jpeg-dot-jpeg

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

thinking about an au where Talia is literally evil stepmommy to dick grayson. Talia gets preggo and is like. hmmm. maybe its not a great idea to stay around a bunch of assassins while so vulnerable. and shows up at the manor like hi baby daddy :) i think your life philosphy is stupid but i can play nice :) and Bruce lets her stay obviously and prepares to have a whole ass BABY. and Talia is like. i can be a kept wife. (she can not)

meanwhile 14-15 year old Dick Grayson is RIGHT THERE and does NOT LIKE THIS. and he makes sure she KNOWS IT. this grown ass woman/ninja/cult survivor and this teenager/panties-and-pixie-boots vigilante/only child have beef like you would not BELIEVE. their relationship is so antagonistic its insane. they Can Not be left alone. talia puts sedatives in dick's food to make him Shut the Fuck Up. dick manipulates bruce into forcing talia to take parenting/labor classes. they keep locking each other out of the house.

bruce is like 'it is normal for there to be an adjustment period. teenagers are difficult. this is a normal situation. i dont have to interfere in any way' which is the WORST way to handle the situation. talia and dick see each other in the morning and its like. 'hello low-bred, leeching interloper :) ' 'hi baby trapping, pyscho bitch :)' EVERY DAY. bruce takes talia's side all the time because he is so in love and hopeful and idiotic, alfred takes dick's side bc he also hates talia but cant say it, and everybody is wary of what traps may have been left around the house. and then there's a BABY.

dick doesnt have anything against Babian except that the only shit bruce cares about is New Family and Being Batman and eventually this leads to him leaving home after max 2 years. which is great. talia Won. except that now without her Mortal Enemy providing enrichment, she gets bored of being Mommy and dips. Bruce is so heartbroken he fills the talia shaped hole in his heart with a jason shaped peg. and this causes more problems.

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

uhhh did you guys see those pap shots of Bruce Wayne at that kink club?? its always the super rich guys that are into that shit…

Keep reading

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

he want sippy

Ko-fi

Based on this youtube video

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

“Has no morals” and then it’s abt tim drake: the king of acting holier than thou

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

*points my legoifying beam at jaybin*

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

Batman: Officer Down is the funniest run/era amongst iconic '90's comics because Jim Gordon almost dies on the job+spends a while in a coma and is normal about it by deciding to retire, but Bruce "Daddy Issues" Wayne reacts so horribly to the entire situation that he and Alfred have beef about it, so Alfred goes to live at boarding school with Tim (which is allowed i guess) and Bruce is so incapable of acting like a functioning adult that when he loses track of Tim for like 5 minutes, he reveals Tim's identity to Stephanie (thing Bruce has expressly forbidden Tim from doing with any of his peers for the past 2 years despite it causing problems) so she can go find him and Bruce doesn't have to risk running into Alfred (because they still have beef) (because bruce was weird about Jim almost dying) (because of the daddy issues).

THEN Bruce Wayne gets framed for MURDER and decides to handle it in the most Impossibly Absurd And Frustrating Way (completely abandoning his civilian life and family to be Batman 24/7) (also letting his bodyguard rot in prison for Accessory to Murder (even though she is unfailingly loyal to him) where she is presumably killed and them abducted by a secret government agency to become spec ops but i digress). and alfred says. Okay Time To Go Home. and when tim is like noooooo help my personal life is in shambles and my roommate is a teenage alcoholic alfred says. Don't Care, Didn't Ask, Plus This Take Priority. and alfred absolutely scalps 16 yr old Stephanie Brown for bonus points.

and in the end David Cain gets caught out for executing the Most Immaculate and Convincing Murder Frame Up (to like?? test that bruce is a good enough detective to raise Cass??) and he just. fesses up and goes to jail for it. because they figured it out. despite having no sufficient evidence to prove it was a frame up. truly no writers were doing it like them.

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

Happy birthday, little wing

Twi | ins

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

not now kitten, daddy has to figure out how to file a w2 and a 1099 at the same time

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

No nuance option “mostly” is your nuance

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

you will never see dick grayson in the kitchen but not bc of any real skill issue, he is just so so tired. baby needs a nap. he is constantly applying and interviewing for jobs bc he keeps getting fired bc of nightwing shit interrupting everything and he refuses to take bruce's money. he does not have the time or energy to be chopping and simmering and boiling and doing fucking dishes. crushes the garlic cloves to peel skin off then taps out. princess doesnt care anymore. cereal, microwave meals, takeout. 'i'll just starve myself until im so hungry that anything sounds good.' and then he eats a can of pears for lunch.

Bruce Wayne is not banned from the kitchen bc of mundane shit like burning food or starting fires. seasoned professionals do that shit. bruce is banned from the kitchen bc he never bothers to learn basic shit and it gets people sick. it never once occurs to bruce to wash any of the produce he buys before eating it. he uses the same knife for raw meat and fruit and doesnt wash it in between. he left a dish out to cool before putting it in tupperware then forgot about it for TWO DAYS then PACKAGED IT AND PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE LIKE NORMAL. he is a motherfucker who thinks he can do shit perfectly the first time without any practice and he can when it comes to tech stuff and beating people up, but not when making ice cream bc he lets it churn so long it turns into butter.

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

Bruce Wayne is not banned from the kitchen bc of mundane shit like burning food or starting fires. seasoned professionals do that shit. bruce is banned from the kitchen bc he never bothers to learn basic shit and it gets people sick. it never once occurs to bruce to wash any of the produce he buys before eating it. he uses the same knife for raw meat and fruit and doesnt wash it in between. he left a dish out to cool before putting it in tupperware then forgot about it for TWO DAYS then PACKAGED IT AND PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE LIKE NORMAL. he is a motherfucker who thinks he can do shit perfectly the first time without any practice and he can when it comes to tech stuff and beating people up, but not when making ice cream bc he lets it churn so long it turns into butter.

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

here’s some more of jason todd being a naturally violent, rebellious, angry, and anti-social child so dangerous that batman HAD to take him in solely to prevent him from being even worse.

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

baby wamnt fish

he is Up To Something

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

POV Damian Wayne

kofi

ref/og image below the cut

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

Cover for Nightwing #126 by Vasco Georgiev