#as of rn this is the longest fic I've ever written

[rosewvlf]

‘Tis Folly to Be Wise

Pairing: Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler

Summary: The Doctor hides his feelings so well he doesn’t actually hide them at all. Or... Three Times Something Almost Probably (Not Really) Happened and One Time It Most Certainly Did

13.5k words - Jealousy, Pining, Mutual Pining, Meddling TARDIS, First Kiss, Love Confessions

Tagging @doctorroseprompts because, while I don’t remember what inspired this in the first place, I do know that I wrote it after browsing through your prompts hehe

Ao3

The first time it happened they were on a visit to the Powell estate. Rose was with Mickey and the pair had retreated farther into the flat to lounge in her room, leaving the Doctor to fend for himself in a conversation against her mum. 

In the face of Jackie’s relentless chatter and suspiciously in-depth gossip, the Doctor could actually feel himself physically deteriorating. His time sense was ridiculously revved-up, making every second that passed especially grating. He quietly mourned the loss of trillions of cells in his body, celebrated the birth of new ones, and contemplated how much more time it would take until the sheer domesticity of it all would force him into his next regeneration.

He was reaching the fragile, frayed edge of his patience when Jackie traded the inane chatter for something even worse: questions. Increasingly personal questions. Not insightful, curious questions about relevant and engaging things like the kind Rose usually provided during their adventures, but useless, baseless questions that weren’t really questions at all. Such as: “You wanna tell me what you get up to in that blue box of yours?” and “How alien are you really?” and “I know how you feel about my daughter, Doctor, I’m not blind—do you honestly think you can hide something like that from me?”

They were all questions that gave the Doctor embarrassingly red ears and a horrific need to run, and if he held on for any longer, he would just end up sprinting out of the flat at full speed. So, without answering a single question, he got up, striding from the living room at an impressive pace. Upon his disruption Jackie leapt from her perch on the couch and shot him one last inquiry—”Where are you going?!”—sounding very, very offended.

That one he had to answer. He could feel it in the ghost of a handprint on his cheek. 

Antsy, the Doctor just flashed her a grin and spit out an excuse about how he suddenly remembered having left the TARDIS oven on. He was leaving to get Rose because, for some odd reason, she was the only one able to turn it back off. And, oh, such a shame—TARDIS oven ordeals usually last a few days or so at the least. Imagine that!

“How convenient,” Jackie said, narrowing her eyes.

“You think?” the Doctor replied, feigning innocence. “Figured ‘inconvenient��� would’ve been the word.”

Jackie sighed, but she didn’t protest when he turned around for the second time. As he traveled the short distance over to Rose’s room, he could hear Jackie behind him, muttering something about rudeness and Martians from outer space. He didn’t comment because he knew she couldn’t possibly be talking about him.

The Doctor reached Rose’s room in no time and promptly burst through the door. It wasn’t locked, so he assumed he didn’t have anything to worry about.

He was wrong.

Laying on the bed, knees dangling off the edge, was Mickey, looking at the Doctor with a particularly harried and adequately startled expression. On top of him, straddling his sides with her hands wedged deep underneath his shirt, was Rose. She looked gorgeously flushed and her hair was slightly tousled, as if fresh from a physically demanding activity. Upon seeing the Doctor, the teasing smile that graced her lips slowly fell away.

He clearly caught them in the middle of something.

Distantly, the Doctor registered the odd sensation of his jaw dropping. Then his eyes locked on Rose’s and the atmosphere became super-charged, creating a catalyst that broke through their frozen states. The shock on Rose’s face rapidly dissolved into mortification.

“Doctor!” she cried, and her voice was panting, breathless. “We—me an’ Mickey, we were—”

The Doctor’s eyes fell from hers and rather obviously landed on her hands, still tucked underneath Mickey’s shirt and clutching at his bare skin. Rose followed the motion and blushed hotly, ripping her hands away before scooting back. Mickey, all of a sudden rather dazed, sat up, watching Rose and the Doctor with weary interest.

“It was just—” Rose began again, but the Doctor interrupted. This encounter was going places he really didn’t want it to.

“No, don’t. I… can… piece things together,” he said.

Her face went a shade almost as violently pink as her room. “It’s probably not what you think it is!”

“Never said anything, me. Sorry for, uh, interrupting.” The Doctor moved to close the door but Rose shot up from the bed and stopped him with a hand on the opposite doorknob and a very hard look.

“Really, Doctor. Not what you think, ” Rose swore.

Behind her, Mickey piped up, a smirk on his face. “Yeah, it might be worse.”

“No, don’t listen to him—”

“What? S’nothin’ to be ashamed of. And,” he added, biting his cheek to keep from laughing, “you looked like you were enjoyin’ it earlier.”

“Mickey!” she snapped. “Oh my god! Shut. It.”

He bristled. “Why? What do you care if he knows?”

“I don’t! I just—I just don’t like misunderstandings—”

“But why does this misunderstanding even matter?”

Rose’s grip on the doorknob tightened and she tore her eyes from Mickey to quickly glance at the Doctor. She opened her mouth to say something, but she hesitated for a second too long.

“Y’know what? Don’t answer that,” Mickey said, scowling. He flopped backwards onto the bed and stuck his arms behind his head, eyes fixed resolutely to the ceiling.

Rose deflated. “Mickey...” she sighed, trailing off.

The Doctor shifted in place. When he opened the door to Rose’s room, he had no intention of becoming the key to their little lover’s spat. It left him feeling itchy, with pinpricks of discomfort poking through his skin like little goosebumps. He placed a hand on Rose’s shoulder and leant in. 

“I’ll leave you two alone,” he said. Rose reacted quickly, and, just as he was pulling away, she grabbed a fistfull of his leather jacket.

“Come off it. You’re not leaving until you tell me what you came in here for.”

“Not important, sorry. Just pretend I was never here.”

“Too late for that,” Rose sighed. “You ever hear of knocking?”

The Doctor spared a glance in Mickey’s direction. “Didn’t think it would be necessary.”

“A young couple shut up all cozy in a bedroom, Doctor?” Mickey asked, piping up again. He was still staring at the ceiling. “Thought you were some sorta genius.”

Rose let out a groan and buried her face in her hands. The Doctor opened his mouth to say something, but closed it quickly instead. Sensing the bitter undercurrent in Mickey’s tone, something equally bitter sparked up inside him. He decided he really didn’t want to hear any more of this.

“Think I’ll leave you two alone,” he said. Rose quickly lifted her head. She moved to stop him from leaving again, but the Doctor spoke before she could protest. “Just… Get back to whatever it was you two were doing. I’ll wait in the TARDIS.”

Concern creased her brow, concern that the Doctor immediately misinterpreted. He told her not to worry. He could wait. “Take your time,” he said. Then he paused, glancing at Mickey for the slightest second. “Though, with a bloke like him… Might not need it,” he added, under his breath. 

Rose must have heard him. Her eyes widened and, just for a second, her grip on the door fell slack.

Later, the Doctor ignored Jackie’s questioning look when he stalked out of the flat without Rose in tow and ignored, much less successfully, his own churning thoughts. To keep from thinking about Rose, her idiot boyfriend, and why he, for some reason, loathed the thought of them in her bedroom alone, he settled in to tinker with the TARDIS.

He only had to wait a little over seven minutes before she met him in the console room, looking not the slightest bit pleased. 

“Finished already?” he asked, weak against that childish part of him. She rolled her eyes.

“Oh, stuff it,” she sighed, plopping onto the jump seat. 

Guess he was right.

The second time it happened they were fresh from Van Statten’s bunker and accompanied by a new, rather pretty, guest. Adam was what the Doctor would consider the presumptuous child prodigy type: steeped in supposedly above average intelligence and unaware of his own limited scope of the universe. He was cocksure, convinced in his own judgement. He wasn’t someone the Doctor would’ve personally chosen to serve as a companion, but he relented because Rose took an interest in him.

Oh, an interest… There was definitely some sort of subtext in that. The Doctor could see it in the way they drifted coyly around each other, smiling, voices low. He knew it. But everyone was tired and the adventure was over, so he decided to ignore it. It wasn’t his business and he really wasn’t in the mood to antagonize Rose’s new boyfriend. Yet.

The Doctor was more concerned about the Dalek; about what it did to him and what he almost did in return. Something in him shifted during and after the war. It changed him and while he, at least, acknowledged that, he didn’t notice how much he’d changed or precisely what he changed into until the Dalek escaped. He became rather hopeless—almost akin to a monster—in his loneliness and grief… Broken by the loss of his people, he was wrathful and unforgiving. Vengeful. Militaristic, in a way. He loathed guns and what they represented in every life he led, yet there he had been: ready to fire even as his precious companion defiantly stood her ground. 

Rose saved him. She did the impossible: she showed a Dalek compassion, commanded it, and lived.

He risked the entire universe for her.

Back in the TARDIS, the Doctor figured that the best, and soonest, way to start shocking Adam off of his high horse was to let Rose give him a tour. With a dimensionally transcendental, absolutely beautiful, thoroughly marvellous time ship like his? Surely, Adam stood no chance. The boy was about to have his horizons broadened.

Rose disappeared down the corridors with Adam following dazedly behind, and once the Doctor could no longer hear their voices, he made his way to his own quarters. He hadn’t slept in weeks, really, and despite his best efforts his fatigue was finally catching up with him. He was overdue for a rest.

The Doctor managed to shed his leather jacket and remove his jumper before he heard conversation floating through the hallway and seeping into his room. Confused, he briefly consulted his knowledge of the TARDIS’s current layout. It didn’t make sense; his room was nowhere near any of the areas Rose had in mind for the tour. He should have been spared from their flirting for at least a few more hours. 

That meant Rose either deviated from her plans or… or the TARDIS did some remodeling.

The voices in the hallway suddenly shifted in tone. They sounded lower, as if spoken in greater proximity to each other, and more… urgent. The Doctor felt himself tense. Adam’s voice was a murmur, placating, unintelligible yet insistent. Rose’s voice was harried, almost strained, bordering on breathless.

Were they really…? Outside the Doctor’s own room?

Yeah, no.

The Doctor quickly slipped his jumper back on and opened his door.

“Oi, you two, shouldn’t you be—“ he began, stepping out, but then his voice died as he took in the sight before him.

Rose stood braced against one of the coral pillars lining the halls of the TARDIS, a fresh, pink blush tinting her cheeks. In front of her, torso inches from her own, stood Adam, one hand on her hip and the other beside her head, bearing his weight upon the coral. Her own hands were against his chest, the position undeniably intimate.

Adam hadn’t noticed the Doctor’s entrance, even as intrusive as it was, so the Time Lord got to witness the young man’s hand snake higher up her torso, watch as he leaned in to whisper in Rose’s ear. His whisper made her shiver, his lips ghosting over her skin. The Doctor’s hearts grew cold.

Oblivious Adam. Foolish, arrogant, oblivious Adam.

It was Rose who noticed him first. As soon as she caught sight of the Doctor, surprise colored her cheeks a deeper red and she reflexively pushed Adam away, causing him to stumble off her with a comical oof and a confused look. Adam turned to follow Rose’s eyes and paled.

“D-Doctor, what’re—wasn’t your room…“ Rose stammered.

“No, ‘fraid not. It’s right here, apparently. Huh, fancy that,” he said, punctuating the statement with an obviously faked intrigued perusal of his surroundings. “And you two were… canoodling right in front of it. Great choice. Nothin’ short of amazing, that,” the Doctor frowned. “I could hear you right through the door. Wasn’t gonna say anything, me, but I was gettin’ ready for bed.”

“I—I’m sorry—“ Adam piped up, genuinely remorseful, but the Doctor waved him away.

The Doctor’s words were casual and reassuring, but his face looked… How would one describe it? Like the subdued sky before a rainstorm. A countenance as confounding and contradictory as the man himself. 

“Oh, don’t worry! What am I, her keeper? Don’t let this daft old fool stop you. Do whatever you two want, but do it somewhere else,” he said. He intoned the last line with only an ounce more gravity than his usual amiable lilt, but Rose, clever and perceptive as always, caught it regardless. She bristled.

It must’ve been the fatigue, the Doctor thought. It must’ve been the ordeal with the Dalek, because he was having a harder time than usual accepting her galavanting off with some pretty boy tonight. It must’ve been her bravery, glistening golden in her eyes when she stood up to him earlier. It must’ve been the lingering memory of her arms around him, deep down in that bunker, soothing the bitter pain of the entire encounter, that kept him from maintaining that breezy indifference of his.

Did Rose see it? That blossoming, unwarranted jealousy of his? Could she see that careful shade of green in his eyes?

It must’ve been ugly.

Noticing Rose’s tense stance, the Doctor rapidly slapped a smile on his face and upped the ante on his façade.

“Well, sorry for ruining the mood. Selfish, me. How about you two get on your way—“ he gently nudged both of them forward with one hand each on either of their backs—“and I can get a couple hours rest. Sound good?”

Rose found her voice. “Doctor, wait, listen! I wasn’t gonna let Adam—“

Adam shot her a hurt look, and Rose faltered, the words dying upon her lips. The Doctor witnessed her momentary lapse and interpreted it as embarrassment.

“No need to be shy, Rose. You, Aiden, what’re you looking so down for? Don’t need explainin’ to, me, so go jaunting off all you like,” he beamed. 

He’d gotten the guy’s name wrong on purpose. 

Adam’s frown deepened and protests lay dogpiled upon Rose’s lips, but the Doctor pulled away, having shooed them far enough. He was quick to get rid of them, quick to hide, but he paused beside his bedroom door, one hand on the door knob.

When Rose turned around, perhaps to stop him once more, the Doctor flashed her a small smile. Exhaustion muted the blue of his eyes. 

“Good night, Rose,” he said. 

Her love life was none of his business, after all.

The third time it happened, Jack had been aboard for more than a few days.

Jack. Now, Jack was certainly something. 

He managed to charm Rose, which wouldn’t be too terribly strange since he was most definitely her type, but then he managed to charm the Doctor too, and he definitely wasn’t his type. Jack Harkness, although very unconventional and by all means someone the Doctor would’ve gladly initially brushed off, proved himself to be a good man, a strong ally, and downright clever as well. Irritatingly flirtatious habits aside, he was a fantastic companion and a good friend.

He was the kind of man the Doctor knew would make Rose perfectly happy, and protect her, too. Give her that bit of adventure her free spirit craved while still keeping her safe. He was someone who suited her more than some barmy nine hundred year old alien, at least.

So it shouldn’t have hit him as hard as it did when he walked into them one rare, lazy Earth-hour afternoon, lounging in the media room. 

It wasn’t like all the other times he’d walked in on Rose with one of her little human boyfriends. Those instances were dripping with hints of sexual frustration and dipped in improper quantities of proximity; they were clear indications of youth, textbook examples of what the Time Lords would’ve considered an aspect of their primitive, human natures. No, this… It was sweet. Singular in its intimacy, almost. Special. 

Rose was sitting on the sofa, adorned only in fuzzy, animal-print pajama bottoms and a comfy old t-shirt. Her hair was clipped up carelessly in a low bun, and, right along with her, stretched leisurely across the expanse of their seat, was Jack, dressed down in his own borrowed jimjams. His head was cushioned in her lap and he smiled up at her, grinning salaciously. Undoubtedly, he was enticing her with another crude joke or compliment, and it must’ve been working because she was laughing her usual beautiful, brilliant laughter. She ran her hands through his hair with one hand as she jokingly, lightly, smacked his arm with the other. In front of them, on the TARDIS’s telly, some cheesy alien romcom from the seventy-sixth century tried its best to put on a show, only to be met with deaf ears. Caught up in each other, they hardly paid attention to it.

They only managed to snap out of it when the Doctor plopped himself on the armchair next to them. 

They both greeted him warmly, smiles on their faces. The Doctor’s chest ached at their happiness, equal parts affection and melancholy, and he greeted them back. They looked like a pretty picture he shouldn’t have disturbed. Walking in the room, he was tempted to turn around, to pretend he didn’t see a thing, but at the same time, he wanted to stick himself right in. Wanted the image to shatter as much as he wanted it framed.

“Having fun, then?” he teased.

“You’re finally here,” Rose enthused. “Jack, tell the Doctor what you just told me. The story! C’mon!” she poked his cheek imploringly, and Jack chuckled, sitting up.

“Anything for you, Rosie,” Jack winked, before turning to face the Doctor and motioning him to lean closer. “This one’s a wild one, Doc, you sure you can take it?”

The Doctor sniffed, humorously feigning indignance. “You’re asking me?”

“Hey, playing it safe, y’know? Wouldn’t wanna arouse your fragile sensibilities,” Jack grinned.

Rose cut in. “You? Playin’ it safe? Jack, you’re almost as bad as the Doctor,” she chuckled. “Playin’ it safe!”

“Oi! What d’you mean as bad as me?”

Rose offered the slighted Time Lord a saucy grin as his only answer before she nudged Jack with her elbow. “Just do like you always do and dive right into it, Jack.”

“My, oh my, Doc, if I didn’t know any better I’d say our Rose is feeling pretty cheeky today.”

She dropped her head on Jack’s shoulder, chuckling. “‘M just happy, that’s all. Still laughin’ from when you told me,” Rose said. She peeked out, her cheek resting on the fabric of Jack’s shirt. “An’ excited,” she smiled, “to spend the time in together like normal mates for once.”

“We spend every day together,” the Doctor said, puzzled. He envied Jack for a moment, having Rose cling to him so casually, so comfortably. In his armchair, the Doctor was too far to effortlessly reach.

Rose lifted her head from Jack’s shoulder and shook it. “Oh, don’t get me wrong, Doctor, runnin’ from near-death experiences every waking hour and collapsing on the grating when we’re back in the TARDIS is fun and all, but… Like, yeah, it’s gorgeous, the running, keeps me fit—“

“Very fit,” Jack nodded sagely, and Rose smacked him.

“—but sometimes I just wanna sit with you in front of the telly, yeah? Talkin’ and just… Enjoyin’ each others’ presence and all.”

The Doctor didn’t know what to say, so he defaulted to a more automatic response. “Sounds awfully domestic to me,” he said.

Rose scoffed, waving him away. “Oh, I just knew you’d say that,” she sighed. She didn’t seem all that upset, but it was clear that she bore just a hint of disappointment. “You get what I’m sayin’ though, don’t you, Jack?”

“Crystal clear, sweetheart,” Jack said. “Some R&R: rest and recuperation.”

“Yep,” Rose nodded.

“Humans,” the Doctor snorted, starting to feel a bit rejected. “Don’t you lot get plenty of ‘R&R’ every night? Sleepin’ half of your lives away, you are.”

“Rest and recreation, rather,” Jack amended.

“You never had a weekend in, Doctor?” Rose asked. “Where you just muck about in the TARDIS for a day or two?”

The Doctor frowned. Was this some sort of roundabout method of telling him they were tired? That they wanted to go back home? But, no, that couldn’t have been it. They enjoyed themselves on his ship, he knew that much. 

“Why stay in when there’s an entire universe out there?” 

“Well…” Rose trailed off, unsure of how to phrase her argument.

The Doctor sighed. “How’s this, then? I know a few resort planets. Popular hotspots in each of their galaxies, perfect for a vacation, and I can get us reservations. No problem. If you want to be layabouts, might as well lounge in a place worth remembering.”

Jack looked intrigued at the prospect, and one look told the Doctor that he’d won the man over. However, while Rose looked tempted, she bit her lip, still appearing uncertain. 

“The TARDIS is a place worth rememberin’, Doctor,” she said.

The Doctor paused, eyes widening. “That’s—That’s not… She is. You’re right; unforgettable, my TARDIS, but… Oh, you know what I mean, Rose.” 

Accidentally insulting his own precious timeship was the last thing he was trying to do. Give it to Rose Tyler, always seeing and hearing what he couldn’t. Even when it came out of his own mouth. 

Still, Rose wasn’t satisfied. “Yeah, I get what you mean, but you don’t get what I mean. Time alone. Does that sound familiar?” She sighed again, leaning into Jack’s side. In response, however unconsciously, Jack draped a lazy arm over Rose’s shoulder. “Quality time together? Without all those distracting disasters the universe likes to throw at us for some reason?”

The Doctor eyed their intimate positions and felt something rotten rise within him once again. An unsightly sensation, growing increasingly familiar as the days grew by, cut into his skin from the inside out like small, prickly thorns. The Doctor never dared to let that weed of an emotion grow, never let it encompass the burnt, barren garden of his hearts, but it came close every time. Grown from the tiniest, most inconsequential seeds, the Doctor could only feel shame in their propensity to take root. Jack’s arm, draped so casually over Rose’s shoulder, almost like it belonged, and Rose, leaning into him with such picturesque comfort, provided the perfect nutrients for an ugly, bitter fruit.

It struck the Doctor then, that perhaps Rose was arguing for all of this as a means of requesting, as politely and discreetly as she could, the Doctor’s aid. Some alone time with the Time Agent. Some quality time with the man she loved, hidden away within the TARDIS’s winding corridors. Away from uncomfortable alien eyes.

The thought sharpened the thorns to a fine tapered point. It cut. It bled.

Yet it had no right to.

The Doctor nodded as if he finally understood and gently smiled. An idea came to light in his mind. “Of course it sounds familiar, Rose.”

Rose straightened, hopeful. “Yeah?”

“Absolutely! In fact—” the Doctor’s tone shifted, like he was a stereotypical salesman offering an irresistible deal—”why don’t we spend the next forty-eight hours right here? A weekend in. I’ll keep the TARDIS parked in the Vortex for just a little while longer,” he said.

“That’s great!” Rose beamed, bright and blinding.

“Now, that’s what I’m talking about, Doc!” Jack laughed. “I knew you’d get it.”

Rose scooted back, patting the unoccupied side of the sofa, free of Jack’s sprawled form. “C’mon, sit here,” she said, “let’s watch some trashy intergalactic telly.” Her grin was teasing and inviting, with a bit of her tongue poking through her teeth, and the Doctor almost wavered from his newfound resolution.

Ah, but Jack’s arm was still around her. His fingers tapped a silent rhythm upon her shoulder, following the upbeat pomp of the ignored romcom’s ending theme song. A nice reminder. The Doctor knew better than to deprive his golden girl of her desires.

“‘Fraid not, Rose. Maybe next time,” he said. 

Her smile faltered. “Oh?”

“Yep, but don’t you worry. Just remembered I had a couple errands to run ‘round here for the ol’ girl.”

“Really?” Jack asked, sounding… skeptical. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“Well, the opportunity just never presented itself,” the Doctor said. “Now, I’ll just be on my way…“ He got up from his armchair to start making his way to the doors, but paused when he saw Rose and Jack rising too. He admonished them with a few stern tut’s. “Oh, sit down. I can handle them myself.”

“If they’re repairs, I can help—” Jack offered, but the Doctor shut him down.

“Been doing repairs myself for centuries, thanks. More than capable, me.”

“But—”

“Just keep cuddlin’ on the couch,” the Doctor chuckled, pushing them both back down with a hand on their shoulders. “I won’t be long. I’ll plonk this old bum down right next to you soon as I’m done.”

Rose hesitated. The Doctor could practically feel her suspicion himself, hear the uncertainty flickering through her mind. Luckily, it subsided.

“Alright…” she acquiesced. “Finish up soon, ‘kay? If you take too long, I’m makin’ you watch one of mum’s soaps.”

The Doctor shuddered. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

With one last word of parting, the Doctor waved good-naturedly and disappeared from the media room. He left the two newfound lovebirds perched on the couch, twin looks of unease plastered on their faces, but now… with plenty of time alone.

 The Doctor lied through his teeth. 

He had no plans of joining them on the sofa that twenty-four hours, or the next. He set an internal alarm, and for almost two full Earth days he was nowhere to be seen.

The Doctor cursed as he reached for a wrench and found it, once again, missing. Poking his head up from underneath one of the TARDIS’s supplementary heating systems (the one devoted, specifically, to maintaining and regulating the temperature of the heat-sensitive storage rooms and… the hot tubs, actually), he caught sight of it several meters away, perched precariously on the edge of an open grate. It looked ready to tip into the wiring below upon the slightest vibration.

This was the fifth time it’s gotten displaced, and it took a bit of searching to find it after every disappearance.

“Oh, let it go, will you?” the Doctor sighed, speaking to no one in particular. 

Save the very air around him, that is. 

The TARDIS was displeased with his actions lately, it seemed, and she displayed that displeasure readily, manipulating his entire environment. The lights overhead flickered for a moment before a sense of reproach eased into his mind. An obvious rejection.

A sentient, powerful, living remnant of his species’ most profound technological and scientific advancements… Fixated on passive-aggressive pranks.

“Unbelievable!” he muttered, carefully rescuing his wrench.

Forty hours have passed since the Doctor declared their little weekend in the Vortex, and he’d managed to avoid crossing paths with his two companions the entire time. Oh, it wasn’t easy. Certainly not. Especially since the TARDIS seemed particularly dead-set on thwarting his considerate efforts, rearranging her layout with a sadistic, labyrinthine intensity undoubtedly intended to purposefully confuse him. Tear away familiarity with his own ship, after all, and he’d be just as good as any fresh face that wanders aboard. It was a handicap, essentially. 

The TARDIS must’ve been utilizing enormous quantities of energy just to juggle him into one of his companion's arms. Rose the most often. But the Doctor was clever. The smartest higher-order thinker any side of any galaxy. He made do, of course.

He just didn’t expect to have to fight his own ship.

Suddenly, the Doctor startled. He heard footsteps thudding in the distance, somewhere down the left-most corridor.

Before everything, this room used to be a part of the lesser-traveled sections on his beloved ship. One of the sections visited for the occasional maintenance check at most, left in the TARDIS’s own care for the majority of the time. Now, it, and sections like it, experienced an exponential increase in foot traffic as they merged pathways with areas more suited to daily living.

The Doctor could hear familiar voices filtering in through the walls. Voices he missed a lot, as dull as the sentiment might’ve been.

However, he promised forty-eight hours. It was only a quarter past the fortieth and that simply would not do. He stepped forward, intent on escaping through the door farthest from them, but as his right foot met the grating… It sunk. The floor was loose beneath his foot and he came crashing forward, half of his lower body dumped straight into the circuitry beneath.

There was no way this wasn’t completely intentional. The Doctor cursed, and when he realize he couldn’t move his leg, tangled so deliberately as it was in metal and wires, he sent a strongly-worded, less-than-polite telepathic thank you in the TARDIS’s direction.

The lights merely flickered once again in response.

His fall wasn’t quiet. The voices of his companions, already steadily growing louder, responded to the raucous racket of his crash with excitement, and their even steps dissolved into heavy footfalls running to meet him.

Hands frantically plunging through every leather pocket for his sonic, the Doctor tried in vain to shake his leg free, only serving to further entangle him in his ship’s trap. One poorly direction’d shimmy had the Doctor wobbling, and his sonic screwdriver tumbled out of his grasp, past the depths encasing his leg, and down, deep into the unknown.

Fantastic.

Absolutely fantastic.

 “What do you have to say for yourself?” Rose admonished. With her hands on her hips, standing over him, her brows drawn in smoldering fury, she looked like a spitting image of her mother.

The Doctor only pursed his lips, looking away. He sat resolutely, with a rather stubborn, prideful air about him—not unlike the kind he’d usually adopt when wrongfully imprisoned—and his hands were tied securely behind his back. His sonic was nowhere in sight.

After Rose and Jack caught him with his metaphorical pants down, they encircled him like hawks. Both of his companions made sure to free him, but not without first ensuring his complete transfer into a different trap entirely; it wouldn’t suit all their hard work prior, searching for him with such resolute vigor, to have him escape as soon as they found him, after all. So they tied him up and led him into the next room over.

Ironically, it turned out to be the media room. The same place he’d left them before.

They plopped him down onto the sofa and Rose took charge, ignoring his indignant fussing.

“C’mon, then! Your excuse?”

He mumbled something unintelligible. From beside her, Jack shot the Doctor a look of pity yet carefully maintained his distance, seemingly content to just watch the events unfold.

“Sorry, didn’t quite catch that,” Rose said, anything but apologetic. She leaned forward, stern and unyielding. Strong woman, she was, Rose Tyler. Precisely the characteristic that, although now turned against him, had charmed the Doctor in the first place. When he didn’t repeat himself, she huffed. 

“I swear to God, Doctor, if you don’t start talkin’ I’m keeping you here and puttin’ my mum on the phone—”

The Doctor’s head snapped forward, eyes widening in terror. “No—”

“—An’ tellin’ her I’m pregnant.”

“No!” the Doctor gasped.

Rose pulled back, reaching into her jeans pocket to slip out her mobile. She flipped it open, staring at the screen in careful consideration before meeting the Doctor’s eyes. The message was clear. She was serious.

And Jackie was on speed dial.

“I’ll talk, I’ll talk, just—Rose, please,” the Doctor pleaded. Rassilon, the horror. 

“Please what?” she murmured, impassive. Her thumb toyed with a key on her mobile.

“I… I…”

“You, you…?”

“I was just tryin’ to help,” he finally managed.

“Help? That’s what you thought this was?” Rose asked, incredulous. “Help with what, Doctor? Abandoning us for two entire days—“

“Forty and a half hours,” the Doctor mumbled. She shot him a glare and he clamped his mouth back shut.

“Abandoning us for forty and a half hours,” she repeated, making it clear the distinction did not matter in the slightest, “after promising us a weekend together?”

“You got one, didn’t you?”

“Oh, yeah, right good weekend that was. Leavin’ us as soon as it started, talking ‘bout some stinkin’ errands.” She slipped her phone back in her pocket and a fraction of the Doctor’s tensity alleviated. “What errands? Errands my arse! You’ve just been hiding!”

“I had some!” the Doctor said, defensive. “I did!”

“Well, that’s what we believed at first too. Then, we finished five movies and nature called. Imagine my surprise when I couldn’t find the loo,” Rose said.

From behind them, Jack sighed, nodding. Rose was breaching a crucial topic, it seemed, and he looked rather harried too.

She continued: “I had to hold it for another hour, Doctor, until I finally found it! An hour of nothin’ but searching with my bladder half bursting! Stumbled into the library at least ten times before I even so much as hallucinated a toilet!”

The Doctor cringed. That did, indeed, sound bad.

“Couldn’t even make it bad to the media room after I was done, either. Got stuck in a circuit through the kitchen, Jack’s bedroom, and the wardrobe. God, Doctor, what’ve you been doing?”

Incensed, and obliged to defend himself, the Doctor straightened. “Oi, a little quick on the call, aren’t you? I’m innocent. Not much for interior design, me.”

“I’d say it was pretty suspicious that the TARDIS suddenly turns herself into a maze as soon as you run off, Doc,” Jack cut in.

“Definitely,” Rose agreed. She met the Doctor’s guileless gaze with resolute eyes. “You’re always harpin’ on, sayin’ the TARDIS is alive. If you didn’t do it directly, then you must’ve pissed her off, yeah?”

The Doctor froze. She was right on the ball with that one. Ever perceptive, his Rose, and usually, he’d be praising her for it. Now, however, he just felt incriminated.

“Might’ve done,” he murmured, looking away.

“I knew it!” Rose cried. Jack stepped closer to stand next to Rose, patting her on the back.  She sighed, her frustration visibly fading with the slump of her shoulders.

“How’d you do it?” Jack asked.

“What?”

Jack grinned, humor a-twinkle in his eyes. “How’d you piss off an entire ship? Pretty impressive, I’ll admit. Couldn’t have done it even if I tried. Okay, okay, I’ve managed the people in it, but never the ship itself, and that’s besides the point.”

“I didn’t intend to.”

“You know what they say: the road to hell…” Jack trailed off, shrugging.

The Doctor recognized the proverb. Good intentions… Well.

With reluctance, the Doctor at last gave in. He shifted in his restraints.

“The TARDIS was trying to lead me back to you,” he said.

“Lead you back…? So you were hidin’ from us?” Rose asked. Questions contorted her brow. “What for?”

Jack’s expression was very much the same. “If you didn’t want to watch TV, Doc, we were open to suggestions.”

“Never did like sittin’ front o’the telly, come to think of it. But that’s not what I kept away for.” The Doctor’s ears tinted a slight shade of pink. “Figured you two wanted to be alone. ‘Quality time’ you said, Rose. Thought I’d run off, get some other stuff done in the meantime. The TARDIS didn’t take to it, kept turnin’ me around.”

Jack looked a bit odd, boasting an image akin to a mixture of ‘stunned’ and ‘irrevocably confused’. “Well, no wonder!” he exclaimed.

“What the hell would make you think we wanted to avoid you?” Rose asked, frustration returning. “I said ‘quality time together’, Doctor! Not ‘quality time chasing a madman through some barmy maze’!”

The Doctor sniffed, uncomfortable. If the TARDIS hadn’t thought to meddle, then they would’ve had their happily ever after, he would get some peace, and everything would’ve been hunky dory. Neither of them would’ve noticed his lists of errands to do really wasn’t all that long.

“I know that,” he groused. “I just thought ‘together’ meant ‘together without me’.”

“How?!”

Rose looked gobsmacked. It was as if, for once, the Doctor actually managed to reach absurd enough heights of alienness that his actions were completely irreconcilable in her human eyes. Their last action prior to his departure was, after all, to invite him to sit next to them. Have a few laughs. It didn’t make sense. They must’ve been wondering: what could possibly have led to such a drastic disparity in thought?

“Rose…” the Doctor sighed, “do you know what I saw when I walked into the room that day?”

She blinked in suspicion. “No.”

He smiled, almost rueful. “You and Jack, of course. Oh, it was a lovely sight. A perfect pair you two make, right pretty, too.”

Neither of them said a thing. The Doctor nodded toward Jack. His voice was bright, but an odd sort of tension had grown in the air. 

“Head on her lap! Adorable. And combin’ her fingers through your fringe! Wasn’t half diabetic at the sight, really. Almost had to stop by the infirmary, me.”

“Doctor, that was just—”

“Wasn’t the first time I walked into anything either, but this time was different. Made me realize that I might’ve messed somethin’ up. Maybe this time it was serious.”

Jack listened in disbelief. “‘Serious’?” he echoed.

“Point is, Rose,” the Doctor shifted his gaze, locking eyes with her. “I wanted to make it up to you, as discreetly as I could. For the social life I’ve scared away. For the love I hadn’t let you feel.”

“What…?” she whispered.

He offered a wry smile. “Always ruinin’ the mood, me. Never did let you get a proper date in.”

“Hold on, so you thought… Me an’ Jack… You thought I was askin’ for date night with Jack?”

“Aw, Rosie, you don’t have to make it sound so unappealing,” Jack pouted, but Rose paid him no mind.

The Doctor’s brows furrowed. “Am I wrong?”

“Yes! Very!” Rose huffed, astounded by the Doctor’s absurdity. “You—I can’t believe—”

She looked about ready to die of exasperation. But then she paused for a moment and let out a heavy, steady breath before speaking.

“Doctor, we’re just good mates. There’s nothin’ going on.”

The Doctor’s doubt was practically inscribed upon his face.

“I wouldn’t care if there was,” he lied, aiming for reassuring but not quite cutting it.

He liked to think he figured Rose out well enough, liked to believe he understood her. This youthful little human who stood so steadily before him, both complex and straightforward, paradoxically contrary yet so precisely expectable, was already etched firmly into both of the Doctor’s hearts. He followed her through her predictable routines, witnessed in pride her many surprises. However recent their acquaintance might be in the grand scheme of the universe, he knew her. He hoped he knew her. 

And Jack was perfect for her. Swept her off her feet, quite literally. To her, Jack was an improved echo of the Doctor’s visage, coupled with the dating and the dancing, and made complete with that suave, seductive style.

From a purely objective standpoint, she should have been thoroughly, irredeemably charmed.

Rose frowned at the Doctor’s skepticism, and something seemed to occur to her.

“You mentioned somethin’—somethin’ about having walked into things before. D’you mean that time with Mickey? An’ Adam?”

The Doctor scoffed despite himself, not keen on remembering. “The two idiots. Ignorance is bliss.”

Hearing him and flushing red, Rose decided she had enough. 

She stepped forward and took him soundly by the head, a hand framing either of his cheeks. It caught both the Doctor and Jack off-guard. When the Doctor grunted in surprise, she quickly clapped a hand over his mouth to shush him. “Now, listen to—yeah, yeah, uncomfy, you are, I know. But listen to me, Doctor. You run away every time I try to explain, so I—“

The Doctor shook his head in defiance.

“Yeah, you do!” she said, capturing him within her gaze. Her eyes, a deep brown that drowned him in rich wildflower honey, compelled him into rapt focus faster than any twisting nebula. “You run like—like you don’t wanna listen, like it’s stupid ape stuff, but you have to, ‘cause nothing is what you’re thinkin’ it is!”

He glowered, at a sudden loss, before indicating her to release his mouth. She didn’t budge.

“Swear you’ll hear me out?”

He tried his best to nod, his lips pressed into a frown beneath her palm. 

“Promise?”

He nodded once more. With his hands tied behind him and lodged between the sofa and his back,  he knew they couldn’t see him cross his fingers. A childish display of his defiance. 

However, mid-finger cross, he felt something odd about the ropes restraining him. 

Hold on… Is that…?  

Rose looked doubtful, so the Doctor eased the crease in his brow and tried for pleading. If what he felt upon the ropes was what he thought it was, he needed her to let go of him. 

He looked her in the eyes, and her expression softened. It worked. 

“Alright,” Rose said. She let him go and plopped beside him on the sofa. 

However, when she turned back to face him, she was greeted with a terrible surprise: the Doctor sat right there, flexing his wrists. Unbound. 

“How?!”

“Been around, learned a few tricks,” the Doctor answered simply, avoiding her offended gaze with a shrug of his shoulders. He didn’t break his nodded promise because he crossed his fingers, after all. “Helps that you two used a simple knot, though I didn’t realize until now. Fifty-first century marauder’s knot. Tricky little thing; only looks impressive, not the best for keepin’ prisoners.” He bent down to untie his ankles. 

Rose shot Jack an accusatory glare. He held up both his hands, all innocence.

“Hey, I didn’t think we were going to keep him long. Not seriously. Plus,” Jack added, “I like the marauder’s. It’s convenient and visually appealing.”

Rose pressed the bridge of her nose with a heavy, long-suffering sigh. “I’m so gonna kill you after this,” she groaned. Meanwhile, the Doctor kicked the rope from his boots and bounded up off the couch. Before he could get far, Rose shot off her seat as well, grabbing his leather-shielded arm. “I’m gonna kill you both after this,” she amended.

“Why do you want this so much?” the Doctor asked, almost desperate. He tried to shake her grip away, but it proved unsuccessful as he held back the strength in his arm, weary of hurting her. He tried instead to use his free hand in order to pry her off him, but she held fast, bringing forward her own free hand to lie on top of his. He watched it enclose over him and he sucked in a breath. “Why don’t we just forget it, Rose?” he offered.

“I don’t want to,” she said, stubborn. The heat of her palm slowly suffused through his skin. “This is botherin’ you and I want it all out of the way—”

“Bothering me? I’ve said this before, Rose: it’s none of my business, and I’m not looking to make it my business. I don’t care about your pointless human hookups. I have no intention of—”

“But it does bother you, Doctor! If it’s really that useless, if you really don’t care, why do you try everythin’ to make me shut up? Why?” She tightened her grip on him, keeping her voice steady, her words flowing forth in a manner that forbade interruption. “You shouldn’t have to insist. Don’t think I’m dense! Everythin’ else unimportant goes in one ear an’ out the other—but this you can’t ignore. So you get pissy an’ sulky and push everything thousands of galaxies away.”

Fluid, she cut straight through him, her accuracy leadening the marrow of his bones and effectively locking him in place. The Doctor pressed his lips into a solid line, his countenance now stormy, saturnine steel. 

“Rose…” he began, but she could already tell what would come next. Shoulders squared, she moved to make her point before he could cast it down.

“That one time, at home, with Mickey! You walked in, I was on top of him!” In his peripheral vision, the Doctor caught Jack’s eyes widening. Rose spoke hurriedly, outburst after outburst. “I was all over him, and he was a git about it, but we weren’t shaggin’! It was a tickle fight!”

The Doctor was poised to protest, but then her words registered. “A tickle fight?” he echoed, dubious. She didn’t clarify further, opting instead to plough forward, as if she expected the Doctor to evaporate at any second, willing the atoms of his hand to remain solid beneath hers.

“And that other time! With Adam! He had me up against the wall!” Her expression turned ugly, like she thought of something particularly unpleasant. Witnessing it brought the Doctor no small sense of satisfaction. “It was a total come-on—one that I did not appreciate—and I would’ve pushed him away even if you hadn’t come swannin’ in!”

“Er…”

Rose lifted her index finger to his lips. “Hush,” she said, continuing. “Now, this time! With Jack! Head on my lap!” 

She finally slowed down, her tone still imposing, yet only half as insistent. Fixing him with a sincere, affectionate gaze, she pat his hand, which, by now, he had long since forgotten he could shift away. “Well, we’re best mates, Doctor… I’m always up for a nice lounge with a friend. A bit of dumb messin’ around, a hug, a cuddle. All that good stuff, yeah? Nothin’ I wouldn’t wanna do with you, too,” she finished.

“You…” There was something hard in his throat, but he managed to speak anyway. “You make me sound like I’m jealous.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Isn’t that what you are?”

The Doctor recoiled, sputtering, offended at the mere prospect. “Jealous? Me?”

Rose dropped both her grips on the Doctor, and as soon as they were free, they distanced themselves and folded their arms across their chests. Both of them mirrored each other, determined.

“I am not jealous.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” she snorted. “Admit it! You don’t want your little earthling pal goin’ on play dates without you. Nine hundred years and you’re actin’ ten.”

“That’s not right,” the Doctor said.

“Then what is? Doctor, I told you: you’re stuck with me. Even if I see some cute guy I’ll still be turnin’ around and hoppin’ aboard the TARDIS.”

“You’d be leaving them behind,” he pointed out.

“Well, that’s why I’m not with anyone anymore, now isn’t it? ‘Course, that also means there’s nothing for you to be jealous for. Not like there ever would be.” She grinned at him. “You’re better than any boyfriend,” she said.

Hearing those words, paired so beautifully with her sincere smile, the Doctor’s chest felt about ready to burst.

He’d known it, really, that she’d been aching to tell him the real story, to talk to him, ever since she noticed how he kept dodging away. Rather counterintuitive, his actions, leading the spotlight to land upon his fears as opposed to away from them, but… Running was his specialty. It was all he could muster the strength to do. 

The Doctor thought himself a better man than this. He wasn’t the greatest man alive, no, definitely not, but surely, he must have matured at least a little throughout his many lives, his painfully long years. But he hadn’t. He realized Rose Tyler had both of his hearts wholly within her possession, yet rather than satisfy himself with that love alone, he grew selfish. If he could not have her heart in return, he’d rather not know to whom, or how to that whom, she’d give it.

It was ironic. It was childish. It was stupid. 

He’d rather remain ignorant then wisen to the bitter truth he feared she’d tell. 

The Doctor’s stance relaxed, his arms falling from their defensive position before him. Instinctively, he stepped forward, closer, feeling more than a slight bit foolish.

“Is that right?” he asked her, searching her eyes for some of that enthralling sincerity, that intoxicating taste of affection she tended to spare him.

“Mmhm,” she hummed.

“No competition, then?”

“Yep.”

He smiled, and the sight of it visibly delighted her. She let him close that remaining distance, let him take her hand in his own. Once he did, Rose entwined their fingers together, naturally, effortlessly, as they were often wont to do.

She chuckled. “Never thought I’d see the day,” she said.

“See what?”

“You. All pouty and jealous ‘cause I might wanna flirt a little. Y’know, I thought you’d just shrug or quip or something… Not notice. Not really.” Her smile faltered just barely, her gaze dropping down to their clasped hands. “I thought you’d let me go when you finally do, kick me out if it was gettin’ annoying, all that extra human baggage I’ll be dragging along. Befriend someone else and show them the stars instead.”

He squeezed her hand in reassurance. She lifted her eyes to meet his once again.

“I wouldn’t let go of you, Rose. Not because of that. Pack up and leave, your choice, but I’d never… You’re…” the Doctor trailed off, voice soft.

He would put up with her strays as often as she would like. He would guide them through the cosmos, brighten their dull eyes, and dip them through the potent mires of Time. Selfishly, he would bear every errant ache if he could just keep her a little longer. If he could hold her close to him—if he could carve his existence into her soul as vividly as she resides in his. 

“You’re…”

When he couldn’t finish, at a loss for a word that could ever possibly hope to describe what she meant to him, her lips twitched. “Replaceable?” she challenged, half jokingly, half not.

“No,” the Doctor shook his head. “Far from it, Rose Tyler. The complete opposite. One of a kind, you are.” 

Possessed by a whimsical, dangerously honest impulse, he raised their joined hands and turned them, elevating them level with his lips. Then, he pressed a gentle kiss to her fingertips.

“Priceless,” he whispered.

Rose’s breath caught in her throat. 

The feel of the Doctor’s lips upon her fingers lit her nerves alight, suddenly sensitive to the feather-light touch of slightly chapped skin, the careful curve of a caring smile. It made her swallow, capturing an escaping heartbeat in one heavy gulp.

When he looked at her like that, she could almost believe… And, oh, the look in his eyes… So focused. So familiar. So fond. 

Of her. 

Oh, God.

Priceless, he said. Priceless, and he’d somehow embedded a single word with the weight of millions.

Wariness crawled its way through her heart, hand-in-hand with the hope that forged it. “Don’t,” she said softly, weakly, before she could stop herself. “Don’t look at me like that.”

The fondness in the Doctor’s expression melded with concern, and Rose realized how she must have sounded. 

“Like what?” he asked. His breath tickled the flesh of her hand and she fought goosebumps. He didn’t let go of her.

“Like—Like you…” love me.

She blinked, then she shook her head once. To clear it. To rid herself of impossible ideas.

“Like you like me or somethin’,” she offered instead, shifting into a teasing smile and hoping to dispel the odd atmosphere between them. It wasn’t the best deflection, but it was the quickest thinking she could really do at the moment.

The Doctor had been jealous, and while it both pleased and frustrated her in equal measure, she knew it wasn’t anything more than a little misplaced anxiety. Worried about losing his companion, his good friend, and concerned for what that would mean for their adventures, he’d acted out. It reminded Rose of herself when she was younger, when she worried Shareen would forget all about her after hooking up with some new, exciting bloke she’d never met before.

The Doctor could be childish sometimes, as odd as it would seem. He encouraged childishness, madness, and youthful wonder in everyone he met, embodying all those aspects himself yet still somehow maintaining his hardened, war-torn visage. She loved that about him most of the time, loved every contradictory facet of who she’d come to know him as, but in this case… It hurt more than it ought.

Push and pull, it was—always was—with him. When he’d bring her close or say something brilliant enough to make her blush, Rose wasn’t sure if he was flirting for the hell of it, flirting because he meant it, or not even flirting at all.

Just like this very moment.

Instead of responding in kind to her lighthearted invitation for a bit of teasing, he remained solemn, his gaze never leaving hers.

“I do,” he said. “I think I like you a lot, Rose.”

The gravity behind his statement—the way the words left his mouth felt… different. It almost felt as if he was confessing something more than a simple, harmless liking.

Now she was the one who felt like a kid again.

“I do too,” she breathed. “Like you, that is.”

God, what was this conversation? He still had her hand lifted to his lips. Was she imagining it? The implications, the subtext? Does he know what he does to her?

They sounded like grade schoolers, but it didn’t matter. ‘Like’ was a lot easier to say than ‘love’. 

Even if he meant exactly what he said, she sure didn’t. She’d say anything at this point, because she felt a bit like a rag doll, all flopping about, with the words practically bursting through her seams. They coalesced in the most unwieldy places: heavy in her heart, circling through her head, dripping from her fingertips. “ Have you eaten?” they’d ask. “You feel okay?” they’d wonder. “Better with two,” they’d say. “You have me.”

All careful substitutions for the three words she wasn’t sure she was allowed to say.

“You sure?” he asked. 

She nodded. “Way sure.”

The Doctor shifted their hands once more, this time planting a hearty kiss on her knuckles. His eyes sparkled, pleased with her response. When he flashed that familiar grin, a little bit silly on that serious face of his, she knew something in the air had broken.

“Fantastic,” he beamed.

The tension was gone, the moment had passed, and all dismissed by that mercurial manner of his. He seemed reassured, past jealousy all but forgotten, ready to move on. He dropped her hand and straightened. 

That’s that. Problem solved. Issues voiced and feelings reaffirmed. He liked her, she liked him, and their friendship would never waver because they would not let flighty romances get in their way. 

Was that it?

“We good?” Rose found herself asking, slightly dazed.

“Never better,” the Doctor responded goodnaturedly. “I’m sorry. You were right, Rose. I’m a bit stubborn, but you showed me how-to. Good on you. Communication!” he laughed. “Should’ve bothered sooner.”

She watched him. Watched the way his figure seemed to angle toward her, watched the way his body language always invited her closer. That leather jacket looked warm. He wore a wool jumper this time around, in a subdued shade of maroon. Rose could imagine how it felt beneath her fingers.

He started saying something again, but she was too busy thinking. Unlike the other times she was left to recover, heart woefully racing because of him, for him, she couldn’t let this go. Not that easy. No.

He asked her something, and when she didn’t answer, he turned to her with caring, engaging eyes.

“Rose?”

There was only so much a girl could take. 

“Oh, screw it,” she growled. To hell with mixed signals. Rose Tyler grew up going with her gut, and her mum was always waxing poetic about listening to her heart. If the Doctor hadn’t been so special, so unique in his alienness, she would’ve done something ages ago, in the name of everything he made her feel.

Ignoring the confusion rapidly overtaking his expression, she slipped a hand under the Doctor’s leather jacket, hauling him to her with a firm tug at his waist. Then, she snaked her hands across his torso, palms gliding over the wool upon his chest and lingering, lovingly, over the double beat of his pulse. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

They’ve hugged before. They’ve even been squeezed tight in enclosed spaces, heart-to-hearts, lungs heaving together as they shared adrenaline-fueled breaths. This closeness wasn’t new.

But the intimacy was.

The Doctor stood rigid beneath her, frozen in shock. The fact wasn’t strong enough to discourage, as she had a mind to see things through, but it made her skin warm with something other than attraction, pierced her determination with anxiety.

Slowly—giving him plenty of time to recoil in disgust, to pull away, to push her off of him—she rose upon her tiptoes and leant her weight upon his. Inch by inch, their faces drew nearer. 

She watched him watch her, both of them thoroughly entranced, until their lips met in a halting kiss.

Jack considered leaving. He really did. Hell, he was all for giving a(n extremely repressed) newfound couple some privacy, but… Damn.

You’d be hard pressed to find a melodrama as good as their conversation anywhere in the universe, for crying out loud, so he’d settled down in an armchair and just let it play out. Time how long it would take until they realized he was still there. Relax a bit. Rubberneck, maybe. 

No, not maybe. Definitely.  

They probably forgot he was present eons ago. Soon as the Doc got off his pert butt and started making a run for it once again, good ol’ Jack faded off into the wallpaper. Or he would, if the TARDIS had wallpaper.

Jack grinned. It was great. He was truly, honestly happy for them.

He watched with rapt attention when they went head-to-head and unabashed fascination when they clung to each other. He also marveled at Rose’s tenacity, ever her heartfelt supporter, when she surged forward into the Doctor’s arms.

When they finally kissed… Jack almost couldn’t believe it. When that kiss evolved into something considerably less tentative, less exploratory, and more passionate… He started questioning reality.

The Doctor remained unresponsive for a solid second or two before the tantalizing press of Rose’s soft lips finally coaxed him into action. His arms, then, quickly lifted to wrap around her, pressing her even more firmly against the wall of his body. Jack could see the Doctor’s disbelief in the way his fingers dug into the fabric of her sweater, the way they trembled to touch her in ways he’d never before allow. Palpable desire colored the air of the little bubble they’ve enclosed themselves within, and the soft sound of their increasingly labored breathing served as the soundtrack to the cathartic discovery of their hidden love.

Rose toyed with the scruff of hair at the back of the Doctor’s neck as they deepened the kiss, the Doctor’s hand reaching up to cup her cheek, his long fingers breaching through her blonde tresses as he tilted her head for more access, fitting together perfectly, finally, completely. He took her bottom lip between his teeth to nibble upon gently, but Rose lost patience, tongue darting free to entice his own. The Doctor immediately gave in to the temptation and Rose made a sound akin to an odd, yet endearing, mix between a moan and a giggle.

On second thought… Maybe Jack should leave them be, after all. They didn’t look like they were close to stopping any time soon. He’d since stopped counting how much time had passed since they’ve forgotten him.

Jack sighed, rising carefully from the armchair as unobtrusively as possible, proud of his two wonderful friends. Regret had no place within him, for while he loved and desired them both, he supported the relationship between them even more. 

There was something there. Something special, something Jack himself would struggle to find. He could feel it—similar to a more concrete sort of intuition—whenever he caught them sneaking glances, sharing silly smiles, and luxuriating in the other’s presence. Despite the reluctance to confess the depth of their regard on either side, Jack knew better. It was precisely for this reason he had given up courting Rose Tyler long ago, perceiving with clear, insightful eyes precisely how impossible the task would prove.

She was spoken for, however silently.

The knowledge dipped the Doctor’s earlier jealousy in a vaguely comical sort of irony. 

Careful to avoid the amorous couple still quite passionately engaged in oral fisticuffs, Jack made his way to the door. He spared them one last glance for good luck, witnessed Rose in the midst of running her hands through the Doctor’s short-cropped hair, and… Wait, was she tugging on his ears? 

The Doctor let out a low, rumbling growl. 

Well then.

Jack wasn’t beyond admitting he’d wanted to hear that at some point, too. Atta girl, Rose.

Returning back to the task at hand, Jack turned the knob, ready to give them plenty enough privacy to—he chuckled to himself—really get down to business, should they come to require it.

He’d forgotten, however, that the doors in the TARDIS’ living quarters had a penchant for clicking when opened or shut. Only the Doctor ever really managed to exert the right amount of pressure, to twist his wrist in that perfect, practiced way that ensured the door a smooth, soundless swing. It was another one of the TARDIS’s many unique little quirks that spoke of both her age and character, granting her a sort of comforting, homey impression despite her power, her scientific capabilities. They were charming, gentle little flaws known to her passengers only through time spent aboard.

So, when Jack turned that tastefully, yet strangely, carved handle, the resulting clack hit his eardrums clear and clean.

He cringed. Then he turned.

The Doctor and Rose met his sheepish gaze with wide, dazed eyes. 

“J-Jack,” Rose managed, red-lipped and kiss-swollen. Her voice was husky, bearing a slight, seductive rasp prevalent despite her surprise.

The sound of it shot the Doctor with an eclectic array of emotions: satisfaction at having caused that in her, annoyance that it wasn’t his name she had spoken, desire at the sound of it, and confusion as to why their mouths were far enough apart to speak.

“Jack?” the Doctor echoed, equally surprised, equally breathless. Not quite there yet. 

Jack greeted them, poised mid-exit. “Heyyy… You lovebirds. Got it in one! It’s yours truly.” He might have chuckled but he looked contrite, almost, despite the fact that he wasn’t the one snogging—

The Doctor’s mind cleared. His Rose-tinted glasses slipped, plonking right off his nose.

He turned rapidly, back to the warm body pressed against him. There she stood, his companion, caressed lovingly in his arms, staring back at him. A mirror of his own astonishment. A very, very close mirror.

Oh.

Oh.

They drank in the sight of each other for a few more drunken drum beats, realization about what they’ve just done flooding through them like a shockwave. Rose’s sensuous, plush lips parted, perhaps to speak—

Jack cleared his throat. 

Their attention snapped back to him.

He observed their harried dispositions and smiled knowingly. “Well, you two clearly have other things you’d rather be doing! About time, if you ask me. Now, unless you want me to join in on the festivities—“ he shot them a cheeky wink—“I’m heading out. I’ll be in the kitchen with a cup of coffee, if you need me.”

Without waiting for a response from them, the Doctor watched as Jack opened the door completely and stepped through it. It clicked shut behind him. 

Then, just as fast, it swung back open. His head popped in, grinning. 

“And congratulations, you crazy kids! Don’t have too much fun without me,” he joked. Then, he closed the door once again.

The Doctor and Rose watched the entrance for a few more seconds, but it stayed shut for good. Slowly, gingerly, their eyes found each other once more.

“That… Was interesting,” she said.

“Yep,” the Doctor replied. He couldn’t help but observe her mouth, follow the shape of her lips as she spoke.

“He said congratulations.”

“He did, didn’t he?”

She nodded absently. “We… We should… Thank him sometime.”

“We should.”

“Not now, though.”

The Doctor shook his head. “No, definitely not…”

“What d’you think we should do instead, then?”

She pressed closer, bringing their faces near once again. He found himself doing much the same, bowing his head to meet her half way.

“I don’t know.”

“We could… Uh, we… could…”

Her breath tickled his nose. His breath tickled hers.

“Yes?”

Their gazes were dark and smoldering with intent. Her pupils were dilated, captivating little black holes that distorted gravity itself, drawing him closer and sucking his soul into them, claiming him, keeping him.

“We could… Do… This,” Rose finished, and they pushed forward at once, the both of them. 

Their mouths clashed together carelessly in another kiss, somehow even more desperate than the last. Born from the barely-concealed frustration of being interrupted, they lost themselves in each other for the second time. The Doctor groaned in satisfaction, sensing Rose sigh against him, before entangling their tongues in a sybaritic dance, indulging in her taste, her warmth. 

Rose began to shift. Intent on keeping them together, he shifted with her, all the superior Time Lord senses he allowed himself focused solely upon the woman in his arms. He vaguely registered their shuffling feet, his innate spatial awareness informing him that they were moving, before he felt something thump against his calves and he sank backwards, onto the couch. 

Their lips still locked, Rose fell with him. Her legs crowded his sides as she straddled him. The solid weight of her upon his lap proved euphoric, intoxicating. His hands slid to grasp her hips, his thumbs slipping beneath her sweater to land upon her soft, pliant skin and she moaned, a pleasing sound.

Oddly enough, that’s what did it. In sync, they pulled themselves apart with a gasp and she rested her forehead upon his own.

Her blonde hair framed the periphery of his vision like a curtain. Both of their chests were heaving. After a few beats of merely basking in each other’s presence, the Doctor broke the silence.

“Rose…” he said, voice hoarse.

“Doctor,” she whispered. 

She lifted her head to properly face him. The light glinted off her hoop earrings. 

“Rose,” he repeated, this time less throaty. Gaining coherence.

“Doctor,” she repeated as well, her tone slightly more amused.

He caught it, clearly, and a grin gradually began to blossom on his face. “Rose Tyler,” he beamed.

She matched him, grin for grin. “Doctor, er… Smith? The Doctor?” She paused, pouting. “Oh, s’not fair, you don’t have a last name.”

That tickled. Only a little bit, but it was enough. He chuckled, and that chuckle soon turned into laughter. She joined him, shoulders shaking with mirth, and they descended into a fit of giggles, clutching each other in their elation.

He was high, as high as he’s been in centuries. For the first time in far too long, surviving stopped being a curse. If living meant experiencing something as wondrous as this, he was glad to be alive, even if just for the moment.

He loved being with her.

Calming down, they righted themselves so they both sat up straight, although she seemed perfectly content to remain atop him. He was perfectly content to let her, honestly.

“You kissed me,” the Doctor said.

“Indeed I did, Doctor,” Rose smiled. “And you kissed back.”

“Best decision I’ve made yet.”

Rose nodded seriously. “I must concur.”

“Putting on airs?” he teased.

“Mm, nope,” she said. “The opposite. I’m losin’ my mind.”

“That good?”

Her smile turned impish. “You’re a great kisser, y’know. Oh,” she rolled her eyes, “I see that look. Don’t let it get to your head!”

“It got to yours,” he said, and if his pride bled a bit into his smile, well… 

She sighed in mock exasperation, but even that did little to dim the happy glow on her face. She hugged him. 

He hugged her back, his arms wrapping around her.

“I’ve wanted to do this for a while now,” she whispered, nuzzling her nose into his neck.

“So did I.”

“So why didn’t you?”

He could feel her heartbeat against his chest. Her single, human heart. Beautiful, but so much weaker than his. Not built to last.

And with that, he remembered. 

Like harsh winter rain intruding upon a sultry summer day, his inhibitions slithered their way back within him. They were cruel little remnants of reality that clung to him like chains, sobering away his merriment.

“I didn’t want to scare you away,” he said.

She snorted. “Do I look like I’m running for my life right now, Doctor?”

“No, but you should be.”

His voice had changed. She pulled away. “Why would you say that?” she asked. Her brows knitted together, and the Doctor could see concern begin to replace her contentment. 

“I’m…” he began, but then he shook his head. Restarted. “You deserve better, that’s all.” 

Sensing the protest about to come his way, he made to elaborate. 

“Nine hundred years old. Nine hundred years of existence. And do you know what I’ve learnt?”

“What?”

“Everything comes and goes. ‘Nothing gold can stay,’ and you, Rose, shine the brightest, most beautiful gold I have ever seen.” He raised his right hand, gently brushing away stray strands, cupping her cheek. “I can’t promise us a future. Not together, not for long, and certainly not with your safety guaranteed. You deserve better than that. You deserve your human happily ever after, with someone who can stand by your side and stay.”

Her eyes glistened with moisture. “And that someone isn’t you?”

“No. Not me.”

“So, why? Why’ve you kept me around for this long? Why didn’t you scare me away?” Her voice was breaking, betraying her willfulness with its weakness. “Why did you let me kiss you?”

The Doctor let out a shaky breath. “A bit stupid, I am. No, more than a bit.” He dropped his hand, letting it fall to his side. Already, it longed to touch her once more. “It’s ‘cause I wanted to, Rose. Every minute I’m around you, even now, I want nothin’ more than to kiss you soundly and forget everything else. Even if it means I’ll… Even if it means it’ll be harder to let you go once I do.”

She ducked her head, resting it against his shoulder. Her own shoulders, tensed from her impromptu interrogation, slumped. “You called yourself stupid. That’s a first,” she told his jacket. “You like me that much, huh?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Being with you… I’m the best I’ve been in years.”

“An’ you regret all this? ‘Cause it’ll break my heart?” 

“Yes.”

“Even if you’re happy when you’re with me?”

He paused. “Yes.”

“Then do it, Doctor.”

“What?”

“Do it. Break my heart.” She lifted her head off his shoulder and took his hand. Squeezed it. “If I have to let you go at some point, break my heart into mingy little pieces. Shatter it.”

“Excuse me?”

Fixing her gaze unto him, heavy, serious, laden with terrifying sincerity, she spoke: “You heard me. Take those little pieces of my heart and crush them under your feet, even. Go nuts. Make it so that I’ll never forget you. Be my greatest heartache, Doctor.”

She smiled sadly. Then, with her free hand, she gently eased the crease in his brow. 

“‘Cause I know I’ll be yours.”

He opened his mouth to deny her, but nothing came out. He could only find it in himself to listen, at a loss for words amidst the tumultuous emotions she excited within him.

“Or at least one of them, anyway. Blimey, you’ve got baggage,” Rose added teasingly. “Ah, but… As long as I’m here,” she promised, “you won’t have to carry it alone.”

He knew what she was doing. He knew what she was trying to say. It was too late, she meant; they’ve already fallen too far, irredeemably intertwining themselves in each other’s lives, turning their solitary red strings into a tangled ball of fate. No matter what they did, or when they would come to separate, they would mourn each other nonetheless. Now it was a matter of what they did in the meantime. How they spent their moments together before the universe finally finds it apt to pull them apart.

She wanted to go down swinging. She was prepared to pay the consequences. His mind echoed that realization over and over again.

Rose observed him, however, waiting for his response. After a few seconds, wherein he just stared at her, she started getting worried.

“Doctor?” she said, and it was the concern in her voice that finally did it, the affection that tinged the syllables with enchanting care. It was the lovely sound of her name upon his lips, something only Rose could create. 

Doctor.

He’d miss hearing it. He’d miss her.

Something in him gave. 

If he knew their time was short, he was going to take as much of her as he could. Drown himself in greed, allow himself this taste of happiness. It was forbidden knowledge, but they’ve come too far to feign ignorance. He would believe in her, heedless of the price to pay.

His Rose. Salvation with a sacrifice.

Silently, he took her face in both his hands and guided it down toward his own. As tenderly as he could manage, he conveyed his resolution with a press of their lips. A promise sealed with a kiss. 

This kiss lacked the urgency that characterized the last two, and instead of igniting her hunger, the Doctor felt her melt against him, hopeful, at ease. No longer did they fumble for each other with eager hands or devour each other with a heady sigh; every touch remained a reverent caress, mouths bestowing wordless assurances upon the other.

The Doctor broke away only to place one last devoted kiss on her cheek, his hands finding their place upon her hips. She wrapped her arms around his neck and returned the favor, eyelashes fluttering against his skin like dark butterfly wings.

“You have a way of surprising me,” he whispered. “Sayin’ the strangest things.”

“I could say the same about you, Mr. Alien Man,” she chuckled.

“Oh, but that’s different. That’s just me bein’ clever.”

“Maybe,” she said. She gave him his customary ‘whatever floats your ego-boat’ look before shifting into something a little more serious, questioning. “But really, Doctor. Does this mean what I think it does? ‘Cause if it doesn’t, and you just gave me the sweetest kiss in my life, ever, just to reject me—“

“Yeah, it does,” he interrupted with a small laugh. “I give in. You won me over. ‘M all yours.”

Relief washed through her. “Yeah?” she smiled.

“Absolutely. Rose Tyler, I…” 

The Doctor trailed off. Took a breath. Let the humor fall from him. 

He had to say this right, with just the right amount of gravity, with enough certainty that she wouldn’t question his sincerity. Moving to stroke her hair and watching the soft strands flow from his fingers, he finally allowed his affection for her to completely seep past his defenses, radiate from his very being.

It manifested in the words he spoke.

“I love you,” he said.

Rose… froze.

Finely attuned to her, the Doctor could hear her breath catch, sense her pulse quicken. She sat rigid and her arms tightened imperceptibly behind him, as if she hadn’t expected him to ever confess it at all. Her open expression revealed to him the obvious question running through her head: had she heard correctly?

He smiled tenderly. 

“Rose, I love you,” he tried again. “I love you very, very much.”

It was like everything came unlocked. She blinked once at him, before sagging against him with a lung-deep exhale.

She ducked her head, chuckling breathlessly, incredulously.

“I’ve wanted to hear that—I thought—with all your moaning, I thought it’d take you longer,” she stumbled. Then, she exhaled again, her cheeks pink. “God, Doctor, I wasn’t ready for that. Reckon I’d have to wait, y’know, ‘cause, ‘cause… Sayin’ it makes it all…”

“Real?”

“Yeah,” Rose laughed. “Makes it more. More than a bit of snoggin’. I thought you’d be afraid.”

His eyes sparkled with joy. “I’m going all in, Rose. All or nothing, with you.”

“Goin’ out with a bang?” she offered, grinning.

“Exactly. We’re goin’ out with a bang, you and me.”

“God, finally,” she said. Then she pulled back, her arms outstretched between them. Her voice turned soft.

“I love you too,” she beamed.

They really did find Jack in the kitchen. He was sitting there by the table, chewing on a banana with his nose in a book, hot cup of coffee within reach. By the looks of it, he’d even finished some buttered toast.

Thankfully enough, it wasn’t hard to reach him. A quick mental once-over revealed to the Doctor that the TARDIS was content and the rooms were located where they were meant to be. The labyrinth was no more, much to his companions’ relief, and that vague sense of disapproval his ship had been constantly sending his way for the last forty-and-a-half hours abated.

When Jack saw them, he greeted them with wide arms and a suggestive grin. “Why, if it isn’t my favorite couple!” he exclaimed grandly, emphasis on the word ‘couple’.

Rose giggled and the Doctor rolled his eyes goodnaturedly, before they both thanked him for his discretion and caught him up on their plans. 

They were thinking about stopping at one of those resort planets the Doctor mentioned before, and they wanted Jack’s final opinion on which one. It was an opportunity to let loose. Relaxation Plan B to stave off labyrinth-induced cabin fever. The Doctor, a little guiltily, proposed they try the ‘stay-at-home’ option another time.

After they made their choice (a tropical little dwarf planet with pastel sand, decadent fruit, and a rousing nightlife), they filtered into the console room. There, the Doctor spotted his lost sonic screwdriver poised innocently on the jump seat, almost as if he’d simply left it behind. Casually picking it up and slipping it into his pocket, he thanked his precious timeship and set their flight into motion.

If their landing was a bit softer than they expected that time around, well, who knows? Perhaps the Doctor’s good mood attributed to his driving skills. Perhaps the TARDIS was feeling kind.

The pair lingered behind, allowing Jack to walk ahead of them and eagerly, yet cautiously, peek through the doors. Grabbing Rose’s hand, the Doctor smiled at her and catalogued her answering grin into memory. She was going to have fun, and he would make sure of it. Not just on this one trip, either, but for every single trip to come, now and forever, for as long as forever would allow. Be it for the rest of her life or the next few months, he would leave her smiling, even if it meant giving all of himself to guarantee it.

He swore, with or without him in it, Rose Tyler was going to have a fantastic life.

[falconfrost]

Chapter 15:  I Manage Not to Contribute to California’s Wildfire Crisis With the Help of My Newfound Emotional Maturity

Summary: The Roman emperors and Python have been defeated, the oracles reclaimed, and Apollo restored to godhood. He's having somewhat of a hard time adjusting to being back among the gods, which is understandable after his six-month grow-a-conscience speedrun. But something else is rotten in the state of Olympus, and before it can really feel like home, it's going to require some serious renovation.

[dykeseinfeld]

anyway i just wrote a whole chapter of this fic in one sitting and even though it’s a chapter from the middle i’m v proud of how it turned out so here’s a little excerpt

Chad took a swig from his beer, and Connor watched the curve of his throat as he drank. He set the bottle down on the desk next to a couple of other empty ones, just a little too hard. "I mean, I don't know. It was pretty close to home"—Chad was from Connecticut, one of those little states that Connor hadn't realized real people were actually from—"and the coach seems cool. Plus, you know…" Chad started picking at something on the back of his chair that Connor couldn't see, and lowered his voice in kind of a singsong, "1 in 4." 

"Wait, what does that mean?" Even through the red lights, he could tell there was a flush spilling across Chad's cheeks. He repeated the question, but Chad just smirked, wouldn't even look back down at him. Some of that anxiety swooped in his stomach again. Had he done something wrong?

[thieves-never-say-die]

ahh ok so I’ve been trying to plan out fbow a little bit more than I have, just to get my timeline down and see how long it’s gonna end up being, and right now it looks like it’s gonna be somewhere between 25-30 chapters. So far I’ve written 9 chapters and I’m at 19k words, which puts it at about 60k words total? Maybe 65k depending on how long my chapters get?

[grimandghoulish]

.

[kaeyahiya]

"Unrequited Enemies" (NSFW)

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Pairing: Ayato x Female Reader

Warnings: NSFW/Explicit content, use of y/n if that bothers you,use of feminine parts, enemies to lovers (kinda), swearing, and mentions of marking, a little bit of angst, a little bit of smut

Disclaimer: This is intended for adult viewing only, I have plenty of SFW content on my master list so please check that out instead. I am strongly discouraging and actively not condoning the consummation of this content for anyone who is a minor.

Word count: 5687 OH MY GOD???

Authors note: This is LONG the longest thing I think I've written to date. This counts as like a full fic, should be like a multi chapter type beat. It's a long read but dare I say this might be my best work yet. Anway, I haven't written anything for Ayato bc he was a faceless ncp before I went on my hiatus.... I am also in love with man and couldn't stand the thought of this. Hence I'm writing a self serving fic bc I'm incredibly selfish rn and need some of this man in my life. Also I enjoy a good enemies to lovers troupe sue me!! ALSO ALSO THIS IS GENDERED HAHAHAHA finally if you see my master list it's all been GN so ha I did it. Anyway enjoy me being selfish 🧍🏻‍♂️(edit) Future self here... This took me almost a month to write, this turned into a novel and I apologize....

This will also be crossposted on my A03 probably bc of the girth of this beast. You can read it: Here if you prefer that interface better

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Working under the Kamisato's was a blessing. Truly it was. You considered yourself exceptional in hospitality and an ace seamstress. That's how the Kamisato clan sought you out.

Lady Ayaka was kind, the easy one to put it bluntly. Her tasks were normal simply as asking you to clean her linens or making small repairs on her formal wears. (Which Thoma would normally jump in to help, cleaning and sewing was also his forte). Genuinely, she was the nicest noble person you've ever seen, still managing to keep an air of excellence and gracefulness to her despite her overly kind nature. 

Working there is what kept you and your family fed and you were able to have a safe haven during the Vision Hunt Degree when being a vision holder yourself was hard to avoid.

However, working under the Kamisato's wasn't easy work by any means.

The head of the household was where the issue lied when it came to your work. Kamisato Ayato, you swear had it out for you since you arrived to work for them. One day he'd have you doing mundane tasks like taking inventory of the spices in the kitchen, and the next it would be making him tea over and over until it was the exact temperature he liked.

Not to mention all the constant repairs on his clothes you'd have to do, whether it be taking care of personal matters or training with his sister he'd always come back with piles of clothes in need of huge repairs.

You probably would have punched the pretty smirk off of "Lord Ayato's" face if it wasn't for poor Thoma keeping you afloat. You feel bad but while he cooks, you normally lament your frustrations to him. He'll occasionally offer his support or advice, since after all he's your senior and also a fellow outsider of Inazuma.

"Miss, your presence is requested in Lord Ayato's office." the guard locks eyes with you. You want to groan in agony, you were hungry and tired but still you mustered a smile. " I'll head over right now, thank you."  You say with a small bow. Once the guard exits you you finally let out a long groan looking to Thoma for support. "Can't you go instead, at least you can put up with his nonsense." You sigh exasperated.

After one particularly frustrating day of repairing both Lord Ayato's and Lady Ayaka's training wear entirely and aiding another with mending their Shinai Practice Swords (The bamboo ones, commonly used in kendo??), which were almost beyond repair. You find yourself once again in the kitchen with Thoma going on and on about the day before a dreaded guards men enter.

Thoma chuckles. "I believe a 'Miss' was summoned, I'd be scolded if I showed up, besides I'm cooking. Unless you wanna deliver food to the entire staff and the Lord and Lady." You wrap him lightly on the back of his shoulder. " Fine, but if I wind up dead it's your fault." You joke. You excuse yourself and exit the kitchen; then head for your doom, Lord Kamisato's office.

-

You stand outside his office, the dimly lit Shoji (those paper sliding door things?) showing the silhouette of menace himself just waiting for you.  "(Y/N) here My Lord." You grit your teeth. "You may enter." You can almost hear the sadistic smile in his voice. Sliding open the door you're immediately confused on why you are here.

Ayato looked right as rain, clean and on top of that his office looked organized and practically sparkling (you'll have to thank Thoma for that later), boba tea full, and a small before dinner snack fully eaten. What more could he need at this hour. "Ah yes, Miss (Y/N)" his eyes lock with yours. "I've seemed to have spilled ink on my clothes. I need them cleaned immediately before dinner is finished." Though the room was dimly lit, you could clearly see there was no ink anywhere on Ayato's clothing.

"My lord I don't-" before you can even finish getting the word's out, Ayato takes the ink on his desk and proceeds to dump its contents all over his clothing. All the while that signature sadistic smile plastered on his face. You face contorts, you try to conceal the seething hot rage from pouring out of your mouth. (Un)Luckily Ayato speaks first. "I'm sorry you were going to say something? Go ahead, I apologize for my clumsiness."

Your mouth opens but you quickly close it. You're dumbfounded. His informal attire is mostly white, similar to his training attire, getting ink of that amount out in such a short amount of time would be nearly impossible. As you continue to stand there in silence you can see Ayato absolutely blossom with happiness.

A few more seconds pass until you collect yourself enough to speak calmly. "I'll fetch you some other clothing to change into while I tend to your..." Your eyes narrow at him. " Accident. " Words laced with venom at the end. He nods, smiling. " Go ahead, I'll be right here. Do be quick though, I hear ink is a pain to get out the longer you leave it. " He smirks.

You bow rigidly before bolting out the door to his quarters to grab him some fresh clothing.  Returning to the lion's den, you announce yourself once more. "You may enter," Ayato calls out again. Sliding open the door he promptly stands up this time.

You don't say a word but hold out the clean clothes to him. "My my, that was fast." He smiles. You don't answer but begin to turn to exit so he can change in private.  "No need to be so shy. You're practically one of my retainers at this point. "

You quickly turn around deciding to face the door instead of him, face red with embarrassment this time. You hear the rustling of the rest of his clothes. After a few awkward quiet moments with your thoughts filled with annoyance and somehow Lord Ayato's bare chest and perfect stupid abs, he finally speaks again. "I'm dressed." You pivot to see him again, back in pristine condition, however not bothering to pick up the ink stained clothes off the ground.

Retainer??? Since when? Where's your pay raise? That's all that runs through your mind as you stare at him dumbfounded. You don't realize until you snap out of your train of thought Ayato has already started stripping, his bare chest on full display. "Miss (Y/N) I don't mind if you watch, but watching me so intensely is unnecessary." You didn't think that smirk could get any bigger but it does.

You let out a sigh you didn't know you were holding in and kneel to grab the stained clothes scattered around his feet. You go to grab a sleeve and the bastard has his foot still on the article of clothing. Giving it a little tug as a hint to move, Ayato simply looks down at you with a smile. "Oh my apologies, didn't realize I was standing on it and hindering your precious time to get those pesky stains out." He steps out of your way and plants himself back to his desk. Asshole is all that runs through your mind as you gather the clothes.

Once again you quickly excuse yourself and rush to the medical bay to grab some balls of cotton and rubbing alcohol. Storming back into the kitchen you decide you need to get this frustration out and combat this stain at the same time.

-

You definitely startle Thoma as you slide open the Shoji with little to no care of its fragility. "Listen I'm sorry, Lord Ayato is fucking awful."  You say holding up the stained clothing to accentuate your point.

You recount your encounter with the Lord of the house to Thoma all the while desperately scrubbing the ink out with the rubbing alcohol. "He's a sadist Thoma, he hates me I'm sure of it. Why on earth would he do this." Thoma turns to the area of the table you're vigorously scrubbing at ,now almost finished with dinner at this point, offers you a pot of cold water and soap to help you finish cleaning the stain. "That's just Lord Ayato, and hey maybe it was a genuine mistake."  He shrugs. "Thoma, I saw him pick it up and dump it on himself."

You move over a bit to let Thoma work his laundry magic. Taking the garment from you, which was now almost its original color, he washes it in the aforementioned cold soapy water. After some more scrubbing he pulls it out. Looking as radiant as it did on Ayato before he went and soiled it.  "Thoma I'm sorry for roping you into this... I appreciate you." He smiles nudging you softly. " Stop that, you'd do the same for me if I needed that level of help. " You're glad Thoma is always here to save your ass. 

"I may have done the best I can but it won't dry before dinner, since I'm almost done with it." You grab your Anemo Vision and wave it in front of him and he lets out a 'Oh yeah...' before he smiles radiantly. "You got this then, dry it quick and as soon as you're done I'll serve dinner. Hopefully that'll buy you a bit of time. " You bow to Thoma, thanking him profusely. You exit the kitchen before running to the courtyard to swiftly dry the Lord's clothes with a little help from your Vision.

-

After making quick work of drying the clothes. (Thank you Anemo Archon). You inspect the clothes one last time and decide they are pristine enough for him. Carefully folding them, you proceed to slide down the hall to Ayato's office once more. 

For the final time of the night you announce yourself. "Miss (Y/n) back so soon?" he says as you enter. His eyes narrow in on the clothes in your hands. "I'm more than pleased with your speediness. However, folding them will definitely crease them." You wordlessly unfold the clothes, gesturing to the creaseless stainless garments. "I see... Very well then, I will change after dinner."  

His eyes light up again and you regret opening your stupid mouth. "Ah yes, Thoma should be along with my dinner soon. My arms are awfully tired from writing documents all evening..." There it is again that fucking sadistic grin. "Stay here and feed me will you?" You can't stop the words from spilling out of your mouth. "What? Why?" Clapping a hand over your mouth. He didn't like that, you can tell as you watch sadism on his face fade to confusion. "Because you serve under me and I'm telling you to do so." 

Taking the clothes from your hands, Ayato purses his lips briefly as your fingers touch during the exchange.  You grimace at him, typical of him to be disgusted by touching you even for a millisecond. You quickly rearrange your face before asking the dreaded question. "Can I help you with anything else my Lord?"

Right. You forgot. You're supposed to be like Thoma, a loyal dog who does what it's told. Maybe that's what you're supposed to do but this was an outlandish request. However, knowing the wrath of Kamisato Ayato, you flop yourself in the corner in defeat, not bothering to put up a fight. You press your knees up to your chest, glancing at Ayato's, once again, happy smirk. He too proceeds to sit back down, at his desk.

A heavy silence fills the room as Ayato resumes his work. You want to yell at him, kick and scream, but overall you just wanted to cry. You're so embarrassed for what's to come and your mind is reeling. The tears brimming your eyes burn as you try to continue putting on a strong front. You refuse to let this asshole see you cry.

Thoma must be taking his time because amongst the scribbling mixed in with silence you have a lot of time to think. You evaluate your position. You signed up for this, but did you really? A maid sure, but dealing with a sadistic brat? No, that wasn't in the job description. Or maybe that was the plan all along, maybe it just happened along the way? You weren't sure at this point and you felt bitter and defeated.

"Lord Ayato?" Your voice comes out horse. "Hmm?" He questions. "Why do you trouble me with the most torturous and utterly embarrassing tasks?" You stare him down. He looks shocked you dare question his authority. He opens his mouth to answer? maybe yell at you? But as if the Archons themselves are taunting you, Thoma announces himself. "My Lord you dinner is ready, may I enter?" Ayato fixes his gaze on you for a second longer than needed before responding to Thoma. "Thoma. Yes, you may enter." He answers 

Thoma comes in hands full of all of the dishes Ayato requested tonight. He almost doesn't see you in the corner for a second but being the loyal retainer he is, the actual retainer of Ayato, he says nothing but shoots you a sympathetic glance. "Thoma, please let Miss (Y/n) help you with the rest of your food deliveries. I wish not to be disturbed the rest of the night." Ayato says using a voice he normally only uses when talking with other officials. It's cold, a lot colder than usual. The blood drains from your face and a knot forms in your stomach, you fucked up big time.  

-

Three days. It was three days of terrifying tranquility, free of summoning from Lord Ayato.

Lady Ayaka assured you, as well as your job, were fine. The looming anxiety however had you on edge, you couldn't sleep fearing you'd be assassinated in the middle of the night. After all Kamisato Ayato hated being questioned, the only thing you were sure he hated more was you. Death would be the only solution right? 

You were in the courtyard, it was evening and everyone was eating dinner. Thoma approached you gently tapping your shoulder. "Dinner is ready for you in the maid's quarters... But uh, Lord Ayato wishes to see you in his quarters before dinner." He says sheepishly. You groan looking to Thoma “If you don't see me tomorrow, assume the worst." You joke but deep down felt your stomach drop. It had been three days of not seeing him, who knows what kind of punishment you'd receive. 

Thoma gave you a reassuring smile as you bid him farewell and headed from the courtyard to the personal quarters of Kamisato Ayato. It's not like you haven't been there before, but something still felt off about addressing your punishment not in his office but your room. 

So there you were, standing in front of the looming door to the man who was about to decide your fate. You swallow hard before addressing your arrival. "My Lord, (Y/n) here. Thoma said you requested my presence..." Your voice came out a lot shakier than you'd like to admit. Frankly you were terrified. There was, what felt like, an eternity of silence before he finally responded. "Come in."

Your hands waver as you pull the Shoji door open. It was almost pitch black inside Ayato's room. He was sitting under a Kotatsu with his dinner finished. His eyes immediately fixed on you as you entered. "Miss (Y/n) please sit. There's something I'd like to discuss with you." Fuck. Your family will be so upset if you lose this job, what will you do for work, where will you live? Sure you hate Ayato but you for the most part enjoy your job and- No no no you can't spiral right now. 

You suck in a composed breath and take a seat opposite him under the Kotatsu. "What is it, my Lord?" You ask meekly. He closes his eyes, sighing. "I.. You see.." He's uncharacteristically fidgety. "My sister has brought it to my attention that I've been causing you much strife lately." You want to laugh, lately he says, it's been since day one but okay sure. You grit your teeth. "As you said before, I serve under you. It's my duty, I suppose." You respond promptly. As much as it hurts your pride to admit you needed this job. You belong here and you won't go down without a fight. "I see." He says, sighing again. 

" (Y/n)... You loathe me do you not?" He locks eyes with you, as if boring directly into your soul. " My Lord, of course not. I'm grateful to serve the Kamisatos." He shakes his head. " Miss (Y/n), from the moment you arrived here you've seemed to take a disliking to me. I'm just trying to understand what started it. Please be cooperative." 

Huh? You? You're the problem in this situation? You know what fuck your job. "Kamisato Ayato, I do believe from the moment I arrived here you've made me do the most outlandish things and have, frankly, acted like a brat. If anyone hated anyone first it'd be you." You bang your fist on the table of the Kotatsu. "I'm a mere maid trying to make a living, not a babysitter or a toy for a spoiled noble's amusement." 

He has the audacity to laugh. "I'm sorry I seem to be missing the joke here my Lord. Please share so I too can laugh at the very serious call concerns I just raised." You glare at him. He smiles trying to suppress his laughter. "(Y/n) no one has ever talked to me like that before..." You pause. You've never seen Ayato look so pleased in your presence before. 

"Shamefully I'll admit, I enjoyed hearing your true feelings about me." He fidgets under the Kotatsu again. "For the record, I never hated you. I enjoy teasing you, and I'll admit I take things to an extreme. For that I apologize for the suffering I put you through." You're stunned at his apology. The head of the Kamisato clan apologized to you? " My Lord I..." Your words catch in your throat and all the anxiety built over the past three days spills out of your eyes. The one thing you swore you'd never do happens, you're crying in front of Ayato. 

Instinctively Ayato rushes to your side of the Kotatsu kneeling next to you handing you his handkerchief. You take it and turn away from him as you try to repress your sobs. "(Y/n) I'm so sorry, I didn't realize... I..." He turns you to face him. His face is almost unrecognizable, maybe from the blurry vision of your tears, but his face laced with pure concern and gentleness. "I apologize for being so bold to ask but my I... Hug... You?" H u h?  Your world feels like it's been turned upside-down. Ayato is being nice to you, and the craziest part is you kind of enjoy how it makes you feel. A half hour ago you would've never dreamed you'd be in this situation. 

You cautiously nod and Ayato gently pulls your much smaller form into his chest. You sniff, still calming down from your episode. Ayato gently strokes your back. It sends shivers down your spine but you don't... hate it?? You're conflicted at this moment. A man who was once so cruel to you is now being the perfect gentleman. 

While battling your thoughts Ayato fills the silence. "When my sister and I were young, she would often hurt herself by accident. While she cried, I'd hold her like this until she would calm down." You hum softly. You're unsure what to say. This whole situation feels like a twisted dream. You feel like any moment you'd wake up in your bed and the sinister Ayato you'd known up until now would return.

You glance up at him, his eyes are closed as he still is gently stroking your back. He looks peaceful, a small gentle smile on his face. You dare even concur he looks rather handsome like this. Your face turns red as you now realize the situation you're in. Kamisato Ayato is holding you. Even worse, you're enjoying it.

One of his eyes opens and peers down at you. His smile gets wider but remains gentle still. "Feeling better?" He asks. "I think so. I apologize for my outburst My Lor-" "Ayato..." "Huh?" "You can apologize but please use my name, not my title." You snort with a smile, there's the Ayato you know. "I apologize for my actions Ayato. For the record as well, I don't hate you either." 

You pause for a brief second confused by your own confession, then words continue to spill out of your mouth. "I think I hated the way you treated me and just assumed you hated me. Besides you'd make me do silly things and would cause problems just for me to fix, making my life harder, it was frustrating but..." Ayato tips your chin up from his chest. You both stare at each other in silence.

Whatever rambles you had in your mind vanished and all you can think about now is how pretty his eyes are and how you never noticed until right now.  Ayato leans down, your lips inches apart from his, you can feel the heat of his lips radiating on to yours. "May I be bold once more Miss (Y/n)?"  You say nothing, you're absolutely frozen so he continues. "I think I did all of that because I'm positively enamored by you." Then closes the gap between the two of you, kissing you.

His lips are soft and as his hand moves from your back to your waist you find yourself kissing him back. It's gentle but tender, all that pent up rage for the man you once loathed melts and in this moment it feels like you two are the only ones in the world. He pulls away first. You stare at him, he looks positively breathtaking now. His other hand runs a finger over your bottom lip then joins his other hand on your waist. "If you hate it please tell me to stop, and I will." You shake your head. "Please... Continue."

-

His lips meet yours again this time with more passion. You wrap your arms around his neck and gently part your lips. Ayato takes this opportunity to deepen the kiss further, sliding his tongue gently into your mouth. His hands wonder about your body while he kisses you. You can't deny the sparks that follow in the wake of his touch. 

You part briefly to catch your breath and Ayato uses this as an opportunity to explore your neck. You tilt your head to the side giving him more access. He chuckles softly at your action. "So responsive." He teases against your neck. "Please keep your thoughts to yourself and keep kissin-" He bites down on your neck leaving whatever grip you had planned to die in throat and gets replaced with a soft moan. He lavishes the bite with his tongue and you're positive that's gonna be a mark you'll have to cover tomorrow morning. He tugs at the corner of your kimono staring into your eyes asking for silent permission to continue. 

Taking the hint you boldly slide down the shoulder of your kimono to let him continue. He smirks as continues his conquest from your neck to your newly exposed collarbones. Placing soft kisses on them while making quick work of sliding the top half of your kimono off, leaving the excess fabric to hang around your waist. The cold night air hits your skin leaving your exposed top half covered in goosebumps. Ayato reaches around to your back feeling for the clasp of your bra. "May I?" His voice comes out soft, filled with lust against the shell of your ear. "Please." You whimper.   He skillfully unclasped the bra freeing your breasts from the confines. Instinctively you cover your, your face bright red with embarrassment with another realization Kamisato Ayato, your boss, is about to see your naked body. 

Ayato wraps a warm hand around your wrist, planting a kiss on the inside of it. "If you're nervous we can stop here. If not..." His eyes wander to his bed, which is partially skewed from your vision due to the folding screen for Ayato's privacy sake. "No I want to continue... I just..." You laugh. "I don't want this to affect my job you know?" Ayato chuckles back. "I promise you it won't." You blush slowly unfolding your arms. "In that case..." He smiles, that's all the permission he needs and in one swift motion stands up and hoists your half clothes body over his shoulder, like you weighed nothing. 

He takes a few steps and throws you on to his bed, one you've made many times before and one you'll probably have to make again after this. He takes advantage of you getting comfortable to take off his top. You're once again faced with Ayato's bare torso, this time you are able to ogle at it as much as you'd like. "You're staring again." He says with a smug expression, climbing on the bed now towering over you. "Am I not allowed to My Lord?" You quip back. 

He raises an eyebrow and then you see that expression on him that you used to loathe, that sadistic smile. "I suppose I'll allow it tonight. I'll even do you one better." He once again grabs your wrists, this time places your hands on his bare chest, abs, shoulders. But Ayato being Ayato was in control of your movements Giving you the satisfaction of feeling his smooth skin but not giving you control to do so as you please. "Ayato..." You whine. He just laughs before releasing your hands and leans back down to kiss you again. 

While kissing you his hands wander to your breasts giving them a little squeeze. You can feel him smile in the kiss when you let out a small moan. "Sensitive?" He asks. You nod in response, worried your words will betray you. His kiss trails back down your neck to your breasts this time. Taking a nipple in his mouth and biting and suckling on it you can help but cover your mouth and whine in pleasure. He takes his other hand and messages the other breast pinching your other nipple occasionally. 

Your core was practically aching for friction at this point you wiggle your hips. Ayato's attention shifts again. "How cute.. Someone's needy." He says after releasing your breast from his mouth. He shifts his attention to untie your obi to get the rest of your pesky kimono out of the way. When he does you catch a glimpse of the sizable bulge in his pants. "I could say the same for you." You tease. "Can you blame me?" He responds as you lift your hips so you can let him discard your kimono on the floor. "Besides, your one to comment when your panties have a wet spot." He states bluntly as he slides off the bed dragging you by the hips to set you at the side of the bed. 

Ayato plays with the waistband of your panties eyes once again meeting your asking for silent permission to go on. As if you would stop him now. He must take your silence for reassurance because he drags your panties down your hips and discards them somewhere with your kimono. He parts your legs and spreads your pussy open. "You're soaked..." He sounds breathless as he stares at your glistening hole. "Don't stare!" You protest as you attempt to close your legs, admittedly flustered. Ayato, of course, overpowers you by keeping you legs spread and plants a firm's kiss on your clit. 

He takes his time eating you out. Making sure to tease all the spots he gets a good reaction out of you. Your grip on the beds' silken sheets will tear somehow. Ayato looks up at you making eye contact with you before sucking on you clit particularly hard. You almost cum right there. After a one more delicate kiss on your core he brings his fingers up to your mouth. "Suck on these for me please." He says. Instinctively you take his fingers in your mouth. The flush across his face as you tease the tips of his fingers is something you'll definitely be thinking about later. 

Once Ayato decides you've soaked his fingers enough he gently pulls them from your mouth. You let out a whine and Ayato takes the opportunity to spread your legs a bit wider. "Oral fixation... Good to know." He teases. Taking his now wet fingers he gently prods at your damp fold locking eyes with you as he slowly inserts a finger into you. You bring a hand out to cover the guttural moan that spills from your mouth. 

Ayato looks up at you, eyes boring into yours. "You better keep your voice down, we don't want the entire estate to know I'm giving my 'disobedient maid' a punishment. " He winks, and you click your tongue at him. Ayato quickly slides another finger into your hole before you can come up with something to throw back at him. 

Ayato scissors his fingers, opening you up for him. You feel close, that all too familiar high. "C.. close" is the only thing you can muster without being too loud, you were just so sensitive. He smiles sinisterly at you, rudely ripping his finger from your aching core. "Not yet, I want you to cum with me inside you." He bashfully explains. To think Kamisato Ayato is blushing, you still honestly can't tell if this is a fever dream or not.

While in your own thoughts Ayato shed the rest of clothing and you finally get to see his cock. It's definitely not going to fit... He's going to split you in half. You move to get off the bed to 'return the favor' but Ayato stops you. "Next time... I need you right now." Pushing you back down on the bed he grabs some oil stashed under his bed and lubes up his dick. Pumping it a few times for good measure. The anticipation is gnawing at you, as he runs his length in-between your folds. 

You open your mouth to tell him to hurry up, but his lips catch yours and he inserts himself into you. Ayato takes, what would have been an earth shattering groan, from your lips as he lets you adjust to his size. Pinning your arms above your head he peppers your face with kisses as your pain slowly morphs into pleasure. Eventually the pain stops and you relish in the feeling of being full, the glee of that gets old pretty fast and now all you want is Ayato to rail you into high heaven. 

You wiggle your hips as a gesture to show him you're ready and he smiles down at you. "Use your words... Ask me what you want." He's a fucking sadistic asshole. "Please?" You whine. "Please what? (Y/N), you always have something to say, why are you so shy now?" You hate him, tears of desperation fill your eyes. " Ayato please fuck me, I need you to fuck me. I can't-" You choke back a moan as Ayato slides all the way out of you and rams his dick back into you.  He buries his face into your neck. "Good girl." He praises before leaving yet another hickey you'll have to cover later. 

He sets a steady pace snapping his hips into yours. You can only imagine how fucked out you look right now. Ayato looks like an Archon himself above you, his furrowed brow and the sweat glistening on his forehead. To think you hated this man a few hours ago... Now look at you, completely at his mercy. The soft grunts he lets out next to your ear you wish to engrave in your memories forever. 

Ayato hits that spot inside you that makes your vision blur and you can't suppress the whine that spills out this time. "Ther..Fuck...There!" Ayato hones into that spot, causing you to fall over the edge. He gently thrusts in and out of you helping you ride out your orgasm. With the combination of your soft whines and how tight your climax made you, he pulls out and comes all over your stomach. 

With no strength left Ayato collapses, gently, onto you. "Noooo" you whine weakling. " My stomach is a mess now you're messy too." "I'll call for a maid to bring me a towel." You smack him and he laughs, rolling off you. He pushes himself up off the bed and grabs a small towel from a drawer. Gently tending to your cum covered stomach before attending to himself. You curl up on his bed, as you watch him as he grabs your clothes along with his. "So next time huh?" You smirk. "Pardon?" He freezes for a moment. "I owe you one, so you know... This doesn't have to be a one time thing." He clears his throat. "I wouldn't be opposed to that, I suppose."

 You push yourself up to grab your clothes from him but immediately regret it as every muscle in your body refuses to cooperate with you. You fall back on the bed Ayato chuckles softly. "Rest for a bit before leaving... Leaving too hastily will definitely cause more suspicion than leaving now anyway... " He lays back down on the bed pulling your body into his. "I didn't take you for a cuddler My Lord." You joke, followed by a yawn. He laughs, stroking your back just as softly as he did when you were crying. "Rest for a bit. I promise I'll wake you up in a bit." You nod sleepily into his chest. "Just for a bit is fine." You mumble before drifting off to sleep in Ayato's arms.

-------- ••• ------- ✧ °✧° ✧ -------- ••• -------

OH MY GOD I FINISHED IT HAHAHAHA GET ABSOLUTELY FUCKED PAST ME. If you read all of this I both sincerely apologize and thank you for reading my self serving fic. I hope you enjoyed it even a tiny bit.

[niki-phoria]

AHHHA stop I'm the anon who requested the Niki x male reader with him having a hug crush AND I LOVED IT LIKE IM OVER HERE READING IT BLUSHING AND GIGGLING 😭🤞🏽also YES definitely make a part 2 😔🫶🏽 and it would be more adorable if m/r is like inches smaller then Niki which the members tease about☠️

Again, thanks for writing my request and have a lovely day🧸

my bf (real)

pairing: niki x male!idol!reader (he/him pronouns) genre: fluff word count: 2.3k (longest fic i've ever written !!)

includes: blushy niki, mainly niki's pov, reader is implied to be shorter than him, supportive enha, brief mention of homophobia

niki's outfit is barely based on this pic

a/n: i'm so glad you liked the first part !! this idea is so cute, i love it sm i've been thinking of making this a series but the only other idea i have rn is them practicing together and reader meeting the rest of enha (maybe a collab stage ?? idk) i hope you like this part too <33

PART 01 / PART 02

requests open !! read my rules first

normally the familiar noise of niki’s phone vibrating on the table beside his bed would be an annoyance - a reminder that it’s finally time to leave the safety and warmth of his bed and do some work for the day. but today his alarm can’t come soon enough. 

jungwon and jay are already in the kitchen making breakfast together when he sits up in his bed. he can hear them bickering amongst themselves as he peels off the covers, quick to wash his face and brush his teeth in the mirror. he spends a few extra seconds checking his appearance in the reflection. it’s something he wouldn’t normally do, but it feels needed. 

he pushes his bangs back as he makes his way into the living room. sunghoon is sprawled across the couch as jake sits on the loveseat across from it. he nudges sunghoon’s foot out of the way, sitting down next to him. “morning niki,” jake smiles.

“good morning.” 

“when’s your date with y/n?” 

“later today,” he replies, pulling his phone out to check the time. “in two hours.” 

“today?” sunghoon perks up, shifting to look up at the boy. “you don’t look nervous.” 

niki raises an eyebrow. “should i be?” 

“no, but,” sunghoon moves to sit up fully on the couch. “you’ve liked him for a while. i figured you would be a little anxious about going on your first date.” 

“why don’t you help me then? i still need to decide what to wear and how to do my hair.”

“we’d love to help,” jake smiles. “come on.” 

“try this on,” sunghoon says, shoving another shirt at him. niki takes it, disappearing back behind the bathroom door momentarily to put it on. 

“where are you guys going anyway?” jake asks from his position on jungwon’s bed. 

“he’s taking me to a cafe,” niki replies, exiting the bathroom. he tugs at the shirt’s collar in an attempt to ease his nerves. “a cat cafe.”

“so… casual,” sunghoon notes, continuing to rummage through niki’s closet. 

“why not just wear a hoodie and some jeans? it’s what you wear all the time anyway.” 

“i like that idea,” niki says, tossing another sweater back at sunghoon. “it’s just a cafe date.” 

sunghoon sighs as he relents. “at least accessorize with some jewelry.” 

“of course.” niki grabs a hoodie out of the pile before tugging it over his head. jake sits up to brush his bangs aside and help him fix his hair. 

“try this on.” sunghoon tilts his chin up to wrap a silver necklace around niki’s neck. it sits just above the neckline of the hoodie. it matches the earrings he has in. “keep the earrings too.” 

niki stands up, checking himself in the mirror. he pushes his nerves down before they can overwhelm him too much. his oversized hoodie hangs loosely on his frame. he brushes his bangs back again so the strands sit nicely behind his ears. he looks like he usually does. nothing about him specifically looks like he’s about to go on a date. it’s for the better, he assumes. 

“it’s 09:45,” jake’s voice interrupts his internal debate. 

“i need to get going,” niki frantically searches for his phone, quickly shoving it into his pocket. “thanks for your help!” he calls as he rushes to grab a random pair of shoes. he ties the laces as fast as possible before running out of the dorm. 

the clock hanging on the wall reads 10:00 exactly as niki pulls on the door handle to the cafe. a chorus of small meows and purs welcome him as he glances around in search of you. “niki!” you smile, making your way through the swarm of cats over to him. “hi.” 

“hi.” he’s sure his cheeks are burning as you take his hand, leading him over to a table. 

“i got you a vanilla latte,” you say, pushing the drink towards him. “i hope that’s okay.” 

“it’s perfect.” 

one of the cats jumps into your lap, curling into a ball against your thighs. you smile, stroking a hand against her fur. even with his poor knowledge of different cat breeds, niki can recognize it as a calico. her face and body are scattered with orange and black patches. she purs against your jeans, nuzzling closer against you. 

niki can’t help the small smile that spreads across his face at the sight. the animal looks so content from her position laying against you. he breaks the brief silence when you look up at him. “the cats look so comfortable around you. do you come here often?” 

“i use this place as a way to destress; if that makes sense. i don’t have the time to take care of any pets myself so i hang around here with the cats. the coffee helps too,” you chuckle. “i read somewhere that you have a dog. bisco, right?” 

niki smiles a little bigger. you know about his dog. “yeah, bisco.” 

“i’ve seen a few pictures. he’s cute.” 

“not as cute as you.” the words leave niki’s mouth before he realizes what he just said. he all but retracts back into himself from embarrassment before you laugh. 

“thank you.” 

the hours slowly blend together as you and niki laugh together. your drink goes cold from how long you spend sitting around the cafe talking until you can’t ignore your hunger any longer and finally decide to get lunch. you leave the cats after a long series of pets and promises to return soon. warmth spreads through niki’s chest as one of the cats leans up to rub her face against his hand as you smile at them. 

“ramen?” you ask. 

“sure.” 

your hands brush against each other as you walk through the seoul streets. it’s the middle of a workday but you still pass by a few stray people along the way. niki hesitantly reaches over before you finally take the initiative to take his hand into yours. you look up at him. “is this okay?”

niki squeezes your hand, intertwining your fingers together. “it’s more than okay.” 

he can see you smile behind your mask as you continue guiding him through towards the restaurant. it’s exhilarating - holding your hand, making you laugh, being on a date with you. all of his nerves have faded away by now. only a soft, loving warmth remains. it’s an unfamiliar but welcome feeling that only builds the longer you spend together. 

his thoughts are interrupted when he all but knocks into your body - again - when you abruptly stop. “sorry,” he whispers. you simply shake your head with a small smile, tugging him into the restaurant. 

you throw your head back as you laugh, bringing a hand up to cover your face. niki can feel his own smile growing as he watches you try to calm yourself down. it’s a beautiful sound - one that he’d like to hear more often. despite having heard it through a phone screen countless times it sounds different when you’re sitting in front of him. smiling because of him. 

you fall into a comfortable silence together. for a few moments it feels like the world stops. everything around you disappears, fading away into nothingness. your eyes momentarily flick from staring into niki’s down to his lips. they’re tinted an incredibly slight pink; probably the remains from a lip stain applied for a promotional stage. 

“niki,” you whisper. the sun is setting around you, casting a gentle golden glow across him. his cheeks feel warm under your gaze. 

“can i kiss you?” his voice is quiet - as if he’s worried that saying the words too loud will make you pull away from him forever. his deep brown eyes stare into your own as he patiently awaits your response. 

it feels like hours when you nod. niki slowly leans in a little closer to you. he smiles a little, reaching up to rest a hand on your cheek, stroking his thumb against your soft skin before pulling you into a sweet kiss. 

suddenly, nothing else matters. you’re no longer two famous idols who have responsibilities to go back to and fans to potentially disappoint. you let yourself forget about all of the homophobia and backlash and hate in the world. you’re just two boys kissing underneath a sunset. 

niki’s face is flushed when you finally pull away. your lips are a little pink, matching niki’s. a slight breeze blows past you, rustling your hair. he raises a hand to fix it with a small smile. “can i call you mine?” you whisper. 

despite niki’s still-deepening blush, he nods immediately. your smiles grow as you lean in to press another quick peck against his lips. 

it’s nearly dusk by the time niki returns to the dorms. he’s still giddy as he enters, slipping off his shoes and making his way into the living room. 

jay is the first to notice him, perking up in his seat. “how was the date?” 

“he was gone for a while, it must’ve been good,” jungwon says. 

“it was.” 

sunghoon raises an eyebrow at him. “that’s all? jake-hyung and i spend all morning helping you get ready and all you tell us is that it was good?” 

“come on!” sunoo nudges him as he sits down. “we’re curious.” 

niki sighs, looking down at his hands. “he knew my coffee order and asked about bisco. he payed for us to get ramen together and spoiled some new parts of his comeback for me. he’s really sweet. he made me laugh all day and…” his voice drops as he plays with his fingers. “i really like him.” 

“aw, you’re blushing!” heeseung teases. he reaches over to pat niki’s knee reassuringly with a smile. “i’m glad you two had a nice time together.” 

“did you get a good night kiss?” 

the blush on niki’s neck deepens at jake’s question. “i did,” he says, faking confidence as he sits upright. “i kissed him this time.” 

“cute,” jungwon laughs, playfully pushing his shoulder. “our maknae is growing up!” 

“did you make it official?” sunoo asks. 

niki can feel his blush deepening, though he doesn’t try to hide his face in fear of making the teasing even worse. “we did.” 

“aw!” 

“that’s so cute!” 

“i can’t believe he’s dating already,” jay dramatically sighs, leaning back against the couch as he places a hand over his heart. “they grow up so fast.” 

“when do we get to meet him?” the others pause their teasing at heeseung’s question, waiting for an answer from niki. 

“i’ll ask him about it.” 

the playful pats and hair ruffles immediately resume after he answers. niki laughs as they debate amongst themselves over your relationship milestones. who will say ‘i love you’ first, planning your first anniversary, more likely to propose, how it’ll happen. 

he lets their words mix together in the background as he pulls out his phone, clicking on your contact. he smiles to himself as he changes your profile picture from a random image he found online to one that he took personally. you’re holding the calico cat in your arms as she cuddles into your chest while you look up at him. everything about the picture is perfect. your bright smile, the cute cat, and most of all, the memory safely locked away deep in his mind that returns each time he glances at the image. 

he saves your contact, typing out a quick message. 

you

i had a great time today :)

y/n <3

me too !!

i can’t wait to see you again

you

my members have been asking about you

they want to meet you sometime

y/n <3

i’d love to meet them

i’ve watched some of the en-o’clock eps and they all look really nice

you

i’m glad

we’re doing promotions at music bank in a few weeks

maybe we can meet up there?

y/n <3

that works perfectly

i can’t wait to meet them

there’s a slight pause before your next message. niki stares at the texting bubble as it disappears before reappearing a few seconds later. he waits as you type and retype the same message over and over, anxious to see his reply. 

y/n <3

when can i see you again ?

niki smiles down at his phone. you want to see him again. a second date. the potential for another sweet kiss shared between two equally nervous boys. more memories with you. laughing until tears sting the corners of his eyes and talks that slowly transform into deep conversations. 

you

i have some free time in a few days

we can meet up together and practice

i’d love to see more of your dancing

y/n <3

that sounds great !!

i can’t wait :)

“texting him again?” sunghoon asks. 

“y/n’s his boyfriend,” jake nudges. “let him text in peace.” 

“i was asking if he wants to meet you.” niki locks his phone, setting it down on the couch beside him. “he’ll be doing promotions at music bank in a few weeks. he said we can meet up backstage.” 

“that’s a good idea,” jungwon says. 

“we’re proud of you,” jake reaches through the sea of limbs to pat niki’s knee once again with a smile. “i know we tease a lot, but we’re all happy for you.” 

niki’s own lips curl into a small smile as he nods. “thank you.” 

[writer-in-theory]

Angst Fic Recs

hello!! so i've had four anons asking for angsty fic recs. unfortunately, a couple of them have gotten deleted because technology is my mortal nemesis, but hopefully you're still here and happen to see this!!

i'll also disclaimer this by saying that some of these i haven't read yet but have been recommended to me by friends. another disclaimer that i could've added countless others as there are so many wonderful lovely beautiful writers in this fandom.

i tried to limit recs to one fic per writer, but that didn't always happen. this is split up by happy/hopeful endings and no happy endings/ambiguous endings.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

HAPPY/HOPEFUL ENDINGS

➼ enough by @radiant-reid - as a side note, this one is so beautiful bc it's a topic i don't see often in fics and it's done so beautifully Almost ending their engagement, Y/n learns something she thought influenced Spencer’s decision actually didn’t matter

➼ traitor by @shemarmooresfedora You try to step out of your comfort zone to surprise Spencer but it backfires.

➼ loss by @alexontheinternet - if you want angst, go read alex's fics. seriously, i could add almost all of her fics they're done in such a lovely way. Reader is attacked during the last case resulting in a tragedy for her and Spencer

➼ addicted to a losing game by @sinfulspencer - this fic has a part two and is just so brilliant. i've read it quite a few times Rossi is getting married, the whole team is present. Y/N doesn’t have a date but Spencer does. And it’s not her.

➼ if i could see me now by @andiebeaword - i love this obviously bc it's written well but it's also such a brilliant idea Spencer hits his head. Next thing he knows, he’s talking to himself … from 15 years ago.

➼ trivial details by @june-moon22 - this was one of the first fics i read for spencer and i still think about it a lot the last thing you expected when you got on that train was to end up at the hospital with your ex by your bedside, but sometimes, not everything goes as planned.

➼ envy by @kahootlobbymusic When a new Agent joins the team, Reader can’t help but feel a little envious after she becomes friends with everyone quickly, inlcuding a certain doctor who seems to have a crush on her.

➼ (silence) by the door by @safespacespence - this one hurt me in ways i cannot express. it's so beautiful and athena has such a lovely way with words. spencer, your best friend, hasn’t shown up to work after maeve’s death, and you don’t know how to help him out. this is the longest you haven’t spoken to him, and he won’t talk. but, maybe he’ll listen? so you read to him, by the door, every night, in the hopes he’s on the other side, content with your company.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

NO HAPPY ENDINGS OR AMBIGUOUS ENDINGS

➼ human by @sinfulspencer “I cheated.” “I know.” Spencer and Y/N have been together for over two years. Sometimes love is not enough.

➼ better off without me by @sassymoon (MINORS DNI) - another side note, but anat is the absolute queen of writing beautiful heartbreaking angst. i wanted to add so many of her fics because they're all so wonderful this is the end of a relationship that was the best thing he ever had, and it’s time to say goodbye.

➼ a heartbreak in mid-december by @reidsbookclub - i've reread this about four times. it's just so good and there are lines from this that still stick with me. wonderful. Request: Idk if you’re taking requests rn (been thinking about you❤) but I was listening to the song December by neck deep and I felt like it would be perfect for an angsty mutual pining fic between reader and Spencer.

➼ we were happy by @lovelyspencers Months after their break up Spencer and gen!Reader learn that loving someone means letting them go sometimes.

➼ you said forever by @cacoetheswriting “fic based on Olivia Rodrigos new song Drivers license where Reid and Reader broke up and reader still loves him (he feels the same and it was just circumstance or not) and then JJ confesses her love to Reid and Reader is distraught.”

➼ one more time by @reidjumpers Spencer was still drowning in his love for a girl that had died in front of his eyes, no longer had a place to go as she went away, and you were too untrusting to the feeling that was greater than your being.

➼ profile me by @reidscanehand - this is also a topic not often seen in fics, but it was so poignant and heartbreaking. it broke me down and built me back up again. an absolute masterpiece. In which Spencer Reid fulfills his wife’s dying wish.

[azsazz]

I loved part 6😭😭❤️ do you have a list of what fics you’re posting next?

How much time do you have? 😅

Okay, so, here's what I've got going on...in no particular order

Nightlight (Part 2) - should be out on thursday if i can finish it in time (i see all of your reqs to be tagged and i will be doing that). (Part 1 Here)

Poly!Feysand smut (I'm determined to finish this I'm so sorry for the longest wait ever).

Az x Reader in which they are secretly dating but Rhys sends her on a date with Eris to help strengthen court relations and makes Az chaperone.

Poly!Azris in which Reader withholds sex from them because they're fighting so they end up having it with each other.

Cupid's Chokehold (Part 7) (final part 😭).

Angsty Eris x Reader

YA Rhys x Reader where reader is betrothed to another.

Az x Reader in which he saves her when the Attors attack Velaris.

Az x Reader in which Reader is a smut author and Azriel is her muse (@swansworth requested this).

Cass x Reader where they're drinking and blurting out things and he blurts out that he likes her.

Cass x Az x Reader smut (2 ideas, working through 1 right now).

Cass x Reader where he finger bangs her in front of the mirror.

Possibly Round & Round Part 2? (Part 1 Here)

Eris x Reader in which she is with his brother but is his mate.

Some Modern!AUs (when i told myself i wouldn't write more modern ones) include: Cass x Reader - he's working on his vintage Bronco and fucks reader on it, Lucien x Reader - professor x student, and maybe more)

Az x Baker!Reader (have a few sentences written but I don't love it yet)

Az x Reader in which he falls in love with a shooting star.

And I was thinking about doing Cozy Boy Winter but we will see what I can get through.

And I'm sure there's more that I'm forgetting but this is what's at the surface of my brain rn 😅

[andiwriteordie]

top 3 favorite fics you have written?

bonus question: have you ever thought about making actual books, instead of just yk, fanfiction.

that sounded mean but i love your fics so dont take that as mean 😭

hi!!!! thank you for this ask!!! <3

okay okay i think. i think my top three are actually my three longest fics because there's just like something soooo satisfying about completing a project this big, and i'm a sucker for worldbuilding and making detailed plots! some of my favorite parts of writing :)

i'll find a new place to be from

i know better (but you're still around)

the heartbreak prince (this one is still in progress but by the time it's done it'll be one of my longest fics hehe)

honestly i would LOVE to publish an actual book someday! i've been thinking about it a lot recently, just because i've been in au writing mode with THP, so it's definitely on the bucket list! i do have a full time job rn, so it's not something i'm actively pursuing at this time lol. but sometimes i think about which fics of mine could be turned into Actual Novels so idk maybe you'll see those fics out in the world someday

[tripthelightfandomtastic]

literally finished doing the math on all of my fics while on the phone with @builtbymachine and adding up all of the page numbers of my fics from my google docs of every fic i've published, my average page count, and what fic has the most likes and least amount and which boy's stories gets the most interaction just ✨because✨

So here are my findings!

As of 12:35am 10-3-2022

Total of Fics: 14

Total number of pages: 198 pages

Longest Smut: Whiplash at 20 pages

Shortest Fic: Nightingale 4 pages (not smut also i had covid lol)

Shortest Smut: Honey Mooners 8 pages

Average page count: 14 pages

Highest Ranked Fics by Boys

1. Josh

most popular fic: Feather Light

Total Notes count of all Josh fics: 1838

2. Jake

most popular fic: Prove It

Total Notes count of all Jake fics: 1012

3. Sam

most popular fic: Neon Moon

Total Notes count of all Sam fics: 760

4. Danny

most popular fic: Black Out

Total Notes count of all Danny fics: 382 (to be fair i only have 2 Danny fics rn BUT THERE ARE MORE COMING)

Anyway, this was just for fun bc I was bored and I really interested to see the analytics of my work and what y'all seem to prefer. If you want to take a look at my master list and read any fics you haven't read yet or go give them another read! I love writing for y'all and its insane to see these numbers and know that even 100 people have read anything I've written is incredible and so cool and I am so incredibly thankful.

I'm about to reach my first gretaversary and I wanna thank every single one of my followers who have ever read any of my fics or ever interacted with any of my silly stories about 4 white men from Michigan who I have a completely healthy parasocial relationship with <3

You all have helped shaped me into the writer I am today and it makes me so ecstatic to post every new story for you. I love you all so much. -Max

[thedarkestgreys]

✨year end fic review✨

tagged by @muserepeats and @luuver3 💕 thanks friends!

whats your ao3 account?

thedarkestgrey

how many words did you write in total in 2022?

the very stupid number of 252,903

how many fics did you publish in 2022? how many were multichapter vs one shots?

eleven all together. three completed multi-chapters, three wip/on-going multi-chapters and five one-shots.

what was your longest fic? your shortest?

longest : your violent overnight rush (141,867 WIP) shortest: 'till our wide eyes burn blind (938 on-going)

what was your most popular fic? what was your least popular fic?

lol by the numbers we can just repeat the above answer in the same order. YVOR is very, very close to not only being my most popular of 2022 but my most popular of all time by the numbers, in like a fraction of the time? it blows me away tbh. with TOWEBB, like, I didn't expect much from it really, it's less than 1k and it's just a little bit extra from an existing fic. it was still fun to write out a backstory idea from the hades/persephone verse i created though!

what fic didn't perform as well as you thought it would?

i only have one chapter of it posted, but don't you dream impossible things? has under performed from kinda what i was expecting i guess? idk its hard to say these days, a year post the season coming out while in a hiatus until who knows when means that it's really only the diehards still around for the time being, so i'm lowering my expectations here folks.

what fic performed way better than you expected it would?

all of you, all of me (intertwined) Desert!Fexi for sure. It was just a chance for me to write about T-Town and y'all ate that shit up. i think they will make a comeback sometime in 2023 when i'm not so busy with a billion WIPS like rn?

what was your favorite fic you wrote from 2022?

I think at this point we all know how I feel about YVOR. that fic is my child. BUT!!!! the stray lines that unwind you is probably what I go back and reread the most out of everything I've published in this last year. maybe ever actually? it was just a fun little slice of life to live in when i wrote it and has some of my favorite fexi interactions i've ever written.

what was your favorite fic that somebody else wrote in 2022?

oh so many. the talent in this fandom is beyond.

i will scream about And no drugs for Lexi Howard, bye. by @changeyourwholepitch to anyone who wants to listen to me. it's just perfectly smutty and delicious. i think about inspiration point by @actnatural-ly a fucking lot too. and Someone To Watch Over Me by @muserepeats never fails to fuck me up. i would be remiss to not point out that i love so many fics from @myztify. and also to remind @calculated2stagger that she makes me want to retire 😘 (yall its a joke okay?)

tag your friends to do this year end fic review as well!

@sarahcakes613 @takearisk-ao3 uhhhhhh idk who hasn't done this yet?

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

🌈 💞 and 💌 for the asks!

(It's @bibatboy and I was hoping you'd reblog that ask post so I could prod you for answers too 😂)

thanks for the ask bestie <3

meant to answer this earlier but then life got in the way

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

I'd have to say the fic I struggled the most with was probably Karyogamy. It is, to date, the longest fic I've written and the first longfic I've made. I did a lot of deliberating about how I wanted to alternate universes to differ and the whole thing came out much longer than originally intended. Chapters 3 and 4 especially beat it out of me. Before then, I didn't really have any experience advancing plot so it was a challenge, but I'm really proud of how it turned out!

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

I've answered questions like this before and my response is always different lol. I guess I'd have to say the relationships between the characters are most important to me when I'm writing. I mean, I am a ship writer so that comes with the territory, but I always worry that the relationships between characters seem rushed or underdeveloped or not explained well.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

okay so I literally have 18 wips rn plus 4 fully completed works that I just haven't posted yet, including that JayTim abo fic I posted a snippet of in a previous ask, a JayTim fluff/cuddle fic, and a smutty prequel to The Lost Art of Minding Your Goddamn Business, but I think this time I'm gonna tease you with a little angsty Bart Allen-centric piece I'm working on <];)

The physical sensation of it is unlike anything Bart has ever experienced before. The memory of his death haunts him. There is the fire searing his skin to ashes, boiling his blood, muscles contracting and shriveling and crumbling away all at once. It envelops him, like being shrink wrapped in a sheet of lava.

Almost as bad is the force of the fireball slamming into him. His bones shatter. His insides fold in on themselves. Bart has gotten smacked around a lot, thrown in walls, punched, kicked, even flattened a time or two, but none of that compares to this. This is the kind of blunt force that on its own is enough to beat the life out of him in one swift strike, one spectacular bang.

Bart isn’t sure which killed him first: the heat or the hit.

[beels-burger-babe]

Hi! For the Happy Writer: #2 ^_^

#2: Favourite comment

Now I love and appreciate every comment I've ever recieved. They each hold a very dear place in my heart.

That being said, there are a few that stand out. This took a hot minute since I went through literally every single one of my fics and went through the comments. "Not me almost getting fired because I was reading this during work" - @obey-mes-treasure, Fool Me Twice

"I just- you broke me. you physically broke me with this. it hurts so good tho." - @wannabemonsterfucker, It's Got To Be Me

"OP, I don't think I've ever cried over a fanfiction, but now my cheeks are sticky with tears. This is amazing." -@stuartette, It's Got To Be Me

"Not gonna lie I have tears in my eyes all emotions were just perfectly described you did a wonderful job and honestly I love your imagination it never seems to stop which is a wonderful thing. Your just really amazing give yourself a pat on the shoulder you earned it. Holy cow." -@rainbowcaterpillarlucy, It's Got To Be Me

"-clears throat politely- All I have to say in response is: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ❤️❤️❤️" -@drsquishysquich, Never Letting You Go (pt 2)

"I never quite understood the appeal of yandere ... I think I get it now ... Urgh, so so good as always, B!!" - @ren-re-mx, All Magic Comes With a Price

"CRYING IN THE CLUB RN 😭😭😭😭" -@anonymous-dee, Come Back To Me

"All aboard the Pain Train to Angstville ... choo choo, muthafuckas" -@lil-coffee-kitty, Come Back To Me

"*MIXED LEVI NOISES*" -@mammons-wife, The Facade of the Suitor

"How dare you make me go even more feral over this ailusdgvjhano;dsxn How am I supposed to go to sleep knowing you've peeked into my soul and went 'yeah let's go ruin her' ... " -@rsmrymnt-tea, I Can Be Your Type

"You wrote this! I've been looking for it! I love it so much and wanted to read it again and I couldn't remember the author or title. Oooh I'm so excited to read it again ilysm Bee! ❤️" -@general-misanthropy, Please Be The Flu

"No but this isn't crack - this is a masterpiece and I need part 2 omg you sweet summer child please give us more of this." -@reeeeeeeeecola, Guard Rat

"Oh my God this is beautiful and good and it is now canon to me and no one can convince me otherwise. I am crying over the emotions and how good it is 😭😭😭" -@shhhspect, The Facade of the Suitor

And so many more!

Also special call outs to:

@10paradox10 for commenting on nearly every single fic that I've ever written, I love you so much! Thank you for being around and just supporting me!!

@obeythebutler for Rosh's proposal/gun threat to me in her reblog of How the Heart Hungers and her amazing comment in A Day Out, which I think is the longest comment I've ever received, to this day and I still love it.

@obey-mes-treasure for all the gif reactions that absolutely made my day

I love all of you guys so much and I am endlessly grateful for every single comment I receive

[tapedsleeves]

58. Do you have a favorite piece of figurative language you’ve written?, 50. How would you describe your writing style? & 39. What’s your most self-indulgent wip? pls (:

58. Do you have a favorite piece of figurative language you’ve written?

Of what I've written recently I'm probably most proud of meet you in thin air, but oh man. I still look back on my gen pacific rim fic By Myself But Not Alone really fondly just because of the mythos I built out. also shoutout to my longest fic: I'll keep these crooked ways - a fic about a feral ratman and the sentient androids who... fall in love with him. (He tried to murder one of them. More than once.)

50. How would you describe your writing style?

Soft!

but as far a things i *try* to do: be descriptive and let the things people say or do imply how they feel rather than just say that they felt a way.

39. What’s your most self-indulgent wip? pls (:

Depends on what you mean by self-indulgent LOL (all of them are self-indulgent)

a rundown of my WIPs and why I'd consider them self-indulgent

a 5 things that Mark likes about Max fic that's just. listing things that are nice about Patch. feels good to be nice to him. :)

6167 showersex - self explanatory

kole lind as a curse-breaker fic - that's just. I just picked a guy on his team and went "yep, gonna ship that now" and I picked such a random guy that oli was like "did you make this guy up?" And. No. I did not. it's 12K, and it only encompasses (so far) the first twelve hours of the curse breaking process. they eat pb& j sandwiches, they watch Holes. they take a nap. they are about to go grocery shopping. (the original curse was different, but they get proximity cursed)

Mark plays flow free - that's it that's the whole thing. i love flow free. mark is me.

And the MOST SELF INDULGENT OF ALL a rule!63 tyler seguin/jamie benn fic that i may or may not ever finish (it's 26k rn, ffs). self indulgent because

rule!63. i love women

i KNOW about jamie benn ok I KNOW. i can't make myself stop thinkign about it. it's the big brown eyes. I'm a sucker for people (but especially women) with brown eyes. 🥺🥺🥺

i have like four playlists for this fic ok. this is probably why it's the most indulgent, because this was all music i liked in college bc it's set right after i graduated (and i'm the same age as Jamie. so everything is justifiable bc. I was there. It coulda been me.)

need i say again it's 26k??? there's like. SO much of this fic that i need to write. I have SO MUCH tyler POV that isn't even on paper yet. i'll never finish, probably.

they're women - also self-explanatory.

there's a target trip

the target trip is 3000 words long.

tyler buys cups

tyler buys one specific cup to leave at jamie's house to drink out of when she's there

jamie steals it at some point

they yell about the ducks beating them in the playoffs in 2014 using the (time appropriate) "you're no good duck, you'll never be shit" vine.

Jason Demers is the kind of girl who will put mini-kitkats in her own purse for her self for when she's drunk later. She's also the kind of girl who will leave one of them for hungover her in the morning.

jason pegs jordie.

there's so many things about this fic that are just. me id-writing. and all of them are fuckin. lady hockey players. my kryptonite.

see? all very self-indulgent. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

[lannisterdaddyissues]

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

And

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

For the ask meme <333

omg aww @lauwrite1225 @fleurdufeu ty all for the asks!!! also @faeratil bold of you to assume you can retract your challenge just like that, watch me do all of them anyway

A: Ships/platonic pairings that you currently like a lot ok so thanks to @potatoesforsamoo i am simping on main for steven stone and flannery from pokemon which is such an obscure ship but she writes amazing fic for them!! i also love twiyor from spy x family rn! as for platonic pairings i'm obsessed with literally everyone in major. the father-son relationships in that show are EVERYTHING and i love the friendship dynamics so much. in my head i've written over 1 million words of meta about them

B: A pairing that you initially didn't consider, but someone changed your mind franky/nightfall from spy x family... i was a yuri/nightfall shipper for a while bc i thought it would be comedic and hilarious but i saw some art of franky and fiona and honestly it would be the FUNNIEST thing if he had a crush on her. they would be like fix-it felix and sergeant calhoun from wreck-it ralph if they were a couple i think. and i love it

C: A ship you have never liked and probably never will sheith i guess?? i'm trying to think of ships from fandoms im actively in but not sure. anyway yeah whenever i see sheith i'm like ew. not even bc of their familial dynamic, like i don't care who ppl ship or anything go ahead and ship them all you like i just cant see them together. it makes my blood boil for no reason at all. it might be bc i ship klance or smth idk i'm gross

D: A pairing you wish you liked but just can't i guess all the thomas ships in downton abbey but i just don't Like thomas that much and im not very interested in his subplots sorry... it seems like everyone who stans thomas is having a genuinely good time tho and i wish i could be one of them bc im starved for good fic in the dabbey fandom :(

E: Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what? how easily you forget all the memes i made for tlk lmao... as for my current fandom i made this thread summarizing the entire plot of major through memes bc watching the anime made me so mentally ill. if u actually click on the second link tho don't read the tags i beg you... i thirstposted in there and it was bad

F: What's the longest you've ever been in a fandom? i've been in the fullmetal alchemist fandom for going on 8 years now and it's been pretty good. after that i was in the man from uncle fandom for 3 years or so

G: Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? gee it was so long ago but i believe the first ships i ever actually shipped were like kimron and drakkgo from kim possible. the first ship i actually consumed content for was either shirogane and ichigo from tokyo mew mew or yullen from d-gray man i think. if we're talking actual brainrot otps tho then it was stony jdkfsjskfds

H: What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff? oh anime 100%! i watch so much anime its a wonder i haven't magically turned into an anime character already

I: Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why? h*zbin h*tel bc the fandom was toxic as fuck and the show is actually so, so evil...

J: Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr duh it's the gay pirate show and the vampire book club... i'm not in them but they ARE all over tumblr so i have to think about them obviously

K: What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc? JOE GIBSON MAJOR JOE GIBSON MAJOR JOE GIBSON MAJOR!!!!!! I CANNOT EMPHASIZE ENOUGH WHAT AN INCREDIBLE CHARACTER HE IS!!! MY BRAIN IS SO ROTTED FROM THINKING ABOUT HIM ALL THE TIME OK YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE MEANS TO ME NONE OF YOU KNOW HIM LIKE I DO

L: Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves ugh... ok aethelwold WAS admittedly really funny sometimes. i hated him but he made me laugh and sometimes i miss the levity he brought to a scene with just his overall existence

M: Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend alice from major!!! she's just so cute and i think we would get along super well i love her <3

N: Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom content, content, and more content. the major fandom is a barren wasteland i hate it here

O: Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of? the first song to come on was if u seek amy by britney spears... idk why but it reminds me of junior from major bc i think he would have the trashiest white girl taste in music i just know he would be belting out an impeccable falsetto in his fancy jag while bumping his hand on the steering wheel. i know it

P: Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas) courtesy of ro i am still thinking about a major au where gibson adopts goro and raises him and junior together with momoko after shigeharu's death to atone for his mistakes. i just want gibson to be a father figure is that so wrong

Q: A fandom you’ve abandoned and why there are a lot of them so i can't really give one answer but like i said, the h*zbin h*tel fandom is so toxic i will never go back

R: Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom? GIBSON AND GORO ARE SO IMPORTANT TO ME!!!! despite their history there was never any lingering hostility or anything between them. they respected each other so much and took so much inspiration from one another and grew as people because of it. like gibson had been so arrogant and almost selfish in his debut eps but he transformed thanks to goro's influence and became such a humble and selfless person like even when he was dying he never put himself first. it was all about keeping his promise to goro, and making up for lost time with junior, and upholding the pride of his country, even if it meant putting his life on the line to do so. and in the last arc of season 5 we saw how he touched the hearts of fans all around the world with his resolve and i think it's so so beautiful

S: Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged) major au where no one dies and everyone is happy that's my personal headcanon right there. bc if shigeharu had lived i actually think he and gibson had such potential for a rivals to besties dynamic like it was all there. in my heart shigeharu lived and he and gibson became reluctant carpool buddies during the little league arc. i just really wish they had been friends that's it. nothing else to see here

T: Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? toshi is so in love with goro it's not even up for debate he is in LOVE with goro!!!! also i think goro and alice dated for a little bit. i just need it to be true

U: Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites roy mustang from fma/b, jaime lannister from game of thrones, and joe gibson from major. they're all war criminals (only emotionally in gibson's case) who are traumatized by the sins of their pasts but later redeemed themselves through their actions thanks to an excellently-written character development arc (in the case of jaime, this was all erased at the last minute. thank you d&d for your service)

V: Which character do you relate to most? KAORU MY BELOVED!!! i too am a spaz who loves sports but can't be normal if her life depended on it and i for one would LOVE to be goro's girlfriend so if she would just hand him over please <3

W: A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom i hate breakup+makeup/divorce+get back together aus i just can't stand the relationship drama smh

X: A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom slow burn mutual pining gets me every time its so basic. but if we are being oddly specific here then it's when a character who's the last person you would imagine to be competent in this type of situation is actually terrifyingly competent and you are So Confused and a little turned on right now like who is this and what have they done with [insert character here]

Y: What are your secondhand fandoms? succession, yuri on ice, she-ra reboot, attack on titan, mdzs and tgcf, and riverdale

Z: Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! uhhhhhh i guess with the new pjo adaptation i'm a bit concerned with alleged racism in fandom spaces now?? so many people are up in arms about annabeth's casting like "you're racist if you don't support this casting!!" like it's not that we don't support it? i love that annabeth will be black in the show! it's great! but... in the books and the movie... she is still... a white character... and maybe... it's not so bad... if people PREFER the books and the movie... so they continue to think of annabeth as a white character as a result... like, it's not erasing black annabeth at all! it's just they will continue to think of annabeth as white bc it's the annabeth they know and love! either way, the character is still annabeth! same source material and everything! anyway that's it, people will probably come after me for this but i just wanted to say it :/