#no but seriously i had a mild dizzy spell afterwards uhm i have a problem
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just replied to a question about my studies and when i plan on finishing them and now i am going to throw up /hj
#no but seriously i had a mild dizzy spell afterwards uhm i have a problem#imagine if i wasn't disordered several times over and could function like a normal fucking person. lol#i would literally have BEEN DONE with my studies years ago#saw my therapist yesterday and we talked abt how i came to view academic success as the mark of “being good enough”#and how we need to shift that mindset#but if everyone around me really does act like it is the one and only ideal marker for a good life + income what else am i supposed to think#at least w regards to MYSELF#it's not like i'm particularly skilled in other ways anyhow#caught off guard by a question this morning from someone i met recently and it's genuinely making me feel ill#and that's the mental illness because why the fuck am i suddenly terrified that they're going to be unhappy about that or disappointed in me#like i dont even KNOW them enough to care#what the fuck im so tired of myself and this insecurity#if i end up having a panic attack over this i'm going to be so upset lol i'm mad as hell already#ra yaps
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