#anyways sorry this took so long anon :')

[temeyes]

Can we get a nikolai tummy please? 👉👈

HI ANONNN, made him extra hairy just for uuuu~~~

[innielove]

Changbin during ATE era for anon

[necrotic-nephilim]

au - tim sneaking out of jason's room one night at the manor and accidentally locking eyes with dick who is sneaking out of bruce's room at the exact same time, breakfast is very awkward the next morning

(i did think of having it be jason instead of tim but honestly jason has 0 shame and even less issue outing himself if it means fucking with bruce and, to a lesser extent, dick)

i'm cackling I love these types of things so much. they're so silly. sometimes we deserve mindless crack for these ships. have a *very* low effort ficlet bc this just makes me snort, enjoy <3

Dick closed Bruce's door as quietly as he could. Usually, he didn't have to sneak around when he slept with Bruce. But the temporary room Bruce had given Jason in the manor was just down the hall, and Dick didn't feel like looking Jason in the eye if he walked out of Bruce's bedroom in the morning at the wrong time.

Just because he was pretty sure Jason knew, didn't mean he needed confirmation and confrontation.

Dick had almost caved to staying in bed with Bruce when Bruce tried to pull him back down, but he kept some level of wits about him, prying Bruce's arm off of him and giving him a final kiss on the cheek before heading for the door.

The one thing Dick did allow himself, though, was wearing one of Bruce's shirts instead of his own. It was a size too large on him but smelled safe and comforting. Dick breathed a quiet sigh of relief when the door latched silently. He let go of the handle, turning around to creep off to his own bedroom in another wing.

And found himself staring at another figure.

With all of the lights off and only faint moonlight streaming through the windows, Dick couldn't tell who it was, at first. His reaction was embarrassing no matter who it was, jumping nearly a foot backward and clutching a hand over his chest.

He was a goddamn vigilante. This was just embarrassing.

The other person wasn't nearly as shocked as Dick, but they stood perfectly still, staring with wide eyes that faintly reflected what little light illuminated their face. Dick squinted, leaning forward to see who it was.

"Tim?" Dick hissed, trying to keep his voice to a whisper. Bruce had fallen asleep and if Dick woke him up now, he was never going to get the stubborn bastard back to bed.

Tim, still looking like a deer in headlights, just blinked at Dick.

"What are you doing up this late?" Dick asked. They'd all agreed to take tonight's patrol off, letting Babs, Helena, Dinah, and Zinda handle it in exchange for tackling the massive human trafficking ring in the morning with fresh eyes and cleared heads. The job was the only thing that had gotten Jason to agree to work with them in the first place. Bruce barely managed to strong-arm Jason into sleeping in the manor, with a decent amount of guilting from Alfred.

Jason, who was in the room only a few feet away from Dick. The room that Tim's hand was resting on the doorknob of.

"That's Jason's room," Dick said slowly.

Tim just nodded. "I know." He wasn't whispering like Dick was, but his tone remained impossible to read.

He just saw Dick walk out of Bruce's room. Had he put it together? It was Tim, after all. if he hadn't yet, Dick assumed he only had a couple minutes before it dawned on Tim.

"What were you doing in Jason's room?" Dick frowned. If he focused on Tim, it could keep the focus off of him for as long as possible. Dick tried to ignore how fast his heart was beating.

Tim's expression was hard to make out in the dark. "We were talking about the case." Still, his tone remained entirely neutral.

Too neutral, for Tim.

"At two am?"

"Well, what were you doing?" Tim huffed slightly when he said it, folding his arms over his chest.

He was shirtless, Dick just realized.

Shirtless and coming out of Jason's room.

"I was-" Dick stumbled over his words, choking as he tried to come up with an alibi. "We were talking about the-"

"I already used that excuse, pick your own," Tim deadpanned. Dick was pretty sure he also rolled his eyes. "I've known about you and Bruce for years, you know. You don't have to pretend."

The noise that came out of Dick's throat was almost as mortifying as the realization that not only did Jason likely know, but so did Tim.

"It... okay it has not been years," Dick's face was hot and he was glad it was too dark for Tim to see his blush. "I mean- it's been a while but not years-"

"Whatever you say." Tim shrugged, sounding unconvinced. "There have been feelings between you two for years, close enough for me."

If Dick died, right here, in this hallway in front of Bruce's door, he hoped the cause of death would be put down as homicide instead of natural causes. Because every word from Tim's mouth made another piece of Dick die inside, just a little.

"It's none of your business either way." Dick tried to stand up straight to sound more in control of the situation, clearing his throat.

"Trust me, I don't want it to be my business."

Dick would've laughed, if this was happening to anyone but him.

"What about... you and Jason?" Dick asked carefully.

Tim shifted on his feet. "What about it? I told you, we were talking about the case."

"Right." It was Dick's turn to roll his eyes. "In his bedroom, at two am, without your shirt?"

Tim stared at Dick for a long, torturous moment. A moment that made Dick agree with Tim, about not wanting to know any sordid details.

"I'm going to bed," Tim said suddenly, turning away from Dick. "Goodnight."

Dick had a thousand more questions he wanted to ask. How Tim and Jason even got together, when it happened. Last Dick knew, they could barely stand to be in the same room.

But Tim was walking away at an alarmingly brisk pace and Dick just sighed. He was too tired and mortified about his own secrets to chase Tim down for an impromptu interrogation that would just end up embarrassing them both more.

Maybe it was best for Dick's sanity if he didn't know the specifics.

Dick didn't consider how awkward it would be until he was standing in the kitchen, staring at Jason bent over a cup of coffee.

Did Jason know Dick knew? It didn't seem like he did, but he had always had a good poker face.

When Tim ambled into the kitchen and grabbed overnight oats from the fridge, he didn't even look at Dick. He seemed to be pointedly avoiding it, sitting as far away from Dick as he could at the oversized dining room table.

All while Dick couldn't seem to stop staring.

"Your cereal is going to get soggy," Jason muttered, and it took Dick a moment to realize Jason was talking to him. "At least eat it before trying to explode my head with your mind, or whatever your staring problem is."

"I'm not-" Dick stuttered. he shut himself up with a mouthful of cereal when Cass gave him an odd look.

Would she be able to figure it out just from his body language?

Dick had never fully understood the lengths her ability to read people could go. he looked away from her and stared at a random spot on the table, trying to eat at a normal pace.

Bruce was the last to wander into the kitchen. He squeezed Dick's shoulder as he walked by, making Dick jump. It was an innocent enough touch that no one would question, but all Dick could think about was the brief look from Tim before he quickly averted his eyes again.

The silence around the table was going to eat Dick alive. He started eating cereal faster.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Jason broke the tension, throwing his head back and slamming an empty mug down onto the table. "Everyone knows you two are fucking, alright?" He gestured between Dick and Bruce. "Stop being so goddamn weird about it, you're acting like there's a bomb in the room."

Bruce choked on his coffee. "Jason." He tried to sound reprimanding, but his voice was a few octaves too high.

Dick threw his hands in the air. "I knew you knew about that, but I didn't know about you and Tim until last night so excuse me for feeling a little awkward."

"You didn't know about what?" Bruce nearly yelled, spinning around to face Jason.

"Damnit, Dick!" Tim groaned, putting his head in his hands.

Jason just scoffed, pointing a fork at Bruce. "Oh don't even give me that self-righteous bullshit-"

Their argument went back and forth while Tim just rubbed his temples, muttering to himself and glaring at Dick.

Worst of all, Dick was pretty sure Cass was giggling next to him under her covered mouth.

Dick just sighed and ducked his head, dutifully waiting for the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

So much for his breakfast.

[komystda]

tim character animation practice! this took a lot longer than it shouldve

when first getting back into marble hornets last month a huge inspiration was the lovely @sickhoondr and their style of drawing the characters, so a huge thank you for the fantastic art 🐟 💙 and making me want to make these silly moving pictures

hopefully i can make more of these but this took a while HAHA

Here's some different versions and progress for anyone thats curious:

from storyboards to final, i hope you guys enjoy the little animation haha. more to come, so as always stay tuned

[waterghostype]

what the water gave me by florence + the machine but it's jay and nya

But oh, my love, don't forget me When I let the water take me

im editing this post to put a fixed version here bc i dont like the one i posted but i kept it up for too long

[luminique]

HEAR ME OUT, one sided love?? Imagine s/o doesn’t like lighter back, being oblivious about lighters feeling and only see lighter as a friend meanwhile lighter is so MADLY in love with them and is aware of s/o not liking him back but he can’t help it because you’re the only one that makes him feel this way even if his feelings aren’t reciprocated… they’re so doomed think about the potential angst!! 🫤

lighter isn’t perfect. his body is littered in scars of his past, his actions are solutions to mistakes he had made before. to say that he deserved something as rewarding as love didn’t sound right to him, but oh, would it feel right if it was from you.

it was definitely not an immediate fall, rather it was slower like starting a fire. you bring the materials you require, some wood and a starter. it’s difficult to get a fire going, even he knows that with his lighter in hand. his hand gets warmer the longer the flame is out but it doesn’t compare to the accidental grazes of your hand against his gloved ones.

he had poked you once with the spikes on his gloves. the look on your face when you brought your hand up to rub it while you apologized for it. why were you apologizing? every soft “sorry” that came out of your mouth was like sprinkling water onto the fire. best to get fresh firewood so that it doesn’t go out.

ensuring that the fire is a consistent flame is also important to prevent accidents. accidents like playfully taking off his sunglasses and putting it on yourself while imitating him. somehow, that didn’t cause the fire to go out, in fact, it made it burn even brighter than before. the redness on his face when he watched you was comparable to the orange and red hues of a fire.

he stayed close to the fire, close to you. feeling the warmth of love on his skin, finding it calming but also terrifying. it doesn’t rain often in the outer ring but that doesn’t stop him from worrying that it would all of a sudden. so he lies awake at night, thinking about all of the possibilities, the what ifs and its outcomes.

he thought he had considered everything. from keeping the fire from going out, to ensuring it was a stable flame, to tending it slowly and carefully. what he didn’t consider was getting too close to the fire, burning through what he thought was tough skin.

he was too focused on trying to maintain a certain personality, not quite showing his interest in you. so when caesar was talking to you about her love stories while everyone was hanging around the bar, his heart rate increased. just like how consuming alcohol affects one’s mental and physical state, so does it affect a fire. maybe someone poured his drink into the flames as he watched it burn even brighter than before, making him eavesdrop on your conversation.

but a large flame meant a higher possibility of getting burnt, and soon he saw the burn marks on his skin. as you continued to talk with caesar, the longer he let the fire burn him. how you had said that real love wasn’t like the stories, how you seemed disinterested in romance, how you had believed that no one was interested in you. at that moment, he ended up getting more drinks from burnice, hoping it would soothe the roaring flames within him. he drank so much and fell asleep to the soft crackling of the fire, your voice acting as background noise.

he woke up to the coldness of the bar counter pressing on his cheek. the fire had been put out by you when you tapped on his shoulder. the memories of last night flooding into his mind like water. maybe it was all some nightmare and you did like him back, but the sudden coolness of your touch made him realize the reality of it all.

you didn’t like him, and not because he did anything wrong but because he didn’t do anything in your eyes. you were feeding the fire in his heart and he mistook that fire for your heart too. he sat up straight, took one look at you and shook his head. you still cared for him, came with water and woke him up gently. he never intended to get so severely injured because of his own growing feelings for you.

his own feelings, you didn’t even know he had any for you. the pile of ashes, you both stared at it and yet only he knew that fire existed. the flames had misled him, danced around his heart that craved for you, that only asked for you as its fuel. now all he can do was sit next to what was once a big fire, feeling the cold on his skin despite the layers. no warmth left, no light left, no love left.

[snail-migraine]

ooooh! Could you do something for Elliott from Stardew Valley? Or perhaps Mr. Qi? Elliott’s my favourite character, but Mr. Qi has that “omnipotent stalker with a weird sense of humour” vibe that would fit perfectly.

Thanks in advance!

Ooh, okay! As much as I think Mr. Qi is the most likely out of everyone in the cast to become a yandere, I can't help but that I just wanna cuddle a delusional yandere Eliott. Thanks for the Ask btw!

-

Anon Yan 💌‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

Yandere Elliott

I feel like Elliott is the delusional stalker type.

Like when he and the farmer (aka you) first meet it's love at first sight for him.

He's been in a creative rut for so long, bored out of his mind and replaying the same words over and over again in his mind.

He heard about the new farmer coming into town from Leah, and thought nothing of it really. It wouldn't effect him and his work.

Oh how wrong he was. From the moment Elliott met you the man became a simp.

He watched you run around town foraging for anything good to sell, he always admired how keen your eye was for the little berries that'd grow in the bushes and the flowers nobody thought to pick.

He looks at you like you hung the stars and the moon in the sky. Like you've moved the heavens and the earth to make space just for him and his little whimsical fantasies. And in a sense you kinda did.

After all, it was you who brought him out of the bored gloom he'd had been living in for the past months.

So it'd only make sense that you'd become his one and only muse.

The man could write thousands of sonnets and haiku's in your name. He hasn't gotten that far yet, but he's getting closer everyday.

He's sickly sweet, that lovey-dovey puppy-dog expression crosses his face whenever he so much as thinks about you. [Which is all the time btw]

He is totally and completely enamored with you, fallen for you like a fish falls for the bait. Which is unfortunate for him as you don't seem to have fallen for him.

But it's fine! Maybe you're just shy, that's okay, he'll just need to be a little more forceful in his affections.

"Darling! There you are. I have been looking all over for you. Come along now, I have made another poem for you to read. It'll be wonderful."

Which doesn't work...in fact it seems to make you even more reserved.

But thats okay to! You guys will work on that together.

He just keeps on pushing and pushing and pushing, and it never seems to stop.

It isn't until you blow up on him, calling him a creep, that he backs off. But only for a little bit.

He see's this as just a small argument between you guys, it'll pass over in a few days once you cool down.

But then he see's you talking to Sebastion in the saloon. You twirling your hair between your fingers, laughing at his jokes, blushing when he gets a little too close for comfort, and looking up at him with sweetest expression he's ever seen from you.

For the first time in a long time, Elliott feels rage. And not the normal kind, oh no no no, I mean blinding rage.

The kind that makes you act on your violent thoughts. Which is exactly what Elliott ended up doing.

In a flash he's on Sebastion, beating the poor boy within an inch of his life.

The other people at the Saloon try to stop the raging Elloitt, but all of the get knocked on their ass and get to scared to do anything.

Once Elliott was done with Sebastion, he turned to look at you. No longer did he look at with that sweet puppy-dog face, no instead his eyes were filled with nothing but apathy as he grabbed your chin with his bloody thumb and directed you to look at the dead body of your best friend.

"Look at what you've caused dear. This is what happens when you try to make me jealous."

[bi-scottsummers]

Hi, hello, just came here to say that I love your fic "trending in Japan". I was wondering if you had headcanons regarding Kenji or Emi or interpersonal relationships and stuff. Many hugs for you.

hi hello, thank you for the encouragement and hugs! After some thought ive realized I do in fact have some hcs about some of the character dynamics in the movie as well as just kenji himself, cause hes captivated my entire brain:

Kenji & Emi

Emi does not have teeth but she does inexplicably have a teething phase. kenji is forced to hide all his (salvaged) fancy cars in the garage bc the corvette's already been chewed to hell and his heart is gonna give out if he has to watch any more classics get wrecked

he reads her bedtime stories. A lot of aesop's fables, because theyre short and fun and hes trying to raise his monster daughter with good morals. emi goes hogwild for these but its unclear if she actually understands what hes saying; kenji's pretty sure she just likes the silly voices he uses for different characters

they go flying together! they go first thing in the morning before breakfast - it helps kenji shake off the grogginess of sleep and emi gets to stretch her wings. shes not able to go very far for very long initially, but as she grows and gets those cardio gainz she almost gets to be quicker than him. they have races and play air tag :)

while she doesnt have the vocal range to speak english herself, it becomes clear that emi does understand it well. (kenji also develops an ear for her chirping/squawks, though body language & facial expressions play a big part in communication for both of them) during her (much later) rebellious phase she'll simply pretend not to know what's being said when kenji is telling her to do something she doesn't wanna do, which frustrates him to no end

Kenji

developed a pretty massive chip on his shoulder after moving to the states. it wasn't just bitterness over his dad staying behind, though that was a part of it. this is canon but he was picked on in school for "how [he talked], how [he looked] and what [he ate]." he felt like he had something to prove to both his father and the world. he threw himself into sports - specifically baseball - and his academics, and he did so well that it forced everyone to shut up about how he was different from them and focus on how he was better than them

^ playing off this: kenji had a bonkers fucking yonkers routine when he was a kid/in highschool. he'd get up hours before school started to practice his swing, go for a ~1hr run, workout, study, etc. He'd go to school, come home, and do it all again. this is exaggerated but my point is that this kid was DETERMINED and had the discipline to see that determination through to the end

didnt have many friends because of all aforementioned things. he had acquaintances, and he was invited to parties and outings and stuff (never went), but he spent most of his free time hanging out with his mom. he never really had a "parents are so embarrassing" phase. he always liked to do anything with his mother: going to the bank, going grocery shopping, watching cheesy telenovelas till ungodly hours in the morning, etc. she was his no.1 supporter, confidant, and best friend

he played for his university's baseball team and got scouted at 19. his mom forced him to finish his bachelor's first so once he graduated with his degree in kinesiology at 21, he was drafted to the dodgers

Kenji & Ami

both of them, up until meeting each other, were totally dedicated to their career (and child) so they had basically 0 time for friends. theyre both borderline losers but theyre juuust good enough at what they do for people to admire them instead of finding them sad and lowkey pathetic

kenji is way more into the idea of being friends than ami is. hes pretty enthusiastic about it; he thinks that they have a kind of rapport, since they share a similar work ethic and are both (unbeknownst to ami) single parents. he calls her to chat abt random things. ami initially isnt superrrr into it; she thinks kenji is kinda lonely and desperate for human connection, & it isnt until her mom points out that she has not spoken to anyone outside of work-related reasons in 10+ years that shes like oh shit, i am also lonely and desperate for human connection. so she grudgingly acquires a friend. theyre both really bad at it

need to clarify that in my mind their dynamic is 95% kenji yapping about work and drama in his personal life (circumventing the 8m baby kaiju hes raising) while ami goes "mhm mhm" and takes notes until kenji notices and is like What are you doing. at which point ami is like...... right . nothing. im listening. and forces herself to put the notepad away. she has a hard time disengaging from the reporter mindset and just hearing something intriguing without turning it into an article. the other 5% are the rare moments where theyre connecting super well - ami's psychoanalyzing the hell out of whatever kenji just said and hes like what are you my therapist. over time she starts opening up to him, too, and eventually theyre comfortable enough to be having philosophical discussions over breakfast just for funsies

before kenji reveals that hes ultraman, ami thinks hes in a gang. he keeps showing up to their lunch "dates" with like bruised eyes and fractured bones and gets all shifty when she tries to ask about what happened. when she eventually confronts him about it, hes so offended that she thinks hed be involved in something like that that he tells her about being ultraman

thats about all i can think of rn, though im sure ill think of more after rotating all the characters in my head for a while. thanks again for stopping in, i appreciate the support :)

[lilacflowersss]

GIVE ME MORE CUTE DIRKJOHN ART AND MY LIFE JS YOURS

bet. Your soul is mine now >:o}

[evercelle]

Could you elaborate more on the previous ask—more specifically about how Saihara is a mystery to Ouma as much as the reverse is true? I agree with the sentiment but I’m curious about your thoughts as a fellow saiou enjoyer and feeder of the fandom :3c

I undersand how Saihara feels more straight-laced to us, since we as the Player get to read his every thought, but I’m curious as to what makes him mutually intriguing to Ouma as well.

saihara's a bunch of surprises when we're not in his brain! he's a bit of a social doormat who's thrust into a leadership position. he's skilled at a talent he resents because he's both cautious of the power the truth has and fearful of the responsibility of wielding it. he's closest to the heroic & charismatic people, but he's willing to lie to his advantage in trials... and if you're doing FTEs, he returns to hang out with ouma repeatedly, which is probably strange in and of itself. it's a safe guess that few if any of the other characters tolerate, pick up on, or are willing to engage on ouma's layered antics at all, so i think saihara coming back for more would be surprising & intriguing to ouma, too. we get to know saihara via omniscient viewer and his 2 FTEs, but outside that, he's also a person who tries to hide himself. just with a different performance and motivation than ouma, and curious minds love a mystery...

[fuzzy-w0rms]

doodle req for Amity

she got to sit on one of the floats ^_^

[keys-hellscape-1020]

Hello hello

I was wondering if you would write something with the reader is apart of 141 and is such a badass on the field and seems fearless but is absolutely terrified of bugs😂 (it’s me, I’m terrified of bugs)

A/N: I’m the exact same way anon. I’m all like “I’m such a badass I’d be fine in a war” and then one (1) singular cockroach would fly at me and I’d piss and shit myself simultaneously before passing out from fear. Also hope you don’t mind but I decided to make this with more of a headcannon format despite my love of oneshots.

Platonic!141 x gn!reader

Content: Military inaccuracies, cussing, Spiders, reader has panic attack, boys being sweet, and soap being a menace (still love him though)

————

You manage to hold in your fear of bugs in the field, adrenaline, training, and a hefty dose of dissociation all mixing together to provide you with the perfect cocktail to temporarily stamp down your phobia. However outside of the field you are still terrified of them, you just try your best to hide it, all to aware of how embarrassing the fact that a trained killing machine can’t handle a tiny insect is.

Thankfully you’d managed for the most part, simply making up an excuse when a bug would enter a room, or slamming a cup over it and leaving it for someone else to deal with. However after a while, it seems your luck had started to run out.

It was the morning after a particularly tiring mission, you’d had gotten in late and by the time you had completed debrief and all other post-mission duties it was almost 3:00 am, with roll call at 6.

To say that everyone was exhausted was an understatement, a severe one, but you all were nothing if not disciplined. And so here you were at 5:45, your PT uniform on, and a cup of coffee sitting in front of you on the cafeteria table.

You take a sip, your nose scrunching at the bitter taste as you force it down your throat. You desperately needed the caffeine however, so you make yourself drink it as you try not to fall asleep on the table in front of you.

You barely notice Soap and Gaz walking in, you probably would’ve completely disregarded them if it weren’t for their half-hearted bickering about one thing or another. You watch them as they move about the cafeteria, picking up various breakfast foods.

You barely acknowledge them as they sit across from you, continuing to sip your coffee half-heartedly. You have no idea how many times Soap had called your name, but it took him waving his hand in front of your face for him to get your attention.

“You alright hen?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowed at you in concern.

You nod at him, trying your best to not fall asleep on the table.

You barely notice Gaz’s movements, but the thing he pointed out you couldn’t ignore, no matter how much you wanted to.

It was a relatively small critter in hindsight, but in the moment your weary and fear-laden brain hadn’t cared for that, only the fact that it had 8 legs and was about a centimeter away from your hand.

You shoot up with a screech of “DEAR FUCK” and send your styrofoam cup flying halfway across the cafeteria. Your reaction made Soap and Gaz shoot up out of their seats as well, looking at you with extreme concern and confusion.

You stand in the middle of the cafeteria blankly, eyes fixated on the creature who was transferring the cafeteria table at speeds spiders should not be allowed to reach.

Once you have come to your sense slightly you look around to see that everyone in the cafeteria is still staring at you with mixed looks of concern and confusion.

You decide to flee the scene.

It is only after you are out in the hallway, safely away from the object of your fear, that you realized your breathing was tight and panicked. It’s only once you’d slid to the floor with your back against a wall that you’d realized that Soap and Gaz followed you out of the cafeteria.

They crouch down in front of you, you can see their mouths moving and hear muffled word’s bouncing around your head but the sound of your rushing blood blocks out all outside sounds. You’re startled out of your thick daze by Soap grabbing your hand and placing it on his chest, right over his sternum.

You’re confused briefly, and try to pull back, but his grip holds firm and after a moment you realize the exaggerated deep breaths he is taking and try your best to copy them. It takes a few minutes of you following Soap’s breath patterns for yours to return to normal.

Once your breathing is stable and you can no longer hear your blood flow you tip you head back against the wall, the sturdy surface providing an excellent chance for you to ground yourself with. Soap and Gaz sit and watch you for a moment, and it’s only after you open your eyes to return their intense stares that they begin to speak.

“Are you alright?” Gaz asks lowly, you’re unsure when it happened but at some point he gently grabbed your other hand and started gently rubbing it with his thumb.

Your only answer is a slight nod and Gaz and Soap exchange a concerned glance. “What brought that on?” Soap asks softly, fingers still intertwined tightly with yours.

You wince and avert your eyes, you’re sure that you’re late to roll-call by this point and you really don’t want your only excuse to be that you had a panic attack thanks to a spider. You would absolutely never live that down. “Doesn’t matter, I’m fine now.” You grumble softly, moving to stand up.

Soap and Gaz stand with you, exchanging a concerned glance with each other as they do. “Hen, whatever it is it’s alright. We won’t make fun of you.” Soap says soothingly, placing a warm hand on your shoulder.

You wince, and roll your bottom lip between your teeth as you think. They might not make fun of you now? But later? Definitely. Your internal conflict is cut short when you look back up at them however, large concerned puppy dog eyes staring back at you. Damnit you’re weak.

“The spider.” You mumble out sheepishly, suddenly finding great interest in your shoes as you subconsciously back yourself towards the wall.

Gaz’s eyebrows furrow in confusion and Soap cocks his head like a confused puppy. “The spider?” Gaz asks slowly, like he’s trying to comprehend rocket science.

You exhale aggressively and scuff your feet against the floor. “The spider.” You confirm quietly.

Soap slings a heavy arm over your shoulders, practically dragging you down with the hefty amount of his body weight he puts on you. “Ey it’s alright hen, we’ve all got something we’re afraid of.”

“Like dogs.” Gaz quips, prompting a vicious glare from Soap as he giggles madly. Soap huff and lifts his arm from your shoulder to ruffle your hair playfully. “Say since we’re already late for rollcall, why don’t we just skip?”

You and Gaz simultaneously shoot him a confused look. “Price will kill us.” Gaz try’s to reason.

“No Price will kill me and hen. He would never dream of touching his golden boy.” Soap teases, moving to ruffle his hair before Gaz slaps it away with an indignant look.

You did end up skipping roll call that day in favor of napping in Soap’s room, and you did indeed have hell to pay when Price and Ghost found you all passed out, plenty of PT and toilet duty for a week.

You never told Price and Ghost about your fear of bugs, but you’re fairly certain Soap and Gaz let them know. There was a number of times when off-duty that you would notice a bug and before you could blink Price or Ghost were moving to take care of it for you.

Gaz was also extremely sweet when it came down to it, capturing bugs and taking them outside almost always. Soap was also a little shit, as usual. Capturing the bug and then chasing you with it, or assaulting you with it’s corpse. A quick threat to bring in several large dogs makes him shut up and take care of the insect however.

So yes, while you do suffer teasing about it occasionally, they would never make you face your fear alone. They’re your family after all. And family look out for one another.

[seamsterspell]

Why do you think Levi only ever said Dedicate your heart to Hange?

What a surprise! Hello there anon!

Oh, I actually like this question very much >:D I’m sure there are many explanations out there by all the amazing people in the fandom regarding this topic. However, since you asked for my opinion, then I will gladly give my two cents regarding this topic.

Let's see if I can put my psychology degree to good use.

Disclaimer: since I'm a levihan slut, I'm sure you know what to expect from this. Also, English is not my first language, so please forgive me if you found any mistakes :D

First of all, we know that Levi had never said “Dedicate your heart” before (as suggested by Hange). 

If that’s the case, then why did he never say that before? Well, I think it’s because he wasn’t your typical by-the-book soldier. Unlike most people in the corps, Levi joined under a special circumstance. We know that he didn’t voluntarily enlist himself as a trainee so he could join the Survey Corps and heroically save humanity from all the titans. Instead, he joined the corps because Erwin personally scouted him. Because of that, he didn't have any particular or specific reason to join it in the first place (unlike let’s say Eren or even Hange), he even planned on quitting the corps at one point. His reason for staying in the corps—other than his belief in Erwin—was just as simple as: “I like the fresh air of the outside world.”

EDIT: Okay, I just want to make myself clear. I'm not saying that his motivation in joining the corps was so shallow or even implying that he does not care a bit for humanity. He cares obviously, if he didn't then we would not have Captain Levi in our SNK story. What I meant by my statement above was to highlight how simple he was as a soldier. Like, he didn't need a grand motivation to join in the first place, because he just knew that staying in the corps was the good thing to do. He risked his life everyday in battles just for a simple wish of breathing the fresh air. He wanted the people in the wall to be free from the stinky air, because for him freedom is in the mundane things in life. To quote my other post: "His simplicity is what makes him kind."

Also, I made a follow-up post regarding my interpretation of Levi's character here. You don't have to read it, but if you want to know how I see Levi as a character, I hope that post can help.

But anyway, since he was scouted under a special condition (as well as having enormous strength as a soldier), I think he somehow had a privilege in the corps to fuck around and be as “disrespectful” as he wanted to be. Not to mention Erwin became a commander around a year after Levi joined, so my man was probably living his best nepotism/VIP life. Therefore, I would think that Levi wasn’t as strict with the rules as other soldiers. He wasn’t the kind of soldier who kept preaching about "dedicate your life" to others. He just came to work, did his job, and went home (just like me fr). I’m not saying he doesn’t care about humanity (he cares obviously) it’s just he doesn’t express it in a traditional soldier way.

No wonder we all were so surprised when he did say THAT WORDS to Hange. It wasn't like him at all. Even Hange was caught off guard by him saying it, right?

But then, this raises another question, why is it when he finally said it, he only said it to Hange? Why, for instance, he didn’t say it to Erwin? I mean, both Erwin and Hange went on a suicide mission. Moreover, out of all the people that we know in the story, we can see that Levi shares many significant moments in the narrative with these two. If that’s the case, then why did he say different things to each of them?

For me, the answer is quite simple, it’s because Levi is an empathetic person. Both “Give up on your dreams and die for us” and “Dedicate your heart” that he said to Erwin and Hange respectively were something that he believed they needed to hear at THAT moment. It was his last words for them right before they died, his last comfort.

He told Erwin to give up on his dreams and die because at that moment, when their troops were cornered by the beast titan, Erwin showed his vulnerable side to Levi. Erwin admitted that he actually had a plan (albeit a suicidal one for him and the rest of the soldiers) to defeat the beast titan but he withheld it at first because: 1) he didn’t want to die because he wanted to see the basement; and 2) he didn’t want to send any more soldiers into their death because he was being haunted by the ghost of the past soldiers who had dedicated their heart to his plan.

Therefore, Levi, out of his compassion for Erwin, took the burden of making that painful choice from Erwin’s hand. He even made a promise to kill the beast titan, as if to say that all of their death wouldn’t be in vain. He said it to make Erwin feel better, which is why Erwin smiled after Levi said that. 

I think the same explanation can be said for Hange's situation. However, to understand why he only said “Dedicate your heart” to Hange, I think we need to talk about the nature of their relationship first. First of all, they were close friends, that is obvious. They had known each other for quite a long time and they had gone on many missions together (and survived), so their bond was strong. To quote Moblit from that one Smartpass AU he shares with Levi: “[Levi and Hange have] a special kind of bond from spending many years together. It’s something that Moblit didn't have with [Hange].”

Speaking of Levi, one of the things that I feel people tend to overlook from Levi is his caring nature. He cares for his squads, for humanity as a whole, and especially for his trusted comrades (e.g. Erwin and Hange). However, since he isn’t exactly a very eloquent person, he has a weird way of showing his affection, like when he told Erwin that he would break his legs so he didn't have to join the dangerous operation to retake Shiganshina. Fortunately, since Erwin knew Levi’s character, he understood the meaning behind his words. Although for most people, it was probably hard to tell. 

Other than Erwin, the other person who could see Levi’s kindness was of course Hange—who also received a lot of care from Levi. It might be because of the nature of her job (getting too close to titans for her experiments + her role as a commander later) and because of her tendency to be a little bit reckless as well as forgetful of taking care of herself when excited (which was why she had Moblit by her side) that made Levi feel the need to pay a lot of attention to her.

And by a lot, I mean A LOT. 

This is just my opinion, but in the canon, I noticed that Levi is actually the one who expresses or initiates a lot of actions toward Hange (believe me, my man is working overtime):

Asking about her new “hobby” in rocks (after Annie’s capture).

Noticing her distress after Pastor Nick’s death and trying to lift her spirit up.

Calming her down when she was upset at Keith Shadis when he finally told the truth about Grisha's past & his reason for leaving his commander position in Survey Corps.

Thinking about Hange’s safety during missions (after Bertholdt’s transformation in Shiganshina and when she was attacked by one of Kenny’s men in the Reiss Chapel).

Telling her to not touch some random things at the beach.

Telling Moblit to take care of Hange because he can't be always by her side (Smartpass AU)

Knocking Hange out to forcibly bathe her (Smartpass AU). Also, the way he worded it in a way that "yeah I don't like her filthiness when I'm off-duty, so I took it upon myself to clean her." I see you...

Levi saving Hange from being hit on the head by a bunch of books + telling her to change her wet clothes (Smartpass AU)

Well you get what I mean. Anyway—at least for me—he doesn’t seem to do this solely because of Hange’s lack of self-care. I think he shows a lot of care for Hange because she’s important to him, which is of course exacerbated when they became the last two veterans to survive after the operation to take back Shiganshina. After so much lost, he clearly saw her as the last person he’s close to. I mean, in one of the Smartpass AU, she was the first person that came to his mind when he was asked about his family.

Not only that, I think he generally likes Hange as a person because she saw him for who he truly was. Like, remember their first meeting, Hange was the only one who was willing to approach Levi (while everyone was sceptical of him) and she did it purely out of admiration. She genuinely was impressed by him and wanted to get to know him better. A gesture that might be alien to Levi, which explains why he was unsure at first about Hange, but it seemed after many missions together, Hange was eventually able to earn his trust. Hange became a person who could freely tease him (him being a clean freak + their poop jokes) as well as became a walking dictionary for him (the way she translates Levi's words to Eren).

On the other hand, contrary to Levi, I noticed that Hange tend to be more neutral with Levi. I’m not saying that Hange did not care for him. I mean, when she found his injured body, she became so protective of him that she willingly risked her life by jumping into the lake so she could save him.

There was also this one scene of her trying to comfort him when he learned that titans was actually a human. Moreover, she also considered him to be her closest friend in the Survey Corps.

I believe she rarely showed her caring side to him because she knew that he is a capable fellow, and so she didn’t think he needed her help in particular. I don't think she had ever think that this man, the strongest man in the world, would ever sustain a horrible injury or even die. Sadly, she thought wrong. When she found his injured and dying body (chapter 115), Hange had to face a horrible realisation that she could actually lose him.

Then, in chapter 126, we finally saw Hange taking care of Levi. She killed two soldiers to protect them. She also tended and healed his injury with so much care. In my opinion, being confronted by the mortality of the only person that she had left in the world, Hange most likely learned—the hard way—about how important Levi had actually become to her. Thus she was willing to do anything for him.

When this realisation mixed with her exhaustion from the war, she finally reached her breaking point. With no one but an unconscious Levi by her side, the passionate-happy-go-lucky researcher and the ever-so-composed commander of the Survey Corps found herself gradually letting down her guard to show her weakness, her feelings. In her vulnerability, she weakly expressed how she would rather live with him in the woods, away from the chaos outside. Like, can you believe this Hange, who always fought for humanity’s sake said, “Humanity be damned, I would rather spend the time I have left with you.” 

I think this explains why her confession in chapter 126 caught us (the fandom) off guard, because not only it was out of character for her, but also for the first time, she showed her feelings to Levi.

Later we know that Levi heard about her “confession” but since he also knew that Hange would never ever run away, he instead encouraged her to do the things that she believed in, and that was to stop Eren from committing genocide. However, I think her words had never left him, even after they left the woods. Because as you can see in chapter 132, he somehow made a seemingly random remark to her about how her feelings are not always unrequited. As if he knew which feelings of her that is requited. 

Consequently, we finally came to the big question. We see in chapter 132 that before Hange embarked on her suicide mission, Levi did something that was so out of character for him. He touched her heart and said, “Dedicate your heart”.

Why did he do this?

To repeat my answer above, it’s most likely because he knew that it was exactly the things that she needed to hear the most. So he said it out of empathy. But isn’t it too short or even too formal for a goodbye between two close friends? Well, we have to take into consideration that Hange could read Levi like a book (remember their iconic telepathy?). She could easily translate his roundabout words and expressions, thus he didn’t need to write an essay for her. Which is why “dedicate your heart” was more than enough for both of them.

Moreover, I also infer that the reason why he never said “Dedicate your heart” while he was a soldier before was because he probably thought that he didn't necessarily have to give his heart to the corps and humanity. Again, he didn't have a grand reason to fight in the first place, and so he just wanted to do what he thought was good: to lend all his strength to help humanity. Therefore, by saying it for the first time in front of her, he seemingly wanted to show her how important and special she was to him. As if he was saying that he wants to dedicate himself only to her.

Hence, his gesture and words to Hange combined with all the preceding events (especially events in chapters 126 and 132), I could say that behind those three words, he was actually telling her: “Hey, the things you said in the woods, it was not unrequited. I actually feel the same way as you. I want to live with you as well, which is why I don't want you to go. However, I know I can't stop you because you’ve dedicated your heart to the freedom of humanity. So, I’ll let you go, but before you go I want you to know that you’re the only person I’m dedicating my heart to. My heart is yours.”

I'm not Hange so I don't think my translation is accurate HAHA but that's how I see it.

In conclusion, Levi had only ever said Dedicate your heart to Hange because: 1) he knew it would make her feel better/happy and special; and 2) it was also his answer to her soliloquy in the woods (it was his way of telling her that they share mutual feelings).

-----

So yeah, that’s my opinion. I hope I was able to express myself clearly :D

Also, I can't believe you are asking me this, anon. No one ever asked me about my opinion before. Usually, people come for me for my silly fanfic(s) xD 

ANYWAY, your question is very much appreciated! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts regarding Levi, especially his relationship with Hange. This was fun to write (and research!), I really enjoyed the process!

Although it was a bit painful too tbh because I had to reopen my old wound by rereading chapters 126 and 132 :') You did it anon, you made me cry... at 12.30 AM T_T)b

[kate-bot]

OKAY SO I've gotten two asks about my Noisette cosplay AND THANK YOU SM FOR THE KIND WORDS !!!!!!!! It was sm fun to make this cos, so I will gladly explain everything I did in hopes that it might help someone else!! also both anons please share your cosplays with me when theyre done i would love to see them....

I've tried to link everything where I can, where I got stuff etc... I only rarely cosplay (although I am thinking of going as the noise in May Comiccon) and this was my biggest ever project so!! It's very trial-and-error! But without further ado

KATES EXTENSIVE(ish) GUIDE TO COSPLAYING NOISETTE FROM THE HIT GAME PIZZA TOWER!!!!!!! (warning its kinda long)

THE HAT

Okay i’m gonna be real my mum helped me so much she basically did all the sewing for me. Sewing is the fucking bane of my existence I hate doing it so much so we planned it out together and she basically executed it. Props to her for that she’s so real… She also wrote down what she did!! So i’ll just paste and colour that in for you to read!!

“The black material (seen in the above image) was originally a beanie hat that was picked apart to use as a template…

This was game changing basically. We had experimented with making the hat from scratch but it was far too difficult and we were both too stupid so we just unstitched a pre-existing hat and stole the template. The hat we cut up was one we had lying around for years so i cannot tell you where to get one from, but any beanie that is stitched together will work i guess! So I would recommend finding a hat that fits you snugly and doing the same thing!

…and the wool fabric that was utilised gave the finished product was stiff enough to be structurally sound.

I just got this from my local fabric shop, I would recommend wool over something like felt because it’s super sturdy and I was pulling on my mask a LOT.

Once sewn together, I attached a stiff card facemask to the front to help provide some structure, and to locate where the eye holes should be cut.

I think this picture shows it pretty well, my mum was able to curve the shape of the fabric to fit a pre-existing mask- we got ours from Hobbycraft, just one of those stringed white template masks yknow. We cut off the string, made the eyeholes a little bigger and just stuck it straight on!! I should mention this was pretty much all done with a sewing machine as well!

After that, we made two ears from a paper pattern, stuffed them and put some wire inside to allow them to be positioned, before sewing them onto this headband, which was then sewn into the hat. The bottom of each ear was also stitched to the crown to give it some additional stability and to secure the headband correctly in position (having fitted it on the wearer).

Yeah it was actually less of a mask and more of a headband!! That was what gave it most of the support and meant the ears would stay up, I’m not sure how it would work without it!! The ears were the only part that I could actually help with LMAO i just freehanded a little template, stuffed it, and then put in some modelling wire to make them able to be posed :)

Then it was a lot of hand sewing, and glueing the eyeholes to the mask to create a cohesive look.

AND YEAH that’s pretty much all it was! I also attached some little felt eyelashes to add to it as well. Honestly I could never come up with a step-by-step guide for the process because it was such a trial and error thing (i’d made two test-hats before we even came up with the method) but it was so fun!!

I would 100% recommend if you want the ears to stay UP to stuff them AS MUCH AS U CAN and/or put wire in them!! :) I also made some cute little bows to clip into my wig in the same fabric to make it more cohesive!! I also put a bow (and a bunny tail heheh) on the back of the dress too!!

THE DRESS

Super simple! I just found one online (okay for some reason the link has been taken off of the website, but just look up "overall dress" on google shopping and you will 100% find something super cute)- I made sure to buy the dress first, and then take it to the fabric shop to try and colourmatch the mask fabric as best as I could. Then it was just buying some big ol buttons off eBay and sewing them on!! (I could actually do that bit by myself, I'm bad at sewing but im not THAT bad)

EVERYTHING ELSE

Cute patterned knee-high socks cuz shes cute like that. Leg warmers, I think I got them both off of Amazon... Converse I got from Depop and I had wanted to buy a pair anyway so I was super stoked to get them cheap!! I chose converse over a pair of high-heels or Mary Janes just for comfort reasons, I was walking around loads at the con so... Everything else apart from the shirt was from Amazon or just. Somewhere online(I have no idea where to get fancy white gloves LOL) and the shirt was from Depop as well! I liked how frilly it was, re: Noisette is cute like that!!

oh yeah and the wig. I hate wigs it was awful. I have no idea how to style them. underneath the hat was the most awful bowl cut ever I just. It wasn't my best moment. Dont ask me about wigs please .

Also I should mention I got this bag for the cosplay (which I now use all the time cuz its so cute) because i needed space to store shit and I wanted something on-brand with her cafe... this isnt the exact link I used but I just got it off of ebay :P

PROPS

Unfortunately I don't have a lot of WIP pictures of my props but they were pretty simple to make!! The coffee cup was literally just spraypainting over a reusable coffee cup and using POSCA pen to draw on the front! Fun fact the cup says "To Peppino" because originally my boyfriend was gonna go with me as Peppino before the Cruetly Squad brainrot got to him so. YEA

And the tip jar was also pretty simple, I just painted on the lid a plastic jar (can't be glass, not allowed at ComicCon) and cut out a bit of vinyl to work as the sign. The cobweb was just hot-glued 3D printer filament, and the spider was made with foam modelling clay (literally the best thing ever if you're making small models like that) and i stuck him to the lid of the jar with Kandi string so he'd bounce around :]

AND I THINK THATS IT!! i may as well post a pic of the full cosplay since I dont think many people would have made it this far.... But I think it turned out pretty cool!! I got recognised a few times as well which was amazing!! (cropped out my bf cuz idk if he wants his face on tumblr gfhhfg)

SO YEAH!!!! if anyone has any questions please let me know.. but GOOD LUCK IN UR COSPLAY MAKING FRIENDS!!!! :D

[littlealexhorne]

thank you! i was wondering if you could make a moodboard for rose matafeo? :)))) thanks.

here ya go anon! 🩵🌹

[befuddled-calico-whump]

putting one more Cinderglass drabble request in your askbox (i am so sorry for the spam but i’ve been thinking about them nonstop aghfsk). again, feel free to ignore this!

i‘d love to see Sarah help Lex work through a panic attack or a traumatic flashback! maybe either so that he doesn’t have to drown himself in alcohol about it or she’s helping and calming him down while he’s drunk

Wildefire Masterlist

cw: alcoholism, emeto, hallucinations, withdrawals

He'd been sober for thirty seven hours.

Not long at all, really, but it was something, and he was trying, and it was fine.

Well, it was fine for thirty seven hours.

Outright quitting was the only thing Lex dared to do. Trying to just cut back wouldn't work, because what was cutting back? He didn't keep track of how much he drank anymore, he just drank until he felt like it was enough. Even just trying to regulate himself to one a day seemed risky business. Would he be able to stop, once he started?

He didn't want to find out.

Lex didn't tell Sarah, didn't want her saying it was a bad idea or insisting on staying with him. It was a rough ride ahead, and he didn't want to somehow hurt her in the throes of his panic or sickness. He... He didn't want her to see him like that.

So he locked himself in his room, told her not to bother him this week, that he'd be busy. The safehouse was old and decrepit but huge, and his room had a small bathroom attached, something he was doubly grateful for now.

He stocked his room with water bottles. It was impossible not to think of Sarah whenever he looked at their plastic cases now, Sarah staying up until early daylight, because she was worried. That was good. He could use his guilt there as a reminder; a reason to hold out.

He sipped at them and stared at the wall, every light in the room on, the old radio Sarah had gotten for him positioned at the foot of his bed. She'd given him a battered CD case with it, packed full of a few dozen discs. A Guns n Roses album was currently in, playing just loud enough to pull his thoughts.

She's got a smile that it seems to me, reminds me of childhood memories

By now, Lex was pretty good at doing nothing, letting himself sink into the thankfulness that nothing was being done to him. Even a year after the Tower and weeks free of Uriah, the talent hadn't faded. Day one turned into night, and he didn't dare fall asleep. Just swapped one CD for another and let his mind cling to the lyrics.

Too late, my time has come

Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time

It was around hour twenty two that the headache started, and it only got worse from there. Not long after that, Lex was clinging to the toilet bowl, heaving up the half-dozen water bottles he'd drank throughout the day, his head swimming, the pit in his stomach insisting couldn't he just do this later? Would it hurt to have one drink, to get rid of this shitty feeling?

No. All or nothing.

He moved the radio to the bed, putting his ear to the speaker, trying to drown out everything else. The album came to an end, and he replaced it with another, as quick as he could without scratching the disc with his stupid metal fingers.

Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile

The girl with the kaleidoscope eyes

Fuck. He just needed to hold out, just for a few days, and this would be over. A little self control, and maybe he could call himself worthy of the people here. Not a loose end. Not an ex-enemy or a liability. Something better.

Lex wrapped the sheets around himself, held the pillow over his head to try and ease the pounding in his skull with the pressure. It didn't help. He almost fell asleep, but the nausea pulled at his stomach and his skin was crawling and too hot, and then he was throwing off the blankets; stripping down to his boxers in an effort to ease the heat.

Exhausted but unable to find sleep, he sat with his back against the cool wall and sipped water, trying to find the lyrics again and hold them.

I don't really want to stop the show

But I thought you might like to know

That the singer's gonna sing a song

And he wants you all to sing along

It didn't help, it wasn't enough. His own body was fighting him, roiling nausea and sickness insisting all he needed was one drink and it could all go away, it could all be okay (fray, gray, stay).

The radio hummed as the CD came to an end, a few seconds passing before the album began again.

What would you think if I sang out of tune?

Would you stand up and walk out on me?

At long last, his own exhaustion was catching up to him, and he dragged himself back onto the bed, the heavy feeling in his chest spreading to his eyes and mind, as the music faded to a buzz and sleep overcame him.

He woke in the Tower.

It was impossible, he knew it was, but the fear seized him all the same, the crushing weight of walls he couldn't escape, the knowledge that this time, there would be no one to free him; this time he was here for good.

And the floor was wrong and Lex knew there was never music, but he fucking knew where he was.

He sat up, wincing at the sharp pain that rang through his skull at the movement, forcing down rising nausea. No one here cared if he was sick, if he was hurt, they'd hurt him more anyway, they'd do what it took to keep him down, keep him in line. He wrapped his arms

(Arms? It's wrong, stop, you aren't---)

around himself, squeezing his torso with a pressure that wasn't comforting. He felt shaky, blurred, weak. Had they drugged him?

(just one drink and this all goes away)

He tried to reach for the techniques he'd used to get through the days, tried to remember the things he'd done to stay sane, to stay alive, but any useful memory fell through his hands like sand, leaving nothing but the shadows, the nightmares (snares, glares, spares).

He knew what happened here, in his cell (hell). He knew what was waiting to spring on him at any moment, what would surely come for him if he let his guard down (drown), if he fell asleep, if he---

"Morning, scum."

Lex froze as the door swung open. Morning? But it was so dark, but it was always dark, the light never hits you here, and when it does there are worse things waiting---

"I knew you'd come crawling back. This is where you belong, it's home."

He could hear the voice clear as day, but couldn't see its owner. It didn't sound like Wade. It almost sounded like...

"Alexei. Did you really think you could hide from me?"

Uriah Fox stood over the bed, a smug smile plastered on his face.

"No," Lex choked out. "Y-you can't--"

"You always knew it would end this way."

(Fray, pray, stray)

He climbed onto the bed, straddling Lex, easily pinning him despite being so much smaller, despite Lex being so much stronger, and he couldn't move, he couldn't breathe---

"Lex."

The pressure in his chest faded, and he gasped for air, squinting into the dim light, unable to make out anything. A hand fell onto his shoulder, giving it a light shake, and he flinched back.

"Sorry."

Sarah? He forced himself to breathe deeply, ease his eyes open. Her silhouette was blurry above him, and it was only then that he realized he was crying.

He brushed the tears away hastily with the back of his hand. "You... You should go," he managed to say.

She sighed. "I'm sorry if I scared you, I just... I heard you... screaming. Not loud or anything, but..." She tapped her earlobe. "Can't get much past these."

He swallowed, trying to push himself into a seated position, but his shoulders shook, his stomach twisting, and he fell back onto the pillow.

"Lex..." She bit her lip. "You could've told me. You know you don't have to do this alone."

He almost laughed out loud at that. What other way was there? It was his body, his choices, his mistakes. He'd drowned himself for too long, hoping it could save him, knowing it never would. He was reaping his rewards. No one else should have to deal with the mess that was him.

"I'm not your problem," he murmured, letting his eyes close again. What could she do, besides be there to fill the silence when music wasn't enough? Besides grounding him and telling him it wasn't real, he wasn't there?

"You're not a problem, Lex," she said, her voice serious. Tired. How late was it? Even trying to be fucking better, he was still screwing up her life.

"I just want you to take care of yourself, okay?" She kicked at an empty water bottle. "Is this the best way? I'm glad you're trying, I am, but don't you think it'll be easier on you if you come downstairs and hang out?"

He didn't want any of them to see him like this. "What good would that do?"

"Distract you, for one. For another, it'll be easier to remember meals. When's the last time you've eaten something?"

He sank further onto the bed, his gut twisting again at the thought of food. "I don't know."

"And have you been drinking anything besides water?"

"No, that's--that's the whole point, I'm not---"

"That's not what I meant. Electrolytes? A protein shake, maybe?"

"No," he answered after a moment.

She dropped her eyes, a grimace tugging at her mouth though she seemed to be trying to hold it back.

"Do you not think I can do this?"

"I think you're punishing yourself," Sarah said. "And I think you should stop."

Was he? His head spun almost too much to think about it. This wasn't self-inflicted punishment, it was cause and effect. It was something he had to get through if he ever wanted to move past the Tower.

"It'll be over soon," he muttered, and he hoped he was right.

She dipped her head, pressing her lips together tightly, and pushed off of the bed, moving to sit cross-legged on the floor.

"Sarah..."

"Look, I don't wanna push your boundaries, but I can't leave you like this. It's not safe."

"It'll get worse from here."

"Which is why I'm staying." She gave him a stern look. "If you want to be alone, I'll leave, but I'll be right outside your door."

Lex clenched his jaw. "I'll be fine."

"You're detoxing. You're already feverish. What if you start seizing up?"

"Then I've already dug my own grave."

"Lex." Her expression darkened. "You can't keep doing this."

"This is the only time--"

"Not this. Self-destructing. You..." She did grimace then, pinching the bridge of her nose. "You keep hurting yourself, and I can't keep watching."

He pressed his cheek further into the pillow, knees drawing to his chest. "Then why do you?" he said. "Why haven't you thrown me out yet?"

The words came out too angry. Accusatory. His own fault. Any filter he had was lessened by the pain in his head and the nausea and the fucking exhaustion. He didn't want her to throw him out, he... he needed her. Not in some bullshit emotional way, but as a reminder that there were still good things. Things worth fighting for, worth living for.

"I'd never throw you out," Sarah said, her expression turning to something that bordered playful. "I like you too much for that, you know. I just..." She exhaled through her nose, pushed soft dark hair over her shoulder. "I want you to try, okay? Can you agree to try to do what's best for yourself? To stop taking the harder path just because?"

Could he? Even if he wanted to? The harder path was what he was used to. Less traveled, less trapped. Suffering for a goal was a habit. Muscle memory.

Would the path to freedom be as clear if there was no pain to pave it?

Still, something in her voice pulled Lex to nod against the pillow. "I'll try."

Her smile shifted to something more genuine. "That's all I'm asking." She began to push herself up. "I'll, uh... I'll be in the hall then. You are eating breakfast in the morning, mister."

"You... You don't have to do that," he started.

"Do what? Bring you food? Or stand guard? I already said I'm not leaving you alone--"

"You don't have to stay in the hall." Lex swallowed (followed), and it took him a second to form the words. "You can stay here. If you... If you want to."

Her expression softened. "Yeah. I do."

She found a spare pillow and blanket in the room's closet and began to settle down on the floor beside him, picking out a new CD to start the music playing again.

While we're on the subject, could we change the subject now

"I'm here if you need me."

"I know." I need you.

It was a paradox. The easier path to recovery, to a clear head, to control being the more difficult one. Because it was untravelled. Because he almost felt he didn't deserve it, that he should bear the punishment for his own vices.

But even if the path was unchartered, he had a guide. For once, he didn't have to walk it alone.

oh, and we carried it all so well

•°•°•

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