#anyway ive been ranting for too long
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someone on tiktok was like "why don't many straight men engage in fanfiction" and the answer is that the last time they tried we got aotnr
#redditors tried writing fanfiction and immediately sent the author and editor death threats#'eren becomes a gigachad and the king to the glorious nation of eldia by being hisu's babydaddy and he kills his friends'#literally a male power fantasy fueled by extremely low reading comprehension#and like i don't gaf about what someone chooses to ship#as long as it's not illegal ofc#but shipping a lesbian with a man who is responsible for the death of one of the two most important people in her life is... questionable#(yes historia is a lesbian to me she just got dealt a shitty choice and had to learn to live with it)#(also pretty sure she was a bother to isayama bc of the royal blood and zeke is more important plot-wise so she got shoved to the side)#(which is shitty but i do like that the interpretation that it's showing that fascism inherently exploits women and their bodies)#anyway ive been ranting for too long#attack on titan#aot#shingeki no kyojin#snk
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@blackjackkent's liveblog of BG3 has inspired So Many Thoughts about the Emperor and Raphael and how they compare as characters.
It's come up that the Emperor's character writing could be intended to portray very different motivations based on how the player character responds to it, but personally I don't think that's it. At its core, I think the Emperor is being honest about its motivations: it only wants to survive. What it's not saying is that it will do anything to achieve that end, at the cost of anyone in its way. And the best tool it has to do that is the protagonist.
Its conversations with the protagonist always remind me of abusive relationship dynamics. it plays nice as long as that works, and changes tactics when nice doesn't get what it wants. It constantly reminds you that you need each other, that you couldn't survive without it, that it is the only one you can trust. It offers moments of vulnerability to lure you in, then tries to cut you off from any allies or courses of action it doesn't approve of.
The thing about abusive relationships is that they only turn violent and confrontational when the abuser doesn't get their way. Violence is a last resort, and most abusers prefer to manipulate people without it. Some people go years without discovering their abuser has the capacity for violence, because they never confront them on the control they exert.
And that's exactly how the Emperor relates to the protagonist. If you never question it, never choose a path it doesn't like, you never get pushback. As long as you play by its rules it has no reason to change tactics, because what it's doing is working.
It's only when the protagonist's aims clearly don't match its own that it resorts to threats. It's only when you call the Emperor's bluff, tell it you know it doesn't care about you, that it shows you the truth about its relationship with Stelmane.
Because the truth is, it only cares about its own survival and freedom. And it's very skilled at the game it's playing. It has a profound ability to judge what the protagonist needs to hear, and show them what they want to see. If you want to see a friend who transcends what a mind flayer is supposed to be, it plays that part flawlessly. If you see through that, it has other methods of control at its disposal.
And the Emperor is brilliantly written as a manipulator. It can convince you that it's been on your side all along. It leaves just enough doubt that you might never know the truth. It preys on trust, and exploits the protagonist's willingness to believe in the inherent goodness of people. It expresses trust and vulnerability to the protagonist, anticipating that they will return that trust in response, regardless of whether it can be trusted.
And the cool thing about Raphael is that he's a very similar type of character. He also knows that being nice gets you further than being dangerous. The difference between them is that Raphael isn't quite as good at it: he has a temper, and is quicker to drop the mask. He has an ego that won't let him tolerate even the slightest resistance without breaking character. He believes in bribery over trust, and it makes his act easier to see through. The protagonist can express the same doubt in both of them and get threats from Raphael and disappointment from the Emperor, which pushes them away from one and towards the other.
And one of the striking things about BG3 is the sheer range of dangerous people it throws at your party. You have the tyrant queen, who took power through betrayal and maintains it through disinformation. The power-hungry boss, who offers what you want only until his rise to power is threatened. The abusive parent, who sees his children as possessions who exist to entertain him. The political climber, who treats his loyalists as pawns in a long game of personal gain. The sadistic elite, who's never had to hide her cruelty to those she controls because that's what authority means in her social circle. The loving father, who cares so little for the rest of the world he'd burn it all down to keep his daughter safe.
It's all excellent writing, but the Emperor might be the masterpiece. You can play out the whole story without clearly seeing how it fits the pattern. It can be your loyal partner, standing at your side and protecting you from all those dangerous people.
But it doesn't have to be. If you question its protection and loyalty, it can also be your worst enemy, determined to use all your shared struggles and deepest secrets to tear you apart.
#Baldur's Gate 3#the Emperor#this was way too long for a comment so I'm putting it here#it's also something ive been thinking about for a while in regards to this character#and watching my suspicions play out with Rakha is fascinating#i feel like she's extremely susceptible to this kind of manipulation (thinking back to her trust in Ethel at the very beginning)#Cinder tried really hard to be nice to the Emperor so I never really saw its mean side in my first run#but you can bet my hair stood on end the first time Skye pushed back hard and got the 'look what happened to Stelmane' response#sure says something about the Emperor that all its exes are dead#but if you want to go multiple layers into character analysis i also kinda think balduran was just not a great dude?#because omeluum is perfectly nice#and karlach's personally changes very little as a mind flayer#and even orpheus is basically the same person after he transforms#so my personal conspiracy theory is that balduran was Like That before he transformed and either he was good at hiding it#or history overlooked it because he was the glorious hero who founded the city#anyway that's my nerd rant for today
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Well Questies a lot has happened this week, and I finally have free time, so please enjoy these long overdue Willow text post memes
Part 18/?
Credit to cap-that.com for the images (it's only just occurring to me that I haven't included a credit tag whoops)
#i love that a month ago i was like “yeah it'll just be another week before i post again”#and then just straight up didn't post anything#but im sorry for the long wait#finals was just paper after paper after exam after exam because i was taking six fucking classes#but its over now! no more all-nighters!#anyways#im not taking the news about willow too well#the emotional rollercoaster this has been is insane#i think ive vented and ranted and moped enough through tags and reblogs for now#willow 2022#willow series#willow disney+#willow#tanthamore#roguereaver#graylora#kit tanthalos#jade claymore#graydon hastur#thraxus boorman#venoma scorpia#elora danan#kenneth the mudmander#ruby cruz#erin kellyman#tony revolori#amar chadha patel#adwoa aboah#ellie bamber#save willow
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curled up by the fire, tail waggin
#long day puppies in my phone long day#so so tired i dont have class tmr cos lecture not there so i get to sleep in yay but i wake up early anyways woah just dont Have to be up#going to try meet a friend because i feel like i havent seen anyon outside of college in months even tho its been 2 weeks#this old friend if mine kinda lowkey ditched me when he got a bucnh of new friends like 2 yesrs ago and hes been reaching out a lot to try#hangout and like hm im hurt abiut how he dropped me and he like genrally wasnt a great friend anyways:/ but i feel bad being kike i cant#hang but i also amnt even lyin genuinely cant hang i havent seen my best friend in so long i only see college and my home and therapist once#but also like ugh i dont like this guy i need him to not be beggin me to hang he could be reslly mean like too often but he was nice ..ugh#i wish there was a chill bot harsh way to cut domeone out like i dont hate u i just dont love u soz#and i love my friends so so deeply like i only have time for my besties who i would est whole if i could pike the way people talk about#their blorbo from my shows is how i feel talking about my friends like i want to squish them and poke em n kiss em their my little loves#so if i dont even like someone idk like i dont have time for people j dont love or who dont give a shit about me#hashtag being autistic and my 3 close friends are all also auttistic genuinly the 3 of them got diagnosed in the past 4 yesrs..dominos#i miss my friends wailing college too busy i miss my babies#n i feel really bad for not wanting to hang with this guy who litersllybdidnt care if i lived or died like a year ago#but now is all about me strangely#anyways hm will possible rant more ive had such a long day and nowmim currles on pillows in a bjg hoodie and its so good
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#big gender rant ahead i just need to write down my thoughts#personal#so i think im a he/him trans lesbian??#i think ive been denying my feminine side for a long time now but middle school me was right. well. half right#idk why id built up some weird barrier in my mind about being trans and being a lesbian#but now im like more sure than ever#i still dont know if i could call myself a woman. and i thought i was so adamant about not using she/her again but it honestly?#doesn't bother me that much anymore. its not my preference but its not as soul crushing as it used to be#i have these weird subliminal gender rules for myself that ive been beating myself down with even though i#understand that theyre fake and dont hold anyone else to them. so why have a double standard? cant i have a fun gender?#ever since high school its been an uphill battle just letting myself live freely and having self confidence#i just turned 24. i dont have to be beholden to stupid hormonal teenage self loathing anymore#the world is a beautiful place and gender is just made up anyway. so why cant i be trans and butch? who cares??#i think i worded it well in my last personal post. ive been living a gender of convenience#but fuck that! i want the gender that makes sense to me! that makes me happy! its my life and i should live it how i want to!#...i still have some regrets about my top surgery. i wish i wasnt so weirdly flat chested now.#but hopefully the fat will redistribute eventually and itll look more natural as the years go on..#but i definitely dont regret going on T. i love my deep voice and my body hair#anyway if you've read this far thanks for listening to my mad ramblings#and dont forget you can have a fun gender too!
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So I'm really into genealogy and have been for a few years now and I'm blessed with being really good with names and dates etc. So in conversation I can remember like a ridiculous amount of:
Jane Doe Smith Johnson
b. 1805 Tennessee d. 1879 Missouri
Married 1828 to John Patrick Johnson. Had five children. Died of TB
Etc etc
And that's cool enough apparently but I've mostly been using it for
A. Making up bullshit but real sounding names for stuff (i.e my name is Emily Stewart, Grace Kolár, etc). The point is that they're normal sounding and varied.
B. Having a bizarre frame of reference for historical events. Like "oh [small town],[state] 1942 had [random] event happen? My 1st cousin 4x removed got married there that year, small world!"
It's so dumb, like I'll read about some historical event from my area (where I've had family in the vicinity of since the 1840s) and I'll link up the time frame in my head and be like hmm... I wonder what 3rd great aunt Helen thought about that happening next door to her church.
#anyways im haunted by my ansesters and their lives#and driven actually crazy when i hit a dead end until ive solved it#like if i dont figure out credibly who my 3rd great grandfather's parents are soon im genuinely going to lose touch I'm serious.#i realized the other day that id been 'investigateing' it since Jan 2021 DO YOU KNOW HOW DIFFERENT MY LIFE IS COMPARED TO THEN?!#and I'm not like casual.. I am multiple times a week searching the LoC as well as physical genealogical libraries for records#it lives in my brain like a tumor#he was born in 1857 in 'western' America this isn't fog of shit#its goddanm out there!#part of the obsession is because this particular ancestor is where my surname came from#he's my paternal paternal paternal grandfather.. yea... I'm just like curious as to specifically where my surname originated#sometimes especially on my mom's side I can track this shit down to a specific small european towns and I can find neat historical stuff#but this guy is just a fucking mystery#he appears in Oklahoma in the 1870s has like 15 children and then offs himself after losing money gambling#oh my god im actually ranting#and I guess it bugs me more than others because he has a very prominent newspaper trail#there are tons and tons of mentions of this guy#he has a long ass obituary but nobody ever fucking mentions where he came from other than like vague ass statements#his obituaries literally contradict each other too#I have searched everywhere for any misspelling of this guy's name#but his name is very easy to spell it's freaking William and the last name is very easy as well its a third person singular verb#ugh#anyways#ive cooled off#geneology#is interesting as fuck honestly
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im gonna go off on one in the tags pls enjoy
#ive been going by jay online since i was 13 irl since i was 15/16 and my mum cant get used to it#me my friend and both our mums hung out last week and i heard my mum telling his mum 'i just cant get used to [their] name. they want to be#called /jay/ but i just cant do it' literally everyone else including my brother and my dad uses my chosen name#apart from when theyre around my mother! because her force of disgust is definitely more important than my agency and want to be called by#my own name... i have been thinking about wanting to be called another name like. interchangably with my name#and i think id go with yasha. its the diminutive of jay so like. if we friends i want to be yasha x#but also realising how much i want to have autonomy over my name came from picking a name in 2021 for practise in chinese#and my friend helping me decide between something that sounds similar (林植 cos the first character kinda sounds like my eng surname) and a#more literal translation where i was like the translation of jay is 松鸦 i could use that haha and she went but the 鸦 character is awful#you could be 松雅! its then a pun and makes me sound fancy. and i was so happy just making choices and getting to like#pick my own name that peoplw could use. really a revelation. anyway i was kinda on hold for a bit living at home but now im freer hearing#her go on that 'jays choice of name is so hard on me' rant really made me..... start thinking and reminiscing about my name. and me. u know#jay wasnt even my choice its just my initials that i started going by as like. plausible deniability that i wanted to change my name#i remember thinking more about it when i was younger and deciding against other names Specifically because it would be easier to go#'its just my initials!' yeah. im 25 is it too late to change names#sorry for long rambly disjointed rant. hope this was enlightening if u made it this far
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more bullshit
#this is such a good way to spend my time Im so fucking busyyyy#this also actually made me realise that its the second time ive drawn denmark as patrick/christian bale and its like. well its true but im#insane also#ive been wanting to do the fernanfloo meme for 50 years though because that most litearlly is already his outfit#but well anyways i got to give him a spiffy alternative fancy outfit that im kind of obsessed with#it may be that he doesnt have his stupid headband for 5 minutes or the bullet wound swagger but well i like him#litearlly no body is going to understand the context of the first meme until like. 6 volumes of my comic come out im crazy#well whatever. its for me ok.#i should have been working on my berserk drawing but instead.#my ranting#do you guys understand how long it took me to find the christian bale image without the goth bugs bunny i wanted to kill myself#then all i had to do was google ''christian bale so cunty'' and the second image on google was the fucking post...like goddd#''why is denmark in heaven'' well because the inbetween is all clouds so the backgrounds always are white please pleaspelaplseplease#i know i backed myself into a cornerrr thereee but pleaseee#Pleaseee#with that logic he should also be wearing completely white clothes unless theyre his normal outfit but i figured that would look Really Wei#Weird so i didnt do it#im aware no one cares and im inflicting these rules upon myself ok well the illness#...which is why i also tried to fit kyles binder beneath the dress which he would never wear bc of the dysphoria but i figured ok well. idk#the binder was built into the dress or something idk idk dont think about it too hard#''dont think about it too hard'' is the hardest thing 4 me. well i will think about it soo hard unfrotuantely#its 5 am#my art#kyle batillo#denmark newman#kar#it feels really weird to draw the 2 of them without ilya there. its like going to a hotel without the cuck chair.#like wheres my beautiful third wheel scowling in the background#cady will you tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back OK SORRY i should rewatch meangirls. for the millionth time#sad you cant see his giant gauges bc hair is covering but just remmeber theyre there k drew them.....
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considering faking my death to get out of this project. would still like to get a passing grade for it.
#googles how to get good grades even though you have died#ok this is about be a rant in a half and way too much info so excuse me but#ive been hyperfixating on our flag like crazy all month long#and i knew that and knew that i was going overboard#and i said all last weekend that i was feeling insane about it#but i didnt realize why until last night when i watched eps 6 & 7 and got mildly disappointed by what happened#because up until that point i was just having so much fun so that one small moment of not having fun#felt like a balloon had suddenly been popped and i was like OH FUCK! I HAVE TO DO THIS PROJECT!!!#like girl the reason we were hyperfixating that hard to such insane levels that we made a theory post about when ed and stede would fuck#was because we were avoiding doing/thinking about the project#and now ive just been sitting here still stuck and worried about this damn thing like holy shit when/how am i going to do this???#like holy shit did you know i was insane because i was stressed? i didnt!!#i have not stopped thinking about our flag all month and i just did not have time for all that!#AHHHH#anyway like......help i have to fake my death#personal
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SO. i was in Sydney recently for an appointment, and since it's so far from where i live my friends and i decided to make a few days of it. one of the things i wanted to do was go to some sex stores, because, yknow, i am an adult who does adult things.
the one issue: i'm in a wheelchair. you wouldn't THINK it'd be an issue, but every single store without fail was upstairs on the second level with absolutely no lift. one of my friends theorised that it might have been that they were heritage buildings so they can't install lifts, but that's... not really true. heritage buildings DO get modified. i live near a heritage building that's getting completely renovated right now.
it's. really just painfully obvious that people forget wheelchair users exist unless they're literally forced to remember us. the adult stores weren't the only place in sydney that were an issue, but they were definitely the most noticeable because it was literally fucking all of them, and it makes me so fucking angry because all of them were so prideful of being "accepting". they'd be all "queer welcome here" with pride flags and big signs and. yeah. "everyone" is welcome. unless you're a cripple. im fucking tired.
#disability#mobility aids#disability problems#idk how to tag this ive been awake far too goddamn long today but yeah just wanted to rant about this#because like. huh. yeah. it really just. do b like that huh#also there was a shoe shop i wanted to go to so bad. we had to struggle so much to get my chair in#and then i couldnt even fit it around the store anyway#they have a website but. id rather pay the more expensive rates to get it from the original seller honestly#just out of spite. if youre not going to be accessible im not going to shop with you. its disabled rage time now.
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See I don't hate RTD but I kinda wish he wrote lesser episodes this season and got more writers on... like don't get me wrong, he's a brilliant writer and he got me into Doctor who, but I also feel like he has a style that may not be for everyone, and, well... too much of it might be.... not great
We've had our first non-RTD episode of the season and it's easily the best so far in my books, and I think it could also be because it was a huge breath of fresh air after having so many episodes with RTD's distinctive style.
I feel like a good thing about having many writers in the season would be that we would have a lot of variety, and it would balance out all of the RTDcore camp we've all been seeing so far. And I mean, the camp is good and fun and all, but it does get a little tiring after a point
All that aside tho, the promo for 73 Yards looks amazing, and it looks like we're gonna have a Midnight-esque episode, which imo is one of RTD's greatest strengths, and I can't wait for it!
#doctor who#i have been yapping and i dont know if theres a point or mot#but while fifteen's season has been pretty good so far#the camp kinda got a little tiring by the last episode for he#me*#like space babies was cute but the camp was wayyyyy too much#devils chord was an improvement but also maestro did annoy me a little#church was amazing tho#like rtd has some strong points and i feel like we might get them#but i also feel like him writing 6/8 of the episodes#might not be the best of ideas isk#anyway ive ranted long enough have a nice day
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I always get so angry but then I play video games and I'm no longer so angry
This is a problem when it comes to wanting to leave my shit ass job
#speculation nation#i was absolutely ranting with my coworker about this shit#if either of us leave we're both going. straight up.#boss was threatening to fire them and im like. if he does? im quitting on the fucking spot.#i dont have a job lined up yet but im gonna start seriously looking#and if it comes down to it i dont think itll take too long for me to find Something. not with my qualifications.#might not be the best paying job right away but so long as i have Something & it doesnt make me utterly miserable#itd still be better than this fucking shithole.#i used to love this place but everything has soured because of him.#ive toughed it out for Far too fucking long. and ive finally reached the end of my Fucking Rope.#8 years total of my life ive given to this store. but no more.#it's not a matter of 'if'. it's a matter of 'when'.#and once we leave at least 2 of the other seasoned employees will be leaving.#4 out of 6 of the fully trained drink makers. gone.#and the other 2 are leaving at the end of this semester Anyways.#so what are ya gonna do Boss Man? if our labor has really been that worthless to you then surely this will be no big deal!#right? right? right? from how youve treated us it's clear! it's clear you take us for granted and dont give a shit about us as people.#so youre gonna get a rude fucking awakening Very soon. have fun cleaning up the wreckage of your mockery of our lives.#anyways hi yeah shit's about to blow up at work and im jumping ship as soon as i can make it work#i also got caught in freezing rain and had to walk home (took an hour of walking when itd usually take 25 mins!) bc i Could Not Bike#may or may not have to go into work tomorrow and if i do i may just take a hammer to those fucking windows [joke][this is a joke]#its gonna ice all night and i voiced these legitimate concerns for my safety and got told#'well we'll follow what the city standards are' or whatever the fuck. and got told to take the bus.#WELL COME ON SHITSTAIN I STILL HAVE TO WALK TO THE BUS STOP NOW DONT I??????#plus i just dont like the idea of going out rn at all. it's so dangerous. im for serious Everything is ice.#even on a salted road my bike still slid out from under me. i Had to walk it home#walking very very carefully with very ginger steps. lord help me on any inclines bc gravity was pushing me Down.#it was awful. one of the worst commutes of my life. and this fucker has the audacity to tell me to just Take The Bus?#hes getting on my last Fucking nerves. oh yeah and him completely dismissing my coworker's concerns about passive aggression#ran out of tags (lmfao) so ill stop ranting here. but just. i am so Fucking done with him.
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★ - sad headcanon
☆ - happy headcanon
☠ - angry/violent headcanon
for jason :3
thank u :3
★ - sad headcanon
it took jason a long time, too long in his opinion, to stop looking over his shoulder for bruce's shadow when fighting
☆ - happy headcanon
jason got in the habit of using those public book boxes where people take and put books in for others to enjoy, this way he'd always have something to read if he needed to during his training years, and this hasn't changed now, he likes to go pick up an old beat up book from those, read it with the annotations, maybe add some of his own in there, and put it back. it makes him feel connected to others through a safe distance
☠ - angry/violent headcanon
i think a part of jason enjoy the violence he inflicts upon others, i think some part inside him revels in his ability to make other hurts for what they've done, he likes to see them suffer direct consequences for their actions. it's not something he's necessarily proud of, because he wants to be so rational and pragmatic and level-headed now and this seems too emotional for that goal he has but he can't help it, he likes being in control and having the upper hand and making others do what he wants, especially after how powerless he was in his life and death. it's a useful image to project as the red hood, although it makes him reckless at times
headcanon asks
#i know it's not a popular idea for him. ppl love jason who forces himself to do bad things but honestly he's more fun if he's enjoying it#a bit too much. if he's that fucked up after hurting others for so long and giving himself the right to judge if they should live or die.#that boy is messed up!! i like him messed up he's more fun that way :) hence the dog metaphor for him ough#asks#celestialkindliness#anyway. it's been a while since i've ranted about what i think of him thanks <33#should do this more often in case ppl forget my take on that character#not one for victimizing or baby-fying him which ive seen a lot on the dash recently
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senioritis hitting me hard
#but its not a bad thing!#i think im just so so done with school im like checked out#have a midterm today didnt study dont care im sure ill be fine#worst i can do for it is low b#been skipping this one class cuz i dont like the prof but whever i did the work for it and gots A's whatever#got papers im not trying to hard but its ok im getting A's and B's on them#i am very very perfectionistic and was to the point where id destroy myself over some papers i wrote#so maybe theres a lil fragment of it left when i halfass my papers#but anyway its very been very relieving#very freeing to not care#ive been checking stuff off my before-graduating-college bucket list#i didnt really live life during college and do stuff people usually would do with experiences#i got a second piercing! i dyed my virgin hair! i went to a party with people i dont know! im going to a rave in dec!#im stressed but also stressfree!#ive cared way too much for too long so its a nice change#my post#jenivi rant
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What if they didnt fight cary and convinced him to return for saw 3... Then, would the scenario "jigsaw kidnaps larrys family" become real? Then, then, would it be more awesome than his coming back in saw 3d? I guess the answers yes. I'll forever hate Larry's treachery.
if it went according to plan, allison is kidnapped again and lawrence takes the role of lynn where he cares for john (iirc). either way, yeah theyre involved again. not sure abt diana tho?
okay so, sorry to be That Guy. but lawrence as an apprentice makes the most sense for his character and the saw universe and im going to use this random ask to voice my opinion so thank you for using my ask box as a saw google lol
A LOT more under the cut
i DO with we got to see that version because it would mean more lawrence screentime and i genuinely do not dislike any saw content. idc how shitty saw x is, it could undo everything and shit all over it but i would NOT care. any content means an avenue to explore saw further
thats one of the main reasons the apprentice reveal was so good, in my opinion. before i get to why its great for lawrence, i want to point out why it works SO well for the other aspects. amanda is johns pseudo-daughter, he LOVED her like a father. we see it at the end of saw iii. no matter what he says, john does not forgive people. he punishes jill for losing their child but at the end of iii, we see him genuinely look at amanda with love and forgiveness. and yet? he never trusted her enough to tell her about lawrence. this random fucking guy who didnt even WIN, is the golden child. trusted with his wife!
as for mark, he is the definition of jigsaws philosophy. he may have jostled his victims around but he had the strongest will to live out of anyone and never relished in hurting them (crying after kidnapping paul + killing seth). another reason i like 3D is that he cant even look at jills corpse. his "game over" wasnt victorious. not like johns always is. YET he is not trusted. hes been there since before amanda, followed his rules, lived his philosophy and he was shafted again. i think the reveal does a lot of good for the apprentice-john dynamic for everyone involved.
secondly, JOHNS TESTS DONT WORK. CANONICALLY. they do not!! amanda says it herself. jigsaw traps make people worse, and not just bc thats a logical response to trauma. working for john amplifies everyones worst traits. amanda became a killer, mark grew to find some sort of enjoyment in killing (at the very least, it made him dependent on it for power and a sense of identity after the loss of his sister)
lawrences test was designed to show him what john said he was missing: empathy. he has none! he lies and doesnt care, he cant understand other peoples points of view, and he prioritizes his own whims and wants over everyone. CONSISTENTLY. so what happens when his tests presents him with the very definition of his heart and moral core, then asks him to kill him? he gets fucking worse!
lawrence is a narcissist. as in the personality disorder. he has low empathy (this is canonically the reason for his test!! not just "he cheated" or "he ignored john", he does these things for that reason) and god. just look at the symptoms, its like they made every scene an example of them on purpose. the idea that his game would be a wake up call and cause him to reflect and adjust his behaviors is just insane to me! within the canon logic of the story, and when taking into account his clear personality disorder... its the most logical choice (source: i have it and also i have eyes. SIDE SIDE note, my real source is that hes a clear parallel to john and john was evaluated for NPD in his psychiatric files in the saw game. so theres that) i think this has a lot to do with people not understanding low empathy. they cant understand why he would betray adam and join jigsaw
trauma wont change that overnight. getting fixed by john for 2 years without seeing the sun certainly wont help either
lawrence as an apprentice is the most logical progression of his character. he does what he wants and what he has to, at the expense of others. hes isolated from his wife and child. he cant understand other peoples prespective. he has an issue with guilt or feeling empathy for people, including those suffering like john. this wont change bc he experienced his first shred of empathy after MURDERING someone he got to know for 6 hours. low empathy =/= no empathy. thats like saying dude bros who do shrooms and experience empathy for the first time in their life are changed people. they arent lol
also the contrast between his game over vs marks 5 minutes earlier is SO important for their characters. theres so much good shit in that movie. take out the corny lines and jill mistreatment, and u have a lot to work with! so yes i do think that itd be more awesome. i love saw 3D and what it did for his character. im not sure how saw iii hostage lawrence wouldve expanded on his character, but id rather go with saw 3D bc im confident they didnt butcher his character. im glad that a beloved protagonist is a complete narc, and hes still beloved! im never giving that up
#apologies if this sounded rude or targeted? ive been looking for an excuse to voice this#i hope this makes sense. i didnt want to elaborate TOO hard on npd lawrence bc its already so long#but it genuinely informs soooo much of his character#i mean#ffs#tapp has to sit there and tell him#CRIME IS IN UR NEIGHBORHOOD. WELL OFF DOCTORS AND DENTISTS ARE NOT ABOUT IT. UR NOT ABOVE IT#THE SEWER LINES RUN UNDER THIS NEIGHBORHOOD TOO!!! NO MATTER HOW CLEAN U LOOK#THERES ALWAYS POTENTIAL FOR DIRT UNDER THE SURFACE#anyways#sorry this is all over the place im high as shit and just ranted off the top of my head#im sure ill make a real post abt npd lawrence + saw 3D + npd mark another time#larry.txt
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'Babe are you okay you haven't done your 91w posting today'
HSJDHSJDH NOO 😭😭😭😭😭
my phone shut down and wont work so i spent the whole day in the car NOT reading 91w like i wanted to. im not kidding i spent almost 10 hours in a car WITHOUT 91W!!! my hands are shaking i need to read
#that phone has been through too much tbh like that phone is so tired and sad that *i* had to be the owner of her#anyways i had my laptop (which is what i am on now) but it didnt have more battery after i finished the benji rosen part and now its 21.18#and ive tried to fix that goddamn phone for so long ugh its annoing me so much like BITCH JUST WORK!!?!?!?#mostly sad about stuff getting lost and i have no way of getting it back like pics and other stuff but yeah idk i feel very materialistic#when i think like that maybe the memories that i remember should be enough you know??#sorry for the rant in the tags val ahaha (also it was a funny joke ahahaha (ref your next ask) i love that so many are enjoying my posts <3#91w#so sorry to people who follow that tag cause im CLOGGING it ahahaha
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