#as Dick is Like That and Duke is out here going ‘oh shit that sucks… give me five minutes to bug my old union and meta allies’

[aradassbadass]

ooo can you write about duke after a bad day and all he wants to do is take it out on you?

yesss ofccc 😁

“baby, you up?” he heard you say as you opened the door to his production room.

“yeah, i been up.” duke mumbled giving you the cold shoulder.

a frown replaced your smile, “what the fuck is your problem?”

“man where the fuck you been at huh, i got here two fucking hours ago and yo ass was gone.” he said voice harsh. he was tired and very irritable. the shoot had taken to long, he hadnt ate, hadnt showered & had been on the road for two hours to come home and you werent even there when he arrived.

“i aint know you was coming home tonight.”you day quietly his tone scared but excited you at the same time.

“oh so you think you can fucking be out doing who knows what then?” he says standing up from his seat and striding over to you, mere inches separating you two.

his eyes bore into yours and your lack of response seemed to send him over the edge as his hand wrapped around your throat and pulled you in smashing your lips to one another. the kiss was desperate as he used his other arm to wrap around you picking you up. without your lips breaking contact he walked you over and sat on his chair, you in his lap.

moans escaped as he started kissing down your neck, but turned into a hiss as he sucked harshly right below your ear.

the sound went straight to his dick as he began to rutt up against you. his hands went to your ass cupping it before grabbing the material of your tights and pulling it apart ripping it at the seam exposing your bare ass and clit. you felt your pussy began to throb as the fabric of his sweatpants rubbed against it.

“daddy, fuck me.” you pleaded before his hand went to your mouth covering it.

“dontt dont say shit now.” he said removing his dick with his free hand rubbing it between your lower lips.

“this pussy too fucking wet.” he groaned bucking his hips up marveling at how the slickness felt against his tip.

he moved his hips downward aligning his tip w your entrance before pushing past your folds and into your tightness.

his hand muffled the moan that was going to escape your lips as he started thrusting wildly. he knew that at this pace he wasnt going to last long but he didnt care he just needed a release.

he removed his hand from your lips and moans began spilling out.

the sounds filled his ears and he admired how sexy they were. he could feel his release building so he gripped your ass and began bouncing you on top of him.

“fuck fuck fuck.” you cried and he felt you clench around him.

“yeah cum on this fucking dick.” he mumbled lips between his teeth as he stares at you.

you looked angelic to him and your parted lips, low eyes, and red cheeks were enough to send him tipping over the edge as he squeezed his eyes shut and emptied into you.

you felt him twitch inside you and smiled laying your head in the crook of his neck breath still heavy.

“these were my favorite tights you know.” you say between breaths.

he chuckles and slaps your ass“they look better like this.”

[resident-dumb-fuck]

richard iii dashboard simulator. i thought it would be funny and here we are

🐗halfhearteddickjoke

what if i caused problems on purpose <3

0 notes

🐗halfhearteddickjoke

oh no... i cant believe the king is having my brother killed... oh noooo

#FUCK YOU GEORGE

3 notes

💥ladyanne Follow

man i miss my husband and father in law

🐗halfhearteddickjoke

hey

💥ladyanne

shut the fuck up you literally killed them??? get off my post

🐗halfhearteddickjoke

can i try rizzing you up

💥ladyanne

um. sure?

🐗halfhearteddickjoke

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE

💥ladyanne

i can't believe i'm saying this but this is kind of working.

🧍‍♂️gentleman-retainer

anyone else in this thread smoke weed

958 notes

🌹lancaster-official Follow

you all suck.

@/elizabeth-woodville your son will die and you will be deposed and youre gonna die SAD and ALONE.

@/river-severn @/dorset-sheep and @/billhastings you're gonna get executed

@/halfhearteddickjoke hm. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. nobody hang out with this conniving bitch i hate him i hate him so much and i am three seconds away from killing him constantly.

🐦fuckinghim Follow

get off tumblr margaret we're in court

🌹lancaster-official

he's not gonna want you as his boytoy forever

🐦fuckinghim

WE'RE NOT EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP??????

🌹lancaster-official

i've seen you talk to him. i know what you are

5000 notes

🗼mr-london-tower Follow

just heard george duke of clarence say "snork mimi" aloud i'm gonna [remembers that suicide jokes do nothing for my mental health] request to be moved away from guarding his cell

🗼mr-london-tower

update: so it turns out the malmsey wine is unusable, for related reasons to this man.

#fuckin. dead body in the malmsey. cant have nice things around here #i hate my job so bad

94 notes

eddie-baby-deactivated

yayyy everybody is friends now :)

🐗halfhearted-dick-joke

dude you literally killed clarence??? you cant be having other people making friends youre a murderer

eddie-baby-deactivated

WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT I CANCELED THAT ORDER???

🐗halfhearted-dick-joke

you killed that guy man what the fuck. you cant be doing that

764 notes

👗elizabeth-woodville Follow

I regret to inform you all that the king has died.

5 notes

✨cecily-not-sicily Follow

dude my sons GOTTA stop dying. this is so fucked.

3 notes

🐗halfhearteddickjoke

i do so love to cause problems on purpose :)

#sorry to any family members of lords rivers, vaughan, and grey. um. you will not be seeing them anymore! <3

1285 notes

🐦fuckinghim Follow

preteens are so scary for no reason??? had to interact with two for work and like. they suck so bad. "i fear no uncles dead" shut the fuck up you smartass little shit. also had to explain to them the history of the tower of london which. i don't fucking know that shit! i don't know who built the tower of london! it sure as fuck wasn't julius caesar!

7 notes

#️⃣billhastings Follow

SOMEONE has got to stop waking me up in the middle of the night to hear their dreams

#️⃣billhastings

oh what the fuck.

607 notes

🍓bishop-ely Follow

crazy day at work today

#never go outside to get strawberries worst mistake of my life #came back in the room and they were accusing hastings of witchcraft. like sure yeah i guess

20 notes

🐦fuckinghim Follow

richard duke of gloucester should be king because not only are edward v and richard duke of york illegitimate but also so was edward iv. also richard duke of gloucester is just. kind of an all around good guy! as opposed to edward iv who ah. how do i put this in a manner that isn't horribly offensive. yeah okay figured it out. not a great person! unpleasant to be around!

also if you wanna know what was up with hastings he was a traitor don't worry about it.

954 notes

💥ladyanne Follow

RICHARD. RICHARD WHEN I CATCH YOU RICHARD. WHAT DO YOU MEAN KING OF ENGLAND

2 notes

🐦fuckinghim Follow

shit dude that one vine wasn't lying. what the fuck richard

#i have to leave immediately. jesus fucking christ man.

500 notes

🐗halfhearteddickjoke

yay king of england :) i will be very good at this i feel

#everybody's always like "what the fuck richard you can't kill two kids" or "why would you do that" and never like "was it fun having those preteens killed. it looked fun"

0 notes

🌹lancaster-official Follow

@/halfhearteddickjoke FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

submitted by @/elizabeth-woodville

90 notes

🐗halfhearteddickjoke

wow everything is going so bad. what the entire shit @/fuckinghim

2 notes

🐦fuckinghim Follow

ughhh margaret was right. NOT ABOUT THE BOYTOY THING

307 notes

®️henry-twoder-or-something Follow

hi ive been here the whole time. ive done the math and i do technically have a claim to the throne :)

83 notes

🐗halfhearteddickjoke

i cant believe im saying this but i did just have an ebenezer scrooge moment. god i hate it here.

#maybe i am a bad person

54 notes

®️henry-twoder-or-something Follow

wow richard has died :) i cant believe i am the king now! yayyyy

2 notes

🚣‍♂️resident-dumb-fuck Follow

final message from op! sorry everyone. im so annoying about this forever

[redflagshipwriter]

check yes to go on a date w a dead guy ch 4 progress

next chapter here

(masterpost with this story here)

It took a minute for Jason to recover from that realization. He kept the anger he felt off his face. Danny didn’t seem upset about dying young, but that didn’t mean much. It wasn’t an appropriate topic to prod about on a first meeting. He’d get there eventually.

Jason stilled. Ah, shit, he still didn’t have a plan. Just eating together was too short and too boring. He needed to have something better than that.

Fuck, what were they going to do next? 

Jason strained for ideas. What was a good date? Normally, he'd know more about a person before they hung out romantically. 

Well. Actually, normally he hung out platonically with someone a lot before he started to feel interest in them. This was all kinds of backwards: but he didn't want it to end yet. 

“So, uh, what do you like to do?” Jason asked. Masterful. So smooth.

Danny scrunched up his nose. “Lately my afterlife sucks,” he groused. “I am drowning in paperwork and busy stuff.” He slumped over. “I miss being in high school,” Danny sighed. He drew his knees in and rested his elbows on them, then squished his cheeks with his palms. “I guess I used to just hang out, you know?” He shrugged. “Played a lot of video games. I miss that.” 

“Of course,” Jason said, despite never having hung out and played video games in high school. He'd been an overscheduled nerd in junior high school and then been too dead for high school. “That sounds fun. Wanna go back to mine and play something later?”

Danny lit up, blue eyes sparkling in the fading light. “Yes! That would be great.” He straightened his legs and kicked his heels against the side of the building. “Wait, can we do the whole grungy high school hangout thing with pop and chips and dip and pizza and stuff?”

He almost said “we literally just ate”, but what the hell. “We'll hit the store next,” Jason said. He couldn't say no to that face. Look at ‘em. He was so excited.

'Ugh, god. Danny died in high school,’’ Jason realized. He'd already known Danny died young but it still stuck in his stomach like a rock. 'No wonder he misses what he did then. He's interacting with the physical world now but if he died, he probably went to like, dead land immediately.’

But, uh. Video games. He could do that. He kept up a conversation as his mind churned, asking Danny what kind of games he liked.

The thing was, Jason didn't really play video games. He had a console at his place and if he was hanging out with Roy or Dick there, they'd bring a game over. He owned like, two games. 

He considered popping by the store and just buying something. But that would be weird and intense. He'd probably freak Danny out if he went and dropped money on a game just to play with him. 

Ok. Well. He'd get someone to drop off games before he and Danny could get back to the apartment. Jason sneakily got out his phone and strategized. 

Steph? No. Terrible. He couldn't let that girl know he had a date until the poor bastard really liked him for sure. She'd either chase Danny off or somehow orchestrate the two of them getting engaged. 

Tim? God, no. He'd definitely own a lot of games but they'd all be for the PC, and he'd hang around and smirk about Jason meeting up with Danny.

Dick? Too far away, and way too smug. He'd take it as an opportunity to tease.

Oh, wait. He had it. Jason opened up a message to Duke and sent out a quick “I want to bribe you. Homemade pizza? Artichoke dip? Fried oysters???” 

“Did you take a life?????” Duke shot back. Then, “pizza! What do you need?” 

“Get to my place with a bunch of video games that'll work on my tv in less than an hour and I'll make whatever you want.” 

The three dots indicating typing popped up. They stayed there for a weirdly long time. Then, Duke said, “Can I stay and hang out? 🥺”

Adorable little bastard. Jason typed out NO and then hesitated, feeling kinda bad.

“Who's that?” Danny prompted. 

Ah, shit, he was being rude. Jason flushed. “Asking a little brother to bring over a game,” he admitted. “He wants to stay.” 

Danny laughed. “That's adorable,” he announced. “It's fine by me. Lots of games are better with more people, anyway.” 

Well. If that was the case, Jason was fine with it. He sent Duke an OK and then put his phone away before the inevitable “I AM THE FAVORITE SIBLING” fireworks started. 

[itskybabes-blog]

Duke Dennis Drabble

Duke Dennis x fem!reader (no face claim but poc!reader friendly)

Part two: The Confession

Disclaimer: this is written by a dyslexic person – please forgive any grammar and spelling errors

TW: swearing, drinking and using derogatory language

Plot: After your big night at an AMP pool part (that you probs won’t remember tomorrow), you finally let your lil’ secret slip.

Word count: 672

ICYMI: part one

“What the fuck am I doing?” You slurred back in confusion. “What the fuck are you doing?”

You rise up from the bed and try to point your finger at him, but stumble forward because you was unaware of your own strength. Duke has to catch you before your pearly whites were scattered all over his floor.

“See, man,” Duke whines with you in his arms, “this is what I’m talking about”.

You move out his arms and squint your eyes at him, trying to focus on all three of him at once.

“Y/N, you can’t stand up straight. You got yourself stupid drunk and started twerking on everyone. Your nipple was fucking hanging out like you’s some fucking whore or sum,” Duke rants.

“Whore?!” – you sober up real quick – “You’re calling me a whore?” you exclaim back, shoving finger quotation marks in his face.

“Meanwhile, you’re here, throwing this stupid party full of thirsty clout-chasing bimbos who only wanna suck your dick, get your Ps and cut! Fucking lodging your tongue down some random girl’s face – you’d be lucky to not have herpes, right now!” You lay into him, using whatever left over competence you have. Dutch courage is certainly real.

“Whore?” You said again, this time with a soft chuckle - which we all know is not good. Duke knows you found nothing funny but couldn’t care because “you’re a fucking embarrassment!”

“Oh my fucking gosh, more fucking names,” you said with a dramatic sigh. You begin to pace around: “What else am I? A slut? A bitch? What else am I, Duke? Tell me!”

You end up in a couple centimetres away from Duke with a face full of fire and push him weakly (pathetically) away from her. His look of disgust softens – maybe he was being a little harsh.

So, he takes the punk move: “You know what, I don’t care. This is not even worth it, man. Fucking drunk!”

That one snapped a heartstring. Duke’s back faces you as he had his hand on the knob.

“You don’t care? You never cared about me, did you?” You come back at him.

“What?” He looked back, utterly confused you’d ever say that.

“You never fucking cared. I’m meant to be someone special to you – your best friend – and you only ever want me around when you don’t have a fuck buddy around. When you need a girl to make you look good when your hotline hoe ain’t picking up,” you start to spew some of your deep feelings.

Duke lets go of the handle and leans against the door. “Y/N, I-“

“You don’t fucking care about me. I fucking hop on a 2-hour flight weekly to see your ass and look all pretty for your stream. Then, you kick me out to entertain a next bitch, passing me off to the rest of the bros like I’m some community hoe. You never fucking cared about me. You never fucking did. You-“

“Are you jealous?” Duke saunters back to you, grinning. His diamond grill playing tricks with your hooded eyes.

“Huh? Where you get that from?” You feel your cheeks burn, turning your head to the side.

“As a friend, you care too much about my roster,” Duke tries to explain. He drops his head to try and make you look him in the eye, but you keep avoiding his accusatory gaze.

“You talking like we fucking or sum,” Duke continues to press you.

“Why would I want you, like, what? Like, that’s- Ha! Ewwww,” you try to act repulsed but you never got an A in drama. Your acting skills are subpar.

“Oh, OK. Just know: I’d drop my roster just for you.”

Your head whips around and look Duke square in his face. A goofy and toothy smile plasters across his face.

“You fucking play too fucking much. You can’t be trying to tease me and shit. Why would I fucking want you? You never cared about me before, why the fuck no-“ Duke’s pillowy lips press intensely on yours.

“Girl, shut up.”

“Yes, sir.”

A/N: here’s the second part! Now, I really hate writing smut so pls forgive me but I’m skipping over that. Pls enjoy this quick update :)

[prettynice8]

Kinkmas Day 12: Lingerie

Pairing: Eijiro Kirishima x male reader

This guy

Summary: So, you say some shit to Bakugo, and he WRECKS your uniform, making Kirishima kinked up

Warnings: Kissing, biting/markings, sex, lingerie DUH but in the form of a torn-up costume.

Word count: 1,356

You were practicing, which you don't often do. Fighting fellow children to get better at ruthlessly beating the shit out of other people in the future, not exactly your thing. Though today was different because you heard that it was a men's only practice, fucking score. None of those women ruining anything by being there, now you could admire your classmates without anyone intervening, and this practice went hard as fuck, tee hee.

Everyone was in their hero outfits to make it seem more real, and holy shit were you wet, watching people duke it out, everyone surrounding them, cheering them as their sweaty bodies clash into one and other.

The people fighting currently were Bakugo, who was possibly the most annoying kid in the grade, and Kirishima, who was one of the hotter men, especially in that shirtless costume, you would fuck both of them honestly.

When the fight was done, everyone went off to do their own training, except you, who just stood there, only being here to ogle at the hot men. You just kind of stayed in a corner uncomfortably, your skin tight costume not helping much.

You just stood there until finally Bakugo came over to you screaming.

"What the fuck are you doing just standing here idiot!" He shouted, coming really close to you, so much so you could feel his hot breath on your face. He had that angry look on his face.

"Fuck off, I'm not affecting your life at all, go thrust your dick in a hot pocket or whatever desperate people like you do." You flared back. You honestly weren't even that mad at what he said, you just really didn't like him, doesn't mean you wouldn't suck his dick until it turned into laffy taffy though.

He stared back at you, rage filling his face. He grabs you by the chest, surprisingly having a firm grip with how tight it is.

"LISTEN HERE MOTHER FUCKER, BITCHES LIKE YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! I WILL FUCK YOUR SHIT UP; I WILL EXPLODE THAT STUPID LOOK ON YOUR FACE WHORE!" He shouted at you once again, this time a lot more aggressive as you can tell with the all caps. You just stared at him, completely apathetic to his tantrum. It was also at this point that his little bitch drew attention to the two of you.

"You would like to fuck my shit up wouldn't you queer." You said, looking him dead in the eye. Every He looks PISSED, his grip previously on your costume is now caging you in, the smell of smoke originating from his hand is apparent in the air.

Kirishima notices this and actually worries that Bakugo might kill you and goes in between the two of you. Bakugo tries to reach over him but is unable to.

"FIGHT ME YOU PUSSY!" He shouted, now just spewing shit out of his mouth.

"Bakugo, calm down." Kirishima demanded gently in his sweet smile. "You're being over dr-"

"Sure," you cut Kirishima off.

Everyone stared at you, astonished, the queer that just sits there and looks pretty is actually going to fight Katsuki Bakugou, and that's exactly what you do.

It's an epic battle, truly one for the ages. Every hero in training there is astonished with how well you hold yourself, not faltering once. Such a duel that would rival the best in his- and you lost immediately.

Twinks can't fight as easily as that, which is your excuse when everyone asks you what kind of pathetic excuse of a fight was that, if it could even be called such.

Oh, and there's one other thing. Bakugo let off quite the explosive blast and uh, completely wrecked your costume, and I mean WRECKED. It is in tatters, holes and tears throughout the whole thing. You also don't have anything under it because of how fucking breath takingly tight it is... including underwear.

So here you are, standing practically naked in front of all of your classmates. Not a word from any of them, they're all too stunned to speak, except for that cocky bastard Bakugo.

"Fucking slut, I knew you couldn't fight for shit." He degraded, laughing his ass off.

"As if this wasn't your plan this entire time, trying to see me naked. That's really weird Bakugo, why would you do something like that? I would've done it if you just asked." You teased, causing his rage to boil back up to the surface. He walks towards you, ready to beat the shit out of you again, but Kirishima stands between the two of you once again as well.

He puts his hands in front of both you and Bakugo, separating the two of you. Kirishima tries to fight off Bakugo once again as he screams at you.

"FUCKING WHORE BITCH SLUT, SAY THAT TO ME ONE MORE TIME!"

"God you're thirsty for me." You said, not affected by any part of this whole ordeal. Kirishima continues to struggle with Bakugo, fending him off from attacking you. During his attempt, he accidently grips onto your exposed nipple tightly, causing both of you to blush, and pull away from each other. This leaves Bakugou with the perfect opportunity to charge after you, in which Kirishima catches him in the act, throwing him to the ground.

Kirishima then leads you out of the area so you can change, among other things. You just go along with it, rather be here than out where everyone can see you naked, you'd rather do it in a place that isn't so chilly.

You think he's just being a nice guy, until he leads you into the supply room. He locks the door behind the two of you, then kissing you deeply, in which you instantly reciprocate.

"I'm sorry, but you just looked so hot with that tattered uniform." He apologized.

"I usually have that effect on people." You bluntly said, he laughs at your remark before going back to kissing you. Sticking his tongue in your mouth, exploring it. He then entangles his tongue with yours.

He then lays kisses down your neck, stopping when he gets down to your nipples, sucking and nipping at them. His hands then go down to grab your exposed ass, causing a loud moan to exude from your mouth.

Then, to your surprise, he takes off his pants and reveals his girthy cock with a medium length, a big red bush at the base. He picks you up by your thighs, you react instantly by wrapping your legs around his hips as he sets your back to the wall.

"Are you ready?" He asked,

"Fuck me already." You responded, horny as all hell.

Fuck you he does, shoving his big dick in your ass. He starts off slowly, easing in so he doesn't hurt you. He kisses you, hoping for you to calm down so he can ease in better, which works quite well.

He starts to speed up, making you moan much louder. He then starts to lick open parts of your costume that lead straight to your skin. The feeling of his warm tongue causes you to moan somehow even louder.

He starts to exclusively lock on your perky nipples, using his shark teeth to nibble at them. The sensation of his teeth on your sensitive nips nearly enough to make you cum from that alone, but when you add his dick pounding into your ass makes your climax all the closer.

His hands have a bruising grip on your ass as he thrusts up into you continuously, chasing both of your climaxes, which is exactly what happens.

You cum all over his stomach, he follows in closely after a few more thrusts, shooting his thick load in your ass.

"Holy fuck that was amazing." He panted, head laying on your shoulder while he quickly gasped for breath. He then sets you on the ground, holding you steady so you don't fall over on the floor with your shaky legs.

"Let's do it again." You said, leaving the room, still wearing the torn uniform.

THE END

[thenonbinarydetective]

Do you like the official wayne family adventures? It has everything any batfam fan would want.....But sometimes I feel like they all kinda have the same personality.....shouldn't dick be with titans or starfire....why is he back with Bruce?

EDIT: REMINDER THIS IS MY OPINION. IT IS NOT A DISCUSSION OR ARGUMENT.

It’s what tumblr fanon fans who actively go out of their way to shit on comics wants. To be precise. I’ve been shitting on the behavior of some truly awful people on here for like several years so if anyone reading this is surprised and offended. I don’t care.

No I really don’t like it. The better personalities are the girls really. But even then it’s not great. The boys and Bruce especially are full copy and paste. But honestly that’s the only way they can get what they want to work without digging too deep

That’s kinda the main problem I have with it and many others who do that it’s very surface level fluff rather than actually challenging the “angst” in the comics. I’m only putting it in quotes because to some angst is when it isn’t sunshine and rainbows all the time.

I don’t think it has a good argument, for lack of a better word (still works I just want a different one that I can’t remember rn) for being what it is. And also creating that weirdly rancid, occasionally violent and pretentious fanbase that accuses comic fans of doing that no matter what they say or do. Like some people suck but you dont need essays when people point out flaws in WFA. Of which it has some pretty obvious ones. Aside from batfam characterization their Talia characterization just rubs me the wrong way. Like I know it’s been worse but it’s just not giving what it should.

I think dickbabs is supposed to be canon there or at least people act like it. Idk a lot of their reactions can still read platonic which is why WFA readers try to say it’s batcest. If that answers your starfire question. Technically this should be set at a time where dick wasn’t fully friends with the titans again. Although it’s an au, they could probably just fix that for their obscenely happy go lucky attitude

But if you’re asking why starfire and Roy should be far away from the outlaws title, you’d be right. You can call me dramatic but it was lowkey shitty of them to include them considering the damage it did to their characters. Especially Kory.

Yeah dick should be actually independent. But again it’s family fluff over solid characterization so the umbilical cord isn’t cut yet

It’s negatively effecting comics too. Pushing that coffee Tim bullshit, “feral” Damian, and emotional support dick. The Damian one pisses me off most of all because they really had him pull a knife in a formal affair out of annoyance when that boy was raised an AL GHUL until he went to Bruce. Like if he’s drawing a knife it’s for a formalized duel. Not on an unwitting old woman. But even then I’m not sure I’m forgiving.

Oh and DUKE. Duke gets his own paragraph. Jesus fucking Christ did they do him dirty. Absolute boring cardboard cut out of a child. That also gets mildly sidelined for a comic that began with his narration. I get it’s a group thing but like why did some chapters seem to forget about him completely when they stripped him of every ounce of personality to turn him into a reader insert? God I hate it

There’s a lot of problems with it but apparently when you talk about it you’re in for a “let people enjoy things” lecture from someone who doesn’t actually let people enjoy things. I mean some WFA stans cry webtoon if you talk about the slightest amount of negativity. Claiming they need to be healed. Idk with what because WFA is basically a placebo of a comic

[unfinishedslurs]

jock on jock violence (past steve/tommy)

“Just leave people alone, Tommy,” Harrington says lowly. Dangerously. Harrington’s always been dangerous, in the way that straight, entitled jocks have always been dangerous to Eddie, but sometimes Eddie thinks he dropped the crown to pick up a sword. There’s something sharper about him now, something that wasn’t there before Halloween. Different from the fake smiles and shifty eyes after the Byers kid went missing. Not that Eddie’s been looking. 

“Leave them alone?” Hagan demands. “Like how you left me alone?” And wow, is he delusional? Did he just completely forget about his girlfriend, Hargrove, and the entire fucking basketball team?

“Not everything is about you! Seriously, man? You’re just gonna twist what I’m saying like that?” Harrington snaps, and oh, Eddie doesn’t want to be here for this. If the former king and his old lackey duke it out, he does not want to get caught in the crossfire. “Jesus, grow up. Sorry I got sick of being a total dick.”

“Oh, yeah, now you’re just sucking Byers’s—“

“You want to go there? Do you really wanna go there, Tommy?”

Shit, Eddie should not be here for this. 

“Shut your fucking mouth,” Hagan says, suddenly panicked. 

“I thought you liked my mouth.”

Eddie has to practically stuff his fist in his mouth to keep from sputtering. 

“What the fuck, man,” Hagan hisses. Eddie knows he’s looking around, even though no one’s in the bathroom except them and Eddie. And Eddie’s never going to breathe a fucking word of this to anyone, on account of not wanting his face rearranged ten times over. “What, are you some kind of fag now? Is that what you’re telling me?”

Harrington almost sounds bored when he replies. “You would know, wouldn’t you?”

“I told you to watch your mouth.”

“You gonna shut me up?”

“What has gotten into you?” Hagan finally asks the million dollar question. Harrington’s acting like he’s got a fucking death wish. “One minute we’re calling out Byers for being a creep, and the next you’re dumping me like it’s nothing. And now you’re suddenly best buds? Even after he stole your girlfriend twice? You know how pathetic that is, right? What, do you share her or something? The slut putting out—“

There’s a rustle of clothes, and then a thud, like something—someone getting slammed into a wall. 

“Don’t talk about Nancy like that,” Harrington growls. “This isn’t about her.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No, man, it’s about you being a total asshole, and I’m telling you to leave people the fuck alone.”

“Or what?” Hagan almost sounds amused, over obvious nerves. He’s not even trying to escape the hold he’s in. “I’m stronger than you, and we both know it. You’ve still got a concussion, don’t you? Hargrove told me he beat your face in.”

“Hargrove this, Hargrove that. You sound like you’ve got a crush or something. You suck him like you sucked me?”

Jesus fucking Christ. 

“You can’t win this fight, Steve.”

“I don’t need to. Mutually assured destruction, asshole. You stop hurting people, and I won’t tell the entire town about us.”

Oh shit. Oh shit. Harrington sounds serious. It almost makes him sick to his stomach, even as a hysterical laugh tries to bubble out. Who woulda guessed that the former king of Hawkins High had enough guts to paint himself as a queer to their conservative, stick in the mud town?

That is, if Hagan doesn’t fucking kill him first. 

“You wouldn’t.” Hagan sounds panicked now, and for good fucking reason. He’s been on the “right” end of what happens to their kind of freaks for years. How quickly would the vultures turn on him? They descended on Harrington pretty damn quick. 

“Wanna bet?”

“You do that, you lose everything. Peace, daddy’s money, your precious sports scholarships…”

“I’m not going to college,” Harrington says. “Look in my eyes, Hagan. Do I look like I’m bluffing? I’ve got nothing to lose.”

Eddie has to keep in a scoff at that. If there’s one thing he’s learned, it’s that there’s always something to lose with shit like this. Namely your life. 

This is fucked. This is so fucked. Eddie wants out of this stall, Jesus H. Christ. He’d take Mrs. Smith’s class anyday over knowing one wrong move will end with two jocks beating his fucking face in for hearing something he wasn’t supposed to hear. Or potentially having to jump in to try and save Harrington’s stupid fucking mug. 

There’s a long pause that does absolutely nothing for Eddie’s nerves, before Hagan finally spits out, “Fine.”

“What was that?”

“Fine.”

“Good man,” Harrington says, as if they’re discussing some kind of business deal and not outing themselves in front of God and Mrs. Jenkins and everyone. “Now get the fuck outta here, Tommy.”

Rustling, quick footsteps, and then the door opens and shuts without a word. 

Silence.

Eddie sighs in relief. 

“Hello?” Harrington asks, voice on edge. 

Shit. 

His stall door swings open, and there he is, in all his fallen kingly glory. Bruise over one eye, scowl on his face, and dangerous set to his shoulders that Eddie knows all too well. 

“Uhh, hi?” Eddie squeaks. He’s still sitting like fucking Gollum, feet on the toilet, unlit cigarette in hand. He drops it, and neither of them look away from each other as it rolls behind the toilet bowl. 

Excellent first impression, really. 

“What the fuck, man?” Harrington asks. “Were you just listening to that?”

“Look,” Eddie says quickly. “In my defense, I was here first. Also, if he saw me, Hagan was definitely going to beat me up. Except, uh, you’re definitely going to kick my ass anyway for hearing that, so I probably should just cut my losses and accept death at this point.”

Harrington doesn’t seem to know what to say to this, mouth opening and closing slowly. 

“Also, for the record?” Eddie says. “I won’t say anything. I know you have, like, zero reason to trust me, but I’m really good at secrets, dude, like you wouldn’t believe. I haven’t even told Jeff that Gareth—anyways, secrets? What secrets? I didn’t hear anything. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

He gets a scathing look in return. “If you tell anyone—“

“Wait, wait, wait! You said something about mutually assured destruction, right? I get it. I get it, Harrington, fuck, you know I do. Who would believe me if I blabbed, anyway? Who are they gonna believe, the King or the Freak?”

Harrington sighs, but he must see the truth in what Eddie said because he moves away from the stall. Takes a wad of paper towels and starts running them under the sink. 

It emboldens Eddie enough to follow him. “I mean, really, they’d probably just call it wishful thinking or something. Plus, I’m pretty sure most of the school would rather die than talk to me, so, like, you’re safe, man. I’ve already blacked it out in my memory, it’s gone.”

It seems like Harrington has tuned him out, pressing the wet paper towels to his forehead and eye. That’s good, because Eddie doesn’t even know what he’s saying anymore. 

“Also, for the record? That was badass. I don’t think I’d have the guts to do that, even if the entire town kind of knows about me anyway. Which, wow, you were really good at hiding it. Hagan I kind of suspected, given the giant fucking boner he had for you, but you—“

“Do you ever shut up?”

Eddie’s mouth shuts with a click. Harrington sighs again and pinches his nose, looking almost like a mother trying to herd her seven rambunctious children into the minivan. His hands are shaking.  

“You okay, man?” Eddie finally asks quietly. 

Harrington doesn’t say anything, just presses the paper towels over both eyes, like he’s trying to stave something off. Oh, shit, is he…

“Are you…crying?”

“What? No,” Harrington says, obviously lying. “It’s the light, I get headaches. Concussion.”

“Right.”

“Look, can we just forget this ever happened?”

“Already forgotten,” he promises. “But, uh, for the record? That was really brave of you, man.”

“I wouldn’t have gone through with it.”

“That actually kind of surprises me, because I could not tell from your voice. You sounded like you were ready to march up to The Post then and there and spill all Hagan’s dirty little secrets. All ‘I’ve got nothing to lose,’ and shit.” He pitches his voice lower, in a mimic of some action movie hero or something. 

Harrington finally laughs, and something in Eddie thrills at it. “I pulled that outta my ass,” he admits. “I knew he would believe it, ‘cause to him I already did lose everything. My friends, my girlfriend, my…”  he waves his hand around, “my status, or whatever. And a few screws, probably.”

“Well I can attest to the screws, because I think you might be actually insane. You cornered him in an empty bathroom without checking to see if it was actually empty and threatened to out him to the entire town? I thought I was going to have to save your life, Jesus shit. Don’t fucking do that, do you have a death wish or something?”

“I did check,” Harrington snaps. “I looked under the stalls, and none of the doors were locked. Who the hell sits on a toilet like that anyway? You looked like one of those ugly stone fuckers, the ones they put on buildings and shit.”

Eddie bursts out laughing, too incredulous to be offended. “You mean gargoyles?”

“Whatever. Besides, Hagan won’t kill me. He’s too much of a coward.”

“I hate to break it to you, Harrington, but cowards are dangerous too.”

“Not Tommy’s kind of coward” Harrington says. “Not to me.” He wonders about the surety in his voice. Does he think Hagan still has feelings for him? Ex-boyfriends can be the worst kind of assholes. Hell hath no fury like a man scorned. Harrington gives him a look, like he knows exactly what he’s thinking. “He’s a bully and an asshole, but he doesn’t have the guts,” he insists. “He’s no Hargrove.”

Eddie sneers. “Hargrove. The guy’s a fucking psycho.”

“Tell me about it,” Harrington says dryly. He finally looks at Eddie, eyes him up and down. Eddie could take him, honestly, he’s scrappy and Hagan wasn’t lying when he said everyone knows Harrington can’t win a fight. Pair that with the concussion he’s sporting, and it’d probably take a love tap to take him down. But he doesn’t want to. 

“You’re probably better off without Hagan anyway,” he offers helpfully. It doesn’t work, just makes Harrington look like a kicked puppy, damaged and sad and cold. It makes Eddie want to take him in as one of his little lost sheep, honestly, which is an impulse he pushes far, far down. Abdicated or not, a king is no fit for a freak’s friend. Even if he and Byers have been pretty friendly. 

“I know,” he says. “But he was still my friend, you know? Like, the first one I ever had. Maybe that’s why it took me so long to realize.”

He doesn’t know what to say to that. There’s an awkward silence, where Harrington turns his focus back to the mirror. Eddie clears his throat and tries to lighten the mood. “So, you and Byers…”

The look he receives could make the Demogorgon shake in his boots. “Don’t you have a class to fail or something? You should probably go to that before—”

The bell interrupts Harrington perfectly, and he snaps his mouth shut. Eddie snorts. 

“Think it’s a little late for that, but I know a dismissal when I see one. See you around, Harrington.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hey, remember—“

“I know,” he calls behind him, striding for the door. “Mutually assured destruction!”

Leaving the bathroom feels like being reborn a whole new man. He swears the air is cleaner than it ever was before he went in. His last glance behind himself shows Harrington looking in the mirror, no sign of moving as the door shuts. 

As he’s walking to his next class, he spies Wheeler and Byers huddled together, whispering. They look worried. 

They both startle when he speaks. “If you’re looking for Harrington,” he says quietly, stopping next to them, “check the smoke bathroom, by the band hall. I think he’s still in there.”

Wheeler’s brows furrow, but Byers gives him a nod, already moving. Eddie moves along as Wheeler shoots him a quick look of gratitude before following, books hugged to her chest. 

Eddie doesn’t know what’s going on between the three of them, but he kind of wants to now, especially considering Harrington’s non-answer when he asked. He doubts Wheeler is a cover-up, not after her and Harrington’s breakup and the quiet, lovey-dovey honeymoon phase she and Byers seem to be having. The one that kind of seems to tear Harrington to pieces sometimes, even as he sits with them and walks to class with them and even hangs out with them outside of school, if Jeff really saw the three of them at the diner together last week. Maybe Steve Harrington’s a secret masochist.

Then he remembers the bruise yellowing around his eye, the weird tension he has with the guy who beat him up last year. The way he damn near begged Hagan to beat his ass in the bathroom. Not so secret, then. 

Whatever. It’s none of Eddie’s business. He’s gonna soil his reputation if he keeps focusing on Hawkins royalty like this. Never mind the way Harrington’s soiled his own reputation enough. So what if King Steve isn’t king anymore? He’s still just another pretty face. 

A pretty face, with nice arms and big eyes and thighs. And he’s queer, and doesn’t seem like the kind of closeted that would have the usual jock shove him away after getting a blowie. Shit.

His lungs itch for the cigarette he never got to smoke. Too bad the bathroom is occupied.

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Steph: Hey, wouldn't it be hilarious if all B's villains had backstories like the new Disney villain-centric movies?

Barbara: Explain.

Tim: Oh! I get it is like Riddler is evil because a riddle killed his mom!

Barbara: But wouldn't that make so he hated riddles?

Tim: Maybe he hated his mom? You don't know!

Duke: Or maybe he hates riddles and uses them to stop himself and protect the world for the evil he truly represents... Nah, that's stupid.

Barbara: No, no go on.

Steph: It was funny as hell.

Duke: The Riddler hating riddles was not the stupid conspiracy theory I thought I would make for Tim today.

Barbara: How many conspiracy theories did you even made for Tim?

Tim: Does the ones he made for Bernard count?

Duke: A magician never revels their secrets.

Barbara: You're not a magician.

Steph: He could be. Anyway before this ends up with someone giving Duke a box of magic tricks for begginers made for seven year olds *looks pointedly at Babs, she shrugs* my idea was that the number two died trying to save Two-Face's grandma from the other numbers.

Barbara: Okay, this one makes more sense. What about Scarecrow lost his puppie because of a horror movie?

Tim: You judge me but that means Crane would hate fear. So check mate.

Barbara: No, no, hear me out, he lost the puppie because the dog was too brave and stayed during the whole movie. If if had runned afraid it would have been fine.

Duke: My turn! I present all the books they had falled into Mad Hatter's dad killing him except somehow the Alice in Woonderland book that stayed in the shelve so he sweared to never read another book ever again?

Steph: Love it.

Cass: *was always there but hidden in the corner* Great. May I?

Duke, Tim and Steph:*surprised jump scare noises*

Babs: Please. Be our guest.

Cass: Killer Moth was raised by moths. Bruce accidentaly killed his third aunt as a child because he tried to pick it and show Alfred but was too strong.

Duke: You are a genius.

Steph: It's better than whatever official backstory he has.

Dick: *just came back from a mission* What are you guys doing?

Tim: Creating stupid rogues origin stories.

Dick: It seems fun. Let me try... huh... Oswald became Penguin because a Penguin flew through his window the moment he was considering becaming a criminal .

Damian: *was in the mission with Dick* May I try? Joker is a villain because his mother had depression and his jokes never made her happy.

Dick: Holy shit! Too heavy, lil D.

Duke: Sadge.

Tim: It looks like a soap opera plot.

Damian: I DO NOT watch soap operas with umi. SHUT UP!

Tim: Whoa there is a lot to unpack here.

Damian: Say one more word and I'll kill you Drake.

Duke: My bet is on Dami.

Cass: Bet Tim survives but barely.

Dick: Let's all calm down a bit. Maybe Joker became a villain because a mean kid said he wasn't funny.

Jason: *coming out of nowhere* What about Joker became a villain because he sucks?

Steph: That's just real life, Jay. We are trying to have fun here.

Jason: *rolls his eyes* Fine. Let me try again. All of B villains had their family killed by a bat. All of them. The same day, the same bat. Better?

Steph: Amazing!

Tim: Wait a second.

Damian: What now, Drake?

Tim: Bane has a Cruella type backstory!

Babs: *eyes getting huge* Holy shit he kindda has.

Cass: Explain.

Tim: When in the pit because a lot of irrelevant trauma things Bane had nightmares with a half bat half man creature attacking him so his solution was to crack B's spine in half.

Dick: Okay we need to make a Cruella Bane song.

Babs: Is not that close of a backstory.

Dick: So you don't want a Cruella Bane song?

Babs: Good point. I stand corrected.

[quotidian-oblivion]

✨Out of context lines shitpost Pt. 7✨

Part 6

Sorry we've taken so long. Life=sucks. School=hard. Us=dead. But we also spent most of our energy roasting each other online under the tags 'quotidian convos' and 'nogolsta says hi'.

However, we managed to stay funny and collect quotes throughout, so here ye go.

gfhirgy forgot to tag Nog @mispeltnostalgia Here's dumbass #2 guys /aff

Shit we said in class (or in public) as the batfam:

~

Duke: You can’t tease me i got a scholarship

~

Kon: I got these caramels from the shop and they're really stale. But I'm still gonna eat them cuz I don't give a fuck about poisoning myself Bart: Just like how I'm poisoning myself with expired mayonnaise *bites sandwich*

~

[talking about poisoning] Steph: Then they die! >:D Damian: No, they won’t die. They might just get a little dizzy when they stand up. Steph: Oh.

~

Bruce: I have once gone two days without water and was on the brink of death Tim: Once, I hadn’t drunk enough water for a couple of days and I went to stand up, but I just c o l l a p s e d on the ground

[while deciding on who would say what]Nog: Hm… who would be stupid enough to— it’s Bruce.

~

Tim: The level of projection has gone so far that I am now projecting into school assignments.

~

Teenage!Bruce: *goes for a high five* Alfred: *awkwardly holds his hand*

~

Babs: Tim, have you gotten a date for Valentine's yet? Tim: Yeah. I’m texting them right now, Babs: Who is it? *leans over to see* Babs:  Babs: Are you roleplaying with a chips company? Tim: I asked them on Instagram and they said yes as long as I add them as one of WE’s sponsors.

Quo: Nog is in a committed relationship with Arnott’s Shapes. Do you have any words to say to your lover, Nog?Nog: ❤️chimpkon crimpens❤️Quo: And that’s real love, guys.

~

Duke: A lot has happened since last week, I have a whole ass big fucking family now Dick: That happened today

~

Tim: The world is an oyster and Jason is gonna eat it Jason: What? Oh. Yeah. Nom.

~

Steph: I stand up and a Niagra Falls of popcorn falls down off my boobs.

~

Bart and Kon: jAywALkjAYwAlKjaYWaLkJaYwALkJAyWalK

~

Damian: You need protection for kissing as well and it’s called a boxing glove.

~

Lex Luthor: You’re not a gamer Kon: no but i am a gay mer… person. I’m a mermaid- oh no the condensation

[washa]

I listened to The Summit audio and here’s my favourite personal comments/thoughts! (IM STILL IN SHOCK WHAT TEH FUCK)

HELP OF COURSE ASHER LOST A FUCKING SHOE 

David’s gonna whip your ass Ash 

WHY ARE WE ROASTING ASHER SO BAD

Milo being a fashionista cannon

“Good thing belts don't correlate to height.” DAVID

Ash, Baabe, get a fucking room 

Sweetheart i’m crying please give a man some dress socks

---------------------

Vincent sounds so anxious

AWH NO WILL COME ON MAN NOT THE ASSISTANT 

Vincent baby… 😕

“I can't control how people are acting but I can control how I react.” PREACHHH VINCENT 

Mhm run past me. OOH MUSIC FUCK YES, THE DRACULA MUSIC I LOVE IT 🙏

Surprise??? He’s spoiling Lovely so bad

I'M SCARED IS IT GONNA JUMP AT ME LIKE THOSE PLASTIC SPIDERS

A CROWN?? NO NO NO THAT’S SO FUCKING SWEET 

THE SAME CRAFTSMAN AND EVERYTHING I CANNOT DO THIS😭

Wait, does Sam have a crown too?? Like being a duke

HE CALLED US BABY I CANNOT 

-----------------------

Shit these sound effects are FIRE

Yo Sam wassup my guy.

Oh Porter. Hi dear ☹️

Sam is literally the opposite of me I love small talk and big events lmfao 

“Good people” He’s so salty lmfao

There’s no way Darlin’ isn’t smoking hot rn

AY ICE CREAM TUBS, Mint chocolate chip for the win 🙌

I imagine them going hand in hand, like elbows connected.

--------------------------

Porter being a smooth bitch. (as usual)

Vincent is surprisingly kind abt this, well as nice as he can

IS TREASURE NOT HERE?? DID PORTER GASLIGHT ALL OF US.. 😰

That went well. Lovely calm your boyfriend before he pulls out his hair

Nah let like Sam punch him it’s funnier.

Are these other vamps that bad oh my god 

Ooh business deals?? Yes make that moolah.

Eccentric?? Tf you mean eccentric. I don’t think David can handle more eccentric people in his life.

HELP NOT ASH PICKING UP ON VINCENT (unrelated but can we just acknowledge how emotionally mature and smart Asher is?)

WHAT DID ASH DO?? TEAR DOWN A WALL???

Oh god Bennetts?? They sound pleasant.

Wait wait, House of Baz were allies, and but every word out of Deon's mouth was to diss William??? WHAT TYPE OF SHITTY ALLIES

I want those two to die, for all of their house to run into the sun. 

-----------------------

ALEXIS HOLY SHIT AH

Latest conquest?? Come here let me rip you up 

JESUS WHAT THE FUCK ALEXIS?? SORRY I'M NOT IMMORTAL GOD DAMN.

I don’t wanna fight you lex. YOU GROW UP?? PETTINESS IS CHILDISH.

You selfish little bitch. I’M GONNA BITE HER URGHSHSHGY

Porter thank FUCK YOU'RE HERE

YES YES YES PORTER OH MY GOD GO PORTER, Thank you Porter 😭

Alexis can suck my dick. 

“Like a proper family” That's an interesting view on what your idea of a loving family is Porter.

Sammy BOY??? HELP IM CACKLING

Surprisingly Porter is in the right here. 

WOAH SHOWDOWN SHOWDOWN WOO 

WAS PORTER JUST LEFT THERE

-----------------------

Oh god what fucking now, i cannot DEAL with anymore self centred fuckers.

Is he warning us? What’s happening.

OH MY GOD ADAM I FORGOT ABT HIM. 

Ykw he’s got a point here, a REALLY good point. CONSIDERING THE HOUSE OF BAZ THING.

ALEXIS SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE IN YOUR WRINKLED SQUEZZED GRAPE ASS LIFE

Sam :((( yes Sam you deserve that.

-----------------------

Asher and Milo bring up the mood woop woop 

HOLY SHIT JUMPSCARE

Good lord Porter has a bad rep already w them

Investor gadget woop woop, investor gadget bam bam bam bam go gadget go bup bam bam bam badum badump.

?? CLOSEKNIT?? GOD DAMMIT FUCK CAN WE GO ONE VIDEO WITHOUT REFERENCING THEM

Milo clamp your jaw for a sec

OH MY GOD THE BENNETTS SUPPLIED CLOSEKNIT??

PORTER YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD THANK YOOU FOR THE LORE DROP. 

Wait wait we’re doing it now? OH GOD WE’RE GONNA INVESTIGATE NOW AT THE SUMMIT.

Sam said a lot of things..

WAIT NO ONE ELSE BUT DAVID KNOWS WHAT MILO DID?? Even after 2 years??

No Sweetheart think abt this please what if ya get caught.

GO BETA GO BETA FUCK IT UP WOOAHH (i’m sorry i'm so stressed.)

-----------------------

You should’ve punched her Sam, you should’ve.

Sam and Darlin’ needed better taste in vamps ffs 

Sam therapy time 😇🥳 (as required in every Sam video)

YES SAM STAND UP FOR YOURSELF 

God Sam and Darlin’ are so fucking sweet URGDHAKDA

-----------------------

Is Angel stuck talking there or??

Imagine talking to someone for like 15 minutes and come back to find your friends stalking a head of the house. David needs a panadol for the headache coming up.

-----------------------

OOH ARE WE EAVESDROPPING.

Well nobody wants to join a cult tbh, like that’s so suspicious.

This is a surprisingly civil argument, i was expecting someone getting thrown through a wall

UH OH WE ALMOST GOT CAUGHT??

-----------------------

WHY ARE THEY FIGHTING WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

What’s up w the king

HUH HE’S DEAD????? WHEN I SAID I WANTED HIM DEAD I DIDN'T MEAN ACTUALLY DEAD.

TAH’S IT TAHT ITS WAHTD THE FUCK? DID SWEETHEART KILL HIM? DID CHRIS DO IT HOW DID ALEXIS KNOW, IS THAT WHY PORTER PICKED A FIGHT??? TO CREATE A DISTRACTION?? 

So no ice cream?? 💔

[currentfandomkick]

Adding on to the issue? Danny comments that their patron spirit is legit draining and killing him.

So one of the reasons Danny is dying is that the very entity that embodies their city and has kept them from dying in Gotham is actively being a parasite on this child who is dying Because the bats kept interfering with his desperate attempts to leave.

Anyone wondering how Jason would feel about the very spirit that brought him back from the dead as his death was unjust in her POV as it was away from her. That same spirit is killing a kid who wants to go home. Just like he had when he was dying in Ethiopia and trying to save his bio mom and himself from the bomb.

And can anyone even read his schematics? Even with the math as a universal language, I doubt the same can be said about the periodic table.

So Danny, having accepted his impending death while Tim is trying to get Danny home. Jason is having an existential crisis.

Bruce and Damian are feeling especially guilty as they understood Danny and told everyone to treat him as hostile and were in a tizzy about a LOA agent making devices that resembled teleportation between worlds.

This is not a LOA agent.

This is a child being killed by their city spirit who is actively consuming this child’s actual soul. This is a kid who fought them tooth and nail trying to get home and they were the ones stopping him. Bruce’s paranoia being why the kid is dying.

Damian feeling like he backslid in learning to apply compassion to others as he did not extend it to this kid his age who used an old LOA dialect. Which should have been a sign more was going on but he had tunnel vision when the idea of the LOA being active in Gotham again.

Dick, let him be in space and come back to a kid that is dying as Gotham’s Spirit is actually preying on him.

Hell, Dick can even remove him from the observatory, kick him into one of Blud’s and get people helping the kid get back home.

Stephanie can even have the weird relationship with Danny making jokes about having died herself and come back (screw the ‘faked her death’ storyline. Stephanie came back and was terrified of what it meant to be rejected by death and forcibly brought back by the city spirit as ‘others offered to take your place as you saved them. So you can live for now.’)

Have stephanie and Danny make jokes about dying and being told by death ‘fuck you, go back.’ Only Danny is being dragged to death by a spirit he can’t physically fight and Stephanie is in favor of Danny staying away from Gotham for his own safety.

And let the others not know about this as ‘how do you explain that to a family that never stopped grieving Jason Todd, Robin 2’ even after Jason came back as Red Hood.

Cass gives him pictures of the stars from different locations. Babs keeps trying to get Danny to fight back, but he is visibly less responsive each day.

Up to writer if Danny passes before the portal to danny’s dimension is fixed.

For anyone asking where Duke is, you have OptionsTM as his powers vary a lot and depending on what his relationship is with the others and how they perceive him changes what steps and actions he may take. List below!

Duke clocks Danny as Nonhuman the one time he runs into Danny and kickstarts the Batfam ‘oh shit thats not LOA’ issue

Duke is the only one able to transport Danny outside of Gotham despite others attempts. This is the wakeup call that Danny is a victim in a horror movie and they are helping the monster.

Duke and Danny bother the fuck out of each other. Danny can clock Duke’s BS about never getting up to shit while Duke sees through Danny’s tells despite not having a language in common (his weakening ecto-field changes shapes depending on bis emotions. Can also project them.) duke Hates this. Danny can’t stand the glowstick as he reminds him of thinking heroics would be better than it was for him.

Duke’s future vision let him see Danny dying. He’s the one who blurts out that Danny’s trying to go home and if he doesn’t get there not only will Danny die, but a bunch of pissed off metas from that realm will come and personally raze gotham in unending droves for killing Their Guardian Ghost Boy. This kicks most of the batfam from sad boy hours to ‘oh fuckfuckshit.’

Duke decides Danny is His Friend Now Motherfuckers and even when Danny is back in his dimension? Duke uses the shadow teleportation thing his umbrakinesis lets him do to visit danny

Duke legit finds out about this Whole Mess and asks Danny what his dimension is like. Uses the ectoplasm to teleport him and Danny into the Far Frozen and konks out after doing so as Lots Of Power to do so. Batpanic as Danny ‘must have kidnapped Duke.’ Danny and Duke understand each other via Ghost Speak. Duke is the only one who can understand as Clocky likes him and gave him that ability as a treat with the future vision.

Combos of the above! Mix and match to your personal preference

Duke striaght up struggles with Danny’s Death Aura and is sick around him. Still tries to help but fuck his life, ectoplasm = debilitating migraine… and as Danny dies Duke can be closer to him with less injury but it’s still an issue that Danny is dying and Duke is out here trying to find out how he can help. Possibly bugs some of the rogues to help as they are more chill with him as the newest bat and a meta. Ivy may or may not make ecto-filtering and producing plants to help.

Step 1: Get stuck in another dimension. Step 2: build a portal back to the Ghost Zone. Step 3: Leave.

Danny's got it down to a science at this point. It barely takes him a week to get back home. (Except for the time the dimension he landed in was in the stone age, but we don't talk about that.)

Step 1 was easy enough, if involuntary. Now, step 2 is where it's all going wrong.

This dimension's language isn't one he speaks. That's fine, maybe adds a day or two to the search for parts, but the main problem is the people dressed in Halloween costumes, speaking like they're from a Shakespearean play who always find him and wreck his portal.

And it's not like he can just move to a different city, this one's soaked in ectoplasm. He'd have to spend a pretty fair amount of time searching for another place as saturated as this one.

Meanwhile, the Bats are not having a good time. Some League or League-adjacent member speaking a barely intelligible form of the League dialect keeps attempting to build some sort of weapon in Gotham, and refuses all communication in English.

(AKA: Danny is stuck in another dimension where his English is their League dialect. He just wants to go home now, please.)

[frostbittenbucky]

Batkids on the way to the beach

Jason: [driving] “ah shit. We forgot to grab the food in the fridge”

Duke: “at least we’ve only been driving for 20 minutes”

Stephanie: “boo! You suck”

Dick: “you were in charge of the food! Jay, take this exit”

Jason: “yea yea, I know my way around Gotham”

Cass: “you suck at directions”

Jason: “shut up”

Damian: “don’t hit him while he’s driving. We’ll get him later”

Cass: [puts fist down]

At the manor

Jason: “ok here, everyone help pack the food—“

Tim: [jogs in the kitchen] “I found my towel! Sorry for taking so long guys. I’m surprised you waited for me without complaining“

Jason: [makes eye contact with Dick]

Dick: [shaking his head]

Duke: [frozen holding a sandwich] “… h-hey Tim! Of course we’d wait for you” [nervous laughter]

Stephanie: “Tim, since we waited for you can you go and get my phone charger upstairs?”

Tim: “you got it!” [runs off]

Everyone: [groups together]

Dick: “how the fuck did we forget Tim??”

Jason: “I legit didn’t even notice. I’m not trying to be funny right now”

Damian: “I also didn’t notice”

Duke: “oh shit shit, he’s gonna know. He’s a detective like the rest of us! He’ll figure it out”

Dick: [lays hand out] “no. He will never know, because we never left.”

Cass: “we’re horrible people”

Jason: “we take it to the grave”

[hintofelation99]

Bruce, handing Jason a present: Happy birthday Jaylad, I’m so glad you decided to spend this one with the family.

Jason, opening his present: Thanks B, it’s nice to- what is this?

Bruce: It’s a new bag, now you can get rid of the old one.

Jason: My old duffel bag is in perfect condition, why would I get rid of it?

Bruce: Well, I wouldn’t say it’s in perfect condition. It has some pretty bad stains…

Jason: Alfred got most of those out for me. You know that.

Bruce: Well, it- I just- for the love of god Jason you kept drug dealers heads in that bag!

Jason: Exactly, that just proves it’s a sturdy bag!

Bruce: But the bloodstains!

Jason: Are mostly gone!

Bruce: Just throw out the bag Jason!

Jason: No! It’s sentimental!

Bruce: It’s senti- what the fuck Jason?!

Jason: I’ve had that bag since I was a kid, since before you took me off the streets…

Bruce: Oh, Jason I’m sorry I didn’t-

Jason: Nah I’m just kidding I got it at Walmart after I cut off the first drug lords head and realized I had no where to put it.

Bruce:

Jason: Still not throwing it out.

———

Dick: Happy birthday Little Wing! I’m so glad you’re back and celebrating with us, I really went all out on your present this year.

Dick passes Jason a large box.

Jason: Thanks Dickface, I’m happy to-

Dick absolutely giddy.

Jason: Dick, is this my headstone?

Dick: Yes.

Jason: Did you steal my headstone?

Dick: Yes.

Jason: Did you really steal my headstone, wrap it up, and give it to me for my birthday?

Dick: Yes.

Jason: And you thought this was a good idea?

Dick: Yes.

Jason: …

Dick: So, do you like it? Or do you love it?

Jason looks at the headstone, face blank.

Jason: Dick, I- this- this is the best fucking present you ever got me, let’s go hang it!

———

Jason: So, Timmy…

Tim, on the bat computer not paying attention to Jason: What.

Jason: Y’know it’s my birthday, right?

Tim: Of course I do, why else would I be wearing all black.

Jason: Okay, hardy har har, a super boy t-shirt and black sweatpants don’t count as a mourning outfit.

Tim: Keep telling yourself that.

Jason rolls his eyes leans on Tim’s chair. He proceeds to subtly try to annoy Tim.

Tim: What? Did you come here just to annoy me or did you want something?

Jason: Well, now that you ask… what’d you get me for my birthday?

Tim: Nothing.

Jason, looking unimpressed: Really? You got me nothing?

Tim: Yup. Nothing.

Dick walks into the cave looking at some papers, not paying attention.

Dick: Wow Tim, nice job with that new community center! I still can't believe you were able to buy Jason's old apartment complex before they demolished it.

Dick looks up: Oh, hi Jason! Have you visited the Catherine Todd Community Center yet?

Jason turns to Tim who's basically glowing red. Tim tries not to make eye contact.

Jason: Did you turn my old apartment into a community center?!

Tim: No.

Jason: You fucking liar! How did you do that without me noticing?

Tim, whispering clearly embarassed about how much effort he put into Jason's birthday: You were off planet... and I was, uh, bored?

Jason: You are such a little liar you shithead, god fucking dammit Tim!

Tim: I'm sorry okay!

Jason: Why the fuck are you apologizing?! This is the best present ever you asshole!

Tim: Then why do you sound mad?!?!

Jason: IT'S CALLED BEING AGGRESSIVELY HAPPY ASSHOLE! Fuck, you suck... and I love you... you're a good brother... asshole.

Tim: It wasn't just me, Cass helped.

Dick: Cass has been coordinating the after school events, she's surprisingly good at it. Honestly it could be a future career path.

Cass: Maybe.

Everyone jumps.

Jason: Holy shit, when did you get here?!

Cass: Been here.

Cass passes Jason a brochure for the Catherine Todd Community Center.

Cass: Happy birthday!

———

Damian: Todd. I am told that it is tradition to give family members birthday presents. Here is yours.

Damian immediately leaves.

Jason, looking at the box and reading the letter aloud: 'For the next time'?

Jason opens the box.

Jason: YOU GOT ME A SHOVEL YOU ASSHOLE?!?!

———

Duke, passes Jason an envelope: Hey Jay, happy birthday!

Jason, slowly opening the envelope: Thanks Duke.

Jason looks at the two slips of paper and smiles.

Jason: Wait, what? Are these?

Duke: Two tickets to hear Margaret Atwood speak, I thought it might be fun together. I mean- uh, unless you don't want to- you can take Roy or some one else. I know we're technically brothers, but like-

Jason: Shut up Dukie-

Duke: Did you just call me Dookie-

Jason: Shhh, shut up, there's no technically about it. We're brothers and we're gonna go to this talk together and bond and shit.

Duke smiles: Oh, okay, cool.

———

Steph throws a book at Jason's head: Happy birthday asshole.

Jason, looks at it slightly confused: Wait, did you get me a fucking coupon book?

Steph: Yup, I'm not adopted, I don't get that good good Wayne allowance.

Jason, looks at it for a second then shrugs: Fair, wanna go to Olive Garden? I have a buy one get one entree?

Steph: Hell yeah.

———

Babs tosses a bag at Jason, and tries not to smile: Happy birthday.

Jason, pulls a hoodie out of the bag: What the fuck?

Turns the hoodie around to reveal a sweatshirt that says "Red-arse 4ever" With a giant heart.

Babs, trying not to laugh: Do you like it?

Jason glaring at her: I hate you.

Babs: Try it on!

Jason: Fuck you I'm not-

Roy walks in and sees the hoodie.

Roy: Babe! I love it!!

Babs starts crying laughing.

[woahajimes]

APPLAUD ME FOR THIS

I FIGURED OUT THE BATFAMILY AGES and here is my thought process: (disclaimer: if you don’t like it then suck it) and also i might be wrong 

(edit: I rephrased a few things and took out keboard smashes so its somehwat easier to understand)

Bruce became batman when he was twenty-five (25) - and I know that some people want to say 22 because this way things work out nicer, but yeah. He was 25. 

He took in Dick when he [Dick] was nine (9) years old, even though he looks older than that in his first appereance (detective comics #38), but we're going to stick with nine, even tho new 52 says 15, and others say 12 (because reboots suck <3)

SO DICK AND BRUCE (if we’re assuming that Bruce adopted Dick at the age of 25, and please let’s just do) HAVE AN AGE GAP OF SIXTEEN  (16) YEARS. 

Dick was Robin when he was in college, and then he became nightwing (discowing) when he was 19 (ish, but then again, everything in this post is -ish)

Around this time, with Dick being off queerbaiting people, Jason came in. And I’m not sure exactly how old Dick was then, but he was still in the discowing costume, so I’m going to say he’s 19-20 (still). 

And Jason was 12 when he was taken in by Bruce, with the whole Ma gunn’s school for boys crap. Bruce wouldn’t send in a nine year old. 

Jason (12) and Dick (19) have an age gap of seven (7) years. 

Jason and Bruce have one of 25 years. Which DOES make sense, with Jason being born around the time Bruce became Batman. 

Jason died when he was 15, and around this time (perhaps a few months later), Tim Drake went all “Batman needs a robin!” (but in a much more creepy way, you know), and at THAT time, he was... what, 12? Yeah. Let’s say 12. 

Tim and Jason (who was like 15 3/4) have an age gap of three (3) years. 

Tim and Dick (who was 22 when Jason died, aka when tim showed up) have an age hap of TEN years. DISCLAIMER!!! THE WHOLE ‘tim was there when dick’s parents died’ makes NO SENSE in ANY WAY AT ALL. because if tim was three, as most say, then dick was 9, and they’d have an age gap of...6 years... and then dick would be 18.... and tim would be 12.... and dick was still robin.... and that makes no sense because at this time jason was JUST ABOUT to appear in the scene, and THREE YEARS PASSED after jason was in the scene, so no sorry <3

tim and bruce have an age gap of,,, 26-27 years... i think i’m doing the math right....

In Tim’s red Robin run, he’s like 16, let’s PLEASE SAY 16 because 16-year-old CEO and blah blah blah 

at that SAME TIME, Steph was starting college, so she was 17-18. Steph is older than tim, but just by like,,, a year or a bit more. 

But ANYWAYS IN STEPH’S RUN there’s Damian and Damian is around TEN so Steph and Damian have a like 7-year difference, or so. 

Damian and Tim have an age gap of six (6) years

Damian and Jason have an age gap of nine (9) years. 

Damian and Dick (who was batman at the time, because Bruce was stuck in time or some shit) have an age gap of sixteen (16) years (the same age gap that bruce and dick have which is cool) 

Damian and Bruce then have an age gap of 32. So like Bruce went out for dick (lowercase) while Dick (Grayson) was Robin. 

(and i KNOW that duke and cass are around steph/jason’s age, but I don’t know much for sure and it pisses me off BUT cass is older than steph because cass wore the batgirl costume when she was 17, BUT THEN steph used cass’s batgirl costume as well because ‘cass didn’t need it anymore’ so yeah and steph was 17-18 SO LIKE they’re the same age or cass is oder by a bit)

So around right now, the ages are (sortaish)-

Damian is 14. Because Jon was said to be 11 before he went to space and got fucked up. (i want to say damian’s closer to 15 actually but then i feel like not yet)- and we don’t know what the fuck is gonna happen in his run in april so let’s see how that goes. 

This would make Tim 20. And i KNOW that some people go ‘oh he’s 16 he’ll be forever 16′ and i GET IT. i do. But i’m doing the math. 

This makes Steph around 21. Duke probably 21. (I think)

And because Tim is 20, Jason is 23. Which is nice. 

Cass was said to be older than Jason by around six months so she’s around 23-24.

This makes Dick (Grayson) 30. And honestly I don’t get how it’s hard to admit??? Like he’s thirty let him be thirty.

So Barbara is around 31-32 (I’m not sure) But she’s in her early thirties

And Bruce is in his mid-40s so. Let that sink in. 

[buckyegans]

“This is unfair!” You exclaimed, holding the loaded Nerf gun to your chest. This game was getting…intense to say the least. At this point, it had been normal for the Wayne children to preoccupy themselves on off-days with fairly immature activities. For example, a few weeks ago it was hide and seek (Damian won) then assassin (Damian won, again!). Now, it was Duke’s bright idea to purchase far too many Nerf guns while Bruce was away at a confrence for the day. Alfred? He was probably hiding away due to all the ruckus occuring in the once neat and tidy rooms of Wayne Manor. The game had been a steady chaotic climb from the moment Dick had declared the start: there was scrambling and running, the constant click of plastic as you all sprinted to hide and ready.

Alfred hated to admit that this was, in all honesty, a good training exercise. It had been all game at first��then, as Jason would say, shit got real. You realised that when you ducked behind the sofa to hide from Jason himself, who was silent despite the click of his guns. There was no outs of this game—if you got hit? Suck it up. Out of ammo? Find some more. It was do or die in this moment—and you? You needed to find a way to get to the staircase without Jason either seeing you or hitting you. In mention of a real scenario like this—there was only room for a handful of risks. Treating the little metal darts like lead bullets—you needed to make it safe and get into the clear.

“Why is it unfair?” Jason yelled.

“I don’t know—you’re like, a killshot!” You exclaimed as if it were the obvious (it was), stuffing darts into your Nerf gun. You knew from where you sat, Jason was in the heap of cushions and pillows. “Okay, and? Roy Harper taught you how to shoot—I don’t wanna hear it from you, dude!” Jason yelled back. You huffed, composing yourself and turned to look around the corner of the couch to assess the situation. Jason was looking down at his gun, reloading it. Just as you had guessed, your brother was stomach down on the cushions, socked feet hanging in the air as if he weren’t shooting at you. Jason looked up, locking eyes with you.

A grin flashed on his face and he aimed at you. You were quick to duck, scrambling back to your base at the couch. He snickered loudly. You looked around you for something—you were resourceful, everyone in the family knew that. So, you needed to use your resources. You looked to the kitchen before looking at the dining room table just some ways away from you. A ceramic bowl had tipped over earlier, its contents spilled onto the floor when Damian had used all his force to shove Dick out of his way when the game had started. Dick didn’t fall, but had lost his balance on the slick wood floor. Aha! You smiled widely, looking at the apple just out of arms reach. It’s not like you’d never thrown an apple at one of your siblings heads—because you had. So, why not once more for the sake of your hypothetical safety?

You stretched your arm and reached for it, fingertips barely touching the fruit. Jason was still firing over your head occasionally. Just as you grasped the apple, the staircase to your left filled with noise. There was half-assed yelling, and the familiar cackle from Steph. “How dare you point that feeble weapon at me, Timothy!” Stephanie yelled, accompanied by the sound of dragging. You and Jason both perked up, watching as Steph drug Tim on a cushion towards the staircase landing. There was more cushioning at the end of the plush stairs due to Dick setting a few ground safety rules. Tim held onto the cushion he was on loosely—looking a little bored. Steph stopped dragging him once she stood at the top of the stairs. “Look at me! I want to watch as you fall!” She yelled.

Tim looked up slowly. Steph’s foot met the edge of the cushion. “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father—prepare to die!” Stephanie yelled, quoting the Princess Bride before shoving the cushion down the stairs. It had been an anticlimactic fall—well, more so a slide down the stairs. But, it gave you the chance to launch the apple towards Jason. It missed his head, hitting his shoulder. You stood with the Nerf bow in hand—eyes wide in a maniac sort of state. “GRENADE!” You yelled.

Stephanie came barreling into the room, making explosions sounds and shooting at Jason as she followed after you. You ditched your previous plan of the staircase due to Tim laying there—probably planning to sleep there until the game’s end, instead you opted to dip into the storage closet. You held your weapon close to yourself as you reached for the light. Once your fingers met it, switching it on, you jumped in surprise at the figure opposite of you. Sitting atop the shelves, knees close to his chest, Dick sat with his gun aimed at you.

“Funny seeing you here. Cass, lock the door.”

Cass slipped from underneath the shelves beside you and locked the door behind you. “Duke, reveal yourself.” Dick ordered after the door was locked. Out of the shadows of the room, Duke stepped into the dim light. “You got away from Jaybird, huh? You must have guts.” Dick said, dropping down from the shelf. You looked at him suspiciously. “I used my resources. Steph caused a scene so I threw a grenade at him.” You informed to your oldest brother. Dick dropped the act for a moment.

“A grenade?”

“An apple.”

“Oh. Anyways, I think you would be a good ally to my team.”

You pursed your lips. “What’s in it for me, Grayson?” You questioned.

Dick thought for a moment. “The bounty on Jason’s head is yours.”

This had turned from training to Star Wars very quickly. “Deal.” You said, holding your hand out. Dick shook it. “Let’s go take him out.” You said.

[gothamcitytrash]

The Bet

Steph - …

Jason - …

Steph - Truth or Dare?

Jason - oh fuckin finally something to do , erm … dare

Steph - I dare you to be nice to everyone for 24 hours

Jason - Easy

Steph- No snarky comments

Jason - less easy but still doable

Steph - or backhanded compliments

Jason - oh

Steph - no insults either

Jason - wait a sec…

Steph- AND you can’t leave the manor or force people to leave

Jason - ah fuck , nah i got this

Steph - and if you fail , you can’t eat Alfred’s cooking for a month and you have to say i’m better than you BUT if you prevail , i have to say that YOURE better than me … Deal?

Jason - you’re on blondie

——— Jason wonders off to get something to eat and sees Tim practising anime moves in the mirror ———

Jason - … nope , too tempting

—— Jason passes Dick’s room to see him dancing to ABBA in a Wonder Woman halloween costume ——

Jason - i’m fucked

——— Jason makes it to the kitchen and makes himself lunch , Bruce comes to sit down next to him . Jason sees that Bruce is making the ‘Parentface‘ while scrolling on his phone with his index finger

Jason - oh i’m gonna die

Bruce confused - ?!?

——— Jason walks to the door and opens it to see Steph standing there ———

Steph - Whatcha Doin?

Jason - Nothing , i er … i was just getting some fresh air

Steph - sure , i’ll let you quit if you say i’m better than you

Jason backing off - i walked from Ra’s Compound to Gotham City , i can do this and youll never hear that outta my fucking mouth

Steph shouting - YOU DIDNT SAY I WASNT BETTER THAN YOU

——— Jason panicking and sees Duke walking into his room ———

Jason - DUKE

Duke jumping out of his skin - PLEASE DONT HURT ME IM JUST A BOY

Jason - oh thank god , i’m not gonna hurt ya but you gotta help me

Duke befuddled - oh…kay

Jason - i made a bet with Steoh that i could be nice to everyone for the rest of the day

Duke - why? , why would you do that , you can’t go 10 mins without an insult

Jason - i’ve lasted 3 hours so far , and i have 2 hours left but Damian , Babs , Cass and harper are gonna and home soon

Duke - so?

Jason - SO , they’re getting back from the KISS concert

Duke - oh

Jason - yeah fucking oh

Duke - Damian went to a KISS concert?

Jason - he lost a bet to Steph too

Duke - gosh… she’s a menace

— Damian , Babs , Cass and Harper come home —

Jason - … their here

Duke - you have to go downstairs

Jason - i’m scared

Duke - it’s okay , it’s just saying “ you’re better than me steph “

Steph from the vents - thank you duke

Duke terrified - AHHH WHAT THE FRICK

Jason pointing up - she’s in the fuckin vent dude

—— Jason wonders off to the library but hears ——

Cass - Jay!

Jason pretending to be invisible - …

Cass - Jay , the concert was so cool

Harper - yeah it’s was fuckin fun

Babs - even Damian was head banging

Damian - it was a fun activity , the outfits and face paint were a bit much

Jason physically recoils - ….

Harper - makeup

Damian - what did you just say Row

Harper - make-up , it’s makeup

Damian - you’re lying

Babs - she isn’t , technically it’s Bruce’s eyeshadow for patrol

Damian - i’m going to kill you Row

——— Damian stumbles over in his platforms ———

Jason - I CANT FUCKIN DO THIS MAN!!!

Everyone - huh?

Jason turning around slowly - i can’t be nice c not even for 7 stupid fuckin hours… STEPH YOU FUCKIN WIN ALRIGHT , JUST LET ME OUT OF THIS CURSE

Steph dropping down from the ceiling - if you want this to stop , you know what to say

Jason - ah fuck … Steph?

Steph with a shit eating grin on her face - yes?

Jason - you’re better than me

Steph - That was very nice Jason

Jason - so i don’t have to be nice anymore

Steph - pretty much

Jason - oh thank god

———————Jason takes a deep breath——————

Jason - Dick , that wonder woman costume is extremely unflattering and makes you look flatter than Stephs hair in the morning and you can’t sing at all

Dick and Steph - Hey!?!

Jason - Bruce ; you are the crypt keeper and the fact you can stand up without crumbling into a pile of dust is beyond me

Bruce - Watch it

Jason - Tim , pretend and try as you might , you’ll never be Goku and it’s ridiculous that you keep trying , you are a subpar power ranger at best

Tim - harsh but needed

Jason - and now you four , you all look like bruce’s first draft of his batsuit , and Damian , even in platforms you are only 4ft tall AT BEST

Damian - Watch your Tongue Todd

Jason at Harper- this is the first time you’ve ever been able to convince somebody of something because you fuckin suck at lying and it’s embarrassing to watch

Harper - Damn

Jason - Babs… Red hair doesn’t suit you

Babs - Say that again and see what happens jackass

Jason - and finally … Cass

Cass - :)

Jason - yeah i got nothing … phew i didn’t think i could go on much longer

Everyone - Hungry ?

Everyone replying - Yes?

Alfred - Dinners Ready!

Jason - fuck yeah

Steph - whoa whoa , where do you think you’re going?

Jason- to eat?

Steph - did you last until midnight with out being a dick?

Jason - oh no! , no! , no please don’t do this

Steph - Goodbye Jason

Jason falling to his knees like Darth Vader - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO