#as a result I AM doing better
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So I have been having focus and motivation issues @ christian moots i request prayers that that stops- been doing better with it and I have an ADHD/Dyscalculia evaluation coming up at the end of this month. I want my brain to function without screaming for the tasty hit of Internet Dopamine so I request a simple prayer of 'please help merkerler get her brain in order and keep it that way' thanks
#ushjsdh !!#I am doing better. The past few months I have been worse and I feel I am coming out of it#my mom has been helpful#helped relieve a lot of stress n stuff that's been keeping me in a cycle#as a result I AM doing better#and I wanna try adhd medication if I can however with my thyroid issues apparently that makes it more difficult so maybe#if not that I can try behavioral therapy or something#and go see my therapist again#merkerler speaks#also yes I know it is called an internet addiction I just have no clue how to kick it apparently#but this is part of why I haven't been very active lately so that's actually not a bad thing#at the same time I haven't been drawing which is a very bad thing
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(looks at upcoming card releases)
I'm in danger :)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#stage in playful land#stage in playfulland#smoking#my favorite horrible crime guys are back!!!!#(my hot take is that glomas had a better story but these goobers were just SO fun)#(they should be allowed to kidnap and murder(?) at least a few dozen people. as a treat.)#man i knew there was probably going to be a fellow card and yet i still did a bad job of saving my keys#and there's this year's halloween to think about too!#normally i try to avoid leaks and spoilers but i did accidentally see some stuff and if it's real then holy SHIT#on the other hand fellow attacks by basically throwing gidel at people and i desperately need this on my team#regardless of whether or not the card is actually any good#(if they change the animation to remove gidel i am going to RIOT it needs to be either exactly the same or EVEN SILLIER)#actually it would be hilarious if their stats were terrible. just the worst. and yet...#grown man and his kid with a hammer vs a bunch of teen wizards who can shoot fire#the results may shock you#(if they do the same duos-with-the-last-release as they have been with the staff cards then i will absolutely lose it)#(please twst. it would so useless to me but SO funny)#fellow: it's showtime rollo! :)#rollo: who are you
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was drunk at my friend's place yesterday and her bf was given some throwing knives, played around for a bit and i still got it 🧐 that was my last push to get back into knife throwing, haven't been into it since i was 17/18 lol. i ordered these ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა
edit: if ur here from my top posts you can see me throw them here!
#throwing knives is so fun...#i do the no spin technique and he was tryna see if i was as accurate by having me move back and he was like ur scary 💀#“you're so accurate and u don't have to calculate the distance for the spin to make it stick‚ u can just go straight for it frm anywhere”#i sure can buddy. I'm gonna get even better at it thanks 👍🏾#briefly considered a foot long throwing spike but feel like i cannot be given that kind of destructive power#i am going to obliterate something that is an outdoors toy 💀#i can make it stick most of the time but we drew little targets and pictures on a board and i could hit the smaller ones w mixed results#i wanna hit bullseye 🎯#my favorite flexes from last night were the times where Id throw the second knife in the same spot as the first n knock the old one down 😈
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@scimagic Uhhh made this because I just think they’re dynamic is neat. Also completely agree with the Puzzle headcanon super fun silly and very on point. As we speak he is clinging for his dear life :))
I really enjoy seeing the illustrated storyline you have unfolding between the two and figured it would be nice to see this motorcycle sequence in motion. So tadaa here it is! In animated form! Now your obligated to make a full length written novel in-depth about their relationship /j
Sincerely though thanks for the creative inspiration and keep on being a swagger artist 👍✨
#Whoops seems my hand slipped—silly me these aren’t my characters! Here’s your lovelies back sorry for abducting them momentarily :))#tagging people is scary I’m just going to hide under a rock after this gets posted jksjsksp#my brain goes ‘teehee my genius hidden evil scheme no one saw coming—yess I shall gift lovely artists fanart when they least expect it’ >:3#and then once it’s actally time to post my brain goes crisis mode and implodes#like why am I drawing attention to myself huh? why can’t I scutter off as a masked anonymous figure into the night#oh well at least we made a dope ass motorcycle animation hell yea. Hopefully you like it <3#honestly in retrospect kinda surprises me that Puzzles doesn’t have a helmet…pretty sure his screen is durable but not THAT durable#one oopsie woopsie and that thing will get cracked again <<#but then again where are you ever going to find a rectangle screen shaped helmet to fit his head jksjsksp#there’s simply no winning#oh uh also incase anyone wishes to know the logistics of making this….didn’t take too long just three days! Pretty speedy :3#ok now this is the part where I twiddle my hands and await results lol#…..also just occurred to me the motorcycle model should’ve been a Harley or Suzuki I’m just dumb and forgor#even tho it was specified in the tags of the initial post I referenced heavily#like I was staring at the art for reference + online material but that useful tidbit of tag information flew over my head :P#sorry all you get is the generic motorcycle model….mission failed better luck next time *dies*#hplonesome art#not my characters#gift for someone else#do I even need to specify that in tags NO CLUE I’M PARANOID/j
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GUESS WHO MADE A COVER ART FOR A BREAKCORE TRACK DEDICATED TO VINCENT ON SOUNDCLOUD AWOOOOOOOOOOO
THERE IT GOOEEES
#I AM SO HAPPY Y'ALL HAVE NO IDEA#PLS LISTEN TO IT IT SOUNDS SO COOL#like since i turned into a breakcore listener I started to build a desire to make my own#but during the period I used to make some random tracks for fun on MMJ it had a VERY limited amount of breakcore or dnb samples#and tbh doing tracks on FL Studio is infinitely better although I'm a big NOOB with that#but bro???? I literally made this one on FL and I'm so proud of the result#accompanied by the desire to make my own breakcore track. I had the desire to make some Silent Hill themed track as well#n even more specific. one track for ma babygirl vinny WAAAAA#I've found a Silent Hill breakcore once n it's forever on ma playlist. now i brought anotha one 2 the world#n one dedicated for one of my fav charas i feel SO FULFILLED GAWDAYUM#THIS IS A DIRECT LOVE LETTER TO HIM OK#THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM. I MADE A TRACK FOR MY MAN#silent hill#silent hill 3#vincent smith#fanart#silent hill fanart#sh3#video games#silent hill series#artwork#original music#music#soundcloud#silent hill art#digital art#art#artists on tumblr#my art#drawing
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figured out how to color ponies we are SO BACK 🔥🔥🔥 I took a lot of inspo from those roti mlp designs @starstriix made awhile ago (which can be found here + here respectively), really liked the choices in colors.
#total drama#td art#total drama presents: the ridonculous race#ridonculous race#td jen#rr jen#td tom#rr tom#td fashion bloggers#rr fashion bloggers#mlp au#my little pony#mlp#my art#pony with the ponytail... what will she do...#yes i am in fact very proud of the dumb horse puns for both their names lol#took a lot of liberties this time with the designs and I liked the results a whole lot better#btw I LOVE the design trait of unicorns having the lion tail from like medieval paintings#whoever started that trend in mlp designs was a genius istg#might draw more ponies later who knows (drawing ponies is so therapeutic you have no idea)
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I am absolutely whispering right now shh
I know we think codependents are a bad on this webbedsite, but like. It is a thing that happens when you grow up trying to regulate someone's emotions, like a volatile parent. You know, like Charles did with his father (I know we all remember that heart breaking scene in the basement). He's a survivor.
I do not think it is a stretch to assume he's a little codependent still. He's clearly upset because he can't make Edwin feel better in the scene with the night nurse.
Usually, we can see he's taken on the role of trying to regulate both his and Edwin's emotions.
This is not me saying what he's doing is inherently bad, by the way- he's teaching Edwin valuable coping skills that he uses for his own emotions. The difference this and an actually dangerous dynamic that Edwin prioritizes Charles' well being as well, whereas his father or an actual, abusive enabler would not do so.
My point: moralizing that you only want "good" traits on your ship and ignoring experiences that Charles actually went through is like... weird? And also makes those of us who grew up like this and are recovering feel VERY strange about being called "bad" for the sake of your argument.
But you do you I guess.
#dead boy detectives#payneland#look I am tired of people saying we are bad because we are trying to get better but aren't 100% there. we can love even if we are like this#coming into the comments to argue with me results in a block btw. I do know what I am saying.#my posts
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I'm so annoyed. @kingcrow01 tumblr ate your ask about Danny's opinion on the League. tumblr i pressed 'save draft' why didn't you sAVE DRAFT.
ANyways I'm making a post instead. For everyone else, the ask was in summary:
What was Danny's opinion on the League now that he's left it? If he missed the familiarity of it, if he recognized the cult-like behavior inside it, and if he now detested his grandfather.
And to answer (again, grrr): It's complicated! We love complicated <3. Yeah, Danny does miss the familiarity of the League, it was still his home for the first ten years of his life and he has a lot of memories there. Plenty of good along with the bad, and while he's less homesick than he was when he was 10, it still hits him like a truck at random intervals.
Sam, Tucker, and Jazz are great, and he likes the Drs. Fentons enough that he's contemplated murdering Vlad for his meddling, but if he wants to eat the same food his mother used to make him and Damian, he has to do it himself and he can't get the taste right. No one knows arabic so he speaks it to himself because he doesn't want to forget his mother tongue, and he has a few books too. Frankly? He genuinely misses training.
Getting to use Sam's gym helps with his restlessness, same with training with Maddie, but he has no one on or above his level to go against other than his mother. And he only sees her twice a year at most. He knows that he's getting stagnant and he fucking despises it like a bad itch he can't scratch.
He feels conflicted about missing the League, however, since by now he recognizes the flaws and what was wrong with it, and he recognizes that it was cult-like. But even that is kinda, hrm, complicated? If this was a fic I would be able to go better into depth about what he has and hasn't unlearned because cult deprogramming is hard and Danny's doing most of this on his own.
Sam, Tucker, and Jazz have helped with the more obvious stuff: like the ecofascism, the disregard for human life, his emotional constipation; the more obvious stuff that shows in his behavior and personality. But none of them are professionals nor do they actually know the full extent of what Danny's life in the League was like. They only have snapshots since Danyal is very tight lipped about it. So they can only help with what they see themselves through Danny's behavior or word of mouth.
But in summary: He sees, for the most part, what's wrong with the League and disagrees with some of the stuff they do now. But he's very conflicted, and trying to dissect his feelings on the League confuses him. His protests about it whenever Sam and Tucker joke about it have at this point become mostly empty (altho it still causes him some discomfort), and its an inside joke between them three.
As for Ra's? Despises him. If only because Ra's wanted him to kill his little brother -- thinking about his motives with the League confuses Danny, cognitive dissonance and stuff, -- a lot of his hatred stems from "He wanted me to fight my baby brother to the death. I destroyed my relationship with Damian because of him, I had to fake my death and leave my home, and I will never meet my father or see my brother again because of him. Fuck that guy."
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#danyal al ghul au#starry asks#demon siblings au#danny's opinions on the league is rather complicated but he knows that some of the stuff that happened inside was wrong. and while he's#always known that his upbringing wasn't normal -- and he took pride in that -- its only in recent years that he's learned that#this was a *bad* thing. that his upbringing was wrong. he's still kinda grappling with that.#danny's homesickness hits the worst when he's patching himself up from a ghost fight alone. stitching up his throat in his ghost form when#he gets hit with a deep child-like grief and the unwitting 'i wanna go home'. he's exhausted and sad and hurting and fucking *tired*#good mom talia al ghul supremacy. she's trying her best.#but yeah sam and tucker did a lot of good for Danny by becoming his friend. he's a lot better off than he would've been if he remained alon#'a child not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth' type of stuff. danny's aware of this and is incredibly grateful#for sam and tucker. and as a result can and will get violently protective. his moral code on killing can be summed up as: i dont kill bc i#value human life and it's inconvenient. but i will do it without remorse if i must.#vlad is only still alive because he's incompetent. but the ice is thin#catch me about to make an incorrect quotes post about this au. i am so close.
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trying to prep for femstars week rn so my activity might be a bit dead until then SO!!!!! have mugi wip
#i am once again overcomplicating things for myself#i feel like i get better ideas when im given a prompt to build off of#But it results in me doing deplorable things like Backgrounds#so. pray for me.#had to start this shit EARLY#my art
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talking about SteveNat is always a bizarre experience because I probably cannot be clearer about the fact that I ship them and want them to kiss on the mouth and yet whenever a post moves out of my orbit it immediately morphs into "yeah they're such good friends, I love a brotp."
#it's my bizarre superpower to LOSE readers whenever I write shipfic but applied to posts#I am probably one of the only writers in fandom who would be way more popular if I wrote gen#and I know this because my numbers on gen (like wake morning and yonder) are significantly higher than my numbers on shipfic#I don't get them frequently anymore -- home doesn't tend to pick up this kind of reader and it's my one REALLY shippy fic --#but you would be SHOCKED at the number of comments I got on gambit and even backbone wishing the ship wasn't there#or saying that they skipped all the ship scenes#gambit whatever people hate the ot3 this is the least of gambit's problems#I do not on the other hand understand how people read backbone and came to the conclusion that the kanan/hera was incidental#as a result I always feel really really guilty when I write shipfic#and part of me will always wonder if things like home and horizon wouldn't be better fics#if I hadn't been so self-indulgent as to put in the ships#not just better received but better fics period#:/#adventures in accountability#bedlam watches the mcu#talking about feedback in public
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i may be stupid
#(but im not sure)#a doodley#i am not going to lie to you guys i am insanely scared of anti depressants. and adjacent medication.#first of all like ive said i dont think i need them#im doing way better than last yr(s) despite being in the same circumstances. i did in fact will my brain to get it together.#i told my doctor i think my issues are a result of my environment and that is what i think it is.#i dont think meds cld help change my innate personality flaws#second of all sorry but my ****** is all i have i cant risk losing it to the side effects#idk! like. idk. you guys really dont get it it really is just laziness for me#since i was a kid i just didnt have Goals and its continued to my detriment#i was also raised to doubt all my decisions so here we are#im sure my friends think im lazy bc what ive described to them IS laziness#im like the only person i know without hashtag goals and life motivation...and all my friends have mental health stuff too#so its not that...! its personality. its laziness#its literally like the ''my son is 35 and refuses to get a job and does nothing all day'' reddit posts#with ''he's not depressed he's lazy you should just kick him out and refuse to keep providing for him'' comments and all
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As the US election closes in and the final states take to the polls, I want to remind people to turn out and protest.
Yep, protest. Strike, disrupt, be out there on the street regardless of who you voted for or who wins. I expect to see you all out there demanding; access to abortion nation wide, protections against discrimination, free universal healthcare, a free Palestine, anti war, prison abolition, to increase the minimum wage, and for a US free of the electoral college and that counts votes as votes.
Yes, you can say "you should vote for Harris" and do so as much as you like, but do not forget the power you have through your own everyday actions away from the polls and that of protesting. Do not use the excuse that your right to vote means it's somehow more foundational or important than the right to protest. You have the ability to create direct action and that is so so important, please don't just expect a rich representative to stick to their promises every time you vote; you have power too, never forget that.
This system will not change until we, the people, make it. There is NO representative that can ever change the system that allowed them in, and likewise; this system will never allow a candidate that would stop it from continuing and/or ensuring its designated purpose of oppression and subjugation. Resist, regardless of the results.
Long live the resistance.
#not to be a “far leftist extremist anarchist commie” but I'd even go far as to say let's tear down the US imperialist empire#I'd also go as “far” as to say land back to the nations that would make sure to grant all the above without the useless bureaucracy#but some of y'all might see handing sovereignty to the land councils elders and chiefs as “too far” but anyway#point is don't just think “all I can do is vote” because thats the minimum and in the us it has far less power than everywhere else#- due to the electorial college#like some of y'all's votes arent going to he counted and even if Harris gets a majoroty it could still be trump#don't place all your hopes on a corrupt voting system and a rigged electon believe in the people around you and protest#Eat the rich and make a better world#We can do better and we WILL create better with our own hands#Again (and I i can't believe I have to say this yo be heard) I'm not saying “don't vote blue” or whatever#I'm saying regardless of what you do there should still be protests and regardless of the result there should be protest#I'm saying this system won't change until you make it bevause there is NO representative you can vote for that will do that#usa#usa politics#us elections#kamala harris#donald trump#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#free palestine#resistance#long live the resistance#long live the intifada#protest#free gaza#palestine#politics#also this applies to Australia too our gov won't change until the system is torn down and replaced#I am holding you all and shaking you to go out there and do something for yourselves beyond picking one of the two rich overlords#“trump is dangerous” and “this entire system is inherently dangerous” are two things that coexist now get out there and start causing mayhem#and don't stop until the world changes
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haven't been this fucking insanely furious at Williams since they fired Damon Hill halfway through 1996
#this is SUCH a horrible decision for them both#while i think there is a short term chance that Alex may produce a better race result#the car is pretty naff so the chances are low#and now alex has enormous pressure on his shoulders#if he makes another mistake and tbh that's likely because the car is not ideal and he's now in a high pressure situation which he#historically speaking#does not do well in#(also despite the heroics in the first year at williams he actually doesn't get on with Melbourne very well)#but if he does that he looks like an arsehole and the team look like arseholes and the press will call alex a villain#and meanwhile in the medium to long term#logan's just been told the team has so little confidence in him they believe a driver who destroyed his car will do better#which is going to knock anyone for absolutely fuckin six#like if you empathised with alex at red bull you have to empathise with logan here#mr vowles i am booking a fight i am coming to fight you
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What If Oscar Was An Avatar Of The Eye Comic :)
I saw someone say that a priest would be the perfect avatar for the eye and my brain rotted and this came out of it
I have *a lot* of thoughts about Oscar being an eye avatar (most being that he would tell Arthur to fuck off in their first meeting if he knew how many strange shit he always has in his way) but I'm going to say it tomorrow because I'm to sleepy to form coherent thoughts and also the arthur in the third picture is the most arthur i have ever arthured in my career and im very happy about him.
Also get ready fuckers because I'm aligning every single malevolent character with an entity and I'm going to draw *so much*
#tma#malevolent#the magnus archives#malevolent podcast#oscar malevolent#father oscar#arthur lester#arthur malevolent#this is the first time i have ever made a comic and im kind of happy with the result#it is pretty neat :)#i get why people like to make them#also oscarrrrr#((people if any of you have any idea what fear aligns better with noel please tell me i do not know what that man aligns with))#malevolent fanart#art tag#new conscious tag#i think it applies??#i mean i am putting my thoughts on a post so
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it’s also baffling to me that tumblr, home of the ‘why are white men Still being cast as the doctor’ for So many years now (For you know, like over a decade.) is somehow not appalled that they hired a white dude to be the next Doctor because look okay it’s okay if it’s This white man.
I mean, I do not consent to acknowledge that they’ve shoved him in there under any circumstance, but my Only need for the casting of the next person was that it was Not a white man, otherwise i didn’t care who it was, so when they “announced�� Gatwa I was satisfied (i am hesitant to say they announced it bc it was more like a tiny footnote than an announcement, oh the disrespect) and it took a whole seven days (it was literally seven days. Yes i counted. it was easy since it was only seven days) it was ‘actually sorry no it’s this white dude we’ve already had before did we forget to mention that???’ and it’s steadily gotten worse and worse.
That This site of all places is not up in arms about both the situation and how it specifically played out is depressing, but also massively and darkly hilarious.
Especially since i Also remember nobody on this site thought casting Whittaker was good enough but literally going backward to a previous white man is?? This is not even a metaphor about diversity getting worse, they literally looked backwards.
But, yeah, tenn/ant with the ‘what the future looks like’ headline is uh... Good???? Not super worrying and ominous?
I feel like i’ve been dumped in some weird parallel universe by reactions to all of this on here like??? the whole way this was done was appalling, the situation is appalling, but i guess the bbc/disney should get a rousing round of applause for accurately judging that nobody would care about their poor actions if the specific white guy they cast was popular enough that next to nobody would care.
( and to the ‘it’s an anniversary ep’ thing, they legit could have just set a couple of eps in the past. i don’t mean they travel to the past. i mean just say ‘hey this ep is set during s4!’ and nobody would care. this show does weirder stuff than this every second episode. and it would still be bad, but how they did it is so much Worse.)
#dw shit#literally feel like i live in some wild parallel universe where weird shit is happening#genuinely#i am baffled#while also not being baffled at all#i try to be a realist rather than be cynical or optimistic but you know what#in this case#i honestly expected better of people#guess the cynicism would have helped here#idk i love 13 but i like jodie too and it'd Suck Balls to see her stomp on somebody else down the line#i'd hate it#i'd lose respect for her#but i've never been one for stan culture i guess#any bs on this one gets blocked and totally ignored tbh the level to which i do not care is So High#all i'm saying is#when they do more bs with white guys you Don't like#remember they learnt they can get away with it when nobody cared when they did it the first time#their litmus test has sure given Results
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#also. now worried ill not deal well with like. being on the train and on the bus on a book event and on a concert in the next few days#cause thats famously crowded places and i am doing So bad im taking taxi from and to work to avoid being on crowded busses lol#idk what tf is going on rly#im mostly stressed out and filled with dread at home knowing i have work that day or the next day#and somewhat better after i arrive at work??#idk. but also ive lost weight and am losing hair lol and its def stress induced cause my blood test results are perfect#i have a psych appointment in a week where i could ask to get sent on a sick leave and its soon now so#im starting to feel a lot of guilt and shame around this idea#but like. cant handle this anymore#and my boss is awful my work schedule is so bad i cant have hobbies or meet friends its just bad bad bad
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