened to send Elide crumpling to the ground. The gods, it seemed, had not abandoned them just yet.
But if Maeve had taken Aelin to the outpost where they'd lied that the Valg prince had been contained...
Elide gripped Essar's hands, finding them warm and dry. "Does your sister know where Cairn resides in the camp?"
For long minutes, then an hour, they had talked.
Essar left and returned with Dresenda, her sister. And in that alley, they had plotted.
Elide finished telling Rowan, Lorcan, and Gavriel what she'd learned. They sat in stunned silence for a long minute.
"Just before dawn," Elide repeated. "Dresenda said the watch on the eastern camp is weakest at dawn. That she'd find a way for the guards to be occupied. It's our only window."
Rowan was staring into the trees, as if he could see the layout of the camp, as if he were plotting his way in, way out.
"She didn't confirm if Aelin was in Cairn's tent, though," Gavriel cautioned. "Maeve is gone--Aelin might be with her, too."
"It's a risk we take," Rowan said. A risk, perhaps, they should have considered.
Elide glanced to Lorcan, who had been silent throughout. Even though it had been his lover who had helped them, perhaps guided by Anneith herself. Or at least had been tipped off by the scent on Elide's clothes.
"You think we can trust her?" Elide asked Lorcan, though she knew the answer.
Lorcan's dark eyes shifted to her. "Yes, though I don't see why she'd bother."
"She's a good female, that's why," Rowan said.
At Elide's lifted brow, he explained, "Essar visited Mistward this spring. She met Aelin." He cut a glare toward Lorcan. "And asked me to tell you that she sends her best."
Elide hadn't seen anything that came close to pining in Essar's face, but gods, she was beautiful. And smart. And kind. And Lorcan had let her go, somehow.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Elide Lochan#Essar#HoF#Heir of Fire bonus Chapter#TOG series#Throne of Glass series#another great Maasverse enterance â aka one of my favs in these books & this one got me â totally adding the chapter myself when I get HoF#no spoilers please first read to read along with me Pt3 of 4 perspectives w quotes/notes/reacts in tags below spoilers in both post & tags#Elide talking about keeping them safe even if at the prospect of Maeveâs hands which is worse than death yet Aelin did for monthsđđ€#Rowans I did 2 weeks-shit-hurry & you didnât break even when she feels she did-but she literally had Maeve in her head for months & didnt#To shield them from any eyes--those on the ground and above. â the raptors â Elides got a knife ok girlđ
đ but when they halted once moreâŠ?#Golden flame danced between her fingers. â AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH#My name is Essar the female said softly. I am a friend--of your friends I believe. â YES YES YES HOLY FUCKING SHIT FIRE WEILDER HOF AH#Cairn is a monster Essar said taking a step closer. Stay far from him. âshe doesnt know who sheâs just being kind I knew I liked her#how does Maeve not know about her? or does she? is that an issue with the fire? hmm⊠also does the color change per wielder? we need more!!#If you know where he is please tell me. She wasn't above begging. â for Aelinđ#Because you are wearing Lorcan's shirt and Rowan Whitethorn's cloak. If you do not believe me inform them who told you and they will.#They were in the midst of war and had traveled for thousands of miles to find their queen and yet the tightness that coiled in Elide's gut#I'll be missed if I'm gone for too long but tell them who I am. Tell them that I told you.-cairn u seek he shall be-ok riddlerđ
#Don't go asking after Cairn at other taverns. He isn't well regarded even amongst the soldiers. â well at least they all agree on that#The female's eyes widened. She has Aelin of the Wildfire Essar breathed. â how did she know? Rowan being there (cuz clearly love)?#Aelin of the Wildfire â the regard That was... that was the power we felt the other night. â what doesnât matter?#Relief again threatened to send Elide crumpling to the ground. The gods it seemed had not abandoned them just yet.#Just before dawn Elide repeated. Dresenda said the watch on the eastern camp is weakest at dawn.-Dawn?Mala?the sister?! I love Essar!#Lorcanâs ex lovers oh sweet Elideđ
đđ€ then the sheâs a good woman&met Aelin thatâs why cuz they all luv her&the risk we take&Elides 1 lineđ#yet he didnât let you go Elide TAKE NOTE OF THAT BABES#We all go in. We all go out. â and so they plannedâŠ
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thinking... reading the manga and saw a panel where japan describes veneziano as "already too confident."
but he's not actually that confident. just approval seeking, really... yet it seems to be common for people to misperceive him as so...
what if he feels like that seeming confidence is some sort of standard he has to live up to... thus encouraging that false confident behavior? thus encouraging a hesitance to display behavior unlike that? (followed by shame when such behavior is, in fact, displayed.) because it's really just approval seeking in the end... not true confidence.
just an idea... will think about this concept further.
#( đ faun thinks )#itaposting#i usually keep my thoughts to myself but i think i'm onto something maybe#combing through the manga to see if this Makes Sense. so far it seems to...#i DO at least think he feels like he has to live up to some standards and experiences pressure in that regard#one of my wip posts is kinda about that! but related to his relationship w/ rome in particular
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I am not exaggerating when I say I live with one of the worst cishet men I've ever met in my life and its horrible
Pretty big vent incoming in tags, just a warning. Feel free to scroll past /gen
#sorry i. need to vent#he is genuinely one of the most ignorant; stubborn; and absolutely manchild of a man I've ever seen#I'm not fucking lying when I say he gets pissy and shouts and complains about EVERYTHING#and I don't mean just occasional shouting and getting loud#whenever he's upset. its /loud/. very loud#first time in my 5 years of knowing him I had enough and snapped back at him because he was yelling at me-#-bc I supposedly do absolutely nothing around the house and I take horrible care of myself and dont care about anything#at least in regards to the house#and complains about why I'm deciding not to go to college and that he got a job at 15 while he's literally#in his mid 40's#so.#like.#I told him I'm still 18 and I dont want him to boss around my entire fucking life but he brought up the excuse again of-#-him doing all the shit I SHOULD be doing by his words when he was 15#first of all. like. to get things straight; we are not related at all not even in the slightest#he's my mothers bf; I don't know why he gets so pissy at me about MY life of all things#like Jesus Christ shut up challenge impossible#yeah I had a fun (/s) moment earlier where I went to clean my dish and he started to snap at me about how I-#-walk past the dishes every day while they're piled up and I should do them. meanwhile. they're literally not mine. ever#I get it yeah but. whatever. he kept going onn and on and on and got even more upset with me literally not saying or doing anything to-#-provoke him more#Ig he just doesn't know that!! wow!! I do actually care about my life and future!!!!#and that getting a job is not that easy or the same as it was 30+ fucking years ago!! wow!! who would've guessed!!!!#Like genuinely i am literally trying to get a job rn and shit and have been stressing horribly about it for literal YEARS#but yeah ignore that I guess ok sure buddy#god sorry i.. really hate him. a lot#I dont like to hate on people really; esp if im accustomed to them. but him. he. no <3#I will say I hate him w my full chest#vent#negative post
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@ anon sorry I accidentally deleted ur ask!! to answer ur question though, I think itâs a bad idea because.. i fear rejection i guess and I suppose what I fear more is the opposite
#i have an issue where despite wanting to feel close to people I kinda hold everyone but like two people at arms length#I care a lot about people. even the people I donât talk to anymore or like ppl I regard as like acquaintances#itâs easier to care from a distance. less of a sit back and watch thing more of a#aw I see a post on Instagram im so glad ur doing well Iâm gonna mentally send good vibes and go about my day#itâs#itâs easier being a ghost I suppose#idk whenever I try a restart a friendship it never works#you canât just rebuild connections#or at least I canât#maybe im too different or maybe Iâm too similar#also whenever I hype myself up to do something Iâm afraid of doing it backfires spectacularly. so no actions means no expectations means no#consequences! and I know that makes me a bad person but consider that itâs for everyoneâs best interests#this is probably just a weird phase of nostalgia anyway#and you should never reach out simply for nostalgias sake. you will have unrealistic expectations for urself and other ppl ^_^#im content w my mostly happy memories ^_^#should I tag this as#asks#nonnie#? in spirit I guess#I think I have like. one mutual from that time but Iâve changed my name like 60 times bro prolly donât even recognize me which is for the#best#now⊠what am I gonna draw today#i guess im also afraid of what it means that I couldâve had more friends if I didnât uhhh split or assume#that no one liked me in the first place#it already happened w a dear friend and I can never fix it so#why try
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hauuggghhh
#i mustvget over things#people do not like me and thats ok. i actively made sure people didnt like me and gave u easily snd didnt put effort into relationships if#i felt insecure#i shouldnt feel bad just people other people are secure enough in themselves to have those relationships#and i do have people who like me. it just never feels like enough due to the depression so i look for things elsewhere and assume theres#some thing i dont have that WOULD make me feel great and whole when in reality thats unfortunately not true without medication#phew. it is okay#i am different things to different people ; most of those people know me as the shy abused girl. its hard to want to hang out w Shy abused#girl who cried every day at the back of the class and cuts herself#i cant change peopleâs perception of me (at least not immediately. and knowing me i do not have the back bone to challenge people or#outwardly proclaim i am different)#snd i cant make people want to hang out with me. i need to stop associating and seeing posts from these people who make me upset to see#i wonder if thay is healthy. i dont plan to distance forever and ever and cut them all off like i still hang out w them and see them#but i just dont want to be close to them for a while. i dont want to be associated#they made me so upset and hurt me repeatedly. they werent friends to me#all theure doing is.. continuing not being friends to me. maybe im jus lt upset because my friends forgot my bday and others get to have#theirs#i dunnoooo.. sigh#is THAT healthy? to still be upset over what ppl did and continue to hang out w them? unsure#i think i need to focus primarily on new relationships#hm. or rather#ugh. okay#i know the right thing to do is âfocus on myselfâ#id be repeating the same shit over if i just âfocus on new different peopleâ without changing the parts about me that lead me to have bad#relationships w pekole (my v negative self image)#but its just.so hard đ mental illness makes people very competitive and mine manifested in âim yhe Best depressed person because im#actually trying to kill myself and i make sure no one helps meâ#ya friend passing away kind of threw a spanner in that. im not so naive regarding death snd grief and relationships now#mm. i get angry at the people ive helped for mot helping me. but they all CAME to me. and i just expect them to come to me#thats not necessarily true i do put effort into helpinf people even when theyre being mean or very avoidant towards help bc like.
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i have been running all day long
#wind howls#woke up at 8:30 went to school at 10 until 7 pm got home at 8:30 played dnd worked on my miniature until 6 am and im#in bed now. my wrists in both hands are acting up really bad and im not sure i enjoy that. actually im pretty certain i dont enjoy that#im so tired. but im not done. my editing final is. mostly completed. i will just add more special effects on monday for a little pizzazz#however you spell that word.#i need to have my miniature almost completely finished. i need to buy the uhhh. plaster putty thing. for the walls. bricks#add the dirt. maybe find a miniature car so i dont have to mess up a really cute sleigh decoration for the sake of graded art.#add the fence.... and the trees. and the roof. paint the whole thang#at least the roof is just like. fake tiles. i can cut many of them at once and they wont take long to cut#aluminium foil for mounts. cover with papier mache. then dirt. maybe i shouldve done that before the fake grass. oh well !#what else. FUCK I HAVE TO MAKE A WHOLE ASS MOODBOARD. I HATE MOODBOARDS IM THROWING MYSELF OFF A CLIFF ACTUALLY#rather i hate having to Make moodboards. theyre cute and very useful and i know it but it is actual torture for me to make moodboards.#i hate them i hate them ourghg..... i have to make one i hate it....#ah shit i also have to make windows and the door for the miniature house. sigh#at least i have some foam cardboard left and now i know that itll be better to build those from that rather than sculpting w hot glue#on the bright side. hot glue scultping is wonderful for rough irregular but consistent patterns such as trees and its bark. that was fun#ive got my work cut out for me. the miniature comes first. should it come to it i can tackle the moodboard monday at the absolute LATEST#im not allowed to hand in anything late. so i have to plan out and calculate my time well. final projects need to be handed in#the teachers are kind in the regard that they encourage you to hand in something incomplete than late. late is 0. nothing is 0.#incomplete is not 0. its not Good. but its more than 0#(not to mention a 0 on the final project is an automatic failure of the entire class even if your grade is passing without the final)#anyway. ive gone on for long enough. im tired. goodnight
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đčàŒâ§Â°đ đđžâȘâȘ
bf satoru x fem single mom reader
wc: 1.1k
â a pair of troublemakers residing in your house; both of whom are (unintentionally!) dead-set on making themselves the death of you.
"I don't like your stupid, white hair."Â
"And I don't like your boring, brown hair, buddy."
"W-well... well, I don't like your ugly, doo-doo face!"
"Your mama does."Â
The two could go bickering like this for hours on end if you let them. What may seem to be a mutually digressive arrangement is actually an oddly adorable bonding in disguise. Satoru and your son put on a front of being annoyed at the other's presence, but you've never seen them apart for longer than a few minutes at a time. They've grown on each other; much like how moss grows on a statue that's been lingering out in the open. An indispensable cycle of life that's truly inevitable.Â
"No, she doesn't! She doesn't! She likes... sof- sofis... sofistogated guys."
"You mean sophisticated?"
"Shut up!"Â
You'd been terrified that your little one wouldn't have a father-figure to rely on anymore after you divorced your husband. However, it was something you had to do for his sake. The child deserved to live in an environment that wasn't always reeking of alcohol, where he wasn't subjected to the constant, drunk yelling of a pathetic excuse of a father who couldn't get his shit together and lazed around at home all day while you did all the work. If that meant that you'd have to raise him on his own, then so be it. At least he'd be raised properly. Signing those papers was, by far, the easiest decision you'd ever made.Â
"I'm not shutting up because a kid in clothes too big for him is telling me to."
"You... you're the one always wearing tight clothes around the house to impress my mama."
"No, that's because I'm ripped. Gotta show off what I've got. And your mama loves that."Â
"Oh, yeah? That means you show off your... your - um... ugly, doo-doo face!"
Would you regard it a miracle that Satoru just so happened to stumble into your life around that very time? Well, relatively. Meeting him wasn't something you'd planned, nor anticipated. The kind stranger who offered to pay for your order at a cafĂ© a year ago has somehow, thanks to quite a romantic sequence of events, turned into your boyfriend; a rock to lean on for when you need the support. And, also, someone that your little one can look up to (with the fun, bonus benefit of the pair getting into silly, childish quarrels nine times out of ten). What is Satoru if not a three-hundred-and-thirty-six-month-old toddler, too? Puts your five-year-old to utter shame with the way he acts.Â
"Enough. Baby, we've been over this before. Behave."
"But, mama, he's being a meanie!" "But, babe, he's acting all pretentious."Â
The responses come simultaneously: one is high pitched and whiny, and the other is your son. Sometimes, you have to pause and ask yourself how you haven't gone insane yet. It's the love that keeps you from falling apart. How could you ever harbor any other feeling for these two, except for wanting to cherish them? You just... need to work on a pet name that doesn't apply to the both of them at once. Â
"I don't want to hear it. Sweetie, finish your lunch. And, Satoru?"Â
"Yes, honey-who-loves-me-and-my-'ugly, doo-doo'-face?" He's smirking, snickering, while saying this, the sly bastard. When will the pair ever relent on trying to one-up the other?Â
"Why have you got one of my hair ties on your wris- never mind. Don't forget to change the sheets in our room. I'd do it myself if not for the meeting I need to get to in an hour."Â
"Yes, ma'am."Â
Cue a tiny gasp.Â
"But, mama..." The voice of your little one breaks the peaceful silence at the dining table once again. His legs start kicking back and forth - a sign that he's growing restless - from the chair they're dangling off of. He's got a protest already forming up in that head of his. "Toru said he'd take me to the skate park today. And he promised to get ice cream after."
Toru, huh? That's new. You can't help the smile that paints itself on your lips. The two have been getting along pretty well, it seems, contrary to all the bickering they do. That's always nice to know. It's amusing to see the dynamic they've built. One second, they're riling each other up to no end, the next, they've already formed a secret alliance to go out and have fun together. How cute. "Is that so?"
"Mhm! So that means we need to leave riiight after I finish my lunch. Don't get mad, okay?"Â
It's the small things like these that warm your heart. Some sacrifices can be made if it's in regards to this adorable (step, even though you haven't married Satoru yet)father-son moment. The sheets are insignificant right now. "Awwh. Of course I won't get mad, baby. It's good for you to want to spend more time with Satoru. Isn't he a fun guy?"
"... maybe."Â
. . .Â
"Just make sure he's safe out there. Helmet and gear on at all times, no big ramps. And don't let him eat too much sugar. He'll get hyper. Once the rush dies down, he'll get cranky -"
Satoru's arm wraps around your waist before you can finish your sentence, pulling you overwhelmingly close to his frame. Instinctively, your arms move to wrap around his neck, just the way Satoru likes it. Oh, how he wants to just throw everything else out the window and drag you to the nearest room with a lock in place.
"You -" A quick peck to your lips, followed by a nibble on your bottom lip. "- worry -" Another peck. "- too -" Another. "- much." Then, an unexpected bite on the shell of your right ear. "I'd never allow myself to let that little demon get hurt; or hyper."
Large hands wander across the curve of your back, resting firm on your butt. Satoru doesn't want to expose your son to the way he's squeezing your plush flesh with his long digits, so he shifts to have your back pressed against the wall. A perfect opportunity to kiss you - which the man can't help but seize. What else is a smitten boyfriend to do while waiting for your son to get ready and come down from his room upstairs? Lips against lips until one of you pulls away for air. "He's safe with me, okay?"Â
"Okay."Â
"Atta girl. Now, you go to that meeting of yours. And, tonight, after we both get back-Â oww."
"Groooss! Don't kiss my mama, or you'll make her ugly! Like youuu!"
"Baby, no. Don't kick Satoru's ankles-"
"I'm saving you, mama."
with đč, rina !!
#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu gojo#jujustsu kaisen x reader#fluff#gojo satoru#satoru gojo x reader#jjk satoru
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Guess who just finished acrane and is writing this with actual tears on my face!!! I need some Vander fluff- i think i will emplode- it doesnt even have to be anything specific i just need comfort after that shit storm đ
Yes my child. Mommy will make good on your request.
And donât even get me started on S2. I canât bring myself to watch it yet. Iâm still not even over S1 and I KNOW for a fact itâs not even as sad as Iâve learned S2 is.
But shhhhh, Mommyâs got you. Hereâs the fluff you asked for.
Piltoverâs Got Nothinâ On You | Vander Fluff Flash đșđ€
(GIF cred: me <3)
Pairings: Vander x GN!Reader
Pronouns: No pronouns used.
Rating: Slight NSFW because Reader and Vander are presumably half naked in bed, so 18+!! MDNI !! You WILL be blocked
Word Count: 524
Summary: Vander is enjoying a nice cozy morning with you, and reminds you exactly how he feels.
Tags: A little spicy, just because itâs a little maturely themed if you whip out a magnifying glass, Fluff, Tooth Rotting Fluff, Domesticity W/ Vander, OoeyGooeyRomance
Notes: None, just enjoy. Take a breather. đ€
âWould I lie to you?â The question hung in the air, light yet loaded with meaning. It was enough to send a familiar flutter through your stomach, a soft, nervous twinge that made your heart skip. The sensation was strangely uncomfortable, yet in the most endearing wayâlike a gentle reminder of how much he could still make you feel, even in the simplest of moments.
You lay atop the man you were speaking to, both of you bare-chested, the warmth of your skin pressing together in an effortlessly comforting way. The coolness of the morning air was a distant contrast to the heat between you, a calm presence that made the moment feel serene to say the least. His steady breathing beneath you gave the moment a gentle rhythm, and for a while, there was nothing but the simple unspoken connection between you both before you responded.
âMaybe. Depends.â You tease, your words playful but laced with a hint of mischief.
His response is immediateâhis large hand slipping into yours with a quiet sense of contentment, the warmth of his grip grounding you. Thereâs a comfort in the way he holds you, as if, in this moment, the world outside doesnât matter. His touch speaks volumes, the unspoken understanding between you both more powerful than anything words could convey.
âSomeone clearly thinks highly of me,â he teases back, a playful smirk tugging at his lips. Before you can answer, he leans down and places a soft, lingering kiss on your forehead, his touch tender and full of quiet affection. The sweetness of the gesture catches you off guard, a simple act that somehow feels like the most genuine expression of his feelingsâa quiet reminder of how deeply he cares.
You smile, a soft laugh slipping from your lips.
âAll I was saying is that, as much as Piltover has its minor flawsââ you begin, your voice light with amusement as youâre stopped short.
âAppalling flaws, really. Humongous, towering flaws,â he interrupts playfully, his tone teasing as he presses a gentle kiss to the back of your hand, still held firmly in his.
You canât help but laugh at his wit.
âYes, huge, appalling flaws. But despite all that, Topside is stunning at night. The lights here are beautiful, too, but nothing compares to the glow of Piltover.â You add, trying to make your point clear: a cityâs beauty can stand on its own, no matter what darkness might lurk behind the scenes.
He regards you for a long while, his gaze lingering on your face with an amusement that never quite fades. The seconds stretch on, almost too longâwhat might seem like a few moments in the worldâs rhythm becomes an eternity in his eyes. Each shift in your expression, each subtle change in your posture, draws him in, holding his attention as if time itself has slowed. And yet, even as eternity unfolds, itâs still not enough. To him, no amount of time could ever truly capture all he wants to see.
âThat may be true,â he says, his voice steady, the smirk never quite leaving his face.
âBut Piltoverâs got nothinâ on you.â
#Vander fluff#Vander x reader fluff#Vander x reader#arcane fluff#arcane x reader#arcane x reader fluff#arcane x GN!reader#Vander x GN!reader#Vander x GN!Reader fluff#Vander arcane#vander x reader arcane
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Do you have any tips for drawing noses? Sorry this is out of nowhere but I'm wanting to improve on my art, specifically the faces, and it's always the nose I find myself struggling most with.
I really struggle w making it fit the face if that makes sense? Every time I try to add it it just throws the whole face off, especially the eyes, not to mention how to make different nose types and the angles </33
I love your art style so bad, it's so smooth and satisfying to look at and the way you draw noses like it's nbd (and anatomy in general like damn) baffles me so I was just wondering if you maybe had any tricks or not, Ty either way for sharing your art in the first place <33
@extravagav Well I can try! First off thank you very much, I often feel like I still have a very long way to go in regards to proportions and anatomy so I really appreciate your kind words <3
Hokay, so, noses. I do love noses. To start off when it comes to drawing noses I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you the most annoying advice in the world which is just to practice a lot. Find a lot of pictures of noses in a bunch of different shapes from a bunch of different angles and just draw them until your brain melts out of your ears. Pay particular attention though to the nose as a 3D object!
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1d5a3d58532543d49a82612d3708e466/7ab427b1960a99fc-90/s540x810/3d7398af6d04489222568226adb769fed6cb70b5.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1ecb5510c1d82368d4845a38eb2372f7/7ab427b1960a99fc-45/s540x810/5db945dfe1f7abf48690aff08ec6bf431b506034.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ced691db2c98ba09386fc9f084d6ee7d/7ab427b1960a99fc-c8/s540x810/3d708bec9f79a22ccd7dcfb497413c039974a315.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7d13a70032e36bf40a7563f0a171d579/7ab427b1960a99fc-f5/s540x810/55cecebeb98417b21ab6a289455eaaa67e37554d.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/858539c15e03586a6efaaf41066094ed/7ab427b1960a99fc-ec/s540x810/5c1ff9a2a7d5578b8ac35ed36b8d74466a080541.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3ed305f79d4318847c825a0d8c737331/7ab427b1960a99fc-80/s540x810/90d9a0fd3db853dc67ff61b8b2e75a8282f90e22.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/87f748cb1ac7d8c9e2e4831e2399c151/7ab427b1960a99fc-6e/s540x810/8706f6f5ade053f75b0cc9749d78ad6f8a1f3038.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/901c1f1e67a4d06bbc2a02fc1908a136/7ab427b1960a99fc-b3/s540x810/40213e4862cd2d2acc8354ccd1c39c51b4154cc3.jpg)
It's of course trickier to do than I'm making it out to be but the more you practice at imagining the nose as a 3d physical form the easier it becomes to make a nose model in your mind that you can rotate like a microwave.
This is my personal very very basic understanding of the nose's construction:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a21410c25a50b981252a63a875b45131/7ab427b1960a99fc-d4/s540x810/0d599add7535a6e8afab365b8684472232c5812c.jpg)
it's like three circles and a taco shell.
Okay so now that you've got a basic understanding of the nose's construction, how to put it in the middle of the god-dang face??
So the funky thing about noses is that they tend to change shape the least out of all our facial features when we're making expressions. Our eyes change shape, our mouths move, our eyebrows, our cheeks, our jaws, they all go all over the place. the nose, however, tends to be pretty stationary and doesn't deform much (save in one important way I'll get to later). So because of all this, and here's my biggest piece of advice when it comes to making the nose fit in the face, I like to draw the nose first! I do a very loose head construction, draw the nose, and then sort of "hang" the rest of the features off of it:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/6151b4dba049eeb5d70c8d1e3d0c4044/7ab427b1960a99fc-ee/s540x810/b38daf04f3a86c6469b2bc1f93d7df5457e37504.jpg)
Two very different expressions, same nose!
Now when it comes to noses interacting specifically with the eyes the greatest thing to remember is that the part of the nose that sits between the eyes sticks out farther than you might think, and will likely be obscuring one of them, the extent of which depending a lot on the angle and how pronounced the nose bridge is.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4d1f81419452a27b6efe0c8c034ce56f/7ab427b1960a99fc-ae/s540x810/33eaf47c95472577b4d15bb04e09f7d9d2512a92.jpg)
for someone with a pretty flat nose bridge you'll be able to see most of the eye except in a more extreme angle, while someone with a protruding ridge might obscure the eye entirely. but the nose will likely be interacting with at least one eye if we're not facing the character head on. Really making your brain think in 3d is gonna most helpful here.
Finally! The nose being expressive! So the main way the nose plays in to expression is by wrinkling. the muscles that pull up your top lip and the muscles that pull down the middle of your forehead are almost all connected to the nose, so the nose tends to develop a lot of wrinkles whenever brows are furrowed or teeth are bared.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/fc8baf93bc5f1a67a3fe517b17c296c9/7ab427b1960a99fc-1e/s540x810/5f3bab694a74dc0953c513202be3455823ac319d.jpg)
Adding those wrinkles can add a lot of impact in the expression! And not just angry ones neither:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e042da4987ab6f66f867d6456ed0b565/7ab427b1960a99fc-45/s540x810/82ad21b7eaae3c51947c1d20dd41fb5618f08be0.jpg)
Sooooooooooooooo yeah! noses! They're weird and they come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and they can do a lot to add character to a face and they can also make you want to tear your hair out in big clumps! I'm still learning myself when it comes to noses (and most other things) and I'm faaaar from a master at it, but I hope I've been able to provide at least a little bit of help. If you do use my advice going forward please let me know! Good luck!!!!! (And here's all my nose "headcanons" for the strawhats. The ones who actually have human noses, anyway):
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/6d5297d2462140b66aa6452b5c706cb6/7ab427b1960a99fc-17/s540x810/f59e4212299628a0246c6ea3ed5a04386761491a.jpg)
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Hi! I was wondering if you if you could do a smutty In-ho x fem! Reader x Gi-Hun. Something along the line of they are both pining and see each other go to talk to reader alone and decide to wait. In-ho talks to her during lights out and Gi-hun talks to her doing mingle. In the final fight, she goes with either in-ho or Gi-hun and the stand of at the end, ends with them deciding to truce for a moment and share reader.
A/n: OMG A smutty story with both the hottest daddies!? Yet people keep the requests coming because I have many more to write! I hope to post at least 3 stories a week only because I am returning to my job after my holiday vacation! ALSO regarding the TAGLIST IDK why it won't let me add people like some it won't bring their name up SO I am not sure how to fix that RIP Im sorry y'all!!! ALSO, late tonight or tomorrow my part 1 of my 4-part Gi-Hun story is coming out!! (Hints of In-ho x reader) will also be in the story! Next week I'll have 3 more requests stories done!
Trigger warning: SMUT
Squid Game Masterlist
In-ho x Reader x Gi-hun
Love and War
Being in the games was the last thing (Y/n) was expecting, or at least in a life-or-death situation. She took a breath, looking over the group she was lucky enough to be in. Gi-hun did not hide the looks in her direction. Her (e/c) orbs meet his. (Y/n) could feel her cheeks warm up as Gi-hun winked. She turned away, looking at the ground quickly. How could two people be so obvious in their lustful looks? Their group quickly picked up on their subtle hints, flirtatious works, mindful touches, and lustful gazes. However, it sparked a rivalry between Gi-hun and his newfound friendship with Young-Il. The other gentleman also expressed his feelings towards (Y/n), which did not go unnoticed. (Y/n) happily reciprocated the attention she received from both of these handsome bachelors. It was lights out, and as normal, their group gathered in one spot, taking turns on night shift duty. Many thought of them as one of the strongest teams for now. In-ho sighed deeply as he was woken by Jung-bae. âYour turn.â He whispered. In-ho only responded with a grunt getting up to take his place by (Y/n). In-ho looked over her figure. It honestly pained him to lie to (Y/n) of all people. While scouting for participants, he would collect all their data and reasoning for poor financial situations. He never showed favor or pity towards anyone until now. Why did it have to be her of all people?
âI can take watch by myself if you need me to. I want you to have all the rest. Especially for the next challenge⊠I am nervous to find out what it may be.â In-ho whispered. She gave him such a warm and loving smile. In-ho had not felt butterflies like this in his stomach in so long the feeling was almost foreign. The way her eyes would almost sparkle while gazing into his. In-ho felt his breath be taken away every time.
âNo, I won't allow you to not have a partner. We agreed on pairs of two. I am going to be fine. I could say the same for you, Young-Il.â She gazed into his eyes and before anything else could be said In-ho leaned in kissing her deeply. (Y/n) gasped but did not pull back once his warm lips dominated hers. In-ho cupped her cheek before letting his hand trail down squeezing her beast. âW-Wait.â Her voice seemed weak from the desire but quickly In-ho stopped all his advances.
âFuck (Y/n) I am so sorry if I hurt you.â His eyes showed nothing but absolute worry.
âYoung-Il, you didnât hurt me. I just. We cant I-â
âYou love Gi-hun. Donât you?â He asked.
She looked away rubbing her temples. âI am unsure who I like. I have feelings for you both but if we act out on them⊠If you or him dies I would never be able to get over your death, or is..â She leans against In-ho resting on his shoulder.
âI understandâŠI love you.â
âI⊠I love you as well.â (Y/n) whispered cuddling into him.
âŠ.
After the night the next game had started early that morning, and (Y/n) had not been expecting what was to come. As the game commenced it felt very intense making sure the groups had the correct amount of people in each room. They even teamed up with new players they clicked with instantly. As it began getting lower in numbers for each door (Y/n) became nervous. She felt Gi-hun grab her hand gently. âI got you.â He whispered. Once the merry-go-round stopped and the number was â2â he instantly took off with her ultimately forgetting about any of the others. Even shamelessly (Y/n) did not even look back for In-ho. Once in the room the door instantly shut. The female leaned against the wall as Gi-hun was breathing heavily on the other side of the room, âGi-hun, are you okay?â
Gi-hun did not bother to answer before walking over to (Y/n) and kissing her deeply. The female lets a shaken moan out as their bodies are pressed against each other. His hands hold her waist before lowering down her backside and cupping her ass. âGâŠGi-hun, babe, we cant.â Her body was on fire for this handsome older man.
âYou love me⊠I know you do.â He let you go resting his forehead against yours.
âIâŠI do love you. I have since the moment I laid eyes on you. I canât be with you Gi-hun. I wont risk getting attached-â
âIs it because of Young-Il? Is that the true reason? I heard you both talking last night. I know you have feelings for him of some kind⊠I want to know if he-â
âNo, my love it's not because of Young-Il⊠I care for you both but if I got too attached and lost either of you I⊠I wouldn't be able to ever move on.â When the doors unlocked she took his hand, âTalk later okay?â
Gi-hun nods walking out as their hand in hand. In-ho instantly noticed and sent a glare at Gi-hun who met his gaze with a stronger one.
âŠ
(Y/n) was soaked in her friend's blood as she was on her knees. Gi-hun and Jung-Bae beside her on their knees. In front of them stood a man who organized the games. With a quick hand motion from the man in the black mask, Jung-Bae was pulled away. Gi-hun went to help but a gun was quickly pulled out.
âDonâtâ (Y/n) begged, tearing up. Her eyes widen as the gun slowly is lowered.
âI love you (Y/n).â The Front Man whispered she glared into his eyes.
âI hate you.â She glared. In-ho took a moment before removing his mask. Both (Y/n) and Gi-hun gave his a look showing all their bundled up emotions. âYou⊠are the Frontman. HOW COULD YOU!â (Y/n) cried loudly .
In-ho leans down, âMy real name is In-ho, I joined yes, but I never expected to fall in love with you! Please⊠Let me have you before anything else happens⊠Gi-hun.â He turned to his friend who reluctantly nodded they both desired you and that over powered all current feeling. The triangle guard let Gi-hun free before leaving.
âPlease lets forget about all of this. For a few moments.â Gi-hun adds agreeing with In-ho. What felt like eternity she agrees.
Gi-hun instantly pulled her against his frame smashing their lips together. In-ho kneels down pressing against her back side kissing up (Y/n)âs neck. The female moaned loudly into the kiss as her body is sandwiched between theirs. âFuck.â She gasped as Gi-hun trailed down to the other side of her neck. In-ho proceeded to slides his large hands under her shirt cupping her bare breasts. Her nipples already were hard. âNgh! (Y/n) whined as he pinch them roughly pulling her buds harshly.
âTake her shirt off.â In-ho growled.
âSlide her pants down.â Gi-hun adds. (Y/n) had no time to react before her shirt was being lifted and sweatpants pulled down swiftly. Once practically naked she puts a hand on their bulges rubbing both men. They let out a shaken groan each, Gi-hunâs voice held a submissive tone while In-ho growled dominantly. Their already hardening cocks were at full attention. Gi-hunâs leaking precum at the tip. In-ho leans his forhead against (Y/n)âs shoulder cock twitching as she worked both touch starved men.
âF-Fuck Iâm close.â Gi-hun whined.
In-ho chuckled,â Baby slow down before he blows a load in your hands. Let us inside of you.â
âMMmm⊠But will b-both fit?â She asked inhaling as Gi-hun reached down feeling her soaking wet panties.
âFuck you are soaked honey. Did jerking us off turn you on that much?.. Yes dear we will both fit.â
(Y/n) nods and spreads her legs, In-ho nods to Gi-hun, She arches, feeling both their cocks brushing her entrance. âAHH FUCK Gi-hun. In-ho!~â (Y/n) was held up by the men who began roughly thrusting into her tight and warm pussy.
âFuck baby you are tight.â âYour pussy was made for your us.â âGoing to fill you up.â
Both of their praises made the knot tighten inside of her. âFUCK!â She cried out as their cock meet the perfect rythem until she felt the euphoria hit all at once. Her pussy clams down making both men cum deep inside. The three now lay there panting in pleasure. (Y/n) closed her eyes.
âI love you both.â Her voice is strained. Gi-hun instantly responsed with a quick âI love you backâ .
In-ho sighed deeply kissing her cheek knowing nothing would be the same after this. He loved her too much.
#squid game x reader#player 456#seong gi hun#seong gi hun x reader#squid game fanfiction#squid game smut#in ho x reader#gihun x inho#gihun x frontman#squid game fanfic#seong gihun smut#in ho smut#455#001 squid game#001 x 456#smut#Jung-Bae#gihunxreaderxinho
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Displacement
Denial
Projection
Rationalization x x
Regression
#projection is like my number one enemy and she is always wearing camouflage... i do this with both negatives and positives#it's very difficult for me to understand where the border between myself and others is. my perspective is lacking#on rationalization -> see the posts i made regarding hypocrisy and theory of mind. linked them (relevant for projection also)#rationalize nothing. find reality and then accept it good and bad. you waste your most precious resources otherwise. time and energy#regression also yes but i try to be aware of that... like when i was saying i've been triggered for months that's a huge part of it#*traumatic or extremely stressful event* *gets hit with the rejuvenator* ... like i literally have to remind myself wtaf#i absolutely hate that that is something i deal with i hate it...#i'm usually aware of when i'm in denial about something as stupid as that sounds because i will just avoid thinking about it lol...#i think about everything way too much so it's a noticeable absence. but there are things behind the curtain too which !!!!! pmo#but i broach the topic when necessary... it's the assessment of when and how necessary it is that i struggle with. i try to avoid denial#but that bitch wears camo too sometimes...!#displacement yeah but i always take it out on myself unless it's really fucking bad and at that point i should really just ask for help#asking for help is so hard i need to work on that. especially now ghhhhhhhhh#i think the idea that i'm self aware is counterintuitive in itself i just try really hard#and i had been in therapy for so fucking long doing this shit that it just feels weird not to#pursuit of self awareness isn't actually self awareness... it can lead you in the opposite direction if you are not careful. main gripe w#a lot of my therapists. they just kept leading me in the wrong fucking directions. the power imbalance in therapy makes it useless for me#i am not going back unless i find someone who can actually understand me enough to not be accidentally or carelessly forcing#their own/society's mentality on me. of the two therapists i have any respect for it stands out to me that they LISTENED & treated me EQUAL#like when i showed up one day not able to DO therapy that day bc i was hysterical and he just sat beside me for like 30 minutes#sharing presence. instead of trying to tell me to calm down or doing shit on his computer. he just sat with me in it. intentionally created#space for me to experience my emotions & made it clear that he was holding that for me as an equal by sitting beside me. i fucking HATED it#...but appreciate a lot in retrospect... he chose to believe me & do what would be the most helpful to me in a moment where Nothing Was#every other therapist ive ever had wouldve not taken me srs that all i could do that day was show up & tried to force me to do work#triggered me even more to the point i dissociate/disconnect to be able to calm down & then judged me as noncompliant on top of it#i feel like this helps clear the picture a little esp considering displacement and my history of sh#i have really really always tried my best not to hurt anyone#anyone i have intentionally hurt probably deserved at least 80% of it#<- not a rationalization literally just an ugly truth. because i let it get that far... so it's still on me in the end#z
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