#like maybe my ex best friend MAYBE despite how angry i still at them. but honestly like? i think i miss him. maybe more?

[authorhjk1]

dont you think Haewon deserves to get absolutely destroyed in her childhood room while her parents are downstairs

Marking

(Oh Haewon X Male Reader)

"I don't really get, why you had to come too. It's not like you're my boyfriend."

"I'm not. Lucky me."

You feel Haewon's elbow in your ribs.

"Hey, I'm driving!"

"So what?"

You send her an angry glare, before looking back ahead, focusing on the traffic.

The two of you are on your way to Haewon's parents. They are celebrating their anniversary today. A special one. 25 years. And the both of you are invited. Haewon for obvious reasons and you because you know her father. You only found out after your shenanigans at her place after your breakup. You saw a picture of him on her fridge while you left. And it turns out, he is your boss.

Well, not exactly. He is the head of the marketing team at the company you're working at. You are in a different department. He still has the higher position though. The two of you had to work together occasionally and, despite the age difference, you got along very well. That was, until you started to fuck his daughter's brains out every chance you got.

"We are here."

The two of you get out of the car. While Haewon walks towards the door, you get her stuff and trail after her. She didn't have time to change into her dress yet.

"Mom, dad!"

Haewon greets them and you shake the pair's hands afterwards. Luckily, her father knows that your ex girlfriend Sullyoon is his daughter's best friend. So it's not that weird that the two of you know each other. But it might have been a little suspicious for the two of you to arrive in the same car.

"Please come in. We have prepared lunch already."

"Thank you."

You smile at them, but you can't help but feel guilty. You doubt that they know what you have been doing to their beloved daughter every single day for the past couple of weeks.

"Haewon, go upstairs and get changed. After we are finished eating, we are driving to the party."

"Please, Mr. Oh. Let me drive. The two of you should just relax today."

"Thank you so much, dear."

Haewon's mom accepts your offer with a big smile.

"Too bad that Sullyoon found you, before our daughter did."

"Mom!"

Haewon's cheeks turn red in embarrassment as her mom teases her.

"She is coming too today, why is she not here?"

You glance at Haewon upon hearing her dad's question. Seems like she hasn't told them yet. Maybe to have an excuse for the two of you to keeps seeing each other.

"Well, she... She is very busy with work these days. She told me to pick Haewon up and drive her here. She will catch up with us at the party."

Not your finest moment, but you don't want to call Haewon a liar in front of her parents.

Come upstairs

You stare at the message on your phone. What the hell, Haewon? You know what she wants from you. But this is her parents house. Her father is sitting two meters away from you. How could you...

If you come upstairs now, I'll admit it.

You scoff in disbelief. This has been going on for weeks and now, Haewon wants to admit that she is a whore? A little late in your opinion. But then again, hearing it from her own mouth, while she cums on your cock...

The picture in your head makes you get off the couch.

"Haewon texted me. She needs help with her dress."

You explain yourself without even thinking about your words. It's surprising to see how fast your blood can rush from your brain to your cock, just by thinking of Haewon's desperate moans and whines.

"Sure. Go ahead"

You're glad her father doesn't seem to catch on as you climb the stairs, taking two steps at a time.

You barge into Haewon's childhood room. She stands in the middle. Naked.

"Took you longer than I expected."

You slowly tear your eyes off her naked frame and scan the room. A bed, a desk, a wardrobe. Nothing special. Her walls are decorated with her paintings though. She was definitely not very old, when she made them. They look like ones from six year olds. But still not bad. Your eyes land on the wax crayons, which are lined up by color, lying on her desk. But the nude woman in front of you quickly brings back your attention on her.

Haewon steps forward, her arms wrapping around your neck.

"Fuck me and I confess."

You roll your eyes.

"I'm not falling for that again."

"It's not a joke this time."

Haewon gives you grin.

"Admit it first. Then I fuck you."

This is how your 'relationship' started out anyways. Haewon broke you and Sullyoon up and just wouldn't admit that she did it, because she wanted you. Because she is a slut.

"No. Wrong order."

Haewon gives you another teasing grin.

"Fine."

You give in, knowing that, except for fucking it out of her, there is not much you can do about it anyway.

The two of you quickly engage in a heated kiss, warming each other up. Not that Haewon needs much of that. You can tell by how her core rubs against your thigh.

"If you want me to fuck you good, you better start sucking."

You whisper into her mouth, while slightly pulling away.

"You are not too big of a whore yet to take all of it without lube."

Haewon bites your lip, the pain makes you flinch.

"You just want to see me choke on it again."

Without a word, you grab her shoulders and push her down.

"Not that I'm complaining."

A devilish grin appears on her otherwise innocent face.

Haewon starts out slow by just putting the tip into her mouth. She lets her tongue swirl around it, while both her hands wrap around your cock.

Her blowjob is everything but slow and sensual though, once she gets into it. Like a hungry animal, Haewon starts to engulf your cock. You're reminded of this morning. That's how your day started.

Her hands quickly stroke you, while her head bobs up and down. Her eyes look up at you, almost mocking your inability to keep standing still. You can't help it. You have to hold onto something, or you'll fall. The only thing in sight, as usual, is Haewon's head.

You place one of your hands on top of it. Haewon immediately stops. Her eyes tell you to use her. Her eyes tell you that she is a whore. But her mouth still doesn't. To be fair, it's full with cock right now. But you make a silent promise to yourself. Within the next twenty minutes, Haewon will be calling herself a whore, while she begs for more.

You slowly pull her back onto your cock. Only halfway though. It doesn't make her choke, but you can already hear her breathing through her nose. You loosen your grip, Haewon's lips glide along your length, until they reach your tip. A moment to let her take one last breath.

A second later, Haewon chokes hard. Your cock is blocking her airflow. It's entirety is stuffed down her throat. Her nose is pressed against your abdomen. You hold her in place.

One second

Two seconds

Three seconds

Four seconds

Five seconds

Haewon's eyes give you a silent challenge. Every fiber of her being tells you that she is a whore. Why can't her mouth do the same?

Five seconds turn into ten seconds.

Spit starts to leak out of the corners of her mouth.

Ten seconds turn into fifteen seconds.

Haewon's eyes become wider as she realizes that you don't intend to let go anytime soon.

Fifteen seconds turn into twenty seconds.

Her nostrils flare as Haewon's breathing becomes heavier, faster.

Twenty seconds turn into twenty five seconds.

Her drool now falls off her chin in the form of long strings.

Just as you reach thirty seconds, you let go.

Haewon falls off your cock. Her mouth still hanging open as she backs away. She tries to catch her breath, her naked chest heaving heavily.

"I will wait for your confession, once you're done with surviving."

You give her smug grin.

Haewon doesn't have the energy to reply. The lack of oxygen is still visible.

"Or are you in for round two?"

This time, Haewon shakes her head.

"But you're not gonna confess what a whore you are?"

She shakes her head again.

You groan.

"Fine. But I will not be leaving this room, until your whole body screams whore."

You take a step closer towards her desk.

"And I know just the right way to start."

After grabbing the red wax crayon, you turn back around. Haewon's eyes are slowly wandering towards your hand.

"I hope this washes off easily. For your sake."

Haewon barely has time to open her mouth, before you're already towering over her. Taking a fistful of her short hair, you make her turn her head.

The young woman feels the cold crayon on her cheek. You stain her gorgeous face. Her skin senses your handwriting. The swing of the letter S. A straight line down, one to the right. An L. Another swing U. Two more lines form a T.

You let go of Haewon's hair, letting her head return to its original place. You lean back, taking in your work.

She glares at you. Her cheek is covered with red wax. The word 'slut' seems to glow on her otherwise flawless skin.

"Well, slut..."

The word slowly drips off your tongue with such a degrading undertone.

"Let's fuck that confession out of you."

You lift Haewon off the floor and place her on her windowsill. She shivers as the cold glass makes contact with her back.

"So much space for me to write on."

You whisper as your free hand wanders all over her front.

"You wouldn't dare."

You raise an eyebrow.

"I already did, slut."

You step closer, parting her legs in the process. Your faces only inches away, the tip of your cock now resting on her wet pussy lips.

"And I will cover your entire body."

You immediately start to fulfill that promise. Haewon weakly tries to push your hand away, but you hold her wrists with one hand. You place the tip of the wax crayon right between her tits and her collarbone. You slowly read the words as you write them on her skin.

"Sex toy."

Haewon closes her eyes. She shivers again. You are sure it's not because of the glass.

"Do you want another one?"

She shakes her head and shoots you an evil glare. Her lips are pressed together, not wanting to give you the satisfaction of begging you to stop.

"Suit yourself."

This time, you place the crayon right above her pussy. Her smoothly shaven skin becomes your canvas. You don't read the word out loud, this time.

It takes her moment, since Haewon has to read it upside down.

"Owned"

Just as she understands its meaning, you're already past her lips.

"Ngh! Please!"

A loud whine escapes her mouth as she feels your tip inside of her. Your cock starts to stretch her out as you slowly push forward.

"From now on, whenever you deny being a whore, I'll ruin your body further."

Just as you say that, you are just as deep as Haewon can take it. She starts to take heavy breaths again. Her eyes are glued to the part of your cock that's still not inside her.

"Are you a whore?"

You sigh, knowing full well that she won't agree yet. Haewon shakes her head.

You place the crayon on her left shoulder.

"Bitch"

You focus on fucking her now. Being inside of Haewon doesn't allow you to properly focus on humiliating her. You need to blow off some steam first. And what is better for that than Haewon's snug hole?

You start to screw Haewon into the window behind her. Her back is pressed flat against it. Her legs are spread wide, dangling off the windowsill. One of your hands holds onto her waist while the other is loosely placed on her thigh, still holding the crayon.

Haewon's moans fill the room she has grown up in. All those memories of her childhood are now stained by this experience. They are worthless. All that matters now, is that she is a whore. Slowly, Haewon's own mind comes to that conclusion. So slow, she almost doesn't realize it.

Your pounding makes her slowly lose her mind. Her moans increase in volume. Her whines reach a higher pitch.

"Again, are you a whore?"

This time, you catch her hesitate. But then, Haewon shakes her head again.

Her eyes are barely able to follow the crayon as you slow down your thrusts only a little. Just enough, so you can properly write. Her skin just above her navel is now showing off a marking as well.

"Cocksleeve"

Haewon doesn't have time to read the second half as you pick up the pace again.

"Oh, god!"

Her head leans against the glass behind her. Her back arches, her chest gets pushed towards you. Instead of leaning in and sucking on her tits, you reach forward with your free hand.

"Aaah!"

Haewon let's out a loud cry as you pinch her nipple. And the other one. Another scream.

"S-Stop. It hurts."

She whines, but you both know that that's not her safeword.

"Tell me, if you want me to be gentle. Are you a whore?"

"No!"

She gives you a determined glare. An angry pout.

Once again her crayon finds her skin.

This time, you write on both her tits.

"Free"

"Use"

Haewon looks down, barely manages to read it, and lets out another moan.

"So you do like it rough? Thought so."

You let the wax crayon fall onto the windowsill. Hooking your arms under her legs, you pull her towards you.

"Oh, fuck!"

Her cry can be heard throughout the whole house. You're sure of it. You're buried balls deep inside her cunt. Your thrusts are harder now. You go as fast as possible, not wanting to give her a split second to breath. Her eyes, once locked on yours, are now rolling to the back of her head. Haewon's mouth hangs open in a silent moan.

"Are you a whore?"

This time, Haewon doesn't even respond. Maybe she didn't hear you. Who cares?

You let one leg fall down to reach for the crayon. Another two words are added to the others.

"Sex object"

Between her collarbone and her throat.

Haewon feels you, marking her again. But an overwhelming heat rushes through her body in an alarming pace. It starts out inside her pussy. Right around your cock. It travels through her core. Through her abdomen and her organs. Past her tits. Through her throat. Until it finally reaches her brain. And her mouth.

"Oh holy fuck!"

Haewon cums hard. You start to produce squishing sounds as you keep stuffing Haewon's wet pussy with your cock. Her hands search for your body, trying to push you away. Her legs quiver and shake, before they wrap around you, trapping you in place.

"N-No more."

She weakly sighs, once she has started to calm down.

"I haven't heard the magic word from you yet.

"Haewon, honey! Are you alright? The clock is ticking!"

Misses Oh's voice makes you both look at the door. Luckily, it sounded like it was coming from downstairs.

"In a minute."

Haewon's voice cracks in the middle of her sentence.

"Maybe we should open that door and let them hear you."

"Whore!"

You're surprised at how quickly Haewon blurts out that word.

"I'm a whore! I admit it."

She looks down, very aware that your still inside of her.

"I know. "

You lean forward and kiss her forehead.

"Was it that hard?"

Haewon timidly shakes her head.

Her eyes widen when you raise the crayon again.

"W-Wait what are you doing?"

"Hold still."

"But-"

"I feel like your confession isn't coming from a genuine place, you know? Plus, I need to mark the spot, where I want to cum."

Haewon gulps, but stays silent and doesn't move.

You start on her right cheek. Three words. You keep going, even when you reach her nose. Once you are on the other side of her face, you finish the line. The last letter is placed right next to the first word you wrote on her. The new words cover her whole face. From right to left.

"Cum hungry slut"

You don't tell her what you wrote.

"Knees."

Haewon follows your order and you're back to where you started. It doesn't take long for her to bring you to the edge from there. A nice, quick blowjob. Her hands massaging your cock. Her tongue lapping her own juices off of you.

"Damn, Haewon."

You grunt, which makes her look up at you with those big eyes.

She points your cock at her own face, strokes you two more times and then makes you orgasm. You explode right above her face, covering it with your cum. Her nose, her cheeks, her lips. All of it is ruined by your seed. And the rest of her body is marked with red wax.

"Write it down."

You nod towards her desk.

Haewon understands. She doesn't even get off the ground. She crawls the short distance, reaches up and grabs a piece of paper and the black crayon. You enjoy the view of her ass, before she turns back around. She writes one word.

"WHORE"

When she looks up again, you're already holding your phone in your hand, the camera ready.

Haewon holds up her self made sign.

"A little lower."

You make sure that every single mark you left on her body is clearly visible. Your cum is still staining her face as well.

"What a whore you are."

You chuckle as you snap a couple of pictures.

------------

Hi everybody!

Hope you enjoyed this one. This chapter is gonna be the last of of this small series. So there won't be any follow up fics.

Stay healthy!

[delfiore]

—I'LL NEVER WIN YOUR HEART.

pairing: alexia putellas x reader

synopsis: aside from endless hatred and devastating love, you don’t know anything else when it comes to alexia.

word count: 2k

tw: aNGST, spicy stuff, enemies to lovers to ……….?

a/n: wow has it really been a month since i last posted that's insane (i'm not being sarcastic i'm actually so shook at how fast time passes).

now playing:

Her eyebrows narrowed. Her jaw clenched. Her eyes lasered in like a hawk.

Even from across the club, several of your teammates knew to get the hell out of her way when she made a beeline towards you.

Alexia was scary when she was angry. There was an untouchable force to her that made one cower under her steely gaze. You used to feel the effect of it, once upon a time, but recently it was almost a weekly occurrence that she would direct her hardened gaze at you.

And now, as she fixed that deathly glare onto you, you felt your arm being yanked just as you were about to kiss the beautiful stranger you met mere minutes ago.

“What the fuck, Alexia!” Admittedly, you were buzzed, and any obstruction to your enjoyment would irritate you.

“Come with me,” she gritted her teeth.

“No! Let me go!”

She tugged on your arm and dragged you away despite your protests. The bathroom at the back of this club was filthy, and the door barely did anything to block out the thumping music outside, but Alexia pushed you into one of the stalls anyway, caging you in between her arms on either side of your head.

You had half a heart to slap her across the face when she shoved you against the divider and kissed you like a barbarian, lips and teeth clashing against one another in a heated mess. She had no right to do this, but her entitlement made it so you were trapped in her grasp again.

The worst part was that you enjoyed it, very much, especially when she went on her knees to do what she always did best.

It happened not too dissimilar to how it started. Your frustration mixed with her only ensured you both collided in the most spectacular way. You remembered arguing with her after a horrible game, both of you throwing blame at each other. It happened so quickly, that before you knew it, your hatred had turned to lust. Hatefucking, as one might call it. Suddenly, all you could think about each day was how much you hated Alexia and couldn't wait to fall into bed with her.

“You can’t just do that and pretend like nothing happened.”

Your words came out rushed as you were still trying to catch your breath. Alexia exited the stall and went to wash her hands, doing so with a frustrating nonchalance.

She met your gaze in the mirror. “Can’t I?”

You scoffed. “Why do I bother? La Reina never gets off her high horse, does she? You’ve never respected me, ever.”

“That’s not true.” Her eyes flickered, and you thought you could see unspoken words behind them.

“Then what was that earlier?” You asked, irritated.

“I should ask you the same question,” she said firmly. “I thought we were fine. And now I see you grinding on some girl at the club? I mean—what is this, Y/N?”

It was always like that with Alexia, and if she didn’t say what she wanted to say, then you couldn’t help her.

“It’s not like you care,” you gritted your teeth. “I hope you had fun with Olga, by the way.”

Now it was her turn to scoff. “She’s my friend.”

“She was also your ex.”

“Can’t I be friends with my ex? And who are you to tell me who I should and shouldn’t hang out with?”

She was right. You had no place in her life to be telling her that. It was purely your desire, or a lack thereof, to hold a special place in her heart, but maybe you were foolish to wish for it when there has been so much history between you.

You chewed on your bottom lip, a habit you had since you were young. You suddenly felt the bathroom walls closing in on you—you needed to get out of there quickly.

Wordlessly, you shoved past her and returned to the club, the music once again deafening and pumping in your chest. You expelled a breath; the cute stranger was nowhere to be seen, and neither were Patri and Pina, with whom you came. That’s fine, there was an entire nightclub’s worth of people. You would find at least one person who would make you forget how much you despised Alexia and—maybe for the night—how much you loved her.

The story could have gone so differently. You two were similar in age, grew within the ranks of the Spanish youth teams together, then played at Barcelona together. You both played in midfield and younger players looked to you for guidance and leadership. Yet, it was known among your teammates that the two of you couldn’t stand to be in the same room. Ever since you were young, your similar play styles and clashing personalities ensured that you always butt heads on the field, and eventually, off it too. You grew up with this hatred of Alexia, as she did of you, but you could barely remember why. You were brazen and Alexia was cold, and that never worked for either of you.

It seemed she had had enough of your attitude one day, and shoved you so hard in training you thought you might have sprained an ankle. Some of the other girls noticed her distaste for you and started to distance themselves to gain favor with her. Then, Alexia became the best player in Spain, and you were always in her shadow. The media called you her ‘healthy rivalry’, even when you played for the same club. If you didn’t hate her as much as you did, they all ensured that you would never be able to get along ever again.

There was a memory that you buried deep inside, but it would easily surface again on nights like this. It made you question everything you’ve felt for Alexia, this thorn in your side that has never let you know peace

It was the summer of 2012 at a Spain U-19 camp. You had barely gotten any sleep the night before you came because it was your first call-up to represent your country. Alexia, of course, had become a familiar face in the team by the time you arrived. She wasn’t seen at breakfast one morning, and a coach said that she was dealing with personal matters. What you didn’t anticipate was finding her sitting alone by the steps of an entrance bawling her eyes out. You had tried to retreat, but Alexia had looked up before you could go.

“S-Sorry, I’ll just—”

“Mi papá . . .” Her voice was quiet like she didn’t want you to hear. Then, she burst into tears again. You had never seen Alexia like this, so distraught and vulnerable. The friends she liked to keep around were nowhere to be seen either. She never liked to appear weak in front of others.

Against your better judgment, you approached and sat next to her. “What happened?”

Exhaling shakily, she answered. “He was very sick. I just got the call from my mom.”

Your mouth hung open, unable to form words. As Alexia smeared her tears away with the back of her sleeve, she suddenly appeared younger and unlike the captain that you’ve come to know her. She was just a girl, who’d had something terrible happen to her, and you would be the biggest jerk not to push whatever you had between you aside.

“I’m sorry,” you only managed to say.

She said nothing and rested her face on the inside of her elbows.

“I’m sure he was very proud of you.”

“Please don’t say anything,” she breathed out, making you wince.

“Okay.”

Alexia sniffled. “I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Okay,” you nodded slightly. You didn’t like talking about your feelings either. It was the first thing you found Alexia and you had in common.

You started to feel sick. Your head spun like you had just stepped out of a washing machine, but still, you reached for the passing bartender who looked at you with patronizing eyes.

“Another.”

“Y/N, that’s enough.”

You pushed her hand away, mentally cursing at her interruption.

“Fuck off.”

“I’m gonna have to explain to Jona why you’re still shitfaced at training tomorrow.”

“Fuck. Off. I don’t fucking care.”

Then, you heard her say something she had never said to you before. “Please. Let’s go home.”

The truth was, you never wanted to protest her. Maybe the years have softened you, but you didn’t want to admit how much you craved her affection. There were times when you despised her and thought her the lowest form of a human being.

“Please don’t do this,” you pleaded. You felt your heart hammering in your chest, as you watched her frantically spring out of bed.

“I—uh, have to go. I’m meeting someone for lunch.” She replied, reaching for her pants strewn across the floor.

“Ale, I’m sorry . . .” You managed a pathetic whimper, tears threatening to fall. “Can we just pretend I never said anything?”

How is it that she had made you feel so euphoric merely moments later, and now you felt like you had hit rock bottom? Only because those stupid words slipped out of your mouth.

. . . But was it such a crime to tell her that you loved her, when it was your truth?

You learned the hard way that Alexia didn’t want what you wanted. Maybe it was just her, or maybe it was you, and she didn’t want anything to do with you. If that were true, you were foolish to think for even a second that she would. You never gave her much to like anyway.

But still, you would be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t have any feelings for her. But aside from endless hatred and devastating love, you don’t know anything else when it comes to Alexia.

She had brought you back to your apartment, supporting you by holding you close and guiding you inside gradually.

The moment you hit the mattress, you groaned at the snugness of your own bed. Your eyes were barely open, but you saw the way she pulled your shoes off your feet and coaxed you to sit up so she could shed your outer coat.

But that was it. She was afraid to help you further, as it would resurface emotions Alexia thought should be buried, emotions that reminded her of sleepless nights and passion.

“Why are you so quick to get away from me?” You mumbled into your pillow.

You heard her sigh. “I brought you home, didn’t I?”

“Am I really that detestable that you wouldn’t even look at me?”

Her eyes met yours, but unlike earlier in the night, they now held a softness. “You know I don’t hate you. I never did.”

“Then stay.” You whispered, your head still spinning, but all you could focus on was her. “Stay with me. Please, we won’t do anything. I just don’t want to be alone.”

You didn’t care that you were begging her. You were tired of being pulled from end to end, and it was so much easier to love than to hate her.

You thought she would laugh in your face, pack her things and leave. Yet, when you opened your eyes again, she was lying in bed next to you, under the cover and all. She had changed into your clothes, so much more time had passed than you had thought.

“Go to sleep. We have training tomorrow,” Alexia whispered, her lips brushing your forehead softly.

You obliged, nuzzling your head into her chest as you let the comfort of her embrace lull you to sleep. You were too tired to fight it, to tell her no, that you would talk to her seriously about the two of you, even if you were drunk. It wasn’t the first time you had fallen for Alexia’s lies; all the other times, she left you in the dirt after giving you her everything for you to pick up the pieces yourself.

You hated her because you loved her. But maybe this is enough, you thought before sleep took over, just for tonight.

Maybe tomorrow will be different.

[cursed-peanut]

i love both of the ideas tbh, its interesting if reader saw sukunas different side, like she knew what he did but he never exposed her to that and treated her like a delicate flower, and all those years locked up she obviously missed him abd was blindsided but seeing him like this would absolutely ruin her and make HER feel guilty for supporting him at some point yk and he feels this but its like deeo in his heart hes chanting that he only wants to do this to be w reader

for gojo i think he'd get a little selfish and be like, shes so nice and sweet someone like sukuna will only hurt her, so maybe he badtalks sukuna and tries to make you stay w him but it pushes you awag

what really would be awesome is reader escaping to live a normal life

can i be 🍥 anon? :3

Thank you, I’m glad you like them both! And ofc you can be 🍥 anon :D I wanna say thank you for planting this into my brain and I will deffo explore Reader finding out who Sukuna truly is leading them to think of him as a monster, only seeing the amount of bloodshed he’s created for their ‘perfect’ future some more soon. It’s the perfect tooth rotting angst that kills my devious little soul in the best way possible :3

I also agree that once Gojo starts noticing that you’re questioning your love for Sukuna, he would use this to his advantage.

We all know Gojo isn’t some perfect saint, but Reader doesn’t know that. The only experience they’ve ever had with him is the Gojo who goes out of his way to keep them safe while simultaneously saving as many people as he can. This is a big difference to Sukuna who seemingly wants to kill everyone Reader has learnt to love and care for after being unsealed.

I think Gojo would start telling Reader things like “do you really want to stay with someone who’s killing all your friends?” And “what if one day he decides you’re not enough, so he kills you?” To try and convince Reader to stay with him and fall out of love with Sukuna.

Sukuna would go ballistic at this, how preposterous is that? Hurt you? However the more damage Sukuna does to the world, trying to prove his point, the more he pushes Reader right into Gojo’s arms, despite telling them he’s doing all of this for them.

But it could also be that Reader recognises who Sukuna is but still doesn’t want to be with Gojo, so they move out of Japan to a safer place. They want to start a new life without the control of Jujutsu Society scrutinising every move they make — despite their only affiliation being Sukuna’s ex-lover…

Or maybe Reader stays with Gojo but when Sukuna kills him, it convinced Reader they need to stay away from him. So they move out of Japan, away from Sukuna. Again, starting a new life, free of the weight of Jujutsu Society.

Both endings where Reader moves out of Japan, Sukuna would go truly insane. You were the soul reason for his plan and you up and left him. I could imagine an end of the world type thing where he gets so angry with the world for pushing you away, he completely destroys everything, and I mean everything. He kills everyone, including Reader, completely blinded by rage.

Once there’s nothing left to destroy and no one left to kill, he comes to terms with the fact he killed Reader and becomes disgusted with himself. He’s officially became the monster Reader thought he was. The only fair punishment he deems for himself is to live out the rest of his life on this bare planet, wallowing away in the pain he stupidly caused himself.

…Yummy angst 😋

[thebunnednun]

LOYALTY [Chapter 4]

Katsuki Bakugou x Sugar Baby! Reader

Summary: Fuck a breakup, you ever have your fiance and partner of 8 years dump you during his promotion party in front of your bosses and the whole office with the girl he told you, “Don’t worry about,” on his arm?

The man you moved continents to support and move in with while you worked from home and helped promote his hero career because you thought he loved you and he called it an investment in your future together while you just did it out of love?

Welp, now he’s kicked you out in a strange land and you’ve gotta make it on your own. When you can't get a new job or apartment and tuition is almost due: you’ve got two options: Strip it or lose.

And I guess the angry blond that keeps coming back to your club wants to help you too.

Summary:

Bakugou can't sleep and you're gonna help him. Too bad your ex is trying to get you tho.

Tonight's song: Put your head on my shoulder by Paul Anka

--------------------------Chapter 5: Sleepless--------------------------

Katsuki Bakugou sat slouched at his desk, his eyes half-lidded as he struggled to stay awake. He’d barely gotten any sleep last night, his mind racing with thoughts he couldn’t quite shake. It was unlike him to be this distracted—he was always the first one in the office, ready to tackle whatever the day threw at him. But today was different.

Kirishima strolled into the office, his usual grin plastered on his face. He could tell something was off with Bakugou the moment he saw him, and he couldn’t resist poking fun at his best friend.

“Yo, Bakubro! What happened? Did you go to bed at 8:31 instead of 8:30 like usual?” Kirishima teased, leaning casually against the doorframe.

Bakugou’s crimson eyes narrowed, the familiar fire flickering back to life despite his exhaustion. Without a word, he raised his hand and sent a small explosion towards Kirishima’s face. The redhead reacted instantly, hardening his skin to absorb the blast without a scratch, the force of it blowing his hair back slightly. He grinned even wider, unfazed by the attack.

“Not in the mood, shitty hair,” Bakugou grumbled, reaching for a bottle of water on his desk and guzzling it down in one go. The cool liquid did little to wake him up, but it was better than nothing.

Kirishima chuckled, sliding a cup of coffee across the desk towards his friend. “Relax, man. You look like you didn’t sleep at all. Maybe we could get you some sleep aids through the company. Or, y’know, you could try those ASMR videos of people cooking. That seems right up your alley.”

Bakugou shot him another glare, but it lacked its usual intensity. He knew Kirishima was just trying to help in his own way, but it only irritated him more. It wasn’t like he could explain what was really bothering him. How was he supposed to tell his best friend that he couldn’t stop thinking about a girl he saw at a club? A girl that he subscribed to and she didn’t even need to get naked. A girl that made him feel alive and seen last night. A girl who returned both his phone and wallet when he forgot them while his head was still reeling from the little heart she left on the glass for him and didn’t touch anything in or on them. This wasn’t him. He didn’t get hung up on shit like that.

With a heavy sigh, Bakugou slumped back in his chair, letting his eyes drift shut for a moment. “I don’t need that shit. M’fine,” he muttered, though the weariness in his voice betrayed him.

Kirishima softened his gaze, recognizing the weight behind Bakugou’s words. He knew his friend better than anyone, knew when to push and when to back off. This was one of those times where Bakugou needed space, even if he wouldn’t admit it. But that didn’t mean Kirishima wasn’t going to keep an eye on him.

“Alright, man. But if you need to talk, you know I’m here,” Kirishima offered, his tone light, but sincere.

Bakugou grunted in response, still half-asleep but grateful in his own way for the gesture. He leaned back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling as he tried to shake off the lingering thoughts from last night. But no matter how hard he tried, your face, your voice, your touch against the glass—it all kept playing in his mind like a broken record.

Kirishima watched his friend, concern creeping into his features. He wasn’t used to seeing Bakugou like this, so lost in his own head. It wasn’t normal, and that worried him more than anything.

“Seriously, though. You look like crap, Bakugou. Maybe take a break today? I can handle things for a bit.”

Bakugou’s eyes snapped open, a fierce scowl forming on his face as he sat up straight. “Don’t tell me what to do, shitty hair,” he snapped, the fire back in his voice. But there was something different in the way he said it, a tinge of frustration that wasn’t usually there.

Kirishima raised his hands in mock surrender, a playful grin on his face. “Alright, alright. Just take care of yourself, okay?”

Bakugou didn’t respond, his mind already wandering back to you. He hated how much space you were taking up in his thoughts, but the more he tried to push it away, the more it clung to him. What was it about you that had gotten under his skin so easily?

As the morning dragged on, Bakugou couldn’t shake the feeling that something had changed. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he knew one thing for certain—he needed to see you again. And that thought, more than anything, kept him on edge.

---

The apartment was more than you could’ve hoped for. Spacious, clean, and blessedly affordable, it was the perfect place to start the next chapter of your life. The rent, at $750 a month, was a miracle in a city where finding decent housing was like winning the lottery. And the best part? You were only ten minutes away from Mr. Muhammad and Mrs. Yukiji’s apartment, which meant you could still babysit and tutor their kids—something you’d grown to love doing.

Michael had been relentless in pushing you to snag the place the moment it became available. You hadn’t been as eager at first, especially when you found out it was the apartment next to hers, but Michael, with her boundless energy and persuasive charm, had made it impossible to say no. It didn’t hurt that she was in the same major as you, and you’d grown close during your time together at school. 

She was more than just a friend; she was your confidante, the big sister you never had.

The other girls from the club had turned out to be in a similar boat. Students, just like you, all trying to make ends meet while juggling classes and work. When the campus housing became too expensive, even with grants and scholarships, they’d banded together, pooling their resources and looking out for each other like a little family. Michael, ever the leader, had welcomed you into the fold without hesitation. Despite your initial shyness and ironic dislike for physical touch, they adored you. You were their baby, the one they all wanted to protect.

Ruby—or Megumi, as you knew her outside the club—had even offered to help you get back at your ex by having her boyfriend smash his car. The image of sweet, petite Ruby taking a bat to a car was enough to make you laugh, though you quickly turned down the offer, not wanting her boyfriend to get another strike on his record.

Then there was the matter of your safety. Your day job was getting strange, with less projects being sent your way, so you’d confided in Michael about the security tape and microchip you’d taken. Without missing a beat, she’d helped you make copies and store them in a safe, just in case. Two copies were hidden in the Muhammads’ apartment, tucked away where no one would think to look.

Today, the Muhammads were helping you sign the lease for your new apartment. Mr. Muhammad, a kind, soft-spoken man in his early 50s, was a history professor at the local university. His wife, Mrs. Muhammad, was a petite Japanese woman with a serene smile and a talent for making you feel instantly at ease. Their oldest daughter, Amira, was in high school, a bright and driven teenager who reminded you a lot of yourself at that age. Their young son, Kaito, was a bundle of energy, always asking questions and eager to learn about the world around him.

When you introduced Michael as a friend from work, the Muhammads took to her immediately. She joked about you being a good girlfriend, which totally went over their heads, but you threw her a look anyway as she giggled. Michael knew how much the Muhammads meant to you, and she was careful to keep things light and respectful, even if she couldn’t resist teasing you a bit.

As you walked through the apartment, you marveled at how everything had fallen into place. The white walls were pristine, the oak hardwood floors gleamed in the afternoon light, and the kitchen was small but functional—a perfect fit for someone who wasn’t exactly a master chef. (C0ugh *you* cOuGh) The two bedrooms were cozy, with plenty of closet space, and the living room had a large window that overlooked a quiet, tree-lined street.

The extra furniture, courtesy of your generous subscribers, was a bit harder to explain. You and Michael had frantically hidden it inside her apartment until you could put it all together later. The night before you and her skipped work to take the train to your job’s building. Why? Because you weren’t gonna tell the sweet old couple where the furniture came from. 

Micheal was surprised that your old car, affectionately called "the lemon," was still running after you recovered it from your day job's parking lot. You playfully told her to hush, not wanting to jinx it. The two of you piled in and raced home to perform a “reverse breakin” knowing that the building’s tenants would be up soon and you really didn’t wanna catch your ex before his morning run. 

You didn’t even care that it was a very empty apartment. You had freedom that no one could take away from you. You were living by yourself for the first time ever and that was a big deal. 

The place was a blank canvas, waiting for your own personal touch.

Once the lease was signed and the keys were handed over, you all pitched in to move your actual things. It went surprisingly smoothly, considering your limited resources. Michael made sure to lighten the mood with her usual jokes, and even Mr. Muhammad cracked a smile as he helped carry in a particularly heavy box. By the time you were done, the apartment was filled with the sounds of laughter and the comforting buzz of a new home being settled into.

That evening, you decided to thank the Muhammads by cooking dinner for them. It was a modest attempt—nothing fancy, just a simple stir-fry and some rice—but you wanted to show your appreciation. The stir-fry had been a bit more adventurous than you’d planned, and you’d accidentally set off the alarms with some overzealous seasoning. As you bustled around the kitchen, you could hear the family joking in the living room about how it was good you were testing out the smoke alarms. 

So take out it was!

Sitting down to dinner with them felt like a small piece of normalcy in your otherwise chaotic life. They were your family now, and as you shared a meal together, you felt a sense of warmth and belonging that had been missing for a long time. The Muhammads’ daughter, Amira, asked you about your classes and asked if you would come to her volleyball tournament. Kaito, their son, was more interested in showing you his latest LEGO creation, proudly displaying it on the dining table as you all ate.

Mrs. Yukiji complimented you on the meal, her eyes twinkling with amusement as she assured you the smoke alarm incident was just part of the learning process. Mr. Muhammad, ever the gentle old guy, simply smiled and nodded, grateful for the effort you’d put in.

As the evening wound down and you walked them to the door, you felt a swell of gratitude for the way they’d welcomed you into their lives. It wasn’t just about signing the lease or moving into a new apartment; it was about building a support system, about knowing you weren’t alone in the world. You had Michael and the girls, the Muhammads, and even your new subscribers, all playing a part in helping you find your footing again.

‘I should do another show soon.’

And as you stood in your new apartment, the sounds of the city filtering in through the window, you felt something you hadn’t in a long time: hope.

While you wash the dishes, Mrs. Yukiji approaches you quietly, her usual warm smile replaced with a concerned expression. She gently taps your shoulder, drawing you away from the sink. 

“Sweetheart,” she begins, her voice soft but serious, “I need to talk to you about something.” She reaches into her apron pocket and pulls out a small, yellow package. “This arrived for you, but… it’s from him.”

Your heart skips a beat at the mention of his name, and you can feel your breath catch in your throat. Kyoya—the one person you’ve been trying so hard to avoid, the reason you’d gone through all this trouble to stay off the grid.

Mrs. Yukiji sighs, her eyes filled with motherly concern. “I didn’t mean to snoop, but I’ve been trying to get all your mail redirected to your new place. When I saw this, I thought it was best to let you know right away.” She gently places the package in your hand.

“He’s been asking about you,” she continues, her brow furrowing slightly. “Living with us might have helped you stay hidden, but… you should be careful, my dear. You never know with men like that.”

You feel a rush of mixed emotions—fear, anxiety, but also a sense of safety standing here with her. 

“I don’t know what’s in that package, but…” Mrs. Yukiji’s voice softens further as she reaches up to kiss your temple, her short stature requiring her to stretch a bit. “Maybe you should open it at the police station, just in case it’s something… unpleasant. We’re here for you, remember that.”

Her words, though unsettling, carry the warmth and love that only someone who truly cares about you could offer.

Mrs. Yukiji gives you one last reassuring smile before she heads back to the living room. You watch her return to the cozy space, where Michael immediately makes room for her on the couch. The two of them share a brief exchange, and then Michael's gaze shifts back to you, her eyebrows lifting in curiosity.

You hold up the small yellow package, its presence a stark contrast to the warm, homey atmosphere of your new apartment. Michael tilts her head, a silent question in her eyes. You mouth the words, "Ex-man," with a touch of exasperation.

Michael's response is immediate and dramatic. She rolls her eyes, then, making sure no one else is watching, she pretends to choke herself, her expression a comically exaggerated mix of annoyance and disgust. The sight makes you stifle a laugh, your shoulders shaking with quiet giggles.

You set the package down inside the trash can, it doesn’t deserve a place in your new life—not on your new kitchen counters, not anywhere in this apartment that’s quickly becoming your sanctuary.

The small act of discarding it feels like a weight lifted from your chest, and when you glance back at Michael, she gives you a subtle thumbs-up, her eyes twinkling with approval.

You didn’t know what kind of statement he was trying to make but he could take it and shove it straight up his-

“The shows back on!”

“I’m coming!”

–

Up on the rooftop, Bakugou and Kirishima sit with their legs dangling over the edge, enjoying the fresh air as they dig into their convenience store haul. The city hums beneath them, but the height offers a certain peace that neither of them can get on the crowded streets below. Bakugou munches on a sandwich, the coffee he picked up doing little to shake the exhaustion clinging to him. Kirishima, always on alert, keeps watch while they eat, his eyes scanning the horizon.

Kirishima breaks the silence first, biting into an apple before glancing over at his friend. “You going back to that club tonight?”

Bakugou shrugs, hunching over as he chews, clearly not interested in the conversation. 

“Come on, bro,” Kirishima continues, trying to sound lighthearted. “I love seeing you get out there, but this isn’t the way to start living your life. You’re gonna get brain rot.” He tosses the rest of his apple toward Bakugou, who catches it effortlessly and glares at him.

“If I did, it’s from hanging out with you for so long,” Bakugou snaps back, rubbing his tired eyes. The coffee isn’t doing its job, but he refuses to pump himself full of those sugary energy drinks that make him feel like crap later.

Kirishima just grins and scoots a little closer. “Come on, man, you gonna tell me what’s up or am I not your bestie anymore?”

Bakugou groans, burying his face in his hands. “I met someone.”

Silence hangs in the air, and when Bakugou looks up, he sees Kirishima staring blankly at him, mouth slightly open.

“What?” Bakugou barks, annoyed.

“Nothing, nothing. Continue.” Kirishima quickly shakes himself out of it, but there’s a hint of surprise lingering on his face.

Bakugou glares, but then sighs, the weight of his thoughts pushing down on him. “I met someone at one of those stupid hangouts Pikachu organized. Now I can’t stop thinking about them.”

Kirishima props his chin on his fist, considering this. “Did you not grab their number or something?”

“No.”

“So you’ve been bummed because you met someone you were interested in and didn’t take a chance?”

“Her.”

“Excuse me?”

“I didn’t grab her number,” Bakugou clarifies, emphasizing the word with a scowl.

Kirishima blinks rapidly, processing this new information. “You got something to say?” Bakugou challenges, a dangerous edge to his tone.

“No, no, I just—well, I’m a little surprised,” Kirishima admits, holding up his hands in surrender. “So you’ve been going back, hoping to run into her again?”

“I do run into her, but she’s on the clock, and I don’t wanna mess up her shifts.”

Kirishima, assuming this mystery woman must be a bartender or something similar, nods sagely. “Ah, yeah, bro, it’s not manly to hit on someone while they’re working.”

Bakugou grunts in agreement, still looking a little lost in his thoughts. 

“Tell that to your fangirls,” Bakugou adds, his tone a mix of irritation and amusement. “Would it kill you to put on a shirt once in a while?” Kirishima laughs, the sound booming through the quiet evening air. “Hey! You get crowded way more than me, and the shirt would get ruined anyway! It would be like trying to groom a pineapple!” 

Despite himself, Bakugou smirks at that, shaking his head. “You’re such a dumbass.”

“Yeah, but I’m your dumbass,” Kirishima shoots back with a grin, bumping Bakugou’s shoulder playfully. “And I’m telling you, man, you gotta figure this out. Whether you want to admit it or not, this is getting to you.”

Bakugou looks out at the skyline, his smirk fading as his thoughts drift back to the club, to the mysterious woman who’s somehow taken root in his mind. Maybe Kirishima’s right. Maybe he needs to do something about this before it drives him crazy.

His eyes narrowed as he stared out at the city, the cool breeze doing little to calm the turmoil in his mind. He had half a mind to pull out his phone and check it—just to see if you had responded to his message—but he stopped himself. It was a stupid idea. He knew it. The last thing he needed was to get caught up in something that would only distract him more.

With a frustrated sigh, he shoved his phone deeper into his pocket, deciding to ignore it for now. Kirishima was finishing up his sandwich, glancing over at Bakugou every now and then with a concerned look.

The minutes dragged on, each one feeling like an eternity as they finished their patrol. The usual rhythm of their shift felt off, each passing second grating against Bakugou’s nerves. He could hardly focus on anything else, his mind continuously drifting back to that night, to you, and how you had somehow managed to take up residence in his thoughts.

Finally, the clock ticked over, signaling the end of their shift. Bakugou almost bolted for the door, eager to escape the endless loop of thoughts running through his mind. But as they were getting ready to leave, he vaguely remembered something his manager had mentioned earlier—something about a meeting with another agency. He brushed it off for now, deciding that whatever it was, it could wait. All he wanted was to go home and try to decompress.

Kirishima, always considerate, ordered takeout for dinner. He knew Bakugou would come out later, like a rat in the night, to eat whatever was left. When they got home, Kirishima made sure to leave Bakugou’s food in the fridge, his way of looking out for his best friend.

“Hey, I’m heading out with Mina,” Kirishima said as he popped his head into Bakugou’s room, checking in one last time before he left. “You good?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Bakugou grumbled, though they both knew it was a half-truth at best.

Kirishima gave him a reassuring smile. “Alright, man. Try to get some rest, okay?”

Bakugou nodded, already turning over in bed as Kirishima flicked off the lights, leaving only the lamp and bathroom light on. The AC hummed softly, keeping the room at a comfortable level.

Despite how much he wanted to sleep, Bakugou found himself wide awake, staring up at the ceiling with red, swollen eyes. The exhaustion weighed on him, but his mind refused to shut down. He kept replaying everything—your face, the way you moved, the sound of your voice. It all kept circling in his head, a constant reminder of what he couldn’t seem to let go.

He clenched his fists, frustrated with himself for letting this get to him. This wasn’t like him. He was Katsuki Bakugou, for crying out loud. He didn’t let things like this mess with his head. And yet, here he was, unable to find peace, unable to shake the feeling that something was missing.

‘You know what’s missing.’

The night dragged on, the quiet ticking of the clock only serving to amplify the silence in his room. Bakugou closed his eyes, willing sleep to come, but all he could see was you—dancing in his mind, haunting his every thought.

"Lemme find out that bitch quirked me," Bakugou muttered under his breath, the frustration evident in his voice. He kicked the blankets off the mattress, feeling the oppressive heat of the night suffocating him. The city's lights, filtering in through the blinds, cast a harsh glare across his room, making it feel even hotter. The bed seemed to cling to him, its scratchy fabric rubbing against his skin in a way that only heightened his discomfort.

He tossed and turned, replaying the evening over and over in his mind. Despite taking a shower earlier, he felt as though he needed another one, desperate to wash away the residual restlessness clinging to him. 

But it wasn’t just physical discomfort; it was the emotional turmoil that gnawed at him. The moment your eyes met, there was something so profoundly different about you. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about how soft and delicate your features had been, how you had looked so soft  and huggable. The warmth in his stomach had spread to his chest, a feeling that was both alien and oddly comforting. You had respected his personal space, never making things awkward, never pushing boundaries. It was a rare feeling for him—being treated with such genuine humanity without any judgment.

The warmth in his chest felt like a conflicting beacon, pulling him towards thoughts of you even as he tried to push them away. He rolled over to glance at the clock on his bedside table, the bright red digits glaring back at him:

12:05 AM

Bakugou groaned, dragging a hand through his tousled hair. This was ridiculous. He couldn’t let a simple encounter with someone mess with his head like this. He needed to get some sleep, to clear his mind. But the more he tried to push the thoughts away, the more vividly they replayed in his head—the glow of your features, the way you had made him feel seen, the peculiar comfort that came from being in your presence.

He let out a frustrated sigh and buried his face in his pillow. Maybe it was just a fleeting connection, something that would fade with time. But for now, the city's lights and the ticking of the clock seemed to mock him, keeping him wide awake as he wrestled with the feelings that had unexpectedly crept into his life.

Bakugou closed his eyes, willing himself to steady his breathing. The room was still, save for the soft hum of the air conditioning and the faint sounds of the city outside. He focused on his breath, in and out, trying to anchor himself in the present. But as much as he tried to push the thoughts away, his mind wandered back to you. The memory of your dance played in his head like a vivid daydream, accompanied by the beat of that song you had chosen for him.

He had been listening to it on his Spotify since that night. The lyrics had burrowed into his brain, especially that one line that made it feel so personal. He knew he was an arrogant asshole—he was better than he was in high school, but that line had hit something deeper. As the song played in his head, he could almost see your silhouette, the way you had moved so fluidly, so intimately, like you were dancing just for him.

Katsuki shifted on his bed, his fingers absentmindedly drumming against the mattress as the scene replayed in his mind. The way your body moved, the way your eyes had locked onto his even through the barrier of glass. It had felt so personal, as if you knew him, really knew him, in a way no one else did. He could feel the tension in his chest, the yearning to hold you, to reach out and touch you, to feel the warmth of your skin against his.

But at the same time, he hesitated. He didn't want to mess everything up with his abrasive personality or his bad attitude. He didn't want to come off as a prick or discover that you weren't anything like the version of you he had built up in his head. The fear of ruining something before it even had a chance to begin gnawed at him.

He clenched his fists, his knuckles turning white against the dark sheets, and then released them, repeating the action several times as if it could somehow dispel the restless energy coursing through him. The song's lyrics echoed in his mind, the word "loyalty" standing out above the rest. Bakugou hated liars. He hated posers. He hated pushy people who invaded his space. He could at least tolerate his former classmates, even if they were dumbasses most of the time. But with you... it was different. You hadn’t pushed. You hadn’t judged. You had just been there, existing in his space without making him feel crowded.

And then there was that heart you had drawn on the glass.

His breath hitched at the memory. That simple, playful gesture had done something to him. It had felt like a connection, something unspoken but real. He wanted to reach out, to touch that heart, to feel the warmth behind it. But at the same time, he was terrified of shattering the peace you seemed to have.

Katsuki sat up, running a hand through his messy hair, the strands sticking up at odd angles. The red digits on his clock now read 12:15 AM, and the night felt like it would never end. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, his feet hitting the cool floor. The tension in his body refused to ease, and he found himself standing up, pacing the small space of his room. The shadows shifted with his movements, the city lights casting faint patterns on the walls.

He stopped by the window, staring out at the city below, his hands gripping the windowsill. He wanted to see you again, to experience that connection once more. But he was torn—between wanting to pull you into his life and wanting to keep his distance, afraid of what might happen if he let himself get too close. 

Bakugou sighed, the sound heavy in the quiet of the room, and leaned his forehead against the cool glass of the window. He didn’t have answers, only the frustrating knowledge that you had gotten under his skin in a way no one else ever had. 

And now, he didn’t know how to get you out.

Bakugou gripped the curtains beside him, his fingers twisting the fabric as he closed his eyes and forced himself to relive that moment. That stupid, reckless moment when he had stood up and placed his hand on the glass, reaching out to you without thinking. 

He couldn’t see you clearly through the barrier, but he could tell you were smaller than him—tiny, almost. The way your head tilted when you noticed his hand against the glass made his heart lurch, and for a second, he almost pulled away, knowing he had startled you.

But something had kept him there. Stubbornness, or desire—he didn’t know what it was, but he willed himself to stay, to hold his ground. And then you did it. You placed your smaller hand against his, mirroring his gesture, and in that instant, he swore he felt something stir within him. It was as if his heart had started beating again, pounding against his ribs with a force he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Hot electricity had shot through his fingertips, through his palm, down his arm, and into his chest. The sensation had been overwhelming, pooling around his heart, suffusing it with warmth and life. It was as if you had reached inside him and jump-started it, breathing new energy into something that had been dormant for far too long. The intensity of it had taken him by surprise, and for a moment, he’d felt utterly exposed, vulnerable in a way he hadn’t allowed himself to be in years.

‘Might as well have shot me,’ he thought, a bitter laugh bubbling up in his throat. No, it was more than that. It was like you had stabbed him, plunged a knife into his chest. Stabbing was much more intimate, after all—something personal, something that you had to think out.

"Fuck, no. Don’t think like that," he muttered under his breath, shaking his head as if to dislodge the thought.

His grip on the curtains tightened, his knuckles turning white as he shut his eyes again, trying to block out the image of you standing there, just on the other side of that glass. When he opened his eyes, he felt sick, the room spinning around him as he looked down at the city below. The bright lights that usually made him feel alive now made him dizzy, disoriented, like the ground beneath him was shifting. He wasn’t afraid of heights—he never had been—so why did it feel like the floor was falling out from under him?

Why was there a sharp pain in his chest, like something was tearing him apart from the inside? 

His breath hitched, and for the first time in a long time, Bakugou felt like he was drowning in emotions he couldn’t control. The city stretched out beneath him, vast and indifferent, and he felt so small, so insignificant against it all. He hated feeling like this, hated the weakness that gnawed at him. 

Why couldn’t you be here to save him? 

The thought was irrational, pathetic even, but it clawed at him, a desperate longing he couldn’t shake. He didn’t need saving—he never had. He was Katsuki Bakugou, for fuck’s sake. He was strong, capable, a force to be reckoned with. But right now, all he wanted was for you to be there, to pull him out of this spiral before it swallowed him whole. 

He released the curtains and stumbled back from the window, his breath coming in ragged gasps. His hand pressed against his chest as if he could somehow calm the storm raging inside him, but it was no use. You weren’t there, and he was left to face the crushing emptiness on his own.

Bakugou’s mind was a chaotic mess, torn between the urge to race down to your club and the instinct to keep his distance. How desperate would he have to be to show up there, to corner you with his feelings? He could already imagine it—the awkward encounter, the way you’d probably smile politely while thinking of the countless other clients who had begged for your attention, begged you to go out with them. He wasn’t just another guy, he knew that. But would you see him that way?

The thought of fucking everything up gnawed at him. What if he came off as a stalker, some creep who couldn’t take a hint? And what if—God, what if you were already in a relationship? What if you were happy with someone else, someone who wasn’t an arrogant, short-tempered asshole like him? The idea made him sick, but it was a reality he had to consider.

How selfish did he need to be before he lost his morality?

The question echoed in his mind, and for a moment, he was frozen in place, staring out at the city lights. But then something inside him snapped. He couldn’t stand the uncertainty, the not knowing. He had to do something—anything to alleviate the pressure building in his chest.

Without thinking, he turned away from the window and went back to his bed, grabbing his phone off the nightstand. His fingers were trembling as he unlocked it and scrolled through his messages, searching for the one he had sent you earlier. It was simple, direct, but it had taken him way too long to hit send.

Spiceman420: “You streaming tonight?”

That was it. He’d stared at the screen for what felt like an eternity before finally sending it. It wasn’t much, but it was all he could manage without sounding like a complete idiot. 

Now, as he sat on the edge of his bed, he hesitated again. His thumb hovered over the screen, debating whether to check if you’d responded. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, his anxiety growing with each passing second. But eventually, he couldn’t resist. He tapped the message thread and felt his breath hitch when he saw that you were online—right now.

His heart did somersaults as he saw the small notification indicating that you had replied. With a mix of dread and hope, he opened the message.

xxPrincess Diamondxx: “Hey! Sorry I missed your message. :p I was soo tired but I’m doing a little something tonight. I was hoping you’d join me :) Here’s a personal invite just for you.”

You’d sent him a direct invite to your stream, something personal, just for him. Bakugou’s heart raced as he read the words over and over, his mind struggling to process that you had actually reached out to him, that you had thought of him. His fingers trembled as he fumbled for his earbuds, desperate to hear your voice again, even if it was only through a screen.

He quickly accepted the invite, feeling his nerves spike as the screen loaded. The cool night air brushed against his skin as he unlocked the window and stepped outside, needing the fresh air to steady himself. He sat on the ledge, his feet dangling over the side as he waited for the stream to start. The city lights below shimmered like a sea of stars, but all he could focus on was the anticipation building in his chest.

As the stream connected, the familiar interface of the platform greeted him, and he took a deep breath. He was about to see you again, even if it was just a virtual encounter. The thought both thrilled and terrified him. He didn’t know what to expect, didn’t know if he was ready to face you again, but there was no turning back now.

The screen flickered, and there you were. His breath caught in his throat as he saw you appear, the soft glow of your setup highlighting your features. You looked just as beautiful as he remembered, maybe even more so. The sight of you sent a wave of warmth through his body, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly as he settled in to watch.

His fingers clenched around the phone, his heart still pounding as he tried to calm his racing thoughts. He didn’t know what was going to happen next, but for now, he was content just to be here, just to see you. He adjusted his earbuds and leaned back against the window frame, letting the cool night air wash over him as he watched you, the tension in his chest slowly giving way to a strange sense of peace.

—-

You and Michael spent hours putting together that furniture, each piece stubbornly resisting your efforts until you finally caved and called some friends for backup. They brought their boyfriends along, who managed to figure out the assembly after watching a few YouTube videos. Finally, your guest bedroom transformed into a cuter, more posh version of your old basement setup.

The room is undeniably feminine and inviting, with soft pink bedsheets draped over a plush, cozy bed that beckons you to sink into it. The furniture, painted in delicate shades of white and cream, has a vintage charm, with intricate details and personal touches scattered throughout. A vanity sits against one wall, its mirror framed by warm lights, perfect for your evening rituals. The decor reflects your personality—elegant yet playful, with framed photos, scented candles, and soft throws adding warmth to the space.

You’ve lit some candles, their flickering flames casting a soft glow around the room. Your new guest bedroom is a cozy, feminine retreat, far more inviting than the old basement setup. You slip into your cherry red robe, the silky fabric hugging your figure nicely. The robe, a recent purchase, was a little indulgence you allowed yourself, and every time you put it on, it ironically reminds you of a client’s eyes. His intense gaze had left a lasting impression, one that still lingers in your mind. 

But you shake off the thought as you prepare for the night.

As you go live, the chat comes alive with messages, tips, and comments pouring in from your adoring fans. You smile, welcoming everyone warmly and explaining that after a whirlwind of life changes, you wanted to share a relaxing, intimate night with them. 

The atmosphere in the chat is buzzing with affection and curiosity as they ask you questions, their excitement palpable through the screen. You're in control, dictating the pace, and it feels empowering. Tonight, you're going to unwind with them, but on your terms.

You continue with your nightly routine, grabbing your toothbrush and toothpaste. The chat buzzes with activity as you brush your teeth, some viewers commenting on how meticulous you are while others ask about your skincare products. Once your teeth are brushed, you reach for your moisturizer, applying it in gentle circles across your face.

BlushBerry: “Your skin literally glows! I need your entire skincare line!”

LunarDreamer:“I love how thorough you are with everything. It’s so relaxing to watch.”

You smile, feeling the cool moisturizer absorb into your skin. “Thanks, guys. I try to be consistent. It’s like a little ritual for me every night.”

With your skin now hydrated and fresh, you move to the closet, taking your time to pick out an outfit for work tomorrow. You slide the hangers across the rod before settling on something particularly spicy—a black, lacy bodysuit with sheer panels, paired with a sleek denim mini skirt and thigh-high boots. You hold the outfit up for the camera, grinning mischievously as the chat erupts.

Yourmom69: “Whoa, that’s hot! What’s the occasion?”*

ShadowKnight: “Damn, that’s a killer outfit. Can we get a full view?”

You chuckle as you lay the outfit out on the bed, adjusting the camera to show it off. “Let’s just say I like to keep things interesting. Gotta keep the workday spicy, right?”

Retrofan23: “What do you do for work that you get to wear something like that?”

You tilt your head playfully, leaning closer to the camera. “Oh, you know...I like to keep secrets. Any ideas?” You shoot them a teasing wink, watching as the chat goes wild with guesses ranging from model to dancer to secret agent.

As you finish setting up for tomorrow, you prop your phone against a stack of textbooks, making sure the angle captures you perfectly. You slip into bed, the plush pink sheets almost swallowing you whole as you sink into the mattress. The softness is immediately soothing, and you can’t help but let out a small, content sigh as you settle in.

The chat explodes again, filled with compliments and heart emojis.

GoldenSunset: “You look so cute and comfy! Those sheets are everything.”

VelvetRose: “That bed looks like heaven! And you in it? Perfection.”

You smile, feeling the warmth of the bed and the affectionate words from your viewers. As you shift slightly, your robe loosens, revealing the little white shorts you’re wearing underneath. The movement also causes the robe to slip off one shoulder, teasing just a hint of cleavage, enough to drive the chat wild.

StarGazer88: “Those shorts! 😍 And dem shoulders girl… wow.”*

FrightenedFae: “No bra? You’re spoiling us!”*

You laugh softly, pulling the robe back up a bit but leaving it just loose enough to keep them guessing. “You guys are too much. But hey, it’s all about comfort, right? Gotta be cozy before bed.”

Yourmom69: “You’re killing me with these vibes. It’s like I’m right there with you.”

You lean back against the pillows, relaxing as the chat continues to buzz with energy. “So, what about you guys? What do you do to unwind before bed? Any special routines?”

The responses come in quickly, with viewers sharing their own nightly rituals, from reading to meditating to watching their favorite shows. The exchange is easy and familiar, a reminder of the connection you’ve built with your community. You feel a sense of peace and contentment wash over you, knowing that you’ve created a space where everyone can come together, share, and simply be themselves.

Bakugou sat on his fire escape, the cool night air doing little to calm the heat simmering in his chest. His phone was propped up on his knee, earbuds snug in his ears, and his eyes glued to the screen where you were live, talking and interacting with your viewers. He wished it wasn’t just pixels. The way you moved, the way you smiled—it all felt so real, but also so far out of reach. 

He hated it. Hated how he felt jealous of these random extras, these faceless usernames who got to see parts of you, even if it was just a sliver of your world. He clenched his jaw, trying to shake the feeling. It was crazy, irrational even, but the thought of sharing you with anyone made his blood boil. He wanted you all for himself. No sharing, no competing with anyone else for your attention.

The way you teased your viewers, that playful glint in your eye as you read their comments, only made it worse. Bakugou leaned forward, his grip on his phone tightening. The robe you were wearing had slipped just enough to show a hint of your bare shoulder, and the chat was going wild. He let out a frustrated breath, eyes narrowing as he caught sight of more tips rolling in, each one paired with comments that made his skin crawl.

“This is stupid,” he muttered to himself, though his eyes never left the screen. His thumb hovered over the button to close out the stream, to just shut it all down, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Instead, he scrolled down to the premium options, his heart hammering in his chest. He knew it was a line he shouldn’t cross, but he was already too far gone.

With a few taps, he purchased the beginner package, a part of him cursing himself for being so damn desperate. The screen flickered, and suddenly, he had access to some exclusive content—photos, videos, things you didn’t share with the general public. 

The first thing he did was pull up one of the videos, the thumbnail alone making his breath hitch. You were sitting in that same plush bed, the one he had just seen live, but this time, you were holding the camera, your voice low and intimate as you spoke to whoever was watching. Him, now. 

His mind raced as he watched, every word you said feeling like it was directed at him, like you knew exactly what he wanted to hear. The way you moved, the way you looked directly into the camera—it was all so personal, so intoxicatingly close, and yet still just out of his reach.

He could hear you asking the viewers questions, your voice soft and teasing, like you were right there beside him. You were brushing your teeth now, the mundane task somehow feeling so intimate, and Bakugou couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to share those moments with you, to be the one in your space, not just another username in a chat.

When you held up that outfit—damn, that outfit—his breath caught in his throat. The chat was going wild, and he could feel his own heartbeat quicken as you laid the clothes out, teasing the viewers with a playful smirk. He could almost hear you in his head, taunting him with that same mischievous tone. 

You were speaking again, responding to a question about why you chose such a risky outfit. “What do you think I do for work?” you teased, your eyes glinting with amusement. 

Bakugou swallowed hard, his eyes locked on the screen. He could feel the heat rising in his chest again, that possessiveness creeping back in. How could these idiots not know? How could they not see what he saw?

He watched as you set up your phone, getting ready to climb into bed, the chat lighting up with compliments and guesses about your job. His eyes followed every movement, his mind racing with thoughts he couldn’t push away. The robe slipped up further, revealing the little white shorts you were wearing underneath, and the fact that you weren’t wearing a bra was painfully obvious now. 

“Damn it,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair, his frustration mounting. You were so close, just within reach, and yet all he had were these damn videos and livestreams. It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.

He could feel his hands trembling as he adjusted his earbuds, his focus entirely on you now. The way you interacted with the chat, the way you responded to the endless stream of comments—it all felt so natural, so effortless. You were everything he didn’t know he wanted, and it was driving him insane.

But he couldn’t stop. Even as his mind screamed at him to shut it down, to stop torturing himself with something he could never have, he couldn’t tear his eyes away. He didn’t want to be just another viewer, another faceless fan. He wanted more, needed more. 

As you settled into bed, adjusting your robe slipping just enough to tease, Bakugou’s heart raced. He didn’t care about the others watching, didn’t care about the chat or the tips. All he could think about was you, the way you looked, the way you spoke, the way you made him feel. And in that moment, he knew he was hooked. 

But damn, did it make him feel like a fool.

You snuggle into your pillow, feeling its softness beneath your cheek as the chat continues to buzz with activity. Messages flood in, viewers asking all sorts of questions about your routine and your life.

xxPinkswirl: "Why don’t you have any plushies on your bed? You’d look so cute with them!"

The question catches you off guard. For a moment, a flicker of a memory—your ex cutting and burning your beloved stuffed animals—flashes through your mind. Fucking asshole couldn't stand not being the center of your attention. Anything that wasn't him, had to go. The fear of anything not plain has lingered, but you push the thought aside and smile at the camera.

“I just haven’t gotten around to it yet,” you say, voice light. “But I do love plushies!”

The chat explodes with comments, viewers finding your response adorable.

Yourmom69: "Aww, what kinds do you like?" 

You giggled, your fingers playing with the edge of your robe. "Big, soft ones that I can really squeeze. Maybe something with a cute face that makes you just want to cuddle it all day." You were resting on your pillow again with your leg propped up. 

StarGazer88: "We need to get you some plushies ASAP!" 

Retrofan23: "Can we send you some? 😍"

FrightenedFae: I’ll be your plushie

Bakugou watches from his fire escape, a mix of emotions churning inside him. He feels a pang of embarrassment for wanting to keep you all to himself, even though he knows it’s irrational. The thought of others seeing this soft, intimate side of you drives him a little crazy. Without hesitation, he navigates to your shopping list, searching for a way to make your space feel more personal, more like home. But when he finds it empty, a surge of determination courses through him. He needs to ask you directly.

He buys some outfits you have on there, the extra cost barely registering in his mind as he clicks through your photos and videos, heart pounding with every new image. The way you move, the softness in your voice, even in these small moments, he’s captivated.

Back in your room, you notice a question from a username you don’t immediately recognize.

Spiceman420: “What kind of plushies do you want?”

You pause, a smile spreading across your face as you read the message. “Hmm, I think I’d love anything soft and cuddly—maybe a big bear. I need something cute and fluffy,” you reply, voice softening. “What about you all? What’s your favorite kind?”

The chat lights up again, and Bakugou leans back against the cool metal railing, his heart beating just a little faster as he imagines surprising you with something you’d love.

Yourmom69: "What’s your favorite comfort food?"

You stretched out, letting the soft bed cradle you as you thought about it. "Definitely mac and cheese," you replied with a playful smirk. "But it has to be the really cheesy kind, none of that watery stuff."

StarGazer88: "Are you into any video games?"

You rolled your eyes in a bratty manner. "Maybe, but only if they don’t waste my time," you teased, winking at the camera. "I get bored easily, so it better be worth it."

As you answered, Bakugou was leaning against the railing of his fire escape, tablet balanced on his knee, while his phone screen was filled with images of teddy bears. He kept scrolling, determined to find one that matched your description—something big, soft, and with an endearing little face.

Retrofan23: "Do you have any guilty pleasures?"

You bit your lip, pretending to ponder the question before answering. "Maybe," you said, dragging out the word. "But if I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret, would it?"

Bakugou’s heart skipped a beat as he watched you, his fingers still tapping away on his phone. He found a bear that seemed perfect—soft, huggable, and with an expression that almost screamed, “Cuddle me.” He paused, contemplating before sending a message to you.

FrightenedFae: "What’s your favorite time of year?"

You grinned, curling into the pillow a bit more. "Winter," you answered, your tone a bit softer. "I love the cold, cozy nights, hot cocoa, and the way everything feels a little more magical."

Total lie actually. You hated not celebrating because of that jerk. But you wanted to experience it like in the movies and TV shows that kept you company. Spring was always better because it meant that your depression was over and summer would be there soon to warm you up again. 

Bakugou’s breath hitched as he readied himself to send the message. He was nervous—something that didn’t happen often, but this was different. You were different.

Spiceman420: Found something that might be your type. Mind if I send it your way?

He sent the message, his thumb hovering over the screen as if he could somehow will a response from you. Meanwhile, you were adjusting your phone, propping it against a pillow to get a better angle, unaware of the chaos you were causing in the chat.

Yourmom69: “I’m still caught up on the lack of plushies. I wanna see you surrounded by them!” 

“Maybe I'll start a new collection soon.~"

As the chat exploded with suggestions, Bakugou’s phone buzzed with your reply. His eyes widened slightly, and his pulse quickened as he read your response, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He quickly started searching for the best way to get that bear to you, his mind filled with thoughts of how you’d react when you saw it. He could picture you holding it close, smiling—maybe even thinking of him when you did.

You laugh again, the sound light and genuine as you shake your head. "You guys are being too generous," you say, warmth seeping into your tone. "But fine, I’ll make a list. Just one plushie at a time, though! That way, no one gets left out."

As the chat continues to buzz with excitement, Bakugou leans back against the wall, his heart still racing. His hand grips his phone tightly, and he can’t help the small smirk tugging at his lips. Watching you smile at his gift, even through a screen, feels oddly fulfilling.

He glances at the time on his tablet, realizing how long he’s been watching, but he doesn’t care. For now, he’s content to stay right where he is, just a little closer to you, even if it’s through a screen.

You scan through the chat, eyes catching a message you’d somehow missed. "Oh no, did I miss something from Spiceman420 ?" you ask aloud, teasingly adding, "Go ahead, but it better not be anything weird!" You laugh softly, leaning back against your pillows, the light from your screen casting a soft glow over your face.

Meanwhile, Bakugou is sitting on the edge of his bed, his tablet propped up on a makeshift stand of books and a few old magazines. His fingers hover over his phone screen as he quickly types the link to a fluffy blond teddy bear he’d found, slamming it into the chat. The moment he hits send, his heart races, watching for your reaction.

Your screen lights up with the image of the teddy bear, and the chat immediately bursts into a chorus of oo’s and awe’s. 

Yourmom69: That’s so cute!  

StarGazer88: Awww, I love it!  

Retrofan23: That bear’s got style.  

FrightenedFae: It would be perfect for you!

You tilt your head slightly, inspecting the bear. "Okay, I have to admit, that’s really cute," you say, your voice softening. "I could use a little guy to cuddle with and keep me company.” 

Bakugou’s lips twitch into a small smile as he sees your reaction. Without hesitating, he taps into his account and tips you enough to cover both the bear and its shipping. He feels a mix of satisfaction and a strange, unfamiliar warmth as he watches you consider his gift.

"Whoa, looks like Spiceman420 is really spoiling me tonight," you say with a playful lilt in your voice. "Thank you so much!" You glance at the growing number of comments scrolling up the screen.

Yourmom69: You’re so lucky!  

StarGazer88: We need to get her more plushies you guys!  

Retrofan23: Make a shopping list, we’ll cover it all!  

FrightenedFae: Let us spoil you!

You felt a little panic rise into your chest at the idea of owning plushies again. But you could just keep them inside the room as props. That’s all they would be, props.

As the chat continues to buzz with excitement, Bakugou leans back against the wall, his heart still racing. His hand grips his phone tightly, and he can’t help the small smirk tugging at his lips. Watching you smile at his gift, even through a screen, feels oddly fulfilling.

He glances at the time on his tablet, realizing how long he’s been watching, but he doesn’t care. For now, he’s content to stay right where he is, just a little closer to you, even if it’s through a screen.

As you continue chatting with your viewers, a large tip notification pops up on your screen, nearly making you do a double-take. "$500?!" you exclaim, a mix of surprise and amusement in your voice. The accompanying message reads:

"Put on some lotion for us, please."

You raise an eyebrow, a playful smirk tugging at your lips. "You know, I can’t say no to that," you tease, your voice dropping to a sultry tone. The chat goes wild with excitement, the screen filling with heart emojis and messages encouraging you.

Meanwhile, Bakugou, who had been half-distracted by his own thoughts, immediately perks up, his vermillion eyes widening at the sudden turn of events. He sits up straighter, his jaw tightening slightly as he watches you on the screen. His eyebrows raise in surprise, but he can’t tear his gaze away.

You make a show of it, slowly walking over to your vanity and grabbing a bottle of lotion. "I guess you all want a little show, huh?" you say, your voice soft and teasing. The way you drag out your words only makes the anticipation grow, and you can see the chat explode with excitement.

Yourmom69: Damn ma, you sexy!!  

StarGazer88: This is gonna be good!  

Retrofan23: Can’t wait to see this!  

FrightenedFae: I’m dying already!

You stand up and move gracefully back to your vanity, the soft light from your candles casting a warm, golden glow on your skin. Bakugou watches intently as you sit on the stool, positioning yourself just right for the camera. The robe you’re wearing shifts slightly, revealing a bit more of your thigh as you sit down, and you can almost hear the collective gasp from your audience.

As you pour a generous amount of lotion into your hands, you rub them together slowly, the sound of your hands moving against each other barely audible but strangely intimate. The way you start at your ankles, (you not showing your feet for free working the lotion into your skin with deliberate, sensual movements, has Bakugou leaning in closer to his screen. His eyes are locked on you, his heart pounding in his chest as he watches you slowly massage the lotion up your calves, over your knees, and then up your thighs. 

His throat feels dry, and he swallows hard, trying to regain some semblance of composure. But it’s no use; he’s completely captivated by the sight of you. The soft, deliberate way you move, the way your fingers glide over your skin, it’s all too much. His breathing becomes shallow, his heart hammering as he watches you.

You glance up at the camera, your eyes meeting his through the screen, and he swears you can see him. The connection feels almost tangible, like you’re right there in the room with him. You tilt your head slightly, giving the camera a knowing look before standing up and moving behind a decorative divider.

The chat goes wild, messages flying in faster than you can read them.

Yourmom69: OMG, this is everything!  

StarGazer88: She’s killing me!  

Retrofan23: I wanna bite into those calves!  

FrightenedFae: I’m gonna die from your beauty!!

You drape the robe over the divider, leaving you only in those tiny white shorts. Bakugou’s eyes narrow as he tries to catch a glimpse of you beyond the screen. He can feel his body tense up, his fists clenching and unclenching as he imagines what you’re doing just out of view. The way you casually reach for more lotion, the sound of your skin rubbing against the fabric, it’s all driving him crazy.

When you pick up your rob and finally emerge from behind the divider, your skin glistening, the chat erupts once again. The tips flood in, and you can’t help but smile at the overwhelming response.

Yourmom69: She’s glowing!  

StarGazer88: I can’t breathe!!  

GoldenSunset: Take all my money!  

FrightenedFae: I’m dead.  

Bakugou’s eyes stay locked on you as you move back to the bed, every movement slow and deliberate. The robe has slipped off one of your shoulders again, revealing just enough skin to make his pulse quicken. He’s never felt like this before, never been so captivated by someone, and it frustrates him how much he wants you.

His fingers tremble slightly as he picks up his phone, the desire to send you another message, another tip, burning in the back of his mind. He wants to be the one to spoil you, to have your attention, but he also wants more than just this screen between you.

As you settle back onto your bed, snuggling into your pillow, Bakugou feels a pang of jealousy. All these other viewers get to see this side of you, but he wants more. He wants to know you, to hold you, to be the one who makes you smile like that. 

He watches as you respond to the chat, your voice soft and teasing, your eyes sparkling with mischief. His heart aches with the realization that he’s falling for you, but for now, he’s content to just watch, to soak in every moment, and to dream of the day when he might have more than just pixels between you.

Bakugou blinked, realizing the time displayed on his tablet—1:00 AM. The fatigue was heavy in his body, but sleep still eluded him. He rubbed a hand over his face, feeling the exhaustion tugging at him, but his mind was still racing, filled with thoughts of you.

Would you take a request without him sending any money? The idea felt ridiculous. He clenched his jaw, feeling the knots in his stomach tighten. Bakugou wasn't one to ask for favors, much less from someone he barely knew, but the thought nagged at him, refusing to let go. Before he could overthink it, he typed out a simple message and hit send, his heart pounding in his chest.

Back on your end, you were just getting settled back into your bed, the soft pillows cradling your head as you answered a few more questions from the chat. The tips had slowed down a bit, and the energy was starting to wind down as everyone began to relax with you. Your eyes skimmed over the messages, a soft smile playing on your lips as you responded.

 The chat is alive with comments and questions, but one message catches your eye.

Spiceman420: "I can't sleep. Can you help?"

Your heart goes out to the person behind the username. You understand what it feels like to struggle with sleep, especially when your mind won’t quiet down. You smile softly at the camera, your expression sympathetic. 

"Oh, I’m sorry to hear that you can’t sleep, Spiceman420," you say gently. "What can I do to help you out?"

The chat buzzes with activity as you wait for his response, your eyes scanning the messages flying in.

Yourmom69 : Aww, how sweet! LunarDreamer : She’s such a caring person! Retrofan23 : Maybe a bedtime story? FrightenedFae: Some soft music, maybe?

You glance back at the screen, waiting for Spiceman420 to reply, genuinely wanting to help him relax and find some peace.

On the other side of the screen, Bakugou feels his heart rate spike. He hadn’t expected you to notice his message so quickly, let alone respond so kindly. He takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself, and types out his request, hoping it isn’t too much to ask.

Your eyes light up as you see his next message pop up.

Spiceman420: "Could you maybe just talk for a bit? About anything."

You nod, a soft smile playing on your lips. "Of course, I can do that. Sometimes just hearing someone’s voice can be really soothing." You adjust your position on the bed, making yourself comfortable, and begin to speak, your voice gentle and calming.

"I’ll tell you about my day then," you start, settling in. "My bestie and I spent hours putting together some new furniture for my bedroom. It’s looking really cute now. I tried cooking some stir fry but ended up setting off the smoke alarm."

As you continue talking, you notice the chat reacting positively, your viewers appreciating the more personal glimpse into your life.

Bakugou leans back against his bed, his eyes closing as he listens to you. Your voice is soothing, a gentle lull that begins to ease the tension in his body. He can almost picture the room you’re describing, imagining the warmth and comfort of it.

You keep going, answering a few more questions from your viewers, occasionally glancing at the screen to see the messages coming in.

Yourmom69 : That sounds lovely! StarGazer88 : Can we see the room again sometime? Retrofan23 : I bet it looks amazing! FrightenedFae: I love pink sheets!

You smile, feeling a sense of connection with your audience. "Maybe I’ll do a room tour tomorrow," you say playfully. "But for now, let’s just relax together. Is there anything else you’d like to hear about, Spiceman420?"

You wait for his response, genuinely wanting to help him feel at ease, your voice continuing to be a soothing presence in the night. The chat immediately responded with supportive comments.

Yourmom69 : That’s so sweet of you! StarGazer88 : I love this idea! Retrofan23 : Spiceman’s lucky! VelvetRose: You’re such a sweetheart, helping everyone like this.

As you waited for Spiceman420’s response, you adjusted your robe, pulling it a bit tighter around you for comfort. The soft glow from the candles cast a warm light across your room, making the pink bedsheets look even more inviting. You shifted slightly on your bed, the plush mattress sinking just enough to cradle you comfortably.

Meanwhile, Bakugou was staring at his tablet, his heart thudding in his chest. He hadn't expected you to respond so quickly, or with so much warmth. He bit his lip, his fingers hovering over the screen as he considered what to say. Before he could overthink it, he typed a simple, “Whatever works for you” and hit send. He set his phone down on his lap, his leg bouncing slightly with restless energy as he waited.

Your eyes flicked to the screen, catching his response. A soft smile curled on your lips. "Alright, Spiceman," you said gently, your voice warm and soothing. "Let’s see what we can do."

Before you could continue, another notification pinged in the chat.

FrightenedFae just tipped $700.

Your eyes widened slightly, not at the amount—though it was generous—but at the message that came with it: 

"Can you talk like it’s a girlfriend audio? Something to help us all wind down?"

You glanced at the camera, a thoughtful look on your face. This wasn’t an uncommon request, but it was always a bit different depending on the person. You wanted to make sure Spiceman420 was comfortable with it, given the situation.

"Wow, thank you so much, FrightenedFae," you said, your voice genuine. "That’s really generous of you. I’ll definitely do that, but I want to make sure it's okay with Spiceman first." You looked directly into the camera, your expression softening. "Spiceman, would that be alright with you?"

Bakugou stared at the screen, feeling a strange mix of emotions. This wasn’t what he’d expected, but he found himself typing, "Yeah, go ahead."

He didn’t know why he was letting himself get so wrapped up in this, but there was something about your voice, your presence, that made him feel… calmer, more centered.

Seeing his response, you nodded. “Alright then, let’s do this.” You adjusted your position on the bed, reclining back against the pillows, and let your voice drop into a lower, smoother tone. There was a slight rasp to it, a warm, comforting quality that made it feel like you were right there beside him. It wasn’t sexual, but there was an intimacy to it that felt personal, genuine.

“Hey,” you began, your voice soft and soothing. “I know it’s late, and you’re probably feeling pretty tired, maybe even a little restless. But that’s okay. We’re gonna wind down together, alright? Just take a deep breath for me… and let it out slowly.” You inhaled and exhaled, bust moving with your gentle breaths. 

Bakugou’s eyes widened, his breath hitching in his throat. He found himself unconsciously following your instructions, taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly, his body already beginning to relax.

“Now,” you continued, “before you get too comfy, make sure you’ve got everything you need for the night. Did you drink some water? Maybe grab a little snack, something light. I don’t want you to go to bed hungry. And if you haven’t brushed your teeth yet, now’s a good time to do that too. Just take care of yourself, okay?”

The chat was going to kill your phone again.

Yourmom69 : I’m getting up right now, queen! StarGazer88 : You’re too good to us! Retrofan23 : I don’t wanna leave my bed, but I’ll do it for you! FrightenedFae: This is exactly what I needed tonight, thank you!

Bakugou’s mind was spinning. He felt ridiculous for actually considering getting up, but your voice had a way of making him want to do what you said. He let out a soft, resigned groan and pushed himself up from the bed. Grabbing a granola bar from his kitchen, he unwrapped it and took a bite, chewing slowly as he continued listening to you.

“Good job,” you praised, your voice dripping with warmth and encouragement. “Now, when you’re ready, get yourself back to bed. Make sure you’re comfortable, get under those covers, and just let your body relax. You’ve done everything you needed to today. It’s time to let yourself rest.”

Fuck it was like you could see him. 

Bakugou finished the granola bar and downed a glass of water, feeling oddly obedient as he brushed his teeth. He didn’t even know why he was listening to you, but something about the way you spoke made it easy to just… go along with it. Maybe if he tricked his body into following your advice, he’d finally be able to sleep.

As he climbed back into bed, he pulled his tablet closer, your stream still playing as he settled in. The tension in his chest had lessened, and for the first time that night, he felt like maybe, just maybe, sleep might actually come.

As you continued, fully embracing the role of a comforting presence, Bakugou found himself removing his shirt, the cool air brushing against his skin as he settled back into bed. He watched you intently, your voice still playing through his tablet as you lay down, adjusting the camera to a more intimate angle.

The chat was buzzing with questions, the most popular one catching your eye:

StarGazer88: Do you prefer to sleep with or without clothes?

A sly smile crossed your lips as you considered the question, your eyes glancing at the camera. "Without, if I'm being honest," you admitted with a playful tone. "But it really just depends on the night. I love sleeping with the fan on, so sometimes it can get pretty cold."

You gave the camera a knowing look before slipping off the bed, disappearing for a moment. The chat was alive with speculation, everyone trying to guess what you were up to. Bakugou leaned closer to his screen, his brows furrowing in curiosity.

When you returned, the sight made Bakugou almost sit up so quickly that he nearly hit his head on the bedframe. You were wearing an oversized "Ground Zero" t-shirt, the black fabric swallowing your frame, the iconic hero logo printed across your chest. It hung loosely on you, the hem almost reaching your thighs.

Bakugou’s heart skipped a beat. That shirt—his shirt—on you? It was like a punch to his gut, but in the best way possible. Seeing you wear something with his brand, something that represented him, made him feel something he hadn’t expected—possessiveness mixed with a strange, warm pride.

The chat erupted with excitement.

Yourmom69 : OMG that shirt is so cute on you! FrightenedFae : Look at that merch! Represent! Retrofan23 : Where can we get that shirt?! StarGazer88: Ground Zero fan confirmed!! 😍

You smiled sweetly at the comments, clearly enjoying the reaction. "It’s one of my favorites," you confessed, adjusting the shirt slightly as you crawled back onto your bed. "So comfy. And it’s perfect for nights like this."

Bakugou couldn’t tear his eyes away from you. Seeing you all dolled up at the club had been one thing, but this—this was different. It was intimate, personal. You looked so relaxed, so natural in his shirt, and it did something to him. He felt like he was seeing a side of you that no one else got to see, a softer, sweeter version that was a stark contrast to the poised, alluring figure you presented at the club.

You settled down onto the bed, placing your phone next to your pillow. Your voice dropped to a soft, soothing tone as you began to hum a quiet melody, something gentle and comforting. "You all are so sweet," you murmured, the warmth in your voice palpable. "Thank you so much for being here with me tonight, for all your tips, your kind words… I really appreciate it. Make sure to join me tomorrow, okay?"

Bakugou’s breath hitched as he watched you, his eyes glued to the screen. That shirt looked so oversized on you, making you seem so much smaller, so much more… his. He knew it was crazy, that it was just a piece of clothing, but seeing you in it felt like a special treat, a glimpse into something more personal.

He barely noticed the time slipping by, so captivated by the sight of you snuggled into your bed, wearing his merch, humming softly as if you were already half-asleep. It was so different from your usual stream persona—this was you, in your element, in your space. And for Bakugou, that made all the difference.

He clenched his fists, trying to steady the chaotic mix of emotions swirling inside him. There was something about this moment that made him want to be the only one watching, the only one who got to see you like this. It was irrational, possessive, but he couldn’t help it.

For now, though, he just let himself enjoy the sight of you in his shirt, knowing that this was something special—something he wanted to keep close, just for himself.

You continued to hum softly, your voice a gentle lullaby, Bakugou’s eyes grew heavier with each passing moment. He barely noticed the time slipping by as he lay back against his pillow, the cool night air from the open window brushing against his skin. The sound of your voice, warm and soothing, wrapped around him like a comforting blanket, lulling him into a peaceful state he hadn’t felt in a long time.

His tablet rested on his chest, the screen dimming as the stream continued. More than half the viewers had already given their final tips, sending heart emojis and sweet messages before quietly exiting the stream, thinking you were on the verge of sleep. Bakugou’s breath slowed, his eyes fluttering shut as your soft words continued to echo in his mind.

“Thank you for being here with me tonight,” you whispered, your voice barely audible now, like a quiet breeze. “Sleep well, everyone.”

Those last words drifted through his mind as he finally succumbed to his exhaustion. His breathing evened out, the tension in his body melting away as he drifted into sleep, your voice still playing softly in the background.

But what Bakugou didn’t see—what none of the remaining viewers saw—was the shadowed figure that appeared behind you. As you lay still on your bed, seemingly asleep, the figure leaned over, careful and deliberate. A hand reached out, gently grabbing your phone from the pillow.

The stream abruptly ended.

The screen on Bakugou’s tablet turned black, signaling the end of the broadcast. But he was already deep in sleep, oblivious to what had just happened, lost in a dream where your voice was the only thing that mattered.

In the dark room, the figure stepped back, the phone in hand, as the glow from the screen faded into nothingness.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @elarakive, @thealtofvalleyxdoodles, the-dumpster-fire-of-life, @raendarkfaerie If you wanna be added lemme know!

Chapter 1 is here Chapter 2 is here.

Chapter 3 is here

That was the first chapter! So far there are 9 posted on my ao3 account.

I own none of the images or art!!!

Be sure to check out my other works and leave likes and comments, they really help. I have a Farmer Bakugou x Gardener Reader here in the master list. Drop a follow as well if you please. Don’t be shy to leave me a little reblog if you want.

I promise I bite~

See you soon my loves!!

(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

[uhohbestie]

There Are Monsters Nearby [Chapter 23]

🏜 Pairing: Grian/Scar

🧟‍♂️ Tags: zombie AU, zombie apocalypse, lovers to exes, slow burn, eventual reconciliation

📖 Summary: The day after Scar breaks up with Grian, the dead come back to life. Knowing that venturing out alone is a death sentence, the sudden onset of the apocalypse forces them to stick together despite their tensions. In the wreckage of the world, they're forced to survive side-by-side, coming to terms with the fact that—try as they might—there's still no one they trust more than each other.

Chapter 23 - Scar's new friend may have more personality than he bargained for, but struggling with his disability and his grief, he's in no position to turn down help.

📝 Words: 10,901

🔗 Link: Read Chapter 23 on AO3

—

“Alright, now be careful, it’s hot,” Pops says as he slides one of the open cans Scar’s way. Scar receives it gingerly, tugging the end of his sleeve over his palm in a similar manner to how he’d seen Pops do moments earlier before he picks it up, blowing hot steam off the surface.

With gratitude in his chest and a stomach suddenly tight with hunger, Scar digs his spoon into the can, taking a large bite without bothering to test it for flavour.

And almost immediately he spits it back out.

“Oh my god,” he gags, eyes tearing up at the acidity overwhelming his taste buds. “That tastes like cat food.”

Pops meets his eyes and takes a bite himself, face deceptively clear aside from a knowing twinkle in his eye that betrays volumes. “Huh, is that so?”

Scar doesn’t want to know the answer, but he can’t help but ask.

“Is it cat food?”

“I don’t know what to tell ya, man,” Pops shrugs, still shovelling the same, foreign mess into his mouth. “The cans were unlabelled. But hey—food is food, right?”

Scar gapes at him. “You can’t be serious.”

“It’s not so bad once you get used to it, I promise. An acquired taste; like beer, or having your steak done rare. Which, by the way, is the only correct way to have it.”

Delicately, Scar sets the can down, pushing it away for emphasis as he admits, “Maybe I’m not that hungry after all.”

“It’s the end of the world and you’re gonna be a fuckin’ gourmand about it, Wheels?” Pops ribs, joking in a way that feels companionable rather than angry. It’s clear that, much like Scar, Pops is a social sort of person, one who’s been craving human interaction and is now extremely glad to have it.

Reluctantly, Scar can’t help but like him, even as he questions his taste.

“Look, I’ve got more shit back at my main base if you’re gonna be a fussy eater,” Pops continues, enjoying the melodrama. “I wasn’t really thinking I’d be taking in a stray, so I’m sorry this is the best I’ve got to offer. We’ll head out once we catch our breath, and you can have your pick when we get there, Gordon Ramsey.”

—

Another new banner this week, we're on a roll! Continuing to dip into the Day-Z references with this chapter, keeping that radio on 99.7

You can read the whole fic thus-far in the link below!

You may not rest now, There Are Monsters Nearby (on ao3!)

[slowlydifferentbluebird]

Okay bestie listen, I've been into exes to lovers lately and I had an idea just sitting in my brain. Imagine G!P Yuqi breaking up with her girlfriend and months later they meet at the party of their mutual friend and they avoid each other but then she sees G!P Minnie or G!P Shuhua (you can choose) just hitting shamelessly on reader and she gets mad and drags her ex girlfriend away just to completely ruin her because of how jealous she got (Female reader if it's alright)

Have a nice day/night❤

Hello bestie, sorry for making you wait so long for this request. This period I wasn't feeling like writing, but trying again is the best way to start again, right? And then this blog has a special connection with G!P Idles at this point 🙈

~~~

Make up for my mistakes

G!P Yuqi X Fem!Reader (feat. G!P Shuhua)

Genre: smut, maybe slightly angst.

It's funny how the person you consider the most important in your life can disappear out of nowhere. Well, that isn't completely right, the heartbreak and the end of your relationship was in the air since months. The reason? Always the same. Yuqi couldn't give you the time and the attention you needed and deserved. But how could she? The comeback, the promotion and the tour sucked her life away from her body, and even sending a simple goodmorning text was too difficult for her schedule.

So one day, you just called her. "It's over", that's what you said to her. A five minute call and your years-long relationship ended "out of nowhere". And after? What happened? Nothing, to be honest. Both of you went ahead with your life. Even when she returned in the city, you simply ignored each other. You were still too angry at her and she knew she fucked up so bad.

But certain things can't really end without a proper talk, especially when fate has its own plan. In fact in the last month you met Yuqi really often, at the cafè, at the market, at the club, everywhere you go, you always meet her. For a moment you also thought about her stalking you, but honestly everytime she was surprised as much as you. "Fine, I'll simply ignore her", you said to yourself, but, once again, fate had other plans for you two.

You were at one party, Miyeon invited you there and you couldn't simply say no to her, because, despite the break-up with Yuqi, Miyeon was too precious as friend and she really missed you. Obviously also the other members were there and they were all super kind with you, especially one: Shuhua. Now, the maknae was living her fuckboy era and you were happy about her renewed confidence, but you didn't expect her to hit on you.

Like, you knew her since she was a shy little bean and you look her grow up and become a stunning woman, but for some reason(maybe the alcohol, maybe her very revealing dress) you were alright with her trying to bring you to her bed. You two flirted all night, you two danced together, she even grinded her bulge on your ass in various occasions. And when you decided to go all-in, you closed your eyes, catched your breath, ready to meet her lips from a moment to another...

...but the kiss never arrived. Instead you just heard an heavy noise and someone screaming. You opened your eyes again and what you saw made you gasp: Yuqi was towering over Shu, that was now on the floor. Her eyes had no more lust on them, but only fear, because Yuqi was absolutely furious.

"What do you think you're doing?", you asked to Yuqi, pushing her shoulder, trying to defend the maknae. "Shut up, I'm not talking with you", she answered without looking in your direction. "Of course, you never talked to me, even when we were together", your anger speak out for you. This time Yuqi looked at you and you could see all the emotions switching up on her face: surprise, sadness, anger, decision.

"Let's talk then", she said grabbing your wrist and dragging you to the first empty room she found. "Stop, let me go, now!", you tried to order but Yuqi was having none of it after what she saw. "No, I won't let you fuck my members", she screamed in your face. "At least someone fucks me", you shouted back, but you immediately regretted your choice, seeing the smirk on the girl face.

"Ohhhh~, so this is the problem, uh? I'm gonna solve it soon", her smirk was almost sadic at this point. "Song Yuqi, don't you daaaaa~", your warning was never finished due to the moans that the kiss of Yuqi on your neck provoked. "Stop, stop... don't stop~", the way you changed idea the moment her hands started wondering around your body seemed proper of a sitcom, but anyone watching could tell that this was for sure another genre.

"These were the attention you were lacking, my bad for not understanding, sweetie", she said groping your ass. That made you at the same time weak and crazy, so crazy that you put your tongue in her mouth. You two were making out as teenagers, but you were so needy at that point that your clothes down there were soaked, but you were not the only one excited: you could feel the hard cock of the girl through the texture of her trousers.

You knew that making out session really hit the right button for Yuqi, because she pushed you on the floor and unbuckled her pants, taking out her giant cock. You knew what was going to happen...the moment you got on your knees, she was slapping your face with it. "How you dare break up with me? You're my bitch", she said between her teeth, before slipping her dick inside your mouth.

If you were expecting her to contain herself...well, you were hella wrong. You were not sucking her cock, she was fucking your face. And she was thrusting so hard with her hips that your head would have probably hit the wall if it hadn't been for Yuqi hands keeping you glued to her crotch. "I can't believe your slut lips were about to kiss another member", now she was fully unhinged, keeping to move without caring about you lacking oxygen. But you resisted until eventually she sprayed the biggest load of cum directly down your throat.

Now you we're coughing on the floor, finally breathing again, even if you were lacking energies to move. Yuqi instead was a force of nature, still far from being satisfied, so she roughly took your pants away, probably ruining them in the meanwhile, leaving you half-naked on the floor.

And still on the floor the action continued because she took advantage of your booty in the air to get behind you and putting her hard dick inside of you. It was raw, animalistic sex and...you were loving it so bad. Being used as an object by your ex was so wrong...but it felt so good and you wouldn't change this moment for nothing in the world.

The flow of your thoughts was interrupted by a slap of Yuqi. "Moan for me, whore, make everybody know you're my property", she groawled in your ear, before pulling your hair from behind. "Ahhhh~, yes yes, I'm Yuqi slut, all my holes are hers", you moaned and screamed so loudly that probably everyone at party heard it, despite the loud music.

Yuqi kept going until, for the second time in a couple of minutes, she emptied her balls inside you, making your pussy leak, for the quantity she released. "Don't even think I'm finished with you", she said, streching, before turning your body that was laying with the face on the floor.

Now you were facing her that unexpectedly kissed you with love and not with lust. "I'm going to make you mine again", she whispered in your ear, before returning to ruin you, putting her cock once again inside you. You were already full of her cum but that didn't stopped the girl from Beijing to keep fucking you until she creampied you while looking directly in your eyes.

You didn't know if you were back together officially after the party, but you knew was for sure that hadn't been the last night you two spent together.

~~~

I hope you like it, bestie. I probably went a bit crazy, but it was my first smut in a long time 😅💙

Zazá

[thelikesoffinn]

Hey friend❤️

I got to start off by saying that, I've been loving your writing and your perspectives on different aspects of the game and mixing your personal experience and expertise into your statement. It's just 🤌 amazing and a great night time read

There has been a quote that been dancing in my mind for a while, when ascended Astarion stated to the Tav later after their break-up "You will regret leaving me, more than anything you live to regret". And how Neil delivered that line... its all i can think about. There was so much bitterness, contempt, and melancholy in his voice 😭

I feel that after he sought out his revenge on Cazador and reached ascension, he realized that still feels/remembers his past, still remains deeply insecure and that internally, not much about he as changed, but during that conversation with Tav, he doubled down on how his has more powers, and can call on wolves 🐺 just like a scornful Ex stating that they are doing fine (or even, much better 👀 ) after the break-up to just make their ex-partner feel just as miserable as them (he may also be projecting 👀, and maybe he regrets ascendening since it mayhave been the cause of the break up of the 1st person he had ever cared about and didnt bring him everything... well, atleast not the stuff that truly mattered to him)

I was wondering what did you think of this line and the conversation surrounding that line🤔

P.S ( I would love to hear you talk about why you hated Astarion's reaction to Tav sleeping with Mizora 😃 )

"A great night-time read". Duck. Lovely. That's basically the highest of compliments, I'm melting! I'm so happy you enjoy it 😭❤️

I know exactly which line you mean! I think that was actually one of the first ascended lines I ever stumbled across.

I love how ambiguous it is, because the timing is the way it is.

It could mean "you will regret leaving me because look at me now! I'M AWESOME!"✨️ *throws glitter*

But the moment he says it is just fantastic, because half a second before he was like "I should've made you a spawn to teach you that I can have everything I want" and then he follows it with "you will regret leaving me" and I love the correlation between those two phrases. They can both stand separate, but they can also stand together and hint at a possible future.

You know, it leaves us wondering a bit. Will we regret this? Or will he make us regret it?

(Personally, I 100% can't see Astarion let Tav go. I just can't, I don't. He already shows obsessive behaviour right now, just after ascension, and that likely won't stop just because Tav's like "Nah, love, thanks tho.". Vampires just aren't that lenient when it comes to things they desire. And, despite being ascended, he still is a true vampire.)

I don't think he regrets ascending, really, mostly based on the fact that I don't think he actually CAN regret anything anymore. I think I mentioned it in another ask, but regret seems to be a difficult emotion for true vampires - and thus our true vampire+ babe - as they can't really process it the way a normal person would and anger overshadows everything. So, at best, I think he'd be angry at Tav for not seeing how grand he is now and how it's "their loss" when they refuse him.

I do agree, however, that his insecurity likely stays. It's just overshadowed by ascension, blanketed and kept hidden in the deepest, darkest place where it won't be reached.

Ascension doesn't completely eradicate the very core of his being, it just twists it into the worst it can be.

Love becomes obsession.

Fear, pain and despair become anger.

Shame and Guilt become blame.

So the very core of who he was is likely still there, suppressed and dulled by what ascension has done to him, and his trauma and the resulting insecurity are a huge part of who Astarion is.

In a way, I can even see it seep into his life later on in a repeated cycle of abuse.

As I said at another time, most of the time those who have been abused don't want to abuse others. They don't want to inflict the same things they've gone through on anyone else - albeit they may become abusive in other ways - and will likely shy away from repeating the same things they've experienced.

But ascended Astarion is probably not part of said "most". It could potentially become a way to...well, to cope with the lasting scars Cazador has left him with. Although "cope" is already putting it very very kindly.

Hurting others the way he was hurt can underline the exact difference on who he was and who he now is. It elevates that feeling of power (and safety) he always craved because look at him now! He's the strong one now and no one will ever hurt him again.

He was just like them. Screeching and flailing, flinching and suffering - a weak, pathetic, disgusting wreck. But look at him now. Who could hurt him now?

No one. Not a single living being holds a candle to what he's become.

He's above everything.

Regarding his boasting I do agree - he probably wants to show them how awesome he is (✨️) so that they regret it, but all he does is prove why leaving him was a good idea.

What I find interesting is that he actually does show a lot of joy and excitement for the powers he will attain and the things he will be able to do. He uses it to boast, but it does seem like real excitement and I can not tell you how interested I am in what happens once he notices that it's not enough.

Once he can turn into mist and command werewolves, what's next? Where will he find his next dose of serotonin? Because I think we can all agree that this won't be enough.

It won't ever be enough.

Astarion will forever be in a state of want, and he'll always be greedy for more and more and more, and one day, this greed will be the reason for his demise.

All in all, that entire conversation is a very well chosen way to show us who he's become after ascension. It's just a few sentences, but god, they can imply so much and carry a surprising amount of weight if one is willing to listen.

[navxry]

Update

Hello everyone, I'm back from my week long break! As of writing this, I feel better from it (at least with binging other shit while I couldn't use Tumblr or Discord), but I did come to a realization while I was away.

(utc, rambling abt Genshin as a whole and my feelings + current status)

I realized that I don't enjoy Genshin as much as I used to.

I think it's been eating at me for a while, because for the past few months, I never felt happy with it anymore. It wasn't as prevalent, I think, it was almost like a nagging thought which I brush off with talking to others involved in Genshin.

That was just how it was. A nagging thought. A thought I knew I can ignore.

But then life hit me with a massive curveball, and I started to feel like shit.

I enjoyed other fandoms when I left it for months- I used to hate Twisted Wonderland, actually. I got burned out and didn't want to touch the game anymore, so I took a 2+ months long break and came back and enjoyed it more than I ever could have.

The same went to IDV. I dropped it during Frederick's season, and came back 2 - 3 seasons later (months) and I am back in that rabbit hole again.

Those games kept me company for a while in my week long break. And because of it, that made me realize that I felt the same as I did to them on Genshin.

And it also made me realize that I just stuck around with Genshin for others; for my friends' sake because they're involved in it and I didn't want to ruin it for them.

My mutuals all love different games but some are into Genshin, and I don't want to drop it because I'd feel bad. It feels less of me liking the game and more "I only stuck around because my friends do" type of thing.

Honestly, it felt like shit. I don't enjoy the game as much as I used to, but back then, I felt like it was affecting me personally and on a negative scale. Not even doing the things I loved helped in making me feel less negative.

I did my best in making others happy, but by doing so, I neglected making myself happy. It affected how I look at things, and although I knew that, I didn't try to rectify it or stop it because I am too much of a doormat to do so.

Even roleplaying Genshin with my friends didn't help, because I felt like I'm entertaining them than myself. Despite taking a rain check on roleplaying to regain interest... It didn't work, and I felt more and more like I'm just there for the convenience of others.

I thought me saying that I'm there as an enabler for people is a joke, but now? It felt less of a joke. And it isn't anyone's fault but my own, because I'm well aware now that I am too scared to put up boundaries.

I was on a really bad headspace back then, and I didn't felt happy at all. It felt miserable and I just needed a break, but much like a clingy ex in a relationship that felt like Titanic, I couldn't break out of it.

So, after much long deliberation and thinking... I took a week long break.

It was a bit difficult because time felt slow when I did the first few days, but I was fine playing other games and doing other things. I even went out a few times just... Walking while listening to music. (Zombies Run is a good app ngl, but fuck the membership.)

And slowly, I found myself feeling better and happier- without thinking of Genshin and especially for my mutuals that would be angry if I left.

As of right now, though, the irrational shit left... Well, some of it, anyway. I still feel like it, but now its not as bad. It's much more manageable, which is great. But sometimes, it gets to me- though, it doesn't bother me anymore now that I had a week of a breather.

In that regard, I'd like to make one thing clear:

I will be on an indefinite hiatus on Genshin Impact as a whole.

This means I will no longer do content for the fandom or other shit with mutuals, too.

This also means that as of right now, I will not be roleplaying Genshin for the time being- selfships or not.

Maybe once in a blue moon I will, but I found myself feeling like I don't enjoy the game as much as others do, or even the memories I made before my break being as pleasant. Is it selfish? Maybe, maybe it is.

But for the sake of my own health, I'd like to make it clear and I don't want to beat around the bush about this anymore.

I also want to make this clear that this also affects my mutuals, too.

If we're roleplaying Genshin, those threads will be on hiatus, and I will not open any new ones.

Personally, I don't know if I'll ever get back to the game. I found myself happier with other franchises, and I think that's the one thing I feel sad. At the cost of me dipping from certain things, I come back and feel much more happier with them when I come back.

But I suppose its for the best.

If its for my sake and my happiness, I will be disassociating myself from the fandom.

Will I still support content creators on this fandom? Yes. I'm actually planning to open up an RB blog that's just me rb-ing people's content on Genshin: both SFW and NSFW.

But will I be involved in it with or without my mutuals? No. As of right now, at least.

Lastly, I want to make this clear: this isn't made to target anyone in specific. I want to make this announcement as a blanket rule of sorts for everyone, even me.

Maybe I will come back sooner or maybe later. God knows when I will, but I find myself happier with other games. Other games that don't feel like a trainwreck to deal with, yknow?

Thanks for reading, lads. And as a last reminder from me:

I will not be associating myself with Genshin Impact and will be on a break. This means any sort of content creation WILL be put on hold, and I will also stop roleplaying Genshin Impact or any AUs associated with it.

[rosiehunterwolf]

C!tommy character headcanons!

Ohohoho fabro, you are fueling my hyperfixation… I’m so glad you asked about him >:)

Realistic Headcanon: I feel like this has been hinted towards in canon (although maybe that’s just me overspeculating, who knows) but I really love the idea of the clingy duo “head and heart” dynamic, with Tubbo being the head and Tommy being the heart. Tubbo tends to think the more rationally out of the two, trying to think what is best for them (think: Dream manipulated Tubbo into exiling Tommy by making him think it was the most logical thing to keep L’Manberg safe) while Tommy is more impulsive and follows his emotions rather than actually thinking through (ex: Tommy’s most valuable possessions are the things that have lots of sentimental value to him, he has displayed multiple times that he places his self worth in his relationship with others- first Wilbur, then Tubbo) and has been shown to be extremely loyal, sometimes even to the point of death, to those he cares about (which, side note, is why i totally believe in a hogwarts au, Tommy would be a Hufflepuff rather than a gryffindor). Both have their pros and cons, but you need both in a good relationship.

Hilarious Headcanon: As much as he acts like an angry, impulsive gremlin, Tommy is absolutely ✨soft✨ when it comes to his best friends (Tubbo and Ranboo). Don’t get me wrong, he still absolutely cusses up a storm and insults them when they’re together- because come on, it’s bench trio, they’re the literal embodiment of chaos- but he is absolutely wholesome with them when he thinks no one else is paying attention. Tubbo is pretty jacked and despite being considerably shorter will sometimes just pick Tommy up with no preamble and carry him places, and Tommy just is like “okay, so this is happening.” Also we know Tommy and Tubbo are very clingy emotionally but Tommy is also like. Physically clingy. He likes to be touching Tubbo whenever possible. It’s frequent to see them walking around the SMP together just casually holding hands (completely platonically) with Tommy shooting death glares to anyone who even looks at them wrong while Tubbo is just oblivious to it all and rambling about some topic (probably bees or nukes, knowing Tubbo). As for Ranboo, Tommy will never admit it but the allium Ranboo gave him as a gift when they first met made a huge impact on him and now Tommy loves flowers and him and Ranboo will frequently give each other flowers (not to get angsty on the funny headcanons but that’s part of the reason why Ranboo absolutely covered Tommy’s house with flowers after his death)

Angsty boi Headcanon: so we all know Dream’s whole “thing” with Tommy is that he brought love and attachment to the server, and the purpose of exile was to mold Tommy into the ideal attachment. That ultimately Tommy became Dream’s one attachment. We know that went both ways, that Tommy became so attached to Dream that he didn’t know how to live without him and became blind to his abuse. But what happened after he ran away? Sure, there was still lingering effects of his Stockholm syndrome with Dream, but eventually more of him realized the bad in Dream than the good. And for the headcanon, I think, after this happened, Tommy had to turn his attachments to something else. Tommy had become so used to being completely reliant on and submissive to Dream that now that he was independent again, he didn’t know what to do with himself. Even before Dream, he was pretty reliant on Wilbur to tell him what to do. I think Tommy was starting to realize that he had never truly been independent in his life, and now, for the first time he was being given that and couldn’t handle it. He had Techno for a little while, but Techno was never really a leader for Tommy. He treated him more like an equal than Wilbur or Dream ever did, and Tommy wasn’t used to that. I think that’s why he suddenly became so obsessed over the discs, even more so than before (telling Tubbo the discs were more valuable than him- although he immediately realized the mistake in that) and even hesitating when trading the disc for Tubbo’s life in the final disc war, although mostly he develops an attachment to Tubbo. It’s not like their friendship before- although I’m not saying their relationship was bad or unhealthy, I think Tommy was more desperate to cling onto Tubbo because he felt like without something to be attached to, he was nothing. This is why he told Tubbo he thought he was nothing without him, why he was so bitter about Ranboo “replacing him” as Tubbo’s best friend despite the fact that Tommy and Ranboo had been on really good terms through most of the smp (even during exile, when clingyduo was suffering). Why limbo was the worst thing he had ever experienced, enough to scare away any suicidal tendencies, because he was all alone apart from people who made him feel unsafe and miserable (mostly Wilbur, occasionally Schlatt). Tommy had always been dependent thanks to Wilbur’s need for authority but exile made him completely unable to function on his own.

Unrealistic Headcanon: okay this isn’t really original at all but it’s one a lot of the fandom seems to accept as canon, however I’ll categorize it as unrealistic seeing as it’s literally been addressed and debunked by the creators themselves (at least, if you asked Techno- Will clearly had other thoughts-) and that is, of course, sbi being a family. This one takes a lot of tweaking of canon due to the fact that Phil and Techno’s actions became very… questionable. But i mean, the pieces for it are definitely there. Wilbur canonically considered Tommy his brother anyway, even though they weren’t related, and Phil was actually quite a good friend and fatherly towards Tommy when he wasn’t blowing up L’Manberg (and.. he was the one to decorate the L’Manhole, so I like to think that was his way of apologizing- we know he doesn’t regret what he did but maybe he regrets the way he went about it and the friends he hurt). Even Techno, the biggest stretch out of the three, actually got really close to Tommy in that period between exile and Tommy betraying (“betraying”) him, and we can even see from his will that he never really stopped thinking about Tommy, and he had become one of the few people that he really cared about in his life, despite their clashing political and moral opinions. I usually like to go with the fandom favorite headcanon that Phil and Techno got preoccupied with Techno’s voices, maybe were leaving Will and Tommy alone a lot, Will was more of a parent to Tommy than Phil ever was, then Will got into a serious falling out with Phil and Techno and took off with Tommy to eventually create L’Manberg.

Hoo boy, that was… long. Like, way longer than I meant it to be. It was supposed to be like a few sentences but I ended up writing a mini essay for each one. Tell me I needed to rant about this to someone without telling me I needed to rant about this to someone 😂

I just love Dream smp character analysis, gosh I could talk about this all day

[kaylaaphernelia]

his manic depressive pixie dream girl ex girlfriend

At the beginning of my relationship, I was so understanding or tried to be about the fact that you just came out of a 4 year-long relationship I understand if you want to keep in contact as friends because you were a big part of each other's lives 

I'm the cool chill gf never be the cool chill gf 

doing this made me sacrifice my boundaries it taught him right off the bat that he can get what he wants from me you can stay friends as long as you're open and honest with me about it and treat it as a friendship 

he lied about the fact that they talked, he lied about the contents of their conversations he lied about everything but he always had a justification that I always fell for maybe that is why he did it because he know it wouldn't matter he continued this and I went from giving him all my love to putting a wall up to protect myself from him over time he noticed I pulled back and doesn't fail to tell me it's my fault that the relationship is going in the direction it was going 

it's my fault because I don't communicate it's my fault because I put a wall between us 

it's my fault

  5 months in, it's my birthday weekend I'm spending it with him and my best friend and I get a text from his ex-girlfriend telling me that he had pretty much confessed his love to her and told her not to say anything to me because it's my birthday, he assaulted my best friend and single-handedly ruined my birthday he told his ex he wanted to be with her on my birthday weekend knowing that and drinking sent me into a spiral   I have never had my trust betrayed so intensely I didnt know how to process these emotions I wanted to die 

it hurt so fucking much I hated him 

that weekend ended my friendship with my best friend \ Despite all that I ended up back together with him I'm weak, this is no longer love this is a toxic attachment a karmic bond we stayed together for about 6 more months he still lies to me about his ex he still hides in the bathroom to talk to her he still hurts me knowing how it makes me feel so I shut down completely I no longer have hobbies, friends, interests I sleep, cry and go to work I developed a binge-eating disorder I shave all my hair I'm a shell of the person I was I hate myself he stole everything from me for his gain I have lost my self respect for fighting him for his respect I started getting extremely insecure about this ex so I started looking at his phone he had made a new account to stalk his ex from he had phone conversations with them he flirts with them over text and that was the last time I wanted to hear about this person involving herself in my life has never going to change so I blocked him on everything, i completely cut him out and instead of taking the hint he hunted me down so he could fight me and get the last word, he called me names, he bullied me, he was hitting himself in front of me, he was getting dangerous he barged into my home looking for his old too small shoes, i feel like it was to prove a point

  he is an angry insecure man-child boyfriend and I'm so happy for myself that I've escaped his chokehold on me

[nctjpeg]

ok one more thing i swear I SWEAR and then i’m probably done talking about this I think

but UGHHHH when everything was going to hell i remember multiple of their friends being like “please don’t let this make you feel like you aren’t enough” and i’m so fucking angry because I KNOW i’m enough, and despite my deep personal flaws I’m actually rad as hell. I have 2 college degrees, a salaried job in the field I studied in college that people say is “so cool” whenever I talk about it, a decently decorated apartment that I live in and pay for on my own, I have a fantastic group of friends, I am constantly showered in compliments about my looks, fashion, dance moves, and makeup, my second language is Japanese (even though I suck at it) and I’ve been there twice, I’m funny, charming, incredibly intelligent, kind to a fault (until you piss me off), creative, strong, hardworking, considerate, and not to mention beautiful enough to reportedly make people nervous when they look at me.

What makes me so infuriated is HOWWWWW can I be all of these things and still be treated as disposable? HOW MUCH MORE do I, or ANY PERSON, need to be before it’s finally enough for motherfuckers like the one who broke my fucking heart on Saturday. WHYYYYY did they do all that shit they did if they were just going to throw me away in the end and WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK do they feel they’re entitled to? Deep down I don’t think they had malicious intent, but it feels so fucking evil to me how they met me not even a month after my breakup, I told them about what I had been through with my ex-boyfriend and my ex-best friend, communicated to them about my fears surrounding the mere concept of letting them into my life as a friend, and yet they still ended up treating me like that.

I can’t say I don’t know where I went wrong, because I knew if I didn’t get my emotions under control and stop asking them constantly for reassurance that it would ultimately drive them away as i’m sure it made me more trouble than I was really worth. I’m also really sad because when we first met and started hanging out I LOVED the vibe we shared and how our personalities played off of each other. I noticed similarities we had in our lives and related to the struggles they had been through. I had so much fun being with them and I was so excited for us to build and create a deep and meaningful friendship. I wanted fun adventures, I wanted us to watch our favorite movies together, I wanted us to have a silly girly slumber party because I don’t think they had ever had one before, I wanted us to craft our own inside jokes and make more silly memes of ourselves and our cats to send each other, I wanted them to tell me more about their culture, I wanted us to hang out and practice dance moves to bust out at the goth club, I wanted them to INCLUDE ME in their anime convention shenanigans, I wanted to go to walmart with them and pal around while running errands the same way the do with their bros, but in the blink of an eye it went from “let’s hang out multiple times a week and I can’t wait for us to do all of this stuff together!” to hardly seeing them, watching them flirt with other girls, and them really only messaging me to keep our snap streak going.

yeah I wanted to date them once upon a time, and i’m sure everyone thinks i’m hurting solely because of that, but in reality romantic relationships really mean dick to me. I’ve only had 3 significant others and 2 of those were in my life for a month or so. I didn’t start dating until I was 20, and all of my significant personality-defining relational trauma came from friendships, not lovers. In my mind, friendship can involve far more emotional depth and commitment than dating someone. If we had just stayed casual sex partners (which is what I was looking for initially) or maybe dated for a few months and then it not work out, that’s whatever. But for them to tell me “I consider you one of my closest friends” and then Not Fucking Treat Me Like It? That’s a goddamn war crime level offense in my eyes.

[riarevenge]

I love crazy, unhinged women (you) & I hope you know anons like the one about drugs know nothing. If anything, you are an advocate. 💜

i jus screeched but thank you anon 🫂 i too am a fan of unhinged and frankly, insufferable women! and this is probably not a convo you meant to start, but i always think it’s funny that women in media who are considered unhinged and difficult, often are jus incredibly vocal and internally wounded women. get ready for an insane ramble (im walking btw so if none of this makes sense ignore it)

as much as i joke about my own behaviours, i’ve always been the first to own my (many) flaws! it’s why i can’t stand this talk about romanticism of drugs or whateva, cah when have i ever tried to get yous to live the life i’ve had? id be heartbroken if yous did like! and i get angry cah it’s also like? i’ve been very open about numerous things, about how even as early as primary school i went from the girl who scored well, wanted to be a doctor and almost always had friends running to her for help but also had an incredible temper problem became ONLY that. i only became the problem child and nobody questioned why! i’ve been open about extensive sexual assault/trauma, despite keeping details and things as a whole to myself, i’ve never hidden that it’s a part of me. it’s driven the hypersexual nature we all joke about, it’s (probably) driven the various kinks we’ve sometimes talked about, and i don’t mind joking about it as long as it’s not flung in my face after in the name of??? idk. i’ve always said yep i did heaps of drugs for quite a few years and that was… not healthy?? i shouldn’t even have to clarify that and i’ve also spoken so much about how i drop from the face of the earth, maybe do some drugs, and come back like nothing happened! i’ve always been open (to an extent) about my past : sa, abusive parents, forced into being an adult too young, my ex literally beating the shit outta me like 😭 do yous think i’m like this for fun!!!!! it’s also why i get incredibly annoyed at this whole “bully” thing that was pushed by random anons for months at a time cah truly, yous seen any woman with a bark and a bite and scream bully!!!! when they’re really jus not taking your shit. i’ve always said that i have insane anger and temper management issues, that i was literally forced into therapy for EARLY. like young as fuck. and i STILL do not have anywhere near the amount of control i need to have, it’s an active working thing. i don’t mind anons like you, i don’t mind anons who poke fun at my abrasive nature or aggression, but it does make me a little ??? when i get asks framing me to be a terrible person 😭 im not perfect!!!! im quick to anger, quick to lash out and yes, i absolutely can be defensive in the way of : let me hurt you before you hurt me. but i also think i get painted as JUST that. it seems like half my anons these days want to be mad about something they’ve made up? as much as yous can laugh and sometimes have a go at my anger problems, i have to remind yous all that i have to live with that anger and constant tug of war daily. it’s not fun being like that either! i’ve gained sooo much self control and i don’t think half of those angry anons see that.

and i have to remind yous, as bad as some of you might think i am, i have friends on here that can testify im not all bad all the time. i have sides that some anons ignore, and it’s frustrating when it’s like… okay?? one of my literal best friends - hey @zalimaaa - is someone who yous KNOW wouldn’t be friends with me if i was half as bad as yous seem to think (not to drag her into this) 😭 she’s always been what i am not : gracious and classy at all times, even to people who don’t deserve it but she’s always stood up for what’s right (she’s done it in a better way than me!) im not a monster!!!!!! im loyal to the bone, always there for my friends and i’d do anything for them. unhinged women are not jus their negative traits <3 it also falls incredibly flat when the same anons trying to call me a bully are actively saying things like “african scum” !!!!!! (which is why i believe it’s all the same 2-3 people, especially since some of them seem extremely angry whenever my hatred for pigs comes up)

my point is jus that i really appreciate anons like yours, who can at the very least have a fun airy convo about it and not make it out like im a complete insanity case cah… close but not quite there yet. yous have had quite a few years of knowing me online to know that i’ve got a few screws loose but a brain still exists! 🤨💘💓🫁

[elytrafemme]

because- and you have to let me have this, okay, the time for being theatrical on dash is never truly gone and i have a lot of feelings. 

because i think that there is something so profoundly beautiful, enough to make me tear up now and enough to bring down an entire kingdom and build it up again, knowing that i am so incredibly loved in this universe. 

like! i just- i need to think about this more, but over the course of the years i’ve been so angry. and so desolate. i’ve locked myself in the pit i swore was my rock bottom for days, and ignored the knocks i heard outside the door. people who would knock until their knuckles bled. trees that would subconsciously send their roots to tap against the rock. 

i’ve been cruel and cold and manipulative and bitter and envious. and i still am! i am still a massive bitch so much of the time, am still relinquishing my control to this consuming sense of emotional instability, am still doing things i know are hurtful. 

but here’s this: i am working on healing. and i’m trying to do the right thing, clearly communicating after everything slip of a sharp tongue, watching other people to learn how to be kind so that the next time someone is hurting i know what to say -- i am learning. i am working on it. 

and i’m not working on it alone! that’s the thing that’s the kicker is that there are people who love me in this world. and i think it’s so fucking easy to forget because, to be honest, there are a lot of days where i don’t love anything in this world. where i go oh shit i guess i’ve never loved anything ever. and i lay in my bed staring at the ceiling in some mix of what the fuck is wrong with me and what the fuck is wrong with this earth, and i go to bed with watered down nightmares over it. there are days like that. 

there are also days like this: my cousin-in-law in my strange family lets me hold her baby. my friend, after a rocky month of friendship, invites me over to watch shawshank redemption. a friend i want to text more but never do likes all the posts where i say i want to be happy, and likes every post where i shout about being sad. a person i forcibly made my enemy hugs me and says they forgive me. an old friend texts me about tea as if nothing ever changed between us. my best friend who i have put through the fucking wringer is the first to cheer for me, and my ex-- my ex, my best friend, the person i still love despite how much of my darkness she has had to see-- still calls me beautiful. we don’t talk for weeks and she still finds her way into my arms, eventually. 

people have loved me through the darkness. and i owe it to them to love them through my darkness, too, and i’m working on it! and i do! and i am going to work on it until the day i fucking die because they deserve it! the people in my life, the people i have known and lost and learned and loved, have made my life what it is. and i am learning, more than anything, to love this life. and so i am learning to love them. 

i don’t know. maybe this is a messy “hey thanks for being my friend even though i sometimes have blackout rages.” maybe this is a “sorry i haven’t texted you in three months but i still think about songs to recommend you.” maybe this is a “i’ll squeeze your hand someday no matter how many tickets i have to buy to get to where you are” and maybe this is just an earnest attempt at saying: i know it doesn’t look like it but by God i am working on myself. 

or maybe i’m not saying anything and i’m just rambling. i don’t know. 

i think the best thing i have really learned over the past few years is that i’m loved. because i think realizing that has given me so much to fight for. and so long as i’m fighting. so long as i’m fucking fighting. i think i will win. 

[genericwizard]

For the ask meme, Zhongli and Jean!

Oh good, characters I don't ramble enough about, lets do this;

Zhongli

How I feel about this character I like Zhongli a lot, I feel really grateful he came home easily because he makes maining Diluc possible for me, even with an honestly pretty lazy build (hp focus) I still get a lot out of him as a character. Just as capable of mischief as Venti but way more coy about it. Every time I get to see him again it's nice to be reunited with him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character I don't actually have that much. I mentioned I like exes ZhongVen but my otp is ZhongXiao.... For the record though I have never once considered Xiao to be his son. I don't know where that headcanon came from but I hate it so might as well get that out there. I was a fire emblem fan so I know the appeal of knight + lord ships. That said I think they have the slowest burn of all time in that Xiao seems demiromantic at best, and Zhongli seems content to wait as long as it takes for Xiao to realize that Zhongli cares for him. I think a lot about their little aside at the end of lantern rite 2023 where Zhongli coyly insists that he's just a normal citizen, and he respects the adepti like anyone else. And the way he pretends he didn't save Xiao during perilous trail for no reason!!! Dude let him know !!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character Maybe with Hu Tao... I really enjoy their dynamic. That barely 20 something woman is working the geo archon hard as her part timer, good for her. Despite everything still love friends ZhongVen too, they have a lot of animosity and history, but I was still losing it during their little charade during lantern rite 2023.

My unpopular opinion about this character He's not Xiao's dad. Besides that I don't have a lot of contrary opinions on Zhongli I feel like.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. Soooo bummed he hid like a coward from Neuvi during lantern rite 2024 bonus. I wanna know what his relationship to the ancient dragons is so bad. I headcanon that maybe he was a geo dragon, but not the authority, and betrayed his kind to form allegiances with the other primordial beings (adepti) to win the archon war, but I'd love to know what really happened. Also want to see some of his other forms, since he's apparently taken many.

Jean

How I feel about this character Underappreciated girly. Always doing the most and doesn't let herself have fun enough and that makes me sad for her. That said I respect that she seems to thrive in a leadership environment overall. She's also trans to me.

All the people I ship romantically with this character I am a basic JeanLisa binch for the most part; it is critical that Lisa is older than Jean because doesn't she deserve to have a hot older witchy gf? I think Lisa makes a good anchor to Jean's type A personality, understands why work is so important to her and will help when she can, but can also be the reassuring voice that says its ok if she has to walk away from it all sometimes.

I would say I like JeanLuc but I'd be a liar, I just think Jean's a lesbian but probably had feelings for Diluc while growing up. He still thinks he has a shot because he still has feelings for her, but Jean's vastly moved on with her life and still probably pretty angry about the way Diluc left.

Have seen a couple JeanRosa's before that I could be down with, but it's not my first preference for either character.

My non-romantic OTP for this character Kaeya + Jean relationship is my lifeblood actually. I can't ship them romantically at all because I think they have more of a familial bond, though I like the idea of Kaeya also having crushed on Jean at some point. I think a lot about how Jean had to be the one who took care of Kaeya after everything that happened between him and Diluc. Treating his wounds on her couch, watching him lifelessly recover around her apartment and slowly, slowly, come back out of his shell a completely new person. She's hard on him because she can't lose him too, but Kaeya equally values Jean in his life as someone who was there for him when no one else was. She definitely has yelled at Diluc in Kaeya's defense imo.

I'd like for her to get to know Venti better, but I think her own hang ups make it really hard for her to be able to see him as an individual.

My unpopular opinion about this character God are there any popular opinions on Jean? I feel like not many people think about her deeply if at all anyway. One more time, trans Jean. Also. Girl why do you have cross earrings? That's not in your religion at all.....

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. I might get smacked but... I kinda hope if we do meet Varka he dies and doesn't become playable. Purely because I think narratively he's not important to the player but Jean is, and as of the potion event Jean seems to confirm that the skeleton crew KOF has grown tremendously in their roles. I think in light of a potential Mond revival (summertime scales and tales has given me new hope) Jean ascending to the role of Grand Master would be really rewarding for her. (and I'd get Second in Command Kaeya hahahahahahaaaaa)

[divinelysewn]

i think it is so insulting and so pathetic to assume i want anything to do with anyone who put me through literal hell for entirely too long under the guise of love. under the guise of "i'll be better" and "i'll fix myself for you." how pitiful must you be to think your ex cares about you so much after you were incessantly the most damaging person to their mental health? do you not see how fucked up you are? do you get yourself off to thinking that any single one of your exes still have feelings for you, after every fuck up? you are delusional.

you flatter yourself thinking i consider you more than the moments in which i realize just how great my life has been after you left it. i'm so glad you were cruel to me because i have the best life i've ever had since you removed yourself. my partner is the most valuable person i've ever met and they are so kind to me. they are so sweet to me. they love me despite the trauma you caused. i'm not lied to. i'm not cheated on. they're honest. they're strong. they're so so so pretty. i can explore my sexuality. i'm taken out on dates. i get massages and flowers. they make me dinner. their family loves me. they have great friends and hold their friends to standards. i don't have to beg or ask to feel loved, to be seen, to be heard, and understood. they just care to know me. i have great friends. i'm doing fantastic in school and my dream career is right in my hands. i have healthy pets and a huge house. i live right near the beach. i have all of my books and i can do whatever i want whenever i want. i have my dream life.

you are nothing in the scheme of things. you are the person that fucked me up, but oh my god have i put in the work despite you. in so many ways you only were reason for me to be stronger than i was. i felt as if i was drowning with you. you are irrelevant to me and the only things i regret ever thinking is that you were a good person and worth my time. you are too consumed by your ego to realize the genuine hurt you cause and you get to wallow in each and every heartbreak you cause and play the victim even though you are the villain. you are the one who wounds your partners. you are the perpetrator, and you pity yourself. you pity your past pain, and expect others to give you unlimited chances because of it. you never grow from it and you throw stones from a glass fucking house. good thing i never liked your pity parties. go ahead and act angry. go ahead and be a dick and act like you have your shit together and that you're so much better off.

she gave me a list of questions and discombobulated thoughts she had after you destroyed her in the way you destroyed me, and even your other ex. we had so many similar questions, similar pains, and similar experiences. i have so many messages stating you were going to be better, but this shows how little effort you actually put in. i hope you think about each and every heartbreak you've caused each time you meet someone so that maybe you'll fucking learn at some point that we are not your toys and you'll actually treat someone right. she told me you kept my pictures and you didn't delete them despite her being hurt over it. delete them, put them away in a file somewhere. you're pathetic. you do not care about how your actions impact others. you are so self-centered. put your fucking ego away and actually put in the effort to change and maybe you'll finally get the things you want.

[vizthedatum]

Flashes of thoughts as I work through grief

The drive back from Indiana where I didn't take any painkillers despite healing from a freshly broken arm - where I thought you were supporting me - I was in so much pain and anxiety - and I had to focus on the road despite it all.

And then you yelled at me for so long when we got back to our apartment in the middle of the night over things I really couldn't control. I was so sorry.

I needed so much help.

I thought maybe my Nexplanon was the cause of my plummet into deep depression.

I thought I was the problem. I went to fucking IOP because I thought I was the problem.

You were so angry at me all the time while I healed :(

My brother was so worried about me - he called the cops on us, remember? My whole family was worried - and it must have been bad for a nurse to tell them that they needed to get someone to check in on me - meanwhile I was trying to fight my depression with "You're upsetting Jon and it's so unreasonable for you to be acting this way! Stop!!!!" - BUT I WAS SUICIDAL AND DEPRESSED, YOU FUCKING MANIAC.

You were so upset. I remember trying to be as quiet and still as I could... as I sat by you and we gazed out the window waiting for the police to show up. You fell asleep eventually. And then they came - and I tried to be as neurotypical as I stereotypically could while saying "yeah, I'm just having a rough time and my brother overreacted." I am so upset right now that I can't remember what the other wellness check during the pandemic was about - I was probably too stoned and traumatized by both my ex and my advisor to remember.

I couldn't control my depressive symptoms when I was so dysregulated and you antagonized me while I was going down - I had to work so hard not to set you off but I'd fail.

I stayed home a lot - working from bed and then falling asleep because my whole body was flaring, and I was so exhausted.

One of my best friends asked me if things were okay - I lied. I lied to a lot of people - and I gaslighted myself - that's how I did it. I tried to say things by omission - because I loved you and I knew how to portray you.

I tried to find the good things you did and just remembered them.

Like how you kind of helped with my hair before I went to my department's retreat meeting.

If I had stayed, I would have forced myself to forget all of the bad times. And then I'd realize it was impossible.

It scares me how comfortable I get in horrible situations. I'm so angry about it all. I know I can do better than a life like that. I know it's not my fault. Life is going to be better now.