#i am not ready for the finale at all

[radieulon]

this is my formal submission to the ii fandom: take these goobers i love em'

[egophiliac]

he did it! 🐍 and it only took...uhhh...well, there probably could've been less punches, but why hold back!

PUNCHES FOR EVERYONE

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Cruel and Unusual Punishments (the PSA episode).

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[mermaidsirennikita]

okay but in Armand’s defense it would indeed be extremely annoying to put all this work into gaslighting a broken man into being something resembling stable for SEVENTY-SEVEN YEARS only to live with the knowledge that he’d spin back into chaotic mess with a dude who says shit like “LEWEE WE BELONG TOGEZAIR OUR HEARTS ARE JOINED BY A CORD!!!!” as soon as the dick was back in play

[cissa-calls]

In anticipation of the finale, there are two wolves inside me right now:

1. The hope that it is a gritty, raw opening of love, grief and reflecting on oneself as an individual identity and group. Something poetic about death, longing, memory, and the continuation or breaking of cycles of trauma. However, though it is something that is definitely tear jerking (sob jerking moreso), it is not gratuitously sad to the point that it falls directly into the sapphic trope of tragic love, but still is a testament to the time and trials these witches have faced as outcasts. Answers to questions of what does it mean to want? To long? (And it’s inherent power as they near the end of the witches road and their prizes are within grasp). Is it the pursuit that is most poignant, or the result?

2. The secret and entirely unrealistic hope that it ends with the coven all reuniting! Agatha gets her powers back, Tommy is found, and a resolution about Nick is reached. Agatha and Rio fall madly in love again and live out their days in sapphic cottage core bliss with Señor Scratchy. Rio reaps souls and Agatha practices magic and gets therapy for the Evanora trauma of it all. They all have weekly coven dinners and even though they all nearly kill each other several times during the meal, wow they’re a found family with a space to freely expressly themselves (not without judgement…they still love to judge each other, but without condemnation). Agatha can’t cook and nearly burns the building down, Lilia and Jen question that out of all mortals, why did Rio pick this one? Rio is like: I’m a divine being, so I don’t need to eat (Agatha kicks her under the table)…and because I love her. Most of the time. Is this silly and only realistic in the realm of fan fiction? Absolutely, but let me live, I already KNOW these last two episodes are going to WRECK me (if episode 7 was anything to go by…)

Either way, I hope to see Agatha and Rio ending the series as it began: beating the ever loving, mother frickin CRAP outta each other. No holding back, just an all out brawl that makes Lucille and Edith’s showdown at the end of Crimson Peak look like child’s play. Nothing says I love you like cutthroat combat <3

[aethernoise]

After the Dawntrail graphic update nerfed Alyx, I used fantasia to change a few features and Cope, basically. Over the last month I'd gotten used to her new face - even come to like it - until I'd get into gpose and try to capture her like I used to. None of the angles and shapes were the same anymore. I'd look at screenshots from weeks prior and feel utterly despondent that the face I knew for almost 10 years was just GONE.

While the actual feature shapes definitely changed (some due to new facial bones, some are just. completely nonsensical choices) I realized through close scrutiny that a lot of the difference was due to the lack of definition in the skin texture. I can't 3D sculpt, but I CAN paint, so I finally took matters into my own hands and manually edited the highlander face 1 diffuse in Procreate. I basically added shadows where they had removed them, and drew in what feels like a brand new version of the old iconic upper lip.

The eyeshadow is still a little funky up close, but I'm literally so relieved and happy I could cry. I almost did last night when I first imported the texture.

She's back. A little bit different, but she looks like herself again. She's back. WE'RE SO FUCKING BACK.

[tapakah0]

I HAVE NO IDEA IF I'M FITTING FOR THIS I HAVE 0 PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WORK WITH SOMEONE WITHOUT EXPERIENCE?? I MEAN I AM READY TO DO SOMETHING IF I CAN DO IT BUT I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT I REALLY CAN DO SOMETHING FOR IT I HAVE TIME, ENOUGH TIME, I DON'T NEED MONEY, BUT I'M JUST SCARED THAT IT MIGHT BE DIFFICULT DUE TO THE FACT THAT I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE AND LACK IN A LOT OF THINGS I AM AN ENJOYER OF THIS SERIES, NOT A CREATOR, I AM EXITED TO SEE THINGS FOR IT, I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS GOOD OF ME TO GET INSIDE OF IT LIKE THIS

[whattheskyknows]

Humongous plot twist, I have finished an entire full draft of the final chapter of 13 Students Remain. I have my fingers crossed that I can post the final chapter soon!!!

[drivebyanon]

So I am new to the 911 fandom because we just started watching so I have not been committed to a “particular” relationship for years & years (Although I do think they’re adorable). So when Buck & Tommy started I was able to enjoy it very easily without all the history and happily dove back into Tumblr.

Then I heard that it was toxic on Twitter, I thought “How bad could it be?” and kinda pushed it off. But then I did a search on “911 finale spoilers” (Don’t judge me! Bobby & Hen got me in an emotional wreck) and Great Googa Mooga was it inundated with unsaid relationship! But with stuff like “Is Bucktommy bones?” “Tommy will be bones” “Lou is old” “Lou is ugly”. I was soooo wrong, because it is nuts 😬. Yeah, I backed myself out that and back to tumblr into safe tags so damn fast.

[utilitycaster]

It's sort of inevitable in D&D, especially in a game with a lot of calls to the idea of fate and a lot of complex parental relationships, that you'll touch on breaking cycles, but man do Imogen and Ashton seem to be lined up to be some of the most clear examples of it: Imogen, suddenly leaving her home, trying to learn about herself and stop her nightmares and get rid of her powers, becoming frustrated when information is scarce, even flirting with the idea of joining the Vanguard when it becomes an option...but deciding against it, staying with her friends, even finding a different way to ease the worst aspects of her powers will still retaining what's good. And Ashton, also broken and of burning purpose, also seeking power they believed themselves to be owed, but, in theory, fated not to deceive and destroy but share their gifts with someone else and use it to end a cult of personality rather than start one. They are both one really bad experience away from becoming their parents, but they have the opportunity and the information not to make the same mistakes.

[mueritos]

a big brain dump about autism, life, being indigenous, and whatever else is going on

so the past few months I made it a personal journey to understand my autism more (and maybe a possible ptsd diagnosis but whatever whatever whatever). and that's what i'm calling it--the autism--because no other thing makes sense for me, and while i'm parsing through childhood memories and experiences, it's definitely...a bittersweet conclusion? bitter because in a lot of ways, i dont relate to the stereotypical autistic experience because every autistic person who has clocked me was usually a White Queer. It's probably why it's taken so long to get to this point of concluding Autism is what it is. I grew up in an immigrant family as a girl, and for that reason I was expected to not be disabled and to be a completely normal and high achieving Mexican catholic girl who went to college and became a doctor or whatever. Now i'm a fag of a man doing none of those things haha.

My older brother was supposed to be assessed for ASD in his youth, and like most immigrant dads, mine decided that nothing was wrong with him and the rest is history. Except my older brother is a man riddled with childhood trauma, shame, and so much autism. Absolutely uncharted rates of autism, and while he gets some sort of pity from my parents for him ("it's all out fault" "he never got the help he needed" "cut him some slack he doesnt understand"), I can never let my own parents know about how much I struggle. Hell, I can barely show it to my own friends because even they don't understand the extent of my autistic struggles. it's actually caused continuous miscommunications, people mad at me, me mad at myself, meltdowns, shutdowns, and a lot of crying. And shame. (a peer recently even demeaned my habit of keeping to myself, despite the fact that I had actually been trying to put myself out there more)

so i'm at a point in my life where I've accepted that I can only take responsibility over how I communicate, and I take ownership over that. Accepting this responsibility allows me to keep myself safe, as I've essentially lived over 2 decades of my life feeling like I was responsible for not just my communication, but everyone else's, including all of the judgements, missed cues, failures, miscommunications, and whatever else came from it. It's definitely double empathy. Last time I truly took on everyone's communication, it nearly killed me (cue over a year of suicidality). But, in a lot of ways it's very freeing. I'm sort of detaching myself from this neurotypical/White need to socially interact with others on their terms. In other ways, it's restricting. I uh. Don't really talk to a lot of people nowadays, and there used to be days where I wouldn't say a single word out loud. But because I don't talk to as many people, I'm able to put energy into the quality of my connections and not just the quantity. Which unfortunately a lot of people take personally. They dont like you admitting that you only see them as an acquittance, or as a classmate, or something like a friend but not quite there. I find comfort knowing how people feel about me, even if its that they actually dont feel close to me. Great! Now I know! Knowing makes me feel safe! But I'm finding that people actually really fucking hate when you admit that to them, the how you actually slot them in ur brain in terms of social levels. I can understand why, but I also don't get it.

Another thing that's helped is I've changed how I do eye contact. I used to make eye contact with professors or classmates while I spoke up in class because I thought that was important. Now I've found I can actually focus more on what I'm trying to say when I don't make eye contact. My god how freeing that has been. I don't have the same anxiety as I used to before, nor do I experience all of the involuntary blushing as I did for many years of my life. It didn't matter how confident or how prepared I felt, I would just blush furiously and I fucking hate it. Now my blushing is almost nonexistent, and I say what I mean with the flat ass tone that I love speaking in because it makes me feel safe. Sure, I miss the real-time non-verbal reactions to my words in class, but it's an okay trade-off for feeling more safe in myself and more confident in the classroom.

another thing is my internship. I work with majority neurodivergent students, and many of my clients have autism, adhd, or both, and are sometimes BIPOC, trans, or children of immigrants. Man, I've been having a blast. Sure, I'm learning how to be a therapist and best practices, but screw everyone in my life who has called me "cold" "emotionless" or "heartless". I have connected with so many people on such a human level, and I have sat there and helped them hold their pain in that tiny gay office for 45 minutes every week, and even though it's only 45 minutes, i'm showing them that they're allowed to ask for help holding that pain. I have had challenging sessions, difficult conversations, and times where I wasn't sure I would know what to say. But at it's core, I know that I'm capable of connecting with the person in front of me because my autism brain is automatically in tune with the person in front of me. It is so wonderful, and overwhelming, and so confusing all at once. When people start crying in front of me, I feel tears well up in my eyes, even if I'm not actually sad with them. It shows me that I'm capable of this empathy that so many people over my life have questioned, which they questioned all because I processed things slowly, or made quick decisions, or because I was honest about how I felt.

on to being mixed indigenous. Phew. I've been trying to build more connections with other Native folk, and I have a couple who I can thankfully call friends and who have never disrespected my detribalized experience. but recently I was interviewed a few times for a fellow indigenous researcher's dissertation, and I did not expect to be chosen on account that I am detribalized. But it had been a lovely experience and I finished my final interview today. It really left me with a lot of emotions that are hard to put into words. Mourning would be one of them, as I likely won't ever know what my tribal affiliation is. Never knowing who my people were, what language they spoke, the land they lived on...I can't describe just how much it destroys me. It feels like literal death, because that's what it is. A disgusting colonial death. And it's why I abhor that of all my identities, being autistic and being mixed indigenous has been met with the most vitriol online. like i guess people can only handle the trans fag mexican dude when hes not autistic and mixed indigenous, because now I am far too ambigious for anyone else's good. though i do know better than to listen to what random people online have to say about me and my path toward reconnection/neurodivergency.

beside's that, i'm trying to find neurodivergent spaces that feel safe, and I'm trying to find ways to keep myself safe. stimming, carrying stuffed animals around, using fidget toys, engaging in my interests, listening to the same songs, eating the same foods. I've had coffee with bagel and chive+onion cream cheese for over a year now. I've listening to almost only Pearl Jam and Alice in Chains for nearly a year now. I rewatch the same youtube videos over and over again. I wear the same few outfits. I wear the same shoes everyday. I walk the same way to and from campus everyday. I try to be in nature as much as I can, and really see it. I imagine nature where it isn't, and I get emotional thinking about the life that used to be on it. I wish so badly that I was a cat, a horse, a bunny, a deer, all so I could experience life through their eyes. i'm putting trust into people, into the universe, and into myself. safety is hard to come by, but im doing my best to accept the risks of life, trying to be flexible, and learn how to sustain myself for the good of the world. I deserve to be here too.

that's about it. besides that, i'm moving to philly once i'm done with grad school ^-^

[starryluminary]

I said “It might blow up in your pretty face”

I’m not saying do it anyway… but you’re going to

With the title for funsies!!

[cozylittleartblog]

long way down

[alackofghosts]

from mysteries, yes by mary oliver

[hypmicdaydreams]

is anyone still in the mood for a hypmic imagines blog these days lol

[veryblushyswitch]

I’M FINALLY SEEING SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE TOMORROW!!! 🎸✨💖