#LITERALLY TWO OF MY WORST FOODS AS AN AUTISTIC PERSON

[pyroselkie]

i am BEGGING restaurants to stop putting cheese and garlic on LITERALLY EVERYTHING EVER

[thegayneurodivergentagenda]

hi hello pran autism anon here again!! i just watched ep 4 again and i noticed at the scene when pat comes to give pran his earphones, and lets himself in, pran repeatedly expresses his distaste at the fact for two reasons. yes, he doesn’t want pat infringing on his privacy or messing up his meticulously arranged living space. but it's the other reason that intrigues me when looking at pran through an autistic lens. he repeats that pat entered without being let in. he's very bothered not only by pat's actions, but also the fact that pat is breaking a social norm. as an autistic person, i find that i tend to feel uncomfortable when i see other people not follow social norms, which i feel is because i've had to consciously learn these and remind myself to follow them for years. i feel like pran is having a similar internal experience here, where he's seeing pat do something that isn't considered 'socially acceptable', which bothers him because he has a script in his head that he's built up over the years, and this doesn't follow the script that he uses to dictate what is and isn't okay to do, what does and doesn't get him acceptance from his peers etc. he then comments that pat 'has no manners'. i think this is a pretty common thing that many autistic people have experienced, being told we have no manners because we unconsciously broke an unwritten social rule we never learnt about. pran, in my opinion, can't help but project the rules he's learnt to help himself fit in and mask onto other people. it might be a very small detail to focus on, but it's something that really got me thinking.

thank you for reading my rant about literally three lines of dialogue!! hope you have a great day!!!

I love you anon.

I know you didn't technically ASK me to rant about Pran's relationship w his room but I have too much to say and I hope you're okay w that.

So

Pran and his room: from the lens of autism

1. As someone with autism, social rules and norms that we agree with are set in stone. So your analysis about Pat breaking a social rule makes a lot of sense. Especially when you see the other interactions at the food stall and music shop (you're not supposed to sniff people????????????)

2. It's also likely that he's very transparently present in his room. For people with autism, our rooms are our safe spaces and worst nightmares because they reflect so much of who we are. If they are messy, It's our mess. If it's organized, It's customised to our space. Rooms, dorms and other living spaces are basically a self portrait.

Which is why when Pat dares enter and sneak a peak at his barest self, lit with fairy lights and faces telling him how to smile, rituals along every curve and table, he feels scared. What if Pat notices his smilies and thinks he's still a child (he should have overcome the hyperfixation by now? Will Pat understand?) What if Pat notices his coffee stained couch and calls Pran on being an imposter who only pretends to get angry at messy stains. There's so many ways Pat could see behind his carefully constructed masks.

His apprehension from pat entering could be from not letting Pat see him.

And that's also why he holds the social norm of asking before entering so close to his daily functioning; revels in the safety of enforcing this rule rigidly.

[I sometimes liken this to the idea of a nest in the omegaverse where it's extremely personal and reflective of the person making it. I also love the omega verse so much because it takes a lot of neurodivergent traits and makes them seem normal and that's just another post altogether]

3. When Pat and Pran finally get their shit together Pran let's Pat change his room and make the space theirs. It's the biggest declaration of love if I've ever seen one. He let's Pat put up photos and shares his bed and doubles the Pillows and makes space for Nong Nao. All because he's ready to allow Pat in his space. Across the rituals. Inside his safety.

4. The fact that the most crucial of the moments (The Kiss, The Bet, The Ming) happen away from the safety of his room goes along with this and his canon OCD.

If you're living with OCD, safe spaces can turn into compulsions at the sight of threat. And the fact that he was so adamant on keeping the relationship behind closed doors felt a lot like stemming not just from his anxiety about his parents but also his imposter syndrome: It's a glitch in the matrix that Pat likes me back and we should not test the matrix lest it remind Pat I'm an annoyance that he rather not deal with.

If you have autism, the safety of your room provides familiar and clear cues that could be helpful if an emergency is to arrive (I could just start talking about the rotting food if conversations get tougher// I could go to my own washroom and pretend to take my time if I feel overwhelmed). These safety nets are not present Outside.

And it is through his autism that Pran shows his love to Pat.

He let's Pat break his rules constantly. Not because they don't cause him discomfort. They still do. But his love for Pat is just greater than that.

He will let Pat drag him outside. Let Pat post photos of him. Let Pat make a mess on his kitchen table. Go with Pat to an unknown room.

As Anon said, these rules and norms and safe spaces are all in place because of being reprimanded for being neurodivergent by the neurotypical system builders. They are precautions to avoid being hurt or being called out on the fact that they don't belong.

But Pran doesn't feel hurt in Pat's presence. Because regardless of if they are friends or enemies, they've always belonged together.

[saturn-sends-hugs]

Ask and ye shall receive:

Ok first off, I’m gonna try to keep this somewhat short since I have WAY too many of these uh…

Literally longer than my longfic rn 🫠. And this is discounting ones just floating elsewhere (and about 99% (heh. ow.) of it is angst) so I’m just gonna pick three happier headcanons for the Batch. Which are still very, very long 😅

1. Cooking

Tech cannot cook. He reads the recipe, he will follow it to the T, but for reasons he can absolutely never understand (substituting ingredients for things that would work in theory but very much so do not), what he ends up with is dubious at best and dangerous at worst. (Never let Tech near a microwave. Ever. He will get ideas)

Hunter thinks he can cook. He knows how to make packaged meals and simple stuff like that, but he cannot cook. Omega would absolutely never ask him to cook because no one wants the space equivalent of a plain baloney sandwich for every meal of the day.

Wrecker can cook, he just doesn’t like to. You’re telling me I have to spend two hours putting these ingredients together for a meal when I could just eat them as is? He doesn’t see the point of making sides or extra stuff instead of just making the food edible as soon as possible. (Not to say that he doesn’t like all the extra stuff, he just would pretty much never spend the time to make it himself)

Crosshair could cook. If he wanted to. He does not.

And ofc Echo can cook, his very first shore leave he went out to buy cooking tools and sat with Tech to modify them into scomp attachments. He learned since he’s always been a picky eater and just liked something other than ration bars most of the time. But also since he’s a picky eater, a lot of the times he’ll cook for the batch and make something completely separate for himself. And maybe for Omega. Cause she wanted space mac n cheese too. (am i projecting here MAYBE MAYBE LISTEN— i could go on abt my autistic/picky eater echo headcanons (100% self-inserts) all day but that’s for another post lol)

2. Sleeping

Tech sleeps like a cartoon character, ass directly in the air with his pillow all fluffed under his head.

Wrecker sleeps completely starfished on his back snoring louder than one would think possible.

Crosshair sleeps like the dead, arms directly at his sides and he wakes up the exact same way, just opening his eyes and slowly levering up to sitting like a mummy or something.

Hunter sleeps like a normal person (lol), but he has big sound canceling headphones since his senses would never let him sleep with Wreckers snoring.

Echo doesn’t like sleeping, but when he does, he sleeps curled as tightly as possible with his back to the wall. Eventually the batch get him a weighted blanket and Tech makes him a heated mattress, but he still never likes sleeping :)

3. Swearing (once Omega is with them):

Tech isn’t usually one to swear anyway, so it’s not difficult for him to just not when Omega is around.

Wrecker would make up fun replacements like cheese and crackers or H E double hockey sticks-type things.

Hunter would try his best, but he would get like halfway through before he changes it like “Holy shiiiiiiiitaké” yknow?

I’m a bit undecided on Crosshair, he would either act all cold and tough but absolutely never swear around Omega and flick toothpicks at whoever accidentally does, or he just wouldn’t care. Fully like “Fuck you, dipshit,” and Hunter would just glare at him until Cross fixes himself like “Sorry, sorry, I meant asshole.”

And Echo would be the one enforcing the rule. He’s the one glaring at Hunter when he accidentally slips up and starts to swear, he would cover Omegas ears when there’s people at Cid’s, he’s just the mom.

However. He’s an arc trooper. He was in Anakin’s battalion, he’s Fives’ twin, and he straight up says “What the hell,” within the first few minutes we meet him. Omega knows more curse words than the average pirate, but she has no idea that’s what they are because every time Echo swears around her, it goes like this:

Echo: *long string of botched mando’a swears*

Omega: *repeats them*? What’s that mean?

Echo (immediately blushing and freaking out): Nothing, nothing! It’s super boring, it just means… uh…….. socks…

And Omega would never know until she repeats it to one of the others and they all just turn to glare at Echo as he desperately tries to melt into the floor.

And lastly, bonus from the dredges of my notes app:

I have SO many more but I’m gonna stop myself there 😅 And uh, while I was scrolling through my notes I found a TON of stuff I just?? Never posted?? So idk, I’m thinking of doing like a weekly headcanon/wip/notes-app-whatever post just to put them out there or something, idk. (Should I?)

Gonna tag @gentle-hero-blog @phis-writing and @jealous-sloth77 since y’all wanted this lol

[memryse]

kind of a personal post but i just need to yell into the void for a bit in a way where maybe there will be somebody with advice

i moved abroad about seven months ago to study, i’m seven thousand miles away from literally everybody that i know irl. i’ve been able to make a couple of friends who i hang out with sometimes but not properly clicked with anyone so. it generally feels very lonely here i don’t really have any kind of support system

basically as soon as i arrived my body decided it was going to develop pretty awful ibs. i did not have ibs when i left the uk other than feeling sick after i drank orange juice. ever since arriving here however i’ve had chronic pain, or rather chronic “feeling like my lower abdomen is burning from the inside”, about as often as i’ve not had it. it happened less over the winter but i think that might be because it’s partially connected to how hot it gets here

and theres just kind of. nothing i can do about it because you can’t fix chronic pain. i’ve been living mostly off convenience store food because i don’t have a kitchen and the small food places and night markets that most people usually eat at here instantly have horrible effects on me. and within the convenience store food i mostly alternate the same few options because i already have a pretty limited food palate from the probable autism (fun fact gastrointestinal issues are more common in autistic people) and even if i didn’t have that going on i’m so hesitant to try anything new here because i haven’t figured out what the main triggers are for making me sick. and not even that helps anyway i am still in pain.

there isn’t any point in paying to go to a doctor because i know full well what the issue is and there’s no treatment for the chronic pain so all i can do is wait it out. but it sucks because i keep having to miss classes, i don’t go as many places as i want to because either i’m physically ill or generally just too demotivated from being in pain to organise anything myself and also not having much of a social circle so i just feel like i’m wasting my time here. i’ve done some really cool stuff but it’s hard not to be jealous of the people who are having the time of their lives doing stuff every day when i can’t even go to university without being in pain a lot of the time and my own views are one thing but whenever other people ask me what i’ve been up to and it’s not much because i’ve been sick or just don’t have enough friends to be doing stuff as constantly as they are and they’re obviously being judgemental about it. That kinda sucks.

and i know bad sleep and not eating regular meals make it worse but when i don’t want to go to sleep because of the pain and i don’t want to eat because of the pain it’s just the world’s worst cycle and now i’m up at 5am being sad

i only have two months left until i go home but also it feels so lame to be so looking forward to leaving but god i’ve had so many misfortunes here. i really hope this goes away when i go back home and can eat my normal diet again and just like. Exist without pain :(

i don’t usually make personal posts i like to vent elsewhere but sometimes you really just need to write a long rant somewhere that maybe someone in a similar situation will see yknow

[valyrou]

Hii! Could I get a romantic match up for BSD?

About me

-she/her

- pan but would like a match up with one of the guys cuz I have hard time choosng the best match (+ no minors of course)

Likes/Hobbies:

▪︎writing&reading

▪︎astronomy, stargazing- special interest of mine since I was like 13

▪︎running&gym - a) u gotta stay healthy b) u gotta look good

▪︎sudoku, rummikub, puzzles - i'm old

▪︎history - huge on ancient Greece but also obsessed with my country's history, i'm always happy to share my knowledge about it with ppl

▪︎making plans/spreadsheets/list & organizing things in general (things in home, papers, even parties u name it i will do it)

▪︎cleaning- u don't understand how much i f**king love it good lord nothing better that a nice, deep cleaned house

▪︎cloudy and rainy weather

▪︎ cats

▪︎long walks especially at night

▪︎energy drinks- basically living of them

▪︎cooking/baking - pretty basic but i love making food for friends and loved ones

▪︎flower arranging- really random but who doesn't like a nice bouquet

▪︎music - Lana Del Rey, Mitski, Hozier, ABBA, TV Girl + playing violin

▪︎ cozy places with homey atmosphere

Dislikes

▪︎loud noises, intense smells, bright light, big gatherings of people, places with high humidity - i'm autistic so yeah

▪︎coffe - never grew to like it, don't think i ever will

▪︎childish & know-it-all & argumentative & reckless ppl

▪︎ dramas - let me just stay in the back and mind my buisness u don't have to get involved (as long as it doesn't involve someone i care about cuz if so then u better know that i'm stepping in)

▪︎ not keeping your words

▪︎ cheating

▪︎ snitching

MBTI: ISFJ

Personality traits (kind of):

▪︎loyal, dependable, caring, devoted

▪︎i have hard time making close friends so i get into one relationship at time and stick with them for ages (I'll help u get out of even the worst situations, if we're in it we're in it together there's literally not a thing i wouldn't do)

▪︎ acts like the coldest b*tch on the planet but is actually a softie

▪︎always ready to help, give an advice or gets u out of trouble (after spending 30min screaming at u for how dumb u're and telling u that there's no way i'm getting out of my house rn)

▪︎random punching as love language

▪︎either loud af and joking 25/8 or won't say a word for a week (same goes with texting), but generally much quieter and calmer in private

▪︎uses xD unironically

▪︎kind of a control freak + can get bossy and rigid at times

▪︎always doing like 5 things at a time cuz i won't let myself catch a break but will demand u to rest after a one task

▪︎stress cleaner - mopping floor at 2am is a weekly occurrence

▪︎indecisive- just tell me ehat to do and i'll get the job done don't leave picking options to me cuz i will just tell u that neither of them is optimal

▪︎ I have a habit of calling everyone sweetheart/sweetie/sugar/hun...

▪︎ I often see beauty in things that others might not notice and really enjoy the beauty of nature

Looks:

4'11☠

black mid-back straight hair that i always wear in a pony tail cuz i hate when it gets in my face blue eyes + glasses

i wear only black + lots of chains and heavy boots/platforms (i gotta add some hight u know)

Hope you're doing well, have a nice day!♡

-bandages girl

(yeah it's me again sorry to spam you inbox so much this week :// )

A/n: HII!!! Sorry for the wait! Also don’t worry if you spam my inbox, I’m always super happy to get requests and messages!!

I Hope you‘re doing well and enjoy who i matched you up with! <3

I‘ll match you up with….

EDGAR ALLAN POE

You two probably found each other because you have much in common!

You like puzzles? He‘ll write a story for you to solve, with the help of his gift!

Like an escape room date!

Gentle kisses on your bandages…?

Not necessarily a hugger, but if he hugs, he hugs you like he won’t see you again

Very gentle and patience

You will be his muse and inspiration for novels

Date night stargazing? Meteor showers together?? (Captures the moment in one of his novels for sure!)

Captures all his favorite moments with you together in his books

Forehead kisses frfr

Poe tends to overwork himself, so you telling him to take a break from time to time is nice

I mean you like cats.. a raccoon is close enough to a cat… right?

Karl will be your cat, don’t worry abt it

If you punch him lightly he will chuckle a bit, but be INCREDIBLY GIDDY

he is a goofy lover

He gets flustered easy, but sometimes can be a little dominant and has the balls to caress your cheek or Something

[confoodles]

OHHHHH IM FUCKING FUMINGG

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. ARE THEY DOINGGGG ?!!!!!!

- First of all the way Luna described the incident ??? She promised me she'd socialize and then disappeared for no reason ?? THE FUCK DO U MEAN NO REASON ?!!!! Ur friend accosted her until she threw food at his face !!! Clearly there was a reason and clearly there was a fight.

- Did something happen to her as a child?? Oh the way I nearly retched. Why are they making the characters act fucking stupid all of a sudden? First of all Luna, like didn't this whole arc happen already? Where everyone realized that oh yeah Aylin is being bullied and we should all be there for her. Like I don't know AM I CRAZY DID I HALLUCINATE THAT?? Did something happen to her ummm yeah she's been bullied her whole life and you know that ???

- I feel like a big issue seems to be that they r cutting and rearranging things. Like why is Alpha once again like 'fuck I'm so shitty, idk my sisters' as if we didn't spend the entirety of last episode processing that and her other issues????

- SHE SMEARED A PLATE OF FOOD ON TON'S FACE?! Guys is she stressed 😥😥 she's not usually like that 😥😥 Yeah maybe cause usually people don't get in her personal space while she's visibly uncomfortable and don't let up. This whole arc is making me hate Ton and tbh everyone who isn't Aylin.

- Ton drawing a whole ass graph instead of connecting his two existing brain cells and saying sorry is sooooo infuriating. Genuinely if this ep doesn't end with Aylin expressing her discomfort at how everyone made her feel and them making conscious effort to improve I'm gonna kill someone.

- Friendship ended with aylinluna now sunlin is my only friend ☀️👽

- As much as I love the teachers I think at the core of it all everyone is giving Aylin advice from the wrong place. Like sure the problem will now be resolved in the show, but to me the viewer it does not actually feel resolved. I think that part of it is due to the fact that Aylin is very much coded to be an autistic character. Fyi I am neurotypical so I might also be looking at this wrong, but to me it feels like no one has rlly put themselves in her shoes and are just operating under assumptions that don't consider that fact: I'm like u, i used to be like u, i used to be different blabla

- At the end of the day imo the issue was never Aylin, while the intent of encouraging her to socialize was good, it is also important to respect a person's boundaries and throughout this episode this has not been acknowledged once. It drives me crazy that everyone seems to be taking the approach of we r so worried abt Aylin, what's going on with her as if she hadn't been doing her best to socialize with everyone in her own capacity until a person she trusted put her in a situation where someone she doesn't know that well clearly overstepped.

- omg is Aylin gonna express her thoughts like I've wanted her to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

- TON KILL URSELF U SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE !! FUCK IT THE SCALE HAS TIPPED I HATE THIS MAN NOW !! ALL HIS PREV HIMBO ACTS MEANT NOTHING FUCK THAT BITCH !!

- OHHHH THE MEN R PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF. The mean, man hating lesbian in me has awakened. Mawin why the FUCK are u interrupting her U CUNT. Who ever did anything to you?? One of u guys just called her an alien and the other interrupted her a second later, THINK CRITICALLY FOR 5 SECONDS U FUCKING MORONS 🤬🤬🤬

- I hate this episode on so many levels I'm boiling !! Why r they having an anti bullying assembly like did a writer of the show find a pamphlet on the ground and went oh okay that's how we resolve this angst arc we added for no reason tee-hee 😋😋 Also the way this was meant to be about Aylin opening up and she got to say two sentences before everyone was like 'GUYS CONTROVERSIAL TAKE BULLYING = BAD'. let her speak !!

- oh Aylin crying MY BABY im so sad :((

- and here we go making it about ton. Watching this is the worst thing I've done today and I literally had to take a final exam that lasted two hours and which I studied for the day of.

- A ROUND OF BOOING FOR THE MAN PLEASE !!!! 🍅🍅🍅

Does anyone else feel like Aylinluna was horribly out of character this episode?? I've heard that apparently some things were cut, so that might be the reason but it still felt weird. Like ur telling me Luna, who has literally been so respectful of Aylin's boundaries literally even last episode, is suddenly forcing her to go out of her comfort zone?? Okay, fine, I understand the concept of wanting ur gf to get along with ur friends, but ur telling me Luna wouldn't stand up for Aylin when someone is clearly getting in her face and making her uncomfortable?? That she would call her an ALIEN??!!!

[ithinkofnealcassady]

hi! idk if ur taking prompts or anything but can you write something abt peter being (selectively) mute? it can come from him being autistic or as a coping mechanism or however! even better if tony can help overcome it. thank u sm❣️

lemme just preface with the fact that my experiences are not universal and that i didn’t even understand that i’m literally selectively mute until less than a week ago. nevertheless, i hope this fulfills what you wanted <3

---

Peter doesn’t mean to be doing it.

It’s just that he’s been laying flat atop his sheets for almost two hours now, letting the idle spin of the white ceiling fan raise chills on his legs where they jab out of his too-loose boxers.

He’s got an incessant humming at the back of his neck though the rest of him is cavernous and cool. His eyes hurt. He can’t sleep.

He’s snapping one of MJ’s hair ties against the inside of his wrist. It’s supposed to make him come back into his body. It isn’t working. It feels like he’s up there bobbing on the breeze from the fan. Like suspension as a concept is tenuous and there is no webbing and Peter has been freefalling for ages and he still can’t see the ground.

He’d rather splat. He’d rather hit the ground, guts and grime and all, than keep hovering.

Johnny is off doing alien shit. MJ has an internship. May is on a shift. Ned hasn’t answered his texts.

There’s nothing holding him here.

It’s all too easy to let go.

Peter’s vision slips out of focus.

Time moves like ribbon curls and spilled honey; like sanded wood planks and fingerprints smudged on window panes; like the starchy water left after boiling potatoes and wet ink bleeding across the page.

It is all angles and pains and endless fields of undulating wheat, and then it isn’t.

Focus is painfully sharp. He immediately wants to retreat back into himself.

There’s a warm hand on his wrist. Peter fumbles the hair tie. It snaps onto fingers that are not his, rather than the thin skin over his palm.

“Stop that,” says Tony’s gruff voice, “quit it, kid, stop.”

Peter blinks. He turns towards Tony. He doesn’t know why Tony is in his apartment.

“School called,” Tony says, as if he reads minds. “You didn’t show up. They called May, and she called me to come and check on you since her shift isn’t up until twelve.”

Peter looks idly at Tony.

Tony’s hand skims over Peter’s forehead so lightly that Peter isn’t sure it happened. Peter thinks Tony’s palm is shaking. Peter thinks Tony’s eyes look heavy.

“One of those days?” Tony says.

Peter breathes. Somewhere inside his chest the answer is pulsating—it’s grabbing onto his ribs and rattling them like prison bars—but nothing. Nothing rises to his mouth.

Something, some great and primordial It, stoppers his throat, makes him stupid. Helpless. He fucking hates being helpless. All he does is try not to be.

He closes his eyes when his lower lip trembles. His throat is painfully tight. He hates feeling like this. He doesn’t get it. Nothing happened. Why does he feel like he’s sunk a foot into the foam of his mattress.

“Alright,” Tony says. “Hey, okay, I’m here now. We can fix this. I know we can. You know the first step? Because I do and I’m willing to share my answer with the class. Here it is: sit up. That’s the first thing. That’s always the first step. Come on, up, let’s sit up.”

Tony’s hand squeezes Peter’s shoulder three times, fast. Peter pushes himself up. He must. Because he’s sitting. His elbows feel strange. Too big. Too bendy.

“Hey, look at that,” says Tony. “You nailed it. Olympic gold worthy. I’ll contact the YMCA. You need a minute? Let’s take a minute. Step one, done. You earned a minute, I’m—here, scoot. Move that leg, I’m coming in hot like a mofo. Do the kids say that? I think I heard it on a TV show once and, frankly, it baffled me.”

Tony wedges himself onto Peter’s mattress and leans back against the headboard.

Peter looks at him, all decked in a massive hoodie and ratty sweatpants. His face is strange and blurry. Warped like he’s watching the bottom of a swimming pool writhe. Peter feels like he doesn’t recognize Tony. Peter feels like he would recognize Tony blind and backwards and upside down. He does not understand this feeling. It’s infuriating. He wants to reach down his throat and into his chest and pull it out like those clown napkins neatly tied in brightly-colored knots.

Tony sighs, settling against Peter’s pillows.

He gives a good show. As if this is normal. Any of this at all.

Tony turns his head towards Peter, then pats Peter’s cold kneecap.

He turns away again.

Peter thinks that if some magic spell could summon from his chest the sound that has been pushed so deep it would never otherwise be heard, it would be a guttural, fractured scream.

His finger loops around the hair tie.

Before he can snap it, Tony’s hand stops him. Cuffs around Peter’s wrist, all calluses and divots and swirled prints.

Peter can feel every rise and fall against his skin.

“How are we doing during our little interlude?” Tony says. “More interlude? Less interlude? Terminated interlude? All of the above are fine. Just keep me updated. A memo on my desk will suffice.”

Peter clenches his jaw.

“Oh, he’s mad. Okay. I can give you time. How about the next step for today is a shower? You look like you’re fucking freezing. Go take a warm shower. I’ll do that fancy thoughtful thing where I throw a towel in the dryer for you so it’s all toasty when you get out. Remember to wash behind your ears and everything.”

Tony slides off the mattress and stands beside it. He stares at Peter, open, patient.

Peter pushes himself off the mattress. The floor beneath his feet feels like a memory.

Tony says, “Hey, look at you! Nice. We’re making shit happen, folks. Into the bathroom with you, young one. Throw your towel out the door. I’ll go fix it up nice.”

Peter follows the instructions at half-pace.

In the shower, he finds himself sitting under the stream. He does not remember why he sat. He doesn’t feel lightheaded. Or nauseous. Or anything else at all.

He finds his footing. Stands. Soaps himself.

The garbled sound of the water calms him, even if he feels matted eight layers deep.

When he gets out, the towel is waiting beside a stack of his clothes. All of them are warmed.

He gets dressed and pads out of the bathroom.

Tony is standing at the stove. He’s cooking something. Peter cannot tell what it is.

Tony snorts. “You tuck your sweatpants into your socks? God, I shouldn’t be surprised. You do seem like the sock-tucking type. I bet you single-cuff your jeans or something. Fold your underwear in thirds. Hang your sweaters.”

The worst thing is that Peter has the comeback ready. Like a normal person? he wants to say. Like a normal person? sits on the back of his tongue. He can’t say the words. Neurotypical who? Not him.

God, even joking in his own freaking head sounds discordant.

Peter pushes himself up onto the counter and sits, legs dangling.

Tony continues to cook. Every once in a while, Tony will start to hum, then stop. He’ll get halfway into a verse and then quit as if he forgets the words.

Peter cannot pick up a single melody.

Tony is rather suddenly before him, plate in hand. It’s laden with eggs and turkey sausage. Two slices of toast. A peeled orange.

Tony peeled an orange without Peter noticing. Without smelling, even.

Peter takes the plate. It wavers in his hands but he rights it.

Tony does not begin to clean the cookware until Peter has stabbed a sausage with his fork and begun to chew it.

His mouth feels like it’s full of glue. His whole existence is a cotton ball. Fucking Christ. He’s so tired of feeling like this.

The next time Tony taps him, it’s on the elbow.

Peter starts.

Tony catches his plate before it can slip off his lap.

Tony taps Peter’s temple twice. “You’ve been—out there for a while. That place I can’t follow you. Food is getting cold. I expect it all to be finished. I know I’m the cool parent but I will not budge on this one.”

Peter stares.

“I know,” Tony says, voice breaking. “God, I know, Pete. It’s okay. Just some breakfast. It’s fine. You can do that, I know you can.”

Peter knows he can too. He knows he can, and he’s pissed because he feels like the crater punched into the earth’s crust that wiped out the dinosaurs, all smoking and empty and awful. He can finish a plate of fucking eggs. Toast. He loves oranges. He can do this.

It feels like he can’t. It feels like an undertaking. The epic sort.

He grits his teeth, stabs a chunk of egg, and does it. It’s like pulling himself along by the ends of his nails, but on the inside.

When he’s finished, he feels sick rather than bolstered.

But Tony takes his plate, grinning, and washes it for him. Whistling from between his teeth, now.

Peter’s finger hooks the hair tie. He knows that if he snaps it hard enough he’ll come back.

He does it once, twice. Nothing. He hears the slap against his skin. It feels like nothing more than a pinch.

“Hey, stop that,” Tony says, hands wet and sudsy as he takes the tie off Peter’s wrist.

Peter blinks at his skin. It’s mottled red, lightly bruised. He hadn’t realized.

It was supposed to fix him.

“I’m keeping this. I’ll personally give it back to Michelle. This isn’t May’s. It’s not May’s, right? She only uses scrunchies. She’s a child of the flowers, bless her hippie heart. Okay. Pocketing it. Let me finish the dishes. I need May to love me. Okay. Be right back.”

Tony pats Peter’s knee before he goes.

Peter watches the wet spot from Tony’s hand grow on the fabric of his sweats.

Tony brings him to the couch. The couch is not big. It is deep and too soft and sometimes, if you sit wrong, you get a butthole piercing from the springs.

Tony wraps him in a blanket. And then another. One is a quilt Ben made. The other is a blanket so enormous and thick that Peter is faintly sure it will smother him.

But he lets Tony wrap him up. Because he has no other choice. And because a little part of him—one tenacious bit who hasn’t lost hope—deeply wants Tony to fix this for him, and trusts that Tony knows what he’s doing.

Tony settles onto the couch next to Peter, tossing an arm across the back. His fingertips scratch Peter’s neck, along the knots of his spine.

“We could watch something,” Tony suggests. “I tend to think watching something after eating aids the digestive process. Gets the systems moving. Sound good? Let’s watch something fun. Let’s watch Ferris Bueller. God, that poor bastard. What mother would name their child Ferris? And he’s such a successful kid too. That’s overcoming adversity right there.”

Tony fumbles with the remote. He pulls up the movie. Peter sits in his blanket nest.

The film starts with the iconic monologue sequence.

Something in Peter settles seeing it. It’s so familiar to him, he could recite the whole script end-to-end.

Not now, probably. But usually.

It itches in his chest.

Tony hums rather than laughs during movies. A soft noise with his lips pressed together. A light smile.

He seems so calm. At ease. Peter doesn’t get it. Tony is always freaking out, especially when there’s absolutely nothing wrong, but not now.

Peter can’t make himself speak and Tony isn’t freaking out. That’s weird.

But maybe it’s good. Maybe. Because Tony acting normal might make Peter’s subconscious feel normal and then everything will click back into place and Peter can stop being so helpless and pissed and nonexistent.

It doesn’t reboot his subconscious. What it does is make him sleepy. The brush of Tony’s fingers, the familiar cadence of the movie—Peter drifts, and this time, he sleeps.

He’s shaken awake what feels like hours later.

He opens a bleary eye. Everything is moving.

A great mane of braided hair whacks him across the face.

He sputters.

“Oh, shit. Sorry. Sorry, baby, just me, joining in on the cuddle sesh. Don’t worry, I changed out of my scrubs first. I know how much you hate being near my dirty work scrubs. Which astounds me, considering Ben saw you sneak a pizza crust out of the trash once when you were a kid.”

She settles next to him on the far side, where a snoring Tony isn’t.

She wraps her arm around Peter’s waist, strong and lithe and familiar, and Peter feels it.

It makes his eyes ache.

He swallows and swallows. He turns to May. He presses a firm kiss to her cheek.

“I love you too, honey,” she says, poking her nose into his neck. They’ve never needed words to communicate anyway.

He closes his eyes, warm enough to bake, surrounded on every side with stifling love.

He sleeps, chasing the sun across the sky, and when he wakes again, he wakes.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #449-450

(both from yesterday)

What do you dislike about the house you live in? It's in the suburbs. Have you thought more about your funeral, or your wedding? My hypothetical wedding. Dinosaurs or unicorns? DINO BOIZ. What do you think of Maroon 5? I like some of their old stuff, and one or two of their newer songs, like "Payphone." What about Coldplay? I enjoy them. Fall Out Boy? Love 'em. Katy Perry? She's okay, I guess. There are a few songs I enjoy. Have you ever snuck into an R-rated movie when you weren’t old enough to see it without parents? No. What is your favorite Disney show? I don't have the slightest clue what's on Disney nowadays. What do you miss most about elementary school? Digging tunnels in the sandbox during recess with my friends. :'( When was the last time you saw the person you had your first kiss with? The start of February 2017. Hard to believe it's been four whole years... Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? Ha, yes. Mom got me a little sign that says, "If I can't wear my flipflops, I'm not going," lmfao. All I wear are flipflops. What's your opinion on wearing pajamas in public? Do you yourself do that? I LITERALLY couldn't care less. I wear pjs in public sometimes; it really depends on where I'm going. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? Taking away technology was the worst. Do you usually fill up at the same gas station? Mom goes to a few different ones, depending on proximity and price. Have you ever owned any pet birds? What kinds/colours? I have not. I used to want a cockatiel for a long time, though. Do you pay much attention to your YouTube recommendations? If so, what was the last video that caught your attention? Kinda, I guess. I'm not sure what was the last recommended video I clicked. What has been the happiest time of your life so far? It's complicated. Most of my best memories are from high school with Jason, yet at the same time I was HORRIBLY depressed. I think my most pure happiness when I was really progressing with recovery. Moving on from him, losing tons of weight, feeling motivated... Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity? Who? My two biggest celebrity crushes ever have been/is Link Neal and Mark Fischbach. Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah. Admitting fears isn't a big deal to me at all. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What did you have for dinner last night? A chicken sandwich. What could you talk about for hours? Meerkats, Silent Hill, Mark... Do you have a lamp beside your bed? Yes. What's your favorite ice cream topping? Chocolate syrup. What was the last TV show you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender. Would you rather eat burgers or tacos? Oh, burgers for sure. I don't likes tacos. Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got marred? Yes. Do you use TikTok? Nope. Are you closer to your mother or father? Mom. Do you own any costumes? No. Would you care if your SO went to a strip club? Hm. So long as they're not laying hands on any of the strippers and they ASKED me first, I don't think I'd care? I'm pretty sure I'd also only be okay with that if we were a long-term couple where very strong trust has been built. How helpful are your parents to you? Would they help you to pay for your first apartment? College? Where does the line end? They are so, so very helpful and I'm pretty sure would go to the ends of the earth to help me in any way they could. I know they WOULD help pay for the things you mentioned, but it's not something I want them to do. I want to be able to financially provide for myself, one day... Have you ever had to evacuate due to natural disaster? No. What video games did you have when you were growing up? LOADS. I looooooooved video games. What was the first election you ever voted in? This last one, actually. Can you hear anything right now? Yeah. I'm watching Gab play the Resident Evil 3 remake on hardcore mode. What's the coolest, most unusual pet you can think of? I've always thought sugar gliders were quite interesting as pets. I wanted one for a looong time, but I am not informed on how well they do in captivity and if it should even be legal for me to truly want one anymore. Have you ever seen a UFO or other weird object in the sky? By definition, it was a UFO. Sometimes I do even wonder if it was an alien spacecraft, given JUST how strange that shit was. I won't explain it again, just 'cuz I've done it in many surveys before. Are there any albums you know every single lyric to? I could probably nail Ozzy's Black Rain. What's your go-to painkiller? Advil. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? No, but there's a celebrity with her exact name. Do you think it’s pretty when 100s of balloons are let loose into the sky? NO NO NO NO NO that shit is SO upsetting. Where do you think they end up??? It's littering. Animals get choked and tangled by them all the time. What do you draw more than anything else? Definitely meerkats. Have you ever visited someone in a psychiatric home or ward? No, but people have visited me in one. Have you ever received a parking fine? No. Are you in any group chats? Who's in them? No. Do you have a lisp? No. Do you have an Instagram account? Do you use it often? I have three, but one's pretty much dead. I don't post stuff regularly on my other two either, really... Can you parallel park? I would absolutely hit another car. Have you ever played paintball? Did you get hit? No, that shit's dumb. You can get really hurt. What was your favorite fairy tale when you were a kid? Maybe Little Red Riding Hood? Are your parents still together? If not, do you know why? No. Mostly financial disagreements, but I know there's stuff I don't know. Have you ever been evicted? Why? Yes, because we couldn't keep up with rent. Have you ever worked as a manager or supervisor? Noooo. What was the last thing you voted for? So Snake Discovery (a reptile channel I love) hosted an enclosure build-off recently, and the winners were selected by fans via voting. The guy I voted for got 3rd. What's the most amazing animal you've ever seen in captivity? I've been very close to an elephant at a zoo once. They're magnificent. Having been to Sea World as a kid (I would NEVER go now), I also saw the killer whale show. As much of a spectacle as it was, it was animal abuse regardless. Do you like white chocolate? It's okay in small doses. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Do you talk to your pets? Um, duh. Have you ever adopted a stray? (Cat or dog?) Cats, yes. Do you read about any mythology? (Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc) No, not by my own will. I DO love mythology, I just... don't read it. Do you ever use bath bombs? No. Have you ever gotten angry at an employee and complained to the manager? No. Have you ever sent your food back at a restaurant? Yes, because they got my meal wrong. I was REALLY shy to do it, but I made sure to do it politely and apologetically. Do you sleep in a bra? What mad lad sleeps in a bra???????????? Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No. Can you suggest someone funny on YouTube? I'll go for someone what isn't my obvious vote, ha ha. There are truly so many, but Garrett Watts is high on the list. Elena Bateman, too. Can you do a handstand? No. Has anyone close to you ever been suicidal? Yes. Have you ever broken someone's heart and didn't care? Tyler sure acted like I did, and to be entirely frank, I didn't care very much, but only because it was a HUGE overreaction and I knew he'd be fine quick. What color is your hairbrush? It's just a white comb. Who was your most recent call from? My psychiatrist. Have you ever watched someone die? Only animals... It's the absolute worst. Are you currently "seeing" someone? No. Are you friends with someone who's autistic? I might be, but I know my niece is on the spectrum. Do you like humans? To be entirely transparent... I think I wish humans were never a thing. We've done so, so much harm to the planet, some things irrevocable. Earth would be a much healthier, far more peaceful place if we'd never existed. Do you like pandas? I love pandas. P.S., fuck outta here if you're one of the people who don't support conservation efforts for them. That shit blows my mind. What do you think of Evanescence? They're great. Amy's voice is absolutely incredible. I don't even think that's an opinion, but global fact, ha ha. What do you think of Avenged Sevenfold? I like some of their stuff. I haven't heard a whole lot though, honestly. What do you think of Halestorm? ^ Do you think you are attractive? God no. I don't see me as an attractive person at all. Do you like dinosaurs? I love 'em; I was OBSESSED as a kid, and my first aspired job was a paleontologist. Do you like lasagna? No. Do you share a room? No. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think my longest was three. What can you do that none of your friends can do? I dunno. Why did you last go to the airport? Mom and I were dropping Sara off so she could go home. Who was the last person to see you in your underwear? My mom. Who’s the most attractive female you’ve ever seen? Maybe Alissa White-Gluz from Arch Enemy? Or my friend Alon. I'm certain there's more, because women are just so fuckin beautiful asdkfajlwejkrjqwe Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? I actually like the original, rich red. Do you think someone would ever want to marry you? Well, two people have, but one absolutely doesn't anymore and the other knows that it's not healthy or emotionally safe for either of us to imagine that at this time. I don't know if anyone ever will again. Do you like Thanksgiving? No. Like I enjoy the focus on thankfulness, but the history isn't right and I don't enjoy the food. Do you ever wear colored eye liner? No. Have you ever used a darkroom? No. Have you ever been "popular"? No. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Yes. Have you ever been told that you dress like a slut? No, not that how someone dresses has any relevance to their sexual activity. What’s your most recent obsession? Final Fantasy X jfccccccc. Video games or board games? The former. Are you scared of tarantulas? As much as I talk about them... you can probably tell I have a massive interest in them, ha ha. However, even though I love them, they're still sorta scary. Like, threat poses are no joke. And it's terrifying on the very rare occasion they hiss. During Covid, do you wear a mask or no mask? I'm fully vaccinated, and yet I still wear a mask because I'm a considerate human fucking being. Do you have a PlayStation 4? No, but I reeeeaaally want one. :/ Have you ever played Fortnite? Nah, not my type of game. Do you like anime? Yeah. Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah. I was always SO excited as a kid when Dad would take the boat out for a fishing trip. Have you ever played Kingdom Hearts? I've played some of it with Jason. I wasn't a fan of it. Have you ever built a snowman? Yes. DC or Marvel? I don't really have a preference.

----------

Do you prefer your nails long or short? Why? Short, because I can't keep my nails long for the life of me. I pick/peel my nails badly. Do you have any vinyl records? No. Are you still in touch with your best friend from high school? No. Have you ever visited any celebrity gravesites? No. How do you feel about archaeology? It's extremely fascinating. Would you have a big cat (like a tiger) for a pet if you could? No. I could never provide the environment they need, and it's simply not safe. They are not domestic animals, and even the ones that seem most tame can surprise you. What are your favorite smells? Cinnamon rolls, coffee, lilac, fresh baked bread, barbecue, etc. Have you ever had to block people online for harassing you? I'm not sure, actually... What is your favorite thing to do on The Sims? Surveys have a lot of questions about those games... I only ever played the ones that focused on animals, and I think I most enjoyed breeding them and naming the bbz. :^) And watching their behavior. Which hair color you've had has been your favorite? Red. If you were stupid-rich, would you ever actually want a mansion? No. I do not need all that room, nor am I wasting my money on such excessive space. What drinking games have you played? None. Do you take lessons for anything? No. Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? No. If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? Only black. Does your shower have curtains or a glass door/wall? Curtains. If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? One is a snake and the other is a cat, so. Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? No. Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? Nothing besides what you mentioned. Are you lonely? I'm way too lonely for it to be healthy. Do you like pineapple? Yep. Have you ever seen fireflies? Yes; they're endemic to here. Have you ever trespassed? As a kid, yes. Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did sometimes. Are you afraid of heights? Yes. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Would you ever be your school’s mascot who wears that costume? No. Have you ever written a poem? I've written a lot. Would you ever be a tornado chaser? FUCK TO THE HELL NO. What is your favorite thing to eat with bbq sauce, if you even like that stuff? I hate bbq sauce. Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? No. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No. Ever thought about writing a book? Yes. Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? Yes. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? Nope. Have you seen all of the Jaws movies? No, only the first one with Tyler. It was aight. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? I haven't seen a picture of Jason in years, and I don't want to. Not because I care about how he looks now, it'd just be extremely triggering to see his face. I still find Sara gorgeous. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. How often does your employer ask you to work overtime? N/A When was the last time you were scared? Ummmm I really can't say I know. What’s your favorite song by Rihanna? "Disturbia" is where it's AT. There's this synthwave edit of it that I positively adore. Can you speak binary? No. Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? A family pet, yes. Do you like boys with long hair? UGH yes. Do you like root beer? Not really, no. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really. Do you ever dream of yourself dying? That's not all that rare in my nightmares. What song always makes you sad? I think two songs are tied for what makes me most sad: "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin and "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White. Were you mean as a little kid? No; I was a sweet kid. Have you ever tried spam? No, it looks SO gross to me. How fast can you run? This is pathetic, but I don't think I CAN run. My knees are too weak. I think my weight coming down on them would just make me crumple over. Have you ever bought something from Spencer's? Yeah. Have you ever been on a diet? I've tried diets many times. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Jason. I miss his memory every day. I say "memory" because it's been years, and I have no way of knowing who he is today. How many cars are parked at your house right now? One. Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? No. Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? Not personally. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings with extremely hot sauce at Buffalo Wild Wings. Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? Um yeah, no. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? No. I don't like sprinkles in general. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yes, somehow. Onion rings or french fries? French fries, for sure. Who is the best cook that you know? Dunno. If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? When I was a kid. I don't remember the age, but I was old enough to decide myself that I wanted them pierced. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? They have their own places now. Do you like fried rice? Yessss. Are there any animals you refuse to touch? Some bugs. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? I don't believe so, no. What makes you feel lucky? That I have the family I do. What is something nice going on in your life right now? Just the gym-going, really... Who’s the worst person you’ve encountered on the Internet? An old friend I just knew as Shakes. If death wasn’t a consequence, what would you try? Maybe sky-diving, idk. Has a teacher ever told you off? No. Have you ever told off a teacher? No. Do/did you take school seriously or not? I certainly did. How do you usually cope with breakups? Not well. I obsess over how something's wrong with me and I'm not good enough for anyone. Disney princess or Disney animal movies? Animals, for sure. What's your favorite Katy Perry song? It's evading me right now... Have you ever made/tried friendship bread!? Omg, I forgot that was a thing! I actually have. I've completely forgotten the gist of it or even how it tastes, but I remember I loved it. What do you want to know about the future? If I'll ever be content and happy. What's your biggest insecurity? My weight. Ever found something disgusting in your food while eating out? No, thank god. Does the area where you live have a good or bad reputation? A very bad one. Are there any holidays that you don't celebrate? Yeah, like St. Patrick's Day, among some others. If you could find out who you're gonna marry right now, would you? Yes. Save myself time and heartbreak. How important is it to you that your partner has the same religious views? I wouldn't date someone very religious. If they're more tame about it, that's fine, but I'd prefer to not date a religious individual. Do you own a Wii? Yeah. I've kinda been wanting to play Guitar Hero or Rock Band lately on it... Do you like a lot of cheese on your pizza? "A regular, reasonable amount of cheese." <<<< This. I really don't like when things are so cheesy that it leaves a ridiculous trail when you try to separate pieces. Have you ever been made fun of because of your sexuality? Not directly to my face, but I can guarantee people I know had certain ~opinions~ on it when I came out. I also like just came out as pansexual versus bi, and I'm not even telling a lot of people in my personal life because I know they'll find the concept absolutely ridiculous. What would you do if you found an abandoned animal? "Depends on what type of an animal it was, and whether it was friendly or skittish." <<<< This. I'm obviously not going to try to usher a rabid dog over to me (I'd call a rescue or something if the animal appeared potentially dangerous), but if the animal appeared safe, my heart would absolutely lead me to try and get the animal to come to me so I could take it home and try to find the owner. Have you ever kissed someone who had a tongue piercing? No. What singer/band do you think deserves to be more famous than they are? Jonathan Young from YouTube. He is INCREDIBLE. He deserves to be picked up by a label so badly. What is your favorite PlayStation 1 game? The original Silent Hill, no competition. Do you think objectum sexuals are real, or attention seekers? I really can't imagine someone pretending to want to fuck their car for attention. I don't get it AT ALL, and it's weird as shit to me, but I mean, I don't think people can control what they're attracted to. How far out of your age bracket would you date? 21-early 30s, probs. Have you ever had an STD? No. Have you ever tried pho? No. Pick one: Crash Bandicoot or Spyro? Spyro!!!! I have the original trilogies of both series, but Spyro is where it's AT. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? I'm unemployed, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't, honestly. If you could dye your hair any color right now with absolutely no restrictions, what color would you dye it? Maybe like a galaxy-esque mixture of layered colors. I've wanted that for YEARS. Have you ever known a white supremacist? This region is swimming in them. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Do ladders scare you? Climbing them does, yes. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Yeah. Have you ever thrown up on anybody? Unless I did unknowingly as a baby, no. How many people have you turned down when they asked you out? Uhhh two or three, maybe? What is your favourite kind of fruit cobbler? I actually haven't tried enough to have an educated favorite, but I can say I love peach. Do you hear any other people talking right now? I'm watching a let's player play Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, so I hear her, obviously. When was the last time you started a new medication? It's been a while, idk. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, I guess. I don't really like nuts, but I definitely like cashew bars. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? ... Domino's lmaoooo. Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? Yeah, I loved that show. I even had two video games. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yes. Can you name all 50 US state capital cities? No. Can you tie balloons? I can't, actually. Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today? Yeah. I wanted Sara's advice on something I'm dealing with. On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day? One of my sisters' was yesterday, actually. What did you/are you having for dinner tonight? I had Special K cereal. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, bananas, (sometimes) broccoli, other things that aren't coming to me. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? My friend Girt. What flavor was the last cupcake you ate? The cupcake itself was chocolate, and the icing was uhhhh... blue? Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight? I haven't done anything of note. I'm probably going to bed soon. What’s the age difference between your parents? Two years, I think. When was the last time you ate an apple? Today. I have been on a big sliced apples w/ peanut butter kick lately. Have you had any caffeinated beverages today? I have soda every day. :x Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind? Mom brought me a Reese's home today when she went out with a friend. How many different towns/cities have you lived in? Three. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special? Poems, yes. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Not very much physically. Emotionally... I don't know. Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavor is it? No. Ice cream is my #1 comfort food, so that's a big "keep out of the house."

[jenna-jayde-the-renagade]

So my life has gone to shit.. I dont trust anybody anymore, and honest to god I cant help but keep thinking of ways to end it. My mom keeps telling me how to feel about this whole thing, that I should be grateful that i got in finally to see a specialist. Reality is I dont even trust those subhuman animals anymore, and frankly they're gonna have to earn my trust. After 4 fucking years, my life, my future being ruined. My mental health going downhill, all for the second time now. Add on to that, I dont get any meds for the pain so this has pushed me into addiction now for a second time. I've been dehumanized and humiliated, treated with nothing but the utmost disrespect while being stigmatized for being mentally ill, transgender and a recovering addict for most of it. They ignored me for 4 years, my body is damaged, and frankly help just might have came too little too late. I wont just suffer through the next one, the next time this happens I'm gonna end my life, my suffering on my own god damn terms. Atleast I still have control over that..

Fuck the canadian healthcare system. Some days I honestly just want to start selling drugs, and fly to a country where I can just pay to play and get the best care in the god damn world. Cause 4 years now I've been telling them to refer me to a specialist, I've been telling them that it's probably crohns or some other GI issue. They need to do a colonoscopy and a scope to find it, so that's what I would ask for. I would never get it, so i more or less gave up on the healthcare system. They would leave me on the floor thrashing in pain for hours. Treating me like a drug addict in withdrawal when I didnt even have any opioids in my system. I would be lucky if I got an IV for fluids, and even more lucky if they pumped me full of a bunch of over the counter drugs and others that didnt work like gravol, tauridol, buscopan, zofran, and haliperidol. I would tell them each time, that this was the hundredth time they tried gravol, and it doesnt help people when they're screaming in pain. They treat the nausea. Its bullshit because I am in so much pain that its making me nauseous and until they get rid of the pain, the vomiting is just gonna continue. They always treat me like I'm full of shit, and when I turn out to be right and continue puking, thrashing and screaming in pain, they just get angry at the fact they were wrong. Our doctors and nurses are a bunch of sociopathic, apathetic adult children who in my experience take pleasure in watching you suffer. The worse I get the more they smile. They are so stupid, blind almost because if their stupid fucking machine says I'm ok then I guess it's all in my head. They only think that theres nothing wrong with me because theyve only ever done a blood test or an xray. Never ever once have they done a single test that would have found the issue, crohns cant be found just on a blood test. The emergency room doctors think it can be, my family doctor and everybody else I've talked to says otherwise.

On January 1st I was having another flare up, and they shoved me in the psych observation room because they genuinely didnt want to deal with me. They ignore me, and I keep going in because I want help. I dont want to end up relapsing again cause I cant take the god damn pain! But nope, I get treated like a crazy person now.. they did it against my will. And they even tried to take my phone and my keys. I was puking constantly, I needed water to keep hydrated and they left me for 4 hours, locked in, no meds, no help or nothing. So I just cracked.. I had nothing to barf in, to wipe my nose with, or to wipe the cold sweat off me. So I puked in every corner of that room, I puked beside the bed especially because a mop wouldnt fit in there. I pissed in the corner, I would hack up some phlegm and spit it all over the floors and walls, I blew snot rockets on every surface too! After a while some nurse came in and gave me a barf bag. I threw it on the floor and just continued to puke over every hard surface in the place. I was puking every 5 seconds I swear, and the doctor finally came in at 3 hours and 15 minutes. At 3.5 hrs they give me two pills. I straight up tell them there is no point in even taking them. I couldnt even keep water down and these people are stupid enough to make me take pills? Come on. You need to hold it in for atleast an hour to see even the most minimal affects. I was puking every 5 seconds, to the point that I puked before I took the pills, and I puked them out the moment after I swallowed. They had given me a fucking gravol tab, and some Ativan, the latter of which I couldnt even hold under my tongue long enough. I barfed it onto the floor when it was half dissolved. They come back with this clear liquid shit in a shot glass. I swallowed it right after I puked. The liquid burned my insides, and i puked that shit out even quicker. I asked them to give me IV medications for that exact reason, I always ask for IV medications cause its literally a waste of your time and mine to just pump me full of pills when I can't keep them down and they hurt my tummy as they dissolve. They tell me to just "breathe deeply and relax" and to "just try jayden, you gotta try", so then I try, and when they end up being wrong, and I can't take shit. They end up saying that I'm manipulating, that I'm drug seeking or I'm not trying hard enough to make it work. Absolute bullshit, over the course of 4 years I have quite literally told them what to do. I have multiple family members with this disease, and my grandmother was ignored like this too. She told me to ask them for a colonoscopy and a scope, and to ask them to treat the pain, not the nausea cause the pain literally causes the nausea. The sooner the pain is gone the sooner I can be normal and tell them what's going on. Instead I'm left to suffer in the worst pain a human being can feel. I get treated like shit and told it's all in my head. I gave up on getting a diagnosis in year two. I just want to shoot dope whenever the pain comes. Dope atleast takes it away, after all they would be giving me some of the strongest shit they have at the hospital if I was some boomer with a sprained ankle. It would take the pain away. Thats for sure. Being a mentally ill, drug using, autistic tranny they just see that. I get nothing. No help, no answers, not even some relief when my screaming can be heard far and wide.

I want to die right now, and I keep trying to think of a painless way to do it.. buying $400 worth of street fentanyl and slipping into a nice, peaceful opioid coma seems like a wonderful idea right now.. that would end the fucking suffering atleast..

I wont be wearing a colostomy bag. Colostomy bags arent sexy, they are fucking disgusting and you cant just be body positive when you have a fucking bag full of your own shit hanging off you, and your only way of having penetrative sex sewed up permanently and taken away from me. Not like I could even be a decent fuck for anybody at this point anyways. Its painful to shit, let alone anything else. I dont want to give up food either. I love food, food is literally my life and the only way I have to bond with certain people! Like my family for example. Nothing makes me just want to slip.into that coma more then the worry of the future.

Will I be sitting at a family gathering eating bland gluten free, dairy free, all organic 100% vegan fair trade horse shit on a plate while my family actually gets to enjoy the food I used to be able to eat? Moms spaghetti, grandmas meat pies, the baked goods, fresh tomatoes out of my garden and others. A good fucking steak even? Cause honestly a birthday isnt a birthday if I dont have my birthday meal.

I know for a fact my body is damaged from 4 years of suffering. I used to bounce back, now it takes the wind out of my sails for a month.

Needless to say, I just want to fucking die more then anything else. Positivity and anything I love is gone, and all that I have left is knowing that Alberta health services, coast mountain health services, providence health services, and interior health services have all fucked me in the biggest way humanely possible. So thankful for free fucking healthcare!!

You get what you bloody well pay for!!

[raimi]

Tea Party

I don’t remember when the people down the street moved in. They definitely weren't living here when my family came to this town, but at the same time they never really "showed up." They were just there one day, and it was like they always had been.

I don’t remember when they started hosting tea parties, either. It feels almost like the parties have been around longer than the neighbors, even though logically it can’t be that way.

I went to a tea party once. I was curious and, more importantly, stupid. Going to that party was the worst mistake I’ve made in my life, and this is coming from the person who tried to drive myself to the hospital when I was sick and high on pain pills--it seemed like a good idea at the time--and ended up crashing into a barrier on the highway which gave me just enough awareness to realize through the fog in my head that maybe I should have had someone else drive me. Eventually I managed to figure out that I could still do that, so I called my twin brother, Avery, and had him come to pick me up and take me to the hospital.

I mean, sure, I could have died doing that. But at least it wouldn’t have been like at the tea party. I wouldn’t have been aware, and I wouldn’t have been... unmade. And more importantly, no one else died as a result of my reckless driving.

I want to believe that this was all some sort of joke, that my brother’s fine and he’s still out there somewhere. But as far as the world’s concerned, I’m an only child now. And I mean that literally- you’re not going to be able to find my brother in any records anymore, or hear about him from anyone besides me. It’s like he never existed to anyone else, and- I’m sorry. I’ll get back to the story now.

When I actually went to the tea party, it was a pretty normal afternoon, and I’d been spending time playing games with my brother- we were still teenagers, so we were living with our parents. At some point, the topic of the tea parties came up, and I suggested that we go over and pay a visit. My brother was reluctant, but I pushed and managed to convince him to come with me.

So we walked down the street and pretty soon we were standing in front of our neighbors’ open gate, looking in at the party. There were four of them sitting there, and they didn’t seem to have any visitors besides us. I’m not sure how it was since no one ever discussed it, but it was common knowledge that anyone was allowed to join in. So at my prodding, my brother and I nervously walked in and took the open seats at the table. There were two, as if they’d already known we’d be coming.

The first thing that struck me was how odd their manners were. I don’t mean that they were rude, because they weren’t, but rather that there were certain things they would do that seemed just... strange. Before one picked up their glass to take a drink, they would touch their chin and then their opposite shoulder with the index finger of the other hand. After taking a bite of food, they’d touch their fork to each side of their plate in turn. A bunch of little stuff like that. And I mean, I know sometimes people have compulsions and stuff and doing that sort of thing makes them feel safer, but not only was the entire family doing it, but as my brother and I were first sitting down and I started to reach to take a sip of my own drink, I got a sudden fierce look that instantly subsided as I quickly did the chin-shoulder touch. The same look you get from your strict aunt when you reach across the table for the mashed potatoes instead of asking for them to be passed to you.

I still do that touch now. It’s mostly subconscious, but I feel like if I don’t, they’ll know.

I’m autistic, so I’m pretty used to having to copy arbitrary and ridiculous social rules that other people expect you to already know. I think that gave me an advantage compared to my brother.

It was only about five minutes in when he added sugar to his tea without cutting the cube in half and discarding the left side first. What happened next was so fast I’m not quite sure how to describe it. All four of our neighbors stopped what they were doing and looked at him the way you look at someone who’s just committed a horrible social faux pas. Then these- these shadows, no, shadows isn’t the right word. These auras just were there and they were around him and his face was this horrible mixture of fear and pain that I’ll never forget as long as I live and then. And then there was nothing. Even his chair and his place setting were gone, and the neighbors went back to their tea as if nothing had happened.

I just sat there. I couldn’t run; what if they’d see that as rude and do the same thing to me that they'd done to my brother? But just sitting still might cause them to turn on me too, so I just tried to copy and follow along for as long as I could for what felt like hours until they stood up, smiled, thanked me for coming, and sent me on my way home like absolutely nothing had happened.

I was internally panicking, trying to figure out what the hell I was going to tell my parents, but when I came home they acted like nothing was wrong. And when I finally worked up the nerve to mention my brother, they laughed it off. Pretty soon after that, I found out that every picture that had had him in it was empty, and even my own mentions of him in my journals were gone. I’m not going to lie, I started to wonder if I’d gone crazy and was just imagining having had a brother but I know he was real. He has to have been.

It’s been five years since, and I’m now in college, majoring in journalism. Maybe one day I’ll be able to find some record of him. One day.

But probably not.

[kob131]

https://twitter.com/VexedViewer/status/1314303942621302784

Oh boy... not sure I'm ready for this.

You can NOT stab yourself in the face and blame it on everyone else. But then again, you couldn’t whine like petulant child and profit off misinformation now could you?

THE. FIRST. DAMN. LINE. I'm already annoyed. Assuming this is true and you didn't just rip off Alita: B.A.... what do you mean you were careful with your words?! You just straight up lied in the WOR. You said it was in the ground! 

Ignoring how you RWBY critics are nothing but rip offs of Digibro yourselves ( by stricter critera since you fuckers have outright stolen his style of bitching)-

I suppose it's time we talked about the fine people at the top of the world. Atlas is Remnant's youngest and arguably, most successful kingdom. But it's a bit of a special case.

See, before the Great War, there was no Atlas - there was Mantle. At some point in time, a group of settlers were crazy enough to venture out into the northernmost continent of Solitas. I guess when you're that desperate, a frozen hunk of rock doesn't seem like such a bad place to call home. As a matter of fact, the harsh weather conditions proved to be just as useful as the mountain ranges when it came to keeping the Creatures of Grimm at bay. It also kept the people of Mantle from flourishing.

Humanity's got a neat trick up its sleeve, though. Whenever we're faced with a problem, our inclination is to find a solution. The cold climate of Solitas forced its settlers to adapt. It developed a more advanced technology - and they did it faster than the rest of the world - because they had to to survive. But it was the Great War that really kicked things off.

New forms of Dust application and weaponry allowed Mantle to expand. More and more territory was set aside for Dust mining and research. The territory beside the Kingdom's combat school, Alsius, was the most opportune area to construct a new R&D facility. But by the time things were all said and done, it would be much, much more.

Alsius was reopened as Atlas after the Great War, to house many of the warriors now seeking guidance. In an effort to "give back" to the citizens, Mantle applied all sorts of new Dust techniques and technologies it had used after the war to beef up the Academy's campus. School grounds expanded faster than they could have imagined and even helped to better secure the surrounding areas. It wasn't long before the Kingdom's military moved in, then the labs, and research facilities. Eventually, even residential areas started popping up.

In time, it became apparent that the city of Mantle was living in Atlas' shadow. And so the decision was made to move the Kingdom's capital. Mantle was old news - and the Kingdom of Atlas was born. "A golden age of prosperity" they called it - but those left behind in Mantle would probably tell you it was the coldest winter they ever knew.

Not Pictured: Anything saying Atlas was a grounded city. Only MANTLE.

Pictured: ‘Mantle is living in the shadow of Atlas’. Yes it’s literal when portrayed as metaphorical...but that’s one more thing than the basic ‘assume everything is grounded’ you have.

The amount of stuff that NEEDED to happen? LIKE WHAT?! Nothing fucking matter from chapter 3 to chapter 10. This is what they settled on? Is this some kind of a sick joke?

Volume 3: ‘Hey how come you didn’t show us why Atlas didn’t notice it got hacked?’

Volume 7: ‘WHY ARE YOU SHOWING US ATLAS GETTING HACKED?!’

Behold, an example of listening to criticism bringing no positive feedback. Why bother if the end result is the same.

They said nothing about Ruby's lying apparently during the chapter 2 commentary. Not even surprised.

They had to balance movement and how much the characters can emote (especially when characters lie this episode)

This is literally two lines above what Vexed is showing.

"Many things that seem like retcons, aren't actually retcons... they're really just retcons."

That's what I just read!

“I know I said I would praise the creators for showing humility...but that conflicts with me misusing a word and bashing people for personal profit!”

And that’s what I just read. And unlike you, I haven’t LIED and have in fact given sources so which of us is the more trustworthy?

But... that... wasn't... in... the fucking show!!! Ahahaha, I should be streaming this.

So much respect or even NETURALITY in that expression.

Vexed I am fucking Autistic. I am physically wired to have DIFFICULTIES understanding facial expressions.

I caught this on my first viewing.

This is why I assume willful ignorance than any genuine mistake: I regularly catch these things better than you people. Things I am built to NOT GET.

The first option would have been better. What they chose to do worked better how? why?! There was no payoff!

You know, other than emphasizing Team RWBY’s lying and making Winter look stupid that she couldn’t sense someone following her. But then again, you are likely selling that the team wasn’t intentionally lying so why you tell the truth?

Well, I guess I know who's responsible for this. This is just painful... the first option would have worked better especially since there was no pay off to Penny's framing. Penny was a disaster.

Yeah funny thing about lying and being a biased asshat-

Why would I assume you are saying this out of genuine feeling and not to get a blowjob from your audience? Even ignoring all the shit BEFORE this- You openly lied before.

Yeah, they couldn't find a moment for him to do it. It's not like he was stealing dust for two whole volumes.

Notice how Vexed doesn’t mention a single scene were Torchwick’s semblance could be shown, nor say that the idea was bad. It’s useless negativity for the sake of it.

Excuse me? It was a power move to not give the ROBOT food?! Nani?!!!

Oh gee, the obvious bad guy with no redeeming qualities did a bad thing. What a shocker.

Well... I think that settles it.

So Eddy wrote the Ace ops vs RWBY And Kiersi wrote the Clover death scene. In my wildest dreams I did not think they would hire new writers and the show would get worse. "With Friends Like These" was the WORST written chp of RWBY. "The More the Merrier" is it's only competition.

Gee Vexed, I thought Miles and Kerry were the worst writers evar? So Eddy and Kiersi can’t POSSIBLY be worse because Miles and Kerry are already the rock bottom. I mean, we could say you were being hyperbolic just to ralley your audience...but that’d be proving me right.

Oh... so I was right? Awesome.

No, since your arguments with Ironwood are based on the WRITERS not intending that. By showing they did intend that, you’re actually proven WRONG.

Then again, you lied twice and completely contradicted yourself with the writers so what else should I expect?

P.S. You wanna see what Vexed is fully responding to? Read the damn twitter chain. You guys need to check my sources.

[djsherriff]

Here’s redesigns of the other 3 new warriors , more in depth comments under cut 

B-negative is now Blood Saint!

When he was born ,instead of being a bundle of life ready to take on the world, he suffered from extreme blood due to complications from the labour, meaning he had to have a blood transfusion.

Though unaware at the time, doctors actually used the blood of a vampire to save his life, causing him to become a living vampire of sorts. (So yes he can still age)

It’s his life long mission to learn who his mysterious blood donor is and master his dark powers, but it would be much easier his parent stopped bugging him about him wearing 4 layers of leather in the summer and his loud music. “augh , my parents are the REAL blood suckers around here”

You’re probably curious why he would go by “blood saint” , well besides sounding cool, it’s also a bit of irony for him.

See , unlike other vampires Saint can actually heal people when he bites them rather than turn them, which also works cause he actually can’t stand the taste of human blood (no matter how much he loves to push the brooding vampire aesthetic), he eats foods like any other kid his age, though his diet consists of more meat than the average teenager.

Besides that , he has the standard vampire traits like turning into a bat, weak in sunlight , can’t stand garlic , you know like the classics!

Artist comment:

Since Marvel has a bunch of other vampires they rarely use, I rewrote his backstory a bit so he wasn’t tied to a well known superhero , as well as have a chance to have more original vampire characters in the marvel universe.

The only thing I really pushed design wise was tone down the red/pink and use it more sparingly throughout to make it pop more (hence his hair colour being changed), as well as add a few more punk aesthetics to it such as spikes.

I imagined that his your standard punk teen who trying way too hard to rebel against everyone and everything besides what he personally likes, you know the “its not a PHASE mom” kinda teenager. I thought it be hilarious if besides the vampire thing he has going , his got the most normal home life outta everyone on the team and thus the most “boring”. Yes he totally makes up ridiculously tragic backstories for himself when meeting strangers , his a complete drama queen and is definitely a theatre kid.

Speaking of hilarious, I also made him the team’s medic with his healing bite, cause I also thought that was funny and also a great opportunity for both good comedy and some good character development for him.

His greatest character flaw is his tendency to overdramatise EVERYTHING and he needs to learn that sometimes , life is that simple and that’s not a bad thing.

Trailblazer is now Void Caster

Void Caster is a young teeenager from a family who regularly travels through the universe to explore the wonders and to gain a living , though her mother decided she needed to stop having her head up in the stars so much and return to Earth- literally.

She comes from a long line of space witches : witches ...... but in space! The deeper history is that her ancestors were witches who came into contact with aliens and decided to use their magic to explore beyond the world of earth , which lead to a brand of magic that’s more “sci-fi “ aesthetic than its earth counterpart.

Thanks to a life full of space adventures, Void Caster is what most people would describe as “quirky” as she very new to a lot of concepts on earth , like selfies! She always has a smile on her face and a sparkle in her eyes, though those sparkles can be seem almost forced sometimes. But she generally curious to the world around her and always open to learning new concepts!

You wouldn’t think it , but Void Caster’s seemingly mundane mother has a lot more in common with her daughter than either of the two release, though what remains a mystery.

Void Caster main ability is to create worm holes to transport to one place to the other, which is the main form of transportation for the whole team, she is also capable of making items shrink and grow whatever size she wants and effect gravity of those said items. The limits of her powers though is that she can only effect the size of an object as long as she can see it without straining (so she can’t turn people into the size of an atom or make someone be big enough to sit on the sun) she also struggles to change her own size (she’s very self conscious of it) her portal powers also have a similar size limit (she can’t make a planet size portal but making one a size of a tank would be possible, but straining for her)

Artist comments:

So with Trailblazer’s redesign I could’ve went with one of two options:

Make her a Native American and very likely make her a stereotype due to my lack of knowledge on the culture.

Or

An obvious Dora the Explorer knock off

I went with making her an obvious Dora the Explorer knock off , with a bit of a sci- fi twist to her. Her hair being a short bob is an obvious nod to Dora, as well as sticking with a pink and purple colour scheme which was also a way of ditching the all neon palette she originally had.

While she still has pockets , I completely ditched the bag all together and instead made it so she had space themed powers instead. I went with the weird idea of “witches but from space” since I didn’t want her to be a mutant as there were already 3 mutants on my redesign of the team, but adding onto the weirdness I also made it so her style was more “quirky” in comparison to her teammates , as well as stand out as the leader of her team.

I like to think that she’s a very outgoing girl but doesn’t grasp social ques all that well and usually ends up feeling like an annoyance to people when she tries to connect with others, though she also struggles with her more negative feelings and tries bottling them down to avoid bothering people , only for those feelings to explode at the most inconvenient time.

So naturally her biggest character flaw would be that she tries too hard to please people and fit in and that she’ll have to learn that she can find friends without sacrificing her own quirks, and that expression negative emotions isn’t a burden to anyone.

Screen time is the worst so I made him Brain scan

With the others I made in depth backstories and such for them as well as some notes on their rewritten character.

But here I didn’t, I honestly hate screen time , his the worst character outta everybody if you ask me and the first I would throw off a cliff if given the chance.

This is less of a redesign and just me making up a straight up oc here cause what the hell is “internet gas”???

Soooo uh, Screen time is now brain scan.

His an autistic kid who spends most of his time online cause his power of telepathy makes it extremely difficult to be around people. He learns to control his peers and socialise more

I’m sorry , that’s literally all I could do here.

(If I do turn these redesigns into my own ocs, I would 110% make “him” a “she” ;) )

[divine-identite]

So March through July has been most interesting lately -

So, in short, we are going to call these Arcs (like story arcs). There are five of them right now. 

Facts to remember about this person; she’s bisexual, into open relationships, looking for fwb, is on the spectrum, had depression and social anxiety - which is why she smokes.

So I met a coworker who I got along with in march. I thought she was really cool and knowledge, however, I had a strange intuition that something was off with her at the same time. So before all that, I tried inviting her out to some events - concerts and stuff. Cause I thought she was legit cool and whatnot.  She says no to this and eventually, in late April she invites me out to see Avengers: endgame; she does so because she works Fridays and Saturdays, and her friends are busy on those holidays. So I pick up, okay, so im just 2nd pick for this event? So I let it go and I buy our tickets and set the date and time. She cant do it because she is a tech and im just PRS. ( i just answer phones).

1st Arc

So on the movie day, I meet her at her place. her place is very lacklustre, she lives in a one-bedroom with no furniture - which is fine. Her roommate lives in the living room with an airbed. It’s all fine to me, I know the struggle is real. She’s nice enough to offer me coffee and scrambled eggs. I take just the coffee. She goes on a smoke break in her room, she's nice enough to close the door for her roommate.  I sit on the roommate's bed and how she gets off it is odd as fuck; she kind casually brushes her hands along her arm and wrist before asking me to stand up, and it takes her a while to get up and go. Because shes trying to decide what coat she wants to wear. So finally go off, get a ride up to the mall centre in german town. She starts talking about her stories and stuff - and about one time post-banging some freshmen on her sophomore year. I was thinking okay that’s good on you lol. Now the worst part is she starts leaning her head on me afterwards through the whole ride. We get to the movies afterwards, and there two seats left because her dumbass wanted to take her time getting here. So one guy pointed us to two seats left in the crowd. The theatre was packed so what she did was cling to my arm and lean to my shoulder- again. So after the movies, we go to chipotle, and then to the beer & spirits which I pay. Because her ID is expired, how the fuck do you let your Id expire? so I have to get it. We order a lyft head back and drink at her place and play some games. We both had a good time but I left once I saw the roommate had teased her about being autistic and etc. The shoulder leaning thing had me confused - she told me im an associate. 

So I bring up the issue with the shoulder leaning issue. So apparent none of that mattered. I got on her about how people can misinterpret that and she said few to interpret that. She gets upset because I bring this issue to mind like a few days. However, she mentioned one time a guy assumed she leads her on. Again she makes it clear we are associates the whole time.

2nd Arc 

Next week May 5th we scheduled to watch the game of thrones at her place. I get off at 10:30 pm on a Sunday, and she doesn't work on a Sunday. I  had to buy beer again - because so she meets me at my job. it was quite odd because her excuse for coming was “she was in town and though to drop by”. Nothing wrong with that but it did lead to some speculation. My coworker Gloria kept up asking questions like “Oh did you say hi to her?” “She usually doesn't wear dresses, Kelvin, what do you think?”, “ She doesn't work today here” so yeah it was hinting she knew something. Now after my shift we went to CVS and she offered to buy me snacks and food. She asks if I was sure? Now on this day, I had a sausage, cheese & egg. So I went to her place we had to go into her room since her roommate was sleeping. So she offered popeyes which I took only a wing. I sat by her bed rather than on it because - it felt weird lol. She said I could join her bed rather than sit by it - we are coworkers bruh. She leaves out too. So after smashing like 8- 9 beers I get on her bed because my knees were killing me on that hardwood floor. She comes back like “ It’s about time” so after a while she starts to lean on me again.  So the beer takes its toll - and I start to nod off. So while watching Game of Thrones she would ask some questions. So around season 5 she stops it there - tells me to get my things. Escorts me out to the door of her complex. The original plan actually to use a spare bed but she apparently didn't want to do that. So she escorts me outside 4:00 am in the morning, it's cold as fuck in may. She couldn't stay out because is only clothed in a skimpy sundress and she's anaemic and plus she left her house keys in her house. So understandable but still no check-in. Which contradicts with her usually thing because she would always see if I got home. I got home around 6 am had like only 4 hours of sleep and had to go to work lol- I had a slight headache but I was good. I texted her to see if she was okay, said she was fine and that I was doing too much. I just added that hey you were right that I should have eaten something. Now this issue sparks something on her end, this literally causes her to snap off and she literally bans me from coming to her house. 

After dropping her shoes off that she sent to my location because she lives in an apartment complex. we go to the gym together because of her social anxiety, now the fun part is after the gym. I found out apparently I had spilt beer on her carpet and pissed over her toilet while drunk, to be fair her bathroom is really dark. The only light is a night light behind you when you use the toilet. She had an emotional connection with that carpet so I sympathized with it and made to right my wrongs. So she asked only for three meals and me to go to the gym with her for a week. I decided a month because I felt bad about the situation. we agreed on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, Friday. Wednesday and Thursday are my days off.

3rd Arc

So off to the gym, some days she goes - some she doesn't - but either way I got continuously. Knowing discipline is necessary for progress. But usually, she is very inconsistent. So one week on Saturday she isn't going-  rather than going I just leave it be. She's being too indecisive about the matter. I tell her to just tell me when she would be going and went home.  So Tuesday comes up and she comes to work. She follows her usual routine; what's for lunch and etc? she comes up to check up on me and etc. But I wait until her shift after 12:30, now after that - my coworker comes up to ask “” Arent you going to the gym”. her reply, however, was “ No, I didn't do any laundry today. So I don't have any clean clothes to go with” That would’ve been news to tell me.  So she leaves without telling me the matter - and leaves me hanging there. Wednesday and Thursday im off, and not once did it cross her mind. To make amends, so I actually have to reach out and confront her on the issues. She owned up to it but said her new meds for her depression. I understood in that second but for that whole three days? I felt that was really considerate tbh. I stopped doing favours because that was massive and just focused on me tbh. That was a huge disrespect to me and my time. So around June, I brought up the issue again to make sure we were clear and realised I had backtracked on it based on her logic on of the issue. 

4th Arc

After a while, I agreed to invite her out to the movies. Went to see spider-man: Far away from home, I bought the tickets. We went over the seats and I set the time. So on the fourth, I reach the train station to meet her around 10:00 am, the movie starts at 12:45.  She literally tells me to meet her at the theatre though we agreed to the train station, because of its fucking raining. Now the forecast said it would rain - but she chose to dress for the heat tbh. So I let it go and get a ride to the theatre and get there. We are early like its 11:45 pm so we decide to go to Starbucks. So she pulls me aside and asks if she can send lingerie and stuff to my house somewhat nervously (think of a typical anime girl who is fidgetting her fingers nervously) - because it's for when she goes to the gym. Still, quite an odd favour but i accept it. So after the movies, it starts to rain, so I got to CVS and buy an umbrella. Because she's wearing a sundress and if she got any wetter it is porn show. So off we go to across town to the Vape shop because the vape she has, has been burning her throat. So at the shop, the lady shows us how it works and after that she needs ID. She doesn't have ID....still so I had to literally use my ID. After a while, we go eat, and meet her roommate at the firework place. She arm links up with him and tries to get me to join - I literally shoot her down like “Nah im good”. So the roommate introduces us to his friends at her house - and off we go to park. Im literally lacking behind and she comes and checks up behind me multiple times. I state that im okay until we get to the park. Now at the park it's fine until it starts to rain, being the only practical person with common sense - hold up a single umbrella for five people. After 20 minutes of holding this damn thing up, I pass it off before she starts asking me if I want to watch Netflix. I say no, and then I went on my phone to text my friend for a while. Again she asks it before not too long she is leaning my whole thigh with the phone on it.  Like you would with a couch armchair. This was no way platonic. After she leaning back on my chest with her back while we watch Netflix and stuff. Im like....you have your roommate there fam why not do this with him lol. After the fireworks, we leave but the large crowds cause her anxiety; she clings to my arm and literally is like “sorry for invading her personal space” ... it's a little too late for all that :T. We head  to safeway , use the bathroom and head home.

5th Arc

We were supposed to go to Otakon together - because she invited me out to the invite. So I told Mike, a coworker of mine, I and she are supposed to be going. The whole week is excited about Otakon and stuff - and Saturday tells me “whenever she gets up she’ll let me know when she goes down to the convention centre”. I’m like.... what kind of rude shit is that? but I let it be it is what it is. So Friday comes up I call mike, he is down there and I meet him there. He tells me to call her to figure where she is - because she told him she’d be here 3-4. I called her and phone rings twice before going to voicemail. So she tells me “Oh im just got sick. Just my luck!” now I know this feels like bullshit really. You were super excited about this event - and Mike told me she looked healthy yesterday - again not making any sense really. So rather than just telling me you aren't going to show up at all. And she scheduled this event the whole time tbh.  

[nightcoremoon]

some guy asked me for a hug. I turned and looked at him. he was a big black guy with a lazy eye and three huge duffel bags and a rainbow painted on his cheek and a light and gentle voice that sounded affected by some developmental disability related to mine. i figured hey why not and said sure, but he kissed my cheek; I was like ok whatever he's probably just affectionate. at least he didn't kiss my lips or grope me or any of that weird shit. just a harmless little cheek kiss.

me and two of my people had just gotten up to go get food, and I told him that. he asked me if he could walk with us because he just needed a friend. my little heart broke because I had felt the same way when I went to another pride alone a few years ago. I said sure he could walk with us but we were gonna get food.

he asked me if I could carry one of his bags for him. he was drenched in sweat and he had like 4 bags that were the size of me so I figured why not, I'll carry something for him. it was really heavy though, for someone like me with muscular dystrophy. still, I should be nice because being nice is good to do.

we got there and we walked past some girls (and guys) in a twerk-off or something, idk maybe they were just dancing to what the dj was playing (stuff from wiz khalifa to kid cudi to flo rida, a good selection). he said something like "yeah, get it girl!" I assumed that was an big city black culture type of deal and figured, okay that's probably a normal thing because it happened and nobody really seemed to vocally have a problem with it, so I shouldered on.

he asked if I could buy him something to eat. I said yes thinking sure I'll pay $5 for a corn dog or nachos or something. dude straight up asks for a $10 philly cheesesteak AND a drink, which costs $5. it's okay, that's fine, I have extra cash, and I'd feel better if he ate something in case he didn't get to eat very often. so I did it. I got him the cheesesteak and a drink. when I came back he was flirting with some other girls. I'd thought nothing of it, he's probably bi and just super friendly. I gave him the food and so he could eat I carried another bag. which weighed way more than my shoulders could handle but it wasn't too long of a walk.

I collapsed and he sat down and was like. hey y'all I need a place to stay tonight. I was like. okay. this random stranger I just met doesn't immediately seem threatening, BUT if I were to offer him an accommodation I would still put all of our valuables into the room he wouldn't be in and have all the guys be in the room he was in purely for safety in the worst case scenario. I would be safe and methodical and rational about it. I told him I would put it to a vote with my group. it was a UNIVERSAL FUCKING NO. obviously.

now, I was gonna tell him that the people who were in our group and not immediately present had all said no anyway just to gauge what his reaction was gonna be. now uh. he didn't react too well. he started throwing out a bunch of possibilities. I'll sleep on the floor, ask them again, convince them, tell them I'm homeless and the cops are after me, I was like. I'm not gonna lie to them but I will talk to them. and in the chat I was literally in the middle of typing "okay guys I told him that y'all said no and he didn't react well so nvm it's fine" when he said:

and I quote:

"if you don't let me stay with you I'll kill myself."

...

Fuck.

That.

so I delete what I was gonna say and I tell everyone he just threatened suicide so hell fuckin no, this situation is dangerous so I'm gonna tell him that the majority said no anyway and if he doesn't back the fuck off i'm gonna tell him that it's because they're racist. which would probably work, right? he wouldn't wanna stay with a bunch of racist white people even if some of them weren't racist. probably.

that was the plan. I tell him okay look I asked everyone again and they still said no. the 3 of us who are here at this table have no problem but the 4 of us who aren't said they're not ok with that and majority rules so sorry man I can't help you but there's plenty of people around here who might be able to help. but he asks again, why can't I lie to them? he'll just sleep on the floor, he just needs a place to stay for the night.

so one of the people at the table with us who saw the group chat and heard me say the spiel about how the THREE OF US WHO ARE HERE would be fine with him but the FOUR OF US WHO ARE NOT HERE would not be, straight up says "look, I'm not comfortable with sharing a hotel room with a random stranger."

I'm like WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SAY THAT NOW HES JUST GONNA GET DEFENSIVE AND LASH OUT ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? but well she's been to chicago a lot and knows the urban culture. even though I fucking lived in indianapolis on weekends for a decade and know the culture more than she does. anyway this fucks up the plan majorly. she then tries to kindergarten teach her way through empathy 101 and tell him suicide isn't the answer and it's not a tool to use to guilt trip people. I'm like. WELL HOW THE FUCK DO I SALVAGE THIS GARBAGE FIRE NOW WITH ALL THIS JET FUEL YOU JUST BLASTED ONTO IT???

but it's fine, he's probably smart enough to figure that we're all smart enough not to let a stranger stay with us. the other girl with us who doesn't have a smartphone who I was texting to keep her in the loop then says she's uncomfy and leaves even though earlier she had just gotten upset about our party splitting up and not being able to find each other. so I'm like. alright time to disengage.

the girls leave so I go in front of him and I'm like. look man, I wanna help but my people wouldn't be okay with it. I reach out my hand to shake it and I say I wish him the best and I hope that someone here lets him stay with them, but at the very least he won't be hungry. he just glares at me, rolls his eyes, and looks away.

the fucking bitch.

you disrespect my charity, my grace, my fucking charade to not just blow you off, and this is the thanks I get? I spend $15 so you get a free meal, and you're pissed at me because I won't cram you and your four bags into my cramped car to go to my cramped hotel rooms when I don't even know you? ASSHOLE.

so we leave. a few hours pass and my chicago friend (who I bear no ill will towards because she's only 19 and I value her as a friend) and I are sitting and waiting for our friends to watch Lizzo perform. some other guy sits by us. I introduce myself, his name's jake, he's a cool guy. he plays league, I play dota, we talk about video games and the topic migrates.

eventually mr manipulative asshole saunters over and sits next to him, trying to get in on the conversation. my chicago friend moves away prompting jake to ask me what happened so I write on my phone what the other guy did. jake then proceeds to turn his chair and turn out square into a triangle that's leaving out the dickweed. we talk for another while. the dickweed eventually sees two girls kidding and is like "ayy little mamma bring them tight asses over here". so my friend is like. that's not cool bro, that's sexual harassment. we're gearing up to leave and he tells her to shut the fuck up.

jesus was with me in that moment because I about beat the absolute dog shit out of him. instead, I just give him a disappointed look and say "don't cuss at my friends."

I so wanted to rip into him. "you ungrateful disrespectful asshole. i bought you dinner, I considered letting you stay with us until I realized you're just a disgusting freeloading pig, and emotionally manipulative to boot, and how dare you treat us like this when I fed you. and how dare you ask for the most expensive thing on the menu. and how dare you speak that way to my friends. I oughta beat you senseless and turn your other eye lazy. so I hope you do kill yourself tonight." that's what I wanted to say. the primal urge was there but I kept my cool. and we left. that was the end of that.

jake walked with all of us to our car. he is a cool guy. he added us on instagram. we're all safe.

so uh. yeah.

if I have one fault, just one, it would be that I'm kind to a fault. I will walk with you if you're lonely. I will feed you if you're hungry. I will house you if you're homeless. even if you're just a manipulative freeloader with no respect for women, because as an autistic person I've got a really bad ability to sense evil. I would have helped him. I would have let him stay with us. this dangerous asshole I would have let be in my hotel room. if I have one fault, just one. it's that I'm willing to put another person's potential comfort on a higher priority than my own financial well-being and personal security.

I may be stupid. but at least I care about others.

inb4 someone accuses me of making this up and I literally have to post screenshots of the group chat to prove that I'm not just making an imaginary strawman to further a white feminazi agenda or whatever. guys why would I make up a story that proved that I'm a big dumb moron?

[oneletteredwondered]

Uuuhhhh sanders sides mental hospital au with a bunch of cliches that literally no one asked for but it's also a soulmate au????

uhh warnings for disorder talk, suicide mention, swearing?

Polyamsanders mostly

Main story line?

When Virgil was a kid his parents were nice and all, but they did punish him for seemingly random things

They had him do chores a very specific way and if it wasn't done that way, he had to do it again and again to make sure it was proper

It resulted in him having a very high anxiety disorder, both socially and in general

He found he couldn't talk to a lot of people afraid to mess up, and over thinking how he messed up

Especially when it came to his soulmates

Had never written to them, refused to look at their notes, didn't think he would be able to keep them with how he is

Does not do well in messy environments, not necessarily OCD, but close

When he managed to move out his anxiety left his home foodless, and he couldn't talk to get food, so he went hungry

Ended up a cycle and punishment system for himself

Can't talk so can't eat, couldn't talk don't deserve to eat

Someone found him passed out in the laundry room of his apartment complex

Doctors found him extremely malnourished and unable to communicate, so they sent him to the mental hospital to get better

Virgil had the absolute worst time adjusting, had multiple panic attacks every day for like a week straight

He wouldn't talk to anyone and could barely be forced out of bed to join group sessions or meal times

Barely ate anything and almost passed out again

After two weeks of straight up anxiety and no food exhaustion, he finally got tired enough to actually talk to his therapist

Dr Picani is wonderful, says things light hearted and never tries to pry. The kind of therapist to make a small joke or reference to make sure his clients aren't having huge breakdowns

Virgil does open up to him, they decide to tackle the anorexia first

It's difficult to convince Virgil he’s worthy of eating and that food should never under any circumstances be used negatively

But they manages to get him to at least eat something and that's a start

The first time Picani asks about virgil’s soulmate, Virgil has a panic attack

And every time after as well

Come to find out the word 'soulmate' is triggering to him

Sudden flashes of hunger pains and a blinding feeling he's not worth it

They start using the word heartbound

Virgil starts trying to hang out and talk to some of the other residents

Has a panic attack before he can say hi, but the others walk him back to his room and invite him to hang out later

He does, and its good for his recovery

It takes some time to get virgil proper anxiety medication, his body rejects the first two, throwing up and feeling too tired

Virgil wants to stop feeling helpless and so scared all the time, wants to start getting better

They get him on a small dose of one kind, and it works for a while

Picani convinces Virgil that even if he wants to get better on his own, his heartbounds deserve to know he exists, that Virgil shouldn't be afraid to do so

So Virgil does, with overwhelming support from people he doesn't know

He doesn't talk to them, but he no longer hides their notes from himself

Visiting/progress update day is coming up, and with Picani there to tell him it's okay, Virgil writes the address of the hospital asking them to come

He gets confirmation and is able to calm himself out of an attack before it can really start

It's a good day

They carefully raise his dosage till he can be more personable, more himself

He's shaking visiting day, a message on his arm that his heartbounds will be wearing black, blue, and red respectively

So when three people walk in, one in a black button up with the sleeves rolled up to their elbows, another in a blue tee with a design on it that looks like it could be a grandma sweater, and another in a red shirt with white sleeves and heeled boots, Virgil almost faints

There's a lot going for him and it's hard to handle

So the one in the blue sweater is the first to notice Virgil staring bugeyed at them and just knows

So they all go over to him and Virgil stands in a daze and just falls into their arms, clinging to each of them with all he has

They whisper words of encouragement and love and someone is kissing his head and hands and gosh there's a lot going on

The actual session is good, Picani tells virgil’s heartbounds his progress (eating more, anxiety medication getting to the right spot, self confidence boosted) and they are so happy and proud!!!!

Almost a panic attack when they mention 'soulmate', Virgil manages to coax himself out of it while Picani carefully explains triggers

It's a tearful and loving goodbye and Virgil is sure he might just explode because his mind had thought about this moment before and it's never been this good and this is real and oh god hes crying and now the other ones are crying and hugging him and it's a lot

He's damn exhausted at the end of the day

But he has his heartbound now, and it's okay

Eventually he does get out, better, happier, healthier, and his heartbound are 170% so ready to have him in their lives

Other character notes

Picani and Logan are brothers, Picani is older by 6 years

Picani has cute art all over his session room, also a bunch of blankets

Always has candy

Studied psychology because of his soulmate, wanted to help them get better

Turns out you can't be your soulmates therapist so oops

He likes his job a lot anyways

Logan is a history professor

He's also on the autistic spectrum

Very sound sensitive

Doesn't understand social cues a lot, not sure how to properly small talk, and ends up leaving out information that might be important

Such as telling his brother Picani that he has another soulmate who is in therapy who finally talked to him, the day Virgil writes to his soulmates for the first time

He doesn't understand why he's being teased for this

Gets in the habit of telling Virgil "this is a comfortable silence for me" because sometimes Logan will just stop and think and its.. very quiet

He also says obvious things, because honestly, it's nice for Virgil

"I find your company an enjoyable addition to my life" "this conversation is pleasant, I am just done talking now"

Hyperfixation on space and stars and history

Stims upset but clenching and unclenching his hands, happy stims by tapping

Patton works at a daycare center

Has adhd

It's hard for him to sit still and focus, can't remember a lot of things no matter how often hes been told

Has every single fidget product ever

Works best when he has three things to do at once

When he gets into hyperfocus, it's really difficult to get him out of it

Ends up skipping meals and other daily activities because of it

Wet himself once because he knew that if he moved from his spot he would never get back into the same groove

He's very embarrassed by this fact

Hyperfixates on dog and cat breeds

Roman does a bunch of shit

Acts, dances, designs, creates, anything that involves doing and 'art' has doing it

Has manic depressive bipolar disorder

His room is atrocious and there are half finished projects everywhere

He can never seem to complete anything, and when he does he hates it

His depressive episodes come about after finishing things or having not finished something in a long time

He feels worthless and that he can't do anything

His lows are not often, but they hit hard.

He's very dead to the world in such a state, likes it when Logan reads to him

Was treated by Picani too

They have all been living together for three years before getting their first message from virgil

Patton FLIPPED OUT, Roman screamed, and Logan kind of just went 'oh' but they could tell he was happy because he kept tapping his hands to his legs

At the hospital virgil made friends with the following people:

Elliot is one of the first to welcome Virgil and always invited Virgil to hang with the rest of them, no matter how many times Virgil said no

Virgil walks past the hang out room, he calls to ask if he wants to hang out, virgil shakes his head hard and runs. every day for like a month until virgil says yes.

Got really happy when Virgil said yes

In the hospital to get over trauma from an abusive relationship, flinches a lot

Declan, is, an asshole

He's also a pathological liar

has scratches down the side of his face from when one of his parents threw a vase at him

No one knows what is real name is, said is was felio, fabian, Damien, declan, dimitri, dolos, lionel, loki, belial, cody, and on one momentous occasion, Samantha

Most of the names he give a start with d, so most just call him Dee or declan, its the name he gives out most

Sometimes hell ask to be called a certain name for a day, everyone just rolls with it

Declan learned to lie and lie well due to overly strict and picky parents, it was to protect himself from them and even protect his older brother who was a lot softer than him

older brother, who is actually called fabian, is there for him on visiting day.

Will say something, wince, take a deep breath, then say the truth with a lot of effort

Writing is so much easier for him

Has insane trust issues, his name being one of them, only his family really know it

Has only told his soulmate his name

Picani knows his name, won’t tell anyone

Remy

Is also an asshole but like in a nice way?

Fucking loud to compensate for how tired he really is

In his own words, ‘has insomnia and is depressed A-F’

Wanted to kill himself

Will claim Starbucks saved his life to be dramatic, only few people know why, declan virgil and picani know

Remy is the kind of depressed where he wouldn’t kill himself because of 'future obligation’

'My parents aren’t home I could easily do it but I told them I would feed the cats and they wont get fed if i do it now’ or 'i have so much time but I told my friend i would edit their essay and I need to do that first’

Went out with friends to just dick around, got a stupid fancy drink at Starbucks, and told his mom about it when he got home

Decided he would kill himself tomorrow, he gave his friends one last good memory, told his mom he loved her, he was ready

Next day his mom give a him a 50$ gift card to starbucks, told him it’s for him and his friends because that’s the happiest she’s seen him in so long

He fucking broke down because he can’t kill himself now, he can’t waste her money or her kindness but he’s so fucking tired and so done and he can’t do it anymore

She supports him as best she can and gets him to the hospital

During visiting day she brings his friends, all wearing matching sunglasses, and a coffee carrier with like five different drinks all for him

They all scream at each other happily and they talk about how much better he looks, how much happier

His friends are the slowmo super heroes and sun and moon

No one in the hospital knows his soulmate or if he even has one

uhh taadaa! do with this what you will

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Vol. 5 Rest and Resolutions + Alone Together

This is a re-posting from December 8th, 2017 in an effort to get all my recaps fully on tumblr. Thanks!

Hello, everyone! I apologize for the two week gap between reviews. Academia caught up with me in the worst way possible, but that is behind us now, hallelujah. There's a lot to cover in our last two episodes, so let's dive straight in.

First off, Ozpin is the Wizard theory confirmed.

We all knew it was coming, but it's still nice to finally have validation for that idea. Often times writers will deliberately askew what the viewers expect to happen in a failed attempt at originality (see Sherlock's season 3 premiere), but if you've planted the hints there's every reason to follow through with them. In true RWBY fashion though, this information leads to even more questions. I'm particularly interested in this balance between history and storytelling. That is, the version of Ozpin-as-Wizard that we hear about is explicitly a fairy tale and we all know that time has a tendency to twist events, especially when people begin to view them as just old wive's tales, rather than actual truth. All we really know is that Ozpin indeed gave much of his power to four girls, creating the original Maidens. However:

Did he really isolate himself like the story says? Honestly, if I'd been dealing with all Ozpin's shit I'd probably hide in the woods too.

How soon after receiving the curse did all this go down?

Depending on that timing, did Ozpin have reincarnations before he was the Wizard? Or is that his original form? A lot of fans still assume that he was also the King of Vale, though where that fits into the timeline is a little unclear.

Did Ozpin know at the time that his magic was finite? Or was this the event that clued him in?

Did he give the four women magic in a deliberate attempt to stop Salem? Or, like the story implies, was there a broader reason, the desire to give these women the power to continue spreading hope? That would certainly fit with the show's "honest soul" theme (and perhaps an indicator that characters like Ruby have something to teach Ozpin even as he teaches them, just as the original Maidens did).

Are the Maidens' powers connected to their original gifts? Winter is the Maiden of creation and encouraged Ozpin to meditate and reflect. Summer is destruction and, interestingly, told Ozpin to "step outside and embrace the world." Spring brought food and flowers to revitalize his garden and is the Maiden of knowledge, while Fall is choice and reminded Ozpin to be thankful for what he has. I can see some similarities among all that...

We might not ever get answers to questions like these. Unlike other fantasy series, RWBY is rather restricted by its medium--you can't spend page after page explaining nuanced world building as you would in a novel; we've only got about fifteen minutes max each episode and plenty of more important issues to tackle first. Still, it's something.

Besides that confirmation, "Rest and Resolutions" really lives up to its name. We have all the kids enjoying a happy meal together, with only Oscar noticeably absent. (I know, I know, he's housing Ozpin's soul and Ozpin needs to have Important Conversations with Qrow about the missing huntsmen, but let the kid hang out a bit with people closer to his age, yeah?) Much of this volume has been recap of one form or another, so as to make sure that each character is caught up on what everyone else has been doing and are aware of the information that others/the viewer already knows about. Ruby and co.'s conversation works similarly, only these callbacks are meant to induce a sense of nostalgia rather than act as firm plot foundation.

Jaune recounts "loosing" the map on their travels. Jaune. You literally threw it away when you realized that an entire town had been besieged by grimm. Like, I get that losing their map isn't great, but at least the guy is really invested in the welfare of others?

(cough--comforting Pyrrha instead of watching the door--cough)

(It's actually a personality "flaw" that, as we've seen twice now, can cause some serious consequences.)

The kids take turn complimenting one another (aww) and Ruby says that Ren was "out of control" during the fight against the Nuckelavee. I've seen a few autistic!Ren headcanons over the years and this perhaps can be read as evidence to support that. Ren drastically misreads the tone and intention of Ruby's comment, apologizing quite sincerely for his behavior and personal investment in that fight. It's only when Ruby clarifies that she meant it as a compliment that Ren understands... and thanks her. There's a lot of acceptance and support in this moment.

Weiss alludes to summoning her boar during the party (Ruby: "You did not!") and when Nora doesn't believe her Weiss summons the boar right next to her, startling the hell out of poor Nora. This really shows how much Weiss has improved. There's no hesitation, no need to concentrate--she just summons it up with pure ease right in the middle of a conversation.

I was actually rather surprised by Nora's reaction. Yeah, the jump scare was played for humor, but that combined with her horror at Yang detaching her arm... Nora seems a little... skittish to me?  I might be reading too much into things (I almost certainly am), but between these two moments, the joke about her eating, watching her sneak food last episode... they all read as not so subtle indicators of stress to me. And who can blame the girl.

Other nostalgic moments include our Vol. 1-3 nicknames: Ice Queen and Vomit Boy. The group has a long-overdue acknowledgement of how much they've grown since they were at school, with Ruby in particular delivering the iconic line that she tried to "1v1 a Nevermore on our second day of school." And the Death Stalker, Ruby. God bless this trigger-happy child.

There's also talk of Yang's arm. It did my heart good to see Ruby ooo-ing over the mechanics and Yang looking damn proud of it for once. The arm wrestling contest between her and Nora was, of course, fantastic. Yang's not just embracing this new part of her but actively using it to her advantage... that's exactly where we all knew she'd end up. Can't hold this girl down for long.

Yang: "It's no replacement for the real thing, but I'll make good use of it."

There's a radical tone change once dinner is over and Ozpin rejoins the conversation. Yang is clearly distrustful of him after her talk with Raven (despite the fact that Yang has no reason to trust Raven...) and in true Ozpin style he tries to console her with wisdom and compliments: "Your mother must trust you a great deal" if she told you all that.

Yeah. Sorry, Oz. You know as well as the audience that Raven told those secrets to manipulate her, not because she trusts her. That little strategy fell flat.

Ozpin confirms most of what Raven said though, including that he turned her and Qrow into birds. What Raven of course failed to mention was that they both agreed to the transformation. Whether that agreement was a strong and enthusiastic "Yes!" or the kind of consent that Pyrrha gave--a very complicated scenario with no good choices on the table--is hard to say. My own assumption is that Raven was probably thrilled to be given such a useful power, especially when she intended to turn it against the very community who gave it to her. She only regrets it now that her life hasn't turned out quite as planned. She, like others, is looking to use Ozpin as her scapegoat. 

In fact, we're given no explanation for Raven or Yang's anger here. Raven I can conceptualize--she's the type to blame others for her problems--but Yang? What exactly is so horrific about being turned into a kick-ass bird? As Ozpin describes it, this magic allows Qrow and Raven to "see more" and to be "unburdened" in ways that the normal huntsmen or huntress is not. This ability allows them to spy on Salem rather inconspicuously and, as we've seen in the case of Qrow, is useful in terms of keeping track of other people--like your wayward niece who goes off to try and take on the forces of darkness alone. As far as we've been told there's no downside to this ability beyond the fact that Ozpin's magic is finite, but that hardly effects Qrow. He transforms when he chooses, it doesn't seem to cause him any pain, it grants him an ability outside of his bad luck semblance, he already lives in a world where half the population has animal traits... seriously, where's this anger coming from? Just the fact that magic is an unknown to Yang and therefore scary? It's really unclear and frankly worrying considering how much Yang is basing her accusations and demands around that anger. 

Because the irony is that Yang demands no more secrets from Ozpin. He insists he doesn't keep secrets from them, just plays certain pieces of information close to the chest, but Yang says 'tomato tomahto’ even though, as we’ve just established, that wasn’t Ozpin’s secret to tell. And it has no repercussions that impact the rest of the group. Certainly not the girl who just showed up. I mean, maybe there is still a downside? They’ll definitely be a real backlash if the kids discover there is some horrific consequence to Qrow and Raven's ability and Ozpin didn’t say anything... but again, that’s not fair to Ozpin. Isn’t anyone going to ask Qrow why he kept this from his family? Or ask Yang why she’s suddenly on the side of the mother who abandoned her and is a known killer? Putting all this on Ozpin is, again, pretty worrying. 

Perhaps the most moving moment of the episode though is when Ozpin tells the kids that they can still leave. (Except Oscar of course. This poor kid. He got dragged into this fast and is the only one who's truly stuck with it.) He emphasizes that abstaining from battle is not the same thing as retreat and reminds us that these are just kids and they can't be expected to shoulder it all. No one stands except for Yang... but she's not leaving, just making it clear that whatever Ruby decides to do she'll follow her lead. It re-emphasizes that Ruby isn't just a strategic leader like Jaune is. She's the moral compass of the group. Once Ruby decides to keep fighting--and we know she always will--the rest of her family follows. That’s... not always a good thing though. Everyone needs a reason for fighting this kind of war and I don’t think ‘because Ruby is fighting it too’ is powerful enough to carry them through whatever new hardships they’ll face. 

Because you can’t keep the peace for long. We're left with one hell of a cliff-hanger as Emerald, Mercury, Cinder, and Watts approach Raven's camp, the whole gang demanding an audience--or more likely a Maiden. Every fan who cried over the fact that Emerald isn't in the opening finally got to see their fave prepping for a fight and I for one am looking forward to a real battle this Volume. None of the measly stuff we've seen with Blake or in training. For the first time this will, presumably, be Maiden vs. Maiden and I expect something epic.

Luckily the episode airs soon!

Before that though we have the heart-wrenching episode "Alone Together," wherein three fourths of Team RWBY finally get some downtime together. Ruby is up very early due to difficulty sleeping (who can blame her) and she soon realizes that Weiss and Yang are in the same boat. Loved Yang's sisterly "Boop" with her hair (pick that up from Nora, did you?) and Weiss knows her friends well, dumping an unholy amount of sugar into Ruby's coffee to make sure she likes it. "Nice Weiss strikes again!"

I'm quite liking Nice Weiss this Volume. What a step up from Ice Queen.

There's a bit more recapping--Ruby is called out on her priorities. That fact that they're all together at Haven Academy; that's what she can't believe?--before the conversation quickly turns to when they'll see Blake again. We've watched Yang deal rather well with the loss of her arm this past Volume and she kept a comparatively cool head around her mother. This though... this is what's really been festering.

Yang says that Blake "made her choice" and expresses very little interest in seeing her again. Weiss and Ruby are, understandably, shocked. With shaking hands and a flash of red eyes, Yang finally reveals what's truly been holding her back. Not her arm, not Raven, not any anger at Ruby, but the fact that Blake ran from them. Again.  

It's an understandable flaw on Blake's part, and it's equally understandable that this would nevertheless frustrate and upset Yang. I love that it's Weiss who helps her see Blake's perspective in all this: that after finally opening up to them, everything she'd feared actually did come to pass. The family she'd found was torn apart. Beacon fell. Adam hurt Yang in the worst possible way. She brought down the metaphorical walls around her heart and the literal walls of Beacon crumbled. As far as Blake is concerned, getting close to others really did bring nothing but misery. It's not logical, but emotions rarely are. Of course she's going to try and get as far away from them as possible after that, as well as return to her parents. It was a move born equally from a desire to protect herself as well as others.

It says a great deal about Yang's maturity that she does understand Blake's perspective rather quickly (even if, interestingly, she can’t understand Ozpin’s. A difference in who she actually cares for). Notably this is done through Weiss' own experiences, her admission that they've all experienced their own versions of loneliness. Yang says she doesn't blame Blake for the decision any longer; she's just upset that Blake hasn't realized yet (as Yang herself has) that things are easier when you stick together. That she, Ruby, and Weiss could have supported Blake through this... and that they need her support too. Yang resolves to be there for Blake just as soon as she's ready. The girl has a wealth of love within her. And yes, a lot of that stems from adopting the role of caretaker early, looking after Ruby as a big sister, but the fact that Yang can separate her current desire to protect her friends from that difficult childhood is huge. She knows how trauma has shaped her and she's prepared to make the best of it.

Ruby finally does check up on them and lets out a heartfelt sigh. Everything's okay.

Now, I'll be real interested to see if Yang's shaking lessens after she's reconciled with Blake...

Meanwhile, there's Ilia. And you all know what I'm going to discuss here.

There's a lot to say about her meeting with Blake--the well-played betrayal; our look at how Blake might end up in Mistral; the introduction of a very cool spider faunus; Ilia's speech about how there's no right or wrong, no innocents, just doing "what's best for us" that reminded me strongly of Roman's own speech--but for now, especially given how long this review already is, I want to focus in on her sexuality.

(FYI what I have below was originally written as a separate post, so apologies for the repetition.)

In the past week I've seen numerous complaints about how the fandom is “whining” about finally getting what they want. I’m one of the “whiners,” and this, to be frank, is not what I asked for.

Let’s start with the acknowledgment that yes, no matter who Rooster Teeth chose as their first LBGTQIA character, some people were going to be disappointed. Either because the choice doesn’t fit their ship or because of the dichotomy we’re seeing now: the Good vs. Evil gay character divide. It’s a simple disagreement on the surface that nevertheless houses a lot of important questions and concerns: should you make your gay character one of the Good Guys in order provide positive representation, or should you make them one of the Bad Guys in order to provide diverse representation? Do you send the message that being gay is wonderful by associating it with the heroes, or something that’s natural by associating it with the villains--making a statement that anyone can be LGBTQIA, not just the ones you’re rooting for?

The answer to this dilemma is that you do both. You provide variety in order to likewise provide true, diverse representation. However, the reality is that we haven’t reached a point in most media where you get lots and lots of gay characters to provide lots and lots of diversity… so therefore I feel rather strongly that the first character should be a positive portrayal.

Why? Because we’re not living in a positive world. Because we’re still a part of societies where LGBTQIA people are ridiculed, discriminated, and murdered. Because the idea that it’s not just okay, but fantastic to be gay is FAR from universal.

Because we have a very long, awful history of villains associated with gay stereotypes. Because there’s literally a Psycho Lesbian trope with plenty of examples to choose from. Because we don’t live in a culture where you can casually throw out ‘gay’ + ‘bad guy’ and expect your audience to separate the two critically.

Which brings me back to Ilia.

For all these reasons I was truly disappointed to see that she was our first LBGTQIA character. Out of a wealth of women in this show who love each other in healthy and nuanced ways, they were all bypassed for a character who is currently one of the Bad Guys.

Is Ilia pure evil? Of course not. I’ve mentioned previously about how much we see her struggling with her choices, but she’s currently not on a good path either. More importantly, the way her sexuality is revealed does nothing but position it badly. Let’s break that scene down just a bit. The first LGBTQIA content we’re given is:

A woman who is working for an extremist group that in turn is working for the Big Bad

Ilia reveals her sexuality after having her henchmen abuse Blake, attacking her, forcing her onto her knees, and announcing that they’re currently attempting to murder her parents

Ilia says that she wanted Blake to look at her like she once looked at Adam, intentionally or not drawing parallels between her love and Blake’s abuse

She positions her sexuality as at least partly a justification for her actions. Illia is subtly blaming Blake: if you’d paid more attention to me, maybe none of this would have happened. It actively positions all this horror as at least partly a consequence of same sex attraction

Does all of this craft a rather complex, LGBTQIA character? Absolutely, but it’s also one that left a rather sour taste in my mouth. Overt, same-sex attraction is still so rare in our media and frankly I’m sick of it. I’m sick of vague comments, queer baiting, or promises of something “coming later.” I’m equally sick of burying our gays and having same-sex attraction presented as something that only those who are otherwise sick in their morals would experience. Is it so much to ask for something reaffirming in a series that keeps growing in popularity and influence?

Will there be more LGBTQIA characters in RWBY? I assume so, I hope so, but for now all we have is Ilia. A character who, I’d also like to point out, we barely know. I’m sure she’s lots of fans’ fave, but I for one have little interest in this side character… and her position as a side character makes me nervous for her survival. Her sexuality only compounds that.

Rooster Teeth had a huge opportunity here. LGBTQIA viewers have waited five years to see someone like them in this series and it could have been a really magnificent reveal. It could have been Yang realizing her feelings as she worked through her anger at Blake. Or Weiss realizing hers for Yang as they get closer this Volume. Or Ruby for Weiss. Or Weiss for Blake. Hell, give us a throwaway line about Port and Oobleck being happy husbands, or let Ren be pan, or let Oz admit to same-sex attraction after having lived thousands of years…. I don’t care. I’ll take any ship wars that develop as a consequence. All I wanted was to see a character I know and love embracing their sexuality in a way that reaffirmed how proud I am of my own.

Instead it’s Ilia, admitting feelings for Blake while she plots to kill her parents. While she hurts her and betrays her. Sorry if I find that a little difficult to watch. Sorry if I need to “whine” about it just a bit.

So yes. Needless to say I'm disappointed. After that I couldn't really appreciate Ghira's transformation and concern for his wife, or Kali's badass, "Get out of my house!" As said, the whole scene with Ilia left a bad taste in my mouth. I know Rooster Teeth can do better.

Hopefully we do get better. Preferably soon. This is the perfect, filler kind of Volume to set up more characterization, including queer sexualities, and we've got four more episodes until the hiatus.

Tick, tock, RT.

Other Details of Note

Nora, what exactly happened with you and that punch?

I liked the gears on the wall clock. Which begs the question: where did this house come from? Is it a safe place that Ozpin had set up long before Beacon's fall?

They ate ALL that food. Everything they'd prepared while expecting who knows how many huntsmen/huntresses. Never underestimate the appetites of a group of teenagers.

James and Glynda get mentioned this volume! Everyone rejoice! Now if only we got to see them on screen...

Nora exclaiming about how Qrow and Raven are named after birds was pretty hilarious. It's not like we weren't already thinking it. Despite all the jokes on tumblr though, there's no way Ozpin chose those forms specifically because of the Branwens' names. If anything, this seems to act as evidence that a person's semblance/abilities draws on their personality, rather than the other way around.

There are a number of bird motifs throughout "Alone Together," including our opening shot of Ruby watching them fly overhead and a pair of carved ducks on display in the bedroom where Yang and Weiss chat. It's a nice nod to one of this Volume's major themes. (Or, if we buy into this headcanon that this place is a safe house purchased specifically for Qrow, then Ozpin needs to get called out on his on-the-nose decorating lol).

Yang staring at the team photo hurt in so many ways. Excellent touch there.

We have that acknowledged parallel between Weiss and Ruby, in which Yang (and the audience) expects it to be Ruby knocking on the door, trying to talk. The difference is that now, months later, Yang is actually in a position to open up to someone and that someone is Weiss, now just as much a sister to Yang as Ruby is.  

Confirmation that Weiss' mom is an alcoholic. We knew that was coming too...but still. Yikes.

Yang cries! Let all the children keep crying! It's good and natural!

There's a "nocturnal section" of Menagerie. Of course there is. God I can't believe I didn't think of that.

Ilia can completely blend in with the shadows. It's official now: all Volume 1-3's shadow people are just really, really shy chameleon faunuses. Spread the word.

That blow Blake took seemed to hit her pretty hard. Kind of like how Oscar staggered when he got hit without his aura... could Blake really trust Ilia enough to attend this meeting without proper protection? She might, which makes Ilia's betrayal all the worse. In the episode where Yang talks of letting Blake support and be supported by others, she was finally willing to do that with an old friend. Obviously having that backfire won't help Blake to open up any further.

GIF credit: http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/841077-rwby