#at least not for me. theres not enough done with it i think... but i also recognize i am not the target audience anymore | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

marcmorrigan · 8 months ago

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@fenglianweek day 6: memories/growing up

the best thing thats ever been mine

#tgcf #xie lian #feng xin #fenglian #fenglianweek24 #my art #full color #I SPENT SOOO LONG ON THIS ONE... like not long for me. fast for me! but compared to the other ones ive done for flw. long.#this has been a few weeks of work and im very happy with how it turned out! tried to be thoughtful about how i approached the colors #and i think it really paid off! theres SO MANY COLORS in the pants im so proud of all the fabric in this...#that white fabric has so. many colors. it makes me super happy #also some of the fallen petals make hearts. btw >:o)#idk if they translate well but feng xin has top surgery scars!!! theyre both trans but xie lian is a cultivator so. he just uses magic #i KNOW when he first learned transformation magic he like BOOKED IT to feng xin to show him like 'LOOK. FLAT!!!'#and little teenxin was like 'ummm 😳 yeah. flat'#ANYWAY!!! idk if they actually look like teens here... hopefully yes. xie lian does to me at least???#or at least he looks different from how i draw him as an 800smthng year old lol. but still like himself i think!!! i hope...#whatever. point is. do you remember we were sitting there by the water. you put your arm around me for the first time. you made a rebel of #the tags cut me off there. thats a good thing. IF YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW.#did you guys know i have headcanons about the type of tswift fans mu qing and xie lian would be. well now you know. I Have Thoughts #OKAY THATS ENOUGH TAGS I NEED TO ACTUALLY POST THIS. ILY MUAH TTYL

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joelletwo · 6 months ago

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now this is gonna sound really stupid and i need no one to call me stupid about it -> it turns out when u make food that is more than the bare minimum to be edible. ie make it a lil fancy w a lot of flavors and textures going on (scary to me <- autist). u want to eat it more. and even tho its more work. sometimes the prospect of eating something that actually tastes great is motivating enough to get u thru the work. and so conversely it is easier to keep up a consistent eating routine. bc ur not also constantly bailing on planned mediocre dinners to eat all ur backup stock of emergency instant meals.

#YOU KNOW. i mean most of u probably genuinely know. sometimes theres a delicate balance of.#u cut back u cut back u cut back so u can get stuff done despite the [disability] [lack of spoons] and u live in Bare Minimum Land #and then at some point u think abt adding stuff in and its like oh yeah i forgot i can do that. i forgot i can expend a little extra #effort. SOMETIMES. it doesnt always work which is why i never want to be called an idiot for playing it safe and minimum lol.#ive got. no one else doing this stuff for me. so i always want to make sure i have enough budgeted energy for stuff like. eating #once a day at least. lol. lolllllllll. is that enough justifying myself. ive been eating okay lately. even w the diet change. and its nice #altho also eating more regularly means i actually go thru my bought food quicker means i have to buy more. 'SPENSIVE. in 2024

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puppyeared · 1 year ago

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ive made myself more wet and pathetic

#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL #its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed #because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH #how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would #be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing #or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late #i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed #the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either #because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember #the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either #the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with #crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure #BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION #im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real #really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and #thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT #you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without #making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY #yapping #doodles #puppysona #edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule #and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened

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star-mum · 2 months ago

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after all the "pre work" work I did, it's finally time to start writing the discussion of my thesis (aka actually analyse all the shit I said I was going to analyse and write "think pieces" on it) and Im gonna start pulling hair out

#I CANT FOCUS #I DO MAYBE 2 MIN OF WORK AND I REACH FOR MY PHONE OR OPEN A SECOND TAB #IVE OPENED TUMBLR LIKE 6 DIFFERENT TIMES NOW #PLEASE SAAAAVE MEEEEE #I need to at least start on one of the topics until friday so i can show my advisor and... well be advised on it #theres not enough coffee in the world capable of helping me #think i need to go old school and start doing cocaine (haha funny NOT haha weird)#funny how everytime i have to Sit Down and Work my brain ties itselt into a knot and I feel dumb and useless and unprofessional #I WANNA BE AN ACADEMIC #LIKE AN ACTUAL ACADEMIC CAREER WITH RESEARCH AND DOCTORADES AND SHIT #AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH #bi yearly reminder to get assesed for adhd cause THIS HAPPENS EVERYTIME WITH EVERYTHING #*takes a breath*#its okay my advisor said I write academic papers really good and I SHOULD pursue an academic career #its okay im fine #ill start going to college earlier so I can work in the library and get “judged” into actually working #love body doubling :-:#it actually works but it makes me feel like a child #like of course I need ADULT SUPERVISION to actually get any work done #accidental vent #like wow we got real personal on this one huh

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wszczebrzyszynie · 1 year ago

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I personally would love to hear your thoughts on the ARG thing you were talking about in your most recent post! Maybe if you're really nervous you could post it elsewhere and just link it untagged here?

These arent all my thoughts but most of them. Turning off reblogs on this one and not tagging anything sorry to the people who like it and follow me. Close your eyes if you need to

#i know that they arent proffesional actors but i think an acting class could help ... ive seen people say that it needs suspension of #disbelief like theathre does but thats just. not how online pieces of media like this work #charlie was great though. especially in the 3rd stream. i dont watch him but i enjoyed his moments on screen #in the end it doesnt work as a piece of horror critique #at least not for me. theres not enough done with it i think... but i also recognize i am not the target audience anymore #sure works great for the streamers fans though so i guess im glad theyre enjoying it. i would never put myself through those 4 hours again #ask :)

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penisbilt · 6 months ago

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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

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francy-sketches · 6 months ago

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I'm gonna have to work on my final project non stop for like a month straight bc I procrastinated on it too much fuck my stupid baka life

#.txt #also I have to do a movie pitch for it bitch it's an amv with intentionally one dimensional characters 😭 tf do I even say about it #at least the characters are like. knockoff jaime and tommen so its almost like im drawing asoiaf fanart #unfortunately I've come to hate them. the knockoffs I mean #I wanna change the designs a bit so they dont resemble my blorbos as much. i think im gonna give the kid darker hair #ok well discount jaime just looks like him with 2 hands and a blue cape 💀and I cant change him atp #my worst mistake was giving him like. a solid metal skirt armor thing bc its a pain in the ass to animate #at the start of the year I had the most work done out of everyone how did this happen #its bc they started nitpicking the story and I kinda lost motivation to work on it lke this shit is stupid. and cringe #by they I mean the extra screenwriting teachers we had a couple lessons with which like. this is an animation course not a writing course #I'd get it if it was like. a full time school but we have 2 3 hour classes a week we dont have time for this shit man #ig my mistake was that my idea didn't start from the story it started from the song I wanted to make a cool music video for it #its not that the story is nonsensical or anything its just a very basic fairytale esque thing nothing groundbreaking #'but you're not SAYING anything with this' I'm not trying to omg just let me make my little amv :(#does everything need a plot twist or to subvert expectations is it not enough that it looks cool #there's a couple people who are worse off than me in terms of how much they've done but also theres a couple that are nearly done #looking at them like god I wish that were me.....#and also I think I accidentally overwrote a shot I worked on for 3 hours. killing myself #maybe I can restore a previous version but its on the school computer and the school is closed for a week so im not gonna know until then

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 2 years ago

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said this to a friend before so apologies for being tacky by repeating myself but consider the doctor's discomfort with being placed in Man as a category as less of a refusal of gender than a refusal of adulthood

because thats what it is, right? the doctor's always been vaguely not-a-man in the same way and maybe sometimes in the same breath as they are vaguely not-a-human and also purposefully childish

Man and Woman are adult categories. you get to be in them by performing gender the right way, but also by being mature. and when youre in them you get a certain amount of respect for being Man or Woman, the respect of doing gender right PLUS being an adult right. degendering and infantilisation and dehumanisation often happen like, together, right?

i think the doctor's refusal of being put in a category of Man is about that maturity thing a lot more than it is about gender. i think the doctor has actual thoughts and feelings about adulthood, or maturity, or Whatever, about Being A Child and Being A Not-Child and Being Not A Child and Not Being A Child. i think they have ACTUAL opinions on that whereas they havent given gender more than a sideways glance. i think it makes a lot more sense and is a lot more true to the text to interpret their statements about manhood through that lense than anything to do with gender

theyre a lot more of a posterboy for children's rights than a posterboy for nonbinariness and i like them way better that way too. if they met a nonbinary person they'd not be surprised or confused it'd not be a deal to them but also i dont believe they'd relate it to themselves at all. when they meet children they do relate, they do place themselves in the same spot, they are on the children's side.

#i dont know why this is so agressive apparently i had some Feelings abt this fhkghjg that i finally managed to articulate #the genderness of the doctor has been frustrating me on some level for like years #like at the same time im like okay yeah obvs trans sort of inherently but also at the samet ime no theyre not????#like YES they are. i think Renegade is doing trans the gallifreyan way #it's going your own way. it's choosing your own like caste. it's picking your own name #becoming a renegade IS the gallifreyan or A gallifreyan way of transing yourself i do believe that #but also. the doctor isnt trans in a human way at all #and like every statement hteyve made about gender you have to be like. deluding yourself at least a little to take it to be abt gender #in my opinion #like ive done. enough times. sure. it's fun to play with interpretations #but also it deosnt feel honest #it doesnt feel honest to take anything the doctor at least from 9-13 has said about gender to be about. gender #it really isnt most if not all of the time!#an di think THIS is why #and theres also like the... the doctor's concept of maturity and growing up (ive got old meta where i say it's about #dont do genocide = growing up to the doctor and i still stand behind that)#and also all this is then interesting with 13 bc i said to the same friend yesterday (sorry ymae) that 13 is kinda like an anti-coming of #age story to me. but im not putting that in the post bc thats like. reaching i think a little #in the way that im not reaching about this child stuff #but it's interesting how it interacts with 13. this seeming transness that isnt abt transness/gender #bc she transed her gender but she DIDNT. her story was about something entirely else #anyway #if i manage to articulate that in a good way i'll add it to the post for now it's this #theta sigma #also wish i had quotes at the ready abt Man and War and Children but i dont #gotta rewatch #smth smth doctors daugther beast below twice upon a time the doctor dances etc #eaters of ligth also

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lesbiangiratina · 1 year ago

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Not very fond of people like waving off testament’s gender as just a Gear Thing but well at least it becomes funny when people apply it to gears as a whole. Like yeah i can agree with that. It has nothing to do with being a gear tho theyre all just transgender

#okay ill talk about it seriously down here #it does feel like the original intent behind their androgyny was to kind of Other them from humanity #daisuke saying theyve transcended humanity / talking about their ‘inhuman beauty’#i dont want to call it dehumanizing since theres like. a weird positive (…i guess) angle of them being ‘above’ humanity #thats just kind of a trope though. like nonhuman characters without a human concept of gender or sexuality. yknow #but anyway strive didnt really go back on this. they kinda made it a part of their arc?#i think dev backyard says that theyve ‘lived without the concept of gender’ since being turned into a gear #but theres no disconnect from humanity that goes along with that anymore #i like the implication that reconciling with humanity and more importantly their OWN humanity coincided with their presumable transition!#alright now for the part of this i dont like. its weird to assume the gear conversion had some effect on their body and THATS why theyre nb #i think any implications of that are vague enough to be dismissed #i wouldnt even call them Implications its like. messy (and contradictory!) early 2000s phrasing and a theory about 1 line of dialogue lol #early fandom stuff im aware of but dont know enough to talk about aside. nowadays its just used to like #excuse their androgyny. by gamers who cant just. believe that theyre nonbinary because they want to be. lol #not because of anything that was done to their body against their will. or even more simply because theyre just a gear and are Above gender #literally theyre just nonbinary. isnt that cool. i wish everyone could agree this is cool and end the discussion there.#except for me. i can discuss it all i want forever. because im the understander.#whatever. at least the section of testament’s wiki page theorizing about their genitalia is gone now. kissaroo for whoever took that off.#I NEED TO WRITE UP THAT TIMELINE IM LITERALLY NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY IM AUTISTIC ABOUT TESTAMENT’S GENDER. CLEARLY #the kat goes meow #gg

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orcelito · 20 days ago

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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍

Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.

But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.

I do need to eat. But... later...

#speculation nation #im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry #which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh #well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to #i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge #or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way #i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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phagodyke · 1 year ago

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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man #it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing #eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED #and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself #by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others #it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless #ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking #and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk #oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao #and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3 #voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries #that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them #and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long #+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc #and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it #to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite #if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent #.diaries

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kdrama-movies-more · 1 year ago

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#strong girl nam soon #voice 3 #ryu si-o #do kang-woo #kdrama #anyway lot of this ep 16 reminded me of Voice...like... from the minute the preview had swat waving the lights #and then the bloody boat scene #spoilers #Ogata ties up generalized father+brother issues and being overlooked by saviour+that shocker graphic ending #I mean i guess it was a forgone conclusion due to the drugs+ that last minute kick the dog with Hwaja(but what about Kyle? sm1 adopt him!)#I think after spotting too many badly done refs/parodies I ought have guessed we were getting Voice(the parallels are only in my head)...#Waikiki was A+; Bongsoon and Parasite etc not so much; it didn't fit organically just like Beyond Evil+Bong-soon+X-files didn't fit in BYT #Behind Your Touch was however solid in knowing like Noda how to comedy and parody(crime part was too weak) nd intersting flow nd characters #on that note mercy was at least had closure w/Binbin instead of left hanging lik KSW; now this is character+tragedy instead of plot device #Voice2-3 was weak when it came to the underworld; 2 was carried by Bang Je-su. Si-o is not Bang Je-su level but both are>Kaneki+Ppang #if this gets a season 2 unlike BYT though I'll be too mad at jtbc; theres enough actual good series hanging minus next seasons #I like Bread Song's aesthetic but begs the question why weren't the mom and Bread Song the actual main characters from the start?#oh and also their whole use of names and codeword was weird and not too...well interesting for lack of a better word #the whole biblical st. paul bread thing...#(Pavel is Russian for Paul)

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elegyofthemoon · 7 months ago

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reading springfest now after everything in nagazora is making me crave more fu hua and mei interactions. i feel like thus far in my go through, i've never actually seen them interact, but it's kinda fun that the person who made the recommended reading order put springfest after nagazora (though of course this is probably in preparation for whatevers going on with senti/fu hua rn in ch 19)

but the way that the empyrea isolates herself so she doesn't have any attachment to those who she will outlive and how she winds up becoming lonely as a result threw me back to mei isolating herself in world serpent so that she can protect kiana and just... idk..... i think the two talk about that isolation would be interesting

also. i love fu hua. she's still at the top of my list for best character so i'm just a happy little guy getting more fu hua content now in the story :> yippee fu hua