#anyway once this hell week is over i can make stressed cat 1 and stressed cat 2! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sorryimanon · 4 years ago

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Pairings: Bakugou Katsuki x fem!Reader, Izuku Midoriya x NB!Reader

Warnings: some angst, FLUFF, and our boys being the best boys.

In which they comfort you after a rough day or week

A/N: im sorry if Izukus section is shorter than Bakugou’s. trying to practice writing other characters. enjoy!

Saturday's are reserved strictly by the majority of the girls from class 1-A, leaving the guys to hibernate inside their dorms as they allow the commencement of girls night. You've never rain checked nor rejected the idea of spending quality time with your friends, considering all the tribe's and trepidation's everyone has endured together during their time at the academy. It's nice to just strip away the stress and dip your toes in pure relaxation.

Unfortunately, you woke up with a bad case of cloudy thoughts. For the past week you've been carrying the weight of dread, causing your mood to drastically change throughout the day. You'd be having a civil conversation with someone one minute and then the next minute you're completely irritated by their presence. You've tried to balance it out and fix it overnight with the regimes you researched on the internet. A new sleeping schedule, healthier diet, yoga, and even went to the extreme of writing in a journal. It was all so cut throat and prestigious, nothing close to your liking. Katsuki made fun of you for it one day when he snuck into your room and read the many inscriptions in your journal entries.

"This stuff reminds of Deku. Always shoving his nose in that stupid notebook of his," he didn't care much to hear your refutes about Izuku. "Anyways, what's with all this depressing shit you are writing? You don't really feel this way do you?"

You didn't give him a definite answer that day. Only a curt "no" and he resumed rambling about his day like nothing happened, having you listening with his voice like white noise going in one ear and out the other.

And that's how it went on throughout the duration of the prior week before Saturday.

Inside the confinement of your dorm, you made the rational decision to sleep in instead of attending classes. The chilling thoughts kept you up all night, never once allowing sleep to take full throttle. You tossed and turned around on your bed, unable to shut off your brain. So when you woke up in the peak of late afternoon, you weren't surprised to see the unread messages on your phone. All of them were from your explosive boyfriend.

King Explosion🤍: Oi you running late? Mr.Sleepy head is taking roll call

King Explosion🤍: y/n where tf r u?

King Explosion🤍: fine don't answer me ig

King Explosion🤍: are you at least coming down for lunch? i made curry last night and imma make you finish it

King Explosion🤍: fking hurry before dunce face eats it

King Explosion🤍: nvm he ate it 😐

Katsuki never intended for the message to be funny. He's probably blowing actual steams of smoke through his nostrils and ears while chasing kamanari amongst the halls. The comical imagery made you laugh harder. At least he made you crack a smile. You haven't shown any emotions let alone a hint of enthusiasm for tonight.

Maybe it'd be best to sit this one out.

"Hey, we're missing a person! Where's my y/n?" Mina asked after scanning the group of girls huddled around on the carpeted floor.

Momo shifted uncomfortably on the cushioned pillow she stole from the couch. "Y/N said she wasn't feeling too well to join us for tonight. Something about food poisoning and throwing up every hour."

In unison all the girls gasped, along with a concerned 'ribbit' from Tsuyu.

"Well I hope she gets to feeling better. I wouldn't want her to endure such sickness for much longer," Tsuyu croaked out.

Everyone in the circle agreed and promised to pay a visit later in the night to check on you.

On the fourth floor, Katsuki stared blankly at his phone, hands shaking due to the repressed anger he's been holding. Each of the messages he sent previously were all left on read, including the one he sent an hour ago asking if he could have a cuddle session with you before girls night. Yes, even an ill tempered guy such as him enjoys sappy shit like cuddling. After pacing back and forth in his room for a solid 5 minutes, he was now dead set on confronting you in front of your friends.

Katsuki made a beeline for the elevator and aggressively pressed the 1st floor button repeatedly in hopes it'll make the process go quicker. He reached the commons area in precision time, overhearing the girls giggle after someone suggested playing truth or dare. He towered over Uraraka's figure, casting a demonic shadow version of himself in the circle. Hagakure shrieked and clung onto Jirou.

"Where's y/n you extras?" He demanded, voice deafening the brunette under him.

"She didn't come tonight. She's in her dorm room sick," Jirou explained to him as she tried pry the invisible girl off her arm.

"Like hell she's sick!" Katsuki spun around quickly and retreated back to the elevator, mumbling obscenities under his breath. "She's going to pay for being so careless and irresponsible."

The commons room fell silent once the explosive blonde disappeared behind the doors of the elevator, all eyes searching each other in complete shock. Uraraka was the first to speak out of the small group.

“Should we warn y/n that Bakugou is coming for her?”

Jirou averted her gaze to the direction bakugou left off from, a ghost of a smirk spreading on her face.

“Nah. Knowing y/n, she can handle the asshole on her own.”

King Explosion🤍: can i come over? i wanna cuddle, i miss u

The text message kept flashing behind your eyes every-time you closed them - a sad image of Katsuki waiting impatiently for you to reply back with a heart or one of those unusual memes he unapologetically adores. You knew he’d be furious, no doubt about it, but you rationalized your decision and concluded it would be best to avoid your boyfriend like the plague till this undesired feeling dissipates. Katsuki doesn’t do well with people being emotional, let alone handle his own emotions for god’s sake.

Your own thoughts were interrupted by someone raping the outside of your door. The continuous knocks made your head spin, a painful sting ghosting back and forth between your eyes. Remembering back to an hour ago, you messaged one of the girls that you weren’t going to make it to tonight’s session. Surely they respected your wishes and continued on with their hangout? But you forgot about the one person who’s persistent and stubborn like a cat.

“I know you’re in there y/n! You may have fooled your idiotic friends with a lie, but you keep on forgetting you’re terrible at lying!” Katsuki hollers against the wood of the door, not once being considerate of those living above her.

He’s right. You’re absolutely horrible at making up excuses for yourself. Dating someone as intuitive as him will be the death of you.

“If there’s something going can you at least let me in? You can’t ignore me forever y/n.”

Again, he’s right.

You slipped out from the comfort of your bed and padded towards the door, mentally preparing for the blonde to scold you once he enters your room. What you weren’t prepared for was the tears swelling up in the ducts of his vermillion eyes - his hands clenched tightly into fists as he looked down at you. Your breathing hitched when his arm outstretched to rest on the door frame to keep his trembling body steady.

“What the hell y/n? Why the fuck have you been ignoring me?! Did I do something wrong?!” He asked, not caring about his current appearance.

You grab ahold of his other arm and absentmindedly started rubbing it affectionately, trying to coax him into calming down. “Katsuki no! You didn’t do anything wrong! Why would you think that?”

“Because dumbass, you’ve been distant this past week,” he paused, choking on his words. “Are...are you breaking up with me?”

Your eyes shot up instantly at his horrifying assumption. “Katsuki, if I tell you the truth, will you promise not to make things worse for me?”

He tilted his head in confusion, but nodded once you led him into your messy bedroom. Once inside, your boyfriend plopped down on your bed, watching intently as you anxiously bit down on your nails - a nervous habit you picked up at the beginning of the school year.

“I’ve been feeling weird lately. Ever since the beginning of last week. I don’t know how to describe it but, my brain is constantly feeding into my already negative state. Telling me things I know aren’t true but I’ve convinced myself they are. Almost as if a grey cloud is hovering above me,” tears were already starting to pour down your cheeks. “I just...I just feel so miserable and lonely and useless and irritated and- I’m so sorry for ignoring you. You probably want nothing to do with me after this!”

You manage to turn away from the sight of the blonde during your speech, ashamed of pouring out your emotions onto a person who disregards other peoples emotions and constitutes them as a quote on quote ��pussy”.

From behind, you can hear faint shuffling nearing your already shaken up figure. A pair of muscular arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into a wall that could only be described as his own chiseled chest, doing the same as you did moments ago with his arm - lulling you to calm down a notch before he stared speaking.

“If you been feeling this way, why lie when I asked you a few days ago after reading your journal?”

“I know how you are, Katsuki. You get very uncomfortable when people talk about their feelings. So, why should I be any different?”

Your boyfriend suddenly maneuvers you around in the circle of his arms, shifting to where you’re now making direct eye contact with him. His gaze intense and unwavering.

“Because you’re my girlfriend? I don’t give a rats ass about any of these extras. When it comes to you, I’d make an exception for. I made that promise to myself when we first started seeing each other. So don’t think for a second that I’ll disregard your true feelings, dumbass.” He stepped a couple of inches backwards, ankles eventually hitting the bottom of your bed - making him fall and dragging you along with him. You landed on top of him, head still buried in the depths of his hard chest. The vibrations of his chuckle shook your whole body. Katsuki gently titled your head to be leveled with his, a red tint of blush painting his pallid cheeks.

“I’m being serious though. Don’t be afraid to come to me when things get tough, okay? I love you too much to see you like this.”

Next thing you knew your boyfriend stole your breath away by meshing his plump lips onto yours, hands snaking their way into your hair and carefully massaging it. By all means, you let him have his way with you by kissing the sadness away, tears puddling together cheek on cheek.

He let go eventually, pecking a quick chaste kiss on the side of your mouth before hauling you further into the bed. You settled on letting him spoon you, knowing how much he likes the feeling of your backside pressed against him, and the fruity aroma of your hair infiltrating his senses.

“I promise Katsuki,” you said after some time during the cuddle session.

He shifted in his spot, head placed firmly in the crook of your neck. “Promise what?”

“That I’ll come to you when these thoughts return again. I should trust you by now, and I need to not let these emotions ruin everything in my life. I love you that much.

Your confession swelled the very last evidence of Katsuki being a human being, his heart.

He smiled weakly to himself and nuzzled more into your shoulder, brushing his warm lips against the tender skin. “You better, dumbass.”

Today was just so exhausting, and the big fat 'D-‘ written in red ink on your final report was the icing on the cake. To make things even worse, Aizawa reminded the whole class before the exam that this was to determine wether or not if you'll be joining the training camp that'll commence the following winter break.

Hopefully this was one of your teacher's terrible deception tactics into making everyone do their absolute best, go plus ultra even. But to your dismay, he was indeed very serious of the matter this time.

It wasn't your fault, not entirely. You stayed up all night listening to another one of your boyfriends rambles, the conversation lasting till 2 am. Izuku grew worrisome and anxious ever since his encounter with a gruesome villain, thus resulting in him to pour his emotions out onto you. Poor baby kept mentioning the safety of All Might and you.

Solemnly, you left class and trailed back to your dorm room, wanting to ignore the jovial atmosphere inside the cramped room as everyone traded and talked about their scores.

Izuku noticed you leaving abruptly and got up from his desk to follow you behind, bidding a quick goodbye to his friends.

Your room was dark and dramatically colder than usual, a trickle of light threatening to pour in from the cascading sunset. You laid down on your stomach with one of your pillows propped on your head, in hopes to shield away anyone from seeing your ugly-crying face.

Too late because Izuku was already standing outside your dorm room, swaying back and forth on his feet while biting down harshly on his lip. He can hear your soft cries seeping through the door. He doesn't know why he's hesitating, he's your boyfriend after all.

Moments later you hear the acute sounds of someone knocking on your door, followed by the soft spoken voice of your green haired boyfriend.

"Baby? Can I come in? I-If that's okay with you I m-mean! It's alright if you need some space but you left class so early I figured something happened to you and I got really worried because you always wait for Iida and uraraka to walk us back to the dorms as a group and maybe it had something to do with what I was telling you last night-."

You crack the door just a smidge before fully opening it, revealing your bloodshot eyes and tear stained shirt to him. His breathing hitched once his eyes fixated on your disheveled state.

"Can you comfort me? I need you right now Izuku," your voice cracked a little, throat still tight after the crying session.

His strong, lean arms wrapped around your body momentarily, encasing you into a bear hug. Hugs from Izuku were amazing, no exceptions. He placed a quick peck on the crown of your forehead.

"C'mon, let's get inside and snuggle. How does that sound?" he asked as he unwrapped himself and took your trembling hand, leading you back inside the dimly lit room.

Izuku laid you gently down on your side once reaching the bed, crawling alongside with you before draping the covers over the both of you. His familiar hands snake around your waist and nudges you to roll over. You obliged and shifted your body to face his, sparkly green eyes staring straight at you.

"Tell me, what's wrong baby? Does it have to do with the recent exam?" his thumb started tracing delicate lines on your hips, your uniform long gone and now replaced with comfortable clothes instead.

"I failed Izuku...I did so terrible on the written exam. I kept falling in and out of sleep during the test that I didn't have time to finish the middle portion of it," you exhaled a shaky breath. "Who knows what'll happen on the practical. I'll probably fail that too...I'm such a failure compared to everyone."

Izuku grabbed the tender flesh of your cheeks and directed your vision to level with his. He looked angry and concerned.

"Don't say that y/n! You're not a failure! That exam doesn't determine wether or not if you're good enough to be a hero. I've seen you in action hun, and I know for a fact that you're possibly the most strongest person I've met in my lifetime! You're ambitious, smart, determined, and so freaking beautiful." He then kissed you tenderly on the lips, his eyes closing slightly due to the contact.

"So...freaking...beautiful." He whispers against your mouth.

His sentimental words were enough for you to push back the negativity and simply enjoy the intimate moment.

Izuku lifted his head away from your face to rest it against your temple. "You're going to do great things, okay? One failing grade isn't going to be the end of the world. Trust me sweetheart, I've had my fair share in failures during our time here in Yuuei. But look at me now, still standing."

You nuzzled more into his chest, tickling his chin with your hair. Faintly, you can hear the pitter patter of his heart beat bursting through his rib cage.

"Would you love me even if I was a horrendous looking-failure?" you were clearly teasing him, but sometimes Izuku became dense when it came to that.

"Y/n! W-Why would you ask that! Of course I would you dummy! I'd love you no matter what."

This time you return the favor and kiss him, knowing how to easily fluster him in seconds. He whimpers into your mouth at the sudden contact and cups your jawline affectionately.

The two of you stayed like that till the moon shone through the balcony curtains, illuminating your skin in a dusty glow.

Lips bruised and swollen red, you laid lifelessly in his arms, letting him wove his scarred fingers through your hair. Izuku would occasionally stop to peck your lips, then resumes his attention back to your hair.

"I'm sorry by the way. I shouldn't have kept you up last night before the exam. I'm such a horrible boyfriend..." he admitted suddenly.

"Yes. Yes you are."

He gasped and stopped his movements altogether, obviously taken aback by your blunt words.

You giggled and said, "Kidding. You're the best boyfriend. Apology accepted.”

After hearing that, Izuku shoved himself onto your chest and let out muffled cry. "D-Don't scare me like that. Almost made me have a heart a-attack!"

#mha imagines #mha x reader #bakugou headcanons #bakugou x reader #bakugou x y/n #bnha bakugou #katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugou x you #bakugou fluff #bakugou imagine #bnha izuku #midoriya izuku #izuku x you #izuku x reader #midoriya x y/n #midoriya x you #midoriya headcanons #deku x you #deku x reader

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kashimos-hajime · 4 years ago

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dear... whoever | b.b.

summary: a mandated series of long and short diary entries from the new head of R&D for Stark Industries.

WARNINGS: swearing, LOTS of fluff, mentions of drinking and sex and hospitals and guns, general fun and witty attitude, small angst, big jealousy, obviously au after civil war. everything after does not exist. pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader word count: 9.5k

a/n: written for @softbiker and 100% inspired by @sunmoonandbucky with the format. my prompt was let me love you by rita ora and i wrote it from the perspective the singer is singing it to rather than the actual singer. this was super fun to write. enjoy!

July 31/20

Dear…

Whoever is going to read this. So… me, in the future probably. So, it should be dear WHOMever, I think, but it sounds wrong.

Is it too cliché to say dear diary? I don’t know. After all, I don’t WANT to be writing this but unfortunately I am because it’s mandated. Apparently, the psychiatrist that works for Stark Industries thinks it’s necessary that I write down my feelings and show that I’ve adjusted to working part-time superhero, full-time head of Tony’s stupid R&D department.

Something about how that much stress can cause psychotic fractures in the worst case scenario.

Cute.

Anyway, I don’t know what to write. Currently, it’s 4:23AM. The only reason I’m awake is because I have trouble sleeping on the best night. I heard Barnes messing about and because I am the Hermit of the Rec Room Couch (catchy, I know), I can hear him just walking about.

What the hell is he even doing?

To be honest, I’ve never talked to Barnes besides the occasional greetings because he’s the sort to keep to himself, I guess, and, valid. I’m not saying it’s not, considering his history, but you know.

I think I’m a friendly person, and I’m bored. He’s eventually going to hear me writing noisily because of super-soldier hearing or whatever, so I might just get up and introduce myself.

Not that I’ve been working here for years, but whatever.

I’m really bored and hungry, honestly, so a trip to the kitchen would be considered normal (and warranted) in such circumstances.

Fuck it.

Time to make a new friend or die trying. If you never hear from me again, you’ll know why.

Aug. 1/20

Dear Jane,

I finally got the time to write in here and you may be wondering why I have named you. Well, after the conversation at roughly 4:30 AM, here are things that’ve changed in a disorganized list. None is more important than the other. I'm just writing what comes to my head.

One: Barnes said he doesn’t really let anyone call him James. I called him James once because I forgot. Profuse apologies followed. He said it was okay and didn’t mind me calling him that. Now, in my mind, I think he’s just saying this to be polite and really just wants me to call him Bucky but he seemed sincere. We’ll see how it goes.

Two: Barnes was awake because his cat woke him up. I didn’t even know he had a cat but it’s a gorgeous white cat named Alpine that Barnes carries around in his half-zipped up hoodies sometimes. It’s adorable. He’s super soft and friendly and I love him already. He showed me all the tricks Alpine could do. Amazing.

Three: Barnes’ favourite movie is the Godfather. Totally surprising there. Please tell me you understand sarcasm.

Four: He said he liked the name Jane when I told him what I was doing up and also in the rec room (couldn’t sleep, writing in my diary) and that I didn’t want to say “Dear diary”

“Why don’t you just give it a name?” he eloquently suggested and Jane was his answer to my question of “Which name?”

Five: Barnes, or James, I guess he is now, is my friend.

Six: We said we’d meet up at 4:30AM or earlier again because I told him I wanted to show him my s’mores dip recipe.

Seven: Wish me luck. Hope I don’t get murdered.

Eight: I think I might be in love with him.

Bye.

Aug. 5/20

Dear Jane,

In an effort to summarize what has happened in the past four days, I will open with the fact that James Buchana Barnes is the cutest motherfucker on the planet. He’s super old fashioned, but that’s a given. He opens the doors for me, offers to take my bags up, and in the past four days, we’ve met up at around midnight to just eat and chat. Then he walks me back to my room with a glass of water and I’m left fanning myself because it’s so sweet and he’s so sweet and OH, MY GOD, I am a child.

This feels like a crush. Like, butterflies in my stomach, self-conscious every time he looks at me, can’t stop staring, and wanting to impress him at every turn sort of crush.

AKA, a middle-school crush and I feel completely ridiculous but that is besides the point because he’s just the loveliest person.

Someone should tell him chivalry is dead. Steve thinks he’s just being sweet on me, and Sam says I should flash some ass just to get a rise out of him which would be funny. He’d look absolutely adorable blushing his head off.

We’ll see. I am considering it.

What else happened? I’m drawing a huge blank.

As explained in a previous entry, I was to show Barnes my s’mores dip recipe. Huge success. Crowd loved it. That’s how I learned he has a huge sweet tooth like me. Got an email from Pep about a board meeting which I ignored. If it’s really important, she’ll see me in person. Went swimming with Sam. We started planning Tony’s big Christmas party even though that’s MONTHS away.

But, you know. We’re so busy all the time, it might be worth it planning ahead.

As head of R&D, it’s vital to me that this goes well because they’re fun when they do go well, and a chaotic disaster when they don’t. Also, I have to find a date but details will follow.

I think that’s it.

If there’s more to follow, then I’ll just come back but there really isn’t.

Oh, Alpine found my room. He’s in here right now and he snores. It’s cute, just like his owner.

Okay, goodnight.

Aug. 7/20

Dear Jane,

Sam, James, and I went swimming.

Pro of the day: James is ripped and that man was GLISTENING.

Con of the day: I AM STUPID in front of hot ripped men.

Pro of the day: We got ice cream together. Strawberry for me, mango for James because he wants to try new flavours, and Sam ordered some monstrosity with vanilla ice cream, chocolate and raspberry syrups, and a bunch of banana slices. A swirl of whipped cream to finish it off. It looked like diabetes in a cup and that’s coming from me.

Con of the day: James used his thumb to wipe the ice cream off my lip and my brain short-circuited. Sam teased us about it, but James very stubbornly and convincingly said we’re just friends.

Con of the day x2: We are just friends and that is NOT going to change. I cannot explain how much my heart literally fell out of my body in disappointment.

God, and James and I are meeting up at 2AM tonight so he can show me this new stupid stuffed celerey recipe he learned.

It’s not stupid.

It’s really, REALLY cute he researched it.

This sucks.

Aug. 11/20

The worst day ever. I don’t want to talk about it but might as well make a note on it. More on it later, I guess.

Aug. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry, I’m dramatic. Must get it from working with Tony for so many years.

Let’s just review what occurred on August 11, 2020, at approximately 3:23 in the afternoon.

I learned that James went out on a date. A DATE. From SAM. When James had ample opportunity to tell me at our regular meeting at witching hour over celery sticks.

EXCUSE ME? WHO IS THIS WOMAN?

I’m not even mad. I’m just angry that the man I became friends with only 2 weeks ago and caught feelings immediately for is seeing other people.

I sound like a raging bitch. I promise you, Jane, that I am not. I’m just the insanely jealous type.

No, I’m not.

God, what is happening to me and why does it have to be James.

I never get crushes and the instant I do, it’s for the most emotionally and physically unavailable person ON EARTH.

Also, work was work. I was distracted, drank soup from the canteen, and generally accomplished nothing. Alpine came for some snuggles while James was out. That’s the only good thing.

Thanks, universe.

Aug. 16/20

Dear Jane,

So, I brought up this mystery lady over homemade sundaes.

James seems pretty serious about her because he a) apologized for not telling because he wanted to keep it private and asked me not to tell anyone and b) has a second date with her later today.

Oh, GOD. There is no point to this.

Aug. 19/20

Dear Jane,

What’s the point of asking someone intimate, personal questions if not because you guys are best friends?

James called me his best friend today. He says he knows me, but if he did, he’d know I feel like throwing up whenever he’s around and that his stare burns through every layer of clothing until I feel like he just knows my secret.

I told him we’ve known each other less than a month, but he said something stupidly charming about “intuition” and feeling and that this feels right and how he knows he can tell me anything and that I was an easy person to talk to.

I should’ve been a shrink.

At least, my trip to Wakanda is going to give me distance. A solid two months of no one else but me, tech, and new faces. Going there to collaborate with Shuri is definitely exciting and taking up more space in my brain than James these days.

Maybe I’ll fall in love with some soldier over there because apparently, I’m catching feelings willy-nilly these days.

See you on the plane, Jane.

Aug. 23/20

Dear Jane,

On the quinjet, it’s fairly quiet. It’s one of the things I love about it. The silent yet soft engines that can lull me to sleep. We should be arriving in a few hours so I thought I’d write. I’m getting the hang of this, I think.

There's a press conference later, too, in the trip with the UN and it’s not that I can’t handle it, but that I could’ve done this in my sleep and wished Tony sent someone else. I hate the press, not gonna lie.

Anyway, this gives me time to be introspective.

Is it just me or James always Okay, is it just my imagination that whenever I try to get close to James, he just kinda pulls away? Not in a romantic way. I’m not stealing anyone’s man because girl code, but he won’t even let me just stand near him anymore. It’s like I have an infectious disease only transmitted through physical contact and it’s just weird.

I don’t know.

Before I left, he said he’d miss me and that we should keep in touch through calls (Obviously, I would) and that he hopes I won’t forget him.

So, you say those things but you won’t even let me even hug you?

You’re a manipulative asshole, Barnes.

Oct. 20/20

Dear Jane,

I am so sorry that it has taken so long for us to reunite.

In hindsight, I’m a fucking idiot.

I left you on the quinjet which went back to New York and a different quinjet came to pick me up. I came back like two days ago so these past few days have been spent searching for you.

James offered to help, and he seems normal again.

Weird. Guess he was just in a mood with the new girlfriend and adjusting to having me as a friend, too. Guys go through that, I guess.

In Wakanda, I did not, in fact, fall in love with a soldier or anything. I curse every day that I didn’t, trust me. I’m just as disappointed as you are because I just want to get over this stupid crush. For the two months I was gone, it was like I didn’t like James at all like that. Even during calls, I could pretend we were just two teammates keeping each other in the loop. He talked about his girlfriend, I listened, I explained science because he’s a nerd, and he asked questions like he was interested.

It was FINE.

Then, he was waiting for me when I came back to NYC and it slammed into me like Bruce in Hulk-mode.

James asked if I wanted to meet his girlfriend because she’d be coming around for the Halloween party anyway, and he thinks we’ll get along swimmingly.

He really said swimmingly. He is stuck in the wrong era, but we all knew that.

I said yes, to be polite.

Here’s to hoping she’s a vindictive bitch and I am justified in hating her entire being.

Oct. 22/20

Dear Jane,

I met her. She’s small and pretty and mature and normal.

If I wasn’t stupidly in my feelings about James, I’d love her, too.

She’d treat him right, give him a good home to come back to.

Best not to notice the people fighting beside you in that way, I guess.

Oct. 25/20

Dear Jane,

God is dead and NO ONE has eyes on the road.

Jesus isn’t even taking the wheel on this one.

It’s a fucking disaster.

I do not want to describe in every little detail the intricacies of dreaming about James Buchanan Barnes fucking my brains out, so I won’t, but this is for the record that it happened and how the fuck am I supposed to come back and see him in his probably gorgeous attempt at his recreation of Brendan Fraser from the Mummy AKA my favourite movie (which HE KNOWS THAT IT IS?? GOD, the audacity.)

Girlfriend (his girlfriend. “Girlfriend” is the name which she shall be henceforth known as in these entries because petty wins are all I have right now) is dressing as Rachel Weisz. Because “couples goals” or whatever.

I wouldn’t know. Sam and I are dressed up as sexy salt and pepper shakers (his idea, not mine) and he made me take the salt stick because I think he knows. Steve’s not dressing up because he’s more focused on handing out candy as Captain America.

Tony is… Tony. Iron Man and all that.

Anyway, I’m out of town in DC for a meeting with the Secretary of State for a few days, but I’ll be back in New York on the 30th so I’ll have a few hours to adjust to being around James again before he dons on that outfit that I know will be totally hot.

He called me his best friend again in his latest email.

Made me smile like an idiot, but I digress.

Nov. 1/20

Dear Jane,

Halloween was killer. Sam and I won best duo for costumes because we’re that good. Ate a lot of candy and it seems to be looking up.

I dunno. I didn’t mind James and Girlfriend on the couch that much in the after-party. Mostly stuck by Nat and Sharon and Tony. An ood trio, but a fun one nonetheless.

It was fun, but I still have to go to work no matter how many jello shots and vodka gummy bears consumed.

Wish me luck, not that I need it.

Why do you think Tony hired me?

Nov. 4/20

Dear Jane.

Natasha said I smile at James in a way that utterly betrays every emotion I want to hide in my chest.

Note to self: Don’t smile at James, or at his jokes, or at anything he ever does again. Avoid him. Put a stopper on this friendship.

Note to note to self: I can’t. He just makes me smile whenever he’s around and he’s always around. There’s no simpler way to put it.

I’m gonna try this hiatus thing, though. Distance myself a bit. We’ll see how it goes.

Nov. 13/20

Dear Jane,

Day nine of this hiatus business and it sucks. I miss my best friend.

We’re scheduled for a mission together, and we’re leaving tomorrow so I was going to have to talk to him during the briefing and the op either way.

Well, glad to know this didn’t work.

Nov. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Guess who just got fucking shot!

ME!

Guess even scumbags can’t take a holiday because some stupid arms dealer got a cheap shot on me while I was downloading their whole computer system and other tech mumbo-jumbo I am too high to write about.

James left a few hours ago with the rest of the team, but not before he got me a bunch of ice chips and said he was worried and that he hopes I get better soon. He even promised to get me some flowers to spruce up the room and to say my HEART went CRAZY is an understatement.

He came to my rescue, essentially, as soon as he heard I got pinned. He carried me to the quinjet the instant he cleared the area and stayed by my side the whole time even though the bleeding stopped and I was in good hands. He was just so protective, barking at doctors and nurses. It was embarrassing but also really, really sweet.

Is it weird of me to say that I want him to stay by my side forever?

I’ve never fallen in love before.

Is it always this fast and this hard? I feel like I’m crashing instead of gently and wonderfully falling. Everything is dumb and awful.

Is this what love is like? Because it hurts worse than getting shot because I think I’m going to vomit flowers or butterflies or something.

God, he’d never love me. We’re just friends and even though we have a lot in common, he’d never. It’s just too much of the past in the present or whatever.

Also, he has a girlfriend but it seems very surface-level. God, that makes me sound like a “one of the boys” type of girl who’s a bitch to one of the boy’s new girlfriends, but I don’t know. James told me they don’t really talk about the deep stuff like we do. But she makes him happy, I think.

In hindsight, one may ask what the deep stuff is.

More on that later. I’m tired.

God, why him?

I HATE THIS.

goodnight.

Nov. 16/20

Dear Jane,

James visited again today. He sat beside me and we talked until the nurses had to kick him out. He also brought the flowers.

I asked about Girlfriend casually. I said I liked her.

He said he did, too.

I don’t know why I think he’s lying. No, I do.

It’s because jealousy is the green-eyed bitch from highschool who still shows up in my life because she thinks she’s relevant to society.

That was mean. Unrequited love makes you mean. Side effect noted.

P.S. The deep stuff includes his past, his arm, his memory, his favourite colour. I dunno why that matters. It just does.

Nov. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Got out of the hospital today because of advanced technology and all that. Nothing’s left but a scar and residual soreness. James helped me to my room and said to call him if I had a problem.

I joked that he has a girlfriend and for some reason, he got really weird about it. It’s hard to describe. I dunno. Nat dropped by for popcorn and movies.

It’s 2:32AM. I’m wondering if he’s in the kitchen but I’m confined to bed rest so I don’t know. Also, Nat is asleep beside me and I don’t want to bother her.

Hopefully I can get up and move in a few days. Life is boring.

Nov. 24/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry we haven’t caught up in a moment. Work’s been hectic and I’ve been working overtime trying to make ends meet. Most days I’m in the office or lab, just trying to get enough things done so I can take time off come Christmas.

James stopped by tonight with Chinese takeout and some sweet buns.

He broke up with his girlfriend, too.

Guess that’s why he was being weird about it.

I tried being as casual as I could asking why, but he didn’t want to talk about it, so I asked why he came by. Couldn’t be for the company because when I’m in work mode, I just don’t talk and he knows that.

He said something about his arm feeling funny so I gave it a quick diagnostics check.

I think both of us knew his arm was feeling fine.

Everything is stupid, life is meaningless, and James’ lips are the prettiest shade of pink in the ugly lights of the lab.

I would very much like to have kissed him, but I didn’t.

Girl code.

It’ll probably be a while before I get another chance to actually have time and energy to write another diary entry. Christmas season’s coming close and Pepper is gonna need help with the party.

Yay, me.

Dec. 4/20

Dear Jane,

Morgan asked me in less eloquent words if I had a boyfriend (it was more like “You boyfriend?” But whatever. Who even taught her that word?) and I swear to GOD Nat could not make it anymore obvious looking at James.

Remind me to absolutely throttle her. I don’t care if she’s the infamous Black Widow. She has clearly never seen me hopped up on nothing but a negative amount of sleep and rage/embarrassment/spite/all of the above.

On another note, Pep asked if I was bringing a plus one for the party. I said I’d think about it. Normally I’d just take Sam but he has his eyes on someone at the VA and I like my friends getting laid so no go there.

Might just go alone. I don’t know.

Pep said I should take James, but I don’t really think she knows the truth about that situation. Luckily, Tony instantly rejected the idea and said he’d find me a date if I couldn’t.

Thank the universe for at least placing me in the close circle of the most well-known and richest man in the world because he also gave me his card and said go wild.

He knows me so well. I’m thinking about Christmas shopping when I have another free day, and I’ll pay for that with my own money, of course, but clothes shopping is a free market.

I cannot wait.

Dec. 12/20

Dear Jane,

I wish I could show you my haul, but I got so much stuff Happy had to drive to help me. Besides obvious gifts, I also managed to snag a gorgeous dress for the party.

Thoughts on black and gold?

I think it’s beautiful. Hopefully Nat and Sharon think so. We’re having a girls night tonight and showing off outfits, so that’s exciting.

James asked if we could meet up tonight.

I told him I had plans and he looked so downcast.

I dunno. Everything feels weird between us. Like we’re fine, we’re best friends still, but something’s changed when no one was looking. He’s single now. I guess that energy is different because I had gotten used to his energy with ex-Girlfriend.

I don’t exactly mind but it’s not ideal either. I miss summer. It’s much less complicated than winter. Winter, one has to worry about wind and chills and snows blocking roads, black ice, dry skin, freezing fingers.

Summer: there’s just a lot of sun, wind, bugs, and the vaguest notion of being bored.

Look, I love winter. It’s my favourite season. It’s quiet and gorgeous and dreamy, even though it gets dreary in New York. The snow falls slowly sometimes, Christmas is gorgeous here, and I’d rather be cold than sweating buckets, and there are no bugs to bother me. Also, it gives me a good reason to stay in the labs or in my room where it’s warm and toasty.

I just miss the relative simplicity when James and I were just strangers on the edge of being friends, which is, in retrospect, a selfish reason to like one season and hate another.

Well, some philosopher somewhere probably said something about humanity being selfish.

Dec. 16/20

Dear Jane,

T-minus nine days until the party.

No date in sight.

Maybe I’ll ask Anderson from HR. We had coffee together a few times and he’s nice. Good catch: smart, not too bad looking, and really nice. I’ll head down tomorrow and ask.

Alpine had purred when I told him my plan and headbutted my hand, so I guess I got the Alpine-Seal-of-Approval.

Dec. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Operation: Ask Anderson from HR to Tony’s Christmas Party failed. Granted, it could’ve been because that was a god awful title and that that name, in itself, prophesied catastrophic failure, but also because I was accosted by my best friend.

I wish I meant Sam.

Nope. James caught me in the elevator and we made small talk. Sounds fine, right? Then we turned the topic to the party. Talked about clothes and prospective celebrity appearances and drinks and food. Just about everything, so might as well turn to talks about dates, which meant I had to explain why I was in the elevator in the first place.

Going down to ask Anderson ended in James revealing that he didn’t have a date either.

He doesn’t know who Anderson is, which I thought would be the case, and he popped the question before the doors opened.

Notice how I said “didn't” have a date.

Guess who’s going to the party with James, clearly stated as friends, platonic soulmates, etc.?

Me.

Yippee.

Dec. 18/20

Dear Jane,

It’s 3:42AM and I’m in the rec room as usual. I was gonna not write here today but it normally helps me sleep to just write a bit, get what little thoughts are in my head out. Yeah.

I hear James in the kitchen talking to Alpine and it’s making me smile like an idiot.

Oh, shit, he knows I’m in here. He’s making milkshakes.

I am morally obligated by best friend duties to join him.

Goodnight, Jane.

Dec. 24/20

Dear Jane,

I’m not sleeping with James Buchanan Barnes tomorrow night.

This is a resolute promise. An early New Year’s resolution.

Dec. 25/20

Dear Jane,

Merry Christmas!

In between jovial festivities, I’ve finally found a little nook that’s quiet enough to write in. We opened presents, had a big family breakfast, went skating and just lounged around, and frankly, I’m exhausted. Need to recharge the old social battery.

Among the assortment of gifts is one that stands out to me. James got me a gift that said “Open When Alone” and I did before I started this entry and it was a fucking necklace. Like, a gorgeous one. It’s gold and thin and it feels wonderful. There’s a little cat paw charm on it and it’s so pretty because he has a matching bracelet for himself and I have still not yet recovered.

It’s just so sweet and it reminds me why I love him.

Yes, love has made me unbelievably sappy. I just heaved the biggest sigh in history.

Unfortunately, I have to go earlier tonight. To the party, as written in previous entries. I remember my oath of one-night celibacy and I intend on keeping it, despite how fucking endearing this gift was, because he said it best: we’re just friends. I’m not about to coerce my best friend into sleeping with me out of a piteous, unrequited love. That’s just gross.

You will either see me hungover tomorrow, or very drunk later tonight. It’s all very depending on how this night turns out.

Dec. 26/20

Dear Jane,

Fuck.

P.S. He REALLY does not mind me calling him James. Take that as dirtily or as clandestinely as you wish.

Dec. 27/20

Dear Jane,

I spent the entire day in bed with very pleasurable company.

I am SO GLAD we haven’t gotten called in because James doesn’t leave unless to go to sleep in his own bed or to eat, and I do NOT want to explain to the team that James fucked my brains out for two days straight because my heart is bursting.

He’s a good kisser. His lips are soft.

Intimate knowledge of that is now burned into my memory for future reference.

God, this is a dream come true. He doesn’t even question it, he just

It’s like I’m a goddess to him. He treats me like one, at least, and it’s like he’ll do anything I ask. And we act like it’s normal, too. Midnight trips to the kitchen included.

Best Christmas ever.

Dec. 28/20

Dear Jane,

I feel like I’m ignoring you but I’m also having the best sex of my life. He’s just… so fucking good and it’s a holiday and holy shit my mind is blown.

Love at first meeting isn’t real.

Well, maybe this one time, it was destiny.

Dec. 29/20

Dear Jane,

It isn’t just the sex, you know? It’s the pillowtalk, too. He just makes me laugh so much and everything is so easy between us and it feels real. Popcorn and chips in bed, some mojitos, just each other’s presence. It’s enough like that, you know?

Some quote about how the one you love should be both your lover and your best friend is in my head but I’m too lazy to look it up. James’ head is in my lap and he’s just reading while I’m writing and everything seems perfect.

He doesn’t ask what I’m writing because he knows it’s private and I trust him.

This is perfect.

I think I really am IN love with him.

Jan. 1/21

You know that cliché/tradition of New Year’s kisses?

WELL THEN.

Best (and worst) New Year’s ever. I’ll explain more later. I’m too tired and too angry and also sore and bruised.

See you when I’m not hungover.

Jan. 5/21

Dear Jane,

I’m finally stable enough to write.

In a crazy turn of events, Barnes and I got into a fight because of what happened after New Year’s Day’s events: I caught him leaving before I woke up and at first, curious questions ensued, and it wasn’t a fight but then it became one and I don’t even know how it happened. I wasn’t even mad. He just started being weird and I got annoyed and we tried and failed to keep our voices down. Luckily, my room is pretty soundproof.

Things just got out of hand and I feel like tearing my hair out. I wanna storm up to him and just yell some more.

Tony came into my room and didn’t say shit about my hickies and the fact that James is avoiding me like the plague. He gave me a really good hug, though and then gave me a few weeks off extra. I don’t know how he knows, but then again, it’s Tony.

He just said love’s tough sometimes.

Yeah, tell me about it.

I’m thinking about just taking a long vacation and disappearing. It seems like a good route to take at this point.

Jan. 6/21

Dear Jane,

James is looking at me right now as I write this. I wonder if I should look back or if he’s going to come up to me. We’ll see.

I’m only writing this so it seems like I’m busy. I’m running out of things to say, honestly. Can he just go? What’s the point in staring like that? What’s the point?

I could ask myself the same question. What’s the point in loving someone who’ll never love you? Yeah, he’s sleeping with me but he pulls away every time I try to do something more. Outside the bubble of my room and the small time frame of post-11PM to around 4:45AM, he acts like he’s allergic to intimacy.

It was never like that with ex-Girlfriend.

Maybe it’s something to do with me.

I don’t know, but he keeps looking and I want to get up and leave, but I won’t. I’m not gonna let him win.

Jan. 6/21

He didn’t. He just went out. Sam and Steve asked if I was okay because as soon as he left, I got up for the bathroom and screamed into a towel.

I don’t think either of them knows what’s going on, but they have a notion.

Jan. 9/21

Dear Jane,

He apologized. Still no explanation as to why, but it feels weird.

I told him I’m going on a vacation to Switzerland. Go skiing or something and asked if he wanted to come.

It was stupid to ask, but he said yes.

Shit.

Jan. 14/21

Dear Jane,

Switzerland is lovely.

No work is relaxing. Awkwardness between me and the other traveller on this vacation. Weather’s supposed to be nice when we get there. Sunny snow days, pretty mountains, other Swiss things.

No other comment.

Jan. 21/21

Dear Jane,

I lasted all of a week.

Yep, I slept with him again, and yes, he was back in his hotel bed come sunrise.

I dunno. I’m over it. We don’t apologize and hope everything gets back to normal because neither of us want to say anything to ruin it any further and we both have a major fear of the complicated. To be fair, he said he didn’t want to sleep with me if I was completely against it.

Also, I tried calling him Bucky at dinner like ex-Girlfriend (and everyone else) does and he made the most disgusted face.

He said, and I quote, “Bucky? When did I stop being James?”

I told him I was trying something out and he said it failed. Snarky bastard.

I guess if he’s still James, that must mean I’m still special.

That’s the Tony-inherited ego talking.

But it does make me exceptionally happy to play with the idea that I’m special to him. Best friend with convoluted benefits. Sounds like the title of a very long-winded self-help book that doesn’t really help much but that does sound like the story of my life so I can’t complain too much.

We’re going home in a few days.

I’ll probably sleep with him again. Bet Steve’s shield that I do.

Jan. 24/21

Dear Jane,

I get three Steve’s shields because I was right every single fucking day.

He’s like a habit I can’t quite kick and don’t really want to.

We snuggled afterwards last night. His arm was around my shoulders, we were naked, I was resting my head on his chest. For a moment, it felt like something couples do and then I fell asleep and woke up alone.

Quantum physics is easier to understand than this but I think we’re being mutually exclusive right now, so it’s almost dating.

I dunno. I don’t mind it anymore. It’s better than nothing.

Feb. 2/21

Dear Jane,

I’m absolutely miserable.

I’m still getting laid, but that’s not related. Correlation and causation or something.

Why is New York so dreary and when can everything just stop?

I don’t know. Winter is ending and now it’s in that awful transition phase between seasons and it’s mucky and rainy and disgusting. Tony got these limited edition ice cream flavours though so I’m gonna ask James if we can make milkshakes out of them or something.

He doesn’t like the muck either. That’s not really relevant, I guess.

Feb. 14/21

Dear Jane,

I got flowers and chocolate from the department because I think they can sense I’ve been in a bad mood since forever. Then, there was an anonymous delivery and inside was this gorgeous chain bracelet that matches the necklace sort of. I lied and told the department it was from Pepper.

What a wretched holiday.

Yours truly.

Feb. 18/21

Dear Jane,

Normally, when boys get their haircut, they look ugly for a day or two after.

Not James.

He got his hair cut shorter and he looks really good. Like unbelievably good. Short hair fits him just as much as long hair does.

No other observations.

Feb. 25/21

Dear Jane,

It was Morgan’s birthday party today. James came in one of those brown jackets with the sheepskin wool inside and he looked so good. We mainly stayed apart to prevent any dalliance because one does not disappear from the Madame Secretary’s birthday party and the team doesn’t really know what’s happening behind the scenes except for Nat and Tony, really.

I really wanted to kiss him in front of our friends. I caught him staring a few times, and every time, the smile seemed to vanish off his face.

I’m lying in bed and it feels pretty empty.

It occurs to me that I’ve been in love for a pretty long time and I’m not even in a relationship with the guy.

Energy could’ve been devoted to so many other things and I’d hate being in love if it weren’t for the fact that it’s James.

Again, love making me sappy and all that.

Feb. 28/21

Dear Jane,

Jane is such a common name. Some would call it plain yet it means gift from God.

I wonder if James knew that.

Mar. 10/21

Dear Jane,

It’s James’ birthday. Birthday sex is a requirement and a desire. I also got him a gift which is a pair of new black Timbs. I hope he likes them. I’m excited for cake, I guess. Morgan did my makeup but I’m gonna have to wipe it off for the small little party tonight.

I think, ordinarily, I’d be in knots because it’s James’ birthday and I love him and he’s my best friend, but I just don’t know. March is fairly boring and contemplative and rainy. Work is work. Helen Cho did a presentation on her Cradle technology. Very cool.

Mar. 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s raining and doesn’t feel like spring. Alpine vomited on my bed a few days ago because he’s not feeling well. James and I took him to the vet and he’s on antibiotics. Poor boy. He’s sleeping in the corner of my room right now while James is away on a mission. I think I’ll just work from my room for a bit until he’s feeling better.

Nothing much to report, which is why I didn’t write anything. The month passed by too quickly. James should be back by the end of the month. I miss him and not because of the sex. No one else who doesn’t work for me or pays me listens to me ramble on their own free will. Talking to screens just isn’t the same.

April 1/21

James got back really early this morning and I, by tradition, was awake. I sort of wish I wasn’t though. In true April Fool’s tradition, I made fun of him for being a day late to which he genuinely apologized. I told him to shower and get to sleep but he was in that mood where you’re so exhausted you’re wide awake.

James suggested we make really strong cocktails for each other as a celebration for an extraction mission completed successfully.

Who am I to say no to celebrating?

He really likes grapefruit juice so I made a REALLY strong Grapefruit Paloma. He made this really interesting drink that was purple and tasted like oranges and cranberries. A lot of blue curacao was in it so it was pretty bitter but it hit like a fucking truck which is probably why I didn’t understand anything he said at first.

He told me he loved me.

I think, somehow, he managed to get drunk after the Grapefruit Paloma and two more bottles of vodka. Don’t ask me how because Steve NEVER gets drunk. Maybe HYDRA-brand serum is faulty? I don’t know.

I asked if he knew what date it was. He laughed really loudly, said no, realized, stuttered apologies and then said it again.

It was the most perfect sound in the world and it was the best moment in recent history.

Or, the sickest practical joke.

Consensus not yet reached.

April 2/21

Dear Jane,

I asked if he remembered what happened yesterday morning.

He did not.

Sickest practical joke confirmed.

April 9/21

Dear Jane,

I’ve been avoiding writing because I’ve felt a whole lot of nothing. Everything is abysmal and James’ confession is all I can think about. Tony’s on my ass about slipping and he has half the mind to put me on paid leave until I get my shit together, both as the head of the department and as an agent.

Drunk words are sober thoughts, all that garbage.

I wish I could live my whole life drunk and honest. Maybe then I wouldn’t be in this situation where I’m stuck in eternal limbo with my best friend whom I’m in love with. Minus the drunk part.

Duty demands I return to this weathered journal until it’s finished so we’ll see. I might be back this month. Maybe not.

May 1/21

Dear Jane,

It rained a lot in April so now the flowers are blooming early. April showers bring May flowers. Guess it has some merit to it.

Limbo sucks. Its inescapable nature, its terrible facade of everything seeming fine when it really isn’t.

Of course, James still makes me smile, but nothing seems really okay when I let myself stop for a second.

I’m going out with Steve to a charity thing tomorrow. Should be a few hours worth of not thinking and free booze. Oh, and James and I made out in one of the quinjets after dinner today.

Felt weird considering we aren’t a couple, but it happened spontaneously as that is the nature of our relationship, it appears.

The cause also happens to be the cure of melancholy. Weird.

May 6/21

Dear Jane,

For context, it’s 5:23AM.

Went for a walk in Madison Square and then Central Park with James yesterday, although in my head it’s still today. We met up with Nat for some training at the gym. Got a bit mobbed by fans and the paps who asked if we were dating like we’re the tabloid’s biggest scoop.

We weren’t even holding hands, but I guess it’s just another reason why we shouldn’t be TOGETHER together in public.

We had another deep stuff talk again in bed after the usual business. I wanted to ask what this is between us and if he’s pursuing other options, because I’m not and I wanted to know if I should, but I also didn’t want to ruin the vibe.

He was in a good mood today, and seeing as sometimes he has nightmares, I thought it was best I don’t ruin it. He thinks I don’t notice but how do I not notice? He’s my best friend.

I kissed his cheek when he got up to leave and he kissed me goodbye on the lips.

I guess that means something.

May 17/21

Dear Jane,

In a moment of complete boredom, I listened to Imagine Dragons’ new album. It wasn’t too bad, to be honest, but Sharon thought it could’ve been better. Whatever.

May 22/21

Dear Jane,

Ran into ex-Girlfriend today. She still has that whole sunshine thing going on still. We had coffee and she asked if I got together with James yet.

I choked on my coffee and nearly died on the spot.

That’s how I learned that James apparently broke it off softly and ex-Girlfriend had, very wisely and knowingly, said that he should chase the apple of his eye before I (the apple) rotted alone and forgotten at the trunk of the tree. Or, as any sane person would say (and ex-Girlfriend DID say), get picked from the tree by another hand.

She said it was quite obvious that I was in love with James even months ago. She also thanked me for being so nice, anyway, and that it must’ve been difficult. What a fucking SAINT.

I set her up with a date with Steve because they have the same energy, honestly, and that’s going down on the 26th barring any emergencies.

Call me Cupid, but I think I just constructed the perfect match made in heaven.

Mentioned this meeting to James minus the apple detail. He asked if she was doing okay, which she was, and seemed glad for that. Between kisses and his sneaking hand beneath the covers, he also asked if there was anything else. Not really much to say on that front.

June 3/21

Dear Jane,

It’s starting to dry up consistently, now. It’s getting warmer, too. Sam brought me flowers and told me to at least turn the air-con on if I was gonna be stuck in the lab all day. Oh, the simplicities of summer are hopefully returning. Got out early and hung out with Morgan at the park in the evening.

It’s nice to hang out with someone so blissfully unaware with the stupidity of love. All Morgan cares about is grass and buttercups she grabs from the ground. She doesn’t have to worry about how to tell the guy she’s in love with that she loves him.

Oh, didn’t you hear? Nat said I should just buck the fuck up and tell him.

And Nat is scary when not listened to.

Much to brainstorm about.

June 14/21

Dear Jane,

Just here to brainstorm some ideas for future Stark Industries projects and thought I’d preface it with a small diary entry. Nothing really happened. Work’s catching up for some reason and bad guys are acting up. I’ve pulled a few all nighters, not gonna lie.

Really tired, but in a good, productive way. Haven’t thought much on the James front. Gonna have to focus on that after everything calms down.

June 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s officially summer and yet today was awful with only subtle hints of being okay.

So much for simplicity.

In the evening, I read on the hammock on the balcony. No one really bothered me except James, but he’s never a bother.

Steve and ex-Girlfriend (who will now be reidentified as Girlfriend) are pretty cute, and she meshes well with the group. There’s nothing really awkward between her, James, or me, so I guess two people’s summers are going well. Bully for them.

Didn’t really eat. Was too busy working. James got me dinner. Didn’t feel right and just kept working. This whole agreement between us has been very flexible but we really need to fit in a session soon.

I’ll make it work somehow.

June 22/21

Dear Jane,

I got my wish and didn’t at the same time. We spent the whole day in the sheets (very blissfully relaxing) and I, stupidly and with very little sleep, let it slip.

In less elegant terms, I told him I loved him. It felt very real and genuine and very-out-of-a-movie, but his reaction was less so.

What did I say? Allergic to intimacy.

He tried to play it off as best friends and even that was uncomfortable, but I, very seriously and very foolishly, corrected him that “no, James Buchanan Barnes, I am IN LOVE with you.”

He left a few minutes ago, saying something about heading down to the gym, but I know he’s just trying to avoid me.

God, how am I so stupid?

June 25/21

Dear Jane,

I haven’t seen James in a few days. I thought he was avoiding me but turns out he’s out of the country. Something about protection for whatever dignitary is travelling at the end of the month. I don’t know.

I wasn’t assigned to that op so the details weren’t shared liberally. Sam just said it’d be a while during the ambassador’s entire stay. High threat level which is why the Avengers were contracted.

I just hope he stays safe. I know he probably took off to take his mind off things, but I don’t know how he’s focusing when all I can think of is those three little words.

I love you.

Seems so fake the more I hear it in my head, but his reaction was so real that I think I might’ve just irreversibly messed things up.

July 12/21

Dear Jane,

It’s been a hectic couple of weeks. If future me finds this with blotted words, it’s because I am indeed crying while writing this.

James was medically evac’ed last night and transferred back to New York. Helen Cho was flown in from her medical conference in Minnesota where she was showcasing the newest version of the Cradle.

There was an assasination attempt and James is fucked up bad.

Holy shit, I’m so scared. I’ve never been so scared in my life. It’s like an invisible demon has my heart in his claw-like hands and he’s squeezing with all his might. I think my heart might explode.

I just want to hold his hand but he’s so high risk no one’s allowed to see him right now.

The waiting room is too quiet. Steve’s holding on to Girlfriend’s hand so hard I think her bones are broken but she’s taking it like a champ. Nat’s pacing, slowly patting a sleeping Morgan who she’s carrying. Sam and Tony are talking about stuff.

It’s too quiet.

I’m so scared.

July 13/21

They got him into the Cradle. Thank God. I think I might cry some more out of relief, but he was conscious for a few minutes earlier and he’s stable now.

It’s really late at night but they extended privileges to me to stay with him so I’m just sitting here, writing. Listening to the Cradle do its thing and the monitors do theirs.

When he was conscious, I was with him. He said some stuff under his breath but the one thing I could make out was “I’m an idiot.”

Granted, he’s right. It was supposed to be Steve or Tony on that mission. You know, people with more defense op experience, but he had to go out and volunteer himself.

I feel sort of guilty.

It’s partially my fault, isn’t it?

I think I’ll try to tuck in for tonight. I wanna be awake when he wakes up, too.

July 14/21

Dear Jane,

James woke up today. He’s still in the Cradle (lots of internal damage spread throughout the body) but he’s conscious. He saw me and immediately tried to sit up which was sweet, but when he couldn’t, he just told me to come closer and then told me that he loved me.

I called him an idiot for running away. I told him he really scared me. I told him that I loved him so fucking much. I told him that I feel so guilty and he just held my face and said that it will never be my fault.

He’s so fucking romantic, even when he’s lying down with a wound being stitched closed live in front of my eyes.

Oh, and he kissed me. I don’t think I noticed how much I actually missed him until that moment.

I don’t know how to describe the feeling in my chest. It’s a mixture between super happy and super scared and super, super warm inside. Summer might be looking up.

July 18/21

Dear Jane,

We got home today. James is staying in my room. The team doesn’t say anything about it. We’re best friends, after all, but I think they’ve known for a long time that there’s something more. Some of them are just too polite to say so.

I won’t have much time to write over the next couple of days. James has to be kept on a strict, extremely healthy diet and medicine regime.

I don’t care. I’m just glad he’s home.

He’s kissing me a lot more, now. Alpine likes the fact that his two humans are now in the same room. He purrs so loudly, I can hear him from where he’s dozing, curled up underneath James’ chin. He (James) is resting after his second round of antibiotics for the day while I work from my room, and sometimes I catch myself looking back just to make sure he’s okay.

I’m going to go kiss him now.

Be right back.

July 21/21

Dear Jane,

It’s almost Nat’s birthday (the 26th). Super exciting. James is back on solids and I’m helping him around with walking. Even with the Cradle and the healing factor, he’s still super banged up, so it’s better safe than sorry.

We had a really long talk about love and stuff. It’s good to finally have it out in the open. It was mostly me talking about my side of things and he just nodded a lot. I know he was listening though.

We also kissed a lot, like seventeen year old couples who are heavy on the PDA, but within the privacy of my room. I dunno. I like the heat of his arms and the way he kisses the shell of my ear when he’s bored or it’s a commercial break.

It feels very natural.

I am very much in love with him.

I tell him that and he always looks skeptical, but whatever. He doesn’t have to say it back (I tell him that there’s no pressure) and he’ll get it through his thick skull eventually that he’s now stuck with me.

July 25/21

Dear Jane,

We made cookies in the early AM as tradition for the party tomorrow and I told him that I love him (again, but this time he didn’t run, nor has he the past few times. Fantastic).

While the cookies were baking, he explained everything on his side of the story: how he was scared to be vulnerable, how opening up to me is just different and new and scary and I get it. I really do. I know how it feels to think you don’t deserve good things and sabotage feels like the only way to save everyone from hurt.

He smiled a lot more after that. I guess he’s just glad I get it.

One day, I’ll successfully convince James that he deserves everything good this world has to offer.

Until then, I’ll just keep trying.

P.S. He said, with less hesitation than the first time, that he loves me, too. Best. Day. Ever.

P.P.S. The cookies are so good and I want to devour them all. I could barely stop James from eating all of them. Again: Best. Day. Ever.

July 26/21

Dear Jane,

In summary of today:

Happy birthday, Natasha.

James has been given the clear bill of health which is exciting. Also, I asked him about the Jane and gift of God thing.

He knew. “Intuition” and all that. He also said I looked “like a royal dame” in my swimsuit. Smug idiot just trying to be charming.

I love him and that’s the only reason it works.

Back to the festivities.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

Good morning to you and to James who’s still in my bed at a ripe 6:23AM, fast asleep.

Progress. Now, back to sleep.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

It’s now 9:49AM and James greeted me with orange juice and waffles. He said I was cute when I slept. Creep.

He also said he tried so many times to stay in my bed after, before we were like we are now, but he never could, and now he’s upset that he missed out on my cute sleeping/waking up for the day face every time he did so.

He is exceptionally cute when he’s pouting.

I think we’re officially boyfriend-girlfriend, but we’ll work out the semantics on that later. For now, it’s another summer day together. He suggested Chinese takeout for dinner because I have to go dip back into the lab later today to check on some samples.

I agreed and he kissed me in promise like it was our “thing.” I can’t stop smiling like an idiot.

Massive progress.

July 28/21

Dear Jane,

He told me I was the only one for him.

Also, he kissed me in front of our friends for the first time. Natasha yelled “FINALLY” and pushed us into the pool. Sam laughed and then I grabbed him and threw him into the pool. Ensuing: a water fight for the ages.

For a day: 10/10

July 31/21

Hey Jane,

I think I’m happy.

I’m sorry I ever doubted the effects of writing down my feelings.

James has a romantic trip to uptown planned for our first date and he said it’ll take the whole day so I thought I’d get this entry in the morning. I dunno. It’s really early and the happy thought was the first thing that came to my head.

Weird, but it’s a good weird.

See you in a bit.

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btsficsforthehumble · 4 years ago

Text

adj.: 1. Modern, unfamiliar, or different

2. Not based on or conforming to what is generally done or believed

pairing: reader x ot7

genre: college au; angst, fluff, smut, poly, ot7

Summary: You begin your first year at a prestigious university, set out on achieving your academic goals when a series of men step into your life that change the way you view the definition of love.

Part Seven

Warnings: sexual insinuations, slight sexual harassment (catcalling)

Word count: 2.7k

You hear Hoseok’s cheery voice call out your name almost immediately after you step into the quaint coffee shop. You send him a smile and a wave. Spotting Taehyung across Hoseok at the table, you send him a slightly more hesitant smile. The one he returns is one you have grown used to, now --- cheeky.

You order your coffee and walk over to the table after you get it from the barista. As you walk over, Taehyung sees you, and quickly clears away his stuff so you can take the seat next to him, and not Hoseok. At the sight, you hold back the urge to frown. It seemed like the pain in the ass Taehyung was back.

You sit, and Hoseok looks up from the textbook in front of him. “Hey y/n! How are you?” he says, his classic sunny smile on his face.

“I’m good! And you?”

“I’m great! I was just beginning to practice some problems for the first chapter, do you want to do them together?” he asks.

“Yeah! Let me just take out my book,” you answer, already reaching in your bag.

“Here, just use mine.” Taehyung slides his book across the tabletop, leaving it directly in front of you.

“Don’t you need yours?” You ask, furrowing your brows in confusion.

“Nah, I already did chapter one,” he explains with a shrug.

“Oh, okay, if you’re sure…”

“Yeah, go for it.”

At that, you and Hoseok begin to tear through the problem sets, moving rapidly as you had secretly studied prior to coming. As you finish the first chapter, he looks up at you and gives a noise of surprise. “You didn’t need any help at all! You weren’t giving yourself enough credit, y/n!” he teases.

You divert your eyes, feeling a blush climb to your cheeks from his praise. When you look back up, it’s Taehyung that catches your gaze. He was giving you a knowing smirk, seemingly having picked up on your little crush on Hoseok.

Your eyes dart back to Hoseok as you respond. “Let’s see how the next chapter goes, it might not be so easy…”

He makes a noise of agreement, flipping his textbook to the next chapter. “Yeah, it does get a bit harder. I’m sure you are already a pro though, based off of chapter one!” He gives you a toothy grin, causing your blush to return. “Taehyung, you didn’t do chapter two, right?”

----

An hour later, the three of you had managed to get through all of the practice problems together. All of you feeling tired, you were fast to slip into conversation about anything other than the math in front of you.

You learn that Hoseok is an environmental science major, and a third year. He also shares that he was in your school’s dance club, but shyly declines to bust a move at your and Taehyung’s insistence. His bubbly personality only grows when talking about his passions.

Having learnt Taehyung’s major earlier today, the only new information you got out of him was that he is a second year student, and is taking calculus as a general math requirement. He doesn’t care for it, personally, he says. Despite that, he also seemed to do just fine when the three of you trudged through the problems.

Before you depart for the night, Taehyung catches both of you, and invites you both to a party, hosted by his roommate on Saturday.

“I was told to invite everyone, so feel free to bring anyone you want. It’s supposed to be a back to school thing,” he explains.

Hoseok frowns. “I already was invited to something on Saturday, actually. Maybe next time!”

Their eyes both move to you, waiting for your response. “Uhm, yeah, I’ll come,” you answer. You didn’t have plans and honestly, you imagine you’ll want to relieve some stress after this week anyway.

Taehyung looks like a cat that got the canary after you speak, and Hoseok looks happy you were able to accept the offer, as he’s smiling at both of you.

“Yay! That’ll be fun, y/n! I’m sure Tae here will make sure you have a good time!” he beams, completely oblivious to the subtext of his own words.

Unfortunately, Taehyung wasn’t. He didn’t seem to care about the casual nickname Hoseok had used, but more so about the dirty interpretation of his words. “Of course, it’s always a good time with me,” he says with a grin.

You felt yourself grow slightly restless at the dual conversation being had. You wanted to tell Taehyung to stop being annoying but didn’t want to draw Hoseok’s attention to the dirtiness of what was being said. Taehyung must have noticed your shiftiness, because he places one of his large hands on your knee.

“I wish I could come! You two have fun without me,” Hoseok pouts.

“Oh, we will! Next time, sunbae,” Taehyung answers, giving your knee a light squeeze.

The thoughts that filter through your mind at Taehyung's words are far from innocent. It was one thing to insinuate that you and Taehyung would be having sex, but to suggest that the time after Hoseok would also be involved? Combined with the thoughts and Taehyung’s hand on your knee, you felt yourself get slightly turned on. Trying to calm down, you squirm a little in your chair, which tips Taehyung off to the fact that you were affected by the situation. His grin turns downright wolfish, at your chagrin.

Hoseok appears oblivious, as he begins packing up his stuff preparing to go home. After a second, you hurry to follow suit. Taehyung removes his hand as you do, allowing you to gather your things peacefully while he gathers his own.

You all stand, ready to depart for the night. Slightly uncomfortable with your partially aroused status, you clutch onto your bag and bounce lightly on your feet. Taehyung’s obnoxious smile fails to leave his face as he watches you.

Eager to escape, you bid them both goodbye, and tell them both you’ll see them in class tomorrow before you hightail it out of the cafe. Before you get more than two steps out of the door however, you hear a voice call after you. You stop in your tracks, and Hoseok speeds out of the cafe to catch up to you.

“Do you want one of us to walk you home? It’s dark out, and neither of us mind, right Tae?” He turns over his shoulder to confirm this with Taehyung who had emerged from the cafe right after Hoseok had.

“No, of course not. I wouldn’t want anything to happen,” Taehyung replies, now leaning against the glass of the storefront.

You shift on your feet slightly, torn. They had a point, it would be safer to have one of them walk you, but you were already a little jittery from the suggestive conversation that was just had.

Seeing your indecisive state, Hoseok reasons, “I live over by Munsu Street, if you live over there it wouldn’t even be out of my way.”

You couldn’t figure out if you were disappointed or not that he lived in the complete opposite direction. “Actually, I’m on Bongdeog… don’t worry about it, I’m pretty far from you.”

Taehyung raises his eyebrows once he hears your street. “I’m only a street over from you. I’ll walk you home, it’s no problem,” he says while pushing off of the building.

You glance at Hoseok, who was smiling at Taehyung. “Great! All right guys, have a good night!” he says, already backing up to go the opposite direction of the one in which you and Taehyung were about to go.

“You too!” you call out to him as you start walking away, back facing his receding form.

Now you and Taehyung were alone. You feel safe, but are on edge --- but only because of how he riled you up only a number of minutes before. Taehyung, on the hand, seemed perfectly at ease. Hands in his pockets, he started walking --- no, more like strolling --- towards your street. You both fell into a silence. Tense on your part, but easy on his, it seems.

After a few minutes, you felt the tension in your shoulders start to fade. Taehyung probably didn’t want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable while you were alone, you thought. Which, honestly, was really thoughtful and sweet… it wouldn’t even occur to most guys to do that.

After another minute of walking, you see him tense up slightly and glance over to an alley that you were approaching. You look up at his face, with his heavy brows furrowed in concentration. He looks down at you, widens his eyes, seeming to ask for consent for something.

Confused, you nod. He quickly wraps his arm around your side to pull you into him, leaving you hip to hip, his hand still resting in the dip of your waist. You look up, startled at the action, but are interrupted before you can ask him what the hell he thought he was doing.

“Is that your girl? She’s mighty pretty.” A man's voice called, seeming to come from the alley that Taehyung had looked at with concern moments before.

You see a man step out, wearing what looked like baggy clothes with some mysterious stains on them. His hair looked unkempt and greasy all the way from where you were standing.

Now you understand why Taehyung had pulled you in. He must have known that alley held some shady figures.

“Just keep walking and ignore him. He won’t do anything with me here,” Taehyung leaned down to whisper in your ear. You nod in response, not wanting to draw any more attention to yourself from the man, who now was only several meters away.

“Hey, I’m talking to you pretty boy. You want me to take her off your hands?” In response to the man's provocation, you felt Taehyung’s fingers tighten slightly on your waist. You could tell now that the man was visibly drunk, barely able to stand on his own, and seemed to be a poor soul that was down on his luck. You felt a pang of sympathy for the man.

You look again up to examine Taehyung’s face. He had his lips pressed into a flat line, and still had his eyebrows furrowed. The contortion of his normally open and playful features only emphasized his beauty. He looked so handsome, you think to yourself.

The thought passes quickly as you are brought back to reality. You were both now getting closer to the stranger, trying to pass by. You become more stiff with nerves, and Taehyung gives you a light squeeze of reassurance in response.

To your surprise, Taehyung reaches into his back pocket and produces a few bills from his wallet as you get closer to standing in front of the man. As you pass, he hands his money to the drunkard.

“Stay safe,” he tells the man, who was now looking at him with the same wide eyes you were giving him.

Taehyung ignores your wide stares, and continues walking as if nothing had occurred, completely unbothered. His hand still rested around your waist, however.

Realizing his luck, the man quickly scurries back down the alley from which he emerged, probably in fear that Taehyung would demand his money back.

Still surprised at what had happened, you were processing quietly to yourself for a minute. Once you both were out range of the man, Taehyung respectfully dropped his arm and gave you space.

You weren’t sure you were as relieved about it as you should be at his release. Your mind returns to the act he had done a moment ago, and couldn’t resist asking him about it now that you felt safe with the man gone.

“What was that about?” you ask bluntly, looking up at him to read his expression.

He just shrugged. After a second, he says, “That man is there all the time. Pretty sure he’s homeless. Drinks to cope, I think.”

Your eyes soften at his words. You had seen a serious side to him this morning; and now you were seeing him show his thoughtfulness and kindness, even for a stranger. Taehyung was proving to be a deeper person than what you had originally pegged him to be.

“You really didn’t have to do that, you know,” you say, wanting to get more out of him.

“I know.” He maintains his nonchalance. Seems like you wouldn’t be digging any deeper.

You both keep walking, again in silence. This time though, it is a completely comfortable one. The boy next to seemed like a different person than the one who touched your leg in secret and made innuendos about threesomes earlier. He seemed more mature, mellow even.

Before you even noticed, you and Taehyung had walked all the way to your street, both lost in your own thoughts. Moments later, you arrive at the front of your apartment building.

You stop at the entrance, and look up at Taehyung to say goodbye.

“This is me,” you offer.

He leans against the building, hands in his pockets. “Do you want me to join you up there?” He gives you one of his cheeky smirks.

“I think I can handle it.”

He wiggles his eyebrows. “You sure?”

You sigh, and roll your eyes. “Try again next time, buddy.”

“You’ll want me soon? Wow, and here I was thinking you were a woman of virtue,” he grins.

“It doesn’t take virtue to turn you down, I’m afraid.”

He fakes a gasp, and covers his heart with his hand. “You wound me, y/n. And here I was thinking we were friends.”

“Ah, yes, because good friends keep trying to get in the pants of the other, I forgot.” You stretch your arms above your head, the textbook in your backpack beginning to weigh on your shoulders. You watched his eyes travel down your body and back up, becoming slightly hooded. You’ll admit stretching may have also been a way to tease Taehyung.

“You can’t blame me too much… you’re quite captivating, sweetheart,” he admits, but holds his teasing tone.

“Sure, if you find all random college girls captivating. Which, I guess if you’re a fuckboy, you might,” you say with a shrug.

He raises his eyebrows, and pulls his head back slightly at your accusation. “Don’t write yourself off so easily, y/n.” He tilts his head to the side. “Have you seen me pursue any other girls? Flirt with anyone else at all?”

You look down at your feet at his questioning. The truth was, you really hadn’t. He only ever seemed to focus on you, which you had previously found annoying, but were coming to enjoy secretly.

“I suppose not, but I’ve only known you for a few days. Who’s to say the list of girls you have isn't long?”

“Who’s to say that it is?”

You narrow your eyes and regard him carefully. You wanted to determine if he was just bullshitting you or was being genuine; his eyes were open and honest, and nothing about his body language told you he was lying.

“You’re a strange one, Kim Taehyung. Goodnight,” you say with finality while you turn around to head inside your building. You don’t know if you can deal with any more of him tonight. It feels like he turns your head upside down. You can never seem to get an accurate read on the guy.

“Sleep well, y/n.” You hear his deep voice call out as the door shuts behind you, and it sends shivers up your spine. You hated the fact that he had that power over you, but he was undeniably attractive. And the more you uncover about him, the more you feel his pull.

Just thinking about it made you realize how exhausted you were from today. Today felt insanely long, so much so that the Jimin/Yoongi fiasco felt like it happened ages ago. You could practically hear your bed calling your name, so with sleep in mind you rush to get some rest. Tomorrow, you’d deal with Taehyung in Calculus --- tomorrow.

#btsgoldnet #bangtanarmynet #houseofddaeng #ficscafe #bts #bts x reader #bts fanfic

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mamahersh · 3 years ago

Text

The Road to Hell (is Paved with Good Intentions) Chapter 7

“Season 8 was well underway, and the server’s first conflict is bubbling just under the surface. But BDoubleO can’t worry about that right now because he has an Etho to find so they can work on the Horse Course together. However when Xisuma calls a surprise server meeting on behalf of EvilXisuma, BDubs gets his answers about where Etho’s been in the worst way possible.”

(CW: angst, mild torture)

Chapter rating: T

Nice long conclusion chapter to make up for the short one yesterday! From BDubs view, plus nHo hurt/comfort (emphasis on comfort)!

As in all the previous chapter posts, if you’ve enjoyed the ride I took direct inspiration from this oneshot on AO3! Please give them some love and appreciation.

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6

It had taken days before Xisuma figured out what EX had done to the server that had caused the respawns to break in the way that it had, and how to fix it. However, figure it out and fix the problem he did, and with respawn mechanics back to normal, everyone who had died and respawned during the glitch was able to reset their health completely. And properly set their respawn points as well, since part of the glitch seemed to be that people’s respawns were being set as they were dying. But the biggest adjustment in the days after EX had caused havoc was trying to help Etho recover.

While Etho seemed relatively ok once he was able to talk again (his tongue and all his other lingering injuries were fully healed with the fixing of the respawn, though figuring out a way to get him to respawn was both more difficult and less difficult than BDubs had expected); BDubs was hearing from Iskall that all was still not right with the world. Normally, Hermits would let current season basemates/regional allies/faction mates do the heavy lifting of any emotional or mental stress that a particular Hermit experienced on the daily unless the Hermit asked for help from specific Hermits. But in this case, BDubs felt he should invite Etho to an nHo reunion/get-together. Even if Etho didn’t necessarily need the reunion, BDubs knew the rest of the nHo did.

They had all been in various states of hysterics by the time they had gotten Etho out of the restraints and the death loop he had been locked in. BDubs had been the first person to breach the room, with Iskall and Beef right behind him. Beef had blocked up the water to stop the cycle as Iskall and a recently arrived Cleo began breaking restraints while BDubs clutched Etho’s freed hand (thinking back, he probably shouldn’t have. Etho’s hands had looked hardly better than the rest of his mangled flesh. He also wasn’t sure how they managed to get his wrists detached from the cuffs, as his arms and wrists were still solidly clipping into the restraints). Hypno had fiddled with the camera and looked over the speakers, before he managed to get everything deactivated and convinced the remaining Hermits to gather at Cleo and Joe’s base. By the time the Hermits were assembled at Joe and Cleo’s base, and Etho had been safely transported from the floating box, Doc was a hissing mess, Beef was greener than normal as his stress seemed to activate the alien transition, and BDubs had resorted to constantly checking his clock (a nervous habit he had picked up from 3rd Life, but the less he thought about that hell server the better). Etho had been quickly whisked away by Iskall to their shared base, but was just as quickly relocated to the Spawn Egg; as neither had wings, and Etho wasn’t nearly healthy enough to try and scale his own base in the sky. Plus, being at the Spawn Egg had the added benefit of easy access by the rest of the server so that other Hermits could stop by and check in on Etho’s progress while they all waited for Xisuma to fix the respawn mechanics. BDubs stopped by once while Etho was recovering. It was a little out of his way when trying to visit the Yes Wings Club, but figured he might as well since he hadn’t seen Etho since they had saved him 2 days before.

Etho looked about what he had expected to be honest. Since they were worried about whether a normal respawn would register his tongue being gone as normal if they healed it properly with potions, the other Hermits had determined to wait on healing him till after he had properly respawned. That left him bedridden till the server was fixed though, which no one was happy with. BDubs was told later that supposedly Etho had understood during the few times he was lucid enough to listen to someone during that time. While he had been there though, Etho had been solidly asleep, Iskall asleep himself by Etho’s bedside. BDubs had taken a moment anyway to sit on Etho’s other side and just quietly talk to him about what he had been up to in the day or two since they had saved him. Iskall had come to briefly to see who had been talking, before settling back into his chair to rest.

BDubs had left pretty quickly, if he were being honest. Seeing Etho as vulnerable as he was left BDubs feeling a bit ill. After that, it had only been a day or two more of anxiously waiting for Xisuma to fix the server before they had been able to get the other Hermits respawned properly. (There had been several deaths during the time the respawns had been on the fritz, including a couple during the search from fall damage.) But when it came to Etho, they had tried to explain what needed to happen during one of the next times he was awake, but he had been becoming more unresponsive the longer he had been bedbound. So with heavy hearts, it had been decided that Etho needed to respawn as soon as they could decide a way to do so. After much debate between Iskall and Xisuma, it was decided that a quick anvil to the head would suffice.

It was told to BDubs later that Etho had respawned a few paces from the bed he had been sleeping in at Spawn looking incredibly confused and lost. It took close to a half hour to explain what had happened to him before him and Iskall went back to their shared base. And if Iskall was to be believed, it sounded like Etho hadn’t slept since the first night back. Which was almost a week ago. Not that many of the other Hermits were doing better. From the sounds of the grapevine, Mumbo still blamed himself for what had happened to Etho, and despite apologizing and promising Etho a cut of all his profits that season to make up for his decision (which he had been told Etho had forgiven Mumbo for and told Mumbo to keep the profits as he was just respecting Etho’s choice) he insisted on trying to find ways to make it up to an increasingly exasperated Etho. (Which BDubs noted was somewhat out of character, since Etho almost never missed a chance to keep someone in his debt and exploit them for his own projects). Other than Mumbo, Doc had been reported also to not have been sleeping as much, but instead he worked on his most recent engineering marvel. Beef had been throwing himself almost entirely into setting up his own shop outside the Derpcoin market to sell his own brand of non-evil cat food. BDubs knew that Beef was taking the whole: “Derpcoin is actually evil not even a meme” thing incredibly hard, since his whole thing this season had been going over to the dark-side as an alien (which BDubs still didn’t understand how that had started in the first place). BDubs himself was doing just fine thank you very much! Sure, he’d been struggling with sleeping at night himself (every time he closed his eyes he could see Etho strapped to that chair and drowning again), and yeah, he’d been trying to work on the shopping district by the mountain instead of the Horse Course (he had heard from Iskall that Etho had been working on something outside the base, and BDubs had a sneaking suspicion he knew at least one of the projects Etho’d been working on). But he definitely wasn’t nearly as bad as the other members of the old nHo. Definitely. He couldn’t lie to himself, they were all having a bad time.

So, as BDubs was wont to do, he took things into his own hands and sent invitations to all the nHo members to come by his base for a get together. The date was set, and he visited every member in person leading up to the event to make sure they were coming, no excuses! (He knew it was particularly urgent as when he went to check on Etho, he finally found him sleeping in one of BDubs’ builds next to the horse course, and when he got Etho awake, he cracked exactly 0 height jokes until he tried to get Etho to come by later and it was a height joke every minute. The height jokes were BDubs’ way of figuring out how nicely Etho wanted to play. The less the better.)

But now the day had finally arrived, and BDubs welcomed each one of his friends into his base with open arms and a smile. First to arrive was Beef, seeing as he was closest. Then Doc. Then as BDubs was debating messaging Iskall to find Etho for him, the man himself showed up on BDubs’ doorstep. Everything went off without a hitch in the beginning. They all were able to reconnect and chat about bases and projects they were working on; Doc with his redstone magic he was getting from his friends on another server, Beef and his efforts to create a new kind of cat food, Etho and his many projects ranging from an inventory sorter to the horse course, and BDubs with his latest shop attempts in the Big Eye Crew shopping district. (It was good to see Etho making fun of BDubs’ attempts at making a redstone shop. Etho hadn’t heard of it yet, and it was a delight to see him light up while joking about what BDubs could possibly make with redstone that even someone like Grian couldn’t do themselves.)

It all comes crashing down when Etho asks Beef more about the cat food. Specifically what was wrong with the old cat food.

Now Beef hadn’t expressly said that he had been working with EX for having a cat food stand at the Evil Emporium; but he had implied that his previous cat food flavor would be going on the back burner. What they all had assumed was that Etho at least generally knew most of the gossip on the server. But what BDubs should have guessed was that Etho had been very absent this season, and unless the current events were directly affecting his plans, he had never been one for being up to date on server events. So BDubs should have guessed that Etho asking about cat food would only end in a bittersweet ending.

“So Beefers, you said something about your cat food getting a new recipe… What happened with the old recipe? Not up to snuff?”

“I will have you know that all my cat food is premium and delicious, and I will not have you slandering it in this way,” replied an overdramatic Beef.

The nHo chuckled at his antics before Etho came back with, “Well if it wasn’t the quality then what was it? Now you have me intrigued.”

Beef shrugged. “I just wanted a cat food to really call my own is all.”

Etho gave him a look. “Wouldn’t the other cat food be yours too?”

“Well…” Beef looked deeply conflicted. BDubs decided to say it for him. “He was working for the Evil Emporium since he started to change into… I guess it’s an alien?”

Etho stilled at the name, and the rest of the group held their breaths. “Ah,” he replied, suddenly tight as a bowstring.

“Which is why I’m making a new brand of cat food, one which I’ll be selling from a shop near my base for diamonds,” soothed Beef, trying his best to keep Etho away from bad memories.

“I can see why you changed brands then,” replied Etho through a forced calm. He was not subtle in the least however. Bdubs wondered if the hurt in Etho's eyes was from the idea that his closest friend had supported the monster that had hurt him, or the idea that his friend would completely change his plans for the season due to one off script incident? Bdubs had a feeling it was definitely the former.

(BDubs had asked Xisuma after all was said and done if he remembered anything leading up to them being in front of the screen at his base. X had said the last thing he had remembered before that was meeting up with EvilX to discuss business strategies before blacking out after their customary greetings. He explained it had happened before, but he had somehow never thought much of the memory gaps. However, he agreed with the rest of the Hermits that had talked with him about it that it was a problem that would need to be investigated because it sounded like mind control. And a player that could control the server admin was a force too powerful to allow free. Or at the very least, a player that needed to have some very hard limits as to what they could do placed upon them.)

“You know, Etho, have you been ok?” asked Doc hesitantly. BDubs hoped that Doc knew what he was doing, because Bdubs was definitely lost.

Etho looked a bit like a cornered animal at the moment as he looked between the 3 of them like they had betrayed him. “Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?”

Doc gave him a look that BDubs thought was completely justified. “Etho, you went through an incredibly traumatic experience only a week or so ago. It is completely fine if you aren't doing ok.”

Etho sighed. “And what would you even do if I wasn't ok?”

Doc gave a hissy whine and moved from where he had been situated to sit close beside Etho. “Well, we'd figure out what we can do to make it a little closer to being ok.” He looked down at his lap. “I know I've been struggling with sleep recently, so I understand at least if you aren't sleeping either.” Etho looked vaguely stricken.

“You were part of the group that was watching, weren't you?” BDubs watched as Etho began to close off. Doc just nodded miserably. “And the two of you?”

BDubs felt gutted, knowing that Etho either didn't remember him breaking in to save him and holding his hand; or was purposefully ignoring the memory. “I stopped you from drowning more by blocking up the source block...” muttered Beef, looking pretty hurt himself.

“I found your enclosure and got the search party together to come finish breaking you out; and was there next to Beef when he was saving you,” finished Bdubs, a bit more of the hurt shining through because he couldn't hold a poker face even if his life depended on it. But also, Etho needed to see that he wasn't alone, in a lot of ways.

Etho looked appropriately chastised, if also incredibly grateful. “Thank you, all of you.” He leaned lightly into Doc's shoulder; the most affection he would normally show to anyone. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you 3, so thank you. Thank you so much.” They all politely ignored the sniffling coming from behind the mask, though Beef situated himself on Etho’s other side, and BDubs decided to try and strategically place himself on the floor in front of Beef so that if Etho wanted to lean a leg against him, he could. BDubs was so tempted to drape himself over Etho’s legs, but he had a sneaking suspicion that Etho probably wouldn’t handle being immobile in a sitting position well for the foreseeable future. However he was vindicated when his hair was playfully ruffled by an Etho hand as the 4 of them devolved into just sitting with each other.

BDubs should have guessed that Etho wouldn’t stay down long however, as Etho (after inconspicuously wiping the corners of his eyes dry) said, “so, who wants to help me prank the Boatem Crew?” BDubs could feel the devious smile creeping across his face.

“Now you’re speaking my language Canada boy!” Etho wheezed a quiet laugh above him.

“You sure you want to be slinging that kind of slander at me short stuff?”

“SHORT STUFF?!?!” BDubs got up in a huff. “I’LL SHOW YOU SHORT STUFF, YOU DAMN BEAN POLE!” Beef, Etho, and Doc all burst into chuckles, leaning into the couch as they tried to get themselves under control. “YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, DO YOU? Ooooooh, you are all playing a dangerous game!”

Etho and Doc proceeded to laugh harder, leaning against each other. “What are you going to do BDubs, bite our ankles?” asked Beef before breaking down laughing again.

“I’LL BITE YOUR ANKLES JUST WATCH ME!” and with that, BDubs was all over Beef, trying to get a solid shoulder punch in, but being thwarted at every turn. A stray punch at Doc, and suddenly everyone but Etho was rolling around the floor trying to playfully murder each other. Etho wheezed in laughter at their antics, and expertly avoided getting added into their mischief by eventually hopping up a ladder to the next floor and watching from the opening.

Eventually they managed to settle down, and by the time they had gathered themselves enough, it was night time. BDubs, with a lighter heart than when he had let in all his friends earlier in the day, said goodbye to them with promises that if Etho really was serious about pranking the Boatem Crew, the nHo would be right by his side. They left one by one, first Doc (who complained that he was already behind schedule on his build), then Beef (who playfully recommended Etho come help him run his shop if he wasn’t too busy helping Iskall dye prismarine), and lastly Etho. But before Etho departed, he said, “you know, I already thanked you, but I feel I should do it again.” He met BDubs’ gaze. “Thank you so much for finding me. I don’t know how that would have ended if you hadn’t caught sight of that place”.

BDubs was humbled by Etho’s gratitude, though he still replied with, “You’re my friend Etho, of course I would give it my all to find you. I’m just happy we were able to do so before it was too late. And if you ever need to get away from it all, it’s pretty nice out here once you get past all the big eyes.”

Etho wheezed a chuckle in response, a hidden smile brightening up the corners of his eyes. “Sure, I’ll keep that in mind. You take care of yourself now, you hear? I don’t want to be hearing of too many shenanigans from you, ok?”

BDubs laughed in response, and nodded. “Can do! And you do the same, ok?” He let the humor drain a bit, a more serious tone shining through. “If things get bad, please let someone know. Doc knows what happened, and he would be able to tell you who else was there that you could talk to if you needed it.”

Etho nodded. “Yeah, yeah. If it gets bad I always have Iskall and you guys.” Etho glanced at a clock in his inventory. “Looks like I should be off. If I start now, I should be able to get back before sunrise.” Etho waved goodbye as he turned to go.

“Stay safe! I’ll see you around then,” called out BDubs as he watched Etho quickly jog to the nearest source of water. Then, once acquired, he flew with the flick of his trident, starting his way back to the nether portal so as to make it back to his base safely.

BDubs went to bed that night content knowing that if Etho ever needed the help, he knew who he could reach out to.

-fin-

#bdouble0 #ethoslab #docm77 #vintagebeef #xisuma #iskall #hermitcraft #hc fanfic #hc fanfiction #hurt/comfort #my beloved #finally #zombiecleo #hypnotizd #final chapter #I hope to have this mirrored to AO3 soon if it isn't already #if AO3 would ever get me off the wait list orz

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clearsky · 4 years ago

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My Top Comfort Characters/Kins and My Main HCs For Them

(Note, not all my kins/comfort characters are on here, just the ones I have more than 5 hcs for)

CW: Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3), Himiko Yumeno (DRV3), Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA), Kyoko Kirigiri (THH), Tsuyu Asui (BNHA), Entrapta (Spop), Ibuki Mioda (SDR2), Celestia Ludenberg (THH), Funtime Foxy (FNAF), Peril (WOF)

Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3)

Nonbinary

He/They pronouns

Autistic

Chains and loose accessories are for stimming

Likes the feeling of silk and cotton

Can't stand the feeling of anything rough or bumpy

He likes collecting small trinkets and the bones of small mammals

Can't stand anything salty. He'll eat it but he certainly won't enjoy it

Dating Rantaro

Can flirt, but only if he doesn't try

Petnames are a hell yea

Gets sunburnt really easily

Group dates with Celesnaegiri and Ikuzono

Can't cook for s h i t

Had a scene kid phase in middle school

Went to the same middle school as Celeste and Maki

Knew them when Celeste went through her "I'm not like other girls" phase and Maki was a Band Kid™

Himiko Yumeno (DRV3)

Female

She/Her pronouns

Lesbian

Can force herself to fall asleep within seconds regardless of where she is

100% forces herself to fall asleep when she doesn't wanna listen/talk to someone

Himiko/Angie/Tenko relationship. I'm calling them the Traffic Light Trio

She likes taking naps in the forest

She prefers enclosed/tight spaces more than open ones

Has several hundred stress balls and squishies laying around

She overheats easy

Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA)

Questioning his gender, but goes by any pronouns

Knows he's Asexual, at least

Has no clue what his romantic orientation is though

The kind of person to carry treats in his pocket just in case he runs into a cat

Will stop to pet literally every cat he comes across

Great at reading people

Doesn't talk unless it's 100% needed

Hangs with Tokoyami, Jirou, and Denki most often

Aizawa has 100% unofficially adopted him

Fosters kittens

Not a big fan of physical touch

He is 100% in the bakusquad. Anyone who says he's in the Dekusquad is a c o w a r d

He and Tsuyu vibe

Knows a bunch of random facts

Dark humour? Dark humour

*skates backwards into his therapist's room slowly sipping from an absurdly huge cup of coffee* Candice you're not gonna BELIEVE the shit I just went through

In case I forgot to mention it, he skates

Kyoko Kirigiri (THH)

Mtf

She/Her

Bi with female preference

Burns go up to her shoulders/collarbone/chest

Prefers to just listen as opposed to saying anything

Knows a ton of random trivia about everyone else in her class

She keeps a notebook she fills with all the trivia

Doesn't celebrate her birthday. She just doesn't see the point of it

Doesn't hate sugar/sweets, but if given the choice she would choose literally everything else

Cuts her own hair

A cat person

Permanent dark circles

T-Tall 😳

Like,,, 6'1 at LEAST

Only person taller than her is Yasuhiro (6'3)

Canon no longer exist

Ahahaha healthy life habits? What are those?

Can't handle horror games

She's the kind of person you'd go to if you needed to rant but didn't want any advice

Polyamourous yo

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

She's a dom yall are just scared to admit it

Tsuyu Asui (BNHA)

They go by They/Them

Lesbian

They and Ochaco are dating

They like to hang with Shinsou

Which mainly just means the two sitting in one of their dorms in near total silence doing whatever

Can speak English and French as well as Japanese

Learned English from cartoons

Picked up French bc they thought it'd be fun

Prefers to stay neutral in the whole Bakusquad / Dekusquad thing

They're invited to all outings/events by/for both squads

They like puns

They're a dumbass but willingly, and for fun

Like "someone says they like dark humour and they'll turn off the lights before telling a joke" kind dumbass for fun

Great at poker

Likes Disney Movies

Very touchy once you get close enough

Not in a sexual way, just likes physical contact

Especially fond of piggyback rides and cuddles

Extreme fear of needles

Entrapta (She-Ra)

She/Her or It/Its

Doesn't bother trying to figure out whether she's cis, trans, nonbinary, or what

Was AMAB though

Short as fuck (4'7)

Strong as fuck though

Cuddle game strong

Physical touch is a fuck yes

Cuddles

Piggyback rides

Hugs

Anything where she's touching someone is wonderful in her book

As long as she's the one that initiates it

Anyone else touching her without her permission makes her freak

Prefers being high up

Makes it harder for anyone to sneak up on her

An ace at video games

When it comes to sexuality she just says she's Questioning

Ibuki Mioda (SDR2)

Any pronouns + Pup/Pupself + It/Its

No idea what their gender is otherwise

Biromantic Asexual

Just likes sexual jokes

Gets distracted easily

Has severe hearing problems

She's plays her instruments as loud as possible, with the amp right next to her, without ANY ear protection

It's caused some damage

She talks so loud bc she has no idea how loud is considered acceptable

Wears hearings aids most of the time

Several piercings and tattoos

Likes hearing things jingle

She has a bracelet with a few bells hanging from it

She'll shake it whenever she's bored

LOVES hair accessories

Ribbons are a particular favourite

Occasionally she'll hang little charms from her hair "horns"

The kind of person who never takes any pills/medicine bc she keeps forgetting she has to

Frequently uses emojis

Skates everywhere but she isn't very good at it

She keeps crashing into everything

Has broken every bone in her body at least 3 times

Most of which was bc she keeps trying to kick in doors and skating down the stairs

Celestia Ludenberg (THH)

Nonbinary

Any pronouns, mainly goes by She/They

Bi, 70:30

Collects mini hand sanitizers and can tabs

Has single handedly gotten Mario Kart, Mario Party, Monopoly, Uno, and Clue banned a grand total of 17 times (and counting)

The kind of person to purposefully target someone regardless of what game was being played

Favourite victim is Byakuya (bc he gets so upset about it and she finds that hilarious)

Mains Waluigi

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

Has several banned Twitter accounts bc whenever she's bored she'll start discourse on purpose

Hangs with Korekiyo, Ibuki, Byakuya, Yasuhiro, and Leon most often

It's a weird friend group but everyone's sorta gotten used to it

She and Byakuya gamble together occasionally

She tries to avoid it bc he'll willingly blow his entire fortune in an attempt to beat her

Autustic

Can't stand the feeling of water

Mainly bc she can't swim for shit

Horror movies? Hates them

Gets flustered super easily

Taka is her twin brother

Kotoko, Kokichi, and Gundham are their half siblings (Same father)

Peko and Toko are their cousins

She sucks ass at go fish

Fuck canon she's 4'11 now

C h u b b y

Freckles

Once she gets comfortable enough with herself she dyes her hair in the peekaboo style

Either black and red or black and blonde

Haven't decided yet

I'll be doing Celesnaegiri hcs as a seperate post but I just feel it's important for you to know that she expresses her affection verbally and is a very touchy person

Went to middle school with Maki and Korekiyo

Has horrible eyesight

She wears contacts most of the time but she always puts off buying more

After the 5th or so time she ended up blindly stumbling around a week after her contacts ran out Kyoko convinced her to buy glasses as well

Religious accessories yo

Like chokers and dangly earrings with crosses and pentagrams and shit

Likes wearing wacky earrings

Can run and do all sorts of tricks in heels

She and Mukuro are exes yo

Keeps her hair short so it's easier to manage

Hair never gets longer than her shoulders if she can help it

She seems like the kind of person who'd keep her bangs grown past her eyes regardless of how frustrating or inconvenient it is

She's a sub yall just don't wanna admit it

Funtime Foxy (FNAF)

I'm going on the record to say this

Funtime Foxy is genderfluid and that is that

Goes by Funtime

Any pronouns, They/Them most commonly

Plays music (keyboard and guitar mainly)

They and Funtime Freddy (Freds) mainly play with the kids

Freds mainly tells stories with Bonbon while Funtime more so plays one-on-one

Has nicknames for everyone

Circus Baby - Ringleader

Ballora - Bells

Funtime Freddy - Partner

Bon Bon - Bun

Peril (WOF)

I like both Nonbinary She/They Peril and Mtf She/Her Peril

They're both such good concepts

She's a lesbian, Harold

She only had a crush on Clay bc he was pretty much everything she was supposed to like in a guy

Gimme a moment while I force all my mental disorders onto this poor child

Autistic, Anxiety (Social anxiety, mainly, but she has most types), Adhd, PTSD

I'd like to reiterate yet again that She's a lesbian

Sunny and Glory were her gay awakening

Peril in Book 1: Damn, Sunny and Glory sure are pretty. Anyone would be lucky to date them. Clay would probably go for them over me. He would be stupid if he didn't. I myself would willingly date them over someone like me. They're just so pretty :(

Peril waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of arc 2: WAIT-

Rarepair alert but Peril/Sora

Peril meeting Sora: "Hmmm She's attractive. I would love to date her. Too bad I'm straight and in love with her brother lmao :P"

Peril, a mere month later, waiting for Ruby to leave Jade Mountain, pacing in her cave, running face first into a wall: WAIT-

I remember reading this one amazing story where Sora taught Peril to read/write and Peril found out she set off the bomb and comforted her/convinced her her run so that's canon now

Btw if anyone can remember what that story was called/what platform it was on and could tell me I'd appreciate it very much

I'd even be willing to draw a character of your's or make you an icon or something

I usually don't accept requests bc I get burnt out easy but this is a special case

She runs into Sora again sometime between the beginning of TOP and the end

I like to imagine she just goes wandering around

Anyway she confesses like a mere few minutes after running into her again bc Peril is just subtle like that

The actual confession takes 15 minutes and the entire time Sora is just sitting here like "👁👄👁 sure"

Bam Peril/Sora

Peril plans to keep it a secret for a little while longer but she spends 3 seconds around Clay and pretty much blurts it out

Clay, who wasn't even aware that Peril was a lesbian, is just "👁👄👁"

I wanna say Clay doesn't know what a lesbian is but in my canon Sunny is a lesbian so Starflight has already told him

Anyway he's super supportive

From that point Peril is sorta open about her sexuality?

Like, she gives Clay permission to tell the rest of the D.O.D bc she isn't about to risk being in front of them when they hear the news

(When Sunny starts actively seeking her out as a hang out buddy and Tsunami, Glory, and Starflight appear to tolerate her presence just a bit more afterwards she pretends she isn't confused by the change)

She's pink, white, and blue bc I said so

If you look at a certain angle in the right lighting her eyes, mouth, fire, and under her scales all look purple

But her fire is normally white and blue bc I said so

Also she pale as fuck bc in my canon their fire just sorta burns their colour away

You know how you leave something outside for too long and it gets sunbleached? Where it gets all washed out?

Like that but more extreme

By the age of 10-12 firescale dragons are just white with pale eyes

That's right not even the eyes are safe

Ram horns :P

I'm also fond of Peril/Sunny

Or maybe Peril/Sora/Sunny

But Peril/Sora is the main thing

On the topic of that bringing in my hc that if one sib in a sib group is fire resistant all of them are

She,,, She can change her scale colour

But only slightly and only if her emotions are strong enough

Bc I don't give a fuck about Darkstalker's scroll we were robbed of hybrid Peril

Unfortunately all of Peril's emotions are strong

Rainwing ruff along her head and neck

It's like a hood

It's mainly smoothed to her sides but when she's startled it flares out

RAINWING PUPILS

Y'all will know what those look like as soon as I get off my ass :P

She,,, She can mimic bird cries

Hates the summer

She has more than enough body heat already and the outside is just hot enough to add on and make her feel sick

She can somewhat control her heat but most of the time it's based on her emotions

It can go from standing-in-the-middle-of-a-burning-building-cant-see-your-nose-smoke-is-so-thick heat (Strong emotion) to Hey-thats-a-nice-cozy-campfire heat (Calm/"weak" emotion/Sleeping)

I'm just gonna make a different post with all my Peril hcs cuz there isnt enough room for all of them here

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fifteenleads · 4 years ago

Text

Scientific Method: a process that uses evidence and testing to investigate the unknown, usually following a set of steps in order to arrive at a conclusion.

(Way too tedious. And boring. And so unlike Dazai.)

— An SKK Gakuen AU.

Step One: Make observations.

Most treat it like a "Step Zero", though, to their teacher's dismay. An era of results and instant gratification guarantees zero patience for things that take time.

Chuuya's guilty as charged, of course.

In any case, Dazai is being annoying, as usual.

"Stop blowing raspberries into my ear," he hisses, ducking under his textbook. "It's disgusting as hell."

"Did not," Dazai singsongs in English to the tune of his annoying ringtone. How he manages to even carry a tune despite the bubblegum idol pop blasting from his huge headphones is a mystery, indeed.

Chuuya rolls his eyes at that. "Did, too." He lightly kicks Dazai's leg to get his attention. "Seriously, listen to me. This is important."

Dazai seems to have read his lips, pausing his iPod and taking his headphones off with an annoyed sigh. "What, chibi?"

Ugh, that's definitely intentional.

Chuuya lets that insult slide for now. "I need the budget for the props ASAP," he huffs, arms crossed. "The school festival is already next week, you know."

Five days, to be precise, but Dazai still acts like they still have five weeks. "Ask Higuchi to do it," he drawls, lazily waving Chuuya away. "We still have 120 hours, don't we?"

Dazai turns to him, raising an eye expectantly. Damn him and his lack of sense of urgency sometimes.

That said, though, he always manages to get shit done in time. Every single time, without fail. And Chuuya, in turn, is always baffled at how he does it, every single time.

Today he finds himself asking the same thing all over again. Ugh.

Dazai's still waiting for an answer.

Chuuya's way too tired for this. "120 and counting down," he answers in kind to prove his point. "I need to submit it by today, in case you forgot."

"Higuchi will do it," Dazai simply repeats, wearing his headphones again. "Come back here when you're done. I'll wait for you."

Chuuya opens his mouth, then closes it again. Inhale, exhale. Better.

"Fine," he relents for now, arranging his things. "You'd better still be awake, or I'll dropkick your bony ass to tomorrow. Got it?"

He only gets the same lazy wave in response as he leaves.

When Chuuya comes back to the classroom an hour later, Dazai is fast asleep at his desk, headphones awkwardly displaced around his face.

To be fair, Dazai never said yes at all.

Chuuya could only scratch his head at that. This is one mystery he doesn't feel like solving at all.

Step Two: Ask a question.

Easier said than done, really.

They've been seatmates for more than a year and co-class reps for half that time, but that's about it.

Chuuya had cursed his luck to high heaven and back, and Dazai knew it. Reveled in it, even.

Then he got used to it.

He prides himself in being a good team player for the most part, if nothing else. That said, though, this is the first major event they are handling together, and the weight of the responsibility isn't lost on him.

"—Oiiii. Earth to Chuuya?"

Dazai is staring holes into him, pointed nose a mere fingerbreadth from his. He quickly backs away in surprise, sending the stack of paperwork flying to the ground.

Dazai seemed to have expected this somehow, and he sinks back into his seat while breaking into an amused chuckle.

Chuuya slowly puts up a hand to his face, surely an embarrassing flush of red by now. This is what he gets for getting caught off-guard.

The meeting continues where it left off, with Dazai rattling off a string of numbers while Higuchi notes down everything. Luckily, no one else said anything anymore.

Chuuya's still in his own headspace as he walks home alone, having managed to successfully ditch Dazai for once. He stops at a vending machine for a can of iced coffee, since he'll be pulling another all-nighter.

He gets the hazelnut-flavored one by mistake. A reflex, really.

Downing it in one go, Chuuya grimaces at the nutty aftertaste at the back of his throat. He still doesn't see what Dazai likes about it.

That being said.

Since when has he been this preoccupied with thoughts of Dazai?

"Ever since," a voice from the back of his head whispers.

Chuuya feels his face heat up again at the thought. Traitor.

Maybe he's still only flustered about earlier. He also hasn't slept enough the past days. Also stress from festival prep.

Or, he's only confused. Yup, that's definitely it.

That instantly makes him feel better.

Step Three: Formulate a hypothesis.

1. Dazai's annoying. 2. Dazai's very annoying. 3. Dazai's very, very annoying.

This one goes into the wastebasket, of course— as if he didn't already know that.

Chuuya's eyes trail to Dazai as he reads aloud a paragraph from the textbook.

It gets increasingly difficult to follow along with the lesson at hand when he's absolutely distracted by that rich, warm voice, carefully enunciating each word in the passage.

"Thank you, Dazai-kun," the teacher nods in satisfaction. "You may sit down."

As Dazai takes his seat, he turns his gaze ever so slightly in Chuuya's direction and their eyes briefly meet.

No sparks fly in all directions, but Chuuya feels a faint jolt of electricity run from his chest outward to every inch of his body.

Then Dazai smirks— the bastard.

1. He's definitely riling me up.

Dazai's smug face lasts only for a fraction of a second before it reverts back to one of disinterest.

Chuuya definitely knows better, though: from the dip of his eyebrows to the twitching of the corner of his lip.

2. He can be serious as hell.

Chuuya ends up mulling over his list through last period. He doesn't notice that class is over until Dazai sneaks up on him and quickly blows into his ear.

"Argh— goddamnit Dazai, every single time!"

Dazai sticks out his tongue in response. "That's for ditching me yesterday."

Chuuya groans in disbelief. Petty much?

He will never understand what he even sees in Dazai at all, at this rate.

Surprisingly, the very thought does the trick for him, and he takes note of it in his notebook at once.

"What's that?" Dazai attempts to peek over his shoulder, but Chuuya manages to evade him, snapping the notebook shut and glaring at him. "None of your business."

It only makes Dazai laugh. "Fine, then. I'll find out by next week."

"Is Nakahara here?" Kunikida from the next class calls from outside. Oh yeah, meeting.

"Gotta go," he excuses himself, half-relieved.

And that was that— for now.

Chuuya doesn't look at the third item on his new list until he's home. It's... strange and vague and unlikely as hell, but there it is anyway, in bold, red ink:

3. This might be a crush (???)

Step Three-point-five: Refine the hypothesis.

This is absurd, Chuuya thinks.

He's taken to scribbling his thoughts on a dog-eared spare notebook, since Googling "Do I have a crush on my classmate" was evidently useless.

The result ended up looking like a conspiracy map. Ugh.

Chuuya considers his three-and-a-half pages of chicken scratch before tearing them off.

It feels like he's dug himself into a hole at this point. Not that he minds staying in it, if it means he doesn't have to see Dazai tomorrow.

School festival's tomorrow, though.

Double ugh.

Chuuya honestly thought he was already too old for this shit. No, really.

Now his 15-year-old palpitating... red organ thing is laughing at him for it.

(He still chugs the rest of his coffee anyway. Mmm.)

Running won't solve anything, Nakahara.

Inhale, exhale.

Back to work:

H0 (null): He doesn't have a crush on Dazai. H1 (alternative): He has a crush on Dazai.

There, much more... straightforward.

Dazai would probably laugh at him for misusing a stat concept like this, but it serves his purpose just fine. It's not like he'll find out anyway.

It's one or the other.

(He'd have to decide sooner or later, anyway. Best to strike while the iron is hot.)

Step Four: Gather data.

(Because there's no time to experiment.)

It's only Day One, but micromanaging proves to be more challenging than expected. It comes with being second-in-command though, so Chuuya takes it all in stride.

Dazai, on the other hand, is on his phone, mindlessly scrolling and tapping and humming to himself between listening to the team's reports and ordering everyone else around.

Magnificent bastard's a born leader.

Chuuya peeks at his own phone; stopwatch app's still running

Dazai's been on his mind for... 6 hours now.

(No, really. Despite all the chaos. Yes, he's been keeping track.)

Others:

1. They've been using the same shampoo. The smell of activated charcoal has never been this alluring. 2. They think in the same way, apparently. Higuchi of all people had noticed. "You realized just now?"

And... And!...

3. They've been sharing breakfast for a year now. Bites out of the same bread, gulps from the same bottle of water, the works.

It makes Chuuya run for the nearest faucet to scrub off the blush on his face.

He's only left with cat-scratch nail marks and a soaking wet shirt for it, so clearly he shouldn't have bothered.

Welcome to adolescence.

Dazai is mildly amused when Chuuya returns to the classroom. "Had fun, chibi?"

No thanks to you, stupid beanpole.

Day Two isn't any different, but they're more used to the work by then, so they manage to close up much earlier.

Chuuya and Dazai are the last to leave the classroom, having finished the stocks inventory for Day 3 while everyone else went to enjoy the festival.

It's five PM.

"Ah, freedom!" Dazai yawns loudly as he says this, stretching his arms upward before swinging them around.

Chuuya ducks to the side to avoid getting hit. "Ugh, watch it!"

To his credit, Dazai drops his arms back at once. "Oh. Sorry."

He adds a smile to that. It's beautiful.

How hadn't he noticed that before?

The early sunset bathes the corridor in pale red-orange, as well as their white polo shirts. Dazai's messy hair seems to shine, too, if anything.

Chuuya's reaching up to touch it before he realizes. Greasy but soft.

Also: "You have freckles."

Dazai's confused at the sudden contact. He doesn't withdraw, though. "You, too." A smile. "Faint ones, as small as you are, across your nose."

Then he leans in and traces the cat-scratch marks on Chuuya's cheeks. "You've been distracted since last week. What happened?"

Step Five: Analyze the data.

Step Six: Draw a conclusion.

Step Seven: Share your findings.

...

Wait, wait, wait.

The moment feels like a jolt of electricity and the numbness after, and then some. Those who said people short-circuit were onto something, after all.

Chuuya doesn't register anything for the entire minute Dazai shakes him back to reality.

Then something wet goes into his ear.

He lets out an unholy screech right there and then, instinctively covering his ear in disgust. Dazai, too, has a finger in both of his, face contorted into something between a wince and a grin.

A beat.

Two more.

And Chuuya laughs his head off. He doesn't know anymore.

Dazai does, too, and they devolve into a pair of crazy hyenas— not that anyone would notice.

It's only a good five minutes later that they catch their breath, slumped on the wall, leaning into each other for support.

"You okay now?" Dazai asks him, still trying not to laugh.

Chuuya only huffs loudly in reply. Dazai takes it as a yes.

"Now that that's out of our system,"— and he goes back to business mode— "will you tell me what's going on?"

Hypothesis 2: Dazai can be serious at times.

(He has always been, though.

Chuuya only refused to see it.)

The next thing he knows, their faces are too close for comfort.

Chuuya takes a nervous gulp. It felt more like gasping for air, the way Dazai frowns at him for it.

Hypothesis 1: Dazai likes to rile him up.

(Maybe? Why, though?

Now he's not so sure anymore.)

Maybe it would be wiser to just forget it. This only happened because he overthought many things.

There's still time to back out.

Dazai won't let him, though, if the intense glare he has on now is any indication.

Inhale, exhale.

Moment of truth:

"Here's the deal" Chuuya starts, momentarily avoiding Dazai's gaze as he finds the right words to say. "We've worked together for so long now. And yes, I still think you're annoying as hell."

Dazai merely hums at that, as if he were expecting it. He doesn't say anything, though.

"A lot of times, though, you pull through. Get things done— magnificently at that. I really don't know how you do it, sometimes.

"The past week made me think about these things. Maybe even earlier than that. Who knows? Does it even matter?

"In any case, I realized something."

By now, the sunset is as deep red as his cheeks, and he feels himself burning up inside.

(Running now won't solve anything.

One or the other.)

Chuuya meets Dazai's eyes.

It's now or never.

"I like you," he says with finality. "And that's all you're getting out of me for now."

Chuuya lets out another huff to prove his point, and holds his breath. And waits.

A beat.

Two more.

It's Dazai who sighs in relief.

And what a sight to behold: his lithe form slumping forward against Chuuya's, the tension in his muscles dissipating with the remnants of the afternoon heat.

"Whew," Dazai finally manages after a while, "you finally said it."

"... Huh?"

"I told you, right? I'll find out soon."

"You didn't read my notes."

"Of course not," Dazai laughs. "You /were/ mumbling a little too loud to yourself these days, though. It was easy to piece things together."

Ugh.

Chuuya rubs at his temples. If only he has something to chuck into Dazai's face right now.

It doesn't explain Dazai's exaggerated reaction just now, though...which he isn't at all trying to cover up, unlike all the times he played pranks before. Unless..

...Oh.

It takes Chuuya only a moment: "You—"

"Yeah," Dazai breathes out. "And that's all you're getting from me, too."

No problems there. Chuuya likes straightforward people.

He still headbutts Dazai for it, though. "Payback," he says simply before he hears complaints.

"Fair enough," Dazai mutters under his breath. "We even now?"

"Yeah."

A bit anticlimactic, all things considered, but Chuuya finds he likes it, too.

Now that that's out of his system, though... "Now what?"

It's a pretty loaded question, and they both know it. No one just suddenly admits and enters into... whatever this is, without a plan.

Dazai stares back, just as cluelessly— but not for long: "I think I know what."

Chuuya decides he still doesn't like that grin at all.

"Remember the lab primer in science? There's a certain procedure we follow to investigate what we don't know."

This time, it's Chuuya who slumps. Good lord.

Step Eight: Start over.

For Kiro.

#bungou stray dogs #nakahara chuuya #dazai osamu #soukoku #gakuen AU #mayoi gakuen AU #high school #fluff

10 notes · View notes

defkooka · 5 years ago

Text

until i see you again [pt.1] I na jaemin

pairing: na jaemin x reader

genre: collegeau!, summerau!, friends to lovers!, angst, romance

word count: 11.4K

summary: na jaemin was the boy who made you fall for him the summer of your sophomore year of high school. na jaemin was also the boy who unintentionally broke your heart that same summer, leaving and never returning again. now he’s back, ironically during the summer of your sophomore year of college. some things never seem to change huh?

a/n: i love dreams new comeback! chenle was looking *chefs kiss*. anyways, a small series on our flirt jaemin. i’m stuck at home doing school work and nothing to do but to write so i couldn't help myself when the concept video for puzzle piece came out, like jaemin looks soooo cute! hope you enjoy :) PS: REQUEST ARE OPEN

the soles of your feet were burning and you were sweating like crazy at this point. you could even feel the sweat begin to drop from between your boobs which was never a good sign, the only thing keeping you from melting into the tile floors was the hot breeze coming from the fan sitting on the far corner of the pink marble counter.

“why the fuck is it so hot right now?!” eunjung came walking from the back room, two big tubs of chocolate ice cream on each of her sides and a big pouty look decorated her face.

“you would think that working at an ice cream shop all summer would mean we would at least not sweat gallons a day. but look at us now, who would have thought? not me!” ellie sarcastically commented and turned to lean against the metal counter to look at you. you rolled your eyes and fanned yourself with the rag on your shoulder avoiding her ‘i told you so’ gaze.

“better than making 8 dollars an hour watching mean devil children all summer,” you said while you played with the bright pink and neon green cups that sat on the dispenser, “scholarships and financial aid can only get you so far”.

summer had come faster than you had anticipated this year. you went from stressing over big tests, homework, and maintaining a job all at once, to dying in the scorching heat of an ice cream shop. you and your friends planned to make this the best summer, but you couldn't really do that with an empty bank account. so when eunjung saw a ‘help wanted’ sign from your local ice cream shop hanging on the front door, she couldn't pass on the opportunity of bringing you and ellie along.

“come on guys, cheer up! at least we get all the free ice cream we want.” she shrugged her shoulder and smiled down at the large cookie dough cone she had prepared for herself.

“i would much rather be taking care of ms. jacksons kids than sitting in here in this heat. like literally it’s a fucking ice cream shop, shouldn't all this ice cream be melted by now?” ellie dropped her head back and whined. “well you said yes to working with us, so suck it up bitch!” eunjung kicked ellie’s shin and once again for the tenth time that day they began bickering.

“guys! chill out. and she’s right ellie, this isn’t so bad. at least better than us sitting on eunjungs couch all summer with no money whatsoever.” you laughed and turned towards the door to gaze outside at the empty streets. it’s been a pretty slow day, only a few people here and there. you even had a few some older couples coming in and sitting down for a while, before leaving right out the door again.

“i wouldn’t mind if it wasn’t so empty! everyone's either at the carnival or getting ready for that stupid lake party.” ellie crossed her arms on the marble top next to you and grouched.

“didn't you say you wanted to go to said ‘stupid lake party’?” eunjung looked at her in confusion, “i know!” ellie threw her hands up in frustration and walked out from behind the counter to sit at one of the tables in front of the big glass window, you and eunjung following behind.

“don’t worry! we have like 2 more hours until our shifts are over so we can just head home, get into cute little bikinis, and go have fun and get drunk at the lake. but i am NOT carrying your ass home drunk again.” you squeezed her shoulders in reassurance before taking a seat with your back facing the door.

“ugh i can’t wait! all the hot guys, the music. i heard jisung was going to be there with the guys.” eunjung smiled and blushed while licking away the ice cream that had dripped onto her hand.

“uhhhh you mean your boyfriend?” ellie mocked her by making kissy noises and poking her sides. “he’s not my boyfriend, stop it.” she swatted away her hands and you laughed.

“yeah right, you have been flirting and all over each other since literally our freshman year of high school!” you crossed your arms on the metal table in front of you, feeling the icy cold metal against your burning skin.

“i like to take my time with things thank you very much.” she stuck her tongue out at you guys and ellie and you shook your heads in laughter.

you all kept small conversation on silly things that happened during your weeks when all of the sudden you heard the bell of the front door ding, and then male laughs follow along, making you three look up.

“um excuse me, aren’t you guys supposed to be working?” you turned around at the familiar voice and saw chenle and jeno walking towards your table. you saw another head of ashy blue hair walking behind them but didn't recognize them since you couldn’t really see their face with chenle’s head in the way, so you didn't pay much attention to it.

“look what the cat dragged in.” ellie flipped off chenle with a teasing tone and a smile, he mimicked her words and flipped her off as well before giving you a high five and waving at eunjung who sat across from you.

“awe don’t be so bitter ellie, i know you miss us even though you saw us like two days ago.” jeno began poking the side of her neck constantly making her squirm under his touch. “don’t touch me like that!” she punched his buff upper arm, but not strong enough to the point where it would actually hurt him, not like it would anyway. jeno was somehow built like a ken doll. literally any time any of you would try and inflict any sort of pain towards him, he wouldn't even as much as flinch, god does love to play favorites.

jeno frowned and rubbed the part up and down jokingly and continued to tease the black haired girl sitting in front of him.

“technically we areee supposed to be working, but it’s been dead all day so we’re just killing time until we leave.” eunjung shoved the last of her ice cream into her mouth and discreetly wiped her hands on ellies shoulder while she continued to fight off jenos mocking hands.

“you guys coming to the lake later?” chenle played with a few strands of your hair in attempt to braid it, but failing miserably at it too.

“fuck yeah we’re going, i refuse to let summer slip away before i go back to sitting in lectures all day. anyway who’s even dow-” she stopped mid sentence after she finally noticed the third head with jeno and chenle. she had a shocked yet amused expression on her face and she stayed like that for a few seconds in complete silence. jeno seemed to noticed her behavior and snapped his head towards the person who still remained unknown. he walked behind you to grab their arm before finally introducing them.

“shit i forgot, you guys remember jaemin right? he moved away 3-4 years ago, we were all like best friends back in school.” your body went stiff at the mention of that name. you haven't heard of it in a long time, not after spending months brokenhearted when he first left and slowly seeming to forget about him over the years, well. until now.

jeno dragged jaemin forward where he stood at the front of the table and smiled at ellie and eunjung.

“of course i remember jaemin. where the hell have you been all this time kid?” ellie stood up with a smile to give him a tight hug before she pulled back, and let eunjung hug him too.

“college.” he laughed with a straight set of teeth, making you reminisce of the small, wimpy black haired boy with braces that would run around with you guys back in grade school all throughout high school, before he had to move away. he was older now. way older, and definitely not a boy anymore. his ashy blue hair was the thing that stood out the most, he wore it with confidence. jaemin back in high school wasn’t much of a person who liked attention, he loved having friends and was a very friendly person, but never bold enough to something like dye his entire head blue. you also didn’t miss that his height had skyrocketed, now he stood a solid 4-5 inches taller than you. even though he didn't look anything like the way he had left, he somehow still acted like the same jaemin you crushed on back in freshman year and all through that summer. his warm, wide smile was the same, his bright black eyes were the same, and the happy aura around him was still the same.

“you just came down for the summer or something?” eunjung pulled away from the hug and widely smiled at him.

“sadly, yes. my mom wanted to spend a summer back home for a while so she dragged us to come down.” he sadly nodded along with his words and pushed his large hands into his shorts pockets.

“well, i guess that means we have to make the most of it right? you’re gonna be hanging out with us all summer long from now on, just like old times. dude we’re getting the old crew back!” ellie excitedly hugged eunjung before turning to you. once she saw the look of pure and utter shock in your face her smile slowly dropped but soon turned into a knowing smirk.

“jaemin, you remember y/n right?” your eyes went wide and everyone’s attention shifted towards you where you still sat on the chair. jaemins smile dropped a little bit at the sound of your name before turning to look at you, then he broke out into the biggest grin you’ve seen on him yet.

“holy shit. hey y/n, long time no see.” his eyes roamed up and down your body before meeting your gaze once again. not in one of those weird perverted ways, but in a ‘holy shit, i cant believe it’s actually you!’ way. he hadn’t seen you in years nor heard your name in a while, just from time to time when he would speak to the guys and they would talk about where they were hanging out and who was coming along. every time he heard it, it made him think about you and all those past memories back in high school, especially making those old feelings bubble up in his stomach, but he never lodged on them for long since he truly believed he would never see your face ever again.

“yeah, long time huh?” you smiled at him and you both didn’t say anything after that. you guys just stood there taking each others appearances in.

jaemin noticed the way your hair got shorter, you had probably cut it from the way it used to flow down your back when you were kids. you definitely didn’t look like the little girl he would tease, you looked grown. like a woman. your breast had gotten bigger and peeked out from the tight black work shirt you had picked out that morning in a rush. your legs were longer and thicker, and your skin glowed from the way the sun was hitting it just right from the window in front of you. jaemin always thought you were pretty when you were kids, but you were stunning now. all those past memories hitting him like a truck while he stared at you in awe.

“okayyy. why don’t weee, go get you guys some ice cream, shall we?” eunjung pushed jeno and chenle towards the glass display once she saw you and jaemin get into an intense stare down and the atmosphere had gone silent.

“we have to bring enough for everyone. renjun wants milk flavored!” chenle screamed while jeno followed behind him. ellie gave you a look before she walked away with another smirk. “what the fuck is even milk flavored?” you heard eunjung say before jaemin took a seat on the chair in front of you, leaning back into it with his hands in front of him on the shiny metal table.

“how you've been?” he looked at you with that fondness he used to look at you with back in that summer, which was one of the reasons you fell so hard for the guy. you couldn't help the pink blush that began creeping onto your cheeks and your head shot down towards your lap for a few seconds before looking back up at him.

“i’m doing good. besides spending thousands on college, could be worse-“ you shrugged your shoulder and you both laughed. “so, how’s your life back at home?” you tilted your head sideways and watched his eyes.

“it’s going great. it was hard settling in at first. you know, making new friends in an entire new country. it was rough, i missed you guys like crazy. but i’m glad that coming back; nothing really seemed to change with you all. renjun and donghyuck still fight over everything, chenle and jisung still have that bromance thing going, jeno and ellie still act like an old married couple, eunjung is still somehow the sweetest person for no apparent reason,” he turned around and looked at jeno and eunjung trying to pull ellie off of chenle after he tried to stick his hand inside of the display and steal a free sample and you both chuckled.

“and you,” he turned back around and met your eyes. suddenly you felt nerves shoot through your entire body and felt like shrinking into yourself from the intense stare of his dark brown eyes, “you’re still you.” he finally cracked a smile and you felt your chest tighten a little.

“yeah, it was pretty hard after you moved away. everyone kinda didn’t know how to act around each other for a few months but we learned how to adjust. perfect example right there.” you quickly pointed towards the scene happening in front of you to try and cover up your flustered state before he seemed to noticed. you both laughed once again but that still didn't calm the nerves bubbling inside of you.

jaemin turned and looked up to meet your eyes for what felt like the hundredth time. nope, that thing he did with his eyes where he would stare at you and make you feel like he was looking right inside of you and feel everything you would be feeling still hadn’t change at all, yet all you could do was smile back at the silver haired boy and look down at your clasped hands in front of you.

“i missed you like crazy you know.” your eyes shot up to meet his and his smile dropped a little as his eyes sincerely watched you.

“uh yeah. we all missed you.” you uncomfortably shifted in your seat. you didn’t really want talk about this subject to the boy that you had spent most of your weeks crying over in your bed because you were never seeing him away. nothing better than teenage heartbreak.

jaemin caught onto the mood change in the air but didn’t continue to push the subject, not wanting to make you even more uncomfortable.

“alright. i think that’s enough ice cream. we should head back to the lake and start setting up our spot, jaemin let’s go!” jeno grabbed the boys shoulder and pulled him up to his feet. jaemin nodded and turned back towards you but saw that you refused to meet his nervous gaze.

“we’ll see you guys there?” chenle turned around to talk to the three of you with one hand on the door.

“yeah, we have to head home and change but we’ll be there by 6.” eunjung nodded and ellie and you agreed.

“so, i guess i’ll talk to you later at the lake?” jaemins voice sounded hopeful, you felt guilt so you finally looked back up at him and forced a smile, “yeah, i’ll see you there.” you nodded and he gave you a grin with a wink of one eye which made you feel all flustered all of the sudden. and he got smooth too?

“cool” he teased and walked behind jeno and chenle after saying his goodbye to the girls.

“no fucking way na freaking jaemin is back in town looking that hot.” ellie announced once she saw the guys were a safe distance far away before rushing back over to where you were sitting in excitement.

“i haven’t heard from that kid since like a few months after he had moved. i didn’t know the guys still talked to him.” eunjung stayed behind the counter and looked at you both with confusion.

“i guess they did. y/n, you okay?” ellie looked at you in concern after you had stayed silent and looked totally spaced out from the conversation. you didn't really know how you were feeling, you never expected to see his face ever again after he had left. he was just some memory you managed to push to the back of your head ever since he left and never dug out of thought of ever again. so why did you feel those stupid butterflies in your stomach? it was high school. FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL. you should NOT be feeling butterflies over a boy you liked back in high school, that’s like rule #1 in the ‘how to live a normal life’ handbook, women edition. high school boys are stupid and should never be brought up again after graduation. well, jaemin wasn’t just any high school boy. he was the high school boy who showed you how to fall in love and live a little more.

“yeah i’m fine. just kinda shocked, i never thought i’d see him ever again.” you looked back down at your hands as you played with them to try and keep yourself calm from all the different thoughts and emotions that were rushing through your body right now.

“yeah i thought so too. considering how things ended.” she patted you on your back in comfort with a half smile.

“where the hell are they?” ellie sat on the side of the curve tying her high top converses with frustration, her bangs falling on her eyes as she forcefully blew them away from her face with puffs of air. “they said they weren’t going to take more than 10 minutes. i’m gonna rip donghyuck a new one when i lay my eyes on him.” she stood up and kicked a pebble down the street as you and eunjung watched it roll into the road.

“they’ll probably be here any second. relax.” you pulled on ellie’s bra strap and yanked her back before she could furiously kick another rock.

“we have things to do! it’s not the last day of summer for nothing!” she threw her arms in the air before lazily sitting on the curb again.

“exactly why we SHOULDN'T be stressing out el! the guys said they were going to be here, so we just need to wait.” eunjung sat down next to her and you soon joined them.

today was the last day of summer before you entered into your sophomore year.

you had spent the entire summer with your friends running around town down crazy and stupid things. late nights by the lake, climbing up the hill just outside of town to watch the sunset, swimming in chenles pool every time the heat began to become too much. this was truly THE best summer of your life, you had spent it all with your amazing group of friends and nothing in life seemed to could ever top this.

your heard a stampede of footsteps coming around the corner and all three of you quickly turned to witness the 5 boys sprinting towards you guys almost tripping over each other.

“fucking finally! where the hell were you guys?!” ellie abruptly stood and dusted the dirt from her neon pink shorts, moving away some of the bangs that had fell onto her face.

“we just out ran the kim’s dog, how can a 1 foot dog run so freaking fast?” chenle tumbled onto the curb and laid on the grass trying to catch his breath.

“coco?! seriously?! the dog is literally a chihuahua! what was he going to do to 7 grown teenagers?!” eunjung looked at them like they were the dumbest people she’s ever met. you and ellie laughed and you sat up and dusted your pants while coming closer towards the group of boys getting scolded by the slim girl.

“evil things. very evil things.” renjun wiped the sweat from his brow and nodded knowingly.

“whatever. so, did you get the stuff?” ellie smirked.

“why are you making it sound like a drug deal, jesus. but yes, we got it.” donghyuck pulled the brown cardboard box in front of him out towards you and opened it, revealing all kinds of multicolored fireworks inside.

“we’re gonna go crazy with these!” jisung pulled a firecracker from the box and examined the package carefully before throwing it back in the mix.

“where did you even get these?” you shifted your head closer to the box taking a good look at the fireworks that filled the it.

“jeno knows a guy.” donghyuck yanked the box away from you before closing the lid and giving you a sickening smirk.

“i do?” jenos head snapped up in confusion and looked at hyuck with knitted eyebrows. “yes! you do!” hyuck hissed at him and came closer to his ear.

“dude! we can’t let the women know our secrets!” he said before jeno mouthed an “oh” and nodded in understanding.

“we’re literally right here dumbass” ellie raised her eyebrow at him. they mocked each other with faces as chenle stood up from the ground before speaking up.

“where are we even going to light these anyway?”

everyone looked at each other waiting for the other to speak up with some sort of idea.

“how about the top of the hill? it’s a good view of the town and it’s not far.” jeno shrugged and everyone broke into loud “oohs”.

“wow! lee jeno is the man today!” renjun patted his back teasingly and soon the other boys joined in. jeno broke into a flustered smile while shooing the boys away from him.

“we should get going then. suns almost about to go down.” eunjung said and everyone agreed and began walking towards the hill just outside of your town. you looked around the group and began to count heads; a habit you have obtained due to hanging out with such a large group of friends overtime.

“hold up, wheres jaemin?” you stopped in your tracks and everyone turned back to look at you.

“he said his parents had to talk to him, so he’ll be a little late. i’ll text him where to meet us.” jisung pulled out his phone to shoot a quick text to jaemin and you all began your walk once again.

all you managed to say was ‘oh’ and continued to walk with the group with a frown while they held conversations with each other.

you and jaemin have stuck like glue this entire summer. he tells you everything like you’re his psychologist or something, with you doing the same. he would’ve definitely told you something about meeting his parents today. maybe it was a last minute thing? you decided not to stress about it and just let it go as you followed behind the group trying to keep up with their speedy steps.

after you guys walked and climbed the hill for a solid 15 minutes, your legs ached as you finally reached the top. it gave you a perfect overlook of your town, the sun setting behind the tall buildings and puffy clouds graced the orange sky. you walked towards the giant walnut tree to rest that you’ve sat under countless nights this summer; jaemin usually by your side.

you guys would come here and talk all the time about random things and would just let the hours run by as you sat on the soft grass. sometimes you would come alone; just the two of you and watch the sunset, he would slowly slide himself now and then closer to you and push your head down on his shoulder and wrap an arm around your smaller figure and just sit there in silence. you would never object to this gesture; finding it adorable how he would nuzzle his head on your hair and run his hand up and down your arm when the wind blew too hard. you sometimes would find yourself yearning for his touch or his presence when he wasn’t around, and even times when he was.

over time you developed some kind of fondness for the black haired boy; soon fondness turning into real feelings. of course you never acted upon these feelings, it’s probably some stupid 15 year old girl crush, maybe just a little summer thing that would end up disappearing over time. so why stress about it? might as well actually enjoy it while it lasts.

“where should we light these?” jeno pulled a lighter from his back pocket and crouched down to open the brown box.

“away from the tree please, last thing we need is causing a forest fire on the last day of summer.” renjun said with hands on his hips.

“let’s do this one first.” jisung pulled a small red and blue box from inside, little yellow and gold designs covered the paper that covered it with a long candle wick coming from the middle.

“it says to set on the ground, and light it with a match. remain 10 feet away from the box to avoid injuries.”

“can i just hold it in my hand while you guys light it and wait for it to explode?” ellie jokingly said. “yes please.” donghyuck whispered before his eyes bursted open as an angry ellie approached him; fist already clenched in the air to punch the air out of him,

“i was kidding!” he laughed and grabbed her wrist before she could get a clean hit of his face, gently pushing her away from him. “i’m going to throw you down this fucking hill, watch.” she teasingly warned him with her index finger.

“alright, alright kids. gather around please.” hyuck grabbed the match from jenos hand and jisung placed the small box on the dirt ground.

“watch the master do-“

“WAIT! let us get away first. better you going down than us.” renjun interrupted while you all ran a safe distance away from the explosion that was about to unleash.

“oh wow. nice, sacrifice the cute one.” hyuck threw his arms up and argued.

“just go!” eunjung laughed and hyuck turned back around with a roll of his eyes.

“here goes nothing.” he quickly lit the match, making a fast 180 turn and sprinting towards where you all stood. you all turned to the box with huge smiles on your faces and waited for a few seconds. you heard an ear screeching sound before loud bangs were going off into the air, the fireworks exploded into all different colors, decorating the low lit sky. you all awed at the colors and cheered until they all died down after about thirty second.

“holy shit! my turn!” chenle screeched before he grabbed another one and set it down on the ground, quickly lighting the match and doing the dash to your spot before the explosion went off with a loud ‘bang!’.

you all laughed and watched the different flashes of colors jump into the air before banishing with a loud rain-like sound once again as you took turns lighting them all. all the smiles on your faces displayed straight joy as you spent the rest of the night setting off every firework inside the box, and slamming firecrackers on the ground and enjoying the loud booms they created echo through the night air.

“you know you all look insane, right?” you heard a a familiar voice coming from the bottom of the hill, before you saw jaemins face come into view.

“where the hell have you been?” you ran towards him before jumping into his arms, he effortlessly caught you before you pulled away with a smile. you could see that something was wrong with him from the moment you pulled away from his hug, he tried his hardest to smile his usual big toothy grin, but it was only met halfway and insincerely.

“i had to talk to my parents for a while. but i’m here now, that’s all that matters.” he tried to look happy, he tried to be okay in that moment, but seeing the worried look on your face while you tried to decipher what was wrong crushed him and made his heart ache a little. for the past summer, jaemins entire world revolved around you. he always had some sort of small crush towards since that day he accidentally pushed you in the lunch line back in 4th grade. but never really did anything about it, i mean you've been in the same group of friends forever and you were like what, 12? he hadn't even hit puberty yet in middle school. but when freshman year of high school ended and summer started rolling around, your skin seemed to glow, your eyes sparkled a little more than usual every time you talked to him, and your smile would pull at the strings of his heart making him feel giddy inside. you've been friends since grade school, but he made it his mission to win you over that summer. spending every second of the day around you and watching you becoming more and more pretty right before his eyes.

“jaemin, what’s wrong?” you grabbed his sweaters sleeve and examined his face.

“nothing. just tired.” he shook the thoughts out of his head and tried to walk towards everyone else, you stopped him before he could even take another step by gripping his sweater even tighter.

“jaemin...” you looked him dead in the eye with a serious look.

“i’ll be okay, don’t worry.” he grabbed the hand that was gripping his sweater before interlacing your fingers with his, giving you a half smile before pulling you along with him towards the rest of your friends.

“jaemin!” jeno called out once he saw the boy walking towards them and you right behind him. all your friends knew that jaemin had a little thing for you, so it didn't come as a surprise to them when he finally decided to make moves.

“you missed the show bro, jisung almost lit his shoe on fire.” renjun held his stomach in a fit of cackles while jisung nervously laughed and scratched the back of his neck.

“fuck, i cant believe i missed that.” jaemin smiled at the group in front of him.

“where the hell were you the whole time?” eunjung subconsciously ran a hand through her hair, licking her lips trying to add moisture onto them. from the corner of your eye you could see the blush creep on jisungs face as he quickly looked away and distracted himself with the now half burnt shoelace of his right foot. he’s totally crushing on her.

“uhh i got caught up with my parents about something. don’t worry about it.” he simply said and shrugged. everyone gave him a knowing look and shifted their eyes towards you but you didn't notice the sad stares directed at you with pity from your friends, too distracted staring up at the pretty stars.

“it’s whatever, at least you made it in time for the big one.” hyuck pulled a box from the ground, it was bigger than the other fireworks you’ve been setting off throughout the night, this one had yellow and orange sparkles all over its purple exterior with little cartoons decorating the front of it. hyuck places it down on the dirt ground before handing the red lighter to jaemin.

“would you like to do the honors?” he smirked with a raised eyebrow. jaemin laughed before grabbing the lighter into his large hands. you all laughed and cheered before backing up a few feet away from him.

“speech! speech! speech! speech!” chenle began to chant and soon you were all joining.

“what kind of cult is this?” ellie said before chenle looked at her with crazy eyes.

“cult? this is the jaemin love club sweety, get it right.” he jokingly said before you all bursted into laughter. literally all you've guys been doing all night is laughing and setting off explosives on top of hill, maybe you were a cult.

“shut up! let our club president speak! na jaemin i love you!” renjun yelled before turning his attention back to jaemin with a proud smile, throwing finger hearts at him which caused the younger boy to laugh.

jaemin stood there a few seconds trying to collect his thoughts, switching the lighter from one hand to the other and running his fingers up and down the bright red plastic. he felt his mind racing through all the amazing memories you guys created this summer, like getting jisungs foot somehow stuck in a chair in eunjungs backyard, or accidentally locking jeno outside on the porch as a joke, but later forgetting about him until 3 in the morning when you were all having a sleepover. poor guy was sleeping next to the plants and using the fertilizer as a pillow. he smiled at all your silly arguments like the one where you all fought over whether if pineapple belonged on pizza or not, which ellie didn’t give up on until she proved her point that it was a creation sent from heaven. also the stupid choices you had made all summer like peer pressuring mark into driving you all down to the beach a few hours from here and getting lost for 4 hours getting back home. your parents never let you live that one down. but his favorite memory of all; was you. like the time you sat with him all night on his roof watching the stars and playing slow r&b songs through his phone while you horribly tried to sing along and told each other childhood stories. or the time where you guys were walking along side of the lake one afternoon and he had the bright idea to start bothering the ducks, which only resulted in him making them angry and you guys getting chased all the way to the main road. you were always there for him, the good and bad. he never really cared about a girl the way he cared for you, yeah he’s had crushes here and there throughout his life but never like this. he didn’t think you were just pretty, he thought you were intelligent, confident, hardworking, and open minded about everything you did. but could he really call that love? he was so young. what the fuck does he know about love?

“i don’t really know what to say, there’s so much shit yet so little words to explain it. spending every second up each others ass is not easy” he joked and you all laughed in agreement.

“We made some amazing memories, some pretty stupid ones too. i’m still sorry about pushing you into the lake eunjung.” he apologetically looked at eunjung and she laughed before giving him a reassuring smile. “today is the last night we get to do things like this y’know, before going back and cheating our way through sophomore year like we did freshman.” another set of laughs filled the night air.

“um excuse me, not i. this is a brain of gold.” renjun confidently said before jisung and chenle looked at each other.

“who’s gonna tell him?” jisung said before an angry renjun ran towards him.

“ya!” he grabbed him by the collar and shook him. “okay! okay!” jisung said in a fit of giggles trying to push the older boy off of him.

“can you please get to the sentimental part please” ellie crossed her arms impatiently.

“jeez fine. moral of the story, i just want to say thank you to all of you. we’ve been friends for so long that I've even lost track of the years. every memory i can possibly think of right now, somehow involves every single one of your dumbasses. we’ve been there for each every time something big or minor happens and i just want to appreciate that. were standing here on our last day of summer for a reason, so i just want to say...thank you. for making my life so great up to this point.” he finally looked up from the rock under his foot that he’s been staring at for the last minute while he gave his little speech.

you heard a soft sniffle next to you and turned to witness tears rolling down eunjungs face.

“oh god, here comes the waterworks-”

“that was so beautiful? and heartfelt? why would you think this is okay to do to me jaemin?!” eunjung dug her head into jenos side while he cradled her in his arms with a roll of his eyes. “there, there little one. shut up now” he patted the top of her head like a little puppy.

“that was deep bro” donghyuck took large strides towards him and embraced him into a tight hug sending the stumbling back a little, loud fake sobs leaked of his mouth before jaemin began to squirm and whine before pushing hyuck away successfully.

“jaemin that was so sweet” you pouted your lips and clasped your hands in front of you. his eyes locked with yours and he blushed at your comment, shyly looking away with smile.

“well, enough of that sentimental shit. let’s end this summer with a bang, shall we?” ellie announced before you all began to cheer once again with loud screams and claps.

“here’s to the best summer ever with the greatest people.” jaemin yelled before flicking the lighter a few times until a spark of fire emerged, he lit the box and swiftly raced back to you, he crashed into your arms and you both stumbled back a bit in laughter, before gaining your balance and waiting for the small colorful box to explode.

you all watched it intensively before you heard a loud whistle resonate through the night air, and all the sudden two sparks of lights shot into the night sky, before they exploded into an eruption of colors. you all watched the light show above you in a awe for a few minutes until the last bit of light left the sky, only leaving the far away stars to look down at you.

no one said anything. you all just stood there in silence enjoying each others presence, it’s like no one needed to say anything for you all to understand each others thoughts and feelings right in that moment.

this is it. this was when it hit you that these people standing with you in that second, were people you wanted forever in your life. this summer showed you how important it is to have people you value with you, those you can share a life with and connect with on an emotional level. the ones that you can laugh with, cry with, and argue with. bonds that are made for life.

you looked over to jaemin who was standing next to you. his head was directed up towards the stars and his eyes were twinkling a little different than usual, his expression was almost sad like. but the juxtaposition of the chilly breeze blew his hair back making him look like some kind of angel. he slightly parted his lips and closed his eyes for a second, taking in the silence.

your eyes drew in the shape of him in your mind, engraving it into the deepest parts of your conscious and keeping it there forever. but you couldn’t restrain yourself any longer. your fingertips touched his before you fully wrapped your hand with his, jaemins eyes shot open before they landed on you, looking a little taken aback. he began to relax his hand and finished interlacing your fingers together sloppily. his eyes scanned over your face before breaking into a sweet grin replacing his former pained expression.

“we should get going. it’s getting late and i don’t feel like being late for school in the morning.” renjun spoke first and made everyone snap back into reality.

“i already picked out my outfit, it’s laying next to my pillow.” jeno proudly smiled before he started to make his way down the semi-steep hill. “me too!” jisung ran down after him before jumping on his back and wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

“that was fun.” jaemin said next to you, your hand still holding his, “yeah, it was fun spending our last night like this.” you looked down with a blush.

“i’m going to miss nights like these” ellie wrapped her arms around renjuns shoulders, with a pout.

“you do realize that we’re literally gonna still be around each other every single day, just with school thrown into the mix, right?” jeno turned around towards the short girl with a raised brow.

“shut up jeno! it’s not the fucking same and you know it” ellie argued shooting a death glare to the side of jenos head. he threw his hands in the air in defeat with a teasing grin.

you all walked and buzzed with conversation for the rest of the way, teasingly pushing and shoving each other and cracking jokes. this was your last summer night after all, it wouldn't be a good one if someone didn't almost get hit by a car. you continued to mess around until you all came to a stop on the corner of the street where you all had met that same afternoon.

“i should head home before my mom starts throwing my stuff out of the window. see you guys tomorrow at school.” jisung began to walk backwards while throwing a peace sign in the air.

“wait—i’ll walk with you! see you guys!” chenle quickly ran after him and waved at you with a big smile. you all waved bye to them as they walked down the quiet street and rounded a corner.

“i’m gonna head out too. see you scumbags tomorrow” renjun ran a hand through his hair and half smiled.

“i’ll come with you baby” donghyuck followed behind him and jokingly smacked his butt. renjun turned around so quick with a horrified look with both hands on his ass.

“i’m telling mark!” he ushered out and punched hyucks shoulder, sending him stumbling back a little while holding it, but that stupid smirk never left his face.

“he doesn’t have to know about us.” he jumped on renjuns back while he whined loudly.

“so embarrassing. anyways, the throuple is out. jeno be a doll and walk us home.” ellie said while she hooked her arms with jenos and eunjungs and pulled them down the street with a smirk and a wink.

“and then there were two.” you dramatically said in a movie narrative voice making jaemin chuckle.

“let me walk you home.” he slid an arm around you and pulled you closer as he began walking you to the direction of your house.

“you know what, i’m actually cheering for team throuple.” you commented while you played with the sleeve of his navy blue hoodie that was tossed over your shoulder.

“oh please, eunjung and jisung are practically in love. i bet they’ll get together by the end of the year.” he dared with a smirk.

“i hate it when you’re right.” you looked away distastefully and he laughed finally unwrapping himself from you. you felt a breeze blow by and a shiver run down your body, you swaddled yourself in your arms missing the way jaemin held you but not saying anything; you just continued walking.

“did you have fun this summer?” he asked out of nowhere tucking in his hands into his pocket.

“are you kidding? this summer couldn’t be topped. we did the craziest shit and somehow managed to make it out alive.” you looked up with an enormous smile to see jaemin looking down at you after those words left your mouth, he had that same pained expression he’s been wearing all night and the question came to your mind once again; why is he so sad?

“i’m glad that you’re happy. that you've been happy this summer and that i was a part of that.” he teared his eyes away from you and continued to look straight ahead. you looked at him oddly with a raised eyebrow. where the hell did that come from? jaemin was never shy about his feelings but never in your entire life of knowing him has he burbled something out of nowhere like that.

“alright, I've been biting my tongue all fucking night but i’m getting kinda sick of looking at you with that depressed face, what’s up?” you looked at him with worry once again. his eyes quickly landed on you and he looked shocked for a second over the fact that you even noticed it, he thought he was doing a pretty good job at keeping his facial expressions under control all night.

“wh-what? i’m fine, what are you talking about?” he stuttered out nervously and came to a stop once he saw that you were at the front of your house.

“and i shit gold out of my ass, now stop lying to me. seriously jaemin, what’s wrong?” you pushed the subject and once again he refused to make eye contact with you.

“i don’t feel like talking about it y/n” he uttered out to get you to shut up about it but you weren’t giving up so easily.

“jaemin. tell me. i’m not asking out of courtesy, i’m asking as your friend. now spit it out or i’m never giving back that pink sweater.” you threatened and he looked at you in disbelief.

“you fucking wouldn’t.” he glared daggers at you and you felt accomplished. “i’ll set it on fire if you don’t tell me in the next 10 seconds.” you crossed yours arms and puffed out your chest in victory which made him roll his eyes at you.

“fine” he finally said and you punched the air with a whispered ‘yesss’. you took a seat on your curb and patted the spot next to you, “please step into my office.” you placed your clasped hands on your lap and watched him sit down next to you. he placed his elbows on his knees and looked straight ahead into the choi’s front yard with furrowed brows.

“ready when you are.” you patted his back and waited patiently for him to gather his thoughts.

“i wasn’t really planning on saying anything about this. well, not now at least. i thought i could buy myself some time.” he chuckled and looked down at the floor.

“what are you talking about?” you looked at him puzzled.

“my dads doing pretty good at work, even thought he was probably gonna get a promotion. he’s been so excited about it ever since he mentioned it a few months ago. i didn’t think much of it, of course i was happy. he’s my dad, why wouldn’t i? i just thought he’d probably get a pretty large raise, that’s about it.” he paused and played with the grass that peeked out from the cracks on the concrete, he ran his fingers over the top of it before pulling it out strand by strand in frustration.

“i was excited about today actually. i knew donghyuck must’ve had something pretty good planned for the last day of summer. all the guys were excited, the girls too. i was just happy to get to spend the day with them. with you.” he finally looked at you with sad eyes. your heart clenched when he looked at you like that, you wanted to hug and kiss him until he smiled again and little bells would go off like they always did; at least in your head.

“this was not how this summer was supposed to end.” he bitterly laughed and threw the last few pieces of grass in his palm into the street before dusting his hands. you looked at him confused trying your best to piece what he was saying together but coming to no conclusion.

“i still don’t understand why you’re so upset jaemin. i mean, isn’t that a good thing? your dad is getting a promotion.” you raised an eyebrow and hugged your knees to your chest and looked at the side of his face for answers.

“my dad had mentioned something about moving to the other firm of the company too, which would require us to move. to a whole different country. “ you looked at him taken aback but allowed him to continue.

“of course i didn’t really pay attention to him since he never confirmed it. so i didn't really stress about it much, i just wanted to enjoy my summer.” he now took up playing with his fingers to keep his hands busy.

you felt your heart begin to race faster and faster and your palms beginning to feel sweaty against your skin. you prayed to yourself that this conversation wasn’t going to where you thought it was going.

“i was about to leave my house to meet you guys on the corner but my parents said they had to talk to me about something today. so i just texted jeno that i’ll meet you guys wherever,” he shrugged his shoulders and continued, “apparently, my dad did get that promotion. i was happy as fuck for him, but then he started to speak about that new firm again. he told me that he’ll be getting his own office, his job would cover an entire brand new house for us, that i would get to go to a new school, a private one, and make a bunch of new friends. i prayed that he said no. i felt like a horrible son but, i kept on wishing and wishing for him to just say that we didn't have to go, that we get to stay but,” he took a long pause and caught his breath, almost like preparing himself for what he was about to say next.

“he took the job.”

it seemed like time stopped once those words left his mouth. you felt your heart drop to the other end of the world. you looked away from him and swallowed the lump of spit that had seemed to form in your throat and tried your hardest to blink away the tears that were welding on the verges of your eyes.

“oh” you sensed his eyes on the side of your head but you refused to look at him. you felt your heart ache in your rib cage and literal physical pain every time you tried to breathe and you didn’t want to know what would happen if you mad eye contact with him.

“so, you’re leaving.” you said and quickly closed your mouth again to try and stop the tears from flowing down like a stream on your face.

“i was going to tell you eventually y/n i swea-“

“do the others know?” you asked and heard your voice crack in the process. jaemin didn’t say anything and looked away from you. you felt his body stiffen next to you and you turned to glare at the side of his head due to the silence as he refused to meet your eyes.

“jaemin, do the others know?” you began to feel anger brew in your system and your body progressively begin to feel hotter.

he stayed silent a few more seconds before looking down and finally speaking,

“yes. i told them a couple of weeks ago.” he whispered and you felt the last huff of air leave your body like somebody had just sat on your chest.

you felt a warm tear slip down your cheek before you swiftly wiped it away. you stood up from the curb and turned to walk back towards your home in hurried steps.

“y/n! stop please, i was going to tell you—“ he chased after you as soon as your body stood from next yo him. he wrapped his hands around your forearms before yanking you back to halt your movements.

“when jaemin?! huh?! everyone else knew weeks before that you were going to leave except me?! you had me looking like an idiot the whole summer for your ass! you knew about the fact that there was possibility of you moving away months ago, MONTHS AGO, and continued to play me like some idiot?!” you shoved his chest a few times, harder with every word that left your mouth, and he stumbled back before grabbing your wrist and holding them in place.

“no i didn’t y/n i swear! everything that I've said, everything that we’ve done, was real! you think i would be acting like that around you and make myself miserable knowing that i would eventually be leaving if i wasn’t completely head over heels for you?! the reason i didn't tell you sooner was because i didn't know how to. how exactly do you tell the girl you've been obsessing over since you were 9, that you've finally had the courage to make a move on, that you would be leaving in a few weeks after spending all summer long falling for her?!” he tried to reason with you but you couldn’t process the words leaving his lips right now. your eyes felt sore already from the hot tears that ran down your cheeks. all you just wanted was to crash through that door and lock yourself in your room for weeks. you didn’t want to look at his face. the face that you've memorized all the details of, the face of the boy who made you believe in those stupid high school love stories that last forever. what stupid lies.

“how could you do this jaemin?” you whispered in between quiet sobs and finally stopped fighting against him, he took his chance and pulled you into his chest, wrapping both arms around your shaking body and you sobbed into him. he buried his face in between your neck and slowly rocked you side to side until you’ve calmed down.

“i’m so sorry y/n, but there’s nothing i can do.” he whispered into you before you pulled away from him, wiping the wet stains from your face after a few seconds.

“yeah i know.” you took a few steps away from him but he seemed to notice and that made his heart ache a little.

“don’t do that, you’re closing off. please y/n, don’t do this to me right now.” jaemin felt tears come to his eyes and he tried his hardest to hold them back for as long as he could, but not being able to stop that single tear that escaped rolling down his cheek and dripping onto his hoodie.

“what else am i supposed to do jaemin? you’re moving away, you’re leaving us. and you didn’t even tell me.” you felt like bawling again but stopped yourself.

“we can still all talk. i’ll try and come down a few times a year—“

“jae. you’re moving to a whole different country.” you said and he slouched his shoulders in defeat at your words as the realization hit him.

“when are you leaving?” you finally spoke after a long pause.

“two weeks.” he lowly said and you scoffed.

“two weeks? how could you not tell me?!” you felt anger begin to bubble inside you again but checked yourself. you weren’t the only one who was hurting right now, jaemin was too. he had to leave everything he knew behind, his house, his family, his friends. you couldn't possibly imagine what he must be feeling.

“i’m sorry” was all he could say when he looked you in the eyes and a few more tears escaped.

“yeah, me too” you approached him once again and closed the distance between you in a tight hug. this took jaemin by surprise before he gave in and safely wrapped his arms around you and just held you there in silence.

“let me just do this one thing, please.” he pulled away and placed a hand on your jaw, you leaned into his touch and saw him come in closer to your face.

he stopped right before his lips touched yours and you felt his breath on them, you both looked at each other before he looked back down and finally closed the distance.

your first kiss. your first kiss was with the boy you fell for that summer. for a boy you were probably never seeing again. it was a short kiss, short but sweet. neither of you knew much of what you were doing so you didn’t really push it past what it was.

he pulled away and looked at you again before smiling sweetly down at you.

“we still have a week. so let’s make it last, okay?” he nodded his head up and down and you mimicked him with a reciprocated smile.

“okay” you placed your head back on his chest and stayed there a little longer with arms tightly wrapped around him. like he was going to dissapear any second.

“jaemin?” you whispered and he hummed, feeling his chest vibrate against��your ear in acknowledgement.

“what if i never see you again?” you gripped his back a little tighter. he stayed silent for a while before bringing his hands to cup both sides of your face and cradle it in front of his.

“the universe works in funny ways you know. we will see each other again one day. i promise.” he kissed your forehead and you closed your eyes and allowed another fresh tear to slip down your cheek. you finally pulled away from the hug and he stared at you for a little while before whipping away the tears from his and yours face with a laugh.

“go inside. it’s late, i’ll see you tomorrow at school.” his eyes held adoration as he watched you nod again and start walking towards your door after whispering a ‘goodnight jaemin’ to him with a closed lip smile. when you closed the door behind you, you couldn’t help the pain you felt between your chest, it felt like your entire body was being drained and you dropped to you knees, covering your mouth from the loud sobs as you cried on your front door.

you both spent those entire two weeks with each other. you went everywhere that brought the smallest memory of your lives together, almost like you were trying to engrave it all into jaemin head so he never forgets. but trust, he never would.

you and your friends threw him a little goodbye party the night before his flight, there was a lot of tears and hugging. a few dramatic falls and cries from chenle, donghyuck and ellie, but you all had fun. you spent it like you needed too. together.

you didn’t send him off the morning of his flight, too scared that you would break down in front of his parents and more embarrassingly your friends. he was disapointed when he walked outside of his house and saw all his friends standing next to his dads car with balloons in their hands yet you were no where to be seen. but he still smiled and hugged every single one of them goodbye and promised to keep in touch.

ellie and eunjung came by later that day to check in on you. as soon as they walked through your bedroom door and made eye contact with you, witnessing the hurt expression on your face, you couldn't help the hot tears that started flowing uncontrollably. they comforted you while you cried the whole night, feeling like your body was floating until you finally fell asleep with dried tears on your pillow.

the crying continued for another 6 weeks before you learned to cope. you started hanging out with your friends again and going out more often. you and jaemin still stayed in contact, texting and calling as much as you could trying to keep each other up to date with what’s happening, him on settling into his new school, making new friends, and you on how ellie and donghyuck tried to get jisung to go through the basketball hoop and proceeded to get him stuck. it took almost 2 hours getting him out.

slowly you began to stop talking less and less, texts became shorter, and calls weren’t made as often. until one day, they stopped. you believed that it was just a tough lesson the world just wanted you to learn at an early age. you had moved on and it was all just some stupid summer crush on a friend.

life goes on. and it did.

“finally! fucking turtles!” ellie shouted once she saw the two familiar faces that were seungjun and chan walk through the glass door. she quickly pushed them out of the way and exited the shop in a rush.

“what’s with her?” chan looked over his shoulder before making his way over to the counter.

“she wants to go to the lake. badly” eunjung grabbed her bag and began walking towards the door.

“alright, guard the fortress freshies!” you held a L to your forehead and stuck out your tongue to the two younger boys, catching them roll their eyes before you chased behind your friends.

you followed the two girls to the parking lot where your car sat under the boiling summer heat.

“can you walk any slower?!” ellie stomped her foot on the ground while she waited for you to open the doors.

“actually, i can.” you slowed your steps like you were stuck in slow motion which only made ellie groan loudly in annoyance and a laugh to leave eunjungs lips.

“y/n please! i’m trying to have a hot girl summer again!” she begged before you finally gave in and unlocked the doors. she smiled brightly before climbing into the passenger seat and tossing her bag somewhere in the chaotically packed backseat.

“what do you mean ‘again’?” eunjung pushed over some of the jackets scattered on the seat to make space for herself before climbing in and closing the door behind her.

“well, last year i barely got to enjoy the thottivities because i was taking care of devil children the whole time. but this year? i’m not letting this heat slip away so easily baby.” ellie twisted her body in the seat to talk to the taller brunette behind her.

“didn’t you have a thing with hyunjin all of last summer?” you looked at her in confusion before starting the car and driving out of the parking lot into the streets.

“we did not have such thing!” she barked at you with crossed arms.

“yes you did.” eunjung uttered out not taking her eyes off her phone.

“shut up eunjung! like i haven’t caught you and jisung in our dorm before!” ellie fought back with knitted eyebrows.

“at least i own up to it!” eunjung stuck her tongue out before going back to her phone. you all laughed after a few seconds of realizing how stupid you all probably looked to passing vehicles as you screamed in the car.

“why don’t you guys just make it official anyway, i’m tired of watching you two sneak off somewhere every time we all try and hang out together. just say that you’re dating and call it a day.” you blasted your ac to try and somewhat control the sweat threatening to drip from your forehead.

“we’re taking our time! we don’t want to rush things.” she finally placed the device on her lap and pouted, eyes gazing out of the window to all the passing buildings.

“eunjung sweetheart, it’s been almost 5 years. i think we’re past the rushing part,” ellie snickered in her seat, “very very past actually.” you added in and you all shared a laugh.

“i’m just nervous, what if he doesn’t like me enough to you know, actually make things official?” she nervously made eye contact with you through the rear view mirror and bit her bottom lip; an adorable habit she’s collected through the years.

you and ellie turned to look at each other with knowing looks before shaking your heads in unison.

“girl, that boy is obsessed with your ass. do you see the way he looks at you? you basically have him wrapped around your finger. plus, why wouldn’t he want to be with you? you’re fucking banging. i’d be gay for you” ellie shrugged her shoulders and slouched in her seat. eunjung smiled and blushed from the backseat before abruptly sitting up and smooching ellies cheek. ellie squirmed under her touch and whined loudly before finally shoving the taller girl back into her seat.

“gay moment? i’m here for it.” you laughed and turned in your street before speeding a little to make the ride shorter.

the car fell into comfortable silence for a few minutes. you focused on the road while tapping the steering wheel to the random song playing from the radio. but not og after the peaceful silence was interrupted by ellies loud voice booming through the car.

“i’m sorry, but can we please talk about how jaemin is back in town.” ellie burbled out before eunjung gave her a wide eye death stare. your grip tightened on the steering wheel and you swallowed the lump of saliva that had formed in your throat before concentrating back on the road in front of you.

“ellie. we’re not-“

“no it’s fine, don’t worry about me.” you shook your head and relaxed your tense shoulders.

“i’m sorry y/n, but like what the fuck. that was so random just seeing him again after such a long time.”

“yeah i guess. it’s been so long i kinda forgot he existed.” you commented before pulling into your apartment complex and smoothly parking in your spot.

“you sure you ‘forgot he existed’? you don’t look at people you forget exist the way you were looking at him.” ellie unbuckled her seat belt and exited out of the hot vehicle.

“ellie!” eunjung shoved her shoulder and raised her arms in the air, her way of basically saying ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’.

“i mean you can say that. i don’t know what i felt, everything just kinda came rushing back to me when i saw him. i didn’t really know what to do with myself except stare.” you shrugged your shoulders and began to walk towards your front entrance.

“i mean you were depressed for half of sophomore year over the guy. i would’ve reacted the same way love.” ellie hooked your arms together as eunjung unlocked the front door and holding it open for the two of you to enter, you murmured quiet ‘thank you’s before making your way over to the elevator and pressing the up arrow.

“i know. don’t even remind me.” you shook your head and closed your eyes for a few seconds.

“are you sure you’re gonna be okay tonight?” eunjung placed a comforting hand on your shoulder and gave you a sympathetic look.

“of course i will. it’s been almost five years, i’m fine. it was just a stupid high school crush anyway.” eunjung and ellie shared a look before you stepped into the elevator with them following behind a few seconds later.

“i’m glad. don’t let it ruin your night. besides, we’ll be there the whole time along with the guys. just think of it as us normally hanging out. anyway, it’s summer time bitches!” eunjung screamed into the elevator with a loud echo left behind making you and ellie cringe at the sound.

“let’s just hurry the fuck up and get ready. i want to go get drunk and try and talk jeno into a threesome. you know what they say, third times the charm.” ellie smirked and pressed the button and watched the doors close in front of her.

this night should be very interesting.

an: i’m going to try and begin writing part 2 as soon as possible! knowing me it’ll probably take a while lol. i also a few other stories i’m working on so bare with me

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morrigansmuses · 4 years ago

Text

3 Golden Rules.

On Ethical disappointments.

I was raised to be tolerant. To consider the views and opinions of others, to keep and open mind. I was a social outsider (homeschooled due to racism in the local school.) I vowed I wouldn’t ever exclude people for being different to me or having different values. I was desperate to make and keep friends. More than anything.

I was 15 in the late 1990s. Lonely as hell. I decided that I would befriend absolutely anyone who would have me. Essentially anyone who wouldn’t beat me up on sight for being foreign.

I decided that I had 3 and only 3 dealbreakers in terms of friendship.

RULE 1. They couldn’t be cruel to animals.

RULE 2. They coudn’t sexually abuse children.

RULE 3 They couldn’t be a card carrying Nazi.

If anyone in my life did any of those things I couldn’t associate with them anymore. But barring that I would try to accept them as individuals.

Thats a pretty low bar right? I mean how could anyone fail to meet those insanely low standards?

See back then I didn’t know that shades of grey existed. I knew in theory that we were all imperfect beings, but I didn’t know what that meant yet in reality.

So I began to make friends. With normal kids. Actually probably nicer than average kids because they were sweet and sensitive enough to accept me for who I was when no one else would.

So the first hurdle I came across was that some of these people I was friends with enjoyed hunting. They would say for meat. I get that. Better than factory farming right? less cruel, less wasteful.

“You shouldn’t eat meat unless you’re willing to kill it yourself” They’d say virtuously.

But then I saw them in action. Delighting in the act of killing in a way that I knew wasn’t healthy. Laughing at the kid goat’s head bursting in a shower of gore or the way an animal screamed upon being shot. Killing more than they needed… That’s an impulse I don’t believe humans should engender in themselves.

But it was for food. Right? So I overlooked it and silenced the voice in my heart.

One day my best friend shot a stray cat with his bb gun just for the laugh. It didn’t kill the cat or anything but the animal yelped and ran away. I was so upset and shocked that I burst into tears and it all came pouring out. Was he training himself to become a sociopath? I asked him.

He apologised. He never did anything like it again. He was very kind to animals, especially cats, ever since and doesn’t hunt them anymore for any reason.

I forgave.

That’s the first time I remember compromising a core value. It was like a tooth being pulled from my 15 year old head.

I don’t regret it.

We’re still best friends.

The second hurdle that started to crack my young heart was the undeniable fact that in the early 2000s almost every guy I knew in his early 20s had a girlfriend between that ages of 12 and 15. NEVER OLDER. I can’t stress this enough. They would vomit in disgust at the thought of a crone of 18 or 19. They were also VERY vocal about their desire and right to have sex with children after a few drinks. By the time I was 20 I knew I had aged out of the 20s dating pool. I wasn’t attracted to older men.

No matter. I’m asexual and prefer platonic relationships anyway.

To this day I’ve never had a romantic relationship with a man. Because once I realised that Rule 2 wasn’t one any of them could keep, the trust was broken.

It wasn’t only men either. My closest girlfriend was a 26 year old substitute teacher who fucked one of her 15 year old students on a drunk night out once…

So they both had fun and boys that age are up for anything right? I mean. He probably still boasts about it today…

Right?

Plus… She was all I had. Like the only one I had at the time. I was so scared of losing her.

I turned a blind eye and ear. I tolerated. I didn’t have to approve of their teenage girlfriends did I? After all there were so many of them that if I cut them out of my life I’d have no friends ever again. Because the whole of society looked like them…

Thats the truth.

People in my extended family have dated 17 or 18 year old girls and encouraged them to drop out of school to have their children. People I love have done that.

I once knew a handsome, intelligent and charming man. He was dating a family member for a few months. He often defended the right of adult men to date teens. “Girls mature more quickly than boys.” He’d argue. Everyone would agree. After all hadn’t my great grandmother been 12 years old when she met my great grandfather and married him on her 16th birthday (with parental permission)? He was in his 20s. Just a boy himself surely? “We all know what children boys in their 20s are right?” Said my Mother… Whom I love very much.

Excuses were made.

Years later I discovered the the handsome, intelligent and charming man had been raping a 6 year old the entire time we’d known him. He is still wanted by the police today.

My father tells that when he was a boy of 18 back in the 70s he had kicked an older German man, a respected family friend, out of his car because the man had asked him to pull over, he had something important to tell him. When he did so, the man said that the Holocaust was a myth. An exaggeration, a Zionist hoax.

My Father was dating my mother at the time. She’s Jewish. So is his uncle, a Holocaust survivor.

He yelled at the man not to talk shit and made him walk home.

I am not my father.

The first time a Holocaust denier (a respected local businessman) voiced their opinion to me I froze. Then laughed. Surely he must be kidding... I argued briefly before realising that he’d made up his mind.

My well meaning people said I’d made a mistake. It was my job, they said, to change his mind. To educate him. Otherwise how would he learn?

I didn’t speak to him again but I still nod at him in the street because he employs a few of my friends and I wouldn’t want to make things awkward for them.

And also I don’t want him to yell at me.

I have worked with Holocaust survivors and have survivors in my immediate family and I still nod in the street at a Holocaust Denier because we are raised to be polite aren’t we? Let’s not make a scene.

We’re mature adults.

Aren’t we?

People are starting to turn weirder than they used to be. Politically.

My Leftist friends are in a secret facebook group... Strenuously defending China’s Uyghur genocide because Communism can do no wrong… And at the same time saying all the Israelis need to be killed for what they’ve done to the Palestinians. One suggests a biological weapon tailored to Jews.

My Centrist friends are suggesting we “Hang up democracy for a while” in order to combat global warming and welcome a global police state and stop “kicking off” about our rights all the time. “Maybe we need a jackboot up the arse” one of them says.

And the ones that aren’t on the Left?

My facebook feed these days is getting awfully full of Rothschild memes.

“We own every bank in the world and funded both sides of every war since Waterloo.” They say, next to a grinning caricature of Jacob de Rothschild. Reminiscent of a Nazi cartoon of a “Rat Jew.”

Even a hedge fund billionaire prick doesn’t deserve that, does he?

I don’t comment. What’s the point? They’ve watched all the youtube and don’t read history books on principal.

My Brother is getting into Qanon. So is my Sister in Law.

She follows the medical teachings of a man who thinks the Jews invented Chemotherapy to kill the Germans after the war. Apparently he is becoming more and more popular.

Eccentrics.

Thats all.

I’m half Jewish. Like My Brother.

One of the Survivors I know said that 3 weeks after the Nazi propaganda came into the school he attended, he was in Bergen Belsen and half his family was dead.

His neighbour was jealous because his father had 2 more cows than he did.

I hear Marine Le Pen is neck and neck with Macron to win France.

A good friend of mine said it's because by 2030 Muslims will outnumber white people in Europe. He won’t read the articles I send him. But he sure sends me a lot of YouTubes.

I ignore them because I don’t want to hate him. Maybe he ignores my articles for the same reason.

Hey 15 year old me…. You, skinny thing with the ethics, the braces and black eyeliner…

Those compromises I made were made out of love... And also fear.

Please stop looking at me like that little girl.

“It’s true” writes my friend. They’re trying to breed us out. It’s all an elite Zionist plot.”

I close Whatsapp.

Here I go again I guess…

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kaibacorpintern · 5 years ago

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Hehehe 1, 5, 11 for Nerdship (🙏) and 22, 28, 45 for prideship OR rivalship 😎

I want to do RIVAL

22. Does their work ever interfere with the relationship?

Yes, because of course Kaiba is obsessive, preoccupied, and works too much, he’ll get out of bed at 3 AM to go work on something just because he can’t sleep and why waste the time? AND I’ve thought about the scenarios in which Yuugi works for Kaiba Corp and they end up dating, but, and I can’t stress this enough, (cups hands around mouth) DATING YOUR BOSS IS A BAD IDEA, professionally, legally, etc. And as much as Kaiba ~ does what he wants, it’s his company ~ and as much as Yuugi is decidedly not a doormat, I can’t get over my personal reservations to the concept.

But every once in a while I toy with the idea that Yuugi’s working for Kaiba Corp and they DO start to feel things for each other, but it can’t go anywhere unless he finds a new job, and he’s sort of bristling under Kaiba Corp’s corporate structure/corporate culture anyway, so he finds an excellent position at an indie start-up gaming studio run by an ex-Kaiba Corp game designer who left for the same reasons (lol), and Kaiba is just so! annoyed! that two of his best game people just up and left to work for not him. But now he and Yuugi are completely free to KISS.

28. What are their vacations like?

Kaiba loves to spoil and Yuugi likes to explore, and they’re both cosmopolitan, which is how they end up renting apartments in cities like Barcelona or Moscow or Istanbul for one or two weeks at a time, eating extremely well, and spending six hours in an art museum. One of the rare times when Kaiba is entirely happy to let Yuugi take the lead, because he has a nose for discovery and always ends up finding neat little bookstores or cafes off the beaten path and befriending the locals. And while Kaiba is not about befriending random strangers (or anyone), he’s more than comfortable just nursing his coffee and listening while Yuugi, who is a complete natural, chats up the couple next to them and gets the hot deets on a weekly locals-only flea market.

45. Any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets?

Reeeeeealistically I think Yuugi might be a little, hm, on edge/insecure about how much Kaiba connects with and loves Atem, and Kaiba likewise; but it can and should be cleared up with some communication about what they all mean to each other. Like, in a rivalshipping situation where Atem is dead, Yuugi might worry that he’s some kind of replacement or bizarre way to Get Atem Back, and Kaiba has to explain that he isn’t; and in a situation where Atem isn’t dead, he’s still their best friend and they both have a lot of feelings for him and about him. And I think they would both have to be conscientious and deliberate in how they say “I love him and I love you, but I chose YOU, and the love I have for you is different and meaningful all on its own.”

BUT LET’S DO SOME DREAMS AND GOALS: i think yuugi is a little more gung-ho (annoying?) about trying to make kaiba part of the squad, because friends are important to him and he’d love to see everyone be friends with each other, and kaiba’s like, “i’m never going to be friends with your friends the way you want me to be and you have to accept that, and i will participate in weekly D&D only if I get to DM.” he’s a tyrant but he runs a hell of a game.

oh and they adopt a cat who loves yuugi more than kaiba unless its 4 AM and then she’s on kaiba’s shoulders while he burns the midnight oil.

your nerdship is under the cut ;)

1. How do they fall asleep? Wake up? Any daily rituals?

WORKAHOLICS!!!!! They will simply fall asleep on each other’s shoulders on the couch until hermione wakes up out of nowhere at 1 AM and shakes seto’s shoulder that it’s freakin’ time to go to BED. and they’re both morning people, so while she’s in the shower, he starts the coffee and lays out the Daily Prophet for her in the breakfast nook because presentation and attention to detail are important.

5. Nicknames? Pet names? Any in-jokes?

I can’t imagine either of them as nickname/pet name people, “mokie” not withstanding, so they don’t have cute pet names for each other. But they have deeply esoteric and weird inside jokes that no one else understands, mostly about science and magical theory, and Hermione just has to be like, “oh, sure. It’s just like Newton said” about any random garbage to make Seto choke on his drink with laughter.

11. Do they celebrate holidays? Anniversaries?

The usual holidays, for family reasons; and neither of them find anniversaries all thaaaaat important, although Seto is secretly a leetle sentimental and likes to send flowers to her office on occasion.

#rivalshipping #nerdshipping

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tinytanpopo · 5 years ago

Note

Now that Gegege no Kitaro 2018 is over, and I remember it's one of your favorite Gegege no Kitaro iteration, what's your overall and concluding thoughts about it? What are your favorite episodes of all 97 (or each season) episodes? The positive and negative? Characterization of Sawashiro Kitaro and the other Kitaro family (including Mana)? I would love to know your opinion of the sixth remake!

This is going to be a long answer. And full of spoilers, for those of you looking at this who haven’t watched the 2018 version of Kitaro. Here goes!

What are your favorite episodes of all 97?

I watched all 97 episodes 3 times over the course of its run. I started out watching on my own, then eventually my friend wanted to watch with me. But the crappy Crunchyroll subs got in the way of his enjoyment, so I polished them for him, and then we started watching together.

So for each episode, I’ve…

1.) Watched for my own enjoyment when the raw came out

2.) Fixed the subs

3.) Watched and enjoyed again with my best friend.

Before my friend and I started watching together, I also did a rewatch of the series up to the middle of the Backbeard arc, so, 3.3 times? And it only made me like each episode more, and notice more tiny fun details about it. Sawashiro actually smiles a lot, u guys

Anyways, here are my stand-out favorites. Titles may be self-translated or shortened, as I’m looking at the Japanese wikipedia entry for the episodes, and my opinions are mostly disorganized gushing:

1: The Day the Youkai Awoke. Kitaro, Eyeball Dad, and Mana are all very cutely introduced, as well as their dynamics with each other. Great action, ends with the apparent death of the hero. (I was new to Kitaro.) Got me to watch the next week, that’s for sure! Also, world full of weird freaky monsters, already suited to my tastes.

3: Tantanbo’s Youkai Castle. The episode that earned Sawashiro Kitaro his “Gorilla” nickname from the fandom. Also Mana asked to be friends and made Kitaro bashful and the whole latter half is so sweet. FRIENDSHIP

6: Sunekosuri. This is the first Kitaro episode that made me cry, like I really wasn’t expecting that kind of emotional impact. Another thing that kept me watching was that, even though Kitaro has its formulas (as does everything), I still didn’t know what to expect.

7: Ghost Train. Ah, my first experience with the Ghost Train story. Y'know this is the only one where the human passenger pair are both already dead? I’ve seen many other renditions of this story, but this one’s the darkest.

11-12: The 808 Tanuki arc. The whole Kitaro Family shows off their skills in a big cool battle, and Mana overcomes an intense struggle to save the day (with some credit to Murder Momen Rollo Cloth). As my friend often says, Mana is too good for this world.

13: Wanyuudo. Got some insight to Kitaro and Ratman’s odd, long-lasting friendship. When I first watched this, I didn’t really understand why they were still friends. But over the next 2 years, I would.

The meta reason? Ratman was Shigeru Mizuki’s favorite out of all his characters.

14: Makura-gaeshi. The second episode that made me cry. (not hard for a show to do that, but still) Also shot my already-present respect for Eyeball Dad through the roof.

I’m pretty sure this is the episode that changed GeGeGe no Kitaro from “one of the shows I watch once a week” to “I must find and learn about the rest of this franchise.” I’d looked up characters and little facts here and there on wikis, and occasionally browsed the Kitaro tag on Pixiv before this point, but this was the tipping point.

The door to the unseen world was open, and I jumped through.

18: Kawauso’s Lie. haha, Mana’s a city girl who’s scared of bugs

22: Gyuuki. Body horror, despair, and a really good Catgirl episode.

27-37: The Backbeard arc, or 6th Kitaro’s version of the “Great Youkai War” story. For a refreshing twist, the designated “Witch” isn’t evil in this retelling. In fact, Agnes quickly became one of my most favorite and relatable characters.

She definitely had a rocky start with the Japanese youkai, and watching her develop friendships with Mana and Kitaro was great to see, and even better on the rewatch. My friend likes Agnes a lot, too. Just assume I cried at the Mana/Agnes friendship stuff, I’m sure it happened on the rewatch, too.

Also Kitaro finally invites Mana into GeGeGe Forest! She fucking earned it!!

38: Kasha. I had already seen Reverse Mochi Murder 3 different times by this point, but it’s best whenever freaky ghost-eyeballs are involved.

Also Mana punched Kasha in the face. Well, Kitaro’s face.

39: bang. I lost it.

40: This is the darkest version of Sara-kozo! And I like it. His song was best put to use in the 4th Kitaro series, and even had a callback in one of my most favorite episodes of that series. The song, of course, is terribly catchy.

42: The Great Youkai Trial. Having seen the other versions of this story, I’m glad the writers made the 6th series version stand on its own, weaving it into the overarching Nanashi plot.

43: Odoro-Odoro. This isn’t the first Odoro-Odoro retelling where Kitaro’s efforts are thankless and reviled, but it is the one that shows it the most intensely.

47-49: Nanashi arc conclusion. Each Kitaro anime has its harsh and intense moments (even the relatively gentle 5th series), but 6th is the one that goes hard most consistently. Not just into darkness, but

50-51: complete and utter sweetness KITTENGIRL dgjklfhjlkHFDGKMBHKjl

54: Dorotabo. Sometimes, there is no “right” choice that can make everyone happy. Being a mediator can be hard, frustrating, and sometimes impossible. But despite all the stress, frustration, and repeating the same tragic scenarios, Kitaro keeps on trying.

Also, Kitaro totally carried that frog up to the roof of his house for company at the end of the episode.

56: Vampire Elite. The most sympathetic retelling of Johnny’s story. And a great Kitaro/Ratman friendship episode.

57: La Seine. He doesn’t have a top hat this time. A great retelling of Hand, and a Kitaro/Mana friendship episode. Two vampire episodes in a row, and it didn’t feel repetitive at all.

58: Kamaboko. 6th Kitaro’s crossdressing episode, with Sawashiro Kitaro at his most vindictive. Fun for all sorts of reasons. :3c

59: Ushiro-gami. Also known as the youkai cactus episode, somewhat of a series staple. This one had great horror vibes, and Mana overcoming her fear and risking her life to help Kitaro save the day. Never gets old! Mana’s the best.

62: Kitaro and Ratman fighting like children. Kitaro’s shocked face when Ratman steals his pork. Kitaro’s admiration for Ratman’s persistence to keep on living, and appreciation for yanking him back to reality during the end of Nanashi.

The Kitaro/Ratman friendship dynamic is eternal.

64: Suiko, the Water Tiger. If you find an old jar in a dirty hole somewhere? Don’t open it, don’t drink it, don’t let anyone force you to drink it. And if the jar starts talking, shove some dirt in it.

That town full of assholes totally deserved what they got, though.

66: The Grim Reaper and the Hidden Village. Well, in this context, “hidden village” is more like “Shangri-La,” which is what I changed it to in the fixed subs. The only other version of this I’ve seen is the one from the 2nd Kitaro anime. It’s a well-known trauma episode in the fandom.

In the 2nd anime, Kitaro got the trauma. In the 6th one, Mana did, and Kitaro already knew it was coming.

68: Hell Exile. Yet another one where I wasn’t sure if it’d end cynical or hopeful. One of the fresher takes on the Hell Exile story, too.

69: Ibukimaru. Nicely advances the Four Treasonous Generals arc, and has some interaction between Rei and Mana. Oh yeah, this arc introduced Rei Isurugi, an intense chuuni with Megaman demon powers. It’s neat to watch how Rei and Sawashiro Kitaro bounce off each other as individual characters.

70: Mysterious Footprints. Calls back to another one of 2nd Kitaro’s infamous trauma episodes, incidentally one of my favorites. This was great, but the 2nd anime had more intense face-melting.

72: Iyami. Mana Is Gay. That is all.

73: Yamata-no-Orochi. A great take on Kitaro’s Orochi story, now with more monkey’s paw shenanigans!

74-75: Conclusion of the Four Generals arc. Mana convinces Kitaro not to resign himself to shouldering the heaviest burden alone, as he so often does. Agnes and Adel make an appearance(yay!), and they team up with Mana and Catgirl to help save the day. Rei finally chills out, and gets a new mentor.

77: Neko-sennin. Nurarihyon startles the holy hell out of Kitaro, and further establishes how he’s going to operate this time around, connecting to his previous actions in episode 76.

Also, cats. Kitty Kitaro. Cats are my second-favorite animal, so I appreciate the many Kitaro stories involving cats.

78: Mouryou. This one gets retold in several of the other Kitaro series, with decent variation. This one has its own 6th Kitaro touch, with that fucked-up photographer, and an ending I was positive would be dark.

80: Onmoraki. I’d also consider this story a Kitaro staple, though Onmoraki was way tougher this time. Must have had something to do with Nobuyuki Hiyama. :B This is always the episode where Kitaro puts on his old painter costume, and proves he can’t think up fake names worth a damn. Gets me every time.

81: Hideri-gami the mangaka. I love comics, I translate comics, GeGeGe no Kitaro originated as a comic. This episode’s just a love letter to the medium. And seeing Kitaro genuinely enjoying Hiderin’s Totally Original Comic Do Not Steal was adorable.

83: Houkou. Some kind of disaster usually happens in this story. In the 4th anime version, Kitaro was burned to ashes. This one hit harder. Nobody won. No one was happy. We’re reminded of Dorotabo, and how Kitaro never “gets over” tragic situations like these, no matter how often they repeat. I think it’d be worse if he was desensitized, and gave up trying to make anything better.

84: Mr. Chin. The Japanese dialogue is full of puns involving the word chin and yeah I lost it. Sunday morning changes with the times, and they still get this guy in.

I died at “three rainbows” ghjghjk

89: Te-no-me’s Curse. Te-no-me is a youkai who either shows up in the youkai trial story, or has an episode for himself. Also, we finally get to see that Kitaro can just pop his hands on and off. Well, maybe not as casually as in the comics…

90: Sazae-oni. Normally you’re not “supposed” to do “it was all a dream” endings, but this is the first time they’ve done that with Sazae-oni, and the dream reveal means we just saw inside Sawashiro Kitaro’s mind. The fancy sushi restaurant exterior, the plain sweets shop, the body pillow how does he know about those?! Does he know why they look like that?!!

Kitaro seemed disappointed that he didn’t get to sing on stage. And Rei was in his dream-audience! An adorable episode.

93: The Phantom Train. Catgirl got Homuhomu’d. But KitaNeko is finally canon. This whole episode left the fandom reeling, as usual for 6th Kitaro. Best retelling of the Phantom Train story yet.

94: Hot Springs Trip. Mana carried Kitaro over 90 episodes ago, and Kitaro doing the same for Mana repays that favor, in a way.

Kitaro also admits he has Terminal Kitaro Face.

95-97: The end. I did not think they would poof Kitaro. That’s the deadest I’ve ever seen him, in any version. And the most broken, worse than a giant hate-baby crushing his dad. Kitaro giving Ratman his chashu pork made my heart explode, Mana’s sacrifice made the heart-pieces explode, and Mana reuniting with Kitaro 10 years later made my heart whole again.

Nurarihyon offing himself made sense, especially with this being his most dignified characterization in any version. Glad they let Shu-no-bon live, even if he was an actual hardass this time. Shu-no-bon’s usually a teddy bear in comparison to dual-wielding gatling guns

I’m sure the prime minister didn’t keep her position for much longer.

Episode 97’s subs left out most of Mana’s text to Catgirl at the end, so here it is:

“Cat-Sis! Here’s the pic Nebutori took for us on our recent trip! Also, I found a sweets shop near my workplace. Let’s ask Kitaro to go there with us!”

A very sweet ending, indeed.

The positive and negative?

I wish we’d gotten to see more of Agnes and Rei outside of their own arcs, and the conclusions of other arcs, though they clearly had their own lives to live and paths to take.

We didn’t get Akamata or Shisa or a bunch of other youkai I was hoping to see in the episodes. We didn’t get stories for Jami or Kamanari, both of who showed up as bit characters at the very end. But I can accept this, too, as writers and staff working within limits, and telling the story they wanted to tell as best as they could.

I’m glad they focused more on new stuff than old, though. Maybe they didn’t want to risk a repeat of 5th Kitaro’s non-ending, but they were ready to end the 6th anime with the Nanashi arc. Even with a 2nd year, though, the writers didn’t lose their focused storytelling, and ended the series in a way that left my heart full.

Characterization of Sawashiro Kitaro and the other Kitaro family (including Mana)?

Sawashiro Kitaro continues to be that weird youkai kid, that boy who lives in the woods. He’s chill and has a bunch of comic book youkai powers, a unique sort of superhero, while also not being a cop, thank goodness. Every Kitaro is a bit of a pessimist (except 3rd anime’s Toda Kitaro, I guess), but Sawashiro is especially so. This made his gradual development even more fun to watch. The fact that he never could give up on that dream, not completely, made me appreciate that development even more.

Sawashiro cried the least out of all the Kitaros—twice, and it was only onscreen once. He kept everything in so much, it’s no wonder he imploded and went to Ultra Hell when the prime minister pot-shot him.

And, Sawashiro Kitaro is so pure and cares so much it hurts.

Eyeball Dad. Since Isamu Tanonaka passed away in 2010, the legendary Masako Nozawa (the original voice of Kitaro) took on voicing the role. Like Kitaro, Eye Dad’s characterization changes a bit with each anime, though not as much. Nozawa’s performance made Eye Dad feel more laid-back this time, I think, and more patient. In older series, he had more “Showa dad” tendencies. And we got to see him outside of eyeball or mummy form! 6th series spoiled us!

Ratman. He’s usually the same between every adaptation, save for the voice. Sometimes he’s nicer, sometimes he’s more of a bastard. But he’s always Kitaro’s friend. He may nasty, greedy, and cynical, but he’s usually right about how the world works, and his priorities are hard to disagree with entirely. He knows how to survive, even when treated like dirt for centuries. Ratman’s got a particular brand of wisdom, if you look past the ringworm.

Catgirl. In other versions, she looks like she’s in elementary or middle school, and 6th anime is the most mature she’s ever looked. This is also Catgirl at her most tsundere, but with zero “mean girl” tendencies. All it takes is Mana shooting pure admiration at Catgirl for them to become friends, and that’s cute. I always like Catgirl, and the 6th anime is no exception.

The Kitaro Family. Sandy’s mostly unchanged, except now she doesn’t own the Youkai Apartments, and can use modern technology to make a shitload of money. Old Crybaby is 100% the same, down to his old person banter with Sandy.

Rollo Cloth’s minor interest in finding a girlfriend got turned up to 11. He’d get a lecture from every previous Rollo.

Wally Wall has less vocabulary, no wife and kids, and they thankfully didn’t show his mouth this time. Still a good dude.

Mana Inuyama. The 3rd anime had Yumeko, but even if she wasn’t damseled as often as you’d expect from a typical 80s cartoon, it still happened a lot. In the 6th anime, Mana clearly has more agency from the get-go, and refuses to leave herself out of Kitaro’s business. She’s serious about being his friend, and never stops being serious about it, even when things worse than she could ever imagine happened.

All she has are good memories with Kitaro.

Like my friend said, she’s too good for this world.

What’s your overall and concluding thoughts about the 6th Kitaro anime?

What an emotional roller coaster. The writers pulled no punches with this, and very much managed to make “their own Kitaro” while still firmly being “Kitaro.” With the dark and cynical twists it sometimes took, I often didn’t know if there’s be a happy ending to an episode, or a bitter one. It’s a Sunday morning cartoon at its core, but very good at making the audience forget that.

6th Kitaro was my introduction to Kitaro as a whole, and I was hopelessly obsessed by episode 14. Well, because of episode 14, probably. I downloaded all the other Kitaro anime series, got into the comics (official ones by Mizuki, official ones not by Mizuki, and a shit-ton of doujin), and now my brain is just “kitarokitarokitaro” all the time.

I don’t think it’s going to stop anytime soon.

#gegege no kitaro #ask #books-are-my-life-stuff #long post

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racingtoaredlight · 4 years ago

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RTARL’s 2020 NFL Season Week 11 Extravapalooza

Holy moly, we’ve already made it to Week 11. I’m honestly conflicted over whether or not this is a good thing. In terms of basic pandemic mitigation practices, the NFL conducting its season is fucking insane. These guys are all well-compensated pros, but they’re still taking risks well above and beyond what they normally do, and I truly feel pretty shitty about that. In addition, the fact that some stadiums are allowing thousands of fans inside during games is a crime against humanity, and it really lays bare how craven and sociopathic the ghouls who own sports franchises are.

With that said, it’s extremely hypocritical of me to be so disdainful of the NFL’s current existence, since I watch the games, set my fantasy lineup, and generally enjoy all the stuff that comes with an NFL season. I usually bristle and roll my eyes whenever a sporting entity trots out the whole “We feel like we’re helping society by providing a distraction from everything going on” line, but in this case, with where we are right now as a country...the NFL really is doing that. For me, anyway. Is the stress-relief that the NFL provides to me and millions of other people worth all the bad stuff that comes with it? I don’t know. Probably not. But, I’d be lying if I said I’m not thankful that it’s there.

My picks are in BOLD, and the lines come to us courtesy of our friends at Vegas Insider. I use the “VI Consensus” line, which is the line that occurs most frequently across Vegas Insider’s list of sportsbooks. Your sportsbook of choice may offer a different number, and if you’d like my opinion on said number A) you are insane, and B) leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer at some point before things kickoff today.

EARLY GAMES

Tennessee Titans at Baltimore Ravens (-6)

It’s odd to have a game between a pair of 6-3 teams widely considered contenders that feels like a “must win” for each scuffling side. A great man once said “Desperation is a stinky cologne,” and the Titans absolutely reek coming into this one, so I’m giving them the edge. Baltimore being down two starting defensive linemen when Derrick Henry comes to town also factors into my pick, but nobody wants to hear that nerd shit, gotta go with my GUT, baby!

Philadelphia Eagles at Cleveland Browns (-2.5)

Hey, Cleveland doesn’t have to play in the middle of a tornado this week! There will still be driving rains, though. Fortunately, the Browns are built for the slop. RBs Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt are both ridiculous, but I’d like to give a special shoutout to G Wyatt Teller, who is currently Pro Football Focus’ highest-graded player...in the entire NFL. That’s some grade A beef! DE and straight-up superhuman Myles Garrett is out for this one, which is an enormous blow for the Cleveland defense. If I had any confidence whatsoever in Carson Wentz I’d think about taking Philly, but that young man is a mess.

Pittsburgh Steelers (-10.5) at Jacksonville Jaguars

I’m once again betting on the Steelers playing down to the level of their competition. The Jags kept things close against the Packers last week, there’s fight in them thar cats.

Cincinnati Bengals at Washington Football Team (-1.5)

I’m still extremely nervous for Alex Smith the entire time he’s on the field, but I have to admit there’s something magical about him making it all the way back to being exactly as Alex Smith-y as he was before (minus the scrambling ability, obviously). Washington RB J.D. McKissic has 16(!) catches on 29(!!) targets over the two games Smith has started. If this continues J.D. is going to owe Alex a cut of his next contract, and possibly the mineral rights to his legs if the need arises.

Today is Cincy RB Gio Bernard’s birthday, so LOOK OUT LADIES!

Atlanta Falcons at New Orleans Saints (-3.5)

I’m making this pick based on the assumption that New Orleans really does roll with Taysom Hill at QB for the entire game, because that’s what all currently available information indicates will happen. I really do wonder if that’s going to be the case, though. I’ve read a couple of things speculating that the reason Hill is starting is that if Jameis plays he’s likely to reach various incentive clauses in his contract and cost the Saints a bunch of money. That seems utterly ridiculous to me, because why the hell would you bother signing him at all if this is how you were gonna roll? Then again, I’m not a Football Man, so maybe my un-browned normie brain just doesn’t understand.

Detroit Lions (-3) at Carolina Panthers

CATFIGHT!!!

The Lions are the orange kitty in this scenario, because Matthew Stafford will be playing through a torn thumb while not having WR Kenny Golladay or RB D’Andre Swift at his disposal.

New England Patriots (-2) at Houston Texans

The concept of an “emotional hedge,” first introduced to me by RTARL commenter Beer, is in play here. I have NO idea if the Patriots are actually decent or not, and this has all the makings of a letdown game coming off of their unexpected win over Baltimore. Reigning Defensive Player of the Year Stephon Gilmore is expected to be back for the Pats in this one, which is very nice. RB Sony Michel is also likely coming back, which could muddy the backfield and take touches away from Damien Harris, which is less nice.

The Patriots have an atrocious rush defense, but Houston’s primary RB, Duke Johnson, is far better as a receiver than as a straight-up runner, so I’m not sure they can take advantage all that much. In addition, Duke’s receiving skills are mostly squandered because QB DeShaun Watson hates checking down and seemingly prefers to take sacks while looking for throws downfield instead. Wait, why the hell am I picking Houston here??? Is this what hedging is? I don’t like it!

LATE GAMES

New York Jets at Los Angeles Chargers (-9.5)

It feels weird to lay 9.5 points with a 2-7 team, but such is the power of the Jets’ ineptitude. To New York’s credit, they were competitive in two of their last three games (against NE and BUF), but those two games were sandwiched around a 35-9 beatdown at the hands of Kansas City. We would all feel better if the cool, young Chargers steamrolled these sad sacks in a joyous explosion of big plays, and this pick is my attempt at speaking it into existence.

Miami Dolphins (-3.5) at Denver Broncos

I don’t know why I have an affinity for Drew Lock, but I do. He probably appeals to the same part of my brain that delights in terrible movies and horrible jokes, which is the most backhanded compliment I have ever given anyone in my entire life. Drew's gonna tough it out and try to play through a rib injury this week, which is gutty and admirable and all that, but I can’t imagine it’s going to help his already shaky accuracy.

Green Bay Packers at Indianapolis Colts (-1.5)

The Packers are getting their best defensive player back in CB Jaire Alexander, which will make life more difficult for increasingly-noodle-armed Colts QB Philip Rivers. Conversely, Indy’s defense is among the best in the league, so I don’t really see a carnival of offense coming from the Packers, either. Honestly, this should be a close, well-played game between two exceedingly competent squads. The kind of game where there will be long stretches where nothing major happens, but you can point out random shit that happens away from the ball and talk about line play and really sound like you know what the fuck you’re talking about. A tremendous game for fraudulent football-knowers everywhere.

Dallas Cowboys at Minnesota Vikings (-7)

It would be an INCREDIBLY Vikings move to lose this game outright. The return of Andy Dalton is being treated like it’s something that’ll get the Cowboys somewhat back on track, but prior to his injury he looked like crap, so I don’t really know where that’s coming from. Also, while he was out with a concussion he had a bout with COVID-19 that “hit him hard.” It’s tough for me to imagine he’s going to play BETTER coming out of what sounds like a truly shitty few weeks.

SNF: Kansas City Chiefs (-7.5) at Las Vegas Raiders

A lot has been made about how pissed Kansas City is about the Raiders taking a supposed “victory lap” in their team bus around the Arrowhead parking lot after their win over the Chiefs earlier in the season, and I’m choosing to completely buy into this narrative because it’s fucking hilarious. If K.C. has already reached the “needing to exaggerate/outright invent slights to get up for regular season games against inferior opponents” portion of their reign, we’re in great shape for entertainment purposes going forward.

MNF: Los Angeles Rams at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-4)

I don’t remotely trust Jared Goff against Tampa Bay’s defense. I do think this is probably our SMASHMOUTH NOSEBLEED GRIND IT OUT Game of the Week, and I can already see Tom Brady screaming at his offensive linemen at some point after he gets popped a couple of times during a single possession. Should be fun!

Last Week’s Record: 7-5-1

Season Record: 65-68-5

#Sports!#Footballl #NFL #Gambling

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fuwafuwamedb · 5 years ago

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Dodging Death Pt 2 (CasGil, Hakuno, Cu Chulainn)

Previously: 1

____

There’s always been something disconcerting about awakening from a nap.

The first thing realized is that one is conscious. There’s this sudden come to, this sudden awareness. One doesn’t sense anything quite yet. One doesn’t necessarily think about anything yet. There’s just… life. Anything could happen in this small span of time when the mind is clicking on. The sheer fact that one was vulnerable for so long comes to a person.

At least, it came to him anyway.

Gilgamesh, the great mage and king of Uruk, came to with this same realm of consciousness occurring.

His mind slowly came into function once more. His body suddenly began to realize that it was alive and needing to begin the process of moving.

There was a comforting feeling beneath his body. He must have fallen asleep upon a series of cushions for how comfortable he was. Every fiber of his being was relaxed for once. It felt like his whole person had been bathed and dried. He could feel the sunlight, pouring down on him as he lay lazily in it. He must have been under his furs in his bed.

Gods, but the feeling of being freshly clean and sunbathing in such splendor.

Sex was alive and wild. It delighted the senses, but it was exhausting. This, right here, was another form of pleasure. It was the pleasure of the self. He rolled happily, stretching his limbs and listening to the soft, odd sound escape him.

Nevermind what sounds he made.

Exhaustion was a powerful force and made people hear strange things. This was one of those times.

It must have been early for his palace.

The sounds of the breeze were even quiet today. It was rather surprising, although he could hear people speaking not too terribly far from him. The conversation seemed to be related to…

He frowned at the conversation.

“A sixth victim has appeared last night in what police are calling an ‘isolated incident.’ The victim was wandering out late last night when they were gunned down by the perpetrator while attempting to return home from a shift at the local flower shop. The man’s coworker had this to say.”

“Yeah,” another voice spoke up. “Fuyuki is a safe and wonderful city and all that, but this kind of shit- ah, fuck, I’m not supposed to cuss on televise- oh. Right. Ah, yeah. Anyway, After this kind of… thing. Yeah, I’m SAYING IT!”

“He’s being- nevermind,” a woman spoke up. “We’re just a bit shook up. This whole situation is absurd! We’re not feeling safe with whoever this is running around loose and the police aren’t doing anything-”

The original speaker spoke up again.

“Citizens, much like this married couple, are feeling the same sense of unease. Police are urging citizens to remain indoors after dark, remain in contact with friends and loved ones, and they advise against any illegal activity.”

“Illegal activity? Geez!”

A woman, much louder than the others, spoke up. “Cu, turn that shit off.”

“Sorry, sorry!” the voice from before was speaking, the male speaking up again. “I just wanted to see Rinny and I on TV. Can you believe they called us a married couple?”

“Yes,” the woman replied.

The man- Cu- laughed. “God, but Hakuno! This is great!”

“A serial killer is great?”

“…Okay, maybe I should have preceeded that with, ‘other than the fucking psychopath roamin’ the streets,’ but Hakuno! Look at this! Rin’s on television!”

“She’s rather pissed with you about it.”

“Ah, she’ll get over it. I’ve been posting all over her social media and mine about how dazzling she looked. Hold on.”

“Well, stop boasting about how dazzling and pretty your girlfriend is and grab me a hairtie, will ya?”

“Yeah, yeah!”

The sound of footsteps were approaching, making Gilgamesh open his eyes. The moment he did, he squawked.

Nothing was the same.

This wasn’t his bedchamber. These weren’t his furs on him. This room, with furniture that clearly was carved by some person, was lackluster. And the strange torches!

There were torches on in a room with a mirror and a large basin! What the hell was that thing?

The door nearby opened, a blue haired man looking in at him a moment before Gilgamesh found himself screaming- or rather- yowling. His body tumbled from the bed, hitting the wood floors with a loud thump.

“HAKUNO!” The blue haired man yelled loudly. “YOUR CAT IS UP!”

“GORGEOUS!?!”

There was the sound of soft thunder coming their direction. He looked up to see a woman slipping around the blue haired man. Her fabric clad feet slipping along the floors a bit as she came to a screeching halt only to drop to her knees. The thud of her knees hitting the floor made him wince.

The sheer amount of pain that must have-

His body was lifted, held just under his front legs as he was once more reminded of his current state of being.

Cat.

“I thought you were going to sleep forever! Goodness, I took you to the vet twice! Dr. Kotomine kept recommending neutering!”

He could feel his blood drain.

Was he-

The moment he squirmed, he could hear the man nearby laughing.

“Geez, Hakuno. Don’t immasculate your man. The poor lad’s been sleepin’ for three days. Let him breathe before you scare him about things that didn’t happen.”

The fool was right.

Gods, but he was never so glad to hear he was safe.

The woman holding him looked at him carefully, setting him on the floor and helping him onto his paws.

“I’m guessing you need some exercise and to use the restroom,” she told him. “I got you a litter box and some food earlier this week.”

“Right, bathroom.”

The man headed over to what seemed to be a bathroom, ignoring the torches and the mirrors in order to grab something.

He tossed the small circle at Hakuno, making him leap.

He just…

Had to catch it.

It was instinctive. The little thing dared to fly towards the woman who seemed so tired. Without thinking, he caught the thing and held it in his mouth.

Please let these two never know of my humanity, Gilgamesh prayed.

The woman before him simply glowed.

“Hot damn. I need to get him some cat toys,” Cu told them, pausing a moment before he slammed the door shut. “Hold on, I’m going to use the toilet.”

The toilet is in there?

Gilgamesh frowned, padding his way across the floor only to feel his catch stolen.

The woman tied her hair back, flashing him a gentle smile before she urged him towards the box of gray sand.

“Here you are, Gorgeous.”

This box is filled with the smell of overly crushed flowers and death. Why on earth do I need this thing?

She pawed at the sand with her hand a moment, looking like she was trying to educate a young boy on an important life task.

For the life of him, he didn’t get it.

“You go to the bathroom here,” she told him.

Bathroom… that was the room the other was in… with the-

She thought that he was going to use this sand to shit?!

Were the gods mocking him?!

That had to be it. The gods were having a great laugh at the king of Uruk’s expense, changing him to this form and watching him choose his own downward spiral. Although this place beat the experience of cats in his homelands by a large amount, it still lacked a great deal of things.

First and foremost, since things were quite complicated and he had no quick solution to anything: he needed food.

He strolled with as much dignity as he could muster from this bedchamber, glancing around at this building with a thinly veiled interest.

There were strange tiny pulleys that seemed to be near each entrance. Other than that, the walls were quite plain and without anything of note. A few bookshelves of texts showed books about people and history. It would be quite interesting to investigate such things later. The fabrics seemed quite tight over whatever tablets they held. Perhaps they weren’t tablets in the common sense, but fabrics?

They were a strange fabric, truly.

He sniffed at them, smelling strangeness.

To be continued, he thought, carrying on.

A tapestry caught his great attention, portraying a young boy learning how to eat from an elder. It seemed they were stressing a name on a container, showing the name several times over. The happy family seemed to make it seem like the name mattered for the sake of joy.

Is this how merchants sell their wares?

How would anyone know the true value without first seeing the product themselves? That seemed rather odd.

He sat on his rump for a moment, watching the tapestry flow with new colors and images.

A group of young boys were playing with something together. They seemed to be twiddling their thumbs upon a board between them. Someone had placed one of these enchanted tapestries upon it, showing strange, inhuman things on the screen.

He yelped at the sight of a large beast, hissing and spitting at the tapestry as he took cover under the table.

“Gorgeous? You alright?”

Hakuno came out, glancing between him and the television. “Ah, you don’t like dinosaurs, huh? They’re extinct anyway.”

She pressed something on the tapestry, making it go black.

Magician!

He sighed, moving forth from his place of retreat. His body leaped onto the table, his eyes on her until something met his senses.

His senses were noting meat.

Glorious meats, a bounty of them lined the plate alongside precious golden eggs. Their fluffiness, and their great size, filled his vision, making his stomach rumble and his mouth salivate.

A king was a man who required great meals and bountiful choices. He could hear Hakuno speaking to her companion, but he paid them no mind for now. His attention was now on food and he was devouring it all. Bite after bite, the heavenly taste filled his body with the strength to carry on. He found himself near tears, tasting such celestial splendor.

“Oh.”

He looked up, finishing off the eggs as he heard Hakuno speak.

The woman laughed a little, glancing to her companion. “Cu, it looks like he ate your eggs.”

“Ah, better for him than me anyway. Rin’d kill me if I skipped out on her cooking,” the man said, moving forward and scratching at one of his ears. “You want real food, not that cat food shit, don’t ya, G?”

“G?” Hakuno raised a brow at him.

“Hakuno, he’s a guy cat. G sounds better.”

He agreed. He let that be known with his purring.

“See? There ya go. G’s with me on this.”

The man leaned in, motioning for Hakuno to leave.

“Alright, G, listen here. This woman? She saved your ass from being run over and becoming flatter than paperwork.”

She’d what?

“She also has stayed up for days waiting for you to wake up. She got all kinds of worried when you fell asleep like that. I got her to make food, but you’ve gotta take care of her, especially right now with a lunatic out there trying to kill people.”

“Cu, don’t you have to-“

“Hold on, Hakuno!” Cu waved his hand. “I’m telling the man of this house what he needs to know.”

Indeed he was.

Gilgamesh moved a bit closer to Cu, waiting for the man to continue. The man meanwhile was motioning for Hakuno to leave again, refusing to continue until she sighed and went to the other chamber.

Meanwhile, Gil waited. The woman had suffered lack of sleep for him and was in danger. What else did he need to know?

“Hakuno’s never had a house guest,” Cu told him. “She doesn’t let men live with her and she’s never been intimate, so do us both a favor and look out for her. We don’t want any unsavory men getting close to her. You can feel free to piss in their shoes or whatever if you see any.”

Gods, the vulgarity of such a thought…

“One more thing.”

He waited.

Cu glanced towards where the woman had gone, “…Hakuno’s pretty great. You won’t find a smarter woman, except my Rin, but Rin can be a pain. She’s very obsessed with gems.”

Sounds like Ishtar.

He’d stick with Hakuno.

Truly, he would anyway. Hakuno seemed to possess magic, albeit weak and under great restriction. If he could return to his human body, then he could break open those circuits and allow her to have that mana flowing through her veins.

The trickles he felt now, combined with that giving and open nature of hers, intrigued him.

“Do your best to guard the queen of this palace,” Cu told him, giving a bow. “She’s in your hands.”

Quite the showman, but he could appreciate a man of character. Gilgamesh bowed his head in return.

“Holy shit. Hakuno! G bowed for me!”

“Okay, Cu Chulainn, but isn’t Rin waiting for you to get my notes to her?”

The man paled, grabbing a bag nearby and a strange tablet from the table.

“That’s what I thought,” Hakuno sighed, earning a side hug from the man before he was booking it for the door.

“Bow to your cat,” Cu told her, pausing in the doorway. “He bows back! It’s great!”

Mongrels truly were mongrels, Gilgamesh thought with a sigh.

His sigh was in time with Hakuno’s own, his eyes drifting to hers only to see the woman grab a small stick from nearby and cast her magic upon the tapestry again.

“I swear, he loves Rin, but he does get sidetracked.”

He had no bearing on this thinking, therefore he paid it no heed. Instead, Gilgamesh hopped down from the table and continued his perusal of the house.

The kitchens were strange and filled with reflective surfaces that didn’t quite work as mirrors. The bathrooms, two for some reason, possessed toilets.

They weren’t quite like his, with a running stream in them, but there was a lever…

The water swirled in the basin, making his eyes widen.

Astounding!

This paltry home with its meager adornments was the home of a true visionary. Toilets with waters that didn’t run underneath one’s bottom until they wished for it. He looked in the kitchen once again and found the woman turning on a stream of water.

Miniature aqueducts were near here?! How did she get water inside her home and on tap like that?! What’s more, the tapestry of merchants fascinated him too.

“G?” Hakuno looked over at him. “Do you want to rest a while longer on my lap? I’m going to watch some TV for a bit before working on my studies.”

TV?

He watched, amazed, as the woman carried him back to the lounge area, settling onto her quite unique fusion between a set of cushions and a chair. The woman permitted him to watch her tapestry- no- her TV.

Look at him, learning her strange culture so quickly.

Gilgamesh gazed upon the plays happening on the screen, astounded by the manners to which the people of this land had managed to capture their actors upon the tapestry. Were they trapped there until their play finished?

He was also quite interested in the marketing done by their merchants. To think, an intermission could boast of goods from certain people…

The Uruk merchants could acquire greater notoriety by having the traveling actors and performers advertise of Uruk’s greatness.

This required tablets.

This information needed to be saved onto stone.

“You must have slept all your fatigue away,” Hakuno murmured to him, stroking along his person. He could feel himself rumbling in contentment. His body growing weary at the feel of those hands working their way through his fur.

She was pure bliss.

Had she been Ereshkigal herself, he would have leaped for his death. Not that he despised the goddess, but her latest actions left a bit to be desired.

He moved closer to Hakuno’s face, pausing at her chest.

This… This he remembered.

This was the drenched celestial being that had saved him before. Her gentle voice had called to him when he had thought himself the victim of those screeching beasts. She’d taken him to be treated by that foul beast of a man and then nestled him safely right here.

She’d allowed him to be safe in her bosom.

He owed this woman a great debt.

Thinking about it, Uruk had not gained any magicians in a long time. They weren’t in dire need of one, true, but having an extra magician on hand, especially one like this…

Yes, he would simply claim the woman to be his magician.

He yawned, finding the woman casting another spell to turn off the TV. She pulled a rather thick fabric over the two of them and snuggled him closer to her.

“We can take an hour nap,” she told him. “Then I need to study. I have a test tomorrow.”

I shall watch you prepare for your apprentice examination with great interest, Gilgamesh thought, licking the woman and finding her cooing to him gently.

She would make a wonderful new Uruk citizen.

#drabble #drabbles

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silver-snow-writes · 5 years ago

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The thing with Jaytim and a lot of cats

This is a not! fic campfire I did on a discord server that I’m porting over here, I hope y’all enjoy the fluff. @inkyubus and @salazarastark helped a bit towards the end

———————————————————————

Okay. Tim is canonically a cat person and it has annoyed the hell out of me that Tim never got pets but Damian gets a menagerie, so I always give him a cat when given the opportunity by plot

Tim finds a pregnant kitty on his fire escape, and takes her in. He’s calling on Selina and googling everything he can after processing that oh right this is going to be a big change, and goes out to the pet store incognito to grab supplies

But he’s at the Crime Alley theater house apartment so Jason is out doing an early evening patrol, spots him, and gets curious. What’s he doing around here in civvies?

Jason tails him to the nearest pet shop, and back to his house, where he spots him playing with soon-to-be mama cat. He wants to be mad that Tim’s in *his* territory, clearly living here, but it’s hard to get too pissed when he’s giving a happy kitty belly rubs and smiling like that.

Jason’s seen him do confident Robin grin, dangerous “I’m gonna fuck you up” battle smirk, calming civilians smile, even polite Wayne heir curve of the lips. But smiling joyfully like this, eyes uncovered, clearly laughing a little as the cat demands treats? Something goes warm in his chest

Meanwhile Tim is feeling tired and stressed bc his life is a busy exhausting and traumatizing mess lately but it’s hard to think about the bad stuff when he has mama cat and her litter to think about. She’s clearly been a pet before and is so friendly and cuddly that it breaks his heart to think someone abandoned her. He gets her to the vet to check for a chip and get her looked over, and when there’s no chip that cements his decision that fuck it, he’s keeping her

He totally names her Arwen bc there is no way in hell a kid that was a DM for DC’s D&D equivalent isn’t a fan of LoTR. Arwen has to get mites and fleas removed but once she’s flea free she’s sharing his bed

Jason. Is still keeping an eye on him, subtly. Staying out of range of Tim’s security systems and Babs’s cameras and telling himself it’s all because he can’t just let the Pretender go unsupervised in his turf. And sure that’s part of it. But Tim’s actually pretty good about sticking to patrolling his own territory and that helps somewhat

And well. Jason regrets what went down during that mess after Bruce died. Was kinda shitty of him to repay Tim letting him out of jail by stabbing him in the chest and all. He’s a big awkward goober dealing with some guilt now that he’s more settled, so he has trouble figuring out how he should approach Tim and let him know that Jason is aware that he’s holing up in Crime Alley

He’s gotta do something eventually, right? Ah well. Can’t hurt to just. Watch him, every now and then. See him through the windows being a goofy new cat dad and a disaster of a teenage vigilante

(Jason, honey, things really have come full circle)

Eventually things get set in motion. LoS assassins attack Tim’s apartment, Arwen runs away bc scared kitty, Jason jumps in to help fight the assassins and then they go track down the poor baby. And some bonding and pining bc Jason is developing such a crush and also hot damn Tim fighting and winning is a sight to see

Tim is understandably wary about Jason but willing to give him the benefit of the doubt when he’s being helpful and even offering to assist him in finding Arwen. She’s due to give birth soon!

(It’s been about a month now and she was already about midway through when Tim first found her. Domestic cats are pregnant around 57-65 days, so around two months)

They end up running around asking the ladies of the night and various others if they’ve seen a pregnant long-haired tabby cat. Eventually they go back to Tim’s apartment as dawn is breaking, only to find Arwen is on his fire escape again and in labor

They get her inside, clean up, and Tim sets her down in his bathtub, petting her soothingly and fussing over her. Jason is still helping out and he just goes with it, gratefully accepting a can of Zesti and medical supplies

I foster cats irl so I know how this tends to go pretty well. Within an hour of labor starting Arwen will finish pushing out kitten #1 and each of the rest will come around 15-20 minutes apart. She’ll clean them up and eat the placentas, which is gross but perfectly healthy, and soon enough they’ll be nursing from her while she purrs and rests

Tim looked into it and well. He’s been around human deliveries before and this was honestly so much quicker that it was a relief

(He was there when Steph gave birth and has likely helped deliver babies as Robin bc pregnant women can and will go into labor when shocked, like being held hostage or getting hurt in an accident)

He sits back with a sigh and pays his full attention to Jason now. He hasn’t been fully ignoring him persay, still keeping an eye and an ear on him just in case, but he’s been. Surprisingly nice and nothing but helpful, Tim isn’t sure what to think of it. Jason’s staring at the kittens but turns to look at Tim when he notices that the younger vigilante is assessing him

There’s a long moment of increasingly awkward silence as they stare at each other while the newborn kittens are mewling and Arwen’s drifting off to sleep. Jason is the one that finally breaks the tension, rubbing the back of his neck and looking back at the kitties.

“So. Pretty cute cats you got here”

Jay immediately cringes inside because yeah, it’s true that the cats are cute as heck, but c’mon Todd address the scenario

Here’s inky’s contributions:

"yeah real cute when they're covered in blood and placenta" tim retorts and then wants to smack himself.

"it's ok. they're still adorable through the bodily fluids," jason's smile is so fond when he looks down at the kittens tucked tight into the curve of arwen's body that tim thinks he must be dreaming

he's never seen jason with an expression even close to fond or happy since he came back. jason is stroking arwen's tail with just the tip of a finger, smoothing down the crooked fur.

(Back to me again)

He hasn’t seen him look so happy since he was. Since he was Robin, and Tim was just a fanboy with a camera

(Inky)

"you like cats?" the question breaks jason out of his reverie.

"they were just always around. alley cats are cranky fucks, but city strays are never that afraid of humans. they'd come around and beg for scraps until someone chased them off."

tim hummed, scritching arwen between the ears. "you were pretty good with her just now."

there was a tiny flush on jason's cheeks. "might have invited one in for a few days when no one was home. chased her off before she could get too attached."

(Me)

“I always wanted a cat, but my parents hated them and Alfred said no. I found Arwen on my fire escape hiding from a stray dog and I just had to take her inside”

Eventually Tim offers Jason a cup of tea and Jason asks about the cats more. Arwen’s name comes up and leads into a talk about Lord of the Rings, bc they both read the series and loved it. And a debate comes up over something they saw differently but it’s still friendly

Maybe Tim liked the movies’ take better than Jason did and they argue the merits vs flaws of the adaption. But they both agree that the Hobbit movies are way less faithful to the book

By the time they’re done with the tea and their conversation the sun is up and Jason ducks out to go home, feeling butterflies in his stomach at the memory of Tim smiling and laughing at him. Tim is reminded why he used to have a crush, but still very watchful bc he thought things were getting better before BftC happened

He goes to sleep and wakes up to Arwen balefully glaring at him bc her breakfast is late

Tim got injured during the LoS fight and aggravated it while looking for his poor kitty, so in the end he’s not really up for patrol that night. He stays in his apartment and alternates between looking over case files on his laptop and checking on Arwen and her babies. He lets Oracle know he’s off rotation for the night and to let Cass patrol his territory bc she’s visiting, and settles in to do some hacking to find out why Ra’s sent the assassins last night and talking with Lonnie about Unternet developments

He’s in the middle of hacking a phone’s datastream to find footage taken by a teenager that noticed skulking shadows outside the windows when there’s a knock on his window, and he checks his security system expecting one of the Bats to have gotten past his sensors. It’s Jason out on the fire escape with a couple of bags in hand. Tim is confused, but decides to roll with it again. He’s just hoping that the duffle isn’t full of heads

Turns out Jason went looking and found the League’s newest base in Gotham, liberating some paper files, a couple choice weapons, several USB drives, and a laptop that had belonged to the squad leader. He offers to let Tim work with him on this because he wants “those sycophantic assassins out of my territory dammit” and obviously Tim’s involved anyway

They both check on the kittens every now and then. They’re still too little to be doing much but nursing, sleeping, and crying, but god are they precious. And Arwen is a tired but proud mama cat

Now let’s see...Arwen’s a long-haired brown tabby with green eyes (not at all based on my baby Zelda, of course *shhh*). The kittens will be named after the Hobbits—Frodo the black kitten with big blue eyes, Sam the ginger tabby, Merry is white with golden patches, and Pippin is the tiny little tabby runt that mewls loudest

At one point Jason picks them all up and makes a joke while carrying the four of them that they're taking the hobbits to Isengard. It makes Tim snort and then wince bc the injury that kept him in was to his ribs

Tim gets sick. Not like immediately but a couple days to a week or two in, and Jason ends up playing rough but sweet nurse while Tim tries to hide that he’s ill from the Bats. Maybe the ribs issue leads to him getting a cold that nearly turns nasty bc no spleen plus two incidents of death plague and numerous other things mean his immune system’s wonky

Tim’s a stubborn little shit who won’t stay in bed unless Jason picks up Arwen and the babies to put them on the bed with him. He’s not cruel enough to move the babies when they’re sleeping on him, is he? But he can still glare at Jason

Jason might sneak a few pictures. For blackmail, he tells himself. Sure Jason, we believe you. It’s certainly not because it’s adorable and makes you get the warm fuzzies

It feels significantly less adorable when Tim pukes in the trash can and drips snot everywhere but the bedhead and flushed face and some semi-coherent feverish babbling about Star Trek and ornithology helps

Jason remembers Alfred’s cooking lessons and puts them to use, Tim lets out an obscene moan when he starts eating the soup that makes Jason choke on his own spit like a dork

“Did you get this from Alfred? It tastes just like his!”

“Yeah, he taught me how to cook, before...y’know.” Jason is very proud of himself for remembering it correctly, if a bit sad that he hasn’t spoken to Alfred since before he died

“Oh.” Tim blinks owlishly at him, unsure how to respond. “Well. You did a way better job than I would have.”

Arwen chooses that moment to demand attention, meowing stridently and rubbing her face against his hand until he goes along with it and scratches lightly under her chin

———

And that’s all, folks. Will eventually turn this into a proper fic and give it an ending, but I hope y’all enjoy it as is for the moment

#Tim Drake #Jason Todd #Red Robin #Red Hood #Jaytim #slowburn #catfic #fluff #cats #DC comics #Batfamily #my writing #not!fic #fanfiction

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deesselouvre · 5 years ago

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Tagged by @v-v-e-g-a !!! ♡♡♡♡♡

Tag #1

1. Icon: Beehunter from Arknights

2. My content: This is my main/personal blog so it's mostly just reblogs of funnyman jokes, Helpful References/Tips, and interests I'm either too lazy or not enough into to make a sideblog for (JJBA, Animal Crossing, Castlevania [debatable], etc.)

3. Letter colour: I'm assuming this is blog title color so--white.

4. Header: a screencap of Invader Zim saying "PHASE TWO" but instead it says "HOES MAD". I need to change it tbh but idk to what.

5. Url: I love vampires AND thigh high socks,,,,Could I Make It Anymore Obvious

6. Blog title: From one of those phrase/word generators I forgot why I used it, but I really liked the phrase even though I'm really bad at poetry...

Tag #2

Who were you named after?: I Vibed(tm) with Maid Marian from the Disney Furry Robin Hood Movie as a kid but I wanted it to be more gender neutral so now I'm Mr. Mosbey ☆ Ellis is similar enough to my deadname so I can get onto family and the like for "forgetting"

Last time you cried?: I don't have a concept of time so I don't remember so,,,,,maybe a week or two?

Do you like your handwriting?: I guess? It's pretty a looking blend of print and cursive but it can be hard to read if you're reading it for the first time :(

What is your favorite lunch meat?: FRIED BOLOGNA. If cooked doesn't count idk honey ham or turkey I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Longest relationship?: 2 years. Don't Ask.

Do you still have your tonsils?: Yup.

Do you bungee jump?: Nope!

What is your favorite kind of cereal?: Honeycomb, w/ French Toast Crunch as a close second. But tbh as long as its not bland like cheerios or corn pops/puffs I'll live.

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?: I DESPISED tying my shoes as a kid idk why so I always slip mine off.

Do you think you’re strong willed?: Not particularly, I think? I'm a people pleaser but I'm also stubborn as hell so....

Favorite Ice Cream?: Birthday Cake!!! French Vanilla or Wedding Cake is good too--anything really REALLY vanilla-y is top notch.

What is the first thing you notice about a person?: Their smile and I guess like...idk how to put it....their Build? Like if they're lanky with broad shoulders or tall 'n buff or short 'n stocky, stuff like that.

Football or baseball?: I only attend football games for the Marching Band halftime shows

Favorite donut?: Anything filled with cream or custard tbh. Maple-flavored dunkin donuts donuts are good too, though.

What are you listening to?: A lot of Vouge Remixes/Music apparently? Like DJ Boyfriends and stuff. I like high-energy beats.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: A deep jewel tone that's labelled "peacock" but you can't really tell if its a green or blue until you use it.

What is your favorite smell?: Vanilla Bean Noel from Bath and Body Works, Honeycomb, and Harry's Pomegranate-Spice Blend Soap (really specific I Know). Hairspray always smells really sweet to me idk why people say they hate the smell???

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?: My D&D group (5 HOURS!)

Hair color?: Too dark to be blond, too light to be brown. I wanna dye it either that jewel toned blue again or black, but I don't feel like buying hair dye rn.

Eye color?: Brown brown brown! FUCK what anyone says brown eyes are the BOMB my entire family has either green or blue eyes so I've spent TOO LONG self-depreciating over that shit.

Favorite food to eat?: Lemon Cake w/ mascarpone is soooo good. Nothin tops Hoppin' John with Wild Rice though.

Scary movies or happy ending?: Happy Endings. I'm not (that) much of a sap but Scary Movies sometimes really work up my anxiety :(

Last movie you watched in a theater?: Once Again, time is an illusion but I think Frozen 2? NO it was Birds of Prey! Loved it.

What color shirt are you wearing?: A black State Marching Band Championship hoodie.

Favorite holiday?: Halloween by default since a good 80% of holidays are boring.

Beer or wine?: I've only had (dessert) wine but I didn't really like it so neither I guess. I don't see myself liking beer anyways.

Night owl or morning person?: Night Owl but God likes to punish me so I always wake up at 6/7/8 even when I don't need to anyways.

Favorite day of the week?: Tuesday or Friday? Time isn't real, dude.

Favorite animal?: BATS BATS BATS!!! I have a plushie of a Mariana Flying Fox I got from the zoo as a wee kid and I WUV THEM their name is Mango :3c. I also like peacocks because of their colors, & hummingbirds because they remind me of my grandmother and how they zip around!

Do you have a pet?: 3 cats (Meimei, Rico Suavé, and my dearest darlingist loudest witch cat Mina) and 3 dogs (Emmy, Jake, and Gucci "Chupi" Chupacabra).

Where would you like to travel?: Japan (b/c I'm a weeb and I've wanted to since middle school), but tbh visiting just about anywhere would be cool, especially in Europe just because I keep slacking on language learning. My family vacations for Food mainly so anyplace with good, different grub than Southern Landlocked USA is 👌👌👌👌.

♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡

I never know who to tag in these ddgdkddjkskabcksbals uhhhhhh @binch-im-stressed @screamingredpanda @6fangs @foolishrats @wondertainment & any mutuals or ppl who constantly interact because I'm writing this in my notes app and never use desktop tumblr so I can't really keep track of my mutuals like everyone else (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

#DON'T WORRY @ MUTUALS I SEE YOU I JUST HAVE SHIT MEMORY #There's also ppl who constantly like/rb stuff from me and idk if i follow their sideblog or somethin' & I'm too nervous to tag you all #BUT I SEE YOU #persephone-boi.....ratarcade............zozzles.....I See U and tag u but like.....telepathically....lowkey...only if u wanna

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queenmylovely · 6 years ago

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Just My Luck; Part 3

Summary: John deacon x fem!reader. John and Reader make plans to see each other

Warnings: cussing, slow burn

Word Count: 3.7k

A/N: There’s more of Queen in this one, especially of the Chaos Duo. It’s kind of a filler chapter, but there are a lot of cute little moments. Most likely, I’ll be posting on weekends from now own. As always let me know what you think!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14 (Epilogue), Masterlist

🍀🍀🍀

Exactly three weeks after John sent the letter to you, he received one and sent another.

Receiving your letter was a godsend to him. To all of the boys. Not only did it save Deaky from his own worrisome mind, but it also saved Brian from constantly having to patrol Freddie and Roger, and saved Freddie and Roger from coming under the wrath of over protective Brian or manic Deaky. Not that the cycle wouldn’t repeat itself as soon as a week passed with no reply.

In the aftermath of your letter, Roger and Freddie figured they had an about two day grace period where they could talk about you and tease John as much as they wanted.

“Well it’s official, you two are now properly each other’s,” teased Freddie, referencing the way each of you signed off your letters. This got an eye roll and beginnings of a quick response from Deaky but he continued anyway, “Why don’t we call you Johnny? Where the hell did Deaky come from?” He questioned. “Johnny is much more traditional.”

“Are you joking? Fred, you’re the one who started calling me Deaky, because Johnny was too traditional,” replied a flabbergasted John.

“Oh that’s right, because fuck how things are traditionally done. Although I thinks it’s absolutely precious that your girl has a special nickname for you,” Freddie remembered, giving Deaky a cheeky smile. Deaky just ignored the comment about you being his girl and tried to focus on tuning his bass.

Since the band was in the studio before noon, John had gotten the letter early and decided to mail his response on the way back home. For now, he, Freddie, and Roger were in the control room while Brian was working some guitar part in the sound booth.

“In any case, I think the best course of action for you, Deaks, is to meet on your turf. If she comes to London, you can show her around, take her to all the fanciest places, have her stay with you, in your bed,” Roger said into the silence. His last remark was solely for Deaky’s embarrassment, and he knew his mission was accomplished when he saw the red on the other man’s cheeks. He didn’t allow Deaky time to object as he continued, “Plus, we only went to Brussels in Belgium, not this Tourn-ey place, wherever the fuck that is. You wouldn’t be any help there.”

“Tournai,” John mumbled with the correct pronunciation. “It’s part of the French region in Belgium called Wallonia.”

“Well I’m glad to see that college education and those research skills haven’t gone to waste,” Roger joked, drawing laughs from the other two.

“French, you say, Deaky?” Freddie asked and John nodded. “You do know that French is the language of love, don’t you, dear? I bet Y/N is quite fluent and would jump at the chance to teach you.”

Again, Deaky just flushed at the implications of Freddie’s somewhat convoluted metaphor and focused on his bass.

After a while, they went back to working and got consumed by it. At around 4:00 p.m., when they finally had their lunch, Deaky remembered to write the letter, relying only on himself this time. He dropped it in a post box on their way home, this time around 9:00 p.m.

_____

Ten days later, after driving back from an early shift at the café, you were checking the mail in the lobby of your building and saw the now tell-tale sign of a letter addressed to you but without a name on the returning address. You sprinted up your stairs, seeing the long line outside of the elevator and knowing it would be faster to run. Reaching your apartment, you slowed down and grabbed your keys but picked right back up again once inside and ran into Jeanne’s open room. Even though it was half past noon she was still in bed, as she didn’t have class at all and didn’t work until much later. As you ran up, you grabbed her shoulder, giving it a small shake. She jumped awake then saw it was you and groaned, “Ugh, why did you wake me up? Why are you breathing so heavily? Wait, what’s in your hands? Is that another letter from John?” her questions becoming less annoyed and more excited as she went.

“Yes. But I can’t read it, I need you to.”

“Too nervous?” she asked, grabbing the letter from you as you nodded. “You know he’s going to say yes. Of course he wants to meet you in person.”

You just waited for her to start.

“Okay, here goes: ‘Dear Y/N, Your time at uni and your career plans sound brilliant. I’m sure you’ll be an amazing professor. If only I would have been so lucky to have someone like you for a communications professor, I might be better at it.’ Oh that’s cute,” Jeanne remarked and you smiled but looked down to hide the way his compliment made you feel.

She continued “‘I have been to Belgium, Brussels to be exact, but I haven’t ever been to Tournai. Since you’re teaching English there, do you speak French? Didn’t your best friend from high school speak French too?’ Yes, that’s right, John! Her lovely best friend, Jeanne, is the entire reason any of this reconnection is possible,” Jeanne laughed, delighted at this new revelation, causing you to groan and put your head in your hands. Jeanne remained content in her moment, pausing to do a little dance.

“What next, Jeanne? I’m sure the letter doesn’t stop at the mention of you,” you prompted when she took too long.

“Oh, right, just got a little distracted. Hmm, he says, ‘Although I did enjoy my time at Chelsea College, and did earn my degree, I’m not an engineer. I’m not sure that you would remember, but when we were in high school I was in a couple bands, which is what prompted my current career path. I’m working in music right now, which is what has allowed me to travel so much, to answer your other question.’ Wow, you didn’t tell me he was a musician!” Jeanne scolded with admiration for John in her eyes.

“I did, actually, it was just like, 7 years ago.”

“Ha, I keep forgetting that this is the same John as all those years ago. Okay, let’s see, next he says, ‘I absolutely would love to meet you in person! There’s no way that I would let you get within 300 km of me without seeing you.’ Hoo! That was too much. That just about took me out, how are you?” Jeanne said, fanning her face at his comments and looking at you to gauge your reaction. Your lips were pursed, eyes were wide and staring at the floor, and you felt your ears and cheeks heat up. Shaking your head, you motioned her to continue.

“‘If you wanted to come see London, I could show you around, being a local and all. I’m going to be in London all summer, so if you had any specific dates, I’m sure I’d be open.You could stay with me if you would like so you don’t have to pay for a hotel. Through my work I have access to discounted aeroplane tickets, if you would rather fly than take a 5 hour train ride. I honestly can’t wait to see you now. Ever Yours, Johnny.’ That’s so nice, you should take him up on his offer!” Jeanne said, referring to the plane tickets and extra room.

You were stuck on him wanting to see you so badly so it took you a second to respond, “What? Oh yeah, I’ll look into it.”

“Can’t focus because you’re smitten, huh?”

“Hmmm? What about a cat?”

“Smitten, not kitten. Geez, you’re gone,” Jeanne said as she laughed at the far-off look in your eyes. You remained in this state as you wrote back to him. Writing the letter, you probably poured in too much emotion, but Jeanne wouldn’t let you edit it any further. You had to trust Jeanne to drop the letter off on her way to work since you were busy with the final bit of paperwork you had before leaving for Tournai, which was just over one week away.

_____

You spent the rest of that week packing, carefully choosing what clothes you would bring with you. It was tricky because you were going there to teach but also to travel. This meant you had to have a lot of business casual clothes but also a wide array of layers in case you traveled somewhere colder. The most difficult choices were for the clothes you thought you would take with you to London. You wrestled with yourself because you didn’t want to stress out so much over clothes and definitely didn’t want to choose clothes specifically for one boy. Still, you kept thinking What will impress John? What will John like? despite yourself.

However, there was only so long you could agonize for and only so much you could fit. Eventually, all of your clothes and necessities were packed and you were spending your last night in the States much as you had the first night you had heard all of A Night at the Opera, with Jeanne and your mom.

The three of you talked during dinner then watched a movie, and closed out the night with another listening of the album, but paired with ice cream this time. It was an early night because you had to get up extremely early for the airport the next morning. Also because of this, your mom stayed over and slept in your bed with you.

After getting ready and getting into your bed, you were laying on your back staring at the ceiling. Your mom was facing the other way on her side, about to turn the lamp off when you spoke, causing her to turn to look at you “I’m nervous, Mom.”

“I know, honey. But you’re going to do great. Everyone in your class will learn English quick as whips, and I bet transitioning to life in Belgium will be easier than you think,” she said reassuringly. But that wasn’t all that was on your mind.

“Is it stupid that I’m actually more nervous about meeting John than I am about leaving the country for three months?” you questioned, grimacing at your own words.

“Nothing you feel is stupid. And I know you’re feeling vulnerable and scared, but there’s no way that you and John won’t get along. You wrote letters to each other for five years and never ran out of things to talk about. As soon as you get over the initial awkwardness, you’ll be thick as thieves.”

“Thanks, Mom. Love you, goodnight.”

“Love you too, goodnight, sweetie,” she said, turning off the light and rolling back on her side.

The alarm rang out all too soon, before the sun was up, and before you actually fell into a deep sleep. The three of you got up and got dressed in silence, eating toast and fruit with eyes half-closed. Jeanne drove your car to the airport with your mom and you leaning on each other in the backseat. The only sound was the soft music playing from the radio, a song you vaguely recognized as early Queen, called “Some Day One Day.”

Walking into the airport, to the luggage drop off, and to the gate, you were all chatting and making sure you had everything that you needed in your carry-on. The three of you sat at the gate to wait and soon enough, the first group was called to board. You were in the second group, so you started saying your goodbyes right away, hugging Jeanne first.

“I’m going to miss you so much! What am I going to do alone for three months? How am I going to handle having our entire apartment to myself? Without you reminding me constantly about dishes and vacuuming and dusting and eating all of my food?” Jeanne’s tone was turning from sad to gleeful as she realized all of the good things about you being gone.

From your place next to her head, you tried to turn and look at her, “You sound suspiciously happy that I’m leaving.”

“Happy? No, not me! Just a little liberated, heh,” she admitted and you both laughed.

“As I’m sure you just realized, you’ll be fine without me. Plus, the university gave us those vouchers to give to the phone company so international calls won’t charge extra, so you can call me anytime. Anytime that I’m awake that is.”

Then it was time to say goodbye to your mom. You both got misty-eyed and gave each other a long hug. It was times like these that you were glad you never got taller than your mom, happy for the extra comfort and protection her height gave you. After a minute, you both pulled away, and she held onto your arms, “I’m so proud of you, Y/N. This is a big step, and I know you’re going to do great. Remember to call me as soon as you get there and every Monday after that.”

“Thank you, Mom. Don’t worry, I will,” you replied. Then the intercom came on, calling for your group to board, “Love you, Jeanne,” you said, pulling her in for another quick hug before doing the same with your mom and kissing her on the cheek, “Love you, Mom. Keep each other company while I’m gone!”

They nodded and waved, as you walked right up to the desk, the last goodbye making you the last in your group. They stood together and watched the plane until it took off before heading back to the apartment to go on about their days.

_____

Deaky was asleep on the couch of the control room when the studio received your letter the day after you left Seattle.

Roger and Freddie, however, were wide awake, waiting for Brian to return with coffee when an intern came in with the letter and they maneuvered it from the unknowing college kid. They were quick to convince each other to open and read it without waking up Deaky.

Deciding to take turns reading it out loud, Freddie started, “‘Dear Johnny, Oui, je parle français.’ Oh she does speak French, astounding! ‘And yes, my still best friend, Jeanne, is the main reason that I can speak it at all. We’re roommates now and we still spend every Saturday just speaking French so we don’t lose it since her parents moved back to Montreal.’”

“This Jeanne girl sounds interesting. She can talk in English and French,” Roger said in a thoughtful voice, biting his lip. “They live together, too. Two girls speaking to each other in French…”

“Yes, that’s what it means to be bilingual,” Freddie replied dry-pan, ignoring Roger’s snort at the word “bilingual.” With a sigh, he continued, “‘Jeanne made it clear that she thought it was important to note that she’s the entire reason I’m even travelling to Tournai. But I can’t be too annoyed because that’s the reason I’m getting to meet you.’ My heart! I’m not sure I can keep reading this, you better take over.”

“Sure, you know I like a confident woman,” Roger smirked, earning an eye roll from Freddie. He found where Freddie left off on the page, “‘Of course I remember your bands! I always wanted to hear you play. When I’m in London, you’ll have to play me some of your old songs so I can experience it live!’ Ha, little does she know she’ll be staying with bassist of Queen. This is going to blow her mind!”

“Rog, love, do try to stay a little humble. She’s American, we’re not as well known over there. She might not even know who we are,” Freddie reminded him before joining the other man’s laughs. Although Freddie could be shy and wasn’t one to make other uncomfortable with his newfound wealth and fame, he was never less than proud of Queen, and wasn’t afraid to show it.

“Okay, okay, ‘If you’d be willing to have me, I would be delighted to stay with you and see London! You’re so sweet to extend your home to me. You’re way too kind to offer those vouchers, I’m fine taking the train. I have a week off from June 1-9, so I could come for a couple days if any of those work for you. I’m actually leaving for Tournai this Wednesday, so you can send the next letter to the address on the index card. Looking forward to seeing you more and more everyday! Very Truly Yours, Y/N. p.s. You seem very capable at communication to me, but the real test is in person.’ Oh-hoh-hoh, getting a little flirty aren’t we there,” Roger remarked, smirking.

“Ooo, very suggestive. Sounds like Deaky here is going to get himself a girlfriend by the first of June!” Freddie replied, both of them laughing.

“Deaky and Y/N sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S…,” one of them started and the other sang along. It was this that woke Deaky up. He rose to sitting on the couch and watched them dancing around with their backs to him.

He rubbed his eyes sleepily while asking, “What are you two on about?”

This stopped them in their tracks. They quickly put the letter back in the envelope, and whipped around, Roger holding the letter behind their backs. Unfortunately for them, Deaky had seen the flash of white.

“Nothing…” they replied in unison, trying to sound innocent.

“If you’re not up to anything, what are you hiding behind your backs?” Deaky questioned in a serious tone.

“Oh this?” Roger asked as he held up the letter and Deaky gasped. “It’s nothing important, just a letter from Y/N,” he said, tossing it to him.

“You opened it without me?”

“Not without you, darling, you were right there on the couch,” Freddie defended.

“I was asleep,” Deaky said half paying attention as he reopened the letter. As he started reading, his full focus stayed on what you wrote, not noticing the other two men staring intently at him. They exchanged glances when he visibly reacted to your words, grinning at you wanting to hear him play, frowning when you declined the vouchers, and giggling at your post-script.

Brian walked in as Deaky finished reading and looked at the scene in front of him before clearing his throat and holding up four cups of coffee. The other three heads snapped up, eyes zeroing in on the coffee. As they drank, Deaky filled Brian in on the details.

“You should definitely send the vouchers anyway. You should also tell her to stay the entire week. You can’t see all of London in two or three days,” Brian persuaded him, with encouragement from Roger and Freddie.

Deaky wrote another letter, including the vouchers and inviting you to stay the whole time.

_____

After arriving in Tournai, you got set up at an apartment with another graduate student from your program. As soon as you could, you called your mom and then Jeanne to check in.

Because of the day it took to travel, and the night stay at a hotel for orientation, you got John’s letter your second day at the apartment. You were surprised, but quickly remembered that mail would be much quicker within Europe.

You were so happy to see that he wanted you to stay the whole time and in your own letter gladly accepted. Although you thought the vouchers were too generous, some time on the phone with Jeanne convinced you to accept them anyway. Her talk didn’t stop you from thanking him over and over in your next letter, though.

_____

Over the course of the next week, you got settled in at your job teaching, too. Your new roommate, Eileen, was from France and was in Tournai to teach public speaking in the student’s native language. You thought you were lucky to be able to speak to her easily. She was nice, but reserved, and you soon developed a routine of eating breakfast together at the apartment and lunch together at the school, but had separate dinners.

On weekends you didn’t see much of her, so you explored much of Tournai on your own, quickly finding a cafe you loved and becoming a regular at the Museum of Fine Arts. Each week on Saturdays, you would spend the entire afternoon taking in a different branch for hours. You had completed three before your first four weeks were over and it was time to travel to London.

You packed your carry-on for London on the Friday night before, Jeanne on the phone to give you advice the whole time. You decided on two pairs of pants, two skirts, two dresses, five shirts, two jackets, and two pairs of shoes, including what you would wear on the plane. One of the dresses was pretty fancy, a choice made by Jeanne “just in case.”

You had told Eileen you would be gone during your week off a week earlier, and Saturday morning she asked you more about where you were going. Always polite and never prying, she accepted your description of your pen pal with understanding and offered to walk you to the train that would take you to airport. Walking with her, you confessed your nerves, and she turned to face you.

“We don't know each other that well, and I like you. He knows you very well,” she offered. You knew what she was implying, even if she wouldn’t go that far herself. That strengthened your resolve and thanked her, coming up on the train station. You kissed each other’s cheeks, as the French were wont to do, and stepped on the train, waving goodbye.

At the airport, you walked quickly and got to the gate forty-five minutes early. You sat, reading the book you had brought with you, Murder on the Orient Express. You had been inspired to read Agatha Christie’s books after her death reminded you of how much you liked the movie of the same name that came out a couple of years prior.

When your group number was called to board, you took a deep breath and stood. With no one to say goodbye to you walked straight to the forming line without hesitation.

🍀🍀🍀

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