#as a way to put themselves as superior over other acts

[lxciferuss]

Ms. Ackerman

Summary: Levi's newest Squad and yours are both bickering about the humanities strongest soldier's questionable relationship status. They however didn't imagine he'd be married, and to you out of all people.

Warnings: Husband!Levi x Fem!Captain!Wife!Reader. Swearing. Teenagers arguing about dumb stuff. Reader is around Levi's age so it's all legal. "S/N" stands for (your) Squad's Name. SFW!

English isn't my first language, so sorry for any mistakes. Enjoy!

The distant chatter echoed through the bricked walls to the main hall, where the members of Squad Levi, without their captain, were engaged on a—way too serious—debate about Levi's love-life. Not even the thick, tall wooden doors were able to muffle the constant screams of disagreement between the cadets.

"No! There's no way in hell he's even had his first kiss. Ever!" Connie argued against Mikasa, who was the most hopeful for her Captain and his private issues. She was sat between Eren and Armin, calmly sipping on a cup of freshly brewed coffee while silently enyojing the discussion.

"To be honest, I doubt anyone would ever want to be with him. Have you seen the way he glares at everybody?" Jean jumped in, his face contortioned into an expression of fear and disgust together. "I would not speak a word to him, man or woman."

"I highly doubt he'd even look your way, Jean. You might even be some sort of omen in his day to day." One of your soldiers said, entering the warm, barely lit room. The rest of your squad got in after him, sitting themselves down on the wooden table so to accompany the teenagers. Some others decided to prop themselves up against the wall as there was no space left on the benches.

"My condolences to whoever might be his partner." They all laughed together, even Sasha—who was previously too busy stealing away Connie's dinner to even listen.

"Who's partner are y'all bullying now?" Levi's tone was annoyed and raspy, he glared at the group of cadets that were out, past their bedtime, being obnoxiously loud despite their superior's orders to hush.

His squad froze in fear, stopping all movements as if he couldn't see them that way. Eren gulped, thick, wide eyes looking back at his captain.

Your squad just shut up, smug smiles still plastered all over their faces. They knew better than to try and explain themselves out of Levi's punishment.

"Go spend your time on something wise. This stupid bickering is gonna do nothing to that smooth brain of yours." He sighed, eyebrows knitted together on a deep frown. For times like this he almost regretted choosing a bunch of teens to be part of his mighty squad. Almost.

"I mean- C'mon Captain. When are you gonna tell us 'bout your love li- ow!" Springer held the back of his head, which had been smacked by Mikasa in an attempt to shut him up before he doomed them all.

"Hm?" Levi lifted an eyebrow, wide eyes looking at the group in front of him. He decided to go and make some tea in hopes of freeing himself from the situation.

"Like- Have you got a girlfriend...boyfriend...ever?" Jean spoke and his teamed groaned in defeat. Fifty laps around the training fields weren't sounding so terrible now.

Levi huffed, rolling his eyes as his lips touched the steaming hot liquid on his porcelain cup. He shook his head in disbelief, acting deaf to the questions.

"No offense, Captain, we just don't see you as someone who would have a romantic partner, that's all." Another soldier of yours spoke, nervously tapping their foot on the ground.

"Again, i do not see why my life should be a matter of yours." He sat down on the table besides the younger's, crossing his legs and resting his arm on the back of the wooden chair.

"Please! We want to know!" Sasha whined, mouth full of rice, which made Levi scrunch his nose up in disgust.

Another deep sigh left through his nose, deciding to answer the kids and put an end to the conversation asap.

"If I tell you, will you shut the fuck up?" He groaned, massing his temple with his free hand.

His squad and yours both beamed with happiness, nodding excitedly at the Captain's will to reveal a fact so private.

"Such a pain in the ass." He muttered under his breath, lowering his cup on the table. "I don't have a girlfriend."

Jean's laugh resonated through the walls, hitting Armin in the back and shaking him violently. "I was right! You heard, Mikasa? He doesn't even have a-"

"I'm married; I have a wife."

And suddenly, the room was silent. Mouths agape, the teens turned to look at him, expecting to see some sort of hint of lying on his face.

Levi resumed his tea-drinking, eager to get both teams back to their dorms sooner than ever.

"Sorry, I just- What kind of person would marry you?" A cadet of yours asked, her face still portraying a big shock.

"Why don't you ask your captain instead?"

"Ask me what?" You entered the room with a wide smile, all twelve soldiers automatically saluting. "Captain" you greeted Levi with a deeper voice. He nodded back to you.

"They were asking what kind of person would marry me." His grey eyes glinted as he looked at you, leather straps still attached around your body.

"Oh?" You let out a small giggle, sitting down on top of the table Levi was at, not bothering to pull out a chair. "And what kind of person do you think I am?"

If Jean's jaw was already on the floor, it would easily reach the cellar on the basement below them after the big revelation. Even your squad was a loss of words, exchanging glances between each other.

"Squad Levi, S/N, you are dismissed." Your smile widened at their faces.

"But-"

"Now." Levi's stern voice made everyone rush out of the dinning hall and get back to their dorm room.

"Time you set some limits." You shoved him in the shoulder, a smug grin adorning your lips.

"Time I get a new Squad." He murmured as you both got up and slowly left the hall too, enjoying the rare peace and quiet of the headquarters at night.

[madamtrashbat]

There's a concept Sawyer and I have witnessed in the music scene around here but can be applied broadly and we decided to call it

Weaponized Queerness

In which shitty people hide behind being queer to remove any and all responsibility for being shitty, or for use as a bludgeoning tool to silence the people who would criticize them for doing awful things by twisting it as if the only reason anyone is saying anything is because of queerphobia.

[i-drop-level-one-loot]

How to train your pet Human pt.2 (Yandere!Alien X GN!Reader)

part 1, part 3

CW: Abduction, imprisonment, yandere themes, death, pet/owner relationship, tickle torture, humiliation, sexual themes, angst

"There they are~" Kirtch bent to pick (Reader) up, lifting them easily like a child and carrying them with one hand under their butt. (Reader's) face scrunched up in embarrassment. They were wearing an ugly shirt, both baggy and synched tightly, flowy around the body but locked in place like a neck corset at the top and wrists. When Kirtch first presented the tacky gift, (Reader) had ran to hide, forcing Kirtch to wrestle the outfit onto them.

With all of the unnecessary buttons and ties, (Reader) was incapable of taking it off themselves, and was now sulking.

"I have a lot of duties today that cannot be completed in my office, so I thought you might enjoy coming with me so you don't have to be couped up alone." Kirtch gently knocked his forehead into (Reader's).

'Escape chance, escape chance, escape chance-' "Yeah, that sounds nice." (Reader) tried to contain their excitement, consciously aware of their heart beating loudly in their chest.

"Wonderful! I've packed a couple of toys to keep you occupied if you get bored, as well as snacks." He replied happily, seeming so pleased with himself as he briskly walked down the hall from his bedroom towards the main hall. The two passed by many other aliens walking up and down the corridors, none of whom seemed to be the same species as Kirtch. Everyone wore the same cloak, standing them out from the creatures in the shopping district, a uniform slightly lighter in color than Kirtch's. Most would pause while walking to rub a hand over where their noses should have been, and Kirtch would raise a hand in response.

"What are they doing?" (Reader) whispered.

"It is a sign of respect. I am their superior, so if they are not in a rush to get somewhere they are greeting me."

Fear tickled (Reader's) spine. "Are you guys in the military?"

Kirtch laughed, a high pitch clicking sound that almost sounded like a broken music box. "No. I'm just an upper level leader in our trading company."

They arrived in front of a decorated wall, and Kirtch squeezed (Reader) a little while smiling. "Now this is a very important meeting, I need you to be as quiet as possible, okay?"

(Reader) huffed. "I'm not a child."

"I know you aren't. You're a very sweet pet, who is most definitely a grown adult human."

They felt humiliated. It had been almost a month since they were bought by Kirtch, and they did everything in their power to not anger him or appear as though they needed "release". (Reader) constantly watched and waited for the perfect escape attempt, while fighting off Kirtch's affections in as non threatening a way as possible. Like they were emulating a cat. (Reader's) skin burned, but they held back their tongue.

The wall opened, revealing a board room (at least that's what (Reader) assumed it was), a bare room only decorated with a long table surrounded by stools. Kirtch sat (Reader) on the floor and pulled out a sack from the inside of his cloak. While they didn't want to immediately act the part of a good pet, (Reader) was curious as to what was in the bag. The first thing they pulled out, however, was a taxidermied cat. (Reader's) eyes widened, and they couldn't contain their anxiety, shaking as they stared into the cat's glass eyes. Was this some kind of threat?

"Do you like it? I've been meaning to buy you more human toys, so I thought you would appreciate a stuffed animal." Realizing that the 'gift' was not malicious, the nervousness immediately dissolved into mental fatigue.

"Oh. I get it. Stuffed animal. Yeah." They put the animal back in the bag, hoping Kirtch didn't think their exhausted smile was permission to buy more dead bodies.

More aliens entered the room, greeting Kirtch before taking their seats. (Reader) couldn't understand what the meeting was about, since they were all speaking in Kirtch's native tongue, but their voices and faces were tense. The meeting went on for well over an hour, but (Reader) found it surprisingly entertaining, dubbing over their conversation inside their mind like Mystery Science Theater, chuckling with how wild their hand movements were. It was very human of them.

(Reader) fucked up, accidently snorting at one of the angrier aliens. Although they didn't understand the language, one of his sentences sounded awfully like "Pineapple farts", and with how intense his face was, it made it seem like he was describing how his ass felt. Their sound was so quiet it was almost inaudible, but the alien still noticed and spun his head in (Reader's) direction so quickly his exoskeleton creaked. (Reader) bit their lip to hide a smile, turning away from the conference to pretend to munch on their fruit (?) slices.

The irate alien began ranting louder, and (Reader) caught a word they had heard from a few of the underlings they had been introduced to. Bah-blk. Human.

Shit.

They snuck a glance towards the group very slowly to view Kirtch's expression, worried they may have angered him by interrupting the meeting. And indeed, his almost perfectly flat face was pulled into a scowl, but it wasn't aimed at (Reader).

"(Reader), pet, could you come here for a moment?"

His voice was light and smooth, as it always was when speaking to (Reader), but Kirtch's face was grave as he refused to break eye contact with the alien in front of him; said alien's shell glistened like he was sweating under Kirtch's glare. (Reader), not wanting to be punished later, left their spot on the floor and shuffled over to their owner. Kirtch pulled (Reader) into his lap the second they were within his reach, still staring daggers at the poor alien across the table.

He spoke to the offender, holding (Reader) lovingly with one arm as if to make a point. The man was panicked, waving his arms and sweating profusely, sounding apologetic. It wasn't enough, whatever it was he was saying. He referenced (Reader) as Bah-blk again, and then he was dead.

Before (Reader) could understand what it was that Kirtch had pulled out of his robe, a soundless shot was fired across the table, green blood splattering across the wall as the alien's head was pierced by some kind of projectile.

Everyone turned away, unsurprised by the killing. It was a lukewarm reaction, as though this wasn't the first time they witnessed someone die at Kirtch's hand. The body fell, head slamming into the table with a wet thud.

(Reader) didn't know what he had said, but to kill him... It was jarring. The young adult hadn't payed any attention to the tears dripping down their chin until Kirtch wiped them off. The roughness of his hand startled (Reader), making them flinch away from his touch.

For the rest of the meeting (Reader) couldn't pry their eyes away from the dead body lying across from them. It was a nightmare seemingly without an end, staring at a corpse while his murderer held (Reader) tenderly, rubbing his thumb on their side absentmindedly while discussing business with colleagues like it was a regular Tuesday.

If (Reader) was more aware, they would be disgusted with themselves for not fighting Kirtch as he picked them up to go back to their room, but they just wanted to go back to the safety of their *bed*, and couldn't force their brain to focus on anything else.

The bed was more like a twin sized pillow nestled in a metal cage, but it was soft and felt secure, like when (Reader) was young and thought that hiding under their blanket would protect them from the shadow people in their closet.

"Are you alright, (Reader)?" Kirtch asked, his voice full of concern.

(Reader) curled up, pulling the blanket tight over their face.

Kirtch sighed, and crouched down by (Reader's) bed. "(Reader), please don't be upset with me. If this is about my colleague, please know that what I did was necessary."

"Murder is never necessary."

"He tried to accuse me of not being.. as invested in the job as I should be. And that the reason for my lack of dedication was you. He used very strong language." Kirtch placed a hand on (Reader's) back. "I told him not to disrespect you. Yet he continued."

(Reader) began crying, shaking under Kirtch's touch. "Are you saying that I'm the reason he's dead?"

"Oh, pet.." Kirtch sighed again, pulling (Reader) out of the fetal position and into his arms. "I've always been incredibly interested in humanity. When I was a young child, there was a 'book' in my father's study about primitive species, and that's how I learned about humans. Did you know that you and I experience life differently from one another? Our brains function differently. We have different pain receptors; our brains' physiology are almost nothing alike; the diseases humans are capable of developing simply for existing are concepts we've never had to worry about. Even how we perceive the color spectrum, humans are so unlike any other sentient species I have met."

"I was so fascinated by Earth, especially by humans. We are not allowed to visit Earth as it is a restricted area, so much of what we know is recorded knowledge from captured defectors. My chances of meeting a human were next to none. Then, we had to dock in Dol-Hu, a shady planet only inhabited by criminals and those in hiding. And wandering through the market, I saw you."

"The one thing I've always wanted, for the past seventy years, I recognized you as a human immediately, even though you were so much cuter than I could have expected. You're so soft, and fragile, in comparison to my armoured flesh. You were bent over, but I knew from descriptions I had memorized what you were. As one who has always loved Earth, I am fluent in every Earth language we know of, so I was excited to communicate with you. I was so eager to have a piece of humanity. And now here you are."

(Reader) rolled over, their heart clenching painfully as they looked up into Kirtch's sadly smiling face. "I wonder what I look like through your eyes."

Their heart began doing somersaults in their throat as the tears continued flowing.

"You may have been the only human I've ever known, but I can say with confidence that you must have been the best humanity had to offer. I only want to give you the best life possible."

(Reader) wrapped their arms around Kirtch's midsection, sobbing loudly. His body didn't bend or squish under the full strength of (Reader's) embrace. And that was how (Reader) fell asleep, crying themselves into a nap.

When they awoke, they were alone, lying in the bed with the cat tucked into their arms. (Reader) left the room to find Kirtch at his desk, working on paperwork. The giant heard (Reader) behind him, and turned his attention on them, smiling as he held out his arms in an offer to pick them up. And much to his surprise, (Reader) willingly entered into his embrace, and allowed him to set them on his lap without pouting or making a fuss.

"I have a few more documents to look over, then I can play with you, okay?"

"Okay." Their voice was quiet and monotone, (Reader's) mind still fuzzy from crying so much before falling asleep.

"Are you still upset? Is there anything I can do to make you happy?"Kirtch laid down his work, trapping (Reader) in his arms.

"No.. you can continue working."

"You're more important than my work. I consider your unhappiness to be a crises."

Worry began to prick at (Reader's) skin. "I'm really fine, we don't need to play!"

"Need?"

Memories of the day (Reader) was bought flashed through their mind, causing them to go red and hot as they started to squirm in Kirtch's embrace. "I-I- didn't mean it like that!"

One hand left (Reader's) body to grab something from Kirtch's desk. "Don't fret, I recently purchased a new toy I thought would bring you joy."

(Reader's) eyes bulged out as they froze in anticipation, their heart hammering in their chest. But what Kirtch retrieved did not appear safe to go near any genitalia, a strange contraption formed of multiple thin prongs on a handle. Embarrassed that they had assumed something sexual was about to happen, (Reader) bit the inside of their cheek, puzzling over the strange discomfort they were feeling. "What's that?"

Kirtch raised (Reader's) shirt, and dragged the device across their skin, causing an involuntary shudder. It tickled.

"Ah! No!" (Reader) accidentally laughed, trying to push Kirtch away. He trailed the toy from their pelvic area visible above their pants to their left armpit. The light tingling sensation forcibly clenched their stomach muscles as they let loose a howl of laughter.

They couldn't breathe correctly, laughing so hard that their spasming abdominals made it feel like they were choking. But they couldn't stop, begging Kirtch to "knock it off" while their cheeks hurt from the smile they had. That damn toy tickled every inch of their body, not even noticing when Kirtch removed their pants. They kicked futilely, unable to break free from the assault. Their sensitive skin was almost becoming painful to the touch, but the laughter only got louder.

"pleASE! KIRTCH, stop!!" (Reader) heaved. Their whole body felt tender, highly reactive to each touch. Which made them aware of the fact that the only thing separating them from Kirtch's lap was a thin pair of underpants. With how they had been writhing on his lap, they were relieved that Kirtch didn't seem to have a dick that could become aroused from such movements.

(Reader's) smile fell. I have no idea how Kirtch's species reproduces. Maybe he can get erections, but he won't get one for me because he sees me as a pet. An animal. Their heart turned to concrete as it dropped out of its cage.

Kirtch halted his attack when he saw (Reader) go limp. "Are you tuckered out, pet?"

(Reader) tried to slide off his lap like jelly. "I'm done playing. I want to go back to bed."

"Alright, my stubborn little grump, what is it now? You were all smiles but a second ago, so what is it plaguing your mind?"

They tried to scrunch up their nose to prevent more tears from sheepishly forming. "I'm not a pet. I'm a human. I want to be treated like an equal!"

Kirtch's smile was replaced by a hurt scowl. "Is it so unpleasant being my pet?"

"No!" (Reader) interjected, not understanding why it pained them so much to see Kirtch upset, "I just want to, I just.. I don't know. This is confusing, and it feels.. weird. You're really nice to me, and sometimes it feels like... but then other times you treat me like I'm a cat. This isn't what I want. Either be a bastard and treat me like an animal or treat me like-" Their words caught in their throat. Treat me like what?!

A fearful kiss was placed on their forehead, ghostly with hardly any pressure. Kirtch's hands trembled on (Reader's) sides. "All I wish is to adore you for the rest of your life."

He pulled (Reader) into his chest, petting their back in a comforting manner. "I'll give you anything you ask for, I'll do anything you ask of me. Just to keep you happy, with me. You are all that I've ever wanted. All I wish is to care for you, and spend all my attention on you. If there is anything you want, please ask me. I need you to love me."

(Reader) felt so confused. Like a squid was destroying their gut, everything was uncomfortable and scary. They knew that Kirtch viewed them as a pet, he loved them how (Reader) loved their family dog as a child. But when they heard him begging for their love, it made them wish for an odd moment that he wasn't an alien. That (Reader) was sitting on their boyfriend's lap right now, a strange human man who sometimes infantalized them but only out of affection. Why couldn't this be simple? Why did (Reader) want him to kiss them right at that moment?

"I want to go home. I want to meet someone kind and fall in love." (Reader's) words stabbed Kirtch in places he never knew could hurt.

"I can't do that, (Reader)..." Kirtch's embrace constricted almost painfully tight. "You're all I've ever wanted. You can't ask me to let you go. I'll take such good care of you, you'll see. I have the rest of your life to make you fall in love with me."

They sat there, holding one another in agonizing silence, both loving each other in a way that they couldn't explain. The way their brains functioned didn't just mean that Kirtch could see a wider range of colors than (Reader), but the way their species experienced love was too vastly different for the other to comprehend. Despite Kirtch wanting to own (Reader), that was the greatest love he had ever felt, since his species did not pair bond and only mated when two beings agreed amicably that they wished to procreate. He knew that humans felt many forms of love, love for a mate, love for their offspring, love for a friend.. but to something that never felt any of those forms of love, Kirtch couldn't understand the difference between them.

"I love you, my little pet. And I will always love you."

[vivmaek]

MARS SIGN OBSERVATIONS

♂ Pisces Mars - I think Lennie Small from “Of Mice and Men,” would have this placement. This is a person who is seemingly harmless, and yet they still managed to cause harm and destruction through indirect action. When looking at someone with a Pisces Mars, their innocence and an assumed lack of strength is noticed first. These are kind people. They would rather harm themselves over another person. Their first instinct isn’t to attack, but to defend. When angry, they appear to be caught up within a panic. A Pisces Mars is driven by their big dreams. They might not always know what they want out of life, and their goals and ambitions may change frequently. This does not mean that they are incapable of finding success. If anything, their unwavering belief in themselves and their ability to achieve the impossible is what takes them to great heights. Hope is everything for someone with this placement, it’s what gets them out of bed in the morning. 

♂ Aquarius Mars - It's hard to pin someone with this placement down. Their actions don’t make sense to other people. Aquarius does a good job showing its eccentricity through Mars. The rules of society and the opinions of others do not dictate their actions. These types are constantly surprising people, and they like this. The public will often speculate about those with an Aquarius Mars. Theories are formed about them, no one can guess what they’re going to do next. In my opinion, this is the most rebellious Aquarius placement. They live their life in a manner that is truly unconventional. People with this placement are not aggressive, but they are clever. They like outsmarting people. A sense of superiority can sometimes act as a driving force. They go out of their way to make the people around them feel stupid if they’re in a foul mood. Their need for independence will never be forsaken. 

♂ Capricorn Mars - Hard work doesn’t scare these people off. They’ll put in whatever energy is needed to complete a project or endeavor. A strong sense of ambition and an excellent sense of focus are traits commonly seen with this placement. They’re quite secure in themselves and exercise self control through all their actions. Discipline motivates them. They take their responsibilities seriously and expect others to do the same. A Capricorn Mars goes above and beyond what is expected of them. They do this through a step-by-step process and practical planning. Cutting corners or taking the easy way out is something you’d never catch them doing. These types want to maintain control over every aspect of their life. They become angry when plans are thrown into a disarray through unexpected events. “Going with the flow,” is not a strong suit of theirs. Their need for security is what motivates them. 

♂ Sagittarius Mars - People with this placement are incredibly restless. They lack patience and need many different outlets to pour their energy into. They are easy going but are also quickly overtaken by passion. Crossing their moral beliefs is a good way to get them riled up. They like to believe that their opinions are more intellectual than they are emotional. When angry they like to get up on a soap box to lecture people. When people don’t agree with them, it can sometimes feel like criticism. They also don’t consider how their tendency to dish out brutal honesty may actually be more hurtful than it is impactful. They often act as a spark that ignites fire, in both a positive and a negative way.

♂ Scorpio Mars - The definition of “moving in silence.” Lots of people claim to do this, but a Scorpio Mars wouldn’t be caught making such a claim. They’re smarter than that. They know that hardship and struggle are inevitable. This does not scare them, but they also don’t fight against the natural currents of life. During certain points, their sense of ambition is so relentless that it becomes obsessive. But, this can only last so long. Rest and recuperation is a process they embrace. After acting on an immense level of concentration for a long period of time, they will need to take a step back to reassess goals. Rather than just accepting things for the way they are, a Scorpio Mars would rather make changes. If they feel that a path is ill-suited for them, they’re not afraid to change directions. Starting from zero is not discouraging and it is something that motivates these types. They have the power to turn nothing into something great. 

♂ Libra Mars - Mars is uncomfortable being in Libra. People with this placement often struggle with taking action and are as indecisive as they come. They get caught up in what's fair and what isn’t. They have a strong need to strike equality and want every situation to be as balanced as possible. Some might be surprised to know that the ultimate desire for these types is to garner a sense of peace. They might unintentionally stir the pot through their inability to take a strong stance on something. They want to weigh all the options possible and can become stressed trying to do so. Being passive-aggressive is also something that's frequently seen with this placement. These types think they’re being nice when in reality they’re making people uncomfortable through their fear of being direct. They’re sneaky when faced with conflict but also good at leading people into a resolution. 

[roosterr]

white flag ✹ proglogue

note: can't believe i'm actually writing for ghost, yes he was the reason i got into cod, but i havent thought about him since like january lol. has this trope already been done? yes. am i doing it anyway? also yes.

pairing: ghost x gn!reader

wc: 2.2k

no use of y/n readers callsign is 'stingray'

summary: if there's one constant in your life, it's that ghost doesn't like you, so when your house burns down and you have no choice but to move in with him, it feels like your life is on a steady downhill spiral.

warnings: slowburn, some angst, your house burns down, ghost is mean, sort of enemies to friends to lovers

ao3

【next】

it's been almost a year since you'd joined the taskforce. nearly twelve months of gruelling hard work, and not for a single second had lieutenant ghost treated you with a shred of familiarity. at first, you thought he'd get over it, that he'd get past his obvious trust issues and warm up to you eventually, but you quickly gave up on that idea.

clearly, you'd been too optimistic.

which was unfortunate, considering how much you'd come to care for the prickly bastard, no matter how dismissive he was of you. it started slow; when you were first recruited, you held a great deal of respect for him because of his reputation, and you'd naively even looked forward to working with him. when you discovered his less than friendly demeanour, to say you were disheartened would be an understatement. he was withdrawn and stoic, never sparing you so much as a passing glance and a barked order,  whether you were in the field or not.

the other sergeants had assured you that he wasn't as cold as he comes across; soap and gaz both told you how he'd acted the same towards them when they first met – he was a lone wolf, not used to having to look out for teammates.

the more time you spent on missions with him, the more you saw of the person beneath the hard exterior. you saw how he seemed to know everyone's strengths and weaknesses, things you never would've picked up on. he always made sure the team had eaten, disguised as a gruff order to stay on your game. when he got angry, it would be because someone put themselves in danger, not because they screwed up the mission. you saw someone who'd been through hell and come out the other side swinging.

before, you'd respected ghost as a soldier and your superior, but now, after spending so much time with him, your perspective of him has changed. he intrigued you; he's quiet, introverted but not shy, more observant than you could imagine, and so closely guarded you wondered if he'd ever be able to open up. you'd only heard whispers of the things he'd been through in the past, so despite his obvious animosity towards you, you treated him with the respect you thought he deserved – like a person, and you'd hoped that with time, he could see you as more than just a soldier too. though he still didn't like you, you liked to think that the two of you have come to some sort of understanding.

and that leads you to your problem; you wanted to know him. every tiny crack in his facade made you more and more curious about the man behind the mask – about simon, rather than ghost, but from what you could tell, he didn't hold the same sentiment about you. where he would banter back and forth with the others over comms, he'd fall silent whenever you join in. every minute little mistake was amplified to him, you've lost count of the amount of times he's berated you for things he's excused for others. it made your heart ache that you just couldn't win with him, and you feared you'd never understand why.

but now, as you sit shivering with a shock blanket wrapped around your shoulders, watching the smouldering remains of what was your home in the middle of the night, freezing and exhausted, you'd never felt more hated.

you could hear them, ghost and the captain, talking in hushed voices a little ways down the road from where you sit. they probably think they're being subtle, discussing what to do with you like you're not even there, like every single one of your worldly possessions hadn't just gone up in smoke, but you hear them as if they're standing right in front of you.

"i wouldn't do this if there were any other options, simon."

"there are plenty of other options, just stick 'em in a hotel for god's sake."

"there's no hotels close enough to base – it'll only be temporary, 'till we can find 'em somewhere else."

"fuckin' hell, why cant they go with one of the others?"

"soap and gaz are already flatmates, you live alone and you're the closest to base. this is the only option that makes sense."

"i'm not fuckin' happy about this, price."

their profiles are momentarily illuminated by the blue lights from the fire engine parked nearby, allowing you for a second to see the withering glare ghost is sending your way, and all of a sudden the last couple hours of emotional distress is crashing down on you; his obvious distaste for you combined with the toll of watching your house literally burning down was too much for you all at once. you could feel the tears start to spill over again, but you can’t find the strength to stop them and just bring the shock blanket closer to your face. you’d lost everything, and even now he couldn’t find it in himself to feel an ounce of compassion for you? why can’t he care for you like he does the others? like you do for him?

as your watery gaze drops to the soot and ash covering your pyjamas, a voice sounds from beside you, the opposite direction from price and ghost. you don’t even realise you’re hyperventilating until they lay a hand on your shoulder and rub soothing circles into your back.

“hey– hey, it’s okay,” it’s gaz, you notice in the back of your mind, sitting on the curb next to you. you squeeze your eyes shut in an attempt to block out the world around you, and gaz brings you closer into his embrace. “you’ll be alright, we’ll get everything sorted, yeah?”

"i– i don't– i can't–" you try to speak, but you can't seem to form a coherent sentence through your sobbing.

"it's alright, just breathe for me." gaz hugs you tighter again, your head coming to rest on his shoulder as he consoles you. for a few minutes you stay like that, your breathing eventuslly returning to normal and the tears slowing to a stop.

price and ghost are still arguing, but you can't hear what they're saying anymore; probably for the best, if you had to listen to ghost complain about you for one more second you might really have a breakdown.

soap's voice cuts through the fog in your mind, "managed to find this, thought ya' might want it." you look up to find him crouching in front of you and holding out a slightly singed photo, a weak smile on his face. "frame's broken, but the picture's still mostly fine."

you take it from him, fingers grasping the card gently as you turn it around to look at the picture. it's from a few years ago, you and your friends from your previous unit, smiling into the camera as if you had no worries at all. staring at the ghosts of your friends starts you crying again, clutching the photo to your chest and leaning back into gaz's shoulder. if anything could've survived the blaze, you're grateful it was this. gaz rubs your arm sofly, whispering comforting words to you again.

you hear another set of footsteps approach and look up again to see price now standing in front of you as well. it's not exactly surprising, but ghost is nowhere to be seen.

"ambulance is here," price says, offering you a hand and pulling you to your feet when you take it. "i'll follow behind to the hospital, one of you two take their car to simon's."

you nod and retrieve your car keys from your jacket pocket, thankful you'd had the mind to grab it on your way out in your frantic state.

"I've got a bag in the boot, it's got some clothes in it." you mutter, handing the keys to soap, who smiles and gives you a pat on the shoulder.

"no bother, i'll grab it for ya." he says, and jogs off to where your car was parked, thankfully untouched out of reach of the fire. he returns not a minute layer carrying your duffle of emergency supplies, something you never thought would actually come in handy.

before you know it you're waving gaz and soap goodbye, the paramedics are guiding you to the back of the ambulance, and you're leaving what remains of your old home in the rear-view mirror.

✹✹✹

you hated hospitals. it was a fact, and it had been that way since you were a child, everything about them just made your skin crawl. perhaps you inherited the feeling from your mother; she always managed to bring up her distaste for the place whenever the topic arose. or, maybe you only hated them because they scared you.

either way, the relief you felt as you stepped out of the front door into the car park with price trailing behind you was palpable. he falls into step next to you as the two of you make your way over to where he parked, his keys jingling as he fishes them from his pocket.

"we're puttin' you up with simon for the time being, 'till we can get you somewhere else." his words make you wince; you already knew he was going to say that, but it didn't stop the anxiety from bubbling up in your chest.

"i heard." a beat of silence passes before you continue. "how long will that take?" you ask, climbing into the passenger seat and dropping your bag at your feet as price settles into the driver's side.

"i wouldn't get your hopes up. might be quicker to wait for 'em to rebuild your old place." he flashes you a smile, but you can't find it in yourself to return the gesture.

"right."

neither of you say another word as he starts the engine and pulls out of the car park. you turn to look out the window, watching the world go by, the quiet rambling of the radio serving as white noise in the background. it's the early hours of the morning now, the sun would be up in a few hours and you'd have to go back to work already – price did say you could have the day off, but honestly the last thing you wanted was to sit around all day with nothing to do but overthink.

after nearly ten minutes of trying to ignore it, the worry playing at your mind becomes too much to keep to yourself.

"you know he hates me, right?" you utter, half expecting price to ignore your question all together.

he clicks his tongue. "he doesn't hate you," price replies, and his voice sounds reassuring but it doesn't bring you much comfort.

"okay, well, he doesn't like me either." you turn your head to look at him, raising your brows. rolling to a stop at a red light, he meets your eyes and huffs.

"alright, he can be difficult–"

"really?"

"–but i promise you, he doesn't hate you." he says. you give him a disbelieving look, and he sighs, looking back to the road as the light turns green. "give him a chance, alright?"

"is he gonna give me a chance?" 

"he will." price says firmly, sparing you a look as he drives down the quiet road. "and if he doesn't, you'll knock some sense into him, eh?"

"sure…" you mutter, looking back out the window and falling back into silence. its only a few minutes until he's pulling over to the side of the road, outside the house number you know to be ghost's.

"sting," price calls out, stopping you as you reach for the door handle, "he'll come around, alright?"

"it's been a year, cap. i don't think he will." you reply, and before he can say anything else you open the door and step out into the night air, grabbing your bag from your feet before closing the door again. you give price a half-hearted wave as he pulls away again, before turning around and gazing up at your – temporary – new home.

it was nice, all things considered; a standard terrace on the end of the row, but the size has you wondering if there was even room for you to stay here. though it's not as if you have a choice. all the lights were off, which had you hopeful that you wouldn't run into ghost just yet.

you drag yourself to the front door, your eyes stinging from the effort of keeping them open, and twist the handle as quietly as possible, closing it behind you and cringing at the clunk it makes. thankfully ghost didn't hate you enough to lock you out for the night, something you actually wouldn't put past him considering how he feels about you.

there's a small side table in the entryway that catches your attention. on top of it sits your car keys – you make a mental note to thank soap in the morning – a new key, and a note. you pick up the paper, using the torch from your phone to examine the scratchy handwriting.

living room's yours. lock the door. – s

it's more than you expected from him. you sigh to yourself and pick up the other key, locking the door and shuffling into the small living room. the pull-out bed is made up for you, albeit quite messily, and you waste no time in dropping your stuff and laying your head down on the lumpy pillow.

with any luck, this arrangement wouldn't last long, but in the meantime you got the feeling you were in for a bumpy ride.

[diejager]

Can i make a request?

i thought of this yesterday what about y/n or the reader has been in 141 for 2 years now and one day 141 gets a new member konig but y\n or the reader is 26 and konig is 19 i feel like this has to be done😍😍

also konig: shy,sweet,tall,big,puppy like for the reader

reader: small,short,sassy,mommy🤭🤭

PLEASEEEE!!!!!

Young Cw: major canon divergence, bullying, intimidation, beating, protective reader, tell me if I missed any.

He hated attention, having people stare at him because he was tall —unnaturally so, towering over everyone despite his young age and timid and anti-social demeanour. He was grateful, really, after Laswell called in some favours to have him transferred from his platoon to a British Task Force as a trainee, someone on probation while he trained and learned how to integrate with the team. He worked well with them, the tall and muscular battering ram that opened up a path and shocked the enemy, working flawlessly beside to team, and yet, he couldn’t work up the energy or want to socialise with them, to open himself up and let them see the raw and softer part of his mind.

That, however, was the least of his problems, they were cordial - nice - with him, Soap and Gaz even went out of their way to include him in their banter, throwing jokes and good-minded laughs, Price acted as the protective figure of his team and extended it to him, Ghost - ever silent and glaring - didn’t mind looming over others and growling orders when someone overwhelmed him, and you were no stranger to threats and blackmail to get someone off his back. His problem, the biggest one, were the envious glares and insulting hisses older soldiers threw at him in hushed tones and occasionally glances when he found himself alone, either training or walking around.

Even in a place where he could let out all his aggression and pent up frustration, he was still victim to bullying, verbal rather than physical, no one would dare lay a hand on him when he was the youngest of the Task Force and under their protective eye. Despite the shielding from brutality, other men still found time and places to openly beat him down with demeaning and aggressive words, belittling his exploits, his awards and all his hard work to escape the hell of his little village (his Mutter was the only exception, he willingly went back on Holidays to see her).

“Look at that giant freak. Reckon he’d break if we put too much weight on him.”

“Bastard’s only here because he’s tall, that’s all he’s good at.”

“Aye, makes sense, never liked him. He might be a nepo baby, pop’s probably a powerful man.”

His Vater was a piece of shit that left him long before he was born, leaving his Mutter to fend for herself and rot away to feed and provide for him until he joined the army to care for her.

He didn’t want to give them more fuel, to retaliate meant more bullying, he learned that the hard way as a child. All König could do was take and take until they got bored, walking away from him to busy themselves with something else. That didn’t mean he didn’t get mad, frustrated or insulted, his hands curling into fists to hold itself back from pummelling them, they were his superiors, he’d be discharged or thrown out for hitting his superiors, especially since he was a foreigner and still new.

“Fuckin’ bastard is glaring.”

He was unknowingly glaring at them, he couldn’t help it, then he turned away, his gaze wandering to the floor before they’d escalate it. He heard one of them spit something out before he stomped towards König, shoulders and chest pushed out to seem bigger than they actually were in an attempt to intimidate him. Standing before him, he felt someone raise their fist, ready to strike him for simply glaring at them after months of being subjected to their intimidation. He was ready to stop them if needed, not a pushover or someone who’d take a beating quietly, eyes cued on the raised arm of an older man, but then he fell, moaning loudly as he fell to his knees.

“The fuck do you think you’re doing, huh?!” You appeared behind him, yelling out at the man you just kicked.

They were as surprised to see you, their faces draining of colour as the others scrambled to come up with an excuse. You snuck up on him as much as you did on them, using his height and size to your advantage to land your blow. You moved to stand before him, a shield to a man as tall as he was, protecting him with a vicious glare and damning words, and somehow, he found himself gripping onto the back of your jacket, your name printed on the back and the Task Force’s insignia on your sleeve.

“He was disrespecting us, Lieutenant!”

You didn’t hold back your disbelief, scoffing so loudly that other people had turned their attention to your group.

“Disrespecting? Do you take me for an idiot, Corporal? I’m no blind,” your words were silencing, sending them panicking for another reason to excuse their actions, something disbelieving or idiotic, “This isn’t the first time I’ve written you up to HR, Corporal Matt, Davis, Brown. You’ve done this many times with other operators, especially to König.”

“That’s because-”

“Save your fucking excuses and fuck off!” You nodded away, watching them scramble off.

Glee and smugness filled him, a disgusting feeling that he couldn’t help but enjoy, even as you huff and turn to look at him, head craned upwards to meet his eyes with soft adoration. You were always so warm and caring, as if you weren’t made to be the ruthless killer people made you out to be, but he’d seen you kill, the cold and calculated look in your eyes when you were deployed. You patted his arm, a smile gracing your lips as you reassured him that they wouldn’t bother him anymore.

”Time for dinner, yeah?”

He learned the next day that they were transferred to another base, seen packing up their bags with black eyes and bruises littering their bodies. Sparring, he heard from whispers, from one at to another, the word spread and he found his days quiet and anxiety-free.

“Danke, Leutnantin.”

“You know my name, König. I think you’ve earned the right to say it.”

Taglist: @sae1kie @yeoldedumbslut @bvxygriimes @distracteddragoness @konigsblog @im-making-an-effort @daisychainsinknots @0alk0msan @danielle143 @dont-mind-me-just-existing-sadly @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @notspiders @brokenpieces-72 @petwifed @aldis-nuts @randominstake @cassiecasluciluce @hayleybarnesx @shironasumi

[iliketangerines]

You should Do a stripper Reader X kaui linag (idk how to spell it ;-; but make it a smut to!!

heat of the moment

a/n: not exactly a stripper, but like, you're a dancer so whatever

pairing: kuai liang x afab!reader

warnings: nsfw (MDNI), cowboy, porn with feelings, a little angst

Kuai Liang watches you from his spot in the room, how you twirl and dance on the stage, perfect and practiced moves moving in sync with the ribbons in your hand

today was a celebration of the Mid-Autumn Festival at the Lin Kuei, dancers and warriors putting on their best shows of their own unique talents

the chefs had truly outdone themselves today, mooncakes and spring rolls and dumplings along with an assortment of different kinds of dishes filling every table

and right now, you’re up on the stage, dressed in beautiful reds and golds, moving upon the stage like a flame flickering in the wind

Kuai Liang adjusts himself in his seat, eyes focused on you, hands held together in his lap, and he watches and observes how you move

you move just like you do as a warrior, fluid but sharp in your strikes, but there’s a certain lightness to your steps when you dance, as if the world was lifted off your shoulders

he wonders if you find dance as an escape, like how he finds his training as an escape from the scrutinizing gaze of the grandmaster and the trainees

he wonders if you find him as an escape, the small moments in the hidden closets, in the dark of the night in your room, muffled sounds and heat building

it doesn’t matter right now, not when you balance precariously on one foot, the music slowly dwindling down as the orchestra flips the final page

you look him right in the eyes as you hold your pose, not a single waver or tremble in your pose as you stare directly at him, and then the music starts again

breaking eye contact with the assassin, you finish the last stretch of your routine and end it spectacularly, not that anyone expected any less

the dining hall fills with the stomping of feet and clapping hands as they cheer for your act, and you bow gracefully on the stage, breathing hard as you catch your breath

Kuai Liang cannot look away from you even as you walk off the stage and join the crowd of Lin Kuei dressed in bright reds and golds

and yet even in the crowd, you stand out, your outfit so vastly different than the others, and you seem to radiate light, like the moon in the dark night sky, shining and brighter than every star in the galaxy

he manages to tear his eyes away from you in the crowd when Bi Han stands up next to him and gives a speech about the well-being of the Lin Kuei

it was the same speech recycled year after year with slight modifications, and Kuai Liang tunes out the speech to bring his eyes back onto you

you stare right back at him, uncaring of your grandmaster addressing all of you, and slightly tilt your head as Kuai Liang retains eye contact with you

an invitation to your bed, to celebrate another successful year of the Lin Kuei, to forget about the stress about being Lin Kuei, he would never know

but he will always take your invitation because he craved you, to see you, to know you, to love you

on the other hand, he knows that he is your superior, that the relationship the two of you have was dubious at best, that he held power over you

never would Kuai Liang try and abuse it, to make you his wife or his concubine, but still, it is a rocky relationship that both you and he traverse carefully and cautiously

the speech ends, the celebration continuing, bellies becoming full, the drinks flowing freely, the moon passing high into the sky

only when Bi Han dismisses Kuai Liang does the assassin finally leave, but he heads to your room, still dressed in his ceremonial wear

he opens the door to your room, closes it behind him, lets the flame in his palm light the way to your simple bedroll in the corner of the room

sitting down on it, he folds his palms over his lap and waits patiently, closing his eyes and keeping his breathing even

footsteps pass in the hallway, of drunken warriors heading to their rooms, laughing with their friends or groaning from how much they had drinken and eaten

what feels like a lifetime passes, until finally, he hears your familiar gait wandering down the hallways and opening the door to your bedroll

Kuai Liang opens his eyes as you shut the door behind you, and he watches the pale light of the moon barely light your figure as you walk towards him

no words are exchanged as you stand before him, and he stands up to meet your gaze

your fingers softly grab onto the knots holding his ceremonial dress together, and you move slow as you unbutton each knot, eyes never meeting his, focusing on the task before you to undress him

his hands settle themselves on your hips, and he sighs at the warmth of your body underneath his palms

even though he could wield fire, you always warmed him better than he could himself, and he enjoyed when he just got to touch you, to feel you underneath his fingertips, even through the clothing you were wearing

your hands are quick, nimble, practiced as you undo the knots on his clothing and slip off the first layer

you make quick work of the other thin layers, folding them neatly and settling them on the small dresser in your room

in almost no time at all, he is undressed fully except for his underwear, and then you stop, looking at him expectantly

Kuai Liang knows what to do, and his own hands move up from your waist to unbutton and unclip every part of your costume

he wishes he could light a candle, to flick on the light so that he could fully admire every inch of skin exposed as he undresses you

but neither does he want to part from your closeness, and so he stays rooted in place, taking your clothing and folding it nicely and placing it next to his own ceremonial clothing on the dresser

you’re dressed in only one layer, but it feels like an eternity as Kuai Liang breathes out and drinks in the sight of every sliver of skin exposed on your body

and yet you stand ever so patiently in the room, eyes focused on where his fingers touch, and when he finally takes off your clothing, only left in your underwear, do you move

you place your hands on his chest, pushing him backwards to sit down and then lay back on your bed roll, and he lets you take the reins

straddling his hips, you finally lean down and kiss him, soft lips melding to his own, and Kuai Liang sighs into your mouth, the craving in his chest dwindling as he has you

no matter how many times he kissed you, in cramped closets, in the plush silk sheets of his room, in the hard bedroll of your room, he would never tire of tasting you

all the warmth he ever needed in the world was you, as long as you kept kissing him he would never need air, as long as you were with him, he would go everywhere

but you pull away to catch your own breath as you grind down onto him, and his hands settle onto your hips to hold you help move you back and forth

you let him move you back and forth ever so slightly as you kiss him, one of your hands cupping his cheek and the other on his shoulder for balance

a slow sort of heat curls up in Kuai Liang’s chest, and he hopes you feel something too whenever you kiss him, he never knew what you were thinking

especially in the dark like this, your face shrouded by the darkness of the night, one of the few rules you had put in place, you must always be in the dark whenever your agreement would come into action

but still, even if he couldn’t see you clearly, he could still feel you tremble underneath his fingers, could hear your every noise even as you stifle them, could still have you in his arms

he can feel your want start to stain his underwear, and your hips stutter in his grip as you gasp into his mouth

Kuai Liang misses your warmth immediately as you climb off him long enough to take off your underwear, and he pulls his own off too

and then you’re back on him in an instant, grinding your pussy into the length of his cock, and your thighs squeeze his waist and your hands steady themselves on his stomach as you grind

every time he has to resist moaning, biting his lip and stifling his own noises to hear yours instead, so quiet, it was just a slight bump in the night for everyone else

but for him, it was a symphony, an orchestra that rivaled the best one in the world, music that lifted him higher off the ground than any rush of adrenaline

he settles his hands back onto your hips, but he lets you control your pace, letting you control him and use him as you liked

how desperately did he want you to know how he craved you, how he loved you, but the last time he had even spoken a word other than your name, you had kicked him from your room

and so all he does is hope that when he looks at you, you know he loves you, that you feel the same warmth that he does, that you understand what he was trying to communicate

if you do understand, you never take any action on it, but Kuai Liang would wait for you for however long it took

you reach one hand towards yourself to rub at your clit, a small whimper falling from your lips, just the slightest one, and he relishes in the small sound

it’s only the sound of you panting in the room and the slight wet sound of you grinding against his cock, quiet as to not draw attention to you or Kuai Liang

he wanted everyone to know, truly he did, to make you his equal, to show everyone his adoration for you, but you never wanted it

you didn’t even allow him to kiss you anywhere else but your lips, no lingering marks on your skin, no gifts allowed to give you, nothing

even in these moments, you never allowed Kuai Liang to touch you anywhere else but your hips to help steady your balance, always on top

he couldn’t even prep you, stretch you, give you any pleasure except the one you gave yourself, and Kuai Liang wishes he knew why

why you were so secretive, so quiet, so adamant about him not leaving any single mark on you, so withdrawn from him even in moments like these

standing up on your knees, you wrap your hand around his cock, pumping it once and drawing a slight grunt out of Kuai Liang before lining yourself up and slowly sinking down onto him

you slowly lower yourself until only the tip is in and then you stop, your breath hitching and your body slightly trembling on top of him in the pale moonlight

he waits, struggling to keep his grip on your hips loose and calming instead of tight and controlling, and Kuai Liang takes in a deep breath, staring up at you and waiting

slowly, your body sinks down lower and lower until your hips meet his, and you let out a barely audible moan, eyes squeezed shut and breath heavy

and still, he waits for you until you’re ready, only bucking his hips up slightly when you grind your hips down onto him

you raise up and down, wet slaps echoing in the room along with both of your breaths, only the rare whimper slipping out of you when you take a break and grind down on his pelvis slowly

Kuai Liang barely moves, letting you take your pleasure from him, and he was already teetering on the edge to just have you like this

it was a blessing and dream come true all in one, and he would never ask for more than what you gave because this truly was a privilege

after what feels like an eternity and an instant wrapped into one, your eyelids flutter shut, breath hitching and hips grinding down onto him, your pussy clenching down tightly onto his cock

Kuai Liang groans, letting his orgasm wash over him like the sun bringing light into the valley during the dawn, slow and beautiful and breathtaking

you ride your orgasm on top of him, only stopping when the both of you are spent, and then get up off him slowly, your cum and his coating his cock and dripping down the inside of your thigh

reaching into the drawer, you pull out a clean towel and clean yourself up and hand it over to Kuai Liang to clean himself up

he does so quickly and grabs the barest layer of clothing and dresses himself as you dress yourself in your sleepwear

mumbling a goodnight to you, you do not reply, letting him shut the door behind him, his ceremonial wear in his arms as he walks back to his room

Kuai Liang wonders if you feel the same as he does, wonders if you will ever, if you ever have, but whatever you felt for him, he’ll cherish the few moments he got with you

[2hot444this]

How to be a queen

#1 Stop being desperate. Stop acting like you can't live w/o that person in your life. Stop being desperate for people to notice you. Stop seeking external validation. There's nothing wrong w/ wanting compliments but desperate for compliments from others? We don't do that here.

How do I fix that, you ask? Shower yourself all the compliments you'd wanna hear from others.

#2 Stop toning down your character for humbling others. It doesn't mean you meet a person for the first time and be like look at my superiority complex but know your worth. You don't have to prove it anyone. You let people know your worth thru your daily actions. The way your carry yourself, the way you express yourself. Okay you might be wrong so what? The people who laugh at you for being wrong don't even have the guts to voice their opinion.

#3 Build your character. Write down your moral code and the things you stand for. Nothing is powerful than you knowing yourself. Be a baddie, voice your opinions all that but don't be a menace. Being mannerless isn't hot.

#4 Be assertive about your boundaries. Don't be like 'i'll give them a second chance and then I'll tell them. . .' No. Once a cheater, always a cheater. They cross your boundaries once, might do it again. So let them know and don't be afraid if they walk away from your life. It ain't your fault they chose trash over Gold.

#5 Thoughts -> Choices -> Behaviours -> Change. Revamp your self concept first. Once you change your thoughts everything will shift. If you keep thinking those same outdated, mediocre thoughts you're life will stay the same. People have healed themselves of deadly diseases by changing their thoughts.

#6 Prioritize your goals. Never change your work schedule for the sake of some person, especially a guy. Stop having all these crushes, it's literally embarrassing. Stop putting other people on the pedestal! You are the main character.

#7 Stop being so invested in other people's lives. Have conversations w/ yourself instead. What they do is none of your business.

[furiousgoldfish]

Being raised in an abused family will often leave you with the abusive system of social hierarchy in your subconscious mind, and you might not even realize you're following its rules in the life after abuse.

The system is created to rationalize and enable abuse, to the point that it's difficult for anything but abuse to go on within the system. It puts all of the people in your life in 2 possible roles: First role are the people with authority over you, who can use you, hurt you, and you have to tolerate it, you have to see it as them 'just taking their frustrations out on you' and 'not knowing any better', and not take it personally. You can't act against them because they always have some hold over you, or just scare you too much to retaliate. The second role are people who have less power than you, or depend on you in some way, and they're the ones who are acceptable for you to demand things from, take your frustrations out on, expect things from them, criticize them or complain how they're not doing enough for you. For some people, who have are used to being at the very bottom of the hierarchy, don't have anyone with less power than them, and will therefore expect always to be the one others are hurting, with nobody to take it out on but themselves.

The reason we learn this is because it happens in the abusive homes, and often other parts of society, to the point where we think it's normal. Parent getting yelled at by the boss, then yelling at home at their spouse, then spouse yelling at the children, and children yelling at each other. In each of these stages, one person is getting their need to feel 'superior to someone' met by dehumanizing and using someone they can do it to, without suffering any consequences. And we accepted this is just how life is, how is one supposed to live without having someone to vent their frustration on? And the solution they propose is 'don't take it personally, this person still loves you they're just having a bad day'. But it's not just one bad day. And there is no love, only dehumanizing you in order to feel superior.

In abusive systems like this, attention, love, caretaking or fulfilling someone's needs is scarce, and will only ever come from those lower on the abusive hierarchy. This means that the less abusive spouse, and the children, will end up giving love and care to the worst abuser, they'll have to fulfill this person's needs and wants, when it should be reverse. Families exists so children could be taken care of. The competition for attention and care can be so fierce that anyone getting attention can make other members of the family angry or jealous, because there's so little of it to go around, and the people giving attention will be taken for granted and used as resources. Dehumanized, only there to fulfill a need.

This is not how normal, healthy communities work. In a normal, healthy setting, everyone is getting their needs met, and we don't fight to feel 'superior to others', we understand that we're all equal, nobody better or more important than another, and each of us special to someone. There's value in humans that isn't shown when all you can do is try to avoid being the target of someone's anger, or trying to prove that you're a good enough resource and you don't deserve to be punished for not doing enough. No human should ever be somebody's target for letting out frustrations. Nobody deserves that.

How to tell if you're still unconsciously living by this system? See if you check any of these points:

people who willingly give you care, attention, love, and fulfill your needs, are people who you give no attention, they're boring and you know you can take them for granted

people you seek attention from are people who are in higher authority than you, popular or special in some way, and who repeatedly ignore/neglect you or are emotionally unavailable and unwilling to care for you

you don't feel guilty or ashamed for yelling or berating someone in your life who annoys you or is in your way, even if they didn't do it on purpose. you feel it's completely their fault for not thinking of you first.

you feel immensely stressed if you accidentally annoy or slight someone who you want attention from, you obsess over how will they see you now and how you must have ruined your chances to be loved or admired by them

you long for more success and better social standing, not only for the money but to feel like you're on top and allowed to tell other people off and never have any consequences for it

you look down on people who are doing worse than you, you feel inclined to tell them it's their fault because if they had tried harder, like you did, they would have made it

you don't feel guilty or ashamed of manipulating people to get what you want, especially if they present no threat to you and there's no consequences for it. You feel inside that they deserve it

you refuse to admit or acknowledge if you're being manipulated or used, because it would feel too humiliating and unbearable to withstand it, you instead pretend it didn't happen

you don't think it's a big deal to cut off anyone who isn't of any use of you, and you don't consider their feelings on the matter

being cut off by someone whose attention you want puts you in a lot of pain and humiliation and you feel like you need to keep it secret or pretend it didn't happen, it damages your sense of self to be aware of it, and you feel it's your fault it happened

you're ready to defend and make excuses for people who are above you in social standing, if they hurt you or anyone else, you feel connected to them and want to reach their status, and for this status to be protected from criticism

you feel that people who are 'below' you in society are at fault both for being hurt, and for hurting anyone else, their motives must always be malicious and you don't think any measure of sanction is too much for them

you find it very normal to vent your frustrations at people who, in your mind, should tolerate this and understand it's just a way of life

If you were at the bottom of the hierarchy in your upbringing, it's likely you don't align with most of these, because you had nobody "under" you to take for granted, or use in any way, and instead you became the resource and the world became the unreachable, scary, and filled with pain for you. If, instead, you were in the middle of it, and were constantly relying on someone to take your frustrations, fulfill your needs, while you're also doing that for somebody else, you could potentially get caught in the loophole and continue living this way, as if its the normal way of life, without realizing it.

This is not a normal way to live. In the system, there is no love, no true connection, no humanity and no respect for any human being. There's only chase for power while stepping all over people who care for you. It's not humane, not sustainable, and the system inevitably crashes once those who provide care and love, withdraw because they realize they've been abused, exploited and got only hatred in return. System relies on abuse and fake feeling of superiority in order to run, and the result is only the abuse of human beings. Nobody is still superior to anyone, but everyone in the system gets a share of being abused, exploited, manipulated and dehumanized.

[bambinambi]

Nobody Is Your Friend

Life as a Jyeshta native

I've always struggled with maintaining friendships. I always considered myself to be a really good friend; putting in a ton of energy into my friends' birthdays, checking up on them regularly and always being there for them but I don't believe I've ever recieved the same energy back. Oftentimes, my so-called "friends" wouldn't even wish me happy birthday, get me anything, or plan anything for my birthday. They would rarely bother to check on me, even during COVID. I've had "friends" constantly put me down by ridiculing my physical appearance or intelligence. I've had friends purposefully leave me out of plans because I was no longer fun to be around after my grandmother passed away.

I've had "friends" that I cut off, turn around, and harrass and bully me after the fact. I've had friends tell me I was 'trauma dumping' onto them whenever I decided to be vulnerable despite being there for them whenever they needed anyone to talk to, even being told I am not a "good enough support system" despite ALWAYS being there. I've generally had friends demand things of me that they were never willing to reciprocate. As a consequence, I've become quite jaded to the idea of befriending people. I realise that I don't hold friends to a degree that others do because I've seen all the worst sides of how friendship can turn out. I have a solid 5 friendships, and even then, I know they're not as great as the friendships I've witnessed in my life.

Whenever I pursue a relationship with someone, they often end up acting in ways that make me pull back, like deciding they suddenly hate me, talking behind my back, being unnecessarily hypercritical of me, telling people the things I've said to them in confidence, making fun of me behind my back, the list goes on.

On the other side of things, I've noticed an obsessiveness towards me (which I partly contributed to having a Mrigashira moon) relating to this incessant need I've realised that some people have to almost "breaking me down" or "taking me off my high horse" (even when having low confidence), especially if I've "bruised" their ego in a way. I remember two months after I stopped talking to this guy (he would constantly try to prove his intellectual superiority over me), he and his friends posted a video in which he tried to make it seem like he was never interested in me, in spite of the fact that I only started really noticing him because my friends would point out how he and his friends (sometimes in his absence) would always stare at me, and try to get close to me.

Thankfully, I've studied people enough to recognise that the things people have criticised me about are usually the things they themselves are insecure about, so I don't take it too personally, but it does get draining.

Another thing I've noticed about the "obsessiveness" is people copying me, like A LOT (watching Claire Nakti's video of Jyeshta confirmed this to me). After adopting my entire personality, dress sense, music taste, and mannerism, these individuals would end up discarding me. It's like they would steal my very essence. That's how I felt after my last friendship that felt like this. At the end of friendship, I was a shell of myself.

Romantic relationships haven't been able to fill the void either, as I feel like the men who are evidently attracted to me always feel a need to humble me or sexualise me but are never serious about being in long-term relationships with me (I definitely blame my Lilith and Pluto aspecting almost all my personal planets), and so I remain quite lonely in the world. I also have Jyeshta in the 10th house (the house public image and perception) and Lilith in the 11th house(the house of friendships and communities) closely conjunct my venus, which opposes a Punarvasu North Node so to say relationships are difficult would be an understatement.

-31 August 2024

[nthspecialll]

We have all seen the edits and drawings of Dutch with "I'm your man" by Mitiski, more specifically with the lyrics "you believe me like a god, I betray you like a man," but it is not just those lyrics that fits Dutch and practically the entirety of the gang.

(Warning I am not a huge Mitiski fan so I will just take the lyrics as they are without any deeper meaning and compare them to red dead to give them a deeper meaning)

While the whole "you believe me like a god" might make it sound like the "me" also sees themselves as a god as well or at least superior to the other party, that is not the case.

"You're an angel, I'm a dog

Or you're a dog and I'm your man."

This part hints at confusion between standing of the two parties. The "I" isn't sure about what their position is with the other party, either the "you" is an angel and themselves a dog, someone lesser, something lesser, or the "I" is a man and the "you" a dog. The "I" never put themselves as something eternal, they never claim to be unworldly or godly, instead they willingly put themselves underneath the "you" and only above them in the same way a man would an animal, a dynamic that while it might hold love also is clear on who is in control.

Dutch and Arthur's dynamic is constantly changing. On one hand, Arthur is a workhorse, the one Dutch sends our for his dirty work, the one Dutch knows he can control and make him do anything, on the other hand we have their family dynamic of Dutch saying that Arthur means more to him than what a son would and acting as if he is the best thing ever.

"You believe me like a god

I'll destroy you like I am."

While the "I" never sees themselves superior, the "you" puts the "I" on a pedestal, making them their god and the "I" takes advantage of that and destroys the "you." This is similar to Dutch and Arthur. Dutch was not a good man ever, while he and the others did do their Robinhood act, they were never good men, they killed, they robbed and they ruined, but Arthur saw Dutch as a god or a father more than a mere mentor and Dutch ruined Arthur for that in the end.

"I'm sorry I'm the one you love

No one will ever love me like you again."

The "I" knows they are bad, they know they are ruining the other and they know that they will never get the loyalty that the "you" gave them again. While this might not seem like Dutch and Arthur, it very much is in the end.

Dutch in the end when Arthur is dying seems angry, frustrated and conflicted, because while he is seeing his son dying, he knows there is something he does not know. While he feels angry that Arthur did what he did, he never did think Arthur was a "betrayer", he thought John was, he thought John was talking to the Pinkertons and had convinced Arthur that Dutch was bad. He felt sad that Arthur was dying because of John and his manipulation and he knows he will never find the loyalty Arthur gave him again from anyone, and he is right, even in 1911, he has yet to find someone like Arthur.

"So when you leave me, I should die

I deserve it, don't I?"

I am of the firm belief that Dutch spent a long while alone after Arthur's death because the newspapers while talking of him, do not mention another gang, only the old one, and in red dead one they speak as if Dutch's gang is fairly new which would also explain why the Agents were suddenly able to locate him, because he became active again.

This could be to lay low, or it could be because he was thinking over what he had done and what had happened, and considering how much Arthur meant to him it wouldnt be strange to say he might have spent some years in self hatred or pity.

"I can feel it gettin' near

Like flashlights comin' down the way

One day you'll figure me out

I'll meet judgment by the hounds."

This is where it gets a bit more tricky because I believe the "you" changes here, where "you" were Arthur before, it can now be seen as John.

In 1911 John is hunting down Javier and Bill, something Dutch no doubt knew and heard about, while he might have hoped to be able to defeat John, he would have known that John would come for him and he would be able to "see him come near" as he kills off the two others. Dutch knows one day John will be his end, one day John will figure him out and he will have to face the consequences of his actions.

"People always gave me love

Others were never to blame after all."

This is quite obvious how it comes to Dutch, they gave Dutch everything, they gave him their lives to lay if he so wish and in the end it was not their fault that the gang split up. No it was not Micah's fault, while Micah did manipulate, he never forced Dutch's hand, even without Micah Dutch would have lost himself down the road, it was in the end Dutch's fault.

"You believe me like a god

I'll betray you like a man."

John loved Dutch, maybe even more than Arthur, after all John is often seen as Dutch's son while Arthur is seen as Hosea's, not just by the fandom but the characters as well. We see characters call John Dutch's golden boy and his pet. It was also Arthur who had to convince John and truly let him see what Dutch was doing, to let him know that the concerns he had were true.

Dutch removed the noose from John's neck when John was twelve, saving him like a miracle, yet Dutch shot at John in the end like he was no one special, just another man to be put in the ground.

[lebensmudewing]

I know that women hate when people implies that feminists are emotional and ideological and irrational. But I really don't see how it is not true.

Feminists spend every single day of their lifes complaining, protesting, feeding other women's fears and paranoia over men, they say mindlessly "I choose the bear" and then go to bed with their husband or boyfriend anyway.

In what world is that not irrational? Most feminists in the west are not in limit situations, they are free to not have any kind of romantic relationship with men.

I have talked to feminists and nothing seems logical to me. Like, men have created an entire system to opress and exploit women, that is cross-cultural and has existed for centuries and thousands of years. But they, somehow, are part of the few generations of women who have had the idea of trying to educate men to not be bad with women. And, without any proof of it, they believe it will work.

They think that if they tell men that women are people, if they educate them, if they teach them, if they cure them, if they show how feminism "benefits them too", they will give up and dismantle the whole thing.

But what is actually more benefitial to men than:

Not having to compete with half of the population, so it becomes easier to thrive.

Having a cook, maid, surrogate, prostitute, nanny for the price of a minimum income.

Not having to actually being held accountable for rape.

Not having to actually being held accountable for abuse.

Believing you are superior.

Policies and any cultural norm favoring you at every step.

What feminism offers?

Having to compete with everyone, so it becomes harder to shine.

Having to do an equal amount of labor while also paying bills.

Having to respect "sluts" and being accused of rape for having intercourse with women without honor or virginity. Having to give a damn about consent.

Having to give a damn about your partner.

Being force to believe that people who they see as inferior are equal to them.

Culture and policies being more gender neutral, or "favoring women".

It's seems like a joke, feminism is trying to sell a common stone at the prize of a diamond, while patriarchy is the opposite: the minimun amount of effort with the higher rewards.

Men are not more receptive, they don't see how it benefits them. "Being able to cry" doesn't compensate losing his job because a woman does it better than him. They see how they have to moderate themselves, to contain themselves, to put up with the "political correctness" and watch how women are still angry for some reason.

And they see how women, who are so angry with men, still have benefits from patriarchy. "They win most custodies", "They win alimony", "Other men favors them over me", "They exploit men", "They have to option to lay down and earn a lot of money, while I have to go to work". They think the game is rigged against them, women didn't work out their asses to pave the roads, but they still enjoy them while they condemn the men who did that.

They see how women say that men are rapists, beaters, abusers, and also how women engage in sex with strangers, have male friends, drink or drug themselves with other men. It seems schizophrenic to them, women complain about men and still engage with them in the most revolting ways. Such incoherence only have one possible explanation: women are irrational man-haters, women are like entitled children, women are destroying society.

Feminists don't seem to have a real problem with men, their hatred/fear/outrage is a mere performance. Maybe they have a problem with abusers, wife beaters, pedophiles, discrimination, but not men, not with male nature. They still benefit from the "good ones", their bills are being paid, their cellphones upgraded, their shelfs full of male written books. They don't seem to despise their husbands and boyfriends.

They can feel a lot about women's condition worldwide, but they don't act accordingly.

[earthstellar]

TF Earthspark S1 Episode 21: What it Means to Be Believed -- An Analysis Post

Putting this analysis behind a spoiler cut, as these episodes came out today!

The conversation between Hashtag and Starscream here immediately reminded me of the times I've spoken with abuse victims.

Hashtag: Is this how Megatron treated you?

Starscream: ...You believe me?

Hashtag: I believe he hurt you.

Starscream: You don't know me! You couldn't possibly understand what I've been through!

Hashtag: Then tell me. When bad things happen, it isn't always our fault. There was this Mandroid guy, and he hacked my systems! And I...

So, let's talk about this exchange.

Starscream starts out aggressively just before this conversation, attempting to order Hashtag around.

She declines, and immediately identifies that Starscream's behaviour has likely been informed by prior abuse.

She highlights this in the moment and gets Starscream to notice his verbally aggressive approach by making him realise that he is behaving how Megatron used to treat him-- She does this by using questioning, not by using accusatory language.

This is REALLY IMPORTANT, and is a good approach. When someone is behaving poorly or offensively, encourage them to reflect in the moment by posing a question. It prevents any sense of being challenged, as they are now set up to challenge themselves. "Is my behaviour actually negative? Am I being hurtful?"

This approach is successful, and stops Starscream outright.

It shocks him, to be given the leeway of genuine understanding. This catches him off guard so severely, that we actually get a totally honest reply from him. "You believe me?"

Which is a really significant moment, because Starscream is constantly subject to being, essentially, assumed evil. The other bots often see his negative behaviour and lashing out in a very surface-level kind of way; They don't further investigate or try to think about why, exactly, Starscream is like this.

We don't know how he used to be, before the war or during the war, in this continuity quite yet. But it is heavily implied that a lot of his current behaviour is informed by trauma, and some of that trauma very clearly stems from his prior relationship with Megatron.

Starscream is genuinely surprised that anyone is willing to look past that surface level and actually think: Why is he like this? Where is this behaviour coming from?

Hashtag rightly identifies that what Starscream is saying and how he is saying it is very reminiscent of commanding language; She knows Megatron was his superior officer during the war. She knows Starscream has a poor relationship with Megatron. She knows that as a lower ranked Decepticon, he likely was subject to at least some mistreatment, and that mistreatment is echoed in his "taking command" approach here.

Because to Starscream, "taking command" means being aggressive and controlling. It means using intimidation and belittlement to stay on top.

And Hashtag rightly assumes that this is likely because this is how Megatron did it.

This is how Megatron treated him.

Of course, Starscream responds defensively, as anyone might expect.

It hurts to become aware that you are mirroring harmful behaviour, that you are acting out your hurt on others in a way that hurt was inflicted upon you, and Starscream understandably retorts by claiming that of course, Hashtag doesn't know him-- Or, it is implied, his past.

He is trying to protect himself or instil a sense of control over the conversation by creating distance, while also trying to work up some defensive anger in himself-- How presumptuous of her, to assume!

Except, she's right. And he knows that.

So instead of throwing a fit, he listens when she continues.

Hashtag does two very correct things here:

First, she lets Starscream know that she encourages him to talk about it. She's willing to listen.

Second, she offers some support by starting to talk about her own experience of being abused-- When Mandroid took away her self-agency and assumed control of her.

This is a good and fairly common way that abuse victims tend to offer support to one another; It's often encouraged in certain types of group therapy or support sessions for people to share similar experiences, or experiences that evoked similar feelings, when it's appropriate and beneficial for those present (including the speaker) to do so.

She is attempting to reinforce to Starscream that even though she might not know his pain, she knows her own-- By sharing that trauma with him and being vulnerable herself, that might provide a connection point for them both and could possibly encourage Starscream to open up a bit to her.

This is roughly where the conversation is interrupted, so we don't get to hear Starscream's response.

But I think Hashtag intuitively had a very good approach here: She identified a traumatised person lashing out in a way that was familiar to them but harmful to others, in a way that is indicative of potential prior abuse, and made an effort to provide a safe opportunity for Starscream to talk it out without any fear of repercussions.

She made sure Starscream knows that she is listening and paying attention to him.

She made sure Starscream knows that she believes him, that he does have someone willing to hear his side of the story and genuinely take him at his word.

And that is immensely important; It is common for abuse victims and traumatised people to attempt to self-isolate or lash out, and she saw through Starscream's behaviour here for what it was: An abused person lashing out, trying to close off, behaving in hurtful ways that reflect the hurtful ways they were treated as a defence mechanism.

Starscream needs someone like Hashtag, who won't judge him based on preconceived notions of who he was as a Decepticon, who is willing to listen and give him an opportunity, who is willing to counter his withdrawal by providing honesty and letting him know that she wants to keep the conversation open and give him the space to speak freely about his hurt.

I also especially like that she makes a point of mentioning that we are not at fault for how we are hurt by others. We're not always in control of how we feel, or how we express our feelings.

She doesn't blame Starscream for lashing out. She gets it.

Alleviating Shame: It Is Not Your Fault

Hashtag had her autonomy violated in a very serious way, and although it's not the same thing, Starscream as part of a militarised faction and command structure lost a lot of his autonomy to his service under Megatron-- You don't get to walk away if you're second in command, assuming he held that same position in this continuity for most if not all of the war.

Hashtag is forced to deal with what Mandroid did to her, and Starscream is forced to deal with how Megatron treated him.

Neither of them had any say in what happened to them, or what was done to them, or how it hurts afterwards.

Hashtag knows she has support from her family, but who does Starscream really have? The other fliers, sure, but to what degree? How much support does Starscream really get from anyone, ever?

By letting him know she's been hurt too, even though she didn't get to finish her sentence, she's let him know that he's not entirely alone.

By making the point that nobody can be responsible for what others do to them, Starscream is told outright-- possibly for the first time--that the way Megatron treated him is not his fault.

Internalised Blame: Guilt and Failure Under Megatron's Command

Starscream may very well blame himself, to some degree; We don't know exactly how he's internalised anything, but we do know that Starscream was reasonably high ranking, and was in that command structure for most of the war.

In most militarised ranking structures, it is often the case that officers are considered responsible for errors, mistakes, losses etc. that may fall under a branch of their command which are many times realistically somewhat beyond their ability to control.

This can be a significant source of internalised blame for a lot of former military officers or even military personnel in general; "We lost X soldiers/civilians/etc. and it was my fault" is not an uncommon sentiment, even when realistically it is no single individual's fault and certain circumstances or occurrences are beyond anyone's control.

Megatron likely came down hard on Starscream for any losses, whether it was territory, soldiers, or anything else. He likely came down hard on Starscream for just about anything, after a certain point.

It's entirely possible that Starscream started to internalise these situations as personal blame, as both a result of serving in a war where officers are held ultimately accountable, and as a result of Megatron's treatment of him in general.

He may not have been able to separate "challenges experienced as a commander" and "personal failings" after a while.

And any further/prolonged abuse from Megatron would have only compounded that trend of internalising anything and everything as blame, failure, his own fault-- Not as an officer, but as a person-- Even if it explicitly could not have been.

Emulating Harmful Behaviours: Identify, Understand, Address

This would go some way to partially explaining why Starscream starts to exhibit this aggressive, commanding behaviour; He ends up likely unintentionally emulating Megatron's harmful leadership style, because he sees Megatron as being successful and powerful and in control, while he feels as though he is the opposite in every way.

Abuse has a tendency to make people feel less-than. It can remove people's sense of agency and confidence. It can make people think that their personal traits or inherent elements of their self are suddenly no good, that they could have done something or should have done something, if they were "better".

This is one way that abused people can sometimes start copying or reflecting harmful behaviours from their abusers; They don't know what else they can do. They may be disconnected from themselves to the degree that adopting these behaviours seems like the only "right" option, because it's the only thing that makes people back off, that makes them have that sense of strength or control that their abuser has stripped from them.

I say this a lot in some of my posts, but it's important to remember that while a behaviour may not be OK, we do need to understand.

It's important to recognise this type of repeating back prior experienced abuse, and to not dismiss people who may be hurt when they are lashing out or copying abusive behaviour-- It's important when safe and appropriate to do so to identify this is happening, to make an effort to understand it, and help the person do the same. That's when addressing internalised abusive behaviours can start.

This can take a lot of work, therapy, support, etc. to start identifying, let alone start addressing it-- But it's very possible for abuse victims to restore their sense of self and regain confidence in their capability and identity.

When abused people reflect back prior abusive behaviours that they have experienced, this does not make them a bad person. It means they have been abused, and they may need help to realise they are doing this, and may need help to identify why in a safe way, and may need help to start actually processing trauma in a healthier way for themselves and others.

Hashtag has opened a door for Starscream in more than one way, in this episode.

She's giving him a chance to do this.

She's helping him identify his harmful behaviours, she's acknowledging that he feels bad, that he was made to feel less-than, in ways that she might not have experienced herself-- But she's experienced similar feelings if not the same exact situations, and she's willing to share her own trauma with him. Hopefully he feels he can share with her, too.

I've spoken with plenty of abuse victims, and it's common to hear "You weren't there, you don't know!" or similar retorts when attempting to encourage conversation around some sensitive or traumatising memories or experiences.

It's not always appropriate to provide one's own traumatic experiences in response, but in cases where it is safe and appropriate to do so, I have rolled up my own sleeves and shown my own scars. I have talked about my own traumas as a way of showing support and as a way of showing someone that even if their individual experiences were unique, the feelings they experienced were not, and those feelings can provide a common ground and help provide a point around which to help build rapport. It can also help provide perspective, external to themselves, which can be ultimately positive.

It can also be a show of good faith: I'm not going to judge you. I believe you. I have been hurt, too. Our situations are different, but the way we were made to feel at times was similar.

When appropriate, this can be a pretty effective way to help someone open up about things that are potentially very hard to talk about, or to discuss feelings that are very complex or "tangled" in a way that takes some work to sort out in a healthier, safer way.

Hashtag offered her own traumatic experience to Starscream here, as a way of hopefully meeting Starscream halfway.

And hopefully, it was at least to some degree successful.

So I think Hashtag did a great job in this scene, and I hope we see Starscream take this opportunity that has been afforded to him to give the Malto Bots a chance...

...And to give himself a chance, as well.

----

This is entirely unedited as I continue to watch the episode, as I just got home from work, but I hope it was interesting to someone! :)

[many-but-one]

Hi, I'm a ramcoa system. I wanted to ask a small question. It's hard to find resources for this sort of stuff, but have you ever heard anything relating to cicadas? Programs, symbols for aomthing, etc? /genq

I haven't personally heard anything about cicadas, but I can see why programmers might use cicada terminology or try to program a kid to believe they *are* a cicada. They live underground and hidden for a certain number of years and only come out to complete one task (procreate and then die) which could be something abusers would want in a particular alter. We have alters who are programmed to believe they are certain types of bugs, animals, or mythical creatures based on what is most understood about that bug/animal/creature to shape that alter's perception of the world and how they act when they front. Some examples I can provide based on multiple programmed systems I've met:

Note: not all of this will be the same for every programmed system, this is just what I've observed.

angels often relate to being bound to a "god" and being unable to disobey, the god being the programmer.

foxes are considered both hunters and hunted, and so fox related programming can go in many directions, whether it is teaching children that they must be cunning and smart "hunters" or teaching them that no matter how far or fast they try to run, they will never be able to escape. The latter is very common for prey animal related programming, which can include rabbits, deer, and other commonly hunted animals.

cats also have a wide variety of programming modalities, as cats can be both small (domesticated) and weak as well as large (wild) and fierce. Sex kitten programming is common, as it's a common fetish among people who watch CSEM and almost all programming is for the purposes of making CSEM or sex trafficking children.

spider related programming often relates to being "trapped in a web" and "never being able to escape." Spider programmed parts also often relate to perpetrated violence because of their negative connotation. It's also easy to procure spiders to traumatize children with.

computers or robots are already "programmed" so if you can convince a kid that they are a robot or computer, it can be pretty easy to convince them that they have no free will and cannot think for themselves, only do what they are programmed to do.

object alters in general are very common, as objects cannot think for themselves, and programmers don't want kids to think for themselves, because if they can think for themselves, that means they have free will and that's the last thing the programmers want kids to believe.

soldiers follow the commands of their superiors, and the punishments for not doing so can be dangerous in the child's eyes, so they will default to following the orders of their commanders (the programmers)

and many, many more. Literally anything that exists in the world a programmer can figure out a way to manipulate a kid to believe they are that thing (via costumes and props, dissociation, torture, drugging, hypnotic suggestion, etc). There's common ones like discussed above, but there can be any range of thing out there.

I hope this answers your question at least a little bit. Unfortunately, programming techniques change frequently over time with the addition of things like AR/VR and other technical and mechanical things that have improved over the years, so the books and information you see about programming that are out now often don't encompass what programming looks like in this day in age. The stuff in books like Alison Miller's are considered "old age programming" and current day "new age programming" looks much different and has different motives, of which there hasn't been much information written about it because survivors haven't had the chance to heal enough to be able to write about it and share their experiences, and not many therapists are willing to put their licenses on the line to talk about the stuff their clients talk about.

That's all I've got for this ask. Take care, anon.

-Many

[skulljackxiii]

GrojBand Comeback Tour - Final Act P.2

Support me over at Patreon: www.patreon.com/skulljackxiii ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Overall Narrative: Along side GrojBand's journey comes another band that attempts to be  as reckless as them, but appears to be more well kept together and prepared. They are the only other band besides GrojBand to sign up in all genres in the competition so that they appear as the superior musicians, The Newmans. For a long time, they and GrojBand have always one up each other in their performances, though when it came to popularity the Newmans were always in the lead. But that never lead them to believe that they were truly better than their competitor.

Outsiders may believe that this obsessive rivalry was born from spite and jealousy, however in truth there has never been a droplet of animosity or ill will between the two bands...well mostly between the two leaders anyway, Carrie and Corey. Whenever they cross paths the two would often banter and instigate tension to mostly motivate and ignite their passion for music. The only times when Carrie would be more passive aggressive and antagonistic towards GrojBand would be whenever she interacts with the band's bassist, Laney, due to more personal conflicts outside of music.

This rivalry dates all the way back back before the bands were even formed when middle school started and Carrie was more quiet and insecure about her general well being. Though everything about her life up until that point was going to change when she was introduced to both music and Corey. The two quickly hit it off and formed a genuine friendship that lasted all the way up to high school where the two separated to start their own band in order to give the other motivation to be better musicians.  

Back to the present, It's revealed that right before they left on their journey for the competition, both band leaders crossed paths once more and began their usual banter. But things ended more differently in this exchange where Carrie suggested to put a wager on the line at the end of the competition. The bet being whoever's band gains the most influence and recognition at the end would be the winner and they're allowed to command one request from the loser. Seeing nothing to worry about Corey agrees and becomes even more motivated to win the competition, even though he has no idea what kind of command he should give to Carrie if he wins. But for her, she had more personal ulterior motives to initiate the bet in the first place, a motive that won't be revealed until the end of the competition. 

No one else knew about the bet besides the two, however in one event both Carrie and Laney had a heart to heart conversation between the themselves in a diner; recounting their  upbringings and how much Corey both changed and saved their lives. At the end she brings up the bet they formed and insinuates that she would make Corey go out with her if she wins. Though this was not her real request and was made as a joke, this in turn made Laney upset and had her leave in a panic. Carrie wanted to clear the air but she left it as it was hoping to give GrojBand more motivation in the competition. 

Months passed and both bands performed shows that were out of this world, whether that be on purpose or not was left to speculation from audiences. Both continued on their journey leaving bands left and right in the dust, though just barely. But it wasn't just the other bands and Trina that they had to worry about, there was also a criminal organization that threatened their well brings in many occasions thanks to GrojBand indirectly interfering with their operations. They were able to get out of dire situations mostly thanks to the aid of one Nick Mallory.

Now down to the final two, both GrojBand and Newmans stood ready and prepared to perform their last performance of the night before the final calls were made. The Newmans was called on first and their made the crowd scream like they never heard before, GrojBand was up next after a few minutes. But before any of that Corey made a decision and came clean to everything that he's done throughout the entire tour. Over the past few months, Corey grew guilty and revealed all the fraudulent and misdirected claims he's made so far; lying where all the financial expenses came from, his feelings towards his friends about their futures, his insecurities about his own future, and his wavering feelings towards music. GrojBand stood silent and felt hurt about the secrets that was kept by their leader, they didn't know what to do. But right before they were called on stage Carrie saw what was happening and came in to say her piece about the whole situation.

With her stating her disappointment in GrojBand's hesitation and expecting more from her rivals, this gave the members back some of their morale. It was obvious there's more to be discussed with Corey, but for now they'll stand ready to backup their frontman and perform their greatest show ever. With each member leaving on stage, only leaving Corey and Carrie alone to briefly talk amongst themselves. Before Corey said his thanks, Carrie stopped him and wanted to tell him her request claiming that she won the bet, even though GrojBand didn't perform yet. But with what just happened ,he didn't have room to argue and was ready to accept anything she said. 

Carrie then leaned in closer so that no one else heard and whispered what she wanted Corey to do; she wants Corey to keep being himself and to always love music, from now and forever. Since even before day one of the competition, she knew that something was off with Corey. With them graduating high school, Corey's insecurities was showing more and more with each of his shows. She didn't like that he was slowly losing a core part of himself that inspired her to play music in the first place. To not only her, Laney, or the other members, she saw Corey as an inspiration to help others and express themselves that they never could on their own. 

With that said she grabs him by the arm and quickly shoves him on stage where a huge massive crowd was screaming and cheering their names. With Carrie and the rest of the Newmans standing on the sides watching, GrojBand was gonna perform the last song of the night and it was their greatest time of their lives. 

[lovelycleon]

Hello there

I recently had a horrific argument because some people can’t let a ship just be a ship. I genuinely have my fun and love for Cleon and it getting attacked was too much. However the person I got into a fight with also told me to count up 3 reasons why they should work. And I couldn’t believe that I had to think about it and it took longer than it should have. Out of curiosity…if you had to count up three reasons what would it be?

Hello!

I'm pretty sure I've already answered a question like this at some point, or at least the answer is spread out somewhere in several of my posts over the last 3 years.

But don't worry, I will try to make a short summary of the 3 things about Cleon that would make them work as a couple:

1.They have a lot in common.

Although their work occupies most of Leon and Claire's lives, through the franchise they have shown very similar everyday interests and hobbies:

Such as love for motorcycles. Capcom made Leon and Claire the official bikers of the franchise, always putting little references here and there in games and movies;

Their whole style. The taste for custom leather jackets, obviously, but also many other alternative outfits. Believe me, of almost all of Claire's costumes, Leon has one somewhere to match.

Even the same kind of sense of humor, with similar one liners, bad good jokes and literary references that I posted here many times before;

It would be easy to imagine what their life together would be like outside of work, on a daily basis with so much in common and the banter they have when they are together.

2.They have the same morals.

Despite following different paths in the fight against bioterrorism, Leon and Claire carry the same code on how to act in certain situations:

Like the idea that both have already stated about not giving up the fight in the name of their comrades who died alongside them (Damnation, Heavenly Island);

The strong will to protect those in need, like Sherry, Ashley and others, no matter how impossible the mission seems or what has to be done;

Not blindly believing in something and always questioning and digging deep when something doesn't feel right (Degeneration, Infinite Darkness);

Trying to understand all sides of the situation and even sympathizing with some of the villains they faced (Annette, Rodrigo, Jason, Buddy, Dr. Taylor and more);

Along with many others, sharing these characteristics can bring stability to their relationship. Having them always on the same page, knowing what each one stands for.

3.They can understand each other.

Besides the shared trauma in Raccoon City, Leon and Claire went through very similar traumatic events even on different missions years apart and, in one way or another, felt the same type of pain:

Being kidnapped, infected and subjected to a race against time to save themselves and others (RE4 and REvelations 2);

Having to see their superiors whom they trusted (and are somewhat emotionally involved) become monsters obsessed with power. (Neil and Krauser)

Being used, mistreated and framed... Leon by the government and its corruption; Claire (along with terrasave) by willpharma and later on by Neil and the FBC;

Witnessing friends sacrifice themselves for them... some even in a very similar way: like Gabe and Mike exploding in a helicopter while Claire and Leon can only watch;

Don't get me wrong, a lot of RE characters have trauma and they all can bond through that, it's undeniable. But here, about Leon and Claire, I'm not just talking about "what happened and their reaction", but also HOW it happened and the physical and psychological similarities of each event for them. As if the narrative chooses to create parallels between them.

And this opens the door for a deep interactions (like the one in Degeneration) that can add new layers to their relationship and find comfort in each other.

Now just let me give you a little bonus (because I would like to write a lot more, but that is already too far from the short summary I promised)

4.Their amazing chemistry.

Haters will always try to deny it (and that's expected since they are haters), but the chemistry between Leon and Claire is great.

Not just the way they look and smile at each other, but how they act together and how they care for each other. I mean, Capcom didn't write scenes like Claire's big smile when she sees that Leon is okay, or Leon giving up of himself for Claire's safety, or them flirting cracking jokes in the middle of a zombie outbreak, or running and screaming each of their name in despair as soon as they see the other is injured for nothing.

It's to highlight their chemistry. The chemistry they are writing for Cleon.

Again, haters will always deny it, because it's inconvenient for them, but it's there.

Leon and Claire love and care for each other deeply, they can have fun hobbies, overcome hardships and find comfort together. The entire basis for a healthy relationship is there, written by the devs at Capcom themselves.

We just need to wait and see what they do with it.