#as someone who is ace and arospec

[alcoholicweiwuxian]

I'm gonna be really honest with you I did NOT read most of this the first time around -- I stopped once you started explaining aro-/ace-spec identities like I'm fucking stupid and I got annoyed -- and I still havent read most of it, and I'm not going to, because its nearly 3,000 words. That said this popped up in my activity again and i feel the need to point out that all 2,801 of the words you typed are predicated on a definition of "sapiosexual" that is straight up untrue.

I'm not saying you cant headcanon Jaskier as arospec but I am saying that writing nearly 3,000 words lecturing for "falsely equating" aromantism with queerbaiting when the character is not even canonically a-spec is genuinely unhinged and maybe you should not do that next time.

(Not to mention that even if he was canonically aspec that would have literally zero bearing on my original point because the fact remains that the show very intentionally created a dynamic between Jaskier and Geralt that was homoerotic with no intention of following through, and then pivoted to placing Jaskier in a queer relationship with another person at the same time as they drastically changed the nature of Jaskier and Geralt's relationship to no longer have homoerotic undertones. Regardless of how you feel about this from a Watsonian perspective, the show very clearly engaged in a tactic of making a character canonically queer in order to rebuff entirely accurate labels of queerbaiting.)

i meant to mention this back when season three first came out but uh. i forgor. but. I think the third season of The Witcher really demonstrates how the presence of queerness does not negate the presence of queerbaiting, and that it can in fact be used as a method of sidestepping allegations of queerbaiting.

Like I know I'm not the only one who noticed how aggressively they "no homo" backpedaled the dynamic between Jaskier and Geralt. They did it in a way that was really aggressive and jarring too, like even if you saw zero queercoding you could tell the relationship dynamic was altered in a weird way. There was just such an absolute lack of subtlety with their no-homo'ing? like iirc there's straight up a scene where Jaskier pretty much explicitly is like "i could never see you romantically <3 we r suuuuch bros <3 best buds !" which was such a weirdly transparent attempt at shutting down the previous dynamic established between them.

What's especially wild to me is that in that season they changed the dynamic between Geralt and Jaskier so much that there really wasn't much going on ship-wise between them anyway, regardless of that weirdly explicit declaration of platonic-ness. They didn't even need to do all that !!!!

This weirdly aggressive and sudden change in dynamic at the same time as making Jaskier canonically bi was such a transparent attempt at escaping the queerbaiting allegations lol. Like it was like "yeah we wanna shut this down hard but people will get mad so. here's a canon queer character" lmao

idk. i feel like this may be something that's getting phased out as a tactic to a degree -- or rather, shifting its exact methodology -- but "escaping queerbaiting allegations by introducing a canon queer character" is definitely an established thing i see pretty often. I also think the shift in tactic (from introducing a new side character for that purpose, to canonizing a main character's queerness) isn't actually better when the intent remains the same. Idk ! I'd just be a lot less critical of Jaskier being canonically queer if it weren't so clearly linked to an attempt to sidestep queerbaiting allegations.

[mothmans-cumrag]

Is there a word for if you're not completely ace because you like sex, but you don't like sex in romantic relationships, but you're not aro because you do love people romantically, you just don't like romance in sexual relationships???

I've been calling myself somewhere on either spectrum but I do wonder if there are other people for whom it is similar??

[lilyrosegold]

To those who counter any general discomfort people have with aro and/or ace characters being shipped romantically or sexually with “but aro and aces can still date/have sex/be in relationships”- that’s is true but, do you actually care about the complexities and nuance of navigating romance and/or sex as someone who falls on the aroace spectrum or are you just looking for an easy way to not get hate for blatantly ignoring a character’s identity in favor of your shipping?

[moogleroom]

As an aspec person who did eventually "find the right person" it didn't suddenly erase my aro-aceness like so many aphobes believe. Being in a happy, loving relationship & feeling genuine sexual attraction for the first time in my life has done nothing to change how I feel alienated from the majority of the world, the panic spirals about not being "allo enough", the constant confusion at how love & sex focused allos can be. If anything, having a proper basis for romantic & sexual attraction has made me MORE aspec, not less. I finally feel confident in actually using these labels for myself. Aromantism & Asexuality aren't something that can be """fixed""". It'll always part of a person even if they don't seem it from the outside.

[professor-beaker]

Just remembered that time when i was 12 in church activities where we were filling out getting to know you activities and in the "ideal future spouse" section i just put a big question mark

And then when we wrote letters to our future selves detailing our dreams for the future i never once mentioned a boyfriend

Man i love a good foreshadowing narrative

[cl0ckworkqueerness]

[trigger warning: mention of sexual assault]

the specific breed of queer queerphobia is just as if not more frightening than non-queer queerphobia, specifically in this case as it relates to acespec/arospec people (terms which will hence be combined into "aspec" for the sake of clarity, see the tags for a quick note about this)

if it's not already clear from my posts, i am very supportive of the silenced, erased, and shunned parts of the queer community. i involve myself a great deal in breaking down the walls that queer people have decided to erect in order to determine who does and doesn't get to call themselves "queer". nothing breaks my heart more than seeing other people who experience the world in a way starkly different from perisex, allosexual, alloromantic, cisgender, heterosexual people, get shunned from a family who also experiences the world in such a difference way, simply because it's not different "enough", or not different in the way they want to be different

aspec people will always unquestionably be queer, regardless of anything else that would or wouldn't make them queer. period.

aspec people should not and should never need to "justify" themselves to attend pride, not just "as an ally", but as someone whose relationship with romance and sex (the act) differs from what is expected of a "normal" person. they are inherently different, they are inherently queer. full stop.

aphobia exists, regardless of whether or not you follow your blatant bigotry with "no it doesn't". you cannot erase your shittiness by following up your shittiness with "by the way, I'm not being shitty". and if you know you are being aphobic, and you are proud of such a thing, rethink the way you see queerness as a whole. you are a vile human being, and should unlearn the oppression olympics. you not only are an athlete in it, but you are the obstacles. you are the fucking problem.

aspec people regularly face discrimination and harassment for being aspec. the comments of "why do you refuse to give me grandkids" and "maybe you just haven't found the right person yet" and "you're broken" and "you're going through a phase" have all been said about gay people, about lesbians, and about aspec people. aspec people face violence for being aspec. aspec people face corrective rape for being aspec. aspec people face crocodile tears claws that intend to "help", aspec people face blood and claws that intend to hurt, aspec people face real, visible hatred. and even if they weren't "oppressed enough", WHICH THEY UNDENIABLY ARE, 1) there isn't an oppression goal someone needs to hit to become valid, and 2) queer people should not be defined by the oppression we face, anyway.

"b-b-but what about cishet asexual people!!!" i have never seen a sentence less scary in my life. cishet people can be queer, you know? cishet people can be intersex (if they choose to identify as queer), cis people can be asexual and aromantic, pericishet people can in fact be demisexual and heteroromantic, and guess what? they're still queer. they still differ from what's "normal". they're still allowed to pride, because pride is not meant to gatekeep.

pride is meant to celebrate our differences, to fight against those who try to suppress us, and to unite those who feel crushed by the heel of normality.

so don't fucking do their job for them.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

[aroaceinthestreets]

AroAce at the Theater

I don't know what it is about stage productions but they just really bring out the aestethic attraction in me.

I forget about that though, because I don't see live theater much. People describe aestethic attraction like looking at a nice painting, so I tend to think of it as looking at someone and going "Yeah, I guess you look nice. By which I mean your features certainly are in the correct places. Anyway"

But let me tell you, I watched a community production of Something Rotten with my friends the other day (which is a play that already makes me feel very aroace) and as soon as Shakespeare walks on stage I'm just like,

Hehahaeheheh OMG Do a spin! Do it again! What is that expression? I obsessed with it. Do it again. Please never leave the stage. I just want to look at you forever

I was leaning forward in my seat to look at this guy, and that's so strange for me.

This happens to me way more when I watch stage productions than anywhere else and it feels weird but also exciting and good

[all-the-bones-ever]

i hate when ppl imply that all ace ppl are aroace or say ace instead of aro. like, romantic & sexual attraction are VERY different any most ppl dont seem to acknowledge that????

[ampersand-echo]

you could be arospec and acespec if you only feel at least a little attraction to every gender

-i suppose i could-

[Echo consider this for a moment, then shrugs.]

[chazz-is-a-zelda-fan]

guys am i cupioromantic…?

[batri-jopa]

OP tags and also

The idea of being aromantic used to feel so alien to me like it was something that could never be me but these days it's just the most natural thing ever

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

You lot really will just ship anything won’t you?

Ace allo character -> “they’re not aro tho and you can still be acespec!!”

Aro allo character-> “they’re not ace tho and you can still be arospec!!!”

Aroace character -> “aroace is a spectrum therefore I can ship them!!”

Romance repulsed aro and ace character -> “there’s always exceptions!!! You can still ship them they’re not sex repulsed!!”

Sex repulsed ace and aro character -> “there’s always exceptions!!! You can still ship them they’re not romance repulsed!!”

Sex and romance repulsed aroace character -> “there’s always exceptions!!“

Sex and romance repulsed aroace character who never will have a partner the author wrote and said that multiple times like it’s part of the plot that they don’t -> “there’s always exceptions!!“

But I bet y’all are real different when it comes to a lesbian or gay guy getting shipped with someone of the opposite gender

[crimson--freak]

For Aromantic Visibility Day, I want to share my respect and praise for:

aros, arospecs, aros who rarely/weakly feel romantic attraction, aros whose romantic attraction grows or fades, aros whose romantic attraction spikes or fluctuates,

aros who previously felt romantic attraction but no longer do (for no reason, for nebulous reasons, or for specific reasons such as trauma), aros who never felt romantic attraction and never will, aros who may feel romantic attraction in the future, aros who look back on their “crushes” and realised those feeling weren’t romantic at all

aros who desire a romantic relationship, aros who don’t, aros who are indifferent, aros who are completely averse or repulsed

aros who feel romantic attraction only to fictional characters, aros who only feel romantic attraction to themselves

aros in romantic relationships, aros in non romantic relationships, aros who are nonpartnering, aros who are polyamorous, aros who use relationship anarchy to define their relationships

aros who enjoy the idea of romantic relationships but would not have one themselves, aros who do not want their romantic attraction reciprocated, aros who do not feel romantic attraction until someone else feels it first

aros who enjoy reading about romantic relationships, aros who write romantic relationships, aros who wish they could find anything other than romantic relationships in media

aros who are allosexual, aros who are neutral on sexual attraction, aros who don’t factor in their sexual attraction, aros who are ace or acespec, aros who are aplatonic or aplspec, aros who are anattractional, aros who are aspec in a multitude of different ways

aros who are loveless, heartless, lovequeer, amatopunk, voidpunk and several other “punks” relating to their stances on the idea of romantic attraction and love

you are all amazing people and you are not “broken” or “wrong” for not conforming to society’s amatonormative values. You are you, unique and marvellous, and that is what matters

[professor-beaker]

Im kinda glad i fell on my face because a guy said to me today "id be tempted to kiss you if your lip wasnt so scabbed"

[our-arospec-experience]

Amatonormativity

Assuming that everyone wants to get married, and unmarried/unpartnered people are unhappy or lonely

Treating romantic relationships as more important than friendships

The structuring of society around married couples (housing, taxes, etc.)

“Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?”

What harm can it do?

Arospec people can feel broken or like something is missing

people feel pressured to date even if they don't want to

People who are single or in nontraditional relationships (polyamorous, open, queerplatonic) are looked down on by others and by society

Romantic relationships are expected to take priority over friendships

People who are not in romantic relationships may be left out of conversations and events which revolve around couples

What can you do?

Acknowledge that not all people experience sexual and/or romantic attraction, and not all people desire a long-term, monogamous romantic relationship

Challenge assumptions that romantic/sexual relationships must be the most important relationships in someone’s life

Challenge structures that give couples benefits over single people or people in polyamorous relationships

Educate others about these concepts

Promote ace and aro creators and support ace and aro representation in media

remember my dear arospec friends, you are valid no matter what, and are not broken.

Happy Aromantic Awareness Week 💚🤍🩶🖤