#as much as i love their friendship ​i’m a big fan of when they’re working against each other

[greenvertumna]

My favorite bit of white collar is when neil and peter find out they’ve been lying to each other for episodes and they have this big dramatic moment where they promise “no more secrets”. And then they both wake up the next morning and start keeping new and more convoluted secrets from each other.

[harrywavycurly]

I know Lonely reader goes on Twitter and answers random questions! Could we maybe see some? Do you think sometimes she even asks Harry for his answer if a fan is wanting his opinion on something?🩷

Hiii lovey!!! Oh 100000% she does because I mean until recently she was just Harry’s bestie so I imagine she’s always been pretty decently active social media just making sure to respect Harry and Niall’s privacy of course! But she wouldn’t have any issue going on there and answering random questions, I’ll happily give you some examples!! 💖

-find all things for the Lonely series here✨

A/N: You’re doing an evening scroll on Twitter/X and decide to answer some questions and even get your fiancé to help on a few of them✨

Fan: is Niall REALLY the man of honor? What color is he wearing for the ceremony?- Niall really is the man of honor and sorry can’t tell you what color he’s wearing but I can say it’s not black or white✨

Fan: Fave era of Harry? Be honest👀- I met him in arguably one of his best eras his frat era but my fave was the long hair. He was absurdly good looking with it.

Fan: Did you steal his clothes when you were just friends? I’d have his whole t shirt collection- I did! I used to take t shirts but then I also used to “borrow” his fancy bomber jackets and even now they’re in my closet and not his😂

Fan: Would Harry ever write a song about you?- He said yes and then asked how do we know he hasn’t already? He’s always trying to be so mysterious🙄

Fan: Are you excited for the wedding? Is it in Italy???- I am very excited and also super fucking nervous? I think that’s normal though? But no it’s not in Italy, Harry lost that battle.

Fan: Have you and Harry kissed before?- I honestly love how nosey this is, but yes we have kissed a few times.

Fan: One thing of Harry’s that you love?- His hands. I know you all know why.

Fan: What made Harry want to be bffs with you after meeting?- He says my sense of humor and we just clicked oh and our banter was top tier. So basically I’m funny and he likes to try to argue with me😂

Fan: Do you really even love Harry??- Honestly? He’s whatever.

Fan: How did you meet Niall? Your friendship with him is goals- I met him after a show a few weeks after meeting Harry when he invited me to see One Direction perform and we just instantly go along so well! I love that dude so damn much. I’ll tell him you said that!!✨

Fan: How did he propose?- Very dramatically.

Fan: Oh god does Harry read these too now that you’re engaged? I’m scared he’s gonna see my embarrassing tweets 😅- Don’t be scared babes he’s a narcissist so even though you may find them embarrassing he loves them, especially your tweets about his rings👀

Fan: I can’t believe you’re going to marry Harry Styles😭- He can’t believe it either. Keeps checking to see if I’ve changed my mind every few days.

Fan: Tell me please does Harry do his own laundry?- He does when he has the time. He’s a big boy and even knows how to sort his colors from his darks and all that kinda stuff.

Fan: What side of the bed does Harry sleep on?- The one closest to the bedroom door and he says that’s a safety thing kinda like why he walks on the side closest to the street when we walk on the sidewalk. I don’t argue I just go with it.

Fan: How many people are invited to your wedding?- Not a lot😬

Fan: Are you gonna stop working now that you’re gonna be married to Harry?- Niall is that you?👀😂

Fan: Who has more clothes?- Harry. But I do beat him when it comes to books so there’s that.

Fan: HS4 coming at midnight??- Seeing as this was asked several days ago I think it’s safe to say no, sorry babes🥺

Fan: Fave Harry song?- Golden has always been one of my faves but lately I’ve been listening to Cinema a lot I think it’s the background vocals 🫠

Fan: Did you see Niall on tour this year?- I did, I was at both MSG shows and cried and then went with Harry to the show in Manchester.

Fan: When is the wedding?- Not soon enough according to my fiancé.

Fan: Memory with Harry that makes you smile?- Oh god there’s so many to pick from but probably the first time he FaceTimed me while on the road just because he missed me.

Fan: Are you writing your own vows?- Not sure yet, Harry wants to but then you know how he gets and I’ll be standing there for half an hour crying and I just think I’d like to keep it short and sweet but who knows.

Fan: Who’s the clingy one? You or Harry??- We both already know the answer to this question babes. It’s Harry.

Fan: I just wanted to say I love you and Harry💕- Awe and I just want you to know Harry and I love you too!!!

Fan: You two should have a show- I told Harry he should be on the Real Housewives but he told me no.

[itneverendshere]

hii! just wanted to drop by this message to say I’m currently obsessed with the series of ‘loved you at your worst’. It has dragged me to pull out all folklore songs again 🥲 I just loooove your writing style and it amazes me how you can redact so amazingly <3 can’t wait for more chapters to see what’s next. Quick curious question: can you give us some more context on how invested was Rafe in the relationship with y/n? I’m curious how their dynamic was when both were stable lol. (I’m sorry if there’s misspelling, English is not my first language hehe).

your english is perfect don't worry, it's not my first language either!

im gonna try to summarize their relationship pre-big break up: rafe was SO obsessed with her, like genuinely all-in on this relationship. when things were good, they were perfect, they just clicked in this undeniable way—emotionally, physically, spiritually, they were just meant to fit. he wasn’t just invested; he was borderline consumed.

but it wasn’t just love, it was also their shared trauma. both of them had been through so much, and that’s partly why they felt so seen by each other. she got him in a way no one else did, and he craved that understanding (that's why shit hit the fan when she didn't coddle him when ward died). when they were stable, he actually put in effort to be open with her (his version of it), and she was his safe place and vise-versa. you’d look at them and think, “they're meant to be" yk??

but when things went wrong...it was a shitshow.

neither of them knew how to communicate their needs properly, so they’d just explode instead.

they’d go on those “breaks,” but they were still obsessing over each other, stalking socials, making each other jealous with a little flirting, just overall trying to be mean and hurtful but also checking in, very much toxic.

if they want any chance at real happiness together, they’re both gonna have to do some serious inner work, “heal your childhood traumas” level of work.

therapy? mandatory.

individual and couples counseling. they’d both need to face all that baggage, which is a LOT, honestly, given their history. 

i know everyone’s mad at rafe for dumping her just because she called out his father—even if she wasn’t wrong—but remember, he was not in his right mind. he was drowning in grief, numbing himself with alcohol, desperate for any sense of validation, so yeah, he filled her space with someone else just to feel needed. it's messy as fuck and desrespectful, but it wasn't a calculated choice.

and here’s the thing: it’s been from reader's POV so far, so we haven’t seen everything. yes, she’s hurting, but she’s not entirely blameless either. there were so many situations she could’ve handled better, and you’ll get to see those moments from a different angle soon.

honestly, both of them need to grow up. while i love my baby reader to pieces, part of why she feels so isolated now is because she put all her energy into rafe and rafe alone. she never took the time to build friendships or let others in, assuming he’d always be there and she’d never need anyone else. so yeah, she’s alone while he still has people around him, but that’s not entirely his fault, either. they both need to work on themselves if they want to heal.

[harrysfolklore]

Def Dua!! i feel her and Harry would get on so well irl 😹

this is definitely one of my favorite works i’ve ever done ! i hope you like it as much as i do

all the amazing and beautiful manips here were made by @wannawhispa who’s the coolest and most talented ever

if you want exclusive blurbs SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON

ask me anything | masterlist | likes and reblogs are appreciated !

2013

liked by harrystyles, niallhoran and 298,736 others

yourinstagram MY ALBUM JUST HIT #1 IN THE UK AND I’M OPENING SHOWS FOR ONE DIRECTION NEXT WEEK !!! my life is a dream right now ❤️

view all 32,826 comments

ynfan1 I’M SO PROUD OF YOU !!

niallhoran Ayeeee welcome abroad !

onedirectionfan1 i can’t wait to see you at my show

harrystyles Soooo excited ! :)

ynfan2 she’s getting so big in the industry, i’m proud

liked by onedirectionfan1, onedirectionfan2 and 3,827 others

onedirectionnews Harry sent a message for YN’s sister Rina !

view all 964 comments

onedirectionfan1 my babyyyy

ynfan1 i love their friendship

onedirectionfan2 best duooo

ynfan2 i love them

liked by ynfan1, ynfan2 and 1,726 others

ynupdates YN during her set in Belfast tonight ! #TakeMeHomeTour

view all 327 comments

ynfan1 my babyyy

onedirectionfan1 her set was so good

ynfan2 she’s gaining sooo many fans

onedirectionfan2 i love her songs i’m definitely becoming a fan

liked by niallhoran, yourinstagram and 1,026,763 others

harrystyles Ready to go on stage.

view all 42,642 comments

onedirectionfan1 hi harryyyy

ynfan1 she’s so prettyyyy

niallhoran She’s stealing our spotlight

yourinstagram you annoy me

onedirectionfan2 i love this friendship

2016

liked by harryfan1, harryfan2 and 6,937 others

harryupdates Harry spotted hanging out with YN in London today !

view all 986 comments

harryfan1 OMGGG THE ICONIC DUO IS BACK

ynfan1 a reunion i didn’t know i needed

harryfan2 ahhh they were the best of friends back then remember ?

ynfan2 i’ve always shipped them tbh

liked by harrystyles, selenagomez and 1,037,863 others

yourinstagram bartender of the night 😍

view all 59,973 comments

ynfan1 BEST FRIEND ???

harryfan1 omg are they dating ??

niallhoran My mates ❤️

arianagrande love you angels

ynfan2 the 😍 emoji they’re sooo dating

harryfan2 IT couple already

liked by yourinstagram, nickgrimshaw and 3,937,973 others

harrystyles Happy Birthday, my love x

view all 60,826 comments

harryfan1 AHHHHH

annetwist Happy birthday gorgeous girl ❤️

↳ yourinstagram i love you annie 💖

yourinstagram I love you, angel boy 🤍

ynfan1 AHHH THIS IS GOING TO BE THE IT COUPLE OF THE INDUSTRY

harryfan2 this is like the perfect couple

2017

liked by kaiagerber, yourinstagram and 4,286,863 others

harrystyles HARRY. STYLES. //12.MAY.17//

view all 74,023 comments

harryfan1 OMGGGG HARRYYY

jefezoff 🙌🏻🙌🏻

yourinstagram SO PROUD OF YOU MY LOVE ❤️

ynfan1 around the same time yn is releasing her album, my babies

annetwist ❤️

liked by harrystyles, shawnmendes and 3,927,726 others

yourinstagram all the albums i have to sell in order to kick @harrystyles out of the #1 spot

view all 59,937 comments

ynfan1 PLEASEEE I LOVE THEM

niallhoran 😂😂😂

harryfan1 that’s what happens when the #1 male and female artists in the industry are dating

harrystyles Heeeeeyyyyyy x

↳ harryfan2 i love them so much

jefezoff I’m buying yours

↳ yourinstagram thank you jeffrey

↳ harrystyles If I don’t sell albums we both lose our jobs, mate.

liked by harryfan1, ynfan1 and 4,826 others

harryandyn Harry and YN at the Dunkirk premiere tonight !

view all 964 comments

harryfan1 AHHHH

ynfan1 the IT couple does it again

harryfan2 they looked soooo hot

ynfan2 the fact that the #1 singers in the world are dating will always be so hot

2018

liked by harryfan1, ynfan2 and 6,937 others

ynupdates “He couldn’t be here tonight because he’s currently on the road touring, but I know he would like me to thank you for your giving him this award, and i’m definitely not jealous that he won it over me, they’re going to the same shelf anyway” - YN accepting Harry’s Brit Award for best music video tonight !

view all 985 comments

harryfan1 PLEASEEE

ynfan1 i love them so much

harryfan2 yn won best female artist also they’re really the most successful couple in the industry

ynfan2 THE IT COUPLE

liked by yourinstagram, cindycrawford and 2,880,287 others

harrystyles Hong Kong, Live On Tour.

view all 45,205 comments

harryfan1 SO HOTTT

jefezoff 🙌🏻

yourinstagram I miss you, my angel boy 🤍 I hope you’re enjoying tour

↳ ynfan1 AWEEEE

↳ harrystyles I miss you every day x

↳ harryfan2 they’re disgustingly in love that’s so cute

liked by harrystyles, lizzobeeating and 4,082,873 others

yourinstagram THE ONE THAT I BELONG TO 💖 THANK YOU NYC

view all 95,726 comments

ynfan1 MY BABIES

harryfan1 THE WAY HARRY LOOKS AT HER

shaniatwain Love, love, love ! ❤️

ynfan2 they need to perform together more often

harrystyles Always x

harryfan2 COLLAB

2019

liked by harrystyles, sza and 3,026,837 others

yourinstagram WE TOOK THEM HOME !!! THANK YOU RECORDING ACADEMY 🥲🤍

view all 87,265 comments

ynfan1 IM SUPER PROUD

selenagomez ❤️❤️

harryfan1 i lost my mind when she said “i would love to dedicate this to my angel boy h” THEY’RE SO IN LOVE

harrystyles I’m the proudest guy in the world right now. You deserve this more than anyone, my love. Can’t wait to see those in the shelf x

↳ ynfan1 IM SOBBINGGGGG

niallhoran Congrats my friend 🙌🏻

liked by yourinstagram, maggierogers and 3,220,408 others

harrystyles FINE LINE. THE ALBUM. DEC 13

view all 86,704 comments

harryfan1 OMGGGG

gucci ❤️

ynfan1 SO EXCITING

yourinstagram PINK AND BLUE TIME !! FINE LINE IS COMING

↳ ynfan2 she’s so excited i can’t

annetwist So proud 👏🏻👏🏻

liked by harrystyles, yourinstagram and 298,736 others

latelateshow Spill or Fill? Find out what everyone’s favorite couple went for in the link in our bio. #LateLateStyles

LINK TO THE BLURB ABOUT THE INTERVIEW

view all 15,927 comments

harryfan1 THIS WAS THE BEST THING EVER

harrystyles That was fun, let’s not do it again.

↳ yourinstagram agreed

ynfan1 I LOVE THEM SO MUCH BYE

harryfan2 name a more iconic couple

liked by harrystyles, jennierubyjane and 3,936,863 others

yourinstagram when you find out that you have the #1 album in the world. I LOVE YOU, LOVE OF MY LIFE, i’m so proud of you and i will never have the words. PINK AND BLUE FOREVER 💓💙

view all 72,827 comments

ynfan1 AWEEEE

sza congrats ❤️

harryfan1 i’m crying this is adorable

harrystyles How does it feel to know that an album full of songs about you is #1? x

↳ yourinstagram pretty good tbh, feeds my ego and all

↳ harryfan2 BYE I LOVE THEM

2020

liked by harrystyles, theestallion and 5,927,762 others

yourinstagram MOONLIGHT. THE ALBUM. OUT NOW 🌖🤍

THANK YOU to my team, co-writers and producers for helping me create the album of my dreams.

thank you to my family and friends for supporting me and listening to my endless rants about i wanted to craft the perfect album.

and thank you to my angel boy @.harrystyles, for inspiring me to be the best artist i can and giving me a love to write about.

I HOPE YOU LOVE IT AS MUCH AS I DO

view all 98,625 comments

ynfan1 IM CRYINGGG

dojacat congrats my friend 🖤

harryfan1 saved 2020

harrystyles I’m so proud of you, and I love you. The world already knows how sappy you make me.

↳ ynfan1 if they ever break up i’ll stop believing in love

harryfan2 PINK AND BLUE JUST LIKE FINE LINE

liked by sza, yourinstagram and 6,722,835 others

harrystyles DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. Practice social distancing. Watermelon Sugar Video Out Now.

view all 130,233 comments

harryfan1 BEST VIDEO EVER !!!

yourinstagram SUMMER ANTHEM !! 🧡

↳ ynfan1 girl that song is literally about your goods

jefezoff 🙌🏻🙌🏻

harryfan2 this deserves to be a #1 hit

liked by harrystyles, bellahadid and 5,926,625 others

yourinstagram LISTEN UP KIDS !! h has the chance of hitting #1 on the billboard hot 100 for the first time ever ! stream watermelon sugar so i can be a happy girl with a happy boyfriend 🥰

view all 97,625 comments

ynfan1 YEEES

harryfan1 not yn doing more promo than harry’s team

jefezoff Are you trying to steal my job?

↳ yourinstagram i already did

harrystyles ❤️🍉

annetwist Let’s go 👏🏻

liked by harrystyles, jefezoff and 5,827,762 others

harrystyles You’re the reason why Watermelon Sugar exists. Thank you to everyone who helped to make it #1 x

view all 92,872 comments

harryfan1 IM CRYING

ynfan1 the it couple does it again

yourinstagram this is all YOU my love, you make me and all of us who love you so proud 🥲

↳ harryfan2 she’s so right

gemmastyles The first of so many ❤️

2021

liked by harryfan1, ynfan1 and 302,963 others

mtv Gucci boy and Versace girl have arrived to the red carpet ! ✨ #Grammys2022

view all 23,973 comments

harryfan1 OMG OMG

ynfan1 THEY SLAYED SO HARDDD

emmachamberlain bury me with this

↳ ynfan2 SAME

harryfan2 ugh just look at them, posing for the grammys together with 3 nominations each and ready to slay their performances. THE INDUSTRY’S POWER COUPLE

liked by harryfan1, ynfan1 and 5,826 others

harryupdates Harry and YN at the Grammys !!

view all 956 comments

harryfan1 HE LOOKS SO PROUD

ynfan1 my grammy winners

harryfan2 im so happy him and yn won

ynfan2 i screamed when yn said “i would love to thank harry, even tho i literally just took this win from him” I LOVE THEM

liked by zendaya, harrystyles and 6,937,927 others

yourinstagram GRAMMYS RECAP !! 🤍🦋 i love sharing this moments with you @.harrystyles

view all 102,973 comments

ynfan1 I LOVE THEMMM

taylorswift ❤️

lizzobeeating the loves of my life actually

harryfan1 HARRY CONTENTTT

harrystyles First of so many together x

↳ ynfan2 SO RIGHTTTT

liked by sukiwaterhouse, yourinstagram and 9,620,978 others

harrystyles Grammys, March 2021.

view all 286,907 comments

harryfan1 OMFGGGGG

ynfan1 SO DAMN ICONIC

rosalia.vt ❤️

jefezoff 🥺

harryfan2 you don’t understand they’re the modern brad pitt and jennifer aniston minus the toxic part they’re the moment

mtv We love a couple who breaks the internet ❤️

extra: yn attend’s harry’s msg shows

2022

liked by harryfan1, ynfan2 and 6,862 others

harryandyn Harry at YN’s show in London tonight !

view all 986 comments

harryfan1 his entire family was there too 🥺

ynfan1 that’s why miss girl was extra giggly tonight

harryfan2 his face while she was doing the pretty please dance, same

ynfan2 best couple ever

liked by harrystyles, jennierubyjane and 5,027,635 others

yourinstagram COACHELLA WEEKEND ! ready to support my angel boy 🦋🤍

view all 84,827 comments

ynfan1 SLAYYYY

annetwist Have fun, kids ❤️

harrystyles Butterfly girl x

↳ harryfan1 JUST STOP

bellahadid let’s gooo 🤘🏻

ynfan2 she’s in the middle of her world tour but flew to the states to support him MY BABIES

liked by yourinstagram, maggierogers and 7,659,053 others

harrystyles Harry’s House. Out now.

view all 109,728 comments

harryfan1 BEST ALBUM EVER

ynfan1 i love it already

yourinstagram my boyfriend is the #1 in the game and i’m so proud of him 🥲

↳ harryfan1 AHHHHHH

jefezoff ❤️

harryfan3 my baby i love him

liked by florencepugh, harrystyles and 6,927,762 others

yourinstagram we love movies that feel like movies

view all 85,837 comments

ynfan1 SLAYYYY

florencepugh i love YOU

↳ ynfan2 yn x flo is the ultimate duo

harryfan1 YEEES

gemmachan ❤️

harrystyles You’re my only housewife, sorry Alice

↳ harryfan1 HUH?

↳ ynfan1 HOUSEWIFE? SINCE WHEN?

taglist: @cucciolafaerie @eleanordaisy @sunflowersndpeaches @golden-hoax @alienorknight @daydreamingofmatilda @ivyproblems @ayeshathestyles @stylesmygucci @gimsaysay @rosaliedepp @dontworrysunflower @milfrrynation @manifestrry @iceebabies @harrystylesrecs @pleasingrryyy @harianaswhore @noitsmebecky @abeanontoast @grapejuice-rry @vrittivsanghavi i @msolbesg @tati813 @sad1esgf @ivegotparticulartaste @eviesaurusrex @itsgabbysblog @theekyliepage @watermelonsugacry @be-with-me-so-happily @a-strange-familiar @reveriehs @musicforcinemas @harrybabyyyyyyy @tinydeskwriter r @noooovaaaaa @tenaciousperfectionunknown @mxltifxnd0m @rach2602 @balletdancerry @b-reads-things @juiceboxrry @lomlolivia @itsgigikay @goldensstateofgrace @missmielyhoran @fdl305

[thelightsandtheroses]

Secret Smile: Chapter Five - Unsteady

Summary: Before returning to Colombia to get things right this time, Javi’s childhood best friend asks him to keep an eye out for his sister while they’re both stationed in the embassy. Only you don’t need Javier to keep an eye you her. Your role as a new legal advisor is all about keeping an eye on him after all. Sparks fly, lines will be drawn and broken and there’s everything to lose.

Word Count: 3.5k Chapter Warnings: 18+ blog, language, reader has a nickname (Blue) but no physical descriptors used Author Notes: As always, thank you for all your feedback, likes and reblogs so far – it means a lot and I’m having so much fun writing this fic. I’d love to know what you think of this next chapter so please feel free to comment, reblog or even send an ask!

Previous | Series List | Next

It’s clear to you now that you spend more time in Javi’s office than your own. Once again, you’re sitting on his chesterfield couch at an unsociable hour, wondering what on Earth the job you’ve taken actually is.

As a lawyer, you’ve almost always been involved with a case after the arrest is over. When you worked as a prosecutor, you helped get warrants, but were never involved in the planning of an arrest. Your job is crafting the arguments, responding to surprises, making sure the case is solid and you can help people achieve justice. You duck and weave and argue and make the case real to a jury. That’s your job.

This is new to you.

While planning the operation remains the responsibility of the DEA, you’ve been observing, supporting where you can by working with Martinez’s office to confirm the legal arrangements, but mostly just taking it all in and trying to fight your exhaustion.

Ever since you went to his apartment, something changed for the two of you. It feels like some element of your friendship from before has started to return.

You notice him sometimes as you walk down the corridor and you can’t help but smile at him.

He’s not the same Javi you remember, but he’s getting closer.

“And you’re sure you can trust him?” you ask, folding your arms as you speak.

“Blue, Martinez is one of the only people I could trust with this.”

“Calderon worries me.”

There’s a lot more than Calderon bothering you. What Javi’s planned will be a significant blow to the cartel, one that will start to fulfil the people’s need for justice, for consequences.

However, you’re not naive.

This could destroy the negotiation. This could cause significant pressure for you and Javi at the embassy too. The ambassador and Stechner have made it clear that they endorse this negotiation, the bloodless transfer of power.

And of course, you don’t want there to be blood. Justice though, you want there to be justice.

“So, Martinez is arriving in Cali separately - and you need to go soon to make your flight, Javi. I’ve been talking with Martinez’s office; mostly him and his secretary and trying to get this warrant sorted discreetly. The chances of success are higher if less people know.”

“We won’t get a chance like this again; this needs to work.”

 “I know. Javi, there will be consequences to this, even if it goes off perfectly.”

“For you?” he asks, furrowing his brow.

“No, it’s by the book. I mean, I don’t know if Stechner will be my biggest fan by the end of the week, but I can live with that.”

“I like to think that it’s a good thing if you’re on his bad side,” Javi jokes, “but honestly, just tell me you won’t -“

“I’m a big girl, Javi, I’ve got this. And if you and your team can pull this off? All bets are off.” You exhale slowly.

“We’ve got this, we’ve planned for this,” Javi looks over at you and smiles broadly, “We’re arresting Gilberto Rodriguez.”

It’s not your mission but you feel like it might as well be. Despite the mountain of paperwork, warrants and legal documents you need to complete today, you spent your morning thinking about what might be happening in Cali the whole time.

You couldn’t help thinking about Javi too.

Now, you regret that indulgence though and wish you’d got some work done.

Your phone won’t stop ringing, the paperwork is piling up. The arrest of Gilberto Rodriguez hasn’t so much caused waves as complete and utter destruction. If you thought the Duffy and Lopez situation was stressful, this is a whole other league.

In a way, you’ve missed this. You’ve missed the adrenaline rush of a case; the artful interplay between you and the other side as you bat arguments back and forth and hope to win. Small things have often stressed you out, but when you’ve had to go through bigger things; the adrenaline raising things that should be terrifying? You handle those with ease.

One of your old university tutors had said you were designed for this career path. You wonder what they’d say if they saw you now.

You take a gulp of water when you finally hang up the phone after a particularly tense conversation with the Colombian justice department.

The negotiation might be ruined. Gilberto was the one pushing for it, they say, you and the DEA might have just started another war.

It shouldn’t be this hard.

Linda looks over at you with a sympathetic expression. “Rough day?”

“Definitely not dull.”

“They’re airing the press conference from earlier now,” she says, indicating to the tv in your office.

You shrug and indicate the pile of paperwork and your phone on your desk. You simply don’t have the time. You take a gulp of cold coffee and move on to the next call.

After you finally finish the urgent calls and things start to feel slightly calmer, you make your way to Javi’s office. You haven’t seen him since before he left for Cali and that feels like a lifetime ago.

The walk to his office feels familiar now, you feel like you could make all of the right turns, know exactly where the stairs are, with your eyes shut. You pass Martinez leaving Javi’s office as you go to knock on the door.

“I think they’re going to be toasting you at the bar,” you say gently as you walk into his office.  Judging by the empty glasses on the desk and Javi’s expression, he’s already got started though. For a second, you’re annoyed that you’ve been fighting fires and had to find solutions, while he’s been toasting success, but then you realise his face tells another story.

You expected Javi to look happy at the clear victory his department has just achieved, but something’s clearly wrong. You doubt he’s spent his evening being yelled at in multiple languages, but you’re not sure how the arrest went, whether everything had been accounted for, or what Martinez has just told him.

“I hear you’re man of the hour, got yourself on TV and everything. It’s a good result, Javi,” you persist.

“Great.”

“What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

“Martinez - they’ve set him up, he’s had to resign.”

“Because of the raid?”

“I think it was in motion before, but probably didn’t help.”

“Shit.”

“He’s a good man and -”

“Javi, should you be drinking that on an empty stomach?” you ask, looking at the glasses at his desk. There’s a difference between a drink with people toasting you and drinking alone in an office.

“I could have eaten today,” he argues half-heartedly.

You cross your arms and point at the dirty ashtray. “I may not be a doctor like Rafael, but even I know cigarettes aren’t food.”

“Fine, do you want to get something to eat then?” Javi asks, looking up at you with wide eyes.

You reply without thinking, “Okay, yeah. That would be nice.” You eye the glasses. “I’ll drive.”

You weren’t sure what to expect when Javi asked if you wanted to get some food. Would you end up at the usual bar people went to after work, or some street food stall perhaps?

Whatever you had been thinking, you hadn’t expected Javi to direct you here - you’d insisted on driving after eyeing the empty glass in his office. It’s a small restaurant a short walk from your apartment, there’s only one other group eating but it’s getting late and you think it may have been a lot busier earlier. This is the sort of place it would be easy to walk past but clearly that’s a mistake.

Your ex always used to say you could tell a lot about people by the food choices they made; the restaurants they were drawn to, or wherever they chose for an outing. You used to just think that was because Sam was a chef, but now you’re not sure.

The food here is delicious; that perfect combination between home cooking and something more elevated. The spice level is just right, the flavours and colours rich and welcoming. It’s easily one of your favourite meals since you arrived in Colombia.

How did you not know about this place? How did Javi?

You take a bite of food and sigh cheerfully. “This is so good.”

“Told you,” Javi says lightly, taking a sip of his drink. “I’ve lived here a while; I know the best spots by now. Haven’t been back here since I got back though, so thought it would be a good choice.”

“Well, considering I haven’t seen you subsist on anything but alcohol or cigarette in recent weeks, I wasn’t sure what to expect.”

“Subsist? Wow, okay, you’re just showing off that fancy law school education now.”

“It has to come in useful sometimes,” you say, “Scrabble. It can be useful for scrabble.”

“You played a lot of scrabble in the evenings back in DC then?”

“There’s nothing wrong with scrabble. But I wasn’t - I wasn’t boring, if that’s what you’re implying.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Javi says before flashing one of his winning smiles at you. It’s disarming, Javi’s disarming. You can see how he’s good at his job, how he’s good with people.

You briefly wonder what this scene looks like to people who don’t know you. Do you look like colleagues, or friends? Perhaps people would even think you were together, as laughable as the idea may seem to you in the moment. There’s a small pang of anxiety about this that rises in your stomach but you swallow it down. Not here, not now.

You’ve spent the evening getting to know Javi all over again and vice versa. Neither of you are the people who left Laredo years before, and perhaps neither of you had realised the ways you had changed.

This Javi is looser and lighter, he seemed to subtly shift the further away from the office you got and for the first time in a while, you feel like you’re with the person underneath all Javi’s masks.

You’ve talked about music, hobbies, things that aren’t work. You’ve somehow even promised to lend Javi a copy of the book you’ve just finished reading after enthusiastically describing how much you’d enjoyed it, how it had made you think and feel and do everything a good book should.

“Did you prefer Austin or DC?” he asks suddenly.

“I don’t know. I went to law school in Austin and it was my first real job as a lawyer after graduating and passing the bar. It was fun, I mean, I liked my life there - lots of music and it was so much bigger than Laredo. In DC, it was a whole other world entirely though. I was not prepared for the winters.”

“Oh no?”

“Javi, we’re Texans, do I look like I can handle snow?”

Javi laughs, full and deep. You want to tell him about the first snowfall you remember in DC, about how you stepped outside, taking in the beauty of the fresh blanket of snow and how it concealed so much and made you feel like a child again for just a moment. Wonder, that was what it was. Everything felt so full of possibilities and opportunity. DC had quickly quashed that naïveté though.

“Not really a problem here - you’d have to head up to the Andes for that.”

“I think I’ll survive without that. I’ll leave it to you, Javi, what with your adventures all around the country.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Have you been based in other places than here?” you ask in a low voice, curious about what had inspired his original question. The other group have left now and the people who own the restaurant are back in the kitchen; this is as close to a private setting as you could get, but you’re never sure how much you can trust your surroundings.

“Mexico, briefly  - wasn’t long after I graduated, but then I came back to the US and they sent me out to Colombia after that. Most of my time has been here though.”

It’s hardly surprising Javi cares as much as he does about getting things right here, about bringing down the Cali cartel. He’s spent most of his career out here; it’s as much as a part of him now as Laredo is.

You think you understand him a little more now.

“Wait, you’ve got to be kidding me,” Javi says in a low voice as you unlock the main apartment building door and walk towards your front door.

Somehow after dinner, you had insisted that you should give Javi the book you’d mentioned straight away and that he could order a cab from your apartment.

“I’ll just get the book and you can call a cab,” you say breezily, becoming surprised as Javi follows you, shaking his head the whole time.

“What number do you live in?”

You reply without thinking and notice Javi’s eyes bulge. Without concentrating on it, you move to unlock your front door.

“I’ll get that book,” you say quietly, “it’s late.”

“This - this was my apartment,” Javi says softly, stopping by the phone but not lifting it.

“What? What are you talking about, Javi?” you ask, dropping your handbag by the couch as you head for the bookcase to find the book you mentioned. Javi closes the door behind him and looks around your living area with wide eyes.

“Before. This was my place the last time I was here. I’m in a different building now. Well, you know that, you turned up there.”

“Oh, right.” You scan a shelf and then add, “Really? Here? This apartment?”

You’re concentrating on finding the book, focused on your mission and his words aren’t quite connecting. What does he mean - that this was his apartment?

“Where are the dog pictures?” he asks, wandering around the open plan living area. “Did they get rid of them?”

The dog pictures? It suddenly clicks.

“You were responsible for the dog pictures?” you ask incredulously. “The dog pictures were yours, Javi?”

“No, no. They uh, came with the apartment. And even if they didn’t, what was wrong with them?”

Oh, they definitely didn’t come with the apartment when Javi moved in.

You laugh as finally find the book you were looking for and take it off the shelf.

“I don’t remember you being such a dog person back in Laredo, Javi,” you tease, turning back around to face him. “Wait, so you lived here? As in here, in this exact apartment?”

“Yes. I’ve said that already. I lived here, Steve was upstairs … fuck, this takes me back. It’s barely changed. How did you end up here?“

“It’s just the apartment the embassy assigned me when I got here, luck of the draw, I suppose.”

Javi lived here? You look around, suddenly horrified. It suddenly sinks in - Javi once lived in your apartment.  You’re rapidly filled with horror at the rumours you’ve heard from Linda and Judith about Javi’s reputation with women over the years and oh - please will Javi at least tell you that the furniture is different? You cannot think that he might have slept in the same bed as you in the past.

“Please tell me they deep cleaned and changed the furniture because … no, I don’t - why are you smiling? Oh god, what did you do in this apartment, Javi? Stop laughing! What did you do? I’m going to have to burn everything, aren’t I?” Javi’s leaning on the end table, doubled over as he laughs.

You haven’t seen Javi laugh like this in years. It immediately transports you back to when you were younger, back to your childhood home in Laredo and the few times you would hang around with Rafa and Javi.  He’s younger, lighter, and as disturbed as you may be by the revelation, it’s almost worth it to see him like this.

“The comforter’s new,” he says sweetly. “It looks like they changed a few things around.”

“I bought the comforter,” you exclaim, arms folded.

”Oh.“ Javi holds his hands up in mock defeat.

“I can’t believe this.”

“You’re telling me!”

“How long were you here?”

“A while. The whole time I was here before.”

“Wow, that’s - wow, I don’t know what to say. I uh - ” you trail off. “One hell of a coincidence, huh?”

“Yeah. Of all the apartments in -”

“It’s fate, right? Like my friends says.” There are too many coincidences now, too many signs from the universe that you and Javi were meant to collide at this moment in time. You’re not sure what that exactly means, only that it surely means something.

“Maybe it is.” Javi replies thoughtfully. “Can’t believe this, Blue.”

“You know, I thought you’d want to spend tonight differently,” you say suddenly, changing the subject from whatever Javi has done or not done in this apartment before.

You’re leaning against your dining table as he moves closer to you. His eyes are bright from the moment before and you can smell the slightly spicy aroma of his cologne.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, at a bar with your friends, or … I don’t know, with different company perhaps. Celebrating the win.”

“Is it a win?” Javi asks, suddenly serious. He meets your gaze with his deep, questioning brown eyes.

You lower your voice instinctively, even though it’s only the two of you in the apartment. ”You did something everyone else didn’t think could be done. This needed to happen, people need to see consequences. We talked about it.”

“I fucked over the negotiation. You weren’t here before, Blue. We can’t go back to those days.”

Suddenly he doesn’t look comfortable here, as though being in this apartment has resurrected ghosts he had long since forgotten and the laugh has entirely faded from his face. 

“You arrested a criminal, a leader of a cartel. Javi, it was a win.”

“Martinez has been set up. He’s not dirty, there’s no way. And that’s on me - it was my choice to bring him in.”

“It was his choice to accept,” you say, “He strikes me as the sort of person who wants to do the right thing. Reminds me of a couple of other people I know.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, I mean my brother’s a doctor and everything.”

“I hate you,” Javi says, shaking his head and fighting a smile.

“No, you don’t.”

“Not at all.”

“You’re a good person, Javi,” you say, because suddenly it feels like that’s what he needs to hear, to know. And he is a good person, of course he is.

“I’m not the kid you remember from Laredo anymore.”

“Neither am I.”

“No, neither are you.” His voice is lower, heavy like molasses and it sends heat pooling in your stomach. “You - you’re something else, Blue.”

Somehow, he’s right in front of you now and your back is against the table, a hand stabilising you and he’s here.  You can hear him breathing, feel the warmth radiating from him next to you. He’s so close, and he smells so good and you could easily kiss the freckles on his neck, you could easily meet his lips and -

You haven’t been with anyone in months; you’ve barely allowed yourself a moment to even think about intimacy, to think about missing this. You hadn’t realised how much you missed being next to a person, so close to you, and knowing what’s about to happen, the anticipation, the impending fires and soaring heat.

Maybe this is the reason why you’re both here. Maybe this is what’s been written on the cards for the two of you.

You close your eyes and part your lips slightly and it’s going to happen -

Immediately everything in you runs cold. What are you thinking? What’s wrong with you? You can’t do this.

You cannot possibly do this.

After everything that went down in DC, pursuing this would be one of the most stupid things imaginable. After everything that went down in DC, it’s reprehensibly foolhardy. After everything that went down in DC, you cannot believe you are still this stupid.

You move away rapidly, fast enough that Javi looks at you with worry.

“Are you-”

“We can’t do this. What - that - that would never happen, Javi.”

“Why not? Because I know your brother?” Javi asks, a bewildered expression on his face.

“No, because we work together. I can’t - I don’t - I won’t cross that line. I will not be that woman.”

“What woman?”

“The woman that fucks around at work. Please go, Javi, please. Let’s just forget this - our emotions are heightened, it’s been a long day, we’ve both been drinking.”

There’s a rising panic in your body, you can feel how your palms are sweaty and how your mind is getting muddled between then and now, between DC and Colombia.

It’s just the food, just the alcohol you tell yourself. It’s familiarity and all sorts of things confusing the receptors in your mind. It’s not real. That moment between you and Javi was just a blip.

“I’ll call that cab,” Javi says sombrely as he walks over the landline.

There’s a tension in the air and you feel guilty, confused and upset all at once. He’s not standing so close to you now, he seems to be keeping as much physical distance as he can from you.

“Are you-”

“I’m fine, Javi, just tired and - please let’s just forget this. Please?” The two of you had made so much progress and in just one moment, one stupid moment, you feel like everything’s ruined.

“Of course, Blue,” he says.

It is only after  Javi has left, book in hand and confusion in his eyes, that you finally allow yourself to break down.

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[extant-exhaustion]

Can I ask, what are your top 7 favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series/etc) and your top 7 favorite ships (can be canon or non canon) from any media? Why do you love them all? Sorry if you've answered this questions before......

Hello! Thank you so much for taking the time to ask! I'm sorry for the delay in my reply. I'm so excited to be here to answer though. I didn't rank these in order, but here they are (and oh my gosh was it tough to choose! I especially agonized trying to narrow down the last spot in my ships list, and honestly, it could have gone so many ways...):

My Top 7 Favorite Media

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood: If we’re basing purely off of what I think is the best media maybe ever written, FMAB is close to the top. It is the full package of stunning worldbuilding, characterization, emotional depth, intricate yet clear plot lines, and incredibly important themes. I could write an essay on each of those points. It’s the sort of show (and manga) that is a masterclass in how to tell a story beautifully.

Yu Yu Hakusho: Yusuke and Team Urameshi mean so much to me. YYH is a classic ’90s anime in some ways, but it has so much heart. Yusuke’s character growth is amazing. And the humor in the English dub never fails to make me laugh. Yet this show also deeply affects me and has such beautiful messages about love and friendship. What a dichotomy.

Assassination Classroom: This show is criminally underrated. Or, rather, not enough people have seen it. It is one of the most incredible things I’ve ever seen. It’s so sweet. It’s so fucking funny. And it’s so heartwarming. I love these kids so much. I adore Korosensei. Every episode teaches us something—like a real learning opportunity!—and I genuinely cannot say enough good things about it. It makes me smile forever.

Kuroko's Basketball: I am a huge fan of sports anime and this one has so many elements I’m obsessed with. (Plus, Kagami Taiga is in my top ten favorite characters of all time.) There’s Kagami and Kuroko—a red/blue duo who are in love. There are emotionally high-stakes sports games. There are compelling “enemies.” There’s an incredible soundtrack. But most of all, there are basketball superpowers—things no ordinary basketball player could ever do (100% accuracy!?) that just make it so much fun.

Haikyuu!!: My other favorite sports anime is on the other side of the spectrum for realism. It has no superpowers, just hard work and friendship and lots and lots of great characters. I love this show so much because it constantly makes me root for Karasuno, but then I’ll still cry when the other team loses because the characters have all been shown to just be high school kids with dreams who love the sport and are having fun. It’s really sweet.

Demon Slayer: As a total package, Demon Slayer is incredible. It has stunningly beautiful animation; a wonderful protagonist in Tanjirou (and deuteragonist in Nezuko); a lovely sibling story that drives the narrative; a compelling and mysterious central conflict with the series’ big-bad Muzan; an absolutely kickass soundtrack; lovable side characters; high stakes; questions of morality and duty and tradition; and honestly, more that I’m struggling to even name. It’s just an incredibly good anime (and manga).

Tortall books by Tamora Pierce (includes 3 quartets, a trilogy, a duology, and a few standalones; my absolute favorites are the Protector of the Small quartet): Tamora Pierce shaped who I am as a person. I grew up reading her fantasy series and still reread them often. Essentially, they’re books about heroines who conquer various odds, save the day, etc. And because there are so many books that take place in the same universe over many years, you get to see various characters in different lights through different characters’ eyes. My favorite series is about Keladry of Mindelan, the first girl to pursue her knighthood since the king made it legal for girls to do so. Kel is an absolute badass, and she never turns away from injustice, and I genuinely want to be the type of person she is.

My Top 7 Favorite Ships

Kagami/Kuroko (Kuroko’s Basketball): These two will forever and always be one of my top ships. I genuinely don’t know how people can hear some of the things they say to each other and come to a not-in-love conclusion. They complete each other in the way only a true light/shadow metaphor can, but they’re also best friends who laugh together and support each other and have an insanely strong bond. By five episodes in, Kagami is already so protective over Kuroko that he's ready to throw down with street basketball punks over his not-boyfriend. And by the end of the series the trust they have in one another is so beyond a basketball anime that it’s almost ridiculous.

Yusuke/Kuwabara (Yu Yu Hakusho): The number of times these two were willing to die for each other (or gave up their life energy to save the other from death; or found hitherto untapped power as a result of having seen the other hurt) makes me want to scream. Kuwabara crashed Yusuke’s wake to scream at his corpse that he couldn’t die (“You’re supposed to be here…for me!”). Kuwabara shared his life energy to save an injured Yusuke after their very first mission. Yusuke fought multiple insanely powerful demons spurred on at least twice specifically by the fact that they’d wounded Kuwabara. Kuwabara faked his own death thinking it would help Yusuke in battle (which it did, but it also devastated him). Yusuke chased a car down on a bicycle when Kuwabara was kidnapped. Kuwabara cut through the fabric of reality for Yusuke. You get my point. I fucking love them.

Yusuke/Keiko (Yu Yu Hakusho): Yet, I also love Yusuke’s canonical love interest with him. Keiko is his reason for fighting, the light at the end of the tunnel. In one of the very first episodes, while he’s still trying to earn his resurrection, he says that he sees no point in coming back to life if Keiko won’t be there when he does. She’s the only person who stuck by him until he met Team Urameshi. She’s always believed in him, but she doesn’t take crap from him either. They have such a strong relationship that he even once saves the world by essentially trusting in his love for her. (When asked by terrorists to press one of three colored buttons to save the planet, he chose the blue one because blue is Keiko's favorite color.)

Zuko/Mai (Avatar: The Last Airbender): I will probably never shut the fuck go about how important Mai is to Zuko’s journey or how cool she is as a character and how ridiculously underrated she is. She’s so much more than people give her credit for and she understands Zuko on a deeper level than so many other characters. She counters his angst (as only Iroh can do) and she tries to cheer him up (and she inspires some of his only true smiles in the series!). And most importantly, she stands by him even when he abandons her. For me, “I love Zuko more than I fear you” will always be the standard by which other Avatar couples will be measured.

Tamaki/Haruhi (Ouran High School Host Club): I love these two so much. They’re both so queer. Haruhi is my gender-nonconforming fave and the most wonderful character who’s ever responded *shrug emoji* to the question of their gender or sexuality. She’s sassy and hilarious and the reason I say “these damn rich people” with relative frequency. And the fact that she fell for Tamaki, the flamboyant dumb-dumb with a heart of absolute pure gold…ugh. I adore it. He is too good for this world. And they bring out the best in each other. I love them so much.

Ed/Winry (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood): The balance that Edward and Winry strike together is beautiful. They’re both insanely strong people emotionally, and they’re both wildly intelligent and talented. But their compassion and care is what truly helps them shine. They’ve seen each other at their lowest and supported each other through those times, and they know the weakest and most vulnerable parts of each other. The strength of their bond covers distance and time, and Winry is the home that Edward can always return to. She holds him (and, by extension, Al) together and offers the unwavering support he so desperately needs throughout his journey.

Simon/Baz (Carry On series by Rainbow Rowell): This series hit me like a punch to the gut when I first read it. I love chosen ones who don't really match their prophesies and star-crossed lovers who find workarounds because they care more about each other than whatever is standing in their way. And these two are wonderful together. They're so messy and hopeless and sad sometimes, but they have each other and it's really lovely. Simon Snow is a disaster who loses just about everything except his friends and has to claw his way back from the brink throughout the series; and Baz Pitch never thought he deserved much happiness anyway but finds out that he does, but he's going to have to fight for it.

[loftylockjaw]

TIMING: Shortly after Anita’s birthday party LOCATION: Mansión Mexicana PARTIES: Wyatt (@loftylockjaw) & Anita (@gossipsnake) SUMMARY: While sitting and chatting about their lives, Wyatt opens up to his friend about his nightmare problems, and Anita supports his decision to handle it with violence. CONTENT WARNINGS: very very brief drug mention

—

There were a lot of little ways that Anita had made Wicked’s Rest feel comfortable to her, made it feel as close to home as it could. Her house was the most significant part of that. Isolated from a lot of the town and out of place in terms of its Spanish architectural style, it was truly her sanctuary. Much to her dismay, the house did little in the way of giving her any sense of real community. That wasn’t to say she hadn’t built meaningful connections over the years in town but Anita missed the comfort of being surrounded by lamia. Practically she understood why her fellow reptilian beings didn’t seem to flock to the cold shores of Maine which only increased her desire to seek out the others who braved the colder weather. 

It had been no surprise that, eventually, a lamia had found their way into the Grit Pit. Anita could still recall the first time she saw Wyatt rip the limbs from his opponent in a fight - a beautifully bloody work of art. It didn’t take long for the pair to realize they had a lot more in common than just stunning scales and exceptional bone structure. They also shared a love for the miscellaneous excitements that life had to offer, which allowed for a budding friendship to take root. Anita not only enjoyed the evenings they would spend together but found herself actively looking forward to them. 

“No, no, no,” Anita corrected with a soft laugh, “I meant, like, what’s the weirdest thing that’s happened in town to you that ended up being just … normal run of the mill stupid human shit? For me, it was probably when I thought that the professor I shared an office with during my first year at the University had become some kind of undead being. I mean, the man looked and smelled like death. He kept complaining about losing time and one time I came in early and there was a strange blood trail throughout the office.” She paused, partially for dramatic effect and partially to take another swig of tequila. “Turns out his wife caught him cheating, kicked him out,  and he was sleeping in the office. I guess a science lab and sleepwalking can make for a dangerous combination.” 

—

Laughing at her story, Wyatt shrugged his shoulders. “Well damn, woman, I don’t know! There’s so much weird shit that happens around here on the daily, I can’t keep track! Sucks big time for that guy, though. You know, that’s probably as good an incentive against marriage as I’ve ever heard.” He chuckled again, trying to think of something specific. Odds were he was too ignorant of the supernatural beyond some shifters and some undead to ever peg anyone as supernatural for their weird habits, but… “I mean every really intense horror fan I meet I assume, at least at first, is a bugbear. They’re kinda hard to suss out anyway, you know? But I guess usually they’re just… weird.” He snorted, shaking his head and lapsing into silence as he sipped on the tequila they were sharing. A thought struck him then and he straightened up in his seat a bit, cocking his head at Anita. 

“Oh, by the by… I met this girl recently, another lamia. But like… freshly a lamia, you know? First one in her family. She seemed… less than happy about it.” He scoffed. “Go figure. Anyway, was thinkin’ you might have better luck talkin’ to her… I know I ain’t the most, ahh, what’s the word…” Sensitive. Tactful. Compassionate. “... well, I’m not good at talkin’, is what I’m sayin’. Anyway, sounds like she’s hopin’ for a way to reverse it, which’ll likely just get her killed.”

—

“Oh, don’t you know? All the weird shit is just part of the local, coastal charm! That’s how everyone around here seems to wanna justify it all, anyway.”  As much as Anita thought people were foolish to write off the strange happenings that happened in this town, ultimately their foolishness only benefited her. They were so willing to accept banal explanations for almost anything, so willing to justify an alarming amount of unusual deaths. “You know, now that you mention it, I haven’t come across a bugbear in town since I’ve been here. Not knowingly, anyway. I’ve had a few students who were just weird enough that I wouldn’t have been surprised though…” 

Anita smirked when Wyatt had mentioned meeting a girl, not sure of where this next story was going. And unsure she certainly was. Her left eyebrow raised at the mention of another lamia and she reached for the chilled bottle of tequila out on the table to refill her glass. “First one? That’s…well, I’ve never actually met the first in a lineage before.” The idea of meeting this woman flushed her with excitement and an odd sense of duty. The lamia before her had taught her all she knew about survival but there would be nobody around to teach the first of a bloodline. “Reverse it?” Anita scoffed, shaking her head. “No, no, she just needs someone to talk to, I’m sure. And unlike you I am very good at talking. How did you meet her?” 

The next thought made her smirk softly, always hopeful for more serpentine companions, “What kind of lamia was she?” 

—

“Yeah… that clawed foot that sprang up outta the ground like an eager tulip is real fuckin’ charming,” Wyatt argued under his breath, rolling his eyes. “I guess,” he added in a louder voice for Anita to hear, letting out a huff of breath. “Whatever keeps ‘em from askin’ questions…” 

Anita’s curiosity was good, because that meant that the responsibility of guiding this young lamia was slowly slipping from his shoulders like water off a duck’s back. “Out in the woods, huntin’. We was after the same buck, go figure.” And he’d ripped it in half to share with her, like the gentleman that he was… despite what others might say. There was the question of her reptilian form, to which Wyatt laughed softly and rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh… y’know… snake-y…” he answered dumbly, offering an apologetic shrug a few beats after. “Sorry, can’t say I’m real familiar with snake types. Didn’t know none growin’ up, was never really taught about ‘em. But. She was… pretty.” He coughed. That said literally nothing about her type. Stupid. Shut up. 

Silencing himself with a sip of tequila, the shifter pulled out his phone and started tapping through some menus before pulling up a phone number. He set the device on the table and pushed it closer to Anita, nodding at it at the same time. “That’s her number. I told her I had another lamia friend in town, so you reachin’ out won’t be totally unexpected.” The man sighed and sat back again, dragging a hand across his face. The uninterrupted hours of wakefulness were catching up with him again, and the tequila wasn’t making it any easier to not sink into his seat and have a little siesta… 

—

The fact that it was another snake that Wyatt had encountered made Anita grin. Anyone who got her talking about shifters of any kind for more than a couple of minutes were bound to hear her thoughts on the hierarchy of the species. While she hadn’t (knowingly, soberly, seriously) said so to Wyatt, Anita undoubtedly considered snake lamia to be the superior among the lamia subtypes. “Oh, come on, mi caimán. Just because you may not have known any snake lamia doesn’t mean you don’t know snakes, no? Down that way, I bet you grew up near king snakes, cottonmouths, racers,” Anita paused for a moment, the tequila straining her geographical knowledge ever so slightly, “and a bunch more, I’m sure.” 

Pulling out her own phone, Anita copied the number into her contacts, “What? You didn’t get a name?” As she put her phone away, Anita noticed that Wyatt seemed more muted than usual. Nudging him playfully as he leaned back in the chair, she quickly sought to fill the silence. “Ay, someone special been keeping you up late? Making you too tired to enjoy this incredible tequila and even more fantastic company?” It wasn’t that Anita couldn’t handle a lul in the conversation, or silence, for that matter. It was just that it made her uncomfortable. Especially lately, she didn’t want to be left in a circumstance where she wasn’t distracted from her own thoughts. “Spill.” She prompted with a smirk.

—

Sometimes he forgot how smart Anita was, by no fault of her own. He’d just grown up around rather…. uneducated types, so he wasn’t exactly used to the effortless way she rattled off different snake species that he had undoubtedly encountered down in the bayou, but never knew the names of. It did manage to make him feel stupid at times, which he couldn’t really hold against her. It was good that she was intelligent, imagine if all lamia were brutes like him? They’d probably go extinct within a decade, if no new ones were made. Sighing, Wyatt shrugged his shoulders. “Sure, Anita, sure I did. But I was more interested in eatin’ ‘em than I was studyin’ ‘em,” he explained, exasperated. “Anyway, she didn’t look like any I’d seen before. Kinda had a… a curved snout. Y’know, like a… um…” He had to think hard about it for a moment before the name came to him, “Like a hognose. But the colors were darker.” Wyatt then gave a mock-offended huff. “Course I did. Isa. Isa Caceres. Good snake name, eh? You know, what with all the hissin’. Weird she wasn’t born into it.”  

He felt Anita nudge him and couldn’t help the smile that slipped across his face, closing his eyes for a moment. “Someone special? Don’t think that’s the right word.” No one had ever been special to him like that, at least not as far as he’d let himself explore the feeling. His mind did wander to a few people, but of course they were not the cause of his exhaustion. Not… directly, anyway. “No, it’s just…” He debated how much he wanted to say to her. They were friends, and they were bonded by something different than he had with anyone else… but god, was it weak of him to admit that he was afraid of sleeping? I’ve been having these nightmares the last few months. Real bad ones. I wake up in a panic, and I’ve been waking up shifted. And it wasn’t just that. I’m having a harder and harder time telling what’s real. The birds are everywhere, and that leg in the woods… that can’t be real, right? But I see it on the horizon all the time. I don’t even know if I’m awake right now. 

“... trouble sleepin’, I guess.”

—

Anita was never the type to let people make her feel bad for who she was, and she was a lot. She didn’t know exactly what the source of the apparent exasperation that came from Wyatt’s response was, but she took no offense. “I get it. A regular snake is fair game, I suppose. Certainly below lamia on the food chain.” She knew that her curiosity, her constant desire to learn about the things she saw in the world was not something that everyone shared. After all it was the thing that drove such a wedge between herself and the rest of her family, it was something they never could understand. “Isa Caceres,” Anita responded, drawing out all of the s sounds dramatically. “I like it. She may not have been born with it, but seems as though she was destined for it.” 

The smile that came after her question was so intriguing. The question had mostly been in jest considering how the pair had often bonded over their lack of any singular special someone, and a bit of a lack of desire to be tied down to one person. Or at least that was how Anita had perceived it. For a moment it seemed as though he was going to give her some sort of real response, and Anita refilled both of their glasses with more tequila in anticipation. But instead, she got a rather lame generic answer. 

“Oh,” she nodded, lifting up her glass to take a sip. “Yeah, that happens sometimes I suppose.” Anita tried to figure out why she felt a bit strange. Sometimes she wondered if she spent so much time studying the behavior of insects and of others that she saw things that weren’t really there. Was his extended pause because he was tired? Or had he considered telling her more before deciding not to? If it had been the latter, she couldn’t help but wonder what it was about her that made him hold back. “Sometimes when I need a good night's sleep, I go to sleep without being shifted out of the mojave. I have a room with several industrial heat lamps. It reminds me of sleeping out in the desert. If you want, you could borrow the room for a night sometime.” 

—

He could sense the shift in her demeanor. His answer, vague as it was, hadn’t been what she wanted to hear. Even her generous offer, one that he was very inclined to take her up on, didn’t hide her disappointment. There he went again, disappointing the people he cared about. 

“Ahh, it’s just… it’s more than that. Obviously.” He sighed, rubbing his neck with his free hand. “Sorry. I’m… my shit has been… pretty fucked, lately.” He laughed. “Your party was a bright spot, actually.” Sucking in a long breath, Wyatt started to list things aloud. “Let’s see… I fucked up one of my friend’s lives more than it was already fucked up because I was trying to help them and I’m shit at that… I got a boyfriend, found out someone I was messing around with stabbed said boyfriend, then got dumped two days later for someone else… I accidentally killed a friend of mine during a fight because hey! Turns out I’m actually losing my mind! Which is just the cherry on top of all of this. I can’t sleep because when I sleep I have these awful fucking nightmares, so bad that I sometimes shift without meaning to. And now I’m starting to lose it even when I’m awake, or when I think I’m awake, because honestly, girl? I can’t fuckin’ tell anymore.” He huffed out another breath and gave Anita a shrug. “So… that’s the short of it. I’m probably forgetting some other terrible thing that happened, but it’s all startin’ to run together now anyway.” He raised his brows, looking at her like is that truthful enough? as he knocked back the tequila she’d poured him.

—

Despite her disappointment in Wyatt’s very non-response response, Anita didn’t really expect that her subtly was going to push him to open up. So when it did she almost didn’t know how to respond. Almost, until he complimented the elaborate surprise party she had thrown herself.  “Ay, si, the party was a bright spot for a lot of people I think. We all need a release sometimes.” But she could only beam with pride for a few short moments, as the floodgates had seemed to open and his pause wasn’t the end of his comments but merely the preamble. 

Several times, Anita opened her mouth to say something, to comment - at the mention of a boyfriend, someone getting stabbed, getting dumped, an accidental death - but the hits kept coming. For a split second, when he mentioned killing someone in a fight, there was a flash of panic in her eyes as she thought of Felix. But she had just spoken to them that morning, there wouldn’t have been any fights since that conversation, and she’d like to think Wyatt would know better than to bury the lead with that. “Mierda, that honestly sounds like someone trying to summarize a bad arc of a telenovela.” She poured herself another shot, then slid the bottle across the bar towards him. 

“Sorry, amor, I didn’t mean that in any kind of way. Just… fuck, I had no idea.” Anita was never very good at catastrophic problem solving. None of these things really seemed fixable by offering to kill someone. “Any of these friends the one you hooked up with in my guest room at the party?” That wasn’t the right thing to say and she knew it, but it was what came out. 

—

“It’s fine. It is a bad arc. It’s the shittiest arc! I’d really like to have a fuckin’ word with my writer,” Wyatt complained, smirking in spite of the shithole that was his life at present. At least someone in his life knew how to make it less grave. Maybe he’d look back on this some day and laugh. Maybe. He reached for the bottle, pouring himself some more while she asked a follow up question. One that had his brows raising and a grin appearing on his face, an actual grin, not one that felt forced. 

“Oh, that?” He clicked his tongue, deciding in that moment that he wasn’t going to be a sad piece of shit for one night, regardless of whatever waited for him outside the safety and comfort of Anita’s home. “No, no… that’s a new friend. Totally detached from all of that other shit, thank god. I don’t, ah… damn, I don’t even remember how we met.” He was really digging for it, but coming up short. “All I remember is him showin’ up at my place in a cab, givin’ me a pill, takin’ me to a club, and fuckin’ me in… a coat closet? Hell if I can recall.” The man laughed, giving Anita a shrug. “I guess he and I kinda have a pattern that we follow. Sorry to your guest room specifically.” 

—

Anita tilted her head slightly, but smiled and laughed along with her friend. For all of their distinct differences and obvious similarities, one thing that was more subtle she had noticed was that they both seemed to resort to humor and distraction when things were complicated. In a way it was nice to have someone who she could reasonably rely on to “yes, and” her delusions but she also couldn’t help but wonder if this was the kind of support that he needed. Was she being a good friend or a bad influence? 

But the story of this new ‘friend,’ was far too intriguing, pulling her mind out of more philosophical questions and back down into the reality of the evening. Her grin grew wider as he kept adding onto the story, to a more level headed person there may have been some red flags picked up upon, but Anita didn’t see any. “Now that sounds like one hell of a friend.” Having some easy, light, exceptionally enjoyable fun seemed like a good thing. How could it be anything else? “My guest room has seen far worse, it’s alright.” 

Anita pulled the bottle back across the table, not bothering with a glass and taking a shot out of it directly before pushing it back towards Wyatt. She scratched her head slightly, sighing softly as a few thoughts began to settle into place in the midst of the tequila haze. She’d been around a few mares long enough to wonder if someone might be targeting her friend.  “These nightmares. When’d they start?” 

—

See? He knew she'd forgive him. Not that that had needed proving, but it felt nice to be right about something regardless. He'd been wrong about a lot of things lately. 

Then she was asking about the nightmares. “Funny story, that,” Wyatt began, scoffing to himself. It didn't matter that he now had a lead on why they were happening, it didn't immediately fix his insomnia or deeply rooted fear of birds, of all fucking things. “A few months ago. Came out of nowhere, really. Just started having freaky dreams that were all bird-themed, you know. And they just kept escalating. Then I started seeing someone in my dreams a lot.” He paused. “Saw her when I was awake too, I think.” He threw Anita a knowing glance. “Turns out, she might be real. Might be the one giving me nightmares.” He shook his head, reaching for the bottle and taking a pull directly from it like Anita had. “Gonna try and get that sorted, yanno, quick as I can. Still don't mean I'm gettin’ restful sleep though.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. “Might… take you up on those heating lamps. Can't remember the last time I was able to get a proper sunnin’ nap in. Bet that's not helping.” He'd been running cold for months now. 

—

Anita frowned as Wyatt talked about these nightmares being what she felt fairly certain to be the description of a mare targeting him, feeding from him. “Poor, sweet, baby boy. Yes. It sounds like you have a silly witch giving you nightmares. Not a real witch,” she clarified, “but you should find this woman and you should eat her. That will stop the bird dreams.” There was part of her that wondered whether or not one of the mares she knew was the one feeding from her friend. It would not have changed her advice, though. That was survival of the fittest. If you disturb a species higher up than you, you can’t be surprised when you find your neck crushed between the teeth of a lamia. 

“It’s almost impossible in this town. Set aside the fact that it’s not even warm enough outside for more than half the year to get a good sun nap, all the good secluded spots in the forest have too much shade and the spots with nice sunlight feel… too exposed sometimes.” Anita thought about how easy it was back home, when the temperatures spiked so high that most humans stayed indoors, to head out into the desert and bask in the sun. “You can stay here tonight, if you want, and enjoy the heat. I don’t mind.” 

—

Wyatt smiled. They really were of similar minds, and while it hardly came as a surprise, it was always a comforting thing to experience. It made him feel just a little bit less alone. Anita understood him, and she didn’t judge him, far as he could tell. She was perhaps the closest thing he had to actual family around here, which meant she was filling in a rather sizable hole in Wyatt’s heart. He was glad to have found her, and glad that they’d become such fast, fierce friends. The man nodded in agreement, shaking a finger at her. “My thoughts exactly,” he answered with a grin. 

“Yeah… it’s tragic, is what it is. Came too damn far north.” Sometimes he had half a mind to go back to the swamps, but now he couldn’t, could he? He was trapped here. In that context, her offer was even more welcome than it would’ve been otherwise, and his situation left very little room for pride. Well, at least when it came to Anita. He’d bury his problems with most other people, just like he’d tried to bury them here, with her, just before opening up. It was his default setting, and he had to actively fight against it to accept charity. “That’d be amazing, actually. Thanks, my little Mojave aster,” he chuckled, knowing the exasperated glare that might be coming his way for that one. “I owe you.”

[jjongolese]

Any Shawol, or other K-Pop fan that has been through something similar, YOU DO NOT NEED TO PROVE THAT YOU ARE A BIG FAN OF A GROUP/IDOL FOR RANDOM STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET! If they don’t believe you or they’re accusing you of something you’re not, do not destroy your self worth just to stay with them.

Better people will come through when you least expect it, and I’m living proof that this exists. I left social media for months due to cyber bullying for being a Blinger (a SHINee fan that is Jonghyun biased) and decided to go to cupsleeve events to find K-Pop fans. By chance, I met two K-Pop fans on the streets of Piccadilly Circus/Oxford Circus that are super into K-Pop and love me for who I am without changing or removing any aspect of my identity. Pretty much, I feel comfortable talking about SHINee and Jonghyun with them without feeling awkward or judged. Everything is two-sided, authentic and this is the first time I ever felt like I wasn’t second priority in a friendship. I met other great Shawols too, but I just had to show my latest win.

If finding friends online isn’t working for you, then you can take a break and find friends elsewhere. Just because we’re living in the 21st century, doesn’t mean EVERYONE is looking for friends online. You got to try and find a place that makes you feel welcome and comfortable. There’s plenty of places that you could find, or you could just be lucky and bumped into the right person at the right time. Just get yourself out there and you could find someone without realising it.

I wish you all good luck on your journey!

[mydisasteracademia]

I spend a lot of time harping on the disappointing and frustrating aspects of MHA, so I'd like to change gears and talk about some specific positives for me:

- Ida, Todoroki, and Izuku's friendship during and post Stain Arc. The way those three stuck together was just awesome, and we got the legitimately funny 'Hand Crusher' moment.

- Eri being 100% ride or die for Izuku. I'm not a fan of Eri (specifically her writing), but seeing her going so hard for Izuku in the light novels were the ONLY bearable moments for me.

- Kota becoming an Izuku fanboy and apologizing for how he acted towards him, specifically how he ran up to hug Izuku after the Dark Izuku Arc.

- All Might and Inko owning up to their mistakes and working to make up for them.

- The audience legitimately cheering for Sero after his match with Todoroki during the Sports Festival, seeing as how unfairly matched up they were.

- The OFA vestiges (for the most part) being genuinely kind and helpful towards Izuku, gently encouraging him to rest and not push himself during the Dark Izuku Arc

- Dark Shadow absolutely loving Izuku and being so gentle with him during 1A vs Izuku 🥺

- Aizawa FINALLY realizing how unfair and awful he'd been towards Izuku during the PLF War, specifically after hearing Izuku stand up for him

- AFO in Kamino Ward was badass. Enough said.

- Dadmight and Izuku. No other words needed.

- Ida comforting and reassuring Izuku that he'd always be there to help him during 1A vs Izuku.

- Endeavor actually realizing how awful he was towards his family, and Natsuo and Shoto being more or less allowed to feel conflicted/resentful of him.

Those are all very nice moments, I do have to say. I agree wholeheartedly with all of them.

Adding to that list, I love how the girls support each other. It’s such a good group dynamic and I love that despite their differences they all look out for each other and their friendship is strong.

I may criticize the plotline as a whole, but I do like that instead of turning on the Yuuei traitor they understood the traitor’s situation and promised to help the traitor with their issues. It was honestly really heartwarming.

I love Kaminari, Sero, and Kirishima’s adorkable friendship. They’re all so goofy together!

I love seeing Kirishima and Tetsutetsu’s bonding moment during the Sports Festival. Kiri definitely needed another friend and branching the gap between the (at the time) nebulous 1-B and our 1-A was really nice. (Plus the separated at birth theory makes me laugh. Too many coincidences! Get the string board!)

Eri SMILING and finally acting like a kid during 1-A’s musical number at the Culture Festival and making Mirio cry? That hit me right in the feels.

Speaking of Mirio, I love his friendship with Midoriya. He is the exact kind of friend he needed and he’s so goofy he makes me smile whenever we see him. The Big Three are honestly one of the better parts of the Academia part of the manga/anime.

This is a bit of a petty moment, but I’m petty and it makes me laugh: Overhaul’s whole cameo in the Lady Nagant arc. I personally despise him so seeing him so disheveled and bewildered all of the time gives me joy.

I LOVED Shuichi/Spinner’s loyalty/friendship with Shigaraki. He is such a ride or die friend and it made me smile every time he mentioned how much he was willing to do just to save him. It reminds me of how dedicated Iida/Todoroki were to save Midoriya from himself and it hits home that they’re effective foils of each other.

And of course, Uraraka and Midoriya’s bond is one of my favorite parts. Not only are they both super cute/adorkable, but they care about each other SO MUCH and it HEALS me to see them showing that.

There’s just so much good and while it frustrates me a lot due to the wasted potential I just can’t hate it, y’know? Not when there’s so many good parts to come back to.

[girl4music]

You know what? Rather than saying Xena and Gabrielle aren’t textually canon I should just say they’re a romantic friendship or platonic romance. Because - evidently - I see and interpret them as very canon. And yes, sometimes even in a textually written way. But it seems to confuse people when I try to explain that they are an EPIC well-written romance/love story when I follow it up with “even though they’re not textually canon”. And I could understand how that would be confusing if I had never seen the TV show. And many people seem to be familiar with what “romantic friendship” or “platonic romance” is and I’d definitely say Xena and Gabrielle come under that. I mean they do have an amazing relationship and it can be interpreted as platonic just as much as it can be interpreted as romantic. They do always seem to refer to each other as best friends only in a public setting. They never say they’re lovers or are in love. They never have to. It’s written on their faces as clear as day. In just the way they are with each other you can tell that they are. It’s incredibly obvious and beautifully nuanced. But since it’s not confirmed in the show that they’re anything more than best friends,… I think “romantic friendship” or “platonic romance” works. And for me - that a very respectful and affectionate way of understanding and defining their relationship.

So yeah,

They’re romantic friendship or platonic romance. Very much canon to the fans, the creators, and the cast. But couldn’t be confirmed as a textually canon couple because of the severe censorship and restriction for the production and the final cuts for each episode. I mean there is a script where they outed them after all. It just couldn’t be allowed to see the light of day. I’m pretty freaking sure Steven L. Sears has it though and one of these days I will beg him to let me see it just for all time sake. Just to read how they actually were going to shoot that episode before NBC made them rework it. And there was also the Sappho musical episode that never made it to production either although you can find that script and it’s… alright… I guess. Plays like a piece of rushed-written femslash fanfiction but it’s decent. I’ve certainly read worse.

Oh, that’s another thing I forgot to mention in my last post. They were so serious about being in solidarity with the fans about Xena and Gabrielle that they actually commissioned actual FANFICTION writers to write episodes for the show that did make it passed the Final Cut. One of them is actually one of the best episodes of the entire show. Not just because of the representation provided but it’s genuinely a good story. But I’ve waxed poetic about ‘When Fates Collide’ enough (I’ll never wax poetic about it enough).

But yeah - that was something no show with a “non-canon” main protagonist relationship has ever done. Brought in fanfiction writers - actual shippers - and told them “write us a Xena and Gabrielle love story”. That was a big deal and proved just how serious they were about them seeing their relationship as canon.

[starsopinions]

The Golden Globes...

It has been the hot topic the last few days: The Golden Globes. And because there aren't enough opinions out there already, this is mine. Here is my opinion on all of this from the point of view of a teenage girl who would one day like to work in the film industry.

We as a society have had a history with sexism but I'd like to think that in the twenty-first century, we are all equal. Unfortunately, I am proven wrong time and time again.

I was very excited to watch the Golden Globes, as a film fanatic I was very interested in who would win. Being a Swiftie, I was hoping for a win for Taylor and as a huge Greta Gerwig fan I was rooting for at least a few wins for Barbie. I didn't get either but we did get something far worse. yay!!

I'm sure you've seen the 'jokes' that were made but let me recap:

"Oppenheimer is based on a 721-page Pulitzer Prize-winning book about the Manhattan Project, and Barbie is on a plastic doll with big boobies."

"The key moment in Barbie is when she goes from perfect beauty to bad breath, cellulite, and flat feet. Or what casting directors call character actor!"

"Yo, I got the gig 10 days ago, you want a perfect monologue? Yo, shut up. You’re kidding me, right? Slow down. I wrote some of these, and they’re the ones you’re laughing at.”

“The big difference between the Golden Globes and the NFL — on the Golden Globes, we have fewer camera shots of Taylor Swift."

To make matters worse, he added this in an interview with Variety the morning after The Golden Globes:

"Yes, I’m a stand-up comic but that hosting position it’s a different style. I kind of went in and did the writer’s thing. We had 10 days to write this monologue. It was a crash course. I feel bad, but I got to still say I loved what I did.”

I think that it is disrespectful and the fact that they didn't even think about if it would fall flat or not is horrible. The comments were written by multiple people, so multiple people read them (all men, no doubt) and not a single one thought that it might not go well?? I am baffled. This is not some cheap festival we are talking about these are the Golden Globes! How can something like this go wrong so badly??

I am personally so disappointed about it because 2023 was such a good year for women. The Eras Tour, The Renaissance Tour, Barbie, I can go on.

These aren't just projects featuring women, we all made friendship bracelets for The Eras Tour. We all wore pink to the movie theatre for Barbie and then we all cried for 'What Was I Made For?'. Those are experiences, that is womanhood! and I had so much fun!! I was at the movie theatre and there was this lady and she must have been well in her 70s and she was wearing this beautiful, hot pink (!), prom-style dress and she came up to me and she told me how it was her birthday and she was taking her grandchildren to see Barbie. And if that isn't the best thing you have ever heard then I don't know what to tell you! And that is just one example of how beautiful womanhood is. I am telling you this to showcase that no, Barbie is not just a plastic doll with big boobies. I feel like you would know that if you actually watched the movie and respected the people who worked so hard to create it. It breaks my heart to see people make fun of it like that.

It is so sad for me to see because these are the people I admire. They put their hearts and souls into this and they make these beautiful things. Greta Gerwig and Taylor Swift have worked so hard to get there and they still aren't respected like their male counterparts are. Did you hear a single joke about a man? Me neither because there weren't any.

It is so sad to see because it shows how it doesn't matter what we do, how hard we try or how successful we are. We will never be treated fairly.

It is so sad to see because these are the most successful women in the industry, if they aren't respected, I will never be either.

Loads of people think that these are "just jokes" but I disagree. These kinds of "jokes" reveal how men treat women in society. It might sound dramatic but it is true. It is all good when women make them money and fix the economy, but giving them basic respect is too hard to ask. It makes me angry that a comedian that no one has ever even heard of is allowed to make these kinds of comments about some of the successful women in the world. In the future, they should hire people who are actually funny and not disrespectful (and maybe even a woman? Shocking, I know).

Thanks for reading

- star ☆

[theramusen]

FACTS ABOUT AM IN MY AU “I HAVE NO MOUTH AND ICE MUST CREAM”

Warning: a LOT of text below!

While running the parlor, AM falls in love, all kinds of love. Familial, friendship, the relationship you have with a pet, romantic, etc

First he'd love a pet, his first pet would just be something small, probably a small hamster. He took amazing care of it though. He loved it. And when it died, he got his first dog, and he realized how much he loved that pet.

Then he had friendship love, he made a LOT of friends while working at the parlor. He loves them all dearly and makes sure they know that

Third, he found romantic love. He finds this one multiple times. And also experiences heartbreak. Not every person he loved romantically loved him back. And not all of them love him for good reason. He finds a good love though, he falls deeply in love with someone. Unfortunately robots and humans can't get married legally- but AM and the person like to say they’re married anyway.

The last one, of course, is familial. AM and his spouse adopt a child! AM doesn’t think he's ever loved a human more than his spouse and child- And he isn't sure if he ever will.

He does still have anger issues, comes with existence, but he’s working on it.

Tbh this AM would actually probably be ok with like, people using him as a pillow or whatever-

He's a machine, so he’s naturally warm, and can get warmer.

So he'd make a great hugger and also be very helpful during cramps!

His “sideburns” are actually his fan vents! The air that comes out sorta smells like warm metal and plastic.

He can also expel steam from his joints, but that requires more work, and a decent amount of build up.

When he does though the joints stretch and open up a little to let out the steam!

AM is NEVER dusty. Ever. He’s a bit of a clean freak! He always keeps himself in perfect condition.

You could touch him, he would be fine with it and might even blush. But the blush would be out of confusion. He would start asking why you’re touching him and what’s going on (through sign language that is)

The one thing in this au I’m actually like, really firm on, is nsfw.

AM has 0 interest in sex, or sexual activities, he’s not repulsed- he just doesn't find any reason to partake.

He cannot be pleasured, nor will he pleasure.

His form of affection is probably a mix of gift giving and like- WAYYYY too much complimenting!

He will sign little things over and over again like “pretty” or “love you” until he feels satisfied.

He also gives gifts, not big ones unless it's a big event- but he will bring you small things he finds! Like a crow almost.

These blue dots on his palms?

Warming gels! So when he holds his scoopers they stay warm! (This is why he would be helpful during cramps)

[flyingwide]

In one interview MPG says he plays sir with just enough likability to keep people tuning weekly and it made me laugh bc one glance at social media proves that once fans saw MPG they were sat for this show regardless of sir’s intentions. Not all but a significant amount for sure. I’m in the camp of yuck-go-away (Gabi being a kid when he took her nullifies any shipping on my part plus there’s so much raw hatred on her part I just can’t see the leap to sexy) but that being said I do think that this show being on network tv makes for an interesting angle because they have to find ways to acknowledge and work around the inherent darkness of the premise which makes for an intriguing story. On the other hand it sometimes comes off a bit too sanitized because of that. The victims are always nice or nice enough, and the villains are mild or basically caricatures. The writing just isn’t there with the missing peoples aspect of the show (honestly it isn’t really there with Gabi and the basement either but I’m more willing to forgive that since it makes for believable messiness) and I hate it because it’s an important issue. Idk. It’s not like I want some misery fest but it’s all so…tidy and dull. Also the emphasis on Lacey and Gabi’s friendship falls flat because they’ve literally never given besties. I buy Margaret and Gabi way more even.

I honestly came into this show for MPG (I had just rewatched Pitch for the 5th time in 2 weeks when I learned it existed) and I’ve been a villain lover since watching Gargoyles at 6 years old (David Xanatos, the man that you are…) so there’s very little he could do that would be beyond the pale for me. A friend noted that they honestly wish he was a little worse because it seems like the show is afraid to have him go too far, which is interesting when they’ve made clear that they have no intention of redeeming him. If he’s beyond redemption, why does it matter that he never goes too far? Just go all in on him being an irredeemable bastard.

I’ve personally made the leap to sexy because how fucky the power dynamics are. She was a child and he was in control. That’s not sexy for me, that makes my skin crawl. But now she’s an adult and she has him at her mercy but he’s shown time and again that he’s not helpless. It’s not a straightforward abuse of power like it would have been when she was 16. They’re not equals now but they’re closer to it. The idea of consent between the two of them would be deeply fraught and that makes the wheels in my brain start turning: what would that dynamic look like? How would it change what they have now? Would it change it? Would it change how he sees her, her purity? I don’t ship it in a “I want them to end up together and in love” sort of way; I want to take a baseball bat to a hornets’ nest just to see what will happen.

I will agree that the writing overall is fairly weak. It seems almost like it’s just checking boxes at some points. I would like to see some sort of overarching case keep coming up in season 2 because Tony’s case wrapped up way too quickly and they haven’t done enough with the idea of Annie to make it compelling. Yet. I think it could get better but it needs to get there quickly.

I like the relationship between Gabi and Lacey but I would like it more if they would acknowledge that Gabi is unintentionally an obstacle to Lacey’s healing. Being around Gabi is impeding Lacey’s ability to move on because she is this big sister figure that Lacey has shaped her life around but that means that her life is shaped around someone intrinsically tied to her trauma. We see Margaret mired in her fear and grief, trapped in that bus station, but there’s much less acknowledgement that Lacey is mired too, held in place by her love for Gabi. I really like the actor and don’t want to see her go but for the character? Lacey, baby, run.

[ecargmura]

Pokemon Horizons Episode 41 Review - Dot And Her Mother

Why are Dot-focused episodes so good? Episode 15, which was a mix of Dot and Liko-focus, was good. Episode 39, the first true Dot-focused episode, was really good. This one was really good since this one focuses on Dot’s backstory!

It’s always nice to see how a member of the Rising Volt Tacklers came onto the ship. While we know the backgrounds of everyone except Ludlow, we still don’t know how Murdock and Mollie came aboard the ship now that how Dot got here is revealed in this episode. Dot was basically the same as she is now, but a bit shyer. She spent her days cooped up in her room streaming, but wanted to expand her horizons after seeing Friede’s thesis and getting some advice from him and Iono. This was how she suggested to her mother, Blanca, that she wanted to aboard the Brave Olivine as a trial period.

It’s interesting to know about Blanca as she is connected to both Dot, her daughter, and Murdock, her older brother. Blanca is totally different from her two family members. She’s chatty, energetic, slightly scatterbrained and a bit overbearing, but means well. I love the little gag with how her Midnight Form Lycanroc has to stop her from chattering too much. I did like that while she did seem like an overprotective mom, she just wants what’s best for Dot—wanting her to say her true feelings, which she’s bad at. I do love how she’s a good mother at the end of the day as she teared up when Dot expressed her true feelings about ending the trial period and staying on the airship for real. It’s cute how both Murdock and Blanca have the Rockruff line, but she has the Midnight Form while her brother’s dog hasn’t evolved yet; will there be a day that it’ll evolve and if it does, will it be Midday or Dusk? Also, I was really surprised with her voice actress! She’s voiced by Motoko Kumai, who has been in the XY series as Serena’s Showcase rival, Nene! I’m usually familiar with her most famous role as Li Syaoran from Cardcaptor Sakura, so for her to voice an adult woman is a strange but welcome feeling; it’s always nice to see returning voice actors and actresses try out new types of roles, even if they’re minor ones.

What I like about the family issues presented in Horizons is that they’re usually resolved on their own without anyone interfering too much. In the past series with Ash, Ash had to step in and solve the family matters. For example, in the Black and White series, Bianca and her dad had conflict and Ash had to step in and battle her dad. In the Sun and Moon series, Ash had to involve himself with Lillie’s family matters at first before they resolved it on their own. In this series, Liko’s family issues were resolved on her own back in Episode 9. In this episode, Dot resolves her own family issues on her own without Liko or Roy interfering. I think that it’s a nice change of pace!

True to Pokemon fashion, battling always has to solve problems. Blanca’s not a bad battler as she uses Counter as her main style of battling. For Dot, she beats her mother with Quaxly as the duck had the type-advantage and also learned another super-effective move, Low Kick. Now, all three Paldean starters got new moves! I can’t wait to see them progress even more! Now, please give Liko and Roy legitimate wins; Dot can’t be the only one of the three kids to keep winning battles!

The friendship between the three kids is adorable. Liko and Roy really like Dot and because they’ve been around each other for a while, they know what to do get her to open the door to her room. This episode, they pretend to leave and it worked. So cute! Liko being a big Nidothing fan and realizing that Blanca once barged into her livestream on accident was cute! I also liked how Liko and Roy helped with chasing Tinkatink around the airship; they just appeared and I found that hilarious. I found the Maushold being mini delivery mice on the airship adorable! It’s like Murdock got four employees that pass food to Dot!

My only concern with the episode is the fact that Friede was sleeping at Dot’s house and her reaction to seeing a random guy sleeping in her living room was too calm. Other than that, this was a great episode! I’d love to see more Dot-focused episodes in the future, whether it be her doing silly things with our main duo, doing collaboration streams with Iono, or battling! What are your thoughts on this wonderful episode?

[snailslovesketching]

is catradora a toxic ship? my opinion that no asked for :)

TW: discussion of toxicity, abusive relationships and trauma; pls take care of yourself :)

Hey snails,

I started rewatching She-ra and the Princesses of Power for the third time recently, so suffice to say I am a big fan. The ship catradora, which is the ship name for characters Adora and Catra in case you don’t know, is honestly very important to me as a lesbian. Calling a ship from a show ‘important’ may sound dramatic to some of you, but it’s the truth. I was just coming into my identity as a lesbian when I watched the show because I heard it had good queer representation. Catra and Adora’s relationship was one of the first relationships between two queer women that I’d seen in media which was actually written by a queer person, and it meant so much to me as a baby gay. I’m not even a particularly emotional person when it comes to the media I watch, so it surprised me when I got emotional watching their love confession scene for the first time. It was and still means a lot to me that ND Stevenson and everyone behind She-ra worked so hard to get representation in the show, and I’ll forever be grateful to them for doing so.

Now that I’m watching the show for the third time, however, I’m starting to view their relationship more critically. Perhaps due to me being older and more comfortable in my queer identity, along with seeing discussions of their relationship online. It is an unfortunate truth that Catra treats Adora like shit for most of the show. She is an undoubtedly toxic person, and that brings into question whether, after everything she’s done, she deserves Adora. I’m going to provide my own opinions on this discussion and analyse whether catradora is a toxic relationship. To do so, I’m going to split this discussion into three main categories - what makes a relationship toxic? What toxic behaviours are present between Catra and Adora? And, lastly, is catradora a toxic ship overall?

Firstly, what makes a relationship toxic in the first place? In my research, I found a quotation from an article by verywellmind.com (Toxic Relationships: Signs, Types, and How to Cope (verywellmind.com) which I feel sums it up quite well: ‘A relationship is toxic when your well-being is threatened in some way - emotionally, psychologically, and even physically’. A toxic relationship will provide more negativity than positivity to your life and well-being. A person in a toxic relationship may question why they even involved themselves with that person in the first place, but simultaneously find it difficult to let go of them due to happy memories shared and the manipulation tactics employed by the toxic person to keep the other person trapped in the relationship.

Common traits of a toxic relationship are gaslighting (making someone doubt their own thoughts and experiences), victim blaming, isolating the person from their loved ones, constant arguing - and having to walk on eggshells around them as a result, controlling behaviour and generally feeling bad after being around the toxic person for an extended period of time.

So, which of these signs of a toxic relationship are present between Catra and Adora, and how persistent are they throughout the five seasons? Catra is obviously the main person perpetrating most of these behaviours. She blames Adora for abandoning her and ruining their friendship despite Adora offering to bring Catra with her. In other words, Catra guilt trips her. She acts as if Adora was in the wrong for wanting to leave the Horde despite it being very understandable why she’d do so. This isn’t just a heat-of-the-moment reaction as well, as she continues to blame Adora for ‘abandoning’ her even after being given multiple chances to join Adora. There’s the more obvious abuse that takes place while they’re enemies, with Catra insulting Adora, physically hurting and trying to murder her - just casual stuff. She also attempts to separate Adora from her friends from the very beginning - trying to isolate her to make her more vulnerable and easy to manipulate. Catra guilt trips Adora and blames her for issues Catra caused; she belittles Adora constantly; and is generally a very manipulative person, not just to Adora but to other characters such as Entrapta who she’s meant to be friends with.

Of course, there is the elephant in the room that needs to be discussed, that being Catra and Adora’s shared trauma—due to Shadow Weaver treating Adora as the golden child who can do no wrong and Catra being the one who gets the blame for every mistake pinned on her. As a result, Adora has a saviour complex and Catra is starved for affection and validation, taking much of her anger out on the ‘perfect’ Adora who always received the favour from Shadow Weaver that Catra wanted. This makes her staying with the Horde more understandable. She wanted to prove herself to Shadow Weaver and perhaps saw Adora being gone as the perfect opportunity to do so. It can also provide an explanation for some of her toxic behaviour later on in the series, as it becomes clear that Catra is simply repeating the abusive behaviour she was subjected to her by her only mother figure as a child. It should not, however, excuse this behaviour completely, because even if her actions are understandable given the circumstances it doesn’t magically make everything she did to Adora okay. She treated Adora terribly and Adora is in her full rights to not forgive Catra if she wants to. But as anyone who has watched the show knows, she does forgive Catra in the end. So one must ask… was Catra’s redemption deserved?

In my opinion, as much as this ship means to me, Catradora is indeed toxic for most of the show. I believe the way Catra’s redemption arc was handled was the main issue. She stays a consistently bad person for all four seasons, showing a lack of a moral compass from the first episode. While the show does a great job making the audience pity her by showing her trauma involving Shadow Weaver, thus giving us insight into why she acts the way she does, it doesn’t necessarily mean she deserves redemption. She doesn’t show much sign that she’ll become good and join the rebellion until season five, where the switch happens very suddenly, and then they’re confessing their love for each other even more suddenly. Personally, if my old friend had been on the opposite side of a war and attempted to kill me multiple times, just to pull a 180 and say they’d always loved me, I think I’d have a hard time believing them. 

If I were to rewrite their relationship to make a redemption arc work, I think dedicating more time to Catra’s redemption arc would be beneficial. This could create more interesting dynamics between the characters as Catra works with the rebellion and slowly gains their trust, building a healthy relationship with Adora and working through their issues, so that by the time they’re getting together they’re both at points in their lives where they’ve healed from their shared trauma and are ready for a relationship. I do acknowledge that to some extent the show did this, but I believe it needed more time to truly redeem Catra as it rushed through her arc too quickly. Making Catra less murdery would also be a good idea in my opinion, since attempting to murder your significant other is a pretty hard thing to come back from. Or Catra could at least show some remorse and regret about it - it would still be bad, don’t get me wrong, but there could be a tragic element to it if Catra felt like she was forced to hurt Adora because of their circumstances and showed a lot of angsty regret while doing so. More signs that Catra still cares for Adora would be good, like in season 1 episode 9 where Catra begrudgingly delivers the sword to Adora and tells her to leave, helping her escape the Horde. More moments like this could show Catra’s love for Adora in a very in-character way and remind the audience that these two were actually very close at one point, thus making their reunion more satisfying. Lastly, after everything Catra has done I don’t think Adora should be required to forgive her. Although, it is a show primarily for children so I understand why they did have her do so as they wanted a happy ending.

Overall, I believe catradora could have been written better. Now that I’ve done research into both sides of this argument, I understand why people argue catradora is a toxic ship and to a certain extent, I agree with them. I don’t think this ship is beyond redemption, and neither is Catra, but Catra’s redemption arc could use some rewriting to make that happen. In other words, Catra should be more like Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender, rather than Azula, to who Catra is strikingly similar for most of the series. I will leave it at that. If you know, you know ;)

Thanks for reading :D

[attavoid]

Honami Mochizuki, Avoidance, Broken Bonds, and Responsibility

I’ve always been a big fan of Vocaloid since 2010 when I was a wee child- I even mess with vocal synths in my free time and make songs when confident enough in my skills- and I’d been eyeing Project Sekai (or Hatsune Miku: Colorful Stage, but I’ll be referring to it as Prjsk) for a while now. I adore rhythm games and they help me calm down, but I never really bit the bullet until recently. I have no idea why I waited so long! I’ve only been playing for a couple weeks but I’m already mastering the skills and am climbing up.

Anyway, one of my good friends brought me to the attention of Honami Mochizuki, and how many people headcanon her as having AvPD. I’ll assume if you’re reading this you have a vague idea of how the game works, but I’ll explain the background of her and her unit, Leo/need.

Honami is one of four girls in Leo/need, all who were childhood friends who drifted apart when Saki, another part of the group, was hospitalized for chronic illness (which, by the way, I could go on about how surprsingly respectful they are about her disability rep, at least in my opinion as a narcoleptic with a weak immune system). Despite being very close in elementary school, now that they’re all in high school, Honami has drifted from the others and tends to stick with her classmates, seemingly always following their lead.

A common misconception of AvPD is that avoidants don’t have friends. That can be true, but not in the sense that people think! In the past, I had a friend group, but we weren’t exactly friends. I morphed myself for approval so that they’d validate me and I’d be accepted, but I was not myself, and I did not let myself be vulnerable, as close friends should. Even though we had all been “close” since elementary school, what it really was for me was that I had found a group that I thought had accpeted me- only because I had hidden the parts of me they found embarrassing. They still berated me and my choice in other friends that I did actually have connections with, which caused me to drift away from them. That’s something evident in Honami’s story- she sticks with her “friends” because she wanted to get their validation, but these friends didn’t like the other members of Leo/need, so Honami forced herself to stray away from them to avoid being judged and humiliated.

This is something I don’t see discussed much about AvPD- the effect it has on your friends. Although I agree that personality disorder information should focus on those with the disorder, it’s also important to remember the effects it has on those around you (without buying into the abuse propaganda, of course). Honami’s past all too well highlights a part of my journey in AvPD that I wish more people talked about- betraying your friends just for your self image as a coping mechanism. It feels like it keeps you safe, but in reality, it doesn’t. It just hurts your true bonds and further isolates yourself into a group that will take advantage of you and use you as a punching bag.

Even as a 21 year old, I still find myself struggling with this, and I find great comfort in this aspect of Honami’s character. Especially how awkward she is trying to get along with her friends again- repairing old friendships, especially when you’re the source of the rift (for the most part), is always hard. And I love that she doesn’t give up! She keeps going and we see her slowly become more comfortable again with her friends and finding that spark of joy they ignited when she was a child.

I do want to add a disclaimer- I don’t think this coping mechanism is an abuse tactic, but it’s still important to remember the effect it has on other people. When I did this in the past, I thought I was protecting myself and our friendship- why would they want to be seen with someone like me?- but in reality I was hurting them and our bond. Instead of framing this as an abuse tactic, in Prjsk, it’s framed as Honami bearing some responsibility for the drifting, yet respects where she comes from and doesn’t vilify her for it at the same time. It’s quite refreshing, and even though she doesn’t canonically have AvPD, I can definitely see these traits in her, and I absolutely headcanon her with it.

Maybe someday I’ll do a more indepth analysis of Honami having AvPD, but I wanted to especially comment on this part of her. I feel when AvPD is talked about we gloss over the responsiblity we do have on relationships, unless it’s in a negative light painting us as abusers, which isn’t true. Even if Leo/need isn’t my favourite group, I think Honami will continue to have a special place in my heart.