#as s1 who's had a heart thing for most of my life now

[dotsunflowers]

"After the visit to the cardiologist, and after his fight with Marjan, Paul can't stop thinking about his heart. Or the way heart metaphors now seemed to be absolutely everywhere." (Gen / T / 1,603 words)

[lisbonsteresa]

[through gritted teeth] i am so normal about this

[delight-angelsbliss]

Hello, may I request S1-30 where Sonic see his crush excitedly showing papers, stickers and perfume for letters to their group of friends asking for their opinions in some combinations of it bc she is writing a very important letter, then some days pass she seems kinda down and never touch in the subject of the letter anymore just to Sonic found a crumpled love letter cleanly to him with no sender but with the same combination of paper, stickers and perfume that he and their friends chose to reader's letter? (Btw I've been liking your writing a lot 💕)

Prompt: writing a letter only to throw it away

Warnings: none to my knowledge crazy notes go brr

Notes: I'm back queens did u miss me HELP THIS IS SO CUTE also ty I've been trying hard 😋 ok so basically when I was writing this on a bench with some ppl but someone was harassing me coming way too close and breathing down my neck I was literally so creeped out brother euugh and someone was laughing screaming saying " she's getting harassed!" I also had therapy and I might go back to a mental hospital again. Chat btw is sonic a homeless man? Idrk so I'll just pretend they have apartments and stuff lol also the reset thing isn't absolutely gone but I'll manage

Ever since February started you've been raving about a particular letter you're making everyone knew about it and even tried to help you

What perfume? Moschino pink Boquet seemed fitting! Should I pick the blue or pink envelope? White with hearts may be cool

The one who helped you the most was definitely amy, I see her as a romance enthusiast and would definitely be there for anyone who struggles or something with romance

But someone was more intrigued than helpful, ofc it was Sonic! Making little jabs at you for trying, pushing to who it could be, teasing you for having a crush

It was ENDLESS!! He was so relentless with his teasing that it got annoying at some point. But could you blame him? From his point of view you were in love with someone else and that made him jealous

He felt heartbroken but let it go to keep you as happy as possible

It's like his heart was ripped out his chest and eaten but he paid no mind and instead tried his best to continue helping you with the letter for mystery person

But at the point where he made peace with you not being in love with him.. You've already stopped talking about it

It's like you've never even heard of it

Maybe it has been sent? He didn't know but it made him a bit worried

But one day while back at his place, he finds a neatly designed letter, the envelope was white and had small hand drawn hearts every where with a nice perfume scent

The letter had his name on it but no sender, but the cute packaging reminded him of a certain someone's letter

Was it really from you? No way. His heart lights up and so does his smile, if it was really from you he had to find out!! His crush left him a letter his life felt whole and complete

If it was really from you then Sonic knew he had to confront you about it

Not long after he starts racing to your place, but suddenly he goes back home

It's best to get some flowers, don't you think?

With everything in hand, flowers and the letter, his feet race to your apartment

In mere seconds Sonic reaches your place, his heart beats as fast as possible as his hand hovers against your door. The sun had its time and was now setting, the shade from the others building and the combination from the setting sun made it all feel so much more romantic

Sonic calms his breathing, returning to his normal state: cockiness

His hands finally give a strong knock

After you open the door, your gaze meets the letter that was oh so gently in his hand

"Be my valentine..?" Sonic holds out the flowers

Maybe leaving letters do work

[straightouttherosebush]

Some Thoughts on Ekko (mainly TimeBomb centered)

I'm rewatching Arcane in its entirety right now and I'm on the episode "The Boy Savior." I'm about to spoil S2 a little bit for the sake of this, so leave now if you haven't watched. This is an unedited ramble btw so bear with me.

I just watched the part where Ekko was talking about the mural, the casualties that inspired it, and Jinx.

"Your sister doesn't work for Silco because she needs to, but because she wants to. That's just who she is now." (or something of the like, I tried my best.)

I think it's super heartbreaking when we hear that and then we see how he acts around her later. The fight scene with him and Jinx in S1 I feel symbolizes the way he still wishes he could, or possibly still does, see the innocence in her and the girl he fell in love with as a kid.

He even sees it in her eyes while he's beating the absolute shit out of her at the end of that fight. His eyes wide, and he stops hailing fists, and he sees Jinx's wide, almost fearful eyes. While he is distracted, she tries to blow them up, but within that moment, he got another glimpse of the girl he still somewhat thinks of fondly.

And now... for the spoilers.

HOLY SHIT THE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE FUCKED ME UP.

So basically he found a version of Powder who wasn't batshit insane and not a war criminal, and his true love for her shows, even if it's an alternate version. Even the song choice during that dance sequence stressed how much he wishes she were better and was still in love to an extent. We all knew that, but it's still so bittersweet.

I think that's so beautiful after this man tried to harden his heart, he ends up coming around to her. He says all of these things in S1 about how she cannot change, but then what Ekko goes through with the hexcore and the alt universe changes how he sees his Powder. He starts to have faith in her again and even tries to stop her from killing herself.

The feeling was never truly gone, he just had to save himself from grief and disappointment before it had a full hold on him. He did it so that he could move on with his life and did as he felt he needed to.

It's all about the thought of what could have been and the grief over someone you could have built a life with, had they been a better person. While he moved on from that for the most part, it resurfaces after the events in the alt universe. I suffer with this feeling on my own and the way it's portrayed with Ekko is so real and raw to me.

...

Anyway I fucking love him, headcanons coming soon Rosey <3

[theclownghoul]

Arcane Season 2 has me messed up and not in a good way

It’s actually breaking my heart that I don’t love this show anymore.

I don’t want to hate it, there’s pieces I love but there’s also pieces I hate. Act l had me in such high hopes and then it stuttered then crashed and burned.

I just feel so disappointed with so many parts of it. Actively angry at others.

There are some moments that I loved that had me feeling the same high as the first season but every time I thought things would develop better they didn’t.

I think I’m only really happy with Ekko and I was worried about him for much of the season. As an Ekko and Jinx shipper I was pleased with most of their story but the way they ended Jinx’s story undermined the importance of their talk so…

Honestly I would trade all the ship stuff for a proper story arc for Vi, Jinx, Cait and the rest

I saw the signs for Vi as soon as her pit fighter arc didn’t extend passed the promo clips. I kept waiting to delve into her issues but that never came.

Jinx was done so dirty. And this was something I prayed wouldn’t happen. She’s so personal to me in ways that would take too long to go into here. I had high hopes for her, especially after Isha and her starting to move forward, I knew it wouldn’t last but I knew (hoped) it would be interesting. I fully expected Isha to die but the way it happened was so weird?? The scene itself felt like it was manipulating me which is something I hate with a passion.

Likewise I expected her to relapse into suicidality after that and I had suspected that the scene with Ekko would happen. Her scene with Vi beforehand hurt in a good way and I wanted to watch as she hit rock bottom then clawed her way back as she started to mend the broken relationships in her life.

The thing that finally set me off was her hair. I thought she would cut it after she decided to live, as a show a change but before was just so cliché (it did look cute but don’t go trying to distract me)

I really didn’t want people blaming Vi for Jinx running off to try to end herself again. And I didn’t, even though I knew something was wrong about the way the scene played out and lead into the sex scene. I knew something was wrong I was just hoping that I was wrong.

I was so looking forward to the CaitVi sex scene, since King Princess was revealed for the soundtrack. Hoping her and Cait would have a real ass conversation, a hard conversation and then get that moment together but it just felt wrong. I wanted to love it but I didn’t. As a King Princess fan I was so excited but all I feel now is at best apathy and at worst anger. The more I read from lesbians in the fandom and those that care for Vi how I care for Jinx the worse I feel.

Briefly let’s talk about Cait. I was interested in her arc after Act l. Messy it would be and a long road back for sure but I had hope. She was done dirty too.

Back to Jinx…. What the fuck was that ending? Her “sacrifice” felt so similar to her fights with Vi (Act l) and Ekko (S1) where she was going to let herself die. No growth from the rest of the season, that’s how they left us, that’s what they did to a character that they did so beautifully in S1. I don’t care if she’s alive, that’s not a fucking ending.

(Apologies for continuing to bring up my predictions. I just think it’s funny how my thoughts make more sense than what we got)

I didn’t mind the idea of her sacrificing herself for Vi, Arcane is a tragedy after all. Her being the one to protect her sister in the end not because she thought Vi was better off without her but because Vi protects everyone and her sister can help now would have been great.

But that ending rubbed me wrong in every way.

The story of these sisters meant everything to me and what a fool we all were to think it was in competent hands. Like seriously I can’t believe this is the same writing team.

All of us went in with high hopes and then had those hopes crushed.

I’ve seen so many people who were excited to react and analyze go radio silent after Act ll and I hope they stay that way. I’d love to change my mind but I don’t think I can. I don’t think there’s any coming back.

I wanted to take the good moments and leave it alone but I keep feeling the disappointment because the show’s first season left a mark on me that I’ll treasure forever and I can’t let go. I still have so many feelings about this. Piltover and Zaun, Victor and Jayce, Mel and Ambessa, admittedly not my area of expertise but safe to say they all deserved better and we deserved better.

I would say it felt like a fanfic but I know fans have more grace and respect for this story.

This is not the tragedy I signed up for.

[dragonfly0808]

Tecna: The Thesis

This one has been a long time coming I know

First Things First

The first words I have for Tecna in my character profiles are tech nerd child, but she has so much more depth than that, even more than I’d ever originally planned

One of the things I really wanted to get across with Tecna is that is not and has never been an ice queen or unfeeling or cold, just bad with communication and her way of showing affection is atypical

While writing s1, I wrote her as autistic coded but was very hesitant to confirm her as autistic since I really did not want to accidentally write her autistic traits in an offensive or just misrepresentative way, but, after seeing my portrayl of her landed well with a lot of commenters who were part of the autistic community, I decided to do my research and properly commit to portraying her as autistic (whilst of course, never making it her full personality, just a part of who she is)

To me, Tecna is one of the most compelling characters to write, since she has a huge heart and holds a lot of love for her family and the Winx and, over the course of the seasons, we see her get better at communicating that whilst never forcing herself to conform or change to do it the ‘normal’ way

Family Matters

Aside from Riven, I think Tecna is the one who benefited the most from the changes I made to her family

I gave her a big sister and a little brother as well as loving parents who raised them all in a farm on the domestic side of Zenith, that focuses on farming and crops

After I committed to writing Tecna as autistic, I chose to portray nearly her entire family as neurodivergent, her dad is autistic and has ADHD, her mom has dyspraxia, her brother has ADHA as well as dyspraxia, her big sister being the only neurotypical one

The reason for this was because i wanted to portray her parents as always has taking Tecna’s needs/triggers into account and accommodate for all of their childrens needs and never try to change who they are; this is why from the get go, Tecna is unapologetic about who she is and what she needs, having never once been taught or pushed to mask.

Tecna in the OG always had a sense of absolute confidence and in my mind, giving her an understanding family who always embraced her as she was would be a great way of explaining why that is.

Also, I just really wanted to give her a loving, fluffy family since so many other families in the rewrite have issues and problems

SPOILERS FROM HERE FOR SEASON 3, THE OMEGA ARC AND SEASON 4 PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT CAUGHT UP!!!

A Frozen Loss

Now, from the moment I knew I was going to rewrite s3, I knew the Omega Arc was going to be one of the hardest and angstiest to write

i feel like both in the OG and in the fandom, Tecna can often be underrated and underused and I wanted to take the chance to show why I love this character so much and how she is an integral part of the group and there is no Winx without Tecna

In a sense, yes, Tecna is the brains of the group, she is the strategist and the one who comes up with a 27 step plan and the tech genius. But she is also the glue. She’s probably one of the most loved characters in the group, every single one of the girls and the boys have a very special and unique bond with Tecna, partially because of her odd way of showing affection and love

When Tecna cares about someone, she shows it even if she doesn’t always know how to say it, everyone knows it and loves her for it.

The Omega Arc also gave me a chance to show how resilient and smart Tecna is. Like I mentioned, she’s a strategist and a chronic overthinker and our girl doesn’t know how to back down, she’s determined and a survivor.

After the Omega Arc; surviving by herself for a week in a hostile planet and losing both her right leg and left hand, there is of course a huge shift in her character.

I chose to have her lose limbs to fully push how traumatic and life-changing the Omega Arc is not just to Tecna, but to all the Winx. After Omega, Tecna becomes a bit more comfortable with physical contact and starts to question her priorities and what she wants with her life… which leads us to-

Potential Can be Suffocating

One thing I thought I could do with Tecna was to have her shift her priorities when it comes to her plans for the future, going from being determined to be a buisness woman to realizing that she, while she still wants to be successful, it’s no longer all she wants

I think we all know how damaging hustle culture can be sometimes and, to incorporate smth a bit more personal, as someone who was always seen as ‘the smart one’/‘the one who’s gonna maintain us’ in the family amongst the cousins, I’ve felt the looming pressure of being the one in the family with the most ‘potential’. And as I’ve grown up, I’ve kinda realized that I don’t really want to throw myself into being solely dedicated to becoming this big buisness person like- obviously I want to be successful and be able to provide for myself, but I also want to have time for my writing and my family and myself, and I wanted to give this same kind of quiet realization to Tecna

For Tecna, it’s herself who puts on this pressure since, as a little girl she started seeing the modern side of Zenith as ‘superior’ in her mind and really wanted to leave the farm life to become exclusively focused on buisness, but as she grows up and, especially after Omega, she realized she wants to stay close to home and wants a quieter life, she still wants to be successful and to change the world, but it’s not all she wants anymore

Not sure if I explained that last point as well as I wanted to.

Thoughts Behind Her Main Relationships

Tecna

I love Tecna and Musa, they are very much a friendship between unconventional girls who don’t always come across as they mean to.

They both struggle to make friends for different reasons but the second they meet they realize that they are quite similar and so never push each other outside of their comfort zone at first and that’s what allows them to become close enough to then push one another.

Musa gets what makes Tecna tick and makes sure that she’s comfortable, she makes sure she gets her alone time and makes sure she doesn’t get overwhelmed.

Tecna gets that Musa doesn’t want to talk about herself so instead gets her to open up about her music.

And it’s through this that they start to trust one another and by s2 we see them knowing each other well enough to keep the other from spiraling.

When Tecna’s confused about her feelings for Timmy, it’s Musa who reminds her that it’s okay to not be ready for a relationship. And when Musa and Riven first kiss, it’s Tecna who suggests they take it slow since she knows how skittish they can both be.

At this point, they push one another when they need to.

They are crucial to each other’s growth.

Timmy

Now, my darlings, my softies, my introverted nerdy lovers

I know a lot of you were like- what the fuck do you mean they’re still not dating? Towards the start of s4 but I really wanted them to actually take their time before getting together

Timmy has a crush on Tecna since s1 and it’s in s2 where Tecna falls for Timmy slowly but surely, being a bit confused about her feelings since this is the first time she’s ever fallen in love. They have a talk and decide that neither are really ready for a relationship, Tecna because she’s still learning to communicate and just doesn’t feel ready in general, Timmy due to his anxiety and desire to work on himself before trying for a relationship

Once the feelings are out in the open, they are a lot less shy about being affectionate towards each other, since they know they’re headed for a relationship someday.

After Omega, any subtlety goes out the window for a bit, but they still aren’t official since, they really just- they know what they feel and what they have, that’s enough for them throughout s3, especially with everything going on (the song Tell Em by Sabrina Carpenter I feel really encapsulates how they feel about having a concrete label)

But now in s4, they are finally going to be dating and… honestly not much will change. That’s what I love most about Tecna and Timmy, they’re best friends in love. They act like best friends… who ocasionaly kiss. Love it!

Nabu

Now, Tecna was the last Winx to get her platonic soulmate, and I really loved introducing Nabu into the story through Tecna

These two just click from the very start, they are both have quite cool and calm demeanors that hide the ocasional gremlin behavior beneath the surface

They are each other’s impulse control and they trade a singular brain cell back and forth (Tecna has it most of the time).

I’m not really sure how to describe their relationship since, there are just some people in life with whom you just click for absolutely no reason, they just make sense to you in a way that very few people do, these two click and just want to hang out and protect one another

Who is Tecna in this Rewrite?

In this rewrite, Tecna is a young girl who isn’t the best at communicating

She is a girl who slowly grows, not in the sense that she changes, but in the sense that she grows into herself, learning more about herself, slowly learning how to communicate her love and care

The only thing that truly shifts are her priorities as she realizes just how important her family and friends are to her and, whilst she is a very ambitious girl and that doesn’t change, instead it is re-directed into… I actually can’t quite say how it is re-directed quite yet since that won’t be revealed until a lot later on

But my fave way of describing Tecna is just a girl growing into herself, into her love, into her hobbies, into her ambitions and into a wonderful woman.

———————

Masterlist

Tecna Moodboard

Tecna’s Instagram

Tecna and Musa Moodboard

Tecna and Timmy Moodboard

Tecna and Nabu Moodboard

———————

I know this one has been a long time coming, I apologize for the delay I just could not for the life of me put this into words, but here it is!!!

[archivedblog16]

To HB credit, Brandon did the bulk of the writing for s1 and established that these characters are friends or at least chummy with each other. Than s2 happened and it’s been the stolas cry baby show ft fizz.

In HH none of the characters moments are earned. They all just sit (I swear to god there’s more time of them sitting and doing nothing than there is of them actually doing something) react to shit happening around them or wait for the story to happen. I don’t get friendship strangers who are forced to live with a coddled sheltered rich woman and her codependent gf. Angel and Cherri are established as “friends” but all Cherri did was call Angel a nerd for not taking drugs and caring too much for nifty. Didn’t do shit when valentino was hitting Angel. Husk is just there to guilt trip Angel for taking drug and being promiscuous, sir p gets shitted on by all these assholes I legit got mad when they cried and acted like they cared. (Fuck all of you, you didn’t treat sir p with respect) nifty is also just there to be funny, I guess. She didn’t make me laugh she got annoying real quick. Alastor is the worst fucking character, I don’t wanna get into a rant about him but he sucks so fuckimg hard. Angel is ok, would’ve been nicer if we saw him actually progress and if his “friends” cared he was getting SA’d on a daily basis but they don’t care, if they did we would get more poison mv. Vaggie exist to serve Charlie, which sucks because she had so much potential but she’s a nothing burger and Charlie is just a selfish brat who cries till people give her what she wants and tells her she’s great when she isn’t

Yeah, during season 1 Brandon carried in more ways than one especially guiding Vivziepop. Vivziepop admittedly has her moments in season 1 where she can read the room. Honestly, in retrospect for Helluva Boss season 1 and 2 regarding the IMP gang I see them being more chummy/tolerating each other than being friends.

They had their moments I will admit but most of the questionable stuff they do each other feels more out weighed than the good. Luciferanalyzestar and Tooningin say it best:

If Stolas and by extension Stoliz drama wasn’t hogging all the screen time, IMP could’ve been something more. As for Hazbin Hotel they can pretend all they want how close and how they care for each other but their actions and dialogue say otherwise. In the pilot and addict while Cherri was a bad influence in a different way, she had a heart of gold, and cared for Angel. Now in the show, she is shallow.

I guess Cherri Bomb is a nerd by her logic for caring about Angel Dust and trying to take care of him in Addict. Yeah, Angel Dust’s arc is super rushed and don’t get me started on the timeline of it, it’s extremely janky the more you think about it. The aftermath scene of Valentino and Angel Dust in episode 6 was crazy. Cherri and Husk didn’t even help, they just stood there then once Angel Dust walks away from Valentino, now these chumps want to do something and do the bare minimum by congratulating him.

If Angel Dust’s arc is rushed, then Sir Pentious is a background character. Not only was his character development nonexistent but no one attempted to helped him or even try to wonder where he was. They just forgot about him. The most tonal whiplash, Vivziepop love her cake and want to eat it too. Haha, Anons never change it’s so funny when y’all drag Charlie.

With Vaggie there is so much you can do with her character and story wise, it’s not even funny. She’s not even my favorite yet I can think of so much. If Vivziepop and writers are going to go with the direction like purposefully have be Charlie’s bootlicker only for her to realize she’s been following orders her own life then slowly does things outside of Charlie. Then Yeah, I would love that. I really hope isn’t completely static.

Series Alastor will always be a loser bum, but the fans will eat it up. I wouldn’t mind listening to some Alastor slander. 😗

[whirlpool-blogs]

Five Questions with Jack Hughes

May 29, 2019 | Timestamp: Jack Hughes (5:03)

Do you feel ready to play in the NHL next season? "My speed and skill will translate well, and I believe in my heart I'm the best player in this draft and the best player on the board. I'm a confident kid so I think I had a great year. I know in my head and in my heart that I'm an NHL player and I think that after my experience at the World Championship, it solidified in my mind that I'm ready to go for it next year. I want to be an impact player and come out of the gates fast."

What was the most memorable moment for you as the youngest player for the United States at the 2019 IIHF World Championship in Slovakia? "Just to be in the locker room with the NHL players, go out to dinner with them, hang out with them. I feel like it was an invaluable experience and kind of like going to Harvard law school, I guess, because that's the best education you could get being around guys like that. You've got guys there like Ryan Suter, a 14-year veteran in the League, who was once in the same position as me. Patrick Kane and James van Riemsdyk took great care of me, taking me out to dinner, talking with me, and teaching me things. Those are guys I kind of created relationships with that will help me for the next couple of years."

Did you meet your goals and expectations at the NTDP this season? "You want to be realistic for the year, but I think of myself pretty high, and I had some goals in mind like breaking the record for most career points at the program and did that. I kind of shattered it and hopefully no one will touch it for a couple of years. I wanted to get the single season record but I missed a few games with an injury and finished with 112 points; the record was 117. Along the way, you don't really think of it that much but keep pushing the pace and pushing your play. I had a pretty good sequence of games at the World Under-18 Championship but our main goal was to win gold there, and we didn't. I'd trade all 20 of my points there for a gold medal, but I feel like I had a pretty good tournament."

How did two seasons at the NTDP make you a better player? "First of all, it makes you a better person. You're growing up with 23 kids your own age on the same team and dealing with the same things. It's kind of a brotherhood you create there, and you can't really say that about other places. The NTDP is a great spot to grow as a human. If you want to dedicate your life to becoming a hockey player, your game will absolutely go through the roof. There's a shooting room there and you're on the ice two hours a day, there are two games over the weekend, you skate 5-to-7 times a week, lift three times a week. If you want to be a hockey player and you're an American boy, the NTDP is the place you need to go."

What are your plans between the end of the Combine and the NHL Draft? "Just having some fun and relaxing. I don't think I'm going to work out or skate. I was in Europe for almost two months (at the World Under-18 Championship in Sweden and World Championship), just playing hockey, being dialed in and focused. Now that the hockey season is over, I think I'll just watch the Stanley Cup Final, golf and hang out with friends ... be a kid for the last month. Then I'll head to Vancouver. I think my life will change a lot once that weekend goes by."

[amuseoffyre]

Real Pirates

Got thinking last night about Stede and what was said to him in 2x06 and 2x07.

First off, let's look at the Ned Low stuff.

"You know, if you kill me, you are a real pirate. You're not an amateur anymore. See? That's why he likes you. It's because of your bumbling amateur status. You're like a pet, I think."

There's been a running thread of Stede not being a real pirate all the way from S1 - "I'm not a pirate, I'm an idiot" (1x01), "pirates, my arse" (1x02), "what the fuck is you supposed to be?" (1x03), "you will get to see how real pirates operate in the real world" (1x05), "not one of these store-bought kinds" (1x07), "it only applies to real pirates" (1x09).

Ned has fully pressed down on the big red trauma button that other characters have been hammering all the way through S1, that Stede has been trying to ignore, but here and now, he can't: Stede's biggest fear remains that he was not and never will be enough for Ed.

It's not the first time another pirate has compared Stede to a pet either: Izzy, Fang and Ivan all said the same back in 1x06. Whether Stede has put together the pieces about Doggy Heaven, I don't know, but once again, we're shown that here is someone who definitely doesn't understand what is happening between Stede and Ed.

As much as Stede tried to convince himself "I am adequate" (1x02), the fear is still there that he's never going to be sufficient. "I think your life is better without me" (2x01).

Despite Ned saying that Ed wants to keep him an amateur, he's hurt and he's angry and he's seen his crew and his lover put in harm's way, so Ned is never going to get off that ship alive.

But it's also very telling that the instant Stede kills him, he immediately flashes back to one of his biggest and most recurring childhood traumas: the day his father told him that killing was a man's work and that he would never amount to anything because he was a soft-handed weak-hearted lily-livered little richboy.

We see/hear it or have it alluded to in 1x01, 1x02, 1x04, 1x08, 1x09, 1x10, 2x03, 2x06.

Letting Ned Low live - and have the chance to come back for vengeance - was never a choice, but this is the point where Stede has crossed a line he had never crossed before. "Killing. Having to kill" (1x01) sent him into a panic spiral in episode 1 and I have no doubt that if we get/got S3, once the panic and chaos died down, it would have snuck up on him like all his other traumas.

But let's continue into 2x07, where Stede has had a night with the man he loves, knows he's kept him safe, and isn't thinking about that stuff. Only then people start praising him for it. This is the man who hasn't been praised for anything before. He's wanted approval and acceptance his whole life and finally, now, he's got it. "Bonnet's the fuckin' dude".

It overwhelms him completely, much the same way as the attention from the party-ship people gave Ed the dopamine hits and made him escalate his behaviour. Stede starts acting up, showing off and - most significantly - chooses to spend his time in the company of an older man in a blood-soaked leather apron who won't stop telling him how fantastic he is. Our man isn't just wearing his daddy issues on his sleeve, he's taking them out and buying them a drink while they give him their approval.

Which is why Ed's departure comes as such a shock for him. For the first time in his life, Stede is accepted and appreciated. Ed even encouraged him at first, but then Ed's own traumas surrounding the pirate world reared up their ugly head. "I don't wanna go back to the old days, drinking all the time or cutting a bloke's toe off and feeding it to him for a laugh" (1x09)

And it's not that they're at odds with each other is the thing. They're at odds with themselves. Ed is panic-spiralling because he sees Stede stepping so easily into the world that he has come to hate and wants to leave behind. But for Stede, it's not about being a pirate - it's about the acceptance and appreciation of who he is, because he's never actually had that before.

He's behaving in the ways that are getting him the approval he's never had in his life and moving further and further away from "I don't like drinking til I puke or throwing coconuts at peoples' heads". He's becoming the Calico Jack kind of pirate, getting roaring drunk and throwing things - fatally - at people because "then I said a cool thing and people laughed".

Only because they don't talk to each other in ways that they can each understand, Stede is left with the belief that maybe Ed did like him as an amateur and despite doing "a man's work" he is still not enough. Meanwhile Ed thinks Stede really wants this kind of life, when he knows Ed wants away from it, because he has no idea what Stede is getting from it all.

Our lads are both so tangled up in their own fears and anxieties that they don't stop to wonder why the other is acting the way they are. Stede logically knows Ed doesn't want to be a pirate, but can't see why his own behaviour would be upsetting to Ed. Ed is fully aware of who Stede is as a person, yet the fear of him becoming more like the pirates he grew up around is overwhelming because it's been his whole life for so long.

Their own fears are crashing up against each other, but neither of them ever want to talk it through. Stede hides behind politeness and neutrality instead of saying what he's feeling (although he has made big steps on this front in S2) while Ed is so used to masking his real wants and needs in hypotheticals and metaphors.

S3 was going to see all those things come to light. Ed had already made a start, sitting with himself, but there was still more to come. Stede's issues which had been bottled up and tucked away ("that's the worst thing you can do, Frenchie!" (1x01)) but the pressure was building and it was going to fizz out like an overshaken champagne bottle in the end.

OFMD - Childhood Trauma the TV show. aka how to write the impact of PTSD and cPTSD on people and the way it impacts their behaviour, modes of communication and the decisions they make.

[jinxsmascara]

"Why do you like Silco from arcane SOOOOO much ?"

Well... number one: father figure of a character i KIN

Number two: his back story is the perfect exemple of ascending into...pure rage and unforgiveness like:

WARNING ARCANE S2 SPOILER !:

He was just a guy who worked with his brother in the mines and both were friends with Vi and Powder/Jinx mother (Felicia) ... yes he was a revolutionary , yes he was like "im too punk and edgy and cool for caring about the future ! Lets make Zaun !" Which was understandable i mean you live in a poor shitty undercity and you are looked down by the Pilities who never have to worry while you are in the slums worried if you will even have a tomorrow (lack of food n water / contaminated food n water , live in the streets for the most unlucky ones etc etc) and the Topside wont hear you , if course you go "FUCK IT LETS RIOT !" ... as we all know Silco fought on the bridge with Vander and Felicia (well maybe she didnt wanna fight because she had Vi and Powder/Jinx so maybe she was with them because she had to run from enforcers ?) ... and Felicia died (we dont know if Silco accidentally killed her wanting to punch an enforcer but in his "high" of "OH MY GOD IM PUNCHING EVERYONE !" or she was already dead (i think its the second option because we can see his face drop as he sees Felicia lifeless like "...no no no hey no this isnt supposed to happen !") ..) , Vander saw Silco at the wrong moment wrong time , and decided to just attack him...

Now just imagine that: you are fighting for your life and your people's lives , and you see your bestfriend dead , and you try to process that shit all while you have raging enforcers running at you wanting to arrest/kill you , and on top of that you have no time to explain or you simply cant explain to your brother why and how y'all best friend died ... and this brother of yours decides to attack you and kill you in the worse ways (drowning + gauging your left eye out) ... all you can think about is "i lost everyone... he hates me ! They all hate me! i hate them all ! Betrayers !" , you dont have time to think "its a misunderstanding ... its gonna be okay" ...

Of course i aint condoneing everything , im just stating the facts like...of course he would turn out this way after that crap ! The opposite woulda surprised me !

Also despite his "im a fucking menace" act... you can see when Vander attacks him again in S1 A3 , his first reaction is to FREEZE and have flashbacks of him being drowned again... THAT GUY STILL GETS MF PTSD LIKE DUDE GO TO THERAPY AND CALM YOUR TITS ! (He has to shake himself off like "WAKE UP HE IS GONNA KILL YOU !" to react)

(No i wont mention how...lame the excuse letter was , i mean , I know vander is shit at this (thats what he says in the letter too bwaha) but...he could have maybe asked for Benzo or someone else to help him write the letter for Silco ? Like instead of just "yeah uhm im sorry uhm...find me at the bar eh ?" (Which would have infuriated Silco even more imo , like imagine you get disfigurated and almost killed and the person who did that gives you a poor piece of paper ? He would have gone like "OH YEAH IM COMING TO THE MF LAST DROP AND IM GONNA KICK HIS DAMN ASS !" instead of "...mehhh fine okay") like an actual "lets have a talk...like two adults" one-)

Thankyou for assisting an episode of: Jinx takes a globally insignificant thing too much at heart !

- Jinx out

[angstics]

3.3k words summarizing queliot if you've never seen the magicians. or if youve seen it and you want to indulge in my insane criticisms. lord touch his mind

okay so the magicians was a tv show about a bunch of post grads learning magic in magic university then discovering that the fantasy world from a kids book series was actually real and the Beast of that world was out to get them. WHO GIVES A FUCK. the crazy people were focused on the relationship btwn main character quentin coldwater (depressed, heart on his sleeve, surprise sex maniac who is new to magic and loves those books) and gay best friend eliot waugh (substance addicted (big surprise!!), gay trauma, named after evelyn waugh oh you know…) they form a friendship and it’s weirdly touchy and close. eliot keeps trying to seduce quentin but it’s never serious. i dont even think quentin notices. anyone remember the “lets not talk” scene? he was about to fuck that sad man. anyway this tension was actually fulfilled by the end of the 1st season with a drunk threesome including the two and their best friend margo. they at least kiss and cuddle and MAYBE sucked dick if the ghost of his girlfriend who haunts him later is to be believed (which i do #cockinhismouthsunday).

at this time articles that were like “THIS SIFI SERIES IS PROUDLY BISEXUAL” were coming out which. lol. lmfao! quentin never had any sort of queer identity. not even a hint of it. the homophobia of the show started with the regurgitation of the “sad drunk lonely sex-crazed” gay man trope with eliot, then the “everyone is fluid but no one actually has same sex attraction” trope, THEN by sidelining and killing off almost every gay or trans character, THEN THE QUENTIN THING. and the quentin thing turned people insane. let’s see why.

so after the threesome, eliot and quentin continue having a good friendship. there is some tension that isnt present with margo which sure is a choice… but it is resolved by a heartfelt crowning ceremony nd hug. oh theyre kings of the magic land now btw. eliot and q are pretty much separate from this point on xcept for certain episodes/moments. it is strange they dont have any storylines together. but love finds a way. at some point a version of eliot sacrifies himself for quentin. if u look at the scene it is on instinct it is crazy. then they reunite at the end of s2 but it’s all business really. the show was really involved w its nonsense plot.

anyway season 3. hahaha. so like i said theyre separate most of the show past s1. this is true in this season xcept for episodes 305 and 313 (with some notable moments in between). the plot of this season is that they have to go on quests to collect keys. the creature that gives eliot this plot calls quentin his “brother of the heart”. ok! when they see each other for the first time in a while in 304, they hug in a very sweet way :) look at this photo from bts during that scene :) i have it framed

after a series of other quests, 305 turns out to be the Eliot and Quentin quest! finally a story with the two! the quest is for the “time key”, which is fabled to be given to whoever solves the mosaic puzzle in fillory (magic world). the puzzle? they have to arrange 100s of tiles in a way that depicts “the beauty of all life”. quentin is very excited about it. eliot is happy to hear him infodump. they eventually get pushed into fillory to solve the mosaic. turns out they were also sent DECADES in the past. there might have been a way out but they were dead-set on solving the mosaic and getting their key. so they get to work. they live in a cottage attached to the mosaic and they spend hours, days, months on it. just the two of them and the mosaic. this episode is called “a life in a day” which is so perfect you wonder why the writing couldnt be that good within the show.

at the 1 year anniversary, quentin kisses eliot. and eliot kisses him back. and you wonder woah what does this mean?! well keep wondering girl because this tv show does not care to explore any of that. it chugs on and eliot and q fight about “living their lives there” and quentin gets a Wife and has a child with her and then she DIES (leaving her as a narrative incubator rather than an actual character, which is very in line with the sexism of the show). and they grow up and decades pass and the child grows old enough to leave and it seems eliot co-parented him but (again) the tv show doesnt care to show you that. and this whole time theyre working on the mosaic. years and years. eventually they grow old. it’s just the two of them. until eliot dies. quentin goes to bury him in the mosaic plot and he finds a special little tile. he places it in the mosaic. he gets the key. the puzzle is solved. “the beauty of all life”. but quentin is alone. his life companion is gone. and that’s the last we see of him.

we go back in time til before they enter fillory. their friend stops them and she has the key through time shenanigans and they never live that timeline. UNTIL!!!!! they do. they remember it all. what does decades (50 yrs btw) of living happily together mean for them?!? FUCK ALL APPARENTLY!!!! because the next episode (306 if yr keep track) they mention it ONCE AND NEVER AGAIN. and there is so much beneath the surface with the looks and the line that mentions it (“go be life partners with someone else” eliot says jokingly in a manner that shouldve been the catalyst to quentin’s magic-induced suicide spiral later that episode).

ok quentin does mention it once more to his dying dad. but nothing about his Male Life Partner Of Fifty Years. Nothing. they dont even talk about it with their best friends, leading one to believe they just kept it a secret . which. okay.

okay. so theyre apart til the last episode of the season. and quentin decides to sacrifice himself by locking himself in a cage with a monster for all of eternity. he says the quest prepared him for it which is yikesss. eliot refuses. but quentin insists. they travel to the prison (he gets back together with his gf during this trip btw they had been apart that season after some shit. one of their worst writing decisions i hate this stupid ass cockroach relationship). quentin almost exchanges himself. then eliot shoots the monster. dooming them all.

so the monster doesnt die. instead he possesses eliot. and that becomes the story for season 4. at first quentin and co think eliot is dead. and it’s devastating lol. an interesting thing is that the monster was so. touchy with quentin. unbearably so. it’s such a perverse reflection of eliot’s touch. which is sorta pointed out by quentin in this quote (paraphrase) “i know it’s not eliot. but he has his face and his eyes…”

anyhow 405. hahahahahaha. so this episode it’s revealed eliot is alive but trapped in his own head. and to get out for a moment and tell his friends he’s alive, he needs to confront his most terrible most shameful memory. the whole episode is him trying to figure out what it is. meanwhile, quentin and co are setting up a plan to kill the monster. and quentin breaks up with his gf (lol). in a deleted scene that WAS shown in promo they argue about the monster. and quentin says “im team eliot”. lol

anyhow, eliot’s hit a dead end. he cant figure the worst thing that’s happened in his life. then his memory of quentin (theyve been hangin out) says he’ll “sacrifice” himself if he had to. eliot smiles and says “i know youre just a memory… but youre a very generous one.” and quentin says— (im reciting this from memory btw all of this has been from 4 years of NON STOP thinking about it) quentin says “well you sacrifice for the people you love” and he gives eliot a VERY pointed look. and then it dawns on eliot. and the guilt is instantly palpable.

hahahahha. hahaha. hahahahahaha. okay so eliot goes to the memory he knows is the worst thing he’s ever done. his most traumatic memory, after a lifetime of violent homophobia and bad choices. the person possessed before him described this memory as being “the day he left home”.

the memory? the day they remembered their past lives. did it happen? fifty years. it happened.

theyre sat under a wedding arch (that was the b plot of the episode lol). it’s beautiful. eliot watches the memory play out, standing in front of the seated figures. the guilt. the guilt.

outside, the tension is building. the plan to kill the monster is in motion. quentin has to coax him to a certain spot. he has to look at him as he kills his best friend.

eliot doesnt know this but he gets anxious watching it play out. there is a certainty that this is it. the first time viewer has no idea whats going on. we never saw the direct aftermath of them remembering. we always assumed there wasnt anything.

well a year after 305 aired, a yr after thinking THAT WAS IT, they recontextualize Everything.

it is worth saying here that in the promo interviews leading up to season 4, quentin’s and eliot’s actors were sussing it UP. quentin’s at some point talks on q’s queerness, saying it was the one aspect of his life he didnt feel anxious about.

well

what happens is that quentin asks eliot for a relationship. remember how it was quentin who first kissed eliot? it happens again. heart on his fucking sleeve. i can recite this scene pretty well so im going to fucking do it:

did it happen? fifty years. it happened. it was sort of beautiful. it really was. i know this is gonna sound dumb but … us. i mean we work. we know it cause we lived it. who gets that proof of concept? (eliot smiles uneasily) we just got injected with fifty years of memories so i get that youre not thinking clearly. no im just saying… what if we gave it a shot, would that be so crazy? (eliot looks down, worried and thoughtful. quentin smiles RADIANTLY it is BLINDING) why the fuck not?

editors opinion: quentin is such a beautiful person. to be so truthful about something so scary is unthinkable. especially in context of him being so hopelessly and quietly in love his childhood best friend, and his whirlwind romance with previously mentioned gf, and all the tragedy he endured with these two. but this is someone who loves with his whole heart. what was he supposed to do? contain it?

then eliot hardens.

i know you and you arent… whats the matter? dont be naive it matters. (pause) q i love you but… that isnt me and that definitely isnt you. not when we have a choice. (quentin looks away. he wipes his eye) oh. okay. sorry.

and silence. the real eliot, the eliot who isnt the memory, looks on. tired and angry, he speaks to himself:

what the hell is wrong with you? what the hell are you doing? someone Good and True… Loves you. yeah it was a little crazy but you knew. you knew this truly mattered. and you just SNUFFED IT OUT.

then he looks to the memory of quentin. soft as the clouds:

q. im sorry. i was afraid. and when im afraid i run away.

then he kisses him. and he hits you with the thesis of the episode:

if i ever get out of here q… know that when im braver it cause i learned it from you.

well

thats his most traumatic memory. he is granted passage to consciousness. what is the first thing he sees? quentin. the real quentin.

q? (smiles) q (laughs) it’s me. it’s eliot. ok come on no games. it’s eliot. i said no games. (eliot looks around, worried as all hell) fifty years (he walks towards q) who gets proof of concept like that? what? peaches and plums motherfucker (this is the symbol to their mosaic life) im alive in here. (eyes as wide as saucers, heart in his throat) eliot…

and he ruins their plans of killing the monster. “eliot’s alive.”

then the episodes keep rolling. “eliot eliot eliot. why do you care so much about him?” “because i do.” and “wow i love that plan. except the part where it doesnt save eliot.” quentin gets back with his gf for reasons only the devil knows. but fine ok whatever quentin and eliot will HAVE to talk post-saving. even if the writers ignore it once more they have some kind of relationship. and they do save eliot in the finale! you know who they dont save? lmfao

quentin dies. in a manner that many including myself found weird and unsatisfactory and suicidal. and he never gets to know how eliot feels. never. he’s just gone. their story means nothing 💯

editors note: this ending broke me. i was using the show as a depression crutch, so a fate so hopeless ruined me. cant blame the show for my mistake but being so technically bad certainly didnt help.

well when the show came back for its next (and final lol) season, they did attempt closure for eliot and quentin. for some reason this was all contained in 3 episodes, most of it in the third (503) but what the fuck ever. it has its moments.

the episode is basically about eliot and alice (q’s gf i dont think ive mentioned her name. sorry alice) going on a mini quest up a treacherous mountain for grievers to return a piece of quentin’s soul back to the underworld. their fights are soooo funny. toxic lover vs almost-lover.

alice at some point says “well he was MY boyfriend this is MY pilgrimage and you just TAGGED ALONG” and (blood obviously boiling) eliot goes “right, because he meant nothing to me”. and this highlights something so sneakily homophobic about this whole affair. quentin and eliot’s relationship never mattered to the narrative as much as all the other straight relationships, especially quentin and alice’s. like i said, they would separate for entire seasons. you will be happy to know that not 1 episode goes by without quentin and alice conflicting and making up conflicting and etc. i dont understand how quentin and eliot’s relationship wasnt important enough. they were best friends, they kissed multiple times and had sex AT LEAST once if the mosaic subtext isnt considered. and the mosaic… it isnt just that they lived together for 50 yrs and raised a child and were happy, something they couldnt quite grasp in their old lives… they achieved the beauty of all life. that is a monumental achievement that shouldve changed not only their lives, but their stories.

the thing about the confession is that it wasnt planted in s3. talking about 405, the writers said they came up with it while working on that episode. it was essentially a retcon. though its inclusion explains why they didnt talk about it literally, it doesnt excuse the narrative outright ignoring it. it DEFINITELY doesnt account for why it ignored the rest of the SAME SEASON it was ESTABLISHED IN. if this was quentin and alice, they would be talking about it nonstop. and guess the fuck what when they get back together it is *non stop*.

SO. 503. they are on their pilgrimage. tensions build. eliot hallucinates quentin’s voice (it’s a soundbite from the mosaic when eliot dies which is depressing). they meet another traveller who is grieving his long dead boyfriend.

the traveller asks who theyre grieving and alice goes My Boyfriend and eliot looks away and says he knew him as a friend and it’s so sad it makes me want to die. why did they invent new exciting ways for gay people to be ashamed of who they love. i hate this show.

anyway the traveller talks about his boyfriend and how he was a magician who died young and how his dreams were haunted by him. and eliot is listening so intensely you want to jump hale appleman for being so good at this acting thing. alice goes to sleep and leaves the two alone. then they really start talkin:

(the traveller asks) have you ever had love? (eliot smiles small, hesitant) love…? yeah love. (pause) the friend we’re putting to rest. (traveller is delightfully shock) wasnt just a friend.

truly truly truly cant describe to you how much it physically pains me that it took 2 seasons and for one of them to die and a conversation with a stranger to get to this point. why wasnt this always part of the narrative. why does this only matter now after 2 yrs of fans badgering you about why this isnt part of the fucking show despite BEING PART OF THE FUCKING SHOW! it is dead obvious this was never the intent so even with something that should feel right feels wrong because the show never wanted it. it never wanted quentin to be in love with eliot. but it doesnt make sense if he isnt. i hate this show.

the convo continues 🙄:

does she know? oh god no. a torrid secret affair. (eliot looks away) no, nothing like that.

and i wish eliot was given a proper story. i wish i knew what was going on in his head through all of this. i wish i wish.

so it is revealed that quentin and eliot “had love” and that eliot is keeping it a secret (a revelation considering they werent intimate on screen past the 1 yr anniversary, they were only ever referred to as best friends by cast and crew, AND even what they were was obscured in the confession scene. and their feelings didnt matter past 405 fuck this world). this is huge. it should be huge. eliot’s first arc is about how he cant fall in love until he does and gets his heart broken. quentin’s stories are so wrapped up in alice that having another love interest should complicate that entirely. it doesnt.

the climax of the episode is when eliot expresses difficulty of letting go of quentin and alice says “he was your friend” and eliot replies (quick as if not meaning to) “he wasnt just my friend.” and wowww. how cathartic. the first time in the history of the show they talk about it. 5 seasons btw.

and eliot tells her about the mosaic and how “we loved each other for a really really long time.” and how he told him to fuck off and how he died for him and how he was never able to talk to him again. he just died.

and that part is supposed to be cathartic too. it feels cathartic for eliot the character at least. but to me the Viewer. i was sick of how they were trying to appeal to MY thoughts of what he should be feeling. as if trying to placate me. cuz if it was soo important it wouldnt just been solved after this episode. he DGAF about quentin after this. i dont get it. why cant they write a proper story.

well one line that stuck with me and i truly felt was this:

alice: he was pretty in love with you eliot: i wouldnt say that alice: .. i would

and then eliot looks at her the most devastated a man can look.

thats it. that’s quentin and eliot. a heartfelt and final fuck this show. the fic goes crazy esp the 2019 shit.

[campbenji]

jwct s2 thoughts after first watch (spoilers under the cut!!!):

ok.... look, i'm just gonna say it: i put my expectations too high for this season and i ended up slightly disappointed. it's not a bad season or anything of the sort, but i guess i just didn't enjoy it as much as i did s1.

individual thoughts now, starting with the good:

-brooklynn. she's always been the camper i ignore most because i've never been able to connect with her but HOLY SHIT they really changed that this season. i desperately need to know what's going through her head, i'm so glad we got to see a good part of her pov from before and after the attack, and how she's adapting to losing her arm. i can't wait to see where she's going after that finale, the stakes went off the roof fr

-THE ANIMATION??? THE WET HAIR, THE RAIN, THE DINOSAURS LOOKED MAJESTIC, THE WAY YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE THE CHARACTERS TREMBLING NOW IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL

-ben's arc. the amount of stress i felt for him he was going through it </3. the moment i realized he always wanted to tell them broke my heart, he knew it was a huge thing and tried to be careful with how he revealed it but never got the chance. i really wanted them to address other things about him but this will have to do

-episode 7 seems to be the best episode in every season now. yaz getting a solo adventure was something i didn't expect, and it was interesting to see how another one of their own going missing affected the group.

-kenji being reckless and putting himself in danger for other i dreamed and feared of times like these i shit you not. this was his entire arc in a jwcc s4 rewrite i made, i've been waiting for this for so long. it didn't go exactly like i wanted but i still found it interesting

-BEN AND KENJI SCENES BEN AND KENJI HEART TO HEART I'M QUITE LITERALLY SHAKING. that was the best part of the season actually (heavy /hj btw). them finally getting to open up to each other, the gyrosphere callback, them bickering around in the last few episodes, and the fight?? i really hope they're setting up a good continuation for that next season, i need more moments with them

-kenji taking care of speckles (bumpy's egg) so much throughout the season was lovely, he's such a proud father omg. the day that egg hatches is gonna be the happiest day of his life

-loved to see more of ronnie, it was kind of obvious that it was her who saved brooklynn and talked to her through dark jurassic but it was nice to have it confirmed

-it's still so weird to me to have a recurring cast who isn't just the villains, but i'm growing quite fond of them

-the blind baryonyx from episode 9 sent chills down my spine, my sister and i were fucking terrified. i would've loved to see more of it

-THAT FINALE HAS ME DEVASTATED. brooklynn giving them the egg, i hate that everyone was right about "i'm not the same brooklynn you knew", i have no idea if they're coming back from this one because what the fuck

now to the not so good stuff...

-darius felt, and oh my god i hate to say it, sidelined. again. so much of the season was centered around others that even crucial moments like him realizing brooklynn is alive were underwhelming. there was barely any followup to his issues from s1, it felt like he didn't even have an arc this season, he was just there.

-they dragged a lot of stuff in the middle of the season. i can't pinpoint it exactly but everything from the a plot in episodes 4 to 7 is a blur in my head.

-there was nothing about sammy either. it's still heavily implied that she's on bad terms with her family (her crying when aminata hugs her and her almost sibling-like bond with zayna), but she just doesn't get to talk?? about anything??? i'm so tired

-although i really liked her character, i feel like they could've done so much with zayna?? they had this girl joining them on the adventure who's around the same age as them when they got stranded, and did... nothing about it. sammy mentioned her age, but that was it. with how much they doubted her knowledge sometimes, it would've been interesting to see darius approaching her and making sure she's heard, with him being the youngest in jwcc and whatnot. the group making sure zayna didn't have as bad of an experience as they did could've been a great subplot.

-i DESPISED the dinostar flashback scene and everything they added to it. i needed to be convinced on dinostar, not completely drawn away from the ship! the implication that brooklynn was with darius ONE WEEK and darius was already head over heels when he wasn't before is insane; of course she wasn't ready for a relationship, SHE BROKE UP WITH KENJI LESS THAN A MONTH BEFORE WTF. anyways canon unrequited dinostar is out long live fanon qpr dinostar

-atp i hope they don't make dinostar canon or set brookenji back together, they should all be single for a while after everything that's gone down, although i can't help but be a little mad because then why make darius go through that, the grief was strong enough as purely platonic

-where was the handler. i'm not even obsessed with her and i missed her

-i think it was slightly obvious that soyona was going to be the broker so i'm a little confused as to why the promo made such a fuss about it, but anyway

-dr. sarr was wasted potential, those creations were insane and admitting to having fed the rest of the crew to the baryonyx felt straight out of a horror novel. that was some good horror stuff and then it got all thrown away in one episode.

-something i noticed a lot is that, even if there were barely no clips, they still revealed a lot about the season from just the trailer. half the trailer came from the last three episodes and there was a lot of spotlight to things that in the end didn't amount much to the plot (*cough* the DLN *cough*). i feel like that may be one of the reasons i didn't enjoy this season as much

that's pretty much it, sorry for being a hater about it but I had a lot of mixed feelings that i needed to get out. it's still not the worst season ever, it would take something truly awful to defeat s4 in my heart, but it's definitely in the lower middle.

[emilykaldwen]

Merry Christmas Rec List

A listing of some of the stories I read this year and rec'ing them to you! Inspired by this post by @withered-rose-with-thorns

Most of these are completed, some are not.

(All Links are on AO3)

Five Things Plus One (Series) - Galadriel x Sauron by eye_of_a_cat - An AU where Galadriel gets tricked, more or less, into marrying Sauron and them working on rebuilding the Southlands. Hello, yes, super obsessed, especially as Shadow-Bride is framed as them telling the story to each other in the future.

In Case of Defeat, Break Glass - Galadriel x Sauron by eastwynds - yeah I was on a kick this year, LOL. Another monster of a fic that I'm still not done with but still working through! Post S1 of ROP AU. ALSO ANNATAR.

Love Is Not a Victory March - Jaime Lannister x Sansa Stark by Syrenead - I don't know if this story will ever get finished but it's an enjoyable one. Rhaego survives birth (and is a girl!), some AMAZING Jeyne Westerling portrayal that I'm obsessed with and shoving into my mouth. Margaery Tyrell is everything to me and how she plays Tywin Lannister very well (says I who used to have a marg username on this site). Catelyn Stark isn't on her best behavior in this one so it's a little rough in those parts but overall, I do love it and I keep coming to see if the sequel, Hear Me Roar, is finished. But The Mad Kings is and while it ends on somewhat of a cliffhanger, is a complete story in itself.

The Serkonan Affair - Corvo Attano x Jessamine Kaldwin by acogna - a story about how Corvo ended up as Jessamine's protector, pre DH2 but oh mna this is just so good. SO GOOD.

Like Real People Do - Harwin Strong x Rhea Royce by @alicentive/I'm totally blanking on your other blog babe I'm so sorry - IDK if Killy will ever revisit this but it's definitely an AU that captured my interest! We're always here for Justice for Rhea Royce.

Inertia - Kyo Sohma x Tohru Honda by miss_coverly - this was mentioned on the bookbinding server I was on and I ate it up in like three days. It's a FWB AU that I'm utterly obsessed with. It's so true to character, it makes me ache something fierce, it's just fantastic.

Something Old - Buffy Summers x Angel by Ducks - So I read this story over thanksgiving break in 2001. I had just gotten into Buffy and 13 year old me was obsessed (and is still obsessed, tbh) with one ship. This is the story that inspired me to really dive into fanfiction. Ducks used to host her own work, like many writers did back then since we didn't have central archives outside of ff.net, which was still very new. The AU world buidling of this story was fantastic in my eyes, and while it's not groundbreaking by today's standards, it holds a huge place in my heart. An AU like this was what I'd been striving for in writing that I'm only now able to.

Taken - Elena Gilbert x Elijah Mikaelson by wheatear - I read this back on LJ so long ago and have it on PDF. Elijah succeeds in kidnapping Elena. Look, I'm an alt!Elena shipping girly and Elejiah just has me in the chokehold. It's everything I want.

What Do You Want (That You Do Not Have) - Jon Snow x Sansa Stark by thimbleful - I need more jonsa in my life. Anyone have other recs? In the mean time, AU S8 UST with so much pining and slow burn. Yes. Good.

They Say I Killed You (Haunt Me Then) - Aemond Targaryen x OC by @vampire-exgirlfriend/acrossthesestars - will I ever stop rec'ing this story? Absolutely not. It's a Green-centric fic (by nature of being about Aemond) for Team Black fans I think is the easiest way I can explain (so you won't find Rhaenyra bashing in this). Alex knows how to write a complicated asshole of a Male Love Interest and is one of my more favorite portrayals of the menace that is Aemond. And of course, Wylla Karstark owns my heart with her perseverance and imperfections. Shoving this in my mouth.

Sins of the Father - Various OCs by @selfproclaimedunicorn - If you want a Justice for Rhea Royce fic, then this is THE story. It's not just a Rhea and Daemon had kids story. It's a 'We never Get Over Mom's Murder and Our Dad can't get out of the generational trauma cycle but we're determined to get outta it' commentary on how the Targs can't escape the doom but we sure as shit can try and also constantly cyclical parents mistakes and cunty awesome cloaks and headgear. It's OC-centric, but these OCs fit in the world so incredibly well. When watching the show or going back to reading F&B, I find myself confused why Yorick, Ella, and Aemon aren't featured like they should be. Who are these people riding Silverwing and Vermithor! That's not Ella and Aemon!

I'll Be Yours for a Song - Daryl Dixon x Beth Green by dynamicsymmetry - does this use have a tumblr? Anyway, the shining light from back when I used to watch TWD. Daryl and Beth small town AU with no zombies and it's so perfect. It's so aching. It's so good. Also Demi!Daryl is so important to me. Give me more Demi and Ace rep.

Aesthetic Chills - Eddie Munson x Chrissy Cunningham by @sloelimbs - One of the first Stranger Things fics I read. Chrissy Lives AU that goes down a fantastic new path that I cannot recommend enough. Killing Moon plays in my head already on the regular and this even more.

The Darkening Sky - Richard Winters x OC by @mercurygray - so I don't go here but Merc has been working on this amazing story for FOUR DAMN YEARS and she finally finished it this year. Merc knows the ins and out of the time period she writes in and the characters she breathes such wonderful life into. If you want something exciting, women centric, and incredibly well written, check out this Band of Brothers story. Merc also has a whole list of OCs she plays with, including Masters of the Air, House of the Dragon, Lord of the Rings, and many other fandoms!

Fire on the Mountain - Otto Hightower x OC by @ewanmitchellcrumbs - I'm so proud of Ange for stepping out of her comfort zone and starting to craft a whole new story with such a fully realized OC. It's hard and it's scary and she's doing a wonderful job. I hope more people fall in love with Lia like I have.

Be My Savior and I'll Be Your Downfall - Frank Castle x Karen Page by PunkyNemo - Will this story come back from war? I hope so, as Part 3 is still incomplete but there's two more stories in there that are! I just need more Kastle in my life.

A Knight's Watch - Jon Snow x Sansa Stark by DolorousEdditor - I'm STILL working through this monster fic holy hell but it's just so fun, so good, a fantastic AU where Jon never joins the Night's Watch.

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Fic rec for my BFF, pt. 1

My best friend is currently watching 9-1-1. I've been trying to get her onboard the Buddie ship and she is graciously tolerating me. She's asked for some fic recs and so this is what I came up with! I did have to work with a few parameters to fit her taste, the most important one being nothing post season 3 cause that's where she's up to and she didn't want spoilers.

Hope you enjoy these bestie!

Canon to Canon Divergent

Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briar / @cal-daisies-and-briars 

Canon S1-S6, S7 Spec | 123/? | 379K | Mature

This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

THE canon fics to end all canon fics. I know it's still a WIP and it spans up to post-S6, but if you want a canon fic, that's the one to go for.

Leading with the Left by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels 

Canon Divergent, Different First Meeting, Stripper Buck | 84K | Explicit

When Buck said he was a "bartender" in "South America" what he actually meant was "stripper" in "Mexico." And when Eddie said, "What's your problem?" what he actually meant was, "Is this about the time you gave me a lap dance?" In other words, there's a few things the 118 doesn't know about Buck. Or Eddie. Or Buck and Eddie's relationship.

One of my most re-read fics. The smut is impeccable. The angst is so good. Absolutely love this fic!

Your Scars and Your Lonely Heart by Taste_is_Sweet

Sentinels AU, Canon Divergent - Tsunami | 82K | Teen

Clara Williams just wanted to visit Pacific Park during her layover in Los Angeles. She never expected to find a young, exceptional Sentinel dying for lack of a bond. Actually, what she really never expected was a tsunami, or the same Sentinel to save her life. But Clara's a Guide, so now she's on a mission to keep Evan "Buck" Buckley alive until she can get him to Eddie Diaz, the Guide who should have bonded with him, but didn't. Because Clara can't bond with Buck, no matter how much she wants to. There's just one problem: Buck's convinced Eddie doesn't want him, and he might not survive long enough to find out the truth.

Another one of my most re-read fics! I had never read a Sentinels AU before and I fell in love with the concept!

the distance to the stars by cloudydaisies 

Didn't Know They Were Dating, Post-S3 | 27K | General

“Didn’t know you were seeing someone.” Buck just laughs. Like, honest to god giggles. Eddie is stuck fighting off doubly massive waves of butterflies and confusion, all while Buck just gazes down at him. “That’s cute,” he hears Buck mumble, just before climbing into the truck, calling Eddie after him. - or, everyone knows eddie is dating buck except for eddie, literally.

Don't know if you knew this, Marie, but Buddie is the #1 most tagged ship in the "Didn't Know They Were Dating" tag cause they're such idiots <3 and this is one of my favorite ones!

the weekly bet (but the forever kind) by theleftboobgrabber/ @theleftboobgrabber 

Late S3, Getting Together | 49K | Explicit

“Thanks,” Eddie mumbles, hiding his face deep in his pillow, even if Buck can’t see him in the dark. “What for?” Leave it to Buck to be confused about something so obvious. “Being you, idiot.” “And again with the name calling,” he answers, content and sleepy. Nights like this, Eddie feels like asking for a miracle. But to the team, it wasn’t a matter of if Abby would take him back, but when. A matter of days. When the squad bets on how long it will take for Buck and Abby to get back together when she comes back to LA, Eddie is forced to reconsider keeping his feelings for Buck a secret.

Top tier pining + oblivious Eddie = 👌

Always, All Ways by ashavahishta/ @tevankinkley

A/B/O AU | 85K | Explicit

“Buck is very dear, Mr Diaz. Not only to me but to the pack. You’ll find that if you treat him with anything less than utmost respect you’ll have a lot of people to answer to.”   Eddie swallowed. It was clear that in the absence of a mate, this omega had found himself a very protective pack. “Understood, sir.” Or: Buck’s the only omega in the 118. He’s got secrets, and walls a mile high. Eddie’s the alpha determined to knock them down.

There's not a ton of A/B/O fics in this fandom, and I should really try to read more of them, but this is probably my favorite one so far!

I Hit the Accelerator (But the Car was in Reverse) by extasiswings/@extasiswings, letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/@letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

S3, Friends With Benefits, BDSM | 68K | Explicit

When Buck is forced to confront the truth about his breakup with Abby, having casual sex with his hot new coworker seems like the best rebound idea. Unfortunately, that hot new coworker turns into his best friend. But best friends can keep having sex with each other, right? There's no way this could possibly go wrong.

THE friends with benefits fic! (ok lbr there's a ton of great ones, but this one is S2 focused iirc)

AUs

My Blood on Your Skin (My Rose on Your Snow) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

Mythological AU, BDSM | 80K | Explicit

When Eddie needs cash and fast to take care of Christopher, his LAFD Academy buddy suggests a job as a bouncer at Elysium - an exclusive sex club in downtown Los Angeles. Eddie doesn't care what goes on there, so long as he's paid, but he finds he cares a lot bout the club's enigmatic owner, Evan Buckley, and it's not long before the two of them are violating every boss-employee rule in the book. But there's something different about Buck and the club, something not quite... human. If Eddie wants to keep Buck, he's going to have to delve into the world of immortals, and all the risks that implies.

You can expect amazing smut by this author as always, but also really interesting worldbuilding and characters!

All My Shattered Oaths by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

Vampires AU | 107K | Explicit

Eddie wants to stay away from his family’s legacy and give his son a normal life. Buck’s desperate to find a way to get over the love he lost. Fate has other plans for both of them.

SO GOOD. The canon divergent reincarnation vampire AU you didn't know you needed!!!

a bleeding sun on a silver screen by rarakiplin (gmontys)/ @hoediaz 

Actors AU, Friends With Benefits | 130K | Mature

One day, Buck will tell an interviewer that he would be happy to make movies with Eddie Diaz until the day he dies. But first, years before that, he sees Eddie for the first time on the set of Chimney’s fifth movie.

An epic tale of movie making and enemies to friends to FWB to strangers to lovers!

The Truth of Love (Amas Veritas) by allyasavedtheday/ @littlespoonevan

Practical Magic AU | 20K | Teen

Bobby opens his mouth like he wants to argue but decides against it. “Walk me through the logic here then. How will this make sure you never fall in love?” “Because I’m making someone who doesn’t exist,” Buck explains, glancing from the half-full bowl to Bobby. He can’t work out what the look on Bobby’s face means so he pointedly elects to ignore it. “They’ll have brown hair,” he starts, clipping another petal from the rose bush. “And brown eyes-“ “Lotta people out there with brown hair and brown eyes, kid,” Bobby says lightly and Buck rolls his eyes. “But not many that can ride a horse backwards,” Buck counters. “And whose favourite shape is a star and who’s got…two scars,” he decides, plucking a basil leaf and dropping it in the bowl. “One on each shoulder.”

Because Practical Magic AUs always make me think of you <3

I'll Scrawl it on Every Wall I See by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

Canon Divergent, You've Got Mail Fusion | 29K | Teen

When Eddie joins the 118, he and Buck don't exactly hit it off on the right foot. Or continue to walk on the right foot. In fact they kind of can't stand each other. Good thing they each have a beloved anonymous pen pal to share their daily woes with, someone completely unlike their insufferable coworker.

I do love some good romcom vibes!

[thevindicativevordan]

Thoughts on “Superman and Lois” now that the show is over?

Not too surprised it's taken a while for someone to ask me about S&L S4. Between the upcoming Gunn reboot and MAWS, this show seems to have been squeezed out of the spotlight.

First a brief note on the series as a whole. Superman & Lois was a solid adaption of the characterizations and approach of the Triangle Era. Most of the diehard fans of the show that I've seen on social media are likewise big fans of the Triangle Era. For them this was their show, the Superman of Byrne/Jurgens/Loeb finally adapted in a way they enjoyed. As someone who does not rate that era as highly, this was never going to be my dream Superman show. I went in with the mindset that this was still a CW show with teenage leads. It was going to be annoying and outright cringe in certain areas, but as long as we got at least one good Superman or Lois segment per episode (and John Henry Irons too once he joined), I would keep watching. Credit to the creators, I thought they consistently delivered on that. Now as for the final season

Hoechlin and Tulloch were fantastic throughout the entire series, even when the material they had to work with was sloppy at times. Hoechlin's final speech where he narrates the rest of Clark's life tug on the old heart strings a bit, I can't lie. Tulloch really got put through hell this season, but I loved when she was always standing up to Lex and giving him a verbal lashing whenever she could. Right now I have them both at #2 in my personal rankings list for their respective characters.

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Wole Parks is my favorite Steel actor of all time. Yeah I know that the bar was in hell but damnit he still did a great job. Road to getting there was a mess but I did like seeing the JHI/Lana relationship adapted outside of comics. Since they got married here maybe we actually will see that marriage happen in the comics. Encouraging to think it might have some staying power after all. If I have one major complaint it's that they apparently built the perfect Steel suit and never let him actually wear it! WTF this is why "earning" the comic accurate look is such bs. Give the man his proper power armor with s-shield and cape! Ugh what could have been, he should've had that suit in S3 at the latest...

Michael Cudlitz might have displaced Rosenbaum as my favorite Lex, I'm not sure. I've been getting more and more disenchanted with "sympathetic villains" and having Lex here be an utterly reprehensible monster driven by spite and petty hate resonated with me. Hoult will probably end up taking the number 1 spot either way, but at least I'll have three good Lexs in my top three rankings.

Jon finally got powers, apparently they were going to drag that out until the final season no matter what? For that reason alone I'm almost glad they had to wrap things up in four seasons. I was getting majorly fatigued by the sibling drama and was glad they finally put that crap to bed. I had wondered if they would recreate S1 with Jon vs. Jordan as a full circle moment for Kal vs. Tal. But I guess that would have been too dark for this show, and as much of a selfish dick as Jordan could be, I couldn't see him turning murderous towards his twin at this point anyway. When Sam died to save Clark I figured that would be the only Kent Family death of the season.

Yeah I did like the final sequence where we got to see the Kents expand into a massive family, no way were they deliberately adapting it but my headcanon is something like PKJ's Future Stare House of El did exist in the far future.

Glad that the show went out on a high note in a way that satisfied the fanbase it had built. Could easily have ended up like The Flash, limping across the finish line with everyone glad to see it go. While I have no doubt there were some who felt the same way towards S&L, this at least got a proper ending to it's plot threads. Unlike Smallville or L&C I don't think S&L will have much impact on the Superman Mythos. It came after the Golden Age of Superhero TV had already ended, overshadowed by the endless swerves in direction of the film side, and MAWS is the Superman series that I foresee being the entry point for the younger generations. After Snyder left the character facedown in the dirt, this show picked Superman up, dusted him off, and hopefully put him in position for Gunn and MAWS to let him soar to new heights. For a CW show that is a far greater accomplishment than I expected.

[dangermousie]

Top Dozen 2023 drama MLs so far

It's August, so not the end of the year, neither it is at halfway year mark, but why would I ever do anything like a normal person? Here my very very subjective list. I have limited myself to one dude per drama or LYF would be half the list. No order except alphabetical.

Chen Wende (Sun Yizhou in Gone With the Rain, China)

The epic troll lord stole the whole drama as competently as he stole the FL's heart. He was competent and adult and oh-so-amused by but also gone for the heroine.

Gu Jiusi (Bai Jing Ting in Chang Feng Du/Destined, China)

CFD lost steam for me halfway through but Jiusi's character remained a delight throughout and BJT gave a great performance as a golden boy who went through a bunch of hell and grew up but remained goodnatured at heart.

Han Dong Jin (Kim Young Kwang in Call It Love, Korea)

You know, he and Jing (from LYF1) really fit the same mold even if one is in a mellow realistic modern and another in xianxia - lovely traumatized people from monster families who win over heroine with a metric ton of baggage through sheer unswerving decency. I have a type.

Jang Uk (Lee Jae Wook in Alchemy of Souls s2, Korea)

I loved Uk in S1 and S2 continued that love - he's so intense, so grieving, so still in love with Naksu. LJW is always a good actor so it's such a pleasure to see him in a good role.

Kim Do Ha (Hwang Min Hyun, My Lovely Liar, Korea)

The year of surprises - Minhyun, who I found utterly wooden in AoS stole my heart here as this hopeful, traumatized sweetheart of a man.

Kim Moo Chan (Park Hae Jin, The Killing Vote, Korea)

Yeah, we are only one ep in but who said anything about this list was objective? PHJ brings his usual unsettling intensity to the role of a cop who breaks all the rules and teeters on the edge and now is set to catch a killer who really only differs from him in a matter of degree.

Lee Jang Hyun (Nam Goong Min in My Dearest, Korea)

If I had to pick a favorite ML from this list, it would be between him and Jing (LYF). This is basically if you took Rhett Butler and took out slavery and rape but gave him a sword. The character is complex and nuanced and NGM is giving his usual incredible performance.

Lee Rang (Kim Bum in Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938, Korea)

I was not a Rang fangirl for most of the original (even if he was well-acted; and he did win me over by the end) but I fell for him head over heels in this sequel/prequel/spin-off. I am so happy the man who believed he had nobody and was abandoned by everybody ends the story with his beloved brother and his beloved woman, both.

Moon Seo Ha (Ahn Bo Hyun in See You in My 19th Life, Korea)

A lot of MLs on this list have serious trauma and haunted by it and can't let go of their past love (I have a type) but even by those standards, Seo Ha was such a lovely, quiet person slowly healing.

Tantai Jin (Luo Yunxi in Till the End of the Moon, China)

Abuse victim/monster/praiseworthy king/xianxia saint/man on the brink - LYX portrayed a character in multiple timelines and many different complexities and did it amazingly. Tantai Jin may or may not win my favorite place on this list, but his performance was hands-down the most glorious thing this year.

Tushan Jing/Ye Shiqi (Deng Wei in Lost You Forever part 1, China)

If before LYF aired someone would have told me that a character played by Deng Wei, an actor I've always found eminently forgettable, would make it on this list and be in the running to win the whole thing actually, I'd have wondered what weird reality they came from. They somehow managed to make someone genuinely good and kind not in the least boring; I am ridiculously invested in the man who managed to keep his soul after all he's been through.

Yun Xiang (Chen Xiao in The Ingenuous One, China)

A schemer on a revenge quest, smarter than anyone else in the room but helpless in front of love. Yun Xiang was an adult in an adult story for adults and it was glorious.