#as an aromantic I like seeing and depicting love but i also hate it in stories a good 99% of the time

[canonically47]

i don’t like how almost the entire fandom is on jimmy’s ass but loves curly. while jimmy undoubtedly did worse things, curly PROTECTED HIM. you cannot stand there at your computer and type straight-faced about how ‘jimmy is a horrible monster!! ...but curly could treat anya sooooo well’ like HUH??? this game is NOT about how jimmy is the worst person alive ever WITHOUT also the message of curly being AT LEAST half as bad.

because HE KNEW. and i think this is also beautifully represented through his design. he chose to turn a blind eye to anya’s struggles, HE CHOSE TO NOT SEE, and then, after the crash, he found himself with one eye constantly open, FORCED TO SEE. and by god did he see. he saw, first-hand, how protecting his absolute bastard of a friend led to the death of the entire crew and their prolonged sufferring. i saw one person suggest that the scene in which swansea kills daisuke could be from curly’s POV since it aligns perfectly with the hallway and the look he would get of the scene.

so curly, who once always protected his friend and turned a blind eye to his misdemeanors, is now forced to see these terrible events unfold firsthand. because guess what? it’s about half of curly’s fault for these events jimmy creates. because he could have prevented so much if only he wasn’t part of this toxic culture of males protecting each others from the consequences of their own actions.

now before i get any angry comments or reblogs: i do not despise curly. i do not even despise jimmy as a character. i condemn their actions 110%, ESPECIALLY jimmy’s - but i think they’re such deep and shockingly real, raw depictions of humans that not only could, but DO exist. as concepts and characters, i admire wrong organ for their bravery to create them into existence - and i hate them as people. again, they are representatives of the toxic culture males have in which they protect each other (“my buddy couldn’t have raped/SA’d/etc her because i know him and he wouldn’t do that!!” etc etc.) and it is so upsetting but so necessarry to witness this. i just wish the fandom would be willing to witness it fully, not just go “FUCK JIMMY” “so sorry you had to draw jimmy” while simultaneously pushing out curly x reader or saying shit like “curly just wanted everyone to be happy :(” “curly would treat anya better” etc etc.

this is such a raw and real story once again ruined by a fandom whose minds are rotted by hehe hot man, toxic yaoi, and amatonormativity. and yea that sounds funny when you read it but so many of the messages of the game are ignored in favor of all the above. i’m tired of it!!!

TL;DR: i condemn both jimmy AND curly’s actions and i think that you guys should not give curly a pass for protecting jimmy. if you’re going to call jimmy a horrible fucked-up monster, acknowledge that curly enabled him time and time again. also stop shipping people this is Not That Kinda Story ffs (from a tired aromantic)

[ntls-24722]

And a merry love loses Wednesday for my aromantics

Despite the "djmm crunching me in half" post all day I could only think of these two freaks' qpr.

[66sharkteeth]

Belated weekly thoughts-

Mostly because this was too big of an ep to completely skip and I really wanna clear up a few misconceptions I keep seeing in the comments. I know only a small percent of readers see these, but at least a few of you will have the canon facts:

First off, just some personal thoughts-

I get asked a lot of reader input has ever influenced the story and, aside from a few fan-servicey memes like Roof Blank, the answer is no for the vast majority of the comic. This episode was kind of the one exception. I definitely never intended to address Rex's ace identity in the comic (outside of his obliviousness), but the more people learned he was canonly ace, the more I realized how important that was to a lot of people, so I thought it'd be cool to actually canonly address it- of course in a way that's realistic. To be clear, Rex absolutely has no idea what asexuality is, and I doubt any other characters do either. This comic does not take place in the digital age, so Rex doesn't have resources like twitter and reddit to help him figure this stuff out lol. He just knows he's not experiencing attraction the same way everyone else seems to, and that's what this episode is addressing.

Now as far as misconceptions- He is not aromantic. I've seen a few people jump to that? And I'm not really sure where it comes from, because he is very much in love with Bell, as I thought (?) I made clear in this scene. I understand the demi assumption, but I don't think he's that either. Bell's just the first person he's felt romantic attraction to, but he does not have sexual attraction (towards her or anyone). However, he's not repulsed by the idea, and that was also important for me to depict, as someone who...basically identifies the same way haha.

Now, for the BIG misconception- Bell potentially taking Lyss' face. So let's clear some things up:

This would not kill Lyss. She got plastic surgery on her nose that Bell already stole, so she would have a way to breath if Bell took the rest of her face.

Lyss would be able to resume a completely normal life after some reconstructive surgery. Blank victims still have a mouth and eyes under their sealed flesh. She explained last season that the only reason she's missing her eye still is because her parents wouldn't pay for the surgery to fix it after she moved out. Basically, giving Bell the rest of her face would just result in a painful and expensive surgery, but she would be by all means fine.

Not so much a misconception I've seen in this episode but just in general when I bring up the reconstructive surgery point- No, this does not mean you can just keep having your face stolen over and over and over. Your face gets a little harder to rebuild each time, and it's very expensive and painful. Think like an acid burn victim getting facial reconstruction, but just smoother...then getting in the same accident and surgery over and over. Surgeons can only do so much.

Bell would not "lose herself" or "become Lyss" if she stole the rest of her face. At this point, Bell is practically a half-blank in the sense that she fully her own person with her own personality, and stealing the rest of a face wouldn't really change that beyond maybe some influence- Much like how when Rex stole Mikiah's face, he didn't stop being Rex. He still maintained the personality and preferences he had as Rex, but just now has knowledge and memory of all of Mikiah's personality and preferences. Bell is slightly different in the sense that she *started* as a copy of Lyss, so many of their preferences and identities are the same (i.e, if Lyss is a straight cis girl, Bell would be a straight cis girl. If Lyss hated cilantro, Bell would hate cilantro), but she's developed in such a different environment from Lyss, that she has very much adopted her own unique personality (though with traits from Lyss, like her fieriness), and taking the rest of Lyss' face wouldn't change that. She would just have memory and knowledge of the rest of Lyss' life. The only real consequence of taking her face might be...getting some unpleasant memories of Rex and Scion, but even then, Bell has grown into such an understanding and forgiving person, I don't think she'd hold those past actions against them (except maybe Scion for the whole attempted murder stuff).

[afreakingdork]

You Are My Sunshine, My Only Moonshine - Chapter 5

RotTMNT x Reader

@phoebepheebsphibs is back depicting some aftermath in this week's chapter art!

Rated: Teen and Up Audiences

Relationships: Michelangelo (TMNT)/Reader, Michelangelo (TMNT)/You, Donatello (TMNT)/Reader, Donatello (TMNT)/You

Warnings: POV Second Person, Gender Neutral Reader, Anxious Reader, Introverted Reader, Stuttering, Aged-Up Mutant Ninja Turtles, Romance, Love, Love Confessions, Falling In Love, Unrequited Love, Rejection, Aromantic Asexual Michelangelo (TMNT), Bisexual Donatello (TMNT), Pansexual Leonardo (TMNT), Lesbian Cassandra Jones | Foot Recruit, Demisexual April O'Neil (TMNT), Implied Cassandra Jones | Foot Recruit/April O'Neil/Sunita, Endgame Donatello (TMNT)/Reader, Romantic Love, Platonic Love, Panic Attacks, Sexuality Crisis, Agoraphobia, Social Anxiety, Happy Ending, Fluff

Synopsis:  You’ve lost most of your life to anxiety and fear. Now, in your late 20s, you are desperate to reclaim it and during one such outing you encounter the sun personified. With his and his similarly celestially inspired family, will you finally reach your goal or will you lose yourself along the way?

HUGE shout out to @marwhoa for doing sensitivity reading!

Also available on Ao3

First 💛 Previous

“Mikey.”

“Okay, so we knocked a ton of likely places out: The apartment. All the roads to it. That dumpling house they always order from. The outdoor coffee shop with the cute little plaza-“

“Mikey!”

“Where else? Where else?! We don’t have time!” Mikey launched himself toward the next building.

“We literally only have time!” Leo chased him. “You’re stuck with me. Meaning, I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen!”

“Leo! Later! Literally any other time! I’m all ears or whatever Donnie always says we have, but not right now!”

“You weren’t ever going to tell Y/N?”

Mikey tripped over a ledge and somersaulted straight into an air conditioning unit.

Leo’s face appeared, nonplussed by the accident, and peered in through the opening of Mikey’s shell as an omnipresent knowing eye. “Ever?”

Mikey wished he could say no one was home, but he knew the moonlight would give away his gaze. “Leo, we-!“

“The others are all looking too. Take 10, chef.”

Coming up from his favorite nickname, Mikey pouted.

“Talk to me, hermano”

“It’s-!” Mikey opened his mouth to whine, but nothing came out. Hopeless, he sank back into his body, but his chin caught on the top edge of his plastron to keep from a full retreat. “There’s something wrong with me, Lee.”

Leo took a seat. “How’s that?”

“It’s like…” Guilt not only threatened to swallow him whole, but it also took his words. 

This was supposed to be his. 

He was going to keep these feelings locked away until he had time to deal with them. 

It was different, he told himself. 

Different than when his brothers tried to forget or compartmentalize. 

Mikey knew something was wrong. 

He acknowledged it near daily since meeting you. 

He also knew that sometimes someone needed the proper tools to deal with emotions. 

He needed information and he meant to look it up. 

He was planning to do so. 

He had forgotten.

He felt like a child. 

How many times had he made the distinction that he wasn’t the same as his brothers? 

He wasn’t a color to be mixed up. 

Feeling small, Mikey was struck with a memory of how Splinter had taught him how to give a formal apology. 

Placing his hands to the roof, he assumed a dogeza in hopes the appeal would reach his conscience. “How I feel… doesn’t feel like how you talk about your crushes. Or how Donnie does. Or Raph… Or Dad.. Or Barry! O-or anyone! It’s wrong. I’m wrong. I’m scared, Leo. That’s why I wasn’t going to bring it up! I don’t… It wasn’t supposed to go away! What if Y/N hates me? What will I do then?! What if I never see Y/N again!?”

“Hey, hey…! Woah there, bud…” Leo put his hand on Mikey’s carapace and rubbed; it was a circle Mikey had known since they were tots. “Slow down. How about we tackle one thing at a time? Think you can describe those feelings? Maybe let somebody else be the judge if they’re wrong or not?”

Mikey stared into the pebbled surface of the roof. “I… feel… nothing…? But I know I should. Like Y/N smiles and I feel like I should get this big warmth in my chest. It’s the kind of feeling that you get when there’s fireworks or a flower blooming or… metaphors! But… the feeling comes and I know I like it. It makes me feel good. To see Y/N happy. Oh man, Leo, you should have seen Y/N the first time I did. Y/N was… so scared… And-and I had this urge, like this, this was meant to be. I felt that! I felt that ‘at first sight’ feeling! Like, I can do this! This person needs me and I can be their person and I was! At least, I thought… I was. I eased in! I didn’t push because like, yeah, who am I to decide that? I always gave Y/N an out! Always! But then… that was it! Like I love you guys and I know that in my heart, but this is different, and then I look at Y/N and I feel… not that, a different thing, but it’s not not that. It’s like a step below how I feel for you guys and that’s not right because I know I feel more, or I think I feel more or…? I want… to… feel… more…?” In a warm drip, he felt the safe, non-threatening sort of tears dribble down his cheeks.

He rubbed a few of them away before checking on Leo.

His brother had open concern twisted on his features. 

Mikey agreed.

This was a mess.

Now he’d forced his brother into the mix. 

His whole family was sure to come next.

How many people were going to be struck by the fall out?

Donnie had a point.

Mikey never fully considered the repercussions of his actions.

He never did.

Wracked with more sobs, Mikey willed for what felt like the thousandth time that this confusion would end.  

“Ah! Don’t do that!” Leo rushed to scoop up Mikey’s shell and hold his little brother close. “Shit, Mike, that wasn’t me thinking you were wrong! You’re not broken. You’re not wrong. I’m sorry. That look was for me. I was upset I never noticed. I should have realized something was up. I saw you wigging out about your new sweetheart, but I figured you were excited. I was thinking, ‘boy, look at him, finally got his crush on. You go little bro!’ when I should have seen how you were forcing yourself. I should have…”

Mikey shook his head so violently it smacked Leo’s chin a few times.

The slider leaned away, but kept his hold.

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing.” Leo returned to stare Mikey down.

“Then why… isn’t my heart working!?”

“Okay, first off.” Leo jammed a finger into Mikey’s pectoral scutes. “It is. You’re literally made of turtles, love, and sunshine. Your ticker is ticking a way in there. I’m no expert, but I don’t think this is a working, not working kinda thing, Mike.”

“How is that possible? There’s only the two options.” A few fat plump tears dripped down Mikey’s face and onto Leo’s shirt.

Leo made a face before digging into his side pouch and producing tissues. “We’ll figure this out. I think April would be a good person to start with, but first-“

“Y/N!” Mikey screeched, scrambled off of Leo, and headed to the roof’s edge where he looked out like a skipper on a boat. “Stupid, stupid! Why do I always forget?!”

Leo sighed. “Quit it with that degradation talk. A certain Dr. Feelings gets pretty pissy when I do it.”

“That’s different.” It really was. 

“Yeah, right!” Leo walked over and gently tapped his brother on the back of the head. “I’m here, you know that, right?”

“I know, Leo.” Mikey sent his brother an honest look.

Leo took it with a lopsided smile. “So… that pretty plaza was totally the next thing on the list, eh?”

“No!! We were just there, the next is-!” Mikey growled, knowing full well that Leo had goaded him on purpose.

-

“Y/N is alright. They’ve been deposited at their apartment.” Donnie’s voice crackled on the communicator.

“I’m going.” Mikey changed direction with a pivot of his foot.

“Uh, you sure?” Leo readied, clearly prepared for either a chase or interception.

“They’re tired Mikey. Let Y/N sleep it off and you two can have your talk on a date of both your choosing.” Donnie’s voice warbled with static.

“And why is it-!?” Mikey roared, spinning around and hating there wasn’t a specific place he could send his anger. “-that you know that?! Why were you with Y/N!? Why did you go to Y/N’s apartment?! What did you do?! Your tests!??!”

Leo loosely grabbed Mikey’s shoulders for a firm grip of solidarity. “Donnie, I can only hold him back so long. You gotta answer at least one of those. Mike’s earned it and you said, point blank, you were going to your lab. So, how is it that you ended up going to where they live? What’s the real haps?”

Donnie sighed. “I’m en route. Can you wait a few more moments?”

“How long?” Mikey was itching to get out of there.

He could see you.

He could fix this.

Tears brought clarity.

It was science Donnie had taught him.

“Now.” Voice cross fading into existence, Donnie flew in and walked into his landing.

He was too casual.

Mikey went through old training, focusing on each of his muscle groups in an attempt to keep from attacking.

Lashing out wasn’t reasonable.

Not yet.

Running into battle with pizzazz and no forethought was the stuff of teenagers.

“I know how this looks.” Donnie raised his hands. “I did lie. I went after Y/N while you all were trying to calm Mikey down.”

Leo threw his hands up both to release Mikey and to do a frustrated lap.

Years had taught the youngest of another route.

Now freed, Mikey let betrayal leak onto his face.

A low blow, he watched it strike Donnie.

The guilt displayed there was the only reason Mikey didn’t pounce. “What did you do?”

Wilting, Donnie lowered his hands along with his head. “I didn’t go after Y/N for… what I imagine you think is the usual reason is. I needed a clarification on something said. I didn’t pursue in peace; I tracked Y/N down for knowledge.”

Taking the information in with waves of warped features, Mikey gave an exhale with what felt like the last of his breath. “Where did you find Y/N?”

“The exit by 19th.”

Indignity flared without mysticism this time.

Mikey had burned up enough energy for one day.

The slight was still palpable.

It tried to trigger a response from his taxed powers.

On reserves, nothing manifested besides the usual toxic emotions.  

That was your exit.

That was the first place he looked. 

The one this person who supposedly hated you found you first.

Right there.

That meant you were right there.

Right where he’d stormed past thinking of all other places you could go.

Mikey missed it.

He’d missed you. 

“I…”

Through the silence, Mikey heard the guilt pile on through Donnie’s hesitation.

It was enough to make him think he’d spare a little mystic fire.

As a treat.

Mikey could almost hear Donnie’s teeth whine around his grimace “You didn’t miss Y/N by accident. We both heard you come through. I… may have hid Y/N away via the camouflage tarp. You know? The one I’d been testing from those mutant chameleon scales we picked up?”

“Why would you-!?” Mikey took a step forward and thought Leo might stop him.

No hands moved.

It was odd enough that it gave Mikey pause to search for his blue brother. 

Just off to the side, he found the slider glowering at the ground with a furrowed brow ridge.

Mikey best guess was Leo was berating himself for missing two things in one night. 

The lot of them weren’t just off their usual games, they were acting in each other’s roles. 

“Did Y/N ask you to?” Mikey found himself needing to be the level headed one with Leo supposedly out of commission.

“Not verbally.”

“Not-!” It was too much, but Mikey pressed. “Why then?” 

“I hadn’t gotten my response. I knew the moment you got your hands on Y/N, I would never have the chance. I needed… I needed to know.” Donnie’s eyes closed and he slumped the smallest bit. 

Mikey took satisfaction in that. 

Any comeuppance was immediately offset by further guilt. 

Being mad at Donnie wasn’t going to get him closer to you. 

Donnie clearly knew he was in the wrong. 

Mikey would interrogate him later. 

He’d find out what his purple brother was hiding. 

He disliked how you both had information he wasn’t aware of. 

The rot of not knowing twisted inside of him.

It merged with the image of your shredded face.

This wasn’t Donnie’s fault.

Or Leo’s.

It was his. “I… broke Y/N’s trust.”

“I… don’t think it’s so simple.” Donnie shuffled, uncomfortable with the whole matter.  

“It’s not.” Leo stepped in verbally, but kept his distance.

Donnie perked up, catching the nuisance there. “What are you talking about? Did something else happen?”

“We need to talk to April.” Leo noted with a leader’s authority that said it was time to rendezvous.

Long used to the chain of command, Donnie animated to summon the rest of the team via the comm.

Tapping the waves, the others rallied with minor complaints.

They wanted and deserved explanations which sent Mikey wallowing into a corner.

Casey’s voice cracked the line and demanded to know why her hunt was called off.  

It took Leo growling out a stern, “Return to base,” for the others to quiet.  

It was the Hamato way to be messy.

They got the job done with individuality.

Mikey heard Donnie approach him.

It was too soon. 

Mikey didn’t look as he took off.

He never glanced behind him once. 

All the way to the living room.

The space was quiet and the move sat on a pause screen. Mikey walked toward the projector before looking out at the chaos he had wrought. It dotted the space and everything was turned over save his dad’s chair. Sitting in it was Splinter, fast asleep. If this were any other night, Mikey would have approached his dad to ask why he’d been late to movie night.

He’d be up soon enough.

The others clambered in and the head Hamato was immediately roused. Leo helped field their dad who was frustrated that he was left out of the loop. Arguments ensued and Mikey was thankful as it gave him additional time to process. He needed the moment and knew he wouldn’t have long before he’d be the one under scrutiny. Whether it was from the many explanations everyone was due or this supposed lecture he was supposed to get from expert April, Mikey needed to make sure he would be able to accept all that was about to occur. 

He might have had more time if Donnie wasn’t poking holes in his thoughts with his gaze alone.

A minute was all he needed.

Something that no one in this family seemed to want to give.

When April arrived, it was with a commotion that alone made her worthy of the Hamato crest. Even while restraining a foaming at the mouth Casey, April had the wherewithal to take in the room’s quieter occupants. Only slightly less of a tactician’s mind than Leo, April screamed for Sunita. The slime yokai wasn’t far off and bounced up, sticky fingers ready. Casey sensed she was about to be carted away and prepared to fight the decision until April released her. Confused by the freedom, Casey spun around only for April to fold her arms and say that she was proud. Suspicious to a fault, Casey warily took the bait as to why and April continued on praising Casey for how excited she was to discuss feelings as they were about to. 

With a deadpan, Casey searched the room and, with one glance at Mikey’s crestfallen face, she knew.

Throwing her head back as if she hadn’t just been in a screeching headlock, she asked Sunita to hang out somewhere away from where the weaklings would cry together.

With a whisper to April, Sunita agreed and Mikey saw Casey throw up a concerned a call me hand sign to April before the pair exited.

The momentary lap in silence revealed Leo whispering in a hushed conversation with his dad.

The others looked on expectantly and Splinter rose under the attention. “I will return for the recap!”

He hopped out of his chair and headed for the kitchen.

Now four brothers and one honorary sister, April address the group. “So… How about that crush, huh Mikey?”

“That’s…!” Raph jumped at the chance to dispel the heavy air. “That’s good! Right, big man?” He turned to Mikey, twitchy. “I mean it’s not… good, good considering… that Y/N sort of… Uhhhh…”

“April, I’m broken.” Mikey cut through and decided he was as ready as he’d ever be.

“Mikey, you’re not-“ Leo rolled his head with minor irritation.

Donnie blinked between parties trying to piece together what he had missed.

“Broken? Whatcya mean?” April steered toward the youngest.

“Something’s wrong. I told Leo. Something’s not right. Do you think my mystic energy could be getting in the way? Drax was telling me that my channels are unbalanced or something, but he always says that to get me back on my training. I know he’s worried, he just-“

April placed her hands on both his shoulders and gave him one single shake. “How about we focus on one thing at a time? Like how I don’t even know what you think is wrong?”

“Right!” Mikey chirped, always glad for her straight to the point attitude.

He’d modeled himself after her in that way.

“What’s wrong?” She patted him, but held firm. “Something with your crush?”  

“Yeah!” That was another thing he liked, she always understood. That was probably why she’d been able to get so close to Donnie. “It’s not right. I know I have feelings for Y/N, but my channels are all gummed up… Oh!!! The emotions aren’t flowing right! That’s it! Yup! It’s just like my ninpo! That’s gotta be it! I think I figured it out! What do you think, Leo?!”

Mikey turned to find Leo giving the twice the grimace he had earlier.

Instead of apologizing, Leo turned away with a sweaty laugh.

“That’s… one option.” April gave her own nervous nod. “Mind if I hear Leo’s interpretation too?”

“Uh… sure…” Mikey was sure he cracked it.

Leo had a particular gift when it came to hunches though.

“Let’s hear it.” April released Mikey to fold her arms in a neutral way.

“You’re getting the second telling of the night.” Leo wiped his brow and flicked back his mask. “The first time Mikey explained it was something like he feels like the feelings should be there, but they aren’t.”

“They aren’t…?” April’s eyes shot up to consider the details given before she returned to Mikey. “You also said you were broken.”

Mikey nodded.

“He compared his crush to ours. What he’s seen all of us do. Even Barry which is like, ew right? How do you even know about that?!” Leo stuck his tongue out.

The two silent brothers twitched at their footnotes.  

Another flicker of her pupil, April clicked her tongue. “Damn, would that make this your first one…? Wait, is that right??”

Mikey was caught.

He’d gotten away with not having to deal with this conversation for years. 

The rest of his family was painfully dramatic when it came to their relationship statuses and he was often relegated as the calm one of the bunch. 

His annoying youngest label had also been a benefit as he seemingly wasn’t considered old enough. 

He supposed that was one of the few perks. 

“First we’ve known.” Raph offered.

For April, that wasn’t good enough. “Mikey?”

“The… first… yeah…” Mikey drew out, feeling painfully self conscious.

He hadn’t meant to get to 28 without a crush.

He’d tried.

More than once.

There was that cute yokai girl at this favorite ink stand in the hidden city.

The barista who always drew him the cutest doodles on his disposable cups.

That Brooklyn boy who moonlighted as a vigilante of his own.

That psych major with the dimples.

There were even more than that.

Fleeting instances where he swore feelings would catch.

The wick in his chest was only waiting to be lit.

He could manifest fire with barely a thought, but it was the one place he couldn’t make it occur.

It was a hollow feeling, but he didn’t feel empty.

The candle was there.

Stationary and not making him feel less.

And yet it refused to serve its purpose.

What was the point?

“Mikey…” April patted his head like she used to do when he was a kid.

It was the third time tonight he was taken back to his past.

How long was he going to keep being a kid about everything?

Something warm and wet hit his hand and when he went to look, he found tears falling again.

Only salt and water, he wiped his cheeks to find more of them.

How long would he keep crying about this?

“I’m sorry…” She murmured and he pushed into her hand so she’d pet him harder. “You’re okay. You’re not broken.”

“How do you know? I know you got your bat and you’ve picked up spells, but can you see my mystic energy channels!?” Mikey huffed through his fractured emotions.

“I can’t. What I can see is how upset this is making you and I want to help, but I’m gonna need to know more.”

“Like what?! What else is there?! I told you! I’m wrong! Like the ooze skipped a step in making me! My emotions are messed up!”

“Shh…” She pulled him into a hug and continued to stroke his head. “What’s wrong with the way you feel? You care about Y/N right?”

He nodded furiously, knowing he was rubbing snot into her shirt.

She didn’t care. “How is that wrong?”

“It’s not enough. When-” He hiccupped. “When Leo first met that bunny, it was palpable. The affection radiated off of him in waves. When Donnie first saw Atomic Lass, he was so young! His eyes lit up like he was looking at one of his inventions! When that waitress hit on Raph, he became a blubbering mess, but you could tell she was all he thought about for weeks after! I’m not… I’m not like any of them.”

“Because you’re you.” April pushed him to a comfortable arm’s length away so she could view him. “What’s that thing you said about replicas?”

Mikey couldn’t help but smile.

He loved how April remembered that.

“That there is no true replica for a moment.”

It was a fact he’d learned in practice. 

There was no way to recapture an instant. 

It didn’t matter the medium used. 

You could only create an ode to it. 

It was only possible to inspire the feeling. 

Cooking was an art.

Painting was an art.

They were called Mystic Arts.

Martial Arts.

They were creative expressions and the experience of life itself.

“No two people feel romance the same, they also don’t have to feel it at all.” She explained.

Mikey felt every muscle in his body drop.

Thankful for April’s strength and the hours she’d put in at the gym solely to beat Casey at arm wrestling, she was the only thing keeping him upright.

“Romance…?” He quacked, the sound splitting him.

April only gave the barest nod, encouraging whatever was happening.

Was it an epiphany?

He wasn’t so sure.

It was more like he finally saw the candle for what it was.

The wick was real for sure.

Only the entire thing was electric.

It never needed to be lit.

It held a light all his own.

“Different types of love…” Mikey mumbled. “Family, friends…” He gave a half laugh. “Romance?” He checked in with April.

She watched on, patiently.

Leo snorted.

April preemptively shushed him.

Leo wrapped a hand around his mouth and shook his head.

This was Leo’s hunch then.

“This seems… kinda obvious?” Raph asked openly.

Donnie backhanded his older brother’s plastron and gave him a look that said ‘don’t.’

Donnie knew then too.

At least someone was on his side.  

That was why Raphie was his favorite.

Raph was also still different from him.

That burning flame in his big brother’s chest had to be a torch.

It had guided them all for so long.

It would go on to be nurtured by someone else.

Heat.

“Oh… Oh no…” Mikey made a disgusted face. “Does that mean…?”

He had to spin around.

To see all their faces and the different understandings.

Romance was always equated with sex.

He wasn’t sure if he was repulsed by it, but it had been such a thing.

Donnie had been the first of them to find his urges on that front.

Mikey thought he was too young, but it apparently varied.

Splinter had completely whiffed the birds and bees talk and made it into a family ordeal much to everyone’s horror.

Except Mikey.

He watched the others squirm and couldn’t figure out why.

Sure, the content was gross, but it was just a talk.

It had felt like he was removed.

Donnie, meanwhile, was mortified.

The others were ready to pounce on him for instigating the topic. 

He had tried to dig down and bury himself during which had spurned on further conversation about holes.

The talk which was repeated three separate times for each awakening was never one that resonated with Mikey.

All the shame and worry that the others had didn’t struck Mikey in the same way.

When he’d asked dad, as soon as the others ran away to their respective rooms, Splinter had simply said it was because he wasn’t ready.

He was too young.

Someday soon though, it would come.  

But only age did.

Outside of crushes, puberty hit a house with four teen boys in it.

Changing bodies and hormone horrors.

More shame, more hiding, more and different talks, but still.

Mikey didn’t understand.

There were rushes.

Things he’d wake up too.

His body would do things, but he’d shake it off.

A quick shower and the tide would calm.

He tested, of course.

He’d heard his brothers complain about the aftermath in whispers.

How it was worth it, but at what cost.

The price of admission wasn't worth it, let alone an exit fee.

It hadn’t felt like anything in particular.

A sort of empty pleasure that seemed like a waste.

He didn’t bother and eventually his body evened out.

He waited for the others to join him in passivity.

They only needed to let it pass and, in a way, it did.

It also never left them.  

From then on, they’d talk about it and when they did, he wanted to roll his eyes.

So much effort.

So messy.

Throwing other people into the mix.

For what?

You got the same if not more pleasure from eating a perfectly balanced dish.

You might as well cook.

Or better yet, you could feel the sense of accomplishment that came with seeing the work of art you’d been painting for months come to fruition. 

Oftentimes it never matched your mind's image, but instead became something better.  

That was priceless.

Every second was worth it.

You worked towards something.

Something that could be similarly intangible, but who could argue with those results?

That was what irritated him.

It was so easy for him to live without sex being a thing.

The others were boring.

How could you have a one track mind about something like that?

Blinking wide, Mikey turned to April.

“Don’t… don’t tell me they’re connected?”

Why hadn’t he realized?

In that department, he never thought he was broken.

He’d simply thought the others were addled.

Their sex drives were choked up to their emotional constipations.

He had refused to be Doctor Sex-Ed.

“They’re not.” April offered, quiet as if still not wanting to intrude.

“What?” Mikey needed her to say it.

“Sex and romance.” April responded quick and to the point.

Raph let out a drawled syllable and this time both Leo and Donnie punched the larger turtle’s chest.

“They’re… but I don’t…?”

“There’s labels…” She pulled out her phone.

“We’re not into labels.” Mikey responded automatically as he stared at her fingers tacking over the screen.

Human hands fascinated him.

They were his favorite to draw.

So delicate in comparison to theirs.

Sleek.

Functional.

April held out her phone for him to see and on the screen were horizontal bars in turtle colors and monochromatics.

Resisting reading it aloud, he took the device and flipped through the entry.

This was the flagged representation of aromanticism. 

Romanticism was just as much a spectrum as sexuality. 

There was more. 

There were enormous blocks of text and details. 

He didn’t have time.

Or at least, that’s what the latent rush of his mind said.

He had meant to run to you.

It now seemed like his time would be of better use elsewhere.

 “You don’t have to use a label, but sometimes they help. Like for research.” She shrugged.

“You…” Mikey looked around the faces in the room. “You guys can go. I need to… think about this…”

Donnie nodded first, walking off before Leo patted Raph’s carapace strategically. “Come on Big Red, how about I clear this up for you?”

“Yeah, please.” Raph glanced over to Mikey and hesitated. “You sure? You don’t seem good…”

“I can’t go through the explanation again… And I really don’t want to hear it from Leo.” Mikey gave a deadened stare before flicking his gaze to his blue brother. “No offense.”

“None taken.” Leo tipped his head with a grin. “I already said I wasn’t the expert, that’s why I brought her in.” He snapped toward April and she returned the finger gun before Leo led Raph out.

Now alone with his sister, Mikey held her phone out while simultaneously searching for his own. “Why does Leo keep saying you’ll know?”

“When Leo realized he wasn’t all that straight, he sort of had a crisis.”

Mikey blinked wide. 

As far as he knew, Leo had owned his sexuality. 

All he could remember was Leo’s extravagant coming out which had included a very exact number of unicorns. “Wait, wha-?”

“He was kinda worried about what you guys would think, but mostly he was worried about Splints. Splints doesn’t… come from the best culture for that kind of thing and Leo needed to get out of the lair to talk about it, just in case.”

“I…” Mikey’s gaze dropped, halfway through typing out ‘aromantic’ into his search bar. “I didn’t know he was struggling back then… I- I wasn’t there I-“

“Nope, none of that.” April clapped his arm. “One, it’s in the past and two, it’s like that sometimes. No matter how much your family loves and understands, sometimes you gotta go outside the unit. It’s like being in your own head. You gotta get out.”

“You are family.” Mikey reminded her, knowing full well April had doubted her place through the years.

“You know what I mean.” She flicked his forehead.

He fell back dramatically for the sake of it.

She smirked above him before offering a hand and hoisting him up.

She really could have knocked him off his feet with a finger if she wanted.

“Anyway, back then we had a long talk about it. We had a sleepover, another talk, lunch, another talk. Leo’s pretty damn stubborn. He talked himself in so many circles it was like, boy how did you not know you already weren’t straight?!” She laughed big and loud.

Mikey smiled.

“Anyway, unlike you who needs to come to these conclusions on his own, Leo is the kind of guy that needs to be validated. So I told him about how I realized I was demi.”

“Wait, what do you mean conclusions?” Mikey pouted.

April tilted her head and arched a brow that said it was obvious. “Mikey, seriously? You’re stubborn as hell. If anyone told you how you feel about something, you would purposefully stop just because you were told.”

Mikey pursed his lips until it puckered his whole mouth. “Do not!”

“You’re literally doing it right now.” She pointed with an ace in the hole.

Like his mind was blown, his jaw dropped before he grumbled it away. “Okay maybe…” he had to bite down to keep from saying that he still wasn’t totally sure, but that in and of itself cinched the truth for him. “What’s demi then?”

“I… I mighta thought I was aro for a bit.” She gestured to his phone and he finished up that typing in the search. “You already know I couldn’t connect with my peers. I was always more interested in a scoop or busting baddies than kissing. I felt… like I’d never be part of anything…”

Mikey inhaled sharply, ready to tackle this self consciousness, but April held her hand out to stop him.

“My past, I’m good now.”

Mikey nodded and lowered his guard.

“But then I got to know Casey. Seeing how she was the same. How she also couldn’t fit in with her peers, crappy or not.” She sent Mikey a brow wiggle.

Mikey chuckled.

“We were both outsiders and total enemies to lovers.” April mused wistfully. “I remember the first time I felt it. It was years after she’d turned over her new leaf. We were out camping, the proper one that Splints finally got going.”

Mikey knew the one.

“All those stars and I thought ‘damn someone put them in her eyes.’” April softened at the memory. “I kissed her right then and the sparks…” She shook her head.

“Then… can’t… I be like that? I just need to know Y/N longer and...!”

“Well…” She placed a hand on his shoulder. “You might not. Just because it happened for me, doesn’t mean it’ll happen for you. Remember, we’re all different here. Everyone is. There’s no right way. There’s no wrong one either.”

Mikey slumped and stared as that flag that was populating his search.

If it wasn’t green he thought maybe he could hate it.

That was a lie, all colors had their place.

Blinking at that thought, he walked over and headbutted April’s arm. “Thank you April… This… I needed this.”

“Yeah, you take some time. Whatever you need. You need to talk more, you call me, kay?” She bumped him right back.

“Is there anyone I’m not in debt too?” He mused dryly before heading towards his room. It was there he curled up with his phone and mentally willed himself to engage. It took several re-readings, but eventually the text started to take. Soon, Mikey was exploring every internet resource possible until the glowing starry stick-ons that he covered his ceiling with stared back at his bloodshot eyes. “Aroace, huh?”

💛 NEXT 💛

Beta bus round up for my everlasting gratitude toward @tmntxthings and @thepinkpanther83

[eustasskiddsprosthetic]

Yuhh so Sabolaw but Sabo is aromantic?

(I'm so sorry if I depicted being aromantic inaccurately! I read 1 article and 1 reddit thread so please correct me on anything!! But back to the narrative!!)

These two idiots first meet in medical school and even though they only knew each other for at most two months before Sabo dropped out, they knew that they were soulmates. They just click in a way even they don't understand.

They find it easy to stare out into the sunset and not say anything. Sabo felt comfortable leaning on Law's shoulder and asking him—a diehard doctor/surgeon—if medicine is right for him.

Law, in turn, would reassure his silly blonde friend that he would succeed no matter where he went. It was a matter of deciding where he wanted to go, when and how. Law was the one to fill in Sabo's drop-out form, except Sabo's signature and press send on the email.

Post Sabo dropping out and swapping degrees, their favourite activity is sending little letters to each other's dorm rooms in university. They write these really long letters detailing how their week went and whatever they find interesting.

Sabo would go on about his new degree and Law would bitch about his uncle. They could just as easily text each other, but they would rather not use their phones too often. Besides, they found letter-writing intimate. It forced Law to keep his handwriting neat.

At first, Sabo thought it was a romantic sort of crush. It was nice because it was the first time he felt such warmth for someone. When Sabo told Ace this, Ace noticed something a bit... not romantic.

He asked if Sabo wanted to kiss Law and touch him sexually and Sabo immediately said no. He got heart flutters whenever Law wrote back but they were not exclusive? It's the same heart flutters when he attended Luffy's highschool graduation or when he picked up an autographed copy of his favourite writer's book... Hmm.

It really is not personal. Sabo tried to reason. Sabo never had crushes on anyone and personally found the concept rather silly. People fall in love? He knew a good working relationship needed more than just that but why did everyone focus so much on... What? Love?

Sabo doesn't get it. He thinks it's strange but he would be upset if Law rejected him. At a certain point, Law said he was pursuing a relationship with someone and Sabo did not feel jealous or scorned or anything like that, really.

"Will we still be friends?" Sabo blurts out. They meet up occasionally. They text for that.

"Why, of course," Law replies easily. "A relationship's just one part of it. It just means I have more to write about in our letters, beyond my uncle and Sora."

"That's good."

Law pouted.

"I mean our letters!" Sabo clarified. Law huffed. Law really hated his uncle and loved Sora and he was afraid Sabo thought he was boring. "Please don't ignore me! I'm sorry for the mixup! Law!"

But on a more serious note, Sabo found that reassertion of friendship more reassuring than he thought it would.

Sabo very confidently concluded the thing he's feeling is a platonic crush. He needed to workshop what it means but he liked the way it sounded at least. It has the intensity of feeling but also complete lack of romance he feels towards Law.

It wasn't romantic but Sabo cared about Law. Law was up there on the list of people Sabo considered important, second to himself and brothers. Sabo valued Law's opinion, not just of his personal character but of everything in general. Law's happiness was his own.

So it damn near devastates Sabo to see that one day, long after graduation when they started working...

It started with an unreplied text. And then an unreplied letter. And then a growing pile of unreplied letters...

They still met up. Law was busy, Sabo knew. Being a doctor was busy enough but a surgeon? Insanity. There was a reason why he dropped out of medical school!! But Sabo supposes something is wrong.

Law looked away more, almost to the point where they barely looked each other in the eye nowadays. Sabo knew Law still listened to him but he would suddenly blush, get jumpy and fuss over stupid things. Sabo wished he knew how to comfort his distressed friend, his precious soulmate whom he would do anything for.

[growling]

due to being both aromantic and aplatonic i feel pretty "eh" to both concepts of friendships and relationships/couples in media (and in real life too but i'm more. discreet about it) which makes interacting with fandom works and such.. pretty frustrating at times

im more averse to romance in real life than in fiction ill have to admit, like, most ships i don't mind. im still more able to engage in shipping in my free time, but that might be because, like, when i ship characters i don't really... do it in a romantic sense i just mash them together, i like deeper bonds/relations/connections like that, and "ship" is a pretty easy term to apply to it as and kinda accurate, i don't know, hard to explain. but when theyre depicted to do traditionally romantic things together or just put emphasis on looooove and go all dovey-eyes in fanart then i must leave. i had enough i have assessed the situation and im leaving

but. i also don't like friendships in fanworks. which sucks so much because this is what, like, most other people that don't like romance gravitate to too!! and they put.. so much, like, moral stuff into liking it too like, saying that if you dont appreciate platonic relationships enough then that means allonormativity rotted your brain or something. many other aro & non-aplatonic people just go "romantic ships are so overdone so heres more art and works where characters are just allowed to stay friends, maybe even friendships are just superior anyway" and like i am happy for you don't get me wrong go enjoy what you like but.... friendships just always make me go "ewww". and unfortunately i cannot just choose not to see it either, platonic relationships are never tagged or anything except on ao3 or something. a lot of media/content (god i hate that term for fanworks..) by aros for aros just focuses on platonic love & relationships instead and sorry i cannot relate and the growler feels a bit alienated. not many people even know that aplatonic people exist anyway and if they do then they dont have the best opinion of us.

so like, god i hate clarifying this i feel like it goes without saying but whatever i don't want to get accused of hurting peoples feelings by saying this: i am not saying to stop making fanfics of platonic relationships or that if you like friends in fiction then i think ur lame or something. im just saying that this is one part of fandom i just, cannot really like. not just fandom either. friendships are everywhere i swear and there is no way for me to avoid those either, and if i ever voice that it repulses me, i get treated like a freak even by spaces that are supposedly aroace & sex/romance-repulsed friendly and yeah it kinda sucks .

anyway friendships are overrated i don't want friends i want evil advisors, loyal goons and homoerotic rivals and fucked up hero-villain and whumper-whumpee pairs and even more fucked up guys with their fates forever entwined and bonded for life close in the way rats tied at their tails are even as they desperately pull and scratch and bite to get away is that too much to ask

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

Man, seeing the aro/ace discourse in media really makes it clear that these people live in a sheltered bubble and have never face any actual bigotry.

I just found out that there's people who think Will Byers from Stranger Things is aromantic. He's the most clear depiction of a closeted gay person imaginable. It is so incredibly obvious, there should be no debate. They like to appropriate the experiences of closted gay people and then get mad when people point this out to them.

Yea, there are a lot of examples of this. Good omens sticks out as the most egregious example in my head. Can I be real, I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that they don't like imagining gay people having sex. In my experience, it's not a case of "I don't think they're gay" but rather "I think they're gay and don't have sex". Honestly, a lot of people who claim to be a part of the gay community think that gay people are gross. They don't like to imagine us having loving sex. They like to imagine us holding hands and dancing in fields. Hate to break it to y'all, but sometimes gay men want to suck dick, and sometimes lesbians want to slobber all over pussy. If you're not going to be straight, people with "ace headcannons" think you should at least be pure lmao. If you're gonna be gay, don't you dare have desire.

Then there's also people who are just super annoying and think that everything should be about them. It's kind of insane, honestly. Gay people do not have NEARLY enough representation for people to be upset when we get more lmao. What kind of community gets mad when their members get representation? How are asexuals part of the gay community and yet don't like it when we show up on screen. That makes no sense.

[prophetictattoo]

OC questionnaire with alex and winona

alex:

NAME: alexander yamagoe

NICKNAME: alex

GENDER: cis man

STAR SIGN: leo sun, cancer moon, scorpio rising

HEIGHT: 6'8/203.2 cm

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: heterosexual demiromantic (demiromantic is just a term i found on google that best describes it on the aromantic spectrum.. alex considers himself romance averse to everyone who isnt his wife)

NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY: united states citizen, japanese ethnicity (though he has dual citizenship to the us and japan)

FAVORITE FRUIT: depends on which is in season. it's pineapple in summer clementines/oranges in winter. he also LOVES melon (cantaloupe and honeydew)

FAVORITE SEASON: winter

FAVORITE FLOWER: he prefers plants

FAVORITE SCENT: cinnamon

COFFEE, TEA, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: tea but he'll drink all three

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: zero, two if he's lucky

DOGS OR CATS: cats. he's never had a dog. he likes them, but he much prefers cats

DREAM TRIP: arles and auvers-sur-oise, france (basically everwhere in france that vincent van gogh lived LOL)

NUMBER OF BLANKETS: one comforter one flat sheet (he's very particular about sleeping temperature)

RANDOM FACT: his prized possession is his 1969 original pressing abbey road vinyl

winona:

NAME: winona jessica (saracino) yamagoe

NICKNAME: jessica (alex calls her by her middle name because he thinks it's funny)

GENDER: cis woman

STAR SIGN: sagittarius sun, pisces moon, aquarius rising

HEIGHT: 6'1/185 cm

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: heterosexual and heteroromantic (so boring i know)

NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY: united states citizen, 50% native american, 25% chinese and 25% indian

FAVORITE FRUIT: fresh ripe peach, blueberries, and grapes

FAVORITE SEASON: autumn

FAVORITE FLOWER: she HATES flowers (she's an artist and she thinks depictions of flowers in art is corny so she has taken a stand against all flowers)

FAVORITE SCENT: she loves woody scents.. sandalwood or cedar

COFFEE, TEA, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: coffee but she had to quit so now she prefers tea

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: six to eight

DOGS OR CATS: cats. she never had pets growing up, so the cats her and alex have now are her first ever pets and she loves how independent they can be but also how funny and entertaining they are

DREAM TRIP: harajuku, tokyo

NUMBER OF BLANKETS: one comforter one flat sheet

RANDOM FACT: art is her entire life. she's an artist by profession, (medical illustrator) but she considers herself an oil painter mostly. she also loves photography, poetry, and bookbinding (she's been writing a lot of poetry lately)

thank you so much @afrolatinotrait for tagging me!!

i'll tag @elksun, @autumnserenade, @superblueisms and @theosconfessions (sorry i wanted to tag more people but i didnt see an oc tag on some people's pages so i didnt want to assume. anybody who has an oc and wants to can do this!!)

[slayerchick303]

People requested more of my Queer as Folk hot takes, so here is Part 2:

The gang and Debbie were all terrible people and enormous hypocrites when they tried to dissuade Michael from dating Ben. They know Michael knows how to practice safe-sex. They know Michael is familiar with what care being HIV+ can/will eventually entail. He's grown up with Vic as his uncle. He's seen the worst. The gang (and most especially Debbie) were horrible and should have known Michael was smart and strong enough to have a partner who was positive. Debbie saying she doesn't want Michael and Ben to be together is diametrically opposed to her as a character, and I fucking hated it.

All of them were also bad friends/family when they encouraged Michael to move to Oregon with David. Well into Michael and David's relationship, Michael's friends should have pointed out to Michael that David didn't value him as a person, was condescending, never compromised, was trying to make Michael conform into someone he wasn't, etc. True, you can't help who you fall in love with, but real family/friends would have taken you aside and pointed out the way your relationship wasn't healthy before you got super invested, so you could at least try to fix issues before getting involved with someone deeper.

I love Michael with my whole heart and fully identify with this hot take, as I struggle with it as well. Michael is a doormat. He's always bending over backward to defend people who would never do the same for him- the biggest culprit being Brian. Michael is constantly going against his own values to defend Brian's shitty behavior towards everyone, even Michael himself. His and Brian's friendship is incredibly unhealthy. Hal Sparks and all of us were talking a while back, and he said that Michael wouldn't be as bad with that today, since being with Ben for almost 20 years (Hal and Robert Gant both agree they'd still be together) would have helped Michael gain more confidence to know he, and others, deserve better and to hold people accountable for shitty behavior. Well, Michael would stick to that most of the time.

The show's depiction of Brian's opinion on romance and relationships was muddled. The show begins by showing Brian as aromantic, which is totally valid. As time goes on, they make Brian's desire not to be in a romantic relationship, and his promiscuity seem unhealthy and just the result of psychological damage. That's harmful to the aro and ace community. I'd much rather the show have stuck with him being on the aromantic spectrum, with Justin just being his exception to the rule (which is also valid for us aro folx), instead of making Brian's life choices seem like some kind of damage or childish positions to have. Maybe that's just me, as I don't want kids, have zero desire to get married, and have very little desire to be in a relationship.

What are some of your QAF unpopular opinions? Tag me if you do this, or put yours in a reblog. I'd love to see them.

Here's PART ONE of the hot takes if anyone is interested:

[crumboat]

hihihi do YOU have any favorite songs/why do you like them :)

okay so .. yes and no

I have current favorites but they change so frequently that it feels wrong to call them "favorites" but here's my current faves + why I like them

Gushers - between friends

I really like between friends generally, something is so tragic and messy but easy and simple about the kind of relationships sung about. It drives me a little crazy tbh. The gentleness about Gushers and the almost underwater quality of the music akdbsjs. I can't it's soosososo good

beautiful waste - Beauty School Dropout

Honestly the line "I get heart palpitations when I think of you naked" goes so hard. Once again it's tragic. It's one-sided. It's in my percico playlist for a reason.

Exit Wounds - Placebo

Again with the chorus being a banger line "want you so bad I can taste it" um ??? Excuse me??? That makes me feel physically sick /positive. Also! Another one-sided but this time! They're exes! Also the line "And at night, under covers, as he's sliding into you, does it set your sweat on fire?" HELLO???

STUPID IN LOVE - MAX, HUH YUNJIN

Absolute devotion and recklessness and oh my godddd. This is also in my percico playlist cuz thats really all I listen to. The songs a banger or it wouldn't be in this list but like "let's get married in Vegas, we don't need a guest list, we dont need to think too much" nnghhh it's sooo good I love it so much.

Falling Behind - Laufey

Laufey is another one of those artists that I just really like their music. Falling behind is especially great bc it's about feeling like you're 'falling behind' bc everyone else is in a romantic relationship. "Cause the sun's engaged to the sky" even inanimate objects are depicted as being romantically involved and as an aromantic this really hits home

Hold Me Like A Grudge - Fall Out Boy

Honestly? This song was picked out for my percio playlist because it fit so well and after listening to it a couple more times it grew on me. It's a fucking banger. It's really good music to scream-cry to (or imagine ur fav charcters scream-crying to) Fall Out Boy has mid ass lyrics honestly but the chorus is good (ie the title of the song)

dui - estelle allen

Fully in love with this song. It has an eerie feel to it (amplified by the dhmis-esque music video) and something about the sound of blood-curdling screams really adds to a song. It kinda hurts to listen to though 💀💀

HAHA - Lil Darkie

"When the jester gets mad, put a gun to his head" followed by mocking laughter goes so hard. So hard. This whole song is amazing 10/10 no notes. I love me a good power-ballad. Especially when looking at his other music which is SO different

OXOX - Dutch Melrose, Lost Boy

here's where I reveal that I really like overtly sexual songs. "That push, that pull, that force that draws me into your direction" ughhhh it's such a good song especially to play on loop. Idk I listen to really sexual songs when I do hw to Pavlov myself into not hating it. It kinda works.

Sloppy Seconds (Ick Pt. 2) - Lay Bankz

And here's another really good, really sexual song that I listen to while I do hw. "Fuck her, flip her, bend her backward, baby put your back into it" banger!!! It's a good song!! Perfect for playing on loop (it's like three verses that repeat)

(There's probs more but idc go check out my Spotify @crumboat (it has the same pfp) if you wanna see more of my impeccable taste <3)

[redheadbigshoes]

I’ve been in fandoms for a while and something weird I noticed is how some lesbian headcanons also kinda blur into aromantic ones. Like I’ve seen a few times where a female character will be given a lesbian headcanon and then never is depicted with a female love interest. Like so long as they’re not around men, then there’s no romance, and I see it a lot. Not hate to aro and aro headcanons, it’s just something I’ve noticed over the years and it’s interesting.

I think people just HATE lesbians existing. What happens is that it seems that some people prefer others to not be attracted to anyone over simply not being attracted to men because then they feel like it’s a personal attack on men.

But I also think that happens because people don’t take ace and aro identities seriously, so that could be another reason why they don’t seem to care as much as when it’s about lesbian headcanons.

[zorilleerrant]

the idea of "not liking the real characters" wrt to comics is insane to me because of like. the variety of depictions of most characters. no two writers or artist have them exactly the same way, and depending on the story, the same team could work radically differently on, say, a fluffy holiday story (esp. Valentine's day variants) vs. a dark mystery based on current events.

but also because... TV and movie fandoms do this all the time and people just don't complain the same way, trying to tell people they don't get the canon. especially if the fandom is still strong after the end of a TV series or movie franchise, they'll build up a What Happens After That world together, hitting similar beats over and over again or coming to a consensus on what later versions of the character, world, and plot threads would be. it's at best implied in the source material, there's just a vibrant community co-creating art around it. but even for ongoing series that have a specific set of characters to draw from right there

you get people messing with characters' genders, sexualities, races, religions, disabilities, etc. and using that to explore all kinds of stories. you get people going: okay, what if these two characters hated each other, actually. what if these two got along. what if the team were friends since they were kids, or what if they were all picked to be on a reality show and just met. these ones are in love. these ones were never in love. this one wouldn't even be in love anyway because they're aromantic. this one would be in love with several more people once removed from the canon context telling them not to be, or some plot element that scared them, or some character trait they needed to cultivate for backstory reasons.

and like... this is the point of fanfic and fandom. to ask what if and change little points of the story, sure, but also to ask what if and change one or a few characters completely, put in an entirely different plot, set it in a different world, set it in the same world but with such massive changes the original set of characters is largely unrecognizable. to create something that's both familiar and new, fluid, changing and growing with the people it exists for, to speak and share their stories.

and the thing is, that was already the point of comics, anyway. that's why they're so full of alternate realities and potential futures and time travel shenanigans that change the story. retellings of the same familiar narrative with a different tone or from a different perspective. explorations of things that might have happened given a different set of starting criteria - reboots and revamps and redesigns. modernized versions of older stories, in flashbacks and series set in the past. putting whole bunches of characters together to shake things up for a while, in every crossover event. they're cooperative at best, collaborative even when they aren't, and generally function in the exact same way fandom does.

so what's the difference? I mean, we have the obvious one of thinking white men are inherently smarter and more competent at telling the same stories compared to women and people of color - see, for example, how canon stories by women and especially women of color are called fannish or poisoned by fanfic or catering to fans - which fits in with the fan studies theory that masculine fandom is about being right and feminine fandom is about being new. far easier to catalog all the minutiae of a canon and form a rigid hierarchy of the thoughts that it's okay and correct to have about it than ask why someone created the story that they did. to look at a story and see where they got what they got out of it, or why they thought it should have been there when it wasn't. easier to dismiss them as not being knowledgeable enough to speak.

but I think it's mostly driven by the same thing that pits fanfic against original fiction in the general circumstance. the idea that taking stories from, say Law & Order and coming up with new characters, plots, worlds, etc. or spins on the old one is stealing and not creative and lazy writing, but doing with same with Sherlock Holmes is, of course, hard work and should be respected. as if the writing process isn't exactly the same. as if the work isn't exactly the same. but it can't be monetized in the same way, and therefore it isn't valued by a society that wants to put a price tag on every minute of every person's life. that's what drives the idea that these people are allowed to make creative decisions and those people have to respect the decisions made. the dollar buys the right to change something fundamental to the narrative.

because you can look at the acceptable canon compliant activities, which include complaining about every single author that's ever written a particular character; pointing out the faults with the character, plot holes, worldbuilding details that make no sense; saying these are the only good drawings, or these are the better stories, or these are the ones who truly understand the character or story or world, and those other ones are just going through the motions. anything that requires no information synthesis, but just repeating increasingly obscure facts.

because people will take much milder complaints about a story wrapped in the drapery of an elaborate fic and say that person hates the canon and just never liked the character in the first place, sure. but they'll also take commentary on the story and go, well, the author would never agree with what you're reading into it, therefore you're simply reading too much into things and it isn't there. or they go the author couldn't have meant that, because of the time and place of creation of that canon, and so talking symbolism and metaphor and allegory through a modern lens is doing something to the text, harming it in some way. so it's not just fanfic, fanart, and headcanons. it's the audacity of having any thought about a work you weren't explicitly paid to have.

[aroaceconfessions]

I'm aroace and like, I'm also a very opinionated person. Being aspec really really opens up your eyes regarding amatonormativity in society and sometimes it makes it harder to to normally engaged with a lot of stuff? For example, fandom. I can still engage in many works, but there's just so much of them that are either steeped in amatonormativity or just lowkey feel aphobic.

Actually sometimes I actually feel more uncomfortable about media that focus on queer people because of how they're sometimes steeped in amatonormativity that it feels aphobic at times. I read a fanfic where it's about queer exploration of these characters... but noticeably no aromantic characters (even though the main character canonically expresses romantic interest in anyone). Said main character that doesn't express romantic interest is portrayed as alloace. Which is fine and valid! I just feel uncomfortable with that decision combined with all the other combined parts of it because it gets to a point where I, as an aro, felt uncomfortable. There were logics here and there where yes, I understand where it comes from, it also feels so amatonormative? For example, admiration being immediately linked to and framed as attraction, basically it's a crush. When... I can admire someone but not be attracted to them? Someone in the comments was like "In canon I really think that *character* is aromantic and it's really just admiration" but then the author replied like "then write your own fanfic". Which is valid yes, because different headcanons. At the same time it felt so aggressive towards someone who was just expressing their thoughts. They weren't invalidating your headcanon. They were just expressing how this character feels aromantic for them. You could've just said "I respect that hc but in this fic, *character* is alloace"

Another thing was how the fanfic framed this sports group of guys as immediately "homoerotic" when like, a sports group can be friendly?? They have tight bonds and it's not necessarily attraction to each other?? While it depicted the allo queer identities fairly well based on the comments, as someone aromantic, I felt so excluded because all the relationships that I would have in real life (a varsity group, admiring a person, etc) are immediately explained to be "you're gay". The way it frames it makes me feel like I'm in the wrong and I'm the one in denial and repressed with my sexuality and it's uncomfortable. The fic isn't bad, it's actually well-written. I just have personal problems with it, I guess.

Also, I know that different writers, different experiences. Which yes, that's valid! I won't ask for aro focus in a gay story. I won't force an author to write about an identity they feel that they're too unknowledgable about. But my discomfort comes from people saying their story as a queer exploration when their work invalidates a part of the queer community.

It reminds me of the people who go and say "I'm an ally of aspec people! Support them!" but then immediately ship characters that have canonically stated they're not interested in romance. Valid interpretation yes, but god does it feel aphobic at times. I still remember seeing online regarding when a creator announced one of their characters was asexual and some people were immediately talking about shipping possibilities and a lot of people go "don't worry, some ace people can fall in love romantically!". Which is correct, but as an aro, that hurts??? It's also is kinda undermining of asexual people because... sometimes people treat alloaces as if their romances are "romance-lite" and it's aaaargh. Also the fact that my worth is considered "less" just because my identity can't be exploited for romance is??? excuse me??? I think the remark that broke me was "At least they're not aromantic." which is...yeah, i don't even know.

I really feel like aphobia must be called out more. I hate it when I call out stuff like that (especially arophobia) and people go and tell me their opinion is valid because it's their hc or because interpretations and whatever. But if the same stuff happened to a gay character, everyone would flip out and call someone homophobic. But if someone made an aromantic character alloromantic? Oh no, that's fine because headcanon. If the character is asexual? Oh don't worry they can still romance.

I guess I'm just... Stop deciding the "value" of our identities based on what we can give you? Especially as someone aroace, I just feel super uncomfortable how everyone treats my identity as if it's the most unappealing identity ever that they turn ace characters that are also aro-coded to alloaces as if "ace is still fine, but aro is where we draw the line".

I'm just... I hate it. And I especially hate that these same people go around and say they support the aspec community and how they like and reblog all these aspec positivity that comes onto their dash when it's like ace week or whatever. Just please... Examine yourself.

[asexualone]

(pls take the time to read)

Signs I should have known I was aro: Disney edition

I think this topic has been stressed a lot already. But here is my take, anyway.

Of course, romantic love had been, is and will always be one of the main themes in kids' movies. Why, I can never fully understand. I'll explain below how I like other themes more.

Some time ago, I did a post on the kiss/hug scenes in Rapunzel which depicts how much more I value acts of showing love that don't include kissing.

Not only those two. I have a history of hating Disney on-screen smooches. As a kid, I thought, "Well, maybe, I don't like seeing these characters kiss because it's a grownup thing."

Could you blame me? When my parents were in the room and a kissing scene appeared on the screen, they changed the channel. So my toddler brain concluded that the reason I didn't like watching kisses was because I wasn't of age to like it. Or something.

At the time, I had no idea that I was hand-picking my favorite movies by the level of romance they had in. Or lack thereof. And I was a very judgemental kid. Let's go through my original thoughts on some Disney classics.

Snow White — No. Just no. She's a child, fourteen. Marrying an older guy she doesn't even know. After he kisses her corpse. NO.

Cinderella — The age difference is a little better, I guess. So is the age of consent. But they only talked one (1) night and he relied on that slipper to find her instead of asking to meet all women and see for himself. Fairytale logic I guess. I didn't like how she called it love immediately and kissed the prince at least once that same night. Or how they got married immediately.

The Sleeping Beauty — Must I even explain? Aurora didn't even know Philip that much, had only met him once (if you exclude the "dreams"). And yet, he's her true love, the only one who can revive her corpse. Ridiculous. And yes, kissing a comatose body, ew. Also, the arranged marriage trope pisses me off, royalty or not. Aurora was engaged as a newborn baby, come on.

Mulan — Cinematic gold. I didn't know it back then, but the fact that romantic love is such a pushed-aside aspect in this movie gives me life. The songs give me life. Especially when the trio dresses as concubines and "Be a Man" plays in the background. An absolute gem, lmao. The sequel however ruined the story somewhat for me, too much lovey-dovey stuff. I like Mulan more when she's fighting than when she's acting all sappy towards Shang, sorry not sorry.

Peter Pan — Loved it, still do. But I did dislike the mermaids, the image of fangirls who are petty towards other girls. And Pan's brief "relationship" with Tiger Lily was nauseating to me. I couldn't explain it but when Pan blushed at her nose-nuzzling thing, I always pulled a face.

The Princess and the Frog — In my opinion, (remember, always my opinion): Tiana, this hard-working girl who doesn't belong to anyone, was lost to love. Well, not lost. But falling for Naveen in the course of three days? Unrealistic and kinda unnecessary. Sweet, but still. I adored the "relationship" between Ray and Evangeline more. Either way, it's a movie that I enjoyed when love wasn't that prominent on screen.

Aladdin — I love this movie because of the Genie. The relationship between Jasmine and Aladdin is meh. She forgot his face and didn't recognize him until later. Their coming together is a lot like that trope "first guy who treats her right sets the expectations and wins her heart". Usually that's a thing, not only in Disney movies but media in general. The female lead settles for the first guy that treats her right because the bar is that low. A good movie, all in all. Love how Jasmine stands up for herself at least. Not a lot of princesses fight against the objectification of women.

Pocahontas — I used to hate this movie. I didn't sit right with me: the racism in it, the manipulation, the murders. And the romance, yes. Pocahontas fell for the strange man who tickled her curiosity in the span of two days. I also hated how her father just sold her to marry Kocoum like that. I know it's tradition. Heck, that's a tradition that still goes on in my country. Maybe that's why I didn't like seeing it on screen. And Pocahontas doesn't even end up with John Smith. The second movie definitely ruined the story. So yes, she's the first princess who fell for a man in three days, TWICE. Needless to say, only the songs kept me from blacklisting the movie entirely.

The Little Mermaid — I actually loved this movie for some reason. I can't explain why, maybe it was my obsession with mermaids. Yeah, that was probably it. But I was pissed when Ariel exchanged her tail for legs. Not to mention human periods and overall, all the bad in the world, for a man she'd only seen once. As I grew up I realized just how f*cked up that story was: Ariel giving her entire lifestyle, family and identity up for a guy she hadn't even spoken to. I don't know why I loved that movie, alright? Hell I still do a little. The sequel too. Say what you want.

Brave — (I know this is technically Pixar, shut up) Much like the paradox with Ariel, I didn't like this movie. I can't explain it. Maybe because Merida wasn't the typical Disney princess I had been used to seeing. Now though, I ADORE that story. No, it's not because Merida knows archery... Okay, yes maybe a little. I love the aro-arrow word play, alright? Anyway, the way Merida fights against being shipped to a husband like the "tradition" I aforementioned asks her to, has always had my heart, even when I didn't like the movie. The focus on the mother-daughter relationship is special, I love it. Stellar movie.

Tangled — One of my favorite Disney movies, my favorite princess. But her relationship with Eugene.... Well. Again, three days. That's all it takes to fall in love. Classic of Disney. Not only that, but Eugene is literally the first man person Raps has ever since, besides Gothel. The bar is nonexistent for her, she would have fallen for anyone. He lied to her and she still... Well, I won't stress that any longer. Their relationship in the end is sweet, one of the few cases where we are actually shown that they would risk their lives to save each other. Respect that. Mostly, I love her magical hair and Pascal. And the guys of Snuggly Duckling.

Moana — EPIC MOVIE. The story, the culture, the character growth, the plot twist, everything! Loved it at first sight, at second and forever. Even more when I became aware that there's no romance in it. I don't think I need to say more.

Frozen — My opinions on this movie have always been changing, accompanied by mixed feelings. So the relationship between sisters was cute, but Lilo and Stitch made that more realistic. Anna's relationship with Hans, ugh. I think that for a long time I used the fact that he was the antagonist to justify my absolute hate for the way Anna "fell" for him in one evening. Again, Anna sweetheart. This is the first man you've met. The bar is nonexistent for you too. God bless Elsa for forbidding her to marry Hans. And while it's cute to think Elsa as a lesbian, she has aromantic vibes. Sorry not sorry, but she's also a God by the end of Frozen 2. Gods are beyond attraction, I said what I said.

Raya and the Last Dragon — Loved it, still do. Say what you will about "dragon Elsa". Sisu is her own character, and I adore her. And yes, I love the lack of romance in the movie. Make no mistake, I shipped Raya and Namaari from the first moment they smiled at each other. I swear on my name that I paused the movie and screamed, GAYYYY, at the top of my lungs. Luckily, I was home alone. If only Disney directors would do the right fcking thing and give me a queer main couple!! I swear I wouldn't mind the lovey-dovey romance one bit.

Of course, I've left dozens of movies out. This post is already way longer than I wanted it to be. But I think that was enough to make a point.

While I'm not romance-repulsed, seeing animated kisses (and unnecessary relationships) on screen makes me uncomfortable. As a child and as a grownup. It just doesn't sit right with me. Not to mention all these princesses who identify with their princes and specifically their relationships with said princes when they're perfect on their. Wreck it Ralph 2 made them a favor, I think, by making them work together and showing their strengths. Another movie I love.

Friendship just makes an overall better theme to apply to kids shows, my opinion. Family, work, self-discovery, mental health, happiness. These are all better themes to portray in media dedicated for children. Which is, again, my opinion.

And yes, Disney has been getting better. They've fixed the age difference and the age of consent. The female characters no longer depend on the male ones, at least not as often. They understand the assignment, alright. There are still many questionable things about Disney's reputation though, things we all choose to overlook for the sake of the good movies. But who knows? They might change. Hopefully soon we'll also have an obviously queer couple in a movie. Hope dies last.

[boredom-reigns]

this is just a messy ramble so feel free to ignore

note: anti hanahaki. ignore if you like the trope.

anyway so... mainly just... i cannot understand the hanahaki trope. it's just... completely off to me. i don't see how it's romantic in any shape or form. i know some ppl would take my opinions on romance with a grain of salt once they find im aromantic but still—in what world is it romantic where not reciprocating someone's feelings can cause their death?

you can't choose who you love. you can't control your emotions. guilt tripping someone to be romantically interested in some person they're genuinely not romantically interested is not in any way romantic for me. that relationship sounds like it would have a shit ton of baggage bc it has the vibes of "im forced to be romantically involved with you" which is... ew?

just think of how fucked up it all is? imagine you're mlm and a woman likes you and it's unrequited bc you're mlm. they die and like, ofc you're gonna be wracked with guilt even tho you had no choice bc you're simply just not attracted to women. how about aros? ppl who genuinely cannot be romantically attracted to others. it's not in any of their control if someone falls in love with them? it's ridiculous? it's fucked up how the burden of the emotions are on the one who literally doesn't do anything to cause it?

i hate it so much because it's so guilt trippy. i hate how it has similar vibes to those fucked up relationships where one threatens to commit suicide to get their lover to stay with them. it's just... ahsjdkflgl

im fine with hanahaki as a concept... if it was actually depicted as horrifying as it could possibly be. because it's just not romantic imo, to guilt trip the one you love to get romantically involved with you.

i understand a lot of people are having pain in being rejected. in their unrequited love. i get it, there's pain there and there's heartbreak and this trope is great for projecting that i guess. but making someone feel the burden of your life on them just because they can't make themself romantically love you back is..... just not it really in my opinion.

this also connects to society's weird hang up on "you're obligated to return their romantic feelings" like... we're not??? even if that person is the nicest nicest nicest person you ever met in your life, if you're not romantically interested, you're not.

no one is obligated to reciprocate romantic feelings

and i feel like there should be more media depicting that, really.

btw, extra note: im not demonising ppl who write hanahaki. i don't know them or why they write it and yknow, i can separate art from the artist. i don't like the trope if it's portrayed in a romantic light myself, but my opinion on the matter is just let people write what they wanna write. im not gonna police anything here. this is my personal opinion on the trope, not the writers. if you like hanahaki, good for you. and if anyone who wants to explain why they like hanahaki, go ahead im willing to listen.

[casstars]

you do realize that industries often try to sweep any gay coded characters under the rug by stating they don't have interest at all right. you do realize asexuality is incredibly palatable for homophobes and has in fact been used to censor previously gay characters.

if this is intended as a counterargument, you entirely missed the point of the post. As an ace+arospec person who's also gay, I'm painfully aware of the usage of asexuality as a cheap way for homophobic creators and companies to, as you put it, "sweep gayness under the rug". Seeing part of my identity used to erase another part of my identity is hurtful and insulting and it's absolutely an issue that needs to be discussed. However, it's unrelated to what I'm taking about

What frustrates me is that aspec people already get so little representation in media (especially arospec people) and, like, you said, so much of it is just a lame excuse for characters to not be gay. It's incredibly rare for aspec characters to actually be portrayed well and respectfully in media. It's even more rare for media to truly explore our experiences and try to portray a more diverse depiction of love. And in the very rare occasion that we do get that representation, the fandom tends to erase it because, to quote an actual post I once saw, "it's not fair that they teased us by having (character a) show affection to (character b) and then ruined my ship by making them aro". This wasn't a case of someone being upset about gay erasure. This is coming from a piece of media that is unapologetically full of gay characters. The creators were, for once, actually trying to make aromantic people feel seen and validated by exploring the aro experience and discussing the importance of other kinds of love. It was incredibly refreshing to see, and it really helped me to realize that I don't need to force myself into a romantic relationship in order to lead a happy life. But, of course, we can't have nice things because people apparently can't enjoy or even respect anything that isn't about romance. Our society already pushes this idea that romance and sex are the Best Most Important Things and we need them in order to be whole or to have meaning, and I hate that fandom culture is reinforcing that concept.