#anyway tell me how much you like me
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do y’all still like seeing my face?
#i took my top off in case anybody’s not into sparkly brown eyes and dimples#had to gif this so you could see the nose scrunch#i brushed my hair and remembered i’m really quite pretty#anyway tell me how much you like me#i even got down on my knees for it!#princess pea#lesbian#wlw blog#lesbian blog#wlw post#wlw nsft#lesbian nsft#femme4all#butch bait#femme bait
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charm stat at debonair ‼️‼️
#WOW WHO WOULD HAVE FUCKING THOUGHT THEYD BE MY FAVORITES. THIS TOTALLY WASNT EXPECTED. NOT AT ALL.#i have lots of persona art its just uncolored dw#doing the shujin trio next i miss them so bad☹️☹️ also i need pegoryu content to stay sane and alive#anyway they're like. actually fucking insane 💀💀💀💀#like lawlight level toxic yaoi its so absurd#like i was like damn soukoku is intense WHO ARE THESE FREAKS#WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY LIKE THIS.#ACTUALLY FUCKING INSANE. LIKE EXTREMELY MENTAL AND SICK IN THE HEAD.#AKECHI IS A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH#god they actually make me so fucking AUAUAUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH#i NEED to finish royal shidos palace GUTTED ME#they were initially so funny to me bc right off the bat you can tell how much of a FREAK akechi is just paraphrasing hegel#and being so ferevently obsessed with ren its like bro why is this guy straightup dickriding us for telling him we like our eggs well done#ANYWAY their dynamic always felt so sad to me bc it was akechi just desperately clawing for what ren had the entire time ☹️#and the more he realized how worthless he was in comparison the more mentally unhinged he became until he actually broke#me when the trope is “the love was there but it wasn't enough to save them” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 (FUCKING DEVASTATING)#ermmm anyway yea they're neat. ig#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5#p5r#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#goro akechi#shuake#akeshu#lotus draws
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Jaiden: How did you guys even find out that, um... Chayanne's admin plays Cucurucho? [Reading chat] Ohhh, accidentally played the soundboard as Chayanne? That's hilarious actually. I wanna see the clip of Phil reacting to that.
Jaiden: I love– I love the way that Phil laughs, it's just such a hearty, genuine laugh. The few times that I've made him laugh, I've felt really good about myself! [Embarrassed laugh] Because he makes me feel much funnier than I am, you know?
Jaiden talks about silly QSMP moments and laughter. 💜
[ Full Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]
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TRANSCRIPT
Jaiden: How did you guys even find out that, um... Chayanne's admin plays Cucurucho? Did they just tell- tell Phil? Did- were they just hangin' out? [Reading chat] "The same username"? Ohhh. [Reading chat] "It was a mistake"? ...Wait, what was the mistake? What do you mean "it was an accident"?
Jaiden: Ohhh, accidentally played the soundboard [Laughs] as Chayanne? That's hilarious actually. [Laughs] What di- what did he say, was he just like, "Ha ha ha"? [Laughs]
[Old clip of Bad, Fit, and the Eggs] Bad: –have one of the things I'm looking for. Chayanne: [Cucurucho voice] HA HA HA Bad: What was that? Fit: You heard that too, right? Chayanne: [Cucurucho voice] NO Bad: ...What the fudge was that. Fit: Wait–
Jaiden: [Reading chat] "He said 'no'" [Laughs] That's so funny. [Laughs] I wanna see the clip of Phil reacting to that. I love– I love the way that Phil laughs, it's just such a hearty, genuine laugh.
[Clip of Phil laughing]
Jaiden: The few times that I've made him laugh, I've felt really good about myself! [Embarrassed laugh] Because he makes me feel much funnier than I am, you know?
[Old clip of Phil and Jaiden] Jaiden: Oh, that's awesome! And then it– [She gets snagged by the machine] Jaiden: Oh– Ahh! Phil: Be careful! Jaiden: AAAAAᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃ — [Her screams fade as she's dragged away] Phil: [Laughs] There she goes! [Hits his desk and laughs]
[Another old clip plays] Jaiden: [Singing along to "It's Been So Long" from FNAF] It's been so long, since I've last seen my– Phil: What is happening? [Laughs, then laughs more seeing Jaiden's mask] PFTTT– [Laughs] Jaiden: [Laughing] Phil: Jesus Christ–
Jaiden: It's just like, such a good laugh! I wish I had a– a like, more-hearty laugh. You know? You know what I'm talking about? My laugh is kinda like... Uh, you know how you guys compare Foolish's laugh to like, the... window cleaner? Like a– [Squeaky window-cleaning sound]
[Short clip of Foolish covering his face with one hand and making the squeaky laugh he's known for, slapping the arm of his chair as he keeps laughing]
Jaiden: I can't do it– [Laughs] It doesn't sound like that. I think mine is like... Because like, I do like, "Hee hee hee!" and I also like, breathe in, like– [Squeaky sound] You know? So I think– My laugh kinda just sounds like... Like, after you spray the window, and you're like, cleaning it. Like, wiping it down with a cloth. You know? That's what my laugh sounds like. I wish it was more of like a, "Ha ha ha."
[Short clip of Cucurucho saying "HA HA HA"]
Jaiden: But, I mean, I'm not complaining. I don't think– I don't think "laugh anxiety" is something that I wanna– is not a path I would really wanna go down. [Quiet laugh] It's like- sometimes, you just gotta pick your battles. [Laughs]
Jaiden: [Reading chat] "You have a good laugh" Thank you. [Quiet laugh]
#Jaiden Animations#QSMP#Philza#Foolish Gamers#Cucurucho#QSMP Admins#(Sorta)#Phil#Jaiden#Foolish#September 5 2023#Timestamp: 13m 15s#Is this clip a little quiet? I can't tell if my clips are too quiet or if it's a me problem#Anyway – I've been thinking about this clip for AGES and finally stumbled across the timestamp the other day#Jaiden's got a nice laugh but I don't know how I'd describe it either#Anyways re: her comments; Phil does have a very hearty laugh. It's very warm and does make you smile#And since we're talking about laughs –#Quackity's another person whose laugh is very contagious#Pac's makes me smile too but I'll admit that's because I'm extremely biased#I'm rambling here but#If I were to very summarize those three's laughs (with my very biased opinion as a long-time viewer of 2 of them) I'd say:#Phil's laugh is very warm and friendly - and like Jaiden said - genuine#Quackity's laugh is very bubbly (for lack of a better word) It has so much energy you can't help but crack a smile too#Pac's laugh when he's embarrassed is very cute and it makes me smile
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[ID: a series of drawings featuring Riz Gukgak from D20 Fantasy High. In the first, Pok holds Riz's shoulders in heaven as says, smiling, when you work until the dead of night, your friends know you do it because you love them. In the second, Riz is having a group hug with his party and the text reads, but is it really love that drives you, Riz Gukgak... In the next, a desperate, pleading Riz clutches the shoulder of an indifferent, faceless person and the text continues, ...or is it fear? In the fourth, Riz is younger and digging through crystals with bleeding hands; the text reads, what use are you when you can no longer dig. In the fifth, Kalina, shrouded in darkness with only her eyes glowing, reaches towards the camera with a smile; the text reads, when you're too scared to think. Sixth, Riz is filling out Fig and Kristen's papers under the light of a lamp, serious and tired; the text reads, when you're too tired to work. Seventh, Riz is lying in bed, eyes hidden behind hair, hand on his father's picture; the text reads, too sad to keep the mood up. Eighth, Baron stares into the camera; the text reads, too lonely, too insecure, too weird. Ninth, Baron is holding a defeated Riz by the throat; the text reads, to keep moving? Tenth, Riz is standing in the distance, holding his briefcase, and behind him is a football/soccer ball; the text reads, what use is a ball that can no longer roll? The last drawing just says none in brackets on a dark background. End ID]
#riz gukgak#fantasy high#d20 fantasy high#fhsy#fhjy#fantasy high sophomore year#super funny story abt how/why i finished this after being out of the fandom for a While now#sb commented on my sklonpok fic prompting me to reread it#and then when i next sat down to drawn smt i rly got the desire to finish this#one inking and colouring later (and some hours) here you go#you can tell which drawing i did from scratch now rather than just inked jsdjskjdk when i draw too much like i did for fh u can see it#number three though? super happy w that one#so happy i didn't even ink the face i just left the original sketch#don't usually colour things but i got the itch here and decided to practice my simple colour palettes a bit#can't get better if u don't experiment#anyway enjoy! riz angst is always on the menu in this house#the notes on the first drawing said to check the episode transcript to see exactly what i said but i didnt feel like it sjkdjskjd#so i left it as i remembered it. but pok enjoyers will know which quote i was getting at
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I cannot wait for this Stan to reconnect with his Ford.
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I still haven't figured out HOW exactly they'll meet yet, but I do think that Ford would ATTACH himself to Stanley and talk his ears off forever when they eventually get comfortable :] and Stanley would listen because HOLY SHIT, THAT'S HIS BRO HE HASN'T SEEN FOR 40-ISH YEARS, HE MISSED HIS VOICE. Nonstop certified Yapper & Listener relationship <3
Stanley looks dead faced because of his ingrained poker face, but he's thouroughly enjoying it, even if sometimes he has no idea what the fuck Ford is saying. He never interrupts him though, since he knows people usually ignore or interrupt him mid-talk already. So sometimes Stan gets stuck in awkward situations where he has to leave or do stuff, but also doesn't have it in his heart to stop Ford and extract himself out of a (one-sided) conversation.
#Stanley: that motherfucker just ignored you completely- would you like me to kill him.#Stanford: Who? What are you talking about? Anyways. Have you ever seen gnomes before? Because just yesterday I-#I imagine conversations with Stanford to be very stitled and all over the place.#Since his thoughts are quite literally scattered- he can never really process them fast enough to actually verbalize them.#Or even understand them.#So he often only catch the tail ends of a thought- or cutoff half formed thoughts- or only the beginning half of an idea- memory- or opinio#And when he talks- you can really tell with the amount of tangents he goes off into and how everything he says#are completely disconnected and unrelated from one another.#I think the reason he talks so much is because it's his way of desperately trying to get himself understood by someone- including himself.#He's hoping that maybe- by verbalizing EVERYTHING in his mind all at once into some incomprehensible word vomit- that someday-#those senseless- useless words will one day magically order themselves into the right sentence for him to be finally be able to say what#he actually MEANS.#But because he's ''that crazy Town Kook Ford'' he just never really gets the chance to talk to anyone.#People in town baby him- treat him like a child.#And I mean- it must really hurt. For someone of his former intellect to have lost all ability to express himself eloquently#Not because he's any less smart- but because he just can't talk anymore. At least- not in any way that matters#I think Stanley understands him though. I think Stanley would understand his struggle to not be labeled as just stupid by others#Anyways- that was my ramble <3#my post#asks#sput chatters#stanford pines#ford pines#stanley pines#stan pines#gravity falls#gravity falls au#Town Kook Ford AU#my art
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A Christmas gift for @kawkawsrii! Happy holidays!
Bonus: they went to the grandline and will come back in part 2???? i hope so?????????
Bonus 2: cute ass lil shits whom i desperately wanted to put in but couldn't cuz i'm silly like that
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#naruto#naruto fanart#obito uchiha#kakashi hatake#オビト#カカシ#sakumo hatake#happy holidays#merry christmas#yayyyyyyyyyyy#woahhhhh#gotta confess#i really rushed this#you can tell huh#anyway#i personally don't celebrate christmas but this was really fun#having a community is cool#even though i'm a ghost most of the time#i love post war obito and 4 y/o (?) kakashi#the level of wholesomeness those two can achieve is immeasurable#like obito has mellowed out but kakashi is peak tsundere ykwim#obito sighs and sweats and widens his eyes a lot in this???#is that ooc?? would he just not react outwardly at all???#idk#i've come to realize characterization is really hard once you start to dabble in it#fun though#very#something that really bugs me in this story is that how kakashi express too much too soon??#wanted to draw more panels in between but i managed my time very very poorly this time around so i couldn't#gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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for what it's worth I personally don't believe spite had anything to do with the pantry near-kiss experience at all. I think that was a 100% lucanis naturel disaster no supernatural additives present or indeed required. at most spite was watching that whole situation go down with mild puzzlement about approximately every part of it, I don't think he'd have much interest in it one way or the other. the explanation seems much more mundane and grounded and in some ways much sadder to me.
if your nervous system has never been in a place where any surge of emotion, even -- in fact sometimes especially! -- a good and exciting one makes you feel like your soul just touched a hot stove it can't get away from, then sincerely, from the bottom of my heart and without a trace of snark, thank goodness and I hope you never experience it. For the rest of you... fistbump of solidarity it's rough out here but *grits teeth* we stay silly etc. In the place lucanis is in during that part of the game, feeling like you're losing control (again even for ostensibly good happy reasons) can feel an awful lot like you're dying, or worse. on top of everything else going on for him -- again going only with non-supernatural elements and not even comprehensive: a year of non-stop horrific trauma added to pile of previous mountain of childhood and attachment trauma. chronic sleep deprivation. apparently dead grandma doubling as mother figure. cousin-brother aggressively fucking around and in real danger of finding out. fucked up the ONE thing he thought he knew how to do that's been the central pillar of his identity. the world might be ending even more than it already was because of it. keeps faceplanting with barely any dignity and having to get up again with alarming regularity GOD how could I ever not save treviso this man desperately needs a W (just one!!) like few people in the history of the world have before him. he's more caffeine than man because the alternative feels worse. it's bad in here. and ON TOP of all that he's in the process of falling just. appallingly soul-shrivingly in love, which can notably be playing on hard mode even when you're in a mostly functional place, that shit routinely rocks people to the core under the best of circumstances.
so I'm not surprised it's too overwhelming for him to handle when he tries to throw himself in head first -- in fact I'd have been more surprised if it weren't lol. he clearly wants it so much, which only makes it so much more painful that he can't actually bear to touch it when it's offered to him freely and eagerly. this is the tantalus-level awfulness of this kind of attachment trauma; food seems to be right there, you can see it, almost smell it sometimes, but no matter what you just can't seem to reach it. seemingly not for any flaw in the existence of the food, but because of something broken in you that can't or can't bear to actually eat. his deliberate flirting routine is kind of deeply dorky tbh lol (in the most endearing way possible let's be perfectly clear) and I don't think it's entirely natural to him -- that's a hastily cobbled together 'oh god I am getting the vibes here it is happening for some reason they like me for my personality quick what would illario do' approach if ever I saw it, supported by the fact that it never really makes a return after this --
BUT I do think his obvious near-unbearable delight with rook's existence and person that shines through in that scene is entirely real and unfeigned. he likes them so much. he wants so bad to be able to be close to them. he's so hungry for the reprieve and release and relief they represent to him, just for one moment, just one break from all the awfulness to have something uncomplicatedly good. and it's here, it's been offered, he's welcome!!! and he has to flinch away at the last minute anyway because he's an exposed nerve of a human being. there's a point at which every sensation including joy becomes indistinguishable from agony. he's pretty much exactly at that point. for the love of god have some mercy on him people. the feeling that salvation is right here but you're too broken a vessel to hold it is one I wouldn't wish on anyone. let him have a few moments to stare into the void before he's ready to get back up and try again surely we all deserve at least that much lol
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#this is literally just me ranting about the feelings he evokes in me and not really directed at anyone I just. I Feel. things#in case you can't tell. I'm the lucanis. him is me. we be like this. this all makes the too much kind of perfect sense to me#it's odd in narrative structure but it's uh. uncomfortably real in some ways. freeze is difficult to describe in conventional narrative#it's a bad time to have in a bad place. but very decent company to be in I must say I love him. so much#also I think we might have exposed some of the basic garrusness going on here haha (just one thing please just one good thing)#and how much getting there hinges on feeling completely safe in that relationship. anyway. everyone ok. I'm not but someone should be
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saw someone saying something like "do you really think veilguard story would be better if you could do evil choices?" and actually yeah. i think if they let us act more like the dreadwolf on the "you are a paralellism to the dreadwolf" game, it would be more significant when the story tells you "you are a bit like him/you are nothing like him" because , thats how you chosed to play it.
#like i think the game could be good without the evil choices. but i would like a choice at all tho.#it can be just pragmatical vs idealist it can be about how much would you be able to give or sacrifice#how the game is now when you lose people it feels more like you failed more than you sacrificed them#veilguard critical#also#i can see all his memories and judge him in veilguard#but the thing that really made me be on his shoes#was the inquisition mission In Hushed Whispers#where you wake up in a horrible world and you just want the old one back#da4 spoilers#da4#dragon age#stuff like the emmrich mission i thought it was gonna be a paralelism to solas#of “would you sacrifice your people in order for you to have more power to save others?”#“would you move on from the dead or try to get it back ?” like it worked both ways#there was a moment in game i thought all the companion missions were thematicly connected to the themes of the plot#but idk the themes are there but at the same time there are not idk how to explain it#when varric is like “you are not like solas!!!” doesnt really work for me when its impossible to be like him#it never worked for me when charas in videogame tells you “you are X” for things that you are forced to do in game#and its always a gut punch or very satisfying when you actually chosed to do them#anyways im rambling
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charmed, i'm sure
#homestuck#hom3stuck#jake english#dirk strider#dirkjake#jakedirk#admin draws#fanart#thats what you get for shrimping bro. i told you about the shrimping#to anyone whos been around for a while you can tell im quite obviously obsessed with that pose. that specific way of hugging urself#dirk was never escaping that#i need to draw some janeroxy too it bangs sm and i need to balance out this sausage party ive had going on in my head for the last xyz#how long has it been. how many weeks since ive seen natural light.#whatever.#id keep this to post in a batch with other drawings but it did well on its own on twt so i might as well post it here as is#feel like batchposting several basically finished drawings doesnt do me much good anyways. better serves smaller sketches on the same theme#ramble ramble
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Aromanticism Zine but it's just my incoherent thoughts.
#quack#aromantic#aroace#can you tell i got temporarily incredibly fed up with my grandparents 'we just worry about you' comments#anyway blah blah i know this isn't an universal experience this is just my scattered thoughts#also I've thought a lot recently about aromantic as a non split attraction model identity#i guess in theory I'm asexual but i just. feel like my aromanticism is a much bigger part of my identity and that for ME#my aromanticism goes together with my asexuality in a way that's hard to explain and even harder to seperate#anyway#I'm hesitant to post this because i hate how vulnerable it makes me feel and i worry about people not understanding that this is MY experien#experience and i know it's not universal
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CROWLEY SSR THOUGHTS
there is zero basis for this, but I can't get this thought of my head
I don't know why I decided to draw it this way
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#(these will be relevant in a moment)#this isn't going to happen. but WHAT IF.#anyway i didn't get him (damnit birdman come home) so i had to look up his story#and let me tell you friends my findings were SHOCKING#crowley canonically likes vegetables which means that the crowley is revaan theory = BUSTED#crowley is sailor venus = CONFIRMED#(i know 'whip of love' is a saying but that's where my mind always goes)#DISCLAIMER: this is (mostly) a joke please continue to hold whatever theories and headcanons you want#but look. c'mon. look over here at this whiteboard i've covered in red yarn.#revaan being a picky eater has come up multiple times and there is an entire whole bit about how much he hated jerky and refused to eat it#and now they've made a point of talking about how crowley will eat almost anything and loOoOoves wild game meat especially#it's SO stupid but i can't help but read way too much into it#(this is tumblr if you don't want to see incredibly stupid overanalysis of anime guys then why are you HERE)#and i gotta hold on to something because otherwise whenever malleus and crowley are onscreen together i just keep going 'same hair color...#unless this is like. some kind of deep cover thing.#lilia doesn't recognize him because he saw him eat a green bean once and revaan would NEVER#crowley's secret is safe for another day#(serious hat on: i do think they're probably connected in some way)#(but there's something deeper going on that we're just not clued into yet that will hopefully explain things)#man forget revaan what if crowley whips off his mask and it turns out he was meleanor this whole time#wait hold on meleanor loves jerky. IT ALL FITS...
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2024 art summary! it sure has been a year
#ever makes art#i bsky tweeted a bit but it feels weird talking there still so ill do my usual rambling into tags here :)c#i burned out super bad in the middle of this year for months where it felt like i couldnt draw anything good no matter how hard i tried#and the harder i tried the worst it felt - to the degree that i legitimately thought i wasnt going to be able to draw anything again#which sounds SO dramatic i know i know. but feelings arent always rational!!! and so many others things were going wrong at the same time#so it was strange putting together this year's art summary and realizing Huh. i did still have paintings to put in every space#that fear/anxiety spiral seems even sillier and more meaningless now that i have distance and proof of how irrational it was...#...but in reflection i'd like to think of it as proof that even when you feel at your worse it's worth it to keep trying...!!#after the Black Hole of Nothing i've been working every day on never ending doujin and xv anthology and orv sketchzine and merch#i can't say that i feel my artistic skills have like. improved or anything... but the passion i feel for the stories i read and#the stories i want to tell is still there!! and the happiness from getting to put form to those feelings large or small is worth it too#anyway......... lotta words to say tho i haven't posted much anymore and socmed is imploding and the world is dark#thank you very much for staying with me another year. i am - as ever - always grateful
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a bit of my postcanon vision
i heart people arguing
#hfjone#bryce hansen#amelia euler#my art#i have beef with post-canon one stuff that just insta-fixes everything without really hashing out how some of these people could#get horrifically angry at each other... not that i think their relationships can or should be ruined forever i would just like to explore#how badly the boys treated amelia IF YOU THINK ABOUUUTT ITTTTTT#sure stone was the one to intentionally exclude her from the team but bryce+liam dont really do much to actually bring her in the loop#even when liam had months and months to tell her. he simply didnt tell her at any point what stone said about the votes being fake#and i dont knowwww i want to see amelia's tendency to lose herself in really maladaptive acceptance butt up against bryce and his like...#eagerness to leave everything behind. You understand me. you get it. anyway i have a few thousand words kicking around that will probably#never be finished or published but trust me I THINK ABOUT IT. A LOT
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NEW MAYOI CARDDDDS MADE ME SILLY THEY CANONICALLY HAVE GIRLS NIGHT SLEEPOVERS IM SOBBING UEUEUUEUEUE
#MY FAVS FINALLY INTERACT I FUCKING WIN LETS GO LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOO‼️‼️#CHUUAKU SLEEPOVER I AM TWIRLING MY HAIR KICKING MY LEGS GIGGLING BLUSHING FINALLYYYYYYY THE BESTIES EVER IM SO HAPPY#MATCHING CARDS. MATCHING PJS. TELL ME YOU SHOP TOGETHER WITHOUT TELLIMG ME YOU SHOP TOGETHER#I LOVE THEM SO SO SO SO MUCH FUCK DAZAI AND ATSUSHI THIS IS MY FAV MENTOR DAD AND THEIR PRECIOUS STUDENT#ANYWAY THEY R LITERALLY LIKE THE BESTEST OF FRIENDS IN MY MIND I LOVE AWKWARD AKU AND LIKE OUTGOING FUN AMIABLE CHUUYA#LIKE...........EXTROVERT ADOPTING AN INTROVERT BESTIE. THATS EHAT THEY R LIKE. TO ME#GAAAAAHHHHH THANK YOU MAYOI TEAM#also sry idk how to draw aku's hair it's the biggest mystery to me💀💀💀 shoutout to artists who know how to do that#(i am not one of them)#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#akutagawa ryuunosuke#ryuunosuke akutagawa#chuuya nakahara#nakahara chuuya#lotus draws
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#my art#wip#jhin#hwei#jhinhwei#i... dont really like that much how this turned out but whatever#we post anyways and move forward#i also dont know where this came from im telling you i have no choice in what i draw they just come to me in flashes
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Danny, the Young Justice member snippet nr 2
these snippets aren't connected in anyway but just some little scenes I came up with, everyone is welcome to build up on them if they want to
Trigger warning: death mentioned, self-harm mentioned, idk, Danny gets flashback to portal incident
unrelated snippet nr 1, unrelated snippet nr 3 (?)
Out, out, out.
He tripped over his own legs and almost fell and it didn’t matter because he needed to get out.
Away, away, away.
He wasn’t sure if he ran or flew or dragged himself on the rough floor but he had to get away. His back hit a wall and he couldn’t get past it, intangibility just out of his grasp.
He logically knew that Zeta Tube wasn't the same as the portal but it was similar. So deadly similar.
He wasn’t sure when his own, corps-like, trembling with rigor mortis cold hands started rubbing his arms. He also wasn’t sure whether it was to comfort himself in this lonely self-hug or to try to rub hard enough that the hazmat and skin underneath would be torn, allowing him to see his own, red blood running in his veins. It was still red, right? It was still red, right? Of course it was still running, why wouldn’t it?
His knees gave up. He fell to the ground with quiet reverbatting thump, his eyes fixated on danger at the other side of the large room. He had to get further away but he couldn’t.
Because he was dying again.
Eyes full of tears and terror were jumping around, unable to see the room around him. Why couldn’t he see anything? Why were there only splashes of various colors, all contrasting with a light gray background. Were these people? Colors were moving, that seemed likely. Ghosts?! He had to get ready if these were ghosts he needed to fight them. People could be in danger and he couldn’t even stand without support. He started it, he had to take care of it, no matter how he felt right now.
His normally overly, unnaturally sensitive ears were filled with constant electric buzz from still active Zeta Tubes.
He was quite sure someone was yelling something but no matter what, Danny couldn’t understand what was being said. He tried looking around again but his teary eyes still failed him. There were no red stains though. Not in the right shade at least. No one was bleeding. It was okay for now.
Was it really? He hadn’t bled when he was dying had his accident though. It was all inside him, the crushing hollowness inside him and infinite outside pressure making his body implode. Ectoplasm bubbling in his mouth, throat, stomach and fingers, silencing his scream of agony and destroying his muscles. His limbs were limp and tense, twitching like a broken light bulb, out of his control but not out of his senses. It was so cold that it bit his bones and so hot that his skin was melting. There were screams so loud that it could shatter glass, as if every inhabitant of the Ghost Zone wanted to be heard and absolute suffocating silence. He was alone like nobody ever was and stuck in a stifling crowd that could stomp him to death any second. It was all contrasting, impossible but happening, existing together. He lived died it.
It was impossible, just like him.
There were others, they could help while Danny got himself together.
They couldn’t help if it was a ghost. He had to calm down and get ready to fight.
He couldn’t.
It was all happening again.
He was dying again.
It hurt to even think about.
Would it at least kill him for good?
Air he hadn’t needed before, not since his first death he always needed, like all functioning, alive human beings, got stuck in his lungs. He was gasping for it, choking on it. There was something stuck in his throat. SOme part of his brain that wasn’t screaming in agony and panic and loneliness had considered tearing his neck open just to get whatever was stuck swallowing but it didn’t help.
He rubbed his arms harder. His eyes were locked on a blurred, still active portal. One of the color blobs moved, growing larger but he couldn’t think about what it meant. His arms hurt. It was good. Pain was grounding. In a gray room with few portals. Not the basement. Ghosts still could be there but it wasn't a basement. He still needed to get ready to fight
If he could feel pain, it meant he was alive, right? Ghosts never showed that they felt pain right? His parents always said they couldn’t.
He knew it was a lie but he felt like it was his last hope.
He realized that growing group of colors actually looked like a person but he had no way to tell whether they were alive or not. His ghost sense was quiet but he didn’t trust himself to not miss it. His throat was still shut tightly. His body kept twitching like a glitching character. No matter what, he couldn’t fight right then. He had to get himself together.
He scratched his arms almost violently.
Warm, soft, gentle hands pried his palms away from his arms. It wasn't a ghost. Ghosts weren't this gentle, this calmingly warm. Someone, someone who was alive, was crouching in front of him, face at the same level as his, hiding portals from his sight. Danny nearly sunk into their gentle touch.
“-om." their voice also was so gentle, filled with concern but firm enough to get to him over the buzz of portals. He tried to concentrate on this voice. He didn't want to hear portals.
"-ntom." It sounded like they were calling someone. He had to focus more to understand. Gentle grip on his wrists got more firm. There he was. He wouldn't feel it if he was dying again.
"Phantom." They called quietly, like little windbells Sam gave him as a birthday present. It was his name, they were asking him something he couldn't understand, something he couldn't do.
"I'm sorry."
He wasn't sure if any sound came out of his mouth.
Grip on his hands loosened a little, not enough for him to do anything about it, but enough to return to the pure feeling of safety and reassurance it gave him before.
“It's okay Phantom." they murmured. Danny nearly cried at their kindness and calmness. Air slowly started to fill his lungs again. It truly was okay, he wasn't dying again."Can you focus on five things you can see for me?"
He could do it. It wasn't much to repay the gentle person kneeling in front of him.
He blinked tears away and started the list in his head.
Black Canary in front of him.
Superboy in the middle of the room. He looked like he didn't know what to do.
Kid Flash next to him, ready to come to where Danny was shaking on the floor.
Robin and Artemis both made sure that Kid stayed where he was.
Miss Martian for sure feeling his panic and having trouble coping with this. He should calm down as soon as he can, he didn't want to cause any of his teammates too much stress.
Danny nodded, looking once again at the only adult hero in the room.
Molecules in his body were rearranging again. It all hurt.
"Thank you Phantom. Can you focus on four things you can hear?"
Five racing heartbeats.
One heartbeat that sounded more like buzz because of its speed. KF's heart was always weird.
Tapping of someone's feet.
Zeta Tubes.
He had been in the portal again, it had turned on with him inside again. He was dying again.
Next cautious nod.
"Alright. Now three things you can touch." Black Canary still sounded so calm, so sure she had it all under control. So contrary to her panicked heart. Danny wanted to believe her voice.
Canary's hands still on his wrists. In fact she was touching him more than he was her, but it still counted. There was some physics rule about it.
Cold stone he was sitting on. Weird, he was sure this cave was heated.
Hard wall pressing on his spine.
"Excellent. Two things you can smell?"
Jazz had done same exercise with him before.
Cookies made by Megan before she went on a mission.
Ectoplasm. Somewhere there was ectoplasm that wasn't inside him. He couldn't smell his own ecto. But there was no ghost in the cave. His sense was silent. It was there somehow else. It was concerning but not enough to make him panic again. They could handle it.
His lungs were still aching but air started filling them nearly as much as it did normally. His limbs stopped shaking so much too. He knew he wasn't dying this time. He was calming down.
"You're doing great Phantom. Now think, what's one thing you can taste?"
Aftertaste of ectoplasm he spat between the rough fight and the moment when Kid Flash rushed him to the nearest Zeta Tube, talking about medical attention. Danny tried to tell him, he didn't need that but he was inside before his explanation left his mouth.
"Do you feel better now?"
"Yeah," It was all he was able to say at the moment. He truly felt better but that didn't mean good. It was only a little less bad than shitty, one step from fully dead.
I considered writing continuation with Danny explaining a bit what happened and how he even ended up in Zeta Tube but a) lost spark to rewrite it b) hated what already had But if you want, I can probably rub my remaining two braincels together and continue. Or someone else can. Do it if you want to. Do it. Do it
#dp x yj#dpxyj#dp x dc#dpxdc#dcxdp#dc x dp#once again Danny didn't even consider telling his team that he is halfa#but it doesn't matter this as much I think#once again I have no idea about the timeline#I think Danny would hate Zetas because it reminds him too much of the portal incident#and before anyone comes at me saying that Danny used portal later in the show and had no problems with it#*yeah* but after first time portal worked like overglorified door/corridor hybrid and not tear him apart and build up again#Judging by the way Zeta travel is animated#i assume they work on the “destroy your current body remake it where you won't to go” basis or something similar#you can see how Danny would be uneasy with it#btw this is one of my main headcanons I can and will always use unless story demands something eles#but even then I'm not above looking into every other way to achieve plot without use of Zeta or make at least mention that he is shaken aft#anyway#have a nice day dear stranger who got to this part
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