#as my mum always says:
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I love my little village. Very close to many beautiful forests and other places in nature. It's so cute.
I only went to the city to watch tfone only for the theater to not have the movie;A;
And the city itself sucked too. 😭😥
The environment itself isn‘t the problem for me either (I mean it is in the sense that the bus drives like 4 times a day and only to places I don‘t need to go and I don‘t have a licence and i cant walk either because we‘re ON THE DAMN MOUNTAIN I AM NOT WALKING ALL OF THAT BACK UP), it‘s the people. They all embody the worst stereotypes of German village people and living here is an absolute nightmare because of how terrible and inconsiderate and annoying they all are. Makes sense though since the shit-gang‘s leader‘s name is Torsten (our family has a,, not so great history with people who are named that).
But yeah all of the surrounding cities are shit too. Detroit doesn‘t seem so bad in comparison,,,
#my shit#im kidding im kidding#i dont wanna live in america#too many guns too little bread#also about the torsten thing#as my mum always says:#ich kenne fast 10 Leute die Torsten heißen und sie sind ALLE beschissen
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You know what feels like shit? When a new person comes into the friend group and they're just better at being a friend than you are. They meet all the needs that the friends want where you can't. And you can slowly feel yourself being pushed out of the group.
But what can you even do about it. You can't keep up with that kind of energy. You're not emotionally receptive like them. You're not as experienced in life as them. You can't participate in more conversations beyond your interests with them. You can't go out many places like them. You're not spontaneous like them. You need more accommodations than them.
And the shitty part always is, that overtime, even if you don't immediately realise it, you can feel your friends losing interest in you. You can feel them starting to get annoyed with you. You can feel them slowly moving away to avoid you.
You just know that you're not the type of friend most people want.
#autism#actually autistic#autistic#actuallyautistic#asd#vent#just feeling like complete shit at the moment#my mum says that sometimes these things happen#but this ALWAYS happen to me in every friendship I have
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it felt amazing to finally see that green checkmark on ao3, to finally move the full fic to my finished folders on docs, to finally say with my whole chest that it's really completed...
I'm proud of myself and what I managed to make, I'd been working on this fic for over a year, and I felt a lot of doubts while writing. I didn't expect to write so much. I often thought I was saying too much, or the fic wasn't good enough. when I reread it, I realized it wasn't perfect, but it doesn't have to be. I wrote something that was so unabashedly me, and I'm so grateful for that feeling. I'm so happy that I can write what I enjoy, that I can be myself while doing what I have always loved the most. I learned and progressed, and I can feel only excitement for whatever I write next!!
thank you for your patience, and if you end up reading, thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart 💞
I took off work tomorrow to celebrate lol (actually because I'm still sick but we're calling it a celebration). I don't know what to say next so here's some cute pictures of aki. three cheers for fic completion 🎉🎉🎉
#it's weird because#I thought after finishing this#I'd want to not write again for a very long time#but I just want to write even more tomorrow lol#insanity is real yall don't get the topknot virus#I appreciate everyone who has stuck with me!#comments and reblogs and kudos on ao3 are always appreciated but don't feel pressured#fanfic seriously changed my life for the better#at the time I picked up writing again I was in a very lost state#but since then I've been happier and happier#I've grown my writing but also grown as a person#I want to improve my writing while continuing to make the silly things I enjoy#don't know what I'm saying anymore#tomorrow I'll celebrate by eating a strawberry cake I baked with my mum#and I will give all the akis a bite too 💪💪💪💪
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#he looks so happy and san always looks so curious george#wooyoung#san#choi san#jung wooyoung#ateez#ateez gif#san gif#wooyoung gif#maxsixgif#in hindsight#this hair on him was so nice#his cheekbones are just so apple-y as my mum would say#woosan#woosan be woosaning yet again#with their friend steve yunho jeong
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Ride 757: A small tremor
Pag 1
2: Raging waves!!
3: Swirling ocean currents!!
Pag 2
1: Danchiku!!
2: We're now in the land of the decisive battle, Kyushu!! In Shimonoseki!!
Calm down, Issa, this is Moji. Shimonoseki is on the opposite shore, it's in Yamaguchi Prefecture
3: 1000 years ago, the final battle between Genji and Heike happened here
Pag 3
2: You know that because we did it recently in Japanese History? So you were awake....
3: The master fencer Miyamoto Musashi and Sasaki Kotaro had their duel in the close Ganryu Island!!
Ah... almost, but not really. It's Sasaki Kojiro; Kotaro is a friend of yours
5: Here!!
6: Here it's the starting point of the Inter High!!
8: Us!!
Pag 4
1: Let's become the best in Japan
Danchiku!!
Pag 5
2: Uh......!!
I came here just to chaperone you.... and I was wondering what you were you even talking about until now....
3: But this guy's simple words and feelings-
(Let's go see the sea, Danchiku! It's the sea!
Let's go renew our determination!!)
4: -can always shake my heart!!
Yeah, Issa!!
Pag 6
1: The towel is cast!!*
2: It's “the die is cast”!!*
Die is dice and it means “it's already started so you have to move forward”!! To “throw the towel” means to “give up”!!
(*NdT.: here Issa uses two very similar words: he says “saji” while it's actually “sai”)
3: Ahhh, dammit, I'm really so fired up!!
4: Let's go show this excitement to him!!
Him!?
To Doubashi!! Hahaha
Hm... wait, you want to go to Hakogaku's tent!? You want to march inside? Stop, Issa!!
Pag 7
3: We're here
4: Why are you here- during Doubashi-san's massage
See, look, Issa
Sohoku second years!? Don't come into the enemy's tent without even a greeting!
Doesn't matter
5: Let them through
Pag 8
1: It's been a while. I'm so worked up now, Doubashi!!
“san”, na!!
2: He's huge.....!! Hakogaku's third year, Doubashi Masakiyo!!
He sitting down, and yet he looks like Issa that's standing up!!
3: Is it your ring name!? Sanna Doubashi!?
I told you to use the honorific “san, idiot!! Buah!!
4: Was he this huge last year!? ….. no
He got even bigger during this past year!!
5: There are so many injuries in his knees
6: And even on his elbows there are traces of fights...!!
Pag 9
1: I came to tell you how much stronger I got in this past year
Oi, stop, if you say something like this now, you'll definitely regret it later
Nah, I'll say it
3: There's another person
4: Ah....
5: Is he also..... a regular?
6: Ah, Yes, I'm Sohoku's... second year...
Hahaha I'll introduce you!!
7: Is he your partner, Orange?
Hahaha, that's right!!
8: Our team's name is SS!! His name is Danchiku!!
I'm telling you this for your own good
9: Stop
Pag 10
1: This guy's a “chicken*”
(*NdT.: here the literal translation of the kanji used is "weak-hearted", while the reading says "chicken")
Pag 11
2: He'll run away right away
3: Buah!!
4: Road racing half a mental sport!! The distance is long and there'll be a lot of difficult moments. I don't know what kind of runner this guy is, but he's mentally weak and he'll be crushed by the pressure, especially at the Inter High!!
5: He got my weak point with one shot....!!
6: Nah, Orange!! Let's have a serious race, the two of us
Ah!?
And bring a better guy than this!! Ah!?
7: This one's no good, he can't run!!
That's what the sensor in my polished body are telling me
8: Doesn't Sohoku have a reserve!? You should.....
Pag 12
1: Replace him right now
4: Yuuto lost to a guy like this?
Ah!?
Well, I guess you had quite an advantage since it was a rcae in your hometown
Danchiku won!!
5: Would it be better if I was replaced...? No
He's not a bad guy, but.... sometimes he says bad stuff. Last year, too-
6: No, that's not true!!
What am I saying!! I'll run!! I'll be the one running!!
Pag 13
1: In the Inter High!! Together with Issa!!
2: Ehi, welcome back. Did you have fun on your walk?
… yeah
I've done the oiling and the gear check
Did you see the sea?
It was fired up!!
3: Fired up?
The sea was fired up!!
4: “My heart is small”
“Yours is much bigger”
5: Sugimoto-san.....
Once you get dressed could you try ride it?
Pag 14
1: Uhm, Sugimoto-san
3: Hm?
4: Hy.... hypothetically
5: If right now
6: I said I couldn't run, what would you do?
Pag 15
4: Since the day I was chosen as a reserve
5: I haven't taken even one day off practice
7: The members may seem to be in perfect condition, but they could accidentally fall and get injured, or get ill
Be ready to run the moment you know someone can't run, that's what a reserve is
I
8: I spent my time wishing that all my efforts would be in vain
Pag 16
1: I would run for all three days!!
Now I'll put this toolbox down, put on the my cleats and prepare my own bike!!
Can be done in fifteen minutes!!
Pag 17
2: Be prepared!!
4: I-I'm sorry!!
I'm sorry for saying stupid things
5: In road racing a reserve can only be subbed in until the start of the first day
The rules say that you can't change during the race
6: Is that so!?
You didn't know that!?
7: Once the race starts, if someone can't run, he can't be substituted
He retires and the number of people in the tea decreases... that's road racing
8: If your condition isn't good, tell us now
It's more advantageous is all six people run
9: It's alright, if you made that decision
Pag 18
1: No one will blame you
Pag 19
1: This trial run on the course is terrific, Danchiku
The sea is in full view!!
2: That tanker is huugee!!
“No one will blame you”
3: Don't hang your head, don't look down
What a I thinking!!
Raise your head!!
4: Issa is here
5: The Inter High I've longed for
6: “Stop”
“Chicken”
7: The die is cast!!
#yowamushi pedal#yowamushi pedal translations#yowapeda#yowamushi pedal manga#yowapeda manga#yowamushi pedal spoilers#ride 757#first chapter of the year!! happu new year my lovely people!!#and what a nice nice chapter!!#I like that the issue with danchiku isnt completely solved yet tbh bc self confidence isnt something that you can just suddenly get#so it makes sense that hes not so sure of himself#btw kabu is as always our silly annoying little bean and i love him#his face in page 7 assdfsadf if he came to me like that i'll simply punch him okay lmao#also i LOVE the difference between doubashi here looking all scary and cool and powerful#and then the doubashi seen in hakogaku's pov#who is basically manami's mum lmao he looks after him get annoyed at him and all that#and takes care of the team very well#say what you want but doubashi is the mum friend okay#and i also love how Kabu now likes him so much that he didnt even get mad when he offended his best friend#he just accepted it and then told danchiku 'nah hes not a bad guy'#sugimoto best boy ;-; i really love his relationship with danchiku#AND!! I OBV LEFT THE BEST FOR LAST!! AOYAGIIIIIIII#FINALLY HES BAAAAACK i cant wait to see him with kabu!!! ashdfasdf
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We do have electric kettles but unless you were a dedicated tea drinker or enjoy pour over coffee (compared to other popular extraction methods). Not many have one.
Also we have plug covers.
Never said you guys didn't have kettles said you didn't have good ones which is true bc the voltage in your plugs is lower then the Irish/UK plugs it means the kettles take longer to boil and becomes more of an inconvenience i also never said you guys didn't have plug covers I just said you have to buy them separately they're not apart of the plug like the irish/UK plugs
#ask#anon#sorry friend your ask did bug me a bit#bc when i was writing the ask i specifically thought to myself#cant be one of those people who say America has no kettles bc i know thats not true#but yeah i know a lot of people will also say that most Americans are coffee drinkers and instant coffee isn't as popular#which is true#but also theres other things kettles can be used for from making food to hot water bottles#quickly boiled water will always have its uses in a house#but why buy a kettle when microwaving the water or even the stove is faster#funny enough i actually learnt this from an American my ex friends mum really loved her kettle#said the ones back home were slow and also sometimes badly designed?#dont know what she meant by that if anyone has any clues
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*my mum showing me a clip of Eve Best at the London premiere of hotd s2*
Me, sighing deeply: I'm gay
My mom: you? Even I'm gay for her!
#eve best so hot she be turnin' straight women. so true of her#also my no 1 supporter and ally ever since coming out has always been my mum so i know she means it as a good natured jest not a dismissal#dont yall dare say shit about my mamá!#house of the dragon#rhaenys targaryen#rhaenys velaryon#eve best
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It’s the beast’s 15th birthday tomorrow, everyone make sure to wish her a happy birthday 🎂
#dogs#Sasha#we poke fun of her a lot bless her heart#ancient beast#reanimated by necromancers looking ass#every time my mums best friend is round she says ‘oh this is the last time I’ll see Sasha probably ):’#she’s been saying that for two years straight#she isn’t senile she’s always acted like a tiny alien#she just used to be less grey about it#muppet looking ass
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Funny how when you physically/emotionally/materially punish people for doing/getting something wrong, usually they develop a fear of being wrong and thus don’t know how to accept being wrong, how to make up for it, or grow as a person.
If you’ve told a person that their only options are to be right, or to be wrong and die, then they treat being right as a means of survival, being told they’re wrong as a threat to their safety and that there is no improving after being classed as wrong.
They become afraid of being wrong, convinced they can’t be wrong if nothing bad is happening to specifically them, and they do not know any methods to improve the situation outside of self punishment.
Proper conflict resolution skills are so vital.
#idk what im talking about#points that can be vaguely applied to a lot of situations but specifically im intending this to be about parenting#tw: abuse mention#in tags#bc i saw the phrase ‘i had to apologise to my mum for saying hell yeah white baby’#and was reminded of how apologies in my childhood were just a method to avoid being hit#and that being in trouble with a parent was never as casual as making a weird joke#it always felt like a life or death scenario#no wonder im such a perfectionist and can never let go of mistakes ive made or move on past guilt#anyways im fine im gonna use this for writing inspo#idk#rambling
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opal is waiting patiently for my mum to come downstairs to say goodnight. mum has already gone to bed. shes sick. opal please go back to sleep youre breaking my heart.
#opal#my pets#she heard my mums voice saying goodnight and jumped up and trotted to the door#and sat so neat and primly for mum like she always does#but mums not well and needs rest not opal biting her ankles cos she wont play#cos shes too tired
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#mine#writers of tumblr#poetry#spilled ink#writing#okay to rb#spilled words#poem#tw: trauma#tw: sa#tw: abuse#wrote this after one of the first conversations i had with my mum after i told her what my brother's did#hearing her insist it wasnt their fault. hearing her say she cant lose him. hearing her say it was our dad's fault. hearing her defend them#especially my oldest brother#probably the worst thing she's ever done to me#so sure i can take it. cause i always have#i'd say “i would never do this to you; it wouldnt matter who you said had dine it” and she said “youre a better person than all of us”#sometimes i wish it'd killed me so maybe she'd see it for what it is but..#anyway#i hope you know youre more than your strength#and that just because you can handle it doesnt mean you should#you deserve peace and to feel safe enough to put on and take off your strength so you can just be#i hope it all reaches you soon
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I feel like I'm losing my mind. Like this has to be a thing right? It's a thing I experience at least. Please please please tell me abt ur experience if u do 🙏
#all the literature i find is like yeah pmdd can be mistaken for bipolar but then they dont talk abt mania or hypomania#so im like ??? wtf is happening?#i mean i wasnt looking that hard but its still weird to me bc i tell my mum i possibly had a hypomanic episode and she instantly was like#hm could b hormones and she was 1000% percent right bc it happens mostly in the days before bleeding starts#so like i cant b the only one out there. and it doesnt happen all the time. and usually its not that extreme#like id say its mostly just elevated mood and it mostly just lasts like 3 days or so. so i dont think it counts as hypomania. but thats wha#ill select bc i had one time that felt so fucking crazy it felt like there was something seriously wrong with me. it was fun tho#before i crashed so hard i had to leave work in the middle of the day bc i couldnt stop crying lol#anyway. im curious#menstruation#pmdd#pms#its always depression this depression that. why the fuck do i wanna run around in circles screaming until i die? riddle me that batman
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Hey did I ever tell y'all about the time I dreamed that I had a baby daughter called Ellie that began with my finding out I was pregnant and ended on like her third birthday?
I legitimately woke up thinking "I should go check on Ellie" and then realised she was never real and when I tell you I SOBBED. I've been haunted by an implacable sense of loss ever since. Did I travel to another dimension? Wtf happened because that was insane.
#I'm not even joking when I say it felt REAL#I have this baby doll (it was my mum's when she was a kid and I have it now) that sometimes I just hold and it makes me feel better???#Did I astral project into another life?????#Was it just a really fucking intense fever dream??????#For the record I was like fifteen I have never even done the do let alone had a pregnancy scare#But yeah my little Ellie#And she never fuckin existed#I woke up halfway through planning her birthday party like baking a cake or sm and I was thinking#“I'll give her the little green cardigan I knitted”#Woke up to a silent house and was like “she's never usually quiet this time in the morning”#Then realised what had happened and started CRYING#idk man it's insane#From a psychological point of view it's fascinating but I've tried and tried to analyse the dream and?????#I always come up with something different???? I can't pinpoint the actual cause and effect of the whole thing?????#Madness honestly#And it was just a normal day too nothing weird had happened it wasn't a coma and I wasn't knocked out it was just a Dream#A very very real one#For the record I don't think Ellie had a father#I think it was just an immaculate conception that nobody ever questioned#Might have been IVF now I think about it#That would make more sense#dream#weird dreams#Ig I should add a grief trigger warning???#tw grief#one time i dreamt#Very confused and it's been like two years so wtf yeah that was... Intense#The most dream of all time#Maybe I'm just fucking insane lol but yeah
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I’m getting married tomorrow… it feels surreal
#to say that I’m anxious is to say nothing#of course I love my parents but my parents have been separated for more 10 years and their relationship traumatised me#it’s hard to explain because they’ve never had loud arguments cheating scandals or any other kinds of domestic violence they just never#really loved each other and it was obvious to everyone even to me as much as I can remember myself#and even though I always knew that my father loved me he was absent all the time and never really payed attention to my life#and growing up with an emotionally unstable narcissistic mum can traumatise anyone#so yeah I don’t have positive image of a family in my head#my future husband is a complete opposite. his parents have been together for 20+ years and they are really nice
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.
#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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Shout out to everyone who was alone when they came out of surgery
I was going to make this trans-specific, but as I was typing I realised this would suck no matter what you had done. So, to people who wanted someone to be there:
I'm sorry you were alone, or if no one could visit until days later when the scary moments had already passed. I'm sorry no one was there to celebrate you coming out the other side.
You made it, you're alive. I'm hugging you and leaving balloons and stuffed animals (that you may or may not want lol) by your bedside.
#skip talks#hearing funny or heart-warming stories about things people said to their loved ones immediately after surgery always hurt just a little bit#hearing about how someone waited up into the small hours for their person to come out/wake up#i wish could've been there for me#but due to a few factors it wasnt possible#i was happy! but also felt really alone and uncomfortable and i was in a shared ward so i couldnt even relax#😩😩#then came home to find mum had tried to 'help' by clearing out my room and rearranging things#i was NOT in the right headspace to receive that well or wirh grace#it made me anxious and ruined my return home#but of course i was the one who had to say sorry for not being grateful 😑#there are typos here but i cant do anything about em im using the app lmao
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