#it just lays it all out so perfectly
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slams fists down on beautifully crafted oak desk
#uh started the rewatch Now .Earlier ;; THEY HURT ME SO FUCKING HBABBDNDFGPOGGr#I CRIED LIKE FOUR TIMES WHILE WATCGUB THE FUCKING PILOT#it just lays it all out so perfectly#the entire time morty was like protesting to rick and complaining but when jerry was kicking him out he defended him#I cant. theyre smiling because of eachother#god i looovoreergkt how much of the stuff rick says to morty is to impress him teach him or just scare him#like the way rick blows stuff out of proportion just cause he wants to see how morty will react hes . so obsessed with him#for tHE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE… MORTY HAS A FRIEND:&!:#and they’re so. they like speak fondly towards eachother rick is way more soft and earnest when talking to morty n morty is outwardly#impressed and fascinated with the things rick does from time to time and he trusts him#and all the emphasis on how rick sincerely only gave a shit about morty. whenever he talks to the rest of the family it’s either exaggerated#or blunt and if mortys there then hes all rick focuses on#and how it’s repeated rick Needs morty to help him . no one else not even someone more helpful and agreeable nope just morty#if it’s not morty rick doesn’t want it at all#and like even as early as the cold open for the pilot. you can see rick become impressed when morty suddenly becomes assertive once he-#actually hears the bomb and starts getting up and trying to kick rick off the drivers seat#big tough guy all of a suddenLIKE YOU CSN TELL HE DIDNT EXPRCT THAT AT ALL AND HES SURPRISED#ive been thinking a lot lately about how . one of ricks favourite qualities about morty imo is his sense of morality and refusal to just-#take stuff when it reaches a certain point. like he Loves that side of morty so much and doesn’t mind too much when it comes out because of-#something he did. yeah that part in the pilot cold open is like the first thing of that go back and look at how taken aback rick is#and i love how sheepish rick is around morty every now and then. like he so clearly tries to look cool to him and to know what he’s talking#about he needs to twist everything to be correct . all the time but also in front of morty specifically#crazyyyy crazy how he managed to find the one real morty#ohg. uitltogfo ouhkdfjrjp iuubbvv ? ledjndflfidnf#odiespeak
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emily carroll has once again permanently changed my brain chemistry
#i got my hands on her newest book recently and god. GOD#i finished that book and just lay down on the floor for an hour because i had to just absorb it all#it felt like coming out of the theater after watching ATSV for the first time#i was so full of adrenaline and the sheer impact of everything i read was hitting all at once#so perfectly paced so intuitively panelled#it feels so reductive to call myself a comic artist when emily caroll does too#shes so. she's just in an entirely different league#it feels like there should be a different word for her#im so far away from creating anything half as lifechanging as that book was#its so motivating and inspiring but its also like#fuck#FUCK#my work feels so damn juvenile in comparison#emily carroll i owe you my life#i need to rip this book apart (not literally)#i have so much to learn about writing and art#everyone read “a guest in the house” by emily carroll#i hope she gets all the accolades she could ever want or need#god#i need a tattoo of this book#expeditiously
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i think im having a panic attack but i dont know why
#one of those ones that just comes out of nowhere#i recognize the feeling in my throat its a super specific kind i used to get as a kid#id wake up in the night with them a lot#i guess thats why i kept getting hit memories out of nowhere#my heart is beating so hard and my throat feels like its filled w something and i cant breathe#but im literally just sitting here#painting a wolf in sims 4#and im gonna cry n sob#but im fine !#im good !#but im not im dying im choking im dying im going to die im goig to die#but im not#im chillin#i havent had one of these in so long i dont know where it came from o(-<#my mom used to yell at me and tell me it was because i always ate too much and it was all the food coming back up my throat to choke me#despite the fact. i ate a perfectly normal amount as a kid#i remember so vividly laying w my baby blanket on the floor n sobbing as she yelled at me
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apparently i have relapsed into my (ir)regular Flight Rising phase lolol so of course i continue to use every game ever as a glorified character creator
below in order are: Lacrima, Kiran, Noé, Flora, Quentin, Lilian :]
#theyre partly about colours/markings and partly about vibe#human characters are way harder to translate but champion era lilian just kind of Happened#lay rambles#flight rising#my ocs#theyre not even breeding projects or anything im just playing around in predict morphology lolol#i am so out of the loop with all the new breeds and genes though rip#over are the days where i knew exactly what each gene name was 😔#unrelated to this specifically but its cool that i managed to get active again right before a conquest battle!#the first one in years afak so i timed that perfectly xdd#i remember the last time i had my fr phase it was right in time for a dom event as well but that was just a profit push#it was wtnv themed though so that was fun xd#oc: lacrima#oc: kiran#oc: quentin#oc: flora#oc: noe#oc: lilian#actually i might make flora a bogsneak instead; fits her new look a lil more i think
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morally i am against bras but i cannot commit because the moment i feel any type of movement against my nips i feel like lopping my entire breast off Skoptsy style
#sorry for the graphic imagery but this is how that truly makes me feel#even just feeling my heartbeat there when i lay on my stomach triggers me like AAARGHHHH i have to get up & shake it off i feel so revolted#& IDK how to fix this or if it even can be in the first place Am i just doomed to this life of Stupid & Baka#( *DIES of disgust due to remembering those pictures of runners with bleeding chafed nipples* ) ( MY WORST NIGHTMARE. )#the reason i wear a bra is not even for support the band is always too big & i can never get the straps to fit me either#either always falling off my shoulder or too short which make my bra ride up ( my situation RN ) honestly never had one fit me in my life#so i just put them on for warmth & to put a Barrier against Friction. T_T#TBH i should just wear tanktops instead because i have no practical need for bras either anyway & those could work#but unfortunately i got rid of almost all of them in MIDDLE SCHOOL -_-#except of course for my thrifted epic swag H&M black tank that fits me perfectly *-* so yay. just need to find more of that cut & size...#totally freaked out one time because i thought i permanently loosened it when i had only started wearing it recently after all these years#but na it just needed a wash. ♯yay ♯Grateful
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I wish I had 12 extra hours a day for more drawing. I'm not being greedy just half a day come on 🥺🥺🥺🥺
#my number 1 obsession; grinding my bones to dust via drawing for half my waking hours#i get annoyed humans have needs just cause it gets in the way#all I need is art cut out the basic needs fr#yesterday i had to leave my room just to avoid sitting down to draw again so i could actually have a break cause my hand was in pain lmao#i stretch sure but holding a pen for like 12 hours a day for weeks still gets ur hands in the end#plus i mean i do got them disablities lmao#this post is just an excuse to lay down n rest my back I want to get back to my current pieces#i cannot wait to post em#one is flats the other is a sketch they'll be posted as a pair#perfectly phone wallpaper size btw so yah u could consider it my first attempt at a wallpaper#i dont think ive made one before this#rambling in the tags#txt.exe#its gonna be more izu n jun content#using half names so this post aint in the character tags lmao#otome dissection x izu n jun its looking cool so far#the vibe fits them both quite well in different ways honestly#im so normal about them
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This depression, have even less energy than usual, no motivation to do anything but have "me time" doing crafts in my room alone, shit better fucking end with January.
#marquilla#it's like i know part of it is the 10 day withdrawal shit and recovering from that pain/fatigue but like... idk i feel more selfish lately#like fuck you i aint making dinner i HURT while i turn my back and continue to mindlessly make scrunchies#i come home from work and rush through my chores so i can shower and lay down... like i want to want to help out but ...#i hate january i should up my vitamin d3 but i already take 5000ui daily (my bloodwork is fine thank you very much. i live in Ohio it is#necessary) like do i take 10k?? sgdgdgdg would that help me or kill me?? idr what organ is affected by VD3 overdose but egdggdgdgd#i remember one dr telling me with all my meds my liver should be damaged but its perfectly fine shdhdgd like bitch my body is deficient#and defective i need them to survive#anyway i want to like want to make dinner. i want to want to make stew or a roast in the crockpot for mom but my body says no#and my mind says fuck you.#im just so tired
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For as much shit as PLA got for handling Volo badly (and it did), I think the foreshadowing of him being shady was way better handled than the professors in SV.
#Like Volo is constantly popping up behind us in places he has no business knowing we're heading to#And digging into things he doesn't need to know to add to a very specific knowledge base#That just so happens to correspond perfectly with all the crazy shit going on#He's shady AF but he's friendly so you brush it off which is good twist villain territory#VS the professors who other than a line or two from Arven and the easily missed animation aren't anything but standardly professional#And the game is too busy with its other plotlines to really lay out that bad shit is going down until you're ready to head into Area Zero#I loved that fight too but I think they could have done way better setting it up
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.
#I’ve been thinking (and being alone with my thoughts like this is sometimes dangerous but what can ya do)#and like. I think I’ve been trying to make my standards high when it comes to dating to protect myself from getting hurt#which. of course? why wouldn’t I? but like. I think I tried to make my standards impossibly high so that when nobody lived up to them#I could just be like ‘oh! how sad! anyway it’s safer for me to be single because [whatever bullshit reason I can come up with]’#and this does protect me from getting hurt. but it also protects me from good things like. being intimate with someone.#which. if I were to be perfectly honest? that’s the only thing in my life I think I’ve ever really wanted more than anything#but of course I’m scared of that. because being intimate with someone requires opening up to them.#laying yourself bare and hoping they stick around after seeing what you bring to the table.#and like. I feel like I’m the guy who is firmly planted in one of the tails of a normal distribution#(and I’m not talking about the better-than-average part of the distribution if you get what I mean)#so like. I know there probably aren’t a lot of people who would stick around after I took off all my masks and laid myself bare before them#and I haven’t met many people I’d be willing to try that for#but sometimes. someone comes into your life and you feel like you’re ready to risk it all#but you don’t. because being vulnerable is a dangerous place to be. feeling as desperate as I do at times is a dangerous place to be#and so I’m probably not going to risk anything. but. listen like#why.. if my standards are so high.. is there this person in my life capable of meeting all of them.#and why.. when I’m this out of my mind for someone.. do there seem to be so many obstacles between me and them#why do I always fall for the ones who listen to me and show me kindness when I’m fragile.#even when there isn’t a chance in heaven or hell that it’s gonna work out.#why do I often think about how many times we’ve hugged. why do I want to live up to their high opinion of me.#why do I play the things they’ve said to me over and over in my head like a broken record.#why do I always have to obsess about the people I fall for. why can’t I just be normal about this.#like. this is starting to get in the way of my everyday life. it’s occupying my mind most of the time. this can’t be healthy.#in short. why the Fuck am I Like This and How Do I Stop.
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...
#i think. maybe ill go to bed before 8 tonight#bc my brain. i can't deal with it. and im tired#but i should not do that bc i have things i need to do#like. theres an application due the 11th. but fuck it i might not send it bc fucking whats the point#why has it become so impossible to function? i mean. i kno why but its still annoying#and its like so crazy bc i just feel like im curled up on the floor with the broken pieces of my life and nothing terribles even happened#from an outside perspective its perfectly fine and good my insides have just rottef out#like i had to spend most of today plotting an experiment and i feel bad bc im just so. im so worried that looking after yhis thing is going#to hurt. its going to drain away hours of my time. i dont kno how long it take to deal with every single day for 2 weeks#ill have to water it at 7 and 5 and take measurements all day probably and im very worried about the amount of damage thats going to do#when it already feels like i should b careful where i step. and i feel bad bc im prob such a bummer to hang around like im so sullen faced#and i just dont care. like we had to make a decision bc we could do one thing or another and it would b answering 2 diff questions#and my boss was like. well which do u find most interesting. and i just. i dont care im more concern with the amount of psychic damage this#will inflict upon me so i just dont really give a fuck and that makes me so sad bc like at one point this probably would have been fun#and now im just bitter and it hurt and i jusr want to lay down and not get up#and im like how the fuck am i supposed to find a phd position when the enthusiasm for what i do now has completely burned thru me?#like hi yes r u looking for a new student? im dizzy and my life is falling apart even tho everythings my brains just on fire#but ya kno i think id b an asset to your lab! sigh... itll b fine i kno it will bc it has to b#ill visit the school i wanna go to. hopefully not make myself look like too much of an unstable moron and then leave this place#dragg my bleeding soul across the country to shrivel up in a different area code#somethings gotta give but lets hope it waits a couple months ya kno#ugh. im just tired. i should sleep. i didnt sleep enough last night. and i didnt relax on the weekend so ive got that i don't kno what day#it is type of vertigo. but tomorrow will b better. it will bc i dont want it to b worse#unrelated#i just want to study things that made me feel something. y doesn't that have to b so hard?#let me study slime. endless days alone with the green goo
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gonna kill myself in the most violent way possible
#I want to die. I just want to die#she's perfectly happy outright lying to my face now#saying that I'm not at university for eight hours a day. that I spend most of my time laying on my bed 'playing games'#like I only play for an hour. maybe two. when I get home.#y'know! at an hour where she won't let anyone do any work because SHE'S going to bed soon#and her schedule trumps all else#I'm not allowed to point out to her that I mostly see her sitting watching fucking netflix all day because 'she doesn't do that'#the truth is. I'm too depressed to do much and she's not telling us about anything she wants done#and then goes ballistic at us because we haven't done them#I hope she stresses herself into an actual heart attack because she does everything herself so she can yell at us for not helping her#like the first thing we know about it isn't her coming in and screaming at us for not helping#I know that's a horrid thing to say but she's being awful#she didn't like it when I said she was acting like an entitled five year old
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Todays challenge: make it to the end of the day without fucking ****ing my**** or s*** h***ing Difficultly: Barley Possible
#fuck fuck fuck#for the record i dont have a plan ive just#Given up#just shared my uglest trauma hopjng to feel relief but all i feel is shame#and i fucking should i mean what the fuck is wrong with me right#just a sad lonely guy thatll never really mean anything to anyone#like fucking yikes am i right fellas?#just a fucking drop in an ocean#please i need to just freak out or cry but body refused to let me feel like FUCK WHAT THE FUCK#im so fucking done. like lay me in the dirt and bury me alive i don't fucking care anymore#and i dont care if anyone sees this. i fucking doubt anyone actually seeks this page out. just in it for the tags and thats perfectly ok#but i usually just delete these but fuck i dont care anymore if yoy scroll through my page and see this who fucking cares#you'll just know im a barely human fuck up i guess. thats okay i dont mind more people should know in fact#fuck i really thought I'd feel better. i feel like my life just ended. what the fuck what the fuck#really just hand me the gun at this point yall#im so fucking done with my pathetic excuse at life#i am sorry if anyone sees this but idk i dont know if this is a cry for help or not but i know it most likely wont be answered and tbats ok#i just wish i could feel#i wish i could do anything i actually want to do#i wish i could fly away and never be seen again#i wish a lot of things#hm#still waiting for that terminal illness to manifest. would love to expedite that.#there were so many signs... but i was too young and dumb to listen. now i pay the price 5 years later. now im afraid to show my face. fuccck
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FUCK!!! I NEED TO GO TO THE BEACH!!! FUUUUCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ow.txt#i MISS THE BEACH SO MUCH#i went there once w/my ex friends and was overcome with such joy and peace and sense of belonging#everyone else was MISERABLE. for their own reasons#but i was in my zone. i was so happy. well ok it was bittersweet even then bc of the Problems#but i was so happy........ UUUGGGHHHHHHHHHHH I NEED TO GO BACK TO THE BEACH#it was hardly a big beach at all it was so small and there was like. one maybe two other ppl there and they were spread out from us#we stayed there like....alll day....and we laid on our backs in the sand and. auuggfbhgbhgberghuhgirgbnhiiBUG!!HU!H(!&Y!!!!!#i think its actually like. evil. like pure concentrated evil the fact that me and those guys arent friends anymore#what do you mean i had a transgender physically affectionate friend group and was left behind bc i was aroace. WHAT IF IT WAS OVER FOR ME.#sigh whatever. TOO LONG DIDNT READ. I MISS THE BEACH AND WANNA MAKE GOOD MEMORIES THERE AGAIN#dont even need to go into the water im perfectly fine just laying down in the sand. sigh. SIGGGHHHH. I MISS IT. I MIIIISSSSS ITTTTT
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I think this weekend will be dedicated to finding our normal sleep schedule again and being the cuddlerrrrrrrr
Becoming domestic in the name of healthy sleep habits
#with the dogs too of course#you guys have GOT to understand. my partner has this hoodie that he wears all the time at home#and it’s all worn and soft and like perfectly soft yknow when a well-loved thick hoodie is really soft#(Lanturna isn’t super hot in summer we aren’t overheating)#anyway the moment I lay on his tit when he’s wearing that hoodie I’m out. I’m just out#it’s so soft and cozy#softpilled cozymaxxing#now that you guys don’t bother me anymore about my roommate I feel sooooo much better talking about the#domestic shit we do. no we are not friends or lovers we are just close#rotomblr#pkmn irl
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just us
masterlist
summary: a situation between pogues and kooks at the beach made Rafe rethink his priorities
word count: 1.8k.
warnings: season 4 spoilers, established relationship, mention of the dead turtle, that hoe Ruthie, protective Rafe
a/n: i'm obsessed with season 4, y'all. absolutely in love with everything that's going on and especially with Rafe being in a better place with a girl that he actually likes 🥹 this scene at the beach with turtles just made me sob, so I really need someone to drag that bitch by her hair. sorry not sorry.
Your heart was beating with adrenaline from the scene that just happened at the beach, with Topper’s girlfriend almost running over the pogues and being the usual insane bitch that she was. Rafe stood beside you, silent but shaking his buzzed head in disapproval.
Kie was standing on her knees on the sand, in shock, with juice still dripping down her face and hair. She brushed off the help of her friends, instead standing and picking something up from the ground, without hesitation, going towards the group of people around you. They seemed absolutely delighted by the whole situation, laughing, fist bumping each other, and making you want to punch every single one of them in the face.
You didn’t even want to be here in the first place, not with a bunch of people with whom you shared mutual hatred towards each other. Rafe was your only connection with them, and it seemed like even for him it was a bit too much. A fun day at a beach with a little surfing competition, where even Topper and JJ seemed to have some fun together, took the wrong turn way too quickly.
“Look what you did! Is this okay?” Kie stopped in front of Ruthie, reaching out her hand to show something that you weren’t able to see, but by the look on her face it was obviously serious to her. “There was a turtle hatch, you idiots! You drove right over it!” Your stomach twisted at the realization, and you took a step closer to see it yourself.
“Oh my God.” You whispered, catching a glimpse of a tiny dead turtle with a crushed shell laying in the palm of her hand. So little and harmless that the picture of it brought tears to your eyes.
“Don’t look, baby.” Rafe’s deep voice mumbled near your ear, with a warm hand sprawled across your back to try to distract you, but you shook your head, unable to take your eyes off it.
“All right, but it was only one.” Ruthie said with her usual attitude, nonchalantly pointing to the rest of the turtles that, luckily, were perfectly fine. Your mouth opened in disbelief, and you looked at Rafe to see him uncomfortably rubbing the back of his head.
“I’m so sorry, Kie…” You whispered to her, stepping further away from the kooks, eyes drifting again to the dead animal in her hand. No matter how hard you tried to fit in with Rafe and his friends, you could never be one of them if it meant to be a bunch of pompous and cruel rich kids. You thought that, maybe it was time for you to finally admit that.
“It’s not your fault, Y/N.” She briefly looked at you, because despite not being friends, there never were any arguments between you and the rest of the pogues, always keeping cool and friendly with each other. “There’s something wrong with you, people.” Kiara looked back at the kooks with disgust written all over her face.
“I’m leaving, Rafe.” Barely holding back your tears, you looked back at your boyfriend, before picking up your beach bag from the sand and turning around. “I’m sorry again for them, Kie.”
“No, wait, Y/N.” He pushed through the crowd, wide-eyed, quickly approaching you and grasping your wrist. “This is not—“
“I don’t want to be here. I didn’t sign up to hang out with your friends when I started dating you, okay?” You groaned in frustration, attempting to move, but Rafe stopped you. “I don’t even know why we’re here, why you are here, when you clearly don’t enjoy it anymore.”
“Listen, this is not so easy, okay?” He rolled his eyes, but you knew it was not fully directed at you; Rafe was already struggling with trusting those around him, and the fact that you slowly but steadily made him reconsider his current surroundings did not help.
“You are not like them, they are not your friends, don’t you understand it?” The pure desperation was speaking in you, searching for the answers in his eyes. You overheard some people laughing at you, as they were too confident that Rafe would never listen to someone like you, someone from the cut, not even realizing the war that was currently going on in his head.
He was silent, thinking, making his already overwhelmed mind go hundred miles per hour to figure something out, because you were right. The more time had passed, the more the two of you were together, the less Rafe found himself enjoying the presence of his old friends, the less he wanted to do that childish bullshit.
“This dumb fucking bitch almost ran over people and killed an innocent animal because her big ego got hurt, do you understand?! So I’m leaving. Alone or with you.” You almost whispered the last part to him, too scared that he'd not choose you. At the end of the day, you were a pogue, and no matter how much you tried, you would never be good enough for Rafe.
“What did you just call me?” Ruthie arched a brow, now shooting daggers at you.
“I called you a dumb fucking bitch, didn’t you hear me?” You spat, finally having a good enough reason to tell the truth right in her face. “Or are you too stupid to get that through your thick scull?”
“That’s rich, coming for a pogue. It’s just a cycle of life. And if you, losers, are so offended by that, it’s not my problem.”
“A cycle of life? Getting flattened by a truck is not a cycle of life.” Kiara pushed Ruthie with her hand, and it nearly turned into a fight, with JJ standing by his girlfriend's side. You turned away from them, too frustrated and drained to bother listening to the rest of the conversation, your gaze shifting to Rafe, who still held your hand.
“I want to leave. Stay here if you want to, I don’t care. I’m done with them, Rafe.” Your teary eyes met his blue ones, and he shook his head, pulling you closer with your forearms. The mere thought of you leaving him, angry and upset, triggered a whirlwind of panic within him.
“Hey, no, I’m not staying, okay?” Rafe's hands, now much gentler and delicate, touched your cheeks, wiping away a few tears that you could not keep back. Rafe had never been too comfortable with the display of emotions, and he was pretty sure that it was the first time he had actually seen you cry. And he knew how much you had always carried for animals, how you petted every stray cat or a dog on the street, and how you hated any form of violence against them.
The pulsating and aching feeling in his chest at the sight of your tears made him want to drop everything, or rather, eliminate everyone who had upset you, and just hold you in his arms.
“Aw, look at you.” You heard that annoying voice behind you back again, pulling you out of the bubble in which you fell, and turning around, you saw that Kie and JJ were no longer there. Your eyes instantly rolled back as Ruthie looked at you with her usual fake sympathy, crossing her arms over her chest. “Go back to your side of the island, you’re not one of us. Don’t even know why Rafe bothers to bring you here when you’re just another dirty toy to—“
Rafe left your side before she could finish her sentence, looming over her with the most furious expression you had ever seen on his face. Everyone and everything seemed to fall silent for a moment, and you held your breath, unsure what he would do. “Wanna say some bullshit about her? Try to do it right in my face and see what happens.”
“You’re not seriously protecting the pogue. She’s not on our side.” Her smile faded, her eyes now nervously looking between Rafe and Topper, who was standing behind her back.
“C’mon, Rafe…” He started, but quickly shut his mouth as soon as Rafe turned his head towards him with a silent threat. You felt your heartbeat quickening as the atmosphere started to get even more intense. Everyone around you also started arguing and saying God knows what, but Rafe was awfully calm, and it frightened you even more.
You moved closer to them as you made your way through the warm sand, until you were able to place a comforting hand on your boyfriend's back. He was so tense under your touch that it amazed you how the hell he was not shaking because of it. The only times you had ever seen him behaving that way was when people whispered something about his father behind his back.
“It’s okay, Ray.” You whispered, kissing his shoulder and sliding your hand down his back to take a hold of his bicep.
“You’re lucky that I don’t hit women. But if I hear a single word about my girlfriend again, you will regret it, I promise you." Your stomach flattered from the way he protected you, from the way his friends opened their mouths in shock at his words. Even Topper and Kelce were too stunned to speak, sending each other weird glances. “Control, your crazy bitch, Top.”
As if nothing had happened, Rafe stepped back, throwing a protective hand over your shoulders and guiding you away from the group. He was silent for a whole walk towards his truck, only stopping near the passenger door and turning you to face him.
His worried blue eyes were almost shining under the bright and hot sun and you saw words forming in his head and sitting at the tip of his tongue. You waited another minute, while Rafe was focused on your necklace, thinking. His hands found a place on your waist, rubbing circles into your skin, until he finally took a deep breath and looked up.
“You’re right.” He said simply. “I’m not this person anymore. That shit with racing with pogues was fun and all, but I didn’t like what happened today.” You half smiled, nodding and encouraging him to talk. “If—if I want to be like my dad, I need to have my priorities straight. No more of this bullshit, no more fake ass people, yeah? You’re the only one who's been here for me for a long fucking time. You’re the only one who I can trust, baby.”
His hand cupped your cheek, eyes focused solemnly on you, before he lowered himself closer to you to place a kiss on your lips.
“This is the right decision. You’ve overgrown them, you’re a better man now. And i’ll be here for you whenever you need me, I promise. I guess it’s just us now." Your body sagged against his, too wrapped in the comfort of his presence to even care about anything else. Your lips brushed against his, making Rafe groan.
“Just us, baby.”
#rafe cameron imagine#rafe outer banks#rafe cameron#rafe x you#rafe fanfiction#rafe x reader#rafe imagine#rafe fic#rafe cameron x reader#rafe obx#outerbanks rafe#rafe cameron fluff#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron x you#obx rafe cameron#rafe cameron x female reader#obx x reader#obx fanfiction
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blue sweater - r.c.
(season 4 bf!rafe x gf!reader blurb, 2.4k words)
content smut, p in v, this gorgeous man and his afformentioned blue sweater, 18+ minors do not interact!!
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You’d fallen asleep on the couch, waiting up for him again. You didn’t fault Rafe for working so hard, you just miss him so fucking much when he’s in back-to-back meetings all day.
The couch dips below you, pulling you from your dreams. A large, warm presence settles next to you on the sofa. You didn’t have to open your eyes to know it’s him.
“Hey,” you mumble sleepily, eyes still closed.
He’s smirking down at you, you know him so well you can picture exactly how he looks without actually seeing him.
“Hi,” he leans forward, planting a sweet kiss on your cheek. “I’m sorry, that last meeting ran so long.”
Finally opening your eyes to meet his, you’re almost startled by the sight. Somehow, in the dim evening light, they’re more deeply blue and beautiful than ever.
“Nice sweater,” you say, reaching up to run your fingers along the hard edge of his shoulder. Even though he looks so soft and pretty right now, he’s tense, and you wish you could ease the worry that furrows his brow.
He smiles knowingly, the skin at the corner of his eyes crinkling in the cute way that makes your heart ache for him.
“Thanks, my girlfriend got it for me.”
“She has good taste,” you joke as your run your hand gently up and down his bicep, the soft fabric such a contrast to the hard muscle below.
“Yeah, she’s all kinds of good,” he winks.
“Then why’d you make her wait for you all night?” You pout, sticking out your bottom lip so he’d know you’re just teasing.
“I said I’m sorrrrry,” he whines as he leans over you more, adjusting to bring his legs onto the couch. You make room for him instinctually, his body fitting into yours like you were designed for each other.
He lets his full weight down slowly, sinking you both deep into the cushions. Nuzzling his head into your neck, he drags his lips against the skin below your ear so gently, it sends goosebumps racing across your skin. He can feel your excitement and starts kissing you more firmly, leaving little wet spots up the column of your throat.
Your hands splay out over his big, firm back, rubbing circles into the tight muscles. You press deep, working out his stress, and he groans at your firm touch. Your hands work slowly down his back, pressing as you go. When you reach the hem of his sweater, you slip your hands underneath. Rafe flinches at your touch, a shudder running through him.
“Your hands are cold!” He exclaims, his voice muffled.
“Oh sorry, love!” you start to pull them away, but he reaches his arm behind him and pins your palms to his skin.
“No, it feels nice, don’t stop.”
You obey, the pads of your fingers digging little figure eights into his lower back, leaving goosebumps in their wake.
“What’s got you so stressed baby, hmm?” You ask.
“Just got too much going on,” he shakes his head so his buzzed hair tickles your earlobe. You giggle at the sensation, his head rising and falling with the shake of your chest.
“Poor baby,” you coo, making him smile against you. “Just need a little help to relax?”
Rafe nods against you, moving slightly to lay his head against your chest so you can run your nails along his head like you know he likes. You bring one hand up, the other still under his shirt, the motion making you open your legs wider so you can stretch. He slots between them perfectly, and when you drag your nails over the fuzzy hairs right at the nape of his neck, you can feel him twitch against your core, already half hard.
“Someone’s needy,” you hum, delighted that you can make him so hot just by touching him tenderly like this. “Want me to make you forget all about your bad day?”
“Please,” he groans into your collarbone, pressing his hips down harder so you can feel him fully against you now. Your wetness pools immediately, soaking through your panties as you arch your back and return the pressure.
“Shit, baby, that’s so nice,” he praises.
“‘I’ve been waiting for this all day,” you confess.
“Then we better not make you wait any longer.”
Swiftly, he lifts his head from your chest and finds your lips with his. It’s hungry and sloppy, the wet skin of his lower lip sliding against yours as your mouths collide. You’re fully grinding up into him now, and there is nothing semi-soft about him, his hard cock threatening to rip the seams of his pants. You writhe, desperate to feel his length. You know it like the back of your hand, picturing his perfect cock clearly as you rock against it. You’ve got every vein, every throbbing, pink inch memorized.
“Take your pants off,” you breathe into his open mouth.
With a cocky grin that makes you impossibly wetter he drawls, “now who’s needy, huh?”
You roll your eyes and reach for his waistband, if he’s gonna be an ass about it you’ll just do it yourself. He mirrors you, undressing you with the same shaky fervor. Your shirt goes first, he’s delighted to see you’ve opted for no bra. In the cold evening air, your nipples harden immediately, and he can see the goosebumps spreading across your torso.
“Ohh baby, you really are freezing.”
“Mhm,” you nod, lip pulled between your teeth. “Warm me up, Rafe.”
A throaty groan rises from his chest as he takes over your work on his pants, ripping them off as best he can without standing, his boxers following. You slip your thumbs under your shorts, doubling up to slide your panties down with them until you’re bare for him. Only one piece of clothing remains between you, the soft blue sweater you bought for him. He starts to pull it off, but you stop him, your hand wrapping around his wrist.
“No, leave it on,” you instruct.
“Whatever you want, angel,” he smirks at your unusual request, but obliges without complaint.
He lays down on you again, his lips hovering over yours as he lets his cock press into your inner thigh. He’s so hard you gasp, inhaling sharply at the sweet pressure against your leg. He kisses you again, more tenderly this time, like he’s trying to imprint the taste of you onto his tongue. As he lets his weight settle on you, the soft threads of his sweater rub over your sensitive nipples, the sensation making your eyes squeeze shut and a strained moan echo from your chest.
“Y’okay?” He asks.
“It feels so g-good,” you croak out.
“What does, baby?”
You blush, feeling silly for it, but something about the soft material against your hardened skin is so delicious, you’re sure your pussy is dripping onto the couch by now.
A little embarrassed, you admit, “the sweater on my tits feels really good.”
“It does?” He questions, amused.
“Just stay on me baby, don’t stop.”
You and Rafe have been known to argue about almost anything, but he never argues when you tell him how to make you feel good. He flattens his chest against you fully, rutting his dick against your leg, causing his chest to rub against yours as requested. Your head falls back into the throw pillows. You let him continue to move you both until you almost can’t stand the friction anymore.
“I love that,” you whimper, eyes still squeezed shut. “But I need you inside.”
“Can’t wait any longer, huh?” He chuckles. Once again, you don’t need to see him to know what he looks like, his eyebrows are surely arched high and his lips quirked to the side as he looks at you in amusement.
“Rafe I’ve been waiting for like twelve hours,” you complain.
“I know, baby, I know,” he quells you. “I got you, alright?”
Propped on one arm, his sweater leaves your chest for a moment so he can line himself up at your soaked entrance. You wait with closed eyes, bracing for impact as you know it will take a minute to adjust to his size, it always does. But he doesn’t enter you, just grumbles with annoyance as he shuffles above you.
Your quizzical eyes open to find him fumbling with the collar of his sweater, preparing to pull it off.
“What’s the problem?”
“I want to see you, but this fucking sweater’s in the way,” he explains. You lift your head and look down to where your bodies should be meeting to see the hem of his sweater hanging in the way, blocking the view. “I’m just gonna take it off.”
“Nuh-uh!” you object.
“Baby,” he whines.
A solution comes to you, causing you to break into a wide grin.
“Open up,” you say, and he’s never looked more confused.
But then, you reach down and pull the hem of the sweater between your fingers, making his stomach flinch as you brush against it. You lift the hem up to his mouth, revealing the sight of his dick dangerously close to your entrance. He puzzles it together, and teasingly rolls his eyes before letting you place it between his teeth. He bites down on it obediently, considering a protest before looking down to see he now has a perfect angle to his favorite sight in the world.
It feels so good when he finally slides in, stretching you so deliciously and filling you like only he can, that you almost actually cry. He moves gently, considerate enough to know there’s probably an edge of pain to your pleasure.
“You don’t have to go slow,” you assure him. “Take your stress out on me, I can take it.”
“Yeah?” He tries to sound cocky, but it’s muffled from the fabric between his teeth.
The way his jaw clenches in frustration makes you giggle. Rafe usually does most of the talking, knowing the sound of his low voice in your ear makes you come so much faster.
“I’ll do the talking, just focus on my voice while you fuck me, m’kay?” You purr.
He nods in agreement, picking up the pace until he’s rocking into you, continuously hitting the perfect spot that makes you both shudder with pleasure. He’s going so hard you have to lift your arm above you and steady yourself against the arm of the couch. His eyes flit between the sight of you taking him in so perfectly and the way your tits bounce with each thrust.
You keep your promise to talk him through it, starting with, “just like that, Rafe- mmmph- feels so good. God, I can feel you so deep.”
His brows furrow in concentration, thrusting harder, desperate to drag more praises from your kiss-chapped lips. Your eyes train on the veins in his neck, throbbing with effort. You reach your other hand up and grab his chin, pulling his face so his eyes pierce yours.
“Shit, you look so good, fucking me like you needed to,” you cry.
As much as he loves the eye-contact, he’s still wearing this stupid sweater for a reason, and he needs to remind you. He matches you by placing his hand on your face, soft but firm, and directing your gaze down to see him pistoning into you.
“Oh my god, that’s so hot,” you smile, admiring the creamy mess you’re making on his shaft. “You’re fucking covered in me, baby. Made me so wet comin’ in here looking this good.”
He removes his hand from your head, looking for a non-verbal way to thank you for your compliments. He presses his thumb to your tongue, and you don’t need words to know what he’s doing. You get it nice and wet, swirling spit around his thumb with your tongue. Once it’s ready, he lowers it to your clit, rubbing back and forth a few times before forming steady circles.
“Ah- fuck- yes, Rafe that’s so-” Your commitment to keep talking falters as pleasure floods your mind, robbing you of your voice.
He knows what you need, he always knows what you need. He pulls your hand from his chin and places it on his chest, you bunch the fabric of his sweater so he can release it from his teeth.
“There ya go,” he coos. “Need me to talk you through it, huh?”
You nod desperately, confirming what he already knew.
“Couldn’t even concentrate in my meetings,” he begins, panting with the effort he’s putting in, not letting up his pace. “Thinkin’ about you here waiting for me, walking around the house in those little shorts. How am I supposed to close deals when I can’t stop thinking about bending you over the kitchen counter and fucking this perfect pussy, huh?”
His words have exactly the effect he was hoping for, you are beside yourself, moaning and squirming beneath him. Letting out the sweetest little “oh, oh, ohs” as his cock rocks your whole body. He's losing tempo, both of you nearing the edge. You bring your other fist up to bunch his sweater, too, grasping so tightly you're afraid you're gonna tear it. You clench around him as he keeps talking.
“That’s it, baby, squeeze me as hard as you can - fuck!” He's unraveling, needing to find the words to get you there so he didn’t finish first. “Fuck, that’s my good girl.”
Just as he expected, that’s what finally did it for you. You cry out his name as sparks exploded in your tummy, coming so hard you have to bury your face into his chest to keep from screaming. He follows behind you almost immediately, his hot cum spurting into you as his primal groans and grunts echo through the room.
A few minutes later, you’re cleaned up and cuddled in his bed, now wrapped up in his sweater, the stretched-out fabric engulfing you. He smirks as his hands run over the material, rubbing over your stomach and waist lovingly.
“Might have to wear this thing every day if that’s how you’re gonna react,” he teases you.
“Uh-huh,” you giggle. “Good luck getting it back.”
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a/n: omg i'm so sorry I just literally couldn't not, the chokehold this sweater has on me is unnatural like y'all don't even need to read this it was just a passion project for me. all hail Blue Sweater.
#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron#rafe cameron fic#rafe fic#obx fic#drew starkey#rafe fanfic#rafe obx#obx 4#rafe cameron smut#rafe Cameron x you#rafe Cameron x y/n#rafe Cameron imagine#rafe Cameron season 4#obx#obx smut#idek if it's good but here I had to lol
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