#at least i had everything else i made
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Girl help i am having grievances over my art major final project
#idk i just keep thinking about how i had a grand spectacular plan for it and then. well. *gestures around* all of this happened#and like at the end of it it feels like everyone else managed to achieve their spectacular plans and make something amazing#while i just. failed#and i am picking myself back up and i am making something!! even if its not what i planned originally it should still be good enough!!#but i guess im having a hard time reconciling with it. being proud of it#like in previous years we had multiple projects to work on all with clear deadlines and so if one thing i mad didn't turn out right#at least i had everything else i made#but now.. because of everything and just. yeah. i have one thing to show and im not 100% satisfied with it#i still have a week or so and in that time im going to make it into the best thing it can be#but its not what i wanted it to be and its still inferior to everyone else's projects#and i know that doesn't matter on the technical scale and that i'm going to get graded on what *i* did regardless of what everyone else did#but like. when they put up the exhibition people are going to see my work next to everyone else's works#and they're gonna see that what i made is far less... impressive#and like. i dont even know if what i made is good enough! if it's not too obvious or too vague#if people are going to get it or if they're gonna think it's dumb#i don't know!! and my art teachers already warned me against putting too much text next to my works so like#i can't even explain myself lol#i am going to probably make a lil design document thing and put it up next to the works themselves#but like. idk if they're gonna let me do that#i don't know!! i will keep working on it and i will try to mold it into something i can be sorta satisfied with#but like. i cant help but mourn what it could've been#roseflower.txt#vent cw#rant cw
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My (very old) loscar brooch (?) that i just now made doodles for
More pictures under cut
#loscar#logan sargeant#ls2#oscar piastri#op81#and now starts the rant#my fave detail is probably tge eye. there few beads like this and they were laying around until my friend said that they look loscar relate#so o started making making whole thing around that bc in my opinion it's genius (also sorry this is gonna have extremely long tags bc i had#run out of them once. maximum is 30 apparently)#I'll go by lains from here so first obviously eagle. i think it's hilarious and what's even funnier is that i bought those charms before#even knowing who Logan was. just for shit and giggles#also to coala i added a bead on top to somewhat match the height#also i love mixing up their colours bc I'm insane about that. how they ideal negatives of eachother and how orange fits logan while blue-os#so i also mixed it up with those animals charms and their attachments here#next stop - oscar lane. there not a lot of black which is bas but at least last heart is actually black. beads above it represents eyes#(you can see with doodles) and next one is for his hair but i couldn't find how to show it#and round see through bead i use for his helmet bc it shines with red yellow and blue#middle part - i talked about the eye but also beads above it. i tried to match tones so they won't clash#then fish and i love that it's in form of heart bc i associate both of them with water so much i needed something here#and bead underneath that is for Logan eyes ofc. for doodles there tried to use brown so oscar would have blond/logan brown but didn't work#AND READ HEART. “-WELL IT'S NOT YELLOW” “PREMA RED THEN?”#as you can see I'm totally normal about their prema times plus i love how it stands out with everything else and can be read as#usual meaning of red hearts. also made out of corals so it fits them too#and last but not least - Logan my beloved#first and foremost STARS#I added as much as humanly possible party bc of American meme party bc i fucking love stars and associate him with them#also added all williams shades of blue and even white so it covers all that#okay no I lied a bit bc i used a button for their dark blue#another thing i would like to mention is metal ring bc it has extremely small hearts on it that you need to look for to notice#I HIT LIMIT FUCK.last thing to say is how I tried to play with circles in middle of every lane. okay goodbye
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a notepad that slowly got turned into a journal
#ffxiv#haurchefant greystone#geese art#ocs#oc: kiriltugh#back when he was still a summoner he’d go through at least three of these a month#and that only got worse when he had to start beefing up his spells due to the. well the everything#and then THAT got worse when all of a sudden he had to hold onto those letters from his good friend#for. you know. the important information on them. and nothing else#neowwww…. my most important author’s note for this piece isssss#that tear was made after he had finished filling this one up.#my second most important note is any spelling mistakes are uhhhh definitely intentional kiril’s bad at spelling#and it’s not just really hard writing in a fantasy script LOL#heavensward kiril#I GUESS
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came face to face with an ardennes horse on the other side of a fence on my walk today. nearly cried because i miss these big lovely creatures with my whole heart. i'm fine (most definitely not)
#pros of our new apartment: we live close to horses & several other animals (had a long chat with a flock of sheep and a very old goat)#cons: i am constantly reminded of my past as a horsegirl and the pain of not knowing when or how or if i will ever be able to return to it#ouch!#anyway. made eye contact with a big black horse with grey hairs in his forehead and his long mane was brown in the sunlight#i stood there for ten minutes and Looked at him and his equally big bay friend as they scratched each other and ate nonstop#if you even care#being poor + without a car + the only riding school you can imagine going back to being filled with people you'd rather not meet again ..#not good!#i keep having this thought that once i've moved somewhere else and am able to stand on my own legs .. then i can go back to the horses#it still hurts me that my equine therapist turned out to be like .. borderline abusive. at the very least a terrible person to have that jo#that could have been everything and more but nope :')#very ironic that the place i went to in order to deal with trauma created another trauma
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I do think ayda and Jace would hate each other if they were ever to meet but I also do think they could be like [communist bugs bunny dot png] our disappointing father figure Arthur Aguefort
#disappointing paternal figure Aguefort to Jace you will always be famous to me#me: Aguefort isn’t his dad but he gave Jace daddy issues. everyone else: YOURE INSANE#like I think he already had them and Aguefort was kinda the cypher and just made everything worse#shut up Janelle#i LOVE pretending that Jace’s wizard baggage has a basis in Aguefort being a total failure of a mentor to him#or at least made them worse
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Not aiming this at anyone specifically, but I’m genuinely so disappointed & annoyed at the fact no one in my real life circles bothered to reach out to me to check up on me regarding the recent Liam Payne/One Direction news.
#ignore if you want I’m just gonna vent a minute#it’s been over 3 days now & almost nothing#They know I was/am a fan of at least 1d or could take a pretty good educated guess if nothing else#& yet not one person who knows me personally bothered to ask if I was alright#And honestly… I’m not#I’m fucking struggling#it’s just so complex n confusing & I’m having a really hard time coming to terms with everything#I get it people are busy and have their own things going#& they probably don’t think it’s a big deal losing Liam as it was just a silly little boyband to them#but to me n to everyone who was there for those years it feels so so strangely personal#like a longtime distant friend has just been ripped away so tragically#& not only the tragic death of a person but the death of your adolescence & all the innocence of that time#the end of an era that had so much joy n significance in your life#& I know it’s probably not easy to tell I’m upset bc I keep my emotions pretty much exclusively to myself (thanks autism)#but honestly it’s just so invalidating and isolating to not have anyone to talk to#I already feel so completely alone in general bc no one ever checks in with me n stuff like this just solidifies that#I just don’t think it would have been so difficult just to drop a quick message to say ‘hope you’re okay’ or ‘thinking of you’ at least#it would have made a difference#& I know this post isn’t gonna matter to anyone but I just had to get my frustrations out somewhere bc it’s weighing on me a lot#anyway if you got to here thanks for your time n I hope you’re doing okay!!#feel free to reach out to me if you ever want/need to ❤️❤️❤️#wow that was a lot#personal#Kirsty talks#my posts#my stuff#1d#Liam Payne#one direction
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really hate that the most pervasive fan-interpretation of isaac is (or at least used to be) "soft, sad, innocent puppy in love with scott". like in love with scott maybe sure. sad sure. but he's not SOFT or INNOCENT, he's a BITCH and he's MEAN and his automatic reaction to anyone he doesn't like is to try to fistfight and/or murder them. he has his soft moments but they are far overwhelmed by what a petty bitch he is. and to me thats like the peak of his character and why i love him as much as i do but so much of the fandom apparently saw him and threw all that out the window.
#like yall really just took all the flavor away from my boy#(this post isnt adressing anyone that follows me or even really anyone i've seen in the current teen wolf tumblr community)#(this is more about the subset of fans that i think are probably the same subset of fans that ship sterek and made all those edited#-screencaps whenever i look for teen wolf stuff on pinterest)#magpie thoughts#magpie's teen wolf experience#i now have a visceral reaction anytime i see isaac described as a puppy.#on top of everything else it also just feels kinda like infantilizing an abuse victim#like ''oh poor little pathetic baby never did a thing wrong in his life must protect from all harm''#like. NO#he did LOTS OF THINGS wrong. he was hungry for power and control after having basically none his whole life and it made him reckless and#-cruel (at least at first). he tried to kill people and relished in it. and even after he pledged eternal devotion to scott or whatever and#-switched sides he was still bitchy as all hell. and i LOVE HIM FOR IT#taking away all of that and reducing him to just some poor baby whose done no wrong and must be coddled feels like just. erasing his agency#idk man#magpie rants#i feel like i had a tag specifically for me being salty at some point but i dont rmr it
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i hate my face it needs to be softer and i hate my body it needs to be sharper
#there is nothing in the world i wished i had more than a smaller/rounder nose#why is that thang genuinely V#<#>#^#every direction sniffin#i want to bury my face in things and not impale them#i hate the way it looks when i smile#somehow it gets even bigger#and more downturned#and my body well . at least thats easier 2 change#im so hyper aware of how much i weigh i hate the number being known it makes me want to cry i feel too exposed#its like it being a secret keeps me safe#even though everyone can see my body anyway#if i just have that then im safe no one can hurt me#what if the number makes them see me differently#what if it changes the way i look in their eyes like it does in mine#what if the dysmorphia streaks out past just me#i know its stupid n realistically it doesnt matter at all but i am so Scared i am terrified#i hate my ed i hate everything it holds over me all the time everyday#every time i look at myself im different#n im worse#and no matter how much i suffer its never happy#im so sick rn im in pain but all i can think about is at least im not eating at least its stopping me from eating#i just want to be different i want to be anything else#i feel like im always going 2 be stuck as the grossest thing in the world#ill never get the chance to look at myself n see anything but that#i want to be better. i do. i want to just move on#im so tired. but im So awful looking. & everyone has always made sure i know it. made sure im lesser and i am#ive never had a real friend. theyve always hated me n kept be barely around because they feel bad for me. n just told me how bad i looked
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Wait!! In an earlier post you said everyone was aggressive… especially Barnaby…
What happened when he woke up? Unless it’s a spoiler/ not ready yet, then forget this question!!
I hope you have a nice day/night though :3
that answer is indeed Not Ready Yet! but in short, he has a Really bad time after he wakes up. like, it's Rough rough for him. and before anyone asks - no, it's not because of the arm! that is something he can understand, even if its a lil unsettling. everything Else, however...
#yeah barnaby wakes up pretty much exactly before everything goes wayyyyyy downhill#and aggressive more like... well hm...#he's very sad and angry (mostly at himself) and scared#and that all blends together into him becoming somewhat high-strung and Overprotective#basically i take the laidback comic relief character. i put him in a blender. i hit puree#barn had his relaxation time. now he gets to have a bad time!#i do it out of a place of deep fondness and affection i swear#wh lights out au#but yeah haha barnaby. yeah he Goes The Fuck Through It#he has some big emotions! he makes some big mistakes! he lives through some Tough Shit!#hey! at least he has howdy's continuous support#unless. unless i decide that something has to happen to everyone's favorite caterpillar.#i mean... if he has to go then he has to go!!#but at present i think howdy is essentially safe <3 maybe <3#everyone is at risk until Final Decisions are made <3#like there are exactly Two characters who like. absolutely fucking die lmfao no question about it#and there's another who's on verryyyyyyy thin ice. Very thin. its cracking.#but everyone else? somewhat safe. unless i think of something / something Occurs to me#you have a nice day/night/evening/morning/afternoon as well!
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Coming to you live, the immediate and dreaded realization that a big red mechanical eye in one franchise is actually the big red mechanical eye from the other one.
HERE WE GO AGAIN, FOLKS!
#Godzilla#Superman#Justice League#Justice League vs Godzilla vs Kong: The Search For A Better Title Like Seriously Did Nothing Pithy Come To Mind?#Spoilers#Mechagodzilla#King Ghidorah#Lex Luthor#Brother Eye#I literally had the one-two punch of wondering why they'd bring in Brother Eye when they had enough villains kicking around#only to remember that DC has Mechagodzilla money.#I mean at least Ghidorah controlling everything made SENSE it was just everything else with Mechagodzilla's construction that didn't add up#which Legacy of Monsters is trying to account for bless 'em.#er...#Monarch Spoilers#Anyhow. DC science and tech used to rebuild and upgrade Mechagodzilla makes perfect sense tbh#though considering Godzilla has APPARENTLY killed Superman with a single blast MG's gonna be even more overpowered.#I mean if Toyman and/or Lex try to control the Titans that way then ring-a-ding-ding baby Ghidorah's back in control.#... fuck I wonder if they'll regrow his body. Then they're TRULY fucked.#Like I'm very iffy on how this comic came about and is being executed#like the Bats defeating Camazotz after Jason somehow injures it with a handheld rifle like the military and Kong didn't ever go for the eye#with bigger and more powerful weapons/equipment and the time scale is all over the place even with teleporters and superspeed#not to mention Kara hearing Clark's heart stop and declaring him dead with her SUPER SENSES but Batman goes 'NO! NOT UNTIL I CHECK!'#because of course he'll spot something she didn't and they'll blame it on her being upset.#... er moving on#Iffy on concept and execution. BUT. The one thing even GvK didn't diminish was the dread I felt when Ghidorah's involvement was revealed#and boy oh boy did that feeling spring right back when I put together just who Lex found... the One Who Is Many has returned...
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the ferry ride was terrible in many ways, but doing nothing for several hours but lie down in a dark cabin and listening to the most recent murderbot diaries was. admittedly. pretty nice
#ALMOST HOME AGAIN#murderbot is very good and i actually really liked the audibook version#it might actually be easier for me bc i tend to get stuck in a lot of the technobabble or action stuff where i struggle to visualise things#and this way i get through it without rereading the same page five times........#anyway the ferry didn't have working wifi; the card terminals were broken; and everything was closed when i hadn't had breakfast#and everything seemed kinda mismanaged and badly timed so there were crowds of people everywhere waiting for things#and taking the night ferry is of course superior to day ferry bc u get more daylight for driving after and hotels are expensive#but that one was sold out. tragic#and im not the one paying for things but the hotel made us pay a 'tourist tax' for two days#even though we arrived late in the evening and left early morning without doing anything else in the city.#absolutely mortifying ordeal of having to watch your parents seethe at a poor hotel receptionist just doing their job#BUT AT LEAST THERE'S MURDERBOT
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#oc txt.#c: hattie#c: mary ellen#hattie being able to make it back to her own vault just in time to be with her mom in her final moments is 🤕#she’s not the overconfident self assured put together person she was when she left however long ago it was#and her mother isn’t the hyper independent stoic emotionally constipated woman that didn’t even hug her before she left#her mother really did believe that this colony that had supposedly been growing since she was a girl WAS her kids’ only hope at a future#they knew for years that the vault was running out of supplies and falling apart#she was getting older and really didn’t think a future above ground was for her or her husband or the other adults that had grown up there#it was for their kids.#bc the vault wasn’t going to be able to sustain them for much longer#it’s why she pushed her kids so hard and pushed them away even harder#bc it made sending them into that world ‘easier’#she wouldn’t miss them as much and they wouldn’t miss her#sending her twins up there (her first borns) years prior was HELL#and she dreaded the day hattie was old enough to be thrust out there and even debated whether or not she’d even go through with it#so seeing her now … especially in the state hattie is in when she returns#she feels guilty but at the same time proud? because despite it she knows hattie had and HAS what it takes to survive up there#and seeing tj??? she doesn’t know if the twins made it to the colony or whether the colony was even real operating ect ect#so she’d never get to see them with her grandkids if they had any#she at least gets a slice of what could have been if things were different#it’s good that hattie gets to tell her truth of everything#it’s good that hattie gets to reconcile and be the last thing she sees before she passes#it’s all mary ellen ever wanted … to see her girls again#and in her mind if hattie made it … then she knows the other two did too#and i think for hattie she was just on the cusp of giving up and throwing in the towel#but she’s got people relying on her and she’s not a quitter … was never allowed to be#and i think by now she’d be searching for them less for herself and more for her parents#the least she can do is find out if their sacrifices (and the sacrifices of everyone else) were warranted
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#this isn't the yandere fantasy i was looking for#i at least wanted him to be hot#or interesting#not some ugly loser ass misogynistic homophobe with no money#basically theres this weird dude that I see all the time at the dispensary I frequent#and I was just warned by the owners that for the past couple of weeks that he keeps asking them about me whenever im not there#and bringing me up to other customers (who I haven't met)#and telling them about me and talking about me when I'm not there#and I'm apparently the only person he does that about/to#and he keeps lying to me about things like living on his own#and having a job#and having siblings??#like just lying about anything and everything for no reason#unfortunately he does know where I live because he had to pick something up from me at some point#so I'm going to have to try and resolve it very carefully#hoping to confront him today#vent post#personal#honestly its not that deep I find it more funny then anything else#but it just seems ironic considering I just made this blog a few days ago and just wrote my first yandere fanfic#makes me feel like i manifested it#the monkeys paw sure did fuck me over on this one
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watching the missing link stuff.. i want to play this game sso fuckign bad
#KINGDOM HEARTS I MISSED U.........#i Need to throw my keykids into this thing. oh my god#khml spoilers next tags#ALSO I CANT BELJEVE PPL WERENT JOKING ABT THIS JUST. BEING PLAYER AGAIN?? PROBABLY????#I WASNT EXPECTING THAT TO BE REAL..#but also it lines up perfectly w what i had planned for my keykids <3#the rusted starlight too..... ough.....#and the fact that they cant remember their name?? i need to. make new names for my sillyguys. what would they name themselves#i think if i can play the game myself id play as dia again..#also. i rly hope they add more options to the character creator bc the current lack of skintone options is. hm.#the options for everything else look nice so far at least..#ALSO PLAYER TALKING?????#AND THE MUSIC.. its so pretty..#THE BAROQUE SOCIETYXBXJSJ#im in love w this so far#WHY ARE WE BEING ACCUSED OF ASSAULT ??#oh its that blue guy ive been seeing#that closeup on his eye made him loop exactly like aqua JXBSJ i see what ppl mean when they say he moght be an ancestor of hers#camera backing out to see 2 silver haired fuckers on a roof. yeah this is kingdom hearts#these guys are so silly#this version of dearly beloved is so good whadda hell..#and this scala music?? the whimsy ..#astral dimension and distortions..#welp. hello again gacha game#this world is so gorgeous....#i need. this game#kh
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dating an art student was so crazy I'm just thinking abt that one birthday I had where my ex got me stickers from the etsy of the person they were cheating on me with....
#they made them address the thank you note to me and everything ajskfjfkfb. i didnt know they were cheating at the time but wow...#every time i break out my sticker collection and see them im reminded of it. but i cant throw out the stickers theyre deltarune ones 😭#like they were a rly cool artist.... just unfortunate that happened 💀#the drama was insane. my ex only wanted to sleep with them but they (other person) wanted them to break up with me so they could date#but my ex dumped them rly harshly for suggesting that i guess 'romantic' cheating was a step too far even for them lmaooo#i heard abt their breakup secondhand and god could they be cruel sometimes. they made fun of the sex theyd had w them#to all their mutual friends n everything i actually felt so bad for the other person when i found out. at least our breakup wasnt that bad#i only finally got that cruel side of them directed towards me like a year after when they wanted us to stop being friends#but yeah. its also funny in a way bc my ex only suggested i had adhd bc the other person did too + struggled a lot with rsd#which i guess they found out when they broke up with them. and then looked at that and thought huh my gf is kind of similar...#and this was like. 2 years before i even considered i had adhd myself and sought diagnosis ahdkfidjcjdjfjfjfkdbfnf#this made me go look the other persons art page up on instagram + then i recognised some of their friends/flatmates art pages and i found#their (my exs that is) grad year film which is still being shown at animation festivals... good for them good for them#i dont think they have an art page themselves tho cuz they were always v shy and weird abt sharing art on social media#like everyone else except them is tagged on things... shame i wouldve liked to see what they were making now. even if we're not friends#also one of their old roommates made some REALLY similar squid game fanart to mine like a month after i posted it huh..#not mad abt it or anything i think its cool i just didnt realise they showed my art to their friends. thats cute#ah this was years ago anyway. getting my head out of the rabbit hole#im gonna go play some elden ring and then maybe do smth fun in my sketchbook we shall seeee#.diaries
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I'm still not feeling great. now one side of my face also hurts lol, it's just one thing after another, this body sucks
#no idea what my face is complaining about but I'm sure it'll be fine in a couple of days#it's really annoying how used I am to 'things just randomly hurt a lot for no reason' lol#but anyway! I've finally made an appointment with a different ENT doctor. somehow I'm not okay with just being told my eardrum just doesn't#work (for no reason. at least none that I've been told) and that they won't do anything about it and I'm just gonna live with it#like if that's the best thing sure! then that's fine! but literally being told that I'm imagining everything is not enough :)#I don't care I just refuse to have this be the last thing I hear about this. that piece of shit doctor can go fuck himself and I hope he#gets hit by a bus (and then told that he's just imagining it)#plus. the tube thing they put in my ear did help at least a bit. but when I asked about that this jerk just said they won't do that over#and over 'for the next 90 years' and that I just have to live with it. my guy. I'm not planning on making it to 122?! and also I never#fucking asked for that? I just wanted to know if there's any OPTIONS. like doing that again. or anything else. and he just kept cutting me#off whenever I talked. ugh I fucking hate this guy.#anyway so I hope this lady will be better.#somehow I've had really bad luck with ENT doctors specifically?! I hope not all of them suck....#personal
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