#that’s in part because this album cover is really really pretty but still!! My painting looks pretty!!

[starryluminary]

I said “It might blow up in your pretty face”

I’m not saying do it anyway… but you’re going to

With the title for funsies!!

[anxiousbabybird]

Love and Deepspace men x fem!reader slightly unhinged HCs

I started Love and Deepspace yesterday so please have my slightly unhinged HCs for the men so far. And minors don’t you dare interact

Part 2

Rafayel

He’s a biter. Leaves you covered in marks from your neck all the way down your thighs.

Plans a date where he’s laid out a huge canvas on the floor of his studio, puts your fave color paint on your hands and his favorite color on his hands, plus several globs of the two colors across the canvas, and then proceeds to have the wildest three rounds of sex on that canvas as it gets progressively more covered in paint. Sells the painting for 6 figures a few weeks later and uses it as an excuse that you need to make more of them.

Tells you his best masterpiece is painting your body with his cum—got really into it once and dipped the paint brush into your cunt to collect his cum and then painted it across your breasts

Has a secret sketch book that’s nothing but pictures of you. Lots of them are of you sleeping when he can study your features but there’s still quite a few he drew from memory.

Made you lay down naked with your legs spread and be still so he could draw the most detailed image of your pussy you could possibly imagine. It’s his personal fave that no one besides him will ever see.

Sees shibari as a beautiful art form and likes to practice with you—has a whole album in his phone just of pics of you tied up all pretty for him

Rarely gets soft in a serious way, he much prefers the teasing back and forth you two usually have.

Xavier

He’s definitely broken into your room Edward Cullen style and watched you sleep

His favorite dates are taking you into the forest at night to watch the stars and moon together. Bonus points if you come across a wanderer and get to fight together.

Clingy after you become his, always wants to be touching you and doesn’t let you out of his sight (and yes that means sometimes he’s following you but it’s just because you’re brave and reckless and he worries)

When he eats you out, he holds both your hands in his for you to hold on to and does it with no hands—makes you cum more times on his tongue than you could fathom (and yes, he’s eating you for his pleasure)

Downloaded a tracker into your watch so he can know where you are at all times

Gets horny when he watches you fight and has def pulled you aside during a mission for a quickie in which you end up having your cunt stuffed with cum for the remainder of the mission

Such a cuddler but like a cat where he only wants to cuddle if he wants to—falls asleep nearly instantly in your arms like the cute sleepyhead he is

Zayne

Finds it so cute the first time he comes to your apartment and sees all the little snow creatures he’d made you sitting in a windowsill together. Makes you so many more after that. Sends you a bouquet of flowers made from his ice too (#Elsa)

Has food delivered to you at lunch on days he knows you’re super busy so you don’t forget to eat since you often forget to take care of yourself (he doesn’t mind too much since he likes that you let him take care of you)

Prefers kisses over hugs, except when he’s sad because of a patient (then he likes the warm comfort of your hugs)

Moves his glasses to the top of his head and rubs the bridge of his nose when he gets really stressed

Brings you a mild painkiller after blowing your back out, a smug but tiny smile on his lips, and tells you, “I was a bit rough so humor me and take this medicine. I don’t want you in excess pain because of me.”

Loves when you want to lay on his chest when he’s reading through cases and medical journals at night. He’ll read them out loud until you fall asleep and then finish them quietly as you snore softly into his chest

Calls you before a difficult surgery because your voice instantly calms him down

Into bondage—specifically he likes to tie you up so you can’t escape when he starts to overstimulate you. He really can’t help it, you just make such pretty noises for him when he gets you to that point that he has to keep going

Tags: @adaurielle @luffysprincess @seraphofthesimps

[kyuuppi]

Genshin men Instagram HCs

Ft. Xiao; Scaramouche; Zhongli; Childe; Alhaitham; Kaveh; Tighnari

(gender neutral reader but wears a dress in Scara & Zhongli's parts)

Xiao // @ a1atus

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

Very rarely posts

Never pictures of himself, you’ll only see his face in tagged photos

If he does post, it’s probably a new album cover of a band he likes, a particularly good plate of almond tofu from his favorite café, or—if he’s in a particularly good mood—a cute stray cat that befriended him on the street

Never edits anything but still takes pretty decent photos because he understands basic composition rules

Never tags anything but will sometimes write simple captions like “new guitar”

His pfp has not changed since he made his account and its literally just the blandest selfie you’ve ever seen—but he’s effortlessly photogenic so even when he’s just staring at the camera with a blank expression he looks hot

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

Xiao will unintentionally do his loyal boyfriend duties and like all of your posts but he never actually leaves a comment unless you specifically ask him to but you have to tell him what to say or else you’ll just get something like “your hair is nice” LOL

Maybe makes one post related to you but it doesn’t have your face—just picture of your hands holding each other or a photo he secretly took of you from behind as you admire some paintings from when he took you on an art gallery date

Still doesn’t write much in captions but if the post includes you, he always adds a little black heart emoji 🖤

Scaramouche // @ balladeer

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

Vehemently claims he’s not chronically online but he definitely is

Def has a dark / emo aesthetic profile and puts more effort into it than he’d ever admit

Uses stories pretty frequently

Usually to show off his game stats and victories or to vent about some annoying inconvenience that's just happened to him 

balladeer Jfc the train is late again I may as well just walk home everyday ffs

All his late night gaming photos are so highly saturated in his pitch black bedroom, the only source of light being his screen on max brightness and his violet RGB keyboard. If you raise the screen brightness on your phone you might be able to make out some empty Monster cans and ramen cups on his desk—he absolutely gives Discord / Reddit mod vibes 🤢

Definitely has a story archive just for Valorant 🤮

I wanna fuck him so bad it makes me look stupid—

Posts a few selfies to show a new piercing or the very rare occasion where he’s feeling really confident in his looks

unintentionally thirst traps the emo boy lovers; yes, I am talking about you and I—

Lightly edits photos or uses filters to make them look good but nothing extreme or super aesthetic, mostly just for decent contrast

Usually the first one to see any of his friends posts but never ‘likes’ them

Will leave snarky or sarcastic comments when the mood strikes tho

His pfp is a candid picture someone else took that he thinks he looks decent in—sticking his tongue out and giving double middle fingers to the camera

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

Makes a post or story for every date you guys have, even if it’s just a vague picture of your shoes together

He likes to show off that he has such an attractive s/o but also lowkey just wants to have a memory to look back on for the nights he feels lonely

Doesn’t post just you though, he’s always in frame holding you or touching you in some way—he feels the need to put some sort of claim cause he thinks people are gonna shoot their shot with you—he’s kinda paranoid and insecure, pls have patience w him

Likes and comments on all of your posts. Sometimes it's a snarky quip like if you post about you and your friends doing something funny he might comment “lmao ur so dumb” but if its a selfie or something you’re proud of, he leaves a little compliment and heart emoji.

YN0103 [bedroom mirror selfie of you shyly posing in a dress]

YN0103  Bought a new dress today…it’s not my usual style but I rlly like it 🥺

balladeer cute 💜

If anyone ever confronts him in person about his nice comments on your posts tho he’ll get flustered and claim his account was temporarily hacked LOL

His heart def flutters when you post a picture of him on your own account

He kinda can’t believe you’re proud enough of him to publicly post about him

Changes his pfp to the two of you together and, if you zoom in and squint, you can tell he’s kind of smiling <3

Zhongli // @ rex_lapis

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

I’m sorry but I have to do it…

He has Facebook grandpa vibes

Like he has no idea how to use half of the features; stories are an absolute mystery to him. What is a reel?

But he tries to be supportive of his friends and will leave way-too eloquent comments with a Wikipedia levels of supplemental information

a1atus [ photo of a shiny Fender acoustic guitar laying on what seems to be a bed]

a1atus new guitar

rex_lapis Lovely new instrument, Xiao. You seem to have quite good tastes – that particular model is popular among many professional musicians. It is well renowned for its clear sound and beautiful mahogany exterior. If you wouldn’t mind, I would love to hear you play it someday over tea.

a1atus @ rex_lapis thanks

the way I cackled writing that exchange ygweyufgwyu Xiaos just like ‘thanks for commenting dad’

His pfp is not him—it’s probably a famous painting he likes or a beautiful white flower from a garden he visited

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

If you want him to improve his Insta game, you’re going to have to teach him, I’m sorry

On the up side, Zhongli is a great student and is eager to learn anything you teach him

Will try to post pretty regularly; usually somewhat mediocre photos of beautiful scenery like sunsets and flowers

Like Scaramouche, he enjoys the idea of documentary your time together so he posts something at the end of each of your dates

Your heart lowkey melts when Zhongli, very earnestly, asks after dinner if you’ll allow him to take a selfie with you to post on his Instagram

Regularly asks for feedback on his posts to ensure he’s properly taking your advice and improving :,)

He even starts organizing and naming story archives on his profile—simple titles like “tea,” “nature,” “friends,” and “my dearest”

Likes and comments on every single one of your posts and replies to all of your stories, even if he was there with you

Usually just lathers you in compliments on your beauty or tastes but they’re so thoughtfully written that it’s obvious he’s not “just saying it” and genuinely believes all the kind things about you he writes

YN1231 [photo of you twirling in a summer dress amidst a colorful of bed of flowers in a botanical garden, take by your friend]

YN1231 It’s finally starting to feel like spring! 🌸🌼🌺

rex_lapis While the camelias are lovely, they pale in comparison to your radiance. Your yellow sundress is also quite lovely and compliments your complexion in the morning sunlight. Truly a divine sight. 

balladeer @ YN1231 @ rex_lapis ugh can you guys keep it in the DMs

- Changes his pfp to a selfie of himself smiling after you told him he should. The angle is a little odd but he’s so naturally attractive that he still manages to look good. 

Ajax // @ tartaglia_on_top 

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

Doesn’t post too often but when he does, it kinda gives stereotypical frat boy

Like, lots of parties and shirtless beach photos with his friends

The surprise is the occasional posts of his little siblings and kids he volunteers with in between

He sometimes posts championship and practice photos from his martial arts competitions with captions thanking his team and mentors

Is pretty popular—has a few thousand followers, many are people he met just once or twice at parties or genuine friends and classmates, but the vast majority are online fans who just follow cause he’s hot LOL

Is the type of person you followed once after meeting a long time ago and never talk to again but you can’t bring yourself to unfollow cause he’s nice and his updates are kinda interesting and he’s hot

Isn’t online that much so he doesn’t like/comment on his friends’ every post but usually tries to leave congratulatory messages when someone accomplishes something or graduates

His pfp is a closeup of himself with a boyish grin he cropped from a group photo

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

It is super obvious when you guys start dating cause almost every post from that point is about you in some way LOL

tartaglia_on_top [photo of Ajax, sweaty and exhausted but clearly excited as he holds a trophy in one hand with the other wrapped around your waist while he presses a kiss to your cheek]

tartaglia_on_top Officially a 3 year championship winner! Thanks to my biggest supporter @ YN0720 😘

He’s not even consciously trying to post you all the time, it just happens because you are either always together or any memorable moment he thinks are worth an Insta post involve you in some way

You’re the only person, aside from his family - that he actually likes/comments on all posts for

Is the type of boyfriend to leave those super dramatic, embarrassing comments on your selfies like “DAAAMN BABE 🥵 finna make me act UP” and, in one particularly shameless case, “god youre so hot pls step on me queen 😍” 

Please block him

He shamelessly liked all your past posts from before you too met as well—you were kinda mortified to wake up one morning to a notification that just said “what a lil cutie ❤️” on a post of yourself from seventh grade. 

Changes his pfp to a couple selfie he took of the two of you kissing on a winter vacation in the mountains

Kaveh // @ kaveh.designs

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

Obsessed with having an aesthetic profile

Like, the color palette of the background and clothing in his pfp selfie are carefully matched with the cover of each of his story archives, down to the hex code

He carefully edits every post and uses filters to make them all fit with his theme no matter how inaccurate to real life they may become

“Huh…I thought your bedroom wall was a bit more orange than this…” 

“Oh, that’s cause I use 30% Juno in all my bedroom photos for a warmer finish.”

“???”

Despite his aesthetic profile, he doesn’t come off as particularly vain or narcissistic—only posts selfies when he’s has a particularly good hair day or changed his accessories

Most of his posts are of places he travels to (museums and big cities with interesting architecture) or his own sketches and rendered design projects

Online pretty frequently, always checks insta when he wakes up, before bed, and during lunch breaks

His stories are often project updates, interesting things he encounters throughout the day, or food photos

Only likes posts he actually likes and sometimes comments with photography critiques

tighnar1 [photo of a cluster of three bright blue mushrooms clustered against vibrant green grass and patches of dark, wet soil]

tighnar1 Proof the forest is an amazing place: found this beautiful little cluster of juvenile Rakkhashava mushrooms on my hike today. Great spotting by @ colleeei. Check my story for some cool mushroom facts. 🍄

kaveh.designs great photo composition, Tigh, perfect golden ratio on the caps.

tighnar1 @ kaveh.designs Thanks I guess…

Has a decent number of followers, many of whom are also artists familiar with Kaveh’s reputation from the Kshahrewar. Others just like his OOTD stories and charming smile

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

Kaveh revamps his entire profile once you two become official

His pfp becomes a candid taken by a stranger of the two of you together at an aquarium, holding hands as you point something out to him through the glass

It was taken by a photographer working at the aquarium as part of a promotion—the photographer showed you two the photo and asked for permission to post it on their official website and Kaveh was absolutely obsessed with the photo—it’s still one of his favorite and it doesn’t even show your faces

He still matches his archived story covers to his new pfp but his actual feed had become a lot more relaxed and natural now

He still slightly edits photos so they look as good as possible, but he doesn’t like using filters on photos of you or the two of you together because he thinks it would be a disservice to your natural beauty

Like Ajax, his posts and stories naturally become mostly about you whether scenes from your dates—candid photos he takes of you where he insists you look like art even though you’re just in pajamas with an unmade face—or even photos of things he sees throughout the day that remind him of you

Sometimes he posts stories of funny reels or art pieces he knows you’d like and tags you in them with messages like “@YN0709 omg remember when we were talking abt this?” and “me & @ YN0709💕”

Similar to Childe, leaves the most downbad, dramatic comments on your posts

YN0709 [swimsuit selfie]

YN0709 happy summer! ☀️🌊

kaveh.designs Oh my god my heart– 💘 I cannot believe I get to come home to this every night 👅💦

YN0709 @ kaveh.designs omg kaveh pls 💀

al_haitham @ kaveh.designs Every time I see one of your comments I regret ever learning how to read.

Alhaitham // @ al_haitham  

★ ★ pre-relationship ★ ★

Only made an account so his friends would stop bothering him about not keeping up with things tbh

Checks his feed a few times a day but skips through stories if they’re too long/too many

Absolutely hates concert stories the most cause they’d loud, long, and filled with off-key drunken singing

Never likes or comments on anything unless it’s really interesting to him

Occasionally shares reels in his story that are like interesting history facts or official Akademiya announcements

Has a few posts (and only cause Kaveh would not shut up about it) but they’re mostly just pictures of book covers he’d just finished reading with a detailed review or literary analysis as the caption—but he’s mindful of avoiding spoilers for those who haven’t read it

However, he does have one post that stands out quite a bit

He posted an unintentional gym third trap because he just happened to be working out, as is routine, and thought it might be nice to share some tips on proper rope pushdown form 

If you’re not a gym babe and don’t know what this is, I beg of you, please look up a gif or video and imagine Alhaitham doing this, shirtless. You’re welcome.

It has become his most popular post by far

His pfp is probably taken straight from his faculty ID card: plain background, bright lighting, neutral facial expression

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

After you two have become official and are pretty comfortably established in your relationship, he’ll post a photo of the two of you—probably one you took - with a simple caption like “Late night at Puspa Café with my favorite person 💚”

Everyone who knows him freaks out in the comments with variations of “omg hathie got an s/o???” and “wow he finally posted a normal pic of himself, y/n is a good influence” but he doesn’t reply to any of them lmao

If you use Instagram a lot, he’ll naturally become more active too because he enjoys learning more about what you like through your posts and stories

He likes all of your posts but never comments—if one of your posts interests him, he’d prefer to wait until he sees you later to ask you about it in person 

He just wants an excuse to talk to you more

As he becomes more active, little bits and pieces of your relationship naturally infiltrate his feed

His latest book review post has your favorite mug in the background because the two of you had breakfast together

His informational story post of an antique Sumerian emerald he found at a street vendor is being modeled by your pretty hands because you were with him when he saw it and later given to you after the vendor insisted on Alhaitham gifting it to his “beautiful spouse”

He changes his profile picture to the two of you from one of your many reading dates, comfortably lounging on a loveseat in a quiet corner of the library—and this time, he’s softly smiling

Tighnari // @ t1ghnar1

Surprisingly active on social media

He thinks social media is a great way to share information about the importance of forest conservation and get people to appreciate the beauty of Avidya forest

Makes one post almost every day and multiple stories

Needless to say, 90% of his posts are of plants or small animals he finds on his hikes or while working

His most popular posts are those of cute squirrels and birds that are being nursed back to health after being found wounded—animals just seem to naturally love him so the pictures are usually taken by his coworkers because his arms are full with cuddly animals that refuse to move

The other 10% of his posts are from the occasional hang outs with friends or coworkers after work—snaps of iced fruit teas from Puspa café or colorful clay plates overflowing with Collei’s homemade pita pockets. 

He makes sure to reply to or at least like every comment, particularly those from people asking questions about the plants he posts or how to become a forest ranger. Even simple “wow that's so cool” comments often get at least a “thanks, glad you liked it” from Tighnari

He tends to use some cute forest or food emoji when they fit with his posts. For example, 🍄,🥙,🦊,🐦, etc.

Also tends to use “:)” when replying to his followers because he knows it can be difficult to read tone in text-based communications

Tigh is basically a social media manager at this point oops

Because he is online so much, he naturally keeps up with almost everything his friends post and will like or comment on things he finds interesting

His pfp is a selfie of himself with a small yellow bird perched on his shoulder from one of his patrols

★ ★ in a relationship ★ ★

All Tighnaris written by me WILL follow the “fennec foxes mate for life” trope regardless of AU, it is an indisputable law of the universe

If you’re in a relationship with Tighnari, you should be prepared for stability and commitment in general

While he doesn’t go out of his way to make an official announcement post or anything like that, you become a regular feature on his page

Will tag you in anything you’re related to, unless you specifically ask him not to

t1ghnar1 [photo of a small, cream-colored fox brushing itself against Tighnari’s leg and looking up at the camera with large eyes]

t1ghnar1 On a walk with @ YN1229 this morning we spotted this cute little kit without her mom. 🦊 While adorable, foxes - even kits - are wild animals and should never be approached unless by professionals. We have informed the local animal control where she will be taken care of until we can locate her family. Photo by @ YN1229

He never outright announces you as his lover but he seems to spend so much time with you and refer to you so casually that his followers who don’t know him just assume you’re his spouse LOL

He doesn’t bother to correct them either :,)

bennie_boy Wow, that mountain is so high up - wasn’t ur spouse scared to go up there?

t1ghnar1 @ bennie_boy Y/n has been on so many trips like this with me that they’re pretty used to it. :)

Likes your posts as he see them on his feed and occasionally leaves a short comment like, “beautiful <3”

[goatcheesecak3]

Adam's diary

Adolescent Adam stanheight x adolescent Scott tibbs (platonic)

Fic type: diary entry, angst

Warnings: domestic abuse, underage drinking

Summary: a diary entry written by adolescent Adam Stanheight, detailing the weekend he spent with his best friend, Scott Tibbs

A/n: absolutely no one asked for this but it came to me like a prophetic vision, and I live for rustynail angst

Scott just left. He stays here sometimes when his mom's boyfriend gets mad, and I stay with him when my dad drinks. Scott says I'm lucky to have a real dad, but I disagree. At least Scott only gets hit by some chump who's banging his mom,  I think it's way worse when the beating comes from someone who's meant to love you. But that's whatever, because someday me and Scott are gonna be famous!! He's gonna be in a band, and I'm gonna do all their artwork and be their personal photographer. We'll be rich and we'll never speak to our families again.

Well, maybe I'll speak to mom. She's nice to me for the most part, she even hid enough money from dad to buy me this awesome camera for Christmas last year. I'm not allowed to use it when dad's around though, he can't know mom spent that much money on me. He doesn't have a clue where that money really went, he still thinks mom got robbed by one of the baseheads in our neighbourhood LOL!

I'd like to get rich enough to buy mom a house and take her away from dad, but even if I could afford it someday I don't think she'd go. She's scared of him, but she says she loves him and that she won't leave. It sucks because part of me wants to protect her, but the other part of me is really pissed that she doesn't protect me. I've gotten into fights with that asshole plenty of times, just to make sure he doesn't hurt her, but she's happy to sit back and watch him kick my ass.

Anyways, back to me and Scott. Scott stole some spray paint from his older brother, so this weekend we went and painted a mural on the old bridge downtown. You're not really allowed to get onto the bridge since it isn't used anymore, but me and Scott aren't scared of a little climbing LOL!!

I painted this cool design of a pole with skulls stuck to it, Scott says he wants to use it as an album cover for his band someday, which I think is pretty cool. After that we went to the corner store and brought some 40s to drink. The guy at the store is so old he thinks we're 21! Scott says one day we should try and walk out without paying, but I don't want to push our luck, plus, the guy seems nice, even if he isn't really all there.

There's a big football game on next weekend, so I'll probably stay at Scott's House, because dad will probably be drinking. We're gonna go back to the mural and add some finishing touches, and I'll bring my camera to get some cool shots of us in front of our masterpiece.

Life is better since I've found ways to avoid my dad. Anyways, that's all for now. I'm going to bed.

[sad-boys-book-club]

"&" Ampersand - A Literary Companion: Eve & Paradise Lost

Hey everyone!

Let’s continue feeding my unhealthy obsession with Bastille by diving into the literary companion I created for “&”. Today, we’re talking about the second track: Eve & Paradise Lost. (Now that the album is out, I can finally follow the tracklist properly!)

In case you missed it, here’s my post about Intros & Narrators.

Before we jump into the book picks for this song, I want to apologize for the delay in writing this. I’ve had some family stuff going on, moved houses and also wanted to make sure I had read both books before recommending them.

Actually, I plan to take some time to go over the whole list of stories I’ve picked—I want to read them all thoroughly so I know exactly what I’m recommending to you all (some of them, I've already read, but I want to revisit them as well).

Now, let’s talk about the song. I find it fascinating to see a male songwriter like Dan taking on a woman’s perspective for a project that explores different stories. The official statement about the song stood out to me: “This song is about the burdens of loving women cruelly made to feel blame and shame from the dawn of time.” It’s clear Dan’s an artist who engages with feminist writings, and that’s something I truly appreciate—especially given how rare it is in the music industry, particularly for someone who presents as a straight, white male.

Cat Bohannon — Eve: How the Female Body Drove 200 Million Years of Human Evolution

The title character from the song. Probably the most cited figure from the Bible. A staple in paintings and literature for the past two thousand years. The first sinner. Eve remains a pillar of the Western collective imagination, her meaning changing a lot throughout the decades. From the representation of female sexual desire, scapegoating her for condemning the entire human race to death by eating the forbidden fruit (can you tell I went to Catholic school?), to being seen as the first example of female rage in the face of oppression. She embodies the complexities of womanhood—temptation, sin, and defiance—all wrapped into a single character.

Cat Bohannon’s book couldn’t be further from this. With a PhD from Columbia in the evolution of narrative, Bohannon explores why, in an age when we often see medical and science knowledge as some sort of truth, we still somehow have a very male-centric view of the human body.

By reexamining all the different potential Eves we have in the history of human evolution—that’s how she chooses to call all the ���hypothetical female ancestors’ in our shared Homo sapiens lineage—, Bohannon urges us to reconsider and reshape our understanding of how our knowledge of the human body has often ignored half the world’s population.

As someone who enjoys reading non-fiction books (happy to share a few of my all-time favorites in the comments to whoever is interested), I found this book a really insightful, at times infuriating, eye-opening view into how sad it is that, for much of documented history, women have been seen as just men with breasts and wombs bolted on. The author is especially conscious of how sex (influenced by chromosomes, physiology, and hormones) and gender (how we identify, behave in our environment, and interact with one another) are not the same thing. She often adds notes to point out how science ignoring the female body and all its narratives has even worse consequences for trans and nonbinary folks, which I found really well-done and necessary in today’s age.

I picked this book as a companion to the song mainly because of the “rolled your eyes at pain you'll never comprehend” line, but I think it is a solid read on its own. I certainly learned a lot about my own body during the 15 hours I listened to the audiobook.

John Milton — Paradise Lost

So, Paradise Lost—the epic poem that pops up on pretty much every English Lit syllabus. Quick and snappy plot summary before we dive in: It’s a 12-part epic that covers Satan’s dramatic fall from Heaven, the creation of Adam and Eve, their blissful (but short-lived) days in Eden, the infamous temptation, and their ultimate eviction from paradise. Along the way, there’s a war in Heaven (didn’t exactly keep me on the edge of my seat), plus some deep philosophical chats between Raphael and Adam about creation, God, and, well, everything. It’s basically theological fanfiction (I mean it in the most neutral way possible).

Milton, being the good Puritan he was, used these stories to dig into free will, predestination, and conscience. It’s hard not to see Satan as a rebel leader and God as the authority figure, especially when you remember Milton was writing during the English Civil War. 

The poem was widely known but highly controversial and criticized during Milton’s lifetime, however, during the Romantic period, poets like Shelley and Byron “reclaimed” Milton’s Satan as a tragic antihero figure.

Anyway, I had to dig out my old uni notes (and hit up some audiobooks) to brush up on Eve’s role in this whole mess. And let me tell you, there’s a lot to unpack. Mainly because: a) as is often the case with old poetry, there’s a lot to read between the lines; b) classics come with a million different interpretations, and c) there are a few different versions, depending on the edition you read, so it’s easy to get lost in the variations of text, footnotes, and commentaries. (And also d) I won’t lie, it’s a slow, heavy read. At times, I had to resort to the audiobook just to get through some of the passages!)

Here’s what stood out this time around: Eve’s role is seriously hard to pin down, as Milton's relation to gender politics has been scrutinized since, well, pretty much since it was published in the 17th century. (Yeah, I had to pull out good old Google Scholar, watch some lectures on YouTube, and, of course, dive into Muses: An Ampersand Podcast—thanks, Dan and, mostly, Emma.)

What I really enjoyed was reading some modern articles that analyze Eve’s character through the lens of feminism which ties into the song’s exploration of blame and shame—no Wild World pun intended.

First of all, when Eve is introduced to Adam in Paradise Lost, Milton has her momentarily distracted by her own reflection in a pool of water, a subtle but significant parallel to the myth of Narcissus (hint hint). It’s an early indication of how susceptible to being misled she will be later on. But it also plays into this idea that her curiosity and desire—whether for knowledge or just, you know, herself—are somehow “dangerous.”

Now, Eve gets the blame for the Fall because she’s tempted by Satan to snack on the forbidden fruit from the Tree of Knowledge. Sure, she’s tricked, but let’s not pretend it’s all the serpent’s fault—once the idea is planted, it’s Eve who talks herself (and Adam) into it. That shows some sense of agency on her part, right? She wasn’t just a passive, helpless victim; she wanted to prove herself, to be tested, and she took action.

Milton is giving her a bit of credit for having a mind of her own, even if it’s wrapped up in this narrative of downfall. Eve’s curiosity and independence—qualities we might admire today—become her so-called "fatal flaws" here. So, yes, the story punishes female agency, but it’s undeniably there. And in a world where women were (and still are) often written as powerless, it’s refreshing to see Eve at least take some control, even if the outcome is a bit... unfortunate.

Now, let’s be real, this whole negative portrayal of Eve isn’t shocking. Milton was writing in a time where misogyny was baked into pretty much everything (which, sadly, isn’t all that different from now). Eve’s agency and sexuality are framed as the ultimate cautionary tale: women’s sexuality and agency are seen as inherently dangerous and something that inevitably leads to moral fallings.

But despite it all, towards the later part of Paradise Lost, Eve does get a kind of redemption arc. I came across one scholar who referred to the concept of felix culpa, a phrase in Catholic tradition meaning "happy fault" or "blessed fall." Eve might be responsible for humanity’s downfall, but her actions also set the stage for the coming of Christ, making her "mistake" a necessary part of the larger divine plan. It’s a bit of a paradox—how can something so disastrous lead to something so positive?—but the idea is that certain misfortunes can eventually lead to greater good.

Milton leans into this in Book 12, where Adam says:

"O goodness infinite, Goodness immense! That all this good of evil shall produce, And evil turn to good; more wonderful Than that which creation first brought forth, Light out of Darkness!"

So, in a roundabout way, Eve’s fall isn’t all doom and gloom—she’s the necessary catalyst that sets God's plan into motion. In fact, scholars have started to reframe Eve’s role in Paradise Lost as something more empowering than it initially appears. Traditionally, Eve’s been seen as the ultimate cautionary tale, blamed for humanity’s fall and cast as a symbol of female weakness and danger. But if you look closely, there’s something subversive in the way she’s actually the mover of the entire plot.

Eve isn’t just sitting around passively following orders—she actively makes the decision to eat the fruit, which, yes, brings about the fall, but it’s also what triggers the eventual coming of Christ and the possibility of redemption. Without her action, we’d all be hanging out in Eden, stuck in a static, sheltered existence. In a way, this is Eve taking control of her fate, making a choice, even if it’s framed as "wrong."

Plus, while Milton definitely punishes Eve, her agency is undeniable. Adam is kind of an afterthought in the whole thing—Eve is the one who steps outside the box, embraces curiosity, and disrupts the status quo. To modern feminist readers, that kind of defiance (even if it’s punished) reflects the strength of a woman asserting her independence. Raphael even calls her "the mother of humankind," acknowledging her dual role. She is both chaos and creation—a symbol of disruption but also the source of life. So, in a way, Eve’s choice is what makes humanity... well, human.

I like how in the song, there’s also a sense of Eve having an agency and a mind of her own. The chorus highlights Eve’s struggle with the idea of being “made for” Adam—“When they say I was made for you... made from you”—and the frustration of biting her tongue, which relates to how her love for Adam intertwines with her need for independence.

That’s it for this post! I’ll be back soon with more book picks for the next track. Let me know if you’ve read these or if you have any thoughts!

Feel free to share your thoughts and any other book suggestions as well!

With love,

Cat

[omegalomania]

OMGGG I'm such an urban fantasy fan pls pls continue like I'm loving it

WHY I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. also i learned recently that my inbox is uhhhhh broken in the sense that its Just Not There on my dashboard so if you sent me asks in the past couple months i literally did not see them because the last tumblr dashboard update like, removed the little letter icon. from my dash. and idk how to bring it back lol

ANYWAY this whole au was born from me thinking a very lot about the whole aspect of so much (for) stardust and tourdust's staging where it relied on a) tangibility and b) magic imagery. like the album cover and the staging are all focused on real, actual things that one could conceivably touch (the album cover is an oil painting with glittery clay letters, the stage's props are all actual, interactable props, etc). and whats more, there's the additional "magical" element at work here: the magic 8 ball, pete's magic trick midway thru the show, the whole love from the other side mv, and so on. and because my brain is Like This, pretty soon id spun up a whole storyline out of wholecloth and now im going to make it everyone's problem i guess

ive elected to call it the magic stardust au for perhaps obvious reasons.

the magic stardust au takes place in a world that's a little bit like our own in some ways, and drastically different in others. its our world but shuffled a few degrees to the left, so to speak. for example, the state of iowa still exists - but there's a literal city in it called heaven. there's an alligator prince in this world, and he happens to be literal, as in literally an alligator who also happens to be a prince. magic is a thing here, and its so thoroughly common that no one bats an eye. it's all deeply ingrained into the fabric of reality. magic is twined through each and every soul. it's in the air, in the molecules, in the architecture, in the landscape. ancient, enchanted forests stand shoulder to shoulder with floating cities and underwater palaces and dense metropolises. magic is really just stardust in a sense, and that's just what everything else is too, so is it any wonder that stardust can act upon itself in strange and unique ways? that's all that magic is: stardust.

it always comes back to stardust.

so what happens when magic starts disappearing?

well, people don't notice at first. people don't notice because this thing, this force that's seeping in through little fissures in reality and leaching away all the strangeness in the world - it's clever about its work. it's cunning. it gets people alone and then it drowns them in itself, mercury-slick and flowing, and when it recedes...that's the scary part. not only are people losing their magic, they're also losing the memory of ever having magic in the first place. it's siphoning away the collective memory of magic. it's draining the world of all its charm and vigor and since no one can remember what it's taken once it's gone, it seems like no one can possibly stop it. no one even realizes that it's happening.

i've opted to call this force the annihilation.

(as you can probably tell, i like grabbing onto things from the #lore of the band's mythos rather than the personal stories of any of the members when it comes to devising aus. i love adapting lyrics, concepts, music video elements, and so on into stories, and grounding things into the concept surrounding the particular album or era i'm focusing on on as much as possible.)

anyhow, that's where our guys come in. or rather, that's where their stories all intersect. at the start, none of them have a whole lot of reason to interact with each other a bunch. all four of them live in the city of heaven, iowa, which as mentioned, happens to be ruled by our friend the alligator prince. stardust as an album is very preoccupied with the state of the world, voices a lot of general uncertainty and discomfort with the way things are run, and me being the way i am and having a baseline distrust of monarchy, i think the alligator prince is perhaps pretty honestly not the best at his job. his enforcers - well i'm not sure they'd strictly count as cops in this universe. but for simplicity's sake lets just call them cops and be content that they're probably not the best. corrupt, prone to favoritism, bad at their jobs. etc. this is important because it plays into how all of our guys end up getting to know one another.

hence, i introduce our four main players (featuring concept sketches i started throwing down once i realized this storytelling worm had burrowed into my head):

andy, as i've gotten into a little bit, is a rogue vigilante. he doesn't like the alligator prince. he's not keen on authority in general. he does what he does precisely because he's intent on giving people an alternative to the princes people. he's highly principled and completely unafraid to intervene with the prince's business if it means he's helping the people out. he lives alone on the outskirts of heaven, operates independently, and keeps his identity completely secret. he has a fearsome reputation in heaven but he's very well known. he's a little bit batman in that way - like, the guy's intimidating by default, but if you're in a pinch and you see him, you know he's going to help you out. and he's a hell of a lot better than a cop.

andy's magic, like everyone's in this universe, comes in two flavors: active and passive. his active magic takes the form of white lightning bolts, crackling bright energy that can shock, stun, and incapacitate in all sorts of ways. his passive magic comes from shadow, which is where his trademark hammer and massive, owl-like wings come from; they're actually solidifed shadow, and he can summon and dispel them at a thought.

(i can get into the specifics of how magic types differ if anyone wants to know details, but all you really need to know here is that everyone's got passive magic, which is their baseline, almost unconscious kind of magic, and active magic, which is the kind of magic that you have to work at. the annihilation steals both.)

joe is a freelancer. what this means is that he kind of ends up doing a lot of odd jobs based on whats being asked of him. this comes from a similar place from andy's motives - joe wants to give people an alternative to working with the prince's people. it's a job that requires wearing a lot of different hats, so to speak, so joe is a bit of a jack of all trades in that sense. joe of all trades? he's most frequently hired as a private investigator (again, an alternative to this universe's law enforcement), but he's also been called in as a bodyguard, a, uh "diplomat," and so on. he has a baseline familiarity with andy by virtue of having grown up in heaven and everyone knows about heaven's scary urban legend superhero.

joe's active magic takes the form of glowing blue knives, which he can use for aaaaall sorts of things. you can bet he uses them for every possible mundane use imaginable most of all though lmao. his passive magic is a procynoid form which, in plain language, means he can turn into a raccoon whenever he wants. because that idea from the love from the other side mv is too good to not use. said raccoon form can vary between a very ordinary-sized raccoon fella and a hulking, human-sized one. all comes down to how he feels.

pete is the sole proprietor and operator of pink seashell press, an independent news outlet. once again, this is in the interests of allowing people access to news that doesn't get filtered through the prince's people. it's a lot of hard and thankless work - pete is the only guy working this thing, so he's basically the whole staff. he's doing all the investigative reporting, writing, publishing, and distributing - but he believes in getting news out to people because it's important to get news from someone who isn't in the prince's pocket. he and joe are probably most familiar with each other since their work has a fair degree of overlap and comes from a very similar place. he's probably a big fan of andy lmao

pete's active magic takes the form of glowing green roses, which twine in thorny barbs and soft blooms alike. he can utilize them as both defensive/offensive and aesthetic/mundane purposes, which is nice! his passive magic isn't pictured in the below sketch because i hadn't yet nailed that down as an aspect of his character at the time of drawing, but it entails some partial skeletal physiology. he's got a skeletal arm and mostly skeletal abdomen. doesn't affect how he uses magic, but it grants him some invulnerability to stuff that might target internal organs that he, in part, doesn't strictly speaking have.

patrick is the odd one out here because unlike the others, he didn't grow up in or around heaven. he tends to be a bit of a wanderer, and heaven is just the place he happens to be passing through at the time. he keeps himself going with busking and gigs in small venues like cafés and bookshops as a local musician, and is incredibly cagey about his past. he's also very keen to avoid being noticed by the prince's people or authority in general. he's got the least familiarity with andy, joe, or pete, and is mostly interested in keeping his head down and making a self-sustaining little existence for himself.

this in huge part because of patrick's passive magic, which is a compelling voice. (inspired in part by the field of dreams quote that pete used to tease the upcoming stardust era, not long after the initial chicago tribune fob8 ad dropped: "but until i heard the voice, i'd never done a crazy thing in my whole life.") patrick doesn't actually have to sing for this to take effect. it can come from speaking too forcefully, making an idle suggestion, and a lot of different things. hence why patrick tends to get on people's bad side - he tries incredibly hard to keep this aspect from affecting his life, but once people pick up on this aspect of his voice, things fall apart fast. patrick's spent most of his life moving from place to place because of this. and yeah, he has no idea how much or how little he's influencing anyone at any given time. it's a complete nightmare.

his active magic is a tad more benign. it takes the shape of orange flames, which are fairly malleable and that patrick can reshape into instruments and such with a little effort.

eventually, of course, patrick does indeed get on the wrong side of heaven's authorities because of the same thing that always gets him in his trouble: that darn voice of his. this happens the same time that one of andy's jobs goes horribly wrong and he gets injured and caught. pete crosses the line one too many times, and joe just happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. the bottom line is that at this point, all four of the guys end up in heaven's jail at the same time, and that's where their stories all properly intersect.

that's when the annihilation comes for them.

it leaks in through the cracks in the walls and around the grout in the windows and it starts gathering itself up - this horrible, awful force that they can all feel and just looking at it feels wrong. it's an inky swell of star-freckled black void, like a slice of the cosmos staring at them through the bars of their shared cell. it seethes hungrily for them.

the cops run, of course. they leave their charges stuck behind bars, at the mercy of this terrifying thing that - though they don't know it - wants nothing more than to sap their magic away.

the annihilation manages to get its claws into each of them, but only briefly because fortunately, the four of them work together to take matters into their own hands. they manage to bust themselves out of the cell and get the hell out of dodge, but not before the annihilation stains each one of them with its grasping, hungry force, forever altering their appearance. the annihilation leaves a silvery, ashy blotch where it bled onto each of them:

andy gets a massive splash of it on his chest that leaks up onto his throat. joe got splashed on the right side of his body, mostly on his right ear, neck, and adjacent shoulder. pete also got hit on the left, but it mostly consumed his left eye and left leg. patrick got stained on his left hand from the wrist down.

here's a quick and dirty doodle i did to kind of depict this. it didn't come out the way i wanted to and it's not set in stone yet, but it's the general notion.

the fact that these four guys got attacked by the annihilation but crucially managed to escape it before it completely consumed them has permitted each of them an incredibly unique trait: they can understand what it wants. it didn't succeed in draining their magic, so it didn't take their memories of magic either. the annihilation made a tremendous misstep in not isolating these guys when it targeted them, because in working together, they were able to escape it.

so they are in the unique position to realize what's happening, where no one else can.

whatever this thing is, it's old. and it's powerful.

and it's very, very hungry.

and that's the cliffnotes of how these four guys have to band together to save the world before all the magic is drained away for good.

[fvckinnefor]

how can i get more into black metal and the culture? coming from someone whos most heavy band in my wrapped last year and probably this year was cannibal corpse

Hii, I've had this in my inbox for a while I'm sorry :(

Well there are no rules when it comes to listening to music. It's really up to you whether you like it or not and that's totally understandable. I've been in the scene for a while now, and I've listened to a lot of other genres before, needless to say in some aspects of the music it can sound relatively similar to other genres. There are black metal bands that are less melodic and ones that are more melodic. As well as a decent amount of subgenres. ↓

Quick guide to black metal ★

Starting off from the history that black metal is quite known for, I'd say Mayhem and Burzum as well as Darkthrone had the biggest impact on it. You're probably familiar with Pelle's suicide and the album cover so I will not get that much into the whole story as well as pretty much any conversation regarding Mayhem since I'm not really a fan of the band. — Summarized: Lots of murder, lots of suicide, lots of sacrifices, and burning churches. There are documentaries that explain it quite well, and I recommend you to watch "Until the light takes us" rather than wasting time watching "lords of chaos".

Instead of getting into the scene with Mayhem as most people do, try listening to bands that overlap with your favourite genre. For an example, if you like thrash maybe try checking out blackened thrash metal. If you're a fan of stuff that is more melodic maybe go with symphonic or melodic black metal. My personal favourite when I first started listening to black metal was Bathory, Burzum came second and from then on I took a liking into Darkthrone.

As I mentioned, there are numerous genres that you can explore and every band has a different execution !! — Lifelover and Xasthur are both DSBM but are fairly different.

I'd say the scene is the most important part of it. Ranging from the way they dress, how they act on stage, their personal beliefs and so much more.

Corpse paint: Corpse paint is the face paint worn amongst the black metal community, it is used to, of course, make you look like a corpse. Necrobutcher from the band "Mayhem" insisted that they were the first in the scene to wear corpse paint, with Pelle (Dead) Ohlin (their vocalist) being the origin. Today it is heavily mistaken for other styles of face paint. It is not clown paint, it is not anything similar to Jazmin Bean's old makeup style, it is not Joey Jordison's mask style and it definitely isn't the juggalo face paint. For reference, here's a sheet of numerous corpse paint designs:

No paint on the nose, black all around the eyes and usually lines exaggerating your mouth into a frown, as mentioned before it is called corpse paint because it is supposed to make you look like a corpse.

Themes: Black metal's main themes are anti-religion, Satanism, nature, suicide, darkness, and many more. It all depends on the subgenre, really.

DSBM → Depressive Suicidal Black Metal

NSBM → National Socialist Black Metal

It has a high range of genres, as I said. For an example Kellersynth, which still falls under the black metal umbrella (because it branches from DS) even though it sounds NOTHING like it and has no elements of black metal. It originated from Dungeon synth. Now I am not so familiar with the scene of KS as I only got into it last year but it is mainly known for it's designs with the contrast between the dark colours and the highly saturated neon ones, witch hats, gnomes, mushrooms, etc. Pretty sure Kellersynth started the whole gnome hunting trend on TikTok that was popular a while ago but I'm not so sure on that? If someone could tell me more about it, I'd be thankful. It branched off the Dungeon Synth subgenre, except DS is usually gloomy and mysterious sounding whereas KS sounds sort of like techno according to the newer versions of it at least, one of my friends even compared it to the "Jumpstyle" music or whatever it's called. Pretty sure Kellersynth was started by friedhof/grollfried or so I've read a while ago.

Note - Just like with DSBM and other genres, KS also ranges depending on what artist you are listening to. For example Hexenmeister is a lot different than B.S.o.D (mentioning him because he had, I'd say, a great impact on both DS and KS)

PS !! For more info about Grausamkeit here is an article that I think really does a great job at explaining his discography.

[ 1 ] - Wizard of uralia [ 2 ] - Hexenmeister [ 3 ] - Hirtenmörder

Note - Hirtenmörder is tanzelcore but I'm still gonna include it

The difference between KS and Tanzelcore is that Tanzelcore draws from techno and KS draws from dungeon synth, most of the examples I've named up there are pretty much more tanzelcore than Kellersynth but I am putting them out as a perfect example of the cover art. → Bright neon colours, contrast.

These were the first few bands I came across, but my personal favourite is Morkesis. If you happen to like this kind of music and want to find more bands like these, check out the official DEATH FETISH youtube channel.

DSBM is a subgenre that's main themes are suicide, self mutilation, heartbreak, sadness, depression, etc. Again, there are a lot of bands and each one has their own execution. Here is my playlist with some of my favourite DSBM songs!!

The Community is quite toxic, by quite I mean really lol. If you decide to dive into the scene don't be surprised when you come across a lot of neo-nazis and white supremacists, ESPECIALLY in the KS and true Norwegian scene (not even gonna mention NSBM). The gatekeeping is a classic, of course. I'm pretty sure there is no community that gatekeeps like the BM community. In conclusion: Keep your favorite underground bands hidden if you don't want death threats coming at you by other fans of the band for making their favourite artists "mainstream". But even though there are a lot of gatekeepers, there are a lot of posers as well. Now don't get me wrong, "poser" is a very harsh label and I truly only intend to put it on those who are apart of the community for the aesthetics and fangirl/boy typa reason. By far, I don't think any band has a worse fandom than Mayhem, just a simple google search of their name will get you into a rabbit hole of fanart, fanfictions and other gross stuff.

Some fun subgenres worth exploring: (★ on my favs!)

psychedelic black metal ★

kellersynth

tanzelcore

DSBM ★

dungeon synth ★

blackened thrash metal ★

Industrial black metal

black gaze ★

war metal

NSBM (only for the music)

atmospheric BM ★

symphonic BM

melodic BM

folk BM

raw BM ★

blackened death metal ★

Blackened speed metal

Blackened gothic metal

Progressive black metal

Viking metal

Orthodox (or any religious) black metal

Black n roll, etc...

Back in the day, "black-metalheads" were referred to as Blacksters, though I am not sure if that term is still used to this day. But you probably came across the term "Trve Kvlt".

→ Trve Kvlt is basically a joke amongst the community now, I have never seen a true black metal enjoyer unironically use the term. I am pretty sure it originated it originated amongst the true Norwegian scene but is today only used as a joke. "That's so trve kvlt."

Note - As I am writing this I searched up the term as I was curious on it's origin and haven't learned about it before, I found this comment from a reddit user (u/noscope360gokuswag) that I feel like provides a decent enough explanation to the term.

"There is a big explanation in the book "Lords of Chaos" which is solely about the rise of Black Metal following the bands Mayhem, Burzum, and all of the chaos that came from them.

The term originated in the Norwegian black metal sub-culture of the early 1990s to describe ground-breaking artists including Mayhem, Burzum, Darkthrone and Emperor, whose militantly satanic ethos exemplified the era's black metal feel. Non-satanic bands expressing Norse paganism or strong anti-Christian sentiment may still be regarded as kvlt.

It was originally used by early black metal artists and fans to attribute authenticity to certain bands and was spelled that way due to spelling in Old English (v was used instead of u)

Now it has been transformed into a joke word and used to make fun of bands that try way too hard."

So in conclusion, knowing the history of the subculture and enjoying the music is enough to make you a Blackster. The community has a knot up their ass, everybody faces discrimination amongst it no matter what you do at this point lol. But my advice is to slowly start from the genre and/or band that's the most similar to your music taste now.

Melodic music → Melodic black metal, symphonic black metal, dungeonsynth, blackgaze etc

Heavy → Raw black metal, True Norwegian, blackened death metal, war metal etc

Infamous people in the black metal scene;

[ 1 ] - Count Grishnackh / Varg vikernes (Burzum, Mayhem, Old funeral. (I think there were more though)) [ 2 ] - Per Yngve (Pelle/Dead) Ohlin (Mayhem, Morbid) [ 3 ] - Gylve Fenris Nagell / Fenriz (Darkthrone, Valhall, Neptune Towers, Storm, Isengard (And I'm positive that there was more but these are just the ones I know of as of now.)) [ 4 ] - Øystein Aarseth / Euronymous (Mayhem (lmk if there's any that I'm missing))

Since I skipped over Mayhem's history, here is a documentary that you can watch if interested;

UNTIL THE LIGHT TAKES US:

A Playlist You Might Want To Check Out:

(( Another thing is I see a lot of Blacksters online saying that if you don't want to be a poser you have to exclusively listen to black metal only. I don't agree with that and believe you can be into black metal without only limiting your music taste to only black metal and it's subgenres, but then again being a Blackster also includes mainly listening to black metal → So it's your top genre. ))

+

You can be a black-metalhead and be a Christian, listening to black metal does NOT make you a nazi even if you listen to NSBM (as long as you're not actively supporting the artist and their beliefs) Not everyone in the black metal scene is a nazi and most of those who spread around such bullshit are not even educated about it. Ps to all of the haunted mound, "skinhead", sped up songs retards that are getting into black metal over TikTok and spreading around nazi propaganda YOU ARE A POSER!!!

At the end of the day black metal is only music. Those who like it will like it and those who don't, don't.

That's all I could come up with for now, I am very tired and I don't have the time to proofread all of this. If there are any troubles, grammar mistakes or gaps in my explanation/knowledge LMK!! Hope this helps at least a little bit. ♡

[ishouldbedoinghw]

You Can't Erase Me

One Piece fanfic, part 9: Tavern Wench

Previous parts are in my pinned masterlist.

A woman enslaved by the celestial dragons is found by a man with red hair. Angst and comedy ensues.

A/N: Y'all know the drill. This and some future chapters of this story have been inspired by music I love listening to while writing or planning out scenes in my head. I highly recommend the Derina Harvey Band for some rock-inspired sea shanties, and I also really like Karilene's album inspired by the story of Anne Bonney.

TW: Some self deprecating language, alcohol consumption, Shanks

I might make a playlist of the specific songs that inspired this chapter, and I'll also link the songs used for specific moments because they really helped shape this chapter and the sort of energy I want to portray.

As we neared the town once again, the sun had sunk low in the sky, throwing its last rays over the sea in hues of orange and a slight pink. I held onto Shanks's arm, as he had insisted he had to be the one escorting "the lady" inside since he was the captain. Despite evidently wanting to look "manly", he still sported a hideous pair of shorts and dirty sandals.

How in the hell is he expecting to go dancing in those anyway?

Our party consisted of the wretched ginger, Yasopp, Benn, Roux, and myself, the former two having burst into some out-of-tune melody about their son John and how he'd lost his limbs to cannonballs or something. I had to admit the song was pretty funny, but I refused to give Shanks the satisfaction of a laugh, so I bit my tongue to keep a straight face.

The "tavern" as Benn had described it, was huge, and nothing like the little bars I had pictured. A massive name of lights almost covered one side of the building, and hoards of people were crowded around double doors, yelling and laughing at each other.

DELILAH'S JOINT

In truth, the place wasn't all that fancy, just a large, almost circular building that looked like it may have been a barn in a former life. The lights looked like the newest installment, as the white paint covering the walls was peeling in many places. I tried to focus my hearing to catch any music leaking through the doors, but all I could make out was the chattering of the crowd.

"Move, you're stepping on my foot!"

"Why couldn't I just stay home, there's too many people here."

"It's too bad Loreley left this place, I loved being able to hear her sing."

"What's your favorite on her new album, mine has to be the one about Delilah."

"That's everyone's favorite, mine is Merry, the one about the Straw Hats."

"That's because you're a freak for the cyborg."

"Franky is hot and you know it, and at least I don't keep Roronoa's wanted poster in my room."

"Shut up-"

"Oh my God, is that Hawkeyes?"

The warlord? I tried to peek over the heads of the crowd, but even my new glasses couldn't help see through people.

"Oi, Mihawk's here!" Shanks piped up cheerfully, also scanning the crowd, "We've gotta get him to join us for drinks-"

A sweet, almost sultry voice silenced everyone. I couldn't even hear the hum of bugs or twittering of the birds.

"It's Emily-"

A thunderous roar swept through the crowd, cheering and chanting Emily's name.

"-and you know what time it is."

No, I did not know what time it was, and I certainly didn't appreciate the way people started pushing and shoving each other to get through the doors. It took one look from the crew to get people to skirt around us, but the feeling of so many strangers looking at us was still overwhelming.

Shanks' arm moved to curl around my shoulders as he herded me and the crew inside and to a large table near the back wall. The inside of the tavern was smaller than I assumed it would be, but it was densely packed with people adorned with jewels and heavily perfumed. The sweet smells mixing in the air all but stung my nose, my eyes burning as I fought to adjust. The light was dimmed, but glowing blues and purples illuminated the floor and walls.

"Emily" as I'd heard before, was a tall, lithe woman with waist length white hair and breezy, iridescent blue silk draped around her. She was the spitting image of a siren in folk tales, with bright beckoning eyes and a slight quirk at the corner of her mouth. It only took one glance around the screaming crowd to understand that she knew the effect she had on people. I didn't even know I was capable of blushing until she glanced in the direction of the crew.

Although, I had a hunch her gaze was directed at Shanks.

I sat there for a minute, watching the lights ebb and flow, and as my attention became focused on the way the patterns of the lights hitched over the uneven floor, the roar of the the crowd became a dull buzz. It was Benn that had to nudge me, his eyes shining with delight, after the show started.

The sound of the first note seemed to explode from the stage,' jolting me in my seat. Yasopp seemed to find that funny, slapping Roux on the arm as he cackled.

The actual song, however, was light and eerie, like some haunted lullaby. Emily's hips swayed with the rhythm, and long strings of beads hung around her waist, following just behind her movements.

Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth-

Back and forth

Back and

forth

Back

and

forth.

Where had I heard that song before?

I was swaying back

and

forth.

I was singing slowly, I couldn't wake the baby.

Why won't the cage stop swinging? Who is making all the noise? Didn't they know the baby was sleeping? Didn't they know the father would be angry? I wanted to eat, I wanted to live-

I was scared. Why was I back here? I'm not supposed to be here.

One

two

three-

A hand. On my arm. I was supposed to be alone up here.

A murmur. A squeeze. A shake.

A loud, crisp slap. I came to life, chest heaving, with a burning left cheek.

"What- What the hell?" I spluttered, grabbing my face.

"Welcome back, Pipsqueak."

Pipsqueak? No one on the crew calls me that-

"Oi, up here," the voice said again, this time with fingers snapping in my face.

"Stop that-"

"You're in no place to be givin' demands, 'Squeak."

The voice belonged to a large-statured woman who was currently looming over me with a scowl. Her hair was gray and a little coarse, and her right eye was covered with a black patch. As old as she looked, the woman was all lean and tough, with weathered skin that reminded me of Benn's. A pirate, perhaps? She left the impression she'd spent a lot of time in sun and salt water.

"Did you- slap me?" I blurted, unable to think of anything else that sounded more intelligent.

She barked out a laugh, deep and throaty.

"Real funny joke, girl. What I'd like to know, Loreley, is why you're starved-looking and shacking up with Red-Hair." She leaned in closer, squinting at me. "And also why your eyes are fuckin' yellow."

Loreley? I'd heard someone mention the name Loreley outside, it had sounded like a musician or something.

"My name isn't Loreley, what the hell are you talking about."

She snarled and pushed me back over. "Bull-fuckin'-" She stopped, gazing at my face. "Shit."

She backed off of me then, tilting her head as she continued to stare. Then she just shrugged and turned away, saying, "My bad, kid, thought you were someone else."

What the hell? "Wait-" But she'd already disappeared, leaving me alone.

Shakily standing up, I did my best to gather my surroundings. The walls around me were significantly more weathered than the hall I had just been in, and were covered in brightly-lit mirrors. Everywhere I turned was my own reflection surrounded in light bulbs. The place was also a mess, with chairs, fabric, and- makeup?

I was in some kind of dressing room.

Where the hell am I, and where is my crew? Panic seized my chest, and I struggled to breathe. Stumbling a bit, I tried to find a door, a window, sunlight, sound, or anything that could lead me out.

The woman hadn't seemed interested in me after I had turned out not to be Loreley, but would she be angry if I escaped? Was I a prisoner?

A door to my right burst open, and a hoard of blue-clad girls chattering excitedly scurried in, each claiming a mirror. I quickly turned away, face burning, after some of them started to undress.

I could see the last two girls coming through the door in my peripheral, and before I could look away, they made a beeline for me.

"I told you it wasn't her, dumbass." The shorter girl said. She resembled Emily a bit with her long blonde hair thin frame, or perhaps it was just the gauzy blue fabric she was dressed in. It seemed she was playing on the siren aspect of the singer as well, with fake pearls and seashells scattered on her hair and around her neck.

"Shut up, at least I didn't miss an entire line because I forgot the most popular song in this fucking hemisphere." The other girl shot back in a bit of a deep voice. She was nearly twice the height of the blonde, with pastel pink hair tied loosely behind her neck.

"Oh that's rich coming from you," She put on a dramatic forlorn expression, holding her head in her hands. "Quickly! is this the blue dress song or the white dress one!"

She earned a light shove for that, the pink-haired girl's face a bright red at her comment.

"Where am I?" I blurted, gaining back their full attention.

"Um- backstage? The dressing room?" The pink-haired girl looked confused. "Aren't you here to replace Bernadette during the shanties?"

"What?"

The blonde shrugged, starting to pull shells out of her hair. "Listen, maybe the newbie's still out in the hall-"

"Wait a damn minute-" And the pink haired girl pulled her friend closer and whispered hurriedly, glancing at me every so often. The only thing I could make out was a "fucking Delilah" and a few light snickers. My heart was pounding too loudly in my chest to really eavesdrop.

After finishing their private discussion, the taller one turned and clasped her hands together. "Okay, girlie, our boss you met earlier? The old grouchy one?"

I nodded, unsure where this was going.

"Well, she seems to be convinced you can dance after meeting you exactly once, so we are gonna dress your ass up and test that theory."

"What the fuck-"

"Yeah, I'm not sure what's happening either, but I don't get paid to ask those questions."

"You bitch and moan plenty on the clock, so-" The blonde started before being muffled by her friend's hand over her mouth.

"I'm not on for another hour, so I'm the one who gets to watch this shit fail."

I wasn't sure whether I should be offended or not.

----

In the next few minutes, I had been stripped of my clothing, and laced up in some off-white, ruffled dress and a pearlescent corset.

'Tavern wench' was what the pink-haired girl, whose name I learned was Maria, called it.

While I wasn't a fan of how my shoulders and scarred neck were exposed, I couldn't deny I looked damn good in that corset. The laughter I'd received at the market today was almost forgotten as I studied how my figure looked.

It was amazing how much feeling pretty could matter to a person.

I studied Maria as she bustled around me, picking up various bottles or brushes. Her face was brightly colored in dramatic stage makeup, her lips and cheeks shades of pink similar to her hair. It looked lovely on her, and I couldn't help myself from saying-

"I like your hair, it's really pretty."

I should've known something was up when she got a devious glint in her eye as she politely thanked me. After a beat, she reached up and ripped the hair straight from her scalp, making me jump back in horror. I wanted to scream when the wad of hair landed in my lap-

It was a wig.

Maria was cackling her ass off, holding her stomach and slapping the table, knocking a couple of bottles over.

"I will never get tired of pulling that shit." She said, trying to gather herself. Her real hair was cropped close to the scalp, similar to mine, and a deep brown.

I shakily set the wig down on the table in front of me, not loving the idea of the residue of someone's scalp resting in my hands.

What I did love was how at ease I felt around Maria. I hadn't interacted with anyone but the crew or a doctor since I washed up. After making sure I knew the crew was fine and that they knew where I was, Maria had been very considerate of my personal space without coddling me. I felt like a woman getting ready with another woman, not a little girl acting as a doll. It was nice not being treated like glass.

"Here." She was in front of me now, holding a brush dipped in red. "For your cheeks and lips. Rouge is old-fashioned, but I think it'll flatter you," she said, dabbing at my face. "It's more historically accurate too."

After painting my face, she stood back and studied me, heavy brows pinched. Turning and rummaging through a cabinet above me, she said, "So, how'd you end up on a crew with the Red-Hair Pirates, if you don't mind me asking."

I chewed on my lip, unsure of what to say. Both Benn and Hongo had warned me plenty of how the mark on my back couldn't be discussed with people, although they wouldn't tell me why.

I decided on "They found me at sea." followed up with, "I don't have any family around."

She hummed, pulling a couple of wigs out. One was a red shade close to the color of my own hair, and the other was long, black and curly. She held the red one up close to me, then let out a tsk and laid it next to her pink one.

"You know who Loreley is, Jett?" She asks, running her fingers through the black wig.

I was happy to have a question I could answer truthfully. "I've heard her name; she's a musician, right?"

"Yep, she's more of a local legend at the moment, but everyone I know that listens to her stuff is hardcore into it." She squints, and adjusts one of the straps on my dress. "Honestly, you look a lot like her. A little taller maybe, and the eyes are a different color, but I'm surprised more people here haven't trampled over each other trying to get your autograph or something."

"It seems like you know her personally."

"I do," Maria said, holding the black wig up to me now. "She got her big start right here in this building, we all know her. It's why the boss made such a big deal about thinking you were her, she's practically her daughter."

I had wondered about that, why Delilah has seemed so insistent on interrogating me. I still wasn't sure why she'd insisted on me dancing tonight, but at least she wasn't still standing over me.

"Loreley is the whole reason the rest of us are even here. She's the one who got Delilah to open up her place to let other performers get in front of a big crowd." She was pulling the wig over my head now.

"There," she said, securing it. "Your hair color is sick, but it looks too much like hers, you might confuse people and get some unwanted attention."

"Plus," she added, pulling her own wig back on, "Now no one can tell you're Red-Hair's girl, makes it a little safer."

"Oh- I'm not-" I stammered, shaking my head.

"Oh? No? Just your captain, got it." She paused, thinking. "Is he, you know, with anyone?"

"Not that I'm aware of? What-"

"I always thought Beckmann was more handsome, but he's old enough for it to be a little weird-"

"Please stop talking about the guys I live with that way," I groan, "I'm sorry, it's just weird for me."

"Understandable," she quips, leaning into the mirror and adjusting her hair. "You have no clue how many people come here begging to see Emily, or ask us what her favorite food is or some shit."

I giggled a little, remembering how many people had gone feral watching the white-haired girl.

"Emily's the next one to go big, I think. Delilah's picky about who opens for her most nights, so she shows a lot of faith in her."

I hum, nodding my head.

A voice calls through the door in the corner. "Delilah's first set is starting, the newbie better her head into what she's doing here."

"Don't be rude, Goldfish, she didn't faint of thirst over your girlfriend or something."

The voice spluttered, and the door slammed. I could still hear muttering as they stomped away.

"Alright girlie, time to figure out how high the boss is," Maria says, ushering me to the door. "Even if you don't know what you're doing, you'll look great, so no one will really care-"

"Maria!" A different voice this time, it sounded like the girl Maria had been with. "Hey, Maria!" She sounded more panicked this time. "Bernadette was supposed to do Calico Jack, and Delilah won't let either of us do it."

Supposed to do what?

Maria groaned, looking extremely agitated. "Well, shit."

She turned and jogged away, returning with a rum bottle, a similar kind to the ones all over the Red Force. After taking a large swig, and grimacing as she swallowed, she handed it to me. "Drink up, and good fucking luck, babe."

[iantimony]

didn't poast last week so this is a two-week extravaganza post! con: got roped into DMing dnd pro: none of these fools have read mdzs so i can steal plots from there. hope the party is ready to be lead on a quest by a disembodied arm!

listening: oh shit SO many things. i will not be linking to all of them.

depeche mode: basically just their top songs on spotify, not any specific album. strong shoutout to 'shake the disease' and 'wrong' (which featured in my secret samol post!)

disturbed: ditto

franz ferdinand: albums 'hits to the head' and 'tonight'. throwbacks

phoenix: 'wolfgang amadeus phoenix' ditto throwback

inxs: 'x' DITTO throwback. doesn't hit the same as when i first listened to em years ago unfortunately

streetlight manifesto: album 'somewhere in the between'

boy and bear: 'harlequin dream'

sammy rae: 'let's throw a party', 'the good life', and their 'everybody wants to rule the world' cover

hozier: 'wasteland baby' and 'unreal unearth'

paramore: album 'this is why'

grizzly bear: 'veckatimiest' and 'painted ruins'

haken: their newest album 'fauna' because i'm thinking about whether or not to go to one of their shows in feb (leaning towards yes right now)

my SO's pinecore playlist

shosty symphony no 5 (<3)

and, finally, a lot of borodin symphony no. 1 in e flat and the last two movements of rimsky-korsakov golden cockerel because that's what the youth orchestra i'm volunteering with is playing right now haha

for podcasts, i've listened to the new counter/weight prequel eps! i'm so charmed to see these characters again. i still haven't finished millenium break holiday special because i lost my spot when a bunch of an episode played without sound by accident so i finally went and scrubbed back to the beginning of the episode (it's the second to last part) so by next week i will FINALLY be out of holiday special zone.

reading: finished rereading tgcf lol,,, in loving memory of square checkbox: apparently apple is switching to circle ones? hateful wikipedia page for kessler syndrome my friend @celestialtourguide sent me a dm to ask about a few of the characters in this manuscript and i was immediately charmed by it. it's so pretty, i loved the informational blurbs, just really cool stuff. it was already on waybackmachine but i've gone ahead and updated it.

watching: kurtis conner looksmaxxing. weird little subculture peek. rewatched sideways' why the music in cats 2019 is worse than you thought because my roommate was interested. this led us to the same channel's why avatar has the most ironic soundtrack of all time because roommate misread ironic as iconic and she really likes that movie. no accounting for taste, but aight. much more interesting than i thought it would be. that video then lead us to tony hinnigan's woodwind demos because hell fuckin yes. big-ass panpipes.

i've been keeping up on dunmeshi anime in little watch sessions with my SO, and also am working through kill la kill with him! i've seen it before but he has not so i'm really enjoying that.

playing: fallow.

making: i managed to finish my secret samol gift in time for reveal day!!! comics are fuckin hard dude!!!! i don't know if i'll be doing it again but it was a fun challenge. i decided to use a New App for some reason instead of procreate because procreate has not been hitting right and i wanted comic half tone brushes for this project. app is called sketchbook, it's an orange icon with a pencil on it. shrug! it's fine! i'll probably keep using it for a bit. started working on an english paper piecing project! soliciting tips for that because right now my method is: cut out hexagon using pattern piece i made to be 1/4 in larger all around than the template, gluestick template onto hexagon, baste edges down neatly, whip-stitch right sides together. remove template once all six sides have something attached. i'm sure there's a better way to streamline this process, i'll have to experiment. this will end up as a dice bag i think.

finally, pottery starts again this week! so next week will have some of that in here

eating: ah beans i did not do a good job keeping track of this. uh. made the ground pork & cabbage thing again because my roommate got SO much napa cabbage for making kimchi and we had a shitload left over. napa cabbage isn't as good as a more standard cabbage for this imo, standard cabbage tends to be a little sweeter i think once it's cooked in? idk. had some stage 5 mental illness moments last week trying to cook dinner on a very short time scale with lots of other shit to do, following a recipe because fucking of course my roommate wanted me to cook with a recipe that night. anyways.

misc: like said at the top, somehow i managed to sign up for Another Activity god damn it. so now every saturday evening i run dnd. tl;dr i'm in a group irl that meets biweekly, someone who i give a lift to for that was complaining in the car that their other online group's dm ragequit after his encounter wasn't well-balanced (skill issue) and before thinking about it i just was like oh well i could probably step in if you need! god damn ittttt lol i have missed dming so it should be fun. i vibe checked them for a session 0 last week and they seem chill and honestly shouldn't be too much work on my end, especially if i yoink plots from mdzs ha ha ha. other than that, all is basically well. i've settled back into a schedule, applied for some summer positions (!), and absolutely hate the amount of busy work in one of my two classes. yippee

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay Visuals: Queen In 5 Minutes

This is one of those videos where I'm gonna have to remind myself to not talk about the music, because Queen is awesome, I know quite a decent amount of their songs, and this arrangement/performance is really freaking good. But the video itself certainly isn't boring either (Freddie would be proud), and I'm very excited to talk about this one, so let's go! (Yeah this one's a long one, you have been warned)

Apparently this video (released on the 24th of November, 2018) was at least in part inspired by a health scare that Earl had while touring with Voiceplay, which no doubt was very distressing for all of them, but he obviously was fine or got better, which I'm glad about, and this video is creative as heck!

Won't talk about their appearances just yet, but of course I gotta point out the iconic Bohemian Rhapsody diamond configuration thing!

Cool necklace! I don't know the exact meaning of it, and whether or not it was just acquired for the video, but I do know that the album/track image for this cover on Spotify takes inspiration from it!

(Also this song is split into two parts on music streaming platforms, idk why)

*(clapping my hands together)* character time!

I have no clue what mythological being Layne's character is meant to be based off of, if any - "Guardian" is a bit of a vague name after all - and the main thing that popped up when I typed "mythology sentinel of the underworld" into Google was Cerberus, the three-headed guard dog from Ancient Greek myths. And well... it'd check out actually. Layne doesn't talk/sing in this video (not counting vocal percussion of course), he's wearing a big furry grey coat, and none of the other 3 are from Greek (or even Roman) mythology, so it's entirely possible that "Guardian" could just be a human-form Cerberus (minus the two extra heads).

Apparently "Yama" is the Hindu god of death and justice, though he was also adopted into Buddhist, Chinese, Tibetan, Korean, and Japanese mythology as the king of hell, so-

A 19th-century painting of Yama on his mount depicts him as completely blue, so Eli's blue face paint definitely fits.

("Dark angel" definitely sounds fitting)

Geoff is based on Baron Samedi, who is a spirit (Iwa) of the dead in Haitian Vodou, as well as of course the more well-known Louisiana/New Orleans Voodoo. Fun fact: Dr Facilier in The Princess And The Frog is partly inspired by Baron Samedi!

I'm sure most if not all of us have heard of Anubis, but regardless, Anubis is the Ancient Egyptian god of funerary rites, and he's also a protector of graves, and of course, a guide to the underworld. He can take both human and animal form, and in artwork is often depicted with the body of a man and head of a jackal/canine animal (which Voiceplay subtly refers to in this shot here with the little Anubis Shrine statue sitting next to J)

Cool and Normal! 😆

(Also really love that jacket/blazer)

"Anubis" is of course weighing Earl's heart against a feather to see whether or not he is worthy of ascending to the heavenly afterlife. And since the heart appears to be slightly lighter, he's good! (Not that he's actually ready to pass on, though)

(Also, from a production viewpoint, I'm guessing they had some small stones or counterweights hiding underneath the feather?)

...Not gonna say anything, just putting this here

Love how "Baron" glances at his cane as if to check for any dirt or smudges from Earl 😆

(Geoff still has that cane I believe; when he did a few Q&A/"how to sing low" videos on his channel back in 2020, the cane was just chilling in the background, behind where he was sitting in his home office/workspace)

(Also obligatory he's so handsome/pretty aaaaaaa)

The body language of "Anubis" here when Baron starts talking (i.e. when Geoff starts singing), and the way that he, "Yama", and "Guardian" are all at one end of the stage, while "Baron" is on the other, says so much in such a small way! (Geoff once again getting to be Special(tm), love that for him)

"I've done my sentence, but committed no criiiiiiime!"

Cool necklace! (Also really love the subtle red edging/trim on his blazer/coat, very cool and gives me Crowley vibes)

While I'm talking about Geoff, time for another hair study!

(This one I actually used separate screencaps for the outline and for the colour grabs)

Wasn't even trying to pause in this shot but pfft Eli/Yama and J/Anubis doing the 🤏 thing

(Also kinda sorta another Eli Eyebrow raise?)

Baron: *(evil laugh)*

Anubis: OHKAY it's getting a little tense in here, time to lighten the mood a little bit!

Baron: wow rude

Anubis: here hold this for me thanks!

Guardian: wait what am I meant to do with this?

(Though I'm pretty sure that's meant to be his sword anyway?)

"Nooo time for looosers"

Fight! Fight! Fight! (Eli/Yama: "I'm three ounces of whoop-ass")

Love the facial expressions here, Anubis/J looks like he half-wishes he had popcorn! 😂

Thumbnail moment! (Or close enough anyway)

Yama singing "I don't need you" to Baron and Baron doing a sort of sarcastic "haha very funny" head motion in return, love it

Not talking about the arrangement but I'd like to thank the Good Omens fandom, because I wouldn't have recognized/known the bridge of Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy in this medley otherwise (I didn't first see this video until like a year or so after it first came out)

If you ever wind up in hospital, don't actually try to rip out IV drips or cannulas or any other tubes connected to your body!

If I had a nickel for every time a different member of Voiceplay played air guitar in a video, I'd have at least four nickels! (Earl here, Cesar in Hellfire, Eli in Top 10 Sitcom Themes, and Geoff in at least three or more videos (maybe 5 if we count J None in the Frozen 2 Medley))

Full-body group shot! (Also Eli, those shorts and those shoes are... an interesting combination that's for sure 😅) Also check out the body language of Baron/Geoff and Guardian/Layne!

There's a comment or two that sums up "Guardian's" body language as "I don't actually want to hurt you, but I will if I absolutely have to"

Love "Yama's" expression right before he's turned into a puff of smoke 😆

Baron was on Earl's side the whole time!

It would have been cool to have Baron bow out himself and be like "you did well, you can go on living now", rather than being poofed away like the others, but eh I'm sure Voiceplay had their reasonings

I would post a pic of the final shot, but Tumblr isn't letting me (I'm guessing I hit an image limit, rip). But still, it's very cute and sweet.

There's a reason why so many people adore this video/cover. The arrangement is stunning, the vocals are great, the costumes are cool, the makeup is really well done, and the whole plot/direction of the video is such a creative and original concept! Shoutout to Layne and Eli, who were in charge of both the video and the arrangement!

[shinygoku]

Revolver (1966)

So, you know from my previous write-up that I think Rubber Soul is a little bit underrated. I think there may be a similar thing occurring here, as while it's more likely to be picked as The Greatest Beatles Album, it's still in the shadow of what comes right after and a couple of the later ones. Still, this is home to a couple of absolutely iconic staples as well as a few hidden gems. Deciding to scrap live concerts entirely, they could now dabble with The Studio itself to bring out new and exciting sounds. Load up yer bullets and ready the needle arm, we're on something Revolutionary.

The famous line art and collage made by Friend of the Band since Hamburg days, Klaus Voormann! Ya can't deny he gets their likeness, though George's direct look at the viewer with those lips is a bit unsettling for me personally. Still, it's what they call Art and the first cover that isn't a single photograph, we have iconic illustration and an eclectic montage here! Very cool ...if not something I'd want on my wall lol

SIDE ONE

Taxman: Remember how in the previous write-up for Run For Your Life, I complained about how dope instrumentals were bogged down by lyrics that sucked? Well it's a similar situation here! I'm Pro-Public Sector being funded by the Ultra Rich being shaken down for change!! I know the Marginal Rate was huge, but it was for those who could, like, actually afford it. Unfortunately that may include Daft Rock Stars, innit? .....Anyway yeah, the guitar shredding is really good but the cleverness of the lyrics is wasted by picking the wrong stance, so this ain't one I listen to that often. The music video on the official youtube is pretty visually interesting though.

Eleanor Rigby: A sad tale of an older lady dying alone, ya wouldn't expect it to be one of the most iconic songs by a band that's already made countless bangers about love and sex and rocking out, wouldja? And maybe it's because of that stark difference, and the song itself being so beautiful, that it stands out and even wins over Beatle Haters! The sound is best in the 2022 remix, obviously, but I like to watch the music video that was in Yellow Submarine for this song, where a multitude of different Lonely People are shown. But the fairly detailed story described without visuals really does tug at the heartstrings (apt that this tune has such a prominent String Octet, haha).

I think part of what makes this work so well is, not just the Tragic Narrative, but also the mundane nature. The allusion to wearing a mask of a false self in public, the bluntness of the apathy shown to strangers. Dreams that go unfulfilled, words that go unheard, your entire life being known only as you have a headstone, if that. It applies to countless people we walk by every day. And the irony of how Eleanor and the Father McKenzie might have been able to connect, but only actually have contact when he's performing her lonely funeral. Owch.... a great song but Not a fun one!

I'm Only Sleeping: First of all, I MUST endorse the painting music video that's also on the Official Youtube. Even if ya've heard this song countless times, you have gotta See it too!!

Anyway, gorgeous strumming and a steady drum balance the slower pace of this number. John's vocals are serene and drowsy, matching the feeling of having a lazy morning in a comfy, comfy bed. The way the music pauses and starts back up with increased tempo, the backward guitar (!!) and how the song starts to repeat itself from the beginning again all give it such a beautiful, distinct vibe, and again it's pretty faithful to that feeling when you doze off and lose track of time.

Love You To: After George's previous song being blazing electrical guitar set to complaining, this one is quite different! Very sitar heavy and introspective, with a very slow start for a while before kicking off with the vocals. It's not really my bag, but I can appreciate the artistry in it, at least. After such a long intro the outro feels pretty abrupt, too.

Here, There and Everywhere: This also has an animated video on the Youtube! It's nice but oddly rotoscopes Help! (Movie) footage among other things, it doesn't feel as Bespoke so it's optional as far as I'm concerned lol. Anyway! Paul does a Beach Boys! It's a pleasant, serene ode to a nebulous woman but, while I like it, it doesn't have quite the memorable staying power other than that it sounds like another band did it. Sorry for being so mild, Paul! I just like others ya did more!

Yellow Submarine: YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

A real Marmite of a song, innit? I adore it, myself~ It's deceptively complex, hidden behind what could be seen as a monotonous, repetitive lyrics sheet, but for those who listen not only with yer ears but your heart and soul as well, you'll enjoy it :3

Even without reading Pro-Community or Escapism subtext within, the base level of a children's song with pretty described visuals and creative, clever sound effects over a catchy base tune with Ringo's vocals really make a song that's more than the sum of its parts. No wonder it did so well as the Title Track and Main Vehicle of the animated movie! XD (Also, as a Supermarionation Fan, I sure suspect Thunderbird 4 was inspired by this number as well as the practical truth that yellow is the most visible colour under water~)

She Said She Said: The LSD in this one is very apparent lol. A bit of mystery lurks in no one knowing if Paul actually played on the final version due to some undisclosed drama. The ......metre? changes partway in and (as always) the instruments are groovy, but again I'm not wild about it and wouldn't notice if it were cut lmao

SIDE TWO

Good Day Sunshine: This hits a little different when hot days are very annoying... but I can't fault this song for the massive shift in climate! I do like how upbeat and jolly this is, the piano offers an interesting flourish and some good harmonies and cymbal crashing.

And Your Bird Can Sing: This is the song I always think of when mulling over Hidden Gems by the Beatles. It's 2 minutes of Rock Perfection and yet it's chronically overshadowed by so many others! While there's much debate over who or what "your Bird" may be, the actual thesis of the song is about deflating materialism and pride, which is cool. The guitar shredding, rhythmic percussion and that triple harmony with "you tell me that you've heard every sound there is" make this such a delight! I think that particular vocal sync may even be the best I've ever heard, it's sooooo great~

For No One: Paul's at it again with 'Maaaan dating Jane Asher isn't doing it for me' songs! However I think this is the best of them lol. Very engaging piano and clever lyrics about two former lovers who now feel mere indifference for the other. Somehow they've drifted apart and it's only a matter of time until they admit defeat and make it formal, but we're not there just yet.

Doctor Robert: This is weird cause it's based on the real dentist the lads used, who spiked John and George with acid and in general seems like the most cartoonishly suspicious kind of nightmare who you really don't want to be left in charge of your numbed body, what the fuck?! I mean the song itself is pretty rockin' but dear GOD do I hope they cut that dude out once the drugging came to light. I'd be hiring some fucking Goons to scare him rather than writing a ditty about the situation, but I guess their ways of coping differ to modern times... oh right, the music? It's good, duh! I'll highlight Paul's Bass as being a very Groovy fixture~

I Want To Tell You: This one I tend to forget about entirely lmao. George at it again, good piano and drum work... I think the Bridge is good but the main song doesn't do much for me. Another "well it's not Bad, but..." number. Huh, sorry George, I know songs ya made that I adore but they ain't here...!

Got To Get You Into My Life: Ska?! In The Beatles? It's more likely than you think! But I actually prefer the "Second Version" that one may find on the YT or Super Deluxe edition. This main one sounds a little overpowering with really loud brass and Paul's voice seems to be filtered. I loooooove that it's a declaration of devotion to Weed instead of a person this time though, while cunningly woven to fly under the Morality Police radar.

Tomorrow Never Knows: This is more Art than a song, and I mean that in a good way! The completely unique Sounds and the experimental Techniques, Ringo's beating on them drums..... it's just really fun to listen to~ Mere words don't work so well for this one XD;;;

CONCLUSION

Best 3: Eleanor Rigby, I'm Only Sleeping, Yellow Submarine

Blurst 3: Love You To, She Said She Said, I Want To Tell You

Hmm, picking the Blurst was really hard this time and now it looks like I have Anti-George sentiments, which I don't! But it's less the choices there are Bad and more Not For Me. That's part'a why I've been saying Blurst this whole time instead of Worst, the subjective aspect can't be ignored...! And maybe I'm showing a little Bias in the Best category, but again it's painful to hafta discard bangers like And Your Bird Can Sing for anything, but I love me some Yellow Submarine just that much more ^^;;

I already used the line, but fuck it; Revolver is indeed Revolutionary. (Read that in the Devious Diesel voice Ringo does, please~). The studio tweaks done to increasingly Sophisticated music really marks a change in the landscape, not just for these Bugs, but the medium as a whole. That kinda sentiment persists with a lot of Beatle Moments, of course, but I think Revolver represents a real point of no return.

🪲🪲🪲🪲

Next month, we'll be (checks notes) ah, instead of The Beatles, there'll be a new group 『サージェント・ペパーズ・ロンリー・ハーツ・クラブ・バンド』. I hope you tune in anyway, as they're very well regarded! A splendid time is guaranteed for all~

[fleshsigil]

today i laid down - review

//content warning: discussion of depression/self-harm/suicide

And we let it out Where they can't see In my room, up your arms Who will you dress as tonight? And why's it always me?

this EP was an especially hard thing to review for me. probably even harder than the sky may be, considering the subject matter and backstory, but i think it's something i absolutely need to recommend anyway because it needs to be heard.

today i laid down is a cathartic, lilting fusion of post-rock and classic alt-rock released in 2023 by kai wesener under the pseudonym bl4ck m4rket c4rt. when i was originally recommended this, i was skeptical; i don't rate music with numbers because that's stupid, but needless to say, it is now in my top 3 EPs of all time. i think it is truly one of the best pieces of music that i have ever listened to.

today i laid down consists of only six songs, but it feels like a full-length album. i can't explain it. the soundscapes and crescendos are constantly mutating, but still cozy and acoustic. the mostly acoustic sounding instruments lend the songs this beautiful, shoegazey texture that is incredibly lush and full of life. at times, there are cowbells, triangles, pianos, and xylophones that also add an extra layer of depth and beauty to the songs. the only thing that i can really say about the actual songs is that they're fucking amazing. there is not a single bad, or even okay, song on this entire EP. each one has its own unique identity, but they still fit together perfectly as a whole. there are parts with rich, warm synths; there are parts with psychedelic keyboard sounds. it all works. kai obviously has an incredibly good ear for music theory and sound design, because the songs manage to be pretty catchy while also having this unique, ecstatic, layered feel that not much else has. there's the transcendentality of sigur ros, the blown-out shoegazey textures of mogwai and my bloody valentine, and the warmth that radiates from most acoustic indie rock projects. a few of the songs are shorter than 3 minutes or so, and still manage to feel drawn out and constantly changing. i think it's a masterclass of instrumental layering and rock fusion.

the lyrical content combined with the cathartic, yearning instrumentals is what makes this EP truly impactful and haunting. if you don't pay attention to the lyrics, then the EP might appear somewhat happy, or just wistful. if you take into consideration the events that transpired a few months after the EP released, these lyrics, which are barely audible over the drone of the guitar, are utterly fucking haunting. they are no longer empty threats or thoughts converted into music. the lyrics themselves detail traumatic memories, self-harm, feeling inadequate, not wanting to get out of bed, and dying together but alone. saying that what happened after its release made the EP "better" is completely untrue and completely distasteful; if anything, it's all the more haunting and fucked-up. the lyrics went from something being sung to a collection of thoughts, painting a picture of the mind of someone who was suffering. i have been in that headspace before, and still am sometimes, and this EP is like a reminder to not let myself succumb. not like a cautionary tale, but more of a fucked-up testament to the fact that depression is real and immediate and it kills people; it hurts everyone around you, too. the first time that i read about the backstory of the EP, half an hour later i was listening to it again, looked at the cat on the album cover, and almost cried. all i could think about was the fact that the cat probably misses its owner a lot, or wonders where he's gone. then i thought about my own dog, and the fact that she would probably miss me a lot too, and i told myself i would try my best to not let myself give in.

this EP is truly one of the best things i've ever heard, lyrical and thematic impact aside, and incredibly cathartic. it emanates blissful, bitter acceptance and hollow warmth. overall, it is a must-listen, even if the subject matter doesn't pertain to you.

rest in peace, kai.

LINKS TO EP ON SPOTIFY AND BANDCAMP BELOW

(i post music recommendations sometimes, if you want more of that kind of thing, you should follow me)

(PS: i totally lied about doing a happier album that's not about crushing depression, who knows what i'm going to review the next time. probably more sad shit.)

[cinnamonroll999]

Top 5 Most Solid Chanbaek Proofs-Part 3

3. Heaven Lyrics Analysis

This is where stuff gets too "coincidental" to be a coincidence any more. I'll start from the beginning.

"Heaven", on Exo's EX'ACT album, is a b-side song written by Chanyeol.

As you probably guessed from the title, "Heaven", is a sweet song about a person who the singer feels like is an angel who came from heaven. In the song, the singer describes the angel as a beautiful person who is like a ray of light for them.

The keywords in the song are heaven, angel, sky, light, etc.

Hello, angel

You're like a painting, when I look at the sky, I can only see you.

As you read in the above image, Chanyeol used "sky" as a way to describe Bakehyun.

And apparently, during this time, Chanyeol also posted pictures of the sky on his Instagram.

Now, posting pictures of the sky is really common, especially among idols, but it's still pretty suspicious how he used it to describe Baekhyun too.

City street lights (Okay)

Even when the lights go out (Okay) and the moon disappears, it's still shining (Woo)

Because you are the star (Yeah, yeah) that fell from the sky

By chance, Baekhyun's superpower given by SM for their Kwangya plot line is light. This is a very small detail and is probably a coincidence, but we should take it in account to not miss anything.

I'm smiling for some reason

I can't sleep even if I close my eyes every night

I stay up all night again, thinking of you

Your shining smile makes me breathe

Perhaps you, you

Are hiding your wings behind your back

Yeah, anyone can tell you're my only angel

When I'm with you, I can fly

Years ago, Bakehyun showed everyone the "angel wings" on his back. He has prominent shoulder blades, and I think he's mentioned before that he is insecure of them.

Here, he bent down to show them to everyone and by coincidence, Chanyeol was the one who revealed them. He knew exactly where to press.

Baekhyun then gets up, and I believe he says "I'm an angel" or something along similar lines.

Yeah, she says, "Don't, don't

Casually say that I'm pretty as if it was a joke"

I took this particular point from @yeolspuppy's analysis. You should go check that out if you want a deeper analysis, since I only covered the major points. I'll link it below.

Bakehyun has some traditionally female traits, so in turn, many Exo members and Exo-Ls describe him as "pretty". While fans do it to praise Baekhyun's visuals, Exo members do it jokingly like an inside joke.

Saying that a girl is pretty jokingly seems really weird. In a world where people assume that they are a couple when a boy and a girl hang out, it seems like you wouldn't want to tell a girl that she's pretty in fear that she might find out about your feelings. However, if you have already confessed and are in a relationship with her, then why would the girl assume you are joking when you call her pretty? That is supposed to be a compliment.

Chanyeol is a celebrity who would face major backlash for using "he" in a song, especially in a country like South Korea. In order to protect his reputation, mentioning anything other than a "she" would be dangerous. Just because Chanyeol mentioned "she" does not confirm that he is straight or was referring to Baekhyun.

Thus, this line could easily mean Baekhyun telling Chanyeol to not jokingly call him pretty.

Heaven Song:

@yeolspuppy's Analysis:

There are honestly tons of song with Chanbaek clues. I compiled them all along with some other Exo songs that give chanbaek vibes. You can check it out if you want to:

Here's a YouTube channel I'm subscribed to. They give pretty good Chanbeek, Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Exo Daily Updates. Their analysis is also pretty good. Check them out:

[m-m--tv]

[-REVIEW-] IVE: I've IVE

Album cover taken from YoutubeMusic

Background pictures taken from reddit [1] [2] [3]

“It’s our time, we’re different, we like special things | Oh what a good time | I’m good, worrying about me is a waste of time | No reply after reading the DM you sent | That’s my answer (That’s my style)”

(english translation taken from colorcodedlyrics.com)

Ok, so first things first… this is my first album review in a looong long time, how exciting (and intimidating… kinda) ! If i’m not just de-rusting, I guess I am sort of debuting too, albeit today’s feature already debuted and this is another kind of debut for them but yeah you get the point.

Anyways, enough about me, and more about the feature in question, because it’s quite a heavy hitter ! If you’ve paid any attention to kpop lately, you might have heard of IVE – PAKs flying everywhere, broken records all across the board, enough albums sold to build a bridge across the sea and a handful of very strong songs to their name. What a year. Which made I’ve IVE (yeah), their first full-length project (and a full album at that !!!) all the more exciting; I mean, I really don’t consider myself an IVE stan (...yet?), even though I either really liked or LOVED everything they had released so far, but I can’t deny that I was impatiently waiting for April 10th to come – if only because, don’t lie, the thought of one of the leading girl groups of our times releasing their first album after an unbroken until now string of singles would at least slightly pique the interest of anyone. Well, it’s finally here, so what now ?

One of my main questions when this was announced was; just what sound exactly would they go for ? If ELEVEN, LOVE DIVE and After LIKE were all united in being excellent upbeat goodness, I wouldn’t really say they were cohesive sonically. And the answer is… honestly, a little bit of each ! But more precisely, I’ve IVE seems to follow in the girlboss crush (?) footsteps of After LIKE b-side My Satisfaction – somewhat of a surprise, but ultimately quite a pleasant one for sure. I maintain that My Satisfaction far outclassed After LIKE and was very close to being their best song and look at us now

I was actually a bit afraid of what the final result would be at first, especially after hearing the highlight medley. What I had heard was undeniably good, but not necessarily up my alley – to give you an example that stays within the kpop sphere, my heart is usually with the likes of T-ARA’s (immortal banger) Bo Beep Bo Beep. But I thought, well, it’s just a highlight medley… they have not missed so far… people said the songs they performed at the fanmeet were great (someone called NOT YOUR GIRL a Sistar song which DEFINITELY had me listening)… it’s IVE… surely an album tied to these insane concept photos won't miss… let’s wait and see. And I was right !! Because ultimately, I’ve IVE stands as an extremely enjoyable record !

The sound they went for here is very in-line with (what I perceive to be) their chic, elegant, cool girl concept; I’d say for the most part (mostly the b-sides) it’s very soft and never really in-your-face, quite easy to listen to with a nice flow, but at the same time it’s still really cool and commands your attention just by existing and doing it pretty much flawlessly. I’d compare it to silk. It straddles the line between cool and vibey & catchy and engaging perfectly; which I have to give it credit for, because like I said it’s usually really not the type of sound I'm fully into. I also think a lot of songs that go for it can easily fall in the trap of trying to be a ‘soft bop’ so hard that they end up feeling bland / boring / sanitized and turn into the musical equivalent of watching white paint dry. But here, it’s executed perfectly, from the subtle groove of Lips to the spacey synth touches of Cherish and many more. It’s also one more thing that works in the album’s favor, because as it’s located perfectly at those crossroads – for exemple, it’s both music to get ready to for a night out and music to actually live that night out to –, it’s a very versatile album that you’ll be more likely to run back to in different situations, and as such it’s always a strong player no matter where or what.

Part of why it works so well is that even though pretty much every song exists in that sonic universe, with super smooth modern beats and arrangements that feel minimal without ever becoming too sparse, they all have a different enough energy and goal that they try to achieve. You have the funk and playfulness of Lips & Kitsch, the calm and stillness of Cherish & Heroine, the subtle emotions of Mine & Shine With Me, the edgier sounds of Blue Blood, the super boppy joy and sass of NOT YOUR GIRL & I AM, and not only does it differentiates every track while also keeping the experience fresh without ever having to uproot the listener, it also helps the whole package come together into a strong album that at least touches every mark of what a typical album should be. Chill bops, boppier bops, more emotional bops, you have it all with no stark tonal shift; so as a self-contained work, I’ve IVE covers every ground it needs to in order to confidently stand tall while also keeping enough strengths redistributed in certain areas to add just that bit of charm that makes it shine. 

There is sort of an outlier here however, and that is track 7, Hypnosis; one hell of an outlier too, and one that I'm gonna have to give the spotlight to for a bit because whew. From the very beginning with those disorienting and rattling electric synths, you know you’re in for a treat, and the song is quick to confirm that. It’s almost the antithesis of the album, in a way; whereas I’ve IVE is elegant and subtle, Hypnosis is twisted and almost crooked in a way, with dissonants and irregular instruments crawling around the floor of a beat that ultimately proves itself to be SO addictive, contrasting with the soft and dreamy voices of the girls like a solar eclipse. Hypnosis takes the formula of the album and twists it inside out, resulting in this sort of shadow twin that feels like an occult experiment gone wrong in the best possible way. On 1st listen, it reminded me a lot of something I’d hear in the gym of Ecruteak City in Pokemon Gold, mostly because of those electric synths that have a very GameBoy Color quality to them, and god knows that hit me straight in the heart. If you feel bored by I’ve IVE "playing it too safe", then at least try this one, because it’s certainly experimental and genuinely such a great song like oh my god… no subtlety here, just a fever nightmare that won’t let you escape.

…Back to the album now. If this sound palette works so well here, it has to be said, it’s because the production is EXCELLENT. It’s clean, tight, professional and straight to the point, like a shiny, deep-cleaned high end kitchen. Good tools make for great work if used correctly, and the group was armed with nothing but quality here. But what I really like about it, and what lifts I’ve IVE higher, is that it’s littered with a bunch of sparkly flourishes that add the finishing touch to already strong songs. The kazoo in Kitsch, the violin-like strings in the Blue Blood post-chorus, the smooth piano and strings in the background of Cherish, the guitar slowly emerging in Mine for exemple; all are insanely neat little details that add so much to their respective song and truly take them there. In fact, I’d say that they make the softer songs like Lips & Cherish win over their more energetic peers such as I AM & NOT YOUR GIRL because that’s where they’re easier to pick up on and also where they work excellently, making use of the minimal landscapes to place themselves just where they need to and give the songs very pleasant depth – once again, that’s one of the ways in which I’ve IVE avoids the pitfalls of boringness, and that’s by knowing exactly how to mix its ingredients with the perfect amount of pop-up-y flavor to leave a mark. It’s not just “yeah make it as unoffensive as possible” minimalism, it’s minimalism where every little piece is perfectly arranged with the others and completed by that one touch which seals the deal. Their producers did amazing work, for sure, and it gave us such a treat to Listen™ to.

I do wish the songs themselves were a bit longer though – they’re already all pretty much great, but some would still hugely benefit from something like a longer bridge, an actual bridge, a post chorus, another verse… I’m thinking of Blue Blood in particular, it’s a good bop and serves as a great intro but it would blossom so beautifully if it was extended just a bit. Hypnosis also kind of suffers from this, but that one is so impressive that I kind of forget it’s very short lol, yet imagine if it was longer??? The 11-tracks length is perfect because the album doesn’t ever overstay its welcome while also having enough room to expand and do everything it needs to – you can’t take away from I’ve IVE that it’s an extremely concise experience, and that’s sort of a good thing. But I really think that effect would have been kept had the songs been given more time, so it’s a shame that a lot of them are pretty short, usually stopping at around 3 minutes. For all the things I love about it, I guess that’s the big drawback of the streaming era. In that way, it clearly works, because while writing this I went through the album like twice and I didn’t intend to do so at all but I just didn’t notice that it was looped lol, so here are the extra streams in question – but part of that does lie in the fact that like I said, I’ve IVE is an easy listen.

For a first full-length album, I’ve IVE was definitely a great start. It’s very approachable and appeals to a wide audience, but it’s not satisfied by just doing the bare minimum and sacrificing all individuality to reach as many people as possible. Instead, the album pulls out the tricks it has up its sleeve at perfect times to climb up to the next levels on this flawless model walk it’s taking – all without ever breaking a sweat. You can tell there was effort put into this and that they weren’t just like “oh yeah who cares this will sell anyways”. I’ve IVE invites the audience to get into its groove very smoothly, but it never babies them or insults their intelligence by giving them pleasing mind-numbness, instead opting to serve precisely-crafted offerings with that ‘connoisseur’ feel that they know will be genuinely appreciated. The end result is without a doubt a high quality product. Even if IVE’s concept is a match-made in heaven with the sound of the album – i honestly think this was the perfect road to take for them –, it’s still one that any group would be honored to have to its name. They landed on the ground strutting, and wherever it goes from there, this stop has not shown a single sign of wavering flames; if anything, they’re only getting higher thanks to a perpetually-refined craft.

Ranking:

Hypnosis 9.5

Next Page 9.5

Shine With Me 9.4

Cherish 9.3

Lips 9.2

Blue Blood 9.2

Kitsch 9.2

NOT YOUR GIRL 9.2

I AM 9.2

Mine 9.1

Heroine 8.8

Note: 9.3

Average: 9.2

…Now about me and this blog… as you know, this is my very first review, so this feels relevant to say here, but I’ll admit – allow me to be a bit dramatic – this is kind of a scary experience ?? I really don’t know what I’m doing and I’m still trying to tune this into something with a nice structure and good commentary and a strong footing that I don’t think I have found yet and I don’t even know if I’m just gonna lose interest after a week or keep it running for a month or two or a year who knows??? Certainly not me. So yeah it’s a bit shaky for now. But I guess I'll just keep walking until I get the hang of things ? (I haven’t even figured out Tumblr yet😭) So… until then, look forward to it !! (and I promise i won’t be pesky like that every single time lol, keep watching and you’ll see!)

[jamieroxxartist]

I got an email through my website a couple of nights ago from a man who I painted a painting for, a long time ago:

I have Painted A Lot of paintings. I have been painting professionally since 2001. 24 years now. That's a big chunk of time. Just shy of a quarter of a century.

So way back in 2008 I had my Studio / Gallery in downtown San Diego, CA. It was wild and crazy and I guess my own taste of Warhol's Factory. There was always something zany going on. The thing is along with the fun, sometimes the not-so-fun.

One time we had some plumbing problems. This was bad, because as any business owner will tell you, there always seems to be a lot of mouths to feed and things needed etc. And suddenly I had plumbing issues on top of all of that and I was already stretched pretty thin, cash-wise.

So I called an independent plumber off of craigslist. I figured I might be able to try to work out a payment plan or something. I was hoping.

The Plumber came. He was a super nice man. A Mexican-American Man who I could tell was a hard worker. I grew up in blue-collar Detroit and can tell a hard worker when I see one. He loved all my paintings. We got to talking and I was hoping he would help me out.

I told him my story and he told me his. And boy did he have a story about how he and his wife met when they were kids. We came to a decision that if I would paint that meeting and use that story as inspiration he would get the plumbing sorted for me.

And that is what happened. Here was my inspiration:

From Henry ( www.drainrooterplumbingsd.com ) :

"Not sure if you remember the premise of the story, but this is literally the moment that we met. She was 8 I was 9. I was raised in LA and she was raised in Tijuana Mexico. I went for my summer vacation and met her. I walked in her yard when I saw her sitting on a garden reading books, and I walked towards her, sat for about 30 minutes without saying a word cause she spoke Spanish and I I spoke English (barely understood what she said to me), but we had an awesome summer playing outside as kids. Another summer came and once again played again..., On the 3rd summer, my mom decided to move us south of the border and moved across the street from her. We went to elementary and middle school together and the rest was history.

8 kids, 11 grandkids 1 great grandson

You named our painting "True Love", And it really became. Obviously ups & downs but we're still together.., God has blessed us since we both laid eyes on each other. Thanks again for the painting. PS - A catholic priest actually blessed the painting years ago.."

Now folks I have painted A Lot of paintings over the years. Paintings for Celebrities, Cool Nightclubs, big shows and fancy parties, Album covers, all sorts of things (I even have a couple of paintings in a couple of museums) ... People sometimes ask me what my Favorite Painting is/was and now I have a good one to tell them about and show them. A simple neo-impressionistic Painting of children. The start of a lifetime love affair. That's a heck of a thing. to be in there with my little painting. Which is now one of my Favorites.

One of his Daughters even was inspired to have this incorporated into a back tattoo. I'm pretty sure that this is a first for me and one of my paintings.

I hadn't thought about this in a long time. Then I got an email through my website the other night. A Painting that became a part of an amazing story in this family. And you know as a Painter you really can't ask for more than that!

[puellafuriadarkmagica]

Chapters 1 & 2

So here's what's going to be happening: I'm going to be rereading PFDM for really my own convenience; I forgot a lot of important things in my eight-month hiatus and can hardly even decipher a lot of the notes I've kept to remind myself what's happened so far and what will be happening. I thought it might be the case that if I were to reread, and share my thoughts, it could be an entertaining behind-the-scenes kind of cross section of how I see my own writing.

Everything I write here is going to be copy-pasted onto Tumblr. For the people keeping track on Tumblr, right now I'm writing all this in a Discord thread just to keep it sort of stream-of-consciousness. In my first sitting, I'll probably get through chapters one and two combined seeing as they're both very short.

At time of writing, the most recent chapter is chapter 51: Alive in That Kandinsky Painting. Each time I do one of these in the wake of a new chapter, I'll note the title of the most recent one. I'll probably spoil everything up to and including that chapter in doing this.

Chapter 1: Inkstain Panic Stricken Five-Star Heathens

I really gotta shoutout Pat for the cover image. Not just for how good it is for its own merits, but because I can use it to trick people into thinking Phoebe Deckard is important enough to be called part of the "main six", which I think I privately mentioned being a thing around that time. I think My Little Pony's cast has a concept homophonic with "main six", but I was pretty much brought up exactly between generations of that franchise so the whole thing basically passed me by. Anyway, PFDM was going to have a secret "main sixth" or whatever when I got around to unveiling Mækiu, but by that point Whitman ended up taking her fair share of the spotlight. So it's an unintentional seven now. Anyway give Pat money and he will make cool art for you. Especially if you're a furry, which I'm not, so his talents are pretty much wasted on a fool such as myself.

This chapter's title is taken from the lyrics of the Presets' A.O., which is pretty much the only redeeming feature of their worst album (and their most popular, ain't that always the way). There are a few chapter titles which fit so well that it served to justify this whole gimmick, and this is probably the one I can most clearly point to. For those not in the know, fanfic chapter titles from song lyrics is a cliché I honestly kinda dig, only I wanted to pull the twists that 1. each chapter took its title from a song by an artist from the country in which that chapter was mainly set, and 2. I never used the same artist twice (although different bands that share members are allowed. So for instance, chapter 10 takes its name from Lover by PNAU, but if I wanted to pull a title from lyrics by Empire of the Sun or the Two Leaves Project, that would be totally allowed even though Nick Littlemore is a member of all three). The "no repeats" rule also applies to chapter quotes, although naturally that's much easier to pull off since I make most of them the fuck up.

The two exceptions to this rule are that 1. chapters not set in any country must be named after a duo of some kind, (because a. PFDM has a love of Gnostic symbology and by extension dualism, and b. I can't imagine the final two dualism-titled chapters being called anything other than what they will be) and 2. the book clubs are simply numbered. I figure if you've been reading these are both pretty obvious at this point.

"This self-centredness is ingrained in human nature. It can be overcome but it needs constant conscious effort to overcome it." -Tim "Exile" Shaw

Tim Exile's always been the kind of musician whose sheer quirkiness I've aspired to. I used to be part of what was called a laptop orchestra, which was a group that really interrogated why and how we should still perform live music when everything can be pre-programmed and pre-recorded on a computer. When I wrote music for that, live electronic music advocate Tim Exile was kind of someone whose way of thinking I looked to. Also I've got all my friends hooked on his album Listening Tree, which I definitely recommend to people who have ears.

I'll see if I can track down a recording of my work for the laptop orchestra, I did this big, sprawling piece where different members of the orchestra played back loops I got musician friends from around the world to record and send to me. If you guys would be interested in seeing that, let me know.

2008 was a long year. By the end, people were rather fed up with it as they might have been before with lice or heavy traffic. Not that they particularly disliked the year - they recognised its merits, they understood it served its purpose as a follow-up to 2007, and so forth - but it lingered in a frustrating way. Most people had figured out the point back in May or June, and the remainder thereafter just seemed like worthless filler. "We kind of get the gimmick now, it's not really that funny anymore," everyone thought. "It's hard to believe that the same inexorable progression from past to future that would give us such masterworks as early-mid February and last Tuesday would deliver something so mediocre." The passage of time gave eventually, as it was wont to do. "Fine," it conceded, "you can have 2009, but just this once."

Yeah, I'm not gonna mince words here. I have some gripes with early PFDM here and there because i was still finding my bearings, but this was gold right out the gate. One of the best jokes in the whole thing, if not the number one spot. It's my mark to beat and I'm having a hard time recalling any instance of me actually doing so.

2009 still a few hours away, but its looming presence palpable, four and a half million pairs of eyes and ears took in the pyrotechnic display over the heart of Sydney. One pair of eyes about ten kilometres North belonged to Marie Crawford. The other pairs of eyes belonged to other people, but that much wasn't out of the ordinary.

This one was a little forced though.

"Damn, dude," she groaned. "Where have you been all night? I've been getting lonely out here, and the party down the street is playing Walking On A Dream again. If I have to listen through it one more time, I'm going to lose it."

This is the first hint that Marie is an unlikable protagonist because frankly that's one of the greatest synth-pop hits of its generation.

"We have reason to believe we're close to determining the cause of the dark energy discrepancies in our latest measurements. We intend on doing so as soon as possible, and the next three hundred and sixty-five days would be a likely time frame for our investigation to conclude."

Have I revealed the answer to this mystery yet? Obviously I know what it is, but I've forgotten if it's been presented to you yet, dear reader. Hopefully this reread will serve to remind me of which questions I have and have not answered yet.

"…Jeez. How many times have we had this conversation before?" He turned his head to an odd angle for a moment, before his glare snapped right back onto her. "Three hundred and thirteen."

I try to slip this number in where I can regarding Marie, at first by what I thought was an interesting coincidence, and then more extremely when I expanded on her name. There's the whole bit with the gun in like chapter 15 or so, her birth date of MAR 13, the isopsephic value of her full first name, the way the first three letters of her middle name ELEASHA look, you get the picture.

She took the hint but made no act of pretending to enjoy it. "Gosh! What are you, my dad?" "Not really." "It was a rhetorical question." "It was a rhetorical negative."

This was a joke I thought was pretty funny, but I don't know if anyone else did. Shame, too, because a lot of stuff this chapter I think isn't as funny has landed a lot better with the audience.

I think generally the first end-of-chapter note is a good primer to the kinds of worldbuilding PFDM readers can look forward to. Most people take it as a strong hook into what's possible in this world, and in fact reading it I find myself getting a little nostalgic about that seemingly limitless potential, even though I don't even know if it would be in my top ten favourite end-of chapter parts. It also mentions Sylvia Carlos, who is frankly a character I like enough to deem my past self correct for calling her deserving of a chapter one mention.

As an aside, I do want to confess as I probably have before to stealing the idea for these post-script anecdotes from the comic Kill Six Billion Demons, which was hardcore enough in its early days to do like one every page. I could never do that much.

Chapter 2: Eye on the City like a Cyclone

Briggs's body of work has pretty much laid the groundwork for what rap music in Australia is today, which is pretty crazy, because he's only put out two full-length albums. The guy's impact is just that immense. It's a shame that PFDM's set in 2009 - if it were any more contemporary, Hope's ringtone would have 100% been Briggs's Let It Be Known, but she would miss a ton of calls because she'd forget there's the quiet, reverb-drenched Snoop Dogg sample before the song actually starts.

By the time Hope Fearnley made it to Abject Permanence, it was almost midnight.

Hahaha this bar name is so stupid.

She'd never even left New South Wales before,

Actually I remembered Hope had never been overseas (this is a deliberate part of the joke of her having Malaysian currency in her pocket in the latest chapter), but I forgot she's never been interstate either.

"And the other Sydney leaders?"

Remember when they were relevant? Me neither. Joking aside, I guess I've sort of been tossing up bringing them back into the fray more or less around where we are in the plot these days, but I'm honestly not really sure they're that interesting. I play favourites, and I play favourites to win.

"You know," she took to trying to remove the juice's lid, to no avail, "you really shouldn't drink. Do you know how many health problems it's linked to?" "Probably nothing I don't already have." "You'd be surprised." "What, about the alcohol, or just in general?" Lara half-winced, and the lid came ever so slightly loose. "Bit of both. The world's a surprising place."

Lara stopped acting like this pretty early on. I'm not sure how much of that is due to the fact that I hadn't singled out her character voice yet, how much is because I could never think of material is wacky as her debut, and how much is because she's found herself continually taken further and further down the list of "weirdest things going on in PFDM", and she knows it. Probably a bit of all three.

"Zero? Oh, Fearnley, Fearnley. You underestimate me. What if I told you I actually had the capacity to do this? I'm on the cusp of wielding a whole new kind of magic. Nothing you'd understand."

I've spent a long time worrying about how much this plotline and the whole self-contradicting metaliterature thing going on has been slowly creeping into becoming PFDM's main plot, when all along I wanted it to revolve primarily and secondarily around the constant political thriller, and the Concordance's effect on human history, respectively. Largely because I worry that if the whole plot with the Narrator and the Knight and that calibre of heavy hitters takes the spotlight, the payoffs you're gonna get would be remarkably unimpressive, based on how silly and out-there and self-referential and sarcastic the trajectory that plot's taken has been. But I don't know, I think it's become that people do actually really like that sort of story, even when it starts to take itself very seriously. For instance, the book clubs get far, far more serious, and those are basically one very drawn-out joke. They're some of the most popular PFDM has been! So I'll take that as a sign not to worry; whenever the narrative wants one plot thread to take the lead, I'll let it. When it wants another, I'll let that one. And so on.

The tactile sensation of finality between thumb and red button served as a beat in Hope's thoughts, a fixed temporal point dropped like an anchor from the drifting of her reverie. Lara knew more than she'd let on, for sure, but she'd let on far more than Phoebe would have. It was a blessing and a curse, in a sense. If she was telling the truth, then Hope knew something was happening ahead of time, and could deal with that. But what time would that be? And what if it was a bluff? This early in Hope's leadership, failure to accept it could get people killed, or worse. Failure to call it, on the other hand, would have her dismissed by the others for overreaction, and the city would fall into the clutches of the incompetent, or the negligent, or… how had Lara put it?

I really liked the idea of Hope's introspection slowing the narrative down, and still use it to this day where appropriate. It's harder to notice now, though, because the style of pretty much every part of the story is incredibly slow now.

The trio took the organisation's name from an ancient Byzantine poem by Julia the Voyager, which featured a powerful knight clad in brass armour which wailed like horns in the breeze. In the poem, the knight would wander eternally through a desert, looking to stoke a fire only referred to as the deep light.

Okay, now I may not remember much, but I do remember that we get to see this later on. So that's good.

After the cleaning out of Petiere's office, a statue was erected in her honour just by the front door, although nobody knows who made it or why.

Honestly kind of disappointed that nobody got the joke here. It's another one I thought was a total classic but didn't land.

Alright! It's kind of weird to be reading some of my own work. A lot of stuff I've got that's older than this sort of disappoints me, but I didn't really dislike this experience. Not enough to revise it, at any rate, even though there's some overarching stuff I'd have liked to have done better than I actually did. Fingers crossed that with me working to a less restrictive schedule everything's going to be planned much better than it used to be. Most of my pre-PFDM stuff I've flat-out deleted out of sheer disappointment, so my seeming indifference is actually the equivalent of a standing ovation, all things considered.

Next time, chapter 3. Chapters one through three really function as a "pilot episode" in my eyes, after which the story properly opens up. Actually, I tried to write as much as I could before NYD 2021 when the story kicked off and only managed three chapters. Despite all that I somehow convinced myself I could have this story finished in two years. Hilarious!

See you then.