#pieces and facets and I find so much of it very interesting but they just like really don’t dig in or come together so it’s enough that

[palukoo]

I know I’ve made other posts talking about or alluding to this but like. obviously there are like the old hollywood movies in the sort of dyke subtext canon (all about eve, rebecca, johnny guitar, etc) but like. there are so many movies that like 10 people have seen but I have such a clear gay vision or interpretation for it. most of them aren’t even GOOD. and yet!!

like the great lie is the one that haunts me the most (or the women but I think that one is kind of different for me perhaps bc I’ve already talked about it here a lot or perhaps bc I think of it as being more well known and watched than I think it actually is? actually it’s probably that I think it is an overall good and well executed and entertaining movie which isn’t really true of most of these tbh). but I also think a lot about like when ladies meet, or old acquaintance, or sadie mckee, or the shining hour, or the model and the marriage broker, or a woman’s secret, or the bigamist, or craig’s wife, or born to be bad, or separate tables, or even dark victory to a degree. others too certainly those are just the ones that come to mind. for half of these it’s not even like oh these women are gay together it’s just like hey I think she’s a lesbian. and I’m right. but my genius will never be fully appreciated in my day unfortunately.

[meanbossart]

i just need to take a second to gush about how much i love durge drow and astarion, they feel so fleshed out and perfectly written together in their fucked up wretched ways. They really inspire me to write more for my own tavs, hopefully one day ill be able to say im as happy with my own work as i get when seeing yours. I have to ask though, do you have any tips on drawing head shapes and faces? or maybe about wrinkles? i find i really struggle with that stuff when drawing and i adore how expressive and grungey all your art looks!

First of all thank you so much, I love hearing what people think of the two of them together ����

Honestly you've hit on something that's quite near and dear to my heart, I love developing and figuring how to draw and stylize different faces to get the most unique, interesting looking results - everything about the details is highly rewarding to me. What does x type of nose look like from this angle? In this style? How can this eyeshape best translate to my art? How different does a face look when its making this expression? What does that MOUTH DO? etc etc.

In fact you kind of inspired me to put a little tutorial/guide together the last hour lmao and what a blessing it is that the two current subjects of this blog serve as great models here, being that their faces are basically polar opposites!

When it comes to heads, you've probably heard it a dozen times before that you want to think of them in terms of geometry and facets; my process to drawing them is pretty conventional so I won't spend too much time on it, but it goes something like this:

Obviously I don't do every single one of these steps most of the time, which is just something that comes from practice/developing muscle memory, but it is helpful to start off this way for two main reasons:

By making these guide lines and splitting a head into pieces like this, you'll have an easier time seeing and understanding it as a multidimensional object, and in turn, facilitate It for you when you venture out into doing wacky angles and lighting.

Making different headshapes starts HERE. notice how Astarion's "face" slate is narrower and longer, how my durge's jaw pieces sit lower on the head, how all of the same pieces came together in the same way but we ended up with one real pointy elf and a real brick of a drow - making characters look different successfully begins very early in the sketching process.

The next thing you want to do branches out into every day life: start noticing yours and other people's facial features. How does an upturned nose look from a high angle? How does the size of someone's cheekbones affect what they look like when they smile? How about when the light hits them a certain way? Does someone's lip shape changes when they pout? When they laugh? How does a person's hairline change the shape of their face? You do NOT need to creepily sketch every stranger you see on the bus, but get into the habit of actually noticing what people look like when you talk to them - when you look at pictures, when you watch movies - make a mental list of interesting ways mouths, noses, and eyes can come together in a variety of different proportions to make completely distinct looking mugs, and how they change depending on how you are looking at them.

Light and shadow play a HUGE role in how faces look, too, basically as crucial as actual bone structure does. As you see up there I tried to rough out how natural, head on, and underhead light would look on these two very different looking guys, and while we can see definite patterns, there are small differences that come to be because of the sizes and shapes of their features.

Here is a very, very basic look at how some of these features come to look the way they do, how they interact with one another, and how they compare between a blocky, rather conventionally "masculine" head and one that's much softer and slimmer.

Note please that it is not one or two characteristics that give a chaarcter their "look"; you can reduce a face to eyes, mouth, and nose through stylization and still have them be recognizable, but if you want to do more than that, you have to consider the whole package! Chin, cheeks, brows, direction of the jaw, slope and size of the forehead, depth of eyes, ridge of the nose, etc - I know this is probably far more than you bargained for, but if you start making note of a FEW of these things now and slowly add on, this will eventually become second nature to you.

Similarly, understanding how these characteristics come together will help you with rendering light and shadow in a realistic way, and predicting what their facial expressions may look like - if no two people are alike, neither are their smiles. :)

Lastly, remember that I'm no expert - I have developed my own methods and semiotics and yours may look slightly (or vastly) different, and that's fine! I hope only that by sharing this it has given you a base to work off of.

Anyways, I HOPE this has been helpful and not just the unsolicited ramblings of a face pervert.

[ladyloveandjustice]

My Favorite Books I Read in 2023

I read a ton of good novels last year- 36 in all (and uh, 78 manga/graphic novels, but we'll examine that in another post). Here's a link to my Goodreads year in books (the manga is at the beginning, the novels start with Siren Queen) and my storygraph wrap up.  

I reread a ton of Discworld this year, and it's as spectacular as ever. But what about new reads?

Well, here are my favorite books I read in 2023!

In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado

This is an autobiographical memoir about the abusive relationship the author went through with her ex-girlfriend. It's absolutely gut-wrenching, and at times, achingly beautiful. Machado uses the house she shared with her girlfriend, which she calls the "dream house", as a back drop. It's a place she always wanted and also a place she became trapped in, Machado's language is beautiful as she explores the relationship from different lenses-- The Dream House as Lesbian Cult Classic, the Dream House as Noir, the Dream House as Creature Feature, the Dream House as Stoner Comedy....All facets of the relationship are explored in a way that grips you by the throat and makes you remember everyone who ever tried to suffocate you-- but it also explores the hard work of moving on, of picking up the pieces, of living and embracing tenderness along with hardship.

I especially related to Machado's struggle to talk about abuse between queer lovers because of her fears of giving homophobes more ammunition...and when she says "we deserve to have our wrongdoing represented as much as our heroism, because when we refuse wrongdoing as a possibility for a group of people, we refuse their humanity", I felt that deeply.

This wasn't just one of my favorite books this year, it goes on the list of all-time favorite books. I wish I had this kind of writing style. I'll be returning to this again and again.

Zachary Ying and the Dragon Emperor by Xiran Jay Zhao

A middle-grade novel about a Chinese-American teen who feels a bit alienated from his heritage, which becomes a bit of an issue once he finds out the First Emperor of China has possessed his A.R. Gaming Headset. Now he needs to close a portal to the underworld with the help of other kids possessed by emporers.

This was a whole lot of fun, and often quite poignant. I was unsure if I could really enjoy middle-grade books as an adult, and this absolutely proves I can. There's a lot of really interesting Chinese history blended with action-packed fantasy, and exploration of the complicated feelings a kid can have about their own heritage . The dynamic between Zachary and Qin Shi Huang was so entertaining with the Emperor being villainous, heroic, charismatic, detestable-- and Zachary realizing how his complicated feelings about him mirror his relationship with his culture at large. There was also a lot of fun with other historical figures, and Xiran's take on Wu Zetian is a joy. (Also, if you like Yu-Gi-Oh!, you'll probably like this, since Xiran says it was one of their influences).

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle

Rose is young woman who's raised in a fundamentalist Christian household, and she's a devout, obedient daughter. But some weird things are happening. She's seeing a terrifying demon everywhere, insects are coming out of her mouth....and she's possibly having feelings about other girls. What's going on?

Yes, this is by the Chuck Tingle who makes all those Tinglers. But THIS one... will make you tingle with fear! It's a great horror novel! It's skin-crawlingly creepy at times, but also does a great job digging into how fundamentalist dogma harms queer people, and the hypocrisy of such beliefs. The conversion camp aspect is handled tastefully, and overall it was a great spooky read that's also ultimately very affirming, cathartic, and hopeful.

Qualia the Purple by Hisamitsu Ueo

You might go into this thinking it's just a quirky yuri light novel about a schoolgirl and her crush who sees everyone around her as robots (like literally, when she looks at someone she sees a robot instead of a human). But it quickly becomes surreal queer psychological horror steeped in absolutely wild applications of quantum mechanics and thought-provoking time travel.  Some of the quantum mechanics  exposition dumps were a bit much but I deeply enjoyed having my mind cracked open by this book. 

It's one of the most interesting takes of time loop stories I've seen. But it definitely covers a lot of rough subject matter, including a relationship with a serious age gap and extremely messed up relationships, so be cautious if you have triggers.

Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield

This book follows Miri, whose wife goes missing on a deep-sea submarine mission for six months. Miri thought her wife dead, but she miraculously returns one day...but her wife has changed. She's like a stranger. She may have bought the horrors of the sea home with her.

This is a gripping exploration of grief and loss combined with a delicious, slow horror that creeps under your skin. There's excellent Lovecraftian and body horror elements to the novel, but it works very effectively as a metaphor for a loved one going through trauma, and a relationship starting to crumble because everything seems different. A moment that really stuck out to me is when Miri copes with her wife's disappearance by frequenting an online community where women roleplay as wives with husbands missing in space. The way the online drama of the community interacted with her grief was  both funny and heartbreaking. 

This is another example of a book that makes me deeply jealous with its lyrical writing, and another one for the ever-lengthening all time favorites list.

Otherside Picnic Volume 8: Accomplices No More by Iori Miyazawa

The latest entry in a series about two girls exploring an alternate dimension full of creepypasta monsters, while also falling in love with each other. See my other reviews here and here.

This volume has the payoff to a lot of careful character work and relationship building, and it was completely satisfying. In fact, it was...show-stopping. Spectacular.  Incredible. I loved the exploration of how love, sex, and romance are so different for different people and it's impossible to put it in neat boxes. The frank and messy conversation our leads have about their relationship was perfect and so was that absolutely  bonkers, wonderful finale. This is another one for the all times favorite list, and I loved it so much I wrote a extremely long review/recap here. 

Queer Ducks (and Other Animals): The Natural World of Animal Sexuality by Eliot Schrefer

This was a well-researched, well-crafted, easy to read book that explores queerness (mainly homosexuality, bisexuality, trans and genderfluid expressions in animals, and even the question of if and how animals can related to gender) in the animal kingdom. Though it's definitely aimed at teens, I learned a lot from it (who knew female bonobos were such life goals) and it presented its information in a fun way. It included some interesting examinations of how proof of homosexuality and bisexuality in animals was historically suppressed and filtered through homophobic assumptions. If you want to learn a little animal science in an accessible format, definitely check this out.

Night’s Edge by Liz Kerin

The story follows Mia, a woman in her 20's living with her vampire mother. Her whole life revolves around not drawing suspicion towards her Mom. She also has to make sure to feed her Mom some of her blood every night--lest her mother fall back in with her abusive boyfriend and start hunting humans.  But when Mia meets a cute girl, she starts to dream of living her own life...

It was a really interesting use of vampirism as a metaphor for both living with a parent struggling with addiction and having an abusive parent. It's just a well-told, heartwrenching tale that got deep into the character's mindsets. I thought the ending was bit abrupt and rushed, but it did make more sense once I realized this was the first in a duology. It's a fascinating take on vampires, and I'm interested in seeing more.

The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi by Shannon Chakraborty

This novel follows a middle-aged Muslim female pirate living around the Arabian Peninsula. She's supposed to be in retirement, but wouldn't you know it, she's lured in for one last job! I she rescues a kidnapped girl,  she'll have all the riches she needs to set her family up for life. So Amina begins her adventure of fighting demons and monsters and ex-husbands. But the job might not be all it seems.

This novel is full of all the entertaining swashbuckling action and shenanigans that any pirate story should have. It's a rollicking good time, and feeds my craving for middle aged women going on quests and kicking ass. Amina's journey is a fun, wild ride full of dynamic characters and interesting mythology!

Yellowface by R.F. Kuang

Juniper is friends with a successful Chinese-American author, Athena Liu, and has always been deeply jealous of her. When Athena dies in front of her, Juniper decides to steal her manuscript rooted in Chinese history and claim it as her own. But plagiarism might catch up with her...

This is a strong example of a book I thought was really well-done, but one I'm probably never going to read again. The way it depicted Twitter drama is just too accurate and I got anxiety. It did such a good job putting you in Juniper's awful shoes so you can feel the pressure close in along with her. The book's commentary on the insidious racism of the publishing industry was effective, and it made a horrible character's journey fascinating to follow. I was so intrigued yet anxious I had to force myself to finish the last few pages.

Bonus read:

Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldtree

A very cute novel about an orc named Viv who decides to retire from the violent life of a bounty hunter and run a coffee shop instead. She ends up getting a lot of assistance from a succubus named Tandri...and my, is that a slow-burn coffee shop romance brewing? This book reminds me a lot of various cozy slice-of-life anime, and it's nice to be getting more of that feeling in book form. I wish there was a little more specific to the fantasy world rather than making it a coffee shop that line up 1 to 1 to a modern day shop, but it was definitely a sweet read.

[39oa]

have you ever asked yourself: “hey, wouldn’t it be nice if i could quickly browse all the special warm-up jerseys that nhl teams have worn in collaboration with local or independent artists?” the answer to this is probably no so Don’t answer that, but... if you were ever to randomly stumble upon this train of thought, you would now be able to do so @ nhlwarmups.github.io! 

i created this website out of personal interest and an enduring love for beautiful jersey designs; i love art in all forms and really just love looking at it, so in my inability to find an existing project that fulfilled my desire of browsing through all these jerseys in a centralized location i somehow... singlehandedly motivated myself to take on the task? LOL but otherwise i also wanted to make this database because... well, i feel like even though a lot of league-wide inclusion initiatives ultimately rely on/benefit teams’ commercial interests, and even though it feels like there’s recently been an overabundance of dialogue re: player action or inaction, theme-night dissent and sociocultural pressure, the culminating breaking points of bisected fandom, etc.... art still kind of matters! to me, to the designers, to real people who attend games and who coordinate events and who run media platforms and do what small facets of work can still be done.

Anyway. this site itself is sort of meaningless and doesn’t really accomplish much at the end of the day, but i guess i wanted to (try to) refocus the concept of a “warm-up jersey” back on the people who actually create them, and ultimately to reattach the positive components of theme nights in a way that felt slightly tangible and concrete. the site itself isn’t very complicated so hopefully it’s fairly self-navigable, but some quick notes on content and functionality:

as of april 4, 2023, this database displays 82 special jerseys from 21 different nhl teams

i’ve currently only included special jerseys designed with a highlighted artist in my set. that is, while some teams have worn different pride/heritage night/etc. jerseys with either stock-template designs or artwork otherwise created in-house, those jerseys weren’t logged unless an artist was specifically named. for example, the penguins pride jersey from 2022-23 isn’t included but the ducks lunar new year jersey (which was created by a ducks graphic designer) from 2022-23 is.

there are different sidebar options to help quickly search for a specific type or style of jersey: you can sort by team/event/date and filter by category/team/season/base color

lastly, clicking on one of the preview cards will bring you to a details page with additional information on each jersey, including social media links to support the artist, notes on charity benefits, an image gallery of the design, and embedded tweets highlighting the artist when available:

that’s basically it! this was a labor of love so i tried my best to not make the entire experience a functional piece of garbage, but at the end of the day i am Just Some Guy and i never know what i’m doing so please lmk if anything is super wonky. and also if your team has a past design that fits the criteria but i missed it :)

[prof-ramses]

A Mammon Analysis Written By A Mammon Kinnie! :8D

It's time to make y'all love this magnificent bastard even more than you already do so we can finally have something just happen in this fandom!

First off, the analysis.

A lot of people seem to think of Mammon as "dumb" or "oblivious", when he's far from either. Mammon is actually a very intelligent and attentive person, but just like most subtle things about him, it can be hard to notice because of his eccentricities.

As far as I see it, Mammon views everything he does as an investment to some extent, whether it be a literal monetary one or one of time, effort and/or attention. This is also one of the big things that make him so relatable to me. It's also worth noting that as a flipside to this, he also sees any option he's presented with in terms of physical or emotional value and trying to maximize said value as much as possible.

Mam doesn't interrupt "Two Minutes Notice" not because he's stupid, but because insults don't truly detract from the value of him or anything he has, not to mention the fact that he could tell that a lot of people would be willing to buy the song, just look how many are hanging of Fizz's every word when he describes having a crappy boss.

Likewise, criticizing Fizz's weight is something Mam solely does because it helps profits and has no genuine personal issue with Fizz potentially getting chunkier.

This shows something else interesting about Mammon, he doesn't really want to do destructive things, people just keep giving him every reason to do so, he's not dangerous on his own.

Every action Mam takes that makes Fizz uncomfortable is a direct result of him catering to what the consumers want, whether it be religiously watching his spokesman's weight for the sake of keeping the skinny sex-bots accurate, or forcing a mentally unstable person to spend a lot of time socializing to get people to pay admission for a meet-&-greet.

There's also the fact that he runs Greed in such a way that benefits Hell as a whole way more than Ozzie and Bee do. Admittedly, he over charges for his products, but said products are up to snuff, you'd expect him to peddle cheap junk that falls apart almost instantly, but no, he makes quality products and just charges extra. He really is a shrewd businessman when you get down to it, and that's something a lot of people have sadly overlooked when discussing our favorite spider.

Which brings me to my next point, Mammon being a spider is actually really clever, assuming what I'm about to describe was intended and not just me reading too much into a cheap Australia joke. Spiders are often shown as eerie and a way of reminding the viewer of a piece of media that nature can be scary, and though they do some really weird and freaky stuff, that's also the beauty of spiders. They have some of the most innovative and distinct hunting patterns in nature, they're more of a neutral presence, just like greed itself.

I've seen many people claim in their analysis of Mammon that "greed can't be good" which is just demonstrably untrue, greed is really just any action that prioritizes bettering oneself, it's only destructive if you are willing to be destructive, but even then it can lead to innovation and broad positive change, even if someone is worse off because of it.

Lastly, I want to discuss Mammon's obvious need for personal affection, the big guy is blatantly touch starved and craves a close connection, I have a rather headcanon-y idea about the origin of this behavior and I plan to link to it once I post about it in detail, but that can wait. However, this does reflect that idea of value and investment, Mam has yet to find someone who is both pleasant for him to be around and whose company has a reasonable "price". I see many possibilities for exploring this facet of his characterization and look forward to seeing the discussion about it grow.

Stay tuned for my HCs and theories about his Stinginess! ALL HAIL MAMMON!

[that-ari-blogger]

The Power Of Adora

Episode 4 of She-Ra, Flowers For She-Ra is the first war story in the series. It depicts the cost of war on people and places, and if it wasn't for how obnoxiously lovable the citizens of Plumeria are, it might be genuinely harrowing to watch (Let me know how it went for you if you didn't find the Plumerians endearing)

But I would like to focus on something else. Adora herself. Up until this point, the series has been showing off how powerful She-Ra is and how she is so useful and so strong and bla bla bla. But this episode focuses in on Adora herself, and what she can do.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD

"Can Adora do this?"

I would like to examine how Adora reacts to danger. She runs towards it, she is determined to be useful, and she sees She-Ra as her way of helping. What I'd like to focus on is her vernacular. She refers to the form she is not in as a separate person, and how she refers to each facet of herself is pretty obvious. She-Ra can do things, Adora cannot.

So what happens when She-Ra can't fix the problem? That's what this episode explores.

In this episode, we see Adora's experience of the Horde in full effect. Turns out, having someone who understands the enemy on your side is useful. Who knew?

In this episode alone, we see Adora's understanding of the Horde's tactics used to predict the use of the poison and her knowledge of their routines used to effectively infiltrate the base. There isn't much analysis to do here other than to contrast that with how She-Ra is represented in the stories. She-Ra is a warrior where Adora is a tactician.

It's also worth noting that She-Ra's healing would only have been treating the symptoms of the poison, where Adora went to the source of the problem.

Hope. This is an episode about hope.

Adora's defining skillset isn't She-Ra, and it isn't her background, it's her resilience and perseverance. Adora rarely gives up, she instead seeks a new way to fix a problem. And that has an effect on people.

This is a shot from The Batman (2022) and I promise you its relevant. It's important here that Batman isn't carrying people to safety one by one, he's leading them to a better place. He's helping them to help themselves. This is one of the reasons this is the best live action Batman, because it's not about punching the bad guy, it's about saving people. And the way that is done, isn't by solving all of their problems for them, it's by shining a light and inspiring them to do better and to fix their own lives.

This is the effect that Adora has on people. She inspires people to help themselves. What's interesting is that hope is very much associated with the She-Ra personality. She-Ra is a symbol. Maybe there isn't so much of a difference between She-Ra and Adora after all.

Yes, I just linked She-Ra and Batman. No, I am not sorry.

But there is another effect that Adora has on people, and that isn't any effect that she can see. This episode makes a point of showing the effect of Adora's defection on the Horde itself.

"I know you're lying. You have to be lying. What did you do?"

I don't need to explain how bad this is. Not from a writing perspective, but as something for a mother figure to say to her prodigy.

In any case this little scene displays what Adora defecting has cost these two individuals. Shadow Weaver covets power, she seeks to control every piece on the board, and her most influential has just left her side.

Meanwhile Catra gives this line:

"What did I do? She left us, she left me."

Here we see Catra's abandonment issues coming out. She has taken Adora's leaving personally.

There's a neat little trick with her character design that I want to highlight here. Catra is mostly symmetrical, her mask, her hair, her costume (with a couple of flourishes). Even the marks on her arms match each other. The exception to this is her eyes. One blue, one yellow. Eyes that she can't cover up. Everything about Catra is perfectly even, but it's a facade, and the imbalance in her creeps out through the way she sees the world.

In 1810 Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe wrote that yellow and blue are the two primary colours that are in the greatest opposition to each other.

"Yellow is a light which has been dampened by darkness; blue is a darkness weakened by light."

Once again, this is the influence Adora has had on Catra, and the influence the horde has had. Notice how the hoard bears a green that, in this specific shot, is very similar to Catra's yellow eye. The Horde corrupts. And notice how much the blue stands out. Notice how it is the closest to Shadow Weaver, almost protecting Catra from her. Adora weakens the darkness so that in the end, Catra can be free. I'm definitely clutching at straws here, but it's a neat little rabbit hole.

I'd try and summarise my points here, but I think Glimmer says it best.

"Adora, She-Ra isn't the reason we like you. We like you because you're our friend."

She-Ra is a story about purpose, and acceptance. And Adora's journey is about realising that she doesn't need to fit one single purpose for people. She can live her own way.

The two personalities, Adora and She-Ra, represent the sides of Adora as powerful and Adora as herself. In this episode, we learn who exactly that self is, and what effect that has on the world of this story.

Previous - Next

[drdemonprince]

are there any medium articles or other essays you've written that you have a different perspective on now? Whether a small bullet point or the entire objective of a piece. It's interesting following your journey while catching up on the archive

Ohhhh yeah. In a big way. My thinking on nearly all matters continues to evolve, so much so that I always cringe a bit at some phrasings in my books by the time they are out.

In my work on Medium you can see a strong inconsistency in how I think about several topics -- I've gone through periods of disparaging my family, to extending them grace, to thinking I have a moral responsibility to fight with them, to regretting my rage at them, to calling my parents abusive, and on and on. On this topic, it's not so much that my feelings have changed, so much as each point of view represents one facet of the same gem I'm spinning in my mind's eye.

My thoughts on sexual assault and justice have evolved a ton. Around the time of the Weinstein and Ansari accusations, I wrote a lot about rape and coercion. Then a dear friend experienced an assault and was not believed by a huge friend group that we shared and I took on an even more hardline, believe-all-victims-and-take-action-swiftly-to-protect-them stance. I was more traumatized and dysphoric back then too.

My hardline stance eventually came into conflict with my abolitionism, and my growing respect for the importance of personal discernment that emerged more and more over the course of the pandemic. I just saw too many people who were afraid to exercise their own discernment on a wide array of topics and who amplified vague callouts of all kinds without skepticism (god, remember the Wayfair conspiracy?), and I saw how such formless accusations harmed the marginalized in particular. And all the gormless attacks on "narcissists" as the cause of abuse really chilled me. all that strongly tempered my dogmatism.

But I have also witnessed the "anti cancel culture" squad fail to live up to any value system whatsoever and I have fought with them a lot quite openly over their frequently racist, transphobic, theory-free views. All I know today is that navigating these waters is very, very hard, and that I am only in control of living by my values and being outspoken about them and that attempts to manipulate a moral response out of other people don't work and that information is only as good as my knowledge about who and where it came from. I think my evolution on all this closely tracks with the shifts in the zeitgeist -- it's rare for me to be that on pace with the average person I meet.

My perspective on how a meaningful difference in the world is made has changed. In 2016 I was calling politicians for an hour every day on livestream to protest this or that conservative bill. Now i'm an anarchist with minimal regard for electoral politics or any formal institutions. I did vote for Brandon Johnson though.

But by far the piece that least reflects my current understanding of things is one from 2020 called "Against Community." But that one was never meant to be a prescription for how people should live their lives. It was just a description of where I was at emotionally, having watched multiple friend groups disintegrate over abuse, triangulation, and bad boundaries. I'm glad I don't have to feel that way now. It was the growth after that experience that led to my revelation that communities are just relationships you build, and keep building, not static places you find.

On the whole I am less angry now, less dogmatic, less inclined to believe that electoral work matters or that posting is activism, less hellbent on making everybody agree with me, more comfortable with mourning, more radical, more patient, less grandiose and less hung up on what other people think of me. Despite all that i am still a very arrogant angry neurotic stressed out self superior insecure person.

Thanks for this great question. When I hold fake interviews with myself in the shower, it's being asked things like this that I fantasize about.

[astradyke]

Suddenly I need you to write a dissertation on anything!! You're so well spoken <3 since we're getting into a bit of a character (?) study almost on them, I need you to talk about phil's supposed breakdown when dan left him aka went on tour. These two are so codependent it's adorable!! And now in the context of phil incorrectly (but still sweet) explaining to dan the invisible string theory. I can't!!!!! If it wasn't so sweet, it would almost be toxic but I love them!! They're obsessed with each other, only want each other, cannot stand to be separated for more than a day and want us to know it!

i again need to pause and thank you profusely because i am really happy that there is an interest for my little dissertations ^_^ this is the second to last day i have at home before i move back into university so we really need to maximize this time haha

honestly though, i know i say this every time i make a post but i actually don't know how many thoughts i have about this? i dunno... this is going to be messy but, i guess here are some of my thoughts as to why i don't think Dan and Phil are codependent (ft some tangents and affirmations that they are still crazy insane bc you are right and i'm emotional about it)

Dan is leaving me is actually such a masterpiece of a video because it is really like the loudest thing they have ever publicly released, barring the second pizza mukbang video. it's a little ridiculous in concept because like, come on guys, you're in your thirties and you haven't been apart for longer than two weeks? ever? in like a decade? but also like... i don't know! i kind of get it?

one of the aspects of their relationship that Dan specifically really amplifies in interviews (and throughout Dystopia Daily interestingly enough) is the fact that Phil is essentially a part of his everyday routine so much to the point that it's no longer remarkable. it's heard when he describes their relationship as "two 1,000 immortals/ancient divorced couple", or when he says "Phil doesn't count as a person", or when he calls Phil a piece of furniture (can't snag citations right now but if you are unfamiliar with any of these just ask me and i'll find them for you). a lot of these are done snarkily, but it is actually a massive facet of many close relationships: you become so used to each other that your everyday existence is parallel play, and you are so good at communicating that you know how to flow in and out of each other's spaces like it's breathing.

quick little Mare lore drop, let's talk about university! from January to May at the bare minimum, i would spend anywhere from 2-8 hours a day with my best friend (who comes up in these posts way too much i promise that isn't intentional). we'd study together, eat together, hang out together, etc. we were talking about this recently, because i'm actually not the most extroverted person in the world-- i have spent the majority of my time alone this summer by choice-- but i simultaneously spent literally every waking moment with another person in college, aside from when i was asleep and maybe an hour or two in the middle of the day. the last time i FaceTimed him we both spent it playing separate video games and basically not talking for 1-2 hours straight? yet i am exhausted after seeing another very close friend of mine at the mall for like, two hours. how do you reconcile all of that?

the reason why my best friend's company doesn't drain my social battery is because i have embedded being around him so deeply into my routine that my brain doesn't register it as a social event anymore. i could be in a room with him for literally eight hours and only spent about a quarter of that time socializing. and yet, a few days away from going back to university, that reality feels like a total shock to me, because i spend all my time alone-- how the fuck am i going to go back to being with him from three PM to midnight?

well, that's the exact opposite question Dan and Phil had to ask themselves in 2022! the two of them had been so used to each other's company that it really did become part of their daily routines: a post-social event recharge for Dan might not exclude him resting beside Phil, because Phil isn't a Person, he's just Phil who happens to be a person-- Dan's person. Dan playing the Elden Ring DLC involved Phil being there because yes, Dan was the one playing, but Phil's obviously allowed to be there. so, when Dan decides to go off on tour, and the two of them split apart... that's when the question springs up. because suddenly alone time isn't alone time and also Dan's there, it's proper, actual alone time. the things that you forget to do around the house because you know someone else is able to do them shocks you, because it was never a problem to rely on someone before-- Dan was literally always there! etc etc.

and i actually... okay, i love jokes about codependency and sometimes i do look at them (like with parts of Dan is leaving me) and go holy shit you two that's crazy, but i actually don't see this as a codependency thing! it's a pretty massive shock to anyone's system when you live around another person for that long in such a compact space, right? and like they joked about in... shit, i don't remember the video, might have been the wdapteo 3 (?), the two of them were startled to see the other person in the flesh after Dan's long stretch on tour because that is also a massive adjustment! it's kind of a terrifying one to be honest! just like how university life / home life is a distinction for me, home life / WAD life was a distinction for Dan. and i do take note of the fact that this scenario was unfolding while Dan was the one on tour, because I do think we'd see something kind of interesting if it was the other way around-- like, my point holds, but Phil was right in the video when he said that he has lived alone before versus Dan hasn't because as soon as he moved out he found Phil and, well, not even Dan seems to remember when he proper moved in with him versus when he just crashed in his bed for a weekend. tour life gave Dan structure, and i think that overwhelming reset to his system probably helped with the lack of Phil, versus Phil had experienced living alone but didn't have the same routine that led him to handle the shift in company with the same grace. can't fault the guy.

that being said, while i don't think they were codependent exactly in this period of their life, i do think they were still crazy obsessed with each other because like they really cannot go two seconds without calling or texting or saying each other's names it's so funny. i don't really feel comfortable likening anything they have to toxic because i (like all folks here i think) am very very strongly for the idea that really none of it is, they just kind of happen to be a healthy relationship in which both party is convinced they are soulmates and nobody else has ever had a love like theirs. which... cheers, mate. for sure! can't believe Dan and Phil invented romance, should we throw a party, should we invite Joey Graceffa etc etc

anyway! those are my thoughts <3 this is a clusterfuck of a post SORRY i am very sleepy and also between packing 😭 so not as articulate as usual. but i tried!

[bonesandpoemsandflowers]

hey!!!!! i found this account recently and your info dumps and rants about poto are so based!!!! (coming from a high school student who loves gothic literature too).

what do you think about phantom of the opera attempting to defy tropes and cliches of the romantic era? considering that when gaston leroux wrote it when the era was coming to an end i’d like to think he said fuck it. and crafted poto to be a mockery of those romantic stereotypes ESPECIALLY with christine’s complexity and many facets …. what do you think? could be a really interesting thing to explore!! i am getting wayyy too deep

Lord, I'm not sure if I should be pleased or concerned that a high school student is describing my opinions as based at my age, but thanks. I had a high school PotO phase (naturally) and I've often reflected on how annoyed I would be if I had to face the current Discourse(tm) at that age. And also imo (naturally) there is no "too deep."

I do think that there's a lot to the idea that PotO is very much of its time. That is--it's so definitely post Romantic.

I wrote this in two separate sessions so I probably repeat myself, but:

have an essay, anon!

I don't think it's a mockery of the tropes as much as it is putting a bunch of the tropes in a blender. At the end of an era you have all these very familiar tropes to work with, so you can get weird about it. The audience already basically knows what to expect, so they're on familiar ground. Then you can fuck with them a little to make it your own.

It's like anything else going through phases: you get some critically claimed zombie shit (Romero's work or the walking dead first season) and then as time goes on people iterate and stunt on the genre so you get increasingly weird premises (what if zombies but mushrooms?) (what if zombie but stalker?) of varying degrees of seriousness and quality.

I'm not familiar enough with Gaston Leroux's other work, but I've read at least two scholarly pieces claiming that Erik is not just a mash up of established characters, but of mash up of Gaston's Leroux's own characters from other novels, specifically. So that's why some of his skillsets make no sense paired together: it's just a bunch of guys in there, wearing a trench coat full evening dress. And as a writer, I totally get this urge. "This guy was cool in this book, why not put him in this other book? Also he has an entirely new profession now. He went to trade school in the meantime or some shit."

Christine, though! This is trickier for me and shows my hand. I don't think I can as confidentially and easily toss off opinions about female characters in the Romantic and post Romantic eras. I'm going to reason through this as we go along. I have no idea what my conclusion is going to be because I have to check some dates first. I will give you my personal final answer for why Christine is as she is at the end, regardless.

So on one hand you have Frankenstein's Elizabeth in 1818, who, as far as I know, nobody is writing think pieces about. She's there, she's pretty and soft and good. She inspires Victor to think nice boy thoughts. Unless you know that first draft Victor was more explicitly modeled on Percy Shelley, you'd never know that first draft Elizabeth was based on Mary Shelley, because Elizabeth is almost a non-entity, while Mary Shelley was cool as fuck. Elizabeth is mostly there to be fridged--which I'm not necessarily against, because death and the maiden and blah blah blah and pretty dead girls is a horror genre motif specifically because people find it so tragic and moving. But also, like. Nobody's out here going, wow! Elizabeth! What a compelling female character! and if I did hear anybody say that, I would press x to doubt. Frankenstein is one of my favorite works of literature and I couldn't even remember Elizabeth's name for a solid three minutes.

But then, in 1847, you have Jane Eyre. And I don't know about you, anon, but I love Jane Eyre, and I love Jane. I was absolutely sitting there in AP Lit going "omg I'm such a Jane" and lusting over middle aged men. I think it's funny and great that it's taught in schools for that reason--Jane is basically your age when you read it! She's so relatable! She's whip smart and she's proud and she's struggling! What teenage girl isn't full of anguish and pride and internal screaming! People do write think pieces about Jane, as they should. And then, in 1897, you have Dracula. Which means you have Mina. And is anyone on earth arguing that Mina ISN'T great? She is also pure and good and blah blah--all the examples on this list are good girls and we'll get to that in a second--but she is, like Jane, very smart. She's using the cutting edge technology of her time! She's brave and clever and willing to fight against fucking Dracula. Mina rules. When I first read your ask, my first instinct here was to be dismissive of the idea that Christine is the result of rebellion against her era, because I specifically thought: well she's basically a Mina, isn't she? So not innovative at all. BUT. I think my first instinct was wrong, actually. Or at least: taking a lot for granted. Looking at the dates for the gothic classics I rattled off the top of my head--there's a progression there, isn't there? They're all Good Girls but the good girl gets smarter and more competent as time goes on. And Mina is cool but still part of the ensemble. Christine often gets co-billing with Erik or she's outright considered the main character. She gets a much bigger piece of the story pie.

And I think Christine is more emotionally nuanced than anyone else on this list. She's deftly navigating class differences (calling Raoul on his shit) (Mina never does that I recall--Jane does but that is central to her circumstances) and she's well aware of Erik's horror (you know, his everything) but book Christine is more emotionally savvy than most modern day readers in that she understands that Erik is to a great degree a product of his environment. I hate that people these days view Erik as a bad boyfriend metaphor. He's not. He is, as the book tells us over and over, a monster. And also…very human. And the way those things collide and what that means is the point of the book, and maybe the ending is too tidy but that the book has a happy ending is imo almost solely Christine's doing. Sure, the dagora and Raoul are doing stuff. But they might as well be mice in a fairy tale giving the dispossessed princess (and main character) advice on how to sort wheat in the moonlight or whatever. The person directly confronting the monster is Christine. And the person that grants him grace and thereby humanizes him…is Christine. Only Christine has this alchemical power in the novel. The dagora's been humanizing Erik for DECADES of in story time and apparently this hasn't accomplished shit. Furthermore, Christine's power here isn't something that Erik grants her because she doesn't humanize him with the Power of Music or whatever. It's her parsing things out and making choices. Christine's empathy is not a gift that Erik gives her; she has it from the start.

But it's a little tricky, right. It's too tidy. I'm letting it be tidy for now but as you know--I assume if you've been floating through my poorly tagged rants--I view PotO pretty exclusively through a monsterfucking lens and Christine might be the hero, but we, the audience, are supposed to identify with Erik and all that is monstrous in ourselves.

(have a tag mini essay about it here.)

but whatever! that's not the question!

The question being, as I understand it: is Christine's characterization in particular a reaction against the artistic context of Leroux's time?

and…yes and no?

Like if we look through our cherry-picked examples, there is a CLEAR progression in female character work. But these are stand outs and not necessarily representative. They are classics for a reason. And I suspect we can't forget genre here. Enduring gothic horror is pretty much always transgressive in some way. So a progression that we can track in THIS genre doesn't necessarily mean society or art on the whole was on the same track, let alone at the same pace. I would defer to the kind of weirdo that has more expertise than me here--the kind of person who deliberately reads forgotten or unclaimed period literature. Someone who really gets the artistic context of the time, not just the classics.

How much of that is Gaston Leroux on purpose, though, right? That’s more of what you mean, I think, and that’s what I should be answering. If I rephrase it to: do I think Christine is written that way on purpose? ABSOLUTELY, yes.

HOWEVER

I have a much simpler reason I think Gaston Leroux wrote a great female protag in 1909. And that is: Gaston Leroux fucks. As in, very literally went through a messy lady's man, spend his inheritance in brothels phase.

You might think I mean that in a bad way, but no. The right kind of personality doing this is someone who meets to and talks to a bunch of women. And if it's a man who happens to view women as people--and also views sex workers as human--a dude can come out of this phase really well rounded. Or: not every guy who goes to the strip club is a loser or a misogynist.

You are too young to remember this, anon, but [crone voice] time was, people thought Joss Whedon was a feminist writer. I got myself kicked out of TWO different feminist clubs in undergrad because everybody loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I was an asshole who said "Buffy the Vampire Slayer is shit." Or rather, it's fine, it's fun, but I don't view it as a feminist work and to me, Whedon was so obviously always a creep and none of his female characters ever resonated. (in all fairness to both undergrad clubs: I was an asshole. And I was very young, and I was frustrated by not having the language for what I meant yet. But my issues with Whedon could fill many other posts.)

There is a type of male writer that I describe as: this man has never talked to a woman in his goddamn life.

And that's not literally true; it's impossible for it to be literally true.

But I think it is basically true in that you have men who never talk to women unless they're trying to fuck them and even then only ever talk to them as vending machines they expect to spit out a fuck token if they hit the right word count. And it shows in their work! it shows! people are always surprised when a Louis CK type ends up with sexual misconduct accusations. people seem to think only Chads are predators. no! no no no no. The Neil Gaiman shit coming out recently, do you know who was surprised? NOT ME.

Which isn't to say you can't trust nerds ever. Nor am I saying that every man who blows his hereditament on hookers and blow is gonna be the kind of guy who actually has conversations with women.

What am I saying here? I am saying that I think Gaston Leroux was probably a pretty cool dude. He wrote Erik incredibly sexy despite literally everything and he wrote Christine brave and resourceful and willing to talk back to her pretty boy nobility love interest. That dude hung out with women. I am SURE of it. I do not think anyone could write a character as enduring as Erik, as bizarrely romantically and sexually appealing as Erik, without understanding what (some) women want, what (some) women like.

but here's something you didn't ask about--I called all these female characters good girls, right? And interestingly, arguably, both Mina and Christine have bad girl counterparts. Or Lucy isn't exactly a bad girl--until she's a vampire--but her three proposals a day are presented in contrast to Mina's already settled engagement. And Christine's story opens with Sorelli!

(I fucking love Sorelli)

Sorelli, who is Phillipe's mistress and carries a knife everywhere! GOD I LOVE HER. where was I.

anyway, good girls.

The ingénue.

I read The Phantom of the Opera for the first time when I was nine years old. I had to use my mom's paperback merriam webster dictionary to look up the word ingénue. I don't remember what I read but I remember very distinctly thinking: ah. not me, then.

which is an INSANE thought to have as a 9 year old!

but 9 year old me was right. by that point my family had lived in not one but several war zones and we had specifically been on a cartel hit list. I had seen people jump off a suicide bridge by our apartment.

The adults in my life, possibly because they were stressed out from living in a war zone, were all deeply committed to fucked up behaviors so that young me lived in a particularly gory telenovela. I knew what bombs sounded like and what gunshots sounded like and what bodies in the street looked like.

I had a shit and deeply weird childhood for reasons beyond all that, too, but the point is that I'm always arguing about this story with people from a certain kind of comfortable background that I just don't have. Didn't have, even at the time. I do not remember childhood as an idyllic time, as Bill Watterson once said.

so if you read PotO and you're not Christine

and you're not Raoul, because Raoul is a good girl except he's a boy and also rich and actual nobility, so therefore even less relatable

then who are you?

if you're weird and haunted and already feel different and other than your peers (and your peers can tell that there is, in fact, something wrong with you) (even if it's not your fault) and you read this book, who are you?

You're Erik. as stupid as that might sound. Even if you are, say, cute and small and nine years old.

and then, once I was older, once I re-read it and watched the 2005 movie and generally rediscovered the story post puberty, then I was like: oh my god he's HOT he's been hot this WHOLE TIME.

my initial reaction, even as a child, was sympathy and empathy and it is fuckin wild to me, my dude, that people keep reading this story in this day and age and they instantly align themselves against Erik because Erik is so immediately other. He immediately becomes a cipher for things they find monstrous. I genuinely feel there is some Jungian shadow shit happening here but it also makes me feel terribly cynical and un-ingénue all over again that people think Erik is about male entitlement or toxic relationships. It's always ERIK: SYMBOL OF BAD BOYFRIEND. and like, honestly? honestly? drives me fucking insane for reasons beyond the obvious, too. HOW COMFORTABLE ARE YOU IF YOUR ONLY CONTEXT FOR MONSTER IS TOXIC ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP?

not that, say, DV won't fucking kill you. but that's not even what most of the anti Erik crowd means. my point is merely that there are many more types of trauma, and many more types of monsters.

[also yeah planning to blow up an opera house is straight up evil, though. no excuses for mass murder events.]

But back to Erik—not that you even asked about Erik—I truly believe that there is a huge chunk of the audience with the media literacy of tin can of beans. I was haunting the PotO subreddit for a while and the takes are rancid. I really think a certain kind of reader—usually a woman—reads that Erik is ugly and Raoul is pretty and rich and noble, and that is somehow all they get from the work.

And that Erik—who is ugly—might feel normal human drives like lust or the desire to be loved is disgusting to these people. And they act like it. "This is a story about male entitlement!" No. It’s a story about human yearning. That some people react to yearning from an imperfect source with such visceral disgust is, you know, the entire point of the fucking book.

I preach to the choir, of course. It is on purpose. I am tired of arguing, of the expectation of being pious and apologetic before enjoying the work.

I logged out of reddit mostly to stop going to r/Box5. “And look how much healthier and hotter you’ve gotten in the past few months!” a friend said to me recently, which is a) kind of cringe and pathetic but also b) objectively true.

have you experienced love never dies yet so we can talk about how it's bad? no? SAVE YOURSELF, CHILD. RUN! RUN AWAY NOW BEFORE IT CATCHES YOU.

(LND is bad but compelling all the same. it's a disease.)

anyway, hope some of that is enlightening, thank you for stopping by and saying hi, and enjoy your future phantom adventures.

[amethystina]

When do you think Yo Han fell in love with Ga On? I've always speculated that he fell in love during the show but maybe I'm wrong. Was it after the show ended? What moment triggered that? Just wanted to hear what you think :D

I personally think he fell in love during the drama, yes. But whether or not he realised he was in love during the drama is another question entirely. Though there, too, I'd say yes for my personal headcanon, most likely during the one-month time skip between the explosion and the hearing.

In that very classic: he and Elijah go off to Switzerland, he's suddenly without Ga On for an extended period of time, and that makes him go: "... well, fuck."

Because Yo Han is nothing if not aware of his own emotions (even if he likes to pretend he doesn't have them) and he would notice just how much he misses Ga On. And that the way he does it is unlike anything he's ever experienced before. And, eventually, put two and two together.

So the trigger for him realising is distance and his trigger for falling in love? Just... Ga On in general? x'D Like, I don't think there was one specific thing that made him fall in love. I think it happened in stages, one little piece at a time as Yo Han kept building his understanding of Kim Ga On. Because Yo Han likes to know how things work and study their components, but he probably didn't expect just how many of Ga On's he'd end up loving.

Like: oh, challenges me. Oh, he's actually really clever. Oh, he can cook. Oh, he's kind to Elijah. Oh, he's loyal. Oh, he's cute. Oh, he learns quickly. Oh, he's cheeky. Oh, he's playful. Oh, he's fierce. Oh, he's kind to me.

And so on and so forth.

Basically just a series of puzzle pieces that Yo Han collects and eventually he's just there. He's in love. Because to someone like Yo Han — who sees so many facets of a person and can read situations and people so well — I don't think one moment or one aspect would be enough? I think it would have to be ALL of Ga On.

That's not to say that he has to find every single trait Ga On has to be good or lovable, but I do think he needs to be fascinated. Intrigued. Curious. And that's why he's so fond of Ga On's darker side because it's exciting — it's an interesting, unexpected addition to this otherwise soft, doe-eyed young man. It stands in such stark contrast to Ga On's morals and righteousness that Yo Han can't help but want to see more of it.

And that's also why Yo Han loves how quickly Ga On learns, adapts, and picks up on Yo Han's methods. How quickly he adjusts and fires back, how quickly he can start turning Yo Han's own tricks against him. It's like Yo Han is trying to solve a Rubik's cube but if he waits too long, the colours will have swapped places when he wasn't looking.

And he absolutely loves it.

Long story short, I think Yo Han needs someone complicated with a lot of depth to keep him busy and engaged, and while Ga On might seem plain at first glance, he's definitely not. That boy not only has hidden qualities but is also clever and stubborn enough to give Yo Han a run for his money. And, clearly, that made Yo Han fall in love — and will make sure he stays in love.

So yeah. Something like that, I guess? I hope that answered your question xD

[missing-sock-misto]

🐱✍️🔥

🐱 Who's your favorite song cat and why?

Mr. Mistoffelees! I love the facets to his character; he’s shy and quiet and aloof, but he’s also flashy and dramatic. There are so many versions and interpretations to his character, from a mute kitten to a right-hand singer to Munkustrap, to an eldritch creature you aren’t sure is actually a cat. Plus he’s just so unabashedly ✨Fabulous✨, and it’s funny to see that a musical made in the 80’s, during the height of homophobia and the aids crisis, stumbled into making the hero of the night an extremely gay cat.

✍️ If you had total creative control over a production of Cats, what would you change and why?

So I answered it here, but that one was really focused on a replica/revival style version, so I’ll answer for a nonreplica idea here.

I put the disclaimer that non-replica’s are a bit of a blind spot for me, so I might just say an idea that’s already been done. But yeah- I like the idea of a masquerade style non-rep, where each cat gets a specific aesthetic and dance style.

Victoria is traditional ballet obviously, Misto is acro-modern ballet. Jennyanydots is tap, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser are swing dancers. Skimble could be Scottish dance. Make Tugger a stripper or something Idk lol. The Jellicle Ball is a montage of various ballroom dances, with the Pas-de-deaux being a Waltz featuring Plato and Victoria.

There is a precedent for Macavity being a participant during his own number, so it could be a Tango or Rumba, where he alternates dance partners with Demeter and Bomba (HE DOESN'T SING). I imagine he’s not Literally there, it’s like, a very dark stage, and he enters and leaves spotlights on verses. It’s more the memory of his presence that the girls are dancing with, kind of like the “Cell Block Tango” in Chicago. He’s dressed in a suit with red trim and has a death mask or something.

But everyone is wearing masks with various degree of coverage, and cat ear like head pieces. But I’m imagining very elaborate dresses and costumes, a ballroom set design.

🔥 Share one (1) hot take/opinion about the show/fandom/etc

I really like Revival. It makes me sad when people bash it so much, cause while I don’t agree with all of the artistic choices made, I like a lot of them and find them interesting. But I know any defense I make of it will make me sound like I'm bashing the OG, when that isn't my intention, so I don't say anything.

[spicebiter]

So at the recommendation of @21ate I finished the EverymanHYBRID series and, if I'm being completely honest, my impression was a little soured by it. And, again if I'm being honest, it's mostly because this series didn't really need to have anything to do with Slenderman or any other pre-existing creepypasta. I genuinely think I would've liked this series as a whole and especially the ending more if it had been a wholly original story. Even the crossovers, I find, kind of detracted from what it has on its own merit.

The whole thing kinda reminds me of when I watched through every Hellraiser movie and just how many of them were originally other scripts that then cut and pasted Hellraiser elements in order to make another film for the series. While I do understand A: how something begins as a fanwork type piece and then gradually becomes bigger than that genre can hold, and B: how someone might feel the need to attach something with recognition to their work for it to find its audience and succeed, I personally find it difficult to move past that feeling of 'it should've been something else' for most things, and shows or movies of any kind are especially no exception.

All that said while I say I would've liked it more as an original story, I wouldn't assume I'd love it. I think the ending was maybe a little... rushed? compared to other parts. That may not be the right word but something about the second to last episode felt off from the rest of the series. Really from the moment Vincent began to work with Habit I wasn't certain what direction things were going in but I'm not sure it fits with what was laid out prior to that point. Habit's motivations and personality seem to be a little Off based on what was seen previously and the creation of the weapons to kill powerful things... It was a little lackluster to me. I don't want to trash on the series at all because it is clear that 8 years of a lot of passion went into it but something about that penultimate episode just didn't hit the mark like I expected it would. Maybe I misread the vibe or the direction of the story in a very big way or maybe it's one of those things where they did their best to make a satisfying ending and it inherently wasn't going to hit the same for everyone. Either way, I didn't feel anything was necessarily *wrong* with the last parts but it's neither what I was expecting nor is it the direction I personally would've taken the series, and that's neither here nor there.

On a more praising note, I didn't mention this in my other post but I wanted to say something about the way the series uses music because I think that alone sets EverymanHYBRID apart. Habit's penchant for Sinatra was a treat and the way there's almost always music playing while characters are in the car felt very nice, as I feel both with TV and other web series there's too much worry about copyright and how well you can hear the characters over the music and it removes from how natural a scene can feel. It's something you don't necessarily notice when it's not there, but when it is it brings a facet to a scene that elevates it in a specific way that I really enjoy. I think it's also an interesting creative choice to often overlay montages with some kind of music throughout the series. In the beginning it was obviously more of a nod to documentary/informative type videos but later it was an odd choice given how much normal scenes would feel natural, because that synthetic overlay usually isn't there for a series of this type. I especially liked the use of music in 'The drive west.', specifically the montage scene split by that moment at the gas station. It's the type of thing you'd see more often in a movie or TV show but not in a slenderverse web series and for videos with a more serious tone it's kind of hilarious? The idea of them editing this video where people are going through hell on earth and then adding a fun little montage with a music track is... lmao I don't even know what to say it's just really funny to me.

Anyway even tho I'm not a huge fan of the way it turned out I do wanna thank 21ate for recommending that I continue because there were definitely parts worth seeing and it gave me a much better idea of the series as a whole than reading about it on the wiki would have and I think that alone was worth my time

[toonelemental]

honestly i just gotta Complain for a minute here about a specific facet of age gap discourse feel free to skip this post

it's not weird for people of different generations to get along. people are saying shit like "there's no way a 25 year old has anything in common with a 40 year old" like. yes they do? their life experience might be different but they're still living in the same fucking world

and especially when you're talking about pop culture-based and/or online spaces, a lot of them are built around a shared interest like. yes of course these two people have stuff in common they met in a fuckin star wars fandom group

how could a 29 year old POSSIBLY have something in common with someone in their fifties? one of my housemates is a very good friend of mine. we like movies and tv shows. she likes to revel in the emotional experience of a piece of media and i like to talk about the craft that went into it and we both find listening to the other talk about that stuff fascinating. we both love horror movies and pokemon go and the legend of zelda and fantasy novels and baking

stop deluding yourself into thinking that you can't enjoy the company of someone older or younger than you. it's fucking embarrassing. there's so much more to life than the people that are your age and that's a beautiful gift from the world that you should probably consider accepting

[ciaossu-imagines]

Since this sounds like it could be something interesting and maybe even nice, could you do [IT’LL BE OKAY] for Mikuni?

Oh, you are very right! When it comes to Mikuni, this is actually a really interesting question, something that ended up being really multi-faceted and intriguing the more I thought it over. I hope you’ll enjoy the headcanons, even if they might not be as nice as perhaps you were hoping for.

Send [IT’LL BE OKAY] for the character’s reaction to catching you breaking down mentally/emotionally

Honestly, as with everything, it’s really going to depend on a lot of varying factors, how Mikuni reacts. No two situations are exactly alike, and he won’t react to any one situation in the exact same way he would another.

However, I’m going to try my best to sum up the large strokes of things, because with someone as complex as Mikuni, it really is impossible to detail every single small point. There’s so much that’s going to affect the situation, because Mikuni is a man who not only notices the smallest of details but has plans and plots always formulating in his mind, steps that he sees coming together.

Of course, the biggest things in the situation that will change things is how well Mikuni knows the person he catches in that state and what his general feelings towards them are. For example, with someone like Tsurugi, where from everything we’ve seen so far, the two know each other extremely well but have a lot of antagonism towards each other, Mikuni might appear, at first sympathetic to their plight, but it’s really just a chance for him to get closer to them, to wait for just the right moment to mentally twist the knife into them, to manipulate their emotions and really both just get in the person’s mind with some cruel emotional manipulation that will, honestly, probably play perfectly into all the different plans and plots that Mikuni has going at any one time.

With someone he’s really close to, someone he just might genuinely care about (though he’s likely to emotionally distance himself from those he cares about, because the boy has trouble really letting people who might help him or might make him happier in ways close to him - there really is a part of Mikuni that does not want to be ‘saved’ or ‘helped’, for many reasons), his reaction would be different in that case. While he notices their every move, their every reaction, he’s pretty low-key in his replies to them, his movements and words calculated to appear the most nonchalant. While almost seeming like he’s playing off what they’re going through or minimizing it, he’s hiding really great pieces of advice in his words that they’re going to realize sooner or later and then think about for days afterwards. Most of the time, part of the knowledge and advice he leaves them with helps them overcome whatever the situation is. However, that’s only if whatever they’re going through and whatever’s hurting them isn’t something that, by being solved, will interfere with Mikuni’s plans. If it is, while he’ll still do that same song and dance, he’s making sure the advice he leaves them with keeps them safe, yeah, but he also makes sure that it leads them far away from his plans and plots so that they can’t interfere with everything he’s worked for, everything he’s sacrificed for and planned and toiled away at.

Meanwhile, with a stranger, his reaction varies. In Mikuni’s opinion, almost anything can be a tool, even a single stranger. The more knowledge, the more ‘pawns’ in his hand, the more room he has to play chess. Because of this, he’s not against helping a stranger in distress. He’ll listen to them, smile, cheer them up, make them feel heard and happier. He gets into their good graces while casually introducing points into the conversation that lets him learn an amazing amount about them in a very short period of time and with his charisma and good looks, people tend to open up to him easily. If the person seems valuable, Mikuni finds reasons to keep in touch, to explore his new ‘pawn’s’ usefulness in the long game he makes of life.

[animehouse-moe]

Cinderella Closet Volume 1: Setting The Stage

I love series that challenge gender norms and conventional approaches to sexuality. I love series that have a wide range of style and clothing for the character. And I love cute and fun series. Cinderella Closet checks all those boxes with a modern and fun story that doesn't hide behind stereotypes or cliches in much of any facet.

So, what's it about? Haruka's a freshly 20-year old university student living in Tokyo, who exists in the shadows of the dreams she had for her future. She doesn't have a boyfriend, she's not "trendy", and she's not incredibly popular. Then comes along a golden opportunity to go out with her work crush. But, I mean, have you seen what she looks like? The situation's real dire, so by chance Haruka runs into Hikaru, and the stars align for a fairy godmother to take the stage and turn Haruka into Cinderella.

Cinderella Closet revolves around the dynamic of stylish and chic Hikaru coaxing (though more like wrenching) Haruka out from within her shell. There's not a huge amount of details in regards to the fashion, but they more than provide various details and the reasoning behind dressing Haruka as they do.

More than that though, it's a commentary on the power of fashion and beauty that exists. I think it works really well given Hikaru and Haruka as opposites. The first being the man that dresses as a beautiful woman, and the woman that has a hard time being perceived as one normally. Each have ways in which they remain alienated from self-acceptance and confidence, but through fashion as a medium they're able to find the ability to stand tall and be proud of themselves, and confidently declare that they're beautiful.

And I think that's really all there is to say with any profound statement. It's reclaiming the beauty standards placed on women as a form of empowerment and confidence, and is making a damn cute pass at it as well. Haruka is helplessly funny without any intention of being so, and Hikaru plays a great straight man to her act. The two get on like a house on fire, and while it might seem a little odd based on the time that elapses between interactions and the like, I really enjoy the various moments that they show.

What I think sells it for me is how Haruka views Hikaru, and how Hikaru treats Haruka. It has nothing to do with gender or sexuality, and instead is a bond formed through their shared passions and interests, and is expressed as such. Hikaru sees how much of a great person Haruka is, and tries to protect her while giving her that push in the back she needs. And Haruka just does what anyone should do for Hikaru, treats them like a normal person. It doesn't matter that they're a man, it doesn't matter that they enjoy dressing as a woman, and anything else in-between is about as insignificant as Hikaru wants it to be.

It's really great, and represents this very unique two-way street where each person approaches it differently. They each adore each other because they embody what the other desires. Haruka sees Hikaru as the pinnacle of fashion and beauty, and aspires to reach their levels of confidence and pride that they carry themselves with. Meanwhile Hikaru sees Haruka as a version of themselves. A version that is wary about being themselves, but at the end of the day is able to spread their wings and fly. Despite neither being perfect or what they believe the other person wants them to be, they both see a light in the other that they can't find in themselves.

Okay, enough of the big talk, let's get some fun stuff in here! I loved the jokes and (attempt at) modern humor in the manga. I think the translator struggled a little with some pieces, but nonetheless we get straight up memes in this first volume (have to use a picture of the physical manga as fan and official TL differ on this dialogue).

Also, absolutely credit to this random guy, he knows where it's at.

And just to finish it off, some housekeeping. Given that it's adults in the story here, it's enjoyably spicy about it. Not that anything happens, but they're comfortable in sharing what's typically considered more "adult" information. In that sense, I think the tertiary interactions of Hikaru, and Haruka's boyfriend/crush Kurotaki are really nice. There's a good air of hostility and some decent common ground found through Hikaru's defense of Haruka.

Cinderella Closet certainly takes a bit of time getting moving, but I can appreciate that it works to establish solid footing before running away with it. You don't get reveals right away, confrontation doesn't turn into conflict immediately, and feelings are made crystal clear at the drop of the hat. In opposition though, fashion is apparent throughout, and is used both as a tool and a weapon in countless ways. Putting it together, it gives you something that has a solid thread to follow, but isn't afraid of reaching out from it to explore other pieces.

[incoherentbabblings]

Heyyy kinda saw Year of the otp and i want to ask if you take any fic req (and it’s okay if you don’t) but the (seemly) unrequited love or university au on April for seems interesting for imsteph or dickkory kejwksk

Take good care 💕💕

Oh! I'm so pleased to get a request! I did wonder if anyone saw that post. Let's go for it then! Here is one for April - I have combined the two. Some smutty time here, but (as you'd expect) nothing that explicit. This is beyond sappy. Hyup! If anyone wants to request ones for later in the year, here's the original post!

One More Mistake

It was a mistake.

Or so Stephanie told herself. Frat House party, too much to drink, the classmate she had come to see, one drunken and ill-advised night later, Tim and Stephanie were in a pharmacy, collecting a morning after pill.

She wasn’t pregnant, that was fine. What was less fine was Tim saying,

“Do you want it to be a thing?”

By ‘thing’, Stephanie had assumed he meant sex. She should have asked for clarity, but instead, she let her head get in the way, and told herself that if Tim had wanted her - romantically - he would have pursued her long before drunk sex. One didn’t wake up after a sloppy one night stand and think oh, no you are the one, you drooling on my back mid thrust half asleep proved it! 

Right?

Stephanie had decided long before sleeping with Tim that she loved him. Earnestly, foolishly, desperately. He was that weirdo who asked questions during lectures, sitting in the second row (not the first, that would be truly weird) and typing far faster than Stephanie could match with a pad and paper. He was that oddball who was dungeon master of a rather eclectic DnD session group, with the posters and books to back it up. He was the foolish boy who was nothing short of a good Samaritan, finding a lost dog and returning it to their owner expecting and accepting no reward, or chasing after a thief when an old lady had her purse taken and managing to body slam the thug into a wall.

He was the beautiful boy that she was so madly, pathetically in love with, that she would rather take a sliver of affection from him, meaningless and empty as it was, than have nothing at all.

No kissing. That was her own rule. Kissing made it too real. Pull his head down instead, right next to her neck, so she didn’t have to look him in the eye. If he looked, he’d know. If they kissed, he’d know. She couldn’t bear the rejection that would inevitably make their relationship, as ill defined and one sided as it was, come crashing down. 

Any rational person would realize such a relationship was doomed. Unhealthy. The sex was good, the pair of them climaxed without fail each time, drunk or not, but their day to day interactions remained unchanged. She still would turn up to lectures five minutes late, Tim near the front as always having arrived fifteen minutes early. Their working groups and tutorials and seminars remained firmly on work and work alone. 

What little pieces of information she'd managed to scrape together from watching and listening to his conversations with others only made her heart ache further. Dead mom, a trying but for the most part absent father, nice enough step-mom, a general dissatisfaction with where life was taking him despite an overwhelming pressure to succeed at something…

Stephanie knew what she was - a very convenient way to blow off steam.

So she let him. She wanted to be useful. And she would close her eyes, hold him as close as she dared, pretend there was something there, only for each time causing her heart to die just a little more. 

Today was particularly difficult. He wouldn’t let her hold him. Instead, he pulled her up so they were sitting entangled, his right hand was wrapped around her waist, the left holding onto her hand so tightly Stephanie believed the blood circulation to be suffering. She did not care, pretending that he was holding on to her because he needed her, she anchored him and comforted him and was an irreplaceable facet of his life and -

She made a mistake.

Her lips found his, just for a moment, brushing skin and heat and warmth. 

Tim jerked back, the expression of his face shocked (disgusted), startling Stephanie out of her day dream. Ashamed, she pressed her forehead to his collarbone, and let him finish his task.

Which he did, dutiful as ever, making Stephanie tremble and gasp and want nothing more than for him to once say what he felt, and mean it. 

She felt him finish with little more than a gasp and a quiver, then the expected happened. He moved out from underneath Stephanie, ignoring her as she immediately rolled away, grabbing her thin worn sheet to cover herself. Staring at his clothes on the floor scattered across the room, Stephanie listened as Tim sat on the edge of the mattress. She heard him tie off and throw away the condom. She heard him sigh, run his hand through his hair (she could do that for him, always, forever, as long as he wanted), then simply sit breathing for a moment.

Turn around, she wanted to ask, no, beg, Turn around and hold me. 

But he didn’t, instead he stood up, padded over to her tiny en-suite bathroom, and Stephanie heard him turn her cramped shower on. He’d come back through for his clothes, mutter about having to go finish the paper they both had not written on statistical thermodynamics that was due by the end of the week, and leave Stephanie behind, the room feeling much colder suddenly.

Stephanie continued to stare at his clothes, silently screeching as she watched, in an out of body experience, herself reach for his jacket. She was holding it reverently, back still to the bathroom. The noise of water running through old pipes stopped, and soon Tim emerged to the sight of Stephanie with her back to him, holding his denim jacket.

Piece by piece he collected his clothes, until all that remained was the darn coat.

She turned, resisting the urge to sniff and look pathetic, and handed it over. Remaining conscious of the fact that she was still naked and had yet to clean herself up, Stephanie twisted until she was sitting against the headboard, sheets pulled up under her arms. Determinedly, emptily, she stared at the foot of the bed.

“I have to work on that report,” Tim said, as expected.

Words would not come, so Stephanie nodded. Her throat closed up, feeling very tight. Damn, she really needed to open a window, the room was stifling and hot and must have stank - 

Tim paused at her door, then looked back.

“Steph?”

She made a humming noise in response, but continued to glare at her hidden feet.

“...I don’t wanna do this anymore.”

Oh. There it was. There was the broken heart. Of course. She wasn’t worth trying for, she wasn’t worth keeping, of course she knew this would happen. There was only ever going to be one outcome, so why should she feel her breath be stolen? Why should she feel her stomach turn in a nauseous tumble, threatening to remove any chance of dignity from this goodbye? She knew this would happen. 

And yet she burst into tears all the same.

Tim, to his usual oblivious idiot credit, looked mortified. “Wait - wait I…”

He came over, touching Stephanie’s shoulder. She flinched, strangling out a pathetic apology.

“I thought…!” Tim trailed off. “This is too hard for me! I can’t keep sleeping with you and pretending there’s nothing more. You don’t even look at me, let alone…”

“All I do is look at you,” Stephanie warbled. “And it isn’t enough.”

“You…” Tim got down on his knees, then took one of her hands, cradling them in his own. The distinctive dripping noise of fallen tears came, plip plop, onto the white bed sheet. Stephanie breathed unsteadily, then wiped them away. 

“Stephanie,” Tim tried again. “What would be enough for you?”

She said nothing, only shaking her head. “Tell me,” Tim urged.

“You wouldn’t be able to give it,” she whimpered.

“Try me.”

One hand moved into her hair, dishevelled and sweaty and tangled, stroking with his thumb the space behind her ear. She turned into the motion, finally looking at Tim on his knees before her. 

One last mistake, she told herself. Stephanie would hurt herself one more time.

“I want all of you,” she said.

Tim blinked twice, slowly, reminding Stephanie of a cat. Then, as if in slow motion, his blank expression melted, and his chest heaved a great sigh, as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

“I can give you that,” he said simply. 

“You…” Stephanie reached up, holding the wrist that cradled her hair. There was no pain, only a startling and intense feeling of hope. “You have all of me,” she whispered, pulling him up.

He perched himself back on the bed, letting the jacket fall once more to the floor.

“Then I guess we can keep doing this.”

And he kissed her, and all Stephanie’s mistakes felt right all at once.