Love in Verses (XI)
Chapter 11: ‘Lived to see you throwing me aside.’
Hi! Here is another chapter! On the menu today: a dinner with Sam and Frank… I’ll let you guess how well this will go… (I hope my choice for Andrew's pic for this chapter gives you a clue...)
I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!
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Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)
Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if it’s not explicit nsfw description, so minors here
Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?
Word Count: 2933
Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist
Hesitate to call
Lived to see you throwing
Me aside. That fought
Like nettled fish inside me. Saw you throbbing
In my syrups. Saw you sleep. And lived to see
That all that all flushed down
The refuse. Done?
It lives in me.
You live in me. Malignant.
Love, you ever want me, don’t.
Louise Glück, The First Five Books of Poems
Andrew checked his appearance in the mirror for what seemed to be the hundredth time.
He was nervous beyond reason, after all he was heading to a restaurant to see Sam. And after a long-term relationship, he shouldn’t have felt so troubled by it. But things were different now, things were… complicated, to say the least.
Still, he heaved a sigh, checked his appearance once more. He had let his hair loose, had put on contacts, was wearing a black shirt and some dark jeans. He looked tired, exhausted even. Work was a lot at the moment, he had a thousand things to do. He still struggled to sleep, was still tortured with thoughts and dreams of Sam, of her leaving, of her loving someone else.
November was ending, and with it, the remnants of Andrew’s and Sam’s plans. Plans…
A weekend in Kerry in September. Saimhan with friends. Now, Andrew should be packing. He should be choosing clothes, not for an evening in a restaurant, but for a weekend in Glasgow. A flight late at night leaving from Dublin, another one during the night between Sunday and Monday. And in between, a couple of days just for them, spent eating, visiting museums, seeing the sights, walking around the town. A night in a hotel, one she had chosen, spent on filling their hearts with love and their bodies with lust and desire.
He looked at his reflection again, stared right into his own hazel eyes. They were greener than usual, probably because wearing contacts made his eyes water. He would have been more comfortable with glasses, more relaxed as well, more himself, in a way.
He blinked tears away as a thought crossed his mind, a painful one he wished he could have kept at bay, but he didn’t have the strength for that. Beating himself up was a habit, since childhood. There were thoughts sometimes that formed in his mind that brought him pain, but he listened anyway. Sometimes they were quiet, sometimes they were deafening. These days they were loud and clear.
He went to get his coat, grab his car keys, get ready to leave. He petted Elwood, told him to be a good boy, that he would soon be home. The thought followed him outside his home.
Being himself was never enough for Sam to love him.
Christ, Sam was so beautiful…
It was breaking his heart that they weren’t on a date. As he entered the restaurant, saw her sitting at a table waiting for him, Andrew was reminded of hundreds of evenings spent like this, going on a date in a restaurant, at the cinema, it didn’t even matter where. At the end, they didn’t go out much anymore. Sam always seemed to be too busy for that. At the time, Andrew thought it was only because of her job. Now, he wondered if maybe she had not already started to give up on them.
But he hadn’t. To this day, he hadn’t given up on them…
He kept on admiring her for a few more seconds, until the rest of the table was revealed to him, and the illusion waned. You were there too, facing Frank. The restaurant was posh, he felt a little uneasy in this atmosphere. He wouldn’t have chosen such a place for a date, but he had no doubt that Sam liked it.
He forced a smile as he approached, was greeted warmly by Frank, the first one who spotted him as he approached. You turned on your chair to greet him with a relieved smile, and his heart made a happy jump at the sight of you. He had an ally tonight, he wasn’t on his own…
“You’re late.”
He turned to Sam, his heart dropping again. Her tone was flat, emotionless, and he knew her enough to be aware that it was worse than annoyance. She was angry. He struggled to swallow.
“Yeah, sorry… Had some stuff to take care of before coming.”
She rolled her eyes, knowing it was a lie. Or well, it wasn’t a lie, but the real reason was simply that Andrew was always late. To everything. He couldn’t do much about it; if left unattended, he simply lost track of time. The alarms he had set up had done little to help him tonight. He didn’t add anything, merely took a seat.
“Ha, no worries!” Frank reassured him, and Andrew could tell that he was nervous and willing to make Andrew feel welcome. As a result, Andrew was highly uncomfortable.
“The food looks… interesting,” you commented, trying to drag the conversation away from Andrew, and he was grateful for it.
“The oysters are particularly good!” Frank recommended.
You said nothing, but Andrew frowned.
You… hadn’t you told him once that you weren’t such a fan of seafood?
Indeed, when you chose what to eat, you didn’t follow Frank’s advice at all.
Conversation drifted towards work, and your respective lives. Catching up or getting to know each other.
And Andrew understood Frank’s appeal tonight, as he watched him lead the conversation. He was louder than Andrew ever was, bright, clearly extraverted, longing for people’s attention. He was funny, charming. And handsome, that too, Andrew couldn’t deny that either. His complete opposite. Average height, muscles that threatened the fabric of his sleeves while he passionately talked about his work and moved his hands around, blond with electric blue eyes.
So… that was what Sam longed for? What had made you fall for him?
Andrew tried not to think this way. There was nothing he could do about his physical appearance, his ridiculous height, his gangly stature… there was no need to torture himself over that. He could show that he took care of Sam though. That he paid attention to her. That he loved her…
Because Frank didn’t seem to care all that much. Andrew saw it as you talked about your work, about how nervous you were as you got ready to give your students their first test of the year. And if Andrew was intently listening, Frank was clearly uninterested. He drew the conversation away from your job as soon as he could, offering encouraging words, and quickly moving on. You smiled, but you weren’t fooled. Andrew saw it in the way your gaze saddened, in the way the excitement that had been glimmering there died out instantly. His heart ached at the sight. And when Frank spoke again, Andrew didn’t care.
“Will you set a limit for the length required for the essay?”
Frank grew quiet, frowned. You turned to Andrew, clearly surprised by his question.
“Erm… I haven’t decided yet. I usually don’t.”
“Once a student gave me a twenty-pages long essay…”
“Twenty pages?!”
“Yeah… she was thorough, for sure.”
“Did you read the whole thing?”
“Of course. And now I set a limited word count.”
You chuckled, nodded.
“Maybe I should do that. What about your class about Yeats? Have you decided on a subject for an essay?”
“I’m still hesitating… I want to prepare one about Yeats’s involvement in the Irish Literary Revival… but I could choose one of his love poems about Maud Gonne too.”
You chuckled.
“Why do I feel like they’ll hear a lot about No Second Troy…”
“I love that poem.”
“Anyone who speaks of literature with you for more than ten minutes knows that,” you teased. “It’s a short poem to study, though.”
“Yeah… but that means they would really have to work on each line, instead of simply skipping whatever element they struggle with.”
“True.”
“I feel like it would be easier for them to work on the more political side of Yeats’s work during exam season. The material is easier, and we’ll go thoroughly through the most important aspects of these texts in class. So… I think I’ll ask them to work on love poems at home.”
“Sounds like a good idea.”
You exchanged a smile. When Andrew looked up at Frank and Sam, they had stopped listening and were both eating their meal in silence. Sam was looking at something on her phone, a habit she had developed in the past couple of years.
She hadn’t asked him about his job. She hadn’t asked him if he wrote, how he felt, if he was suffering because of her. Perhaps she didn’t want to hear his answers. Perhaps she didn’t really care. Andrew was starting to have doubts. The more the evening was progressing, the more he realised that she didn’t seem to care. Sam and Andrew had spent years together, but she wasn’t listening as he spoke of his work, of the things he loved most on Earth.
Did she even care at all about him anymore? She used to listen to him talk about music and poetry for hours, back when they were students…
Or did she? She had never liked his own writing, but he thought she listened when he spoke of what he loved, still. She didn’t seem willing to make an effort these days… but then again, they weren’t together anymore. So, why would she?
“I’ve listened to your record, by the way!”
Andrew blinked, looked at you again.
“What?”
“Duke Ellington and John Coltrane. I’ve listened to it.”
He raised a surprised eyebrow.
“Did you? Really?”
You nodded, an excited smile on your lips.
“Of course! I’m going to sound very basic, I think In a Sentimental Mood was my favourite… although I really loved My Little Brown Book too.”
His mouth broke into a bright grin.
“Grand! Like… that’s grand! I’m glad you liked it.”
Frank stared at you for a moment.
“Who are you talking about?” he asked, trying to slither in the conversation.
“Andy recommended me some music! I have a whole list at this point,” you teased, nudging him with your elbow and making him chuckle and blush.
“It’s Jazz,” Andrew explained. “Some of the greatest, honestly.”
Sam heaved a sigh, still focused on her screen.
“Oh… nice,” Frank nodded, although he didn’t sound convincing at all.
“I really liked it a lot,” you went on. “I don’t really have the vocabulary to describe it, like… on a technical point of view, you know? But I liked it. It was very… like… drawing me in, in a way. There was tension, and then once I was trapped in the song, there was so much emotion there… And it’s unusual for me to be so focused when listening to instrumental music. I have a busy brain, I get distracted easily.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. I have a busy brain too… but that’s what Blues and Jazz do to me. They kind of… shush my brain. Make it go quiet.”
“Yeah, exactly.”
“You like music, then, Andy?”
Andrew looked at Frank again, wanted to correct him and ask to be called Andrew… but he didn’t want to seem rude. He didn’t like it, though, how he used his nickname.
“Yeah, a lot.”
“Andy wanted to be a musician, back in the days,” Sam intervened, putting her phone down again.
“Really? What instrument do you play?”
“I sing, mostly… play guitar too.”
“But you didn’t make a career out of it? Not that it’s surprising, it’s a tough field to work in. Most people can’t make a living out of it. Like… there’s so much competition, so few who actually get to make it. It must be a tough life.”
“A few of his friends made it though, and he had the talent for it,” Sam went on. “But Andy is not one to compromise easily.”
Andrew stared at her with a raised eyebrow.
“What do you mean by that?”
She shrugged.
“You could have had a record deal, had you accepted to change a few things about your songs.”
Andrew huffed, he could barely believe his ears…
“There was never an opportunity for me to record my own songs, and you know that. I didn’t want to sing those… attempts at pop hits that felt soulless to me.”
“And you didn’t get a record deal.”
“I didn’t want that kind of deal. I wanted to record the songs I had written.”
She didn’t say a thing, but her thoughts were loud enough for Andrew to guess them.
And then you didn’t record any of those either.
“Why are you saying all that like you’re resenting me?” Andrew asked, and Sam shook her head.
“I don’t resent you, of course! It was your choice.”
“You do sound like it though…”
“I’m just pointing out that you’re not the kind of guy who compromises much.”
He raised an unimpressed eyebrow and huffed again.
“You’re one to talk…” he mumbled.
Andrew spent his time compromising. Had he not compromised when he wanted to take a job in London and had settled for Dublin instead because she didn’t want to move there? When she refused to move in with him and asked for more time to find herself? When she chose most of their topics of conversations? When he barely talked about his work?
He let out a long exhale, took a bite of the overpriced fish he had ordered. He didn’t even like the food…
Sam spoke again, about some stupid tv reality she had been watching with Frank, and you listened even though you hadn’t seen it. Meanwhile, Andrew wanted to talk about music with you again. He wanted to ask you about Duke Ellington, he wanted to ask you what songs you liked, he wanted to listen to you ramble about how music made you feel. Your thoughts were always interesting, he could have talked with you for hours… and sometimes he did.
But he shook himself. He wanted Sam. He wanted to have Sam back, and nobody was perfect. There were some things in Sam that annoyed him or disappointed him or that he didn’t understand but at the end of the day she was Sam, and that was enough for him.
He was quieter throughout the rest of the evening, trying to do some damage control over the couple of tensed moments that had occurred during the night.
But then the conversation settled on the wedding itself, and things turned ill all over again…
“And we need to settle on a cake too! Christ, everything is complicated when you’re planning a wedding!” Sam laughed, while Andrew was tightly closing his fists under the table, until his nails drew crescent marks into his palms, while you looked away in a hurry.
“You know… I thought we could choose a strawberry cake,” Frank said. “It’s a classic, most people like those…”
“Sam is allergic to strawberries,” Andrew answered without thinking.
An uncomfortable silence settled across the table.
“Oh… you didn’t tell me that, babe,” Frank told Sam, who frowned.
Clearly, she had told him before, but she said nothing.
“Well, we’ll choose something else!” Frank shrugged.
“What about your career, then?” you asked your ex, staring intensely at him.
“My career?”
“You… you used to say that you wanted to wait to get married because you needed to focus on your career.”
Slowly, Frank nodded.
“Yeah… that’s true. I used to want that. But… it’s different with Sam.”
Andrew saw the pain that shot across your features. There was so much anger that ran through his veins then…
“Right,” you nodded.
“Like… my work seemed the most important, but now… not anymore. Or… not in the same way. So, why wait?”
“Why wait, indeed…” you slowly nodded while Frank and Sam exchanged a tender gaze, one that made Andrew nauseous.
He looked down at the piece of cheesecake he had barely touched, decided not to eat it. He couldn’t get anything more down…
The meal ended in a quiet mood, with conversations spent mostly between Sam and Frank, but the couple seemed satisfied with this situation. When they disappeared in a cab together, Andrew felt emptier than ever. A shell without a pulse or any other semblance of life…
“Andy?”
He turned around to look at you standing behind him in the street, right before the restaurant. Your frame was illuminated by both the white light coming from the restaurant’s sign and the orange hues of the streetlights.
He caught himself thinking that you were beautiful, had to push the thought away. But you were. You had dressed up tonight, undoubtedly to impress Frank, just like Andrew had tried to impress Sam with his careful choice of outfit. And Andrew was impressed, at any rate. You were gorgeous…
You offered him a humourless smile.
“Tonight was… a lot, right?”
He nodded, letting out a long exhale through his nose.
“You can say that…”
“I can’t say that it went… incredibly well.”
“No… it was… strange.”
“Let’s put it that way, yeah.”
“I’m not sure it helped us make any progress.”
“I’m not so sure either. On the contrary. But we tried, at least.”
Andrew nodded, looked at you as you heaved a sigh.
“You know what I want right now?”
He shook his head, tilting his head to the side as he waited for you to speak again, his hands now buried in his pockets.
“I really… really… want to get drunk. Like… hammered. Properly destroyed.”
Andrew exploded with laughter.
“You know what… sign me up! Getting very drunk sounds nice!”
“Let’s go to my place. I don’t want to be surrounded by people anymore,” you offered, and Andrew easily accepted.
As he followed you throughout the street, he reckoned that at least one thing in this evening could be pleasant, after all.
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pirate au go brr.
sorry quick lore drop about this au
so it starts with moleswift(DUH...) as pirates they were first mate and his captain (swifts) captain, they were probs looking for something to make them immortal idk fountain of youth pirates of the Caribbean core, they find it they drink from the fountain and mike dies almost instantly compared to norton and he has to get traumatized to see him die in his arms
Norton realizes he is immortal under the full moon like he's full skelly under the light, so he's just actually a dead man walking. Mike's dead tho but he gets another form of immortality (constant reincarnation)
Anyway, norton and every iteration of Mike throughout 500 years
< soul and sparrow - i think this was his ronald of ness era where he was still trying to hide the fact he was immortal so he kept changing his identity, the first ever time he met another mike that found in a barrel at like 19 years old.. maybe idk, sparrow grew part of his Golden Rose crew, during the whole time… and mike looked up to him as his captain.. until smth more…
Ronald projected swifts the most on sparrow, and honestly ended up having to leave him when sparrow was realizing that norton wasnt aging at all since they met, he had to leave him bc he was having an existential crisis about being immortal and not aging at all anymore no matter how he tried to hide or ignore it, so he left sparrow (and the crew, basically fakes his own death.)
this is when he just embraces his immortality at this point, after being kind of a recluse for a while
< cocoa and soul - maybe 100 years after sparrow, and hes given up trying to fake his identity, he has the face paint and everything, hes mostly known as soul now.. cocoa is the owner of an inn and he meets him every time he docks at his towns port, hes nice to him kind.. much softer than sparrow or swifts, but still as cocky and confident in himself (he notes that this mike smokes)
cocoa lets him stay over whenever he wants to (hes trying not to get attached to this mike , so hes thankful for the fact that hes not a pirate or a sailor, just someone he can come home to any time, his light house per say.) he didnt have to do a painful goodbye with him, just a letter and the occasional sack of gold and jewels to spoil his favorite chef.
<pomegranate mike, and soul
honestly pomegranate was probably part of a traveling merchant boat that got destroyed at sea, luckily souls crew was around to fish them out of the water, this mike tho wasnt interested in anything that he had to offer preferring the life of being free with his guild at sea or anywhere, he loved to entertain but staying with soul probably felt like a cage.
he probably asked soul to take them to the nearest port, hes was a nice equally fun mike, but wasnt interested or too scared to commit to soul. (Wahh da one that got away) soul respects him, of course, but it cant be denied he was hurt over this. and he grew a little bitter because of it.
<cunning and soul.. - at this point 300 years passed already…pomegranate was the last mike he found and he didn't stay with him long and let him go without fighting because thats mikes choice man WHATEVER
anyway, this is nortons sad emo boy era or as i like calling it weezer norton era. he became relentless, ruthless and his name was known through the seas, hes travelled the world at this point and his immortality has never failed him yet. he learned magic from patricia at one point, and now he has a crew of ghosts he necromanced into life to man his ship,- really kicking up the visuals in my head here but he has a literal ghost ship, its a physical ship but everyone on board is probably a ghost or a zombie (WHATEVERR MY AU MY WORLD BUILDING I SAY THEY EXIST.)
anyway (onepiece reference i guess) when he saw cunning in one of the meetings for idk pirates or smth, tagging along with hollow (also a pirate bitch on his ass for the past years hes annoying as hell), he ws down right pISSED. (he hasnt seen a single mike reincarnation in 300 years, hes tried sleeping around getting over him, but NOTHING really compares to his soulmate.)
BUT anyway basically, in this au Hollow is looking for Alice (eternity whatever) and Soul knows where she is so he makes a bargain, he'll give Hollow Alice in exchange he gives him of of his most trusted men. (Points at cunning.) IF he gives him Alice in a pretty little bow for him, he can have cunning for himself.
Cunning is like "pft. Yeah right. You're not gonna find her before we do." And soul is just smiling (horny depressed and has been blue balled for years at this point, u don't know what this guy can do) so he just smiles.
Hollow, surprisingly agrees. "OKAY if u find her before we do I'll give my end of the bargain." Cunning is a little upset at this, but he's determined he'll find Alice before soul. (eermmm)
Soul wasn't lying about knowing where Alice was tho, so he kidnaps her and takes her to hollow. Like a sack of potatoes.
"Gimme gimme." smth like that and mike is so distraught about this he's crying, verbatim; " I don't want to be that bag of bones property- I'm not property "
but he's already at souls shoulder and he's kicking and screaming.
He's such a bitch in this au I LOVEE BITCH ASS CUNNING WHINEY WHORE. nortons kind of an ass here and hes sort of using him as a way to distress the last 300 years away. Before he spoils him with everything hes gotten (for mike.)
So it's just rough hostage core treatment for the first couple of months until he starts using the money he's been hoarding on mike to spoil him.
But anyway, after cunning dies in idk when, 🤷♂️anyway when he dies kay the next one and final one is quinlan, he's an immortal vamp/witch and hes the only mike who remembers every mike reincarnations memories, he knows that soul is out there looking for him but he doesn't care about that rn, in this life he's looking for his mom, and ignoring souls horny whale calling in the back of his mind until they inevitably cross paths BEC they are SOULLMATESS
AUGRGRHSHAHAGGZ
In my head the way they meet went like this
"Mole."
soul looking at him in surprise bec ever since someone misheard his name being soul and he grew tired of correcting people its mole, he hasn't heard that name in years.
he wasn't even sure if this was his Mike, he doesn't have the blue eyes he used to have they were more green/gold… and each mike he's met always had swifts eyes. So thats why he's like emo. Do u get it anyway, this is their reunion in the middle of an pub that cocoa bean used to run, they standing in front of each other and quin almost looks too relaxed when their EYEESS MEEETTT FUCKKK
anyway, "Swift?" and theres just that LOOK thats unmistakably mikes on his face that mole just couldnt help but take him into his arms like a the sad depressed man he is.
They kiss and they start sailing together forever until they turn to ashes.
THE ENDD
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