#as if survival in here is not the worst thing anyone could possibly experience
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furiousgoldfish · 2 months ago
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I hate how abusive parents love to imply that you know nothing about the 'real world', as if they're sheltering you and protecting you from the big evil out there, so you're 'naive and innocent' and don't know how bad it is outside, but what they're really 'sheltering' you from are survival skills and vital knowledge of how to function in the world! They sure are not sheltering you from evil! They're not sheltering you from abuse! They're not sheltering you from cruelty and violence and apathy in the face of suffering! They're not sheltering you from how it feels to be unprotected and isolated in an environment in dangerous individuals! You have all possible experiences of that! You have intimate and extended knowledge of that! You even know how to survive living with them! But self care and taxes, that is the gatekept information. God forbid you know how to live independently.
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ganondoodle · 2 months ago
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(OC Lore and design time!)
(it got longer again ... sorry ... idk how to make things short, i just need to talk, but i guess if you can read the written stuff in the pic thats the barest bare bones of what i wrote here)
i was asked what new lore story stuff i had thought about that made me sad which i mentioned a bit ago, and while that is too hard to explain given all the missing context i thought i could at least talk about lore having to do with it :D
so, (Lord) Eadrya is one of my fav OCs (big blue lad, here a rough sketch in humanoid form) they are both one of if not THE most powerful demon alive and the most battle trained;
at the mid point of the story the demon world gets invaded by the celestials (the angel inspired things i talked about in the previous lore post with Xaror) and Shargon, as the king, should be their first and only frontline, but at this point his life is only being sustained by maschinery after being mortally wounded, he cannot fight (he realizes what is going on, rips himself off the maschinery to get at least his youngest child to safety, barely managing it before dying- the guardian, the demons god, takes over his body to attempt to fight against the celestials but cant keep itself alive long enough since its host is already dead) Eadrya takes the role of the frontline fighter (despite being very full of themselves and aggressive they care about their 'job' of protecting their own, also giving them the chance to show off just how strong they are); the fight was going well for them all things considered, but when the guardian activates it drains the power of all elemental lords (which Eadrya is one of, and since they have the most strength it also takes the most from them), so much so that they lose the fight and suffer deadly wounds (the worst being a spear through the chest made of a material that grows hard, root-like formations when in contact with demonic blood like a fungus but worse, also stopping any self healing processes) after the guardian falls apart it creates a huge shockwave of energy that stuns every living thing within a certain distance and possibly more-
Eadrya (in true demon form, so like a blue whale in size at least) was likely taken through an active gateway to the human world in a large tidal wave also created by the guardians fall; they wash up in the harbor of a small secluded village, the head of which is 'lady 13'; although never having seen a demon before and everyone being afraid (largely thinking its a strange hurt animal, only she suspected otherwise), they still gather all villagers to pull out the celestial spear, which is diffcult and brutal given that its already taken root, but the village lacked both knowledge and means to help any other way- doing so damaged their heart which is how they were able to collect samples of all three demonic blood types ('normal' -red like humans-, energy -essentially purely magic- and heartblood -highly concentrated energy only found within the heart of a demon and the only one to contain genetic material) (this is the start of Eadryas character arc, having to deal with the fact that their world is likely destroyed, them failing what they didnt think they could fail, having lost a battle so badly (even if not really their fault) for the first time and not knowing if literally anyone else has survived .. also being now stuck in the human world, which they dont like)
Lady 13 (placeholder name? stands for experiment 13) is a human that was tricked by demon hunters to enroll into a series of experiments trying to create hybrids of demons and humans, which they hoped would be powerful and easily controllable tools for their endeavours, though the two are inherently not compatible, they tried grafting body parts of demons on humans to make them compatible- all experiments failed except for her, more or less, though she never got to see the hybrid she carried and was then told it had died too, they threw her out believing she wouldnt survive much longer either and all such experiments were cancelled due to the high cost of human life, research material (demons are still rare) and upkeep with no successful results Lady 13 survived though (perhaps even via the pirates picking her up?) and she ended up living in said small village far away, hiding her half demonic body, though most know there soemthing 'wrong' with her (her being this tall when it doesnt fit the rest for one), only few know the full extent; she enjoys the life she has now, perhaps on the more poor side but safer and more loved than ever before; she largely lead the efforts to try and help Eadrya when they ended up in the harbor, though there wasnt that much anyone could do it was still enough- they leave immediately after waking up, but return after really having nowhere to go and struggling to deal with everything that has happened; over time (probably years) they start to open up towards the people there (though not .. very much) enough to get rather close with Lady 13 too- she actually falls madly in love but after Eadrya (extremely aro/ace) rejects all her attempts quite clearly she respects their boundaries
However, after hearing news of potential demon sightings Eadrya decides to leave in hopes of not being the last demon left after all; Lady 13 then decides to reveal her secret to them (though hearing and seeing what lengths hunters would go to for their experiments makes them absolutely seething with rage- she insists on not being out for revenge) and asks if they would be willing to donate a small amount of heartblood; shes always wanted to be a mother but is now incompatible with humans too- through things she picked up back at the experiments facillity, hers and her doctors research she is sure that is all that is needed, she dares to ask since she does not know when, if ever, she will meet another demon, much less one she could actually trust enough for this though Eadrya hesitates (why would she want to go through the same thing again that didnt work and threatened her life, if it does work, do they want to be involved with any of this? what if hunters find out it worked after all?) but after her ensuring that they would have no part in it other than giving up a little blood and would not be considered a parent in any way, nor made responsible for anything that might happen to her, but considering it all in the end they agree to it
only for her to reveal shes had a small bottle of it already, along with multiple samples of the other types, which she collected when Eadrya was bleeding out into the harbor not knowing if they will survive, though not wanting to make use of it without their consent either way (they are actuallly rather touched by this)
alot later the main group returns here and it turns out to have worked (though she is unable to walk/bedridden for a long while bc it did alot of damage to her body, which can heal since its demons parts, but only really slowly bc she does not have a full functioning system and no demonic blood of her own -she uses the other samples for the healing process-) though its a little awkward to explain, especially considering that 13.1 took alot after Eadrya xD (their theory as to why it worked so "well" that time is that even though the sample was already taken, them giving their consent for it still made it less likely to be rejected; demons dont need partners to have offspring, and all can do it, they just have to decide to- so them agreeing to it, even though its long been outside their body, still had an effect on the blood sample)
#ganondoodles#art#ocs#original art#oc lore#demons#monsters#WHY does writing things liek this take me so long#i spent two hours again on this and im falling asleep as we speak bc its almost 2 am#ANYWAY this was alot again ... sorry#but its a relatively new storyline that i have been afraid of telling#since it touches on things im afraid might come across wrong and uses themes im a lil uncomfy with#but i found it interesting ... and works well with eadrya as a character bc it challenges alot about them#yes im wrote and mean this genuinely#i would have made the cut from her human body to the demon parts more smooth ... but this hard cut is the point#so that she looks rather normal on the upper part and can hide the rest#thoguh im unsure about the color scheme and if maybe i should be more creative with the demons parts#then again its largely just legs lol#if anyone actually reads this ........ i hope it comes across correctly#i like to use darker and more mature themes but am riddled with anxiety over how it will be understood#im gonna work on zelda comic stuff again now .. sorry for all the oc spam#but if there are questions PLEASE feel free to ask im pretty sure i have answers to almosst anything?#also i havent thought of a name for her or the kid .. though im starting to like lady 13#13.1 wont do as a name though poor kid deserves a proper name after already being a weird hybrid that shouldnt exist#either way ... going to bed now GOODNIGHT q-q#(any typos are excused by me being deadly tired ok)
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hpowellsmith · 4 months ago
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Heart's Choice WIP announcement: Heart of the Mountain by Fay Ikin
Heart of the Mountain is a new Heart's Choice text game by Fay Ikin, the author of Heart of Battle and Asteroid Run: No Questions Asked. It's in the same setting as Heart of Battle, with a new MC and totally standalone.
Play Chapter 1 here! Fay would love to hear whatever feedback you have if you have a moment - either on the forum, or send it to me and I'll pass it on to her as she's not on here.
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The war between the Coritan Republic and Messimera has been over for years, but as a magician you’ll never be free of your duties to your country.
With control over warmth and heat energy, you’ve been sent to a remote Messimeran outpost, where a small group of soldiers from both sides have been tasked to cooperate and guard the northernmost demilitarized zone…where your predecessor went mysteriously missing.
If anyone crosses the mountain pass or the frozen waterway, the peace treaties could fail. It’s frigid, isolated work, and monotonous until a mysterious fellow magician falls at your doorstep hiding dangerous secrets. Will you welcome your kind, or support your colleagues’ suspicions of them?
Everyone has their own agenda - and their own secrets to guard. When their goals oppose each other, who will you support and who will you stand against? Who will you keep close when your magic starts to fail, when paranoia and fear strike the outpost? A mysterious force within the mountain threatens to topple everything your country has worked for. What are you willing to lose to survive - your livelihood, your love, or your magic itself?
Heart of the Mountain is set in the same setting as Heart of Battle, 4-5 years later. All of the characters are new for this game, though backstory elements can have some familiar notes from the previous game. You won’t need to have played Heart of Battle to play this game.
I’m aiming for 3 or 4 chillies - some sex scenes are very explicit, and some will (at the reader’s choice) feature some intense kinky experiences.
As with Heart of Battle, it’s v/v. The MC can be a man (cis, trans or non-specified), woman (cis, trans or non-specified) or non-binary person (AMAB, AFAB, or not specified); the love interests are selectable between cis man/cis woman/non-binary.
There are four characters alongside the MC - everyone the MC interacts with is romanceable and plot relevant, and the conflict between different love interests’ goals and ambitions drives the plot.
All the characters have the possibility of a happy ending, but on some high-conflict routes some characters can become hostile antagonists
There are currently some polyamorous options planned: Eleri/Felician/MC, and Stelare/Theano/MC.
Romance Options:
Captain Felician Resende
GRIEVING OFFICER from the Coritan Republic
Felician’s magician best friend, the MC’s predecessor, went missing a month ago: a devastating loss Felician is still struggling to accept. With bad experiences with magic in the war, and a lingering deep distrust of magic, Felician’s trying hard to keep it out of the way of professional - or personal - relationships.
Best Felician: honorable, go-getting, enthusiastic
Worst Felician: inflexible, manic, controlling
What to say: “I agree, a five mile hike is a perfect team-building opportunity!”
What not to say: “I hope you don’t mind, I’ve made some amendments to your chore chart!”
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Sergeant Eleri Katsaros
CONFLICTED ENGINEER from Messimera
You can’t get secrets out of Eleri with a prybar, but it’s still obvious that Sergeant Katsaros bitterly regrets whatever happened during the war. So now, here’s someone committed to being kind while frozen with shame. Eleri can’t imagine being called a good person, let alone believing it.
Best Eleri: Idealistic, practical, reliable
Worst Eleri: Fatalistic, brittle, volatile
What to say: “Let’s stay up until four in the morning to do inventory. In silence.”
What not to say: “I’ll only give you your toolbox back if you can name five things you like about yourself.”
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Doctor Theano Leventis
MISANTHROPIC PHYSICIAN from Messimera
“Doctor Leventis has the potential to be a shining star of the Messimeran Army…if only Leventis could match talent with compassion”.
This, like other performance reviews, Theano has disregarded as ‘pointless sap’. There’s little point in babying other people’s emotions when there’s any number of things to do instead: music, reading, gambling, scientific analysis…you name it, Theano can do it. Unless it requires a bedside manner.
Best Theano: Creative, progressive, perceptive
Worst Theano: Bitter, destructive, dismissive
What to say: “Why would we be emotionally vulnerable with each other when we could get drunk and pass out instead?”
What not to say: “I’m sorry, but the future of the outpost relies on your ability to give me a convincing hug.”
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Stelare Belmonte
FLIGHTY MAGICIAN from the Coritan Republic
Magic academy washout, army washout, an Illustrious’ magickeeper’s washout, an arena designer washout…is there anything Stelare can’t get fired from for ‘wilful disobedience and lack of adherence to basic safety’?
Stelare has telekinetic magic: the application of force to move and manipulate the world. But instead of being indispensable, Stelare has happily embraced the label of ‘massive liability’ and the freedom that comes with it. But what exactly is the plan on this remote, classified mountaintop?
At their best: Passionate, ambitious, protective
At their worst: Unpredictable, careless, vindictive
What to say: “I made you some hot chocolate, the others are so jealous!”
What not to say: “You don’t scare me…you’re just mediocre.”
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bots-and-cons · 8 months ago
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Howdy again! Is it possible you could do the same prompt l asked last time (reader dies and turns cybertronian) but with Autobots instead of cons? Thank you so much!!!!
A/N: If someone’s interested in the decepticon version you can find that here. Ratchet has morals, hence no human experimentation on the autobots’ part
•You were taken by the decepticons and experimented on 
•Ever since the whole thing with Silas, Knockout and Shockwave were both interested in if they could repeat the experiment
•It was mostly Shockwave though, Knockout thought what happened to Breakdown was absolutely disgusting, but he also wanted to know how it was done, so repeating the experiment on you was a chance for that
•So, they did their experiment, constructing you a body from vehicon parts and putting the necessary parts from you into it
•Anyway, the cons returned you to the autobots in a rather cruel manner, basically Megatron just tossed you at their feet saying something like “I believe this is your pet”
•Ratchet worked for days to make sure you would survive in your new body, but he had a lot of trouble, because he didn’t know how much at all about human anatomy or biology
•Shockwave and Knockout had already done most of the work for him though, so he just had to finish the job and make sure you would continue to stay alive
•When you woke up, you were very confused, and scared too
•Your head was all foggy, you couldn’t remember much of anything, certainly not how you’d come to be this way
•It took a couple of days for you to be even able to move your arms or legs, and being able to stand and walk took much longer
•Ratchet was there to look after you the whole time, someone had to be, because you were pretty confused most of the time
•You had a lot of gaps and holes in your memory, you knew things like your name and you knew the autobots were friendly or at least not a threat to you, but you didn’t know who they were or what they were like
•You also didn’t remember anything about how you’d been made into this thing you now were
•You knew you used to be human, but it felt like it had been a dream
•Optimus was of course furious that the decepticons had done this to you, but he kept it under control, so hardly anyone noticed
•Except for Ratchet of course, he was also horrified by what had been done to you and he honestly just tried not to think about it most of the time, because you were still alive
•Arcee was probably the most visibly furious about the whole thing, she even ranted a little about how this was the last straw, etc etc
•Bee was also seething, but his anger was more mixed with this overwhelming sadness and confusion, he had seen the decepticons committing countless atrocities, but this was undoubtedly among the worst
•The whole team had a very hard time understanding how the decepticons could do this, you were no threat to them
•They were all furious, but they tried to keep a lid on it, some managed that better than others, because they wanted to aid in your recovery
•Your recovery was very slow, but they all tried to be there for you as best as they could
•You had to learn to control your new body, and all that came with being a pseudo-cybertronian
•Ratchet kept scanning you constantly for the first three months, at least twice a day, more if something unusual happened
•You had a very hard time mentally for a long while, because of getting used to your new body, never being able to see your family/friends again, and the fact that you had been dead
•Even though you didn’t exactly remember how you had been experimented on, the whole thing still plagued you in your nightmares
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notmorbid · 15 days ago
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lost in the garden.
dialogue prompts from lost in the garden by adam s. leslie.
i'm not going to grow up.
each of us survived to fight another day.
i never reveal my sources. i'm the picture of discretion.
i don't want to play anymore.
people disappear all the time.
are you sure? i need you to be absolutely sure.
i never really interact with fans.
i miss the anticipation and the adrenaline spikes. the feeling of being alive.
it's dangerous. too dangerous for you.
i'm the zany one. i'll do anything.
shall i compare thee to a summer's day? you're a bit sticky and only tolerable in small doses.
i didn't think you could pick me out of a lineup.
you fucking nailed it.
you know my name?
how would you like the honor of doing me a favor?
it's serious spy shit.
you are my oldest friend, but also my worst friend. but also my best friend.
are you materializing out of thin air now?
well, this is just the icing on the fucking cake, isn't it?
are we gonna do this, or what?
you seem to live your life entirely below the surface.
i sometimes wonder if you might be evil.
you're personable, i'll give you that. 'nice' is a stretch.
i'm not spontaneous. i'm not impulsive.
that's the rule of daring: each dare has to be bigger than the last.
other people's business is the whole reason you exist.
did i dream you?
i think i love you.
if there's one thing i've always admired about you, it's your poker face.
i can't begin to tell you how much i hate you.
i might have to dance with you again.
go easy, nightmare. go easy.
i didn't know it was possible to be so happy.
i feel like you were always there.
you're looking better than i thought you would.
if you could have any flavor of ice cream at all, which would it be?
is this all just hijinks to you?
do you ever fucking stop talking?
i was just a child. i didn't mean it.
i know guys like you. i'm friends with guys like you.
aren't you going to ask me what's wrong?
i'm worried i'll forget what ____ looks like.
you're always so serious. you don't have to be.
it's not as bad as you think it is, whatever's bothering you.
i'm as flawed as anyone else.
we're being followed.
you don't get more normal than me.
i'm here. i came back.
i'm glad we got lost together.
head injuries always bleed a lot. it's not as bad as it seems.
is that ghost riding a bicycle?
you don't have friends. you have contacts.
you make it very hard for me to respect you.
what's your middle name?
what's your earliest memory?
how could i forget something like that?
love means never giving up on someone.
i have a great ass. everybody says so.
you have to stop being young sometime, don't you?
i know a thing or two about depravity.
speak to me. tell me things. tell me anything.
i'm not a serial killer. why would you say i'm a serial killer?
i feel like i'm being sucked empty.
you can't ruin this for me. i won't let you.
people know, if you know the right people to ask.
it's dangerous to pretend for too long.
geography isn't what it used to be.
it's only trespassing if we get caught.
if we were watson and holmes, who would be who?
you have the self control of a toddler undergoing an out-of-body experience.
i'm not supposed to tell my name to strangers.
no one's ever thrown a party for me.
are you really dead if you don't realize you're dead?
get as far away from here as you can. this isn't your thought.
you can't save ___. you'll only get hurt.
you don't know who you're messing with.
i've made a poor job of being an adult, and a poor job at remaining a child.
it's too late to save my soul.
i always liked you best. you understand that, right? you were my favorite.
you really expected me just to give up on you?
we're not getting out of here. no one ever does.
i thought i loved you. i really thought i loved you.
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cod-dump · 1 year ago
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Time (another monster au fic)
———
Price hadn’t foreseen ‘non-human handler’ in his future. Two vampires, an insectoid, whatever the hell Nik was (a lycan of some kind?), and a demon? Definitely wasn’t how he thought his days would go. He especially didn’t plan on sort of adopting the vampires both being older than his grandparents. Well, Soap was. Gaz was much younger than that but still older than Price.
But, their youthful appearances have most certainly made him feel like they needed guidance even though they had far more life experience. Well, Gaz seemed to return the familial connection, at least. He would often come join Price in his office just sit and talk. It was nice having that connection since Price wasn’t in contact with any of his family, distant relatives or close family members.
“Cap… I have a question,” it wasn’t often when Gaz wanted to ask Price something.
He was smart, had seen more things than Price. He was also the type to try to figure things out on his own before asking questions (thankfully he doesn’t do this on the clock).
“Question? About what?”
“Well… Ghost.”
Price felt his heart beat quicken, he knew where this was going, “What about him?”
“Why is he here? He’s a demon, they don’t do this kind of thing. Especially not on their own free will.”
He could hear what Gaz was wanting to say. The thing he hasn’t about to actually say out loud, the thing this was all about. Laswell had the worst reaction when she had found out. Tears, yelling— The works. Nik was much calmer in appearance but Price could tell he was devastated.
Price knew the risks, he knew what he was getting himself into. It was his soul after all, he could do what he pleased with it.
“I… contracted him. He’s a mercenary, after all. He works for me, and when the job’s done he gets his payment… then he’s gone. That simple.”
Gaz’s jaw as clenched, a pain in his eyes that just pierced Price’s soul, “That’s a funny fucking way to call selling you soul to him.”
Price had years to accept it. He’s the one who summoned the Ghost to this plane, the one who offered Simon Riley’s corpse for him to root him here so he had a physical form. Price gave him rank, this human mask that he could wear. Whether he kept it when everything was said and done is uncertain. Price had feeling he could make a hell of a business off of it.
“I had my time to accept it, I don’t expect you to get it.”
Gaz couldn’t look at him, choosing to stare at the wall instead. The angle allowed Price to see the light glint off his eyes, giving away his inhuman nature. Gaz was much more emotional than other vampires. He remembers being human, he cares about humanity. He was stealing blood bags almost his whole vampiric existence before Price found him and recruited him.
“You don’t have to worry about anything, Kyle. When I’m gone Nik will be taking you and Soap with him to Chimera. Kate will make you two disappear and can go on to Russia.”
“That’s supposed to be comforting?”
“Russia does have the highest population of any non-humans in the world. Plus Chimera is nothing but non-humans.”
“Fucking- I don’t care about finding somewhere safe!” Gaz stood quickly, knocking his chair back, “You fucking sold your soul to a demon! You have a timer on your life!”
Price watches Gaz wave his arms around, tears pricking in his eyes, “You’re dying!”
Price sighs. He had accepted this himself, he knows his fate. Unless the demon themself decides to break the contract, spare the human who made it with them… Price’s fate is sealed. There has been some recorded incidents where demons completed the contract only to just leave, not taking their client’s soul. It is possible to survive, but making a demon genuinely like you to the point they let you keep your soul is near impossible.
Ghost was going to kill him in the end. Eat his soul in probably the most painful way possible before fucking off to do whatever.
“Kyle…”
“How can you be so fucking calm? Did you even consider how anyone else would feel!?”
“I made that deal a long time ago. Before I had anyone in my life worth living for. I do not regret sacrificing my life for the greater good.”
Gaz was shaking, now quiet. Price swallows before standing, going around to the vampire and pulling him into a hug. Gaz almost instantly clung to him, a quiet sob in his chest.
“I don’t want you to die…”
“I’m sorry, Kyle. I can’t change anything.”
“There has to be another way.”
“Heh, you know trying to cheat a demon out of a soul is dangerous. You know how dangerous Ghost is.”
Gaz pulls away, wiping his face, “Fuck… Yea, I do…”
Price felt dread in his chest. The first time in years he had to truly acknowledge what he had done. He felt like this after he told Laswell, after Nik, and now Gaz. Their emotions reminded him how deeply upsetting this was. But Price couldn’t take it back. He wouldn’t if it meant he would still be able to do it. Save this world from it’s own self-destruction… all at the cost of a single soul. What he’s doing wouldn’t be permanent, the rot would always crawl back. but at least his soul would buy everyone some time.
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chainsandmorechains · 4 months ago
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I still don't fully understand why, but some people love rape threats, more than loving them they beg for it.
I'm not judging them, nor you for liking it if you love it, after all, everyone has their own tastes, I, for example, have some reprehensible tastes too possibly worse than yours but it's all a question of opinion here, also I like to think that I matured over the mentality of a 3-year-old child that disrespects someone for their differences no, no, I'm not judging anyone for that nor will give any excuses if I do.
If I want to disrespect someone, or you reader, I probably won't ever use anything of that sort, no if I want to disrespect you I'll do it, without hiding behind any kind of excuses or differences you may hold.
Why would I do that?
Because I want to of course, what else?
You may ponder why I'm talking about that right now when I'm only supposed to talk about rape threats and to answer your restless mind let me simply tell you that the reason I did that was to introduce you to the rest of that message, it was to establish in your mind the fact that if I want to do something no matter how dumb or insane it is, as long as it isn't a danger to my survival well I'll probably fucking do it.
That's why you shouldn't question why I suddenly want to become the best pokemo-! I mean the best rape threatener(?)in the world, well I want to be the person on earth who send and creates the best rape threats.
Why would I want that? Like I said you really shouldn't question it if you don't want to start getting mad, my incredible thought process is way out of the league of mortals like you.
But if you really need some answer well yes, it may be because I have a small obsession with becoming the best at everything I do, and yes it may also be because I want to assert my dominance maybe, just maybe.
What's sure however, is that I shall need to practice to reach my goal of unofficial best… rape-threatener in the world, let's call it like that shall we, measuring progress is also simply essential for my goal, and that's where YOU come in, Yep you, the best way to measure how amazing my rape threat is by showing them to someone who loves rape threat and seeing if they get horny.
But I'm too lazy to send one rape threat to multiple people and then measure their level of arousal, that's why I shall use this post as a way to potentially gain attention and test my rape threats on you all.
Now let's start for real, if you're not interested in hearing my great being threatening you, well firstly you're missing something there, and secondly…why are you still here? It's time for a strategic retreat.
If you're still there, shut up, go grab your favorite beverage or put your hand on your privates, and let me use you like a good little lab rat, test subjects are hard to come by these days.
Cough cough
I could try to start this threat with some beautifully woven words, but considering the fact that I currently just want to grab your head and slam it against the nearest piece of furniture before raping your holes, I won't. I wouldn't hesitate even for a measly second to fuck you until you're a drooling mess that can only mutter "sorry" again and again pathetically, the only thing I would hesitate on would be between abusing your warm and moist lips on your face or abusing your pluckable asshole, so many choices, what a hard dilemma, but don't worry too much about waiting for too long while I do my decision, I'll keep you busy by choking you with your own underwear, can't have you screaming around.
I want to rape you with animalistic violence that almost none could replicate, I want to ruin you, I want this to be both the worst and best experience of your life, I want those contrary thoughts to corrupt your mind and mold it into something, something else, something new, something better (only for me), I want to ravage you so brutally that you would associate this situation with rock bottom, I'll feed myself from the despair in your eyes and I'll be sure to teach you a very important lesson.
When you think you're at your worst, everything can still get much much worse.
I'll teach you that by kidnapping you in a place where no one could ever find you, it's simply the natural step forward After doing something like that, can't have you run away or believe that you will sagely and docilely submit to me after making you suffer only one traumatizing experience, No for myself to be convinced of your submission I need a secure place for me to throw you in and fuck you every fucking day, every fucking hour, every fucking minutes, and every FUCKING seconds of your new life.
Don't worry about stopping, It's been a while already since I mastered orgasmic control, a pretty neat trick it helps get rid of a pesky thing you certainly know under the name of the refractory period, I mean it doesn't actually change the refractory period of an individual, and it has the little side effect on me not being able to cum if I want to lose my streak but don't worry about that, if you're worried about my pleasure well it's actually way more pleasurable for me to fuck like that, and also it's not like you will really be able to reflect on that when your mind is overflowing with pain, pleasure, and despair, or whatever else your twisted mind has created.
You shouldn't have the time to focus on anything else but my dick slamming in your holes, oh maybe you will be able to sense all of the different positions I would put you in tough.
But don't you even worry I may be evil but I have no intention to let you die, nope, I'll give you enough nutriment in the form of food covered by my cum, it will even be in a dogbowl, aren't I'm generous? I'll make sure to make you worship my feets in order for you to understand how charitable I am.
Oh, don't you need to drink too, don't worry I'm too damn awesome to have forgotten about that, I'll be sure to spit water or juice in your mouth when I hydratate myself.
Yeah I know I'm a magnanimous man.
May teach you some tricks too, I always wanted a pet, how does a cat cosplay sounds like? Want to have one while you're chained down under my desk and worshipping my dick? No? You don't want it? Whatever I don't care I'll still make you wear one and force you to clean yourself with my cum as if you were a cat cleaning itself.
Ohhhhh I should give you oversized paw gauntlets…this right here is a genius Idea.
Even if that sounds like a bad fate you should focus on the positive, with how much sex is a streneuous activity, you will be fit as fuck when everything is finished.
Well not like there would be an end.
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korkorali · 1 year ago
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I have Feelings™️ about Beakley
She’s a grandmother she’s a spy she’s an agent she’s a director she loves Webby she’s the worst guardian in the manor she judges everyone she’s extremely good at taking care of kids she’s terrible with children she lies like its second nature she’s barely remorseful for her actions she feels terrible about everything she’s done she’s traumatized she’s the most well-adjusted person in the room she’s one wrong move away from blowing up she’s calm and collected but most importantly she’s a hypocrite.
She’s the biggest hypocrite in the mansion and I absolutely love her for it.
She judges everyone. If you exist in her line of sight, chances are she’s going to look at you and think ‘I could probably do X better than you’ to herself. Especially when it comes to parenting.
And here’s the kicker- she’s wrong. She’s so wrong about that. Without a doubt, she wins the ‘worst of the mansion’s parental figures’ trophy by a landslide. She did terribly by Webby.
She kept her in the manor, alone, and trained her to defend herself from much too early an age. She told her not to bother Scrooge, the only other person in their home, which means that the only person Webby every really had was her.
I mean this woman was ready to straight up kick her ass on the roof of the manor for saying ‘hey maybe traumatizing Huey and Dewey isn’t the best form of training’
This woman, on multiple occasions, looked Webby right in the eyes and lied to her without even thinking- twice! And that’s after knowing that Webby hates being lied to!
She’s had quite her fair share of fuckups when it comes to parenting, and yet she still freely judges Scrooge, Donald, and Della whenever they try to parent.
She’s one of the biggest hypocrites in the show.
And the thing is, it makes sense.
All of her actions so much sense, even the judgement.
She’s a thoroughly traumatized secret agent who’s probably never opened up about herself to anyone (well, maybe Scrooge, but that’s another post for another day), found a child kept in one of their secret bases, and made the impossible choice to abandon her mission (her entire life) to go into hiding and keep the child safe.
She used to be a secret agent, so of course her modus operandi is to lie. Of course she keeps her cards close to her chest (even when nobody else is playing), of course she waits to reveal anything until she’s deemed it absolutely necessary to do so.
She essentially kidnapped Webby, the top-secret project of an evil organization. Of course she never let her leave the mansion (or at least, go anywhere besides the mansion and the Money Bin, because she’s been there before), she had every reason to believe that their agents may one day show up to find and take her away.
Of course she trained Webby relentlessly, of course she reacted so harshly to the idea of not training the boys in the same way. In order to survive, she was treated as a soldier instead of a person, after all. So in order for them to survive, she’s got to treat them like soldiers too.
Of course she judges everyone around her and refuses to admit when she’s wrong, she’s been through hellish experience after hellish experience, took over as director for SHUSH after the previous director was kidnapped by FOWL. She’s learned to hide her weaknesses, bury them so deep that even she wouldn’t be able to find them if she tried. She’s had to lead others, monitor agents, make absolutely sure that no information leaked which meant running the tightest shop possible. After doing that for so long, seeing others not do that is grating (what do you mean, other people got to be safe? What do you mean, nobody else has dealt with the things she has? What do you mean, she doesn’t have to treat everything like a secret war is brewing just under the surface? Preposterous).
She’s been through more than anyone else will ever know, more than she’ll ever say, and she refuses to admit that it’s caused her harm. She refuses to believe that what happened to her may have been wrong. That it shouldn’t have happened at all (It ended up giving her Webby. How could anything that gave her Webby be wrong?)
She’s a bitch and an asshole and a jerk and a hypocrite and a badass super spy and a housekeeper and a grandmother and anything she needs to be to survive and is maybe just starting to allow herself to live.
But there is one thing she most certainly is not:
A secretary
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2baddiesfanfics · 3 months ago
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I'm Still Here
Pairing: Navia x Clorinde
Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Oral Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Near Death Experiences, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories
Summary:
When Clorinde is informed Poisson is flooding, the worst possible scenarios dash through her mind. One thing's for certain: She's already lost Navia once - a second time is unthinkable. If the president of the Spina di Rosula survives this, the champion duelist will never let her go.
Read on Ao3
The Nation of Justice had always lived up to its namesake. The trials brought before the Oratrice Mecanique d’Analyse Cardinale were so vast in number throughout Fontainian history that it would be nearly impossible to count them all.
Neuvillette, Clorinde, and Furina had become accustomed to the rhythm of their respective duties in this delicate ecosystem. However, what was supposed to be a day like any other had quickly evolved into something unexpected as they exited the Opera Epiclese for the evening. This was about to be a trial of an entirely different magnitude.
“Monsieur Neuvillette! We have an emergency! The water levels of Poisson are rising! People are missing! We need your help!” A frightened melusine cried as they ran toward the trio.
The three stood in shocked silence as they registered the news. Clorinde’s heart stilled in her chest as images of Navia immediately assaulted her thoughts.
“I understand.” Neuvillette’s calm voice of authority grounded the situation. “We’ll take it from here. I thank you, my friend.”
All color left Furina’s face. In an act of self-preservation, she muttered something Clorinde couldn’t quite make out and ran off in the opposite direction. Just as the champion duelist was about to turn on her heel to pursue her, she felt a large hand firmly grip her shoulder.
“It’s alright, Clorinde. Leave Lady Furina to me. Go. Poisson needs you…Navia needs you,” Neuvillette said as he gave her a reassuring squeeze.
With a swift nod and a lump in her throat, she ran as fast as her legs could carry her to Marcotte Station to take the first aquabus she could catch.
“Take me to Poisson immediately! Do not stop for anything or anyone. This is an emergency!” She commanded.
The little melusine guide nodded in understanding. “Aye aye, madame duelist!”
Clorinde reluctantly took a seat. Fidgeting the entire ride, her thoughts completely revolved around Navia.
Dear archons, please let her be ok. This can’t be happening. We finally reconnected! I can’t lose her again.
To calm herself, she recounted sweet memories of their childhood together. They had spent hours training, playing, and laughing, often only going home when the sun was no longer shining.
“No fair, Clorinde! You cheated!”
“I did no such thing! Don’t be a sore loser. It’s unbecoming of someone of your standing.”
The champion duelist lurched back to the present as the melusine slammed the breaks. The water vehicle was swiftly approaching the City of Fontaine. “I won’t stop here, but I have to slow down for the other buses…safety hazard and all that,” she announced.
The stoic woman nodded in quiet acknowledgment. Please, please be okay.
Their first kiss flashed across her mind like Inazuman lightning. It was a quiet day. They had hiked up a hill to watch the sunset, and impulsive Navia had leaned in like it was as natural to her as breathing. Clorinde couldn’t help but smile wistfully at the memory, the young blonde girl’s cheerful laugh echoing as clear as ever. She ran her index finger along her lips in remembrance.
Suddenly, other, more intense moments danced behind her eyelids.
A dimly lit hotel room Navia had secured through her secret connections. The feeling of their skin pressed together. Her voice moaning her name.
Darker recollections bubbled to the surface.
The two meeting after the truth about Navia’s father came out. The guilt tearing Clorinde apart from the inside. Tearful confessions of longing and love. Navia’s beautiful smile as they reunited as the duo they were always destined to be.
The aquabus jolted to a stop and the champion duelist shouted her gratitude as she bolted toward Poisson. When she reached the underground entrance at last, her gaze bounced from waterlogged buildings to crumbling bridges…areas the sea had never reached before. The deeper she delved, the more panicked people she encountered. Missing family members, homes and businesses destroyed…and still no Navia.
She assisted those she could as she scoured the underworld for any sight of her beloved. It was taking everything in her to keep the panic under control. She’d be of no use to anyone if she allowed herself to be swallowed by terror. Yet her mind kept screaming Navia’s name at an almost deafening pitch.
Bile rose in her throat as she forced herself over to a makeshift medical tent. She needed to collect any clues she could and said a silent prayer that she wouldn’t find Navia stretched pale and lifeless on a cot. Clorinde took a knee to calm a lost child screaming for their mother, her back turned to the dwelling’s opening.
“Well now, isn’t this surprising? I never thought I’d see the day a big, scary champion duelist would take the time to help a frightened child.”
Clorinde’s heart nearly exploded as she spun around. “Navia,” she whispered, her bottom lip quivering with relief.
“I do believe that’s my name.”
Clorinde ran to her and nearly squeezed the air out of her lungs. “I thought…I didn’t know if…”
The blonde laughed sweetly. “Oh, come now, don’t be silly. Since when have I ever been that easy to get rid of?”
There was still so much more to be said, but this was neither the time nor the place. The well-being of the denizens of Poisson took precedence. The two broke their embrace and turned their attention back to what had to be done.
As the day came to a close, Clorinde and Navia made it back to the duelist’s modest apartment.
“Please feel free to stay as long as you need to.”
“Thank you. It’s much appreciated.” The weariness in Navia’s voice made Clorinde’s chest ache. This was not the first time the president of the Spina di Rosula had been here but was by far the most somber.
“I’ll make us some tea. You can borrow any clothes you need.” Clorinde said as she walked to the kitchen.
“I appreciate it,” Navia quietly replied as she moved to the bedroom. She reached behind her back in an attempt to untie her dress but struggled to find the strings. After her third attempt, frustration won out. Tears streamed down her face as she slumped to her knees, the weight of the events of the day hitting her like a tidal wave.
Hearing her sobs, Clorinde rushed to her aide. Crawling beside her, the duelist pulled her close. Navia wept into her chest as she stroked her hair to calm her.
“Love…please let me help you. You don’t have to pretend to be strong for my sake. We need to get you out of this wet dress and into something more comfortable before you catch a cold.” Her deft fingers made quick work of the laces, and Navia turned to face her as she stepped out of the drenched fabric.
She threw her arms around Clorinde’s neck. “I didn’t think I would ever see you again.” The duelist pulled her in by her waist and kissed her forehead with a gentleness no one else would expect from her.
“W-we lost so many people…Melus and Silver included. I’ve never felt so…so helpless. I’m their president and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”
“But you’re here now. That’s what matters. You’re going to help them get through this, and I’ll be here for you. Whatever you need, I will stop at nothing to ensure you have it.”
Silence permeated the room. “Clorinde?”
“Yes, dear?”
She felt the blonde woman’s hold on her tighten. “Can you help me forget today? Just for a little while.”
“What would you have me do? You need only ask, and it will be yours.”
“Over all these years, I’ve witnessed so much death. So much destruction. Before we reunited, I had to face so much alone. Yes, I had members of the spina to turn to, but I needed to be strong for them. I need you to make me feel alive again.”
With a finger under her chin, Clorinde tilted the woman’s head upward so she could look her in the eyes sincerely. “That, I can do. I lost you once - there will not be a second time.”
The champion duelist’s gaze drifted to her lover’s lips before she leaned in and carefully kissed her. Raw emotion manifested itself in the way her mouth moved against Navia’s. Desire simmered beneath the surface of her actions, but she was afraid to take things further.
Both women felt the weight of the day, but only Navia held people’s lives on her shoulders. Clorinde didn’t want to take too much too fast. Her hand wound its way through the other woman’s golden tresses, pushing her into a deeper kiss. When she felt Navia’s tongue attempting to work its way into her mouth, she pulled back.
“N-navia? We don’t have to-“
“Clorinde. Did I not say I wanted you to make me feel alive? This is not the time to take things slow. I’m not so delicate that I’ll break at the slightest touch,” she reassured her.
Now that she knew she was the same old Navia, she took a deep breath and narrowed her eyes in determination.
“Is that so?”
Before Navia could come up with another cheeky response, Clorinde picked her up by the backs of her thighs and pushed her against the bedroom wall.
“While it’s certainly not my intention to break you, I do intend to ravish you. Let’s see if you can keep up,” she said with a devilish smile. Her lips crashed into Navia’s and the blonde let out a squeal of surprise that quickly turned into a moan of excitement.
Their tongues danced against each other, their breathing increasing rapidly. Clorinde kissed along her jaw and buried her face against the woman’s neck. Navia’s pulse hammered against her lips, spurring her on to move them toward the bed.
They slammed into the mattress as a tangle of limbs, Navia grabbing at Clorinde’s remaining clothing. When they were finally skin to skin, the champion duelist paused.
“I missed you so, so much. I’m never letting you out of my arms again,” she muttered against the other woman’s ample cleavage.
“While I appreciate your devotion, we can be sentimental after you’ve made me come.
“My, my. Such a way with words,” Clorinde chided as she shook her head. “But your wish is my command.” She continued to bombard every inch of her with kisses and love bites, ensuring this wasn’t just a dream. Feeling her physically beneath her was a reminder that her worst fear had not become a reality.
Clorinde felt Navia’s fingers twisting in her hair, her finely manicured nails spurring her to move quicker toward her final destination.
“Fuck…,” the blonde whined. “Could you move any slower? I need you now!”
“Darling, I’m a champion duelist. I never miss my intended target,” she reassured. Her lips proceeded down her toned stomach, across her hips, and arrived at her inner thigh.
She could see Navia’s arousal and longed to taste her. A single lick triggered her girlfriend to squeeze her head between her legs.
“Ahhhhh!” She shrieked. “More…harder…” Clorinde looked up at her, her face smeared with slick. Licking her lips, she replied, “Keep screaming like that and you’ll wake my neighbors.”
“G-good. Let them he-hear.”
“Naughty. Who would have thought the president of the Spina di Rosula would have such a dirty mouth.”
“Haaaaa….shut up and keep licking,” she commanded as she pushed her face back into her. Clorinde continued to lap at her juices, tracing small, rapid circles against her clit. Navia began to tremble as her orgasm built.
“Fuck, fuck, fuckkkkkk!”
Just as she was about to come, the duelist spread her wider, slamming her fingers into her at just the right angle to make her hit her peak.
“So…did you break?” Clorinde chuckled as she wiped her face clean.
“Hmm…let’s check, shall we?” Grabbing her hips, Navia flipped their positions. “Nope. Seems like everything is in working order to me.”
Pinning her hands to the bed on both sides of her head, she sought the champion duelist’s lips. She kissed her deeply, sliding her tongue into her mouth while nudging her legs open with her knee. Brushing it against her wet folds, she felt Clorinde moan into her, wordlessly begging for more.
“Alright, alright. I know how badly you’ve missed me, but you’ll have to be patient before I return the favor,” she teased as she licked the curve of her breast.
“Ah! N-navia…
“Mmm?” she hummed, her mouth now occupied with a taught nipple.
“Being such a tease…is unbecoming of…someone of your standing…”
Navia smiled as the familiar words from their childhood made her feel wistful. Her teeth grazed the sensitive nub as she listened to her lover groan for release. She’s been through enough today, worrying about me. I should be merciful, she thought. Letting go of one of her hands, she positioned herself to give her fingers plenty of room to seek her entrance. Her lithe digits met with no resistance as they slipped into her with ease.
“Archons…Navia…faster, please,” Clorinde whined as her hips bucked with the woman’s movements.
“Since you exhibited such exceptional bravery in stopping at nothing to find me today, I think you deserve a reward.” Between intense kisses, she murmured against her lips, “You’ve always been…my hero…”
Her fingers stroked faster and faster until Clorinde threw her head back and arched off the bed, the power of her orgasm causing her to shake under the force of its intensity. Navia buckled on top of her as the champion duelist held her tightly to her chest.
“You okay?” Navia whispered sweetly as she kissed her cheek.
“Better than ok. Relieved you’re really here and this isn’t a wonderful dream I’ll wake up from only to be assaulted by a nightmare. I seriously thought you’d drowned, Navia. I’m going to see if Lady Furina will allow me to take some time off so I can be at your side. At least until we get to the bottom of this.”
“Clorinde…” her voice thickened with emotion. It was clear they loved each other with a deep passion, but it was events like this that reminded her that all they really had was each other.
“I’d like that very much,” she confirmed as she hugged her back. “After all, every president needs a bodyguard. But just so we’re clear - you don’t hold a candle to Melus and Silver.”
Clorinde chucked. “Wouldn’t dream of it. But I do plan to honor their memory by cherishing you every second of every day.”
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yanderes-galore · 2 years ago
Note
Yandere Alphabet for Fox (Cult of the lamb)
I've actually never encountered him in the game so I had to read the wiki! Hope you still like it :)
Alphabet Found Here
Yandere Alphabet - Fox
Pairing: Romantic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Stalking, Predator/Prey dynamic, Eating people (?), Blood drinking, Manipulation, Sadism, Amputation, Violence, Murder, Darling is implied to be eaten in many ways.
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Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?
The Fox is a predator, a creature who kills to satiate his undying hunger. He lurks in the darkness to hunt until called upon. He is a sadistic animal and would be similar with his darling.
The Fox would nip at you enough to draw blood, tasting it on his tongue to savour it. His claws also dig into your flesh lightly as though you were prey. He could increase his strength and devour you any moment...
He doesn't. He knows if he consumes you like a delightful morsel, he'll be alone. You've graced him with your taste and company. He's a murderer but he shows you mercy.
For now.
It's safe to say when the Fox does wish to show affection, it is intense. He's caught up in your smell, fear, and taste.... He wants to keep all of you.
Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?
Messy comes with his nature. He is a hungry fox, feasting on whatever he can get his claws on. He'd consume anyone around you then sample some of your blood too. The Fox loves to get messy. Doing it in your name is just an added bonus.
Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?
Once he takes you into the darkness, he mocks you a little. It's cute yet sad you put so much trust in him. He teases and mocks you with odd nicknames and doesn't let you go.
Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?
The Fox functions on deals. It's as if you're dealing with the devil each time you chat. He gives you room to choose, but if you're caught at the wrong time, you may be forced into something unappealing.
Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?
Heart... a funny concept to him. Hearts are so tasty. He'd never show himself as vulnerable or reveal his darkened heart to many. Predators like him jump at that moment.... He is not vulnerable to you.
Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?
You are clearly not like any other. The Fox knew there was a reason you weren't simply prey to him. That fight is so similar to him. He congratulates you for the attempt. Yet he will make you submit.
Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?
Games with prey are always his favorite. He'd love watching you try to leave his claws. However, he knows fate will bring you back to him. You'll be at those dark puddles once again... right in front of his sharp maw.
Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?
When he eventually decides to eat one of your limbs. He knows he can't consume you fully. Although... what's wrong with a leg or arm? A leg prevents you from leaving... an arm would be merciful.
Or maybe he should take an eye? An ear? Oh he can't help himself....
Him consuming more of your flesh than just blood would be the worst experience for you, the worst one you survive at least-
Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?
... future? Why would he keep track of such a thing? You are his darling... prey... your future if you aren't careful may be in his stomach.
Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?
If anything he should be thankful you attract others. They prove to be delicious little meals for him.... Jealousy will not be a problem.
In fact, you should have more friends.
Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?
He loves to taste you. To lick your blood and nibble your flesh. He would connect affection with hunger easily. When he isn't stalking you from the shadows, he'll nuzzle into you. If you aren't careful, the Fox may bite.
If you tempt him too much with your soft petting and kind words...
He may just sink his teeth into your neck.
Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?
He stalks you like a hunter before eventually pouncing. That, or you encounter a dark circle of his and make a deal.
Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?
Not in the slightest. Ratau could tell you that much.
Naughty: How would they punish their darling?
Consumption of your flesh will do.
Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?
All of them.
Patience: How patient are they with their darling?
A good hunter is very very patient.
Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?
Yes, the Fox has more prey to sample.
Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?
No and No
Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?
He's born a predator. Consumption is all he knows.
Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?
Your fear is delectable, give him more.
Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?
He'd... eat you?
Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?
Don't deal with the Fox in the first place. Stay home and don't go out at night.
Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?
It is necessary.
Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?
Worshipping you is pointless. He does, however, yearn for your taste. He'd do anything for it.
Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?
As long as it takes to reel you in, like a tasty fish.
Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?
Worse will happen before it gets to that point.
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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 2 years ago
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Hi Raven! Lemme start out saying that I love your posts, they are really thought out and informative, especially with matters going on in the community. You don’t have to answer this if you're busy,but I have a question. I wanna start a Twist blog, well kinda. I wanna start posting some of my works, and kinda make a blog on my Twist OC, but I don't know where to start. If you have any tips or tricks, that would be helpful l, but if you don't have a direct answer to this, that's fine too anything will help. And another question is, how do you get over to fear of people not liking your works or even OC? I've seen quite a bit of hate in this Fandom, and idk if my sensitive heart can take it. 😅 It's kinda the reason why I've never posted at all. Thanks again.
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Hello there ^^ I’m happy that you enjoy my blog and that you find my posts informative!
For general advice on starting and maintaining a writing blog, please see this post. I’m going to use the rest of this response to speak at length about the second question posed by the asker: “how do you get over the fear of people not liking your works or even OC?”
First, let’s get something out of the way: humans are inherently social creatures; therefore, it is in our nature to desire positive attention/approval and to be afraid of rejection and ostracism. There is no shame in wanting validation. It’s a built-in survival mechanism leftover from the past—because when humans band together, they are more likely to thrive. However, I also think that in the modern world, it’s easy to get carried away and care too much about what others will think of you. This is so true in the age of social media, where likes, shares, and even follows and views are quantifiable and thus can be used as a point of comparison to others on the same platform. It’s also easier than ever to connect with others, which can be both a boon (meeting people you otherwise could have never met) and a detriment (internet hate).
Now, as simple as it would be for me to say, “create for yourself rather than seek the approval of others”, that advice doesn’t actually do much for anyone. It's easy to talk the talk, but it's much harder to walk the walk. It’s all about mindset, because in actuality, a very small number of people out of the overall fandom will care about your works enough to actively hate on an individual. The mind seemingly magnifies the number because humans are hardwired to pay more attention to the negative experiences over the positive ones (which, again, is another survival instinct; you pay attention to the bad things to avoid them or to resolve the issues). There goes the saying, “we’re our own worst critics”, and it’s very true here. It’s not just negativity from others you must deal with, but self/doubt snd your own mind perpetuating the belief that the negativity is much worse than it actually is. Of course, there are actual serious cases of hate (harassment, stalking, threats, doxxing, racism, etc), but here I am only referring to general cases of other people “not liking what you make” or saying mean things (such as “you’re a bad writer”).
So how does one improve their mindset? Truth be told, it doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, learning to not care what others think of you is a difficult and lengthy process. It will take time and effort to reach a comfortable state of acceptance (and yes, I’m talking years long here)—but it is possible to grow out of that fixation.
Here are some truths you have to accept if you want to overcome your worries:
In putting your work “out there” in a public space, you will naturally invite feedback, both good and bad. An integral part of creating is, of course, wanting to share one’s creations with others. However, it’s unrealistic to think that you won’t ever get negative feedback or critique. It isn’t always constructive or helpful to you, but you must brace for them to come your way all the same. If you think about it, getting nothing but praise isn’t good either because then it traps you in a cycle of thinking you’re perfect and there’s nothing you need to improve on. It becomes an echo chamber and it can lead to stagnation because you’re already satisfied with your current state instead of thinking about how you can grow. Mixed feedback is important for personal growth.
There may not necessarily be a problem with your content, it could be a matter of differences in circumstances or tastes. You must remember that lack of engagement is not always equivalent to hate. Indifference or not even coming into contact with a post is NOT the same as actively going to post a negative comment or ask. That being said, lack of engagement could be the result of a website’s algorithm working against your favor. Alternatively, it could be that you aren’t hitting a target audience. Like, if you write angst, it may not appeal to a certain subsection of fans. These are factors largely outside of your control, and trying to gain that control would be a fruitless effort.
There’s nothing wrong with blocking, especially if things escalate. I know that on sites like Twitter and Tiktok, blocking people is seen as “taboo” or some kind of hateful social statement when… it’s not. Blocking is a means of curating your space so you can have fun online without worrying about others raining on your parade. If people are giving you a hard time, nothing is stopping you from blocking them (which can be done even with anonymous asks). Don’t give people that send “hate” attention by responding and showing just how upset their comments made you, it only encourages them to continue once they’ve seen how much it affects you.
One instance of “hate” is not representative of the entire fandom’s feelings. This circles back to what I said before; the negative and toxic people in this fandom is actually minuscule when compared to the total number of fans in this space. Instead of letting the few rotten apples define the entire bushel, think about all the positive experiences you’ve had!
You can’t please everyone. As much as you try to, it won’t happen. But you know what is much more feasible of a goal? Pleasing yourself. You know what you like best, and if you’re able to make what makes you happy then you have a 100% chance of satisfying at least one person.
If you feel frustrated, it’s fine!! It’s normal to feel this way when you think a work you shared isn’t getting the kind of exposure you want it to (whether it’s little exposure or negative exposure). We want to feel like our energy and time was put into something worthwhile. Just don’t take it too hard because these things are bound to happen. Not everything you make will be a hit, and your audience may not always be receptive to what you put out.
If you create mainly or solely for the approval of others, you won’t be happy with yourself. Ask yourself why you want to create in the first place. Most likely it’s because you’re passionate about TWST and/or you just wanted to have fun. But when this shifts to a focus on pleasing others, is it really fun anymore? If you’re always chasing trends (which are very transient) or thinking about how you should change your work to have greater mass appeal, is it really “you”, or are you just being what you think people want you to be? It just results in never being satisfied, because you’re aiming for the impossibility of making everyone happy. When you weigh your worth based on others’ perception of you or on engagement, you run the risk of burnout and losing joy in creating.
You’ll have to embrace cringe. When I say “cringe”, I mean it in the sense that you should be comfortable being your authentic self even if you fear people won’t like it. Again, you cannot please everyone—but surely there will be people who will accept you and like you for who you are. Some will vibe with you, some won’t, and that’s a fact.
You won’t be perfect at keeping out negativity from others, and that’s okay. What matters is how you address those instances when they arise. It’s not productive to let negative thoughts stew or hold you back from creating what you want. Instead of letting the thoughts fester, try to redirect your energy to something else.
Additionally, here are some suggestions on what you can do to alleviate your doubts. These methods work for me, but I’m not going to claim they work for everyone; I figured I’d just throw the ideas out there in case they’d be helpful to others.
Isolate yourself from social media for a period of time until you're in a better headspace.
An alternative to social media isolation is looking at other people's creations (but ignoring the numbers, as that can be a basis for comparison)! It may inspire you to make something of your own. For example, sometimes I've been scrolling and I'd see someone's OC in their own outfit for an event like Fairy Gala, and that made me excited to do the same for my own characters.
Another alternative to social media isolation is looking at the positives! Think about the number of people who have supported you or left nice comments and how they outweigh the Negative Nancies. (This is an example of using the numbers to your advantage!) I know of some friends who use a special tag on their blogs to denote "feel good" asks so they can reference these to cheer up when they're feeling discouraged or down.
Rather than comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to... yourself! Treat it like a New Year's resolution: you're looking back at where you started and think considering how you've changed since then.
Do something else you love to get your attention away from your creative endeavors. This could be another hobby or spending time with friends or family.
Speaking of friends and family, talk to them! Let them know how you're feeling and why you're feeling this way. They can offer you support and advice. I find that this is especially helpful when you are able to speak with other content creators, who may be able to empathize with your experiences.
Practice mindfulness and gratitude. Instead of thinking about what you don't have, think about what you do have and be appreciative of it. This helps shift the center away from things out of your control (ie other people) and to something that is within your control (ie yourself).
Minimize taking things personally. This can be especially hard in cases of OCs because creators tend to put a lot of themselves into their OCs (particularly if they are self inserts or Yuusonas)—so when others say they don't like an OC, it can feel like an indirect way of saying "I don't like you, the creator". But rarely is this the intended meaning of a comment. When people say they don't like something, it doesn't always mean they also dislike the creator. Remember that at the end of the day, we're all internet strangers that don't know each other on a deeply personal level (so why should you hinge your self-worth on such a thing?). You can be close with your works and OCs, but don't necessarily think of the works/OCs as a 1:1 extension of yourself. When you think of it like that, it helps to detach yourself from negativity that a work may receive.
Think about what you’re good at and focus on that niche. In this way, you will be able to make what you want while also attracting an audience that also appreciates this niche over time.
Make something for yourself, no posting necessary! Sometimes it can help you air out your feelings if you make a piece (art, writing, etc.) for no one but yourself to see. It’s surprisingly very therapeutic.
With all of that being said, I’d like to close off this post by saying that conquering the fear of others negatively judging your works is something that all creators have to go through. We're at various stages in this process, and we will continue to have our moments of weakness. This is a completely normal thing (though it is perhaps not commonly discussed out in the open) and it should be normalized. Even I go through periods of self-doubt and find myself holding off on posting certain pieces (especially anything that is OC-related) because I overthink how they may be perceived. I know that most of my audience is here for the canon TWST characters, so I worry that posting OC content is self-indulgent, maybe even selfish if I'm feeling particularly mean toward myself on a given day. It's negative self-talk like this that can be detrimental to creators and their enjoyment of their craft; that's why it's important to identify these moments and try to figure out ways to overcome them, even if it's just taking little baby steps. Some progress is better than no progress!
Anyway, I hope that you found this post useful ^^ If you think it may be also be of use to a creator you know, please consider sharing it with them.
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agentnico · 5 months ago
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Trap (2024) review
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M. Night Shyamalan seems like a nice dad.
Plot: In M. Night Shyamalan's latest outing, everyone in a large city is in a frenzy. Why? That's because they're up and ready to watch a concert performed by famous pop star Lady Raven. Two of her fans, a man named Cooper and his daughter Riley, attend the concert with high spirits, but things slowly begin to change their tune. Amongst the screams of adoration and sounds of applause, the concert itself has a hidden identity: a front to fish out an infamous serial killer known as The Butcher. With security cameras rigged, armies of policemen with weapons at the ready, and police vehicles surrounding the venue, will anyone survive their concert experience or is there more to The Butcher than meets the eye?
I bloody love M. Night Shyamalan! As a director that is, not as a person as I’ve never met the guy. He could be a real stuck snob for all I know. But as a creative voice in the movie industry I absolutely adore him, as this is someone who to this day has not let the Hollywood machine change or mould him and has stayed true to himself and his style of art form. Granted he does make a lot of crap, from the fascinating beach-that-turns-you-old concept stuck in a goofy and stupidly executed Old to The Happening where he somehow managed to make a tree be the ominous bad guy. And even then I cannot hate the guy as he’s evidently so batshit crazy that I have no choice but to love it. As even at his worst he still manages to come with such unique and outrageous concepts, and of course is also well known for his ridiculous third act plot twists, so even his worst film can still offer some level of entertainment. Except for After Earth. F*** that movie and also f*** Jaeden Smith ya tosser!! Mind you, I’ve never seen After Earth.
Trap is so silly. Like on every level, from each scene featuring a thousands plot-holes, characters talking like unreal people as if they are in some alien reality, random crap occurring for the sake of it…. It’s all absolutely absurd. Josh Hartnett is the glue that holds it all together, as his unhinged performance of a psychopath trying his best to act like a happy fun loving guy only to seem even more like a serial killer was truly hilarious. Also, I found myself kind of rooting for the serial killer? Like what kind of weird Dexter crap is this, Shyamalamadingdong?? I’ve been Stockholm syndromed into liking the bad guy! But anyway, Hartnett is a hoot and honestly he needs to be in more films! Saleka as the pop singer is alright. Her songs aren’t that great nor is her acting, though I do find it super endearing that Shyamalan made this entire film just to give his daughter her big ‘Eras Tour’ concert moment break and to boost her music career. What a sweet papa.
This movie very much is reliant on how willing you are to suspend your sense of disbelief, and on what level are you able to stick with Shyamalan’s shenanigans. This isn’t a particularly good movie, nor is it a bad one, but it’s extremely entertaining from beginning to end, even if the ending does get a little too off the rails. That being said one aspect that was actually phenomenal was the cinematography by Sayombhu Mukdeeprom, who’s a frequent collaborator of Luca Guadagnino’s. There are so many ludicrously delicious frames here, and I admired how each conversation was shot, as tight and intimate as possible while capturing every foolish and panic-induced character response.
Also shout out to Kid Cudi who rocks up for less than 5 minutes of screen time to drop the mic, eye-fuck Josh Hartnett for no other reason other than it’s Josh Hartnett and then drop the best line of the whole damn movie - “I specifically said I wanted honeysuckle sour kombucha, bitch!!”
Overall score: 6/10
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bookofmirth · 11 months ago
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The thing I want to ask is not related to hofas because I haven't read any spoiler till now (THANK GOD). My question is about ACOTAR5.
I read the books a year ago so I've never been in the fandom when sjm released a book and I wonder if people already knew that the next book is for Nessian. Like she didn't just say it's for Nesta and we had to wait and see who is her love interest.
I have this fear that she only would say who's the next book is about and not mentioning any love interest. Cause I'm genuinely tired lmao
I know y'all been here longer than me and I can't imagine how you survived I already feel burned out and exhausted by this whole ship-war and I wished sjm would've made it clear long ago so anyone who might not enjoy an specific thing, just move on and never look back...
This fandom is the only one I've been in and I've seen people have blogs to hate on the series? Like you waist your time to read a whole series that you know you hate from early on and you kept reading and not only stop there but create an account to hate the series and shame others for liking it?
So yeah I love this series even tho it's so flawed but the characters talked to me and that's the only reason I love it and I love to talk about it with others but I always have to be cautious so I don't have someone to send me death threats and bullying me... (I was naive the first few months so it was the worst experience)
I'm so sorry you've had a bad experience right away 😭 People come to fandom because they loved something a lot, and the way the acotar fandom is, a lot of them do not give a shit and are ready to tell you why you're wrong and deserve horrible things because of it.
You just have to find your group of people and learn how to block the users and tags that are taking the joy away from you. It sucks that it has to be that way, but at least we have the tools to do so.
People did know that Nesta's book would be her and Cassian! I don't think anyone really ever questioned their ship since the bonus chapter in acomaf, though. Not the way they debate the three possibilities for acotar5. The blurb for acosf mentions Cassian by name, so I'd love to think that we will have such clarity for acotar5. It's not outside the realm of possibility, considering the fact that she said the following books focus on a romantic couple each, getting together. And normally, you know going into a romance exactly who is going to end up together.
If people could quit moving the goalposts, that would help a lot. I have a lot to say about that, but I am also tired haha. Suffice to say that people have been arguing against Az ever getting a book of his own for a reason, and if he is announced as the next MC, people who aren't in complete denial will know exactly what that means - even if his LI isn't mentioned.
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capricorn-season · 1 year ago
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From Trans to TERF: My experience as a desister
Hazel
9 September 2023No Comments
I’m Hazel. I’m a 31 year old woman, who was diagnosed as autistic in adulthood. At age 17, I experienced Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria. Here is my story.
TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of self harm and suicide.
Background
Looking back, I can see how several things in my childhood and teenage years contributed to the fact that I ended up experiencing gender dysphoria.
My mother was the type to relish the fact she had a daughter. She wanted to dress me up in pretty dresses, with bows in my hair and frilly socks. If you know anything about autistic sensory issues and Pathological Demand Avoidance, you can probably begin to understand why being pushed to dress in uncomfortable, excessively girly clothes would be unpleasant to an autistic girl. I started to eventually reject everything ‘girly’. I refused to wear dresses or skirts – it was jeans and t-shirts exclusively, even at weddings. I rejected the colour pink, despised the idea of make-up, and ended up in friendships with exclusively boys. It didn’t help that my mother would often tell me that I ‘should have been born a boy’ in reference to my gender non-conformity.
Feeling ‘not like the other girls’ (and not in the quirky, attention seeking way) is quite common in autistic girls (and women). Being autistic in general can make you feel like you don’t fit in, that you’re different to everyone around you. I didn’t ‘feel’ like a girl, because the girls around me felt so alien to me. I didn’t relate to them at all. In my early teens, I used to look at them like odd sheep, all with the same hair, clothes, bags etc. They were the weird ones. But by my mid-to-late teens, I felt like the weird one. I didn’t fit in. I didn’t feel like a ‘normal’ girl. It is easy to see how, when introduced to trans ideology, it would be so easy for me to latch onto it, convincing myself that I ‘should’ have been a boy.
My peer group didn’t help. It’s not easy, being an atypical teen. I was told to ‘stay in my gender’, amongst other hurtful things. I couldn’t make friends with girls, and I didn’t feel like I could fit in with my guy friends, because I wasn’t one of them. I wanted to dress ‘like a boy’ and act ‘like a boy’, without strange looks, bullying or criticism from my college classmates. Sadly, it didn’t seem possible. It felt like the only way I could live how I wanted was to become male.
Period of Dysphoria
My period of acute gender dysphoria began in September 2009, 3.5 months short of my 18th birthday. It was all-encompassing. I felt like I needed to transition NOW to ease my dysphoria, otherwise I would surely end up committing suicide. It didn’t take long to come out to my then-boyfriend, my mother, and some of my friends. It was easily one of the worst periods of my life. I wouldn’t have listened to anyone who told me that I was wrong about how I felt. I was self-harming daily. The urges to end my life were intrusive. I really did feel like I was just surviving day-to-day, trying to stave off the urges to commit suicide by imagining a future where I’d be on hormones and have surgery. A future where I would feel like myself. My mental state ended with my mother telling me that I was ‘fucked up’ and ‘not welcome’ under her roof until I’d had psychiatric help. (My mother was emotionally abusive and we haven’t been on speaking terms since this happened, but that’s another story.)
I cut my hair very short, and I started to dress more ‘like a boy’ than I ever had previously. I’d never been entirely comfortable with my body, but now I couldn’t stand it. I’d sleep in boxers, but the presence of my breasts made me want to die. Transition, and surviving long enough to get that far, was the only thing on my mind.
My suicidal feelings lifted a bit after my mother kicked me out, and I went to live with my dad. Her emotional abuse undoubtedly contributed to my depression. The gender dysphoria persisted for about a month after that. It actually dissipated on night, along with my depression, almost like magic. I was home alone, and my plan was to get into the bathtub with my self-harm blade, and cut myself deeply, with the intent of bleeding out. Instead, I felt my depression and my dysphoria lift, and I got out of the bath feeling ‘female’ again. The next day, I went shopping and bought myself some feminine clothes. There was definitely some kind of shift that happened inside of me that night, one that I’m still not able to explain.
I still occasionally feel ‘male’ even to this day. But it’s a feeling that I can easily shake. With age has come the ability to not care what people think of how I dress or how I behave. I now accept my body for what it is, and I no longer believe my body parts or my chromosomes should have any impact on how I should live my life. I am an adult human female, but by no means do I have to act like a stereotype.
The Depo Shot
One thing that has always stood out to me, is the fact that the onset of my gender dysphoria was exactly around the time I was weaning off the depo contraceptive injection. I’d only had one injection (intended to last 3 months) but the side effects were too much for me to handle, so I opted not to get the next shot when it was due. Throughout my gender dysphoria, my hormones were still messed up from the shot. I know this because I wrote in my transition journal that my period was late, and I was worried I may be pregnant, and about the impact that that would have on my dysphoria.
David Ludden Ph.D. at Psychology Today describes Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria as occurring in adolescence, the overwhelming majority of which are females who had experienced no signs of dysphoria prior to puberty. It makes me wonder just how many of them experienced gender dysphoria starting around the time they started hormonal contraceptives. It’s by no means something I’ve studied, it’s just a thought that I’ve never been able to shake. If anyone has any relevant experience, I’d love for you to comment below, or to contact me on Xwitter.
Experience With Hormone Blockers
In my late 20s, I sought out treatment for Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder. This led to me being administed Zoladex, a GnRH Analogue (gonadotropin releasing hormone agonist) to stop my menstrual cycles. It is also referred to as chemical menopause.
GnRH Analogues are also used as puberty blockers for children with gender dysphoria. I want to share why I, as someone who has actually been on this medication, finds this practice to be horrific.
The side effects of Zoladex can be brutal. I felt so horribly depressed and suicidal in just the one month I stayed on it that I knew I couldn’t let myself have another injection. I felt so awful about myself – my self esteem was through the floor. Life felt pointless. That month was very difficult to survive. The thought of pre-pubescent children being given these very powerful medications chills me. Depression is listed as a side effect on the patient leaflet. Other side effects include loss of bone density leading to an increased risk of osteoporosis, reduced heart function, blood clots, liver problems and psychosis.
Where I’m At Now
How do I see gender now? I suppose I would call myself a gender atheist. I am now comfortable with the fact that how I choose to present myself to the world has nothing to do with what genitals I have. I am an adult human female, but by no means do I have to act like a stereotype.
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I used to be a trans ally, even until very recently. However, the way things are going with the Trans Radical Activist community has me concerned. As a feminist, I despise the fact that trans-identified males are taking away from women at every turn. In sports, in private spaces, even in prisons and women’s shelters. As a woman who has been abused, I do not want men accepted into places where I am vulnerable, such as public bathrooms. Women have fought hard over many years for their safety and rights. I find it horrific to see those rights and safe spaces being ripped away by men who want to play dress-up. Women have always been oppressed. Only now, men are allowed to dress up as us, and oppress us further. If we have anything to say about it, if we are uncomfortable, we are labelled as bigots, TERFs, and often faced with violence and death threats.
The damage the trans community are doing to the LGB community is also very apparent. LGB people have fought for acceptance and the right to live peacefully for years. Their work is now being undone by garish, loud and violent trans-identified males, who have tarnished the Pride flag with their behaviour. Lesbians are being called bigots now because they refuse to sleep with trans-identified men. #LGBwithouttheT is now trending more than ever. I do hope that LGB people can protect the progress they have made, before too much damage has been done to their reputation.
The reaction from trans people to my speaking out as a desister has been… Interesting, to say the least. These are the same people who would have told me, aged 17, that if I felt like I was trans, then I was trans. The same people who would shout from the rooftops that only an individual gets to say what their gender identity is, and anyone who questions it is a bigot. Those people now tell me that I was ‘never really trans’, which is a phrase often used to silence desisters and detransitioners. It seems that these trans activists believe that anyone who desists or detransitions was ‘never really trans to start with’, a logic would conveniently put the detransition rate of actual trans people at 0%. I’ve also been told (just yesterday, actually) that I wasn’t a real person, and that my Xwitter account was fake, created just to discredit and harass trans people (despite my profile being 3 years old, and me mostly posting about cats). Trans-identified people are determined not to acknowledge the existence of desisters and detransitioners, so much so that they will deny what is right in front of them.
Quotes From My Transition Diary
I want to finish with some quotes from my Transition Journal. I hope that these will give some insight as to what went on in my head, as a 17-year-old autistic ‘trans’ kid.
‘I felt like I should have been dressed like all of the other guys there, and just didn’t feel right dressed as a girl. And the more masculine I dress, the more comfortable I feel. I wore a shirt and tie to college the other day and felt great until people started questioning me. And it feels like the only way I can be myself without being questioned is by being a boy… Which is fucking scary.‘
‘My entire life I’ve never worn make-up wilfully. I dressed entirely like a boy from the age of 14. I cut my hair short in January. All of this just makes me feel so much more comfortable. And it’s so hard making friends because they girls don’t like me and the guys don’t really understand why I am as I am. I’ve been told “stay in your own gender” and other things but I really just do what I feel comfortable with. I feel like everything would be so much fucking easier and so fucking right if I was a boy. I’d just be able to fit in fine, be friends with who I want, wear whatever I want, without being fucking questioned every step of the way.‘
‘I’m not a girl. Just looking at me – how could anyone have watched me grow up and think I was meant to be female? I’ve never been girly, I’ve never wanted to wear skirts or dresses or make-up… I’ve always wanted to play the drums and make male friends and play football… I remember wanting to be on the school football team in year 4 and in year 7, and always hating the idea of being on a girls team. An all-girls school has always sounded like a personal hell to me, and I always hated doing girls sports in PE. I remember wanting to join the boys PE class, too. It’s always been there, I’ve just never been conscious of it until recently.’
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thegeminisage · 7 months ago
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dead dad episode anon here (what a name), glad to hear you survived!! I barely did I had no warning and I was just genuinely MAD about how much I cried but not because it was saying anything profound it was just like direct emotional manipulation with no catharsis. if I wanted to cry about a dead parent while watching 90s genre tv I would go re-watch btvs The Body.
hi my answer got long you DONT have to read it but god see i TOTALLY GET THAT! and it's so funny bc my friend and i were actually debating whether the "worst" in your ask meant "lowest quality" or "toughest to get through" and your answer was literally both. i am literally so fucking sorry it happened to you like that and you deserve it the least of anyone bc it is HORRIBLE to have to deal w all of that out of nowhere. but you SAVED MY LIFE! if i had randomly had to deal w that after the day i had tuesday (the day we were supposed to have watched it) i COULD NOT HAVE COPED. like, for example, i actually had to quit the tng episode where geordi's mom dies (7.03 interface) like halfway through because it totally blindsided me and i was just so, so, SO angry at it, i felt like it was stringing me/geordi along for nothing - i googled whether or not they found her alive and when i got a "nope" i too noped. absolutely the fuck not. hard pass.
but then i go back and read the transcript, and like...yes, i still think the episode has too much technobabble, and i personally find tng clunky on all but its very best day, and geordi's "goodbye"/catharsis felt extremely rushed/like an afterthought, but we also have this speech from riker:
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and i think if i had met that in a better headspace, having been warned about the episode in advance, i would have received it a LOT better, because it speaks (albeit indirectly) to my own personal shit yk. i actually quit before this speech and then watched the rest of the episode on 2x speed to get it over with, and had to stop and play it normally during this moment. it ruined the effect for me and in my mind this episode is still a dud for me, even though with the passage of time i have come to conclude it is not TOTALLY without merit.
so i do totally get why you don't like the visitor, i absolutely respect your experience w it, AND I OWE YOU HUGE ONEEE, but i do have to humbly disagree about the episode. this is mostly to get my own thots out so absolutely zero offense if you wanna stop reading here lol. but like i think it has a slightly different vibe than the body, which involves like, the sheer shock of it happening out of nowhere, and those first few hours of denial and grief just like. trying to comprehend the nature of death and how someone can just be GONE. i don't even really like btvs (i mostly don't like wh*don, it's complicated) and i think it's high art. like, the pinnacle of tv.
but i think the visitor was saying something different. or actually i think it was saying the same thing the pilot did, in a way. this isn't the first few hours after finding joyce dead in the living room, this is weeks and months and years and DECADES later, and jake Still Exists Here. sisko, quite literally, still exists here, has NO CHOICE but to exist in the moment of the accident forever. (for him, this entire episode lasted like ten minutes at MOST - and shoutout to him for being able to roll with the punches and put jake first anyway through all of that - when he gets back to his own time, it's going to feel like a bad trip or a bad dream.) and because sisko literally can't move on, and is stuck to jake, jake ALSO can't move on.
jake had begun to heal - he had a wife and a career and he was thinking about kids - when he accepted that sisko was gone for good. he healed after his mother's death because he was able to accept her death and because he had the support of people like his father. but once he realized his dad's ghost would be showing up every so often, that there was a possibility he WASN'T gone for good, he threw himself at that problem with everything he had...and lost everything he had. wife, career, hope for his future, all of it. the episode was saying something: that if you don't move on you won't move on. if you can't let go then you can't let go. if you don't heal then you won't heal. jake exists HERE and he is pulling his dad, and his grief, forward into the future with him like a LITERAL ball and fucking chain. i mean, he's got the baseball and photograph ON his writing desk. sisko gets only a few minutes of life at a time, and he uses every second of them to be in the moment with jake and ask about his life and comfort him. jake gets DECADES and he lets them pass him by without so much as "popping his head up," and misses his OWN LIFE, because he is burning his years like pocket money hoping to use them to buy back SISKO'S life.
i do have slightly mixed feelings on the ending - does jake committing suicide to get his father back nail the point home, that it'll kill you if you let it, or does his starting to work on his stories again before he died tell us that he figured out the secret was to live life while you had it, if even for just a few minutes? is "cutting the cord" jake throwing away the last thing he has into the insatiable black hole of his grief, or is it him letting go and/or doing something selfless? maybe both, which is nuanced, but it also muddies the waters/message a little. like, i def can't think of a cleaner solution to set the situation back to status quo - i just wish we'd had time for a slightly cleaner ending, and/or one more scene after the end, where we acknowledge that sisko is now stuck with knowledge of something jake will never have*. bc there IS catharsis when sisko gets back to jake (wish fulfillment? in fiction, unlike reality, you someday get to be done having a dead dad if you do enough aging and grieving and growing) but!! it only lasts for .5 seconds :/
*also, he watched his child die. i can't get into interst*llar too much on here cuz thats bad for me (dead parent people dont watch it Ever) but the bit about "no parent should have to watch their child die" acting as justification for cooper leaving murph AGAIN when the whole film all she asked of him was to STAY was flimsy there, and a miss for me, and definitely lacked catharsis. but this episode is better than interstellar bc even though it's true that no parent should have to watch their child die sisko DID stay and did it anyway even though it was awful to have to do. separated by time and space they DID find each other again...we just didn't to enjoy that reunion, really.
anyway, i do think this was You Exist Here, Dead Parent Version but i do fully completely 110% understand that if this episode had blindsided me i would think it was garbage and would want to kill the people who wrote it with a fucking hammer. so i actually enjoyed this episode because of you, specifically. a perhaps unwilling (at the very least unknowing) gift from you to me. thank you <3
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fxshrxfmxn · 2 years ago
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Hi!!!!!!!! Can you please do a headcanon how Thaddeus, Andrew, Simon Z, Big James, Philip, and John would react to the reader being in, like, a life or death situation??? Or the reader being on the verge of death??
Ooooooooo I love headcanons👀
Warnings: Mentions of an almost fatal experience. Mentions of a doctor? Concern from the disciples? Idk if that’s a warning but whatevs.
Okay, so. For context:
In this situation, I’m getting that you’d be on the younger side of the group.
Which includes most of the disciples being fairly protective.
Thaddeus wouldn’t leave your side. Plain and simple, you’re not alone if you don’t have to be, him and Ramah, or him and Andrew. Philip too.
Specifically because I don’t think Andrew’s anxiety would allow for much budging from that. Velcro or magnets, both analogies fit(respectfully of course. “Where’s y/n?” “Is y/n with you?” “Y/n shouldn’t be alone.” “wHeRe’S y/N?!”
Philip and Thad give off the same energy to me. You never go alone. More mediator types, “let’s talk about this, we can come to common ground, no one has to get hurt.” If they were present during an accident. Or a…. Misunderstanding 👀
Even if you weren’t related to anyone in the group, you are the little sibling. Big James, arms crossed, standing behind you = scary dog privilege. And with John in the mix?! Oof. Body guards for Jesus and the little one(you). Sons of Thunder as bodyguards for you… now that’s an image.
Big brothers, all of them. Simon Z is one of the worst perpetrators of that in particular. Because he missed out on protecting his actual brother when he needed him, he feels he can rectify that with protecting you as much as possible.
Because let’s face it, you’re harmless. You wouldn’t hurt a fly.
That’s why when they hear that you’ve been hurt almost fatally, they all go into panic mode.
“Where is y/n?!” Andrew probably.
No one knows exactly what happened, you might have wandered off alone in an area you thought was safe.
Clearly you were wrong, whether it was the people or the terrain.
Being female could have its disadvantages and none of them want to even think about what could’ve happened if it was people that had done this to you.
Thaddeus and Philip would be calm, but solemn.
Andrew would be stressing over whether you’d make it. He’d hold your hand the whole time. Simon Peter wouldn’t leave his side, so you’d have both brothers nearby until you were up and around yourself.
Big James and John are there the whole time. If anyone needs anything in relation to you, they’re the first to offer to go get it or to make it or help with it. Anything to not try going out and finding the people who did this to you (if it was people who did it). We all know what happened last time they even tried to retaliate. (Even the idea of getting a scolding from Jesus makes me sick.)
Simon Z is on watch all the time. Never actually sleeps until you’re out of the woods.
Things would be incredibly tense around the camp or even at the local physician/doctor’s place. The girls would try to alleviate as much of the stress as they could. Everyone is taking turns getting water and supplies as needed.
Of course for something like this, if Jesus is around, he would heal you. Also, depending on what happened, he might make a small joke about wandering off again. Of course the relief of you being alive and well would lighten the mood quite a bit on its own.
You might feel like a burden after the whole ordeal and it might take some reassurance from Philip or John, even Jesus would say something when it got bad enough.
“Your time here isn’t finished yet, hold your head high, dear one. I didn’t call you to follow me for nothing.” Imagine Jesus speaking to you like that to your FACE. I would dissolve into tears.
You belong among the disciples, life without you there would be incredibly different. Each of them are sure to show you that in their own way.
Simon Z would absolutely try to teach you some self defense and/or survival skills to prevent whatever happened from happening again.
Of course as soon as some time passes and you’re comfortable enough, that would become a regular joke. In Simon Peter’s repertoire, it would be;
“Y/n?”
“Right here!”
“Okay, good.” *moves you to the front of the group right next to the leader for the day*
Andrew, Philip and Thaddeus find you every time the group stops.
Big James and John are sure to keep you within eyesight.
A/N: if you would like to be more specific you can. I was pretty generic in this one. Oooooh wait… okay, I might have an idea about a fic to go with these headcanons….. (this just helped me actually map out a fic…..(idk if I’d publish it tho))
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