#anyway i have life to attend to
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Link to the other thread about this topic for anyone who hasn't read that version of the post. It explores stuff about Japanese spelling, unfounded expert bias, accepting mistakes, accepting other people, the whole acephobia discourse, etc. including responses from @rikeijo. Massive thanks to them for their take on the situation.
Anyway, I've been thinking about this reblog for a bit, and it's also not 4am now, so I'd like to add some context to this whole "off-putting attitude" discussion for those who aren't in the trenches. First, here's a link to the anon ask and answer mentioned by prev in case anyone hasn't seen that. If Samurai is reading this and is rushing to delete or alter that post, too late, I have it all as a screenshot. If anyone wants that screenshot, feel free to DM me. Feel free to DM me about anything regarding this or anything else tbh, whether it's to get a deeper explanation, to share your own screenshots without wanting to become part of the drama publically, or to rip my head off and call me a bigot. Use your free speech. Chop chop, Filip and give this debunker boy a treat to read (if you get that reference, I love you).
As has been established, Samurai cares a lot about engagement and has publically posted about this many times, specifically lamenting their inability to retain readership and whining about people not being eternally loyal to their fics. See below screenshots from their BlueSky to get an idea of what I mean:
(Fig. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Break for those who want a usable dash.
Now, you might be wondering why I'm going so hard on this. Everyone wants engagement online, why is this bad? And you're right, it's not bad if that's the whole story. The issue I have with this is the eternal whining about people not paying enough attention but then also not actually acknowledging when people give you genuine criticism about why your way of posting is off-putting. And like prev said, there's absolutely nothing wrong with using your social medias however you please, but you also have to be aware that the readers you're trying to retain read these posts too. They see all of them just like they see the story updates and funny posts. That sucks, yeah, but that's the nature of posting everything on the same socials. If you want to separate your personal posts from your writing posts, you have to actually physically do that by having different accounts. Then the people who only want the writing updates can just not follow the personal update account.
And you have to realise that if a reader continuously gets updates from you that whine and moan about how you can't retain readership and how maybe you're just boring or how your fics are flops, they're going to feel accused. I don't care that you don't intend to do that. That's how it comes across. If a loyal reader is inundated with posts about how the support currently being given isn't enough and that that's making the author sad, then that reader is going to feel ignored and like their support is being belittled. I'm sorry, that's just how it is. You cannot both insist that you're an ignored underdog (see Fig. 16) that no one likes and hope to retain a large fanbase. That's not how humans work.
(Also the (I'm not fishing for compliments) addition under a post that's about AO3 bookmarks being treated like the end of the world is quite rich to me. You're allowed to be upset, of course you are, but removing a bookmark isn't necessarily a personal attack. People's tastes change. They clean up. Maybe they just don't like you anymore. With how many posts and statements you have about blocking people you don't like, I'd expect you to not take offence to others doing the same)
I'm also going to put these posts here. They just amuse me a lot considering who's posting/reposting them.
(Fig. 10, 11, 12, 13)
For anyone wondering about the post being referenced in Fig. 10, this is the one. I've already talked about the ace stuff in this post so I'm not going to repeat myself here. I just thought y'all should have the full context.
(Fig. 14)
And then there's this repost which is RICH coming from someone who routinely insults and belittles other members of the fanbase for simply having different takes. Yeah, Samurai. Stop being so critical. It's boring.
(Fig. 15)
Am I being petty? Probably. Do I care? Not really considering real people have been really hurt by this person's actions. They belittle the fandom they claim to be a part of, they criticise people for simply not approaching fandom like a master's degree, they claim to be so mature and yet is far more immature themselves to the point where I thought they were a teenager due to their seeming inability to take accountability and understand that their word is not law. I don't care that you like academic approaches. I don't care that you're sad you missed the "top-tier analyses" (Fig. 16) made in the past. This does not give you the right to demean an entire community simply because you're so high up on your horse that you can't just let people be and enjoy fandom however they please. You champion your own right to approach fandom how you like. Stop belittling other people's right to do the same.
If anyone is questioning their attitude towards the current YOI fandom and their percieved place in it:
(Fig. 16, 17, 18)
(Side note: Fig. 18 is such an underhanded dig at the fandom, I'm slightly flabberghasted that someone would actually type this with such a post history and general attitude. This is honestly embarrassing and kind of hurts to read. Don't even get me started on Fig. 17.)
And then this is the end of their pinned post on their blog:
(Fig. 19)
I'm sorry, but you can't whine and hide behind "I'm insecure" when people get mad at you for treating them like rubbish. If they have to be kind, so do you. The rules apply to you just as much as they do to other people. I unfortunately don't have a screenshot, but on BlueSky (iirc roughly a month or so ago?) you at one point posted about having anxiety and depression, and that's too bad, but I really do not care. Having a mental illness is not an excuse to treat others poorly (have diagnosed and highly medicated anxiety myself and don't look down on others for not doing what I want. Funny how that works). It might explain poor behaviour, but you're still responsible for your actions and rectifying any bad behaviour you display. You have to say sorry even if you did something on accident or while in a bad headspace. Just to make it extremely clear to you:
YOU DO NOT GET TO PICK AND CHOOSE WHEN THE RULES APPLY TO YOU.
They either apply to everyone equally, or they don't apply at all. And don't come in here going "But what about this very specific case?" That's called whataboutism, and I frankly do not have the patience for your whining attempts to derail the discussion. I don't know whether you're even reading this, Samurai, and I don't actually care that much. I don't believe you have enough ability to introspect to understand what I'm trying to tell you, and this post is a lot more for the people who you've used and manipulated than it's for you. I don't believe I can get through to you. But I do believe I can get through to your mutuals and followers and anyone else who might be reading this, because they don't deserve to be dragged into whatever this shitshow that is your online presence is.
It's frankly embarrasing for you that you're in your 40's. If you were a teenager, I'd just have ignored you, because you'd probably have learned how to not be utterly insufferable with time. However, you might be a parent to people the age that you act like, and while I doubt this thread will make any real impact on your behaviour, I'm hoping someone else can take this information and use it to make sure they don't fall for your tricks or anyone else who might be more dangerous. You're not a dangerous person. You're frankly just an immature embarrassment, and I cringe at the though that any children you might have have to deal with having a parent as childish as you. Do better. You owe the world at least that much. And if you can't change, then don't come whining to the fandom you belittle when you get what's coming to you.
In case anyone isn't familiar with Samurai's type and how they present themselves, here's an introduction Samurai wrote in a Tumblr comment section (that I unfortunately don't have a link to but you get the idea):
(Fig. 20)
Don't fall for this. Regardless of whether Samurai believes they're actually like this, it's not how they actually act. "[...] try to dispel the myths that have been circulating in the fandom for ages." is code for "I don't respect other people's opinions and interpretations of canon." Samurai likely disagrees but I'm sorry, Samurai, that's what this is. That's what this means in terms of your behaviour. The same applies to "You won't find any weird takes on my blog." This is a classic example of someone having absolutely no selfawareness of the fact that their opinion of "weird" is not universal. It's an absolutist statement of an opinion as if it were fact, and as I mentioned in my original reply to Blonndiec's ask, that's not a new thing for Samurai to do. It's very much a pattern. Don't fall for it. If ANYONE (including me or people you trust) says stuff like their blog being free of "weird takes", do not listen, and do not believe them. That is an opinion. It is not a fact. Don't take it as one.
And just to add some more fuel to the fire, here Samurai is accusing someone of plagiarism:
(Fig. 21, 22)
(Link to Vic's analysis btw)
What's so bad about that, you may ask? Plagiarism is bad and should be called out and yes, that I agree with. The issue is that the plagiarism being alleged is, and let me make this very clear, an analysis of a canon event that is just about the most analysed even in a 12 episode show. I'm not saying plagiarism isn't real just because a scene is popular or a show is short, but this scene is literally about a minute long and is, again, a very talked about scene. Coming to the same conclusions about the same one minute of runtime is basically guaranteed to happen every once in a while, especially when you have eight years of fans doing this. These two analyses being posted close to one another in time is just as likely as it being intentional plagiarism. Calm down. You're not important enough for people to bother plagiarising you.
And considering Samurai believes their interpretations are the most correct according to canon and that anyone who doesn't share those views is illiterate (I can't find that screenshot rn, you're free to doubt my claim), shouldn't it be good that Vic came to the same conclusions? Doesn't that mean that Samurai's analysis is being backed up and that Vic is not illiterate? But Vic's analysis gained more traction and that's apparently enough to accuse the fandom of being a waste of time and energy (Fig. 22).
I'm sorry, Samurai, but as someone who claims to not be new to all of this, I thought you'd know that sometimes traction is random and doesn't have anything to do with quality or correctness. Sometimes you're just unlucky, and that's no one's fault. Or maybe the world is actually out to get you, and you're a victim of the universe and everyone in it. I can't prove or disprove that. But I will say that I don't blame anyone for not wanting to interact with your posts. I haven't seen your version of this analysis so I can't comment on how you phrased yourself or whether Vic was directly lifting your words into their own analysis, that could very well be, I have no proof for or against that. If anyone has a link to Samurai's meta (I didn't happen upon it in my scrolling for whatever reason), I'd love to read it and compare it to Vic's. But regardless of Vic's behaviour, I would not be surprised if the reason people aren't interacting with your post is because they find your tone and general demeanour off-putting. And, to be very clear: you do not have a right to people's engagement. People can choose to engage or not for literally any reason and they don't have to explain that reason to you. It is not a crime to simply not interact with people you don't like.
You talk about blocking the haters and yet when the haters block you, you get your nickers in a twist. Why do you care? Don't you hate them? Why do you want them to interact with you? In Fig. 8 you hypothesised that the person who took you off their "super-duper fic rec list" was a "dick" so why are you upset about no longer being in the recommendations of someone you personally dislike? I wouldn't want to be recommended by someone I dislike for the same reason I don't want to be associated with bigots. I don't want my name in any way tied to them or their awful behaviour. It feels like you're crying about nothing and making it everyone else's problem. But feel free to explain yourself if you want (assuming I'm not already a blocked hater which would only prove my point that you absolutely understand just removing things/people you don't like from your life. But apparently that's only okay when you do it. Funny how that works).
Oh and just as one last thing before I end this giant reblog for now, and because I'm petty. They've repeatedly talked about how you don't need an account to view their Tumblr posts (Fig. 22) but this is what pops up when you access it without an account now. Not so confident people won't see you for what you are anymore, are we?
(Fig. 23, 24)
Oh wait, right, you have less confidence than Katuski Yuuri (Fig. 18). I wonder what could be the reason for hiding your blog then if it isn't your confidence rapidly crumbling. You're just a little anxious fella who likes academia afterall (yes, I am being exceedingly petty, thank you for noticing, I hope you enjoy).
Hey, just wanted to reach out to say that I found you pointing out and calling this person was really great and you shouldn't have apologized. It was incredibly true what you said, and to be honest it seems out of touch with the reality of a great deal of the japanese fandom, the nuances and their culture. Also, it was as you pointed out, extreme and may I say rude. I want to mention too that the way it was written, as if entitled of the knowledge and the 'explanation' made it all worse in context of the 'fucked up'. The original poster always gets away by using the 'well-written academic'' statement of their 'metas' as an excuse to do or say and make everyone else agree and if not, uses victim narrative and discourses exactly selecting wording for people to agree on it or feel bad.
I don't know if they tagging you in the way they did made you reblog and apologizing/backing up, but no one thought bad about you pointing it out. On the contrary, a lot of people had been bullied and discriminated by this person when they called them out/disagreed going onto lenghts of sending their friends to harass people, and the other persons can't even defend themselves because they are effectively blocked. To quite a few people in the fandom has been done, even accusing them as 'acephobes' (when they're not) or even Nazis by spreading lies. So yeah, I just wanted to say that. I think you were right to call them out publicly.
Thank you very much for this ask. To be completely honest I agree with everything you said here and don't actually feel bad about pointing anything out. I mainly apologised because I didn't want any potentially poor phrasing from my side to cause unnecessary hostility and because I myself have gripes with this person's behaviour but didn't want to cause a scene.
My honest opinion is that they have a serious issue with taking accountability for their own mistakes and highly overestimate their own intellect. If you're reading this, @thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai, sorry if I seem harsh, but it's true. I saw your post lamenting how you're the only academic meta writer / fan in the fandom and I didn't interact then because I honestly do not care enough to start that drama but with the information Blonndiec has just given me, I think it's necessary that someone calls you out.
You're not an academic. You're not beyond the mental capabilities of other fans. You're actually incredibly childish in your metas and analyses and I am not kidding when I say that I was halfheartedly writing essays more academic than every analysis I've seen from you when I was barely a teenager. I don't know how old you are and I frankly don't care. You're not as clever as you think you are.
Also, don't think I didn't notice that you didn't reblog my correction (link here to my correction and here to their "response" for those who didn't see that exchange) of your post so that you could control what your followers saw of the exchange. You're the opposite of an academic. You control information to tailor the narrative, you don't cite your sources properly if at all, you don't format your posts in anything close to how an academic analysis would be, you make unbased claims, you reference posts and canon material without in any way indicating where that information is from, you reference your own (equally unacademic) metas and your conclusions from them without indicating what post it's from or that it's your own theory this new one is based on and instead present it as a common fact, and I could go on and on and on. Your posts are also riddled with logical fallacies and you talk in absolutes and opinions when there's no canon basis to claim such things. I'm sorry, but that's not academic in the slightest.
To be clear, you don't have to be an academic to post on the Internet. You don't have to be anything at all. You could up front be a genuine idiot with no remorse and that's fine. But when you claim to be an academic and also put down the rest of the fandom for not being on your level, you have to be able to back that up. It'd still make you sound like a prick but at least your arrogance would have a basis. It currently does not.
I haven't personally seen the discussions that Blonndiec is referencing and I'm not going to claim anything definitive (because that would be unacademic of me, take notes) but if what they're saying is true and did happen as described, which I have empirical, if anecdotal, evidence to believe could very well be (a friend of mine has personally been blocked by you after they criticised you without actually mentioning your name which I of course can't prove is the reason for the block but the timing is awfully convenient), you should know that you should be ashamed of yourself.
If there's context missing, feel free to enlighten me and call out any incorrect accusations. You have every right to defend yourself. However, I encourage you to cite your sources since you're such an academic. If you don't, then it's just your word against Blonndiec and anyone else who might comment's word and that doesn't prove anything. Don't misunderstand, acephobia and nazi rhetoric should absolutely be called out but only if it's actually happening. False accusations can ruin lives. I hope you know that.
I'm not a fan of calling people out publicly and, again, thank you for this ask, Blonndiec. But considering many of the issues I've personally seen and those I've been informed of by second hand sources were posted publically, I don't really feel bad about calling this out. I could do a full breakdown of just the insulting "academic" comments alone and how there's no academia to be found in said academic metas and, Samurai, if you give me reason to, I will show exactly what I mean point by point (and academically just to give you an example of even low level academia).
If you respond to this, do it in a reblog. That's what a real academic would do. If I'm wrong and you can prove it, you'd have no reason to not show my post in your rebuttal. If I'm right, you'd have every reason to be upfront about your mistakes and how you intend to rectify them. There's nothing wrong with being wrong but there's a lot wrong with refusing to admit to it in a way that lets others peer review you (academic thing, look it up) and come to their own conclusions about the situation. That's what you did when you just @'ed me instead of reblogging my response. A true academic wouldn't hide a peer review. You'd know that if you were one.
I swing in many academic spaces and yet that doesn't make me any kind of expert and I don't claim to be one because I'm not. But since you want to be one so badly, reblog this with a response and show us all how smart you are. I'm dying to know what your academic take on this is.
#sorry for the extreme length of this but i had a lot to say#and a lot of pent up frustration#thank you to anyone who read it all#anyway i have life to attend to#i cant wait to be blocked <3#reblog#yuri on ice
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Assorted DCA doodles (mostly Sun)!
#my art#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#been getting distracted with life lately#but these fools will always be fun to draw#anyways i have an idea for a cotl piece#just need to gather the motivation to make a nicely rendered piece
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This is like when you find out there’s a 4th Jonas brother
What are you talking about they’ve been here the whole time???
Blah self indulgent don’t mind me
#I know peeps don’t like human versions#but they are so precious to me#details that exist on a human that implicate a whole story and experience#anyway clips as their nb sibling who is the only one with their life together gives me life#also the fact they literally get fired from their theater company and have to go into childcare#poor boys ya shoulda listened to eclipse#sundrop#fnaf daycare attendant#moondrop#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#human au#eclipse#fnaf eclipse#fnaf ruin#fnaf ruin dlc spoiler#ruin dlc#may update design later#gotta figure out tattoos better
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This one is for the Key Buddy theorists.
#cinderella boy#cinderella boy webtoon#cinderellaboy#holiday prompts and gifts#Idk what it is about the holiday card format that I think is so hilarious but it really is.#The mundanity of its origins. The things people choose to include. The oddball ideas people have to be quirky.#Like trying to make an entertaining concluding paragraph but it's the year of your life that your extended family might not care about lol#anyway yeah one of the most entertaining college panels that I've ever attended#was an analysis of holiday cards and it was fantastic#the speaker read these people for filth but ended it positively and in good fun
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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what 93 clip are we talking abt..
Its that scene from the last episode of 92 where jeans all How Much Do You Love Charles Xavier and eriks blows up all How Dare You Ask Such A Question I Owe That Man My LIFE or w/e
#snap chats#that was the one that hooked me like chat they said the L word#ik its not meant to be romantic but still …………….. woah …….#erik funny as hell in that shit he really got so offended 😭😭😭#it wouldve been kinder to shoot him like How Dare You Question His Love For Charles Xavier#really blew up on her like bro ok we get it you love him😭😭😭😭#sorry for asking now can you help save his life ……..#anyway everyone be nice to me today today keeps getting worse#i accidentally left my computer charger at my moms and its a four hour drive to and fro 🕴#and i have an advisor meeting in like two hours 🕴#i mean my computers at full battery so i can attend BUT STILL IM SO PISSED#i can do my comm work cause Thank The Lord of my tablet but still#im mad ……. im gonna lay in bed and daydream of old man yaoi to cope before working#ILL BE FINE. once the meetings done i just go back and get my charger#say hi to my dog and cat while im there ok Might As Well#and then come back and then it’ll all be ok#im just annoyed because my break’s literally after classes tomorrow fuckin driving around so much FOR WHAT 😭😭😭😭#driving i hate you i loathe you with every fiber of my being. moving on now ….
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I knew about the post concert depression but no one told me about the post concert constant feeling of AAAAAAAAAHHH that lasts days and makes everything much more bearable and beautiful and some sort of ethereal type of hope is restored into the world, or maybe it's just the "seeing your favourite band after first thinking that it would never happen and later spending many months waiting for it all the while fearing that it wouldn't happen after all because of circumstances outside my control or feeling like it was too beautiful and wonderful to be true so ofc it wouldn't come true" part of it all
#guys i love they might be giants. did you know about this#me days before the show: crying because i will see they might be giants#me days after the show: crying because i saw they might be giants#truth is that i didn't actually full on cry until yesterday evening though so once i was back home so it was all officially over#and it was time to just slow down and realize that oh well wow. so all that just happened. like for realsies#i also finally looked through my videos and my recording of the whole show (yes as an archivist freak who records audio from most concerts#i obviously had to record this one also. now i can listen to it again and again and be remided that i didn't dream it all up after all)#but yeah all this and now i'm supposed to move on and go back to my stupid daily life#like i didn't just have one of those real actual life experiences and moments of pure fun that other people generally get from time to time#and that i haven't had since idk even when a year and a half ago#thats the last time i consider truly amazing on a level somewhat comparable to this. but back to the show and the whole thing.#like this wouldn't have been quite as perfect if i didn't share that time with fellow fans / friends that i ended up attending the show wit#you don't realize how badly you've been wanting to be included in things and for people to be genuinely fond of you and like your company#until you get included and shown that fondness. like wow i'm allowed to have fun too after all. can it happen again someday please. anyway#i'm just glad that in midst of my big bad awful times i could have this truly amazing 10/10 time#and i guess it doesn't have to be the last such time right. even if it's easy to give into the feeling that it is#but ok anyway i'll get to that proper show recap later when i can think clearly again#and maybe more on that more personal side of it all too because well i have many more thoughts obviously#but whether i get to that in 3 days or 3 months is a mystery for now. just kind of a lot to think about once again#and my stupid baka life continues on also whether i like it or not so that has to be taken into consideration as well#time to think again about school that i'm so totally fully failing now with my two weeks long absence yayyy. its fine i'll figure it all out#goosepost
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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sorry i need to just scream abt bad things and evil thoughts
#financial aid is still pending and deadlines are past due so i won’t be going to school#i crashed my car in to a tree the other day#my application for healthcare also is ‘pending’ and they won’t give me an answer at all about approving or denying it#my last hope is a job interview i have on wednesday and i’m hoping i can finally get hired full time soemhwere#simply because i can get insurance that will HOPEFULLY cover reduction/top surgery#but at this point i’m so worn out and exhausted#the idea of having to work for a whole year and then attend a whole year of dr visits trying to convince them i need this#plus consultations#and the possibility of still being denied#makes me feel insane and i want to give up on the life race#all that work does not seem worth it i can’t picture my mental health being good enough for that for the next 2-3 years#also there is something i really want to draw but no matter how hard i try it’s not working#anyways if u made it this far thanks#hope you have a good day
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killkillkill
#mega man#megaman#rockman#ロックマン#mega man killers#rockman killers#enker#punk#ballade#scrib corner#i confess. i Cannot draw punk properly for the life of me i just CANT DO IT#LOVE HIM LOTS BUT?? LIKE??? WHAT THE FUCK ARE HIS SHAPES#hes like Uranus with his absurd fuckin body. god. how does he even roll good like that#im so done w this potato....drawing him Shelled until i can make sense of his form#anyway yeah sorry i make enker so deranged. im in the process of writing a long ass post dissecting him#hes really interesting but i also think hes really fucked up mentally and ethically#in a way that is not so Fun for his brothers#blaahhkfjksdjgkfj i need to attend to my dash again its mad backed up....what must i have missed haha
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#today I am sad about something that I know objectively is dumb#my 30th birthday is next week and the party will be next Saturday and I’m having a dinner at a nice restaurant in town#I wasn’t supposed to make it to 30 and never thought I would but now somehow I have and so this birthday is like…#a really huge deal to me you know#and I always wanted to be able to have a big party to celebrate this specific occasion and in my head I pictured all my friends/family there#I figured this would be one of the biggest parties I’d ever get to throw because to me this is the biggest milestone I’ve gotten to so far#but out of all the people I’ve invited the most that will probably reasonably show is about 10#and even that’s a bit iffy because tbh I’m pretty sure my bestie will flake on me like he always does#and if he doesn’t show up that might just end the friendship but that’s another matter entirely#also iffy because I haven’t gotten a lot of responses still even though I made the event and sent invites two weeks ago#I just… thought I had more friends than that if that makes sense#like I had bigger parties with more people attending in high school and I barely had any friends then#I’ve thrown low key Halloween parties in my mom’s apartment that had more people show up#now I’m at the most important moment of my life (so far) and I’ll barely have anyone with me#lately it just feels like less and less people care about me for real despite how many I know around work or how many are on my Facebook#it feels like my world keeps shrinking and I really don’t want that because it’s been small enough as it is#I just feel like I’m never really going to find my place or have big groups of friends like everyone else#I’m never going to have a group of friends or people I can rely on to spend time with me when needed#as it is planning things gets harder the older we get anyway just due to needing to tend to adult life#guess I still just want what everyone else has and I don’t know why I can’t have those things#and I know it’s stupid and selfish and whiny but I really want to cry because I’m so depressed that I have barely anyone in my life at all#barely anyone to celebrate something so important to me and so few who even seem to care at all either#I’m grateful for everyone I do have honestly#but that doesn’t offset this weird pain in my chest over this whole situation#maybe I should just curl up and cry until this all passes and I can go back to pretending it doesn’t matter#personal
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is jinki doing a phd thing true?????
😔
#he has a master degree in practical musicology and he attended the same uni as jjong chungwoon university if u search it on wiki you'll see#their names under notable alumni#they even shared a prof i think and they gifted him a misconception album it was cute#anyway. i think attended digitally since he said he didnt have a normal uni life#asks#anon#answered
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My first time watching Glass Onion it was obvious that Miles' speeches were bullshit, but I still searched for any hidden meaning there might be.
The second time is a different experience though because every time my brain starts to search for meaning, I feel like Benoit Blanc discovering that no, there is absolutely no hidden meaning.
It's bullshit it's all nothing nothing nothing! It is just how you end up talking when everyone reacts to your self-aggrandizing word vomit like it is actually wisdom.
Also, legit, when Miles gave his stupid bullshit speech about what the word 'disruptor' means to him, I shit you not I was like holy shit am I back in business school right now?!
Miles must have given speeches like that at 100 business school graduations, goddamn.
Like, the motherfuckers really do sound like this. We didn't have any billionaires come, but we had a lot of millionaire guest speakers in my classes, and they fucking talk like that.
They all think they're rugged capitalists, but they're just glass onions!
#original#glass onion#it's just. business school prepared me really well to succeed in the business world as a straight white neurotypical#able-bodied cis man with a large network of very wealthy friends and family#I really would have killed it if I wasn't a queer autistic cripple!#even the best teachers seemed incredibly unaware of the enormous privilege that they were assuming in their students when they taught#but they basically presupposed you had infinite energy and savings and a disturbingly large number of my classes were just#lectures about pushing as hard as you can no matter what#they used Starbucks as an example of an admirable case of somebody who persisted in going to 150 investor pitches before being approved#and like. how many people do you know who have enough savings to schedule plan and attend 150 investor pitches?#how many people do you know who could set up even 12 through their connections?#where are those savings coming from? where are those investor pitch meetings coming from? those aren't easy to get!!#but none of this was ever mentioned it was just awesome that the guy kept trying I guess.#I have a sneaking suspicion that if I were to have dug deeper into some of the examples we were given that a lot of those#real life businesses probably started with a big big loan from somebody's parents#I was listening to the show you're wrong about which is a really good podcast and Michael Hobbs was like#anytime you see an article glorifying someone's financial success especially at a young age you should control F for 'parents'#because chances are you will probably see the word 'parents' somewhere next to the words 'million dollar loan'#anyway college is a scam. the community aspect was incredibly cool but I don't see why we as a culture need to only be able to access that#kind of community when we are paying a scam Institution a shitload of money for Educations that aren't helpful for the majority of us#if College was free then people could actually study things that are useful or fun for them#I took most of my courses just to fill out my major too. the point wasn't to learn it was to graduate.#and then it turned out that if you're disabled in the way i am it doesn't matter if you have a college degree!#but I'm sure miles would say I just need to pull myself up by my bootstraps. and that's why I'm glad his life got exploded 😌#andi kept him around for his money - why else would he be there when no one even liked him??#he was the bankroll#one time I swear to god we just had the guy from American Psycho just a real ass Patrick Bateman#it was wild watching that movie later and being like ???? I know this guy!#outside of the actual murder scenes everything in that movie is not exaggerated in the slightest those bitches really are like that#like my parents are not 1% level rich so there'd be no giant loans but they are rich. it'd be stupid to act like i didn't benefit from that
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the worst part about being a pianist is that you can't just...simply take your instrument with you
#friends I am BEREFT#I was incredibly lucky to have my own piano for the last three years of college#and I mean like. someone gave it to me for free#and I also had access to a social network in the area + a pickup truck + my father who is an experienced piano mover and problem solver™#but anyway I could not bring it with me when I left#and even if I could just manifest it here there is nowhere to put it in this house#that's the thing like. you can find pianos pretty cheap on facebook marketplace these days#but moving one is a whole ordeal#and then you have to have somewhere to put a whole piece of furniture#our living room is tiny :(#thinking I could maybe fit a keyboard in my bedroom if I could find one#but it's not the same...#anyway my best hope atm is getting door access to the church I attend#but I have yet to converse with anyone in a position to help me with that#and it's only a short walk which is nice#but still not the same as home piano#ik ik this is a very ''first world problem''#but for most of my life I have been in the habit of playing almost every day#it's stress relieving! it's creative! it was...kind of loadbearing in some ways...#it's a very Jane Austen predicament. where's a secret fiancee to buy and deliver a surprise piano when you need one
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#Well#Today's my birthday to my utmost dismay#I never wanted or expected to live this long‚ and I can't say I have not tried to avoid it‚#but I guess I'm not very good at dying as I am not very good at living and here I am#Anyway... I wish for nonexistence with the longing one has for a longlasting life-encompassing unrequited love#I've disliked birthdays since I was a very little kid#I think it was in my third or fourth birthday when I hid in the closet because I didn't want to blow out the candels and make it official#Not that the world or life aren't enchanting in some ways (the reflection on a wall of light falling over water)#but generally speaking they're really not my taste at all#And I wish one could opt out of it as one opts out of going to a party they really don't want to attend nor would enjoy#Without tragedies or complaints or the label of being mad or unable to make choices#I don't know...#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later
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I need to have the Consumer's Spirit in me I want to buy things at the convention I'm at
#i have two hundred sinful american dollars in my wallet#spent 20 on food (hi ella) and another 20 on a sticker pack i split with a friend (hi again ella)#which now that i think of it is kind of a lot. maybe i do have the Consumer's Spirit in me and i didn't even realize#oh god guys i look so normal. i underdressed so hard for this thing. i feel like the ugly ass groom from that one meme.#I DIDNT EVEN BRING ANY CUNTY OUTFITS. CRIES IN AGONY#okay thankyou for reading 🫶 con is fun i havent been to a proper con before its overwhelming but fun with friends#my posts#if you have any otakon things to shill i would love to hear them :)#by the way if you attended otakon's kpop dance competition. i didn't know any of the songs or the dances. a lot of them felt like i was#watchinf a tik tok in real life. anyways HARNESS GUY WAS ROBBED.
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