#aspec acceptance

[cosmicredcadet]

I wholeheartedly believe that the last thing that should be said in response to aspecs hating their identity is "don't worry! Aspecs can still do X, Y, and Z" and I'm so fucking serious about this.

The least helpful thing you can do to someone who have not accepted their aspec identity yet is give them ways to compensate for it. If an aspec person is upset over not being able to enter a romantic relationship, the last thing that should be done is to tell them they can still enter one or instead enter a QPR - not because that's not true but because that is quite literally going to stunt their ability to accept their aspec identity. Telling them they can instead enter a QPR when they're upset over the lack of romantic relationships is at MOST a bandaid for the main issue. Instead of them coming to accept their identity and accept who they are you have instead handed them an amatonormative alternative on a silver platter that allows them to pretend they still fit into amatonormativity without every deconstructing it. This is how we get QPRs getting shoved into an amatonormative framework - these people NEVER got over the "I'm sad that I'm aspec" phase because they were handed alternatives instead of given actual support in deconstructing their internalized aphobia, self hatred, and amatonormative biases.

[beetroot-merchant]

petition to make cishetallo the norm instead of just cishet please

edit: badly phrased post, apparently. my point is when referring to non-queer people, if you're not going to say non-queer, put an 'allo' somewhere in there. where you put it does not matter.

edit 2: the 'het' does not exclude ace people. demisexual homosexual: someone who only feels attraction to people of the same gender after they have formed an emotional connection.

[joanofexys]

pssst friendly reminder that the only canon label we have for Neil's sexuality is demi (aspec) and that he's otherwise unlabeled. hc what you want but stop trying to push it as canon or putting it over his only canon label.

i'm tired of seeing y'all erase aspecness as a valid sexuality and always feeling the need to pair it with another identity as if aspec people aren't valid just identifying as aspec and also erasing us from the conversation entirely

[gay-otlc]

People on this webbed site have their brains explode when we try to talk about how trans men of any sexuality are oppressed, so I genuinely do not think your brains could handle it if I said the Scary Privileged Straight Men ™ are oppressed, but at some point we're gonna need to talk about how your "ewww straight man" jokes directed at trans men is genuinely just TERF rhetoric.

[lovelessrage]

Pro-kink advocacy goes hand in hand with aspec advocacy and if you don't understand this you need to start.

[ceresia-selestarr]

Yknow I think people should be able to label themselves however the fuck they want when it comes to sexuality/gender and that includes people who don’t want labels at all. If you see someone who labels themself a certain way, and your first thought is something along the lines of “They don’t fit the requirements of that label” instead of something like “Let me explore how they view themselves and how they label themselves in order to better understand why they want those labels, and how that overall fits into how they want to be perceived.”, then there’s something wrong.

These spaces don’t exist to exclude others, they don’t exist to tell someone they’re wrong, and they especially don’t exist to hurt others. Everyone has their own self identity, learn to respect it, because it isn’t that hard and it’s not gonna fuck up your life if someone goes against your preconceived ideas of how certain things should be. Acceptance doesn’t cost anything, but exclusivity and oppression does.

Let people be themselves, it really won’t hurt you.

[boredlime]

currently very seriously considering coming out to my friend right now purely because it would be fucking hilarious

[nyatbinary-81]

Its Odette Time! this is a slightly late submission for the ptutu aspec week prompt ‘Courage’. its a redraw/reframing of one of my FAVORITE shots in the show, the s1 finale pas de deux lift, seen under the cut.

now, you may be wondering, "nyan, who the hell is odette?" and. well. thats on me i havent actually posted her to tumblr yet. partially bc odettes main design is made by my brother, partially bc im not sure the people will like her, shes on my artfight (nyanbinary87) if you have that, but if you dont, the TLDR is that shes mytho AND tutu. like, post-finale, if the "the pendant was a heart shard" was more literal and transgender.

but hold on, this is ASPEC week, not trans week! why is she here? well, its up to the mods if this is okayed as a submission, since odette is primarily a trans headcanon of mine. but, she is Also aspec, and this piece aims to emphasize that aspect of her. see, one of my favorite things about odette is how she completely reframes mytho and tutus relationship from a semi-romantic one to one of self love. theres something so beautiful in your true self putting together your false self because she only wants your happiness, even if it means her disappearance.

to emphasize that, this tutu takes on a form less like duck's tutu form. she borrows elements from my brothers odette design, which is basically siegfrieds design on a dress, as well as dropping elements from duck to favor the actual swan lake odette, particularly in the hair.

[aroalloarena]

I think for valentine's day we should get #aromantic trending

[skys-archive]

I'm aromantic.

I'm aromantic and I still want to "date" just in unconventional ways.

I'm aromantic and that doesn't mean that I love a partner any less than anyone would love theirs romantically.

I'm aromantic and I've not fully let myself be open or proud or accepting of that yet.

I'm aromantic and I love deeper than any other emotion.

I'm aromantic and I'm scared of not finding someone to spend the rest of my life with.

I'm aromantic.

[indigosabyss]

hate when ppl want to ship an explicitly aroace character with someone and decide that it's not REALLY erasure if they make sure to mention that the character is asexual. Like,,, did you forget about the aromantic part???

This really annoys me bc demi-ro, gray-ro, and a lot more arospec identities exist! They are a vital part of our community!! What's the point of having these characters if you won't take them as an opportunity to learn about the way other people view attraction???

[cosmicredcadet]

I kinda wish that "oh they don't know they are dating yet lol" was used less as a joke because while it can be funny to think about people not recognizing their obvious feelings it also shows a major issue with amatonormativity and believing certain ways people interact with each other can only be read 1 way. It shoves relationships into a box and assumes the people in their own relationship don't know any better and so can't possibly label it correctly.

"they say they are friends but obviously they just don't know they're dating yet!" Assumes that 1. Friendship is less than romance. 2. That the way these people act with each other has to be romantic and any other interpretation is wrong including the people who are interacting own interpretations of their relationship. 3. Assumes you, a third party observing the relationship you are not part of, know more and better than the people in the relationship and thus have authority to put a label on said relationship.

Do you see the problem here? Do you understand how fucked up it is to constantly be told your relationship is something it's not. Do you understand how rude it is to undermine people's own ability to properly label their own relationships. It does not matter if YOU think they are dating. If they say they are friends then they are F R I E N D S.

The thing Abt relationships is that all parties in the relationship have to agree with what it is. If one says they are dating and the other says they are not, then they are not dating and they will never be until both agree on that face. Simple as that.

[big-urchin-energy]

i love the energy i really do but i need allos to understand that if your fic is set in the 80s it is less anachronistic to have a character googling am i gay quizzes than to have someone ask them if they're aro or demi. you don't even have to stop doing it, i just need you to know, consider this your queer history lesson of the day

[hyperfocuscentre]

3 stages of aroace discovery

1. Denial

No. . .Nonono. . . It can’t be true, I won’t let it be.

Metaphorical hands attempt to push rising denial downwards, back to the deep burrow it had seated itself in for the past few years. It’s never felt so bitter, so terrifying and sickly as now, when it fights to escape. Reality is sinking down to take its place, but reality is unkind and comes without acceptance.

It’s unfair, despicably cruel and a fucking prime example of life. Life is shit. Life leaves you wondering why it’s you, why you feel this way, why you lack the ability to feel something said to be so strong, so wonderful, so necessary. Love has evaded you for years, and it keeps doing so, twisting and spiralling its way through sharp gaps to keep itself away from cupped, reaching palms.

Your friend likes suchabody then somebody else, and you feel pressured to feel the same. Sometimes you wonder if it’s fake, if it really even exists or if people have been faking it since the dawn of time but then. . .that’s stupid. It’s not fake, it’s very very real and it’s just not for you.

But maybe you can force it?

It doesn’t work. You’re just faulty.

2. Reluctance

You do your research, denial way out of reach and acceptance lost but desperately trying to find it’s way back. You find microlabel after microlabel, some fit you, some don’t. You see people embrace what you struggle to, and it helps. It helps to beat off the isolation, to ground yourself in this newly found reality and to understand that it’s not just you! And isn’t that strangely wonderful, that unity can have such a large scale impact on how you view yourself. You may not love people romantically, or sexually, but you still look for their company, their praise, maybe even their love. You love your guardian, your friends, your pet and maybe that’s enough. Your heart expands, filled with joy and love and it’s okay. It’s okay that the love isn’t romantic, it doesn’t need to be.

Everything is okay.

3. Acceptance

Suddenly every comfort character has your sexuality and you may not announce it loud and proud, but you know and that’s enough.

You are enough as you are, you don’t need to change. You don’t have a missing puzzle piece that slipped from the box, you are complete and you display it with pride through wide smiles and eyes aglow.

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

The Evolving Truth of Ever-Stronger Will

YA contemporary in 2nd person

a teen’s abusive mother dies and they have to figure out how to heal and survive the final year before they turn 18 to stay out of the foster system, without CPS finding out

when they’re cleaning out their mother’s room, they find letters from their old foster parent who was planning on adopting them before their mother claimed them back - who is still searching for them, and they’re desperate to find her again

autistic, agender, demiromantic acespec MC, genderfluid love interest, SC with tourette’s

[deatmat]

Ace therapy is something incredibly interesting. I just saw a post about how in therapy asexuality is still treated like an illness and how hard it is to find a therapist who won’t try to convert you. (I was going to put this in the reblogs but then my phone did a whacky thing and made it disappear)

I wanted to share that there’s another issue with therapy and asexuality: people trying to use therapy to ‘fix’ friends/family.

When I was 13 I started to see a therapist for anxiety and depression. I was so terrified that I forced my mother to attend the first session with me. We sat down with Dr. A and started discussing what I wanted to explore over my time with her. As I finished my bit about why I was here, my mom decided to tack on one last thing.

“We also struggle a lot with her sexuality.”

I looked at my mother in shock because while, yes my parents do struggle to accept it and that does play a role in my life that I’d like to talk about, it was not what I’d expected to hear. Dr. A asked her what she meant as I stiffened in the shoulders and started to dread what she’d say.

“Well just that she’s asexual, and a little confused, and maybe you can help her through that.”

This may seem like it could be harmless - maybe she meant it as in genuinely wanting someone to support me through a difficult transition. But, knowing my mother, she was waiting for a professional to validate her in her opinion that I was “confused” and “too young” and “just waiting for the right person/for my hormones to kick in.”

Thankfully, Dr. A seemed to sense I was uncomfortable and shuffled along the conversation. When we had our next session without my mom, she asked me if I wanted to talk about asexuality or if my mother just wanted to, and when I explained it wasn’t a huge issue in my life, she accepted that and moved on. Asexuality was only ever mentioned from there on when I was talking about the stress of other peoples reactions to it, in which it was immediately treated respectfully. Though my mother still asked after most sessions if asexuality had been brought up.

I was lucky to have a good therapist, someone who welcomed all variations of queer people without hesitation. If I had been without her, this would be a very different conversation about ace therapy.

The LGBTQIA community says asexuals don’t face discrimination but we’re still so unsafe in medical settings. Most of us know we can never mention being ace to our therapists or our treatments would begin to focusing on increasing our sex drives which don’t have anything wrong with them in the first place. It’s sick and wrong that people are using the system to their advantage and trying to snuff out our identities. Please stay safe out there my ace pals.