#aspec acceptance

[cosmicredcadet]

I wholeheartedly believe that the last thing that should be said in response to aspecs hating their identity is "don't worry! Aspecs can still do X, Y, and Z" and I'm so fucking serious about this.

The least helpful thing you can do to someone who have not accepted their aspec identity yet is give them ways to compensate for it. If an aspec person is upset over not being able to enter a romantic relationship, the last thing that should be done is to tell them they can still enter one or instead enter a QPR - not because that's not true but because that is quite literally going to stunt their ability to accept their aspec identity. Telling them they can instead enter a QPR when they're upset over the lack of romantic relationships is at MOST a bandaid for the main issue. Instead of them coming to accept their identity and accept who they are you have instead handed them an amatonormative alternative on a silver platter that allows them to pretend they still fit into amatonormativity without every deconstructing it. This is how we get QPRs getting shoved into an amatonormative framework - these people NEVER got over the "I'm sad that I'm aspec" phase because they were handed alternatives instead of given actual support in deconstructing their internalized aphobia, self hatred, and amatonormative biases.

[joanofexys]

pssst friendly reminder that the only canon label we have for Neil's sexuality is demi (aspec) and that he's otherwise unlabeled. hc what you want but stop trying to push it as canon or putting it over his only canon label.

i'm tired of seeing y'all erase aspecness as a valid sexuality and always feeling the need to pair it with another identity as if aspec people aren't valid just identifying as aspec and also erasing us from the conversation entirely

[lovelessrage]

Pro-kink advocacy goes hand in hand with aspec advocacy and if you don't understand this you need to start.

[godsfavoritescientist]

oh i gotta know the aplatonic odile lore

Here's what it boils down to:

She says this after having spent a long time traveling together with this group. She might be a withdrawn person, but she clearly enjoys spending time with these people and has been on friendly terms with them for a while. It's only the idea of being friends, specifically, that she hesitates to agree with.

Here's a link to the full scene where this dialogue gets said. I very much doubt that aplatonicism was the authorial intent here, although the game has good aspec representation in other areas. Odile's in-game explanation for not seeing them as friends is that she's so much older than everyone else, but I'm choosing to interpret that as an inaccurate best guess.

[maerhiya]

"aros/aces can still date and/or have sex!" i think it's really fucking weird that you guys always jump to the possibility that an aro/ace can feel attraction and hardly focus on the parts that don't feel attraction (aka the parts that make an aro/ace, you know, ARO/ACE).

why must you always assume that wherever an aro/ace lands on the spectrum can fit your expectations???

[seaofreverie]

One year ago I made this lil comic about being aromantic, based on the lyrics of Eaten By The Monster Of Love! I meant to post it on the anniversary of me making it but I missed the day, oops... so today felt like a fitting alternative :3

Happy Valentine's Day!! Whether you were eaten by the monster of love or not, I hope you have a fun day today!

[styrofauxm]

I want to do this anyway, and getting the aromantic tag trending is a good excuse, so here's my masterlist of aspec headcanons and canon characters (that I know of)!

Always Human (Webtoon):

Rae (aromantic and asexual) - canon, discussed in the media itself (link)

And Another Lovely Day (Webtoon):

Nora Chestnut (aroace) - canon, main character, discussed in the media itself

Elliot Lam (aroace) - canon, main character, discussed in media itself

AstralSounds (Webtoon, Website):

Resilient (aromantic) - canon, main character, confirmed in a bonus episode (link)

Yunni (asexual) - canon, main character, confirmed in a bonus episode (link)

Avatar: The Last Airbender/Legend of Korra:

Toph Beifong (aromantic and acespec) - I really see her as thinking she has a crush on Sokka because she's never really been allowed to explore that before. But those thoughts die as quickly as they came. Later in life, she wants kids, but she really does not want a husband or long-term sexual relationship. She finds some people who are cool with that, and then raises her kids alone!

Deadloch:

Eddie Redcliffe (aroallo, romance favorable) - She just has aro vibes, okay? She does. I talked through it a bit in the comments on this post.

Dungeon Meshi (Manga Series, Anime Series):

Laios (non-sam aromantic) - I don't think he's even ever considered romance as a thing he would be interested in. Dating someone has simply never occurred to him. If someone asked him out it would certainly lead to a lot of thoughts.

Mithrun (loveless aromantic, romance indifferent) - I'm right and I know it. This unfortunately means I'm the only person who truly understands Kabru/Mithrun (/lh).

Every Heart a Doorway (Book):

Nancy (asexual) - canon, main character, discussed in the media itself

Fablehaven (Book Series):

Kendra Sorenson (asexual) - She makes one comment about "never going to the playground" in book one and I took that and ran with it

Seth Sorenson (aromantic) - I honestly just think it's fun to make one sibling aromantic and the other asexual

Gravity Falls (Cartoon Series):

Mabel Pines (aromantic) - I view Mabel's obsession with boys as playing into her own internalized amatonormativity and comphet. She'll be much happier once she realizes she doesn't actually want to date anybody (I also love the cupio and lesbian hcs, this is just my interpretation)

Dipper Pines (asexual) - once again, very fun to make one sibling aro and the other ace

Stanley Pines (aroallo) - vibes

Stanford Pines (aroace, non-partnering) - I mean the Book of Bill all but confirms this, right?

Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss (Cartoon Series):

Alastor (aromantic and asexual) - canon, main character, hinted at in canon, confirmed outside the source material (too complicated to link)

Angel Dust (asexual, sex favorable) - read a fic with this (no, I don't remember which one unfortunately) and it's compelled me ever since

Octavia (asexual) - canon, major character, confirmed outside the source material (link)

Mammon (asexual) - canon, confirmed outside the source material (link)

Marvel Comics/MCU (Comic Series, Movie Series, TV Series):

Daisy Johnson, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. show (aromantic, acespec) - vibes, but also I just don't see any chemistry between her and the people she dates on the show T-T

Ruby Hale, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. show (asexual) - canon, major character, confirmed outside the source materal (link)

Nadia Van Dyne/The Wasp, comics (aroace) - canon, confirmed outside the source material (link)

Yelena Belova, Black Widow movie, Hawkeye show, comics (aroace) - canon, confirmed in the source material (link)

Gwendolyn Poole/Gwenpool, comics (aroace) - canon, confirmed the source material (link)

Muted (Webtoon):

Silvia Severin (aroace) - canon, major character, confirmed in the source material (link)

Market Of Monsters (Book Series)/Not Even Bones (Webtoon):

Nita Sánchez (arospec and acespec) - Canon, main character, confirmed in the source material

Kovit Sangwaraporn (arospec and acespec) - Canon, main character, confirmed in the source material

Adair (aromantic) - Just how he talks about romance

Diana (aromantic) - Again, how she talks about romance

Protector of the Small (Book Series):

Keladry of Mindelan (aroace) - canon, main character, confirmed outside the source material (link)

Roar Howl Run (Website):

Ata (aroace) - canon, main character, confirmed in the source material

Seven Days in Silverglen (Webtoon):

Mira (arospec) - canon, main character, hinted at in the source material, confirmed outside the source material (link)

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (Cartoon Series):

Mermista (fluxromantic) - mostly vibes but also it just makes sense to me

Seahawk (fluxromantic) - same as with Mermista

Glimmer (aspec) - idk what she is but it is not alloallo

Bow (arospec and acespec) - I think it's fun for the arrow-ace characters to be aroaces

Entrapta (cupiorose) - I relate to her character a lot and as such I can stretch canon to make her aroace too

Steven Universe (Cartoon Series):

Peridot (aroace) - canon, hinted at in the source material, confirmed outside the source material

Amethyst (arospec, acespec) - saw someone say this once and I liked it

The Dragon Prince (Cartoon Series):

Rayla (aspec) - Once again, vibes. I saw both her and Callum this way all the way back in S1 and it hasn't died for me.

Callum (aspec) - Vibes, read above.

The Good Place (TV Series):

Eleanor Shellstrop (demiromantic) - she doesn't fall in love easily, because she doesn't connect with people easily. Her falling in love with Chidi multiple times is a huge deal for her.

Chidi Anagonye (demisexual) - I think it would be fun if he was demisexual and Eleanor was demiromantic

Tahani Al-Jamil (aroallo) - She really just seems unbothered by the romantic parts of her relationships in the show, and her arc ends up with her staying single.

Michael (aroace) - I know this because he told me personally

The Owl House (Cartoon Series):

Luz Noceda (asexual) - If you flip her outfit upside down it makes the asexual flag

Lilith Clawthorne (aroace) - canon, major character, confirmed outside the source material (link - I could not find the original)

Vespertine (Book):

Artemisia (aroace) - canon, main character, confirmed outside the source material (link)

[starlightwayfinder]

aros when the story explores the role of relationships and their effect on sense of self and fulfillment, the acceptance of impermanence and change, the perceived emptiness and isolation that comes from having a different emotional experience than the people around you, the struggle to balance independence with connection to others, wanting to be loved but not at the expense of being ‘imprisoned’ or tied down, choosing to be true to yourself at the expense of meeting others’ expectations—

[tobeabatman]

Aroace representation in The Other F Word: A Celebration Of The Fat And Fierce - book

This is the start page of Laina Spencer’s text in the book The Other F Word: A Celebration Of The Fat And Fierce (I absolutely love this book, it has texts from a lot of different writers and artists. There are more serious texts and then there are a little bit less serious texts).

As an ace person, I agree with Laina Spencer (she/they) as she talks about how fat-positive spaces are often s*x and romance focused and how asexual spaces aren’t automatically friendly to fat people (I’d say that the default is that they’re not friendly to fat people, period). I also get the thing they mention last about how there would be fewer creeps if their fatness was undesirable: I sometimes think that it’s glad I’m considered unattractive as a fat person if it keeps most creepy men away (of course this doesn’t outweight the negative social aspects of being fat).

Though Spencer does say that there’s more books with fat characters than ace characters or something along the lines. I mainly read online books and my idea of published books goes just about as far as the YA novel section in my local Finnish library does, and my view of the matter is a bit different.

I see a lot of ace characters online (Spencer does mention that a-spec characters seem to be especially thriving in indie books, and I agree), and the only good representation for fat characters I’ve seen has been in like 3 online comics. I haven’t read a published YA novel (and probably not really even an online novel even though I’ve consumed hundreds of them) with a well-represented young fat character yet— Maybe that’s because the catalogue at my local library is too small, or maybe that’s because I don’t read much YA anymore (and my memory of YA is based on what I read years ago). Anyway, what I know for sure is that the novels I read online include more ace characters than fat characters, and the physical books that I’ve read don’t really include fat characters either.

I’m saying this because I also want to add what I’ve observed on this matter as another fat ace person, I’m not mad that their view on the matter is different. And besides, publishing and online novels are two different distinct things.

Anyway, I have read some lovely other pieces from this book as well, but I wanted to highlight their work as I’m always happy to see other fat people who are ace too, and who understand the struggles of the asexual community not being inclusive of fat people, meanwhile fat activist (+body positivity) communities often center around the idea that all of us fat people are s*xual and need to empower ourselves s*xually (talking about stuff like how all fat bodies are hot, etc.).

I really recommend this book! :))

[ceresia-selestarr]

Yknow I think people should be able to label themselves however the fuck they want when it comes to sexuality/gender and that includes people who don’t want labels at all. If you see someone who labels themself a certain way, and your first thought is something along the lines of “They don’t fit the requirements of that label” instead of something like “Let me explore how they view themselves and how they label themselves in order to better understand why they want those labels, and how that overall fits into how they want to be perceived.”, then there’s something wrong.

These spaces don’t exist to exclude others, they don’t exist to tell someone they’re wrong, and they especially don’t exist to hurt others. Everyone has their own self identity, learn to respect it, because it isn’t that hard and it’s not gonna fuck up your life if someone goes against your preconceived ideas of how certain things should be. Acceptance doesn’t cost anything, but exclusivity and oppression does.

Let people be themselves, it really won’t hurt you.

[boredlime]

currently very seriously considering coming out to my friend right now purely because it would be fucking hilarious

[cosmicredcadet]

I kinda wish that "oh they don't know they are dating yet lol" was used less as a joke because while it can be funny to think about people not recognizing their obvious feelings it also shows a major issue with amatonormativity and believing certain ways people interact with each other can only be read 1 way. It shoves relationships into a box and assumes the people in their own relationship don't know any better and so can't possibly label it correctly.

"they say they are friends but obviously they just don't know they're dating yet!" Assumes that 1. Friendship is less than romance. 2. That the way these people act with each other has to be romantic and any other interpretation is wrong including the people who are interacting own interpretations of their relationship. 3. Assumes you, a third party observing the relationship you are not part of, know more and better than the people in the relationship and thus have authority to put a label on said relationship.

Do you see the problem here? Do you understand how fucked up it is to constantly be told your relationship is something it's not. Do you understand how rude it is to undermine people's own ability to properly label their own relationships. It does not matter if YOU think they are dating. If they say they are friends then they are F R I E N D S.

The thing Abt relationships is that all parties in the relationship have to agree with what it is. If one says they are dating and the other says they are not, then they are not dating and they will never be until both agree on that face. Simple as that.

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

The Evolving Truth of Ever-Stronger Will

YA contemporary in 2nd person

a teen’s abusive mother dies and they have to figure out how to heal and survive the final year before they turn 18 to stay out of the foster system, without CPS finding out

when they’re cleaning out their mother’s room, they find letters from their old foster parent who was planning on adopting them before their mother claimed them back - who is still searching for them, and they’re desperate to find her again

autistic, agender, demiromantic acespec MC, genderfluid love interest, SC with tourette’s

[nyanbinary-81]

Its Odette Time! this is a slightly late submission for the ptutu aspec week prompt ‘Courage’. its a redraw/reframing of one of my FAVORITE shots in the show, the s1 finale pas de deux lift, seen under the cut.

now, you may be wondering, "nyan, who the hell is odette?" and. well. thats on me i havent actually posted her to tumblr yet. partially bc odettes main design is made by my brother, partially bc im not sure the people will like her, shes on my artfight (nyanbinary87) if you have that, but if you dont, the TLDR is that shes mytho AND tutu. like, post-finale, if the "the pendant was a heart shard" was more literal and transgender.

but hold on, this is ASPEC week, not trans week! why is she here? well, its up to the mods if this is okayed as a submission, since odette is primarily a trans headcanon of mine. but, she is Also aspec, and this piece aims to emphasize that aspect of her. see, one of my favorite things about odette is how she completely reframes mytho and tutus relationship from a semi-romantic one to one of self love. theres something so beautiful in your true self putting together your false self because she only wants your happiness, even if it means her disappearance.

to emphasize that, this tutu takes on a form less like duck's tutu form. she borrows elements from my brothers odette design, which is basically siegfrieds design on a dress, as well as dropping elements from duck to favor the actual swan lake odette, particularly in the hair.

[skys-archive]

I'm aromantic.

I'm aromantic and I still want to "date" just in unconventional ways.

I'm aromantic and that doesn't mean that I love a partner any less than anyone would love theirs romantically.

I'm aromantic and I've not fully let myself be open or proud or accepting of that yet.

I'm aromantic and I love deeper than any other emotion.

I'm aromantic and I'm scared of not finding someone to spend the rest of my life with.

I'm aromantic.

[christine-ye]

Today is International Asexuality Day so hi you all owe me money now thanks /j