#are all the proportions off? yeah
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it's been a while since I've picked up my tablet, but I tried to doodle a bit today, and so far this is the most Iona-Iona that I've ever managed to get on the page! (Now that I have a PC that can actually handle it, it might be fun to try to learn digital painting again ❤️)
#squirrel...... draws? i guess?#yeah that's gotta be one already right#squirrel draws#oc: iona raedir#are all the proportions off? yeah#is it just generally all out of whack? yeah#i'm trying to do the “do whatever part feels like it'd be fun” approach to any creative hobby I do#and so far the fun parts have been sketching a portrait of a pretty woman; putting flat colors down; and rendering her eyes halfway#i'm thinking of like a gauzy shawl or something with the necklace that matches her eyes#that's like my little Narrative Device#maybe i'll do like a silver/blue version because that's what she has acts 1-2#and a gold/amber one for late act 3
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i was thinking about this line from my fic:
But the fall had hurt, too. Because the wind had cut into his useless wings like knives, his skin and grace peeling away under the friction, and he had been looking right up at the multicoloured and unreachable expanse of sky just to see it fade from his eyes into dull greys.
and i came up with this. i hope the vision came through
#fearandhatred#fearandpoetry#<- check out this tag for some relatively more normal poetry#this was written at 3 am once again#i am really just out here doing anything#don't think this needs much explanation but i shall yap anyway#this is just crowley through the ages but as he discovers more about the earth he also finds more things he can compare hurt to#because in the beginning all he could compare the wind cutting into him with was the wind itself#and also abandonment. because imo that is one of the first Big Negative Emotions he ever felt besides his dreams being crushed lmaoo#but i think it's fun how this poem also implies that he's constantly thinking about how the fall hurt and how everything reminds him of it#this was also very tedious for the perfectionist in me and the proportions are STILL off#because i only drafted out the wings lmao i was not planning on including the head#then i was like wait what if people don't realise that it's wings#so that happened#and changing the proportions means changing the structure which i do not want to do#good omens#good omens season 2#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#crowley#aziraphale#good omens poetry#good omens fanart#yeah tagging this as fanart because i had to draw everything out first lmao#poetry#writing
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Mother drop more Wifey artworks please 😭
- 🎂 anon
Sighs, just because you are the current number 1 Yulian fucker 🎂 anon okay
(drools) if only I know how to draw men… I think there’d be a lot of Yulian and others’ arts if I can… (drools)
#yeah off proportion but who cares?#ladies and gentlemen; for those who doesn't know how Yulian looks like; you've got this new official illustration#theatric guest#Art Shelves#yulian the corruption#theres other arts of him but it's trial and error lol (looks way worse)#also his eyes are sooooo... not droopy but know; resting face all time
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day 1: first meeting of rohan except its the second bc i reposted it
#ocstober2024#drawtober#oc tober#yeah idk how to tag this esp bc i dont plan for all my “”“”drawtober“”“” things to be off the same prompt list so we'll see ANYWAYS#repost bc the proportions were BAD bad like sometimes i just let it go but this time#it legit didnt look like rohan so i was like ✏️🗿#oc#rohan#my art
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Requestober 2024 Sketches
The playlist is...well, it will be posting very soon! Keep an eye out for your req(s) every Wednesday and/or Friday after the 6th (I think?), pretty sure I got ‘em all >:3c
Doing the full season this time around! The entire mixed bag o’ candy haha
Day 1 had my beautiful boys!! ♥ I’m so happy that Yanderapy took the lead this year ah! It’s too bad I’m so out of practice with them haha, unconfident lines, but the idea was solidly in place from the word go - this was really the only image that came to mind for them, their weird dynamic hehe <3 Made for each other! I am glad their expressions came together so well in the final version, though I didn’t get to show Micchan kneeling! That’s alright tho ♪ Cute enough here hehe
Day 2 got a lot of notes! Kabu’s clothing design is So complex lol, just toss him behind Larry who’s like second nature to draw, suits are so so simple in comparison haha ♪ Still only ended up hiding bits of him! He did end up with his shoe on the outside of Larry’s, boxing him in that little bit <3 And look! His smirk!! As well as the “hiragana” on his sleeves while I was still under the impression that it was text and not Flame Texture lol
And yes, as you can see, I ended up going with the alt doodle, they got more! I was quite tempted by Larry holding Kabu since he’s so tiny lol, but that would’ve required drawing his details! No! Hide him!! The pose is fun and silly and cute tho haha, very plush-coded ♪ And then also a little smech for funsies <3 Just to follow up their staring-at-each-other-in-a-gay-way they ended up with ♥ Rather a fan of Kabu’s hands pulling Larry in :)
Day 3′s was such a pose change!!! Mostly for Edgar, though he’s still kneeling here, inexplicably haha - the angle changed for the final version, and both of their head angles and just, ah, nothing more than a general outline of what I was going for. I’m pleased with both tho! I think the final is much more clear and readable, but there’s always a bit of fun with Edgar looking down/Scriabin looking up haha. I suppose it’s more appropriate than an angel would be looking down on a devil, isn’t it? Haha
Day 4 was another easy one at least, the pose immediately came to mind to show off Nny’s clothes on an even ganglier, thinner frame haha. Like I said, I really tried for more fullbodies this year, so I had to give the tiny version a proper swing on-page! Ran out of room for the larger one, but I really wanted to draw him holding his shoe with his hand haha. You can see the goopmonster on his shirt here too! :D I think his annoyed face is quite cute hehe <3
Day 5 was practically a freebie, and I took absolute full advantage hehehe ♪ If I get the prompt of “soft” of course I’m going to opt for plushies! I’m back in my Webkinz era, and Tala is big big big on Webkinz as well :) And her being a plushie has something of an impact there too lol, but it was really fun to look over all my little guys! I ended up having an extra handful of thoughts about all of them so they’ll be getting their own post(s) :D Good too, since I didn’t talk much about Embroidery’s closet cosplay haha
Day 6 was actually a bit of a question mark for me at first! :0 Not as though I don’t love when Edgar has to clean up Scriabin’s self-inflicted problems haha, I just wasn’t sure what it should be! Making it seasonal helped a bit there - lots of sticker burrs around here when we go walking haha. The bonus ended up being a digital-only, but it was a good motivator to finish these, and then the full poses came to mind - I’m not sure why I was more excited to work on full body poses, but I really was! Maybe the success of meeting my self-imposed challenge haha
I ended up scrapping the alt since it reminded me a little too much of one of the ‘22 reqs - trying to keep things fairly fresh! It was also a little too cartoony haha, where would Edgar suddenly pull such strength from! This doesn’t look like a dream! At least it wouldn’t have been a nightmare of Scriabin being hurt :’) Rescue!
Day 7 was another insta-idea! Really going back and forth on those lol, it sprouted into my head fully formed! This was actually one of a couple I wrote down as I was away from my notebook while brainstorming, so it came back as a mini script; one of more dialogue-heavy ones! Chicken or egg, I wonder, hmm. I always draw Smoker with her sleeves up even though she usually wears them down haha, I dunno. Had a heck of a time with Angie’s hair! I tend to make hair super super fluffy but hers is long and straight and presumably weighs itself down! Doesn’t floof! You’d think having heavy hair myself would incline me towards knowing anything about it but nope lol
Little bouncy concepts haha, and poor Mousey so jealous in the middle, surrounded with them having the most fun!
Day 8 was fairly simple with such a focused ask of them eating Specific Food - can do! Chibis just felt right for such a cute food haha. Would Edgar have a crepe pan, I wonder... I suppose a lot of it comes down to the batter, I haven’t made crepes in such a long time so I wouldn’t know anymore haha
Day 9 featured the slouchy throne! You can see I like the little leggies haha, I did make it a touch more proportional in the final version but who can resist the sillies! Had to draw it and Mettaton separately so I could easily see their silhouettes, I think it all came together in the end fairly well :) Had one heck of a time getting the bottom of his shoes to play nice, but I’m proud of how it turned out!!
Day 10′s, who can resist skelehugs ♥ No I! Not me!! The original had them a lot more upright, I’m glad I went with my note of leaning them back a bit more. Also had Papyrus’ legs on either side of Sans, protective <3 I do like both, but I think they look a bit more reasonably comfortable in the final version, figuring out contact points with one of Papyrus’ legs all the way to one side was too much haha. No boots on the couch! I think they look a bit younger in the final version too, maybe from their eyebrow expressions? Interesting how such small changes can make a big difference ♪
Day 11 was originally going to feature a bunch more Pokemon!! Several of my pink-and-purple faves all gathered around MewTwo <3 Flaafy and Musharna and Sableye my beloved 💜 And of course Whismur!! Can’t but Whismur all the time haha, but in the end I opted to go for the simpler(?) option of just the two ‘mons interacting
Whismur is so spooked by you, even lying down!! Even tho I drew it so I can see it right in front of me, I just can’t imagine MewTwo lying down to investigate haha. More posing changes! Lot of ‘em this year. Pls to quiet, cats have very sensitive hearing, you don’t need to shout
Day 12 started off with probably the Correct Amount of confusion lol, considering even @cutiebetutie didn’t expect this to be the matchup lolol, still deeply hilarious to me. But hey, what was I going to do, question a crackship?? Do I look like the kind of person who would say no to exploring some possibilities? Of course I had to give them a scope lol
Haha, “Alt” in quotes as I knew this would actually be the full version, the handholding is cute but where’s the dynamic! There is something there after all! I think so anyway, some tiny tiny sliver that they could start from, and what more foot in the door do you really need? If Nny’s on his charm that drew Devi in, I don’t see why someone a little more airheaded like Jake couldn’t be beguiled haha, if he lasts long enough for that ♪ It’s very tense! I wish him well, I wonder if he could protect himself... Just cut and run, Jake!! Makes for an interesting suspense, that’s for sure haha
Day 13‘s kigurumis!!! Yay!!!! Smol and I successfully wore ours for Halloween this year, we’re them fr fr haha, definitely one of my favourites from this season <3 <3 They’re so cute! Biggest change from here to there is probably where the legs start/end haha, kigurumi have funny little legs hehe. And also Papyrus’ gloves! Sans ended up without any, I can’t resist a hand plate here or there ♪ Also him closing his one good eye to pun about was an accident until it wasn’t haha, just another excuse to do a touch of rereading :3
Day 14‘s turned out so good for how cramped the sketch was!!! Gaster’s hardly there at all! Which is appropriate in its own way haha, filling in the rest of his details was pretty fun tho :) Papyrus looks a lot more desperate in this version which I do like, but him openly enjoying himself is very sweet, who could deny him that <3 Quite pleased with how his arm and hand posing came together in the end as well, fairly minor changes but I think it all flows together much nicer :D
Day 15′s word bubbles turned out way cleaner in the sketch than the final version?? Calls for more practice I suppose; it is asymmetrical, but it does look nice! Maybe needed more colour swatches haha, more and more rows! Edgar’s unimpressed look in the final version is quite good I think but there’s almost a kind of urgency with no eyes behind blank glasses hmm, they both have their merits! I applaud everyone who caught Scriabin holding the bi flag as his swatches! :D Good eye!
Day 16 began The Sleepies lol, I was a bit tired while doodling the first go and it uhm. Well. I mean. You can see lol. S’a bit goofy haha
The alt was much much better! I did end up leaving out the grass which I’m a Little disappointed about - feels too manicured, too sterile in the final version! But I really couldn’t figure a way of adding a bit of visual noise that wouldn’t look flat as well! Minecraft, eh, lol. I am quite pleased with how round Moomin turned out tho :D He looks like a marshmallow in the final version! Yay!
I actually doodled Day 17′s concept before 16 since it came to me so strongly - I do kind of like how much more upright Mob is here, him being as hunched over as he is in the final version adds to the moodiness of the piece I feel. He really is such a good boy! I don’t wish him dark and upsettings!
Day 18‘s didn’t get a paper sketch as I was verrryyyyy tired and had no energy to scan, so skipped the step that would make scanning necessary haha. For all that, I do rather like the digital sketch tho! I think Snufkin’s left leg is a bit better proportioned, and his expression is maybe a bit cheekier? Moomin’s perfect, no notes haha. I also ended up really liking their tail expressions, how Snuf’s is kind of straight and flat while Moomin’s is very roundy hehe <3
I know I said Day 20 doesn’t count but I mean, it’s on the same page! It got the “Day 20″ label! Sketch can go here why not haha. Happy belated Ace Week! I thought it was fun to put a bunch of pink lovehearts around the big central ace heart for me specifically hehe 💜💗
I mentioned in the tags that Day 26‘s original concept was too big to try to do all at once and ahhhh I wish I’d been able to swing it!! I wish I’d been able to do the whole thing!!!! I love scenes like this the most!! Little isometric rooms with little isometric characters all chatting and interacting and being cute and silly and tiny!! I love that! Alas, it had to stay a sketch, but here it is!! Can you recognize everyone here? The main three got the center, but who could the rest be :3c And what of their costumes! Hehe ♪
Still fighting back the sleepies for what ended up being the final version so the dialogue was left much more vague than the caption haha, the aliens don’t even have feet here! I suppose they are meant to be in fish costumes lol, it tracks that only the fully-human Captain’s legs would end there, but definitely not intentionally done so lol. I like ZEX’s expression here so muuuuch ahh I wish I’d been able to capture it a bit better in the digital version! Always something for next time haha
I actually ended up drawing Day 30′s sketch very very last, so this was the last doodle of the season! Me, projecting my tiredness onto the Vargases? Nooo <3 Another one that ended up very very different from the final version, I just needed Something down to paper and out of my head to work with really - I knew even while drawing this that I was going to end up with something very different haha. Sometimes hand just does whatever it wants pft. The dialogue was the star of the show here! And you can see what Scriabin was up to, obscured by the couch haha
Day 31, penultimate sketches for the final day! I really do love Scriabin hiding behind Edgar - wants to be included but not That close, very much with Edgar in the way of anything bad happening to him haha. More pose changes! I like both versions, Todd holding Shmee for comfort or him spilling out of his lap as he focuses all his attention on Joel <3 Both cute in different ways!
Cats are still not one of my strong-suits, but I have been drawing them a bit more recently! Admittedly of the cartoon variety, but even that has had some effect I think! Like their little triangle noses, and the way their ears scoop inwards, and whiskers - little things! I like it! I had fun with these little concept poses, Joel kind of curiously huddling on Edgar’s chest, looking at the world from a safe vantage spot haha. Hold him gently! He deserves it!
All the sketches from this year! I ended up having a lot of fun this season even if it was a little lighter than previous years haha, thank you again to everyone who joined!! ♥
#Doodles#Requestober#Oh hey there wasn't any blood this year was there! How unusual haha#Here we go tag roundup - Yanderapy hehe <3 - Pokemon (both 'mons and canon characters!) - Vargas of course - Handplates ♥ - Webkinz :D -#RespectAWoman! Yeah!! Their first digitals whoo! - Undertale non-AU haha - Moomins and Minecraft - MP100 - Damned! So happy to have one ♥#I really wasn't sure if I was gonna get one! I spent so much time thinking about Damned this year ahhh <3 <3 Niche of a niche but delight ♪#A very fun spread this year - as is every year haha but it's always fun to see which ones are new and which ones return!#Much higher proportion of Handplates this year :D Not surprised there considering how the year started haha ♪#Always happy to draw those lads <3 They're a delight#And as usual my focus tends to drift towards whatever the req is so I've found myself doing some rereading all over! Which is quite fun :D#Still holding off on Vargas for the time being but everything else got some attention which was very enjoyable ahh#Being caught up has its perks - like reading new things hehe ♪#It does feel funny to have Vargas stuff in a sketchdump when I've still got the VLH-specific sketchdump in the backlog.... Remind me lol#Still lol for as much fun of a season as it was I am ready for it to come to a close haha#And luckily this didn't break even once so I'm getting my ask without a fuss!! Yes!!!#Tired!! Ready to take a short break!!! And it really will be short since I want to start up again at the beginning of next week lol#But I get my break!!! I definitely feel like I've earned it haha#And then it'll be back to doodling and editing and writing ahhhh - plenty of other things I'm looking forward to!!!#Thanks again for such a fun season <3 Couldn't do it without you hehe
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y’know what? Fuck you *arts your british guy*
#critter creates#sleep token#vessel sleep token#vessel#art#my art#drawing#yeah no the proportions are all off#And it kinda looks like shit#But honestly what did I expect?
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slams fists down on beautifully crafted oak desk
#uh started the rewatch Now .Earlier ;; THEY HURT ME SO FUCKING HBABBDNDFGPOGGr#I CRIED LIKE FOUR TIMES WHILE WATCGUB THE FUCKING PILOT#it just lays it all out so perfectly#the entire time morty was like protesting to rick and complaining but when jerry was kicking him out he defended him#I cant. theyre smiling because of eachother#god i looovoreergkt how much of the stuff rick says to morty is to impress him teach him or just scare him#like the way rick blows stuff out of proportion just cause he wants to see how morty will react hes . so obsessed with him#for tHE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE… MORTY HAS A FRIEND:&!:#and they’re so. they like speak fondly towards eachother rick is way more soft and earnest when talking to morty n morty is outwardly#impressed and fascinated with the things rick does from time to time and he trusts him#and all the emphasis on how rick sincerely only gave a shit about morty. whenever he talks to the rest of the family it’s either exaggerated#or blunt and if mortys there then hes all rick focuses on#and how it’s repeated rick Needs morty to help him . no one else not even someone more helpful and agreeable nope just morty#if it’s not morty rick doesn’t want it at all#and like even as early as the cold open for the pilot. you can see rick become impressed when morty suddenly becomes assertive once he-#actually hears the bomb and starts getting up and trying to kick rick off the drivers seat#big tough guy all of a suddenLIKE YOU CSN TELL HE DIDNT EXPRCT THAT AT ALL AND HES SURPRISED#ive been thinking a lot lately about how . one of ricks favourite qualities about morty imo is his sense of morality and refusal to just-#take stuff when it reaches a certain point. like he Loves that side of morty so much and doesn’t mind too much when it comes out because of-#something he did. yeah that part in the pilot cold open is like the first thing of that go back and look at how taken aback rick is#and i love how sheepish rick is around morty every now and then. like he so clearly tries to look cool to him and to know what he’s talking#about he needs to twist everything to be correct . all the time but also in front of morty specifically#crazyyyy crazy how he managed to find the one real morty#ohg. uitltogfo ouhkdfjrjp iuubbvv ? ledjndflfidnf#odiespeak
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i do wish that people hadnt been so rabidly critical and vicious towards steven universe back in the day, because now it feels like u cant discuss any parts of the show u didnt like without getting lumped in with those guys lol
#like idk man i liked the show a bunch#but i did also fall off becayse like. yeah i can see the tragjectory of the show now!#i can see that it was always gona be about this broken family of the diamonda and all that#but like. idk man. i tend to prefer when we focus on the little guys#and yeah we did do some of that. but that (planned) swerve near the end there really lost my interest#like i know rose being pink does make her infiitely more complex and its a fine choice to make but it still didnt do anythng for me#i still would have mich preferred to focus on the corrupted gems#on the people with no power in this struggle#its lik how i understand that the diamonds are basically a metaphor for someones like. bigoted aunt or something#but that still doent mean that i like that the people who razed dozens of planets to the ground were given time and priority#over the footsoldiers man!!!#like yes yes i get it its a metaphor its a escalation what else where they gonan do but like idk man i can still not like that turn!!#i can still wish they just....idk overthrew them or bubbled them or something. idk pull an anndrias from aphibia. community service lol#i can still wish that steven had healed the corrupted gems like it felt like it was foreshadowed#(since. yknw. rose can heal physical things- and stevne can a bit too but he can astral project into -peoples minds.)#and the corruption was an inury of the mind first and formost.#like. why would u set that up and not do that jgsnsgknkjdnjkgds#i can stil lthink the proportion inconsistenies were weird and too me out of the moment#eh idk its frustrating#like it feels like u say somehng like this and u have one guy going 'ikr the ahow SUCKED steven shoulda KLLED THEM'#and another going 'omg its a KIDS SHOW SHUT UP FORVER NO CRITICSM'#abd im sitting here in the middle like i tihnk theres some nuance here lads. i think we can habe a middle ground#luke rambles
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I write cannibalism and murder into my fanfics so I am a cannibal and a murderer. No one is safe near me lest I get confused about what is fiction and what is reality. Lock me up I am sick and twisted.
#this is mostly satire btw. if it offends you. i dont really care.#if u dont know what im talking about. dont worry.#if you think its funny. i also do.#i make poor jokes. it happens#but fr with dc there are lines i wouldnt cross. but with fanfic (NOT REAL) i am all for eating people and burtal murder#however would i do that irl? literally never. the thought makes me feel physically ill. in fanfic? there is a thrill.#i might talk about it woth my therapists later this week who knows. but either u understand whats real and fake or y dont#and we had a very good reminder this last week of all the people who cant do that very well#like yeah hearing about it was shocking. if i came across it on my dash though i wouldnt have thought twice about it#i wouldve kept scrolling. maybe blocked the tags. but imo this has all been blown very far out of proportion lol#like drop it fr. we're all better off not having to think about it anymore#lemme write about murdering people who wanna fuck my fictional husband and then eat them with him
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this is my formal submission to the ii fandom: take these goobers i love em'
#inanimate insanity#test tube ii#test tube inanimate insanity#fan ii#fan inanimate insanity#osc#object show community#yes fan is wearing crocs what of it .he would#chibi versions of the characters i suppose they are here? this was supposed to originally be of them with normal proportions n shit#but#yeah .#ive been rewatching ii and any and all object shows from way back in the old days (2018) and god have things changed#i used to be a bfb bitch and ii used to be off my radar and now the roles have switched#so im having fun :)#weirdly though tt and fan are the first fanart ive made of this in who knows how long my fav characters mephone4#what can i say i gravitate towards chars with trauma and no therapy to speak of for miles on end#im cool like that#also have you people seen iii17 what the fuck was that/pos#i am not ready for the finale at all#im foaming at the mougth................#radiart
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Everyday is a good day to be bisexual.
#oxventure#art#oxventure deadlands#I drew this while watching 12 angry men and yk thats a really good movie#but uhh yeah#I just had to come up with the poses on my own because there was no pose ref I could find for anything like this#and its kinda intricate so sorry if soem proportions are off#But this is dedicated to the 2 people who voted for it in the pole lol#They just all treat her like shes the world thanks for coming to my ted talk
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Rework of an OC of mine, all that's really different is that I used green instead of red for the eye
#oc art#art#oribou#pixel art#sigchimera#oh yeah i stripped it of its expressive eye thingy#now said eye thingy is always an eye#its also an evil piece of shit now#i'd elaborate more but i have a game idea i want to attempt#if i can't figure out rpgmaker i'll probably ditch the game idea#idk what i'd do then though#whole point of trying to do pixel art is so that i can work on my passion projects so#pixel art is fun though#all i have is rpgmaker xp but i want mv when it goes on sale and i have the money#i know it's on sale i just lack the money#anyways i really like this palette i found#it's called saccharide and it's really cute#in fact it's what i used for this#i can't wait to use it for a more detailed character or oc#but yeah that's enough rambling#hope you guys enjoy#proportions are probably off but hey i did my best#also expect me to be super inconsistent when i draw it#i suck at keeping my ocs consistent#okay bye that's all for real now
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I've started trying to draw digitally on my phone and it took a minute to get used to because it's not a pencil but this fucks
#I've always wanted to try drawing digital bc I don't draw much traditional and tbh I think it's cause of issues that digital fixes#like obviously one isn't easier than the other you know#but with traditional you gotta make sure you have your stuff and erasing too much fucks shit up and I like to hide it#but for the last 2 years I've been sharing my bedroom so that's not as easy and I like privacy#and it's all just. easier. if I can just turn a device off and if the only thing you need is a screen and a stylus#but I didn't wanna ask for a tablet for it bc I couldn't be sure I'd actually USE it#since again. I don't draw much#but when I got my switch I bought a case that came with accessories. INCLUDING. a stylus. that works on my phone#so now I'm trying it with a free drawing program and yeah this is great#if I fuck up proportions I can just RESCALE BITS. YAY
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you know, I might be Stepping In It, but I really hate people's tendency to "you're lucky" when finding out someone's naturally skinny really piss me off.
I'm not saying there's not privilege to being skinny, there absolutely is in this fatphobic world. But as someone who has spent literally over half my life wishing I could gain any fucking weight ever it makes me so fucking mad. I've tried working out, I've had physically demanding jobs, I've tried, back when i could afford it, eating as much as I could handle. I have literal dysphoria about being skinny.
and then when I Go Off at a coworker for being the second person in a week to tell me I'm lucky- while wearing braces digging into my joints bc I am physically too small to wear them right but they don't get smaller- I'm told "oh but you have to realize we never considered the other side" sure! but I'm still allowed to get pissed! you would be too!
#personal;#i get it i GET IT we're not allowed to talk about skinny shaming.#I know this is nothing compared to what fat people have to go through#I know. I get it. I know.#but it's also so fucking invalidating to have to caveat my every complaint with 'other people have it worse'#like fuck maybe no one should be shamed for their bodies#maybe no one should be making off hand comments and assumptions about weight high OR low#like yeah the movement's not about me and i hate when ableds point out how accessibility can help THEM TOO so like#i get what I sound like#but I'm SO tired. I'm 29 and I've been trying to gain weight since i was like 13-15#I've never even managed to hit 130#I got close and then all my disabilities kept getting worse so then i couldn't work as much#and thus I can't afford food#so what i had built has been burnt#and I'm back to 120 and clinging with both hands to the hope I don't end up back at /115/ (I am 5'7". you can see my ribs)#like. I am NOT lucky. I can't sit or lay on a hard surface bc it hurts my bones#I can't cuddle well when I DO want to bc i'm just sharp bits#my proportions are so fucked that it's hard to find clothes that actually fit#like#I get it#I get what you're trying to say#but it hits trauma (ignored (JOKED ABOUT) eating disorder bc I'm skinny so it's Fine; repeated skinny shaming; etc)#and it's so exhausting not being allowed to be mad about it#If i had three wishes with no downsides the first would be to gain 50-100lbs and i've been saying that for over a decade#I'll probably regret posting this#ask to tag;
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a weird little thing abt me is i will definitely mock shitty ai art but it never feels right doing it about the hands simply by virtue of the fact that a lot of them look indistinguishable from the hands i was doing years ago when i first got a drawing tablet
#like id have the right number of fingers obv but like. putting the thumb on the wrong side#fingers bending weird directions or connecting in weird places#weird anatomy at joints‚ freaky nails‚ bad proportions‚ bad perspective‚ etc etc etc#people say 'this isnt ai like in sci-fi its just machine learning' but to me its a lot more interesting to look at it as#'this isnt ai like in scifi /yet/'#like yeah the stuff ai does in fiction isnt possible at this point but like. i find it difficult not to wonder if this#is the ai version of infancy stages yknow? like.#ppl go 'its cant write its own stuff its just recycling stuff its been fed' as if thats not kinda how people . learn to talk?#idk i just find it hard to agree with arguments that act like where we currently are at is the furthest these technologies could possibly#evolve in our lifetimes#'it just makes things up' you mean like toddlers going on long winding rambles about unicorns and monsters or w/e#'it cant do art good' you mean like a child? or even just literally Anyone who doesnt know how to draw yet?#like. idk. i feel like people are trying very very hard to insist the ai of today is still the same as it was in the clevverbot days#and that its impossible to evolve any further#people want to cling to the old days when ai stuff didnt pass the turing test by a much wider marging than it tends to now#dont want to admit that it does indeed sometimes surpass the turing test and likely would be able to even moreso were it#not for restraints#(see: that one stock trading ai that did insider trading vs various chatbots not bring allowed to write disparaging things#about copyrighted people or w/e)#if ai stuff was still truly indistinguishable from human works then we wouldnt need to spend so much time#hashtag exposing things as being ai generated#and i just think its bad to‚ in pursuit of that‚ mock things that are like. just stuff all beginner artists struggle with#i guarantee you there is not a single artist out there who hasnt drawn a hand that made them want to curl up and die at least once.#i got very off-topic there but swung it back around at the end there so. hashtag win#origibberish
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You know how in mob psycho you can see the percentage counter for how close mob is to absolutely losing it
#i think the weather getting hotter and more summery is dredging up a lot of shit again#on top of the job search being dubious at best#on top of the unresponsive roommates and me talking politics at work (in a good way) and going MAN my home is#not meeting my needs#on top of the room itself being too small the fridge not big enough to accommodate 3 people#half my shit disappearing in the fridge as things get shoved wherever#on top of the current job stressing me past my limits#i dont think i really considered every single factor until i nearly started crying at target while looking at home goods#bc yeah.. yeah i do want home goods but don't have a fucking home large enough to accommodate them#i am feeling rage well out of proportion for what i am experiencing at this very moment but with all factors considered#it seems much more reasonable#it is genuinely so out of proportion I'm getting knocked into dissociative territory; outsourcing my anger#anyways. guess who bought more candles. i came for hand soap. and a drain snake to unclog the bathtub#we've been trying drano to no avail so I'm taking matters into my own hands#everything is starting to burn off and now I'm just. tired. i am doing my best with what I'm being given#shai speaks
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