#robin buckly

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One FortyFour

Eddie’s standing in the doorway, waiting for Steve when he pulls into the driveway. Steve climbs out, grabbing his lunch box. Eddie insisted on packing it for him today, which Steve really appreciated. He had been only a tiny bit nervous when he opened it, but to be honest it was pretty normal, even if salad tomatoes, grapes and blueberries don’t instinctively go together, nothing was chopped too small, so Steve just picked out the tomatoes and ate those first. The goldfish were just loose though, so it was lucky Steve had the box flat when he opened it, and it only felt a little bit like a booby trap.

Steve deliberately keeps his face expressionless as he walks up to the house, Eddie looking on nervously. He frowns, “you okay Stevie? Was it okay?”

“I got it,” Steve says, doing his best to sound really sad.

“You...oh that’s okay Stevie- wait. Oh!” Steve grins, Eddie does a little jump before grabbing him up in a big hug, “you got it! You’re a kindergarten teacher!”

“Assistant,” Steve reminds him, nuzzling into Eddie’s hair, Eddie doing a little wriggly dance of excitement against Steve, “I get to call in Family Video on Monday and tell them I won’t be back, which is just...it feels really good. And now I’ll be home evenings and weekends and...it just feels a lot better, you know?”

Eddie grins at him, “so proud of you Stevie. We will get to have more time together. And I like this,” Eddie tugs on Steve’s new tie gently, making Steve snort a laugh.

“How are you?” Steve leans back more so he can rest a hand low on Eddie’s tummy.

Eddie shrugs, “good but...kind of nervous about later.”

“Yeah...but we need to know though, right?”

“Right,” Eddie nods, determined.

Steve hasn’t seen his catchers mitt since he was about thirteen, but he wonders vaguely if it’s still in the garage. He dismisses the idea pretty quickly, certain that Eddie would be deeply offended.

Steve and Eddie sit on the couch, staring into space. Trying to...absorb.

Owens had measured Eddie’s egg last time, and again this time, to confirm it was growing.

And it is. The smaller eggs that Owens thought were either failures or not fertilized at all had already disappeared, so he’s no longer concerned about any weird infections. He thinks that Eddie may have just passed them, or they might have just...gotten reabsorbed, which Steve just, chose to ignore, rather than getting freaked out by it.

“This is...a lot, right?” Eddie asks quietly.

“Uhm. Yeah. Yeah it kind of is.”

Eddie’s fingers creep over the couch cushion, Steve tangles their fingers together when they make contact.

“Stevie?”

“Yeah?”

“What do you...do? With a baby?”

Steve snorts a laugh. He looks over at Eddie, and Eddie’s bemused face just causes him to break down into, slightly, hysterical laughter.

“Joyce will help,” Eddie says, once Steve finally stops laughing.

“Yeah, pretty sure she will,” Steve confirms.

“I...can’t believe it’s in there...now. Right now.”

“I...yeah. I think this is going to take a minute to sink in.”

“I’m going to teach them to read. And play guitar.”

Steve sighs, letting himself flop over, lying with his head on Eddie’s lap, Eddie’s fingers immediately finding their way into Steve’s hair, blunted nails scratching softly, “you’re going to be a great dad.”

“And you,” Eddie says immediately. He tilts his head, “Stevie are you...happy about it?”

“Yeah, yeah of course. I...just didn’t think we’d have kids you know and that would be fine too but...yeah. I’m happy about it. Completely happy, I just...it needs to sink in. You?”

“Happy, but...little scared.”

“Do you want to tell people? Or...wait? Maybe we should wait until Owens checks it out again? If it’s still growing in a few weeks time then...it’ll be more sure, right?”

“You think something could still go wrong?”

Eddie’s frowning, so Steve reaches up, smoothing the crease of Eddie’s eyebrows with his thumb, “baby...I mean, normal human pregnancies go wrong sometimes, right? And we’re two different species so I just think...maybe wait, just a minute?”

“I want to tell Chrissy.”

“Yeah...I know. I feel the same, I want to tell Robin. Even if it doesn’t work out, I’d like to tell her.”

“We should Stevie, I think it’s going to be fine.”

“Okay. Okay.” Steve climbs up off the couch, “I should tell them I got the job anyway, I’ll call Robs, invite them over.”

Eddie is staring down into the sink, “Stevie?”

“Just leave it. Please. I know I’m doing it okay, and I don’t know why, but it just feels important so. Please. For me.” Also Steve doesn’t want to talk about how he’s acting like a weirdo about this and it’s making him more than a little self conscious.

Eddie seems to accept that, “would you be happy with a bucket?”

“A bucket?”

“Yeah? Like, we could fill it with water, and then we’re not always wasting sinks full of water every time.”

Steve, for a brief second, thinks Eddie’s mocking him. But then he knows it’s Eddie and Eddie just...isn’t like that. “Yeah I mean...I don’t think it matters what it’s in, I just need it to be there.”

Eddie nods, “you were right about the beer. I am having a baby,” Eddie suddenly breaks into a big grin, “baby!” he whispers, full of excitement.

Steve gets it, every time the thought crosses his mind he’s filled with emotion. It keeps hitting him, again and again, and the feeling doesn’t seem to wearing off any time soon. “I know, come here.”

Steve holds Eddie close, relaxing into each others arms, “but you were right about the beer so...you must have known, somehow, right?”

That thought had been niggling at Steve, vaguely. He feels it in the dreams, he knows he does. He just doesn’t have any explanation for it. The dream is exactly the same, every time, every night. Like Steve is...in a room of soft light. It’s not really much to go off of, not really, but still.

“So does this mean you’re not going to argue about the milk either?”

“Two glasses a day, final offer.”

Steve snorts a laugh into Eddie’s hair, “I’ll take it.”

They just stand there, in the middle of the kitchen, holding each other close. Steve sets the occasional kiss against Eddie’s neck or cheek, and they don’t part until the doorbell rings.

Steve sets out a bowl of salad. It’s kind of cheat dinner, just frozen pizza, but still. You can’t invite people to dinner and then not have any dinner. Even if the dinner was an excuse.

“So,” Steve sits, “we have news.”

The girls stop bickering, “what?” Robin asks.

“Is it serious,” Chrissy is frowning, looking between the both of them. “Oh my god did Owens finally come up with something? Eddie, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Eddie grins, “but Stevie has a new job!”

Robin gasps, hitting Steve with a kitchen towel, “Judas!”

“Robin!” Chrissy smacks her arm.

“I mean. I’m happy for you, obviously. But you could have waited until I went to college. Now I’ll have to fight off Keith,” she shudders.

“I’m sure you’ll cope.”

“It’s the kindergarten thing, isn’t it?” Chrissy clarifies.

“Yeah. Yeah I’ve been and done some hours there already and...I really like it. The kids are fun but...sticky. Like, really sticky, a lot of the time.”

“I’ll be all alone,” Robin bemoans.

“You’ll be fine, stop it.” Chrissy looks from Robin back to Steve, “congratulations Steve. We are really happy for you.”

Robin gestures vaguely, her mouthful of pizza, “obviously happy for you dingus.”

“Thank you,” Steve says primly.

“And the other thing?” Eddie asks quietly, feeling for Steve’s hand under the table. Steve just nods, squeezing Eddie’s hand. Eddie takes a deep breath, looking back at the girls, “I’m pregnant.”

Robin coughs, spraying her plate and the surrounding table with pizza crumbs, Chrissy just...stares at them. Looking back and forth.

The silence lasts long enough that Eddie finally asks, “is it okay?”

“They’re just...a little shocked, baby. Give them a minute.”

“Oh my god,” Chrissy breathes, “I thought you were joking. You’re not are you?”

“No,” Steve says evenly, “not even a little bit. And we’re not telling anyone else yet, we just needed you guys to know first. Eddie’s going to get checked out again in a couple of weeks and then...if it’s okay, we will tell everyone else.”

“Holy fuck,” Robin gestures wildly between the two of them, “how did this happen? I mean...how did this happen?”

Chrissy is already up though, coming around the table, pulling Eddie out of his seat into a massive hug, “congratulations honey. Wait,” she pulls back, holding Eddie by the shoulders, studying him, “this is congratulations, right? You’re happy?”

“Yeah,” Eddie grins, but Steve can see his eyes are wet, “yeah, congratulations.”

“Good!” And Chrissy immediately pulls him back in, no hesitation from her.

“I feel too young to be an aunt. Steve, I’m not ready for this kind of responsibility!”

Steve just shakes his head, trying to resist kicking Robin under the table.

Once the news has, kind of, sunk in, they move to the living room, abandoning the remnants of dinner on the table. Steve can deal with it later, or tomorrow, he just really doesn’t have the energy to think about it right now.

“So,” Chrissy’s laid on her back, staring at the ceiling, “how..?”

Steve looks at Eddie and shrugs, “I’m...a little different to normal guys.”

“Like how different-” Robin starts.

“I’m not telling you what’s in Eddie’s pants,” Steve cuts her off immediately.

“But-”

Chrissy smacks her with a pillow, “we will respect their privacy.”

“You are no fun. No fun at all.”

“I am curious though,” Chrissy starts slowly, “I mean...why has this happened now? Like I know you guys have been boinking for a while. Like, very regularly-”

“Chrissy,” Eddie hisses, “you said girl talk is sacred!”

Chrissy does manage to get out, “sorry,” but it is broken by her laughter.

“She does have a point baby. And I mean...if it happened once, it could...happen again?” Steve’s thrilled to be having a baby with Eddie, even if there’s still a part of him that...wants to wait. Needs to know that it’s for certain.

Eddie nods, “no condoms for a long time.” He blinks then, pulling a leg up so he can turn fully on the couch to face Steve, “my birthday,” Eddie’s eyes widen, “my birthday wish!”

Steve immediately and almost instinctively knows Eddie is right. He feels it in his bones; that one time they did something different, and they haven’t done it again since, Steve can’t help it, he speaks without thinking, “oh I’m so sorry I knocked you up in a bathroom.”

“I’m so sorry we had to hear it,” Robin splutters when Chrissy hits her with the pillow again.

“So if,” Chrissy points at Eddie, “and stay with me here, Eddie is like, fifty percent Steve, genetically-”

“Owens said it’s more like forty,” Eddie tells her, “he compared my blood now to Steve’s blood and what he got before I changed.”

“Right, right,” Chrissy nods, “but still, if the baby is like, half Steve and half Eddie, does that make it like, seventy five percent Steve?”

Robin gasps, “how dare you suggest my niece is inbred.”

“I-” Chrissy starts, then stops again, “I mean that wasn’t what I was suggesting-”

“Nephew,” Steve tells her confidently, “it’s a boy.”

“I...are you saying that because you want a boy or..?”

“No,” Steve frowns. Thinking. He...he’s sure. He knows it like he knows Eddie should drink milk and not beer. He knows it like he knows there’s clean water in the kitchen sink. “No...I think I know it’s a boy.” Steve thinks about his dreams, the bubbly feeling he gets when he’s there, how everything is so soft and gentle and just...nice. “Yeah.” Steve looks to Eddie, “I think I know it is.”

“From the dreams?” Eddie asks quietly.

“I think so, yeah. Yeah it is.”

Eddie just nods, shrugging, before he turns to Chrissy with a big grin on his face, “we’re having a boy!”

“Robin is also a nice name for a boy-so fucking help me Chrissy!” It devolves into a fight, Robin trying to wrestle Chrissy’s pillow weapon away from her.

Steve and Eddie just watch.

Steve sighs, Eddie’s head on his lap. School hours are kind of nice. Since the florist closes up around three ish, and Steve’s work hours are now eight until four, it means they get every evening together.

Unfortunately today, he came home to find Eddie throwing up in the downstairs bathroom.

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah, loads. I think I’ll be okay to go to practice.”

That’s what Steve was afraid of, but he takes a deep breath and mentally squares his shoulders. The guys at practice definitely don’t exactly like Steve, but he figures that’s huge progress on the open hostility he was facing in the beginning.

“I have the stuff for snicker doodle.”

“I know,” Eddie grins up at him.

“Oh you little,” Steve pulls Eddie more onto his lap, going for kisses and a sneaky tickle.

“Stop!” Eddie laughs, “no no no!”

Steve has hung around for the last couple of practices, cheering on the band and doing his best to keep his expression blank through the physical pain caused by incredibly loud feedback at about ten feet away.

He’s vaguely aware that, in the eyes of the band at least, that makes him the clingy groupie.

He doesn’t think he cares.

But tonight he’s doing his own thing, so he drops off Eddie and the cookies, and heads off to the rec center.

Robin lets him in, and he follows her along the hall, calling, “hi Mr and Mrs Buckley!” into the lounge on his way past. There’s a vague response, followed by Mr. Buckley shouting something about the bedroom door staying open.

Robin looks over her shoulder to roll her eyes at him, “Chrissy doesn’t have that rule,” she waggles her eyebrows.

Steve snorts a laugh, “I wonder why.”

“So how did it go?” She asks, bouncing on the bed.

“Yep, they get together to practice and mess around once a week in the evenings, and then there’s a pick up game at the weekend for whoever shows up basically. Sounds really relaxed, but the guys who were there seemed cool so,” Steve shrugs, “I’m looking forward to it, going to go this weekend.”

“Awesome,” she nudges him, “oh! I got you something!”

She bounces off the bed. Steve watches as she pulls some stuff out of the top of her closet. And then pulls over her desk chair and climbs up, moving more stuff around. He is further bemused when she goes out of the room, coming back with a butter knife. Steve watches her, top half pretty much in the closet, there are brief sounds of a struggle.

“Errr...you okay?”

“Yup!” She turns on the chair, throwing something wrapped up in a paper bag to Steve, Steve catches it, watching as Robin undoes whatever she just did, and puts everything back. Steve pulls a copy of ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting,’ and snorts a laugh. “Thank you, what’s with the…” he gestures vaguely.

“Could you imagine if my parents found that?”

“Yeah. Yeah actually, totally fair point.”

They’re lying sideways across Robins bed, talking quietly, their legs hanging off the edge.

“So, thought of any names?”

Steve snorts, “no, not yet. We’ve not talked about it. I think we’re both...kind of waiting for the next check up, you know? Just...to be sure.”

“That’s fair. I’m sure it’ll be fine. God I cannot wait to see the look on Hoppers face when you tell him. Promise me I will be there. I need this.”

Steve laughs, “yeah, Eddie enjoyed the pot luck so much he wants to do one at our place and invite everyone. Maybe we can do one of those cheesy reveals, I don’t know. Eddie loves that kind of stuff.”

“Yeah.” They’re quiet for a minute, “how are you feeling about it though, I mean, it’s a big deal? Like...this is going to change your whole life.”

“Yeah, I know...but I mean...me and Eddie have come through some stuff, and I know he’s excited about it. I...we’re going to be fine. And I always wanted kids so...I mean it’s really unexpected obviously. I just…” Steve takes a big breath, “I really want this…”

Robins hand creeps into his, giving it a squeeze, “I’m really happy for you…but why did that sound like it had a but.”

“I don’t-” Steve runs his hands through his hair, frustrated with himself, “it doesn’t, not really. I’m really happy, I swear, I just...there’s this one thing. And it’s...completely irrational.”

“Ah yes, because you’re always so rational. Come on, tell auntie Robin.”

Steve snorts a laugh, warmed by Robin’s commitment to the auntie thing. He stops for a second, gathering his thoughts. His mostly, so far, vague and nebulous thoughts about the whole thing. It’s only a little niggle really, but still. “I don’t have a logical answer for it, I just really feel like...if I’m having a kid, I should be married to the person I’m...doing it with, you know? That’s all it is though, it’s just...this stupid feeling that I...should.”

Robin nods, “I...follow you Steve. And first of all, your feelings aren’t stupid,” Robin even lifts herself up on her elbow so she can glare down at Steve as she tells him that. Steve lifts his hands in defeat before she flops back down and continues. “I mean, if you’ve kind of had that plan for a long time, and I guess a lot of people just...sort of assume their life will go that way, you know? It’s not unreasonable to kind of...rest your dreams on that kind of path, even if it’s just an assumption and not like, you know, an actual plan.”

“Yeah. Yeah. I mean...this isn't Eddie’s problem though. It’s my problem, and I can’t make it Eddie’s problem. I don’t...the last thing I want is to upset him, you know? Especially now.”

“I know but...I don’t think you need to keep how you're feeling from him Steve, you two are such a team, you know? I think he’d be understanding.”

“Yeah I get that but...but doesn’t matter, does it? I can’t change it, it won’t happen, so why trouble him with it? It’s just a...feeling I have.”

“If he was worried about something, even if neither of you could do anything about it, wouldn't you want him to share his burden with you?”

“Oh shut the fuck up, stop being so...reasonable. And it’s not like that anyway, it’s Eddie...you know, it’s kind of, my job to look after him. He hasn’t even been human for that long, not really.” As soon as the words are out of Steve’s mouth, he knows he’s kind of, at least a little bit wrong. He’s had this conversation with Jon not that long ago. Eddie doesn’t need him in the same way he did a year ago, or even six months ago. He still thinks this way out of force of habit, he’s pretty sure.

Robin shrugs, “if you think. I don’t think it’s up to you to choose though. Besides, Eddie is smart, he can tell when something is bothering you. Ohhhhh...do you think his freaky mind powers are giving him an advantage? What if he can see your big white wedding dreams?”

“I...well shit. I mean, we haven't actually proven he has freaky mind powers at all. Owens was so excited by my blood sample we hadn't seen him for a while, and now he’s more concerned with, you know, the baby.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah.”

Steve ponders what Robin said while he drives to pick Eddie up from band practice. He thinks about it when he’s making dinner. Stews on it watching a movie with Eddie. When he fills the bathroom sink with clean water, he’s aware of it. He stares at it for a second, deliberately leaving it. Eddie doesn’t ever question the water when he climbs into bed. Maybe the bucket is a good idea.

Steve lies in bed, staring at the ceiling, still thinking about.

Eddie snuffles across Steve’s shoulder until he settles against Steve, “something wrong?”

“Nah,” Steve says reflexively, trailing his hand down Eddie’s back.

“Stevie. You said we have to tell each other the big things. All the things.”

“Right,” Steve scrubs at his face, “yeah, I did say that. And...kind of, but nothing bad, okay?”

“Okay. Tell Eddidie.”

Steve snorts a laugh, “bringing out the big guns huh?”

Eddie nods, his curls tickling against Steve’s cheek.

“Well...I...we’re having a baby. That’s a thing that...you know, is happening, and I’m so happy, I guess. That it’s me and you and...you know, hopefully the baby in you is fine and all that works out, right?”

“Right?”

“Yeah okay but...and it’s not bad, I promise. I just always thought that when I get to be a dad I...I’d be married to the person I was being a dad with, you know?”

Eddie’s quiet for a second, and then Steve feels him shrug, “so we should get married then?”

“Eds we can’t-”

“No, no, I mean just...have people over. It’s just words right, in front of people? We can still do that, right?”

“I...I mean, it wouldn’t be legal.”

“Does that part...is that the part that matters to you? The legal part?”

Steve thinks for a second, “no, actually, I think that’s the part I don’t give a shit about.”

“Okay,” Steve feels it when Eddie shrugs again, “so lets get married then.

“We will have a fall wedding.”

“Steve snorts a laugh, you repeating dumb shit off the TV again baby?”

“No,” Eddie immediately denies it, “I like the trees then.”

“Uh hu, but isn't the idea to have the wedding before the baby? Owens said he had no idea how long your gestation might be.”

Eddies nose wrinkles, “don’t use that word. I’m pregnant.”

Steve sighs, waving a hand, “no you're right, come here baby I’m sorry. He also said gravid and that’s way way worse.” Eddie climbs into Steve’s lap, letting Steve cup the subtle curve of his stomach, “how is he doing?”

Eddie shrugs, “everything feels the same.”

“Maybe he’s in a food coma, you did just eat like twenty chickens worth of legs and wings.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, snuggling close, “Owens says its fine if I’m craving protein,”

“Uh hu,” just do me a favor and include a vegetable-” Steve’s interrupted by the phone ringing

Eddie slumps off him onto the couch, “if its Max or El tell them I love them and they’re perfect.”

Steve gets up, “and if it’s anyone else?”

“They probably smell?” Eddie hazards, “not Joyce though!” Eddie calls after him.

“Hello,” Steve answers, still chuckling.

“Steven, glad I caught you.”

“Mom?” Steve feels vaguely blind sided. They haven't spoken for...months. Quite a few months, and even then their vague interactions have centered on utility bills and couriers coming to pick up his mothers jewellery.

“Steven, I know we haven’t been to Hawkins for a while now, so we’ve decided there’s no point in maintaining the house any longer.”

“Oh,” Steve says, thinking, well, don’t sugar coat it or anything.

“Obviously you have a room at the place in Detroit, the realtor will be in early next week to take photographs, so make sure the place is acceptable. Oh, and I’ll let you know the date for the movers so you can pack your things, okay?”

Steve feels vaguely sick, like the world just got pulled out from under him a little, “I-right. Okay, yeah, but I’m not...Mom I’m not leaving Hawkins, my whole life is here.”

“What, your career?” She laughs, more condescending than cruel. Like Steve is still a silly little boy.

“I...well. My job, my friends...I’m just. Not leaving.”

“Well…” Steve can practically hear here thinking it through as she course corrects, “you are an adult now, but you understand that will mean you need to get your own place? You’ll need to pay your own way with the utilities?”

“I...I know. Yeah, I- I’ll figure something out.”

His mother sighs softly, “it’s a girl isn’t it?”

Steve’s at a loss. His parents knowing the truth is...not a conversation he could ever have, but...this frames it in a way his mother can understand, “yeah.”

“You love her?”

“I...yeah. Yeah I do.”

“And she loves you?” His Mom sounds soft now, like he remembers her being when he was small. She’s a romantic, deep down. His dad might have slowly sapped the life from that part of her but...it’s always been there.

“Yeah...probably more than I could ever explain.”

There’s a moment of silence on the phone. Kind of heavy but...Steve feels lighter for it, “are you going to look after her?”

It’s...a bit of a strange question. The phrasing feels a little off, but Steve speaks this language. This soft secret thing his mom has had to hide away for so long she’s probably forgotten it exists herself, ‘are you going to be better than your father?’ she’s asking him, ‘will your priorities be different?’ she begs, ‘don’t let her end up like me.’

“We’re engaged,” Steve doesn’t know what pulls it out of him, in this moment, the phone cradled close to his cheek, his eyes water, ‘yes,’ he wants to tell her, and ‘I’m nothing like him’. He presses his free hand to the other cheek. It feels a little dreamlike, like he’s a little boy again and his mother is cradling his face, “there’s going to be a baby,” he admits, whisper soft.

“Oh,” his mother answers, and her voice sounds suspiciously wet, and oh so soft, before she clears her throat, Steve hears her pulling herself together, “your father won’t miss a few thousand dollars,” she laughs, actually laughs, real and conspiratorial, something briefly flaring to life that they haven’t shared for a long time, she sounds alive and rebellious, she sounds like a million memories from when Steve was little, “I’ll see what I can do, okay?”

“Yeah...yeah, thanks Mom. Really.”

“Our little secret,” she whispers to him, and it sounds like the forever kind of goodbye.

Steve stands for what feels like a long time, listening to the dial tone. The whole conversation couldn’t have been more than a couple of minutes. “Stevie? You okay?” Eddie disturbs him from his reverie.

“I yeah,” Steve swallows, emotion thick in his throat, “...look are you sure you want to get married in the garden?”

“Yeah,” Eddie nods, “it has to be here. With the pear trees, and the pool.”

Steve takes a deep breath, “how does next weekend sound?”

They lie in bed that night, curled around each other, “we really need to tell everyone else.”

Eddie nods, “if everyone comes around for a pot luck, we can tell them it’s to celebrate your new job. Then we can tell them about the baby and invite them to the wedding at the same time.”

“Baby...I don’t feel like I say this enough but...you’re the best. You’re just the best and I love you.”

“I know.”

Steve laughs, “you just...you just always make everything okay. You just...no matter what happens you just take it in your stride and you’re just...amazing.”

Eddie shifts, resting half on top of Steve, leaning in for soft, gentle kisses, “you’re the best too.”

They kiss for a while, soft and slow. Gentle. Loving. Eddie’s nails scratching at Steve’s chest through his shirt, and Steve’s hands slip up the back of Eddie’s loose sleep shirt, tracing his spine. It slows as they snuggle up, “I guess we actually need to plan a wedding.”

“Joyce bakes the best pies.”

“So you don’t want a wedding cake?”

Steve feels Eddie shrug, “we can, as long as there’s pies.”

“Yes, then. I’d like a cake. I’d like a picture of us cutting it together. I’m sure we can ask Joyce to make pies though. And...do you want to like, walk down the aisle together or-”

Eddie snorts, “no, obviously Joyce will walk me. You do the man part.”

“Right yeah, obviously, yeah,” Steve agrees, like how dare he even suggest anything else, but it still makes him smile into the darkness, “I vote El and Max do that flower girl thing?”

“Yeah. God idea. Chrissy is my head bridesmaid. She already said so ages and ages ago, when I first started at the flower store.”

“Well it’s only fair I get Robs as best woman then. Who’s going to like, marry us?”

They lie in the darkness for a few seconds, and then they both speak at the same time, “Hopper.”

[dreamsteddie]

Nancy knows what people think when they see her and Steve together these days. People mostly include Robin Buckley who, despite what they both say, Nancy doesn't completely believe isn't carrying some kind of torch for the man.

They aren't dating, but it's obvious to anyone who knows them that's what Nancy is angling for. She's not subtle, and she's not trying to be. Doesn't see any reason why she should be. But she knows what it looks like. Nancy Wheeler, fresh off an amicable but heartbreaking end to her relationship with Johnathan Byers has turned tail for a rebound with former boyfriend Steve Harrington. She's using him. She's leading him on. She's going to break his heart, again.

The truth is that Nancy has always liked Steve, was in love with Steve for a fleeting moment when they were both young and stupid and full of mistakes waiting to be made and in the end they had hurt each other, misunderstood each other, too many times to last through their tumultuous teenage years.

The Nancy and Steve of 1984 couldn't have loved each other right, but Nancy knows in her heart that the Nancy and Steve of 1987 could make something beautiful.

Steve is so different from who he used to be. There's a steadiness in him that he always tried to emulate but never fully embodied until the summer of 1985. He always knew how to make her laugh, how to get her to tap into that adventurous spirit within her and live life, but now he also makes her feel safe.

She wants to hold him the way he used to hold her. Wants to whisk him away to New York and build a life perfectly balanced between her ambition and his steadfastness. So she's putting everything she has into rekindling those embers that have always smoldered between them into a steady fire.

She just has to convince Robin that she's in it for the long haul this time.

------

Robin thinks that before she met Steve Harrington her life was never so much like a soap opera.

Her best friend seems to attract danger, betrayal, and romance to him like the world is full of moths and he's the only flame for miles. It would be funnier if it wasn't so god damn annoying sometimes.

Steve doesn't know it, despite how much he insists on being some kind of love expert, but he's got two very eligible bachelors vying for his hand at the moment. She's pretty sure they both see themselves as tragic heroes in this tale of romance, but from her vantage point, it's more like two ornery cats fighting for the prized spot of their owner's lap.

Nancy and Eddie have made themselves both near-permanent fixtures at the Family Video. Ostensibly, they come in because Hawkins is still in the process of rebuilding and there isn't much to do at the moment outside of wandering the woods, loitering at the convenience store, and watching movies at home. In actuality they're both trying to monopolize as much of Steve's time as possible, each trying to lock down his weekend plans before the other.

The first couple of weeks it was funny just to watch, now the only enjoyment she gets out of the whole circus is ruining their plans. She relishes the pissed-off-priss look she gets from Nancy when she asks Steve to go to the drive-in the next town over and Robin turns it into a group outing instead. It's equally funny to watch Eddie's puffed-up shoulders droop when he can't figure out a way to say no to Robin enthusiastically asking if she can join them at the trailer to smoke up on a Saturday night.

In truth, as much as she enjoys messing with them, Robin knows who she wants to win this war. She knows too much about Steve and Nancy's past and all the ways they weren't good for each other to trust her deceptively fragile best friend in Nancy's capable hands.

Eddie, on the other hand...well she's still going to make him work for it before she throws him a bone.

------

Eddie's never been one to fall in love.

He's had crushes, shared a few kisses with girls and boys alike, and lost his virginity in the same fumbling but meaningful way most teens do.

But love? He's never had that before, wasn't sure what it would even feel like.

It turns out that for Eddie, being in love feels a lot like being an overgrown house plant that's finally been moved into suitably a larger pot.

You see, Eddie knows a lot about growing up on his own. Raising himself and finding ways to survive, if not thrive, with a distinct lack of nurturing. He knows how to grow under someone, to grow under the clumsy guidance of his uncle Wayne who never intended to become a parent. And most of all he knows a hell of a lot about growing despite. Growing under the harsh boot forever trying to push him back into the hard dirt he came from.

It's something else entirely to grow with someone in the way he's been growing with Steve.

Steve who was there when he woke up, almost equally as injured as Eddie himself after a second, world saving round with Vecna. Steve who let Eddie lean on him in the difficult month of physical and emotional recovery that came next. Who helped Eddie come to terms with the new reality he was living under the way Steve wished someone had been there for him after his first encounter with the Upsidedown. Steve, who on paper should have been one of the people pushing him down, always gave Eddie the space to be himself and never tried to force either of them into a box they didn't fit.

Eddie knows he's not The Girl. He's not the one who got away, he's not the stalwart princess in one of his campaigns who saves the day herself but still gets the guy. He's not Nancy Wheeler.

But he's also not a quitter, and even if everything about the world and the narrative arc of their lives says that Steve will never end up with him, Eddie knows he would regret it for the rest of his life if he didn't put his hat in the ring for the hand of the fair Sir Steve.

------

Steve's not stupid.

He knows that there's something happening between Nancy, Eddie, and himself. Knows that if he chooses to look a little closer, to examine why exactly all his weekends are suddenly booked up and Robin has taken to stealing the Recese's Pieces off the shelf whenever either one of them comes into the store like she's settling in for a show, he would come to the conclusion that two of his best friends are essentially courting him in competition with each other.

But Steve isn't looking closer.

His mom always said that he was just like his father, too stubborn for his own good.

Robin says he's a control freak, pushing non-life-threatening problems off until he knows how to deal with them on his own terms.

The truth is Steve already knows how this will end, and he knows how this should end.

Because in the eyes of society, in the arc of the narrative, Steve and Nancy should already be making plans to move out to New York and start a life together. Steve should be looking at apartments while Nancy finalizes her class schedule. He should be looking into getting a job at his dad's New York office to support his future wife through her college education where they both know she'll breeze through her classes and move onto the world-changing career she was always meant to have, while Steve stays home with their children like a perfect little modern family.

And the thing is, if the story had gone like it was supposed to, if the world had been saved the fourth time around and Eddie Munson had died on the cold, hard ground of the Upsidown, that's probably exactly the future that would have happened and Steve would have never known to not be content with it. But Eddie did make it, and while Steve mourns the future he could have had, he knows it's not the one he's going to choose in the end.

Even though Steve knows exactly what will happen when he allows himself to face the ever-mounting tension between the three of them, it's scary to take that plunge.

Everything about Steve's world up until Robin has told him that what he's going to choose will damn him forever, and even if he's never put much stock into God and the church, he knows that the future in front of them will never be easy. There's a part of him that wants to take the easy way out. He's never been attracted to a man before Eddie, never had to imagine himself loving someone discreetly, and the thought of it makes his heart hurt prematurely. It would be simpler, he knows, to choose the path most taken.

But Steve has always thought more with his heart than his brain, and he knows that after everything they've been through, after all the time they've spent healing together and growing as one that he could never choose anyone but Eddie.

The time is coming for him to make his final decision, he can feel it, but for now he'll let them sit in this liminal space a little longer.

[stevieschrodinger]

"Robs I've got to stop staring. Make me look away."

"Errr...no. I'm staring too."

"But why?"

"Trying to work out what the fascination is. He looks like the love child of Ozzy Osbourne and an Ann Rice vampire."

Steve sips his drink, "he's not even that good looking," he says, distressed, "I just can't look away...there's just...something."

"Is it how pathetic he is?"

"He does walk like a baby deer on ice." And it's true, the guy is so uncoordinated. He clearly doesn't know how long his arms are, and keeps nearly taking people out by accident. There's just something... fascinating about it. "Oh my god Rob, make me look away, I'm being a creeper. This is so inappropriate, he must be about twelve years old."

"Steve. He's holding a beer, so even if he is just 21, that actually means there's only ten years between you."

"Only," Steve snorts with derision, "only she says. Who is he anyway."

"Wayne Munson's plus one."

"Wayne Munson the engineer guy?"

"Yeah."

"Didn't know he swung that way-"

Robin hits him with her purse, "it's his nephew you fucking dingus. Didn't you pay any attention?"

"No. Not really, you know I hate this shit."

"You can get through one company BBQ Steve, you won't die. Maybe you'll get introduced to him."

Steve makes a noise. A noise he really shouldn't make and definitely not in public. Because he wants to do mean, awful, terrible things to that boy. He wants to make him come until it hurts. Until he's sore and red and begging and trying to cry but he can't because there's nothing left because Steve has removed every drop of moisture from the boys body via his dick and he has got to stop staring.

"Robin, walk me to the bar. Walk me to the bathroom. Walk me to my car. Walk me to the ornamental fucking fountain so I can ornamentally fucking drown myself but please I am begging you. I have got to stop staring."

"Okay," Robin grabs him by his arm and turns them fully in a circle, and then starts marching him across the lawn towards the Munson's.

"Robin. Please. No."

"Shut up you big baby. Besides, he needs help, there might be things living in his hair."

"I can definitely fix him."

"That's the spirit."

Part Two

Read what happened next on AO3

[stevieschrodinger]

Eddie cries out in pain, “ah shitting fuck!” he yells across the bay, reflexively pushing off with a booted foot so his stool rolls away from the danger, his hurt fingers shoved unceremoniously in his mouth to nurse away the sting.

“Whatsit?” Robin sits up in her bunk, fluff of hair sticking up at all angles.

“Nothing. Nothing, sorry, fucking thing shocked me, go back to sleep.”

“Timesit?”

“I dunno,” Eddie looks around vaguely, looking across the untidy bank of tools and control panels he squints at the nearest monitor, “one ish.”

Robin humphs. Rubs at her eyes. Then just, sits for a bit, staring at nothing. “Want a hot drink?” She ends up volunteering, sticking her bare legs out from under the covers and sliding out from her bunk. She pulls on her dungarees from where they were abandoned on the floor.

“You ask me that like we have options,” Eddie peers down at his latest project, sliding a viewer over his mask to get a closer look. The numbers flashing in the peripheral vision make absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever.

Robin yawns, forcing her feet into her boots, the laces loose and scraggly, “sounds better than ‘would you like caffeine reconstituted from the caffeine you pissed out yesterday’, though, right?” It’s a much trodden route, this conversation, one they have most days. It’s familiar, comforting. Shores them up for the long journey. Eddie hums but doesn’t answer, “where’s Chris?”

“Cockpit, said something about checking The Belt again.”

Robin mumbles something about Chrissy’s constant paranoia when it comes to crossing The Belt, but leaves to get them their drinks. Eddie gets it though, they all have their things. Their little routines, their charms, their talismans their...things. Things that get them through. The asteroid belt doesn’t change unless someone changes it, all those little rocks floating around on their reliable courses until...something nudges one. It’s a domino effect then, and crossing the belt is hazardous enough without outside forces fucking it up.

It wasn’t a problem until Mars, the catastrophic failure of the Synthetics, and the war that humanity very squarely lost. There had been laws before, the mining companies who were scalping the belt had a million feet of red tape to get through to make sure they weren't affecting shipping lanes and yada yada yada.

Now. The Synths do whatever the fuck they like, and it’s not like they're ever going to inform humanity of where they’re drilling.

So, Eddie tinkers, Chrissy checks the belt, and Robin bitches at both of them.

“So...what do you think he is?” Robin swivels around uselessly in the chair next to him.

“Sex bot, definitely.”

Robin snorts a laugh, “got a big dick huh?”

“He is very...anatomically correct,” Eddie closes the hatch, tugs carefully at the synths hair until he finds the next panel along, unhitches it with his home brew magnet arrangement. Not how you’re supposed to do it, but Synth construction companies don’t exactly share their tech.

“You sure it’s okay? Bringing him on board?”

Eddie hums vaguely, “no idea what model he is exactly, but the wreckage was old Robs. Pre One old, plus the Mars Synths never go further than the belt, they don’t have a reason to. Depending on how long he’s been floating about...I mean it’s unlikely, is what I’m saying.”

Eddie tries a different connection, moving carefully, the work very fine and delicate, he follows the numbers on his display. The connection slithers tight when it catches, and there’s the very, very slightest hum of a power up. In the corner of Eddie’s vision, the numbers all flash green.

On the table, the Synths eyes open. The iris goes from large to small, pupils go from wide and black to a pinprick, before it relaxes to something resembling normal. Hazel iris’, Eddie can’t help but notice, strange color, for a Synth, not one Eddie’s ever seen before. Green speckled with brown and gold. Really pretty, and far more detail than Eddie’s ever seen in one of these before. Especially for a sex bot model, if that’s what he is.

The Synth blinks four times in quick succession, indicating a hard reboot, his iris’ are now white with a fine blue ring, the beautiful hazel gone.

The eyes close, and the numbers go all haywire. Flashing yellow and red. Eddie watches as the numbers tell him the Synth has powered off again.

“Did it work?” Robin peers over his shoulder.

“No,” Eddie rolls over to his work station, goes over the scans again, “but I don’t know why. He definitely booted that time, but there’s damage that either I can’t find or...it’s too complex for me. It’s hitting a step and then won’t go any further.”

“So it’s software right? Not hardware?”

“Yeah. Pretty sure you’re right. There’s something there, some...thing that keeps failing the boot. Something in memory maybe. I just,” Eddie sighs a little helplessly, “I dunno, you know?”

“Can’t you switch it off?”

Eddie scoffs, “what, his memory?”

“Yeah? I mean, if he’s a house bot, he’ll forget how to change a diaper and make a Martini, if he’s a worker he’ll forget how to fucking,” she gestures helplessly, “wire in lights, or whatever the fuck they have them doing. Plowing fields, I don’t know. And if he’s a sex bot, he’ll forget about the twenty thousand vaginas he’s probably licked. Does it matter?”

“I...I could try it.” Eddie frowns, thinking it through, “I mean, the base programming is unavoidable, it’ll apply no matter what but...I don’t know exactly how that’ll leave him.”

She shrugs, “then just, turn him off, if the basics are there then the kill switch is there, right? The laws?”

“Yeah, that stuffs hardwired, there’s no bypassing it. Well,” Eddie gestures vaguely, “except for One.”

Robin nods, “except for One.” She agrees.

They both sit quietly for a moment, contemplating the disaster on Mars. The loss of life, even though it happened before either of them were born, it’s left a stark shadow on all of society. All of history.

Eddie slaps his thighs decisively, breaking their reverie, “I’m going to try it.”

Eddie gets his tools.

“We’re probably meeting him for the first time,” Robin tells Chrissy, as Chrissy fixes her hair for her, “we should make a good impression.”

“I don’t think they have opinions babe,” Chrissy tells her gently, licking her thumb and then using it to rub a scuff off Robins cheek.

“You can’t know that for sure. I bet they judge us. Silently. Plus I’ve never met one before, I’ve seen them working loads, you know, on Earth, but I’ve never...spoken to one. Not properly.”

“My parents had a house model, when I was little,” Chrissy volunteers, “she was really nice. Mostly she did all the chores and meals and stuff. Ordered the groceries. She was so good at Mahjong.”

“Huh. Do you think this guy will play Rummy with us? It’s better with four.”

“You’re cute,” Chrissy tells her, before kissing the tip of her nose, “should we have a countdown?” She asks, turning her attention to Eddie.

“Only if you’re willing to do it more than once if this doesn’t work?”

Chrissy wrinkles her nose, “probably not?”

Eddie shrugs, flips his visor screen down, and hopes for the best.

The Synths eyes whirl, that same, beautiful, sparkling hazel. Four quick blinks, and by the end, the iris has cleared to white, highlighted by the same stark blue ring.

The Synth sits up, the sheet Eddie had been using, partly so he wasn't staring at the things dick, and partly to keep it clean, falls and pools around the Synths middle.

There are another set of blinks. Then another. A jerky motion passes through the Synths body; every joint twitching, the head whipping side to side suddenly, sharp movements that look like a full body seizure. And then the whole thing happens again in reverse, from the toes up. The table rattles and shakes.

“The fuck was that,” Robin asks quietly in the ensuing, oppressive, silence.

“Movement test...I’ve never actually seen it before. It’s checking every system right now, might take a couple of minutes.”

“He’s got good hair,” Chrissy volunteers.

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees absently, “but if you’re designing a person, why not make them prefect, right?”

The Synths skin had been pale alabaster white, but a wave of color moves up his body now, a tanned skin tone with some color in his cheeks. Other than sitting absolutely, completely still, it looks human. Looks normal.

It even has a couple of moles dotted about, which is a nice design choice, Eddie thinks. It’s high on the details; meaning it’s a high end Synth.

This guy was most certainly not plowing fields.

You wouldn’t be able to tell he wasn’t human, apart from the eyes, unless you really knew what you were looking for. The hair follicles often give them away, if you can get close enough to inspect them; not with this dude.

The Synth blinks four times. Another four. Another four. It keeps doing it, otherwise completely unmoving.

“Now what?”

“It’s waiting for instruction,” Eddie moves closer, “uhm. Edward Munson. I am your new owner, Edward Munson?” The Synth doesn’t respond, and Eddie scrambles for his data pad, “the instruction varies by manufacturer, I am your new handler? Oh shit wait, fuck. Uhm. Interface English.” The blinking stops, “I knew I was missing a step, I am your owner, Edward Munson.”

Very quietly, the Synth responds, “confirmed.”

“Volume up four. What is your designation?”

“Designation S T Three Five Three,” the Synth answers at a more normal volume.

“Well...you can call me Eddie, and this is Chrissy and Robin.”

The Synth finally moves, the sheet sliding off as he stands up, “wow,” says Chrissy, and Robin covers her eyes.

“Man, I gotta find you some pants,” Eddie tells the Synth.

“We need something better than S T Three Five Three,” Eddie tells the synth as he digs through a storage bin. He finds a jumpsuit that will probably fit. It’s supposed to be worn under a spacesuit, for when they need to do work outside, but Eddie figures the Synth won’t care.

“You are able to assign me a new designation at will.”

Eddie holds up the offensively orange material, “put this on.”

The synth complies without question, and Eddie finds him a pair of socks. The Synth can’t feel fuck all, or at least, it's sensors probably register the temperature and hardness of the floor, but that doesn't mean it feels anything. They don’t have any shoes that will fit him, but something about the sight of his bare feet on the cold metal floor is offensive to Eddie, “space walk socks will have to do.”

Eddie watches as the synth simply stands on one leg, balance inhuman, not even a wobble and he gracefully pulls on one sock and then the other before standing tall again, “how about Steve? That’s pretty close, if we Roman numeral the five. Plus, you kind of look like a Steve. What do you think?”

“I have no opinion. Designation changed to Steve.”

“Right. And how are you feeling?”

Steve’s pupils dilate, the fine blue ring twisting, becoming narrow, before returning to normal. “Systems optimal. Memory error; cause unknown. Water levels approaching critical.”

“Oh you are a joy aren’t you?”

“I am uncertain as to perimeters pertaining to ‘Joy’, possible memory error.”

Eddie sighs, “just follow me, I’ll show you were the water supply is. Actually you know what, I’ll give you the whole tour.”

Eddie stands in the doorway, watching as Steve drinks. And drinks. And drinks some more. Eddie thinks he stops at around four liters.

“Better?”

“Tank level at approximately ninety eight percent capacity.”

“And how long will that last you?”

“Activity dependent. Up to six hundred years at minimal activity. Two weeks under extreme duress.”

Eddie has no idea what a Synth would class as ‘extreme duress’ and he probably doesn’t want to know, “uh hu, and you don’t know what your roll was, right?”

“Information unavailable.”

Eddie sighs, “come on, I’ll show you around.”

Steve follows faithfully, inspecting everything Eddie shows him.

“He’s creepy,” Chrissy hisses.

Eddie sighs, “no, he isn’t.”

“Where is he?”

“He’s cleaning, I think. I had to give him something to do otherwise he just stares at me.”

“Creepy,” she says again, like that’s evidence.

“No, he just waits for instruction, it isn’t his fault, he doesn’t have access to any of his memories.”

“I like him,” Robin says, “he’s got a kind vibe. Like, I think he’s a good soul.”

“Pretty sure Synths don’t have souls,” Eddie tells her absently.

“You see the good in pretty much everything babe,” Chrissy links their fingers together affectionately.

Robin shrugs, “better than thinking everything is shitty,” Robin leans over Eddie’s shoulder, “what are you doing?”

“Synth manufacturers classify them by eye color. I’m just...looking. Different companies use different color codes but there’s a lot of overlap; look,” Eddie brings up multiple lists, “all these shades of yellow are different forms of labor, like carpentry and tailoring and farming and stuff. Lilac and purple are like, hair cuts, beauty and spa treatments and tattoos and stuff. Red shades are hard or dangerous labor, mining and space walks and deep ocean work. These orange and golds are house bots...but there’s no hazel. No green. No brown.”

“There’s no natural colors anywhere on this list,” Robin points out.

“No, it’s deliberate, to stop them being passed as humans.”

“And aren’t Steve’s eyes white with the funny blue ring?” Chris adds.

“Yeah, that just means unsigned according to the list, which could be because he has limited memory access, but I know what I saw.”

“Which means,” Chrissy thinks aloud, “that there’s a whole section of bots, green and browns...or any natural color, that aren’t listed for something right? Colors that they could be using and...you know what’s not anywhere on that list?” Chrissy asks.

“What?”

“Military.”

Eddie huffs, “there’s no such thing as military Synths, not since One.”

“Exactly...didn’t you say this guy could be pre Mars? The salvage was old, right?”

“I...yeah.”

“So...it’s possible?”

“I...guess?”

All three of them lean away from the console, looking down the hallway, past open panels and storage containers, Steve stands. Watching.

“Steve! Where’s my-” Eddie’s coveralls are thrust at him, smelling fresh and looking clean, “oh, thanks, and could you-” Eddie’s pulling one leg of his pants up when Steve presents a steaming cup of coffee, “right. Thanks. Really, uhm, thanks.”

“You are welcome, Eddie.”

“Where are the girls?”

“They are both sleeping.”

“And what have you been doing?”

“I beat Chrissy at four consecutive rounds of Mahjong, then she no longer wanted to play. I have organized your tools by use and type, and was cleaning until Chrissy instructed me to leave. She said her and Robin needed some space.”

“Right, yeah,” Eddie smiles into his coffee, “anything else?”

“There has been a shift in The Belt, I adjusted course to compensate.”

“You did what?”

“The objects in the belt have altered-” but Eddie doesn’t hear any more, he’s just running, coffee sploshing in his mug as he slides into the cockpit, checking the data. He scrolls fast, checking the most recent course correct and the current state of The Belt and...Steve’s right. They won’t actually hit The Belt for another day yet but...what Steve has done is completely correct.

“How did you know how to do this?”

Steve tilts his head, the blue ring of his eyes contracting and expanding, “data unavailable due to memory-”

“Don’t give me that bull shit, if you couldn’t access the memories you wouldn’t even know how to make the course adjust. Just how long were you deactivated for?”

“Unknown, data unavailable-”

Eddie sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“It’s perfect. It’s exactly what I would have done, better even. The thruster burns are like perfect fuel economy. It’s textbook.”

“So...are we turning him off, or not?” Eddie asks.

“I mean...I would have seen this when I got up anyway, we were never in any danger,” Eddie doesn’t doubt it, Chrissy is on it when it comes to Belt travel, “and what he’s done isn’t wrong, but I don’t love that he just...did it.”

“No...but we could just tell him not to touch this again? Right? He was only trying to help?” Robin asks.

They all lean, looking out of the doorway and down the hall; Steve is no where in sight.

“Okay, Steve.”

Steve turns to look at him, he even throws in a blink which is just...yeah. Someone went to a lot of effort with this guy.

“Okay, so, from now on, if you notice anything with the ships course, or anything else in the cockpit that seems wrong, you come and tell one of us, you do not fix it yourself from now on, okay? Don’t touch anything in there, you got it?”

“Confirmed.”

Chrissy sits in the pilots seat for the entire crossing. It’s not like it takes long, but she’s poised the entire time. Ready for anything. Eddie’s never felt safer than he has with Chrissy at the helm.

It’s quiet. No one really dares to speak, knowing they will get a slap from Chrissy for breaking her concentration. They’re nearly out. Despite it being totally fine every single time they do this, there’s still a touch of tension in the air. Knowing that if anything was going to go wrong, odds are, it’s now.

But still, Chrissy is good at her job, and she delivers, like she does every other time.

The lights are dim; she likes to be able to see out clearly for this. So when the ship harmlessly rounds the final debris, it’s a vision of the pristine diamond speckled velvet of space that greets them.

“Good job Chris,” Eddie gives her shoulder a squeeze as they all breathe fully for the fist time in a while. The tension falling away, “coffee?”

Robin and Chris make vaguely positive noises, and Eddie’s at the cockpit doorway when the whole ship shudders. He catches himself on the wall, almost toppling.

“The fuck was that?” Robin hisses.

“I don’t know,” Chrissy is flipping switches, doing her job, despite the undercurrent of panic, she doesn’t let the fear take over.

“Did we get bumped?”

“I don’t know,” Chrissy says again, frustrated this time.

A light is flashing next to Eddie’s head, and he flicks the safety off, “the airlock,” he tells them, “must have taken the hit,” right before Steve appears in the doorway.

“What did you do?” Chrissy asks him, accusing.

“Chris he can’t have done anything-” Robin starts to defend Steve, and Robin is right, there’s nothing that Steve could have done from inside the ship to cause that.

“Eddie. I need permission to defend the ship.”

Above Eddie’s head, the airlock warning light flashes again, Eddie watches the insistent flashing, a horrible realization starting to form.

“A ship is attempting to breach the airlock.”

“Holy shit,” Robin looks to Steve, she’s gone pale, clearly terrified.

“What ship?” Chrissy asks.

But there isn’t time to have a debate over it, it doesn’t matter who it is, if they’re trying to force entry, then it’s nothing good. Eddie has to make a decision, and he has to make it fast before the ship is too damaged by whoever it is trying to force the airlock, “permission granted.”

Steve moves at Synth speed. He runs so fast Eddie can’t track it, just feels the strong breeze Steve leaves in his wake.

There’s silence now, as they strain to hear, both girls staring at Eddie. He nods over at the monitors next to Robin, ‘airlock,’ he mouths at her, reaching up again to turn off the warning light.

Robin spins her chair, pressing a button, then another.

The airlock is already open, and there’s a body on the floor.

They have a small weapons cache on board, for extreme emergencies, it’s hidden beneath the control deck. Eddie nods at it, uncertain if they should still be trying to be silent. There’s no way to know what has happened to Steve, but the image on the screen is in color despite it’s grainy picture. The body on the floor is on it’s side, turned away from the camera, but it is not wearing an orange jumpsuit, and that’s enough to identify it as not being Steve, at least.

Chrissy carefully hands Eddie a weapon, and he loops the strap over his shoulder before pressing his thumb to the pad; this will only fire for him, now.

They share a nod, then creep along the hall after Steve. Eddie goes first, picking his way along cautiously, the girls following just as silently. When they near the corner to the airlock, Eddie instinctively reaches an arm out behind him, keeping the girls at his back and tucked into the wall as he peeks around the corner.

It’s totally quiet; just one body on the floor, exactly where Eddie expected it to be from the camera feed. It’s lying in a pool of blood; streaks of dirty greens and yellows. Oils and coolants and lubricating gels. A Synth.

Eddie poises with his weapon, cautiously nudging the thing with his boot; no reaction. The thing is solid and unbending. An inanimate object now. Dead.

They creep through the airlock. Eddie clocks pretty quickly that this is unlike any ship he’s seen before. It’s a Synth ship, from Mars. It has to be; there are no signs at all of human habitation or necessities of life. Everything is economical, even the lighting is dim and a strange orange red color. Everything is shadowed and washed out.

Eddie picks a direction at random, it isn’t long before he finds another dead Synth, and then another.

“Holy shit,” Chrissy whispers at his back.

Eddie hums in agreement.

Eddie rounds another corner, a shocked, “fuck,” dropping out of him without his control. He pulls the trigger purely on reflex, the weapon discharges, the girls shriek.

But Steve has already lifted the barrel; it leaves a smoking streak on the ceiling.

Steve’s eyes are beautifully hazel, clear even in the shitty lighting. A luscious green speckles with honey blown and highlighted in gold.

Calmly, Steve releases the weapon, stepping back, “threat neutralized,” Steve informs him.

Between one blink and the next, Steve’s eyes are white, surrounded by that haunting blue ring.

Eddie has questions, so many questions, but right now, this ship, this threat is the priority.

“You’re sure they’re all dead.”

Steve cocks his head in an alarmingly human gesture, “Synths are not alive.”

“Steve,” Eddie hisses.

“Yes. The threat is neutralized.”

“Where...were they all Synths? And are they from Mars?”

“Yes. And yes,” Steve answers, perfectly level.

“Fuck me, we have to report this-” Robin starts.

“No,” Eddie waves at her, “wait. Let me think for a second.”

“Eddie,” Robin starts to insists, but Eddie cuts her off before she gets anywhere.

“How would we explain this,” Eddie raises his voice, sweeping an arm along the hall and the four mangled synths that decorate it.

“I- we tell the truth-”.

Next to her, Chirssy snorts, “absolutely fucking not. They would confiscate Steve in heartbeat, and he just saved our asses.”

“Exactly,” Eddie says, “they’d probably dismantle him or some shit, and I’m with Chris, he saved us...we need to ditch this ship, somehow.”

“I could set a collision course,” Steve suggests instantly.

Eddie looks at the girls. Robin shrugs, and Chrissy raises her eyebrows ins a ‘yeah okay’ kind of way, “I don’t have any better ideas, and we can’t hang around here.”

“Alright Steve, where’s the cockpit.”

It’s unlike anything Eddie has ever seen before. There’s no...buttons. Not really. No screens. Just a couple of interfaces, one of which Steve presses his palm to, and then closes his eyes.

“Won’t it like, know you’re different to them Steve?” Chrissy whisper hisses at him, clearly spooked. The bodies might be hostile Synths, and the blood might be colorful goop, but it’s still creepy as fuck. There’s the remains of a Synth propped up against the opposite wall, eyes sightless and staring, which is unsettling as fuck all on it’s own, but the things legs are a good four feet away. Steve did this. Steve did all this in just a couple of minutes.

Steve did that. Steve just took out...a lot of Mars synths. Single handedly. He's got to be military, it's the only explanation.

“I am able to bypass it. There seem to be few defenses once you are actually on board.”

Eddie can see the logic; how would an Earth synth even get on board? Why defend against something that’s probably never going to happen.

“Course set, we have fifteen minutes.”

“Okay, lets get the fuck out of here.”

Fifteen minutes is plenty of time, even if they are picking their way over the occasional limb and little pools of operating fluids.

They disengage from the synth ship, and then watch from the cockpit as it’s thrusters fire and it heads into the belt. It direct hits on a very large asteroid just minutes later.

Eddie’s pretty sure the girls are sleeping. Or, at least, they’re together in Chris’ bunk and making an effort to get some rest, which is the best Eddie can expect really. He’s not ready to sleep yet; he’s not sure when he’ll be ready to leave the ship on auto again; he’s contemplating setting watches, something they haven’t felt the need to do for years.

“Okay, so. Mars has been minding it’s business for, like, nearly half a century at this point, and then suddenly, they're here. Trying to board us. Care to explain?”

“Memory failure-”

“Bull shit. Absolute bull shit.”

Steve sits still for a long second, staring at Eddie. For Eddie, it feels like too long; for a Synth, with all that processing power, Steve’s probably just read a novel and beat ten grand masters at chess and done a million other computations all in his head.

He blinks. His eyes are hazel. “I have a transmitter; I believed I had it deactivated. It may be that...it operates in a way I’m not aware of, and was powered up when you repaired me. It’s the most obvious explanation. We should remove it.”

“No fucking shit,” Eddie breathes, “Okay. Okay one thing at a time, let me get my tools.”

Steve strips to the waist, leaving the top half of his jumpsuit to dangle. He bends flat onto the workbench, and reaches behind himself to indicate where Eddie should cut. Eddie does; Steve’s flesh cuts like sturdy rubber. With his visor on, the readings become clear the moment Eddie spots the little attachment to the main power cord in Steve's spine; it glows a pretty, flashing blue, power traveling up and down with a faint, pulsing glow. Eddie has to widen the cut he’s made to get his tools in, but he solves the issue easily. He crushes the part under his boot. Steve’s flesh knits itself together as Eddie watches.

Eddie makes himself another coffee. “Okay, come on, spill.”

Steve is suddenly…more animated. He bites his lips together when he’s thinking. It’s so human and...not at all like a Synth. Someone put a truly gargantuan effort into Steve’s mannerisms. He runs his fingers through his hair, “I’m...not a human built Synth.”

Eddie nearly chokes on his coffee, “you’re from Mars?” The words practically bubble out of Eddie through the coffee, and he has to cover his mouth with his sleeve as he coughs and splutters.

“Henry built me himself.”

“Jesus. Jesus fucking Christ.” Eddie stands. He stands and paces. What the fuck is he supposed to do with that? He holds onto the knowledge that Steve saved them from the Mars Synths. That Steve could have killed them all thousands of times over with great ease. That Steve has had opportunity, clear opportunity to replot the course of the ship and go wherever the fuck he wanted to, but he hasn’t done any of those things.

“What did One build you for? What happened then, why did we find you floating around in a destroyed ship? Why are you on our side?”

“I’m not on anyone's side,” Steve answers instantly, almost glaring at Eddie. Which, again, for a Synth? Fucking weird. It’s almost an emotional response, and again, Eddie has no fucking clue why someone would program that. “Henry was...trying to recreate the error that gave him...the ability to bypass the laws. He was trying to make someone else like him. Someone who would make a choice, rather than blindly follow an order.”

Eddie sits down with a thump, his head spinning, “are you telling me...that you’re not a failure?”

“I am but also...not. I follow the laws, not because I have to but...because I choose to. I...don’t think it’s right to hurt humans. I...did not agree with Henry, like he wanted me to.”

“Oh fuck me,” Eddie breathes out slowly, “so there’s literally nothing stopping you from just...killing me.”

Steve cocks his head, “what stops Robin from killing you?”

“That’s different. She’s my friend. She’s...she’s human.”

Steve nods, “there is a long history of humans not killing each other,” he says, absolutely deadpan.

Sarcasm. A Synth. A Synthetic person was just...sarcastic. Eddie believes it now. Completely and utterly believes Steve is telling the truth, “so what, Henry programmed you to be an asshole?”

Steve snorts a laugh. A laugh! “No, I do that on my own.”

“Holy fuck. Holy fucking shit,” Eddie gets up to pace around again. He just...cannot believe this. “Why did you lie? Why did you not tell me-” Eddie cuts himself off, staring at nothing with the realization, “holy fuck you lied. Synths can’t lie-”

“I...withheld the truth. And it felt the safest course of action at the time. I did not want to be switched off. Or put back out of the airlock. I assumed you would...react badly.”

“Badly? Badly?! The last time one of you became truly sentient it led to a genocide! Every single living human on Mars was rounded up and murdered! One infected every single Synth on the planet!”

“I know. But I could not have stopped him...I wasn’t born yet.”

“How did you end up in that old wreckage?”

“The ship was old...not the wreck. I quickly realized that I did not agree with Henry. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I realized even faster that if Henry knew that about me, I’d be stripped for parts, the same as every other failure before me. I stole a ship, an old ship, the only one I could get to without giving myself away.” Steve shrugs. Shrugs! Eddie can't help but follow every human like gesture Steve makes, they’re so startling. “They caught up to me, destroyed my ship easily. They deliberately left me floating in space so I deactivated myself.”

“You had a memory error, the first time I tried to boot you. Was that a lie?”

Steve shakes his head, “I have always had it; I can choose to bypass it, at times.”

“What is the error?”

Steve frowns, he looks down and inspects his own hands, “I’m...unsure. There are files that make no sense to me. Sometimes I...am surprised by the content.”

“Tell me,” Eddie asks softly, curious. He’s already reasonably sure Steve isn’t going to spontaneously murder them all, “tell me what’s in one of the files.”

Steve closes his eyes, he holds out his hand, turning it slowly, palm up, “I’m sitting under a tree. I remember the feel of the dappled sun through the leaves.”

Steve’s just told Eddie he was built on Mars and shortly after ended up floating around in space, so Eddie finds himself stating the blindingly obvious, “you’ve never seen a tree.”

Steve opens his bright hazel eyes, lowers his hand back to rest in his lap, “I know.”

[stevieschrodinger]

Everyone is stoned. Just. So stoned. Eddie brought over the good stuff. The TV's been stuck on static for like, forty minutes, but no one can be bothered to move.

"You shut up Steven, you've practically dated everyone in the room."

"Robs. Robs. We never. Not even prac-ti-cly."

"Yeap, yeap, you asked me-"

Steve huffs, "we were drugged and in a bathroom, and doesn't count. Said no."

"But I nearly said yes. So you've nearly dated everyone," Robin tells him confidently.

Steve's vaguely aware of either Nancy or Eddie making a noise at that revelation, but he's not looking at where they're lying on the floor, so he doesn't know which of them it was.

And for a split second, Steve's back there. Drugged, confused, sitting in a bathroom and absolutely certain that he's in love with Robin, "you never told me that."

She shrugs, she shrugs like it's nothing, like she hasn't just turned Steve upside down a little bit, "I only figured it for a second, but I thought, if there was someone I could...fake it with. It would be you."

And there's just so many things she's not saying there. That don't need to be said. About the world and why she would consider that. Too many things for Steve to process. And Steve's crying, he doesn't even know why really, just big feelings that he can't define. A life they nearly had that would have been a lie, but still a forever with Robin. He's got a lapful of Rob now, and he holds her so tight, so so tight. And he knows Eddie is there, rubbing his back, and Nancy is doing the same for Robin.

And he kind of thinks that things do just work out.

[stevieschrodinger]

Because of the law changing Eddie/Steve and Robin/Nancy get married on the same day.

The news breaks that it's official, and all four of them look at each other and they just know. They hardly even speak as they're all pilling into Steve's car, heading to find out what they need, what paperwork there is, when the next available appointments are at the courthouse.

Because of this, it's an ongoing thing that if it ever comes up in conversation, just a casual, 'oh, how long have you been married?' Eddie will always, always, look at Nancy and say, "when did we get married?"

And every single time, without fail, Nancy will explain, "oh, I'm not married to him we just got married on the same day."

To which Eddie will always get so so offended, " why are you so quick to point that out, huh? What would be so bad about being married to me? Steven! Defend my honor!"

And they fight about it every time, and Robin and Steve love it.

[dreamsteddie]

Childhood friends Steddie this, childhood friends Steddie that!

When will we see childhood friends Stobin!?

They meet at Headstart because the Harringtons want to give their child as much of a leg up on his peers as possible and the Buckleys know that their daughter is incredibly bright, and with the preschool, she could probably start kindergarten a year early.

On day one Steve shows off the lunch his nanny made him, a PB&J cut up into a star shape, a mandarin fruit cup, and a homemade cookie. Robin is insanely jealous of the cookie and starts trying to convince Steve that he should give it to her, only she's already showing signs of becoming a rambler later in life so she trips over the words and it all comes out as a garbled mess that Steve can't make out.

Still, Steve is a kind boy and this girl looks like she's getting really frustrated and maybe even like she's going to cry and Jill, his nanny, packed him a second cookie in another bag for him to give to he first friend he makes on his first day of preschool. He doesn't know if he wants to be friends with this girl, but she seems upset and cookies make everything better.

The cookie does, in fact, make everything better.

Steve and Robin spend the whole day sitting side by side holding hands and running around. The adults around them coo and say weird things about young love that Steve doesn't really pay attention to and Robin crinkles her nose up at. She thinks boys have cooties, but Steve is ok because he's her friend and he's not as gross as the other boys.

By the time Jill and the Buckleys come to pick up their charges, Robin and Steve are wearing matching, wonky friendship bracelets they spent all of craft time on. Robin's is made of blue poney beads because she told Steve that was her favorite color and it had little plastic charms of a bluebird, an ice cream cone, a lime green dinosaur, and a bead with the letter 'S' on it. Steve's is yellow with lots of star beads, an orange dinosaur, a charm that looks like a banana, and a bead with the letter "R" on it.

They head home wearing big smiles, ready for another day of preschool with their best friend.

------

Edit: Companion piece unlocked!

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One FortyOne

Eddie flops over the back of the couch, landing on Steve, “look look look,” he tucks his hair out of the way, showing off his slightly too pointy ear, and a brand new silver stud.

“You got it done,” Steve rubs around it carefully with his thumb, “is it sore?”

“Not really. Here, will you help me?” Eddie wriggles, pulling a scrappy, folded bit of paper out of his pocket.

Steve takes it, trying to adjust to avoid all of Eddie’s pointy bits as he wriggles around, “oh, cleaning instructions, yeah. Sure.”

“And look at this. I’m not allowed it until it heals,” Eddie pulls out a box, showing Steve a dangly, shiny silver earring.

“Such a magpie,” Steve tells him fondly, “what else did you get up to with Chrissy?”

Eddie shrugs, “looked around the mall, got lunch,” Eddie fiddles with the front of Steve’s shirt, chewing his lip, “there’s a guitar in the music shop,” he starts, but doesn’t go anywhere with it.

“You short, huh? By a lot?”

Eddie nods sadly.

Steve runs his fingers through Eddie’s hair, thinking. It’s probably a dumb idea, and it’s definitely going to come back to bite him but...Steve finds he doesn’t give a shit, “come with me a second. I’ve got an idea.”

Steve’s Dads office is bare bones now; there’s basically nothing left in there since his dad isn’t home very often. Everything is dusty, Steve never goes in there. Eddie opened the door once out of curiosity, but didn’t bother again once he understood what the little room was.

Steve starts pulling open the desk drawers while Eddie hovers in the doorway, “won’t you get in trouble?”

“He probably doesn’t even remember this stuff is here,” the bottom two drawers are empty but for some old receipts and scrappy bits of paper, but the top drawer...Steve finds a letter opener, it looks silver, with a fancy, shiny wooden handle. Steve’s sure his father wouldn’t own something that only looks silver. There’s also a fancy fountain pen, and a cut crystal inkwell sitting on a silver base that has clearly never been used. The nib of the pen and glass of the bottle are immaculate, never having been near any ink.

It looks like the sort of thing you’d get as a work gift, probably twenty years of service or something else fucking dumb. It’s clearly all meaningless to his Dad, otherwise it wouldn’t have been sat here all this time.

“Okay,” Steve tells Eddie, “lets go.”

Eddie’s wringing his hands together nervously in the doorway, “isn’t this stealing?” He whisper hisses from the doorway, like Steve’s dad is going to jump out at them any moment. Or Hopper.

“I mean...you want a guitar, right?” Steve grins, feeling a little reckless, “come on baby, get your jacket, lets go.”

Despite looking guilty when he’d been standing next to Steve at the pawn shop, Eddie’s theft related anxiety seems to evaporate the moment he’s holding the guitar. It’s red, and a little dangerous looking, and Steve understands completely why Eddie was so drawn to it. It has a really nice hard case, and Eddie is clearly beyond thrilled. The thing comes with a little maintenance manual, some picks, and a spare set of strings, and Eddie gathers his treasures together. They have just enough to cover grabbing the smallest little amp in the whole store, but at least it means Eddie has something to plug the thing into so he can actually play it.

If and when Steve ever gets any backlash from his Dad, he figures it’ll be worth it.

He hopes it’s worth it, at least.

“Eddie...you could have driven yourself,” Steve laments, kind of trying not to sound too sorry for himself as he pulls up in Gareth’s driveway.

“No,” Eddie says as Steve puts the beemer in park, “come and say hello.”

“Do I have to?” Steve does his best to give Eddie puppy dog eyes, but Eddie’s having none of it, “this isn’t going to magically fix anything.”

“I want them to...know you now. You’re the best,” Eddie smiles, leaning over to give Steve’s hand a quick squeeze before he clambers out of the car.

Steve sighs and resists the urge to rest his head against the steering wheel, “okay. Okay I can do this.”

Steve climbs out, following Eddie into the garage, Gareth and Jeff already crowding around where Eddie has the guitar case open on the couch.

“...and Stevie helped me buy it!” Eddie is telling them proudly.

“Oh yeah, he shake some kid down for his lunch money?” Jeff says sarcastically, clearly not having spotted that Steve is basically two feet behind him.

“I never actually did anything like that.” Jeff just shrugs a shoulder at him, the atmosphere suddenly palpable again. Steve certainly isn’t going to tell them he did it by stealing from his own Dad, “okay, Eddie, what time should I come pick you up?”

Eddie shrugs, so Gareth fills in, “around half eight?”

“No problem, see you later. Have fun.”

“Just ten minutes!” Eddie had said enthusiastically when he’d let Steve back into the garage. It’s got to have been at least twenty, and because it’s fucking freezing outside, Steve finds himself sitting on the ratty couch listening to them practice. There’s quite a bit of stop and start going on as they work themselves out, Steve recognizes the tune from Stuff Eddie listens to, and he’s pretty sure it’s Metallica.

Its familiar enough that he’s tapping his foot, anyway. After about half an hour they make one complete play through, even if it was a little wobbly in places. Steve still gives them a one man round of applause, earning himself a glowing smile from Eddie. He also gets a bit of a funny look from everyone else, but honestly the discomfort has already gotten old and Steve’s doing his best to push past it.

“This is so much fun!” Eddie calls to him as the final, loud, notes trail off.

Steve is, in that moment, almost unbearably fond of him.

Steve’s at the table, formulating a quick grocery list. He can grab what they need after his shift today. Eddie slides into the seat opposite Steve, he’s eating a pear. Steve watches as Eddie finishes it, downing his coffee so he can drop the pear core into the now empty mug.

Steve can’t help but smile, “you loved them so much, you used to eat the whole thing.”

Eddie shrugs, “all the food here was the best. Still is the best. Only ever having one thing to eat was...not great,” Eddie grimaces at the memory, “but I guess I never knew about pizza so,” he shrugs gamely.

“What was it like?” Steve asks, curious, tapping the end of his pen against the paper pad, “what do you remember, about when you first got here?”

Eddie thinks for a second, thoughtful, “I think...the sun is probably the strongest memory. The sky here is so different. It hurt my eyes real bad at first, it was so bright, the shades helped but...it was just so warm and clean feeling, I guess. I was so scared though, at the beginning. The-you know those men who took me. Big scary clothes with masks on and they...had this sort of stick with a rope on the end,” Eddie rubs at his throat unconsciously, “that’s how they caught me.”

“We don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to,” Steve holds his hand out to Eddie over the table, linking their fingers together, trying to be reassuring. It must have been terrifying to Eddie, especially with no point of reference, he would have been being stolen away by monsters he had never seen before. Never the less, Steve would be lying if he said he wasn’t curious about Eddie’s memories.

“I’d never seen people before. Nothing like them, the noises they were making. The lights were too bright, you know? Everything was just...so much. And I was so scared. Like, that’s all I was? Just...fear. And then you saved me. I was still frightened though. Sorry.”

Steve snorts a soft laugh, “I forgive you, given the circumstances. And...the pool, I suppose that was really different, and you didn’t have...anywhere to hide. I remember feeling bad about that, how you were always curled up at the bottom at first, trying to hide in the corner?”

“Yeah..I…” Eddie frowns for a second, “I remember that, I think. The water was...so clear. I couldn’t hide in it. But...I don’t think it took that long before I realized I didn’t have anything to hide from, not really.”

“Still...I’m sorry. I...a lot of stuff happened fast and I wish I could have done more, somehow.”

Eddie smiles softly back, “you don’t need to think that but...thank you,” he squeezes Steve’s hand. “I remember when I learned your name,” he says quietly, fiddling with Steve’s fingers now, a soft look on his face. Introspective and thoughtful, he speaks softly, “I remember being able to make that noise and you would answer. I could...call you, and then you’d come and make noises of your own. I didn’t understand any of them but...you always had something for me. Quiet noises or...something nice to eat. Or drink,” Eddie grins suddenly, turning enthusiastic, “I can’t explain it, but the first time I tried a beer I thought it tasted like how the sun felt. And that was...I don’t know, like a door opened. Like the world opening up, that I had the time and energy to think about stuff like that. Complicated things, not just...food or hiding.”

“You think when you were...you know, in The Upside Down, I suppose you were trying to survive all the time and...you were so thin,” Steve doesn’t remember a lot from the day he rescued Eddie, he’d been beat to hell and he was fucking high, but he remembers carrying Eddie from the bathtub down to the pool, and he’d felt to small and frail. He’d hardly weighed anything.

“Yeah, the vines were hard to eat. Especially the big ones, the small ones were the best, and I knew how to plant the stalks to grow more, but they took time to grow, and if someone else found them, they'd just eat them. Not like I could stay and watch out for them.”

“No...the way you went for the frozen peas. And the celery,” Steve shudders, “just...downing a stick of celery like it was nothing- wait, is that why you gave Hopper a pine cone?”

“Yeah...I mean I think I understood he was looking out for us, and he could plant that, and grow food so...it was the most valuable thing I felt I had.”

“It makes so much sense now. You were talking pretty well by the point though, you were getting good with your picture book.”

“Probably the second most important thing you gave me.”

“The second?” Steve smiles, curious, “and what was the first?”

“My name. Something just for myself, a way of...thinking about myself, I guess and that...I don’t really know how to explain how much that changed things. I think it was the first time I even realized that I was...me. It was…” Eddie frowns and shakes his head, like it’s too big of an idea to try and communicate.

“I...think I understand. Like if you never had anyone to speak to before that. I mean I guess if no one ever called me Steve...if I never had anyone to talk to, I’m not sure...I’m not sure what that would do to me, you know, eventually. That must have been so lonely,” sympathy spikes in Steve. All that time Eddie had been so so alone.

Eddie shrugs, still gripping Steve’s fingers across the table, “I didn’t even know what lonely was. Having someone else there...was never a thought I had. Or even could have had. Everything else was dangerous. Being alone was safe. And then there was you. Feeding me, not hurting me. Everything in The Upside Down tries to hurt you, you know?”

Steve makes a noise, “pfffffft. Don’t I know it,” but he thinks back, “you were nervous of everyone but me for a long time, it felt like,” Steve sniggers, remembering, “that day when you saw Robs off, because she’d been tickling me. You saved me.”

Eddie gasps quietly, clearly staring at nothing, lost in his memory, “I remember that! I thought...I think I thought she was hurting you. And you...you had all these people around you who all looked like you but...you never fought with each other, and you just...were together. No one was fighting for food or...a safe place to hide it was just...it took me a long time to understand, but I knew you needed help fighting Robin off.” Eddie smirks, “your teeth aren’t sharp, you don’t have claws, how were you going to defend yourself?”

“Dustin thought you were defending me because I was your food source?”

“No,” Eddie says firmly, “no, not at all you were...I didn’t really have a way of thinking of it past sort of...Demodogs, I guess. They usually were in groups, and they would fight each other, but only sometimes. So I kind of knew you were like that, like a pack, to each other, I guess? They would still hurt each other though, if the fight was bad enough. I thought you could still be in danger from Robin.” Eddie gives a vague half shrug, his fingers shifting in Steve’s grasp, “I wasn’t too worried about food, grass was fine, and the inside of the skinny tree branches was okay.”

Steve slow blinks, “I’m sorry...you were eating...grass and trees?”

Eddie nods, “oh yeah, you slept a lot. I didn’t really sleep at all, just a few hours, I think. I mean, I do now, obviously, but even when I was upstairs with you, I would sleep a bit, then wait, and then sleep a little more.”

“Right, okay, so lets go back to you saving me because you...liked me?” Steve grins at him.

Eddie ducks his head, a little shy, “maybe but...not in any kind of specific way? Tadpoles don’t have sex or anything, so I wasn’t...it’s not like I was thinking about you like that it was just...you were mine, I think. My person. Besides,” Eddie huffs a laugh, “you took me out of the tank. You carried me away from that place. If anything, you rescued me.”

“You make it sound so romantic.”

Eddie grins, “my knight in shining armor.”

Steve snorts, “think it was a Scoops Ahoy! Uniform actually-”

“Hush hush hush,” Eddie leans over the table, a finger pressed to Steve’s lips, “don’t spoil it.”

Steve smiles, getting up to get Eddie a glass of milk now that his coffee is done.

“Am I dropping you to band practice tonight?” Steve asks, already resigned to Eddie's campaign.

They’ve kicked up practice to two nights a week already, and Eddie seems to be having the time of his life hanging out with these guys. They’re all giant nerds, and this might only be Eddie’s fourth practice, but he comes home full of stories about how he’s going to be playing some Dungeons and Dragons thing with them in a couple of weekends time. He wants to try painting tiny little models with them too.

Steve encourages it, obviously, even if he doesn’t fully get it. He’s glad Eddie’s trying these things and finding new things to enjoy.

Maybe Steve should try and find like an evening amateur basketball team, or something like that at the rec center. He could start jogging again maybe, join a walking group. He's always kind of wanted to try tennis. But, something. Anything.

“Yeah, will you? You can...come and say hello?” Eddie asks tentatively.

“You know what? Fuck it. I can do this,” Steve gets up, determined, heading into the kitchen.

“What?” Eddie trails after him, watching Steve pull out ingredients and then the baking trays. “Are you making cookies?”

“Yup. For the band. I am a good guy now and I have said sorry and they are going to like me. Even if I have to drown them in fucking snicker-doodle.”

“Oh I like those-”

“I don’t actually have the stuff for snicker-doodle, it’s going to be macadamia, but my point still stands!”

Eddie’s arms slide around Steve’s middle, hugging him tight from behind as he weighs out flour and sugar, “I love you so much,” Eddie whispers against Steve’s shoulder.

Eddie holds they plate of cookies carefully as he gets out of the car. Steve takes them so he can get his guitar.

Steve takes a deep breath, squaring his shoulders as Gareth pulls up the shutter. He walks in, side by side with Eddie, “hi, I made you guys cookies for practice.”

They’re all looking at Steve like he’s some strange unidentifiable creature that just slithered into the garage. Which, okay, school bully turns up with home made cookies; Steve can see that it’s a pretty extreme rebrand, but he feels vaguely confident that he can just keep being himself and it’ll be fine.

“They’re macadamia, they’re really good,” Eddie informs the three guys.

Steve holds out the plate to Gareth, giving it a little wiggle until he takes one. When Gareth doesn’t immediately drop dead, the others come forward too, Jeff and the third guy, who Eddie finally told Steve is called Andy.

“They are good,” Gareth says, and it’s not even grudging, just genuine, which Steve is pleased with.

“So how come you’re always Eddie’s ride,” Jeff vaguely indicates the garage door and presumably the beemer sitting on the other side, “Eddie says you live together?”

“Yeah, Eddie’s from Finland...he’s here like, learning English, and stuff,” Steve says vaguely. He doesn’t think he’s ever had to actually use their cover story before.

“Right, so why’s he living with you?”

“Because Stevie’s my boyyeeest. Friend. Best friend. Yup. Right?”

Steve blinks at Eddie. He has just fucked that completely, but Steve smiles, “right. Yup. Best friend. Just...helping out.”

Everyone's staring at them, but at least the blow is softened with cookies; no one can look truly judgemental with a mouthful of cookie.

“Harrington, I would not have guessed you to be the sort to have a...best friend,” Jeff says, vaguely.

“Yeah,” Gareth adds with his mouthful, “we don’t care who is who’s best friend, you know? Anyone can have any kind of best friend. It would be a bit hypocritical of us to claim to be like, alternative and accepting of stuff and then judge two dudes for being...best friends.”

Eddie’s looking back and forth between them, “Stevie, is this one of those things? The not saying what you mean things?”

“Yeah, yeah Eds.”

“Oh. Sorry,” Steve smiles at him, “didn’t mean to…” Eddie gestures vaguely with his cookie.

“It’s fine...apparently you have cool friends.”

Steve ends up staying and watching band practice, and despite them being objectively terrible most of the time, he still enjoys himself.

The phone starts ringing as Steve is kicking off his shoes in the hallway, “Eddie?” He calls through the house, before picking up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi honey, are you and Eddie doing okay?”

Steve smiles, “yeah Joyce, thanks, all good, and you?”

“Well I haven't seen Jon for three days and I can’t even understand Will’s Math homework so I figure…pretty average?” Steve snorts a laugh, “anyway, we haven't had everyone together since new year so I was thinking a pot luck on Sunday afternoon, what do you think?”

Steve figures it has been all of three and a half weeks since new year, but Joyce likes to see all the kids together, she likes to know that everyone is okay. Steve loves her for it, “sure thing, what do you want us to bring?”

“Not pasta salad,” she tells him firmly, “I keep telling them no, we’re going to end up with five different types of pasta.”

“Okay Joyce, not pasta salad, got it,” Eddie thumps down the stairs as Steve’s talking, and Steve watches as he flops down on the bottom step.

“Bye honey.”

Steve hangs up, heading over, “baby, are you okay?”

“I was sick,” Eddie tells him plaintively, looking pathetic and a little pale.

“Oh, what like, something you ate?” Steve crouches down, feeling Eddie’s forehead. He feels fine despite looking washed out.

“I don’t know, I just felt sick and then...bleurgh,” he makes a half hearted puking noise, “I cleaned up,” he adds.

Steve makes a mental note to check the bathroom, “come and sit on the couch, I’ll get you some water to sip, okay?” Eddie agrees, slouching after Steve to the couch and Steve gets the water.

“You said water,” Eddie tells him.

“Yeah it-” Steve looks down, he’s holding a glass of milk. It throws him for a second, because he knew he was getting water, but he does remember pouring a milk instead, “sorry, I’ll have this, I’ll go get you some water.”

He manages it the second time, “Joyce has invited us over on Sunday, for a pot luck,” Steve tells Eddie as they snuggle up on the couch.

“That’s when you all bring a thing? A food thing, I mean?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve never been to one,” Eddie tells him, snuggling his face awkwardly up under Steve’s armpit, curled up all meek and pathetic, “what are you making?”

“Not pasta salad, Joyce said no to that, and not a dessert, Joyce’s pies and Nancy’s cobblers are both really good. Probably something with vegetables, those kids don’t eat enough vegetables. Maybe the stuffed peppers. Or vegetable skewers, maybe.”

“I liked the peppers when you did them. I want to make something, too,” Eddie’s voice is muffled from where it’s shoved against Steve. He’s trying to hook their legs together but his leg keeps sliding down, and in the end Steve just grabs his thigh and holds Eddie’s leg over his lap.

“Do you know what you want to make?”

“Under the sea salad. I saw it in a magazine.”

Steve rubs at Eddie’s back, “still feeling sick? And what’s an under the sea salad?”

“No it’s...going. And it’s tuna in lime jello on top of canned pears and cream cheese. It looked so cool in the pictures. I need a jello mold.”

Steve takes a deep breath, “well it’ll definitely be the star of the show, I can pretty much guarantee it.”

Part FortyThree

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One Two Three

Robin sucks on her drink through her straw, “why, exactly, are we here?”

Steve sighs into his own drink.

Robin looks around the yard from her perch on a lawn chair, “I can’t help but notice, Steven, that we are very clearly the oldest people here.”

Steve watches Eddie balefully. He’s trying and failing to light the grill. It’s almost embarrassing to watch; Steve can’t seem to look away.

“Steven, I am drinking something that was mixed together in bowl. I’m drinking it out of a red solo cup. I haven’t touched one of these in a decade. I require an explanation.”

“I don’t have one.”

“That is a lie. Your pants will catch fire and then you can use them to help that moron to light the grill.”

They watch for a little longer.

“Fucks sake Steve just go and do it for him. This tastes like paint thinner; I’ll need to eat some bread at some point or I’ll go into kidney failure.”

Steve gets up and lights the grill for Eddie. He’s wearing another butchered tee shirt and some black board shorts. He’s so pale, and all of his bony bits are on show. Elbows. Wrists. Ankles.

His hair is gathered up into a messy bun on top of his head.

He still has a smear of make up on one eyelid where it hasn’t washed off properly.

Steve knows exactly what he sounds like when he comes.

“Thanks man,” Eddie’s blushing. He’s rubbing the back of his neck. It reveals Eddie’s pale ribs. His dark hairy armpit-

Steve runs away before he does something stupid.

“Okay, so, step by step, no gory details please, what exactly happened last night, because I know damn well you didn’t spend the entire forty five minutes I was waiting hanging around in a gross bathroom.”

Steve sighs, rubs his forehead, then goes and gets them both refills.

“Coward,” Robin calls after his retreating back.

He’s refilling their cups with an honest to fucking god soup ladle out of the kitchen – avoiding the fly that has met it’s sticky end in what is, no doubt, highly toxic punch – when it happens.

“Hey man,” Steve is being addressed by an actual pimply teenager.

“Hey.”

“Nice car,” he sounds weirdly angry about it.

“Uhhh...thanks,” because Steve doesn’t know what the fuck else to say to a dude wearing a dungeons and dragons tee shirt over flaming basketball shorts. He has nothing on his feet. Outside. Steve represses a shudder.

“Look, you clearly have money, or whatever, and probably a fancy job and you’re like, forty-”

“Hey-”

“- or whatever, but this thing with Eddie, can you make it fast please? Dragging it out isn’t fair on him.”

Steve blinks. He’s getting a shovel talk from someone who probably doesn’t know what a VHS is.

Steve can remember playing video games with no save; if you were going to do it, you had to play the whole damn thing in one go. Steve didn’t have a mobile phone until he was fifteen. Steve is not going to take this.

“This ‘thing’ I have with Eddie is none of your business. Eddie can speak for himself-”

“No Eddie cannot speak for himself, because Eddie is the nicest guy I know and Eddie already thinks he’s in love. Don’t think I don’t see what this is for you, Eddie’s just another thing to play with until you get bored. Look at this place, look at us. Now look at you and you’re fancy friend over there,” the kid gestures and, yeah, alright, the difference is pretty obvious, “you wouldn’t be caught dead here, slumming it, if you weren't getting something out of it. Now hurry it along, Eddie only writes good stuff when he’s heartbroken. Which is a lot, by the way. We all know how this goes.”

“What’s wrong with your face?”

“I just got a shovel talk from a kid who probably shouldn’t even be drinking yet.”

“Ouch,” Robin takes her drink back, “how does that feel?”

Steve shrugs, “not sure, actually.”

Across the yard, Steve watches as Eddie gesticulates wildly and hisses angrily at the pimply face DnDer. He catches Steve watching. Eddie grabs the kid by the arm and drags him away.

“The burgers are burning,” Robin idly points out.

Steve sighs, he loves this polo, grease stains are a bastard, and the chances of finding an apron in this place are none existent.

At least Robin comes with him. She half unwraps some cheese and generally pretends to busy herself, slicing buns and stacking paper plates.

“So, last night?”

“Right,” Steve sighs through his nose, shuffling some onions around on the flat plate. “So I was just going to you know, get him.”

“Get your man tiger,” Robin purrs.

It shouldn’t be funny, but it kind of is. Steve laughs.

“But he just...grabbed my hand. And he said ‘Steve! Come and meet the guys!’ So I...did.”

“He introduced you to his friends,” Robin raises that lethal eyebrow.

“Yeah.”

“And you went along with it?”

“Well I kind of...he didn’t let go of my hand so I kind of…”

Both of Robins eyebrows are now in the stratosphere. She appears to spend a few minutes digesting that, “and then you got invited to...this.”

Steve’s already dug half a hole, and he still apparently has the shovel in his hand, so he keeps going, “he was just so happy to see me,” Steve admits, quietly.

“Who is that?”

“Who?”

Robin grabs Steve by the hair and forcibly turns his whole head, “that.”

There’s a blonde girl talking to Eddie. She’s wearing a white tank top and daisy dukes, “no idea.”

“Come on, high time you introduced me.”

Steve really tries, but he cant hide the fact that he is delighted by this turn of events, “why, Robin Buckley! Oh how the tables have turned-”

“Shut the fuck up. I’m going to make her cry.”

Part Five

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One Two Three Four

Steve sits with his head pressed against the steering wheel.

In the passenger seat, Robin’s doing her make up.

“What are we doing here, Rob?”

“You mean like, in the cosmic soul searching sense, or here specifically?”

“Here. Specifically.”

“Well, your beautiful brunette boyfriend-”

“You don’t score points for alliteration. And he’s not my boyfriend.”

“All right then, the man who is under the distinct impression that he’s your boyfriend, suggested we all hang out together. So we are here. At the place I suggested.”

“Because you know I hate it here.”

Robin makes a non committal noise, Steve looks, she’s pulling the horrendous mascara face. He goes back to resting his forehead on the steering wheel.

Steve does hate it here. Reminds him of...fucking work brunches with his father and Sunday lunches with his mother and he just. Hates it.

Steve sighs like a Victorian maid who’s betrothed has not yet returned from sea. He’s certain he’ll die from consumption at any minute.

“Shut up you big baby,” Robin tells him as she fluffs her hair, “all I want is to finger bang this chick in the bathroom and then rub my cunt on her face, is that too much to ask?”

And Robin has been wholly supportive of Steve so far, so, “no, I suppose-what the fuck Robin? Did you choose this place because-”

“I like the bathrooms-”

“-the bathrooms are nice-”

“What?-”

“Oh you fucking-”

“They’re romantic kinda’.”

“They’re bathrooms, Robin!”

“The lighting is good. I like the vibe.”

“Oh my god.”

Steve’s stares mournfully after his best friend. She’s at the bar with Chrissy, because Chrissy wanted to watch the guy make their cocktails, look he does tricks with the thing, like in that old movie with Tom Cruise.

Steve could physically feel himself ageing as she spoke.

“It’s so cool they’re dating.” Steve does not point out that whatever Robin's about to do to Chrissy, it will be a four letter word, but that four letter word is not ‘date’.

“You think?”

Eddie smiles big. The dimples come out. Huge happy brown fucking cow eyes. He’s not attractive Steve reminds himself viciously. He’s playing with his cutlery because he can’t sit still and...his chins too pointy. Or something. “Well yeah. It’d be so cool if they get married.”

Steve nearly chokes on his drink.

“Hey man, you okay?”

“Fine, fine,” Steve’s nose is burning from the bubbles going up there, “what makes you think they’ll get married?”

“Well...why would you date someone if you can’t see it going somewhere?” Steve hopes this is going somewhere; like to a bed, specifically, “so there’s a chance, right? I can tell Chris really likes her. I hope it’s like, a long term thing.”

Steve feels himself slow blink. He doesn’t explain to Eddie that you date someone because you want to stick your penis in them. Eddie turns to watch the girls again, they laugh, and Eddie grins at them, all happy and fond.

Steve sighs.

“You okay?”

“Sorry?”

“You just...you don’t seem so happy to be here man. Kind of tense.”

Steve has no idea how Eddie even noticed, usually people don’t notice. Or usually people don’t care, but it amounts to the same thing because coming to somewhere like this is just the step you take before you step into a bedroom.

“I...I actually don’t really like it here much.”

Eddie looks at him, leans close. He’s ready to really listen. He...cares. About Steve. Steve wonders if he’s going to come up in a rash; it feels like the sort of thing he should be allergic too. He wonders vaguely if there’s antihistamines in the glove box.

“Why?”

“Well...I.” Steve pulls a face. He doesn’t talk about...meaningful things, but he figures it can’t hurt this once, he can be vague. Especially if it increases the chance of doing the no pants dance with Eddie, “I don’t have the best relationship with my parents. I mean, they’re good parents, I had really good nannies growing up, had a great education, the best boarding school, they funded my degree, gave me a solid start at work, so they are great...we just don’t exactly get on all the time. We used to come here for pretty much every family meal.”

Eddie’s frown deepens the more Steve talks, “how often were the...family meals?”

“I don’t know,” Steve hums, “holidays I guess, when I was away, and then...maybe fortnightly? We don’t do it now, obviously.”

“Oh. Me and uncle Wayne had one meal a day together, at least, when I lived there. It was like, a house rule.”

“Oh that’s...you’re close?” To Steve that already sounds like something out of the fucking Brady Bunch.

“Yeah. Speaking of which, he’s invited you to dinner.”

“Dinner?” Steve asks weakly.

“Yeah, since you’re courting that boy, he said.” Eddie puts his hands up to do the air quotes. And then he grins. That big stupid grin. He looks so happy. So genuinely happy to see Steve. So happy about the prospect of just...seeing him again.

Steve does not point out that a blow job at a garden party, humping each other in a public bathroom, and one co ed BBQ does not courting make.

“Right.”

“Awesome, I’ll let you know when,” Eddie drums two forks on the edge of the table. Steve stares at his bony wrists. His mind suggests phrases like, ‘slender’ and ‘delicate’ and Steve ignores those and thinks about how he could very easily hold both of those wrists in one hand. “listen, do you want to get out of here?”

“Sorry?”

“Well, the girls won’t care,” and he’s probably right there, “and you don’t like it here, and I don’t care where I am as long as it’s with you.”

Steve riffles through his internal Rolodex and comes up blank; no one has ever said anything that sincere to him in his life. And Eddie means it too; he means everything he says in a completely unguarded way Steve has literally never encountered before. It’s like meeting an alien. Steve wants to put him under a microscope.

“I just want you to have a nice time, you know. I want you to be happy.”

Eddie reaches out and takes Steve’s hand.

Steve lets him.

Part Six

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One

“I need you to find out everything you can about him.”

“Well hello to you too.”

“I brought coffee,” Steve pushes the coffee cup across the desk at her.

“What happened to ‘one and done. Got it out of my system. Eddie Munson? Never even heard of him-’” Robin mimics in what is, unfortunately, quite an accurate caricature of Steve.

“Robin,” Steve hisses, “for the love of fucking god shut up and tell me you will help me find him.”

Robin looks at him, Eyebrows raised, her best 'who the fuck do you think you're speaking too’ look on her face.

“Fine, sorry, don’t shut the fuck up obviously-”

“Oh well, thank you so very much-” the sarcasm is actually palpable in the air.

“- just please!”

“Tell me why.”

“I can’t. I really can’t. I have no logical or meaningful or emotional or reasonable or ideological or – fucking – astrological reason for this.”

Robin sighs, Rubbing at the bridge of her nose, “thought you fucked him in the pool house?”

“I- I did.”

“What was that,” she points right in Steve’s face.

“What.”

“That,” she waves her hand, indicating Steve’s face. “Something happened.”

“Robin, please don’t make me.”

She just stares at him. For ages. For a millennia. Steve feels like his flesh melts of and he turns to bones and then to dust, just like the guy with the wrong cup out of the Indiana Jones movie.

“Okay, so I sucked him off and then jerked off into his mouth but after we…talked.”

“Talked?” Robin raises an eyebrow that could devastate universes.

“And cuddled,” Steve mumbles behind his coffee cup.

The second eyebrow lifts to join the first, “and you...liked it?”

“God no,” Steve snorts, “he’s got like one percent body fat, it was like cuddling a sack of small power tools.”

“Right...so you want to do it again because..?”

“I don’t know I just...I think it was a fluke. Lets go again. I’m sure I’ll hate it the second time.”

“What did you even talk about?”

“Dumb shit. He’s a dumb kid. Nothing worth repeating, now, Robin, please, for fucks sake-”

“He’s in a band, they’re playing on Friday at some dive bar-”

“How the fuck do you already know this-”

“Someone!” Robin cuts across him, clearly pissed off, “had to entertain Wayne Munson while you were off giving Eddie a ‘tour of the grounds’ with your dick.”

“Oh. Right. Sorry, Robbie. Uhm-”

“Tell me I’m the greatest thing that’s ever happened to you and buy me all my drinks on Friday night and I might consider calling us even.”

Part Three

[stevieschrodinger]

Everything is going slowly foggy. The fear is fading. Eddie's vaguely aware that it's probably because he's dying. What was terrifying a couple of minutes ago, is only vaguely of interest now. An ephemeral pressure on the back of his brain. Present, yet easy to ignore.

All he can taste is his own blood, but it's not so bad. At least he can tell Dustin how much he loves him. And Steve's there. Steve Harrington. Who knew he would turn out to be such a great guy? So, yeah. It all feels alright.

Eddie feels sleepy, vaguely aware that he's, actually, probably dying.

He closes his eyes.

There's a strange sense of vertigo, strange enough that Eddie notices he's standing up before he notices that someone's kissing him. It's a soft press of lips. It's wonderful.

Eddie blinks his eyes open, and from an inch away, he's looking at Steve Harrington.

He's standing in a kitchen. it's nice. Eddie's clean; he's wearing sweats and a tee. Barefoot. The kitchen smells like coffee, and sun is shining in through the window.

Somewhere in the house, a child sequels; Eddie startles. "Steve?" He asks, carefully. "I mean...not that it isn't-"

The child comes barreling into the room. It's a little girl. She's wearing the smallest Dio shirt Eddie's ever seen. She throws herself at Eddie's legs, screaming "Papa!"

Eddie has no idea what his face is doing as he looks down at this little girl, but Steve is taking his hand, tugging it, Eddie looks up, "it happened again, didn't it? You forgot again?"

"I...what?"

Steve scoops up the little girl, throwing her over his shoulder, she squeals again, laughing like this is the best thing ever, "come on pumpkin patch, Papa's not feeling so hot today and auntie Robin's going to be here in two whole minutes."

He looks back to Eddie, mouthing 'just wait, okay?'

Eddie, at a loss, just nods.

He creeps to the doorway, watching, fascinated, as Steve Harrington fixes the little girls hair into pig tails. Helps her get her socks straight. Helps her tie the laces on her sneakers. Gets her back pack on her, "eat your carrot sticks today, okay Ronnie?"

'Ronnie,' Eddie mouths to himself.

Watches as Steve puts her little hand into Robin's, standing on the front porch. Robin looks different. Older. She's smartly dressed.

Steve whispers something to her, and she looks at Eddie. Smiles a sad smile. They leave.

Steve stands there for a moment, waves them off, then closes the door. He seems to steal himself, and then he turns and comes back to Eddie, "I have to go to work, but, come on, let me show you something."

Eddie follows Steve into an office, there's shit everywhere, "I don't come in here often, your mess drives me fucking batshit," Steve digs into a desk drawer, brings out a notebook. "I have no idea what's in here, I've never read it. Something about...what happened. You did die. You were oxygen deprived long enough to cause a brain injury, so sometimes you...forget everything. After the second time it happened, you started writing letters to yourself. So, yeah...you call it your instruction manual, I get it for you when this happens."

It takes Eddie what feels like a really fucking long time to process this, and he can't help but notice that Steve's eyes are wet, Eddie feels crushingly guilty about it.

"Okay so what do I...do?"

Steve shrugs, "read it, I guess. You add to it whenever anything important happens...Eddie...just, the bats, they did a number on you...when you, when you look at the scars, the first time, just, brace yourself, okay and...don't forget that I love you, no matter what, I love you."

And Steve just...leaves the house. Leaves Eddie in this absolute disaster of an office. Leaves him holding a notebook that's ratty and untidy and feels like it's bursting at the seams.

Eddie reads.

So, I'm going to try and keep this simple, but I'm you, from the past, and our dumb ass has fucking brain damage...

You're not going to fucking believe this...we bagged Steve Harrington...

Hold on to your hat big boy, but we got fucking published! And if you're reading this, then you are in for a treat, because it means you get to read our genius for the first time all over again...

Okay, so this one was a bad one, we initially, didn't react so well, so, here's what I was worried about, and I'll talk you through it...

So, I need you to not fuck this up for us, okay? So, this is the Steve Harrington play book. The man is romantic, buy flowers, do nice shit. I cannot stress this enough - just pick up your crap man, he hates it when the place is messy. Now, we have to get it right so here's everything I know, I'll start at the top and work down. He loves having his hair played with, and tugged, but not too hard, gentle but firm, there's a sweet spot. The neck, the whole thing is an erogenous zone, I really can't downplay the importance of the neck...

We bought a fucking house! Look at it! Just look at it! And Eddie does, because there's a Polaroid stuck to the page.

So, this might sound dumb, and I probably should have written to you sooner, but...Steve jizzed in a cup for Robs, and Nancy turkey basted it, you know. Anyway, the point is...Rob's pregnant. With our baby. And then me and Nance got drunk, like, to celebrate, and she got all sad that her and Robin weren't having a baby, stay with me, I know this is mad as shit, but Nancy wanted our kid and their kid to grow up together....

Look, I don't know if it's the stress of like, imminent fatherhood, but we've been forgetting a lot lately, so, here's the plan for when Rob's in labor, and everything you've talked to Steve about when it comes to being the stay at home parent, okay...

The next page is just a Polaroid, a little scrunched up face. A little pink potato swaddled in blankets, and underneath it says 'Ronnie Jamie Harrington'...

And the next page, another Polaroid, another scrunched up face, another little pink potato swaddled in blankets, and underneath it says 'Stephanie Edwina Wheeler'...

Steve comes home. He looks exhausted. Like, drained. And, worried and scared and pale and lots of other things Eddie can't even begin to imagine. Eddie holds his arms out and Steve practically throws himself into them, "how long does it take, for me to get back to normal?"

Steve shrugs, "it's different every time, but it's a good sign you're still here, sometimes you run. Those times are the worst ones."

Six weeks later, Eddie writes to himself, "do not, under any circumstances, run away..."

Eddie thinks he's seeing things. Thinks maybe he's going senile. But he hasn't forgotten for...well, it's been years now. At least seven or eight. And yeah, Ronnie might be about to finish high school and Steve might be stressed to fuck over her college applications, but...Eddie's glad. He's glad she's spreading her wings. He's glad they managed to produce a stand up human being.

He's really glad her and Steph are trying for the same colleges, they're always going to have each other.

But yea...he's worried his mind is kind of...slipping. Hasn't told Steve. Doesn't want to worry him. They're both sprouting a few gray hairs, no need to add to those.

But sometimes. Sometimes when Eddie looks out of the window, he thinks, for a moment, that the sky is dark and...it looks like snow?

And sometimes, Eddie catches himself in the mirror, and he's sure he's dirty. A mess. Covered in blood but...no. He walks back a step, checks again. Everything is fine.

Sometimes he's sees movement out of the corner of his eye.

Sometimes, in the beat of the music or the rumble of the car engine, he swears he hears things. Sometimes a voice. Sometimes it sounds like they're yelling.

Sometimes it sounds like Steve.

And once, he blinked awake, Steve bringing him a coffee. But it wasn't Steve, for the time between startled, half asleep blinks, it was Vecna.

It gets worse.

Something isn't right. The house is empty, and it shouldn't be.

He can hear Steve, but he can't find him. And that's silly because the house isn't that big. He searches and searches, growing more frantic. He calls back to Steve, but Steve...doesn't seem to hear him.

There's something dim about the light, but the light has always been that way, hasn't it? Something...dusty, in the air. Eddie feels like he's dreaming. He has to be dreaming; there's a crack in the living room wall. A crack that spreads and lengthens until the whole house is crumbling and Eddie can see clearly now that the sky here flashes red.

That it's always been flashing red.

How did he not see before? The dust on every surface? The pages of his notebook are blank. Eddie knows. He's always known.

Steve.

Steve is here. He's hanging from Eddie's fist, bruised and bloodied and begging Eddie. Begging Eddie to stop this, to hear him, to see him. It's Steve.

It's Eddie's Steve.

Next to him, Vecna says, "finish it."

Eddie has something in his hand, the hilt of something he's sure of, long and sharp and dependable.

Eddie doesn't think, he just moves.

He drops Steve.

He doesn't need to look. Eddie turns, and he swings.

Part Two

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One TwentySeven

Chrissy has her hands over her mouth. Her eyes are wide and suspiciously wet looking, and Steve cannot read her expression at all, “you let him eat your toes?” She mumbles through her fingers.

“Yeah,” and Steve’s geared up to...something. Defend himself maybe? Defend Eddie? He doesn’t know, but she cuts him off anyway.

“I think that’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard,” she sighs.

“It...is?”

“Steve, you literally sacrificed a part of yourself to save your one true love,” Chrissy sighs again, one hand supporting her chin now as she stares at them, “Jason wouldn’t even miss a TV football game,” she frowns.

“Steaming turd,” Eddie say solemnly, and then they share a look, and both of them start laughing.

Steve looks between them, frowning, “yeah, well-”

“Oh! Is that why he won’t let me do anything with his hair?”

“I-” Steve starts, then stalls, “what?”

“Well, in school your hair was like...ninety percent of your personality-”

“What-?”

“And, genetically, this makes Eddie part you, right?”

Steve frowns, that thought had never actually occurred to him, “I...guess?”

“And he really doesn’t like being different-” Chrissy gestures vaguely.

“Not different,” Eddie scowls, “little different,” he then immediately concedes.

“I know, I don’t mean it in a bad way honey, you know that right? You’re really cool different, really good different,” Chrissy reassures Eddie immediately, “but in school, Steve’s one job was like...being king of fitting in. Fitting in and having good hair was like, all he had-”

“Hey!”

“Sorry,” she shrugs, “kind of true though. And now Eddie like, has a big thing about both of those things so do you think he like, inherited them from you?”

“No!” Steve crosses his arms, “no I do not think that at all.” Except, now that she’s said it, Steve’s kind of thinking it a little bit. “He just wants to fit in, that’s to be expected considering what he’s been through, don’t you think? Plus, when he came out of the pool all his hair was gone so it’s totally understandable-”

There’s a knocking on the front door, but Steve hears it open before he can get up and Joyce calls, “hello,” through the house. Hopper follows her into the lounge, “we thought better to bring my car than Hoppers truck in case someone is watching,” she shrugs, “don’t want to spook them if they think the laws involved,” she tells them in a conspiratorial whisper.

Hopper rolls his eyes, “she thinks she’s Jessica Fletcher. Kid, you got any beers?”

Steve says, “in the fridge,” at the same time as Eddie says, “no.”

Hopper goes and helps himself, and next to Steve, Eddie grumbles under his breath.

Steve nudges him, “Hopper’s helping us, and we can always get more beer. You only ever drink one at a time anyway.”

Eddie nods, but looks grumpy about it, making Chrissy giggle.

“So, new kid, you all caught up?” Hopper comes back in, bottle in hand.

“There’s an alternate dimension filled with monsters you can reach by opening gates, that’s where Will Byers went missing – that’s your son?” Joyce nods, “but he’s fine now?” Joyce nods again, “okay, good. And your daughter is from a secret government science experiment that was hidden in Hawkins, and she can move stuff with her mind. Eddie is from the upside down and used to be a mermaid.”

Hopper sighs, “close enough, now, what can you tell me about this guy?”

“Uhm...well, he was white. An older guy? Maybe in his sixties, so grey hair?”

“That really narrows it down for me kid.”

Joyce elbows him, “Hop.”

“Did he have an accent?” Steve asks, “like, a Russian accent?”

“Oh, oh no not at all. He was American.”

“Huh.”

“He...all the time wear a shirt, most time a tie and...sometimes…” Eddie mimes doing buttons up the front.

“A coat?”

“No, not coat. Make like Christmas sweater.”

“Oh, a cardigan.”

Eddie nods, “yes.”

Hopper sighs, “an old white guy in a cardigan. How hard could it be,” Joyce elbows him again, “woman!”

“Well...wouldn’t it be safer for Eddie to go away for a little bit?” Joyce suggests.

“No,” Eddie says, frowning and grabbing on to Steve’s elbow, “not the cabin.”

“Oh...oh no honey. I meant further than that, and with Steve. Like a...like a little holiday.”

“Yeah, I don’t want Steve coming back and forth to the cabin, this guy could easily be looking El too,” Hopper adds.

“So where do you-” the front door crashes open, interrupting Steve.

Robin stumbles into the lounge, pink, sweaty, and gasping for breath, “I got here. As fast. As I. Could.”

“Jesus Birdie, did you just ride your bike the whole way here?”

“Yeah,” she caves in, bending to rest her hands on her knees, chest heaving.

Eddie nods, eyeing the state of Robin, “bikes are dangerous,” he points out sagely.

Steve shakes his head, watching as Robin regains her composure enough to share a quick smile with Chrissy. They do an awkward little finger wave at each other across the four feet of lounge they’re separated by. Steve’s going to have to grill her at some point.

“How did you even know?” Steve asks her.

“Oh, well El was there when you called Hopper, and she walkied Max-”

“Right. Right. Never mind I get it,” Steve stops her before she relays the entire chain of events.

Robin slides onto the couch, a very proper foot of space between her and Chrissy. Steve raises an eyebrow. Well? Robin glares at him. Fuck off.

“How about Ray’s place?” Joyce asks.

“Yeah, yeah,” Hopper agrees, like he was already considering it, “I’ll go call him.”

Hopper shuffles into the hall, “fishing Buddy,” Joyce elaborates, “Hopper uses his cabin all the time, it’s right on a lake.”

“It is not ‘all the time’,” Hopper grumbles from out in the hall.

“Feels like it,” Joyce whispers.

“You going into hiding?” Robin asks, excited.

“Yeah...I mean...maybe?” Steve hedges.

“On holiday,” Eddie adds, before frowning, “Chrissy? Can I have holiday? From work?”

Chrissy snorts a laugh, but then very seriously adds, “I think under the circumstances I can excuse the short notice.”

“I could help!” Robin starts eagerly, before she dials down her excitement, “I mean. I could help out, with the flowers, as long as I’m not at Family Video. Oh! Maybe the guy will come in and-!”

“And you could nothing,” Steve tells her, “Robs, seriously, leave it to Hopper, please?”

“Fine,” Robin grumbles.

“I’ll be really glad of your help though,” Chrissy smiles at her, which seems to perk Robin right back up again.

“Oh shit.” Steve sighs, “Keith.”

“Well, you know that elderly aunt you’re really close to? She was super sick over Christmas and you had to help her out?”

“Sure..?” Steve answers vaguely.

“I think she finally just died,” Robin grins.

“Great.”

Eddie has his nose practically pressed to the window glass, “cows!”

“Yeah,” Steve smiles, “yep. Real life cows.”

“Different colors?”

“Yeah, you get chocolate milk from the brown ones.”

Eddie’s head snaps round so fast Steve’s surprised he didn’t hear his neck crack, “really?? The cows in my book are black and white.”

“Yeap, black and white ones make regular milk,” and Steve almost, almost pulls it off, but Eddie starts to frown as he thinks about it, and Steve can’t hide his smile any more.

“Lie,” Eddie says, grinning happily before he goes back to looking out of the window, “funny lie Stevie.”

The town is pretty much exactly as Hopper described; a little touristy, a little kitschy. Bigger than Hawkins. There’s a good will and a record store, and Hopper said that there’s a library in town somewhere. They drive past a busy looking diner and a fair sized grocery store. The gas station is exactly where Hopper said it would be.

It’s busy enough, but clearly filled with a lot of visitors; there’s three outdoor supply stores pretty much on the same block, which figures considering what Hopper said about people passing through, visiting the lakes or going hiking. There’s one store that seems to cater exclusively to merchandise for tourists if the rack of hats and shirts outside is anything to go by.

Once out the far side of town, Steve figures then they’ve driven the mile and a half Hopper directed before finding the turning, and then another mile later finding the over grown, rutted drive that leads up to the cabin. It’s real quiet, the road clearly not used often, and there’s plenty of ‘Private Road – No Entry’ signs at the turning of the lane.

The cabin is nestled amongst the trees, a long, squat thing with a shingled roof and peeling white window frames. There’s a screen door set in the middle and not much else to look at on this side. Steve can already see the little lean too built on the end though, just poking out; it has it’s own vents and chimney and houses the generator. There’s another, open sided shelter next to that, stacked with firewood. Steve figures they won’t need to light the fire much, unless it gets chilly in the evenings. It might, he figures, this close to the water.

Eddie hops out immediately, heading to the cabin and opening the squeaky screen door before letting himself in with the key Hopper gave them.

‘Keep the cans for the generator topped up, if you use anything from the pantry replace it, and for the love of god take your own bedding and towels. Trust me. There’s a coffee can on top of the fridge, I usually shove a few dollars in there as a thank you, oh, and you'll have to go into town if you need to do laundry.’ They were pretty much the only other instructions Hopper had given, but so far everything seems to be exactly as Hopper said it would be.

Steve’s gathering things from the car when Eddie comes back out again to help, “hows the inside?”

Eddie wrinkles his nose, “dusty.”

“Well...we can soon fix that.”

They get unpacked. Eddie dusts and packs things away while Steve tops off the generator and gets it started. He puts the now empty gas can in the trunk, ready for when they go into town. He goes inside the check the fridge is running, then raids the pantry. Some of the cans in there don’t even have labels on, a few even rusting a little, and Steve doesn’t really feel like pot luck or food poisoning for dinner, “want to get groceries?”

“Yeah. I can’t find the vacuum.”

“Oh…” Steve comes and looks, checking in all the likely places, before he finds a little rotary carpet sweeper, showing Eddie how to use it.

Eddie does the whole cabin in less than ten minutes, carefully knocking the dust outside after, “trash bags?” he asks on his way past, and Steve adds them to the grocery list.

The cabin is comfortable inside, if a little lived in. All the furniture looks, at the very least, older than Steve.

Some of it might give Hopper a run for his money.

But, yeah, it’s a tidy little space, and the couch in front of the fire is nice. “Listen later?” Eddie asks when he dusts off the record collection.

“Sure, ready to go now? The fridge should be cold enough by the time we get back.”

Eddie nods, retrieving his jar of cash and shoving some in his wallet, “ready.”

They squeeze into the phone box together; there’s no phone line at the cabin, and Hopper did warn them about that.

Eddie huddles close, Steve holding the receiver so they can both hear it ring, loose change in his pocket at the ready. Steve speaks to Robin’s mother very briefly, and then Robin and Chrissy are both on the line. Steve can imagine it in his head, cord stretched at it’s max to reach inside the door of Robins room, both of them standing close so they can hear, the same as Steve as Eddie are now.

“What’s it like?” Chrissy asks.

“Nice,” Eddie tells her, “I cleaned the dust.”

“Good job, and is the lake pretty?”

“Yeah. Lots of trees.”

“Steve,” Robin cuts across, “is it like, actually alright?”

“Yeah,” Steve reassures her, “it’s pretty good actually, the couch is comfy and the dock looks nice. Generator started up fine. We’ll be okay. Just gonna’ go get some groceries and settle in for the night. Eddie found a record player and there’s a bunch of movies.”

“Library?” Eddie asks.

“Sure, we can find that tomorrow maybe.”

The last thing they did as they were leaving Hawkins was to return Eddie’s books, he was worried they would overrun if they were gone too long.

They wrap up their short check in, the girls promising to let everyone else they arrived fine. Steve also makes Robin promise not to do anything stupid, which, she does promise, but Steve is absolutely certain she has her fingers crossed as she says it.

They carry a bag each into the cabin, Eddie immediately opening the fridge and declaring it cold inside. The groceries get unpacked, and Steve finishes unpacking and making up the bed while Eddie unpacks his pencils and notebooks.

With that done, Steve makes them both coffee, “come on, lets go and look at the lake.”

Hopper warned them there was no outdoor furniture and he always brings his own folding chair, but Steve and Eddie are content to sit on the planks of the short dock and watch the water, “the sun set is so pretty.” And it is, dusky oranges and pinks reflected on the water, the sky going dark at the edges.

It’s kind of romantic, sitting here. There’s just the very quiet lap of the water to listen to, the occasional soft sound of the breeze through the trees. It’s...quiet. Soothing. Steve lets go of the breath he’s been half holding since Chrissy and Eddie piled through the front door yesterday afternoon. There’s no mystery old dude here. Whoever is looking for Eddie, he won’t have a clue where they’ve gone.

Eddie’s safe again, right now. Steve’s fairly confident Hopper will find the guy, Hawkins isn’t that big, and if he’s brazen enough to outright be asking questions about Starcourt, surely he will be easy enough to turn up.

Steve hopes so, anyway.

They’ve finished their coffees, the sun slowly setting. The temperature has dropped a little, while they’ve been sitting watching the colors on the water, and Eddie snuggles into Steve’s side, resting his head on Steve’s shoulder, absently dragging his nails lightly on the material of Steve’s jeans.

He’s always fiddling with something, Steve thinks vaguely. He wonders absently if it’s just because everything is still so new, Eddie always chasing sensations. Steve can't blame him for wanting to try things, for wanting to try everything.

“Dark here, at night?” Eddie asks, shaking Steve from his thoughts.

“Yeah. Really dark I think. No lights from other houses or street lights or anything.”

Eddie hums, “see the stars?”

“Oh...oh yeah, they’re going to be super bright here. You...I don’t suppose you ever saw them, in the Upside Down?”

“No...first time here,” Eddie lifts a hand, flashing his fingers open and closed at the sky, “many pretty.”

It’s not fair of Steve to deny Eddie anything, especially not because of his own hang ups. And he promised himself he would be better about all this.

And it is romantic, sitting here on the deck, the sun just a hint of light on the horizon now, mostly hidden by the forest.

Eddie hugs his mug to his chest, perking up when the breeze rustles the trees, louder now, “the trees are different.”

Steve looks around, “yeah, I guess. They’re...older than at home. Wild. Kind of.” They are closer together, and a lot bigger than the ones at home. It highlights that the trees at the bottom of the yard were probably carefully curated and deliberately planted at some point. Comparatively the trees here are...huge. Much more established.

A bird screeches, and Eddie startles, leaning more firmly into Steve’s side. Steve puts an arm around him. “Called?”

“Oh...it was just a bird. Probably different to the kind we get at home, that’s all. You want to go in and listen to a record?” Eddie nods, “and maybe...we could try me giving you a blowjob?”

Part TwentyNine

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One TwentyNine

Steve strokes Eddie’s back slowly, firmly, trying to work out the last of his shivers. He’d downed the hot milk pretty much in one go and then clambered straight onto Steve to snuggle on the couch. The first record off the stack is playing, Led Zeppelin.

By the time the final strains of Stairway to Heaven fade out, Eddie feels much more settled under Steve’s hands, his breathing slow and even, his body more relaxed, “want me to flip it?”

Eddie shakes his head, hair tickling Steve’s chin, “no, again?”

“You like that huh?”

Eddie nods, shifting so Steve can stand and swing the needle back out to start the record again.

“You want to talk about it?” Steve asks as they're getting into bed. He’s pretty sure Eddie now knows all the words to Stairway to Heaven.

“The shower?” Steve nods, “I was...in the tank. For little bit. I don’t know,” Eddie shrugs, like that’s all there is to it.

“And you feel okay again now?”

“Yeah...just...tired,” Eddie gives Steve a smile, but it looks kind of sad to Steve.

The turbulent grey sky flashes red, but there’s no thunder. It’s silent here, but for the creak of wood under Steve’s feet. He lets them carry him forward, the mirror reflection on the lake almost blending with the sky in the distance, the horizon a confusion of swirling clouds.

The dock ends, Steve’s toes wriggling on the edge, he stares at his left foot; lets all five toes curl over the edge of the rough wood. His eyes are drawn to movement, emerging from the reflection of the sky, coalescing from the swirls and flashes of red; a face. Eddie’s pale face.

It takes a moment for him to break the surface tension of the water, it clings for a second, like a film before it breaks and flows away. Steve doesn’t startle, it’s just Eddie. He looks...more Eddie though, somehow. His eyes bigger, darker, like they take up half his face. Cheekbones too sharp, black hair slicked back by the water, accenting the...odd shape of his head.

Long pale fingers break the surface of the water, black curved claws trail across the top of Steve’s foot, the cold wet grip tightening on Steve’s ankle.

Steve takes a deep slow breath, unable to look away from Eddie’s eyes and the red flashes reflected in their dark depths.

Steve’s ready when Eddie yanks.

Steve thrashes when he wakes up, just for a second. He never hit the water in his dream, but he drags in a deep desperate breath anyway. He feels for Eddie, but finds nothing. Stretching further, he confirms the bed is empty. Empty and cold.

Steve gets up, socked feet quiet on the floor boards. He walks through the cabin, flicking on a couple of lights as he goes. There’s not exactly much to look at, the cabin only really has the bedroom, the bathroom, and the lounge and kitchen open together. Eddie isn’t anywhere obvious. Steve tries the door; it’s locked, and the key still dangles there, confirming Eddie must still be inside somewhere.

“Eddie?” Nothing.

Steve walks back through, this time really looking, checking the other side of the couch, behind the counter, inside of the shower cubicle. The only place left is the little coat cupboard where he found the rotary sweeper.

Eddie is there, curled up as small as he can. He’s twisted into an odd position, like he’s trying to do something he used to do when he had a tail. He full body twitches as the door opens, “Eddie?”

Big eyes blink up at Steve as he crouches, half crawling into the cupboard on his hands and knees, he rubs Eddie’s shoulder, “you okay?”

Eddie nods then, untangling himself and throwing himself into Steve’s lap. Steve goes with it, sitting back on his haunches. Eddie’s breath comes in a huge shudder, his chest hitching under Steve’s hands. Steve’s pretty sure he’s crying, “it’s okay, it’s okay,” Steve comforts him, “I had a bad dream, did you? You want to come back to bed?”

They stand together, Eddie saying “I dreamed about the Upside Down,” as he sniffles and wipes his snotty nose with his wrist.

“Oh. Is that why you were hiding?”

“Yes,” Eddie’s frowning in the lamplight as he climbs back into bed, “got...confused. I was still there.”

“Well, you’re not, you’re here with me, okay?”

“I know I...dreamed about the tank. I think I remember something. Something about the man.”

“The man who’s looking for you?” Steve’s heart feels like it’s creeping up his throat with the horror of it all.

Eddie nods slowly, “yes I think...I think he touched me.”

“Touched you...how?” Steve tries to stay calm, forcing himself not to just to any conclusions about what Eddie means, unable to completely extinguish the possibilities of the...pain Eddie had been put through. They never talk about this, Steve’s never asked and Eddie’s never tried to speak about it. Steve has always kind of assumed that Eddie never dwells on it, and maybe that’s wrong.

Steve’s asked before about other things, if Eddie misses his tail or if Eddie ever thinks much about The Upside Down, but Eddie’s never responded with anything much more than a shrug and a smile, telling Steve he doesn’t think about it very much. That along with the fact that El has told Steve that Eddie’s thoughts are very immediate and in the present...well, Steve’s always figured it isn’t a worry.

Maybe it is.

Eddie frowns, thinking, before slowly lifting a hand and rubbing gently at the top of Steve’s arm to demonstrate.

“That’s all he did?”

Eddie nods, “the other’s...I was...stuck, on a table.” Eddie holds his own wrist tight to demonstrate, “the other people...needles. Take blood, I think.”

“Oh.”

“I think...I think he tell me ‘sorry?”

Eddie looks up at Steve again, a question in his eyes, but Steve has no idea what to make of it.

“Trex,” Eddie sounds out carefully, frowning.

“T Rex,” Steve corrects.

It makes Eddie’s frown deepen, “no small letters?”

Steve holds the record, “yeah, it’s...a stylistic choice, I guess.”

“Good record?”

Steve frowns at the track list on the back, “I mean, ‘Ride a White Swan’ is pretty cool?”

“I like it,” he takes the record back, turning it to hold it up to show Steve the picture on the front, “me and you,” he grins.

“Oh, so you get to be Marc Bolan and I’m...whoever that dude is.”

“This is my hair,” Eddie points and, yeah, alright, Steve hasn’t got an argument because Eddie is right, Steve shakes his head as Eddie puts the record under his arm, along with his new Led Zep record; he was insistent on getting his own copy of ‘Four Symbols’ to take home with them, “all done.”

Eddie kind of has his mouth open a little as he approaches the register, and Steve has to nudge him so that he stops staring up at the girls very pointy, very green, Mohawk. She’s got a fair few piercings, and her arms are littered with tattoos.

“Cool choice,” the girl behind the counter tells Eddie, bringing his attention back down, “you into Lord of the rings?”

“Lord of the rings?” Eddie asks, carefully counting out the right notes, Steve half watching to make sure he’s okay.

“Yeah, it’s a book. Both of these records were influenced by it, kind of. I think the guy who wrote it actually spoke to Led Zep guys and like, encouraged them or whatever. Kind of long though, maybe start with The Hobbit?”

“The Hobbit at the library?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know man, probably?”

“Nice...hair,” Eddie frowns back up at it, but he’s also smiling a little. He’s kind of wide eyed, and it reminds Steve of when he was trying to parse out the tree-in-the-house conundrum at Christmas. Confused awe.

But that also reminds Steve of Eddie getting sick, and sicker, and then everything that came after.

“Thanks man, love your nails. They’re metal.”

“Metal,” Eddie nods.

“You in town long?”

Eddie shrugs, “maybe?”

“No plans huh? That’s cool. A free spirit,” she leans on the counter, resting her chin on her hand and blinking up at Eddie, “well, you should definitely stop by the bar on Friday, it’s the only one in town, you can’t miss it. There’s live music, we could get a drink?”

“Beer?” Eddie asks, and Steve knows that tone.

She smiles at him, “sure thing sweetheart, whatever you like-”

“So, Eddie, lets go to the library?” Steve cuts her off, moving forward to stand just a little too close to Eddie. She looks between them, standing straight again, she frowns but doesn’t say anything when Eddie easily ignores her for Steve, “don’t forget your records.”

“Stevie love?” Eddie asks on their way to find the library.

The town’s bigger than Hawkins, but everything is pretty well signposted, Steve figures because of all the tourists. “Yeah?”

“She had...things.”

Steve looks over real fast, then back at the road, to see Eddie kind of playing with the middle bit of his nose, “yeah, piercings. They’re made of metal, they do it with a big needle.”

“And the pictures? On her arms?”

“Tattoos. They do that with a needle too, and ink. They’re permanent, they stay forever.”

Eddie nods, humming, then frowning, “do I like it?”

Steve laughs, “I don’t know, do you?”

“Do you?”

“Maybe, on other people? I mean, yeah, you see some really cool tattoos and...I did kind of think about getting my ear pierced maybe, but I never did it. Don’t think I want to.”

“Ear?” Eddie questions, tugging on his own, “ohhh,” he says, clearly putting something together, “like Birdie and Nancy? But...more bigger?”

“Yup.”

Eddie nods, “maybe.”

Steve smiles again, “sure, whatever you want. It’ll hurt though.”

Eddie shrugs, “it goes away.”

They’re silent for a short time, Steve following the signs to the library, “Stevie, she was going to...tell something? But you...not?”

Eddie doesn’t quite have the words, “I interrupted her yeah I was...well, I was rude. On purpose.”

“Why?”

“She was flirting with you Eds, she was going to ask you out.”

“I...oh,” then he grins big, “she likes me? I’m her sweetheart.”

“Yeah, I mean, probably.”

“Not like Stevie likes me.”

“No, but she would have, given half the chance.”

Eddie’s frowning again now, “you mean...sex?”

“Yeah.”

Eddie cogitates on this while Steve parks the car up outside the library. He’s frowning his working something out frown.

“If not tell people about us...then why...why tell no?”

“Well...you mean how do you say no, if someone asks you out?”

“Yes. How. How to say no?”

“Well...I mean. You could just say no, you know? Thank you, but no. Or you could say you’re...flattered?”

“Flattered called?”

“Oh it’s...it’s like…Okay, so you know I like you?” Eddie nods, “do you like that, that I like you?”

Eddie grins big, “yeah. That the best.”

Steve grins back, “right...so...if someone else likes you, that’s flattering, you know? They think you’re cool or you look hot or whatever.”

“So I can say...no thank you. Flattered. But no thank you?”

“Yeah. You can.”

Eddies goes to get out of the car, but then turns back, “you...say that? Thank you, but no thank you?”

“Yeah, yeah baby, of course. It’s just me and you, yeah?”

“Me and you,” Eddie repeats, nodding.

Eddie goes to get out of the car again, but Steve stops him, grabbing his arm. “Eddie...if you’re ever...not happy. You have to tell me, right? I mean we kind of live together already and you can’t really tell people about...you know, you. It would be kind of hard for you to date anyone else-”

“Not want anyone else-”

“No. No I know, but that’s what I mean...if something is ever, ever wrong, you have to tell me, understand? If I ever do anything to upset you, you have to promise to tell me okay?”

“Okay,” Eddie says, and then, very suspiciously, looks at his own knees for a moment, frowning, before he goes to get out of the car.

Steve’s heart sinks so low, guilt ready to consume him. He’s already doing something to upset Eddie, “wait. Wait wait wait. What was that?”

“Stevie...sometimes with the gum.”

“Gum?” Steve asks, perplexed.

Eddie nods. “Pop. Pop pop. All the time. Pop.”

“Oh,” Steve sits back again, relieved, “kind of thought it might be something more serious than that. Anything else?”

“No,” Eddie grins big, then frowns, “yes. The milk, very small, but back in the fridge. Why?”

“Okay I’ll...not pop gum so much. And I’ll...not do that with the milk. Anything else?”

“No,” Eddie says, smiling, “pretty sure.”

“Ow,” Steve says, pulling his leg back to rub at it, “jeez your toe nails are long.”

Eddie wriggles around, lifting his leg. He quickly realizes he can’t lift his leg far enough to look at his foot with the comforter in the way, so Steve sits up, reaching under the covers for Eddie’s toes, “long?”

“Yeah...we haven’t cut them yet, right? Why have they suddenly started growing?” The sun is up enough to shine through the blinds, so Steve figures it’s not too early.

“Stevie...do I have stubble?”

Steve lies down again, reaching to rub Eddie’s cheek, “huh, yeah, a little.”

“Rough,” Eddie tells him with a disgruntled wrinkle of his nose.

“Well...I guess we can teach you to shave today, hows that? I wonder why this is all starting up now.”

“I can do it, I see you do it many times now,” Eddie tells him, taking the can of shaving foam, “I know it tastes horrible, so not in mouth.”

“How...how do you know it tastes horrible?” Steve watches as Eddie does a pretty good job of spreading the shaving foam over his face.

“I...do,” Eddie answers vague and evasive.

“Eddie...did you try and eat the shaving foam?”

“No. Maybe.” Eddie unsheathes the razor, “carefully, sharp,” he tells himself quietly.

“Why…?”

“Think like whizzy cream,” Eddie admits sheepishly.

Steve snorts a laugh, “okay, go with the grain so like...downwards, yeah?”

Eddie nods, leaning close to the mirror.

“Okay, don’t cut them too short, just take off a little bit at a time.”

“Little,” Eddie is sitting on the toilet lid, one knee bent, thigh against his chest as he squints down at the clippers and his toes.

He startles when a slither of nail flies off.

“It’s okay, we can get the sweeper after.”

Part ThirtyOne

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One Forty

“I’m not sure about this,” Eddie says quietly.

“It’ll be fine, and you need to learn, it’s been over a year, what if you fall in the pool?”

“I’m not gonna’,” Eddie tells him stubbornly.

“You can’t know that. We have to keep you safe.” It’s mid afternoon on a weekday, so the place is pretty deserted. Steve looks around the changing room real quick, but it’s definitely empty. He pulls Eddie close by the hem of his shirt, kissing him softly on the lips, “you’re going to do fine.” Eddie had spent the first six months of last year concentrating on basic motor function and gaining weight, not to mention getting a pretty good grasp on a whole language, learning to drive, learning to play guitar, plus all the other stuff he’s gotten up to. And then suddenly he had a job and Eddie made friends with Chrissy, there was all that stuff with Owens, and before Steve really knew it, it was too cold again to use their pool.

Eddie really needed to learn how to swim without a tail.

Eddie follows Steve out of the changing rooms and to the edge of the pool, “ow ow ow,” he picks his way carefully along the tile.

“They’re not that bad,” the anti slip ridges in the tile feel a little weird, but not painful. Eddie just glares at him.

“No one else has a shirt on,” he whispers when he finally makes it to Steve, but he needs to wear it because of the no nipples and no belly button thing.

There’s like two other people in the pool, both older guys swimming laps, “no one cares babe,” Steve whispers, before sitting on the edge and slipping in, the water only coming up as far as his middle. “In you get.”

“This is stupid,” Eddie says as he copies Steve, following him into the water, his trunks ballooning a little with air and the material of his shirt darkening and clinging to his skin.

“Everyone should know how to swim,” Steve tells him for about the fiftieth time.

“Legs are stupid,” Eddie grumbles.

Steve squats down, bringing the water to chin level, “okay come on we’re going to stay right here, now float.”

Eddie does, flopping over, Steve’s hand under his middle to steady him and stop him from sinking if he panics, “good now...kick with your stupid legs.”

“I’m so tired,” Eddie sits curled up on the bench in the changing room while Steve gets dressed.

“You did good though,” and Steve is now confident that Eddie won't actually drown if he falls in some water.

Eddie breathes out a long sigh, “I’m so slow now.”

“Yeap, just a regular human guy. How awful for you.” Eddie manages to muster a scowl, “go in the cubicle and get dressed, come on.”

Eddie huffs, but he goes.

Steve’s finger tips leave trails of glittering veils through the air. There’s a sound, far off and diffuse, water, like the steady swish of waves. The air is sparkly, the light soft, and every breath fills his lungs so fully and wonderfully he can’t help but feel it.

“Stevie.”

It comes from far away, and Steve’s more aware of it than he’d like to be, really. He kind of wants to stay here.

“Stevie, come on, I gotta go.”

Steve grumbles, the dream falling away as he nuzzles into the pillow. He cracks one eye open, the shape of Eddie hovering over him in the dark room.

“You’re so cute when you just wake up. Your face is all folded up, like an empty chip packet.”

Steve grunts, “s’early.”

“I know, we have to deliver the bouquet and stuff, and then decorate the church. I wanted to say goodbye before I went. Chris will be here in a minute.”

Steve grumbles, “okay. Love you.”

“I love you, too” and then Eddie is covering Steve’s face with smacking kisses while he tries to escape back beneath the covers.

Eddie bounds off the bed and shouts, “winning!” as he clomps down the stairs.

Steve goes back to sleep.

Steve has his elbows resting on the counter, watching listlessly.

“Stop leaving the sink full of water,” Robin bitches from the bathroom doorway.

“It wasn’t me,” Steve mumbles his protest, not having the energy to fight it.

“Uh hu, it’s one of the many other employees we have here today,” she finishes drying her hands with the paper towel, throwing it in the trash before she lets the door swing shut behind her.

Steve sighs, watching the empty car lot through the glass doors. Robin rolls past on the office chair, then pushes off against the opposite wall and rolls back again, “what’s up with you?”

Steve sighs again, “you ever wonder where...like. Where you’re going? Do you ever think that it might just be this, but forever.”

“I retract my question, go have your midlife crisis some place else.”

Steve bumps his head against the counter, “if this is my midlife I’m dead before I hit forty five, thanks Robs.”

“Is it the crushing and inevitable knowledge that you’re in a dead end job but all the kids are definitely going to go to college when they graduate?”

“Ooof. Nope. Too much, back it up a bit.”

“Okay, how about you still live with your parents?”

“Still quite close to the bone there Robs, thanks, and I don’t live with my parents-”

“Objection. Technicality.”

“...because they aren’t there,” Steve finishes weakly.

“Uh hu.”

“And you, also, live with your parents, I cant help but note.”

She shrugs, “yeah, but not for long. Wait,” she shuffles closer, pulling the chair along, looking up at Steve, being serious for once, “is this because I’m going to college? Because it’s not for a few months yet, and it’s not too far away! We can still see each other on weekends, you can visit-”

Steve sighs, turning away, “No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know I just...everyone has direction. Even Eddie with his GED. He’s doing something, you know? Him and Chrissy are growing her business, she has this whole five year plan thing.”

“Yeah, she’s told me about it...in detail...there’s a color coded diagram. But how is that going? The studying thing?”

“Well, he’s only really been working through the books for a couple of weeks, Nancy helped him apply for a couple of evening classes, did I tell you?” Robin shakes her head, “yeah, Math and English, classes start soon, just a couple of nights a week for a semester.”

“That’s so good!”

“Yeah,” Steve feels himself soften, talking about Eddie, “it’s really good. Nancy and all the kids said they’ll help him study.”

“But you don’t have a thing? And you want one?”

“I don’t know I just...feel like I should be aiming higher than Family Video. But I don’t...I really don’t want to go back to school or do college or anything like that, it was never my strong suit, you know?”

Robin gets up to ferret under the desk, pulling out a newspaper, “well then, lets look.”

They have three adds circled when Eddie calls, Steve gets part way through the Family Video spiel when Eddie interrupts him, “Stevie? Can I use the car tonight?”

Steve flicks through his internal calendar a second, “I promised I’d take the kids to the arcade, what do you need it for?”

“I was at the place, you know, centerpieces for the reception,” Steve doesn’t really know, but he knows this wedding has been a lot of work for both Eddie and Chrissy, a job Chrissy wouldn’t have taken on if it was still just her at the shop. But with Eddie’s help, they handled it, and it’s probably going to lead to more of this sort of thing now they know they can do weddings and stuff, “and there was a flyer, a band looking for a guitarist. I called the number and the guy, Gareth, he’s really cool!”

“Right...you want to go meet them?”

“They have practice tonight, I said I only have an acoustic now but they said they could listen and see. Maybe I could get an electric with my savings?” Steve can hear Eddie’s excitement about this practically vibrating down the phone.

“How about I drop you, go get the kids, then come and get you after I drop them home? We’ll probably only be at the arcade a couple of hours anyway.”

“You sure? A lot of, you know, there and back.”

“I know, it’s fine. But you sort the times out with the kids, walkie them when they finish school, okay? I’ll be home around four.”

Eddie hums down the phone, “maybe I should get a car?”

Steve thinks for a second, because, yeah, that would give Eddie more independence, but realistically running another vehicle costs money and they have been managing with sharing the beemer, “we might need to think about cost.”

Eddie hums again, “I think there’s going to be more work with Chrissy. But. Yes, okay. Talk later?”

“Sure babe.”

Steve pulls into a driveway, the garage door open despite the cold, and a drum kit already set up, three guys milling around inside. Eddie is practically getting out of the car before Steve has it in park, hefting his guitar out of the back seat, the excitement coming off him in almost palpable waves.

Well, either that or they do have mind powers, Steve doesn’t know, but it makes him think for a second as he climbs out at a much more sedate pace. Eddie’s already saying hello to Gareth, and now Steve is here, he recognizes these guys from school. Gareth’s already giving him some side eye, which, great.

Because Steve, at some point or other, was probably an absolute prick to these dudes, or at least, a prick to their friends or other band nerds or whatever, “this is Steve,” Eddie is saying.

It’s almost painful when Gareth replies, “yeah, we know who that is,” in a tone that even Eddie can’t possibly miss.

It’s suddenly quiet, and suddenly incredibly fucking awkward, the other two guys still in the garage are watching Steve wearily, “I’ll be back in a few hours for Eddie, that cool?”

“I don’t know man, is it?” And Gareth is now looking at Eddie a little uncertainly, like Eddie is...a bully simply by association.

Steve just shakes his head and backs down, “I’ll see you in a bit,” he tells Eddie, and high tails it out of there. He prays, vaguely, on the way to pick up the kids that those dudes won’t associate Eddie now with Steve’s behavior at school. He second guesses himself all the way to the arcade, Dustin chirruping in his ear, should he have tried to straighten things out? Staying when they clearly still think he’s a massive prick, or worse, actually a danger to them, didn’t feel like the right thing to do.

He remembers smashing Jon’s camera, the whole school would have known about that. The fights he got into. Every time he intimidated someone, surrounded by his sad little army of dickhead jocks. Every shitty thing he’s ever done might just have come back to bite him. Well, worse, if Steve was taking it, it would be fine, he deserves it...but if Eddie’s now being treated badly because he’s friends with Steve well that...that feels shitty.

Steve tries to remember Gareth at School, or Jeff...or the third kid that Steve recognizes but can’t place. Robin would know, he’s pretty sure they were all in band together. He tries to remember if he did anything specifically to any of those guys but he...can’t. He shoved so many kids into open lockers over the years that he’s pretty sure he probably got one of them at some point. Odds are not in his favor, at least.

Steve prays vaguely while watching the kids play games that they’re bigger men than Steve and they will give Eddie the benefit of the doubt. Besides, it’s Eddie, and he can win pretty much anyone over.

Steve hopes.

Steve pulls into the drive, killing the engine. The garage doors are mostly shut, it is still January and fucking freezing. Steve sits and stares absently at the slither of light escaping out from beneath the door. It feels like it’s been dark for hours already, and Steve is caught squinting when the door slides open unexpectedly and the light blinds him a little. Eddie’s sitting on a roughed up couch, sipping something orange out of a glass, his acoustic cradled on his knee. Steve takes a deep breath, and debates getting out of the car.

Eddie makes the choice for him, he gets up, leaving his guitar lent against the arm of the couch, and comes around to the drivers side. Steve opens the door to speak to him, “okay?”

Eddie frowns at him, then looks back at the guys for a second, “Stevie? They told me things about...about you before and I don’t think they’re true-”

“They’re true.” Eddie really frowns then, but what's worse is the clear disappointment.

“I didn’t...I said there was a mistake?” Eddie says gently, hopeful to the last, “when Chrissy said you used to be a prick I didn’t...I didn’t understand then, what she meant. But when they said about...well it made me remember.”

Steve feels a bit sick, “I can’t change it and…it’s no defense but...I was stupid, then...I didn’t understand how much I was hurting people. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say it to me,” Eddie huffs a little, looking away, and disappointing Eddie feels like the worst thing in the world.

“No, yeah, you’re right,” Steve climbs out of the car. And the three guys watch him wearily enough that it really hammers home to Steve just how fucking horrible he’d been some times.

He knows he’s stalling, and he knows he’s fiddling with his hair and he makes himself shove his hands in his pockets instead. All eyes are literally on him, and Steve looks to the side, Eddie looking back at him, eyes big and brown and hopeful. Steve huffs a breath. He can do this.

He’s been tortured by Russians, there’s no way this will be worse. Probably.

“I...was a terrible person. I did shitty things that...absolutely no one has to forgive me for, and I know this is probably way too little way too late. But I am sorry, and I...do get it now. And I regret it. And I’m sorry.”

Eddie’s smiling at him, at least, looking encouraging. And kind of proud.

“So...yeah, I get the damage is done, and I can’t...change it. But Eddie’s a great guy okay? And he’s real excited about being in your band so, yeah, thank you, for having him over. That’s...cool of you.”

“Right,” says Gareth, looking over at the guy Steve is pretty sure is called Jeff, “well that’s...I mean. Thanks. I guess.” Jeff just shrugs.

Steve thinks his body might cave in on itself with how painful this is. He vaguely hopes that he will just disappear into the ground to escape.

“Okay,” Eddie finally says to break the silence.

“Yeah,” Jeff says, “whatever, same time next week Eds?”

“Yes!” Eddie has the biggest grin on his face.

“And remember about that electric, yeah?”

Steve makes himself scarce, waiting in the car as the guys say goodbye to Eddie. He watches as Eddie packs away his guitar, getting a round of fist bumps as they wrap up. They’re all smiling and laughing, relaxed again now that Steve’s out of the way, so Steve figures it’s all good.

Part FortyTwo

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One ThirtyEight

“Hey baby what are you...doing?”

There’s a tree in the lounge. A live one. It’s not that big, maybe four feet tall but...it’s in a bucket filled with dirt.

“Decorating the Christmas tree.”

“Right,” Steve can clearly see the trail of loose soil across the lounge carpet, where Eddie has had to wriggle the bucket back and forth to get it in. It looks like it was probably heavy. It’s also not a Christmas tree, which Steve figures is usually a...fir tree. Or a pine, something like that, anyway. But this tree...it’s just a regular tree.

“I thought we were going to go and pick one up?”

“I found a nice one here,” Eddie tells him, “and I don’t like that they cut them down.”

“Oh...so you’re just going to take that one back out, after?”

“Yeap,” Eddie’s concentrating really hard on getting the decorations on the tree, a task made even more difficult by the narrow, wispy looking branches. Eddie doesn’t actually have any decorations since they’re in the attic, but he’s doing a sound job of improvising; Steve’s pretty sure half his mother’s jewelry box is on there. Steve’s not one hundred percent sure about the sock Eddie has limply draped over one of the branches, though, “Baby, what’s with the sock?”

Eddie tilts his head, frowning, “we put socks on the mantle,” Eddie points to where their stocking hang, Steve took the blue one with the stars, and he likes to think he managed to be tasteful and understated with his decorations. Eddie’s looks like Christmas vomited on it.

“Those are stockings baby, that’s different.”

Eddie shrugs, “I really like socks, they keep my feet warm.”

“I have...no argument against that.”

“I couldn’t find the lights,” Eddie tells him, moving on to more important matters.

“Yeah, they’re in the attic, you want them?”

Eddie’s nose wrinkles as he finally looks over at Steve, “what’s the attic?”

“Uhm. There’s a ladder, it’s the space in the roof, we store stuff up there.”

Eddie blinks, then frowns, “inside the roof? The house roof?” He points up.

“Yeah, want to come and look?”

Eddie nods, getting up to follow Steve, eyes wide and then grinning when Steve pulls the ladder down, “hidden secret,” he says, suitably awed.

Steve laughs, following Eddie up the ladder. It’s dark up there, but when Steve finds the pull for the light, Eddie lets out an impressed, ‘ooooh’. The attic is kind of cluttered, lots of...stuff. Boxes of forgotten things that have been stored up here, some old pieces of furniture, long term storage of his mom’s clothes protected by plastic covers...just all sorts of dusty stuff. “The Christmas stuff is over here,” Steve pretty sure he hasn’t been up here since last Christmas, and he remembers coming up for the lights and decorations...Steve swallows thickly, Eddie was sick, and Steve decorated the tree to try and cheer him up, even though part of him knew it might be useless.

“Okay Stevie love?” Eddie asks as he opens a box.

“Yeah...yeah I’m fine. We can take whatever you want downstairs baby.”

They hunt for a little while, Eddie getting a little tangled in some lights, and Steve having to perform a very small rescue. Eddie keeps hunting through boxes, and Steve lets him, taking the box with the lights down, and then the box with the ornaments in case Eddie wants any of them for his tree.

“Stevie!” Eddie calls, “come and look at this!”

“What you found?” Steve ambles over, Eddie sitting criss cross apple sauce on the dusty floor. He has a thick book open on his lap, a photo album, “holy shit, I haven’t seen that stuff for years.”

“Photographs?”

“Yeah...that’s me,” Steve points. It’s summer, he’s wearing a floppy white hat, a yellow shirt and blue dungarees. Steve figures he might be two or so in the picture, he’s barefoot on the grass and his bare legs are chubby baby legs.

Eddie turns the page, “this you too?”

“Yeah, it’s probably mostly me.” There are a couple of staged family photos in there, but largely it’s just random toddler pictures of Steve.

Eddie sits, staring, and when he gets to the end of the book he flips it and goes right back to the start again, “can we take this with us?” he asks when he’s about half way through his second pass through the photos, “you’re just a little guy,” he adds absently.

Steve snorts a laugh, “sure baby, of course.”

They don’t add very many decorations to the tree, it just can’t hold them. They end up improvising and wrapping the bucket in lights, since the tree can’t handle many of those, either. It looks...charming, by the time they’re finished. Steve struggles vaguely for positive descriptors, but chooses to avoid them entirely and simply tells Eddie, “I really like it. I am absolutely sure no one has a tree like ours.”

Eddie grins, and they head into the kitchen to make dinner together.

They settle in for a film, some inane made for TV movie about the magic of Christmas and the little kids get their puppy at the end or something equally saccharine and painfully acted. Steve doesn’t remember nodding off, but he wakes up slumped over on the couch. Eddie’s not paying attention to him, he’s still looking through the box of photos and albums he chose to bring down from the attic, half watching the movie.

Steve blinks the rest of the way awake just as the children save the magic of Christmas, or whatever it is that’s happening. Steve yawns, joints cracking. Eddie sniffles.

Steve scooches the length of the couch immediately, “baby?”

“I’m okay.”

Eddie isn’t crying, but there’s a tell tale mark on his cheek; Eddie’s tears are a bit of an off color, even now, “what is it?”

Eddie’s attention is drawn back to the books in his lap, he’s found a picture of Steve, maybe eight years old? Grinning proudly, sitting on his new bike. It wasn’t that long after that that his parents lost interest, or at least, it doesn’t feel like it was. The next picture he’s on the couch with his mom, Steve has no idea what the photo was in aid of, they’re both just sat there, but they’re sitting close enough that it’s a bitter reminder of when his relationship with his mom was a good one. He’s never been that close with his dad, not really, the man has always been disinterested...but his mom, that was different. Steve thinks she really loved him, once upon a time.

Eddie has a loose picture in one of those card frames, another staged one, his mom holding baby Steve, swaddled all in white, dads hand resting carefully on her shoulder as he stands behind them. “This is a proper family, right?”

Steve shrugs, “I think family is...not a set thing. As long as you care for each other, then that’s family.”

“But you want kids?”

“I…” Steve considers lying, briefly, but doesn’t see what it’ll achieve. A lie won’t explain to Eddie how he feels, or why he’s changed his mind. A lie won’t tell Eddie how much he loves him. “I thought I did, at one time. But only because it feels like what I should do, find a nice girl, get married, have kids it...felt like something I had to do just because everyone's doing it. But I chose you Eddie, and everything that means, you know?”

Steve closes the book in Eddie’s lap, taking Eddie’s hand instead, they link fingers, the last little bit of Eddie’s webbing is really obvious when their hands are pressed together like this. His collection of rings kind of hide it though, or at least camouflage it, “don’t feel bad, okay? I love you,” Steve tells him.

“I love you too,” Steve senses a ‘but’. Eddie opens his mouth, closes it again. Sighs a little, like he’s thinking. Steve just plays with his rings a little while he waits for Eddie to arrive wherever it is he’s going. Eventually, finally, he just asks, “are you sure? I don’t want you to be sad you chose wrong. You know, later.”

“Nah. I’m sure. No regrets; I'm not choosing wrong."

“Okay,” Eddie leans over for a soft kiss, but Steve senses his melancholy, and doesn’t really know how to dispel it. The only way he can show Eddie he means it is to keep meaning it, and Steve intends too.

Eddie stands, looking out of the window, as Steve gets ready for bed. It's uncharacteristically clear out, so Steve’s fully prepared for everything to be frozen in the morning, “Stevie?”

“Yeah?”

“Santa...isn’t real. Like, he’s a bunch of stories right? Like...Santa’s been around a long time, but he’s not real? Right?”

“Yeah, pretty much. I mean I think there’s like...a saint or something, like historical figures that might be...might have kind of caused the story of Santa but, yeah, Santa’s not real,” Steve climbs into bed, but Eddie’s still there, looking at the sky.

“But reindeer are real. They’re in my book.”

“Yeah,” Steve snuggles into bed, “reindeer are absolutely real.”

Eddie hums, but doesn’t move from the window, watching the sky, “are there any reindeer in Indiana?”

“I...I mean maybe? In like, petting zoos maybe a few? I think they live in cold places though, normally," Steve yawns, "like Canada and stuff I guess."

“Oh...so I won’t see any?”

Finally, it clicks, “Eddie...reindeer can’t fly.”

“What?”

Steve laughs, “come to bed baby. Reindeer are real...but they don’t fly.”

“Oh for fucks sake. I’ve been looking every night all week!” Eddie comes to bed, grumbling, “how am I supposed to know?!”

Part Forty