#anyway i love this book sm it so good
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i just realised that in hell followed with us the first other trans man that benji interacts with and who looks at him disgustedly when he says he doesnt bind, his name is calvin. it didnt fully register in my brain when i first read it but i re-read it tn and omg. i fucking love this book
#it might not have been intentional but i rlly hope it was#subtle digs at that fuckin transmed is what i live for#fuck kalvin garrah me and all my homies hate kalvin garrah#and calvin who even after an apocalypse says that neopronouns r making a mockery of trans ppl#fuck that guy!#anyway i love this book sm it so good#hell followed with us#hfwu
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oooooooooough i love you i love you i love you!!!! hand in loving hand !!!!!!
#mine#cats#i was like losing it over th colouring yesterday like this SUCKS and then looked at it 2day n was like. anyway#ive been unstoppable since ive figured out how 2 do glowy things#me n my partner went ice skating this evening !! so so fun#i love how girls will just peacefully hang out in the centre ice doing spins n boys will fast and furious skate around at 100mph#like we dont need to be doing all that#as soon as i see a boy w hockey skates enter the ice i am now leaving the ice#anyway....i got a slightly dubious fantasy audiobook 2day we will....see...how it is#whenever i read a fantasy book written by a man my hackles are up i am scenting the air i am growling#have i finished assassins fate u ask.....no :3#its been sitting at 30% for like 4 months i cant bring myself 2 read more KJBDSSK#there is like so much book left. so much that can go wrong#i will finish it soon i prommy i prommy...n then listen 2 th tawny man audiobooks :3#ngl this fitz n fool trilogy isnt super doing it 4 me im not finding it as Invigorating for sm reason#still good !! but def my least fave of th three trilogies#anyway. i am going 2 bed
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i love this website because every time i come on here i get shown a post that’s like “i just started reading frankenstein and it’s gay as fuck?” like buddy. you don’t even know how gay it is Going To Get
#it makes me so happy bc i would genuinely give everything i have to be able to go back and experience it for the first time#sitting in english literature class going 👀 at my friend because damn these bitches gay good for them#writing silly notes in the margin of the penguin classics edition they gave us#i still have it ten years later and its so beat up from use but i love her sm… prized possession#anyway these posts just make my heart smile and if you’re reading for a class i hope you get good grades 🩷#frankenstein#excited to see which of you will make this book your entire personality for the next decade#it’s sooooo fun i promise pspspspsp#i too once thought hey i like that gay little polar explorer guy#and now i’m. here#it’s a slippery slope
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I would literally give everything to read Tradition Of Tragedy
#yes I’m once again talking about something Reid related#can’t you guess he’s my current fixation?#anyway#it just sounds sm like my type of book#and a very good book in general#like some of the best quotes of aoov are actually from that book#and knowing it was Reid who wrote it makes it sm more interesting#bc it really shows how angry he is toward the seven families#also!! i would love to know more about the tournament in general#about the other victors#especially the non-lowe victors#aaaaa I just need it so bad#all of us villains#all of our demise
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LOCKWOOD AND CO NOT HAVING A SEASON TWO IS CRIMINAL
#I finished that shit in one day#NOT EVEN A LOCKLYLE KISS?????#NOT EVEN A LITTLE FUCKING PECK.#ALSO THAG ENDING WHAG I NEED TO KNOW EHATS BEHIND THE DOOR#IM GONNA KMS PLEASE NETFLIX STOP BEING STUPID AND BRING THE GOOD SHOWS BACK 🙏🙏🙏🙏#at least there’s books#sigh#gagsgdgdggs lockwood is so hot tho I love him sm#hehehhehehehe#I’d be his asset#anyways#gonna read the books now because I need MORE#⋆˚ yapper olympics 𝜗𝜚˚⋆#⋆˚ actually obsessed 𝜗𝜚˚⋆#lockwood and co#locklyle#anthony lockwood#lucy carlyle#george karim
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if i do "?" in text i'm genuinely tilting my head like a dog if i do "!!" my eyes are sparkling and i am figuratively wagging my tail if i am IN ALL CAPS i'm screaming from the top of a mountain with all the power i can with love and the strength of RAGHHH within me
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#sorry guys. i will not shut up.#honestly i really miss it here on tumblr SNIFFS ..... i say this sm tho but damn real/offline life has really been fun <33#anyway. meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow me#very good day ty to those who greeted me anywhere or even just liked a post as a little hi hbd or just acknowledgement ya know arghhh arghhh#I'M SO TIRED NOW ACTUALLY i'm on 5 battery but watch me keep talking (writing) some more#i'm insane btw i went out w friends earlier this tuesday (love them sm) and then. they pitched in to buy me the origin of species bcs i've#been wanting the book LMFAO AS A BDAY GIFT IDK IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME BUT GENUINELY I'M SO HAPPY (NERD) <333#and today i've talked a lot again w one best friend and another of my dearest friends and another too and idk fun day fr#okay i shut up now#that's a lie btw who knows when i will shut up#i might shut up now actually actually#actually i like rambling it's so fun teehee#BUT YEAH TY AGAIN ... genuinely makes me so happy i feel so giddy i was scared today would turn out bad and hey it isn't perfect but to me#it kinda is. in its own way. imperfectly perfect ^_^ <3 yeehaw!!
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ᯓ★
#i feel the way i feel and i dont owe it to anyone to hide my sadness </3333#also i just have bpd and even somewhere many ppl have that u cant even say anything but im just having a breakdown now 🤷🏻♀️#anyway what i wanted to say is that i AM sensitive and emotional and stupid#and it does hurt so much when the person i want and love doesnt feel that way for me#and i feel bad saying stuff like this bc ppl dont really understand but#i dont feel..: a whole lot... for anyone but him thats just how it is#so he IS a loss he IS so hard to lose and thats just how i feel#and it hurts sm bc hes the only one i wanna talk to but i cant#i know this is smth most ppl deal with in life and like it's just part of being a human#i just everyday keep thinking of things that remind me of him or i read a book i wanna tell him abt and then the pain comes back#bc the thing is i kinda only want to talk to him abt it all bc i just dont /feel/ a lot talking to others#that doesnt mean i dont appreciate it or care i just dont know how to explain#maybe it's my avpd? but i just dont feel happy or nice or good or comfortable or excited or interested in the same way :((((#i dont know i barely know what im talking or thinking about#and i keep saying the same things over and over again im just so sad and it feels like i always will be#bc i have bpd and then the pain feels all consuming and like it will never end and its just so hard to deal with#and even if it might be true when ppl say stuff like u deserve love or you're gonna find someone else etc#im not ready to receive it bc i only want this specific person and i get that many ppl deal with unrequited love and its part of life#but i AM scared bc im 25 and i've never ever met anyone i feel even a fraction for what i feel for him#what if im someone who doesnt get many chances w ppl? what if im cursed to be alone and never find anyone i have a mutual connection to????#so therefore i just wanted thought believed and hoped it would be him#and yes i acknowledge that a lot of it was just me wanting that and not realizing reality but its still how i felt#and as a bpd girlie my emotions are all consuming 🥴#so bottom line is i kinda just wanna die bc i wanna talk to him every second bc im crazy and mentally ill and since i cant do that im in sm#pain hahahah :D#and i will complain abt it bc it hurts so much idk what to do!!!!! ☺️
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Shh, they're doing a couple's exercise
#scrooge a christmas carol#scrooge 2022#ebenezer scrooge#isabel fezziwig#belle fezziwig#isabenezer#Yes that's their ship name now#I've literally read and studied this part of the book sm and yet thus version made me root for these two#Like when they broke I felt...feelings??#The only other adaptation that made me feel was the muppets and that's mostly bc of 'When love is gone'#it's so bittersweet#and I love it#Anyways leaving this here for good vibes#I said I'm holding out until February amd I intend in keeping my word
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As much as I think Gankutsuou is an amazing Monte Cristo adaptation, I think Villefort couldve been done a lot better. I just finished reading an abridged version of the book today, and it made me really emotional how much that man actually loved his family. Yeah he didnt have the best relationship with his father, but still kept him around and made sure he was cared for when he got paralyzed. It didnt really come to my attention earlier, but at the end of the book, with all the poisoning going on, that poor man went through so much. First his father in law, then his mother in law, one of the most loyal servants, his daughter and then his son and wife.
The way he stayed with Valentine after he thought she passed, and the way he came to Heloïse as "the judge" but still wanted to come back later and give her a life with their son somewhere far away. Because he still loves her. And he knows that, though what she did was horrible, her intentions were coming from a mother wanting a good life for her son, and he respected that. But then she had killed herself when he came back, and killed Edward too. The way Villefort hoped Edward was still alive and how he held him was just so. Augh. And then going insane after all this, he just loved them so genuinely much and I wish the anime showed that side of him.
#I didnt cry much throughout the book but the scene where Edward died... god.#the anime kept it a bit ambigious at first whether he died or not and confirmed it when heloise and edward stood at that one place#near the end#which confirmed they both died#but the book just throws it in your face huh.#I have so many thoughts about the book but this was the only thing I could actually formulate properly lmao#anyway villefort didnt deserve all that!! he wasnt a good person but neither was this deserved#not just my opinion but also what the count himself said#I thought it was really good (and painful) how the count tried to bring Edward back#but it didnt work and that was the moment he thought to himself 'I mightve gone too far'#I love edmond dantes character so much because yes he deserved to take every bit of revenge he took but also yes maybe he did go too far#because he isnt perfect yknow!! He just wanted to get them back for the life they stole from him!!#GOD I love this story sm I could talk about it forever#tcomc#talktag#my post
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I ran this morning AND wrote some AND made art and I’m so proud of me
#didn’t get any of my actual office work done oopsies#but in my defense it’s a Friday and also I did allot time for it I just ended up not doing it#anyways still proud of me!!! guys art is so so important and I know that and I preach that but I haven’t been doing it#and I just picked up a blank sheet of paper and did it#and is it good or anatomically correct? no but it was so FUN#and I’ve been working thought Tim Clare’s writing stuff and it’s been GOOD#I like this new series of exercises a lot better than the couch to 80k#they’re. the same honestly and I don’t actually care about his commentary all that much#maybe I’m just more present or more invested in them#I only ran for 15. min and then I had to call my brother to pick me up because the heat was gonna make me pass out :/#but also I TRIED#I fucking tried today#also did u know running is utterly miserable.#runners high is def a thing#felt amazing afterward#but holy shit it’s awful in the moment#my roommate ran a 25k recently and I talked to her about it and she said it never gets better#which is. not very encouraging#but also I Want To run as much of this 5k as I can#maybe I’ll be dead after but it’s fine I have a couple days to recuperate before the eclipse#WHICH IM ALSO EXCITED SBOIT. I’ve never seen a total eclipse before#goddamit my brain jumped to too many places#delete later#anyways. if u didn’t u should acknowledge ur accomplishments today#even if they didn’t feel like much#now I’m gonna go read a 115k fanfic that’s gonna wreck me#that’s my treat to me#I HAVE ACTUAL BOOKS TO FINISH. but NO. THIS is how I’m spending my time. and it’s fine I’m valid#I’ve been talking to all the lesbians about running too#and they’ve been so encouraging too!! I love my coworkers and very distantly related coworkers sm
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So I was doodling the silly little starboy
And then I just-
Yeah
ft. My mc <3
#i love him sm#i think the reason i love him so much is that he's so the little prince coded#the little prince is so dear to me I got the book as a gift when i was a kid#it just grew on me cuz it resonated and continues to resonate with me#i guess that's why Xavier brings me so much comfort :(#anyway HE'D LOOK SOOOO GOOD WITH HIS FACE FULL OF LIPSTICK MARKS I NEED#my art#illustration#xavier love and deepspace#lnds xavier#rambles#this game will ruin me#both emotionally and financially
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top three “yikes the girls are goin thru it”-books
sharp objects by gillian flynn 🔪
wilder girls by rory power 🌿
we have always lived in the castle by shirley jackson 🪦
#feat. the editions that I wish I owned jfdhjhfdjhdsf#I have that edition of wilder's girls!! but only the mass market paperback of sharp objects#and most tragically. the penguin's classics edition of whalitc. I'LL GET MY HANDS ON THAT COVER EVENTUALLY jhdsjhsdfj#anyways. whatever!!! I love all these books sm and have reread them multiple times#heavy recommendations for all of em!!!!#if I can get back on a consistent reading schedule I'd love to start doin mini reading wrap-ups on here.#idk! I used to do that on my ancient old blog and it was p fun#I started The Troop by Nick Cutter on the plane a couple weeks ago and got about halfway thru before we landed#and I was enjoying it? enjoying it is a weird word to describe the reading experience. hdsjhdsfj it's just misery MISERY PAIN AWFUL#but it was good. I need to pick it back up and finish it lmao#I'm so OOOH SQUIRREL these days ndsfjhfdsjhfds so we'll see about that#sam speaks
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wait. ok. hold on.
#i wonder if my struggling to focus on books is part of my struggle with focusing on visual things#i wonder if maybe i should have been listening to audiobooks all along#this changes the game ?#well. i'll have to experiment#also. just maybe. if i'm lucky. fixing my vision problems might make it easier to write descriptions and draw settings?#i've always said i wasn't a visual person and now it makes so much more sense#another interesting thing the doc said was that my brain showed signs of hyperactivity even though i don't present any at all#she posited that i might be channeling all that extra energy into making up for all the other shit my brain tries to pull#since i scored well on persistence#if we can fix this maybe i'll have energy#i love this doctor sm she's so confident that this is something she can fix#she talked about how important it is to her that she's able to help all her patients#that she put a lot of her own money into making sure her services are affordable#i am in good hands. i truly believe this.#dear diary#anyway if u have audiobook recs u can leave a comment :3
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i should be reviewing some materials for my zoom class tonight because i actually suck at it and constantly have complete breakdown during its session, but is that what i’m doing?? NO, of course not. instead, i just started my most intimidating read for this month that has 544 pages, (and is a thick hardcover with such small texts that somehow makes it scarier for me) about oxford’s royal institute of translation in the early 1800s, and avoiding my own studies like a plague even though it only worsened my growing anxiety
#one of my unhealthy habit is ignoring my problems by escaping through works of fiction#can you tell#i want to quit this class so badly omg#i want to cry and throw up every time i think about it (and not in a positively-overwhelming-fangirl kind of way)#an hour and a half has never felt longer#but yeah anyway the book’s good so far!!#i’ve only finished a chapter in the past hour but it’s good !!#so there’s that#babel#babel rf kuang#rf kuang#she’s so cool i love her sm#rambles in shambles#nadirants#reading#bookblr
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ok i just finally finished lagoon. ohhh my god i am so excited to discuss this in class
#i have been thinking abt it So Much.#who gets to be the protagonist and why!! why is it always americans why is it white people why is it PEOPLE at all. why not fish#maybe a bat or a spider or a ROAD has the most fascinating inner life on earth and we would never fucking know#the way we humans (and esp white people) have a habit of crushing things without understanding how special they ever were#this isnt even just on a plot/character level its in the LANGUAGE of the book. pidgin english as a tool to show class/connections!!#and bc this class is postcolonial lit i just KNOW were gettin into all of that#its SO good dude. its such a good book#i also just thought all the nigerian mythology was super fucking cool even if i dont know much abt it#i knew vaguely abt mami wata and ijele i think. and anansi but anansi isnt really in the book#levi.txt#also just as a smaller thing: i didnt know much abt nigeria in general and its always cool to see new places represented in books#ive never even been close to lagos!! but i can tell the author loves it sm and sees the beauty in it#just. as a huge arachnophobe this book is literally narrated by a massive spider and im endorsing it. thats smth in itself hgfjdkhgfd#i have a lot of feelings abt it 👍#anyway. enjoy the infodump i will not apologize#next book for the same class is midnights children by salman rushdie which also sounds super interesting!!#one of the girls in my writing class last year was indian and her stories talking abt it were always great? so thats a good sign#i dont know loads abt india either but im so excited to see it in this book and learn more
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I don't talk about the books I read too often because for the most part I generally either go "...alright" or find them satisfying but not as mentally itchy as things that I want to engage with transformatively (TLU being a rare exception where I think it's satisfying AND I can't shut up about it but honestly how could I possibly NOT talk about TLU) but anyway. Nevada Barr can I meet you and shake your hand for creating ex-theatre kid middle-aged unaware-bisexual park ranger Anna Pigeon specifically for me
#Mouse talks!#(also despite finding it satisfying I do still engage transformatively with TLU but in a very different way than I do like... ER/SM/DW#bc I DON'T want to just toss half of canon out the window with TLU lol so it's where I'm the most canon-compliant)#anyway the POINT of this post is: I love Anna Pigeon so much#I'm not going to pretend the books are high literature or anything - I think they're higher quality than plenty of the other#gimmick setting murder mysteries but also the gimmick setting (a different national park/landmark every book) actually appeals to me so#but I DO think Barr has some really clever prose in places and I like her narrative voice a lot!#and she's REALLY good at moments that make me go AAAAAAAAA#for example I am never going to be over Anna Pigeon ripping out a man's throat with her teeth and leaving him to die!!! like HELLO????????
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