#anyway sorry I guess I needed to vent
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Make sure you get proper rest kids
#it’s almost midnight for me and#I am not feeling well mentally#I feel so insignificant when it comes to my art and characters#like I know people enjoy them and I appreciate it but then I’m like#there are so many other wonderful creators who have done so much better#what am I even doing aaaaa#i feel like what do I even try or do anything#anyway sorry I guess I needed to vent#Salem’s trying to crawl under my arm for cuddles o I guess i should really try and get some rest#gross brain gross brain#vent#text
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Suddenly wishing my parents could read my mind/see inside my head so they understood I actually CAN'T do the things I say I can't do. Its not that I don't want to its that I literally cannot do them :)
#anyway i almost got in a car wreck#it was not my fault#but im not reacting to it very well#haha#and now i get to go to work#yayyy#/sarcasm#anyway i dont actually want my parents in my head cause haha#intrusive thoughts and all#they both have anxiety and are medicated and guess who also has anxiety and is NOT medicayed#yayy#' youre so smart you can do litetally anything' yall i am literally 24/7 masking and its gonna get to me one of these days#so now i cant do anything#vent#sorry if you read all this#im not having a good morning haha#dont feel the need to respond#the only plus side is when i am in mental anguish i can ignore my physical anguish#yayyyyy for real!#the thing in question i cant do is driving btw#i should by all means not be on the road
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feeling very grateful for the cute barista today who clearly clocked a) my fontaines d.c. tote, and b) the fact i was stuck on a spectacularly bad date, and proceeded to play me an entire playlist of fontaines d.c. and sneak me extra vegan marshmallows with my hot chocolate
#an absolute GEM 💗#we need more people in the world like this#they restored my faith in humanity 🙏#unlike my date#who was… well. i’ve been on worse ones i guess#but he monologued at me for a two and a half hours#and on the rare times i actually managed to get a word in edge ways or voice an opinion#he just twisted it round to suit what he’d been saying#it REALLY annoyed me#the entire thing annoyed me actually#i am so sick and tired of going on dates with straight white men who feel the need to explain everything to you#as if you’re not a person with a mind and experiences of your own#also wtf is the point on going on a date with someone when you aren’t remotely interested in getting to know them???#the man asked me maybe two questions total the entire afternoon#i could write his entire fucking biography#also at the end he said how cool and mysterious i was#and i’m like ????#i’m only mysterious because you’d prefer me to be that than an actual person who you could have had a proper conversation with#*breathes out slowly*#phew okay i was angrier about this than i thought lol#the older i get the less tolerance i have for shit like this ��#anyway yeah sorry#vent over 😅#i’m just so annoyed because i have SUCH limited energy atm with my pain and fatigue etc and i just wasted it on him ffs#but then again#the cute barista and the fontaines d.c. and the marshmallows were most definitely not a waste of my energy#they totally saved my day honestly 🙏#fontaines d.c.#lulu posts
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we're probably never going to get any official jeanpiku illustrations in this lifetime and that's something I constantly try not to be sad about
#I try not to feel jealous of other ships who always get official content#but it's really hard not to#I know jeanpiku is a rarepair and it's arguably also crack#so not getting anything official is just part of the experience I guess#it's just that...it would be nice if we did 😞#even just once 😞#sigh#anyway sorry for the mini vent I usually just need to let the bad feelings out and express them so I can move on with my day
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The Valar fandom should really take a page from the book of the Valar haters.
In their efforts to remind us constantly how mean and bad this group of canonically-not-all-villainous characters are, they have made so many threads that were never about the Valar about the Valar that we need to step up our game. Maybe we need to talk about them more. Maybe we need to hijack people's threads left and right.
(/s in case you couldn't tell) (except for the part about needing to talk about them more because we should. We deserve to enjoy our blorbos too)
Oh I can just imagine the lovely messages I would receive if I jumped into people's unrelated threads to bash the more popular blorbos...
Which, just btw, I have no interest in doing because... I want to have fun. Not the same discourse everywhere. Pretty please.
#rant#vent#sorry#anyway as always i yeeted it into shuffle queue so no need to try guessing who or what prompted this thank you
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i think rich people might be inhuman i think theres somethign deeply wrong in their brains somewhere where they dont recognise the suffering of their fellow man at times i think i honestly do
#a irl of mine has been doing project work for their friend FOR FREE (+ she has MORE than enough income to pay btw)#bc he thought he was doing her a quick favour + its ballooned into this like 120+ hr editting nightmare shes jsut thrown onto him#the success of which (that he gets nothing out of) is dependant on him crunching himself into oblivion for it#and its like.#man. i dont fucking understand it. how can you take the labour of your FRIEND who is literally IN POVERTY. for FREE#make him buy new hardware. and then bitch him out for doing a poor job (bc you filmed everything fucking wrong?????)#when i wanted help w/ research for stuff i literally split my paychecks in half for him bc he NEEDED IT#i didmt NEED him to do that but he NEEDED FOOD + RENT + STRUCTURE#+ id still do it NOW if i wasnt broke like???/#but no i guess she wants to save the money she doesnt spend on rent or utilities or labour on a yacht party for herself nvm so silly of me#<- actual reason btw!!!!!!!!#sdkjfaj;dkjkjsdfjjasdjjad RICH CUNTS!!!!!!!! ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!! ENTITLED EXPLOTITIVE BASTARDS#sorry vent post cringe ik this jsut pissed me off soso much theyre sick in the head all of them no one helps him out w/ money food fuck all#ANYWAY!!! BACK TO WORK YAY!!!!!! :pained_smile:
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A comic about doing the dishes
#polly draws#vent art#comic#seal fursona#which I guess I have now. lol#anyway sorry about the emo art lately but in my defense my therapist says its a good outlet so#Cleaning makes me spiral a bit but I NEED TO GET BACK TO IT BLURGH#man.
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anxiety will have me wishing i could google search things like “how to ask my manager if i can put her as a reference on my resume while i try to find a second job so i don’t have to move back halfway across the country to live with my mom and feel like i’m starting over again”
#op#logically i’m like it’s fine. to ask her. but i’m scared and don’t know how and i should probably ask in person but it’s so anxiety inducing#and i Know she’ll ask questions#which isn’t even a huge deal because atp i really am just looking for a second part time#because i don’t think i’ll find a full time#but. ugh. keep convincing myself it will be Bad#i’m also so stressed because i kinda just realized i could do this??? like i kinda settled for the fact i’d have to move back#and now i’m realizing like well no. you could find a second job. but obviously it’s like not that easy#i feel like everyone on here understands how fucking hard it is to get a job lol#and then i need to find one soon so i know if i’m staying so i can hopefully find a better place to live#just somewhere that’s a little more permanent i guess is what i mean. my living arrangement is not much better than ‘ok’#another reason i wasn’t looking sooner is because rn i’m also a full time student so i already feel like there’s so much on my plate#i’m definitely planning on doing part time after this semester so that’s when i realized like oh. i could just Work More#there’s a library in the town over with an opening and i wanna apply to see if the hours work with my current job#and if they’re enough to like. live off of with my current job#but i’m sure i’ll need a reference and so i’m just like shhdjskakdkkaksk#i also need to write a cover letter which i hate and suck at#i’ve been grinding my teeth over this and i’m so anxious and ready to cry because i can’t stop thinking about it#aaaaaaaaaaaaa#sigh. anyway if u read this vent ily and i’m sorry
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breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh
#helix.txt#gross i ended up spilling my guts in tags. look at them fucking writhing on the floor all bloody#dont rb please#vent#to quote fall out boy i knew it was over i just didn't know the date#yeah that's it. fall out boy can fix this.#i will feel better if i go listen to bang the doldrums#and infinity on high in general#and folie a deux. folie a fucking deux how i love that album#my chem will make me better. gerard way save me#god what a weird feeling. you used to know me better than any other person but then you moved hundreds of miles away and it worked#for a while. then two years later you said it wasnt working and that this was best for both of us. guess i never got the memo for that one#hope we treat other people better because i wasn't as kind as i should have been towards the end and you were never as thoughtful or con-#-siderate as i needed towards the end. we grew apart because you're bad at keeping contact over messaging#and in some ways the cracks in the foundation that grew from that were my fault too i guess. our conversations always felt one sided#maybe i was smothering you#you could never seem to keep more than a passing recollection of the things i liked or even pay much attention to them#but i wasn't great about that either#we just became different people. you weren't what i wanted or needed and you couldn't do long distance. whatever#i know it was the right thing i just wish it hadn't made me feel so damn awful#will we still talk after this? who knows. we didn't end on bad terms but things are definitely weird#and considering your track record with people you can only talk to online i'm not optimistic#you tried to break things off initially by saying you'd said you would improve in the past with nothing to show for it#something i didn't disagree with but i said it didn't bother me much. and it didn't#but it's complicated now. i did deserve better. but you made it clear i'm not getting it from you#you weren't as present or thoughtful as i needed#i wasn't there in person the way you needed and certainly not as considerate as i should have been. and for that second part i'm truly sorr#anyways. sorry. i'd been thinking about it for a long time anyway. i didn't want to admit it because i didn't like to think#about what it might bring. maybe i should have been braver#right. that's enough
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Squints
#devin speaks#here and queer#demirose you say? interesting.#i said i was done trying to figure out my sexuality#because its exhausting and i really wish i could just be fine with not knowing but i cant leave well enough alone i guess#cause here i am back at the drawing board lmao#anyway some things have happened recently that make me question if i am perhaps demiromantic and demisexual#quoiromantic still feels accurate as well but i think i am scared to exist as an alloaro person#the world is scary and people are scary and my heart is fragile#sorry this is not supposed to be a vent shut up#anyway yeah sexuality fjbvdjjcn#just let me be unlabeled!! just let me be queer!!!!#me and my unholy need to label myself…… ill figure it out eventually i suppose…………………..#at least ill always have nonbinary and genderfaun <3
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What If I gave up on art 😎?
#sorry this is my new favorite emoji 😎#ive been trying to render my latest drawing for literally hours and have gotten absolutely nowhere#im going crazy#i think i just need to take a break for a moment#i have such a clear vision and yet i can't do it AURGGGGHH#crying and sobbing#ren won't shut up#i think i need to tweak the anatomy and pose a wee bit to something im a little more comfortable with#ive tried to just do normal line art FOUR TIMES already#guys help this isn't a funny prank anymore god let me access my skills (that i dont really have but want to manifest anyway)#← high expectations for myself even though i know i dont do the practice to get better#grr#rambling#vent#ish i guess
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Somehow even thinking about isat and mha brings unpleasant memories and thoughts
Like "oh maybe I'll draw for it" and poof brain slowly just turns off and wants nothing to do with it
Weird!
#personal thoughts#tw personal#night thoughts#burnout#I'd tw all of the things I could but sadly I don't care honestly#Because people find *so many* things triggering I might as well just put every word as it#Mehhhh#Anyway as you can see I'm having a weirdly burnout time rn#I'm still alive still breathing even though most of my posts here are queued so I haven't visited Tumblr in some time before this#Anyhow loving something but feeling this extreme level of 'nope we're not drawing those characters again' in my head is weird#Especially since many people followed me *for* isat stuff and I'm a disappointment like that#But oh well not everyone is perfect I guess I just need a break#Preferably with weird crazy characters instead of soft anxious and relatable#Also color. A lot of color#tw vent#I guess?#Better safe than sorry
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i'm genuinely feeling sick to my stomach....
#i willingly clicked on a l.lorumi post to see if it was worth blocking the op over it#and yea.... i need to lie down....#the post wasn't even bad (it was just a positive rant/gush) but. ugh :(#i wish that ship didn't viscerally and physically upset me so much#sorry for being mentally ill i guess 😔#anyways someone get my girl away from that green thing#vent#rant
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tfw you go through an entire day waiting for meetings/calls/people to get back to you just to find 30 minutes before you were supposed to do any given thing that it’s been cancelled so now you’ve wasted the better part of your day waiting & preparing for stuff that didn’t even end up happening and now you have work you have to be doing instead of doing something else that’s actually enjoyable . 🙂
#vent#vagueposting#not about anyone on here but shrug emoji#sigh. I’m so tired of being the person who puts in all the effort to organize stuff with my friends who seem to not care at all.#and I’m so tired of being committed to things that it seems like no one else is#it’s just. disheartening#I don’t usually vent on here but I don’t feel like confronting anyone and I don’t wanna make any of my friends listen to my Woes#I do that too much#so. sorry about the negativity anyone who sees this I just needed to scream into the void for a second ya know#it’s just . it’s not anyone’s fault and shit comes up and people are sometimes just like that. so it’s fine.#but it makes me tired and it stops me from doing stuff I want to be doing#which I know that’s a me problem and partially an executive dysfunction problem and I wish I was able#to not spend all day psyching myself up for an interaction and be able to just drop it and say whatever when it doesn’t end up happening#but that’s not something I can fix in the short run yanno#so. vagueing about it on tumblr I guess is the safest option lol#anyways. back to your regularly scheduled programming as soon as I get out of art block dont worry#I say as if anyone’s gonna read this lol#honestly I hope no one does I’m kind of in a Debbie downer mood rn and I don’t like being like that. which is why I’m putting it here ig#shrug emoji
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does anyone have any tips on how not to be a crippling perfectionist about your writing?? i have been staring at the same five paragraphs of the next chapter of four walls for a whole week and i've reached the point where i actually want to defenestrate my own laptop
#i've got the later parts of this chapter and a good chunk of the next one basically done#but this particular section is slowly driving me insane#UGH#why do i write characters with complex and conflicted emotions#it makes for a very complex and conflicted writing experience#(which i'm bitching about rn i know but i also wouldn't give it up for the world. it's just. a lot sometimes)#i end up second guessing myself constantly#also i haven't written anything this long for a good five years and i think the challenges of that#and the challenges of making a longer piece all tie together and work as one are really starting to set in#anyway sorry please feel free to ignore this mess of a post#i just needed to have a vent before returning to my keyboard and trying to make sense of alex's foolish little head#thanks to anyone who read their way though all this rambling 😅#writing stuff#lulu posts
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wanted to go to the gym social tn but as I was getting my stuff together to go out, a friend said smth that rly pissed me off and now I'm too fucking angry to go out. fucks sake man
#fucking hate ppl commenting on my 'self control' for being sober bc I get it all the fucking time and its so patronising !!!!!!#even if its not intended that way. dont care didnt fucking ask. especially from someone im friends with#but whatever i should know better than to expect ppl to know me#maybe other ppl need discipline to stay sober but i dont bc the alternative is a non option and always has been. not that hard for me#and i have my own self control struggles w other shit man like im not pristine and perfect fuck off. you only dont know abt the#shit i actually fucking struggle with bc i dont know or trust u well enough for that.#and i HATE when ppl fucking imply im susceptible to peer pressure. im not. dont fucking overestimate your influence#ppl act like shit is a choice like actually i have a trauma rooted fear that comes from ppl in my family dying of substance abuse thanks 👍#which i dont expect strangers to know. but my friends should fucking know that!!! but i guess its not worth remembering#whatever it doesnt matter im prolly upset for other reasons im going to go out for a walk to calm down i cant be at home right now#even more fucking annoyed that im missing the gym over this. i shouldve been there an hour ago.#i mean i could still go maybe the cycle ride would stop me feeling mad and blowing everyone up once im there. i doubt it tho#UGH. fucking whatever. whatever whatever whatever. sorry for ventposting i was typing out a longass reply#but its not gonna fucking do anything except come across needlessly aggressive and ruin the conversation#even if i really really want to be needlessly aggressive. and ruin the conversation. but i guess i have the self control to not. lmfao#what if i just killed myself. anyway i think im gonna go get some shitty fast food on this walk and watch a horror movie when im back#.vent
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