#except for those these shit benefits. which is basically those on top

[aster-daydream404]

I just woke up and now im having a panic attack because some overfried orange bigotted dictatorial asshole (and a bunch of red elitist capitalistic shitheads) was given too much power and now they’re starting to try and fucking axe literal safe spaces for queer people and minorities on the fucking internet as long as the base of operations are in their fucking country……..

And the thing is its just the start too…

[crossdressingdeath]

I read somewhere that if Alistair was exiled, he reappears in Inquisition as a Grey Warden but from the Orlesian branch. This means that an Alistair who protested Loghain being spared gets a taunt from the Nightmare demon which basically calls out his refusal to take charge of anything. I think it fits with your post perfectly.

Oh, that's very fun.

Honestly, the impression I get with Alistair is that he does want the power of being in charge! He just doesn't want the responsibility. You can see that in how he immediately freaks out the second you do something he doesn't like; he wants you to be the one making all the tough choices, but he expects you to make choices he agrees with. He gets his way, and you have to carry the weight of all those moral choices!

I'm tempted to call it cowardice, actually. Alistair wants someone else to make all the same decisions he would've made so that he can get his way without any of the agonizing moral questions and guilt of actually making those decisions or taking on the blame for anyone who gets hurt or worse by them. He clearly doesn't have enough moral qualms to not go along with fucked up shit if it doesn't negatively affect him personally; remember that in Darkspawn Chronicles he has werewolves and golems in his army, meaning he slaughtered the Dalish and kept the Anvil intact, and he also released Vaughan from his cell. Whether he did those things because Morrigan pushed him to do them (which is a theory I've seen floated around) or just because, he's clearly perfectly willing to do terrible things, even if only on someone else's urging! But he doesn't want to be responsible for the bad things the group might do. He wants to be able to blame someone, anyone else. ...Which might play a part in why he's so against becoming king, come to think of it; there's no one to blame if you're the one on the top, after all.

And I don't think he's doing it entirely deliberately, but... let's be honest here. If someone is willing to do basically anything someone asks up to and including sacrificing his young relative or his stepmother (for lack of a better thing to call Isolde here, although it is important to keep in mind that Alistair disapproves twice as much to you sacrificing Isolde as he does to you letting the entire village except Eamon's family die, which... probably says something about him) and only ducks out when they make a decision that blocks him from fulfilling his personal grudge? That says something very very bad about them. Wynne, Leliana and Shale will all fight to the death to stop you from doing something they consider unforgivable, Sten will fight you for control of the group if you drag the group well out of the path of the Blight to visit Haven unless you've earned his trust, and Zevran will straight up turn on you if you haven't won his loyalty, but Alistair? If he abandons the group it's basically him throwing a hissy fit over you obeying the senior Warden present instead of him (despite him actively giving up leadership) and storming out, and it is explicitly his personal vendetta that causes it rather than him believing you've crossed a moral line. It is pure selfishness. Alistair clearly has some morals (he's firmly on the mages' side and only doubles down in later games, for one), but... a lot of the time his morals come down to what benefits him and his family, and he clearly expects the Warden to play by those same rules.

[a-god-in-ruins-rises]

Rank the following and explain why. Sex, drugs, and violence

i'll start at the "bottom" and work my way up.

at the bottom i would place drugs. i just don't find most drugs in general all that interesting. and the few that are aren't /that/ interesting. the notable exception being alcohol obviously. but i would rank even alcohol below the next rank probably. which is...

gonna have to place violence here. violence is just great. i can't even explain it. it's so electric. it's exciting. it's primal and raw and spiritual. i think the single greatest feeling i've ever felt in my life is, no homo, utterly dominating multiple men in a fight. that feeling of domination and power and self-confidence and adrenaline and the taste and sight of blood....it's like the highest high possible. i have been chasing that high ever since. even getting hit feels good. it's just electric. it makes me feel alive.

and finally, at the top is sex. because holy shit sex is great. i love sex. it overlaps with a lot of the positives of violence. it's raw and primal and spiritual and electric and all that. it's sensual. it's emotional. and honestly it can also involve domination and violence itself. and sex can be so complex and psychological. and it feels so good. it's so much fun. it's pure. it's playful. it's this spiritual communion between people. it's passionate.

i don't know. honestly it's really hard for me to decide between sex and violence. mostly putting sex on top just because it's the bee's knees yo. it's inexhaustibly good. i love violence and i could indulge in it a /lot/. but sex is something i could probably indulge in all day every day if circumstances permitted it. and also obviously i think it does have the benefit of being more "wholesome" in a sense. not that violence can't be wholesome. fighting with someone can definitely be a bonding experience if done the right way. but i think this applies to sex even more so.

but again i don't know. those two are basically tied in my mind.

[zumpietoo]

Sooo....

I absolutely looooovvveee how the wingnuts hatred is, ofc, not even remotely veiled racism...currently their gotchas consist of:

There are some really rich democrats, too---and some of them are <gasp!> BLACK!!! For some strange reason, while a white Thuggie being wealthy is totes fine and means they're "fightin' for the little guy", a democrat being rich (particularly if NOT a whitey) = "evvvolllll and gonna fuck y'all over". I have yet to hear why/how this is/works, but apparently it's true.

Dear ex-Leader will rescue us from GLOBAL inflation (which is now down to 2.9%, anyway....) by

Cutting taxes for rich peeps (nooo), and his most recent promise of no income tax at all (not sure how he plans to fund the government, but okaayyy).....which, hey, I hate taxes, too....but, again, one of the basics of "why inflation?" is "too many $$$ chasing too few goods", so, actually? This would increase inflation.

Cutting energy prices in half.....he means oil (as in gas), here....which....nooooo....this would cause the oil industry to collapse AND promptly plunge us into a deep recession, like a depression....now, TBF, we'd no longer be worried about inflation....

It would also, ironically, cause natural gas prices to skyrocket, so now we're back to inflation....

Place a tariff on imported goods.....except those costs would be passed to Americans and directly affect poor people....and definitely wouldn't curb inflation, because it would increase prices (he's REALLY bad at basic economics, huh?)

Decrease regulation - again, since this translates to shit like price gouging, it wouldn't help and would be about reducing the minimum wage, so, also, noooppppeee.....and, apparently doesn't apply to the oil industry OR ladies' private bits, huh??? So now we're in a recession AND you're gonna be paid near slave wages....and no birth control/gotta carry your rape baby, which if doesn't please rich whities, whelp, too bad you're a Poor and can't buy fud for it!

Be the "law and order candidate"----first off, umm.....(and this also aligns with "Harris haaatesss cops"), he's a convicted felon, with violent crimes (rape) in there, to boot. Harris? Is a former DA/AG, that MAKES her a cop, in and of itself....we also have Trump literally celebrating and honoring cop killers, early next month. So the actual crook is the cops' friend, but the actual cop isn't? Okaaayyy...

Meanwhile.....love the "Kamala fucked her way to the top/is a prostitute" (does Jill know?)----when, again, Trump is on wife #3, who WAS an actual prostitute and who he cheated on with a porn star, while she was preggers....his second wife was a trashy bimbo, who likely at a minimum, gave blowies for gigs on Broadway...and pretty sure Ivana's murky past included some shady shit, as well....

Speaking of his ex-wifes, 2 were also illegal aliens prior to marrying him---so, ummm.....LBR, it isn't that you have a problem with "illegals" (nor does he), it's that you have a problem with "not white"....AND while Vance claims Usha's parents "respected the process to enter this country legally", who knows? Plus, again, shouldn't he be trashing Plastania then? Or his boyfriend Peter Thiel?

ANNNNDDD.....OFC, this makes both Vance and his wife self loathing hypocrites, as well as refusing to stand up over the bi-racial shit, etc....but, again, nothing new for Thuggies, there....and Usha is somebody (kinda like Phyllis Schlafly before her) who has benefited from progressive views and policies (feminism, anti-racism, immigration), but is only too happy (like her lowlife hubby) to pull the ladder right TF up behind her....

[orbmanson7]

My job wants to conduct a stay interview with me

Whuh oh

It's not necessarily a bad thing, I mean the whole point of these interviews is basically for a company to figure out why you've stayed around and what might convince you to leave so that they can then try to say they'll do things to keep you there

And while that's all well and good, knowing how useless I am in my particular position now, that I'm the lowest paid employee in my program, and that the only other two overnight employees have now chosen to reduce hours to being only on-call workers, which means I'm about to be switched BACK to 7-days a week working my 10-hr shifts...

Like, I'm already at the point where the only reasons I'm staying are 1) I don't want to lose my benefits bc getting a new job will cause a lapse in those benefits and therapy is already expensive enough as it is

And 2) the program is so hands off that if I slack off and do nothing, it has the exact same effect as if I work my ass off all shift. I can do nothing and there is no consequence, so why bother leaving? Plus no one wants to work overnight (clearly) so they'd be completely fucked without me there

So my plan is to try to ask for a raise (especially since I haven't received my annual raise in two years now), and see if they can come up with maybe a way to improve my work tasks, since I've been asking for years and nothing has changed except for me Losing More Tasks

If I could potentially get a better paid position without having to switch hours or given more authority over a specific task like I've had before, like I'm technically the current med manager but no one listens to me nor lets me use my approved med training manuals nor lets me conduct med training specific to the program - they just expect me to fix everything when others mess up or don't know what to do. Or like how I used to conduct billing overviews to make sure we were keeping tabs on our budget and finances, especially now that we actually host two separate programs with two separate funders for those programs within the same residential facility. I also used to conduct facility maintenance alongside second shift, where we ensured we had proper first aid supplies and kept up the easy maintenance like repainting rooms or fixing up tiny dents and dings in walls. I used to conduct record reviews off-site, having travel expenses and got paid to buy a locked attache so I could transport private client files across state lines in order to trade with another program's files and equally audit them together. Now I do everything digitally and internally, making it really easy for shit to go unnoticed bc when I email someone to add a missing file, I just get snarky responses or no response at all, and the file simply remains incomplete. I can't fix it for them bc we don't use a shared drive anymore, even though that's caused so many Goodman problems bc people save files under the wrong name or delete them without realizing they never actually uploaded them in the first place... Ugh, they've just changed things more and more and removed as many tasks from me as possible, but then get mad when I say I Want Something To Do

I literally have a document in my f:/ drive at work just titled "everything wrong with [program name]" and I just kept track of what's wrong, when it was reported, if anything has been done to try to fix it or if it's gotten worse, etc

The list has only gotten longer over the years, as they've never really fixed any of the foundational problems and keep building on top of that, expecting it to hold... It doesn't. This program cannot run itself, no matter how much they want it to.

But hey maybe some more pay and someone willing to say actually yeah let's implement some of your ideas might just change my mind and convince me to stick around

But we'll see

[cgsf]

Teen Wolf fanfiction recs:

Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski [Part 4]

"Don’t Be Anything But Okay" (T) by skoosiepants | 4,828 | “Oh my god.” Ben pops open the car door and says, “Please don’t embarrass me, Dad.” Stiles flaps a hand, still staring at the magnificent sight before him. There are glistening arm muscles and a sweaty tank top and then the vision bends over and holy god. He has to look away; it’s too much to take in all at once, he might swoon.

"An Unpredictable Amount of Turtles" (T) by skoosiepants | 5,942 | Stiles says, “I have a five year plan. A five year plan to popularity that will tank the minute I meet this guy.” “I feel like you’re exaggerating,” Scott says, but Scott has a katana-wielding badass waiting for him at the other end of the rainbow, and Stiles has terrariums.

"Homing Mechanisms" (M) by SmallBirds | 3,742 | Stiles returns to Beacon Hills after four years at Stanford, only to find out that Derek has moved back into town. He brings him a housewarming gift. Derek makes food. Things escalate from there.

"Won't Treat You Like You're Typical" (E) by Zee | 12,037 | "You think this is funny?" Derek says, turning his glare on Stiles' stupid smirking face. "I think it's hilarious," Stiles says, shrugging when Derek looks incredulous. "Dude, it's not like it's forever, we'll just have a few sleepovers until the hunters see that all the werewolves in town are properly tamed by their human mates and move on. And then I'll have an awesome who-I-did-over-Summer-vacation story when Fall Semester starts!"

"In shade of shadows thrown" (G) by rufflefeather | 3,154 | Derek is still asleep, lips parted and face pressed against the window. He looks as harmless as anyone ever could and Stiles sees the fight go out of his dad with one breath. He knows how much Derek has lost. He’d seen it first hand as a Deputy. Knows he’d been thankful all the times Scott’s mom took up dealing with Stiles when he couldn’t. Knows he’d want someone to be there for Stiles if anything ever happened to him. Stiles knows his dad knows all those things, even though he never said so.

"A Secret No One Knows" 🔒 (E) by whiskey_in_tea | 3,688 | "My pre-adolescent crush on Taylor Hanson was basically my bisexual coming out party," Derek says, totally casual, and Stiles feels his heart stop beating, his mouth suddenly Sahara dry.

"New Morning" (T) by Captain_Loki | 2,719 | Stiles was caught in the Supernatural crossfires and ends up in the hospital, a protective Derek is dutifully at his side, despite the Sheriff's concerns.

"Of Wolves and Doughnuts" (T) by Hatteress | 22,340 | When Derek was fifteen, circumstance and a goddamn doughnut had seen fit to Bond him to Stiles Stilinski. In which Derek is more cunning than anyone gives him credit for, Stiles doesn't understand why the new Alphas in town are all up in his business and everyone gets a violent crash-course in what it means to be Pack, whether they're in it or not.

"Shake my ash to the wind" (E) by rufflefeather | 4,308 | Kissing Stiles is like a breeze through an open window that chases away a smell of fire that never leaves. The first time he tastes surprised and says, Holy shit while his fingers find lips that probably sting a little from Derek’s stubble. It makes Derek laugh and Stiles’ eyes go wide and pleased as if that’s a bigger surprise than the kiss.

"Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself" (G) by anonymous | 13,800 | Stiles' house burns down. Derek comes a-calling.

"Foes With Benefits" (T) by kellifer_fic | 4,492 | Stiles wants to fist bump Danny but he's pretty sure he'd just end up punching himself in the eye so he refrains. "It's not really a relationship anyway. It's more a foes with benefits type deal." "Except that you're completely in love with him," Lydia says to her manicure. "Except that I'm... wait, what?"

"I Hope By the Morning" (M) by andnowforyaya | 21,463 | From the bathroom came sounds of the guy brushing his teeth. Stiles rubbed the fifty dollar bill between his fingers and felt cheap. "Dude, I'm not taking your money." The guy spat and turned the faucet on. "Take the money. You said you lived in Queens last night? Who the hell lives in Queens." The fifty seemed gritty in his fingers, but he put it in the back pocket of his ridiculously tight jeans, anyway. That was, like, a five-hour shift at the coffee shop where he worked, Common Grounds, with tips. "And don't call me 'dude,'" the guy continued, turning off the faucet. "I'm not your college bro. It's Derek."

"Conquest of Spaces" (NR) by andnowforyaya | 3,242 | "You?" Pierre asks incredulously. "A mere human?" "Mere?" Stiles repeats, spreading his arms and looking down at himself. This time Derek really does chuckle, and Stiles grins at the noise. "My dad is still inside," he tells Derek. "So can we make this fast?"

"This Ship Will Carry Our Bodies Safe to Shore" (G) by notevenwriting | 6,350 | Hey, it’s okay. I’m okay. When those words appeared scrawled against the soft inside of his wrist, Derek’s first thought was that his mate and him would be involved in some kind of accident and they’d died in front of him. The thought used to scare him when he was a kid, the thought of being responsible for someone’s last minutes, of holding someone’s hand, brushing soft strands of hair out of their eyes and assuring them everything would be just fine made his heart race and forced his wolf into the surface.

"Asking for it" (E) by Helenish | 5,551 | “They’re using you,” Derek says, in spite of himself. Stiles’ eyes widen a little, mocking, “Doing a good job of it, too,” he says. There are marks all over him, fingerprints on his arms and throat, and he smells unfamiliarly satisfied, down to his bones, fucked hard, teeth set against the back of his neck.

"The Wonderful World of Woo" (T) by p1013 | 3,410 | Sometime during Stiles’ sophomore year of college, Derek starts dating. To say it’s an abject failure would be putting it mildly.

"DILF" (E) by twentysomething | 30,871 | Today is Scott's first day of kindergarten and Derek is terrified.

"The Summer of Snow Cones and Not-Dates" (M) by clarkoholic & skywardsmiles | 38,871 | Summer is really boring. Like, mind-numbingly boring. Except for the part where Stiles can’t figure out if Derek’s his boyfriend, or why every werewolf in town keeps approaching him in the bathroom.

"The Time Traveler’s Prerogative" (E) by weathervaanes | 9,234 | After the events of "117", Derek doesn't magically transform back into his twenty-five-year-old body. Instead, he's stuck as a sixteen-year-old for an unknown amount of time. So the pack has to learn to deal with it.

"When the Bough Breaks" (T) by The Feels Whale | 12,068 | Look, Stiles knows he’s not really part of the pack, but really? He wishes the others aside from Scott and Allison would stay a little more up to date on what’s going on his life beyond how it affects them.

"who walks this dusty road" (E) by verity | 1,984 | Scott and Derek go off on some two-day wolfbrother spiritual journey in the Preserve that involves shirtlessness and minimal bathing, so Stiles spends a weekend taking hacking lessons from Danny, combing through Deaton's books with Lydia, and squashing his math homework beneath him when Malia tackles him onto his bed. For once, Stiles isn't thinking about anything but this, the way she pins him to the bed effortlessly and takes what she wants, how comfortably their bodies fit together. Then she puts her mouth against his ear and says, "Do you want to fuck him?" "What," Stiles says.

"take in the extent of my sin" (T) by Nokomis | 2,138 | There's someone in his loft, and it isn't Stiles, no matter how much it looks like him.

"Good Things" (E) by Alchemy | 10,067 | The sometimes poignant (and often erotic) misadventures of college-age Stiles Stilinski and his new boyfriend, Derek Hale, as they each attempt to navigate their first real relationship.

"Things are gonna change (next year)" (T) by anonymous | 8,032 | Stiles shifted again, then, and released a long breath. He seemed relieved to have gotten out the worst of it. “And, I'm having a really shitty week, actually. And I don't like myself a lot right now. This week or this year or, um, maybe in this phase of life...” and, and, and, Derek chanted in his head. And, and, and, he wished wildly... "...and if I'm giving you an insanely wide berth it's because you're gorgeous and good and smart and I'm trying really hard to be honest about how hard it is for me to just... be me. With me. Without anyone else."

"marked" (G) by elisela | 2,742 | “I don’t have a name,” was one of the first things Stiles ever said to him, somewhere in between “do your eyebrows always do that?” and “come on, one coffee can’t hurt.” And now the memory of it is all Derek can hear over the pounding of his own heart in his head, a drumbeat that sounds like he’s being marched to his own execution.

"hear it in the silence" (E) by elisela | 72,243 | Derek's been on the fringes of the McCall pack since he returned to Beacon Hills. He doesn't feel comfortable there, he doesn't feel comfortable when he's gone—so he spends most of his time alone, helps out Scott when he needs is, and for some reason, answers every text message Stiles sends him. A year of FaceTime and phone calls don't prepare him, however, for Stiles tossing a duffle bag on his bed in mid-July while he talks about the awesome road trip he has planned for them. Derek doesn't remember agreeing, but he does know this: where Stiles goes, he'll follow.

"ahead in the count" (E) by elisela | 50,075 | “Yankee fan,” Derek says, laughing when Stiles makes a disgusted face. “The Bronx Bombers, Stiles, you can’t be a New Yorker and—” “Stop talking right now,” Stiles sighs, shaking his head. “I can’t believe I still want to kiss you after that,” he says, pulling Derek in by his coat. “This is making me rethink everything." “I’ll never watch them again,” Derek promises, and Stiles laughs against his mouth.

"love in suspension" (T) by creationmyth | 6,140 | They walk side by side back to the camaro, Derek’s all tensed up while Stiles hums some unnamable tune under his breath. When they finally break the treeline, Stiles pulls Derek by the arm so they’re face to face. “Thank you,” Stiles tells him quietly, making sure Derek knows he’s sincere. “It’s what we do.” It is. It really is.

"mark me like a bloodstain" (E) by creationmyth & S3anchaidh | 11,405 | Stiles bows back, flat against the front of the dishwasher as he considers Derek, surrounded by his own hair. “Are you afraid of things changing,” he starts, “or are you afraid of changing me?”

"i want to eat at you the way it eats at me" (E) by creationmyth | 6,335 | Stiles wants to hurt Derek in ways he has never been hurt before. He wants to hurt Derek in ways that Stiles has only ever hurt. He wants to reach inside of Derek’s head and get a hold of his brain, he wants to replace it with tripwires and electric fencing, he wants to press his forehead to Derek’s and whisper, you can’t trust your own thoughts, he wants to show Derek his own memories and say, what good are these if you can’t even trust yourself?

"STIFF" (M) by aussiebee | 4,736 | It begins with a book about cadavers, and ends up with the sheriff thoroughly traumatised by an encounter in Whole Foods.

"Like Rain in Spring" (E) by EdgeOfMyDesiree & Jmeelee | 49,478 | When Stiles, at college on a sports scholarship, loses his leg in a car accident, he finds help in an unlikely place—Derek Hale, captain of their basketball team, who Stiles is 99% sure hates his guts.

"Notches in Your Spine" (E) by whiskey_in_tea | 8,741 | Stiles is the one who finds them in the first place, Derek’s college applications.

"That's Why He Lets Him" (E) In by alisvolatpropiis | 3,210 | “Fucking vampire,” Stiles says, running his long, strong fingers through his wet hair. “Nasty bitch too, nearly got me. Twice. Made me fight in her a rainy alley like we were in a fucking TV show. But I did my very best Buffy impersonation and here I am to live another day.” His voice sounds joking, but the humor doesn’t reach his eyes. Derek has come to learn that the more cavalier about his exploits Stiles is, the more shaken he is.

"take me to church" (M) by callunavulgari | 3,129 | Derek scoffs. “You want to take me back to Quantico.” “I’m an intern, Derek. Pretty sure they’re not going to go looking for you under my mattress. Come on,” he coaxes, jostling Derek with his elbow. “You know how this works, we’ve done it before. Safest place to be is right under their nose.”

"Fools Rush In" (E) by origamifrogs | 30,673 | Stiles and Derek get drunk in Las Vegas, accidentally get married, and go on a road trip.

"copywritten (so don't copy me)" (E) by etben | 12,986 | "You have to talk, okay?" Derek had made a face, and Stiles had grabbed him by the shoulders, pushing him up against the wall. "No, listen—if we're going to sell my dad on this, you have to be me, which means you have to talk, okay, because the man has spent the past seventeen years living in a house with me and not once have I shut up when he asked me to, so you are just going to have to get over your whole 'strong and silent' deal and find something to say, okay?"

"Constant Vigilance" (M) by TheVoiceofWrath | 4,079 | Stiles badgers Derek into teaching him how to handle himself in a fight and, somewhere along the way, Derek maybe falls for Stiles a little bit. Whatever, it's not a big deal. He swears it's nothing.

"Let’s Get Frick Fracked" (M) by TheVoiceofWrath | 1,927 | Derek glares down at Stiles. “I can’t believe you. I left you alone for five minutes and you triggered a witch’s trap. We weren’t even after a witch. It’s amazing, the trouble you get yourself into.” "I’m sure I can’t possibly be blamed," Stiles says with a grin. He’s lying on the floor like an idiot, right where he fell when the curse went off. "It’s your fault for leaving me unattended. But that’s okay. You’re wearing those jeans today that hug your ass just right and I wouldn’t hold anything against you on Especially Tight Pants Day."

"A Win-Win Situation" (E) by TheVoiceofWrath | 416 | Derek growls lustily and drags his mouth down Stile’s neck, bites at Stiles’s throat and yanks at Stiles’s belt. “I can’t believe you made me wait for a month…” "Lots of people take a sex-break before their weddings, dude. It’s totally normal."

"Ghost of You" (G) by Lissadiane | 22,101 | When the Wild Hunt erases Stiles on a dark and stormy night, it's up to the rest of Scott and Derek's packs to pick through the holes in their memories in search of someone they can't even remember.

"Full Circle" (E) by calrissian18 | 8,007 | Just because Stiles should walk away, it doesn't mean he can.

"Dragon's Breath" (E) by trilliath | 56,164 | Between the hunters and the monsters that have interfered with life in Beacon Hills, the pack has had to learn a lot in the last few years, including Stiles teaching himself to practice magic in private. It's not exactly a secret from the pack, but it's not something he's shown much. When it comes time to put his skills to the test, Derek is the only one who finally gets to see Stiles's wild magic put to use saving Erica's life from a new threat in town.

"Thigh High" (E) by Hatteress | 763 | Funny. It was supposed to be funny. Seriously, Derek had lost a bet and Erica had been in charge of the stakes which had been awesome because Erica is the bomb at coming up with hilarious embarrassing shit and- This is all Erica's fault.

"Portrait of a Wolf" (E) by trilliath | 48,397 | In a big-city AU, Derek's a reclusive painter known for his wolf and nature-themed artwork. Stiles is a photographer and journalist who works for a magazine that is doing a featured article on up-and-comer Derek. Things don't get off to the best start, but Stiles is determined to capture the man behind the artwork. Of course, he's going to get more than he bargained for.

"Say It Again and Mean It" (E) by ladyblahblah | 39,853 | “You're talking about me making dinner at the pack meeting.” “. . . Yeah?” “But I'm not—” Not pack. It's nothing he hasn't known for years now, but somehow he still can't bring himself to say the words. They feel like a curse; as if somehow, as long as he doesn't say them, he can pretend that they aren't true. “I don't think Derek wants me there,” he says instead.

"Pinch Me" (E) by Wolftraps | 12,157 | It doesn't work. When the nogitsune crumbles to ash, he's weakened, but he's right back in Stiles head with his damn riddles. And Stiles feels like he's not just losing control, but also losing himself. But no one can lose their shadow.

"I Intend to be Independently Blue" (M) by Loz | 21,761 | Stiles is the worst thing that could have happened to Derek. He hasn't been wolfing out at inopportune moments since his teens, but only because he has a system in place. And this is where Stiles comes into play. Because he's been messing with this system, and doesn't even know. Also, there's a wendigo.

"giving up this whole lie, this whole me" (E) by Loz | 11,216 | Between his relationship with Jennifer and his dealings with Deucalion and the Darach, Derek gains a form of resolution.

"points system" (T) by preromantics | 2,815 | Stiles knows blurting things out in the middle of what could possibly be a life or death sort of situation is on absolutely no one's list of seduction techniques.

"to the shipping forecast" (G) by morphosyntactic | 1,736 | “Different like - do you mean - dude.” Stiles stares. His heartbeat picks up, his eternal giveaway, but they have an unspoken agreement now, both pretend Derek can’t tell in an instant when Stiles is worked up because of something Derek himself says. “Have you come to offer me the bite?”

"Wild and Reckless Breeze" (M) by GotTheSilver | 15,761 | Stiles is killing time working at a bookshop, Derek buys a lot of Chuck Palahniuk and they start hanging out, much to the confusion of Scott and the Sheriff.

"Lord knows it would be the first time" (E) by uraneia | 12,287 | Stiles is home from Berkeley for the summer, but only because he promised the pack. He'd rather not see Derek, because whatever the thing was that they were doing, they're not doing it anymore, and it sucks. Unfortunately, he doesn't have a choice. The betas tried a magical remedy for Derek's melancholy, and now Stiles has a three-year-old who looks like Derek.

"Grave Dirt" (NR) by Lissadiane | 1,679 | “You think there are better worlds out there than this one?” Stiles asks, stretched out on his back with graveyard dirt underneath him, grinding against his shoulder blades as he gestures up at the starry sky. He’s drunk, ostensibly over Lydia, probably actually over some existential combination of despair and terror of the unknown and maybe a little bit more of the known, now that he knows it involves werewolves and who the fuck knows what else.

"Wolves and Foxes Don’t Get Along" (G) by Lissadiane | 14,557 | The first werewolf Stiles ever sees is a goofy looking dude with floppy brown hair and a crooked smile, leaning up against a black camaro outside the high school, wearing an oversized leather jacket, surrounded by half a dozen other preternaturally beautiful girls and guys, also in leather. Also probably werewolves. They look like they stepped right out of Twilight and it’s not subtle.

"The Things That Don't Matter" (T) by Lissadiane | 2,607 | Stiles isn't sure what surprises him the most, that he survives to graduate, or that Derek comes back to see it.

"Making Space and Time" (NR) by Lissadiane | 4,098 | In which Stiles is sad and lonely until the day he finds a dog that's just as lost as he is.

"Have You Heard about the Midnight Rambler?" (T) by calrissian18 | 844 | Stiles wiggled his fingers, smiling – the left side of his mouth twitching up higher than the right. Derek didn’t remember Stiles’ smile being uneven before. “I think I killed something,” he said bemusedly.

"as we share this simple night" (E) by mockturtletale | 11,045 | Stiles is letting Derek in. He’s letting Derek really see him, for all that he is, all he has to give, and Derek doesn’t know why Stiles is trusting him with this, because he’s sure it’s too good to be wasted on him. He’s fractured and he’s bruised, broken in a way that has spoiled him and struck too deep. He’s bitter, inside and out, and Stiles is sweet, only learning now that that’s something that his enemies can’t resist, something that makes Derek want to sink his teeth in.

"O Father of Mine" (G) by isthatbloodonhisshirt | 5,227 | “He told me he understood, and that he was happy we were both happy, and that if I hurt you he knew how to kill a Werewolf and where to hide a body.” Stiles paused in his task of spooning rice onto one of the plates, giving Derek a weird look. “My dad had a similarly confusing discussion with me this morning,” he admitted. “Yeah, I’m not sure I understand what he was talking about.” They stared at one another for a long while in silence. “Dude,” Stiles finally said. “Does my dad think we’re dating?” “Is that what that was?” Derek asked.

"this boy, half-destroyed" (T) by M_Leigh | 25,599 | Bodies – those are something you understand, mostly; you know immediately exactly how much smaller he is than the last time you saw him. Too skinny, too pale; his cheeks cave in a little too much, from his face. He’s a shadow of something: he looks like the dead walking. His hands are stuffed down in the pockets of his hoodie and he looks tentative but not afraid.

"the blood blooms clean in you, ruby" (T) by M_Leigh | 47,813 | You don’t remember, anymore, where exactly you were when you found out that she was dead. You remember almost everything else about her dying, though.

"Crash Landers" (T) by gyzym | 31,173 | In which Stiles learns to Stalk That Stalk. (Or, how to accidentally woo your unfriendly neighborhood alpha in roughly five hundred handwritten steps.)

"Reason to Believe" 🔒 (E) by whiskey_in_tea | 17,304 | Their pack, their family, is hard-fought and tight-knit, and no one knows or cares how to let Derek back into the circle he started, the pack he took with his teeth. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need your help,” he says now. “Peter—Peter’s gone.”

"Work In Progress" (G) by JenNova | 7,856 | “What are you trying to do?” Lydia asks finally. “Fix Derek,” Stiles says, not bothering to dissemble – Lydia's been lied to enough. “You know, before someone or something else tries to use him.”

"Play Crack the Sky" (M) & "Sowing Season" (M) by WeAreTheCyclones | 375,807 | Stiles had gotten Derek into a lot of trouble. He’d been a bad influence. And that was just before the first album dropped. He’d reshaped Derek’s life into something a little bit more spectacular and then when things went wrong… when things started to change… when Stiles and the band moved to LA to record a second album and Derek didn’t want to be a part of it and Stiles didn’t fight for him… well, Derek was left behind, confused and utterly lost in his wake.

"i have always been the storm" (E) by stilinskisparkles | 25,251 | Stiles is a storm chaser and Derek is a NatGeo photographer.

"Amor Fati" (E) by alocalband | 42,812 | When Stiles gets thrown into the bank vault about twenty minutes after him, Derek isn’t even surprised. As it turns out, neither is Stiles.

"Jumpstart My Heart" (M) by calrissian18 | 743 | There’s no way to hide it now, Stiles is too curious, too sure there’s something to be curious about. Derek says bluntly, “You died in Gerard’s basement.”

"you're the message i was heeding" (T) by magneticwave | 12,057 | “I miss you every day. It’s worse than when I lost Mom. There is this big fucking hole in my fucking life because the best friend that I have ever had decided to go on a run at ass o’clock in the morning and some drunk fucker was playing live-action Mario Kart on I-5. But you’re alive here, so you are going to be fucking happy if it fucking kills you.”

"California Kings" (E) by Rosada | 1,171 | For Stiles’ nineteenth birthday, he gets five videogames, two hundred dollars, a tire iron, a leather-bound journal, a book on Celtic symbols, and an argument with Derek.

"Hibernation Station" (E) by calrissian18 | 72,965 | Stiles meets his future husband on a rather unspectacular Wednesday. The day’s blah-winter bleak, the subway car cold and rattling on its tracks but Stiles has somehow slouched into the best seat in the house. He’s asleep, Stiles’ future husband, cramped into a corner seat next to one of the doors and pressed as far up against the plastic and glass as possible.

"Unspoken" (E) by sori | 6,925 | Billy was Stiles second roommate, but he’s hardly worth mentioning because he was there less than four hours. Unfortunately for him, he moved in on Derek’s third visit to campus. It didn’t go well for either Billy or Stiles.

"I'll Bleed, Babe" (E) by Whispering_Sumire | 15,250 | It feels like it's been years stuck in this neverending nightmare-hell—he's barely able to come up from it anymore, and the few times he has, all he gets are glimpses of the nogitsune using his body to take advantage of Derek, listening as it whispers ridicule and blame in his ear, taking all that weight Derek carries and coating Stiles' tongue with it, torturing him with its knowledge.

"Radio Silence" 🔒 (M) by saintsideways | 21,112 | “So what’s it like?” Scott asks, as if Stiles hadn’t sent him texts at the end of Basic along the lines of My whole body hurts just like that time with the Chimera, or Fuck, I never knew snow was this fucking cold, and by the way I think Yetis are real, after a week of mountain warfare exercises. “It’s a lot like high school,” Stiles says.

"Definitely Not Fish Demons" 🔒 (T) by saintsideways | 2,596 | Your father wants to take me fishing. Derek looks at the message before he sends it, wondering why it’s so difficult to convey deep discomfort with just text. His phone buzzes in his pocket a few minutes later. Uh oh, says Stiles’ reply.

"Hot Nerd Alert" (E) by alisvolatpropiis | 25,115 | Derek can't believe he's actually doing this: taking a selfie snap of the guy he’s been crushing on for weeks to prove to Danny that one, yes, he really does exist, and two, he really is that hot and thus he is totally justified in being too scared to make a move. Or you know, even talk to the guy outside of the class they share. In his defense, this isn’t just any guy. This THE guy. Hot Nerd. The utterly adorable but still somehow insanely sexy freshman in his twentieth century American Lit class who he’s been lusting over since the first day of the semester. If there were ever a time for him to be that person who tries to be subtle while taking snaps of other people, this is it.

"Accident (Waiting to Happen)" (T) by Jerakeen | 1,247 | “You’re just jealous of our friendship,” Stiles says cattily, butting the top of his head more firmly into Derek’s armpit. “Right,” Scott says, putting his jacket on. “I’m jealous that I don’t get to snuggle on the couch with the two of you.” “Obviously,” Stiles agrees.

"Liability" (M) by anonymous | 17k+ WIP | “Your virginity has become a...liability,” Deaton says, and fuck him, he’s trying not to laugh.

"you can leave your hat on" (E) by forpony | 4,864 | “You have got to be kidding me,” Derek mutters, closing his eyes and pinching his nose in frustration. “Laura!” He yells. “Oh, is the stripper here!?” Laura thumps over from the party area as she’s dubbed it, and skids to a stop next to Derek, throwing an arm around his shoulders. “Heeeey, Stilinski. Looking good, kid.” “Uh,” Stiles, the Sheriff’s son, blushes. “Laura, you said this was for a friend of yours.”

"Whispers in the Dark" (E) by weathervaanes | 6,943 | Stiles Stilinski would call himself a starving artist except for the simple facts that he is neither starving, nor does he know anything about art (unless you consider a novelist an artist, which Stiles only does sometimes). So when his best friend insists he accompany him to a show in the city, Stiles thinks it will probably be the most boring evening of his life.

"Sharing Food" (E) by aussiebee | 9,564 | Derek is pretty much absorbed into the Stilinski family, one meal at a time.

"Cripple and the Starfish" (T) by Rena | 2,819 | “It’s not what it looks like,” he squeaks, voice promptly skyrocketing into the highest tenor a boy his age is physically able to produce without tearing his vocal chords out. “Actually,” Derek cuts in smoothly, “it’s exactly what it looks like.”

"Inertia" (M) by apocryphal | 21,608 | The last thing Derek and Cora are expecting to find outside their motel room is a gaunt Stiles Stilinski, lacrosse bag on one shoulder and the weight of the world on the other.

"the projectionist" (M) by sunsetpanic | 6,190 | "This is the part where the cavalry comes, right?" Stiles asks, drumming his hands against the floor while Derek searches fruitlessly for anything that might actually keep the Alphas out for another few minutes. "The cavalry doesn't come for us," Derek says wearily.

"Differential Equations" (T) by hedgerose | 5,170 | Stiles has all the variables, but he doesn't even know that there needs to be an equation yet. It's simple math, really. Twenty-one minus six is fifteen, and fifteen-year-old boys are easily swayed.

"Howling around your kitchen door" (T) by sloganeer | 3,762 | It’s been months since Stiles last saw Derek, when they waved across the street and were on their way. It’s been longer still since they spoke. Stiles hasn’t had much to say since he told Derek how he felt and Derek told him he was wrong.

"Taking Off The Edges" (E) by Ark | 8,797 | Scott's regard turning completely away hurts more than the wounded, incredulous eyeballing. He's bright red to the tips of his ears, and his hands are balled up tight into fists. “Tell me what the hell you were going to tell me, then,” Scott says. He's not looking at Stiles anymore, so Derek's the one who answers. “That we're paired,” says Derek, calmly and decisively, from over Stiles's shoulder.

"Kiss Me on This Cold December Night" (E) by Leslie_Knope | 18,975 | The hairs on the back of Stiles’ neck tingle, and he swallows hard against the unmistakable sensation of someone staring at him. He’s tempted to just ignore it, but after a few seconds, his curiosity wins out and he looks up from his phone instead. He doesn’t notice anything right away, flicking his gaze along the people on the other side of the intersection until he suddenly stops and backtracks. It’s a little hard to see, what with the thick drizzle and the cars whizzing between them, but he would recognize that glorious bearded face anywhere, even after six years. Holy shit.

"When You're Close I Feel the Sparks" (M) by Leslie_Knope | 39,671 | The guy is hot as hell, sure—leather jacket and glasses, Jesus, be still Stiles' poor, bisexual, beating heart—but more importantly, it must really suck being new on the first day of senior year. “We’re adopting him,” he decides, tugging Scott and Kira by the elbow in that direction. “Let’s go.”

"Mated" (E) by otter | 37,712 | Stiles already had a history with skin magazines for werewolves. It wasn't like he was new at this, even if his modeling portfolio was completely pathetic. He was cool and collected. He was a jaded professional. He was not at all prepared for working with Derek Hale.

"You're a Dream to Me" (M) by lady_ragnell | 11,810 | Derek has the first dream in a shitty motel room just across the Nevada border, when his clothes still smell like smoke.

"good, giving, and game" (E) by verity | 5,385 | They've been together long enough now that they don't have arguments over the big stuff anymore: there's a few things they've each accepted as fact. Derek hates Olive Garden. Stiles refuses to let Derek work on the Jeep. Derek doesn't dance. They're never going to get werewolf-married because Stiles is never going to do the thing where Derek locks his werewolf dick in Stiles's ass and jizzes all up his colon while they lie on a bed of rose petals and listen to mood music.

"will to follow through" (T) by owlpostagain | 42,411 | “I’m only going to warn you once,” Stiles says quietly to Danny, dropping two plates of sandwiches on the kitchen table and gesturing Danny towards an empty chair. “This is one of those things that once you know, you know, and there’s no going back. You can’t unknow, or unsee, and it’s not exactly a picnic in the park.” “Are you offering me the blue pill?” Danny asks, the corner of his mouth lifting in a halfhearted smirk.

"i thought it make believe" (T) by blinkiesays | 2,631 | "I totally saved a girl's life once. From a werewolf." Oh crap, he's totally drunk. When he's not drunk he remembers to leave out the part about werewolves. "It's like, less impressive when you know that the girl I saved was an even more powerful werewolf? but I still saved her! Me! I was 16 and I hit a werewolf with a tree branch."

"go home, or make a home" (T) by lady_ragnell | 7,437 | In a world where Derek lets Scott kill the Alpha and get the cure, he has to figure out how to rebuild his life, with help from Stiles.

"Happily Never After" (T) by isthatbloodonhisshirt | 13,715 | Someone was saying his name, but it sounded like they were speaking to him from underwater. His brain felt foggy, there were hands on his shoulders, and the voice was getting louder. Derek forced his eyes open, everything blurry and faces hovering over him. “Derek,” one of them said urgently, and he winced when a flashlight was being shined in his eyes. “Derek, can you hear me?”

"Indefinable" (M) by calrissian18 | 3,447 | They didn’t fit a definition, just each other.

"Smoke is Just the Air Remembering Fire" (E) by alisvolatpropiis | 8,482 | Derek has cried three times in his adult life: when his sister died, when the alpha pack used him to kill Boyd, and when Stiles Stilinski broke his heart.

°°°°°°

That's 100.

[silentiumdrifter-blog]

Hey, you, listen, want to hear about a war crime?

Hello, kids, do you know what time it is?

It's "We should talk about the Russian army" time.

How much do you know about the Russian army? Specifically the mandatory military service? To understand a few bits of more recent information we need to go through a small basic education on the subject.

1) Russia is one of the countries with mandatory military service

When boys reach 18, they either find a way to be exempt (like going to university or proving a medical reason for exemption), or they are forced to go to the army for a year. If they went to the university and they finished it before they turned 27 — to the army they go, unless they immediately get accepted to study for the masters degree. And getting an official medical exemption is really fucking difficult when the mandatory medical examination that the army conducts is ready to sign you up as long as you have a pulse. There are a few other ways of dodging this shit show, but these are the main ones.

2) Russian mandatory military service is bad. It is really, really bad.

First, how do you get conscripted to the mandatory service?

You fail at getting into university. No, I don't believe those who get into university are somehow better; Yes, that guarantees that the army gets those who didn't have the IQ, the dedication, the money or the chance to avoid it.

You have no other choice. Army gets the poorest, the least educated, the most desperate.

You actually believe that Russian army is a good and just place that benefits your homeland. AKA you have been brainwashed since birth and you are ready to justify any atrocity or harassment.

You got there to avoid legal troubles for dodging it, and are just hoping to get through it.

And we are talking only about the mandatory year of service. Now think for a second which of these people are going to sign up for a contract service later on. But back to the topic. Combine the first three groups with an unbelievable degree of abuse and harassment that you might encounter at a flip of a coin. I won't list them all here, the internet is a wonderful place and the lists of horrible accounts are easy to find. Beatings, abuse, torture, blackmail, having to stand in your underwear in the snow because your commanding officer whose nose is permanently red and blood has been about 50% alcohol for the last 3 decades didn't like your tone. Suffice it to say that there is an NCO in Russia called "Mothers of Soldiers" that is dedicated specifically to helping the kids in these situations and their families. Remember this NCO you'll see it again later.

What do you do in the army? In theory — you get into shape, you learn some basic discipline, you learn the skills you might need if you decide to enlist or defend your country. In practice... well, take a guess. First, you do whatever manual labour the officers need done. Paint their country house? Sure. Paint the grass at the military quarters to make it greener? Sure. No, I am not joking. Repaint the same tank over and over? Why not. Dig something for days on end? You betcha. Refusing is pretty much not an option. Second — you march and you march and you march and you march and you learn to look really pretty and patriotic doing it. Third, those who rise to the top of this hierarchy are the ones you really want to keep appeased so you do whatever they tell you to. It is like a prison in that sense, except the warden is there with you and there is a tank in the middle of your courtyard for some reason

3) it is constantly getting worse.

Remember the "Mothers of Soldiers" NCO? Told you you'd see it again. It used to track the abuses and crimes in the army, helping parents protect their kids, helping them find where the kids were stationed, etc. In 2021 this NCO basically stopped its operation and now serves as more or less a small info-service that gives out some recommendations, and that's it. Why? Because in 2021 Russian government signed into law new criteria used to determine if an organisation should be considered a foreign agent. Pursuing, storing or sharing any information about

How many soldiers are stationed and where,

Moral and psychological state of the troops,

Status and result of any investigations of crimes within the army

These three key types of information basically became illegal to pursue for any organisation, lest it be considered a "foreign agent" and most likely forced to close after some time. If you are curious how that is done — look at the case of "Memorial", which tracked the history of repressions in the Soviet Union.

So what does this mean? It means that if during that year of mandatory service you get beaten, abused and tortured, you have to REALLY hope that the system that created those abusing you for some reason decides to protect you. No spoiler alert necessary for the chances of that.

So, now with all of that out of the way — why is this relevant and why should you care?

Since the beginning of the "special operation" aka "war crime fest 2022" Putin has been consistently stating that there are no boys from the mandatory military service in Ukraine, only those who serve under contract. There are a few problems with that:

BULLSHIT.

There have been multiple reports of these conscripts being forced to sign a contract under the threat of violence. Care to guess how many cases will ever be proven? I think 5, to performatively punish 3 officers who will be blamed for the whole fiasco.

Starting from the 22 of February multiple families suddenly reported losing any and all contact with their kids who were going through the mandatory military service at the time. "Mothers of Soldiers" NCO reported multiple calls from terrified mothers who didn't know where their kids suddenly disappeared. Those who later managed to re-establish contact suddenly learned, that their kids were in Ukraine, fighting a war. To any American reading this — imagine that one of your friends disappeared and in 5 days you get a terrified message from them saying they were forced to fight in Iraq and don't want to die. I don't know if the messages from a Russian soldiers that the Ukrainian ambassador read at the UN are real, not for certain. But they sound terrifyingly real.

On the 9th of March Putin himself was forced to admit that "there were several separate cases of presence of conscripts in Ukraine". When the official admission says several sources — that means the real number is too big to hide or deny.

This is literally a mad dictator forcing kids to commit war crimes, simple as that.

Class dismissed.

[characteroulette]

okay okay okay okay

now that I’ve finished DGS1 and can think of nothing else, let me elabourate on what I’ve been ranting about to Verse and my sister (thanks for putting up with me hahaha)

(spoilers for all of DGS1 by the by we going HARD)

So the overarching theme of DGS1 is Trust. How it’s built up, who deserves it, how to extend your hand to those who may not deserve it, and how to build it back up when it’s been broken. Each case builds on this as Ryuunosuke goes on his journey and I think it’s handled really, really well

Case 1, Asougi teaches you the basics of Trust. He tells you that he will trust you and follow you until the end. Twice, right at the beginning of the trial, he tells you that your actions are betraying his trust, even though Ryuunosuke thinks he’s doing it to spare his friend the pain.

(like, seriously, Asougi pretty much says “How sad. You don’t trust that I actually believe in you.” and then “You would throw that trust right back in my face by just accepting a Guilty verdict, huh?” it’s really explicit) (which is probs the only reason why I noticed it hahaha)

But as the trial goes on, Asougi’s unwavering belief in Ryuunosuke helps our protag boy believe in himself. And he trusts Asougi easily due to their close friendship, but you see the shift from “there’s no way I’m gonna be able to prove my innocence” to “I can’t do anything except prove my innocence” as the trial goes on, just because Asougi never stops believing in Ryuunosuke.

And then Case 2 hits and you have to learn to trust others who might seem like enemies at first. This chapter’s mostly for Susato’s growth, because she starts off absolutely not trusting you, but as you hang out and investigate together she just naturally slots into your little sister role and, before she even realises it, she’s trusting Ryuunosuke and working hard to help him prove his innocence. She admits in the end that she should never have doubted you, but you can tell this experience made a deep impression on her, as her trust in Ryuunosuke never wavers and I think that’s beautiful. ;w;

Next is Hosonaga! An odd addition, but he places his trust in Ryuunosuke pretty immediately and easily, showing just how much of an impact Asougi and Ryuunosuke’s relationship made on him during Case 1. The fact that he places any trust in Ryuunosuke at all is enough to bolster Ryuunosuke’s resolve, since Ryuunosuke needed to not be so alone while grieving for his best friend’s death on top of having to prove his innocence. (The whole of DGS1 handles grief really well, I think also, but that’s another essay I’ll have to write.)

And then the disaster man himself, Sherlock. (/Herlock) He’s the reason why Ryuunosuke’s been arrested again and it’s very, very hard to trust this man. I think they did a really good job of making his personality abrasive enough to be just exasperating enough that you can’t take him seriously, but also for you to feel fondness towards his dumb ass. (The perfect AA balance, honestly.) Sherlock is a hard nut to crack, appearing as if he never truly suspected you of any wrongdoing to begin with (it’s his whimsical nature that does it), but you really get a sense of how easily he builds up a rapport with Ryuunosuke from their first whole conversation.

Once you engage in your first Dance of Deduction with Sherlock, that’s it. You’re his friend now. And he basically is just treating you as such from then on, no hesitations on letting you out of your shackles and mischievously putting you right back in them once you’ve finished. Sherlock has seen your character and trusts you, even if he won’t say so outright.

(That one line really hits me, where he basically admits that he was treating this as a game and not fully realising how deeply the whole event has hit Ryuunosuke and Susato. Asougi was their friend, and his admitting that all of his mischief and jokes weren’t ever quite appropriate, given the circumstances, is touching and the actual moment, I think, where Ryuunosuke starts placing his trust in Sherlock in return.)

Case 3 is the big one. Ryuunosuke is sent to defend a man whom he’s not even sure is innocent. The trial goes along and you, the player, can do nothing even if you know what’s really happening. All you can do is trust that Ryuunosuke can handle things and it’s a huge, HUGE step for them to take to have your client mislead you like this. And so successfully!

But the damage is done and Ryuunosuke’s trust in his resolve, his friend’s belief, is broken. Not shattered, thankfully, but broken enough to make Ryuunosuke hesitant to place his trust in anyone again.

Unfortunately, Case 4 comes barrelling out the gate and you’re called upon to place your trust in someone yet again. Ryuunosuke is clearly not ready for it, his narration makes it clear, but you as the player ask Ryuunosuke to trust in you. He goes along and investigates despite being unsure, which as Susato points out (I think it was Susato), he’d made his mind up long before actually taking on the case.

This is also! Where we get to see that, despite all the airs and pretences Barok van Zieks puts on, he’s willing to place more trust in Ryuunosuke than he rightly should. Once Ryuunosuke has the truth in his sights, Van Zieks allows him to continue on his fancies. Van Zieks willingly engages him in discussions and helps iron out all the logic along the way. And though Ryuunosuke doesn’t realise it fully himself, he also starts to trust Van Zieks in return, thinking of him not as an opponent so much as a colleague. Maybe even a friend.

(All I can say is that it’s 1-3 Edgeworth all over again and I LIVE for this shit owo)

Since the truth is secured, along with your client’s innocence, Ryuunosuke’s willingness to trust has been mended somewhat. So we next turn to our client of Case 5, who needs to learn the same lesson after similar events have broken her ability to trust. Gina makes for an interesting parallel to Ryuunosuke in this regard, since they experience a whole slew of terrible events that test their ability to trust. The difference is simply that Ryuunosuke was willing to have friends, to keep trusting others, whereas Gina refused to have friends or place any trust in others even though she desperately wanted to.

That conversation she, Susato, and Ryuunosuke have about it at her cell is really good. The one they have during their night together at Sherlock’s attic is great, too! Iris admitting that she does have her own doubts and Gina, through no benefit of her own, going to confirm on Iris’ behalf because maybe this Sherlock person could be trustworthy after all. Ryuunosuke admitting that he had doubts about Asougi’s trust in him, but as the trial progressed, finding that it was an unwavering belief that Asougi placed in him and how it stopped even being a question in his mind.

Because, to place your trust in someone else, you must first trust yourself.

(shit I forgot to mention) This is a big breaking point for Susato, too! Because she loses her trust in the Law after both Case 3 and Case 4. She’s seen what the London courts will do and realises that, if others are going to play dirty, then it might be better to engage right back. But her unwavering faith in Ryuunosuke helps her realise that what she’s done is wrong and, though her faith in the legal system has taken a big hit, she knows that Ryuunosuke won’t give up the fight. Ryuunosuke will do everything he can to help his clients and she believes in him whole-heartedly.

And Van Zieks sees this, too! He sees this fierce dragon before him, fighting even the government of Britain to protect his client, and thinks to himself, “This is exactly what our system has been needing.” And he joins in the fight! The police hold no authority in the courts; to Van Zieks, it is just him and Ryuunosuke, figuring out the whole truth, no matter how painful it may be.

And Ryuunosuke takes this trust with him all the way through, even getting his permission to participate in trials revoked in order to save Gina.

And that’s why Ryuunosuke is probably the greatest lawyer next to Apollo in the whole series thanks for coming to my essay talk

[phoenixyfriend]

Time-Travel feat. Ino, Sakura, TenTen

The short of it is "Ino, in the Founders Era, sees Izuna and makes it her personal mission to Tap That."

The time-travelers are Ino, Sakura, and TenTen. Why them? I like girls being badasses, these three make a badass trio, and I don't want to deal with Caged Bird Seal politics. (Hyuuga just... complicate time-travel plots.)

Ino is the one that is clearly clan, and they make a group decision that the benefits of Yamanaka backing (and by extension Akimichi and Nara) outweigh the potential drawbacks.

It's pretty easy to convince them that they're Worth It. Ino doesn't bring anything new, really, but she's clever and knows the clan techniques and is very good at them, so the clan head (after performing a mind search to confirm the story) is like Sure, You're In.

Meanwhile, Sakura is a terrifyingly competent medic that knows hundreds, if not thousands, of medical techniques that don't even EXIST yet, and TenTen might not be a medic like the other two, or capable of explodey punches, or clan-trained, but the girl is a taijutsu powerhouse that's probably fast as hell because she was trained by GAI, and she's got at minimum a journeyman-level training in fuuinjutsu.

(Also just, don't argue with the 100% accuracy lady. Just don't. The reason she doesn't have a body-count to rival Minato's eventual count is because she doesn't want to and basically no other reason. There are some opponents that a Kunai to the Neck won't take down for whatever reason? Iron-skin, water body, super healing/shapeshifting, but for the rank and file? That's a one-hit. And she can throw hundreds of kunai at a time, so... if you take the 100% accuracy statements literally, she's a nightmare if she decides to go lethal.)

They run missions for a bit, and Ino is... usually the one sent out on field missions, because Sakura's busy teaching people how to save lives, and TenTen is currently the closest thing the Yamanaka have to a seal master--she's not a master, not on the level of an Uzumaki or even a Senju, but she's way better than most on account of village training schema and it's cheaper to give her a long-term role in the triple clan system than to hire independent contractors--but sometimes they all go out!

And... okay, I'm gonna be real here: Nobody approves of the way Ino dresses other than Ino and her girls.

Sakura extends her pants a bit. TenTen's fine. Ino refuses to stop wearing crop tops and short skirts, and none of you can stop her.

It helps that Ino's response to guys propositioning her is to tell them to back off, and then if they get handsy, she breaks their wrists. If they're ninjas getting handsy, she starts a fight, but most ninjas are smarter than that because they realize she's not just A Kunoichi, based on how she's moving, but a kunoichi with long, free-flowing hair, which is like... basically a big "I'm A-rank or better, come at me if you dare" flag. On the off chance that someone tries to fuck with Ino and they're actually out of her league in taijutsu, she has Mind Scrambling or, if absolutely necessary, an ear-piercing scream that summons a woman that can fistfight gods.

(And absolutely has.)

But anyway, The Girls go for a Girls Night Out one day. No plans to get laid, but they want to go shopping and have fruity drinks and maybe cause a little trouble.

They visit a blacksmith at one point, because weapons shops aren't quite a thing yet due to lack of centralized shinobi systems, and TenTen's talking up a storm with the smith about things like carbon infusion and alloys preferences, and Sakura's just standing off to a side reading something because most of what she wants/needs can be made by Akimichi blacksmiths, so she's not really in need of anything specialty. She wanders off after a bit, tells them all she wants to visit the apothecary to see if they have any herbs she's running low on. Ino is browsing examples of the blacksmith's more esoteric handiwork When In Walks An Uchiha.

TenTen has a VERY basic look, more or less civilian who got some ninja training, so Izuna doesn't pay her much attention, but blonde isn't a very common color in the Land of Fire, unless one happens to be a Yamanaka or Senju, and even among them it's not like EVERY clan member. (Or Namikaze but imo Minato's color is actually from Land of Earth immigrants and is a BLATANTLY different shade from characters like Ino and Tsunade.)

Senju is obviously, uh, bad, but the Yamanaka and Uchiha are basically neutral... mostly. There's some tension. Izuna isn't expecting to be attacked, but he's constantly darting glances out the side of his eye just in case.

Ino is... not unaware of Izuna.

She feels his eyes on her, notes the fact that he keeps making faces like he's not sure what to think, and Ino... Ino is of the opinion that this is funny.

She decides to drop something on purpose just so she can beeeeeeeeeeend over to pick it up and see what happens. Ino, again, does not dress appropriately for the decade she is in. Izuna chokes on his own spit.

Ino: I'm gonna be a bit of a ho. Yamanaka Clan: Please don't, our reputation is-- Ino: I'M GONNA BE A BIT OF A HO.

So Ino's fucking with Izuna's head by just... being Ino, really, she turns around like "OMG are you alright???" and lets him see that her eyes are lacking pupils so he doesn't keep worrying about whether she's a Senju, pats him on the back, coos over him, flatters his hair, and then insults his fashion sense.

She is of the firm belief that his expression is hilarious. Flirt Flirt Flirt "but you're wearing that? Really? Oh honey, you should know better."

(Ino pulls pickup artist shit on Izuna.)

Ino is fucking with him, and she is enjoying herself. She's a flirt, she's gorgeous, she's a bit of a ho, and Izuna is a hot, main family clan boy who keeps blushing. He's maybe two years older than her and he squeaks when she squeezes his shoulder and compliments his muscles.

And after all that, after Ino has wound him up and turned him around and gotten him confused and flustered and a little angry...

That is when they feel the ground shake and hear Madara screaming for The Pink-Haired Bitch to "come back here so I can kick your ass!"

So. Yes. Sakura has picked a fight with Madara. I don't know how or why, I just know that Sakura and Madara are fighting, Ino and Izuna are both going 'dude WHY' about their respective fighty person and fleeing the blacksmith to go stop whatever's going on before they get banned from town--because really, they can force their way in, but it's way easier to get those tasty daifuku mochi from that one shop when people WANT to serve them--and TenTen is... still chatting up the blacksmith. The girl is going to get a discount.

Sakura leads Madara on a bit of a merry chase so the fight happens a mile outside of town--Ino loves her more than ever--and there's a flare of "Sakura punches a Susanoo," and by the time Izuna and Ino get there, Sakura is yelling in Madara's face about how he's fucking up his eyes.

Madara is. Offended. Izuna is also offended. Those are clan secrets, and Sakura is just looking him in the eye without fear and I'm like. Half convinced that they want to just tear her throat out.

Except Ino is there, and Sakura called her by name, and they know that names with 'Ino' among the Yamanaka are only for clan heirs, and they can't just pick a fight with the entire clan.

They. They can't afford that right now. Tajima is ramping up the whole Thing with the Senju again and they do not have the resources to add another front.

"For fuck's sake, will you let me go alive if I fix some of the damage you've done to yourself?" "You can fix the Mangekyo?" "Uh, no, nobody can fix that hellscape of a doujutsu without some incredibly invasive surgery that I refuse to do in a non-sterile environment unless there's literally no other choice, but I can reverse some of the chakra strain on your ocular nerve if you stop trying to pick a fight because I got the last of the [some medicinal plant that only grows up in the badlands around Iwa]."

Izuna shrieks and demands if that's really what they were punching down trees for and Madara yells at him to fuck off and Ino just laughs at all of them.

Sakura is like. Two seconds away from putting Madara in a headlock and calling him a nerd. He's like a solid five years older than her and she's smarter than he is and he's a jock but she's going to dunk his head in a toilet, I swear to god.

[Image Description: a gif from Will and Grace where a man in a dark shirt approaches a woman in a white shirt for a hug. Both characters have their arms spread wide in greeting, but the woman subverts the expected hug and pulls the man into a headlock with an angry expression.]

(Tenten is just, she's having a good time with a random blacksmith, talking shop. She just comes out to see all this crap has happened and it's like she came back with pizzas to see the apartment wrecked.)

Anyway, Sakura does some Medic Mojo on the Uchiha bros, Ino continues to flirt with Izuna until he can't tell up from down anymore, and when they're headed back to meet up with TenTen and see if there are any ruffled feathers that need smoothing, Ino declares that she's going to get that boy to propose to her.

"Don't people usually say 'I'm gonna marry that boy' or--" "Nah, I don't know him well enough to make that decision. I just want him invested in me. Whether or not I do anything with that... depends on how well he woos me."

And anyway, things spiral from there, Ino keeps hitting on Izuna whenever she gets a chance, Izuna keeps being Very Overwhelmed by this girl that shows off so much of her body and has the confidence of a god--because Ino is the epitome of confidence and always will be--while Sakura fucks off to badger the Senju into peace by making friends with Hashirama and bribing Tobirama with medical developments and flirting with Touka (except Touka's almost a decade older than her and is flattered but not interested, thank you), and TenTen is... honestly I'm not sure what TenTen is doing except that there's a very solid chance she's sneaking off to meet with Uzumaki specialists to help her build a Zetsu Trap.

Our trio of badass ladies decides that Hm, Actually, Having Bijuu Backup Would Be Nice.

Ino's the best sensor of the three, but even she's not feeling out where the nearest bijuu is, so they go for the by-that-point tried and true method of "Sakura goes and hassles Tobirama for information while TenTen and Ino play cards with Hashirama."

Tobirama does point them in the direction of the nearest bijuu--it's the Kyuubi, even!--and Sakura just... invites Hashirama along.

Hashirama: Oh! What do I have to do if I come? Sakura: Stand there and look pretty, mostly. Hashirama: Yes, I can do that. Sakura: And then interfere if we piss off the Kyuubi enough that he attacks. He probably won't, but Mokuton is useful if he does. Hashirama: Oooooh yeah, I can do that.

Tobirama is so tired but these gals are pretty determined to do the whole Peace Thing and Hashirama can mostly take care of himself, and Butsuma isn't quite dead but almost there (idk some disease or infected wound, it doesn't matter), so Hashirama isn't a Clan Head ditching his job but there's nobody around that can stop him from running off, so Tobirama's just like "Cool, don't die."

Butsuma: [dying] Sakura: [sipping a mixed drink wearing sunglasses inside] Shame.

So they go find Kurama, and try to barter with him about the whole Zetsu situation, and... ngl okay I have an entire conversation in mind about "your evil goo uncle" and "none of us know how to seal a bijuu without taking away your autonomy, but sealing is the best way to hide you from Zetsu, so do you have any ideas on a compromise" and "I can SORT of figure out how to--"

And then Kurama just. Summons a smaller fox. Which has a scroll. And pokes it towards TenTen because she's the one that's Impressed Him The Right Way over the course of the conversation.

(Mostly by being vaguely sparky about fuuinjutsu and easily distracted by the Ifs of it instead of the Whys.)

And once she's signed--which Ino and Sakura are just like 👀 about because Oh???--Kurama nods and just. Presses his snout to her hand. And without telling her what he's doing, he just enters her body and settles in as a consenting jinchuuriki situation. He can leave without killing her if he wants, but he can also just chill out. He's hidden from Zetsu, TenTen gets a boost, and nobody's in prison.

(Time to belatedly note that TenTen was earlier suggested as the best jinchuuriki option since, among other things, she had the least to lose as far as chakra control went.)

TenTen: My chakra control is pretty shitty, but I can fight hand to hand for literal hours without feeling like I've done more than a light jog, is that good?

TenTen is such a different brand of ninja from most of the heavy hitters. Because her main attack is just More Knife.

Team InoShikaCho has their whole human yoyo thing, Sakura can punch gods, Naruto and Sasuke are literally insane levels of power, Kiba turns into a giant three-headed dog and Shino can insert exploding bugs into people, Lee can kick hard enough to make a bijuu pause, Neji and Hinata are... okay I don't have much to say about the Hyuuga, but... TenTen. She's just here with some seals and whole lot of sharp and pointy things.

Founders era, you have Madara and Hashirama with their god-level techniques, Tobirama is usually sword but has a bajillion other things like his Suiton, Izuna has a Mangekyo, Mito has her chains and was the first jinchuuriki... and then, here’s TenTen, with Many Sharp.

Her special attacks are Throw, Stab, and Kick the Shit Out Of because she still trained under Maito Gai.

TenTen is the current queen of "catch these hands."

After the village is founded, she challenges one of the og founders to taijutsu only and the literal only reason she doesn't win against Hashirama is that he has a healing factor and is built like a brick house.

TenTen: Hey, Izuna, if you beat me in a taijutsu fight, Ino might be impressed. Izuna: No weapons? TenTen: No weapons, no bijuu, no Sharingan. Izuna: Cool, I can do this. [five minutes later] Izuna: [screaming]

The triple clan alliance: We will gladly join Konoha on the condition that-- Izuna, internally, chanting: That I marry Ino That I marry Ino That I marry Ino-- Madara, internally: Please don't say that Izuna marries Ino Tobirama, internally: [math meme because he can imagine like eighty conditions] Hashirama, internally: [elevator music] The triple clan alliance: That you put Haruno Sakura in charge of the hospital. Izuna: [internal screaming] Madara: [sigh of relief] Tobirama: [internal cheering] Hashirama: That sounds great! I've seen her work, she's a great choice for hospital management, do you think she'd be willing to spearhead a medical training program on the side?

Izuna just wanted the politics to be his wingman here, she's killing him.

Ino has broken this man.

(At this point she's mostly made up her mind... unfortunately, she deeply enjoys messing with him! He's too fun to tease!)

Ino: I want to marry him, yeah, but did you see his face when I teased him about visiting the Daimyou's court and looking for a rich husband to bring to Konoha? He even knows I'd never marry a civilian, and yet.

(He knows, it's just that his brain is dumb when she is involved.)

TenTen asks Hashirama if he's opposed to threesomes, mostly because Mito is amazing and TenTen's a little in love with her. Hashirama is NOT opposed to threesomes, but only with Madara, sorry.

Ino is just... the queen of self-confidence. I want to include some gifs to explain but there are just too many.

As a rule, Ino wears high collars, but... she might try to pioneer Tiddy Shirts out of spite because people keep trying to tell her to dress More Appropriately.

Ino, adjusting her wrap top to show more of the chesticles: Relax, Hashirama, I'm just taking a page out of your granddaughter's book. Hashirama: [verbal keysmash]

This one twitter post.

Sakura: You can't just use your tits to get what you want! Ino: I didn't see you complaining when I got us free dango. Ino, misunderstanding Sakura's point: Uh, yeah I can? Watch. Ino: [gets drinks for the table and a free dessert too] Ino: See? Sakura: Oh my god. TenTen, cutting a slice of cake: Yeah I think she's got us here Sakura. TenTen: I love using Ino's tits to get what I want. Sakura: No!

Sakura: Why am I the only one of us who isn't down for Ino using feminine wiles for material gain? TenTen: Does it have anything to do with your unresolved childhood crush on her? Sakura: ..... shut up.

Sakura: Was Sasuke descended straight from Izuna's line? What if you just negated his existence? Ino: I mean, his soul still exists, right? Or will exist? It's not like we could have lined the genetics up perfectly anyway, don't worry about it.

Once Ino finally lets Izuna woo her, they turn into that couple that's just constantly making out in dark corners. PDA is over 9000. Sakura throws erasers at them to make them stop. TenTen catcalls. TenTen just. Not interested in being a thot in the slightest, but delighted by Ino being a thot.

Izuna: Help I don't know how to BDSM and my hot wife is a dominatrix. Madara: Sucks to be you.

(Ino being a bit of a ho fits and feels fun because she's also just like, very convincingly an actualized character. If Ino is acting like a bit of a ho it's very definitely because she wants to and is absolutely going to make that everybody else's problem.)

Ino, at any given moment: Did you miss the part where I'm the hottest person here?

I'm honestly considering platonic-marriage TenTen/Tobirama on the basis of Seals And Sparking. There aren't enough women in the Founders Era for me to ship Sakura with one so I'm going to say she ends up living in domestic bliss with a Nara kunoichi.

Sakura: Can I just. Can I just be Gay here? Like, can I just Be Gay and get Big Gay Married and have 2 dogs and lead a prestigious medical program? Tenten and Ino: Of course you can, hon! We'll be up to our nonsense the entire time, though.

Sakura: Well... at least Shikamaru isn't here to complain about Ino being the way she is.

OH I forgot to mention TenTen wearing Externalized Small Fox Kurama around like a scarf.

Kurama: [Gets to be out of the seal and See Stuff] TenTen: [Constantly has a companion around who is never tired of hearing her Special Interest Rant about smithing techniques and what will eventually be Aerodynamics after TenTen accidentally builds a plane while tinkering]

TenTen: I wonder if I could make Temari's giant fan thing work for me without wind chakra. [two years of tinkering later] TenTen: I can't remember what I was trying to do at the start but I can definitely fly now.

(Sakura's honestly lucky that Karin isn't there.)

(And tbh Sakura's only The Sensible One until Madara pisses her off and then it's time for people to remind her that she can't just go around Punching Things.)

When Sakura is forced to be the Voice of Reason she is always frustrated. When TenTen is freed from the responsibility of being the Voice of Reason? Shenanigans. TenTen's defense is that she never got to be the crazy one in Team Gai. Like, she’s still a little nutty, but she couldn’t go all out because she was constantly overshadowed by the YOUTH and also Neji’s fate situation.

ANYWAY. TenTen and Tobirama.

TenTen: Your brain makes me horny. Tobirama: Oh, finally, someone sensible.

I remember that while I was brainstorming, I had "TenTen tells Tobirama to marry her within five minutes of meeting him because they vibed so hard on weird fuuinjutsu stuff" followed by "Izuna sputtering and saying that everyone told him that he couldn't just propose to a girl he liked, why does Tobirama get to accept a proposal from a clanless kunoichi when Izuna can't even--"

The proposal is from TenTen to Tobirama, which imo is hilarious in the context of the Warring Clans Era, and also is done on a whim and is basically just.

Tobirama: [says a clever thing about one of TenTen's theories] TenTen, grabbing his hands and looking him in the eye, her own eyes full of stars and the classic Team Gai sunset genjutsu around her: Marry me. Tobirama: ...do we have to have sex? TenTen: No. Tobirama: Do you plan on children? TenTen: Students yes, adoption maybe. Tobirama: I'm sold. Hashirama:

[Image Description: Stephen Colbert, in a suit, dramatically crying at the camera. He has running mascara, and the caption says “I just feel like my heart is going to burst because it’s full of rainbows.” End Description.]

They're Nerd-married and it's the best.

I love the idea of Hashirama just being an Elevator Music Mind when it comes to Tobirama and TenTen. Like. An orange cat. Like, okay, yes Minato is the Hokage with the orange cat energy. And Hashirama is usually golden retriever energy.

But when it comes to Tobirama and TenTen, Hashirama is completely oblivious to their intention to do such things as Raise The Dead For Science.

They're not even raising a specific person for a specific reason, they're just vibing Super Hard and haven't slept enough and forgot this is a bad idea. Got so obsessed with "Can we" that they forgot "should we."

(And I feel like Kurama just encourages them like a chaos entity.)

Tobirama: It was a theoretical exercise. Hashirama, gesturing at the zombie army trying to eat its way out of a Mokuton Cage: !!!! Tobirama: We realized it didn't need to stay theoretical. TenTen: In our defense, we were left unsupervised. Tobirama: It's true, we were.

Sakura: TenTen! I expected better of you! TenTen, with sincere confusion: Why? Sakura: ... TenTen:  Like you knew my team, and my sensei, and also I agreed to help you go back in time and alter the past.

Overall.......

Ino: [here to fluster her pretty boy husband] TenTen: [got platonic married to a necromancer who shares some special interests and hyperfocuses with her] Sakura: [just wants 2.5 kids and a steady paycheck as she runs a world-changing medical program]

Anyway

Back to TenTen being Wild.

[Image Description: TenTen in her Shippudent outfit, which is calf-length red pants and a white qipao top with red trim, turning on the spot while flourishing a pair of scrolls that expel weaponry on her command. End description.]

I like to imagine TenTen has an abundance of common sense, but she just never, ever applies it to herself. She can only common sense when other people present her with their problems. TenTen: What if I combined Ribbon dances with the noble art of YEET, then made it into a fighting style?

"I've got 99 problems and all of them can be solved with sharp and pointy objects."

[This section of the brainstorming is removed on account of being deeply inappropriate for a post that should max out at rated M. Just know that Ino and Izuna are freaks, and TenTen and Tobirama are enablers.]

BACK TO TENTEN BEING ABSURD

Tobirama: Ugh, I can't match Hashirama's energy levels for another entire day. TenTen, a member of Team Gai: I can do it. Tobirama: Hashirama is literally inhumanly happy and-- TenTen: No, no, I got this.

(You have no idea how much practice she has at this Tobirama, no idea.)

Tobirama: I am currently the fastest man alive. TenTen: Only because you cheat with Hiraishin. I could totally beat you in a five-hundred lap race around Konoha. Hashirama: ...five hundred? Tobirama: Wait, what. TenTen, already stretching: Yeah, let's do this! It's been a while since I had a solid challenge, you know? Hashirama: ???? Tobirama, is she serious? Tobirama: She runs two hundred laps around the village every morning, so... probably. Hashirama, wheezing: That's a lot. TenTen: That's a warmup.

Someone, probably Madara: Okay but that's cheating because you have inhuman stamina from the fox! Kurama, chilling on a tree stump napping: No the fuck she does not. Hashirama: What do you mean she doesn't? Kurama: I don't just leave the faucet running 24/7 Senju, besides, she doesn't need my help to be a ridiculous persistence hunting nightmare monster in this regard. TenTen: Awww, Kurama, you flatterer.

TenTen: I was running 150 laps of the village every morning by the time I was fourteen. Hashirama: Why? TenTen: My teacher was fun.

At least one shitty joke from a stranger about stamina In Bed and TenTen and Tobirama just stare at the person.

Maito Dai would be... maybe a little older than the Sannin, younger than Hiruzen. Solid age for TenTen to take as a student, probably. Very feels-worthy, with the whole Passing the Torch thing that that whole family had going on, and that Gai passed it to his students since he didn't have children of his own, the idea of TenTen taking that shot to make sure she's still part of that... family, for lack of a better term? Even in this strange new world they're making by altering history like that.

And that’s about it.

As per usual, most of this was brainstormed with @firebirdeternal​.

[skaylanphear]

Hi there! Do you have any advice on improving traction towards a fanwork/fic? I love writing—and it's not for notoriety by any means—but having validation and feedback also feels nice (I hope that's not conceited). What would you recommend to someone without a large audience/follower base? I do "advertise" on tumblr when my work is written/updated on AO3. How did your journey start? Thank you!

This is an interesting question and I doubt most people are going to like the answers, but here we go:

So, first and foremost, you need to be realistic about why you're creating in the first place. If you're doing work in a fandom that is older, where content has stopped coming out, or that is simply smaller, you're not going to get much engagement, period. There will, of course, be activity in these fandoms, but it will be far less and the people involved—while they may view your work—will be less likely to comment/spread it around simply because there's not much going on. So if you're creating in that sort of environment (which can be a really good environment if you're looking for something chill with no pressure), then you have to be prepared for low engagement, even if the people you do meet and who are willing to talk about your work are more regularly in your sphere. You can probably make better/closer friends in these sorts of fandoms, if you're willing to try.

But, on the other end of this, if you're coming into a huge fandom late, it's also going to be harder to wade through the massive following to get your stuff out there. For example, in both the Miraculous and Sk8 fandom, I started work pretty early on, when the shows were still gaining traction, and so my "name" as a creator gained traction parallel to that growth, as opposed to when I started writing in the Voltron fandom. With Voltron, I came in super late and so what few fics I had that did gain traction took a lot longer to get there because people already had their fav content creators in the fandom, etc. It's not impossible to get popular in this situation—far from it—but it does take longer.

You'll also benefit from having finished works early on in a fandom's lifespan, at least with writing. This is because there's less competition for views and so more people will be filtered to your work, initially. This means that you have a better chance of getting those comments and kudos. Having a finished work increases this engagement because people look for finished works before works in progress. Generally, the length of a fic doesn't matter much for popularity, so long as it's DONE. When I was writing in the ML fandom, quite a few of my earlier fics were shorter, and they compete in popularity with my longer fics, because people care more about having a finished story, not a long story. That's why when it came to Only Practice Makes Perfect in the Sk8 fandom, I worked hard to get that shit done, because it was the most popular story I had in the fandom and I decided—like an idiot—to make it a long fic. Which, yeah, means people probably love it/remember it more in the long run, but if I hadn't finished it in 2 to 3 months, I'd have lost considerable traction as far as making a name within the fandom.

This leads into one of the most important points, if not THE MOST IMPORTANT point in gaining an audience—consistency. If you do want to be a successful creator, you Have To Be Consistent. This is the most difficult hurdle for all creators, and it is oftentimes impossible to make happen. If you want to aim for professionalism, which a lot of fandom creators don't care about (which is fine), then consistency is how you get there. Nobody wants to read a fic or follow an artist who doesn't stick to creating what they start (RIP all my unfinished works and the people who left me as a result, LOL). Using my most recent works as an example, I very, very, very consistently updated Only Practice Makes Perfect multiple times a week. To the point where people got comfortable expecting it, which is the key variable here. When people become comfortable that you will regularly create content, they not only stick around, but will be more interactive with you and your work. Nobody likes the disappointment of getting involved with a work only for that work to rarely get updates. Most people don't have the attention span to care. I'll admit, if I read a fic that's not finished and the writer takes one week to update, then one week, then THREE weeks, I probably will, like, forget about it. That's just life.

The best thing you can do is schedule. And again, this is the HARDEST thing to do, because it holds the creator to a deadline. Most people who create in fandoms don't want that kind of pressure—and that's fine. I go back and forth on when I have scheduled releases and when I don't, depending on what I'm aiming to do. But if you to retain your audience, telling them that you will update a work regularly on such and such a day and such and such a time, it creates something for them to remember. If they're invested in your work, they will think, "oh, it's Friday, that means such and such is coming out with something new." But, with that in mind, you also have to commit to a schedule that people will remain invested in. Which basically means you can't put things out more than a week away from each other, unless you're really, really famous, lol. If I told people I was going to go on a two week update schedule, I would lose most of my audience. But a week is long enough for people to both still remember and anticipate. That's just how the scheduling of the world works. And if you're an artist that's working on a big project, then you have to share progress, or pieces of what you're doing on a regular basis. That's what generates "buzz" and keeps you relevant. And, yeah, that's a really hard schedule to commit to, because it's a lot of work. BUT this consistency is where you see people being successful. Popular youtubers may not have gained their popularity by being consistent, but most sure do retain it that way. And again, there are outlying exceptions, but they generally ARE exceptions.

Speaking of hard work, here's probably the second hardest thing to accomplish—you have to be prolific. Especially as a writer. You have to write A LOT if you want to gain an audience. And yeah, that means you have to work, a lot. I love my work, so I enjoy that "grind," and I also have developed a lot of strategies to work around writer's block and every other obstacle that tends to catch people up. I work in a very professional manner—I do outlines, and drafts, and plan. I do a lot of stuff that people who do this kind of thing for fun can't be bothered with (and that's fine), but that's because I find it to be what works best in creating an efficient environment. I'm also very, very NOT lazy, lol. I was raised in an environment where you have to work for everything that you want. My parents didn't buy me my first computer, or snowboard, or what have you. We were tight on money and if I wanted something, they couldn't help me—I had to get that shit on my own. And I also grew up on a farm, where hard work was a staple of how you did things. You did things the right way, even if it was the hard way. You can't cut corners and it's the same with this. If you want it, you have to actually do the work, that's it. Some people get lucky with popularity, most don't. Most famous actors didn't become well-known off their first efforts, they had to keep trying and keep working and then they have to continue to do that to stay relevant. So if that doesn't sound great to you, then you might want to not focus on your audience and just create because you enjoy it, lol. Sometimes that's what I do too, when I don't wanna deal with the pressure.

Moving on, here's another point that nobody is going to like. Simply put, you also have to be good at what you do. I think some people don't realize that I've been writing fic for over fifteen years. I currently have nearly 2 millions words worth of fics on AO3 and that doesn't include a majority of the stuff I've ever written. I practice A LOT. I write every day. And I'll tell ya, when I started out in middle school, my stuff was not good. But I worked hard, I ignored the hate, and I kept going. That is the only way you will ever get better at anything. There's no quick way to become a better writer, or artist. And a vast majority of people are only going to pay attention to your stuff if it's quality work. Getting to that point is a process, on top of then creating stuff that fits into popular molds. Not only am I good at what I do (and I don't care how arrogant that sounds—I've worked my ass off), but when it comes to fandoms, I rarely write "rare pairs" and "crack ships." Generally, if it's popular, that's where I am. That makes a big difference and I honestly don't have sympathy for people who write rare pairs and such and then complain about lack of engagement. You knew what you were getting into (it's mostly the Miraculous fandom that gave me this bitterness). If you're not writing what people WANT to read, then your audience is simply going to be smaller. And that audience doesn't owe you their attention, no matter how frustrating it is or how good your work is. I could be the best writer in the world, but if I'm writing RekixCherry fic, I have nobody to blame but myself when nobody reads it. BUT if that's your passion, and writing a certain unpopular thing makes you happy, then, again, you need to not be concerned with traction and your audience.

The last point I'll make is that it matters HOW you present yourself online. A good chunk of the well-known creators in any fandom are, simply put, older people. And those that aren't, and are able to connect with those older creators, have generally created a bubble around themselves of maturity and, like, of being nice, lol. A lot of creators are skittish these days, and if you're an asshole (anti) or fight a lot over stupid shit, you may get a bigger audience, but you will isolate yourself from other creators. And this is important because oftentimes it is your exposure to other creators that will get your work circulating. The reason I got popular in the ML fandom? I wrote a short angst fic and a really popular artist shared it/talked about it and the rest was history. But if I'd had a habit of being an asshole, probably wouldn't have happened. And, granted, I'm not saying don't voice your opinions, but if you're loud all the time, it does turn people off. Especially creators because they are oftentimes the ones being attacked. They don't want to pull more of that negative bullshit into their lives. I'll admit, when I was in the ML fandom, I was down for a fight, but then that's what people came to expect, and it probably did turn others off, and then when I didn't fight, or didn't think the way my audience thought I should, it, again, turned people off. It's really not worth it unless being that type of person IS your platform.

So, that's all the advice I can give, I suppose. And even if you do all this stuff, that still doesn't mean you're going to be popular. At the end of the day, the thing that I stick to is this—I do what I want, I love what I do, and I work hard. If I'm in a position to worry about all that other stuff, then sure, I do, but otherwise… There's no easy way to become popular and, quite frankly, it's better to just "live" working hard and being a decent person than it is to focus on all this bullshit. I've created a working environment where I function within these "points" quite naturally, so it's not something I think about (except for schedules, lol). Sometimes I get popular in fandoms, sometimes I don't. At the end of the day, it comes down to how much work you're willing to do, because you will always be giving more than you are getting back, so you have to at least enjoy what you're doing.

Seriously, just do it because you love it. And if the pressure of everything above is something you don't love (I like a good, high pressure situation, lol), then don't do it that way—it's not worth the grief.

[greatteachergojou]

The burden of being the strongest

-> on why Gojo won’t be settling down and why he’s such a child

I’ve been seeing ppl commenting on Gojo being a player and all (based on the character infomations from the fanbook) and it prompted me to write a little brief character analysis on Gojo regarding this matter and also kinda trailed off to a topic that I’ve been meaning to talk about because I get the impression that Gojo is often only perceived as the goofy op madlad who is above everyone and everything - which is also true but there’s also more behind those prominent character traits of his.

!!! Beware of SPOILERS if you’re not caught up to the manga!!! (nothing too specific tho)

------------------------------

So... Gojo Satoru is a player. Gege Akutami has stated that he wears sunglasses when he meets up with them ladies (I think it was in some Q&A if I remember correctly) and in the fanbook he said he can’t picture Gojo being faithful to any specific woman. - Not too surprising if you look at his surface level behaviour/personality. That said, there’s more to it than him being a player just for the sake of it.

Remember that being a jujutsu sorcerer is a high risk job - except for Gojo... since he’s the strongest even the chances of him getting injured is basically zero. But he has seen too many friends and colleagues hurt/loose their lives. You might just die on any random easy mission if you’re not Gojo. It’s not a coincidence that seemingly most sorcerers are not married or anything like that. This job is shit (Nanamin, you’re absolutely right). Choosing this job basically means giving up a normal orderly life in exchange for a life full of uncertainties and dangers. If you’re the type to care for your family it’s probably best not to start one in the first place to spare them from tragedy. As harsh as it sounds, it’s easier to put your life on the line when you don’t have to worry about your other half waiting for you to return home. I think the only ones that would really care to get married and have kids are those from the big sorcerer families because they need to continue their bloodline. And I feel tempted to assume that they don’t care in particular about how their family members feel...

Now, the Gojo clan is one of the big three. It’d normally mean Satoru has the duty to continue his bloodline. He could leave this to other clan members though (assuming he’s not the only member of the Gojo family left). But since he is the holder of the Six Eyes and Limitless and he’s the head of his family, there’d be no way around him getting a wife at some point and have some babies. But we know he’s not about those traditions and very much disdains the inner workings of the clans. And since he’s the head of his family and the strongest, I guess no one can force him to anything anyways.

Gojo is a massive troll and most folks just find him super annoying and  too aloof. But that’s just the side of him that he chooses to display in  most situations. It’s not like a goofy character doesn’t have a  serious side. It’s not like the strongest character never hurts. Because  of his immense power and his nonchalant behaviour one tend to forget  that in the end of the day he’s still just a human. I don’t mean that  he might be a depressed character deep down though.  Rather, I think he’s an innately optimistic person.  It’s just that he surely has some sadness in him that he hides away. I  think he is just the typ of character who, while he’s  indeed  a joyful person, also conveniently uses this side of his to mask the more heavier  things that are on his mind. And he deliberately chooses not to let  people get too close to him because that will prevent him from getting hurt -  which btw perfectly fits his infinity cursed technique...

He understands that being the  strongest is far from meaning that he can protect everyone. God knows  how many friends he’s already lost and while people around him are dying  left and right, he’ll surely remain the last man standing. That’s really  sad if you think about it. While he himself might be untouchable, you  can get to him through threatening others that he cares about like for  example his students. And that is a potential weak point for someone  who’s supposed to be invincible. The strongest sorcerer being  vulnerable? How outrageous, that can’t be allowed, right? Imagine he’d let himself get attached and have a family to care for. He just can’t protect them all the time and he has many enemies on top of that.

Also, right now his ultimate goal is to fundamentally change this world they live in. It’s a huuuge task to tackle (and probably something only he can do). His mind is occupied by this goal which requires him to train as many future talents as possible. When he says he’s busy he always says it in a joking manner but he really is super busy with his general duties of being the strongest and with his ambitious vision (the fanbook also states that he doesn’t sleep much. my poor manchild. how come he still looks like he’s only 18? that’s not fair. i mean, have you seen nanami and ijichi?) Long story short, he also just doesn’t seem too interested in anything else atm. And honestly, who knows if he’ll survive until the very end of the story...

So on first glance it  seems like being the strongest comes with benefits only. But actually,  it’s lonely up there at the very top. And with great power comes great  responsibility. I think he really started to understand that after the  whole deal with Riko.  It’s when he suffered  a devastating  defeat that he started to  understand what it means to be the strongest and it’s when Getou  fundamentally changed that he started to form a clear vision of what he  wants to do and what he can do with his power.  

We don’t know much of Gojo‘s upbringing yet. But  I think it’s save to assume that born as the absolute strongest already had a lot  of burden placed on him basically from the moment he was born. So since  his earliest childhood he needed to deal with the immensely high  expectations from his family and the sorcerer world in general as well  as dealing with the many folks who’d maybe try to get rid of the kid while he’s still just a child. I don’t think it  makes for a happy childhood. From the top of my head I can recall two panels of child Gojo and in both he looked like a distanced child (kinda had the same vibe as Megumi when he was a child).

The circumstances just place a lot of burden for a child. And I guess when puberty hits all those pent-up emotions made him despise authority and made him a rebellious teen who was all cocky and found that those responsibilities as the strongest sorcerer and the whole deal with protecting the weak was the biggest nuisance ever. - That also explaines why he said he won’t allow anyone to steal the best years of the youth (and why he stopped the elders from taking away the students decision on whether or not they should continue the Goodwill event and then proceeded to opt for a fun baseball game) and why he is usually acting like a child himself. Because he didn’t get to live out his childhood and youth himself he cherishes every opportunity he can get to just be easygoing and carefree.

[downfordiluc]

Kaeya x F Reader One Shot. [Modern AU].

Warning // Explicit Language. No Smut, only fluff.

Synopsis: a night filled with alcohol, dancing and feelings. 

If you rubbed your eyes one more time, you feared they may disappear inside of your skull. The display on your laptop was beginning to sear your retinas, as you watched the clock tick over to 11:30 pm. You should have left work hours ago. Having a hardass for a boss had wasn't something really had any benefits to it, other than the sizeable paycheck you took home after a long week's work; often going ten or twenty hours over your actually scheduled nine to five days.

Being able to finally click save and close the torture machine in front of you was something that you spent every working moment impatiently waiting for, and the satisfaction you got from knowing you could finally go and slump into your bedsheets was something that never really lost its novelty. And yet, tonight wasn't going to be one of those nights.

"Wanna go cause some trouble?"

You looked up blearily at the voice, seeing a tall, tan figure leaning against your doorway, one hand on his hip, and the other in his pocket. The smirk on his lips was one that you couldn't get enough of, but you'd never admit it. You'd never give him the satisfaction of admitting it.

"It's almost midnight, Kaeya." you remarked, as you shrugged your leather jacket onto your shoulders. Despite the protest in your tone, you had basically already succumbed to his plans before even hearing them, as you collected your belongings that were spread over your desk. "And so the night is only young, [Y/N], whaddya say?". This man knew he was born with a silver tongue, and had the power to persuade even the most stubborn to follow his every command. You knew this, and yet you fell victim every damn time.

"Where are we going?", you practically had a white flag waving above your head, as you walked through the door he held open, and yet you weren't fooled - Kaeya was no gentleman. He was a sweet talker, and he played the field like it was second nature to him. Life was like a game of chess, except he was always 5 moves ahead, taking piece after piece off of the board. Women were the pawns.

"Diluc's club, he pissed me off yesterday, and if my memory serves, you're not best pleased with him either.", he looked as though his plan had fallen into place, and yet it had one fatal flaw. "So your plan for revenge, is to financially provide for him by drinking in his club?". You felt as though you had his king in check - winning the game of chess - and might actually get to go home for the night. Yet that stupid smirk returned, and you instantly dropped the glimmer of hope you had grasped onto. "Money is simply an object to him, you know this. But just imagine the look on his face if he saw us both having the time of our goddamn lives, huh?". You hated to admit it, but to see that exact face you were now picturing was an opportunity you would not pass up, even if you hadn't slept for a week.

The night was bitter, biting at your cheeks as you walked down the cobblestoned alleys. No matter how much you pulled at your thin jacket for warmth, it simply wasn't the right choice of attire for the middle of February. "I know a way to warm you up." the man to your right quipped, and you instinctually glared up at him, seeing a saccharine sweet smile upon his face. You rolled your eyes and looked away from him, refusing to step into the trap that was his syrupy gaze. You knew better.

"Vodka".

You heard him chuckle at your blunt response. A soft, breathy laugh that could melt ice, and the heat that rose to your cheeks was welcoming, considering the harsh winds that felt like icicles piercing your skin. He really did have a way to make women putty in his hands, and you had never been more glad you considered yourself above that, considering you were about to get absolutely shit-faced together.

One shot turned to two, and two turned to three, as you bottomed the foul liquid, and slammed each glass onto the table with a loud clink. You hadn't done this in a while, and it had been even longer since you had done it with another person. Drinking alone was usually your style, which now you realised was actually quite sad.

"Slow down, darlin', they'll run out if you aren't careful.", he had absolutely no right to be using words like that, and even less right to witness the colour that lit your cheeks alight. Suddenly, staring at the marble bar seemed a lot more interesting.

"Mind your own business, Alberich. You said you wanted to have fun, this is how I have fun.". You knew full well the worse was yet to come. They say everyone has a second personality when they're drunk, and yours enjoyed partying like the world was going to end tomorrow. You noticed he was nursing his whiskey, and frowned at him, tilting your head to the side and resting it on your fist.

"Didn't take you to be a lightweight." you smiled devilishly into your words, watching his eyes widen slightly in surprise, you could practically see him recoil as though you had smacked him in the face. "Someone's gotta be able to walk to take you home.". The laugh you let out in response was a hearty, full one. Something you hadn't done in a while. You pushed at his shoulder, mocking him further. "Let go, have fun! Worst case scenario, we sleep on the floor. I never took you to be the boring one, Kaeya."

Enough was enough, he raised his glass and allowed the burning liquid to slip down his throat. He pulled a face before his glass made the same clink that your shots had been making for the past hour. "It's on, darlin."

"Two more shots over here, dear brother." You had almost forgotten why you came tonight, as you saw the redhead's brows almost touch, frowning as he had no choice but to stop ignoring the two of you, which he had been trying to do since you strutted into his club.

"And two for me!" You giggled into your words, as he gave you a look that you had never seen on his face. "I like your style, [Y/N]". His voice was lower than usual, probably from the assault on his throat the whiskey had enacted, but you had to admit, it sounded good that way. Too good, judging by the butterflies kicking up a fuss in your stomach. You decided to simply drown them in alcohol, as Diluc slid the drinks across to you without even muttering a word.

You must have had seven or eight shots of vodka by now, and at this point, Kaeya wasn't far behind, his jacket and tie discarded over the back of his stool, as well as two buttons on his shirt being undone. A deep v of tan skin practically begging you to stare. You had similarly discarded your jacket behind you, the alcohol flooding through your veins being what you attributed your rising body temperature to. You didn't even seem to care that all you had on was a lowcut, white tank top, which definitely left a lot less to the imagination than intended. Hopefully, the lighting was low enough that he didn't notice the lace of your bra creating lines under the thin fabric.

"Ahh, I love this song."

You didn't even seem in control of the words leaving your mouth, as a low, smooth beat filled the air around you. This song was one that you would definitely dance to in private, or if you weren't absolutely wasted. Before you even fully acknowledged what you were doing, you had climbed onto the surface in front of you and were gyrating your hips in a way that you wouldn't be caught dead doing sober. Vodka really lowered your inhibitions, a fact which was clearly evident to Kaeya, who couldn't help but stare as your hands worked their way down your body, slowly moving along to the music. He wasn't the only one staring. Pretty much the whole club was watching you let loose on the bar, ogling your figure and looking you up and down like meat on a stick. Diluc, however, could not have looked less impressed if he tried.

"[Y/N], get down from there. Everyone is staring.", Kaeya seemed almost possessive, as he extended his arm to you, trying to convince you to come down, and yet, you hadn't felt this free in a while. "You come up here! Dance with me, darlin'.". He seemed flushed at you using his words against him, but his stance didn't falter, as he kept insisting you come down from the bar. For a change, him and Diluc actually agreed on something.

"You're going to fall, [Y/N]."

"Then catch me, Prince Charming."

Your words were slurred, and it was clearly evident that you were inebriated beyond any point of logic, so Kaeya decided to take things into his own hands. He grabbed at your wrist and lightly pulled, expecting you to get the message, and finally come down. Definitely not expecting you to topple like a domino.

As your brain stopped feeling like it had just been scrambled, you noticed Kaeya's face only inches away from yours, before acknowledging that your body was pressed against his own. You'd actually fallen, holy shit, you were wasted. And yet, he had caught you. Prince Charming had really saved you - how ironic. His strong, defined muscles against your body were significantly more welcoming than the floor, that was for sure. If you weren't already completely certain that you had had more than enough to drink, you were once you caught yourself speaking.

"How about we take this somewhere more private, handsome?". You would be kicking yourself for those words once your blood stopped being what felt like 99% alcohol, and yet right now, you were biting your lip, looking up at him, barely noticing the flush under his tanned skin.

"How about we take you home?" was his response, as he tried to put you onto the floor, your legs buckling, as you sink to his knees. He sighed in defeat, tucking both of your jackets over his shoulder, and pulling you back up to cradle in his arms, using the warmth of his blazer as a pillow as you rested onto his shoulder. Maybe you were the lightweight, after all.

During the walk home, you hardly noticed the cold, between how hot the alcohol had you, and the warmth of his body heat pressed against yours. You barely acknowledged the journey ending until you felt the familiar softness of your bed under your warm body. Instinctively, you curled up onto your side, hugging a pillow, and kicking your shoes off of the side of the sheets.

"Goodnight, [Y/N]. I had fun with you tonight." Despite your vision being blurry, you could tell he was leaned against the wall the exact same way he had been hours ago at work, and you reached for his arm, tugging on his sleeve.

"Stay with me, Kaeya. Please.", you could feel yourself slowly sobering up, as your thoughts became less cloudy and your feelings becoming more lucid, and all you wanted was for him to stay by your side. Nothing sexual about it, you just wanted to feel his body heat radiating against yours as you slipped into slumber. You felt as though you could see the wanting in his eyes also, but his words begged to differ.

"I'll be on the couch." his reply left you feeling downcast, however, this was short-lived as you felt his lips lightly kiss you on the forehead, leaving the spot they had been tingling and prickling with heat. You were comforted knowing he would be there in any capacity, and that was the thought that nursed you to sleep pretending the pillow in your arms was the man who had caught you not long ago.  You knew that you had caught feelings for him in turn. Maybe he wasn't so bad, after all? Maybe he could be your knight in shining armor. The one to keep you company on what would be a lonely night drinking, and the one to hold you tight as your head pounded into the early hours of the morning. Anything would be good, as long as he was there.

[lovinga3characters]

My, I do be loving all these fictional characters and the things you write for them :3c (the ABO hc clotheslined me but I've never felt better) I hope it's not too weird to ask but would you mind to write something about what would the Autumn troupe be like if they ever bottomed for their partner? Thanks in advance if you decide to do

Fuck YESSSSSS! 🙏👏🙌 I just want you to know that I was so hype when I saw this is my inbox!! Thank you for your support on my A/B/O Headcanons, here’s that Bottom Autumn shit you’ve been waiting for! 😝

Warnings: EXTREMELY FILTHY NSFW, penetration/pegging, kinks, hot boys

(I’ll be making these as in what they think about it, what goes down, and what follows after 😏)

Bottom Autumn 🍁 Headcanons

Banri 🍂

Just a warning: he’s going to immediately refuse your suggestion, no way ANYONE or ANYTHING is going near his ass 😤

Then he thinks about it... and he thinks about it... until the idea just doesn’t leave his mind

The two of you have fooled around early on in your relationship (or maybe even before), so Banri’s experimented with quite a few kinks

Each time sparked a new curiosity in himself and this time was no different, and he also saw it as a challenge, he could totally take it!

And so Banri secretly prepares a big surprise for you, his butt himself 😙

Step 1: he has to practice the game, which shouldn’t be too hard since he’s pretty much perfect at everything

The first time he tried to finger/put a toy in himself, Banri’s face was extremely red and his body was flaring with heat, it was sorta uncomfortable

“This is... hng... not that bad but I don’t see how- ohhh... shit- shit!”

Obviously, he gets into a good rhythm quickly and, as he gets closer to cumming, he finds it harder and harder to stop himself from sinking into his bedsheets

Step 2: master the game, which basically means he continued to masturbate like that for a while, somewhat enjoying struggle to keep his voice down every time

Because he’s just so fucking perfect, he can take a lot with some practice, eventually learning how to ride on a toy just fine

Though the original goal was to get used to it so that way when you did it, the feeling wouldn’t affect him, Banri hates to admit that the restlessness of wanting you doesn’t leave

Step 3: play the game, it’s show time 🤩

He’s grinning really wide when he makes you lay on top of the bed, that’s immediately suspicious

“Relax, sugar, and you can watch me feel good, just like you wanted... ahahh!”

Your jaw dropped as you watched him take off his underwear and hop onto your lap, reaching behind his back to grab a bottle of lube (where did that even come from-?!)

His smug expression at your aroused shock faltered as he sunk down onto the member, a bright flush returning to his face and chest

It felt different to Banri... maybe it was the fact that you were there, he tried not to think about it as he started moving

Okay, a big miscalculation on his part was your movement, any time you bucked your hips up he had to grit his teeth in order to not make a loud noise

You noticed and tried to lift yourself higher, harder, Banri visible shivered, glaring at you with hazy eyes, those eyes that either said “Don’t you dare” or “I dare you” 👀

So, you pushed him over, grunting with effort, and managed to move forward inside of him even more

Banri protested, of course, despite the long whine that was brought out when you ground against that same hot spot he liked

What truly gets him is when if you grab his hair while fucking him, Banri loves feeling the tugs in time with your trusts

“Ughn- yeah! Fuck... harder, do me harder... shut up! I’m ah- hah... saying this for your benefit-!”

He demands that you be rougher with him, saying that he could handle anything you did to him, no matter what

Banri’s moans are quieter than expected but it’s still fairly loud, he gets really riled up the faster you go

By the time he cums, he’s gasping and he actually moans when he releases, you’ve only ever heard him growl out an orgasm

If you want to piss him off (if you can), cum inside him, it turns him on and he hates it 🙂

Banri recovers quickly so even after you’ve banged him into the mattress, he’ll be fine, much to your frustration (note to self: go harder next time)

“Hahh... ‘m fine, just don’t think I’ll always let you top me, babe! F-Fuck... wanna go again?”

Fav positions: reverse cowgirl (he likes to ride you/be in control and getting his hair pulled so it’s a win-win), doggy style (similar reasons, he also gets a little insecure when you look at his face too much), and pinball wizard (Banri likes to do this position to you a lot so why not reverse it, also you can tie his hands behind him 😇)

Juza 🍰

He stares blankly at you for a couple of seconds, looks down, looks back up at you, then he wrinkles his eyebrows in confusion, as if asking “how?” 😶

But for real, Juza doesn’t understand how you’re going to manage that, he’s just really... big

You quickly reassure him that you can manage, and you begin explaining the process, and what you want to do, he goes really red with shock and embarrassment

He doesn’t disagree though, just shifts awkwardly in place before replying

“Would that... really feel good? Cause if you wanna, I don’t mind but... I dunno how- I’ve never uh-“

The actual idea doesn’t put him off surprisingly, he just cannot grasp the concept

Luckily you’re more than happy to demonstrate 🤗

Even though the two of you have been dating for quite a long time, although it was balanced who started the sexy times, it was always you who initiated anything kinky

After taking a bath, you instructed him to lay down on his stomach and he gulped as he slid off his undergarments

Smirking slightly, you reassured him that you would be gentle as you patted his butt, Juza only snorted in amusement

He flinched at how cold the lube was as you rubbed your finger over his entrance, he was as tight as you expected

You couldn’t see his face but by the time you worked two fingers, the back of his neck and ears were flushed and his breathing was staggered

Juza gasps when you decide to push a little harder, adding another to make him stretch, the action makes him jump

It’s pretty sexy to watch him squirm and his back muscles flex with effort to hold still, though he doesn’t make much noise

“Hmm... enough, ya don’t hafta mhg- be so careful. Just go already.”

As you pull out your fingers out, his body bucks backwards, then freezes, obviously not intending to do that

You go in slowly (after adding more lube, of course), and you heard him grunt as he grit his teeth together

Despite his insistence that it doesn’t hurt him, you still go gently, which he secretly appreciates upon feeling how burning it is 😅

Juza’s a pretty strong guy, so even having something up his ass doesn’t fold him completely

... Except for one thing, when you steady yourself by grabbing the back of his neck

It makes him feel breathless, especially when you start fucking him harder, squeezing the sensitive spot, his shoulders visibly shuddering

Once you get into a rhythm, Juza’s practically panting into his arm/pillow, eyes squeezing shut in flusteredness when a quiet moan escapes

“... Ghnn- hah! Hhhmn- fuck- my head’s feelin’ all... fuzzyyy...”

He’s starting to think that doing this kind of thing was harder then fighting people because the longer it goes on, the less he can handle the heat-

If you dirty talk or praise him, it doesn’t help 😉

You’re not really in the position to touch his cock, so he’s settled for rubbing it against his bedsheets, an action that gets increasingly desperate as he reaches closer to the edge

Juza’s moan just tumbles out of him when he cums, it’s deep and quick, he covered it at the last second by biting his hand 👌

He’s sweaty and a strange, warm sense of relief fills his chest as you pull out of him and kiss were you left small bruises

You’ll probably have to wipe him down because Juza can’t even look at you without getting frazzled... and just a little bit turned on again

“Th-Thanks... mmmm... it felt- well, it’s really good. I liked it, so... if you wanna, I’m tough so I can handle more...”

Fav positions: doggy style (particularly when he’s fully lying on his stomach, with either you grabbing his neck or putting his hands behind his back), scoop me up (you’re basically spooning him while being inside him, bonus access to your body heat and to biting his neck), and the chairmen (it’s less stressful than riding and you can touch Juza’s boobs pecs, much to his grumpy annoyance)

Taichi 🐶

You better not catch him while he’s drinking something because Taichi will have the most genuine spit-take you’ll ever see in your life

His jaw drops and he’ll whip around from what he’s doing to look at you like you’ve just stripped naked in public 😳

You want to what?! With his what?! That’s way too kinky for him and he’s never even done that- don’t you need to prepare a lot for stuff l-like that?!

“I mean, I wanna make you happy in that way too but- but- but that’s really a lot!”

He calms down after a while when you tell him that he really doesn’t have to if he’s so opposed to it, it’s just something you’ve thought about

Taichi doesn’t want to disappoint you, so if you explain exactly what you want to do, he’ll warm up to the idea (literally and figuratively)

The two of you have been dating for a long time now and though he does have some fetishes, Taichi is more of a giver by nature and gets embarrassed when you do things to him

Later, you ask him to lay back on the bed and spread his legs, he obeys after some hesitation, almost immediately covering his face with a pillow despite your coaxing

No matter, you’ll make him show his face soon enough anyway 😉

You slowly pulled down his undergarments, rubbing his stomach and thighs in reassurance when Taichi flinches

By the time you actually got to the prepping part, Taichi’s already pretty hard because you decided to stroke him at the same time so he doesn’t feel that much pain

To no ones’ surprise, he’s sensitive, his hips jumping up unintentionally as you move your fingers inside him with lube

His hole squeezes around your digits and you have to roughly wiggle to get anywhere, much to Taichi’s protests, who was already struggling to maintain composure as it is

When you finally get three in, his body was chasing yours, already close to cumming despite the painful sensation

It honestly looked like his face was going to explode based on how red and sweaty it was, breathing like he was running a marathon

“Ah- HAH! Don’t pull it out so suddenly... I-I can take more! Ngh... please?”

His face looked so cute, his eyes pleading, but the way his toned body arched against yours was undeniably sexy 😍

You tell him as much as you enter inside, slowly of course, and Taichi let’s out a high-pitched squeak in shock

His arms wrap around your shoulders/back, as if to ground him against the foreign sensation while the rest of him wanted to fly away

Giving him praise along with sweet nothings and dirty promises is really important, it arouses him but it also distracts him from the uncomfortable moments

Taichi whines and squeezes you tightly when you thrust more, pulling in and out of his ass carefully as he tried (and failed) to hold in his cries

By the time he’s close to finishing, Taichi is so loud and he is jumping up to meet your member in time while it hits that sweet spot inside

“Yes- yes- YES! More... oh g-goddd babe, please more- AH! IT’S SO GOOD...!”

This man wails and begs you to keep going, he’s really feeling hot now and encourages you with desperate pleas and breathless praise

Taichi’s nails might dig into your shoulders or create marks on your back (not that you really mind), a new kind of bright red on your skin that he’s never given you

Your hand could’ve stroked his wet cock, just a little, and he would’ve been a goner, cumming with a deafening yelp

Panting, Taichi is boneless against the bed, looking like he’s having an out-of-body experience, only reacting when you started to wipe the drool that leaked onto his chin from his lips

Please give kisses and aftercare thank you, he’s a good boy 🐶

He’s voice his hoarse but giggly as he keeps his body wrapped close to yours, dazed from his intense orgasm

“Heh-heheheh... ah- that was awesome! Felt really hot, I can’t wait to have more~! I-I can, right?”

Fav positions: missionary (the classic, this works because you can see his face and he can cling to you easily), the om (it’s extremely intimate which Taichi likes, it’s also easier to ride), and show and tell (basically means touching yourself while really close to your partner, he does this as a top but it’s fascinating to watch him do it with his butt, gets puppy embarrassed)

Omi 🐺

He’s surprised, that’s for sure, but not as surprised as you are when you find out that he’s... actually tried it before 😱?!

Omi blushes and says that when he was a part of his motorcycle gang, sometimes his buddies would offer some... different kinds of riding as a form of stress relief

He’s quick to say that it’s all in the past and he didn’t even do it that often anyways...

You’d have to stay firm in your convictions in order for him to agree, as it’s just slightly humiliating for him-

“Well, uh, if my baby is sure of what they want, I wouldn’t mind trying something new tonight.”

But, of course, Omi eventually agrees 😈

After preparing the proper supplies (with him double checking out of caution), you laid back onto the bed per his request as he straddled himself on top of you

He was already fully undressed, and the daring position allowed you to gawk at his sexy, muscled body in all of its glory, your hand instinctively reaching up to brush against his face in reassurance

Omi leaned into your touch, only pulling away to grab the bottle of lube to lace it onto his own fingers

You watched in awe as he leaned back with one hand, and fingered himself slowly with the other

He grunted with effort, clearly uncomfortable and not quite used to the stretch but continuing none the less, for your own benefit, he assured himself

Determined to not let you down, Omi pushed another inside, his strong fingers having no trouble doing so, though his eyes closed shut at the pain

You took some pity on the poor man and made a move for his cock, which was barely half-hard, making your lover take a sharp breath as you stroked it

With your combined determination, Omi eventually relaxed considerably, moving three fingers and groaning your name as you teased his arousal

“Are... you having fun down there? I- mmgh- I feel like I’m not quite reaching something. Let’s get to it...!”

He sat up completely and sighed as he slipped his digits out, Omi bit his lip as you lifted your member up to his hole

Swiftly but careful, your boyfriend sunk his body down, legs spread open, hands resting on your chest momentarily (nearly crushing you in the process)

After a few minutes, you pat his butt as if he was a horse that needed to ‘giddyup’, making him laugh as his eyes glittered seductively 😋

Omi then proceeded to fuck himself rather ungentlemanly, his own dick slapping harshly against his abs at every bounce

At first for Omi, it didn’t feel that different from his hand, just the thickness made him slightly more sensitive

He leaned back a little bit to adjust, and suddenly his nerves were electrocuted with pleasure, you were reaching deeper than he could on his own and-

“Ohhhh- hah... ugh, right there. I found it just- god this is a lot to- HHn- process...!”

Omi’s body was dripping with sweat as his face and neck flushed red, gruff moans and pants stumbling out of his open mouth

It’s probably best to use your hands to help out his now very hard cock, it looked as ready to burst as the rest of his body did

His thick, scratched thighs shook heavily as he slammed his ass on top of you over and over again upon nearing his climax

Omi is praising your own dazed expression as he grits his teeth to contain the sounds of his orgasm, only throaty growls escaping

While he pants and returns to his senses, you can only stare and gulp at the dripping cum on his pecs and his honeyed expression

He speaks as he leans down for a kiss, finally arising from your lap-

“You made me feel so hot, like a wildfire... mmm- spreading. Hrmph... thanks. For next time, did you want to touch me more~?”

Fav positions: cowgirl (is used to this pace the most and it’s a bonus for you cause it’s nice to watch 😉), CAT position (aka. the Coital Alignment Technique, its close and intimate, which he likes), and the stickman (basically you bend him over a sofa or table with his hands on his thighs, perfect for the kitchen, also easy to get rough with)

Sakyo 💴

You honestly thought you were going to fucking die on the spot from the sheer iciness of the glare Sakyo gave you

Like, you wish to top him, but are willing to fight him to the death for it? Because that’s the only way he’s budging 😠

The thought honestly makes him so embarrassed he wants to die

The embarrassment only increases if you threaten suggest to complain to Sakoda about it

That guy’s already way too involved in his love life, he doesn’t need to be involved in THAT kind of thing too-

“... I’ll consider it. That is all you’re getting from me... don’t you dare tell anyone. And stop looking so happy!”

Later in the week, Sakyo is searching online for... certain products and tells himself that if they have a discount, he’ll let you do it

... Of course, the oNE TIME- guess he has no choice now 😑

More time had past and just when you thought that it was a pointless endeavor, one night on his day off, Sakyo dragged you into the bedroom

He stared at you intensely from on top of the bed as he shook off his jacket and belt before tossing you a small box

You choked on your own spit as your jaw dropped... what the box contained was... a vibrating dildo 😩

Sakyo rolled his eyes and told you pointedly that you were going to use that on him, and if he didn’t like it, there would be no continuation, understood?

With a “yes, sir” and a heavy blush, you agreed, tackle kissing him against the sheets

By the time you poured the amount of lube he considered ‘safe’ and shoved the toy inside him, Sakyo was already halfway to being breathless, not expecting the sensation to be so painful (or so pleasurable)

He covered his face with his arms but even you could see he was flushed, biting his lip to not let you hear him make a sound

Unfortunately, you get into a steady rhythm, practically forcing his mouth to open even before you turn the vibe on all the way

Sakyo’s legs shake as his ass feels like it’s getting violated, unable to control the heat the spreads quickly up his spine and dick

“Urgh- enough! J-Just move mmn-! Move on alre-adyyy...!”

He snaps at you, refusing to make eye contact, even as you put his leg upwards to get a better angle

Your lover is trying so hard not to lose it, hiding and masking his mouth with his hands, eyes squeezing shut because jesus- nothing’s ever felt like this before-

It makes him feel all vulnerable, like you’re prodding at something more than just sexually, so feel free to lean down and kiss-mark his neck, it grounds Sakyo a little

Obviously, you want to see him melt completely, so you flip him onto his back, much to his shock

This encourages you to thrust even harder, his gasps and pulsing cock edging you on further 🤫

Sakyo isn’t loud per say, but he isn’t quiet either, only able to pant and convulse in a desperate attempt to pull himself together

“God damnit- hah! Don’t think I’ll just lay here and take it... Mmhmm... ohh fuuuuh... pleassse- argh-!”

He’ll play a bit coy, giving you a look that, especially without his glasses, makes him look like a smirking, devilish angel

... Sakyo almost regrets it, as he immediately goes back to being a sweaty mess when you smirk back on return

He’ll never admit it but the whole back and forth was sort of fun/sexy in way he thought an ‘old man’ like him shouldn’t be able to experience

With one final push that lifts his hips off the bed, he orgasms, silently screaming as he feels the sweet release wash over his aching body

Bruises on his hips, hickeys on his neck, drooling and sweaty, you know as soon as his senses come back down from the afterglow, Sakyo will tiredly lecture you

“Geez... that wasted a lot of energy, you shouldn’t have- hhn! ... Th-Thank you for making me feel good, dear. Don’t go crazy without my permission next time though.”

Fav positions: the sidewind (it gives you the best control, which he secretly enjoys but it embarrasses him), eagle position (it’s simple and makes him flustered and feel good, again, can be used softly), and the chair (a position that’s meant to tease you once Sakyo gets used to it, literally sits on your lap)

[misseffect]

Writing Tag ✍️

Thanks for the tag @otemporanerys :DD

Tagging @shudder-shock, @shretl and @skjeter

How many works do you have on AO3?

Seven, but four of those are from the Normandy Detective Agency series

What’s your total AO3 word count? 

27,839 which is wwaaaaay more than I thought actually

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Can You Feel This? - post-destroy ending, Garrus POV ft. Castis and a very pissed-off Joker. Fun fact: I've never played the end of ME3 so didn't realise when I wrote this that the Normandy doesn't stay on Earth lmao

Different - ME2-ish one shot about the first time Garrus gets Shepard's clothes off. Tragically non-explicit. Probably made the no.2 spot by virtue of being the oldest.

Third Time's A Charm (tNDA) - definitely made the no.3 spot by virtue of being the horniest you dirty, dirty dogs

Flux (tNDA) - the first and probably my favourite in the Normandy Detective Agency series so far. The grey morality. The trust. The totally-platonic slow-dancing. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ 

Tinderbox (tNDA) - WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I think it's good manners. If I leave a comment and don't get a reply then I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't have bothered, unless they've got hundreds of comments in which case, fair play. And I just really fucking love talking about Mass Effect.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oooff I don't think I've ever really written one. CYFT probably comes closest, just because it's mixed in with uncertainty about how much Shepard will ever be able to recover.

The next installment of The Normandy Detective Agency is angst-central though, which is partly why it's taking so ffffffucking long to write.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I know how roughly how tNDA is going to end and it's happy because god damnit they deserve it

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

No, never had much interested in them

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. The kind that never uses the phrase bundle of nerves. We have the right to use proper anatomy words and I wish to God we'd exercise it.

idk what the second part means really, but I like to read sex that feels grown-up and intimate and believable so that's what I try to write.

Sometimes I think smut can feel a bit too fanfic-y. It's hard to explain without sounding like a snob, but fic sometimes has quite a specific style of writing (I saw a post a while ago which was a PERFECT illustration and now I can't find it for the life of me - it was part of an article from CNN about, I think, Biden and Obama? Anyway, it was exactly that kind of very fanfic-y style except it was in a news article lmao) and I feel like smut is where that style sometimes becomes really concentrated. There's inherently nothing wrong with it, it just doesn't do anything for me.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also no

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but basically everything I've ever written has been co-brainstormed with @shepgarrus c:

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Guess lmao

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Looking For Ilos. Writing a really nasty Shepard was a lot of fun and I think the shakarian dynamic had potential, but the AU concept just wasn't rich and engaging enough to carry the story in between. tNDA really benefits from having the historical setting to anchor it and in hindsight that's definitely what LFI was missing.

What are your writing strengths?

Pacing. I can't stand stories that dawdle (I just finished reading LotR and MY GOD was it a slog) so I try to keep my own writing moving along. Unless there's specific value in watching a conversation play out, a thing that would take pages and pages of dialogue to talk through can usually be zoomed through in a few paragraphs.

And for AU specifically, I think I'm good at adapting from canon - especially keeping the themes, characters and key story elements recognisable in a new setting - and that's definitely the bit of tNDA I'm having the most fun with. 

What are your writing weaknesses?

Change. CYFT suffers from this a bit in the sense that Garrus doesn't really develop much from the start of the fic to the end. Shepard is awake and he's talking to his dad more and he's on good terms with Joker, but this is all stuff that just kind of happens to him; he's not really any different in himself. And maybe that's not always necessary but I think it can make a story feel like it's just spinning its wheels. You get to the end and think 'ok but what was the POINT?'

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I have sections of dialogue in the next tNDA installment which are being spoken in German, but I've just written them in English and italicised them lmao

The only context I like foreign-language dialogue is for pet names. That's the cutest shit I've ever seen.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Published? Mass Effect. Otherwise, when I was a kid I used to make up what were - in hindsight - Harry Potter self-insert stories. If I'd known about livejournal and FF.net back in the day, I definitely would've been into HP fic in a big way.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

tNDA. It's just so. much. fun.

I've got a soft spot for Different too, partly because it's my first published fic but honestly some of the metaphor is just so 🤌✨🤌 I can't believe it came out of me.

[cosmicjoke]

Alright, up through chapters 111 and 112 of SnK!

First, I just have to say a few things about Eren here and what a massive dick he was to Armin and Mikasa.  It’s hard as hell not to be pissed at Eren here, even knowing that he was trying to push his two best friends away in an attempt to keep them out of harm, and part of that is because, given what Eren later confesses to Armin, about not knowing what he was doing during this scene, I don’t think the way he treats them here IS entirely to protect them.  Armin says after the whole confrontation that Eren’s the one who’s a slave, specifically he says “You’re a slave too, and your master’s a worthless bastard.”  Eren has the gall to get offended by this, after he just spent the last however many minutes telling Armin and Mikasa both that they’re pathetic slaves with no will of their own.  But the important part here is what Armin says.  He’s referring, I think, to all of Eren’s worst traits as a human being.  He’s telling Eren that he’s let himself become a slave to the worst parts of his personality, the parts that want to hurt others, that finds gratification in hurting others.  That he’s letting himself be dictated by those ugliest, cruelest parts of himself.  I think part of Eren’s tirade against Armin and Mikasa was based very much in his honest feelings, those feelings of anger and hatred towards his best friends being born out of his own insecurity about himself.  He tells Armin that his constant attempts to “talk” are pathetic and worthless, and that Mikasa is only strong because of experiments conducted on the Ackerman bloodline.  Essentially, Eren is trying his very best here to strip away both Armin’s and Mikasa’s own merit, and cast their strengths and abilities in a negative light, treating those strengths as either weaknesses or as something unearned, some sort of freak accident of birth.  Eren goes particularly hard after Mikasa, trying to make her exceptional abilities seem somehow lesser or unimpressive because they’re only a byproduct of experiments done to other Ackerman’s over the centuries.  This smacks terribly to me of Eren taking out his own physical shortcomings on Mikasa and Armin both, blaming them for his own weakness.  Eren taunts Armin later while he beats the hell out of him, telling him they’ve never fought because it never would have been a “fair fight”, as if Eren himself was ever any kind of exceptional fighter.  It’s made a point of again and again early in the series that Eren isn’t particularly special or gifted in anything he does.  He isn’t a good fighter, he isn’t especially smart, he isn’t especially skilled.  But here we have him flaunting himself over Armin, as if Eren was ever some sort of uber bad-ass fighter who could destroy any opponent with ease.  It really does just come across as crippling insecurity on Eren’s part, on him acting out his self-loathing and insecurity in himself on his friends.  It’s really one of Eren’s lowest moments in the whole series, and especially because it doesn’t particularly feel like he doesn’t entirely mean it.  I think he does, to some extent.  

Anyway, okay, I also want to talk a little about Levi and how he reacts to the news of the Yagerists taking over the military, and Zeke’s involvement.  

What really strikes me here is Levi’s reaction to Pixis’ and the MPs plan to feed Eren to someone else, to give them the Founder.  Levi says to hell with that plan, and it’s really interesting to me, because this shows two things about Levi and how he regards Eren at this point.  It isn’t that he feels betrayed by Eren that Levi has his internal monologue about all his comrades dying in the line of duty while protecting Eren, it’s because he’s thinking about how all of those people died to protect Eren, only for the military to then turn around and render all of those sacrifices utterly meaningless by deciding to just feed Eren to whoever they choose.  A recurring and vital theme for Levi’s character throughout SnK is that he can’t abide meaningless death.  The thought of anyone dying or suffering in any way without reason, for Levi, is one of the worst things that can happen.  Pointless, meaningless death is a travesty to him.  And by deciding to just kill Eren then and there, to feed him to someone else, the military is basically shitting all over the deaths and sacrifices of an innumerable amount of Levi’s friends and comrades, essentially declaring those sacrifices null and void and pointless.  All these people will have died, it turns out, for nothing.  That’s why Levi calls the current situation they’re in a “farce”, because it’s made a joke out of all those lives lost.  And it’s why Levi won’t stand for it.  He refuses to let it happen, instead deciding it’s Zeke who should be fed to someone.  It must be more galling to Levi than just about anything, that these MPs, who never lifted a finger or sacrificed anything in order to fight for humanity’s survival have now taken it upon themselves to decide that all that effort, all those lives lost, all those morals compromised, all that blood gotten on the hands of the SC members for the betterment of humanity, meant nothing and was never necessary, that they’ll just kill Eren without any input or say from those people that sacrificed so much to keep Eren alive all this time.  And it’s not just the lives lost, like Mike’s, or Nanaba’s, or Nifa’s, or Erwin’s, or any of the other hundreds of SC’s members that died while protecting Eren, but also people like Jean and Armin having to get blood on their hands, going against their moral codes and now living with the burden of having taken lives, or Dimo Reeves essentially giving his life to protect Eren and Historia.  There’s any number of smaller sacrifices, on top of the lives lost, they’ve all made in order to protect Eren, because they all believed him to be essential to humanity’s future, that he was one of them, and could be relied on and believed in to always hold true to the ideals of the SC, to fight for humanity’s salvation.    The military’s decision to just kill Eren throws that belief back in the faces of the SC.  

I think, also, it’s interesting, because Levi’s still holding here to the possibility that Eren hasn’t betrayed them all.  He’s still showing that he believes in Eren, even as that belief is being strained and tested by everything that’s happening.  That Levi doesn’t just immediately wash his hands of Eren here, and say “Yeah, kill him.”, shows also that he still WANTS to believe in Eren, that all the hopes they put in him weren’t unfounded or for naught.  Even as he acknowledges that he doesn’t know if Eren is being controlled by Zeke or not, he still wants to give him the benefit of the doubt.  It shows that he still cares about Eren as a comrade and a friend.  He holds no such ties to Zeke, who’s done nothing but cause him pain and misery, and so Levi’s solution here makes sense.  Feed Zeke to one of the Yaegerists, then, after Historia gives birth, if she’s still willing, let her consume the Beast Titan.  Levi’s trying here to avoid killing Eren, both because he can’t bear the thought that all those people died for nothing, and also because he still feels loyalty and friendship towards Eren, which speaks to the depth of Levi’s dedication as a friend, honestly.  

Also, we get to see Levi’s suspicion of Zeke’s story about how and why he turned the people of Ragako into Titan’s validated, when it’s revealed that he lied about his spinal fluid, if consumed by Eldian’s, freezing them up.  The guy really is just a straight up liar.  And that particular deception of Zeke’s is what leads to the tragedy of what happens next, turning Levi’s comrades into Titans.  Like I said in my previous post, I think Levi was trying to genuinely glean if Zeke really was as heartless and uncaring as he appeared, trying to understand if there was some understandable reason behind his actions, and that he came the conclusion from reading Zeke’s tone, words and body language (just like Erwin says about Levi’s ability to see the true nature of man), that there isn’t any real humanity in Zeke at all.  And of course, what Zeke does here only proves that beyond any sort of doubt.  

Levi’s declaration here that he isn’t going to let Zeke dictate things any longer is Levi being fed up with these mind games and manipulations.  He’s known all this time that Zeke has been stringing them along, lying to them, using them, all with some ulterior motive and plan in waiting, even as he couldn’t know the details of those things, and Levi knows if he waits any longer to take Zeke out, things are going to reach a point of no return.  Levi’s instincts here are right, and have been from the start, but because he was beholden to the chain of command, he couldn’t act.  It’s the pussyfooting around that the military’s done up to this point, their indecision and fear, to trust Zeke, but also to have the balls to move against Zeke completely, that’s lead to things getting so out of hand.  Tragically, Levi’s decision here comes too late.  But man, he was ready to take matters into his own hands finally.  Someone should’ve listened to him sooner about Zeke.  They should’ve just killed his ass the second they had him on the island.

[iamtheblondestblonde]

Clear as Day

 Part One?

AN: Here’s some friends with benefits with Vince that I came up with in between cases at work. Vince if you’re reading this I’m so sorry please stop right here but also hmu I swear I just wanna be friends. I don’t know much about being a pediatric nurse (financial law anyone?) but I did volunteer at a hospital for a while so I hope it’s not super far off. I have plans and some stuff written for a part two that could be the same length so let me know you want one but it could be complete like this. (First person narrative but again no names or descriptions for the mc)

Warnings: language, definitely (also English isn’t my first language so perhaps some mistakes) and smut, also definitely (yes you read that right I did it again)

Word Count: 13.3k

I loved my job. I really did. I found it rewarding to be able to make tiny faces light up but I was currently on my second day of 12 hour back to back shifts, with yesterday closer to 14 hours, and I just really wanted to spend the entire day in bed.

It wasn’t even 7 a.m. yet and the streets of Toronto were already bustling, everybody preparing for a busy day. The sound of the ice cubes sloshing around in my coffee had become a staple background noise for the walk from the employee parking lot to the front entrance of the hospital, it soothed me.

As soon as I stepped into the building I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face, despite being sleep-deprived and basically needing a break already. There was a new drawing pinned to the wall by the nurses’ station and if the image of my smiling face wasn’t a dead giveaway already, it was hard to miss my name written on top of it in big bold letters.

It had started out as a joke really, a half-hearted complaint about me not getting as many drawings as others because most of my patients didn’t stay long in the ICU. From that moment on Lucas, my only long-term patient right now and all-time favorite teenager, had made sure that there was always a new one waiting for me every week. He was really good at drawing as well and I had an entire stack of amazing portraits, landscapes and lots of other random things at my apartment that I cherished dearly.

“He wanted to give it to you himself but then we had to give him something and he asked me to put it up so you’d see it as soon as you got in.” I turned around to see Mariah standing behind me, her face showing the same look of fondness as mine. Most of the nurses were pretty convinced that he had a crush on me and while I had to face lots of playful jabs because of that, she never gave me shit about it. She was probably about to head out and I knew that she only stayed behind to tell me this so I made sure to thank her.

“Is he up yet?”

“Surprisingly not, although he should be soon. He’s had a rough night and he stayed up way too long to draw but I doubt that anything could ruin this day for him, two dreams coming true and all.”

As soon as her words registered with me I mentally facepalmed, I’d completely forgotten that we’d get a visitor in a couple of hours. Because of Lucas’ surgery he hadn’t talked about hockey all that much lately, so I’d kind of forgotten that today he would get to meet one of his idols. I was about to respond something when I spotted Sydney waving me over.

Sydney was in charge of all of the pediatric nurses during the day shift, meaning that I had approximately three seconds to make my way over before she’d get impatient because she was always so busy. I waved goodbye to Mariah and speed walked over to Sydney, curious to see as to what she needed of me. She never beat around the bush, always coming straight to the core of things so I didn’t expect the conversation to last long and today was no different. She probably held the world record for fastest talker.

“So you know we’re getting a visitor today which means that I need someone to run a tight ship for me. You’re young and perky and I asked around and people love you. I know you helped with some of the Leafs the last time so you should already be familiar with the protocol. This is a big hospital and I want all of the kids on the list to get a chance to talk to Mr Dunn and that won’t happen if he gets lost so I want you to stay with him at all times, got it? I’ll get one of the on-calls to take over for you during everything.”

I couldn’t even get a word in before her pager went off and she jogged off after practically thrusting a file into my hands, unable to respond anything as she said something over her shoulder about this being a gift. I stared after her with my mouth hanging wide open, not really comprehending what had just gone down yet.

Being ‘young and perky’ had apparently just managed to get me demoted from a RN to a babysitter for yet another over-confident celebrity which didn’t really feel like a gift at all.

Lucas had told me all about how great this Vince apparently was but I had seen my fair share of famous people walking around these halls with camera teams following them, it was kind of a part of working with sick kids. There were exceptions of course, some of them were really nice but those were usually the ones that didn’t visit the kids for some good PR. While I was glad that it would make Lucas happy it didn’t really impress me anymore.

Besides I hadn’t really paid attention to hockey ever before, although it was hard to escape the hype right now with me being a St. Louis native. Some of my friends had sent me pictures of the parade from about a month ago but I hadn’t really paid much attention because I’d been slammed with work, not recognizing any of the players either way.

The file Sydney had given me consisted of a schedule for the day and a list of the kids that wanted to meet Vince, which was surprisingly long for this being a hospital in Toronto and him playing for the Blues. Even with my limited, read non-existent, hockey knowledge I was pretty sure that the team wasn’t liked very much in the league but I blamed it on them winning. Sydney was right, we would have to make good time to get through everybody.

I couldn’t exactly spend forever going through the file because I had mostly new admissions assigned to me and that meant lots of charting and running tests. I did spend my break reading through everything and trying to come up with a plan while shoveling food to my mouth at record speed however. Even if I wasn’t exactly thrilled with this assignment there was absolutely no way I wouldn’t be prepared. I would leave this hospital with the best possible impression of me, all things be damned.

It was kind of hard to focus on what was written in front of me though when I had three other nurses standing close by and ranting about how hot Vince apparently was. Lucas had shown me his hockey card a few times but I didn’t really know what he looked like because I was usually busy putting in a new IV line at the time, something he’d come to hate so talking about hockey was the perfect distraction. I was tempted to google him but before I got the chance my pager went off, signaling that the incoming convoy was about to arrive.

Unable to stop myself I checked my reflection quickly in one of the mirrors on my way out of the restroom. Call me vain but I didn’t want to end up in any pictures or videos looking like a total slob, even if it was just in the background. I’d taken the time to shower this morning but I definitely would’ve added more than the layer of concealer if I’d known about this earlier. At least I’d gotten my brows done and my lash extensions refilled a couple of days ago. Deciding that it was too late to do anything else about it I walked towards the front entrance with the file in my hands, making sure one last time that I knew where to take this Vince first.

It wasn’t hard to spot him in the group that arrived, the big shiny trophy he was lugging around kind of a dead giveaway.

He was good-looking, I had to give him that. Not in the rugged handsome way however, it was more of a defined features and beautiful way. The kind of look that got you dubbed as a pretty boy during high school, the polo shirt he was spotting only reinforcing that image.

I couldn’t really imagine him playing ice hockey. He was fit of course, but he wasn’t as big and bulky as I’d thought and if I had to guess I’d peg him as a baseball or lacrosse player, perhaps soccer even. If all hockey players looked like him however, I might have to catch a game or two after all.

I walked over with my big work smile plastered on my face, hand outstretched and he set the cup down to shake it as I introduced myself first. I caught him looking me up and down quickly but I wasn’t really one to talk because I’d done the same exact thing just seconds earlier.

“Hi I’m Vince, nice to meet you. Love the scrubs by the way”, he responded with a dazzling smile, gesturing at my outfit. Compliments weren’t a bad start, especially since I was wearing one of my favorites with an adorable blue and pink dinosaurs print.  

“Thanks, one of my friends paints them for me.” Not willing to dwell too long on awkward small talk I continued: “Do you want me to get like a wheelchair for the cup or are you gonna carry it the entire time?”

“I think I’d get a lot of shit for not carrying it so thanks but no thanks.”

I quickly introduced myself to the rest of the team before herding everyone towards the elevators because he had to be upstairs in a couple of minutes. The camera team was more intimidating than I’d thought and I tried my best to distract myself from it as I pointed out different things around the hospital, only hoping that I wasn’t rambling without making any sense.

I was pretty sure that Vince could tell that I was uncomfortable because he kept our conversation going the whole time, obviously trying to make me laugh. His own laugh was hard to ignore and by the time we walked into the room where a livestream would take place the smile on my face was real. At least he wasn’t just easy on the eyes but he seemed fairly entertaining so far as well.

I watched him do the stream with Owen, who I’d spent some time in post-op with after his surgery a couple of weeks ago, and then stood close by as he talked to the long line of patients and people who were able to come up here. Sometimes when he saw a special needs kid getting closer he’d turn to me to ask for advice and tips and even all that ruckus didn’t stop him from keeping up a normal conversation with me.

He’d pick up right where we left off whenever there was a small break in between people and I wasn’t only amazed at his multitasking, but also at how amazing he was with the kids. He made me show him how to hold a baby and I think I’ll never be able to forget the image of a cute little baby boy in the cup.

“I ate cereal out of there this morning”, he whispered conspiratorially to me after the mother was finally done thanking him and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Of course you did. I hope you put it in the sink afterwards at least.” He gave me a wounded look, as if me insinuating he was not a clean person was hurting his ego and I laughed even more. I couldn’t really tell if he was trying to flirt with me or if he was like this with everyone but the mixed signals he’d sent me all afternoon were starting to get confusing.

“You think so lowly of me, I thought you’d know better by now.” With anyone else the wink he sent me as he delivered his line would have probably been overkill but somehow it worked for him.

The fact was that I did know better by now, even if it had only been just under two hours. I probably hadn’t been this wrong about something since I absolutely botched a math test in tenth grade thinking I aced it and he had turned out to be nothing like I had imagined him to be. Perhaps the early morning sleep-deprived me lacked the sense of being able to assess character that I usually had.

When I told him that it was time to leave he looked at me with a puppy eyes, pleading with me to let him stay a little longer. Working in pediatrics I got this a lot but somehow it had a whole different effect on me coming from a 6 feet tall hockey player with lips that were practically made for pouting.

“But there’s still some people left that I haven’t gotten to.”

“There’s also some kids that couldn’t come up here because they are too sick waiting for you in the ICU and you won’t be able to see all of them in time if we don’t go over there now. There’s a tight schedule for a reason you know.”

“Fuck the schedule, I’ll just stay longer,” he said with a cheeky grin but not before covering the ears of the little girl in front of him with his hands so she wouldn’t hear him curse. At this point I felt like it was way too easy for him to make me laugh but at the same time I didn’t really want to do anything against it. These halls had seen worse things than people laughing after all.

“You fit right in with all of my patients, you know that? And don’t you have plans with the cup for this evening?”

I didn’t get an answer straight away because Vince took his time to talk to the last five families left in line before we made our way back to the elevators. I had kind of forgotten about the camera crew that was there to document it all until all of us were crammed back inside the tight space, my shoulder brushing against Vince’s arm so I wouldn’t bump into any of the expensive equipment.

“I promised to make an appearance at this club but they’ll wait for me. By the way, you should come as well.” At first I thought he was joking, surely he had to be as we’d only met, but his try at a winning smile told me he was anything but. Again, was this him flirting or was I losing my mind?

“Shooting your shot while you’re in my good graces because of the kids, I see. I’m gonna have to disappoint though, I’m stuck here till seven and then I have another 12 hour shift coming up tomorrow so I can have a four day weekend.” I had already kind of accepted that we would never see each other again, especially with me turning him down now, and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a bit sad about it.

“That sounds brutal. I’m throwing another party at my condo on Saturday if you’re free then.”

“I’m actually driving up to a lake house with some friends for the weekend, sorry.” By now I really was interested because he seemed fun and I wanted that for my last few weeks up here but his timing was truly the worst.

“Wow, you’re really making me work for it,” he let out a teasing chuckle then, running his hand up and down his neck in a very distracting move as he contemplated his next words “I’m assuming you have a busy week next week as well so perhaps next Saturday?”

“Ummm.. I already agreed to meet some friends at a bar on that Saturday,” his face fell at that so I couldn’t help but add “but you’re welcome to meet us there if you want to see how the working class parties. Bring some of your friends as well if you want.”

The smile he gave me at that was equivalent to that of a five year old patient when they get told that they could have a slice of the chocolate cake and it made me glad that there was no one monitoring my heart rate at the moment.

-

The next day was just another regular day at work and while I had lots of fun yesterday, I was glad to be back in my comfort zone. Working days was anything but boring and I had been so busy that my watch told me I’d already reached my step goal for the day halfway through my shift.

I finally had some time to update the charts while sitting down at the nurses’ station, desperately hoping for some down time soon so I could perhaps even grab another cup of coffee to stop me from climbing into a free bed and taking a nap right there.

I’d seen many people pray in this building and not all of them got what they wished for but somehow today must have been my lucky day because just as I’d finished that thought someone cleared their throat in front of me. I was ready to answer some questions from worried parents but what I totally didn’t expect was Vince standing there with two coffee cups.

“I thought I’d drop this off as a thank you for babysitting me yesterday and I had a feeling that you’d need it”, he said before giving me one of his dazzling smiles. He looked good in a black t shirt and some jeans, his perfectly styled hair in contrast to the messy bun currently on top of my head. That is if the rat’s nest could even still be called a bun.

“Vince Dunn you just keep on surprising me”, I responded with a breathless laugh, not really knowing what else to say at the sweet gesture. What do you say to a good-looking hockey player that not only asks you to spend time with him three times but also takes the time out of his day for this?

Well, besides thanks, obviously.

Vince handed me one of the cups and I took a sip before looking up at him in surprise.

“How do you know the way I like my coffee?”

Instead of answering, he pointed at something behind me and I turned around to see the coffee order list I’d started a while ago in case someone decided to grab some for everyone, my name on top of the sheet.

“I noticed it yesterday in passing, I swear I’m not a stalker or anything.” He blushed at this and it was so cute and unlike his otherwise smooth self that I couldn’t just let him off the hook.

“You know, that’s exactly what a stalker would say”, I responded with a sly smile and while his face turned even more red he burst out laughing. By now we had the attention of every nurse close by and I was pretty sure that all of them were eavesdropping but who could blame them, I’d do the exact same thing. People here lived for the drama, kind of a given with how much time we spent in here because it didn’t really leave much space for a life outside of these halls. Especially if said drama involved a very hot hockey player.

“I’m changing the topic now before I embarrass myself in front of you even further just so you know. I did actually come here for one more thing,” he trailed off before bending down to pick up a bag that I hadn’t noticed before, too distracted by the guy in front of me. “I brought this for Lucas so he has something to show his friends once he gets back on the ice.” He pulled out a Blues’ jersey and turned it around so I could see that it was one of his, complete with a signature and a small message.

Lucas had been an avid hockey player himself up until his kidneys basically decided that they didn’t want to work anymore a while ago. Things had gotten so bad that he had to permanently stay in intensive care with us until after months of dragging people in here to get tested they finally found a donor in a family friend last week. At least his surgery had gone well and while I’d miss having him around, I was glad that he’d finally get discharged to recover at home later today.

I took another sip of the coffee before getting up and walking next to Vince to Lucas’ room. Lucas greeted me with a smile, which only grew after he saw who was following me into the room. Despite having struggled for so long he had always been in a good mood, even when he had to celebrate his fifteenth birthday in the hospital a few weeks ago.

“Look at you, it’s your last day in here and things just keep on getting better.” Vince and Lucas did the handshake they’d come up with yesterday, something that was absolutely necessary as a hockey player or so I’d been told.

Lucas had grown up in Chicago and he’d seen Vince play for the team there but had only really started paying attention after the apparently best fight ever Vince had gotten into at one of the games. Obviously not my words. The connection between the two of them had been instant and all the hockey talk had my head spinning more than during the first few weeks of nursing school so I made a quick exit, leaving them to it.

“I bet every nurse wishes they could trade spots with you right now, me included by the way”, Rachel, my partner in crime since day one of our college classes together, said as soon as I returned to my spot at the station.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about”, I responded, acting clueless. With a raised brow she reached for my coffee cup, spinning it around to reveal a small note written on the side of it that I hadn’t even noticed before.

“You sure about that? This fine specimen of a hockey player just gave you his number and you still act like there’s nothing going on? Besides, everyone saw you two getting all chummy yesterday.”

I snatched the cup out of her hands, quickly checking if the coast was clear before pulling out my phone to add his number to my contacts while keeping my head down so I wouldn’t have to look her in the eyes.

“Oh wipe that shit-eating grin off your face. All I get is annoying parents and you get hot dads and famous athletes hitting on you out left and right. Like leave some for the rest of us girl, it’s not fair.”

-

Even though I’d shot Vince a quick text so he could have my number as well, I never really expected anything more than his response that he’d saved it.

To say I was surprised when he texted me the following week was definitely an understatement. It wasn’t a booty call either, no, he’d texted me in the middle of the day asking if I was working days or nights this week.

Me: days as usual but I’m actually on-call today, got luckyy

Dunner: so you’re home right now?

Okay so perhaps this was a booty call after all. Not that I particularly minded.

While his first response had been pretty fast he took a little longer to answer after I told him that I was home indeed. Laying on the couch in an oversized shirt and yoga pants rewatching some Grey’s Anatomy on to be exactly. Almost the same as working. The rainy weather set the perfect mood for a lazy day in though so I hadn’t moved from my spot ever since returning from the gym this morning.

Dunner: this Chinese place near me has a special two for one offer today and I wanted to bring you some to work

I still wasn’t sure if this was him flirting but I’d also never had somebody I’d only met a week ago offer to bring me food to the hospital so he had to be, right? I sent a screenshot of the message to Rachel but I knew that I couldn’t count on her responding to it anytime soon, seeing as she was actually at work right now. I decided to be forward, telling him that I wouldn’t complain about some good food either way.

Inviting someone who was basically a stranger over to your apartment generally wasn’t exactly the best idea, but I counted on the impression I had of him so far and the reputation he surely had to uphold as a NHL player. Besides, we had lots of medical equipment scattered around the apartment so surely I’d find a syringe or something to defend myself if needed.

Dunner: I’ll be over in 30 so try not to get called in before then  

True to his word the bell didn’t ring much later. I’d debated making an effort and changing but I wasn’t about to wear jeans or a skirt to hang out so that didn’t leave many options. Brushing your hair wasn’t nothing either so that counted in my opinion.

Vince had gone through the same train of thought as well apparently because he looked super cozy in some sweatpants and a hoodie that had gotten slightly wet, presumably from his walk from his car to the building as our parking situation was really shitty. He stepped inside and reached up to run his hand through his damp hair before shaking his head, making little droplets of water fly in every direction.

“This is why they don’t allow dogs in here”, I laughed, gesturing to my shirt that now looked like an abstract splash painting.

“Let me make it up to you with some of the best food you’ve ever had because I brought lots” was his response as he lifted the bag of take out while slipping off his shoes by the door, hair now sticking in all directions.

“Alright Dunner, show me what you got”, I said with a wink over my shoulder as I made my way into the kitchen, continuing my bold streak from earlier. I had also learned by now that nicknames were even more important than handshakes as a hockey player. I was pretty sure I’d heard him mumble something along the line of ‘Gladly’ but I was already too far ahead of him to be absolutely certain.

“You’re watching Grey’s Anatomy? Isn’t it like crazy inaccurate?”, he asked with a look at the TV in the living room as I hadn’t bothered to pause the episode.

“Yeah of course it is but I still like it somehow. It’s like the hospital equivalent of bad trash TV shows so it’s kind of my guilty pleasure.”

“Okay give me a quick summary of what I need to know for this episode so we can watch it while we eat.”

I looked at him like he was crazy but he urged me on, looking up at me expectantly from where he’d sat down on the couch. Eventually I gave in, trying to keep explanations as short as possible but even then it took me quite a while to get through, yet Vince never once looked like he was bored. He didn’t lose his interest in it after that either, only looking away from the screen to decide what he was going to eat next, all of the choices delicious just like he promised.

Stuffed like a turkey on Thanksgiving the both of us stayed unmoved on the couch watching episode after episode. Somehow my legs had ended up on his lap and his hands were resting on my knees, drawing slow circles as we made eye contact from time to time. Every few minutes his hand would inch up a little and with him biting his lip as he did it there was no way I would stop him, any doubts about his intentions long gone by now. I couldn’t stop the smile spreading on my lips as his hand finally reached the top of my thigh, softly kneading the sensitive part on the inside. If I was into hand porn, I would have orgasmed already at the sight of his hands wrapped around my thigh.

“What are you grinning about?”, Vince asked with an easy smile himself, looking at me in a way that told me that Meredith had long lost his attention.

“Just waiting for you to finally make a move.”

“I was trying to be somewhat of a gentlemen but I really can’t help myself with you wearing those pants..”

“Well you seem to be awful at it so don’t be one then”, I teased back feeling confident yet again.

In a flash he had somehow - I’ll probably keep wondering about the details for the rest of my life - managed to lift me up enough to shift me so I was straddling his lap, now turned on by his manhandling and the way he was currently looking up at me. For a second both of us stared at each other, trying to figure out if this was really going to happen. Vince lifted his hand from my hip to my face, slowly pulling me down towards him.

Our lips didn’t even get the chance to connect before my phone started ringing.

I jumped up from his lap, immediately recognizing the ringtone I had set for all work calls and almost kneeing him in the crown jewels in the process. One look at my screen told me that it was an emergency which prompted me to run into my room cursing. I quickly pulled on the pair of scrubs I’d laid out in the morning, one hand still pulling the top down while the other was trying to attach my badge properly by the time I made it back into the living room. Vince hadn’t even moved from the couch yet, eyes wide and legs still comfortably spread apart, a sight that made me want to climb back on top of him but unfortunately I couldn’t do that.

“I’m so sorry but I gotta go, you don’t need to rush though. Feel free to keep on watching if you want but please don’t rob us and make sure the door is closed if you decide to leave after all, it locks automatically. The food was delicious thank you very much and bye!”

I barely heard him saying bye as well before I was already through the door, not really looking forward to spending the next few hours in the chaos that usually came with emergency calls. Especially after how much I’d enjoyed spending time with Vince and how much I wished that we would’ve just skipped all of the testing-the-waters stuff and would’ve just went at it like madmen.

-

The weekend couldn’t arrive fast enough and by the time it was Saturday I was ready to abandon all of my plans so I could sleep the rest of the day. I’d gotten in late last night after working overtime and I probably would have stayed in bed till noon if it wasn’t for Rachel and Mariah bursting into my room at nine in the morning. At least they didn’t wake me at the crack of dawn and the cake they were carrying to my bed looked pretty delicious as well.

“Look at you, another year older and yet still sexy as fuck”, Rachel exclaimed as she hopped onto the bed beside me after they’d finished their horrible rendition of Happy Birthday. Mariah settled on the other side of me and I guess my friends knew me well enough because we didn’t move from that position except to grab some more food and booze until it was time to get ready for tonight. Best roommates ever.

“You need to look extra hot tonight, I want Vince to lose his shit when he sees you.”

Ever since I’d sent the screenshot to Rachel and told her about the couch situation, she had been on my back about the thing. Something about me needing to bag rich hot athletes for her sake. I didn’t even argue with her anymore, only rolling my eyes in sync with Mariah whenever she brought it up.

To my surprise Vince hadn’t been deterred by my hasty exit a few days ago, something that had definitely surprised me. It wasn’t the first time that my job had cockblocked me and it definitely won’t be the last and I’d met more than my fair share of guys who were absolutely not into that at all. The fascination with nurses died really fast once people realized how much time we spent on the job.

Vince and I had texted constantly since he spent the day with me and he had somehow managed to make casual conversation with a flirty undertone the entire time. We’d already established that neither of us was looking for anything serious right now but I had decided that I would definitely not say no to some fun with him.

Some birthday sex would be great for starters. I let Rachel curl my hair while I focused on perfecting my make up because I wanted to look good tonight, not just for Vince but also because by next weekend I’d already be packed so this was really my last big hurrah before moving back home.

The thing about spending most of my days make up free in sports bras, comfortable panties and running shoes was that if I did bother to go out, I put in a lot of effort. I was determined to turn heads tonight so I pulled on a black lace bodysuit that practically presented my boobs on a silver tray, a pair of jeans that made my ass look spectacular and some black stilettos that I hoped wouldn’t kill my feet in a few hours. I had to go braless under the bodysuit, the mesh part on the back making that very obvious and I had a feeling that Vince wouldn’t exactly mind either.

“Girl I’d totally bang you because you look so hot but that outfit shows off everything that’s wrong with you”, Rachel said as we all examined ourselves one last time in front of the full-length mirror in my room and took pictures. I shot her a confused look.

“Wait what’s wrong with me?”

“Well for one your ass looks bangin and so do your boobs and I’m pretty sure that I could tell if you had a dick wearing that and people with dicks are my type soooo..”, she trailed off and both Mariah and I turned towards her with an incredulous look before bursting out laughing, all the day drinking taking its toll already. It wasn’t exactly new for Rachel to stop making any sense once she had some alcohol in her but it was still just as entertaining every single time.

“I can’t believe you’re complaining about her not having a dick right now”, Mariah sighed and I couldn’t stop giggling at my idiotic friends.

“I’m not complaining! I’m just saying that I need a dick to-“

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. Just – just for once in your life be at least somewhat normal please”, Mariah interrupted her exasperated and the both of them continuing to bicker still had me laughing by the time we climbed into the back of our Uber.

We were the last to arrive of course, because Rachel had insisted on us being fashionably late so by the time we made it inside the bar I could already spot my friends sitting in the back. She had also insisted on me wearing a stupid Birthday Girl sash, reminding me how many free drinks it would get me, but I drew the line at the tiara she had pulled out of her purse as well. I was too old for the full 21st birthday look after all.

After I was hugged by everyone and had received all of the birthday wishes and presents I realized that Vince wasn’t among the group, which was weird because we’d been texting all day and he had asked to confirm the time and place again just this morning.

It was as if my thought made him appear because soon I felt two hands gently grab my waist while his cologne infiltrated my senses. He spun me around and the force of the move had me reach out to rest my hands on his shoulders so I wouldn’t fall over. I knew he had done that on purpose.

We were standing so close that we would have definitely gotten in trouble if this were a middle school dance and the way he looked down at me right now made me curse everything that came to my mind because I just wanted to drag him to the nearest bathroom so he could bend me over the counter but of course that wouldn’t be acceptable in front of all my friends.

“Why didn’t you tell me that today is your birthday? Now I’m going to have to make up for the fact that I didn’t get you a present.”

I had a feeling that I wouldn’t mind whatever this making up entailed, if the way he tightened his grip while looking at me as if he was thinking about bathroom counters as well was any indicator.

“Because you don’t just tell people that it’s your birthday, that’s weird.” He pulled me even tighter then, wrapping his arms around me and wishing me a happy birthday after giving me a kiss on the cheek that gave me goosebumps. Before he had the chance to pull away however, I leaned up on my tippy toes because even with heels he was still taller than me and whispered “I can’t wait for the making up for it part though” in his ear.

He groaned in response and he dropped his hands to give my hips a squeeze before reluctantly letting go of me. Only now did I spot the two guys behind him that were all watching us with amused expressions, which had to be the friends he said he’d bring. Introductions were quick and I didn’t even bother to introduce everyone to Vince and his gang because the group was so big that the three of them wouldn’t be able to remember many names either way.

We settled into one of the booths and Rachel practically pushed me into the seat next to Vince, not that I minded of course. Conversation flowed easily, as did the drinks, and soon I found myself climbing out of the booth because I had just about consumed my body weight in liquid and desperately needed to go to the bathroom for something that unfortunately wasn’t sex. Walking over I could feel a slight buzz already but not to the extent that would make me stumble in my heels, perfect for a night out.

By the time Mariah and I returned I could tell that another one of Rachel’s plans was in action because now there was one more person sitting at our table, meaning there wasn’t enough space left for both Mariah and I. I was about to move to sit with some other friends in the booth next to ours when Vince, who was conveniently seated at the edge of our booth, told me to sit on his lap and that was an offer I would never turn down.

He grabbed my hips to pull me closer and onto his lap as he said: “Don’t worry I won’t bite.”

I couldn’t resist messing with him though, so I purposefully shifted closer to his crotch and leaned towards him so only he could hear me as I whispered: “What if I want you to though?” I could tell he was trying to suppress a groan and he gripped me even tighter, pulling me back into him.

Poor Vince, his balls were going to be the same color as a Blues jersey soon enough.

Unfortunately I couldn’t elaborate to make the situation even worse for him because I was being pulled into the conversation at the table. I could feel him growing hard underneath my ass though and the fact that I was able to rile him up so easily really did wonders for my self-confidence..

After I could tell that he had calmed down again I decided to put him out of his misery. Well, kind of. Me leaning across one of the pool tables as I took my shot gave him a perfect view of my cleavage or of me bending over after all, depending on where he stood.

“Are you always this bad?”, I asked after he missed yet another shot.

“No, usually I’m average at least but I guess I’m a little bit distracted right now.” He didn’t even try to hide him staring at my boobs as I took my turn. We’d both long dropped any pretense about where this was headed. After I made my shot I walked around the table to get a better angle for the next one, accidentally brushing up against Vince who now had a perfect view of my ass.

“I hope you’re only average at pool and not at anything else”, I teased him with a look over my shoulder after watching the ball roll into the hole the way I’d planned before straightening up again.

“Let me take you home so my neighbors can confirm me being anything but average”, he responded, his voice deep as he moved next to me, one of his big hands resting on my lower back to play with the fabric there, the heat of his hands practically burning my skin as I looked up at him.

Our intense eye contact was interrupted by one of the waitresses who walked up to the pool table sheepishly with a drink on her tray.

“Hey, that guy over there sent you this and I’m supposed to tell you to come over to him so you don’t have to, uh, keep playing with a - um - loser. His words not mine, sorry.” She pointed to a guy a few tables over who was decently good looking but radiated Asshole Energy off of him, his incredibly rude move not really helping either. Even if it wasn’t for Vince standing next to me I wouldn’t have touched him with a ten foot pole.

Vince had tensed up at the words and I watched him ball his hands into his fists, every muscle in his body tightening with anger. I had no doubt that because of his hockey experience he could hold his own in a fight but it wasn’t something I needed tonight. I thanked the waitress before setting the drink down and making a show of turning towards Vince, one hand trailing up from his biceps to the back of his head so I could interrupt the stare off he was currently having with the other guy.

“Don’t worry, I’m flattered that I seem to be able to distract you so much. To be honest I can’t really concentrate either because now I really want you to make me scream so loud that your neighbors file noise complaints.” Vince choked slightly and then reached for the drink that was sitting next to me, taking three big gulps while looking at me, his eyes dark.

He then grabbed my hand and I didn’t miss the smug look he threw at the other guy over my shoulder before pulling me towards the backdoor of the bar, the pool game abandoned without a second thought. The air outside had cooled down a bit by now but I didn’t even get the chance to acknowledge that because Vince had me pushed against the wall in a second, one hand resting next to my head while the other reached up to cup my face, dropping his head for a kiss.

All this teasing had finally led to this.

It was rough and yet sensual at the same time, his lips demanding and it didn’t take long until his tongue licked along my bottom lip, asking for entrance. He then deepened the kiss even further and I reached up to bury my hands in his stupidly perfect and soft hair, eliciting a throaty groan. When he pushed one of his legs in between mine I couldn’t help the moan that escaped me in turn at the delicious friction, followed by yet another one as he dropped his head to suck along my neck. I could feel how hard he was and it turned me on beyond imagination.

The thought that I would probably let him fuck me in this alley right now brought me back down to earth because this was not how I envisioned my night going.

“Vince, hold up”, I murmured and as soon as my words registered with him he pulled away, both of us panting.

“What’s wrong?”

I laughed at his expression, he looked at me as if he was truly worried that he’d overstepped a boundary. As if I hadn’t thrown hints left and right for the last couple of days. His swollen lips made it hard to concentrate because I just wanted to sink my teeth into them until he groaned again the way he had only seconds ago and I silently cursed his stupid perfect lips. I wondered what damage they could do.

“Nothing’s wrong, nothing at all. I just wanted to say let’s go back inside for like another hour or so and then we can take off.” The smile that quickly spread on his face made it obvious that he was going to say something not-PG-13 before he opened his mouth again to ask:

“Do you think your friends would mind if I dragged you home right this second?”

I had to laugh at that but it quickly died in my throat as he moved his hands to my hips to pull me close again before crashing his lips back onto mine. The going back to the others part would apparently be slightly delayed but with the way his lips and body moved against mine right now I would probably agree to anything if it meant getting to stay right in this position a bit longer.

This time it was less rushed and frantic and instead he took his time to explore every inch of my mouth while his hands wandered my body. Mine were roaming as well, from the neck down his muscular shoulders around to the front before finally creeping up his back below his shirt. I enjoyed the way I could feel his muscles tense under my touch but eventually we had to pull away from each other. We’d spent way too much time out here as it is.

“Let’s go back inside, the faster we get back the sooner we can leave and besides they’re probably wondering what we’re doing out here so long.”

The smug looks we received once we made our way back to the tables after I fixed my hair and make up and Vince did whatever he had to do to conceal his massive hard on made it clear that everyone had a good idea of what had gone on outside though. I’m pretty sure Rachel would have high fived me if it weren’t for the people sitting between us.

I sat on Vince’s lap again and this time it was torture for the both of us to wait until it was finally an acceptable time to make a getaway. I let Rachel take all the presents for me and she made Vince give her his address and phone number before she let him pull me into the back of an Uber.

I was pressed against him for the entire ride, his hand resting way higher on my leg than technically publicly acceptable. With every turn or bump in the road he accidentally brushed my core and at more than one point I had to hide my face in his broad chest so the driver wouldn’t hear the soft moans that couldn’t be stopped. I could tell that he was trying his best not to get too handsy as not to cause a scene but once we were alone in the elevator of his building all bets were off.

He walked me back against the doors, pushing one of his legs in between my own again and kissed me with a force that made me glad that I had tons of metal behind me as leverage to push back. He only pulled away once the little ‘ding’ could be heard and even then he only held off until he had me inside his apartment, barely waiting a second before he shrugged off his jacket, quickly moving onto mine.

Somehow we managed to make it onto the couch without breaking apart our kiss and I barely had time to admire his floor to ceiling windows before he pulled me close until I was straddling his lap. His lips were working on my neck again and I reminded him to not leave any marks there because I had to work on Monday morning, which only prompted him to move down lower, sucking at the skin right above the lace of my bodysuit.

“No one will see those then”, he murmured against my breasts and I moaned as he reached up to palm them through the material. By the time he was done I had several purple marks littering my cleavage and I really needed to see more of him so I motioned for him to take his shirt off, watching in awe as he reached back to pull it over his head in the perfect way only guys managed to.

His body could only be described as a work of art and I could tell that he worked really hard for it as I traced the outline of his abs, muscles contracting and goosebumps rising at my touch. The city lights made for the perfect lighting and the way his skin glowed in their reflection belonged in a museum if ever captured.

Vince reached for the button of my jeans and looked at me as if to ask if I was okay with that. I nodded before standing up, trying to get out of my jeans and heels in a quick but still somewhat sexy motion but I probably succeeded only halfway. He didn’t seem deterred by my struggle at all, the hungry look in his eyes never once vanishing.

As soon as I stood upright again Vince reached up to trace the lace embellishments, slowly moving his hands down lower towards where I really wanted them. Considering the fact that the bodysuit had already been pretty revealing in itself there wasn’t really much ‘new’ skin to see so far but he still looked at me with an intensity that almost made me shiver.

He reached to pull me down on him again but instead I surprised him by sinking down to my knees in front of him, his breath audibly hitching in his throat. For a second he was silent but as soon as I poked my tongue out to trace the ‘V’ on his lower stomach he let out a low moan, throwing his head back.

“Impatient much?”, I teased him, pleasantly surprised at my ability to make him almost lose his shit without even really doing anything.

“You have no idea. I’ve thought about this for days”, he admitted and I only smiled in return, moving to pull his jeans down along with his boxers without revealing that I had done the same. He got up to step out of both while I was focused on watching his dick bounce with the movement, amazed at the size of it.

As soon as he made himself comfortable again I grabbed the base with one hand while resting the other one on his thigh as I moved to lick the drops of precum that adorned the tip. When my tongue made contact he moved one of his hands into my hair, holding it back so he could get a better view.

“Fuck, you look so good like this”, he cursed when I finally wrapped my lips around him, taking the head into my mouth while swirling my tongue around him and taking him a bit further. I removed my lips and I could tell he was about to protest but any words died in his mouth when I started sucking his balls, reaching up to pump his length that was already slick from my spit with my hand.

He seemed to find his voice again once I licked up the underside of his dick but it was only a string of curses that turned into moans when I took him into my mouth as far as I could, my nose touching his pelvic bone. I relaxed my throat and swallowed around him, my name falling from his lips again and again as I reached up to massage his balls at the same time. I looked up to see him watching me with his pupils blown, hair sticking in all directions from running his hands through it so many times and his mouth slightly open. His arms were spread out beside him on the back of the couch and I wanted to take a picture to commemorate the moment, wanting to remember this forever. He had definitely never looked better and no one could convince me otherwise.

The hand in my hair helped me set a rhythm as I bobbed my head while licking around him and Vince was a moaning and cursing mess above me. It didn’t take long before he quite literally pulled me off him, running his hand across his face and taking a few calming breaths.

“You’re incredible but I don’t want to cum yet”, he finally murmured when he helped me back up and I wasn’t sure if he was only complimenting my blowjob-skills or more but the way he was looking at me right now made any thought besides wanting him inside me disappear.

“Vince I need you”, I practically begged and he quickly nodded before standing up with me still in his lap, reaching out to grab the back of my thighs to prevent me from slipping down. He somehow managed to walk up the stairs with me still wrapped around him while I trailed kisses along his collar bones and it was probably the hottest non-sexual thing I’d ever experienced with a guy.

He turned on a soft light once inside his room and while I would have loved to have a look around I was pretty distracted by the way he literally threw me on the bed before crawling on top of me, my legs falling apart to make space for him as if it was the most natural thing on earth.

Vince kissed down my breasts before suddenly stopping somewhere above my belly button.

“Okay I have to admit I’m a bit lost here, as hot as you look in it how the fuck do I get this thing off?” I probably shouldn’t laugh in such a somewhat serious situation but his helpless expression did nothing to stop the giggles that escaped my mouth. He was smiling as well and I was glad that we could laugh about the slight hiccup without it turning awkward.

I quickly reached down to snap open the buttons before sitting up and pulling the piece of lace over my head, discarding it in some corner of his room now completely naked.

“Much better”, he murmured, one of his hands reaching out to grab a hold of my boobs while the other one wrapped around my back, lowering us back onto the mattress. Eventually he trailed his kisses over the part of my skin that was marked up by him until he sucked one of my nipples into his mouth, his hand taking care of the other one.

Slowly but surely he kissed his way down my body, skipping over the part where I needed him most to suck along the inside of my thighs. The sensation rushed through me, my core already throbbing from days of built up expectations and I let out a whine. I was tempted to try and close my legs so I could at least get some kind of friction but his shoulders between them made that impossible.

“Patience baby, don’t you know that good things come to those who wait?”, he murmured and I shuddered at the feeling of his breath fanning across my heat. I didn’t even have the time to think about the fact that he had just called me baby or that I was actually a firm believer in good things happening to those who worked for them because he reached down to drag one of his fingers through my folds and all thoughts left my body.

“Shit, you’re so wet already”, he said softly but I was unable to give him any response besides a frantic nod and another desperate whine.

I’d fantasized about this for the last couple of days of course but nothing came close to the reality of one of his thick fingers dipping into my core. He teased my entrance for a bit, only pushing inside to his first knuckle but then I whined again and he pushed it in as far as he could. I was so lost in the feeling that I hadn’t even noticed him moving back up my body until he littered the valley between my breasts with heated kisses.

“So tight. I can’t wait to feel you around my cock.”

As if the words he’d moaned into my ear weren’t already enough to make any coherent thoughts disappear, he added a second finger and I arched my back into him, the change of angle just right in a way that had me gripping the sheets so tightly that my knuckles turned white. He reached dropped down to tease my nipples, sucking and licking them expertly while his hand thrust up into me.

My moans were already filling the room but then he started circling my clit with his thumb and I knew that I wouldn’t last much longer, the anticipation and desperation definitely helping to speed things along. He looked up at me to watch my reactions and the sight of him with his mouth latched onto my breast was almost enough to send me over the edge by itself.

“I’m so close Vince, please don’t stop”, I begged and this seemed to spur him on further, his movements turning even more eager as he continued to place sloppy kisses along my skin. It was the combination of everything he was doing to me that finally brought me over the edge, the release so sweet after needing it for so long.

He made sure to extend my orgasm as long as possible, only pulling his hand away after I whimpered slightly, the stimulation a bit much now. His softly kissed his way back down and along my thighs now and I could tell that he wasn’t quite done with me yet.

“How’s the birthday girl feeling right now?”, he asked with a teasing smile and normally I probably would have smacked him for this but right now I would tolerate it because I was still in my blissful post-orgasmic state.

“Amazing so far, could do better though.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhm, I’m pretty sure I was promised some making up for the lack of a present and I don’t think we’ve reached that point yet.”

“Well excuse me then while I go back to work.” And with that he flattened his tongue and boldly licked one long stripe across my slit.

He started out slowly and I was glad because I was still a bit sensitive from my last orgasm, lapping at my entrance and pushing his tongue inside of me, making me gasp. It didn’t take long however until he grabbed my hips to pull me closer and onto his mouth, pushing my legs up to expose me even further to him and ultimately giving him better access.

When he sucked my clit into his mouth I couldn’t help but arch my back off the mattress again, burying my hands in his hair as he reached up to hold me still. This guy’s lips weren’t just pretty, they were apparently amazingly talented as well.

He replaced his tongue with one of his thick fingers, slowly pushing in and soon his name fell off my lips in a religious chant as he added yet another one, curling them upwards for maximum pleasure. I could feel my high coming from a mile away and Vince apparently must have too by the way I was grinding myself against his face because he quite literally dove back in, determined to shatter my word.

And shatter my world he did.

I was pretty sure I would have floated away as I reached my high if it wasn’t for Vince’s hand across my stomach keeping me grounded. My legs were still shaking with the aftershocks of one of the arguably - no hands down - best orgasms I’d had while getting head in my life. By the time I was finally able to open my eyes again he was wiping his face before grinning down at me.

“You look so fucked out already and we haven’t even gotten to that part yet”, he teased and I let out a chuckle before pushing at his chest. Leave it to him to make fun of me after he was the one who put me in this situation. Not that I was complaining of course.

“Don’t worry, it’s a good look on you. One that I’d definitely like to see more often.” He leaned down to nip at my neck then, his cock prodding at my thigh.

“If you keep doing that you definitely will”, I responded with an airy laugh, still kind of breathless. All talk died down after that however when he captured my lips with his again as he crawled on top of me, settling between my legs. Kissing him was definitely addicting and the fact that I could taste myself while doing so only made it ten times more hot.

Vince rolled his hips against mine, groaning into my mouth when his cock dragged against my skin while I couldn’t stop the moan escaping my lips either. Breaking the kiss he pulled back in a way that had him in a push-up position above me, giving me a moment to enjoy the view. His hair was sticking in all kinds of directions, his pupils so blown that they almost seemed black instead of the usual beautiful green and his muscles were flexing from holding the position.

“Still want to keep going?”, he asked and in my daze it took me a second to realize that this was him asking for consent. I had no doubt that he wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want him to but this, him offering to stop when he had done so much for me already while not getting off yet in return, was sweet. Especially since I had made it more than obvious that stopping was definitely not on my mind.

I moved to flip us over then, straddling his thighs and wrapping my hand around his dick, pumping him a few times and in case that wasn’t confirmation enough for him I leaned down to whisper a “definitely” in his ear.

“Condoms?”

“Top drawer on your right.”

Only because we weren’t in the middle of his huge bed was I able to reach said drawer, grabbing one of the foil packets out of the box and ripping it open with my teeth before rolling it down on him. I scooted up enough to line his cock with my entrance and while I tried to watch Vince as I sunk down on him the way my eyes fluttered shut at the sensation was out of my control.

While there had definitely been enough foreplay to make the sliding in part easy it was still quite a stretch, one so amazing however that it had the both of us moaning at the same time.

“Shit you feel incredible”, he breathed and I nodded my head in agreement, too lost in the pleasure to form any coherent sentences. Rolling my hips against him created some amazing friction that had my head spinning as I clenched my muscles, eliciting throaty groans from him.

Vince reached for my hips, gripping them tightly as he helped guide me along, my clit catching on his pelvic bone with every backward movement. “You got one more in you babe?”, he asked and to my surprise I could tell that I did. The fact that I could already feel it bubbling inside of me spoke volumes of our chemistry in bed together. This was a friends with benefits arrangement I could definitely get behind.

He sat up then, changing the angle at which his cock dragged against my walls and also making it possible for him to take one of my nipples into his mouth, gently grazing his teeth against it while tightening his grip on my hip as he thrust up into me. At this point I was a moaning mess on top of him but I honestly didn’t care. I hadn’t had sex this good in a while and the way he looked up at me in awe made it impossible to feel anything but sexy.

I didn’t even need any extra help to reach my third orgasm of the night with his name falling off my lips, the feeling so strong that my mind was absolutely blank and I saw stars dancing across the back of my eyelids as I arched into him with my eyes shut. He made sure to let me ride it out, groaning as he felt my walls tighten around him but as soon as I slumped against him he turned us around so he was on top of me, never once pulling out.

The pace at which he was chasing his own high now was relentless and hard and I would have held on for dear life if he hadn’t raised my arms to keep them above my head. One of his hands easily encased both of my wrists while he used his other to keep at least some of his weight off of me. I knew that a fourth orgasm was off the table, I was way too exhausted for that by now but he still felt amazing inside of me. I wrapped my legs around him to allow him deeper, the smack of our skin and our moans so loud that I was glad that we didn’t have any nosy roommates right next door. Those noise complaints from the neighbors I’d mentioned earlier might still roll in though.

With this pace it didn’t take long for his thrusts to lose all rhythm and I could tell that he wouldn’t last much longer. I clenched around him to bring him even closer and he groaned into the crook of my neck where he had buried his face, my name and some colorful curses falling off his lips. He readjusted his position so he could lean up enough to look at me while still holding my wrists above my head and I watched him throw his head back in pleasure as he slammed deep inside of me one last time, face contorting in pleasure as he reached his high. I could feel him pulsing inside of me and a pleasant shudder ran through me, making me sigh at the feeling. Perhaps this was my body’s way of saying girl if I could have, I would have.

He let go of my wrists then and I wrapped my arms around him as he dropped down on top of me. We both caught our breath for a few seconds which honestly wasn’t easy with the extra weight on my chest but it was a nice feeling. He had to carefully pull out and roll off of me eventually, throwing the condom next to the bed to dispose of later. For now it was nice to lay beside each other, covered in a sheen of sweat and still panting.

After finally landing back on planet earth I looked to my right at the alarm clock waiting on the nightstand, only now realizing how late it had gotten. Vince lifted his head enough to check the time as well and let out a light groan at the sight.

“You can spend the night if you want but we should definitely shower before that. Even if it wasn’t your birthday – well technically it’s not anymore – I’m not some dick that would kick you out in the middle of the night.”

I was surprised at his offer, I’d been with guys who were those dicks but I was even more surprised when he told me to pick something to sleep in from his closet before pulling on a pair of boxers and getting up to grab waters for the both of us.

I decided to postpone this until after showering, quickly making my way to his ensuite to use the toilet. I saw enough UTIs at work, I didn’t need them following me home. I was trying to wipe my make up off as best as I could with a washcloth and the face wash from his counter when he returned to his bathroom, a new toothbrush triumphantly in his hand.

“Found this in my junk drawer in the kitchen but I’ll be honest, I have no idea how it got there. The wrapping is unopened tho”, he admitted sheepishly and I laughed.

“Doesn’t matter, I’ll take it.”

Our shower was quick, both of us too exhausted for any more funny business but if my gaze had dropped from time to time appreciatively no one would ever know. He had an amazing body and I would have to be a nun not to acknowledge that.

Especially while he was naked in the shower.

I definitely wasn’t a nun.

Looking for clothes to sleep in turned out to be more difficult than I’d originally thought because of his affinity to clothes that were at least one size too big. Most of them would reach my knees in a really unflattering way and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to sleep while drowning in fabric. I tried on three, neatly putting them back afterwards and actually contemplating sleeping in only a pair of his boxers before finally finding one that didn’t make me look like a kid.

I could tell that it was an old shirt, perhaps from a previous team, worn down over time with a slightly faded print but it was comfortable and it smelled like him, even if I doubted that he had worn it anytime recently.

Vince was already tucked into bed by the time I stepped back into his bedroom, scrolling through his phone but putting it down on the nightstand once I got closer. I could see that he’d searched for a second charger so I could plug my phone in overnight as well and it was such a little gesture but yet it made me smile.

“I prefer to sleep on the right side, I hope you don’t mind”, he said as I climbed under the cover beside him. I shook my head no before responding:

“Nah, I actually like the left side better.”

“See, we’re meant to be fuck buddies.”

“I could already tell from the three orgasms but hey, if that’s what it takes for you to realize that.”

“You have a point there.”

Any other time and I certainly would’ve stayed up for a while longer so we could talk but right now I knew I wouldn’t last long. For a second I wasn’t sure how to do this, would it be weird to cuddle?

Vince made my decision easy however when he pulled me close until my back was flush against him, wrapping his arm around my waist. After our exhausting shenanigans earlier it took neither of us long to fall asleep.

The next morning I woke super early, my inner clock not allowing me to sleep past seven despite staying up late. I’d turned around in my sleep to lay on my stomach but Vince had somehow managed to keep his arm around me and get even closer.

I was slightly worried for my safety because of the fact that I had managed to sleep through a 200 pound guy basically laying on top of me but I’d slept like a baby. I could tell that Vince was still asleep by the even breaths that fanned across my neck but one part of him definitely wasn’t, poking my side. Bless the male population for their sleepy boners.

I was trying to let him sleep as long as I could, I really did, but with him so close to me and the images of last night combined with the very interesting dream I’d just woken up from burned into my memory I couldn’t help myself. I slowly turned in his arms so we were back to the position we’d fell asleep in, on our sides and pressed together spooning.

Even through my shirt I could feel his body radiating heat and if the night had been warmer it definitely would’ve been too much but right now I just wished for all barriers between our bodies to disappear.

My shifting had apparently woken Vince up successfully because he let out a throaty groan before, consciously or not, rocking against my ass and burying his face in my neck.

“Morning”, he said and I’m not gonna lie his husky morning voice did things to me that didn’t exactly help my situation.

“Morning, how’d you sleep?”, I asked, turning my head slightly so I wasn’t having this conversation with his incredibly comfortable pillow.

“Could’ve been longer but I don’t mind. Now that I’m up however..”, he trailed off, lightly biting my neck and moving his hand from my waist to grab my boob, rocking into me again, this time definitely on purpose.

This was definitely a friends with benefits situation I could get behind.

-

Somehow Vince managed to weasel his way into my life after that. He’d come over after I finished a shift at the hospital, spend the night and leave me incredibly satisfied the next morning when both of us went our separate ways again. Our time with each other was pretty short, only a week, but somehow I’d had more sex in that one week than in the last few months combined.

My last shift at the hospital on Saturday was, for a lack of better words, sad as fuck. So many people came up to me, telling me how much they would miss me and what a great addition I had been over the past year. When they brought a cake into the break room with a sweet message written on top of it I couldn’t help the tears that welled up. I could see Rachel subtly wipe at her eyes as well and I hugged her tightly.

“Remember our first day of classes? Oh how things have changed since then”, she muttered against me and I nodded. One thing that hadn’t changed however was our friendship. She was the reason I had come to Toronto, where she had grown up but it had been five years since I left my home to go to college and I knew that it was time to go back to my family and childhood friends.

“Don’t think you’ll be getting rid of me this soon, I’ll call you all the time and with there only being a one hour time difference between Toronto and St. Louis you have no excuse to avoid me.”

“As if I could ever avoid you, you little shit. But if your hometown insists on having you back I’ll allow it, I guess.” Her insulting me told me that she was okay again so I let go of her, the both of us still sniffling a bit as we each grabbed a piece of the cake.

When I finally made my ay back home that night Vince was already there. Mariah had probably let him in. There’s been some raised eyebrows at first but after seeing him here every day neither of my roommates was surprised when he knocked at our apartment door. Somehow he seemed to sense that I wasn’t in a talking mood right now, especially about having to say goodbye to the place that had been my home for the past year.

I was excited to see my family and friends in St. Louis again, don’t get me wrong, but goodbyes were never easy.

He greeted me with one of his comforting hugs that I’d already grown accustomed to before dropping his head to press a soft kiss on the top of my head before pulling me to the bathroom.

My shampoo and other toiletries were some of the last few things that hadn’t been stuffed in boxes and duffel bags yet and the sight made tears well up in my eyes.

“It’s okay, you know. I don’t like leaving here either”, he murmured in my ear as he wrapped his arms around me from behind, moving us so we both got hit by the stream of hot water. I wanted to forget everything but the feel of his naked body pressed against me but right now I knew I was too in my head to actually be able to enjoy it. Later maybe.

“But you get to come back every summer for a couple of months. I don’t know how long it’ll take until I can visit everyone again and even then it’ll probably only be for a few days.”

“That’s true. But your friends can also visit you. And in a few weeks I’ll be down as well and then you’ll be so annoyed by me constantly bugging you that you won’t be able to miss your friends here anymore.” My sniffle turned into a laugh at his words and I almost swallowed a big gulp of water in that moment, making both of us break into fits of laughter.

I was glad I’d have him with me again in a few weeks. Hopefully at least. We’d talked about our situation and I told Vince to hit me up again once he’d made it to St. Louis too in a few weeks and while he said he would, I knew that there was the possibility that he might not. I didn’t have the opportunity to dwell on the thought too long though because he’d managed to distract me yet again when he placed searing hot kisses along my shoulder.

If he hadn’t managed to get me out of my shell back in the hospital I never would’ve ended up with him in the shower right now. Or bent over the mattress a few minutes later.

Vince Dunn, the arrogant professional athlete, had turned out to be nothing like I’d expected and I had never been more happy to be wrong.