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#anyway i wish my feelings could just be consistent.
corvidshipping · 2 years
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oops i thought about my ex.
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samarecharm · 5 months
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geniunely not trying to put words in ur mouth im geniunely asking: what do you actually like about persona 5? from all ur rants im just wondering why you didnt drop the game bc it seems (again, im not trying to put words in ur mouth) that it simply not for you? i geniunely have not felt any of the issues you bring up outside of the writing ones and i cannot tell if i'm just easily pleased and not good at discerning what a good game is or we simply have dif things we enjoy in a video game. i hate getting tone across text but im asking out of geniune curiosity im not trying to attack your opinion (;-;)
Nah, i dont feel like ur attacking me, and I hope u dont feel the same when u see my complaints! Lmao. In my defense, I am replaying the game for the first time after completing my first file back in 2020, so alot of the faults i kinda shrugged off in my first playthrough are now glaringly in my face now that I no longer have the confusion and interest in learning the main story to keep me occupied. The game is clunky all the way through, and at some times, even frustratingly so.
But despite that, i do like this game. Alot! Its probably one of my top games ever if im being honest!
This ended up way longer than I intended, so im putting it under a readmore to keep the post short on dashboards
If i had to describe what I liked about the game in the simplest way imaginable…I think I would say, I like how the game makes me feel :) I like the music. I like the vibe. I like the immersion from city to city, and I like the premise! I like the characters and I like the connections you make with these characters! As im replaying this game, i am most excited to see Akira and his comments about the world :) i like hearing everyones voices, I like their little interactions in Mementos, and I like seeing them fight!
P5 is the first game I played in the series; its the game that introduced me to SMT in the first place! And it (smt) is a series that my longtime best friend LOVES and never thought hed be able to share with me! It is a game i keep very near to my heart; it has influenced me in ways i did not think would happen in the short couple of years since i first finished it. It genuinely keeps me awake some nights thinking about the world this game has created, and I think that is a testament to the impact its had, be it good or bad.
The joke about wishing theyd make a persona game that was Good is that despite all of its numerous flaws, the games manage to snatch your attention and pull you in anyway. Imagine if they made a game that had all of those things that i mentioned I loved, but done Right and executed Properly?? Where I got to have a story that made sense and didnt need to be spoonfed to me (in like an HOUR of dialogue and scenes; an HOUR!), and characters that talked and bonded beyond the tiny snippets of interaction theyre allowed to have in mementos? Combat that let me use PERSONAS i liked instead of BUILDS that stop me from getting instakilled throughout the entirety of the endgame, and a Persona building mechanic that didnt feel like I was shooting in the dark looking for possible fusions that end up not even being useful in the endgame.
Ive mentioned it before, but I complain so much bc I have seen what a good p5 game looks like, and its Strikers almost to a T. Combat is still your typical warriors-esque style combat, but it is at least different from the turn based strategy of the main game. Characters talk to each other freely, they hang out and comfort each other in a way that feels more connected that the base game. Strikers implements the ability to see ALL possible fusions with ALL registered personas, not just the ones in your Stock, so you can fuse easily without having yo consult a guide. The story feels like it makes SENSE with antagonists that feel morally grey and sympathetic. Genuinely, alot of the complaints for p5 I had were almost immediately rectified in this game.
But please also know that the praises I sing for this game is only bc of the groundwork laid by p5 and the world it created. Thats what I like about this game, that it had such a captivating premise and cast of characters, that a DIFFERENT company was able to hit the ground running with them. P5 had alot happening in that game, but i think what it had most was potential. The effort put into this game is astronomical, and the possible connections you can outright MISS if u arent paying attention was worth the money and time to implement; even if it meant that it could be considered a waste of resources to higher ups.
Books and games and part time jobs???!! Silly little cutscenes that add nothing to the game PLOTwise, but define and flesh out the personality of your protagonist. There was alot of love put into this game, and its evident by the fact that we have NOT seen a new persona game released; they bank on existing titles bc they are unwilling to make a game like this from scratch again. They dont want to ‘waste’ resources on good voice acting and a complex, overarching story; they dont want to waste money on scenes a player may never see, on routes a player may never get to experience. Making a game that gives u even the slightest bit of freedom means more money in programming and detailing that freedom. This has been an issue for a WHILE, and its a miracle that the gaming landscape had space for a colossal title like p5!
I complain bc I want better, and I do not think that is inherently at odds with my love of this game. In b4 im told to get good; ive played on hard and tested out merciless (its NOT fun, im making godbuilds again and its boring 😞). Its not the most accessible turnbased rpg; theres no colorblind modes, and the affinity system is convoluted and overwhelming. Combo moves are hard to keep track of and it can be incredibly frustrating to see your turns being skipped or seeing characters take extreme technical damage without understanding WHY it happened. The fact that they KNEW the game was desperate for qol improvements by the time royal came out, and instead of updating the base game to have those improvements too, they just pushed the royal edition out for people to play instead. It sucks! Customers and fans deserve better than being forced to shell out money for a game they already played !
As the gaming climate gets more and more hostile and unbearable, I think it is good to look at your games critically, and understand why products come out subpar. Persona 5 is a fun game that has a nice cast and an interesting premise, but it is ultimately tied down by its refusal to build on existing building blocks regarding its combat, and it insists on having insulting and downright out of character dialogue and scenes to appease the audience its designed to be targeted to. It is easy to forget sometimes that queer ppl are infact NOT the prime target of these games, its cishet gamer bros from aged 16 to 40 who will laugh at homophobic comments, who drool over a 16 yr old girl with a 16 yr old mindset and a grown womans body, who need to be placated with constant sexual comments to deal with a convoluted story that will inevitably make zero sense until its laid out for you before the literal end of the game.
Its bad. Its good. Its so shallow and its unbelievable that they thought having the plot twist make ZERO sense until they showed CUTSCENES of YOUR character discussing Goro and his connections to the metaverse for endgame SHOCK VALUE was more important than just having your team be smart and piece it together over time. Its shit. Its literally amazing. It let you FUCK your teacher ??????????????what the FUCK. They also let me shoot a god in the face w the best looking ult persona in the world so i can ignore that shit. And ultimately that is how i got through the game. Lol.
#chattin#answered#i have mentioned it before but i did NOT romance anyone#u know why? bc i literally didnt know it existed#i maxed out ann and the game was like ‘hey. this next decision is important’#and i was like. huh. u know what. i have not looked up a guide until now. thats scary. i dont want to lose a confidant…#and learned that.#so uh. i really DID go through the game bot realizing i could date anyone. even the adults.#anyway. this was alot. and i tried to keep out alot of my other complaints#bc i have so many. but they are like. either nitpicky things or things that are issues in lots of games too#like the models suck in this game but i can look past that. graphics are always bottom on the list of complaints#and i do like the little animations!! i like akiras little tics#and i like seeing personas do their casting animations; shiki ouji and nekomata are my faves#i distinctly remember that being a thing i wished to see more of.#bc i liked thinking of what joker would look like fighting for Real#and then i remembered him being in smash so i was like COOL. ill look at those#and then i got STRIKERS and it was exactly what I wanted#i think#the game is like.#its bad. but in ways that i wouldnt call another game bad#like back 4 blood is BAD bad. its awful. the gameplay is bad. the story was shit. and the servers shut down within a year or two of launch#risk of rain 2 is bad in the way that it continuously obscures and withholds information to the player. its tedious and frustrating#but unlike b4b i LIKE ror2 and will continue to enjoy it.#bc the gameplay loop FEELS satisfying#and ultimately thats how i feel about p5#for all of its faults; its fun. it has a gameplay loop that is consistent and fun when u get the hang of it#im playing on hard again since merciless is just me making the right instakill builds while i pick up my team over and over again#and theres still a challenge in having the endgame weapons and armor#its satisfying! and i think its satisfying bc I was given the luck of having this be my introduction into the series#maybe i would have a better opinion on the game if i came from p4. or maybe not! who knows !
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metabolizemotions · 2 months
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Maybe Station 19 was like an experimental cubist painting.
There were too many stories to be told and too many people trying to tell them, from too many perspectives, with too many styles…
Each viewer saw a different picture.
It was the show that tried to capture the zeitgeist and represent the under-represented. Also the show that often struggled. With the tones and textures. With representing w/o tokenizing. B/w laughing with and laughing at. B/w realism and romanticizing. B/w deliberate and arbitrary. B/w educating and entertaining. B/w what they consider profane and sacrosanct.
At times, it touched our hearts deeply. At times, it frustrated us to no end.
Not every story was given the respect, sensitivity and intricacy it was due.
One moment could lead to a profound understanding of an aspect of a lived life some of us had never known; while the next could be a moment that was beyond confounding - about an aspect of ourselves that made us feel slighted, diminished and even erased.
It had often been an exercise in empathy to find our common humanity at the intersectionality of stories. Yet, the scale of empathy often skewed too far in favor of some characters with the differing standards, narrative frames and plot armors. Ironically yet reasonably turning people off these very characters they wanted people to root for. A persistent dissonance and disconnect.
But it was also the show that didn’t shy away from the ugly, the raw, the uncomfortable and messy parts of our shared human experience. The tribulations of oppression. The perils of ambition. The tests of morality. The trials of friendship and love. That we would make mistakes, but we could also make amends. That we're not defined by our worst. That our best lives could still be in front of us despite the current struggles. That sometimes life sucks but having your people with you makes it more bearable.
I would think it an interesting journey for the diversity of people behind, on, and in front of the screen. The evolving stories, evolving characters, evolving storytellers, an evolving fandom - all amidst an evolving media landscape.
It was probably not an easy show to make. The show had a bewilderingly lack of support from abc or shondaland. Diversity seemed to be both good for promotion (when there was any) and the reason for the prejudice against it.
Just as it had not been an easy show to watch - so biased, inconsistent and self-contradictory. Like when they kept telling us about the family spirit and deep friendships yet somehow spent more time showing otherwise. Or when the writing of systemic sexism was somehow inherently sexist.
Personally, I don’t think characters belong to the writers alone. Besides the usual constraints, the characters were often adjusted back and forth to fit the plots. We’ve also learnt how network execs' dislikes, writers’ personal experiences were factored into the stories. I fully respect the writers’ artistic rights. But actors who embodied the characters for years have a unique understanding too. Viewers also have their personal takes about what were true to characters. It's ok to agree to disagree.
There had been sparks of brilliance, but often extinguished too soon. It has been confounding how the greys-verse did not capitalise on its vast potential, esp. S19. Even while both shows share a show-runner. Grey's anatomy could have lent its scale while Station 19 could have injected renewed energy back into its mothership. Both shows could have been better for it.
Although the characters have the foundation of distinct and interesting backstories, their development often did not fully utilise the narrative potential and the talents of the cast. I’m sure the crew was also competent and hardworking. But somehow some elements b/w n within the shows seemed to just cancel each other out instead of amplifying their impact. IMO 704 and 709 were a few exceptions.
But I'll always be glad S19 existed and we got a S7. I believe they had tried their best to wrap up and give closure to everyone invested in the show. I truly appreciated the hard work given the circumstances even when I personally didn't agree with some takes.
In the end, I really do want to remember it as the show with heart, the show that made us laugh and cry and the show that tried. The show that's unique - in both its merits and flaws. I’ll definitely miss the characters. One last time - 19!
#rehashg some things seemed pointless#had this in my drafts for a while. lost momentum to go thru w it#catchg up on firenerds interviews#tags edited:#post sent accidentally b4 completion. deleted many of the original tags cos didn’t want to end this angry#but I think pp did made disingenuous bad faith arguments esp the disparity being imagined n was condescending#intention v execution v reactions often don’t align but I still think the framing and nuances matter#the fetishised yet censored transition being approved was worst than dg being unapologetically proud of realising his 13yo-self’s fantasy#then to hear pp say the cut w|w kisses obstructed the flow n were not integral to the scenes was worst when applied to this one#esp in contrast with the others’ in the montage and in the context of the episode#but anyway it is what it is even if I wished…#we had tonal appropriate buildups n payoffs of their own stories that didn’t decentralise them or just have wordless montages#n chs n relationships to have been more developed and consistent n not have so many gaps to leave imagination n nostalgia#the writing of some ch really didn’t speak to me or make me want to root for them but personally I would have wished to see that with vic n#n for them to interact more with maya n carina. they don’t have conflict of interest n I feel the queers would have been closer#travis n maya could have commiserate about their dads n their trauma. for maya career was triggering. travis it was his relationships.#maybe the interesting thing about the show is how your fav aspects might be s.o. else’s most hated. vice versa#this is such a conflicting show for me. one that I’m very invested in n would always have mixed feelings about.#I’ve missed the show n would continue to miss it. but really not those parts brought up again in the interview.#station 19 comments#station 19
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arrowpunk · 7 months
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Well I got a job
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palukoo · 4 days
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I know I’ve made other posts talking about or alluding to this but like. obviously there are like the old hollywood movies in the sort of dyke subtext canon (all about eve, rebecca, johnny guitar, etc) but like. there are so many movies that like 10 people have seen but I have such a clear gay vision or interpretation for it. most of them aren’t even GOOD. and yet!!
like the great lie is the one that haunts me the most (or the women but I think that one is kind of different for me perhaps bc I’ve already talked about it here a lot or perhaps bc I think of it as being more well known and watched than I think it actually is? actually it’s probably that I think it is an overall good and well executed and entertaining movie which isn’t really true of most of these tbh). but I also think a lot about like when ladies meet, or old acquaintance, or sadie mckee, or the shining hour, or the model and the marriage broker, or a woman’s secret, or the bigamist, or craig’s wife, or born to be bad, or separate tables, or even dark victory to a degree. others too certainly those are just the ones that come to mind. for half of these it’s not even like oh these women are gay together it’s just like hey I think she’s a lesbian. and I’m right. but my genius will never be fully appreciated in my day unfortunately.
#a woman’s secret has kind of been haunting me since I watched it like a week or so ago in that it’s literally got so many interesting#pieces and facets and I find so much of it very interesting but they just like really don’t dig in or come together so it’s enough that#I think about it and not remotely satisfying which I’m beginning to think is just how I feel about nicholas ray’s stuff. I don’t really#have a large sample but like born to be bad is not a movie that I think is good but it has like infected me somehow. which i did and still#do largely attribute to joantaine. but like idk. and also I wanted to like Johnny guitar and obviously there’s a lot of interesting stuff#in there to dissect it just… feels unsatisfying/like it doesn’t come together. idk what it is.#also like it is fully sampling bias that across the three I listed as noted subtext and then all the others I listed#there’s uh. 4 joan crawford movies 4 bette davis movies 3 joan fontaine movies#but it’s still really funny to me lmao… I will say how did I not list ANY babs movies… that can’t be right… I mean like night nurse#and ladies they talk about def have some gay moments and like. walk on the wild side exists lmao#but I wouldn’t really consider any of those to be consistent with the thing I’m trying to describe here lol#anyways. I think that’s enough rambling for now.#old hollywood#my post#also I would happily expand on my vision for any of these lmao. it’s just that I think it generally requires a certain familiarity with the#movie itself and. a lot of these I wouldn’t necessarily recommend? not that they’re all bad just like. not incredible idk#which kind of hinders this a bit. and now like I could give background provide clips etc but then that’s requiring a level of effort#that I’m not gonna spontaneously exert while sitting in bed Thinking. which is what this post is lmao. (‘that’s enough rambling for now’#I said several tags ago… a fact which I could easily change but shan’t.)#(edit of prior tags to say that I wrote the tags before mentioning the women in this post bc idk for a moment I lived in a world in which#everyone knew the women was about dykes. so anyways it’s now 5 joan movies 4 joantaine movies#which is neat. the sampling bias is also fun bc like yes 5 joan movies is a lot to mention but I’ve seen like 30 joan movies so.#of course there are other movies of hers where I would be calling her gay but like im less invested. joantaine is a lot funnier to me bc#I’ve only actually seen 7 joantaine movies. and like ok including the bigamist is admittedly wild given that my queer interpretation of it#is like. her and ida lupino who do not so much as meet in the film. but the extent to which I wish they did fuels me)
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kneworder · 20 days
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some of you guys weren't raised on heroes (2005) and it shows
#you're gonna denounce the show forever just because it started to suck???? me age 11 (biggest heroes stan alive) could never#it's making me so sad to see so many people who were so active in the tua fandom decide to leave it completely#idk there's a place in almost all my favorite shows i can point to where it all went wrong#(heroes s2. chuck s4. stranger things s3. supernatural s6 but the final death knell was s9 idk that one's complicated.)#(malcolm in the middle kind of sucked after s4. teen wolf went downhill after s3.)#(the witcher and twd had such consistently mid seasons i stopped watching. only the first season of the flash was worth it.)#doesn't mean i was any less obsessed with them or that i don't still look back on them fondly#why should i leave tua in the dust just bc i can add 'tua s3' to that list? hell it's already been on there for two years#like the obsession isn't nearly as strong as before but i still look back on the show and my experience with it fondly!#i know i keep saying it but i cannot begin to fully express how deep i was in with tua and how much of an impact it had on me#no one is obligated to stay or pretend to be happy but like yeah it makes me sad to see people turn their backs on it#we had so much fun for a while! that's what i want to keep celebrating and keep alive even if it's in a background casual way#the parts that we all loved and came together over were great!#i know there's not much of a reason to come back together again or to feel inspired#but like. it's one thing to be upset and uninspired. it kind of feels like another to decide to leave the fandom forever :(#no disrespect to anyone bc i do understand wanting to wash your hands of the whole thing. i just wish it didn't go down like this :(#anyways. i love you guys and i miss being a five stan when it was easy a little bit rn <3
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bugdogg · 1 year
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uhhh something something learn to love yourself dummy
(this is mostly a doodle, i wanted to draw Zuki w their past self for a while now so yayyyy)
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rainingincale · 5 months
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...
#this is something i usually wouldnt do because i really struggle talking about shit like this because of things that have happened to me in#the past but anyways#i really need white people to understand that a lot of stuff you enjoy and are able to love has bothered poc for years. muslims.#specifically im thinking of eurovision just because i keep seeing stuff like oh i love eurovision but we have to boycott its the right thing#to do!! and while i appreciate people Finally coming to that fucking conclusion. ever since i forst ever watched it the fact that israel#competed and consistently performed so well with votes etc always bothered me so much. but it was popular. everyone watches it#so you sit and try to bear and endure#idk what im trying to say by this#i guess i just want people to be more conscious and look around them#is there a reason certain spaces are mostly filled with white people? is this a place where poc could even be welcomed or feel safe. most of#the time the answer is no. i think especially with the Slow rise of south asian actors in western media and seeing the way people are#constantly bullied. and even just watching some of my childhood shows/movies and seeing the amount of racist jokes. like i always thought i#knew how bad it was. but being reminded. idk. racism just fucking sucks and i wish white people were able to care about it more without#complaining about their comfort. maybe theres a reason youre uncomfortable#i will probably delete this but for now and for whoever sees this ✌️#le text post
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natsmagi · 2 years
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Hello I really hope this does not sound accusatory or malicious! I can't and won't try to police who you follow, but I've noticed you're mutuals on twt with lumi, and she's proship and likes degenerate stuff sometimes, I don't follow her anymore but did at one point, to be clear, I'm not one of them, but you follow people that are against it as well and I don't want to get into discourse and bother you, I just thought you should know but can't notify you privately about something like that out of nowhere or anything... you seem to be a normal, nice person and said that you don't agree with stuff like that before! You can choose to not reply if you want it's, more a heads up than anything else q_q and you can decide to do as you please...
oh omg hey!! no worries at all! and thank you for reaching out with your concerns. to be honest i had no idea about any of this, like i know she posts weird stuff sometimes but i never really got the impression that she was proship? and i really dont wish to blindly assume the worst in people so if you could message me more info on it that would be very much appreciative!!
proship ideology is one of those few things in this world that i just Cannot empathize with, and this in general is a topic im DEEPLY passionate about. i do know though that some people cling to "proship" moreso as a defense for enjoying things with darker thematics and what have you without actually being into problematic things, just bc of how "accepting" the proship community is to. like. everything. and they fear being made an outcast by people outside that group just because they like nuanced things of that nature. and that honestly makes me really sad. so its why i dont like to baselessly judge people very often (usually its clear as day when they subscripe to actual proship ideology too, and them wearing the label proudly sets me off) but yes, it is something that i do not support and do not wish to give the impression that i DO support, so any lecturing is greatly appreciated!
thank you for reaching out!! i mainly just follow people bc oh! pretty art! without thinking much of it and i dont wanna unfollow ppl without knowing the scope of the situation, so ill be more attentive from now on and keep an eye out!! thank you again!!
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halfdeadwallfly · 10 months
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me every other day almost accidentally posting my real name on this site because for some reason i keep forgetting that y'all don't know me irl and this is supposed to be a sort of anonymous blog
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aberooski · 2 years
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Since today is Thanksgiving and all that, I'm thankful for the conversation I had with my sister yesterday that led to me figuring out a lot of stuff for my Stormshipping Cinderella au so I can start writing it a lot sooner than I thought I would because I'm slow as shit. Chazzerella is on the horizon! Next year babes 👀
#figured out some lore and logistic stuff that would bug me not to acknowledge#because my toxic trait as a writer is that I do the most appropriately all of the time#she also helped me work out specifically how to handle the glass slipper situation in conjuction with Light and Darkness Dragon so yay!!#if I decide to do the ygobb next year again I might save it for that like I did OUAD but I'm not sure if I'm gonna do it again#or maybe take a break this year since I've done it the last 5 years in a row#I haven't written anything not for the ygobb in so long I kinda wanna take a break and do stuff just for me again#because the time constraints are what make me burn out so hard because I'm pushing myself too hard to get done#in what feels like such a short amount of time when it's honestly hard for me to write shorter fics as much as I want to#anyway it's gonna be a great au and I'm excited#also I'm gonna be posting my Fatal Frame crossover as I write it after I get the first few chapters done#that way we can pretend to have some consistency but I miss just writing and posting whenever I feel like it and have the mental power#I miss having longevity I feel like all my fics die off really quickly because I had to adhere to the bb posting schedule#we had to post every single day if we had multichapter fics every year until this year but we had to have it all up within 4 weeks#so I wanted to post OUAD twice a week but it has 12 chapters so I had to do 3 times a week instead#I just don't have the longevity I wish I could have so I'm taking it back#basically this crossover and this au are me taking back my own fics and protecting my brain from having to push too hard all the time#I want to enjoy the actual writing process again I'm tired of feeling stressed and that I have to finish it asap#but fuck it right?#yugioh#yugioh gx#stormshipping#chazz princeton#atticus rhodes#yugioh gx fanfiction
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cybervamp1re · 1 month
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how i look when i wanna relapse but i’m totally over that but i feel like shit but even if i REAAALLYY wanted to i 1. don’t have a blade ANYWHEREEE and 2. really really don’t wanna relapse
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buckleydiazmp4 · 3 months
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do you mind if i ramble in the tags about my weird relationship with making art in fandom for a second
#as someone who is studying art as a career one thing i have realized and also been explicitly told by various teachers#is the fact that having a 'consistent' art style is so overvalued sometimes that it ends up limiting you as an artist#literally i'd say 99 percent of the stuff we do in uni doesn't require consistency. it's actually valued when there isn't one#after all it is about learning and honing skills isn't it#so it has kind of put my personal conflicts in a different perspective#because before i started this degree i used to struggle so much with creation in non-academic spaces (which is pretty ironic. i know)#because the ppl and art i admired was mostly composed of art in fandom spaces#and the most appreciated artists in these spaces tend to be the ones who have a nice defined unique style#which isn't bad. i actually do still wish i could reach something like that#but it made me not want to create as much as i desired because i felt 'inconsistent' and i took that as a negative quality in my art#and it was so frustrating because nothing i tried seemed to 'stick'#which was also due to the fact that none of the varyingly different styles of drawings i posted seemed to reach many people#and yes i have heard time and again the whole schpiel of 'creating for yourself is better and quantity of likes/notes shouldn't mean as muc#to you as long as you're satisfied with your art blah blah blah'– c'mon. we all want our creations to be admired i'm tired of pretending#like i don't. i put it out there for a reason and it is for people to at least acknowledge it. it's the point of fandom. it's community#it's interaction. or at least it should be. that's another conversation though#so anyways since i started uni some time ago this frustration has been receding but it's very much still present#even more so when i get excited about doing/drawing something and then halfway through i get that pull in my chest of like. i'm actually#starting to hate it bc i can't reach what i want to#and so there's this disconnect that happens because i have many ideas and desires to create but i feel (even if it might not be true)#that i don't have the skillset to meet those ideas#which literally happens to almost if not everyone i know i'm not alone in this. it still sucks though#so i end up with about a dozen unfinished works monthly bc i start it/i reach halfway and hate it/i look at art and get inspired bc artists#in fandom are SO talented/i go back to it/i still can't reach the skill level i desperately want/i abandon it indefinitely#it's a horrible cycle that i really haven't been able to escape lately#it's also worse when you're at a time in your life when you don't actually have the opportunity or the time to try to achieve consistency#because you really just physically don't have the time to practice. which is the number one advice every good artist will give you#i am running out of tags but the point is. i hope we stop subconsciously putting consistent art styles in a higher pedestal bc it can be#very stressful for artists who struggle to find that in their creation#art related
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today I finally shared a few lines from one of the many poems I’ve marked in one of many poetry books I’ve bought. I’ve been meaning to do that and I even made a whole blog for it but I just .-. haven’t. I don’t want to do much but I’m always doing shit I don’t want to be doing. so today I decided to say fuck my to-do list & I only did things I wanted to do (for the most part, anyways). and yeah, I needed it.
[on all of my poetry books] I’ve had to stay away from the ouchy ones cause they make me wanna die a little more sad. so they’re shelved for now & I’m sitting with a few that are more hopeful and positive cause lord knows I need more of that shit rn. (thank you @AprilGreen cause Bloom for Yourself has been lovely to read through)
//
I still feel like shit but at least they’re marked for when I’m ready to //feel// the happy / positive ones :}
#just looking out for future me yanno#when I drag myself out of this pit of dispair and misery and dissociation#I’ll have all these nice things waiting for me#// I have so much to do but I’ve finally burnt myself out cause I did too much too consistently#trying to avoid time to sit and drown in my feelings#but it’s making me frustrated and irritable and snappy#or dissociated#or all of the above. everything all at once#so anyways. today I watched aot and refused to respond to anyone#and I made tea even tho I didn’t want to (it was yummy btw)#and I’m with two very good dogs until Sunday which is v nice#I wish I could sleep .-.#personal#shitposting to the vOiD#nobody cares go to bed#I used to message my best friend when I posted things anywhere on social media & had no one looking at it#like stuff I wanted to share that no one saw#and I’d ask her to go like my post and she would and I’d feel nice for the 1 heart & knew it was my friend I loved#but we don’t talk anymore. so sometimes I think about that when I post stuff and yeah it blows#I always find things I want to send to them both. my ex and my ex best friend .-.#it’s hard and v saddening to not have people you love in your life anymore#especially when everything reminds you of them#like…if it’s not one it’s the other. and I wish I could let it go#or that the reminders were not so constant#…in my head this was all very logical and flowed and then I read it all as tags and i sound like a squirrely nutjob#my brain is a mess#so sorry about alllll of that lol
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harrylights · 1 year
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rafey-baby · 1 month
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sweet treat 2
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In which sexy construction worker!Rafe who spends his days lifting heavy stuff and building shit (his words) and driving shy!reader home shows up on her doorstep in the middle of the night...
Hi! this is a part two to this (also this whole story was originally supposed to be just a small blurb consisting of a few silly sentences but then I got a bit carried away :D) anyways hope you enjoy xx
part 3 part 4 part 5
cw: construction worker!Rafe being a tease, slight somnophilia, smut (dry humping, dirty talk, p-in-v, unprotected sex)
wc: 2.7k
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It’s past midnight when her doorbell rings, making her brows furrow. She throws the fluffy covers away, immediately yearning for the warmth of them as she pads her bare feet along the chilly hardwood floors of her apartment. 
No one has ever been at her door this late, which makes her hesitate. Maybe it’s just her neighbor asking for sugar, she tries to reason, as if the retired elderly lady living next door would even be up this late. For all she knows, it could be a criminal who’s escaped prison, holding a bloody knife at her.
Curiosity ends up getting the best of her (as always) and she finally opens the door, albeit gingerly, mentally preparing to face a serial killer. However, all her worries wash away like pollen under rain when she realizes it’s Rafe standing tall before her.
”Oh, hi. What are you—  what are you doing here?” A surprised look paints over her visage. 
”You forgot this in my car, thought you might need it back,” he’s grinning, holding out a phone to her, pale yellow case making her realize it’s her phone. She almost doesn’t recognize it, since it appears so tiny in his massive paw, almost like a miniature version of the device she’s grown accustomed to. 
”Oh my god, I was looking everywhere for it, thought I was gonna have to buy a new one,” she takes it from him, a grateful smile etching her features. 
”Yeah, couldn’t exactly call you,” he shakes his head at his terrible attempt at a joke.
A delighted giggle escapes her throat, nonetheless, eyes crinkling and teeth poking out; forcing the corners of his mouth to lift up as well as he finally takes in her appearance. 
A worn out t shirt a few sizes too big and…well, that’s it. She’s not wearing anything else. He’s trying not to stare at her plush thighs, or the way the hem of the shirt slightly climbs up, revealing even more skin as she rakes a hand through a messy head of hair, swallowing nervously under his attention. 
Unfortunately for the both of them, he never actually ended up fucking her when she came over to his place last week and had him cook for her. He just felt so bad about initiating something like that when she kept yawning through forkfuls of pasta, eyes barely staying open as she complained about her limbs aching and how she was so exhausted she could sleep for a week after the particularly long shift she’d just had. 
Which is why he simply drove her home after their late-night dinner and wished her a good night with a heavy hand on her shoulder, thumb smoothing over the material of her shirt, letting her rest in tranquility. Telling himself he could be patient with her, not wanting to rush anything. 
However, she’s not making it very easy for him right now when there’s only one piece of clothing covering her. She looks so sleepy and pretty he has half the mind to pick her up in his arms and slump down on her bed, crawling under crisp sheets and feel how her lungs expand against his chest. 
”Sorry, did I wake you?” He carefully asks, suddenly worried he’s disturbed her serene slumber. 
”No, no. I mean, I was in bed but couldn’t really sleep so…” she trails off, desperately trying to come up with something to make him stay a bit longer, not wanting him to go yet; finding immense comfort in his assured presence. 
”Um, do you— do you want to come in? I could make you some tea or something?” She clumsily offers. 
His brows raise, surprised at her proposition. She’s being uncharacteristically bold; his mouth twists into an amused simper.
”Actually, forget I said anything, you’re probably really tired and just wanna go home, sorry, I don’t know why I even—” she scrambles to correct herself, and now that sounds more like the girl Rafe’s grown familiar with. 
”Don’t be stupid, of course I’ll come in,” he cuts her off, stepping past the threshold, taking a look around her cozy home. Leafy plants adding greenery to the small space and picturesque paintings fixed on the cream-colored walls. It’s cute, he thinks. 
She sets a steaming mug in front of him on her kitchen table and sits down next to him on a wooden chair. He’s definitely not staring at the way the bottom of her shirt rides up the tops of her thighs, allowing for the flimsy material of her panties to peek out. He clears his throat. 
“You often have trouble sleeping?” He tries to focus on something else, anything else, taking a slow sip of the searing liquid; nearly burning his tongue in the process. 
”Yeah, sometimes. It’s just sometimes it’s hard to shut my brain off after spending all day at the cafe. I try to fall asleep but the loud noises of the customers talking and the clinking of plates and spoons keep replaying in my head and suddenly I’m wide awake, you know?” She explains. 
”I’m sorry, is there anything that helps?” He prods. 
”I don’t know, I guess just trying to think of something else or talking with someone else,” she mumbles out.
”Oh, so what you’re saying is that you’re just using me in order to fall asleep?” He teases, grinning when he manages to drag out yet another giggle from her mouth. 
”Yeah, I suppose I am,” her eyes glimmer like little stars when she looks at him. 
”Should I feel offended right now?” He jokingly scoffs. 
”No, you should feel flattered, I don’t invite just anyone into my home at almost 1 am, just so you know.”
And he thinks he likes this side of her, all playful and sleepy, she’s a lot less reserved than her usual fully rested and overly conscious self would be, more carefree. Maybe that’s the reason he lets the next words escape the gaps of his teeth. 
”You into cuddling?” He asks, profound aquamarine locking with her rounded eyes. 
”Uh— I mean, I probably would be if I had someone to cuddle with, but I don’t so…” she drifts off, not sure how to respond.
”Wanna cuddle with me?” He says it so nonchalantly, and she doesn’t understand how he’s so indifferent to this whole situation while she feels dizzy, dazed mind reeling and vivid heart tingling in her ribcage.
”Really? You want to? But wouldn’t it be weird?” She seems taken aback by his proposal.
”Why the fuck would it be weird? I mean, we’re friends, right?” His brows crease.
”Yes, of course we are, I just-”
”Look, all I’m saying, is that it might help you sleep, yeah? Having something else to focus on and shit,” he reasons, making her realize she’s totally overthinking this; he’s simply trying to help. ”You’re right, yeah, we should do that then,” she agrees and swiftly gets up on wobbly feet, almost falling face first on the ground, if not for his strong grip on her waist steadying her, grounding her, drawing a faint gasp from the back of her throat at his sudden proximity. 
”Easy there, Sweetheart,” he chuckles against her hair, finding her eagerness to get into bed with him amusing. 
”Sorry,” she mumbles, a raspberry hue dusting over her cheeks. 
And that’s how they end up tangled in each other under her soft sheets, his beefy arms wrapped tightly around her middle, caging her in with gentle fingertips toying with the hem of her shirt. His sturdy chest rises and falls against her back in tandem with his steady breaths, pacifying her; coaxing her heavy lids to flutter closed. 
He’s so warm and big making her feel so secure and safe she thinks she wouldn’t mind doing this again. 
”You good?” He murmurs next to her ear. 
”Mhm,” she blissfully croons, letting out a content exhale. 
Her mind begins to topple over the edge of reality, plummeting into oblivion; a far away dreamland where everything is upside down and the ether is evermore the shade of fluffy cotton candy and the sand consists of stardust and ecstasy. 
”Sweet dreams,” is the last thing her misty awareness grasps onto before she’s in the tender embrace of a crepuscular dormancy. 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
She’s lethargic in her movements when she rouses from the abstruse blankness she seems to have lost herself in. Rafe’s heavy arm is draped over her waist, trapping her body into his and it’s murky in her unlit bedroom; the pale moonlight gleaming through the slots in her curtains the only beacon illuminating the space. 
The lines of her cerebrum are blurred and she’s not sure what has woken her up. 
Then she feels it; something poking her from behind, pressing against her ass. There’s a crinkle in her brow until her eyes widen in realization. 
He’s hard. Rafe is hard and she can practically feel the culprit of his excitement since he’s only wearing a pair of boxers, having complained about getting all too hot during the night to wear anything more.
She swallows. 
What is she supposed to do?
She shifts against him, trying to untangle her limbs from his. However, her attempt is proved fruitless when instead of unchaining her, he lets out a low groan, rumbling deep from his firm chest; grip tightening around her smaller form. 
”Rafe?” She calls out.
No response. 
”Rafe? Wake up.” 
Still nothing.
She can feel him breathing heavily against her hair; pawing at her hips every now and then, trying to pull her even closer, even if they’re already effectively glued together and there’s absolutely no means for her to move. 
She’s starting to become sticky between her thighs as he drags her against his cock again; seemingly stuck in a stupor. 
She mewls when her clit throbs, pestering for some sort of friction. And that’s when he finally stirs, the weight of his arms loosening like a tight knot unfurling and her lungs are finally able to greedily suck in brisk air. 
”Shit, sorry, my bad” his tone is gravelly and at that, some sort of birds begin flapping their wings in her tummy, jabbing at her insides.
However, he doesn’t pull away like she half expects; her face heats up.
”It’s uh— it’s okay. I mean…no worries,” she rambles because what the fuck is she supposed to say?
”No, it’s fully my fault, just had quite a nice dream,” he admits, voice coarse.
”Oh. What was it about?” She inquires, yawning, perhaps too curious for her own good. 
”You wanna know?” His brows raise, surprised.
She hums. 
”Well, there was this really pretty girl, and she had me in her mouth and was letting me do whatever I wanted to her,” he murmurs with a heady tone overlaying his response. 
”Oh,” she tries to appear indifferent, although there’s a pitiful sprout of jealousy threatening to blossom from the damp soil in the pit of her stomach at his words. 
He chuckles at how oblivious she is. ”You’re silly sometimes, you know?” He was practically dry-humping her just now, was he not? Why would he be dreaming about another girl when he’s got her right here with him?
”What do you mean?”
”Nothing,” he shakes his head, smiling to himself. 
”So, what else happened?” ”What else? Okay, then she let me do this,” he says at the same time as he grabs her hips again, pushing against her, earning a faint whimper from her when she can feel how big he is through the thin fabric of her underwear.
”Rafe…what are you doing?” She manages to ask through a whine; his blunt nails denting the exposed skin of her thighs. 
”Got no idea what you’re doing to me, do you?” He mutters, shallow.
”I— what are you— what are you talking about?” Her brain is foggy and she’s not able to think straight when he’s so close. 
He doesn’t answer, instead continuing the retelling of his dream. ”Then I grabbed her like this,” he lifts her on top of him in one smooth motion, as if she weighs nothing more than a piece of paper. Her inhale gets stuck somewhere along the way when he paws at her hips, shuffling her around until she’s straddling him, properly sitting on top of his cock and he lets out a heartfelt grunt when she moves her achy cunt over him. 
”You like this? Such a needy little thing, yeah?” He helps her find some relief by grappling at her hips; dragging her against his cock, filthy groans escaping his mouth when he feels her wetness saturating the two layers of cotton between them. 
”Rafe, can you…” 
”Can I what, hm? Play with you a little?” He says as he slips a hand in her panties, fingers petting at her puffy clit and a loud moan leaves her when she lifts the fabric of her shirt up in order to have a better view. 
”Didn’t know you were such a dirty girl. Getting real fucking wet from me just being close to you, yeah?” His thumb rubs lazy circles on her sensitive button, making her cry out his name as she presses down harder against his cock.
”Shit, gonna come in my fucking pants if you keep doing that. You wanna know what else was in my dream?”
She nods, frantic. 
”I pushed this little piece of fabric here to the side,” he says as he plucks at her underwear, doing just that. ”And then, I did this,” he mutters as he takes himself out from the confines and her eyes round out as she looks down at it in his palm, mesmerized. He thuds the head of his cock on her clit, one, two, three times, and then smears it on her sticky folds, painting it up and down her soaked cunt. 
”Rafe…” she whines, desperate to feel him inside her. Unfortunately for her, he’s feeling a little mean, pressing just the tip inside her tight hole, slowly pushing in and out, turning her into a whimpering mess. The hydrangea blue of his eyes is locked down to where they connect, fascinated. 
”Fuck, Sweetheart, does that feel nice?” He asks, swiping a thumb over her swollen bud, tucking his cock in a little deeper, forcing a loud noise to leave her throat. 
”Feels so good, Rafe, I think I’m gonna…” she trails off, lids heavy as she stretches around him. 
”You’re gonna come already?” he chuckles, amusement coating his face, nudging his dick about halfway in and out, never fully plunging it inside of her though. 
”You feel so good, I can’t— can’t hold it,” water droplets are gathering in the corners of her eyes, catching to her lashes as teary eyes look into larimar and she rolls her hips against him, chasing after some sort of release.
”Shit, go on then, let me feel you soak my cock, yeah?” He encourages her and she doesn’t need to be told twice; crying out and throbbing around him, hips stuttering as her cunt pulses and she’s unspooling on top of him.
”There you go, just fucking give it to me,” he grunts and all of a sudden he feels his own orgasm approaching; rolling down a hill like a landslide. She’s squeezing around him so tight, he can’t help but thrust his hips into her, a guttural moan leaving him when he stuffs his cock profoundly into her, to the hilt.
He stills inside her and then he’s groaning out when his cum gushes out from his drippy tip, coating her gummy walls in white, filling her to the brim; making her feel so full. She thinks she could die happy right now. 
There’s so much of it, to the point where the sticky substance begins to seep out from where they’re connected as they both pant, trying to even out their breathing. 
She turns into something mellow in his arms, slumping down against him, burying her face in his neck as he draws sluggish circles on her back, calming her down with tender words spoken in gentle murmurs. 
”Did so good for me, shit, we should do this more often, yeah?” He says with a sleepy tinge.  
And she’s completely out of it, head as empty as ever, merely managing an amorphous hum in agreement; tumbling down a slippery slide right back into a nebulous slumber.
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